I imagined when one of the elephants cop it out of old age and then another and people are just waiting for another one to die their world on the brink of collapse.

the elephants breed asexually, one grows inside the other until it simply replaces it, with the remains molting away like the skin of a snake.

You know the scythe. The one death makes that can cut light and has the very definition of sharp ingrained in it?
That's still in that shed somewhere.

I like how wizards are powerful but not all powerful in this world.

I like how id you were to play this game you get to meet death.

>>5062915

Their academy is designed so the powerful ones kill each other off.

>>5063001

alos they make a point of not using magic as being the point of knowing magic.

>>5063060
A bit like nuclear weapons really.

Man, this thread is getting old fast.
Like Terry Pratchett's brain!
AHAHAHAHAHA! AHAGAH! Aha. Ah.
I've made myself sad.

WHERE'S MY COW? time bitches!

>>5062856
someone needs to come up with a quest to aquire the scythe

the scythe of Bill Door...

ignores ALL ARMOR
but must be sharpened using spider silk and sunlight every morning

May as well post it now. Thud!

>>5065892
in what book does he make this quote?
I can't remember
>>5065833
does this happen in any particular book?

>>5066016
I think is was the Hogfather.

I don't know about >>5065833, but >>5065976 happened in Thud!

>>5066050
Except with less naked.

>>5066050
I know about the two naked women because as I type this here it's happening in the recording I'm listening to at this very moment

>>5065833

WHERE'S MY ELEPHANT!?!?

I'm twelve, what is this?

>>5066065
no, total nudity

engua(audiobooks don't have a spelling guide). "...and my emergency dress is back down in the tunnel somewhere..."

they were both absolutely stark naked when they got to the clubs basement, and sallys disposition didn't much improve by the sound of it.

>>5066065
Wasn't there naked? I thought they had a whole conversation about female vampires couldn't transform into bats without being naked and Angua had her only change of clothes un her collar bag etc

>I don't know about >>5065833,

Also THUD!, by Sam Vimes.

>Except with less naked.

Pretty sure they were both quite naked at the time.

>>5066086
the Discworld series by Terry Pratchett

start with 'The Color of Magic'

read all 36 of them.
do not return until you have.
underage B&

>>5066108
Angua.

Are audiobooks the reason that there are always people on forums who never seem to spell character names correctly?

I just put it down to many Americans being functionally illiterate but this seems to make more sense.

>>5066170

Its some of both, probably.

So you're right, I had forgotten.

Hunh. Porny *and* source-accurate. Respect.

>>5066136
I've never been able to finish the Colour of Magic, the Light Fantastic or the Last Hero. I've read every other Pratchett book I can get my hands on, but there's just something about those three.

CoM and tLF just seem to be so much LOL RINCEWIND'S WHACKY ADVENTURES. LOOK AT RINCEWIND DO THIS THEN THIS THEN THIS. And it just makes me yawn and want to take a nap because I want a story not a series of lolrandumb hijinks.

As for the Last Hero, I dunno, I just couldn't get into it. Tried multiple times and it just didn't work for me.

>>5066170
a little of both I assume (speaking as a genuine american)

I DO read books, but I also commute 40mins to school and back again every day. audiobooks make excellent company on a long drive, or while surfing /tg/

oh a lot of us are functionally illiterate, use small words if you suspect this. sorry we're over-proud of being who/what we are etc.

I assume you are from locations remote?

>>5066136

double nigger troll?

>>5066200
Here's the source (deviantart lol): http://rubendevela.deviantart.com/art/Angua-vs-Sally-nudity-36406021

>>5066210
>>5066210
get the Isis audio edition of any of these three(bittorrent will have them)

they have good narrators

Rincewinds one of his best characters... kinda forgotten in the newer books... but is'ne he a professor at the University now, well didnt they say he can be a professor so long as he never actually shows up

>>5066254
personally I like Carrot and Death.

screw everyone else

that is all goodnight

>>5066254
Of cruel and unusual geography.

>>5066214
I'm Australian.

Don't get me wrong, I like Americans. Well, most Americans I've met. Not a fan of your President though, or the way he shit talks your country when he's overseas.

So, yeah, as a people, you're awesome, I just cringe when I read poorly written posts by Americans (you can tell they're American because you're pretty much the only people who use American English).

>>5066254
I thought Pratchett said he didn't like writing Rincewind because he gets boring.

>>5066277

Pratchett is English isn't he?

Vimes is how dorfs work
always 2 glasses of booze below normal BAC

>>5066294
That's SIR Pratchett to you.

>>5066266

I WANT to like death but he seems to be the character that evryone likes. I dont want to jump on the band wagon, see.. but he IS awesome.

>>5066294
Pratchett is English, yes.

>>5066309
Here, you dumb fucking worthless faggot, I'll give youa cheat. Nobody really likes Discworld. Its all just a lie. You're the only person who actually likes it. Its not even popular yet. So you're the guy who likes it before its cool, and you get to like whoever you want.

