That's a horrible magic item. Jesus Christ, it's like becoming a namefag makes you an utter retard.

the never-fasten belt.

exactly what it sounds like.

>>3488601
Best magic items are ones the PC's think are crappy, but become awesome if you get creative.

>>3488609
used in tandem with the armor of loosened clasps.

Rod of Wonder

A ring of constriction.

>>3488618
Uh, no. You made slug boots. "DURR HURR I USE MAH BOOTS TO MAKE AN OIL SLICK AROUND THE GUYZ AND DEN I LIGHT IT ON FIRE AREN'T I CLEVAR?"

You are a moron for thinking that is in any way impressive.

>>3488630
I see what you did there

A Pot of Subtraction Soup.

Chainmail bikini - has armor value equivalent to enchanted platemail and +5 strength/dexterity bonuses.

Cannot be worn by females.

>>3488662
Amusing if we were still children.

>>3488655
I thought it was amusing. Cept for the lighting on fire part.

My PC's were fairly clever when I gave the a cursed bag of holding, that whenever you put something in it, there's a 25% chance everything in the bag will be flung out of it 50 feet. At first they thought it sucked, until one PC decided to use it to make a harpoon gun

>>3488685

You don't have to be a child to be amused by an NPC or a PC starving to death on gallons of soup.

>>3488697
The image is funny, the reference is not.

>>3488573
Suddenly, everyone is an ice princess!

>>3488675
Chainmail bikinis already exist! Look up the Gloryborn Armor in the DMG2, and apply the bonuses to Chainmail or a Chain Shirt.

A magical mini-waterclock.

A statue of a grinning monkey that whispers disturbing truths to the PC owner right as he falls asleep.
"She will never forgive you."

>>3488711

Since when are references supposed to be funny? They're just there to let people who get it go "OH U SO CLEVAR".

>>3488722

Yes, I know... but you missed the last line...
>Cannot be worn by females.

>>3488765

"She wants to fuck you. She dreams of her cock in your ass."

An infinitely reusable healing suppository. Can heal any ailment or wound in a sigle digestive cicle. The user must still have a sphicter and a colon.

RIng of Suspicious Odour

A collar that turns humans into yiffable animal-people. :3

The Blade of Apologies

*SLASH*
"Whoops, sorry"
*THWACK*
"Sorry, didn't see you"
*CRITICAL HIT*
"Sorry about that"
*SEVERANCE*
"My bad, dude"
*DECAPITATION*
"I'm really sorry"
*LOLWOT ME ARMS GONE*
"Didn't mean to do that"
*IMPALEMENT*
"I'm terribly sorry about that"

A Rubix Cube possessed by a Minor Annoyance Demon. Will randomly shift the colours of two squares around when the person attempting to solve it is looking on the other side.
Completing the Rubix Cube will free the demon, it knows this, but due to it's nature cannot resist foiling the players attempts to solve the cube.

Bracers of Elven Strength (-2 to Str)
Belt of Dwarven Agility (-2 to Dex)
etc, etc..

I have fun with the following: Intelligent gloves of the giant, imbued with the persona of a long-past giant king. Whenever the user picks up something, he calls out to them, "Throw it! Throw the barrel, it is the ONLY way!" The gloves give bonuses to throwing mundane objects (i.e. crates, chairs, tables, dwarves)

Jesus, you guys have no imagination.

The Headband of Status Sharing: As a free action, turn your gaze to any enemy. You automatically know their location, current hit points, any condition modifiers, and attitude towards you. They immediately know the same about you, except the "attitude" is always hostile.

Sword of Riddles: Allows you to apply your Intelligence bonus to damage dealt, but only if you can answer its inane riddles while in combat. Requires a Concentration check every round while you're using it, or you lose your action and become flatfooted.

Ring of Patchwork Shielding: Provides a +2 bonus to the wearer - as a shield bonus, natural armor, deflection modifier, protection from random alignment, protection from energy, etc - but only one of those at a time, as selected every turn from a table.

>>3488833
IIRC, Gauntlets of Kobold Power (STR set to 9) are an official magic item in ADD. Can't remember whether it was first or second edition though. They were created by a wizard that had rolled poorly on his starting stats, and were an actual beneficial item.

Belt of Gygaxian Displeasure

Anyone wearing this Belt will find themselves transmuted into a human if they are neither a Dwarf or and Elf. All social actions attempted by this player are at -10 to perform. From now on, opposing monsters can only hit this character by rolling under their to-hit roll, making low AC's better than higher ones.
Any kender that touches this belt immiediately suffers the effects of a maximized Disintigration spell. The effects of this belt become permanantly nullified if a Wizard who lives on the coast attempts to use it.

>>3488883
2e. Also:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Greyhawk_characters#Otiluke

>>3488882
turn your gaze to any enemy. You automatically know their location
turn your gaze to any enemy. You automatically know their location
turn your gaze to any enemy. You automatically know their location
turn your gaze to any enemy. You automatically know their location
turn your gaze to any enemy. You automatically know their location

Boots of Slumber - Allows you to gain the full benefit of 8 hours sleep if you sleep while standing up, even if you don't have the Endurance feat.

