You know what I am. It wasn't a question.

"...Yes."

I have watched you. I have not come to tempt you in this moment of mortality. You do not fear your own death. I know you are loyal to your Emperor. You will not turn from him for anything I can offer.

"No."

No, I cannot sway you. But I still have an offer for you.

He remained silent. The voice continued, each word seeming to reverberate through him.

Your life has been one of war. You were conscripted in your childhood, sent to die time and again, daring the front lines on a dozen worlds. Neither wounds nor age have slowed you.

"I do my duty."

Yes... you do.
Acknowledgement.

You know what I represent. The countless battles you've fought, in not one have you faltered. You felt fear and overcame it through force of will. You cared for the soldiers under your command. Without hesitation you have laid your life on the line for that of your race.

You have served with honor.

It sounded like an officer at an award ceremony, now.

If you will agree to serve my ends, I will intercede and save your life. You would not need to join my flock.
Amusement.
You would not even need to do anything different.

"You know I can't trust you. You could be lying...or an agent of the Changer."

I could. But...that is the sort of maneuvering Tzeentch favors.
There is little deception in me.

Musing.
The ways have changed. Less and less desperates turn to Chaos as the eons go by. Though your technology stagnates, its employment has been most effective. Things need to change for our continued survival. I need to change. Chaos as it is is dying. Does that please you?

It did, but he listened quietly.

You are the first I offer this boon, but you will not be the last whatever you decide.

And, with some satisfaction it added, I think not even your Changer will anticipate this.

"Why me?"

Wherever you have gone, you have answered the call to war. In your wake you leave only bodies. You know war, but you know honor, as I have said. As long as you live, you will continue to fight, continue to kill. Traitors, aliens, 'heretics...' it matters not. Exult your Emperor. Fight with distinction as you always have.

The voice fell silent. There was a long, long quiet. He thought.

"What must I do?"

One day you will die and your soul will be mine...but that day will not come for a long time, I think. You serve both our ends while you live. Speak the words, and be returned.

Sweeping over the preserved second one more time, he looked from face to face. The hate in the eyes of the enemy. Desperation and determination in his men. Fear in all of them. And like the eye of the storm, his own weathered countenance in the middle, illuminated by the flash of his gun.

He had so much more he could do. Rally his men, take this planet, then this sector. Beat them back to the warp storm they flew in from and leave shattered fleets orbiting it as a grim warning to those who would try again. And that was just to start...

Say the words.

"...Blood for the Blood God."

Time resumed its flow.

+++++
Report on the defense of Alstaire, Sanctus system of Segmentum Tempestus.
+++++
Casualties high, but tolerable. Enemy routed, remnants likely amassing for continued assault (see Scouting Report 15562; attached). Governor and Force Commander wounded on front lines; of note is his survival of an almost certainly fatal wound. A brass casing from his bolt-pistol chanced to very slightly redirect and absorb part of the laser shot, causing his eyepiece to take the full impact. Though this wargear was rendered utterly inoperable, and indeed, the Governor has lost the use of that eye, it is doubtlessly a miracle of the God-Emperor that he is not only alive, but fit to return to the battle almost immediately.
+++++
Thought for the day: Success is measured in blood; yours or your enemy´s.
+++++

what the fuck is this shit

I liked it. I imagine chaos gods being split personalities who decided to be one guy. All reflecting and adding to the chaos god. This part is honor

Okay, keep going.

Yeah This wasnt very good. It started to smell of win and awesome but became shit.

Dont give up though. Just work a little more.

>>4649892
Where'd it go south? I mostly wrote this to get it out of my head, but hey, if I can figure out what sells and what doesn't, even better.

I wonder what i would do then i realized i probably wouldn't even warrant the attention.

>>4649925
Right about here
Say the words.

"...Blood for the Blood God."

Time resumed its flow.

It just doesnt fit him. I would have suggested Magnus Primarch of the Thousand suns.

Make the story about him trying to pull one over ole Tzeench and try to fix his Legion and do something.

The Blood God sadly ruined it. I salute your writing though. It reeks of promise and awesome.

Hmmm... dialog needs moar... something. On the whole more, fleshing out, perhaps?
On the whole, pretty decent. I like the idea too.
Write more, good sir.

>>4649925
Not the direction I would have gone with it, but it's good. Keep writing.

