WHO'S THE MAN? I'M THE MAN! I'M A BAD MAN! HOW BAD? REAL BAD! I'M A 12.0 ON THE 10.0 SCALE OF BADNESS!

DON'T NEED A GUN... GUNS ARE FOR WUSSES!

HUH? WHUZZAT? WHUZZAT? I LIKE WHAT I SEE! AN IMPORTANT LOOKING DOOR...

breaker

>>914587
Though you are a samefag, I'll allow it, because Kharn really is a 12.0 on the 10.0 scale of badness.

MY NAME IS HUGE!

>>914612
I never did understand that one.

>>914615
His name is huge.

FOUL DOOR!

>>914617
You made a bit of a mistake there. His name is HUGE. It's huger than huge. HUGER.

>>914630
Hugiest?

His name is Hugh?

>>914687
Exactly

Billy, actually, and he's off his meds again.

>>914615
It's from Buttlord Z, a webcomic parody of Dragonball Z.

One of the characters is a large, hairy shirtless man with a moustache, and his name is Huge.

>>914612

YOU'RE NAME IS HUGE! THAT MEANS YOU HAVE HUGE GUTS! RIP AND TEAR!

>>914696
My bigness is surpreme

>>914696
What? No it's not. It's from D&D copypasta.

>>914710
http://www.atomictoy.org/comics/buttlordgt/buttlordgt.html

>>914731
I'm not reading the eighty page archive of some insipid webcomic.

>>914731

newfag never saw the D&D examples of play thread.

bump

>>914805
Post it?

>>914831

It's lost to the mists of time and wikichan being a really crap archive (this being back in the days before 4chanarchive or Lord Liquorice.

From what I remember, though:

DM: The door stands before you, an obstinate stone slab taunting you with it's immobility.
Billy: FOUL DOOR! I'LL NOT BE SO CRUELLY TAUNTED BY SUCH AN ENCHANTMENT
John: Oh christ, Billy's off his meds again.
Gwen: Stop touching me, John!
Billy: MY NAME IS HUGE

Found it. Copypasta flood starts now.


Y'know, every time I read the corebook for an RPG, they always have an example of play. Usually goes like this.

"Here is an example of play that doesn't get into the rules (we'll leave that for a later chapter) but rather demonstrates roleplaying. The DM is Chris, John is playing Urthden, a Human Fighter, Giles is a Dwarven barbarian, Gwen is an Elven Ranger, and Billy is playing a Human Wizard! They've just come to the entrance of Malik Hur, a terrible tomb of a lich that buried eons ago!

Chris: The crypt awaits before, a large stone slab of a door taunting you with its immobility.
Billy: Blast! How shalt we get through this door? King Darod and his Kingdom are depending upon us to retrieve the cure!
Gwen: Don't worry, I have an idea! Remember earlier when we were interrogating that skeleton? He mentioned that the water moves when the stone strikes it...
John: And that stones move when water touches them! Brilliant! Alright, I'll go and grab some water from that creek that Chris mentioned earlier-"

And on and on in perfect harmony. Who has ever REALLY played a game like that? ITT we write more realistic game session transcripts.

DM: You're at the crypt. There's a door.
John: I open the door.
DM: Can't there's no handles or anything.
Billy: I fucking break it down then, I thought it was implied if the door doesn't open the first time we BREAK IT DOWN.
Giles: Hey, hey can I lockpick the door?
DM: We-
John: No, you're a goddamn barbarian *Snort*, that, that's like me rolling to cast magic missile.
DM: Hey! HEY! Pay attention. Anyway, the doors made of stone.
Billy: I can break stone.
DM: What.
Billy: I can fucking do it, I have a magic +1 hammer, it doesn't break.
DM: So you're going to spend all day hitting a chunk of stone with your hammer.
John: Yeah, and by my measurements, if my calculations are correct, and assuming this door is like, two feet thick, it'll take thirty two hours to bust down, we can do this.
Giles: Hey, hey, hey, I have an axe, I can, I can help!
Billy: No, no you friggin' can't, it's a plain axe and you made a shitty barbarian so, like, you'd make it worse.
DM: Look, maybe GWEN might remember that interrogation- Wait, where's Gwen?
Billy: She showed up one game, and hasn't come back you've been playing her character dingus.

