<Mitchell_Henderson> And the Barbarian is the ONLY ONE WHO CAN DRIVE
<Mitchell_Henderson> ANYWAYS
<Mitchell_Henderson> THIS NIGGER BE SWERVING AND SHIT
<Mitchell_Henderson> FOR 15 MINUTES
<Mitchell_Henderson> ON THE WAY TO THE HOSPITAL
<Mitchell_Henderson> ENDS UP CRASHING INTO A FIRE HYDRANT
<Mitchell_Henderson> OUTSIDE OF THE HOSPITAL
<Mitchell_Henderson> IN HIS MOM'S MINI-VAN
<Mitchell_Henderson> Now, I was actually in the hospital.
<Mitchell_Henderson> These kids run in and run all the way up to the check-in desk.
<Mitchell_Henderson> Well.
<Mitchell_Henderson> Turns out the wizard is the alphanerd of the group and insists that everyone stay in character.
<Mitchell_Henderson> Yes, they're all in costume.
<Mitchell_Henderson> My sister actually goes to school with alphanerd.
<Mitchell_Henderson> She says he smells like rotten tuna and a Taco Bell.
<Mitchell_Henderson> Anyways
<Mitchell_Henderson> From what I heard, the conversation went like this
<Mitchell_Henderson> No, I actually got to see these retards up close.
<Mitchell_Henderson> I don't work at the check-in desk.
<@CommissarChurchill> HERE, YE CLERIC, MINE COMRADE NEEDS PURCHASE OF YOUR WARES. PREPARE HE A HEALING SLAVE WITH THINE KNOWLEDGE HERBOLOGICAL AND DIVINE SO THAT EVIL MIGHT FALL THIS NIGHT."
<Mitchell_Henderson> Churchhill: It was something like that, yeah.

I have a feeling this is going to end badly.

Haha

Oh wow

Cool story, bro.

<Mitchell_Henderson> Except he called the hospital a Temple of Pelor.
<Mitchell_Henderson> And he tried to hit on the nurse
<Mitchell_Henderson> Or
<@CommissarChurchill> "Where did he cut his hand?" "ON THE BLADE OF THE FOUL ORCS OF MORGOTH, DENIZENS OF THE MILLION LAYERS OF THE HATEFUL SQUALOROUS MINES OF THE DARK LORD HIMSELF. LUCKY WAS HE TO ESCAPE WITH ONLY SUCH A MINOR WOUND."
<Mitchell_Henderson> GODDAMN IT CHURCH
<Mitchell_Henderson> STOP GOING INTO MY MIND
<Mitchell_Henderson> Actually
<Mitchell_Henderson> He said that his party had encountered a tribe of kobolds who were preparing to raid a nearby village.
<Inquisitor_Tim> "VERILY, HE SLEW MANY, YET UPON THEIR SAW-EDGED SWORDS...HIS BLOOD WAS SPILL'T, HAND OUTTHRUST TO GUARD YON BURGEONING BOSOM OF OUR BODACIOUS BARD!"
<Inquisitor_Tim> "A DIRE WOUND MOST DEADLY, YET GAINED...MOST NOBLY."
<Inquisitor_Tim> "Forsooth."
<%Beryllium> "Verily."
<ProfessorCirno> "YEA, AND ROTHGARD, MY MIGHTY COMPANION, SLEW MANY OF THE KOBOLDS, THEIR YIPPING FILLING THE CRISP AIR AS HIS SWORD SUNDERED THEM APART"
<Mitchell_Henderson> "OUR BARBARIAN, IN HIS FIT OF MONSTROUS FLURRY, FLUNG HIMSELF AT THOSE NAUSEOUS REPTILES, TAKING UPON HIM THE ULTIMATE SACRIFICE OF INJURING HIS SWINGING HAND. ALAS, WE HAD TO LEAVE BEHIND OUR BARD TO THE DREADFUL CREATURES, AND WE CAN ONLY PRAY THAT HE MAKES IT WITH HIS LIFE INTACT."
<Mitchell_Henderson> Actually, the conversation kept going.

<@CommissarChurchill> "NOW, PRIESTESS, PREPARE US THINE SALVE. YOUR PAYMENT WILL BE IN THE FORM OF MINE ALLOWANCE TO TRAVEL WITH ME-ATHALATLN, SCHOLAR OF LIGHT-TO THINE "HOUSE OF PANCAKES" FOR A HEARTY MEAL AND, IF THY ARE AS SKILLED WITH YOUR WORDS AS YOU ARE WITH THINE POTIONS, MY BEDCHAMBER."
<Mitchell_Henderson> Okay.
<Mitchell_Henderson> The nurse tries to get the name out of the wizard.
<Mitchell_Henderson> Churchhill, if you please.
<Mitchell_Henderson> And the names of his merry troop of rogues.
<Mitchell_Henderson> Also, we don't have an IHOP, we have a Waffle House.
<Mitchell_Henderson> So it'd be
<@CommissarChurchill> "Your name, sir?" "ATHALATLN, SHOLAR OF LIGHT. I, WHO SLEW THE THOUSAND FACED BEAST OF KRRTLK AND THE ENDLESS HORDES OF THE ICHOROUS LADY HERSELF. DO YOU NOT KNOW MY NAME, PRIESTESS?"
<Mitchell_Henderson> "WAFFLE HOUSE, THE CITADEL ADORNED BY BRICKS OF GOLD, WHERE THE WAFFLES ARE THICK AND BROWN, LIKE THE UNDERBEARD OF A FEMALE DWARF."
<Mitchell_Henderson> Anyways
<Mitchell_Henderson> Who wants to know the names of these "Adventurers?"
<Mitchell_Henderson> There were five of them
<Mitchell_Henderson> The Wizard's name was Altch'k, which was Elven for "If I had any more grease on my face, I could lube up a 0 pound woman."
<Mitchell_Henderson> Barbarian's name was Tor
<Mitchell_Henderson> Cleric was Araxia
<Mitchell_Henderson> Ranger was named Bliss
<Mitchell_Henderson> And they had a Warforged Artificer named Took.
<Mitchell_Henderson> And he was wearing tinfoil for armor
<Mitchell_Henderson> And shit.
<@CommissarChurchill> Oh man. I wish I had know the Ranger was named Bliss when I was doing my DRAMATIC REENACTMENT. The hitting on would've been much more hilarious and creepy.