>>5066210

I first got into this series when I watched the Hogfather movie. I then watch the Colour of Magic movie. I read Reaper Man first, the back of the books said it was a good starting point.

Then my brother-in-law heard I had intersted and pretty much gave me every Terry Pratchett book he head. Which turns out to be, I think, all of them. He told me to read them in order written.

I did enjoy Reaper Man and had trouble putting it down. The Colour of Magic and then The Light Fantastic on the other hand. I had some trouble making it through CoM and it is even worse with LF.

Like Gaiman's Death instead.>>5066309

>>5066170
>>I just put it down to many Americans being functionally illiterate but this seems to make more sense.

>>I think a place functionally indistinguishable from another sucks because I was not raised in it.

>>5066210

That's because Pratchett hadn't gotten into his satire groove yet. The Discworld series is about using his generic-but-well-developed fantasy world to explore/poke fun at racism, gender identity, rock music, the nature of time, the postal service, and whatever else he gets his hands on.

The Rincewind stories are adventures in a generic fantasy world.

So, yeah.

SOLUTION: Don't read Color Of Magic.
goddamn
no one is what they are in the real books in CoM

>>5066335
This man speaks truth.

>The Rincewind stories are adventures in a generic fantasy world.

To an extent. There's still a lot of satire by way of deconstructing common fantasy tropes. My take on the whole thing anyway.

>>5066214
I am the oposite, I am extremely literate (and american how odd). This gives me a large vocabulary, containing several words I have never actualy heard spoken, which translates into me mispronouncing things alot. Fortunatly my smart freinds understand and just correct my pronuciation, and my dumb freinds dont catch it.

>>5066436
>>5066335

>>5066527
>extremely literate

>oposite
>actualy
>alot
>Fortunatly
>freinds (x2)
>pronuciation

Not sure if troll.

Cthulhu. Insurance. Tourism. Lost luggage.
It also generally gives a solid grounding and basic training about what Discworld is all about, as Rincewind falls off the Disc and sees the Turtle Move.

This is why you start at the fucking beginning.

FUCK YES YOU ARE THE BEST SERIES EVER

Top 3 books - Hard call, but probably Thief of Time, Night Watch, and Monstrous Regiment.

Bottom 3 books - As mentioned, take your pick of the first six or so. These are effectively a different series from the "real" Discworld, which starts at Wyrd Sisters (or Pyramids, I guess).

Best story arcs - Death/Susan, followed by the Watch, followed by the Witches.

Worst story arcs - I'm not a big fan of Moist, personally, but I wouldn't actually call those books "bad".

Favorite quote: (already partially stolen by a motivator in this thread)

"All right," said Susan, "I'm not stupid. You're saying humans need ... fantasies to make life bearable."
NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.
"Tooth fairies? Hogfathers?"
YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.
"So we can believe the big ones?"
YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.
"They're not the same at all!"
TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH WITH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE WERE SOME SORT OF RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED.
"Yes. But people have got to believe that or what's the point — "
MY POINT EXACTLY.

Also, I enjoy how Pratchett has canonically explained his retcons by having the History Monks fuck everything up. It's like DC's retcons but without the dumb.

These retcons are how everyone is different in Colour of Magic, particularly Vetinari.

>>5066591
Ahh.

I'd always figured that Vetinari's shift was a sign of his adaptability to the changing political situation in Ankh-Morpork, vis-a-vis: Carrot showin' up.

>>5066436

I dont know, i think the lovely gentleman was being sarcastic.

When Death met the philosopher, the philosopher said, rather excitedly: "At this point, you realise, I'm both dead and not dead."

There was a sigh from Death. Oh dear, one of those, he thought. This is going to be about quantum again. He hated dealing with philosophers. They always tried to wriggle out of it.

"You see," said the philosopher, while Death, motionless, watched the sands of his life drain through the hourglass, "everything is made of tiny particles, which have the strange property of being in many places at one time. But things made of tiny particles tend to stay in one place at one time, which does not seem right according to quantum theory. May I continue?"

YES, BUT NOT INDEFINITELY, said Death, EVERYTHING IS TRANSIENT. He did not take his gaze away from the tumbling sand.

"Well, then, if we agreed that there are an infinite number of universes, then the problem is solved! If there are an unlimited number of universes, this bed can be in millions of them, all at the same time!"

DOES IT MOVE?

"What?

Death nodded at the bed. CAN YOU FEEL IT MOVING? he said.

"No, because there are a million versions of me, too, And...here is the good bit ...in some of them I am not about to pass away! Anything is possible!"

Death tapped the handle of his scythe as he considered this.

AND YOUR POINT IS...?

"Well, I'm not exactly dying, correct? You are no longer such a certainty."

My favourite character.

Lords and Ladies. Night Watch. Small Gods.
god tier

There was a sigh from Death. Space he thought. That was the trouble. It was never like this on worlds with everlastingly cloudy skies. But once humans saw all that space, their brains expanded to try and fill it up.

"No answer, eh?" said the dying philosopher. "Feel a bit old-fashioned, do we?"