DM: Alright, the man with the rifle looks at you angrily.
Zack: Probably jewish.
DM: He says "What the hell are you doing on my farm?"
Daniel: How much HP do you think he has?
DM: You can't ask that.
Daniel: Well, does he have armor?
DM: No.
Zack: Hey guys, have a look at this thing I got on my mobile phone.
Tom: Hey, that's awesome. Gimme that.
Daniel: I covertly draw my pistol and shoot him in the head.
DM: Why?
Daniel: He's got money and he's in my way.
DM: That's stupid.
Tom: I agree. Daniel, you're a fag.
Daniel: Total 18, 16 to hit, 15 damage.
DM: ...He doesn't see you... you hit him, he dies.
Zack: Ha, the jewish guy died.
Daniel: I loot his body.
DM: A young boy runs out of the house and sees you searching the corpse on the ground. He looks at you in horror.
Daniel: I shoot him too.
DM: No, you can't do that. It's against your alignment.
Daniel: Chaotic Neutral.
DM: That's not what CN means.
Daniel: My character acts on an impulse. He doesn't realise what he's doing until it's done.
Tom: So, I heard Daniel was a fag.
Daniel: What? Well, you're fat.
Tom: Oh, you did not just say that. Right, I shoot Daniel. Roll for initiative.
Daniel: It's on, fatass.
DM: Goddamn it, both of you shut up. You can't fight unless your characters have some reason to.
Daniel: Well fine, I just shoot the kid then.
DM: There are other people who heard the shot, too. They'll see you.
Daniel: Well, I point at Tom and say he did it.
Tom: Oh, you bitch. That's a motivation. I shoot Daniel in the head.
DM: You don't actually say that, do you, Daniel?
Tom: I got a 19. That's a hit. Damage... 19.
Daniel: What the fuck? I'm on low HP.
Tom: Ooops. Oh well, I loot your body.
Zack: Wait, what happened? I was just doing stuff on my mobile.

>>914867
That's the one.

DM: The crypt awaits before, a large stone slab of a door taunting you with its immobility. There's an inscription written in Druidic.
Gwen: Oh! I got this!
John: *sigh*
Billy: *sigh*
DM: It says you must discard all clothes and be pure upon entering this temple.
Gwen: Oh okay, well yeah, my elf disrobes.
DM: An incubus appears.
Billy: I try to talk to him.
DM: He ignores you and talks to Gwen's naked elf.
Billy: *sigh*
John: *sigh*

DM: The crypt awaits before, a large stone slab of a door taunting you with its immobility.
Billy: Blast! How shalt we get through this door? King Darod and his Kingdom are depending upon us to retrieve the cure!
Gwen: Don't worry, I have an idea! Remember earlier when we were interrogating that skeleton? He mentioned that the water moves when the stone strikes it...
Billy: I pee on it.
John: I also pee on it.
Gwen: Wait, how does a skeleton talk anyway?
DM: The door opens. And I hate you. I hate all of you with the very fibre of my being.

>>914882

Holy shit man, you realise how long we've been looking for that since the wikichan'd copy of it died? Someone get this anon an internet.

DM: Okay, let's see those character sheets.
Billy, you have a high elf half-celestial barbarian and you rolled 3 18s...
John, you can't be a stonechild rogue, this is level 1 and you're not allowed anything from that book.
Gwen, your playing a pixie... Cool, so John, just go with half-orc rogue and Billy, if you don't mind dropping the template, we can roll with a barbarian elf. Gwen you're fine, as always.
Billy & John: *begin fight with DM*
-hour later-
DM: You enter a tavern.
Billy: I talk to the bartender.
DM: He says what'll you have?
Billy: Pleasurable company for the night and grog.
John: Who else is in the bar?
DM: It's packed, about 12 people, mostly human.
John: I talk to each one. Hello!
DM: Arg.

>>914897
It's still on Wikichan, you just have to go straight to /tg/'s page.

Wikichan's back up, by the way.