<Mitchell_Henderson> The ranger was a girl.
<Mitchell_Henderson> She was actually kinda cute.
<Mitchell_Henderson> I felt bad.
<Mitchell_Henderson> My Wand of Mass Cure.
<Mitchell_Henderson> Even better.
<Mitchell_Henderson> My Wand of Color Spray.
<@CommissarChurchill> "PREPARE YOURSELF, PRIESTESS, FOR THE SLAYING OF THESE KOBOLDS HAS WORKED UP IN MY LOINS A MIGHTY FIRE. I WILL SATE YE, PRIESTESS, AND IF LUCK IS WITH YOU THIS NIGHT YOU MIGHT FIND BLISS. *knowing wink*"
<Mitchell_Henderson> Anyways
<Mitchell_Henderson> The only one with any sense
<Mitchell_Henderson> (The Ranger)
<Mitchell_Henderson> Tells the nurse their names and what happened <Mitchell_Henderson> I'd still hit it.
<Mitchell_Henderson> Altch'k gets all pissy for ruining the mood. <Mitchell_Henderson> And gives here a - EXP penalty for doing so.
<Mitchell_Henderson> ANYWAYS
<Mitchell_Henderson> Ranger gets - EXP penalty.
<Mitchell_Henderson> Barbarian is crying for his mom.
<Mitchell_Henderson> He actually got a bonus.
<Mitchell_Henderson> THE BARBARIAN GOT A BONUS

lol suptg

<Mitchell_Henderson> For crying, cuz he was mourning the loss of his swinging hand.
<Mitchell_Henderson> And for his party, since he "considered" himself useless to them now.
<@CommissarChurchill> "MOOOOMMMYYYYY~" "WORRY NOT, FRIEND, FOR THE GODS PITY YOUR LOSS AND SEE FIT TO GIFT YOU."
<Mitchell_Henderson> Anyways
<Mitchell_Henderson> They get signed in.
<Mitchell_Henderson> Instantly the Barbarian gets taken away to get his hand looked at and bandaged.
<Mitchell_Henderson> Meanwhile, everyone's sitting in the lobby, waiting.
<Mitchell_Henderson> The wizard wants everyone to keep playing.
<Mitchell_Henderson> Everyone's too worried about Tor to even consider LARPing.
<Mitchell_Henderson> WAIT FOR IT
<Mitchell_Henderson> Wizard throws a fit and threatens not to take the group to Dragoncon with them.

<Mitchell_Henderson> So, of course, they continue LARPing in the lobby.
<Mitchell_Henderson> Just so happens, I was taking my break in the little niche of the lobby where the TV is.
<Mitchell_Henderson> So I got to see this shit
<Mitchell_Henderson> FIRST
<Mitchell_Henderson> HAND
<@CommissarChurchill> Mitchell, you should've wrapped your face and hands in gauze, drawn symbols all over a doctor's jacket, and jumped out from your alcove with scalpels and told them you were a th level Mummy Lord Rogue.
<Mitchell_Henderson> It gets better.
<Mitchell_Henderson> The group talks amongst itself in character and they decide
<Mitchell_Henderson> To walk over and intimidate me into letting them see Tor.
<Mitchell_Henderson> Wizard: "YOU THERE, PRIEST."
<Mitchell_Henderson> Wizard and group walk over, interrupting me and my show.
<Mitchell_Henderson> So I'm fucking PISSED.
<Mitchell_Henderson> Anyways
<Mitchell_Henderson> Wizards: "PRIEST! Our Cleric wishes to have a word with you. You both are of the same cloth, so there is no doubt that... Understandings... Can be made amongst you..."
<Mitchell_Henderson> Apparently, the wizard doesn't like priests or healers and shit
<Mitchell_Henderson> But allowed the Cleric to keep his character if he would change his character's back story to being an ex-cleric of Pelor

>>2846049
spoiler: the warforged shits himself

<Mitchell_Henderson> And becoming Chaotic Good or some shit
<Mitchell_Henderson> Idk
<Mitchell_Henderson> The kid was an awful DM.
<Mitchell_Henderson> Whatever.
<Mitchell_Henderson> So the cleric in his bedsheet cloak and his mom's combat boots walks up to me
<Mitchell_Henderson> And he's wearing this toy golden leaf circlet thing
<Mitchell_Henderson> And holding a hockey stick in his hand.
<Mitchell_Henderson> They were women's boots.
<Mitchell_Henderson> So me and the Cleric start talking.
<Mitchell_Henderson> And the entire time, the Cleric wants to break character and start crying, but he doesn't.
<Mitchell_Henderson> Anyways, I decide to play along.
<Mitchell_Henderson> "Welcome brother, you will find a warm welcome always in the Temple of Pelor."
<Mitchell_Henderson> "With what may I aid you?"
<Mitchell_Henderson> Cleric (is near crying.)
<Mitchell_Henderson> Cleric: "S-sir.. I d-d-d-demand to see our compatriot, it had been far too long and we have had no news of his condition."
<@CommissarChurchill> Tears welling up in his eyes and mucus glistening in his nose. He's near his breaking point, yet the little trooper presses on less he, too, be penalized with a EXP minus.
<Mitchell_Henderson> EXACTLY