THIS IS A CONUNDRUM CERTAINLY, said Death. Once they prayed, he thought. Mind you, he'd never been sure that prayer worked, either. He thought for a while. AND I SHALL ANSWER IT IN THIS MANNER, he added. YOU LOVE YOUR WIFE?

"What?"

THE LADY WHO HAS BEEN LOOKING AFTER YOU. YOU LOVE HER?

"Yes. Of course."

CAN YOU THINK OF ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WHERE, WITHOUT YOUR PERSONAL HISTORY CHANGING IN ANY WAY YOU WOULD AT THIS MOMENT PICK UP A KNIFE AND STAB HER? said Death. FOR EXAMPLE?

"Certainly not!"

BUT YOUR THEORY SAYS THAT YOU MUST. IT IS EASILY POSSIBLE WITHIN THE PHYSICAL LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE, AND THEREFORE MUST HAPPEN, AND HAPPEN MANY TIMES. EVERY MOMENT IS A BILLION, BILLION MOMENTS, AND IN THOSE MOMENTS ALL THINGS THAT ARE POSSIBLE ARE INEVITABLE. ALL TIME SOONER OR LATER, BOILS DOWN TO A MOMENT.

"But of course we can make choices between-"

ARE THERE CHOICES? EVERYTHING THAT CAN HAPPEN, MUST HAPPEN. YOUR THEORY SAYS THAT FOR EVERY UNIVERSE THAT'S FORMED TO ACCOMMODATE YOUR 'NO', THERE MUST BE ONE TO ACCOMMODATE YOUR 'YES'. BUT YOU SAID YOU WOULD NEVER COMMIT MURDER. THE FABRIC OF THE COSMOS TREMBLES BEFORE YOUR TERRIBLE CERTAINTY. YOUR MORALITY BECOMES A FORCE AS STRONG AS GRAVITY. And, thought Death, space certainly has a lot to answer for.

"Was that sarcasm?"

ACTUALLY, NO. I AM IMPRESSED AND INTRIGUED, said Death. THE CONCEPT YOU PUT BEFORE ME PROVES THE EXISTENCE OF TWO HITHERTO MYTHICAL PLACES. SOMEWHERE, THERE IS A WORLD WHERE EVERYONE MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE, THE MORAL CHOICE, THE CHOICE THAT MAXIMISED THE HAPPINESS OF THEIR FELLOW CREATURES, OF COURSE, THAT ALSO MEANS THAT SOMEWHERE ELSE IS THE SMOKING REMNANT OF THE WORLD WHERE THEY DID NOT ...

"Oh, come on! I know what you're implying, and I've never believed in any of that Heaven and Hell nonsense!"

The room was growing darker. The blue gleam along the edge of the reaper's scythe was becoming more obvious.

ASTONISHING, said Death. REALLY ASTONISHING. LET ME PUT FORWARD ANOTHER SUGGESTION: THAT YOU ARE NOTHING MORE THAN A LUCKY SPECIES OF APE THAT IS TRYING TO UNDERSTAND THE COMPLEXITIES OF CREATION VIA A LANGUAGE THAT EVOLVED IN ORDER TO TELL ONE ANOTHER WHERE THE RIPE FRUIT WAS?

Fighting for breath, the philosopher managed to say: "Don't be silly."

THE REMARK WAS NOT INTENDED AS DEROGATORY, said Death. UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES, YOU HAVE ACHIEVED A GREAT DEAL.

"We've certainly escaped from outmoded superstitions!"

WELL DONE, said Death. THAT'S THE SPIRIT. I JUST WANTED TO CHECK.

He leaned forward.

AND ARE YOU AWARE OF THE THEORY THAT THE STATE OF SOME TINY PARTICLES IS INDETERMINATE UNTIL THE MOMENT THEY ARE OBSERVED? A CAT IN A BOX IS OFTEN MENTIONED.

"Oh, yes," said the philosopher.

GOOD, said Death. He got to his feet as the last of the light died, and smiled.

I SEE YOU...

>>5066630

MOAR

>>5066647

I thought Death was always smiling.

>>5066671
he probably projects an image or sense of smiling

pratchett kinda stopped writing how death was always grinning whenever he grinned in the earlier stories, so you kinda take it as a given

It was a fine summer morning, the kind to make a man happy to be alive. And probably the man would have been happier to be alive. He was, in fact, dead. It would be hard to be deader without special training.

"Well, now," said Sergeant Colon (Ankh-Morpork City Guard, Night Watch), consulting his notebook, "so far we have cause of death as a) being beaten with at least one blunt instrument b) being strangled with a string of sausages and c) being savaged by at least two animals with big sharp teeth. What do we do now, Nobby?"

"Arrest the suspect, Sarge," said Corporal Nobbs, saluting smartly.

"Suspect, Nobby?"

"Him," said Nobby, prodding the corpse with his boot. "I call it highly suspicious, being dead like that. He's been drinking, too. We could do him for being dead and disorderly."

Colon scratched his head. Arresting the corpse offered, of course, certain advantages. But...