Chris: The Crypt awa-
Billy: Crypt?
Chris: Yeah, the quest for the king.
John: No, we're not doing that quest.
Chris: . . .But... You said you were.
Gwen: Naw, I've already seduced the prince into a marriage. . .
Billy: And really, his country's starving and his army's shitty so-
John: We're going to KILL the king.
Chris: What.
-hours of arguing, skull duggery, complaints, and moral decay later-
Chris: The King, his sword clattering to the ground from nerveless fingers collapses on the throne, looks up and words dribble from blood drenched lips, "You, you who were to be our last h-hope, you have damned us and yourselves if yo-"
Billy: Gay.
John: I hit the guy with two fireballs, why's he still talking?
Gwen: CAN WE GO BACK TO ME IN THE TREASURY

Next week.

Billy: Chris, when's the next game.
Chris: I have classes. Weekend classes.

Chris: The crypt-
Billy: WHERE'S MAH BUNNEH I LIKE MAH BUNNEH
Gwen: I ATE YOUR BUNNEH
JOHN: "Lawl"
BILLY: WTF I ATTACK YOO
DM: Shut up guys! God. Anyway, as you gaze at the stone door, your eyes tracing the visages of the foxmen, in the ritual dance of the rising star, your companion Fenix Ninetails softly whispers, "My destiny-
Giles: I AM GETTING THE FUCK OUT OF HERE

Chris the DM: The crypt awaits before, a large stone slab of a door taunting you with its immobility.
Billy the Roleplayer: Blast! How shalt we get through this door? King Darod and his Kingdom are depending upon us to retrieve the cure!
Gwen: lol a quest for viagra
John: lol
Giles: lol
Billy the Roleplayer: *sigh*
Chris the DM: *sigh*
Billy the Roleplayer: Alas! Remember what the Skeleton said!
Giles: that nobody fucked him in the eye socket yet lol
John: lol yeah that was good one lol
Gwen: lol
Billy the Roleplayer: *sigh*
Chris the DM: *sigh*
Billy the Roleplayer: He mentioned that the water moves when the stone strikes it - and that stones move when water touches them! We need to use water to-
Gwen: lol i cum on the door
Giles: lol
John: lol
Billy the Roleplayer: *sigh*
Chris the DM: *sigh*

~ad infinitium~

Chris: The crypt awaits before, a large stone slab of a door taunting you with its immobility.
Billy: Aw fuck.
Gwen: What?
Billy: It's a TALKING door.
John: What language was it speaking in?
Chris: Uh. It was-
Giles: It taunted me! My dwarven rage grows! I attack it!
John: He rolled a nineteen, what's the AC on the door?

Chris: The terrorist defeated, John leaves his clone behind and rides into the sunset with Gwen, as Giles and Billy follow behind.
John: Man I'm going to have sex?
Chris: What?
John: It's what happens, hero rides off in the sunset, cue chick bow wow.
Billy: Wait, I rode off with Giles.
Giles: Uh oh.

DM: The guards haul away Giles and-
Billy: Fuck him
DM: Wha?
John: Yeah all he did was hold us back, weirdo druid.
DM: So you just want to leave your only healer?
Billy: Yeah, can we fight now?
DM: A-
John: And did you finish my custom template?
Giles: Does this mean I have to reroll.
Billy: No, get out Blackleaf dhur-hur-hur!
John: Who?
Giles: *sigh* DM?
DM: The lvl:60 guards return, "Turns out we did have information about you two after all..."
John & Billy: RAILROAD!

Chris: The-
* Ding Dong*
Billy: Pizza!
Eating.
Chris: Man that was great. Anyway, the cr-
Giles: Y'know, pizza was like the sushi of the fifties.
Discussion.
Chris: Huh, I never thought about capitalism and morality like that. ANYWAY, the crypt a-
John: Oh wait, before we do anything else I have to show you these youtube vids.
Youtubing.
Chris: heh, cool, Master Chick, heh, anyway, the crypt is-
Gwen: Guys I gotta go.
Billy: Yeah. It's like, one.
Giles: Ditto.
John: Well, if everyone else is going, I'm going too.
Chris: I'm feeling sleepy too. G'night everybody!

And now it's archived:
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/914587/

Chris: The crypt awaits before, a large stone slab of a door taunting you with its immobility.
Billy: Can't I just roll INT to figure out the riddle? I'm sure it had to deal with that one cryptic unkillable skeleton.
Chris:. . .'Kay.

CHOO CHOO!