Clip of Modification - A magic item that modifies magic items. Allows any magic item to be worn in any slot other than its designated one - for example, boots on your head - and still reap the magical benefits. It doesn't help you at all with keeping the boots balanced, though...

Dagger of Unobtrusiveness - Dark and sleek, this blade cannot be perceived while held in shadows - even in broad daylight, it's difficult to make out. However, it gains this bonus by absorbing the wielder's natural hiding ability, so it provides a -2 to any Hide checks. So your enemies can see you, but hey! You appear unarmed!

>>3488933
>thatsthejoke.jpg

>>3488908

>>3488976

I was hoping SOMEONE would get that.

Fist of an Angry God - A fist-shaped necklace that lights up and emits a telltale "Ka-fuckin-BAM, baby!" when within twenty feet of anyone with a Charisma of 16 or higher.

Bracers of Postponing the Inevitable - When you get hit, rather than take the damage now, you just take double the damage next round.

Charm of Secrets - When tossed gently on the floor, it automatically tumbles in the direction of secret passageways, hiding characters, or secretly stashed items, while making a little chirping bouncy noise. If tossed in a room with more than one of these things, it merely spins in place. If you have any (ANY!) secret item on your person, it will refuse to leave your hand and stick to you like glue.

>>3488934
>Boots on head
>Shoe on head
Sure is /b/ in there.

Chalk of Drawing -
This chalk, when held with the intent to write or draw, can write on any surface, or even mid-air.
The dust will remain in place despite any wind, but can be wiped away easily.
The writing fades in 24 hours, leaving normal chalk dust behind.

>>3488994

It was a little obvious. I wondered when someone would get it as well. I was a little suspicious until the final remark. The wizard thing just sett off a huge alarm for me.

>>3489070

And the fact that it was called the Belt of Gygaxian Displeasure didn't? Nor the whole Human/Dwarf/Elf only thing? Or the Low AC=Good thing either?

>>3488573
wait wait wait, didn't the asian kid from The Goonies have those??

The Puzzle Sword: A box of 200 standard flat puzzle pieces that when put together form a sword. Once the last piece is placed, the sword becomes real. It can also be dissembled on the same manner. Good for smuggling.

Cursed Boots of Skipping: Normal leather boots that force the wearer to skip along for all movement. They can't walk, run or jump. Just skip.

Globe of Snow: A small glass snow globe with a small model village inside. The village is in fact linked with a real village somewhere in the world and they're quite sick of people causing snow storms when the globe is shaken and have since cursed it. Upon shaking, it summons 30 angry and armed villagers for 1d20 turns.

The Accidental Hat of Fireball: Accidentally enchanted by a wizard after a misunderstanding of an order, this hat will briefly turn into a fireball when thrown at a target, and revert back after strike. Try not to drop it.

Wood Staff of Androgyny: Upon being struck with this staff, the target is now neither male nor female but with traits of both. Not to be confused with hermaphroditism, the target will no longer have anything between the legs other then smooth skin.

>>3489090

I was thinking high level magic the whole way though (until the end of course). That and the thread was getting worse with every post, so I was kinda skimming your post at that point.

>>3489137

I do have a tendency to write huge text blocks don't I?

>>3489165

Wasn't about the text or the amount of it. It was about the quality of the posts before yours(key word being before). Retardation has a tendency of being boring.

>>3489112
Holy crap maybe he did.
Man, I need to watch that movie again, it was filmed near where I live. I've been to the main character's house.

Gloves of Ogre's Stench

Swich bands - a pair of bracers, one with a blue strip one with a red that when activated swap hands between them
they work over any distance and on anyone of the same size catagory
when they are swapped the person wearing the red decides who is in control of the hands, the person who they belong to, or the person who has them at that point

Gloves of Negotiable Affection - Sleek leather gloves. If inspected further, the worn out letters FM can be found stitched into the gloves.

When someone is touched, they are immediately filled with lewd thoughts of the character wearing the gloves and will offer to sex them for a proper price. However, the gloves will price the act on its own, using factors alien to anything but itself.

The owner has but to slap the victim to bring him out of his horny stupor.

Mug of the Reveler: A carved stone stein, once every hour it can be activated to fill every empty container in a twenty-yard radius with finest dwarven ale. This applies to any free-standing concave object - bowls and the like - but not to, say, a hollow in a statue.

Mug of the Revealer - As the Mug above, except that each time one person who drinks of the ale created will suddenly gain some single clear insight. It can be of great or little import, but it is always complete truth. This item is visually indistinguishable from the Mug of the Reveler.

Boots of Sinking: The wearer of these boots sinks slowly through any non-magical solid substance as if it were quicksand. Though they can be used to gain entrance to clandestine locations, please ensure there is an open space less than six inches beneath you before wearing, as potential suffocation is an issue.

Pen of Socrates: Any prose, poetry, or philosophical argument written by this pen is gripping, inspired and influential. The writing is especially effective if read by young people, and is practically guaranteed to garner attention and fame for the author. As the pen's namesake could probably tell you, this is not always a good thing.

Riot Ball: If kicked into a crowd, this ball decorated with white hexagons and the occasional black pentagon will cause the crowd to break out into a minor riot that lasts for 5+1d20 minutes. Retrieving the ball may be difficult.