"I reckon," he said slowly, "that Captain Vimes'll want this one sorted out. You'd better bring it back to the Watch House, Nobby."

"And then can we eat the sausages, sarge?" said Corporal Nobbs.

It wasn't easy, being the senior policeman in Ankh-Morpork, greatest of cities of the Discworld [*].

There were probably worlds, captain Vimes mused in his gloomier moments, where there weren't wizards (who made locked room mysteries commonplace) or zombies (murder cases were really strange when the victim could be the chief witness) and where dogs could be relied on to do nothing in the night time and not go around chatting to people. Captain Vimes believed in logic, in much the same way as a man in a desert believed in ice -- i.e., it was something he really needed, but this just wasn't the world for it. Just once, he thought, it'd be nice to solve something.

He looked at the blue-faced body on the slab, and felt a tiny flicker of excitement. There were clues. He'd never seen proper clues before.

"Couldn't have been a robber, Captain," said Sergeant Colon. "The reason being, his pockets were full of money. Eleven dollars."

"I wouldn't call that full," said Captain Vimes.

"It was all in pennies and ha'pennies, sir. I'm amazed his trousers stood the strain. And I have cunningly detected the fact that he was a showman, sir. He had some cards in his pocket, sir. 'Chas Slumber, Children's Entertainer'."

"I suppose no one saw anything?" said Vimes.

"Well, sir," said Sergeant Colon helpfully, "I told young Constable Carrot to find some witnesses."

"You asked Corporal Carrot to investigate a murder? All by himself?" said Vimes.

The sergeant scratched his head.

"And he said to me, did I know anyone very old and seriously ill?"

And on the magical Discworld, there is always one guaranteed witness to any homicide. It's his job.

Constable Carrot, the Watch's youngest member, often struck people as simple. And he was. He was incredibly simple, but in the same way that a sword is simple, or an ambush is simple. He was also possibly the most linear thinker in the history of the universe.

He'd been waiting by the bedside of an old man, who'd quite enjoyed the company. And now it was time to take out his notebook.

"Now I know you saw something, sir," he said. "You were there."

WELL, YES, said Death. I HAVE TO BE, YOU KNOW. BUT THIS IS VERY IRREGULAR.

"You see, sir," said Corporal Carrot, "as I understand the law, you are an Accessory After The Fact. Or possibly Before The Fact."

YOUNG MAN, I AM THE FACT.

"And I am an officer of the Law," said Corporal Carrot. "There's got to be a law, you know."

YOU WANT ME TO... ER... GRASS SOMEONE UP? DROP A DIME ON SOMEONE? SING LIKE A PIGEON? NO. NO-ONE KILLED MR. SLUMBER. I CAN'T HELP YOU THERE.

"Oh, I don't know, sir," said Carrot, "I think you have."

DAMN.

Death watched Carrot leave, ducking his head as he went down the narrow stairs of the hovel.

NOW THEN, WHERE WAS I...

"Excuse me," said the wizened old man in the bed. "I happen to be 107, you know. I haven't got all day."

AH, YES, CORRECT.

Death sharpened his scythe. It was the first time he'd ever helped the police with their enquiries. Still, everyone had a job to do.

I'll just leave this here

Corporal Carrot strolled easily around the town. He had a Theory. He'd read a book about Theories. You added up all the clues, and you got a Theory. Everything had to fit.

There were sausages. Someone had to buy sausages. And then there were pennies. Normally only one subsection of the human race paid for things in pennies.

He called in at a sausage maker. He found a group of children, and chatted to them for a while.

Then he ambled back to the alley, where Corporal Nobbs had chalked the outline of the corpse on the ground (colouring it in, and adding a pipe and a walking stick and some trees and bushes in the background -- people had already dropped 7p in his helmet). He paid some attention to the heap of rubbish at the far end, and then sat down on a busted barrel.

"All right... you can come out now," he said, to the world at large. "I didn't know there were any gnomes left in the world."

The rubbish rustled. They trooped out -- the little man with the red hat, the hunched back and the hooked nose, the little woman in the mob cap carrying the even smaller baby, the little policeman, the dog with the ruff around its neck, and the very small alligator.

Corporal Carrot sat and listened.

"He made us do it," said the little man. He had a surprisingly deep voice. "He used to beat us. Even the alligator. That was all he understood, hitting things with sticks. And he used to take all the money the dog Toby collected and get drunk. And then we ran away and he caught us in the alley and started on Judy and the baby and he fell over and --"

"Who hit him first?" said Carrot.

"All of us!"

"But not very hard," said Carrot. "You're all too small. You didn't kill him. I have a very convincing statement about that. So I went and had another look at him. He'd choked to death. What's this?"

He held up a little leather disc.

"It's a swozzle," said the little policeman. "He used it for the voices. He said ours weren't funny enough."

"That's the way to do it!" said the one called Judy.

It was stuck in his throat," said Carrot. "I suggest you run away. Just as far as you can."

"We thought we could start a people's co-operative," said the leading gnome.