DM: The crypt awaits before, a large stone slab of a door taunting you with its immobility.
Billy: Using Mordencieden's Door Retardation and Quickening Bigby's Cockblock Keychain I unlock the door.
DM: Right.
Giles: I-
Billy: I then prepare my psionic headband for any oncoming attacks, preparing my sword, I walk forward.
Gwen: Uh-
DM: A dire lemur appears!
John: Oh, well I cas-
Billy: Firing my Brain Blasting Bolt of Illiteration at the dire lemur he explodes into a pile of nothingness.
Gwen: Is that even poss-
DM: Fantastic! Okay guys well that wraps up tonight! Great RP, Billy, you get XXX xp. Giles, Gwen, John, you three really need to speak up more, XX xp.

DM: The crypt awaits before, a large stone slab of a door taunting you with its immobility.
Billy: The what now?
DM: Big stone door, no can get in.
Billy: Why didn't you just say so?

Chris: The crypt awaits before, a large stone slab of a door taunting you with its immobility.
Billy: Got stoneshaping.
Chris: Oh... Alright, well you bend open the door-
Billy: Why do that? I'll collapse the crypt. How much xp do I get for killing everything in the dungeon.
Giles: Asshole. There's probably treasure down there.
John: Asshole. Why'd I bother with getting alchemy if I can't blow shit up?
Gwen: Asshole. I wanted that exp!
Chris: WE'RE GOING BACK TO COC.

DM: You're at the crypt, you see the door, its heavily barred.
Billy:IMMA FUCKING KILL IT !!
DM: Its a door, you can't kill it, stop being a twat.
Chris: Okay, I'm gonna pick the lock
*picks lock*
DM: Right, right, now some big fuck off monster comes storming out.
Billy: IMMA FUCKING KILL IT !!
DM: Goddammit Billy.

Chris: The crypt awaits before, a large stone slab of a door taunting you with its immobility.
Billy: We're way past this.
Chris: Sorry, sorry. Anyway, you get to the prison, where the chained maiden awaits.
Gwen: Oh lord.
Chris: What?
Gwen: Misogyny much?
Chris: OH COME ON, it happens, sometimes you meet captured princes or peasants, it's just a fluke.
Gwen: And what's she wearing?
Billy: I'd like to know too. And make sure she's wearing LESS.
Chris: Well, uh, she's... Naked, cringing in fear attempting to cover herself, fear and despair in her large eyes.
Billy: Well, a promise is a promise.
Giles: dood wat
John: Why is no one paying attention to my crit to sexify?
Gwen: Fuckers.

Chris: The crypt awaits before, a large stone slab of a door taunting you with its immobility.
Billy: *Snrk*
Chris: What, what fucking is it?
John: Well, we were just wondering.
Chris: About?
Giles: What's the damage for getting a heart torn out?
Chris: FUCK YOU FUCK YOU ALL GET OUT OF MY FUCKING ROOM FUCK YOUUUUUUUU

DM:Kay your standing outside the crypt.
Chris: I'm gonna shoot it with my melta gun. It has AP 1
DM: This isn't 40k Chris.
Chris: Yeah, I know, but this fucking sucks, it needs guns.
DM: You don't get a melta gun.
Chris: So how're we supposed to open the door?
DM: I don't fucking know, you tell me.
Chris: Can we play 40k
Billy: Jesus, Chris, shut the fuck up.
Chris: No, this is bullshit, we spend half the game fucking talking and not fighting anything.
John: Oh shit, my girlfriend is phoning, talk amongst yourselves for half an hour.
Chris: Can we play 40k while he's on the phone?
DM: Seriously Chris, shut the hell up.
Billy: Right, I'm opening the fucking door.
DM: How?
Billy: Uhm...dunno, cast a spell or something.
DM: Oh for...fine spell works the fucking door is open.
Chris: Can there be a bloodthirster behind it?
DM: No Chris, there aren't any of them in this game. Stop being a retard.
Chris: Then I'm going to go get a pizza, screw this.
DM: So you're just leaving Billy to wander the crypt on his own?
Billy: I step into the cave, slip down a chasm and die. Lets just play fucking 40k.
Chris: I brought my Tau and my Necrons. Who wants to play me?

