It would be a cunningly concealed retelling of Love Can Bloom.

Because HERASY!

>>2862696
Pretty sure that everything I've written onto /tg/ has been one.

Hrud colonies underneath the hives, just biding their time and taking the occasional victim until they're strong enough to spill forth from the bowels of the Underhive and tear down the proud metroplex.

Just take bodice-rippers from the turn of the century and change the names.

>>2862794
Uh, do you understand the meaning of 'bodice ripper'?

Jack Chick in 40k... lol wut wtf?

>>2862796
Yes, and it's surely an untapped market in the GRIM DARKNESS, so I'd be sure to turn a profit.

Men seducing Eldar maidens

>>2862811
This, except the other way around.

The Lusty Eldar Prisoner of War, being the True and Compelling Story Detailing the Many Efforts our Enemies Use to Undermine Our Resolve.

(not suitable for ages 11 and younger. May contain scenes of heresy and xenos)

>>2862809
While I'm sure it would be highly popular, they would probably go under the name of Penthrift Lustfuls. The Dreadfuls seem to be all about horrible ultraviolence and terrifying other-things than Sophi from down-hive being swept off her feet by a chivalrous noble (hah!) and whisked away into a life of luxury. And penises. Hundreds of them.

That said, I'm now thinking "DEPREAVED SEX CULT KIDNAPS WORKERS! SEE WHAT LURID ACTS THESE GODLESS FIENDS PERFORM" wouldn't be too out of place. At least as long as nobody mentions dark gods or touches on something too near to a truth and ends up disappearing in the night.

What about movies? There should totally be grindhouse movies.

THE CONVENT (39999)

These Sororitas Will Do ANYTHING For Their Emperor!! Guaranteed to Blow Your Mind...Among Other Things!!!!

MUST SEE!!! RATED "Ex" for "The Film Crew Got EXECUTED!!!!"

What about an alternate history series which explores one man's desperate struggle for survival. Amaimperitus Felix is trapped in a world he never made, having fallen through a hole in the warp into an alternate universe in which the EMPEROR DOES NOT EXIST! Can he evade the forces of heresy and the treachery of xenos long enough to return to the Imperium he loves, or is he doomed to die in an alien galaxy?

>>2862899
Banned as heretical for positing a non-Emperor-centric universe.
Popular, but banned as heretical. Responsible for an estimated 10,000,000 purgings per Solar year Imperium-wide.

>>2862901

It sounds like a lot if you don't know how big the Imperium is.

>>2862906
A purging need not imply a single person was purged.

>>2862906
Well, yeah.
It's still only one book.

>>2862874
There should, but I imagine they're alot harder to put out. And the masses in the mid-hive probably don't have something to watch them on. They are, however, going to be able to look at pretty pictures and half-read a few words.

Of course, those nobles have got fucktonnes of thrones to burn and plenty of sick fancies. Suddenly Grindhouse becomes all the more horrible when all the female actors are abducted from down-hive and dosed up on stimm so they don't have a clue what's going on.

>>2862917
Well, all you need for a decent cinema is an expanse of white wall, a movie reel, a light source and something to spin the reel on, if you really want to go low-tech. I'm sure they can come up with something.

This is terrible

>Penthrift, Calixian, Scaremongering, Licentious

Why not just make up more words needlessly for your short work of fiction.

>>2862929

All those words make sense, though. The latter two are even real ones.

>>2862917
Nu, the actresses will be dancecrobats kidnapped from the circuses on Bonabenture, just like Kara Swole

>>2862929
Wait, wut?

The first is fake, but obviously "40K'd" from "penny dreadful", which were real.

The second is 40K in-universe.

The third is...questionable, as I believe "fearmongering" is preferred.

The fourth is very real.

>>2862929
>>Scaremongering, Licentious
>>make up

>>2862935
>>2862938

BASICALLY:

JUST BECAUSE YOU DO NOT KNOW THE WORD, DOES NOT MEAN IT IS MADE UP, NOR COMPLETELY WITHOUT RHYME OR REASON.

Of course, there's a real chance that while most of these grindhouse movies are made by people just looking to make a throne gelt or two, some are actually put out by real cultists seeking to ensnare the Imperium youth into a life of vice and sin.

