Cursed table.

Taking ownership of this table (buying, stealing, etc) activates its curse. The owner of the Cursed table slowly transforms into a chair. The person is entirely unaware of this transformation however. If one is to somehow get rid of the table they will turn back to normal, but this takes as much time as you owned the table for (including when you were a chair)

"In this room, there are three kobolds."
*Fight*
"Hey, DM, what else is there?"
"A table, a chair, and a treasure chest."
"lol, I break the chair and steal the table."
"... Oh boy."

Hat of Obsession

The hat of obsession appears to be a mundane straw wide-brim hat, but when worn gives a +2bonus on spot and listen checks, however the wearer becomes obsessed with the hat, and must make a will save (DC 20) every day it is worn or fall to the obsession, he/she must wear it all the time, and if it is destroyed the he/she attempts to kill everybody around him/her in a bloody rage, giving him/her the "rage" ability during the act, a will save (DC 22) must be made to resist killing everybody, even if it is failed he/she goes into a deep state of depression, having to make a will save (DC of 10+1 per each made save) or commit suicide, committing the bloodbath gets rid of the depression side.

Silver Sliver

It's a sliver made of silver. Casting stone to flesh on it will unleash an unstoppable swarm of rapidly evolving creatures.

The Cape of Ascent

Allows the player character to soar into the sky... Except that this devious little artifact is the Cape of Ascent, not decent. Watch as an unknowing PC flies up and up and up until he dies, then comes crashing back to earth

Ring of Decay

This ring, when identified, appears to give a +2 enhancement bonus to Constitution. Once it is put on, however, it will not come off and the wearer will begin to decay at the same rate they would naturally heal, losing 1 hp/level each day. This decay is treated as vile damage and cannot be healed by conventional means. When the wearer dies, they rise as a zombie.

If the wearer's finger is removed, the ring will magically appear on another finger. If all their fingers are removed, the curse ends. A Remove Curse, Wish, or Miracle spell will also remove the ring.

Wand of Disintegration

Activating this wand causes it to disintegrate into a small pile of dust.

There is no other effect.

>>5978931

I once found a chair that would turn anyone who sat on it into a puppy, no save. I kept it. Until some fuckhead mage used Dispel Magic on it.

Cursed Sketchbook:
Allows you amazing drawing skills
Con: as you draw more and more your drawings become more perverted
and it just so happens to always be lying out in the open

The Wand of Summoning.

This magic item only has one charge left.

Using it will dissolve the Wand of Summoning.

The Wand of Summoning, once used, will summon a Wand of Summoning, with one charge left.

>>5980337
only new one so far

Circlet of Corgis

Any wearer of the Circlet of Corgis becomes surrounded by 6d12 illusory corgis (Will save DC 15 to disbelieve, the wearer automatically fails). They blink out of existence during combat then reappear after combat ends (corgi quantity is rerolled). Outside of combat, the wearer must make a Will save DC 15 every 1d100 minutes. On failure, the wearer must spend five minutes fawning over the illusory corgis and loudly comment on how cute they are.

Cursed Potato Peeler or Flesh Flaying.

A Potato Peel that has a faint trace of Enchantment. When a creature touches the handle of the Potato Peeler with their bare hands they must take a will save DC: 22. If the save is failed their mind will register any sentient being as a giant potato and have an overwhelming urge to peel them(sentient including anything with an Int score higher than 2) . The Peeler is counted as a +2 dagger that deals slashing damage. Anytime the Peeler hits an opponent with the Peeler the wielder will gave 1d8+HD of creature attacked of temporary HP but will only last for 1 hour after attacked and only the first creature attacked with it will give the temp HP. If the Peeler leaves the hands of the Wielder the effects vanish and the Wielder cannot be affected by the Peeler for another 24 hours + Will modifier.

>>5980337

Wow it's just like my real sketchbook.

>>5980974
sorry for the typos.