DM: You have arrived at the crypt, a large stone door blocks your way.
Chris: The Big Cojones!
Billy: Finally, after all this questing, the Big Cojones will not escape again!
DM: Your here for a cure for the king, remember?
Giles: Is there any obvious way to open the door?
DM: None that you can see
Chirs: Stand back citizen, this is no time for any door opening shenanigans, that would only alert the Big Cojones to our arrival!
Billy: HAH! The Big Cojones is no match for our power! With his death the mountains for trasure will be ours!
Chris: We need a disguise, everyone put on those skeleton skulls we got earlier to act as masks, a perfect plan!
DM: you were supposed to interrorgate those skeletons, not defile them..
Billy: Disguises are all well and good but we need to act with suprise on our side. I shall smash this door into nothing in but a single attack!
Chris: No, I think you'll find that I'LL smash the door in.
Billy: Thats it! I've had it with your petulant ways, DRAW!
*Rock paper scissors*
Billy: Curse you ROCK!!!

Chris: The crypt awaits before, a large stone slab of a door taunting you with its immobility.
Billy: Blast! How shalt we get through this door? King Darod and his Kingdom are depending upon us to retrieve the cure!
Gwen: Don't worry, I have an idea! Remember earlier when we were interrogating that skeleton? He mentioned that the water moves when the stone strikes it...
John: And that stones move when water touches them! Brilliant! Alright, I'll go and grab some water from that creek that Chris mentioned earlier-"
Mark: I throw myself at the door bodily and physically.
Chris: You bounce off the door.
Mark: I keep doing it, over and over.
Gwen: I say "Mark! Stop doing that! You'll hurt yourself!"
Billy: I sigh.
John: I'll go get the water.
Chris: Mark, you're starting to get dizzy from all the battering against the immobile stone slab.
Mark: I headbutt it!
Chris: Okay... and you fall down, dazed and sick. You can't feel your legs.
Mark: I throw my sword at it, and mumble something about nature and trees.
Billy: There aren't any trees in the cave.
John: I return with the water and put it on the door.
Chris: The door opens, and a group of goblins attack!
Billy: To arms!
Mark: I draw my sword and fight!
Chris: You're incapacitated and you threw your sword away.
Mark: I try to grab one on the leg.
Chris: YOU LOSE YOUR ARM.
Mark: I roll around. This could be a bother.

DM: As you walk down the thin mountain pass, you come to the entrance of the temple. It has two large golden doors that block the entrance.
Player: Okay, when you say gold, do you mean, like actual gold?
DM: Uh.... yeah, why?
Player: Okay, I take the right door.
DM: You walk up to the temple entrance and push in the right door and star--
Player: No, I TAKE, the right door. As in, take it.
DM: *sigh* You can't walk through the dungeon with that!
Player: Oh. Then we'll sell it!
DM: The nearest city is 500 miles away.
Player: We better start walking then!

DM: As you exit the forest you come onto an open field of grass with a gazebo standing in the center.
Player: What's the gazebo doing?
DM: It's a gazebo. It's just sitting there.
Player: Okay.... I shoot an arrow at the gazebo.
DM: Okay, now it's a gazebo with an arrow in it..
Player: Alright... uh... I slowly walk towards the gazebo.
DM: THE GAZEBO JUMPS UP AND ETAS YOU! ARE YOU HARPY?! ROLL A NEW CHARACTER!

Chris: Hey, Gwen you up for the RPG tonight?
Gwen: Uhm... No, I'm sorry, I'm busy... Y'know, studying.
Chris: Alright, how about tomorrow night?
Gwen: I'm, uh, well, it's a BIG exam.
Chris: When...When are you free then?
Gwen: Look, uhm, can we talk about this later Chris, I really don't know it's all so stacked up...
Chris: Oh. Kay.

Chris: The crypt awaits before you, a large stone slab of a door taunting you with its goddamn immovable bulk.
Billy: Uh, alright, can you play Gwen's character and have her use that ring-
Chris: No, she says no. Says she's busy.
Giles: Oh Jesus.
Chris: Know what else? She turns to you all, and rips off the mask to reveal she's the lich all along.
John: What? But I remembe-
Chris: SHE'S REALLY FUCKING GOOD AT MANIPULATING YOU, YOU STUPID LITTLE BASTARDS.
Billy: . . .Well, I ask
Chris: TOO LATE! SHE TEARS OUT YOUR HEEEEEEEEEEARRRRRRRRTTTTTT

Chris: The crypt awaits before, a large stone slab of a door taunting you-
Billy: FOUL DOOR! I'LL NOT BE SO CRUELLY TAUNTED BY SUCH AN ENCHANTMENT!
John: Oh god, Billy's off his meds again...
Gwen: STOP TOUCHING ME JOHN.
BILLY: MY NAME IS HUGE

And done.