"You know... experimental drama, street theatre, that sort of thing. Not hitting each other with sticks..."

"You did that for children?" said Carrot.

"He said it was a new sort of entertainment. He said it'd catch on."

Carrot stood up, and flicked the swozzle into the rubbish.

"People'll never stand for it," he said. "That's not the way to do it."

Why, what's this?

I do believe its a suggested reading order guide!

And my goodness, look, a torrent of all his novels in both ebook and audiobook form

http://isohunt.com/download/93309125/terry+pratchett.torrent


http://isohunt.com/torrent_details/93309125/?tab=summary for full torrent details.

Its in .uif format, whatever that is

Discworld is pretty okay. Nerds tend to love it a bit too much, though.

>>5066777

this

>>5066777
the same could be said of all fantasy/sci-fi

>>5066638
This idea is explored very thoroughly in Night Watch. Pratchett's whole "free will is what shapes the universe" schtick is awesome, and is as good a reason as any for why OUR universe behaves in the fucked up way it does.

inb4 "lol gettin philosophy from fantasy books u noob"

>>5067097
>>citing that our universe behaves in fucked up ways when such isn't really the case
>>lol gettin philosophy from fantasy books u noob

>>5066757
I HAVE NOT READ THESE SHORT STORIES. WHERE CAN I GET THEM

Death and what comes next: http://www.au.lspace.org/books/dawcn/dawcn-english.html

The theatre of cruelty: http://www.au.lspace.org/books/toc/toc-english.html

The amazing Maurice and his educated rodents: http://www.esnips.com/doc/4419f8dc-3d0d-4aa8-80c6-38c79b4a9dd6/28---The-Amazing-Maurice-and-His-Educ
ated-Rodents

The sea and little fishes: http://www.esnips.com/doc/4c7c2b41-c240-4e07-97fd-3b447f0ab764/The%20Sea%20And%20Little%20Fishes

Troll Bridge: http://members.fortunecity.com/bookdepository/stories/pratchett/trollbridge/trollbridgetext.html

Enjoy

>>5067250
SOME OF THEM ARE FREELY (AND LEGALLY) ACCESSABLE ON THE INTERNET. GO LOOK THEM UP ON WIKIPEDIA OR GOOGLE FOR LINKS.

AS FOR THE OTHERS, I DO NOT KNOW.

>>5067318
I LOVE YOU

And heres another one featuring Death (the discworld death, but not set in the discworld.)

http://members.fortunecity.com/bookdepository/stories/pratchett/turntables/turntablestext.html

I've linked to all the short stories, which are available online legally. If you want to read the books I suggest you GO TO A LIBRARY.

So, can anyone tell me what exactly these novels are about?

>>5067510
Oh. Stuff. And things. Y'know.

Would you like a book by book synopsis or just a general gist?

The book by book synopsis would be easier due to diverse content and themes making a generalised summary more difficult.

Its about a world in the shape of a disc carried on the back of four elephants... that are in turn carried on a Star turtle named A'tuan. Said world contains all manner of fantasy elements including wizards, dragons, witches, heros and such. That being said Discworld is actually just like our own

>>5067541

Book-by-book.

The Discworld is the fictional setting for all of Terry Pratchett's Discworld fantasy novels. It consists of a slightly convex disc (complete with edge-of-the-world drop-off and consequent waterfall) resting on the backs of four huge elephants which are in turn standing on the back of an enormous turtle, named Great A'Tuin (similar to Chukwa or Akupara from Hindu mythology) as it slowly swims through space. The Disc is heavily influenced by magic and while similar to planet Earth, it generally conforms to its own laws of narrative causality.

>>5067584
THE RINCEWIND NOVELS

CoM: COWARDLY WIZARD HAS WHACKY HIJINK ADVENTURES WITH CURIOUS FANTASY CHINESE TOURIST.

LF: DOES OUR SPACE TURTLE HAVE A DICK?

SOURCERY: A SOURCERY APPEARS. WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GIVE FEISTY, BICKERING SHIT-MONKEY WIZARDS THE EQUIVELENT OF NUCLEAR BAZOOKAS?

TROLL BRIDGE: COHEN THE BARBARIAN ENCOUNTERS A TROLL AND THEY DISCUSS THINGS, IT'S PRETTY SHORT BUT COOL. I JUST READ IT.

FAUST/ERIC: IT'S LIKE FAUST BUT WITH A 13 YEAR OLD NAMED ERIC AND WITH RINCEWIND INSTEAD OF THE DEVIL. SHENANIGANS THROUGH TIME, SPACE AND HELL.

INTERESTING TIMES: SOCIAL REVOLUTION IN FANTASY CHINA. ALSO GODS PLAYING GAMES WITH MORTALS, THEY'RE BOARD GAMES. HIGHLY /tg/ RELATED.

THE LAST CONTINENT: RINCEWIND GETS SENT TO FANTASY AUSTRALIA AND MUST FIX AN ABBERATION IN TIME.