Ring of Dragon Detection: When worn, all dragons within 100 miles are made aware of you and your location. In fact, they cannot overlook or ignore this information. They are probably very annoyed.

>>3489498

Ooh, that ring's a nasty one.


Carbuncle Amulet: The wearer of this gemstone amulet is completely immune to poison. however, they are subject to the formation of painful, contagious sores while the amulet is worn; if the amulet is removed, any sores will heal at the normal rate.

The Recursive Amulet of Summoning: This amulet summons a Bone Wand of Summoning Recursive Amulets of Summoning. Both have 1 charge each.

The Orb of Global Gender Redistribution: This globe, upon activating, randomly assigns a gender to every sentient in the world. This may garner the attention of various powerful beings not happy about their sudden reassignment.

The Wooden Staff of the Peasant Railgun: This staff can be used as described in the Peasant Railgun thought experiment and it actually works. Can only be used once. Requires X amount of peasants.

The Lute of the Deck of Many Things: Each strum on this instrument causes a single random card of the Deck of Many Things to shoot out and activate upon the player. Good for 52 strums.

Cloak of Fabulous Fancy

+2 to all charisma, however all in the vicinity believe you to be attracted exclusively to the same sex.

Glass of Foregone Fornication: A dinner-plate sized framed piece of glass with no identifying marks. All people viewed through this glass will be replaced with an image of the last person they had sex with. Virgins are rendered invisible.

Wand of negative energy healing: This wand will temporarily turn its target into an undead creature, then instantly hits it with a negative energy ray that heals 1d6 points of damage. Once the damage is healed, the target quickly turns back to its previous, non-undead state, very disoriented. Does not work on undead, does not work on inanimate objects.

Saddle of Alarmed Equine: When a command word is spoken, any who approach the horse thereafter will cause the horse to begin baying and neighing at an impossibly loud volume. The horse will not stop until it has made noise for exactly 5 minutes. This effect is disabled with a separate, secret command word.

Coconut of Wonders: When cracked open, this magical coconut will have a randomly selected alcoholic beverage inside instead of coconut milk. It only functions for one use.

Mad God's Omelette.

This stuff is pretty cool, I'm going to use some of these in my campaign. Thanks tg

The Many-Use Mess: This item can transform into any non-expendable non-magic item worth 1gp or less. Doing so requires a move action. As a standard action, if this item is not in your hand, you may return it to your hand by speaking the command word. As a full round action, if this item is damaged, you may return it to a brand-new condition by speaking the command word.

Spoon Of Sundering - Allows the user to cut through any colloid dealing 1d6 damage. Add 2d6 additional damage if used against flan.

Cloak of Itching

>>3490220
Reminds me of my brother's +2 Spoon of Eating, designed for the destruction of another creation of his, the Jelloatinous Cube.

>>3488573
"Hey guys look! Slick shoes! SLICK! SHOES!"

>Ring of Dragon Detection: When worn, all dragons within 100 miles are made aware of you and your location. In fact, they cannot overlook or ignore this information. They are probably very annoyed.
LOL

>>3488933

O SHI-

I lold hard

Whip of Orange Juice

Whenever cracked in the air (not when used for an attack), the whip instantly creates a glass of pure orange juice where the whip snapped. Good for breakfast on the go, especially when combined with the Flail of Pastries.

Actually an item used on a campaign I was in. Luckily it was lost two sessions after it was introduced (due to the character being eaten by a red dragon).

>Saddle of Alarmed Equine: When a command word is spoken, any who approach the horse thereafter will cause the horse to begin baying and neighing at an impossibly loud volume. The horse will not stop until it has made noise for exactly 5 minutes. This effect is disabled with a separate, secret command word.
Oh god, I shouldn't have lol'd as hard as I did.

>>3489752
>Saddle of Alarmed Equine
You made a car alarm for horses. Fuck you, you brilliant, brilliant man.

perhaps this thread needs the classic cloak of useless items...
http://beneaththescreen.blogspot.com/2008/08/robe-of-useless-items.html

>>3488831
"Honestly! I apologized the entire time but he wouldn't stop running into the pointy end!"

Gloves of Water-walking.

Magic-detecting rock-
Casts 'Detect Magic' on itself every 5 seconds. No other features.

Cloak of Infinite Swords-
Cloak contains two swords of infinite length within. They can never be fully withdrawn from the cloak.

Cthonic Cushion - This entirely normal-looking pillow carries a terrible curse. Every time someone falls asleep on it, there is a 1% chance that they will be astrally projected to a random location in the Far Realm. They are stuck there until they either leave magically, until something happens to wake the character's body, or until eight hours have passed. In any case, the character's spirit will be returned to the body when the effect ends.

>>3488831
"ok guys. if we silently kill this one guard, we should be able to tip toe through without alerting the others. on my count, one, two"
*stab*
SORRY ABOUT THAT

Scarab of Seeking: This insect-shaped piece of jewelry, once activated, will seek out whichever person its owner is thinking of at the time of activation. Unfortunately, while seeking, it becomes invisible and incorporeal. Whoever made it committed a major clerical oversight, as it also does not become visible nor corporeal again once it finds its target.