<Mitchell_Henderson> Cleric: "H-he is under the king's employ, and time is running out before Lord Tempest shall scar the land with a gale of everlasting fire and cloud the sky with a smog of a million lost souls."
<Mitchell_Henderson> Mitch: "Brother Cleric, we are doing all we can for your Barbarian friend. You must practice patience and be prepared to welcome him with warm smiles and arms."
<Mitchell_Henderson> "It will take time to heal him and tend to his wounds.
<Mitchell_Henderson> It gets better.
<Mitchell_Henderson> The wizard decides to threaten me
<Mitchell_Henderson> And says
<@CommissarChurchill> The Wizard should've demanded to see the Head Priest of your Order so you could go try to talk to the Chief of Medicine and explain these kids are batshit crazy and think they're stuck in the Lord of the Rings or something.
<ProfessorCirno> Meanwhile their van is still crashed into a fire hydrant
<Mitchell_Henderson> LOOK YOU GOOD-FOR-NOTHING, HOLIER THAN THOU MAGGOT. WE HAVEN'T THE TIME TO PRANCE ABOUT, PRACTICING YOUR OUTDATED MORALS AND DOGMA. WE DEMAND TO SEE THE BARBARIAN NOW, OR WE SHALL BURN THIS TEMPLE DOWN, AND NOT LEAVE EVEN A PIECE OF LUMBER FOR WHICH THE BEGGARS AND DRUNKS TO IDENTIFY BY."
<Mitchell_Henderson> He literally said that
<Mitchell_Henderson> and spat in my face
<Mitchell_Henderson> Apparently, he was a level 8 wizard/sorc
<Mitchell_Henderson> err
<Mitchell_Henderson> 3 sorc
<Mitchell_Henderson> In a level 2 campaign.
<Mitchell_Henderson> Anyways
<Mitchell_Henderson> I get up
<Mitchell_Henderson> TOWER OVER THIS LITTLE FAGGOT

What the shit?! Who the fuck stays in character when his fucking hand is bleeding?! FUCK! No one at the larp I went to for several months was even remotely this stupid! FUCKING KIDS!!!

<Mitchell_Henderson> Grab the Cosmo magazine on the table next to me and roll it up.
<@CommissarChurchill> You should've been all BITCH THIS HERE IS MY CAMPAIGN. YOU SEE THOSE NURSES? THOSE ARE MY PCS. THAT DOCTOR? I WROTE THAT BITCH IN. NOW THE LADY OF PAIN COMES DOWN AND MAZES YOUR ASS. TEAR UP THAT SHEET AND GO HOME, YOU TWERP, BEFORE I GET SECURITY DOWN HERE.
<Mitchell_Henderson> And I say
<Mitchell_Henderson> "LOOK WIZARD, I HAVE NOT THE TIME OR MERCY TO WITHSTAND THE FOUL STENCH OR YOUR ARCANE MAGIKS, NO LONGER. YOU SHALL WAIT AND PRAY FOR THE SAFETY AND WELLBEING OF YOUR FRIEND, OR SUFFER PELOR'S WRATH. THE EVERWATCHING EYE HAS NO TOLERANCE FOR DEFILERS OF HIS SACRED TEMPLE."
<Mitchell_Henderson> Ranger looks at the wizard and tells him that they should sit down
<Mitchell_Henderson> And wait
<Mitchell_Henderson> Wizard gets pissy and screams
<Mitchell_Henderson> "YOU ASKED FOR IT, PRIEST. PREPARE TO FEEL THE WEIGHT AND MIGHT OF A /TRUE/ ARCANE MASTER."
<Mitchell_Henderson> And starts tossing beanbags at me
<Mitchell_Henderson> Yes.
<Mitchell_Henderson> Beanbags
<Mitchell_Henderson> He was casting Power Word: Sleep.
<Mitchell_Henderson> At this time
<Mitchell_Henderson> I get pissed
<Mitchell_Henderson> Call security
<Mitchell_Henderson> And tell them
<Mitchell_Henderson> "The kid in the bedsheet, the girl in the leather girdle thing can stay, and so can the kid in the tinfoil."
<Mitchell_Henderson> "Harry Potter's gotta go."

LOLLING HARD

>>2846063
><Mitchell_Henderson> Anyways
<Mitchell_Henderson> I get up
<Mitchell_Henderson> TOWER OVER THIS LITTLE FAGGOT

BRACE FOR FUCKING EPIC

<Mitchell_Henderson> She was wearing this tight leather bodice thing.
<Mitchell_Henderson> Anyways
<Mitchell_Henderson> The wizard fights back against the security.
<Mitchell_Henderson> Under 18.
<Issyl> Does he throw beanbags at them?
<Mitchell_Henderson> Yes.
<Mitchell_Henderson> He beat one with his foam covered staff,
<Mitchell_Henderson> At my hospital
<Mitchell_Henderson> AT MY HOSPITAL
<Mitchell_Henderson> There's a security guard named Bruno.
<Mitchell_Henderson> He's this huge
<Mitchell_Henderson> tall
<Mitchell_Henderson> big italian guy
<Mitchell_Henderson> And it just so happens that he was the one Mr. Wizard hit.
<Mitchell_Henderson> With his staff.
<Mitchell_Henderson> Bruno didn't like that AT ALL
<Mitchell_Henderson> Grabs the kid's staff
<Mitchell_Henderson> BRAKES IT IN HALF
<Mitchell_Henderson> Picks the gid up by his pants
<Mitchell_Henderson> And by the underwear
<Mitchell_Henderson> He gave this kid a semi-wedgie
<Mitchell_Henderson> And drags him out kicking and screaming
<Mitchell_Henderson> Kid kicks Bruno in the fucking balls
<Mitchell_Henderson> Bruno just fucking BACKHANDS HIM
<Mitchell_Henderson> WHAM
<Mitchell_Henderson> Kid's out cold.

<Mitchell_Henderson> The barbarian was fine, btw.
<Mitchell_Henderson> He just suffered a cut
<Mitchell_Henderson> Wasn't too deep and it didn't cut any major arteries
<Mitchell_Henderson> But yeah.
<Issyl> Man what are the other kids doing at this time?
<Mitchell_Henderson> They were standing there, looking really scared.
<Mitchell_Henderson> Especially when Bruno and Marky showed up.
<Mitchell_Henderson> The warforged shat his pants.
<Mitchell_Henderson> Literally.
<Mitchell_Henderson> He literally shat his pants.
<Mitchell_Henderson> We had to give him scrubs.
<Mitchell_Henderson> Story over.