THE LAST HERO: COHEN THE BARBARIAN'S LAST ADVENTURE, WHEREIN HE TRIES TO BLOW UP MOUNT CELESTIA, THE HOME OF THE GODS.

THE SCIENCE OF DISCWORLD: I'VE NOT READ THESE.

The Disc's nature is fundamentally teleological; its basic composition is determined by what it is ultimately meant to be. Its primary element, out of which all others spring, is known as narrativium, the elemental substance of Story. Nothing on the Disc can exist without a Story first existing to mould its destiny and determine its form. This is, perhaps, a take on the fact that nothing can ever happen on the Disc unless it is written in a story by Terry Pratchett (see metafiction).

On the Disc, if a story or legend is told often enough and believed by enough people, it becomes true. This is known as the law of narrative causality. Dragons, as Terry Pratchett explains, do not breathe fire because they have asbestos lungs, they breathe fire because that is what dragons do. On the Disc, if a witch goes bad, she will inevitably build a house of gingerbread and lure children to their doom, only to be thrown into her own oven. If a miller has a third son, he will invariably leave him only his cat, and that cat will then, of course, lead the boy onto fame and fortune. A hero will win only when outnumbered. Million-to-one chances to escape certain death are routinely successful and they "crop up nine times out of ten". Witches often employ narrative in their magic, but consider it ethically tricky since it is interfering with free will. This is the source of Granny Weatherwax's hatred of fiction. Knowledge of stories, their use and how to change them forms the basis of many forms of magical power. Lillith and Black Aliss use stories, and Granny Weatherwax uses them and changes them. The habit of many Discworlders to take metaphor literally has combined with the power of belief to produce some very odd areas. Slice, The Place Where The Sun Does Not Shine, is, for instance, a deep crevasse in Lancre, incidentally located between a rock and a hard place.

>>5067662
THE WITCHES

EQUAL RITES: INATTENTIVE WIZARD PASSES WIZARDING POWERS ONTO A BABY GIRL. GRANNY WEATHERWAX TAKES HER TO BE EDUCATED BY THE WIZARDS AND TEACHES THEM VALUABLE LESSONS ABOUT MAGIC.

WYRD SISTERS: FANTASY MACBETH. OR HAMLET. I ALWAYS GET THE TWO MIXED UP. THE ONE WITH THE IDES OF MARCH AND THE EVIL QUEEN AND SHIT. BUT REDUX FROM THE WITCHES' PERSPECTIVE.

WITCHES ABROAD: MEDDLESOME WITCHES ARE UNLEASHED ON UNSUSPECTING FOREIGNERS. ALSO THE POWER OF STORIES AND CINDERELLA: NEW ORLEANS STYLE.

LORDS AND LADIES: REALITY WEAKENS. ELVES INVADE. NOT NICE HAPPY TOLKIEN ELVES. IRISH ELVES. PROPER FEY WHO FUCK SHIT UP.

MASKERADE: PHANTOM OF THE OPERA MEETS MURDER MYSTERY MEETS MEDDLESOME WITCHES MEETS SALACIOUS AND MISATTRIBUTED COOKBOOK. THE PROTAGANIST WOULD HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT TOO, IF IT WEREN'T FOR THOSE MEDDLING WITCHES.

THE SEA AND ALL THE LITTLE FISHES: GRANNY WEATHERWAX IS FUCKING AWESOME.

CARPE JUGULUM: WITCH V. VAMPIE KNIFE FIGHT, ONLY WITH MINDS AND BADASSERY INSTEAD OF KNIVES.

>>5067510

You know what Douglas Adams does with Sci-Fi? It's like that, but not quite as good, but still pretty okay.

>>5067077

No, it couldn't. Most fantasy and sci-fi is complete shit. Discworld is not. But yes, both tend to be loved by nerds a bit too much.

>>5067744
YOUNG ADULT NOVELS:

MAURICE AND HIS AMAZING EDUCATED RODENTS: THE PIED PIPER MEETS SCOOBY DOO MEETS HYPER-INTELLIGENT RATS WHO JUST WANT PEOPLE TO STOP FUCKING KILLING THEM, IF THEY'D BE SO KIND.

THE WEE FREE MEN: OH GOD. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START. THERE ARE NAC MAC FEEGLE AND THEY ARE ABOUT THE SIZE AND COLOUR OF SMURFS. IF SMURFS CONSTANTLY DRANK, BRAWLED AND STOLE. LIKE THE SMURFS' HOOLIGAN CELTIC COUSINS. THEM PLUS THE LITTLEST WITCH FACE OFF AGAINST AN ELVISH QUEEN WHO STOLE HER KID BROTHER.

A HAT FULL OF SKY: THE LITTLEST WITCH GETS HER BODY HIJACKED BY MYSTERIOUS ALIEN FORCE. MAKES HER DO BAD THINGS TO MOSTLY GOOD PEOPLE. CAN SHE DEFEAT IT? AND HOW?