Cloth of Erasure: A 4 inch by 4 inch piece of cloth. Any physical area rubbed or buffed with this cloth slowly becomes translucent. Any writing, distinguishing marks, or etched details on the object are rendered illegible and useless.

Gem of All-Seeing: When held to the forehead, this magical gem allows the wielder to see everything. Ever. At once. No details or meaning can be discerned from this burst of sensory chaos unless one is already omniscient. If one is not omniscient, insanity is likely to result from using this item.

Combined Quill of Ever-Ink and Tooth-Picking: When used to write a letter, this quill will effortlessly remove bits and scraps of food from paper. When used to pick one's teeth, infinite amounts of ink will flow from the tip.

there was a cursed item thread some weeks back and some DM had included a "Dagger of Healing" in their campaign, many injuries later the PCs find the residence of a 'Mr. Healing' or somesuch. Shit had me smirking hard.

Bottomless Handkerchief: This one foot by one foot square piece of cloth will slowly devour any organic substance in contact with it for more than several seconds. Though useful as a self-cleaning Handkerchief, be careful not to leave it in contact with your bare skin for too long.

Decanter of Endless Water Torture: This small vial, when uncorked, will produce one drop of water every 1+1d4 seconds.

>>3491364
i fail to see how the cloth is a bad thing...

someone archive this, crazy stuff in here

Book of Pure Filth - Make a DC 15 Will save or suffer permanent Int damage equal to 1d4

>>3491761

Conversely: Book of Unexpected Arousal: A reader of this book must make a DC14 will save or become noticeably aroused. As if being aroused in public weren't enough, the actual contents of the book are not something the average person would imagine being aroused by, so they are also usually disturbed as well as embarrassed.

>>3491936
Part of the Books of Questionable Content Series.

Book of Horror - The contents of this book cause the reader to suffer the effects of a Power Word Fear spell.

Ever-flowing Vial of Scum
Bag of Warts
Never-ending Jar of Screams
Circle of Horror

>>3492000

Book of Secrets - This book reveals one secret kept by your closest friend or family member, that you never, ever, under any circumstances, wanted to know.

>>3492218

Book of Knowledge - This book makes your secrets known to all sentient beings within a 12 mile radius.

>>3492264
Yes, even the one about the drunk centaur mare. Honestly, what were you thinking?

>>3492264

Very amusing, but doesn't really fit the theme, since how does your reading a book reveal information to other people?

>>3492305
They read the book before you, everything embarrassing you ever did, even that thing with the dragon, is in that book. The final page tells the reader to pass the book on.

Shoe of Communication: A shoe which can send and receive messages, connected mystically to a variety of other items of Communication. It signals that a message is arriving by a loud bell sound.
Yes, I've been watching a lot of Get Smart lately.

>>3492338
I fucking love you.

Tall Hat - This hat brings attention to the height of the wearer, making observers painfully aware of how short you are

Box of Tiny Spoons - The contents of this box are far too tiny to be of any use

Diamond of Worth: This extravagant and finely crafted diamond ring will, when worn, loudly and obnoxiously announce the price for which it was last purchased at every opportunity. If it was stolen, it will announce this also.

Chasity Belt - When worn, this garment will loudly narrate the wearer's sexual escapades in the form of a epic ballad.

>>3492469

Imagine if the wearer is a virgin. All the times they diddled themselves would be all the more pathetic if made to sound epic and awesome.

You find a puzzle. The pieces look weathered and faded. When you assembled the puzzle the picture that is forming becomes more and more familiar. You realize that it is the room you sitting in right now, but in the window, is something inhuman and monstrous. The shade to the window is drawn and as you draw it...

>>3492501
Nothing happens.

>>3492501
>>3492517
It's called the Puzzle of Mental Coitus.

>>3492493
HE BRAVELY TOUCHED HIMSELF AND CAME,
AND THEN HE WALLOWED IN HIS SHAME

An amulet that when worn makes the wearer catch a cold. He is contagious, but anyone who catches his 'cold' gets smallpox instead.

>>3492569
What is the point of that? That's completely stupid and arbitrary.

Cursed items, try them sometime. Nothing better than punishing players with a quirky item. Or giving an NPC some flavor with an heirloom that they can't get rid of.

>>3492569
Cloak of Sniffles - You have a permanent runny nose, you are unable to intimidate. You suffer a -10 on all charisma based actions

A sword or piece of armor that randomly summons rust monsters when used.

Cloak of genocide

Inflicts the wearer and anyone they contact with deadly smallpox. Only affects tribal and nomadic villagers

Cloak of Invisibility.

When worn, everything you wear turns invisible.

You don't.

>>3492609

-10? Jesus, does it cause explosive diarrhea that repels anything on two legs? I'd hate for you to be my Dm.

Coronet of Absurd Enhancement. Designed by a Dwarf who believed himself to be tough enough to handle it, who perished of alcohol poisoning the next day. Any substance the character wearing it takes is doubled. Healing potions become epic, but poison has its save DC double and does twice as much damage/drain. Alcohol is the exception; it is multiplied ten times, resulting in a small glass of wine being able to knock a young Dwarf beardling unconscious.

>>3492655
The best part is, it was caused by the sniffles. My players tend to be cautious of items these days. Too bad you can't use detect evil on the DM.