>>2846092

i clap'lol'd

>>2846097
.... This.. This was awesome.

Fuck, I need to start lurking in the suptg chat more often

This is the story of a male nurse, besieged by LARPers in his own hospital. This is the story of Bruno, a huge Italian Fighter who is forced to enter battle once again. This is the story...of the Night LARPers.

See, every so often, suptg is stupidly awesome, like when they permabanned RMD.

This is a great story. It enjoyed reading it, but the existence of people this stupid bugs me.

>>2846122
He didn't get permabanned. He got butthurt and never came back.

>>2846122
we didnt permaban him, we deopped him and he left.

does anyone have the story of the dying furry in the ER?

This is what happens in sup/tg/ when we aren't talking about penises and....

well, just penises really.

>>2846135

I am interested in this story.

>>2846136
SHUT THE FUCK UP JEAN

The ranger's my ex-girlfriend.

She broke up with me about a week before this event took place. I'm glad that happened.

fake

>>2846123
Now you know how I feel when I have to deal with/hear about retarded creationists and WBCers and people like that. But yeah, not cool, but pretty fucking funny. Also:
>>2846135
GIMMEEEE!

If this is a true story, then Mitch is a stand-up guy for playing along and trying to make the poor cleric feel better. Bravo, sir.

Made up story guys.

Only thing I don't understand is this:

<Mitchell_Henderson> Mitch: "Brother Cleric, we are doing all we can for your Barbarian friend. You must practice patience and be prepared to welcome him with warm smiles and arms."

Don't play along if you don't want to play along, larpfag.

>>2846122
>>2846129
>>2846135

IIRC, RMD got temp-banned for a day or so for fucking with the dicebot when people were trying to play games, got butthurt and never came back.

>>2846135
GIVE IT UP FAGGOT!
THAT SOUNDS HILARIOUS!

Suptg is full of weaboo faggots, furries, and regular faggots. Everything from there is cancer.

How does the dude cut himself on a saw when trying to find his sword?

What kind of saw... a hand saw? Buzz saw? See saw?

I can't imagine, even in the dark, a saw doing significant damage as most would identify the object's sharpness by touch rather quickly.

>>2846187
he was trying to be understanding to the faggots but the wizard wouldn't stop acting like a cunt. so he had enough of that shit and dropped the act.

>>2846212
Identifying something quickly doesn't help when you fall on it, which is easy to do if you're an idiot running around in the dark.

>>2846212
Dude, hardware can cut you open like a rotten fruit if you don't watch what the fuck you're doing.

>>2846212
i've always imagined the guy tripped and fell on a table saw. i dont think any other way would cause sufficient force to cut a hand to the point of needing serious medical attention. either the saw would fall over or just shift positions or it wouldnt be sharp enough to hurt him.

Also construction workers don't leave their tools laying around at night for barbarians to fall on. Because rogues will steal them.

>>2846222

Oh, I didn't catch that from what was stated, although it would make the most sense.

>>2846136

>>2846222

>>2846241

Anything metal that's even vaguely got an edge will cause injury with enough force. I've got a large, ugly scar across my shin from having a snowboard embedded in it by an out-of-control kid.

>>2846210
Hello, RMD. Busy spreading slander?

Has anyone seen Shroedinger? I need to speak with him.

>>2846252
Mitch is in Georgia. They do things a bit differently there.

You are now picturing the above story as a squidbillies episode.

>>2846319
that is a much better way to picture it.

WHY ARE YOU POSTING THIS

WHY

>>2846290
Ha, you really do need to stay the fuck away from noob snowboarders, they have a tendency to think they're automatically Ross fucking Powers. And yeah, I'll vouch for that about the edges, I've cut myself on my own ones a couple of times while carrying my board around in the cold with my bare hands.

>>2846186
Nah, My dad's a security guard at a hospital, Crazy stuff doesn't happen all the time but it is common.

>>2846135
I DEMAND THIS STORY.

The best part of the story is Mitch's little sister ended up dating one of the LARPers. I do believe it was the Cleric.

>>2846347
Because tripfag.

>>2846365

I thoroughly enjoyed that story, be it fictional or actual.

Really, made up or real?

There are no words...

>>2846415
Real.

>>2846415
Fake.

>>2846415

It's real, unfortunately.

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!

So, about that story about the furfag in the hospital... anybody want to paste it?

WHY ARE ALL OF MY AWESOME QUOTES BUT ONE CROSSED OUT, MITCH?

>>2846365

I think it was the Warforged.

>>2846514
nope, it was the cleric

mitch's mom now owns the clerics balls due to LOLUNDERAGED!

But I thought the mom called the cops? I'd be more worried about the federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison than the mom.

>>2846318

Mitch's stories are always real.

And always hilarious.

Especially the dying furry (eew stickyfur).

I think I have the log of that, if no one else does. Mitch told it in #storytime, right?

<< All this thread.

>>2846498
I want to, but I don't have it and haven't read it.

So someone else do it.

>>2846599
THEN POST IT YOU FAGGOT, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!

>>2846619

Did he remember to put a cover sheet on it?

People are so gullible these days.

fake, but amusing nonetheless

>>2846642

Jeez, still yourself already. And prepare for STICKYFUR.

http://rapidshare.com/files/156009956/stickyfur.txt.html

>>2846717
Does that folder contain any vulgar images?
I don't want to stain my computer with furry shit.

>>2846734

You mean that folder that's just a 33 kb text file?

Yeah, it has lots of images. Dozens of high-res DA furry art.

>>2846599

#storytime is funny when it exists. I remember someone had a story about how their stoner brother was actually a really good Barbarian, and drivebys with crossbows.

>>2846769
Just checking.

Someone post some of Ranbar's horrible child protective services stories.

I can tell you it gets really crazy in hospitals. You see all kinds of shit doing security there. We had a saying at Parkland: "Every day is a holiday. It's just that holiday is Halloween."

>>2846814
Holy shit, a fellow Dallasite? Yeah, Parkland is shit on a stick.