...maybe even by designing "games" in which players learn to cast spells!

>>2862951
DUN DUN DUN.

Clearly I'm going to have to give my assassin's player a side-mission to take out a "small heretical cult," only to kick down the door and find a bunch of young teenagers gathered around a table rolling die and munching soy-chips.

And the glorious bastard will gun them down all the same, bless him.

>>2862951
>>2862961
I just thought of some...like...Imperium version of Jack Chick.

>>2862951
FORGEWORLDS AND FARSEERS IS HERESY!
IT TEACHES YOUR CHILDREN TO WORSHIP THE RUINOUS POWERS AND USE REAL SORCERY!

>>2862967
F&F? All the cool kids are playing Deathworlds & Daemons.

>>2862972
>>2862974
Someone's got the right ideas. Now swap those soldiers for Guardsmen, Africans for Chaos-worshipping savages and the fine girl there for some noble lady on a pleasure-world safari gone bad.

>>2862988
>I SMASHED A TEEN-AGE CULT!
>>2862989
>SUPER HERESY DOLLS - WHERE AND HOW THEY OPERATE!

I wish we had a drawfag about who'd draw us a Penthrift Dreadful cover.

This shit is golden. Incidentially, does anyone have any sources on america's Satanic Ritual Abuse scare, or fear of D&D? Both seem like you could get lots of good stuff for Dark Heresy from 'em.

>>2862999
Not got anything linkable/quotable on hand, but I believe it came from some kid offing himself and his mother wanting to blame something. Kid played D&D, she latched onto that, kicked up a shitstorm across the country.

>>2862999
>>2863003
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dungeons_%26_Dragons_controversies

>>2863009
"The Man Who Almost Saved Pearl Harbor"
Wow, that must be a rousing tale.

Replace Nazi with Tau

>>2863015
Bet you can't guess how it ends.

IG as fuck

The kids who went down into the sewers to play D&D "for real" could be turned into an interesting conspiracy.

REAL COMBAT: WITNESS ATROCITIES COMMITTED BY THE ORKOID MENACE OF ARMAGEDDON.

YESTERDAYS HEROES - TODAY'S HERETICS

THE FANTASTIC TECH-PRIEST WHO MADE BATTLEFLEET CALIXIS DISAPPEAR.

>>2863021

Already 40k'd. Read a story (in Inferno, I think) about a kid who had a daemon speaking into his head, made him hallucinate that he was some hero killing mutants and heretics, moving through the sewers. He came about inside the grounds of the Governor's Mansion, said governor dead at his feet.

>>2863020
WE DIED LIKE FLIES - ON THE BEACH HEADS OF SPACE! Fuck yes, Imperial Guard!

BLOOD FOR THE BLACK- I MEAN, BLOOD GOD!

>>2863035
ARMAGEDDON'S SHAME: 7500 SIN-GIRLS!

Just posting this one because the guy on the cover looks so damn GAR

MANLY

>>2863020
SEX-PLAN FOR THE BREEDING OF SPACE MEN?

Well, this sounds good.

>>2863041
Someone who PARACHUTES into FOREST FIRES -has- to be fucking GAR.

>>2863045

I sense a Throianist's hand in this.

>>2863043
HOLY SHIT, ARE THERE TITS ON THAT 50'S ERA PULP COVER?

>>2863036
Stick a couple more 0s on there to make it more than "...yep, sounds about right for this section of this Hive".

>>2863057
>ARMAGEDDON'S SHAME: 75,000,000 SIN-GIRLS!

>>2863059
Seventy-five million sin girls.

Say that out loud. Had quite a ring to it.

>>2863062
Wow. it really, really does.
the whole thing just sounds very nice.

>>2863059

thats around three times as many as there are people in the whole of australia! holy shit, thats hot!

THE SEDUCER-WYTCH OF CYPRIAN'S GATE - AN UNSANCTIONED TALE OF LURID DEBAUCHERY

>>2863062
Seventy-five million sin girls in the Hive,
seventy-five million sin girls,
take one down, burn her with Holy Prometheum,
Seventy-four million ninehundred and ninety-nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine sin girls in the Hive!