>>3492655
At first those words didn't make the right kind of sense, and there was a horrible mental image of a sniffling man standing in the center of a crowded room while everyone around him shot up into the air because of their explosive buttflow.

Helm of Jynx: An old looking metal helmet that covers the head completely, aside from a slit for seeing out of. The wearer is completely silenced. It can only be removed by the person who put it on.

>>3488908
>>3488976
>>3488994
>>3489070
>>3489090

It's not funny; it's retarded. There is nothing to get other than the fact that Gary was a stick-in-the-mud. While I'm glad he created the game, his fantasy is so restrictive it could hardly be called fantasy.

>>3492682
Mask of Cat Speak - Causes the wearer to talk as if he was in close proximity to small fuzzy animals.

>>3492761
And alone. That way it can also be used as an impromptu Detect Evil.
Good character: You're a kitty!
Evil character: You fucking little vermin.

>>3492761 + >>3492727 = ????

>>3492787
Both would take up a head slot.

>>3492801
:(

Lute of Melodies - This enchanted instrument will play itself, supplying its owner with a constant accompanying theme song

Ring of Voices - Causes the wearer to experience a DC 50 Power Word Paranoia spell.

Amulet of Double Entendres. The PC wearing this must twist every statement possible into a double entendre, however absurd things get. Not good for serious games.

>>3488573
...

Oh god yes.

Only, PC's should not suffer that indignity, nobles should.

If, at any point you have a cunning ruler being opposed by his aristocrats, have his wizard go and do that to one of his enemy's boots.

Have the ruler infuriate the baddy/pretentious douche.

Have everyone laugh at him.

>>3492854
Pants of Traveling - This garment will always disappear when most inappropriate

Lucky Hat - The wearer must always make the most illogical and dangerous decision he is presented with. They are lucky if they manage to live

The Ring of Angry Cats: This ring will randomly summon an angry cat that leaps at the wearers face. After it's removed it runs away.

The Lockpick of Clothing: This simple looking lockpick will, upon contact with a target, make all their clothes unbutton, unbuckle, unzip, open and usually fall off.

Lantern of Abnormal Light: This lantern makes things obscenely bright, even outdoors midday.

Ring of Static Time: This ring causes time to stop for the wearer for 24 hours. During this time, the wearer can not interact with any object not on their person. Weapons will not pierce an enemy, cups can not be moved, etc. Anything released from the wearers hands falls an inch and becomes frozen in time. Light does not move either leaving the wearer effectivly blind in a "hall of mirrors" effect until it's over. The effect can not be manually turned off.

>>3492902
Lantern of Subnormal Light - Everything appears as if it was bathed in a violent pink and green light

>>3492917

Lantern of Unreal Light. Everything looks like its light sources and colors were generated in the original Unreal engine. Read: Really really colorful.

The Interpretive Parrot - a small brass parrot that can translate anything spoken to it into stereotypical pirate-speech of the same language.

>>3492932
Next Gen Lantern - Everything appears Grey with touches of Brown

Wand of Magic Thistles - works just like a MM but only does 1 point of damage.

Wand of Snowballs - Throws snowballs, no damage to normal targets.

Bag of Winds - Contains a tornado that is released when opened.

Helm of Waterbreathing - When activated this helm fills with water.

Ghostly Gloves - These ragged white gloves cause a pair of hands to form 10 ft in front of the user. The hands follow the movements of the user and can be used to to light manual work. (i.e. not combat) when not worn the invisible hands like to push buttons, lock and unlock doors, set off trap, and pickpocket small items they then plant on the person carrying them.

Lantern of lightness: This lantern weighs 2 grams. In all other aspects functions as a normal lantern.

Cursed Gloves of Strength : The wearer receives a huge boost in strength. When put on the wearers hands instantly clench into tight fists that cannot be opened.

Peg Leg of Holding - This artificial limb caries an infinite amount of squirrels

>>3492958
Lantern of Games Workshop Science Fiction Settings, aka Lantern of Divide By Zero. When opened, this lantern creates a zone of utter cold and darkness that sears the sanity, and is treated as a save DC 20 Phantasmal Killer affecting all within the radius of a Darkness spell, every round. It starts covering a circle 20ft across, but if left open it continues to seep outwards at a rate of +10ft diameter per turn, until all life in the cosmos is exterminated and all stars have been devoured by the void.

>>3492985
It takes all money in the area as well

Bow of Breaking - This ratty old shortbow is a +5 weapon with improved critical. Also the string breaks every single god damn time it is fired.

Vampire's Amulet - When activated this amulet heals and inflicts 1d10 damage, roll separately.

>>3493006
Improved Bow of Breaking - Attempting to draw this bow results in the user's hand being broken

Equine of Name Recognition: Whenever the name of the horse's owner is spoken within one mile of the horse, it will whinny loud enough to be audiable to all those present for the speaking of the name.

>>3493003
This rarely matters, because almost everyone in the area is dead.

Wondrous Bag of the Most Miraculous Gift - Looks like a bag of holding. The first time its opened it disappears, right after an infant of the same race and gender falls out... come to think of it... it looks a little like you too.

>>3493040
You, sir, are a dick.

Bow of Infinite Arrows: This pink hair-ribbon has fractal directional arrows that dance over its surface when tied in a bow. It has no other effect.