>>2846802
ranbar is a texan socialist faggot who wastes our tax dollars handing shit out to crack babies

>>2846827
>HURRHURRHURR UNBRIDLED CAPITALISM IS GOOD

>>2846802
>>2846827

'sup, /tg/? Which story do you want?

>>2846855
Any please. All of the ones I saw you telling were amazing.

>>2846829

Yes, yes it is.

>>2846872
Alright, I'll start off with a classic.

Of Black weeaboos; a story in multiple parts.

I had been taking this guy and his family to therapy every Tuesday and Thursday. For three months, due to the fact that everyone in Dallas lives 30 miles from everything, I had clocked over 3000 miles on my car transporting him around.

Two more sessions and I would be done with them, never to see them again.

So what does he do?

He attacks a guy with a sword.

No, it wasn't an overly large knife. No, it wasn't a machete. Boyfriend threatended to "blow your little bitchass away whereupong the dad, this skinny ass afroed black dude, reached into a jar of katanas that next to the fireplace and pulled one out and tried carving boyfriend up.

Police are called, dad is hauled away. Dad is now in prison for Assault with a Deadly Weapon. Not because of boyfriend (who dropped charges), but because his own mother pressed charges and testified against him in court.

>>2846892
Before katana dude there was the obligatory idiotic marriage at 18 years old to some guy in the military. Who was stationed in fucking Alaska.

The guy apparently popped 16 Thorazines and 7 Atrynols (sp, that anti-anxiety stuff) a day and was prone to breaking down crying. He was also obsessed with Dragon Ball Z and katanas and owned several. He repeatedly broke down crying and threatened to kill himself with the woman laughing at him and daring him to commit hara kiri.

Anyways, the drug abuse repeatedly lands the dude in the hospital and woman is down there and when they ask him if they can put in a catheter she says yes and makes sure they put in the largest diameter tube they have. She then proceedes to, instead of waiting for him to rouse from his drug coma, to slap the shit out of him to wake him up. The MPs show up, ask what's going on, and she explains. They laugh at the dude and say they would have done the same thing and ask her if she wants him at the house. She says no and they haul him off to the barracks until she lets him back in.

Twelve hours later there is a Sad Black Dude in Snow bawwwing at her door begging to be back in.

>>2846900
Things continue to go downhill until, on a drug binge and getting very agitated from watching DBZ...he decides to do a flying powerslam onto his wife's 6 month pregnant belly, causing a miscarriage.

She has the entire collection of DBZ figurines she stole from him.

I have come to conclude that katanas are like kryptonite for black people.

>>2846829
>HURR DURR BEING AGAINST SOMETHING MEANS SUPPORTING THE OPPOSITE EXTREME DURR

>>2846905

Hmm, I thought KFC was the kryptonite for darkies...

>>2846942
Capitalism without socialism in some form IS unbridled capitalism.

>>2846905
No, Asian things have an adverse effect on them.
They are tainted with the presence of "Hard Work and Honor"
Those things are like poison to the average Black Man.

>>2846905
WEEABOO ABORTION.

>>2846892
>jar of katanas
You know, this is the part that I really remember from the story.

A JAR OF A KATANAS

>>2846970

>WEEABORTION

01[20:49] <Mitchell_Henderson> I know brah.
01[20:49] <Mitchell_Henderson> Anyways.
01[20:49] <Mitchell_Henderson> So I'm just chillaxing.
01[20:49] <Mitchell_Henderson> Taking a break from my SHITTY DAY.
01[20:49] <Mitchell_Henderson> And doing some paper work and preparing for my lab hours later.
01[20:49] <Mitchell_Henderson> Then suddenly I hear
01[20:49] <Mitchell_Henderson> "WE'RE GOING TO NEED A SAW!"
01[20:50] <Mitchell_Henderson> And I'm like, what the fucking fuck.
01[20:50] <Mitchell_Henderson> I see a friend of mine who works in the ER.
01[20:50] <Mitchell_Henderson> Running through the halls screaming for a fucking saw.
01[20:51] <Mitchell_Henderson> Run over, ask him if he needs assistance and he says "Hell, we need people to LIFT this motherfucker."
01[20:51] <Mitchell_Henderson> "We have two construction workers down there carrying this guy."
01[20:51] <Mitchell_Henderson> Run down there, confused as fuck

>>2846974
>A KATANAS
derp

I think I need to go to bed soon

>>2846970
Anything that stops Western Japanophiles breedign is ok by me.

I had to go to Wal-mart after a part I needed wasn't at the local target or other stores.

I'm standing in an aisle when...I see one of our clients from work. There she is, all 300 pasty white redneck pounds of her, children orbiting like moons. She is wearing a camoflauge t-shit with, in bright orange letters in the back "NIGGAH TITTIES"

She said hi. I waved and ducked behind an aisle.

01[20:51] <Mitchell_Henderson> I'M LIKE
01[20:52] <Mitchell_Henderson> Well
01[20:52] <Mitchell_Henderson> Either he's horribly mangled into a bike or a golfcart or something
01[20:52] <Mitchell_Henderson> orrrrrr
01[20:52] <Mitchell_Henderson> it's an alien
01[20:52] <Mitchell_Henderson> Like from Independence Day.
01[20:52] <Mitchell_Henderson> Turns out
01[20:52] <Mitchell_Henderson> It was a 300 pound man in a FURSUIT
01[20:53] <Mitchell_Henderson> He was
01[20:53] <Mitchell_Henderson> A cat.
01[20:53] <Mitchell_Henderson> NO WAIT
01[20:53] <Mitchell_Henderson> NO
01[20:53] <Mitchell_Henderson> He was a Cat/Dragon HYBRID.
01[20:53] <Mitchell_Henderson> With fucking WINGS.
01[20:53] <Mitchell_Henderson> Coyote: You're not going to find it.
01[20:53] <Mitchell_Henderson> I'm not even supposed to be telling you all about this.: 5%.
01[20:55] <Mitchell_Henderson> It was kinda like those robots from Sakura Taisen.
01[20:55] <Mitchell_Henderson> It was fucking huge.
01[20:55] <Mitchell_Henderson> Out of the suit?