>>2863068
Hot, you say? Not as hot as the fires that shall bathe you when the Holy Inquisition party van shows up at your house.
...Deviant.

I'm now having horrible ideas about what will happen if my Dark Heresy group is ever stupid enough to use their Inquisitor's name around Hive Sibellus.

>XENOS SEX SLAVES - HOW WILL LADY INQUISITOR SKANE ESCAPE THIS ONE?

>>2863085
This one is too full of awesome even for me.

>>2863090
>>2863085
>133000-MPH DUEL OF THE SPEED-MAD HIVERS!
>MODERN CADIA'S SEX-AND-SLAUGHTER ROGUE TRADER QUEEN!
>MORDIAN HERETIC BURNS GIRLS ALIVE!

<3 this thread

>>2863095
>NAVIGATION, TORTURE, AND HELL IN THE OPEN IMMATERIUM!

>>2863077

yeah yeah yeah my father is a christian, i hear this shit all too often purge this, for the emperor that. anyways what im particularly interested in is some of those sororitas getting down on the 75 million love fest. now that would be win.

>>2863108
what is this "christian?"
a HERETIC CULT, no doubt.
I have to call my local Arbites, and pray I am not executed for my complicitness in your activities.

>>2863104
This one seems a little mysterious...

>>2863111

yeah it's a huge cult, man you report that shit tell them there is quite a lot of heretical activities taking place; worshiping of false, possibly chaos gods. at least this is an anonymous board other wise they might find out who i am an.......

>>2863112
>SLAVE GIRLS FOR $15.00

Ooh, I'll have 5, thank you.

About a guardswoman marooned on a world where the closest thing to a human are chaos spawn that adopt her with open tentacles and shower her with affections.

BRACE FOR GAR

IM HONGRY HOMBRE

>>2863160

VARUS TZ'KAN - THE INCREDIBLE BUTCHER
(THE HERETIC WHO SACRIFICED 20,000,000)

>>2863085
KRIEG, 945.M39 - Gotterdammerung

EXTRA HERESY

>>2863205
I like how Mr Octopus looks like he's doped up to the eyeballs as he rends that ship apart.

A vile xenos-beast terrorising a city with great similarities to Victorian London by bouncing around a lot and breathing eerie green flames at people.

MAROONED AMONG THE STARS! CAN INQUISITOR LADY PORPHYRIA KEEP HER DIGNITY?

THE MAN WHO KILLED A THOUSAND ORKS IN ONE DAY

EXCITING TALES ABOUT SPACE MARINES

WHY THE ELDAR ARE DEGENERATES!

SISTER SUBMISSA GETS SHOWN A WHOLE NEW KIND OF ORGAN!

I WAS A TEENAGE LUST PENIS

>>2862696

what would the Dark Eldar equivalent be?

>>2863285
A trip to your neighbour's house.

>>2863312
YES

THIS RIGHT HERE.

An absolute classic. Just imagine it as some charismatic underhive bounty hunter drowning in the sump while being assaulted by hive rats.

I'm too tired to post any moar. Here's where I got em.
http://www.philsp.com/magazines.html

>>2863285

I SAW TERRIFYING MON'KEIGH CHARITY RITUALS.

THE TERRIBLE CONSENUAL MISSIONARY POSITION SEX RITES OF TERRA

>>2863321
There is no image macro that can express my horror.

>>2863315
HIVE RATS RIPPED MY FLESH

It's a man's life in the 41st Milennium

>>2863367
My next Dark Heresy character is going to have a strange obsession with these things. He'll be delighted when he realised that there are whole other worlds which produce their own versions.

>>2863380

"hey, have you checked out this vid-log?"
"no, what's it called?"
"Two maidens, one goblet"


CORRUPTION POINTS

>>2863393

HAHAHAHAHA

Epic.

>>2863393

>>2863393
Can I go for insanity points instead by closing my eyes, rocking back and forth and muttering the Litany of Protection?

>>2863429
>>2863401
>>2863393

I lol'd

>>2863393
What do you think is on all those slates Jurgen's looking at in the Cain novels.