This is delicious copypasta from a forgotten age, when /tg/ was young (but not good, because /tg/ was never good)

>>914978
/tg/ was kinda average at one point.

>>914967

Let us cast our minds back to the early days of Fantasy Role Playing, back when ye Dread Gygax was loose upon the land. Funny how humor and horror can start out so alike. Let us go still earlier (yes, it is permitted to breathe sighs of relief) to the days before Gygax (and the courts) thought that he owned FRP. In the early seventies, Ed Whitchurch ran "his game," and one of the participants was Eric Sorenson, a veritable giant of a man. This story is essentially true: I know both Ed and Eric, and neither denies it (although Eric, for reasons that will become apparent, never repeats it either). If my telling of it does not match the actual events precisely, it is because I've heard it many different ways depending on how much of what type of intoxicants Ed had taken recently.

The gist of it is that Eric, well, you need a bit more about Eric, or else I won't fill quota. Eric comes quite close to being a computer. When he games, he methodically considers each possibility before choosing his preferred option. If given time, he will invariably pick the optimum solution. It has been known to take weeks. He is otherwise in all respects a superior gamer, and I've spent many happy hours competing with and against him, as long as he is given enough time.

So, Eric was playing a Neutral Paladin (why should only Lawful Good religions get to have holy warriors was the thinking) in Ed's game. He even had a holy sword, which fought well, and did all those things holy swords are supposed to do, including detect good (random die roll; it could have detected evil). He was on some lord's lands when the following exchange occurred:

ED: You see a well groomed garden. In the middle, on a small hill, you see a gazebo.

ERIC: A gazebo? What color is it?

ED: (Pause) It's white, Eric.

ERIC: How far away is it?

ED: About fifty yards.

ERIC: How big is it?

ED: (Pause) It's about thirty feet across, fifteen feet high, with a pointed top.

>>914992

ERIC: I use my sword to detect good on it.

ED: It's not good, Eric. It's a gazebo!

ERIC: (Pause) I call out to it.

ED: It won't answer. It's a gazebo!

ERIC: (Pause) I sheathe my sword and draw my bow and arrows. Does it respond in any way?

ED: No, Eric, it's a gazebo!

ERIC: I shoot it with my bow (roll to hit). What happened?

ED: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it.

ERIC: (Pause) Wasn't it wounded?

ED: Of course not, Eric! It's a gazebo!

ERIC: (Whimper) But that was a plus three arrow!

ED: It's a gazebo, Eric, a gazebo! If you really want to try to destroy it, you could try to chop it with an axe, I suppose, or you could try to burn it, but I don't know why anybody would even try. It's a *)@#! gazebo!

ERIC: (Long pause. He has no axe or fire spells.) I run away.

ED: (Thoroughly frustrated) It's too late. You've woken up the gazebo, and it catches you and eats you.

ERIC: (Reaching for his dice) Maybe I'll roll up a fire-using mage so I can avenge my Paladin.

At this point, the increasingly amused fellow party members restored a modicum of order by explaining what a gazebo is. It is solely an afterthought, of course, but Eric is doubly lucky that the gazebo was not situated on a grassy gnoll...

DM: Okay, you all return to the tavern at various times. After exch-

Billy: Shut up, you can't power play us!

John: Yeah, that's right! You're a crap DM.

DM: *Sigh* Fine. You all already decided to return to the tavern, yes?

All: Yes...

DM: THEN YOU'RE AT THE FUCKING TAVERN.

*silence*

DM: *sigh* what do you all do?

Gwen: I'm going to go reserve a room for myself so I'll be able to recover the damage I took from those rats in the ally.

DM: Okay, good. And what about you guys?

(John and Billy look at each other)

Both: We get drunk.

DM: *facepalm* Fine. Can we skip ahead to AFTER you too get drunk?