>>2846970
WEEABORTION?

The Fivefold Fetus-Crushing Dragon Hand?

01[20:55] <Mitchell_Henderson> I had to see them get out a circular saw
01[20:55] <Mitchell_Henderson> To cut a hole in the suit.
01[20:56] <Mitchell_Henderson> Because we couldn't find the zipper amongst all the fur and scales.
01[20:56] <Mitchell_Henderson> He was in the ER due to heat exhaustion.
01[20:56] <Mitchell_Henderson> Lots of nurses and the two construction workers complained afterwards about how sticky the fur was.
01[20:56] <Mitchell_Henderson> %DDDDDDDDDDDD01[20:57]
<Mitchell_Henderson> And after getting this guy out
01[20:57] <Mitchell_Henderson> We found the zipper for his
01[20:57] <Mitchell_Henderson> His LOL PENIS
01[20:57] <Mitchell_Henderson> Two guys were doing construction outside his house.
01[20:57] <Mitchell_Henderson> Paving.
[20:58] <ShasOFaiz> he was just at his house?
01[20:58] <Mitchell_Henderson> Yes.
[20:58] <ShasOFaiz> and not at a con?
01[20:58] <Mitchell_Henderson> Let me finish telling the story.
01[20:58] <Mitchell_Henderson> So.
01[20:58] <Mitchell_Henderson> We manage to get this guy on a stretcher.
01[20:58] <Mitchell_Henderson> And into the ER.
01[20:58] <Mitchell_Henderson> Where we're trying to find a zipper
01[20:58] <Mitchell_Henderson> or a flap
01[20:58] <Mitchell_Henderson> or SOMETHING.
01[20:59] <Mitchell_Henderson> But we're dicking through inches of fur
01[20:59] <Mitchell_Henderson> and these fucking scales
01[20:59] <Mitchell_Henderson> fuck the scales fuck them
01[21:00] <Mitchell_Henderson> No.
01[21:00] <Mitchell_Henderson> The fur was sticky.

>>2846974
Yes, its quite a remarkable phrase, really.

Also, do you still go to #suptg?

>>2847004
T Mitch: didn't we also locate the livejournal of this guy, complete with pics of said suit?

01[21:03] <Mitchell_Henderson> Yes.
01[21:03] <Mitchell_Henderson> Tail.
[21:03] <Daeren> ...how big, how many spikes
01[21:04] <Mitchell_Henderson> Hold on.
01[21:04] <Mitchell_Henderson> I'm looking at my arm
[21:04] <Viral> haha
[21:04] <Viral> nice job, mitch
01[21:04] <Mitchell_Henderson> It wa bigger than my arm.
[21:05] <@Coyote> Longer? Or wider?
01[21:05] <Mitchell_Henderson> Both.
01[21:05] <Mitchell_Henderson> Hold on, I'm figuring out my arm span.
[21:05] <Daeren> the TAIL was WIDER THAN YOUR ARM?
01[21:05] <Mitchell_Henderson> Ha ha, holy fuck.
01[21:05] <Mitchell_Henderson> 3 feet long, about a foot wide.
[21:05] <Maximillion> Christ
[21:05] <Daeren> jesus.
[21:05] <Daeren> superstar
01[21:06] <Mitchell_Henderson> Also, a friend of mine sent me this.
01[21:06] <Mitchell_Henderson> The same friend who works in the ER.
01[21:06] <Mitchell_Henderson> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCorGF0ufFU&feature=rec-fresh
01[21:07] <Mitchell_Henderson> We were talking about what happened today.
01[21:07] <Mitchell_Henderson> And he's like
01[21:08] <Mitchell_Henderson> "This was all I thought about during today, and I felt like throwing up every five minutes."
01[21:08] <Mitchell_Henderson> Anyways.
01[21:09] <Mitchell_Henderson> Trying to find ESCAPE HATCH

>>2847005
Nah, I haven't been in a long time.

Should I?

>>2846970
Yes, because of *fapfapfapfap*

01[21:09] <Mitchell_Henderson> And we can't find it.
01[21:09] <Mitchell_Henderson> So, we have to end up sawing the suit open.
01[21:09] <Mitchell_Henderson> And we're trying to figure out how deep we can cut.
[21:09] <@Coyote> ALL THE WAY
[21:10] <Daeren> what about his unknown fatness ratio?
[21:10] <Fatum> TO THE OTHER SIDE
[21:10] <Ralewyn> BREAK ON THROUGH
01[21:10] <Mitchell_Henderson> Daeren: That's what we were trying to figure out.
[21:10] <@Coyote> STRETCHER=CUTTING BOARD
01[21:10] <Mitchell_Henderson> ANYWAYS
01[21:10] <Mitchell_Henderson> I'LL KEEP TELLING THE STORY
01[21:10] <Mitchell_Henderson> We decide to risk it and cut the suit open.
[21:10] <@Coyote> SEE
01[21:11] <Mitchell_Henderson> And we're lucky enough to not, y'know, cut his abdomen open or something.
01[21:11] <Mitchell_Henderson> It was like I was in A&P all over again.
01[21:11] <Mitchell_Henderson> Except I was dissecting a giant cat/dragon thing.
01[21:12] <Mitchell_Henderson> Midsaggital cut up along the cat thing's abdomen and two lateral cuts.
01[21:12] <Mitchell_Henderson> We pull the flaps we made apart.
03[21:12] * Coyote sets mode: +v Mitchell_Henderson
01[21:12] <+Mitchell_Henderson> Make more cuts.
01[21:12] <+Mitchell_Henderson> Ohgod.
01[21:12] <+Mitchell_Henderson> The smell.
01[21:12] <+Mitchell_Henderson> The minute we pulled apart the flaps, it was like..
01[21:12] <+Mitchell_Henderson> ughr
03[21:12] * Coyote sets mode: +m
01[21:13] <+Mitchell_Henderson> It was disgusting.
01[21:13] <+Mitchell_Henderson> We manage to saw off half of the suit.
01[21:13] <+Mitchell_Henderson> Fucker's still breathing, barely.
01[21:13] <+Mitchell_Henderson> But fuck, I would have just let him suffocate himself in that suit with his own stink.
01[21:14] <+Mitchell_Henderson> Worst of all, he was naked.
01[21:14] <+Mitchell_Henderson> fuckfuckfuckityfuck.