WINTERSMITH: THE LITTLEST WITCH INTERRUPTS VERY POWERFUL AND VERY GEEKY MORRIS DANCE RITUAL. GOD OF WINTER FALLS IN LOVE WITH HER. PISSES OFF HIS LOVER, GODDESS OF SPRING. SNOW FALLS. EVERYBODY DIES. UNLESS SHE CAN FIX WHAT SHE FUCKED UP.

ANCIENT CIVILISATIONS

PYRAMIDS: BACKWATER PRINCE IN TRAINING TO BE AN ASSASSIN BECOMES A GOD-KING WHEN HIS FATHER DIES. CAN HE SAVE HIS KINGDOM FROM COLLAPSING PHYSICS, A TREACHEROUS GRAND-VIZIER AND BANG HIS HOT ASS HALF-SISTER AT THE SAME TIME?

SMALL GODS: GODS GAIN POWER FROM THEIR BELIEVERS. OM WAS ONCE A MIGHTY GOD. OVER TIME WORSHIP WAS DIRECTED MORE TO DOGMA AND HIS RELIGION THAN TO HIM. HE HAS ONE TRUE BELIEVER LEFT. CAN THIS WORSHIPPER AND A MANIFESTED GOD IN THE FORM OF A TURTLE ACHIEVE RELIGIOUS REFORM AND RESTORE THE GOD TO POWER? OH GOD. READ IT AND FIND OUT.

DEATH AND WHAT COMES NEXT: HAS BEEN POSTED IN THIS THREAD. YOU PROBABLY READ IT BEFORE. DEATH V PHILOSOPHER.

>>5067857
DEATH NOVELS

MORT: DEATH TAKES AN APPRENTICE. DEATH TRIES TO MATCHMAKE HIS DAUGHTER AND THE APPRENTICE. APPRENTICE THREATENS REALITY BY SPARING THE LIFE OF SOMEONE MEANT TO DIE.

REAPER MAN: DEATH GOES ON HOLIDAY. TAKES UP FARMING. PISSES OFF GRANDDAUGHTER WHO IS SLOWLY BECOMING DEATH IN HIS STEAD.

SOUL MUSIC: DISCWORLDIAN MAGICAL ROCK MUSIC AND WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN. ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR DISCWORLD NOVELS.

HOGFATHER: DEATH TRIES TO SAVE WORLD FROM OTHER-WORLDY BUREAUCRATS BY BECOMING FANTASY FATHER CHRISTMAS.

THIEF OF TIME: OTHER-WORLDLY BUREAUCRATS THREATEN TO DESTROY WORLD WITH MAGICAL CLOCK. SASSY HISTORY MONK AND APPRENTICE WHO CAN CONTROL TIME TRY TO STOP THEM.

Industrial Revolution Novels

MOVING PICTURES: CALL OF CTHULU MEETS THE FILM INDUSTRY. TALKING DOG OPPOSES FORCES OF TENTACLED DARKNESS.

THE TRUTH: NEWSPAPER EDITORS AND A PHOTOSENSITIVE VAMPIRE PHOTOGRAPHER PRINT PAPERS WHILE FACING OFF AGAINST EXTORTIONIST GUILDS AND ATTEMPTING TO SOLVE TREASONOUS PLOT.

MONSTROUS REGIMENT: GIRL PRETENDS TO BE BOY AND GOES TO WAR TO FIND HER BROTHER. IS JOINED BY A VAMPIRE, TROLL, PYROMANIAC, VERY ANGRY PERSON, HYPER RELIGIOUS PERSON, USELESS OFFICER AND SAVVY SARGEANT. CAN SHE SAVE HER NATION AND FIND HER BROTHER?

GOING POSTAL: EX-CON REFORMS POST OFFICE. CAN HE MAKE THE POST OFFICE PROFITABLE WHILE CONCURRENTLY WOOING CHAIN SMOKING SEXPOT AND SURVIVING COMPETITION FROM CORRUPT FANTASY TELEGRAPH COMPANY?

MAKING MONEY: EX-CON REFORMS ROYAL MINT AND BANKING INDUSTRY. THERE ARE TRIALS AND PERHAPS TRIBULATIONS. TURNS OUT I CAN'T REMEMBER MUCH OF THIS BOOK. IT'S DECENT THOUGH. I SWEAR.

>>5067970
>REAPER MAN: DEATH GOES ON HOLIDAY. TAKES UP FARMING. PISSES OFF GRANDDAUGHTER WHO IS SLOWLY BECOMING DEATH IN HIS STEAD.

Um, no. Susan doesn't appear in Reaper Man yet. It's just "Death is ousted out of his work by otherworldy bureucrats. Decides to take up farming instead. As a secondary plotline, lack of death causes overabundance of lifeforce which plunges world into chaos".

>>5067970

He doesn't go on holiday. He's retired by The Auditors (what you're calling Otherworldly Bureaucrats). The rest of it was actually something like "VERY OLD (AND RECENTLY DEAD) WIZARD RETURNS AS ZOMBIE TO SAVE CITY FROM TOO MUCH LIFE WITH THE HELP OF SOME OTHER BACKWARDS FANTASY TROPES". I don't think that Susan came into this one that much, if at all...