Both: Fine...

DM: Okay. Gwen now has her room an-

Gwen: I'm going to bed. My character bids the others a good night and retires to her room.

DM: O....kay... Gwen is going to her room. What about you two?

Billy: My character has a hangover now.

John: Mine does too. A bad one. He REALLY can't hold his liquor.

Billy: My character is going to go try to talk to the barmaid.

DM: Roll a dexterity check. -2 penalty for having a hangover.

Billy: ...I rolled a natural 1...

DM: HA! You stumble so badly that you crash into John's character, knocking him out of his chair and onto the floor.

John: Hey! Wait just a-

DM: You have a hangover too, remember? You get no saving throw.

John: Damn. Well then, I'm just going to get up and growl at Billy's character.

Billy + DM: But you're human. Humans can't-

(John growls at them)

DM: ...Okay. Humans can, in fact, growl.

Billy: Oh, fuck that. I punch John's character.

DM: Dipshit. You can't just attack. You're a fucking Barbarian, and unarmed to boot. You have to roll initiative first. You too, John.

(Both of them roll)

Billy: ...4.

John: 16. FUCK YEAH.

DM: HA! John, you're up first. What will you do?

Real ultimate win.

>>915041
John: I'm going to step back and taunt him.

DM: ...You don't have that skill.

John: Fine then. I'm going to insult him, or his mother. Whatever works.

DM: But, you don-

Billy: THE FUCK DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY MOMMA?!

John: She is an upstanding human being that contributes greatly to society, while still managing to be a pleasant person to be around.

Billy: FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE. I'M BULL RUSHING HIM.

Gwen: Hold on, it's my turn, damnit. I'm walking down the stairs to see what's going on.

DM: Dexterity check, Gwen. NOW.

Gwen: ...3. Fuck.

DM: You trip on a lose stair board and land with your legs in the air.

Gwen: But my character is wearing a skirt!

DM: Oh shit, I forgot. Oh well, all the better.

Billy: Oh shit! Gwen's underwear?! I'm SO looking at them!

DM: ...You turn around and look at Gwen sprawled on the stairs.

John: He just wasted his turn. Fuck yeah. I pick up a flagon from a nearby table and throw it at his head.

DM: Improvised weapon. -3 to hit.

Billy: What the-

DM: Billy, shut up. You're so busy ogling Gwen that you can't dodge, so John's -3 penalty is countered by a +3 bonus. John, roll.

John: ...HELL YEAH, NATURAL 20!

DM: ...Now roll damage...

John: ...Another 20? HELL YEAH.

DM: Wow. Just...wow. The flagon you threw hit Billy at the base of his skull hard enough to break his brain's connection to the spine. He is now dead.

Billy: THE FUCK?!?

John: So how much EXP do I get?

Gwen: I'm just gonna go back upstairs now...

>>915041
>>915067

Sad part is, this actually happened at my last game. Our DM sucked. Anyone in Ohio's 513 wanna play? <.<;

>>914831

His bigness is perfection.

>>915723
Just realized that this looks a lot like Slut Patrol.

Same artist?

>>915737

You are correct.

>>915723

It is can be NUCLEAR FIST tiem nao?

>>915771

"NUCLEAR FIST DETECTED, Son of Rear-Admiral" is the best line of any comic ever. I need to reread Buttlord again, I'd forgotten how win it was.

>>915737

He also drew this.

>>915771

FIRST YOU MUST PLEDGE ALLIEGANCE TO THE HUGE!

>>915723
>>915771
>>915780
Images from an Exalted sourcebook

(the awesome one)

BRACE FOR IT!

This is from an exalted sourcebook

This is from an exalted sourcebook.

This is from an Exalted sourcebook

This is from an Exalted sourcebook

What happens when Kharn encounters an obstinate stone slab, taunting in its immobility?

>>915827

ever heard the phrase "trying to get blood from a stone"?

who ever said that never met Kharne

>>915827
Irresistable Force.
Moveable object.

Oh wow, /tg/ is so full of fags that we can't even get an exalted sourcebook thread started?

Anyway this is from an exalted sourcebook.

This is from an Exalted sourcebook.

>>915870
Yup. Full of fags.

This is from an Exalted sourcebook.

RIP AND TEAR!!!!