01[21:14] <+Mitchell_Henderson> Fat fucking bastard.
01[21:14] <+Mitchell_Henderson> 300 pounds.
01[21:14] <+Mitchell_Henderson> THREE HUNDRED POUNDS SIR.
01[21:15] <+Mitchell_Henderson> I kinda left at the moment.
01[21:15] <+Mitchell_Henderson> To go throw up.
01[21:15] <+Mitchell_Henderson> They told me they were fine without me.
01[21:16] <+Mitchell_Henderson> Turns out the guy was having a huge furry party in his fucking MANSION and he had passed out in a furpile.
01[21:16] <+Mitchell_Henderson> So, a certain
01[21:16] <+Mitchell_Henderson> "Mayo Deftinwolf"
01[21:16] <+Mitchell_Henderson> Runs outside the house to get some help.
01[21:16] <+Mitchell_Henderson> In his full fursuit.
01[21:16] <+Mitchell_Henderson> And the construction workers call for an ambulance and help get this sucker in.
01[21:17] <+Mitchell_Henderson> And now he's paying the hospital lots of dolla so the story won't get out.
01[21:17] <+Mitchell_Henderson> end story.

I HOPE YOU DONGFACES ARE HAPPY.

You forgot the Ass Scales.

>>2847018
Well, I'd enjoy seeing you around, if nothing else

>>2847060
aww okay
Not like I have anything better to do

also Mitch that was horrifying

>>2847071
Not the least of which because having someone who is allegedly some sort of hybrid between RMD and Willow from buffy to have skub wars with would be interesting to say the least.

You learn a lot about the possiblities of the human body in this job. For instance I did not know underboob could still exist when one was wearing a full length t-shirt.

>>2847071

I have a horrifying job.

I'm happy though cuz my mom got me a nice sweater for JCPenny's and some comic books.

>>2847086
Screw wind, fire, earth and water, if you want to horribly ruin someone the right domains are Gravity and Time.

Mitch and I should perfect some sort of horrible comedy routine. Especially considering that my job and his are oftentimes dealing with the same people at the same time.

Speaking of which, last Friday I was forced to wait near/in a hospital's intensive care unit, waiting for a doctor to sign a paper. They sat me down and not 10 minutes later parked a downs syndrome kid covered in burns right next to me.

Cue listening to burned human agony scream + special ed kid zombie wail for the next 30 minutes.

...also, is my memory going or is Retard in a Burnward already an Anal Cunt song?

>>2847122

If it's not, it should be.

>>2847122

I think it is.

>>2847071
this anon misses you in suptg, at least.

>>2847086
>For instance I did not know underboob could still exist when one was wearing a full length t-shirt.
...

>>2847089
Anything to numb the pain. Oh Jesus.

My job is warm and fuzzy. The worst that's ever happened to me was a kid throwing a tantrum and chucking stuff at my head for 5 minutes when I was legally unable to do anything about it. The best that's ever happened was a little girl telling me she wanted to move up to the normal language arts class this year and that was going to work really hard to do it, saying that I was her favorite teacher, and then she worked hard and improved vastly.

Tip for the day: Take your daughter to work day does not usually entail leaving them in the car while you commit armed burglary, nor are you less of a prostitute simply because you work for an escort service.

Of piss tests and piss testing.

There are a number of ways our clients employ to get past them. I've seen car door keychain fobs with a hollow center for a reservoir of clean piss. Asprin bottles are common as well. The more ingenious one involved keeping a reservoir between one's testicles to keep it the same temperature as your body (the bottle had a thermometer to measure if you're using someone else's sample) and a tube one tapes to the bottom of the penis to avoid any suspicious sleights of hand movement.

There is a way to beat urine samples with your own piss; drink 4 gallons of water the hour before. If you're puking, you're doing it right and keep going. Your bladder will be nothing but tap water.

However, the gentleman we speak off chose to use an insulated glass jar to transport his friend's piss. Before arriving at the clinic across the street from our office, he realized they also check the temperature as well. Then he realizes there's a gas station across the street. Popping in to microwave the piss jar, the insulation around it keeps him from realizing he might have overdone it. He becomes aware of this shortly after the superheated urine melts the sample cup sending nurses squealing in all directions as molten plastic piss leaks everywhere.

>>2847161
Please tell me those tips are from seperate stories

>>2847122
fuck you slashy

>>2847202
Sadly, that advice is directed at the same person.

>the superheated urine melts the sample cup sending nurses squealing in all directions as molten plastic piss leaks everywhere
Dear God...

>>2847204
WHO ARE YOU, MYSTERIOUS MASKED MAN

>>2847201
aaaaaaaaaagh
Reading these is masochistic, really.

Ranbar, I am an aspiring psychology major; what degree did you get to get the job you have now? Do you enjoy your job? Is it always like that? Is it worth it? Are you really allowed to tell us these stories? Keep 'em coming, by the way.

>>2847250
Oh shit jesus.

>>2847244
shit like that is always funny after the fact, when your in the middle of it your plotting people's deaths nonstop

>>2847201
Water poisoning dumbass.

Don't believe these stories. The advice given is dangerous and no medical staff would give it.

>>2847244
>>I am an aspiring psychology major
Yes, I want fries with that

>> what degree did you get to get the job you have now?

Political science, but any bachelor's degree will do, no seriously, they just require you to have one, just not in a specific field

>>Do you enjoy your job?

Somedays it's hillarious. On the otherhand my friends tell me I've aged about 10 years in a year.

>>Is it always like that?
These are just the craziest incidents, usually its low level stupid, like people smoking up the day before a drug test to get their kids back

>>Is it worth it?

I dunno. Mr. Capitalism up there would disagree. Me? I think social services, are an important thing that, along with law enforcement, keep shitty areas ofr major cities from turning feral (google up the brazillian City of God, for what happens when a city loses control of parts of itself.)