>>5065892
One of the most awesome Forging Of A Weapon sequences I've ever read.

>>5066210
Yea, the series starts off weak, when it's just another parody of fantasy tropes. Back in the 90s I'd get people hooked with Small Gods.

The summation of all Watch novels is thus: Vimes wins. Everyone loses but Vetinari, but that's because Vetinari invented the game.

THE WATCH

GUARDS! GUARDS!: DICKHOLE CULTISTS SUMMON DRAGON. BURNING ENSUES. INEPT WATCHMEN ATTEMPT TO BRING IT TO JUSTICE.

TOC: POSTED IN THIS THREAD. DEATH HELPS CARROT INVESTIGATE A CRIME.

MEN AT ARMS: THIS GUY KILLS SOME PEOPLE AND STEALS POWERFUL WEAPON. WATCH IS NOT IMPRESSED. GUY TRIES TO KILL WATCHMEN, ALSO PATRICIAN. WATCH STILL NOT IMPRESSED. CAN THE WATCH SOLVE THE MYSTERY AND NOT GET KILLED?

FEET OF CLAY: PEOPLE ARE GETTING KILLED AND SOMEBODY IS POISONING THE PATRICIAN. GO TEAM WATCH, SORT THIS SHIT OUT. ALSO EMANCIPATION AND STUFF.

JINGO: TINY SHITHOLE ISLAND APPEARS BETWEEN ANKH-MORPORK AND KLATCH. BOTH NATIONS CLAIM SOVEREIGN RIGHTS. WAR IS LOOMING AND THERE HAS BEEN MURDER AND AN ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT. CAN THE WATCH PREVENT THE WAR AND SOLVE THE CRIME?

THE FIFTH ELEPHANT: WHEREIN SAM VIMES GETS SENT AS AN AMBASSADOR TO A DWARF MINE FOR TO PROCURE FAT AND SOLVE A CRIME MOST TERRIBLE. THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVOURITES. I DON'T WANT TO SPOIL A GOD DAMN THING.

NIGHTWATCH: VIMES GETS SENT BACK IN TIME TO FANTASY FRENCH REVOLUTION. HE NEEDS TO GET BACK TO HIS OWN TIME AND BRING A COPKILLER TO JUSTICE.

THUD!: DORFS AND TROLLS ARE NOT THE BEST OF FRIENDS. SEEM INTENT TO TURN ANKH-MORPORK INTO A BATTLEGROUND. VIMES HAS TO SOLVE A MURDER AND BRING THE PERETRATORS TO JUSTICE TO PREVENT THIS WHILE ALSO NOT FAILING TO READ "WHERE'S MY COW?" TO HIS YOUNG SON EVERY DAY.

WHERE'S MY COW: IS THAT MY COW? IT HAS FUR, A SNOUT AND IS EATING HONEY. ROOOOOOOOOOOAR. THAT IS A BEAR. THAT IS NOT MY COW.

>>5068010
Are you sure?

Shit. Some of Hogfather probably seeped in there.

>>5068081

Soul Music is the first time Susan has a part, I think. Death goes AWOL, and she has to pick up the family business for a little while.

>>5068106
Ahh.

Thank you for the correction. All in all, though. I am going to toot my own horn and say that I think I did a decent job doing all that from memory.

>>5068106
As I recall, she's a loli at the time.

Pretty sure.

>>5068227
Or a teen, at least. As I recall, there was a thing she had for the "Elvish looking" buddy holly. And she got pulled from a school of some sort. Pretty sure as a student.

Goddamnit now I have to go to the library. THANKS A LOT /tg/!

>>5068060
>Everyone loses but Vetinari, but that's because Vetinari invented the game
>but that's because Vetinari invented the game
>Vetinari invented the game
>the game

That's exactly the kind of thing I'd expect Vetinari to come up with. Also, DAMMIT!!!!!

>>5068073
>WHERE'S MY COW: IS THAT MY COW? IT HAS FUR, A SNOUT AND IS EATING HONEY. ROOOOOOOOOOOAR. THAT IS A BEAR. THAT IS NOT MY COW.

Oh ye gods YES

Moist is pretty great too.

"WHERE"
"IS"
"MY"
"COOOOWWWWWW!!?!?!?!"

"I have been known to have the occasional 'flutter', sir"
"Given, then, a contest between an invisible and quite powerful quasi-demonic thing of pure vengeance on one hand, and the commander on the other, where would you wager, say, one dollar?"
"I wouldn't, sir. That looks like one that would go to the judges"
"Yes, yes indeed"

Best series ever.

>>5068073
You forget -
Men At Arms: Epic Dwarf/Troll friendship.

I wanted Constable Detritus to END that motherfucker for what he did.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THERE'S BEEN SO LITTLE MENTION OF GRANNY WEATHERWAX.

Seriously, she's better than Death. Read a Hat Full of Sky if you don't believe me.

>>5069900
Granny is like a home-grown countryfied version of Kreia.