Platter of Deliciousness: Any edible substance placed on this platter begins to look and smell irresistibly delicious, no matter what it is or how horrible it tastes. All within 40 feet are compelled to take a bite.

Rock of Throwing: If picked up, this rock will throw you 50 feet in a random direction.

Necktie of Life: This necktie will animate any corpse whose neck it's placed around. If tied in a bow, the corpse will do one half of a vaudeville routine.

Lantern of Gluttony: Fills the area with food instead of light.

Lantern of Wrath: Enrages all creatures in the area.

Lantern of Sloth: Slows movement of everything in the area.

Lantern of Greed: Everything of ANY worth gravitates toward the lantern.

Lantern of Pride: ????

Lantern of Envy: ????

Lantern of Lust: ????

>>3493077

Lantern of Pride: This lantern summons a group of lions.

Lantern of Envy: All those within the radius of the Lantern -must possess the lantern-

Lantern of lust: This is 4chan, I don't think we need to spell this one out for you

>>3493077
Pride gives the holder a greater appearance when it's light is cast on them, Envy gives other things a greater appearance, Lust sends anything illuminated into a wild, orgiastic frenzy.

>>3493077
Lantern of Lust: In charisma of all creatures in the area. All creatures in the area appear nude.

Cursed Longsword of the Vampire's Revenge: each successful hit causes one level to be drained from the wielder and transferred to the target.

Arrow of Eroticism: Targets struck by the Arrow are immediately, permanently and overwhelmingly physically attracted to the first sentient being they lay eyes upon.

Cursed Ring of Illithid's Delight: Wearer has their intelligence set to 25, but are immediately and permanently silenced and frozen in place.

Cursed Ring of Inverse Detect Evil: Wearer gains the ability to cast Detect Evil once per level per day. Any Detect Evil spell cast by wearer will cause those of good or neutral alignment to glow red briefly. Those of evil alignment are unaffected.

Dart of Precision: Enchantments upon this dart will cause it to fly unerringly towards the center of the closest red, black, green and white circle it can find. Under no circumstances wear anything with a target on it.

Cursed Gloves of Masturbation: Forces the wearer to masturbate ceaslessly regardless of matters such as physical fatigue or level of arousal.

>>3493034
>Equine of Name Recognition: Whenever the name of the horse's owner is spoken within one mile of the horse, it will whinny loud enough to be audiable to all those present for the speaking of the name.

BLUCHER!!!

>>3493164

10 points!

>>3493141 Cursed Gloves of Masturbation: Forces the wearer to masturbate ceaslessly regardless of matters such as physical fatigue or level of arousal.

bring this to /d/, it will be most useful.

Potion of Rerolling - These potions effect a predetermined stat (or you could roll randomly). Roll d6 and subtract, and another d6 and add to the effected stat.

Potion of Greater Rerolling - As above but it effects all stats.

>>3493141
Distilled from the essence of a teenage boy.

Club of Crickets

+6 vs all undead. Owner receives no experience for killing undead.

Book of Literacy: Whoever reads the contents of this book aloud becomes literate. Whoever created this item didn't think things through.

Boots of Springstep: Every few paces, the wearer of these boots just -happens- to step on a very sharp spring.

Gloves of Legot: These gloves form the wearer's hands into C-shapes that can only grip round poles and staves of a very specific diameter.

Bracers of Amour: The wearer of these bracers loves everything, and everyone.

>>3493265
Tie of Bright Ideas
This intelligent item is said to contain the spirit of a hero from a time and place far from the wearer's world. When faced with any puzzle, dilemma, or planning its first and most insistent suggestion is to hole up in the pub.

>>3493280

>Book of Literacy: Whoever reads the contents of this book aloud becomes literate. Whoever created this item didn't think things through.

That might be the best item ever.

Holy Wafer: Effectively weightless, this thin tasteless disk will sustain a Paladin as normal rations for 1 week. Eating one counts as committing an act of cannibalism.

>>3493164
+1000 internets
>>3488675
>Cannot be worn by females.
It was good until that part.

My own contribution: Paper Bag of Invisibility. When this ordinary-looking paper bag is placed over a person's head, they immediately suffer a blindness effect (no save) for the entire duration that the bag is worn. Likewise, all others within visual range cannot see the wearer (no save). The effect only ends when the bag is removed, and any senses besides sight are uneffected.

Belt of Ogre Flatulence: Wearer's farts are treated as a Stinking Cloud spell.

Belt of Hill Giant Flatulence: Wearer's farts are treated as a Cloudkill spell.

Belt of Fire Giant Flatulence: Wearer's farts are treated as an Incendiary Cloud spell.

Belt of Lich Flatulence: Wearer's farts are treated as a Horrid Wilting spell.

>>3493293
awesome.jpg

>>3493335
Eating a Holy Wager makes the Paladin fall. You are an ass of the highest caliber.

This better have been archived.

Bag of Dirty Tricks - This belt pouch contains 20 items, the first 19 are simple items that the person pulling the item out need right at that moment. Holy water if fighting undead, food if hungry, heal potion if injured, etc, the 20th item is a small, very poisonous, snake.