I would have liked the story more if the officer said No thank you and just died with a smile on his face.

>>4649993
I don't know about that. I can see where the thought was going, and how it was built up, The lead up made you think of how different the worship was between the two, and what it meant to the officer. I'm just saying, looking at the fluff, and looking at this, the Imperium's soldiers don't lay much on the afterlife. Matter of fact, it's really only the death they seem to be after. So, it wouldn't be that surprising if the blood god changed his tune for the sake of opening the choice up to go to him after death. I think yesterday a poster twisted the view of the chaos gods on humanity to something softer, less grimdark, such as Kharn didn't want to DESTROY humanity, but rather, toughen it, and mold it into something more powerful. This is a echo of that thought, where the blood god doesn't say "lolurded" but rather "Your doing me a service anyway, just let me save you"

>>4650056
Makes sense. He doesn't want anyone to win. He wants war. Plus brain the size of a galaxy means he isn't a frothy lunatic all the time.

Nothing wrong with Khorne showing a brain. Retard berserkers aren't all he does.

Dunno, would have had him say no, personally.

I like it. Shows the side of Khorne that most people deny exists.

>>4650056
Has it.
>>4649993
That was more or less the concept behind the whole thing, which admittedly was taking a chance with canon. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the input.
Many thanks to /tg/ for reading. I can rework it a little, and if you guys want, could try and turn this into an ongoing deal.

>>4650128
Fuck it. Keep it blood god. A smart plan that leads to bloodshed helps khorne. A mindless slaughterer who dies before the second man is worthless to him.

Did you just...

He did it. He made khorne seem less like a retarded BLOOOOOOOOD RAAAAAAAAGE guy, but a subtle destroyer. He was straightforward and precise, but in a way that made me think it was ole Tz for a sec.

I personally loved it when Chaos said "Say the words..."

and he replied with the telltale call of his emperor. Great stuff. :D

Shameless OP bump for more critique and responses.

I've always liked the portrayal of Khorne as the lord of battle in the "honourable warrior" way as opposed to the "RAEGAN BERSERKAR". He supposedly appeals to warriors en masse, and is the god most Space Marines fall into the worship of - because he appeals to their sense of martial skill and the like. He's not just BLOOD 4 TEH BLOOD GAWD, but of course, Games Workshop just hates putting actual thought into characters, so that's all that comes across.

Nice work, OP.

>>4649767

i find it intensely creepy that khorne(? i cannot spell :B) has no real set vocal sound in my head. anyone else, i can imagine a tone of voice and an accent, a timbre, what have you.

this not so much. and it's not because of writanz r badd, it's because someone inherently chaotic would probably not be inclined to having a singular tone. sometimes he sounds like a fucktonne of people, sometimes like no one at all.

sleep deprived anon is a poetic tl;dr engine. but seriously, that quality creeped my shit out. diggin' it.

Look closely at the picture. When you see it you will shit bricks.

i rather liked it. if there was anything i would have changed, it would have been to do something to differentiate Khorne's words from the narration / general's thoughts. the fact that it wasn't in speech quote does work pretty well, though.

OP again, holy shit this is still here?
I won't bump this much longer (though I want to see how long this can last), but I'd like to put it to you rather than just go ahead and do it:
Is this worthy of suptg?

>>4651070
You're talking bullshit.

Read the fucking codexes, the books and other material.

"BAAAWWWWW, 40k fluff is sooooooooo lame! ...from what I read on Lexicanum."

Fuck, I wish I could shoot all you faggots in the face.

it's a little short. i might toss it to 1d4chan, though, for posterity.

>>4655861
that's_nice.jpeg

>>4655865
That'd be nice.
I'm thinking of calling it "Brass," if you need a title.

>>4654671

lol kfc

This was Awesome, Keep Writing

Amazing, dear sir. I applaud you.

This was pretty cool, and has potential to be awesome. The dialogue is kind of stale, it needs more emotion and more character development behind it. This also had little mconflict to it, the officer agreed to it in a few lines. Play out his inner struggle more, and explore the reasons for his decision.

>>4656111
OP again, before I head to bed.
I think this clinches it. There's more to the character in my head thus far. I'm going to try and continue this.

Thanks to everyone for the reading and the input.

OVERWROUUUUUGH!