>>Are you really allowed to tell us these stories?

Between the agency restructuring, getting hammered by the Mormon cult, the Chairman resigning over the resulting fuckup, and everything else, I highly doubt they give a shit about a random anecdote teller on a bullitin board.

>>Keep 'em coming, by the way.

I'll try.

>>2847298
Ok, well so how do you become a psychologist? That's what I want to do, that or therapy.

>>2847319
And I want to do psycholinguistics research.

WE'RE SCREWED, MY FRIEND.

>>2847296
Of course its fucking dangerous. I'm sure at least one of our clients has damn near killed themselves that way.

But they did pass that piss test.

>>2847236
a troll

fuck you slashy

>>2847298

>getting hammered by the Mormon cult

Back up, what's the story behind that one?

So as I enter the home and notice the 17 year old girl with cerebral palsy writhing on the floor, a nonsentient mass of twisting limbs, and the 16 year old with a 2 mo old baby, the (grand)mother comes out, covered head to foot in pulsing, oozing, purple black sores. I can't help but notice she's colored her hair and makeup to match them.

>>2847327
Clinical psych or therapy. I'd think there'd be plenty of call for it, actually; it's not like people are getting any less stressed or more sane. Share with me your wisdom!

itt a couple tripfags and chatfags won't stop talking

>>2847298
>>>I am an aspiring psychology major
>Yes, I want fries with that

Disregard this faggot. If you've got a psych degree and you're working a counter you've done something very very wrong along the way.

>>2847250
thats the costume they had to cut open in the second mitch story btw

>>2847360
I wasn't personally involved (I had a feeling it would rapidly spiral into craziness) but it was an epic crossup between CPS and the Texas Rangers vs a splinter group of latter day saints that broke off from the main Mormon church due to kid touching issues http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/04/04/texas.ranch/

>>2847372
ITT one bitter faggot doesn't get enough attention and BAWWWWWWS.

>>2847373
It's saddening that the obvious hypocrisy of one liberal arts major mocking the other flew completely over some people's heads.

>>2847382
Oh holy shit that was in your area? Hahahahahaha, I remember that! Actually, I guess that's not funny, really...what's the current status? Did the parents get their children back?

>>2846135
>>2846135
>>2846135
>>2846135

Demand story

Oh god, living in Dallas is something I'll never forget. One great city...

>>2847396
No seriously, how do I do it right?

>>2847419
god youre a fucktard

>>2847425
Do what right?
>>2847403
Yes...unfortunately. The court ruled CPS treating the compound as one household was incorrect and returned the kids. Furthermore, when we now remove children we have to get a court order (which takes 3-5 business days) unless "the child's life is in imminent danger" and furthermore, we have to justify removing each child. For example, if the 16 year old daughter makes and outcry of sexual abuse, but her 15 year old sister doesn't, we can remove the 16 year old but not the latter. We're just waiting for the "WHY DIDN'T CPS SAVE THE POOR BABIES IN TIME shitstorms to start.

>>2847423
Where'd you live at? Me, I work on the same street where they shot the battle scenes from Robocop.

>>2847533
What's the correct way to go about getting a job in the field of psychology or therapy?

>>2847684
I do no know. I'm not employed in those fields. If you're interested in what I'm doing look up investigatory opinions on your state's local health and human services/CPS site (a google search should get you pointed in the right direction)

>>2847694
*investigatory positions. I'm following slashy's lead and going to goddamn bed.

Ka-bump

>>2847938
DIAF

Maybe I should look at my other IRC screen more.

>>2847041

Oh God what when the fuck was Coyote an op?

>>2847957
My god, does abbreviating that phrase make it any less apparent you're an impotently raging emo?

No, it doesn't. Fuck off kid, school tomorrow.

MORNING CHILDREN. Now uh, what?

PRAISE BE TO THE SUP/TG/, OUR GLORIOUS LORDS HAVE RETURNED

>>2846986
>>2846996
>>2847004
>>2847015
>>2847041
>>2847049
Thank you for retelling this tale. My life is now infinitely better from knowing that such people actually exist.

Why the hell is this not showing up on sup/tg/? I've put in two archive requests already (and am fairly certain several of you have put up at least one each, as well), but the list doesn't seem to update.

RMD is gone from suptg? Maybe I should make my triumphant return now that I never have to deal with him again.

sage this terrible thread

>>2851191
C'mon people now, Smile on your brother Ev'rybody get together Try and love one another, right now

>>2845906
>>2845910
>>2845938
>>2846020
>>2846027
>>2846043
>>2846049
>>2846058
>>2846063
>>2846071
>>2846092
>>2846097
>>2846986
>>2846996
>>2847004
>>2847015
>>2847041
>>2847049

BRB, BLEACHING MY EYEBALLS WITH AGENT ORANGE.

Ohey guys am I la- OH WHAT THE FUCK MITCH! YOU'RE SISTER IS BANGING THE CLERIC?

>>2851253

Was. Then my parents were like "SHITNAHBITCH, YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO SEE THEM."

Then my mom turned into Batman and fought some crime.

>>2851290
Now tell us the one about your mom revealing your dad's secret identity

>>2851290
Now, if she was doing a rogue mom wouldn't mind, but A FUCKING CLERIC???

>>2851290
need moar stories from the ER

This archived yet? Because it should be.

There was the one about the crazy fundies keeping the littlest transplant patient awake by screaming in tongues.

tl;dr the ringleader calls Mitch a nigger, giant italian bodyguard Bruno comes in and threatens to break his foot off in their fantastically humungous asses and they go out at 10 MPH in their fatmobiles.

I could tell you guys stories about computers. People like hearing about computers right? Computer Science is a valid degree isn't it?

>>2851427
That ones news to me!

>>2851446
Considering they teach it at Cambridge, I'm sure it's valid.

>>2851446
It is, probably moreso than my degree, and you'll likely have more success with it than I will with mine.

But it doesn't generate quite as many stories of human trainwrecks.