>>3493369
Artifact variation: Blind Man's Bluff. Whenever the bag is worn, there is a 25% chance that the wearer will be able to see for a few moments while invisible. This effect lasts a number of rounds equal to 1d4+ the character's wisdom bonus. However, there is also a 25% chance that the bag will only blind the wearer, and opponents will not suffer the blindness effect. The remaining 50% of the time, the bag functions as normal. The fun part is, you can't always tell when it's working or not, making Blind Man's Bluff rather dangerous to use.

Bean of Awkwardness: Eating this single bean sustains an adventurer as if it were a full day's worth of trail rations. Doing so also summons a very confused and bewildered Rowland Atkinson.

God this thread is retarded, but at least it's slightly original

Belt of the Moon: When worn by females, wearer suffers from abdominal bloating and cramps, stress, anxiety, insomnia, joint and muscle pain, headaches, fatigue, acne, severe mood swings, heightened emotions, and an insatiable appetite for chocolate. No effect when worn by males.

Ring of Potential Invisibility: Wearer becomes invisible as long as they are not being directly observed by any sentient creature. Being observed removes the invisibility effect immediately.

TOBACCO SHOP OF HORRORS

Cigarette of Healing: Appears to be an ordinary cigarette. Smoking this cigarette will cause1d6 hitpoints per level of smoker to be restored for every second the cigarette is smoked.

Cigarette of Firebreathing: Appears to be an ordinary cigarette. Smoking this cigarette will immediately cause flames to burst forward from the smoker's mouth, engulfing everything within a radius of twenty feet from the caster. Objects hit by flame suffer 2D12 points of fire damage with a reflex save for half damage. Inhaling is not recommended.

Cigarette of Detect Evil: Appears to be an ordinary cigarette. Smoking this cigarette will cause anything of evil alignment to be temporarily engulfed in a cloud of red smoke.

Cigarette of Monster Summoning: Appears to be an ordinary cigarette. Smoking this cigarette will cause D3 random hostile creatures of between four and eight hit dice to spawn within twenty feet of the smoker.

Cigarette of Charisma: Appears to be an ordinary cigarette. Smoking this cigarette increases the smoker's charisma by 10.

>>3493519
>>Cigarette of Charisma: Appears to be an ordinary cigarette. Smoking this cigarette increases the smoker's charisma by 10 while being smoked.
fix'd

Cigarette of Ephermal Power: Appears to be an ordinary cigarette. Smoking this cigarette causes all spells cast while smoking to be unresistable, ignore all spell defenses and magical immunities and causes the spell to produce the maximum results possible (damage, healing, etc).

Freudian Cigarette: Appears to be an ordinary cigarette. Smoking this cigarette causes the smoker to suffer an obsession with marble columns while smoking. It is advised that the smoker should never smoke this cigarette in the presence of their mother.

Cigarette of Danger Sense: Appears to be an ordinary cigarette. Smoking this cigarette causes all traps (both magical and mechanical) within twenty feet of the smoker to be illuminated by small clouds of red smoke.

Cigarette of the Pariah: Appears to be an ordinary cigarette. Smoking this cigarette causes all nearby humanoids to regard the smoker with ill-concealed disgust. Those affected will most likely lecture the smoker on their personal habits and hygene, and urge the smoker to extinguish the cigarette, citing health reasons.

Cigarette of Addiction: Appears to be an ordinary cigarette. Smoking this cigarette casts a powerful curse on the smoker. They are immediately filled with an overwhelming need to be smoking a cigarette at all times - fighting, sleeping, bathing, etc - and become extremely hostile when deprived.

Heart of Gold
An elegant longsword with a golden heart carved on it. Drawing it causes the wielder and any intelligent beings within 30 feet of him/her to teleport to a random place/time/plane/dimension. Upon arrival they will find the sword 1 to 100 ft away and sheathed in a random object or being. (It might also no longer be a sword)

>>3493585
Hitchikers' Guide references FTW.

Alternate Heart of Gold - the gilded heart of a prostitute that will change a creature's alignment to chaotic good.

Cigarette of Nausea: Appears to be an ordinary cigarette. Smoking this cigarette causes the smoker to projectile vomit uncontrollably. Anyone inhaling or smelling the smoke from this cigarette are likewise afflicted with uncontrollable projectile vomiting.

Cigarette of Insensitivity: Appears to be an ordinary cigarette. Smoking this cigarette causes two effects: the smoker's intelligence is set to 25, and the smoker is forced to uncontrollably spout insults at everyone nearby. Due to the hightened intelligence of the smoker the insults are particularly nasty and invariably call attention to the feature or features that their victim would be most insulted by, even if they would have no reason to have any knowledge of said reason - for example, poking fun at a death in the family of a complete stranger. Smoker is unable to speak or gesture anything other than insults while smoking. If smoker stops smoking, they suffer an immediate mind wipe and are unaware of anything they said or did while smoking.

Cigarette of Sticky Fingers: Appears to be an ordinary cigarette. Smoking this cigarette inflicts intense kleptomania on the smoker, forcing them to steal anything and everything they can get their hands on. While smoking, the smoker possesses the skills of a master thief and their dexterity is raised to 25.

Cigarette of Depression: Appears to be an ordinary cigarette. Smoking this cigarette causes the smoker to sink into a deep psychological depression. Smoker invariably displays alcoholic tendancies and may attempt suicide if left unattended.

>>3493664 Cigarette of Nausea: Appears to be an ordinary cigarette. Smoking this cigarette causes the smoker to projectile vomit uncontrollably. Anyone inhaling or smelling the smoke from this cigarette are likewise afflicted with uncontrollable projectile vomiting.

Appears for all intents and purposes to be a Winnie Blue.

>>3493658
Thank you.
I have used this. I had a game go totally to shit and just dropped it in as a last bit of BS before everyone quit. It turned into something not unlike Sliders and a good time was had by all for a while. (Then it got a bit old)

The conspicuous hat of inconspicuousity: This highly flamboyant hat draws the attention of all within sight, but the wearer of the hat is completely ignored. those viewing the hat may have mixed feelings over its presence (love, envy, hatred, disgust, astonishment) determined randomly.

the inconspicuous hat of conspicuousity: this drab, small hat is unremarkable. The wearer fails all stealth checks automatically, but doesn't appear to be wearing a hat. The hat does not take up a head slot.

When worn together, the wearer is either granted improved invisibility, or is permanently destroyed, depending on which hat is put on first.

Mask of dragon breath.
Your breath smells foul.

>>3491761
THIS PAGE.

THIS PAAAGE.

ALL THESE PAGES!

>>3492902
>The Lockpick of Clothing
Poke that fucking black guard with the demon armor in the back with that and watch his AC hit the floor in a clatter.

Rod of Corruption - Appears to have no effect. When used as a walking stick will immediately cause fungus to grow where ever ti touches and hoorible damage to streets and floors. Minor tend to leave graffiti in its wake. Politicans seem immune to its effects.

>>3492815
>>3492953
>>3493293
WANT

>>3492682
oh god I lol'd uncontrollably for about 30 seconds straight

you are a bad person

Scroll of Teleportation - Upon being read, this mystic scroll teleports out of the reader's hands to a random location with 3 miles.

Boots of Light-step - When wearing both boots, the soles of the wearer's feet light up as bright as a torch whenever he walks or runs.

Amulet of Detect Thoughts - The wearer of this amulet immediately becomes aware of his own thoughts, and will likely feel bad about it for a little while.

Gloves of Dextrous Manipulation +2 - When worn together, these gloves compel the wearer to grab, pinch, twiddle, rub, scratch, and otherwise do strange things with both of his hands at all times until they're removed by another person.

Wand of Fear - When activated, all creatures (including the wielder and even creatures immune to fear) must run as fast as possible from the wand.

Helm of Impenetrability - Once worn, nothing may pierce, dent, or enter this helm. Not even air.

Bag of Withholding - This enchanted bag can hold up to 25 cubic feet or 150 lbs worth of items (whichever is reached first). They may not be retrieved from the bag, under any circumstances.

Headband of Intellect +1 - This enchanted headband is sentient, and constantly makes witty (usually sarcastic) remarks that only the wearer can hear.

Belt of Ogre Strength - This simple belt has a simple iron buckle and appears to be made of dark brown leather. It weighs 212 pounds.

Quiver of Seeking Arrows - This quiver is never empty; it always has a full stock of arrows. When fired, the arrows change course midflight to return to the quiver from which they were drawn.

Elven Chainmail Armor - This appears to be lightly enchanted, elven chainmail armor. Once worn, 1d3 days later the wearer will wake up amongst a pile of fully written letters addressed to him. They are all written in elven, and if translated each letter places a unique, horrifying curse on the wearer should he refuse to send that letter to another person.

>>3494664
Whups, forgot my namefaggotry. More stuff here.

Coat of Useful Items - When reached into, the coat always provides the wearer with a useful item, such as a hairbrush, a pair of tweezers, or a handkerchief. In all cases, these items are visible used; a hairbrush will have many different colors of hairs stuck in it, and a handkerchief will be visibly stained by questionable substances.

Ever-tuned Lute - This gilded, elegant and finely crafted lute is always drastically out of tune and all attempts to tune it fail.

Bracers of Toughness - When worn, the wearer is filled with the undisputed notion that he is indeed very tough, and will go out of his way to pick fights with random tough-looking guys.

Longbow of the Setting Sun - Often mistaken for the ancient, famed relic of the same name, this elven longbow causes the wielder to see an immensely beautiful sunset whenever an arrow is fired, often resulting in the shedding of a single tear.

Enchanted Bastard Sword - The first time this sword draws blood, the wielder immediately reaches a revelation that his father abandoned him before he was born, and may go so far as to accuse the man he thought was his father of being a treacherous, lying fiend. If wielded by a female, it simply functions as a +1 Bastard Sword.

Scythe of Tortured Soles - Whenever an enemy is struck by this weapon, both his shoes and the shoes of the wielder immediately unlace themselves and fly off of their wearer's feet, knocking both of them prone.

Rod of Giant Strength - When activated, this magic rod multiplies to twenty four times its original size and weight.

>>3493038
It does. Or it will once the players have figured out how to close it remotely.

>>3493457

Or alternatively, when worn by a male he is filled by an uncontrollable fear of all sentient females.

Is this archived yet? It would come in handy for future games.