Stuffed Puppy of Missiles

Exactly as a wand of missiles but in the form of a crudely stuffed puppy. Every time you use the item you must make a successful handle animal check DC: 15 or the Stuffed Puppy will animate and attack you. Count it as a Dog but its bite attacks are magic.

Hammer of Failing.

This cursed item looks like a ordinary light hammer. When picked up the owner of the hammer must re-roll everything he/she rolls and take the lowest rolled.

>>5981062
Hammer of Flailing.

This Cursed item when picked up the possessor must make a will save DC: 15 or begin flailing wildly and uncontrollably. Otherwise it is a normal light hammer.

Bathroom of Scary Shit.

This seemingly Innocent bathroom is enchanted with a powerful illusion affect. Anytime someone would go to shit in the bathroom their shit would animate and begin to attack the bathroom user. The being is an illusion and the victim must make a will save DC: 22 to disbelieve. The only thing the Shit monster may scream is "HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!" Clerics may turn the shit monster as if undead.

The scroll of doom

Its an official looking scroll. Upon taking it, you are teleported to a dwarven outpost that you have lead for a single year.

Its not so bad exept for the elephants

Out of curiosity, does 4th ed D&D have some cursed items yet? If so, which book? I kinda miss them for some reason.

>>5981132
Wish I could tell you. I'm still playing 3.5e. But I haven't heard of any magic items for 4e yet so maybe not?

>>5981132
>>5981164
Not really. Thought the Artifacts in the DMG seem more of a hindrance than they are worth. And using the 4E mindset, cursed items should be more plot than penalty.

Ring of the Elves.

Upon putting the ring on the wear must make a Fort save of DC: 30 If failed, You begin to get skinnier and your ears point. Your features turn very fair and whatever facial hair you have falls out. You grow to the height of exactly 5' 5". Whatever your hair was before it turns blond. Lose all of your racial stats and take the Elven racial stats. This effect does not wear off when the ring is removed nor can it be dispells. Only a Wish or a Miracle spell(as well as the effects from the spell reincarnation) will change you back to your former race. Remove curse has a 25% chance of removing the affects as well as Break Enchantment.

The Hammer of Timewasting

An otherwise ordinary warhammer that causes anyone around the weilder to stop and attempt to touch the hammer unless they pass a will save DC 15. The bearer will always attempt to prevent this action.

The Devils' Paintbrush

It's brush said to be crafted from the hairs of one hundred devils this ancient tool of evil artistry is a huge paintbrush crafted of the finest Black Ashwoods of Dis.
In ones hands this paintbrush is said to function as a huge great club. If in the hands of the goodly and dipped in paint this strange item curses the user with the ability to create anything to the best of the users ability. This functions as per the Permanency spell. However, if the user does not create the intended item with one hundred percent accuracy (a Perform, Profession or Craft roll with a result of a natural twenty), the painting in question forms from its surface as a terribly cursed version of the item intended, or deformed horrid mess of a monster (with stats to the DM's discretion) if the user meant to create a living creature.
If the user is evil treat the steep success rate of the Devils' Paintbrush as a twenty on the roll required rather then a natural twenty.
If in neutral alignment, all rolls fail regardless of result (some say that this strange circumstance is a fail safe if ever the Yugoloth got their hands and or appendages on this evil item...).

The Corset of Comliness

This corset can be worn by any character to give them a perfect hourglass figure, increasing thier CHA (or COM, if anyone even), by +2. If they ever remove it, they find that thier body can no longer support itself, and they suffer from a -2 CHA and -2 CON, and they must roll a D6 every hour they spend without it, falling unconscious on the first 6 they roll, and dying on the second 6. Infuriatingly, the corset is not marked as magical in any way.

The Razor of Mutilation

This item has the same stats as a long sword however when you use it on someone it is not they who are damaged but their next of kin or finest friend if they have no family. All rolls regarding this ability are nominal so if you didn't get through the AC of the person struck instead, nothing happens except a dark wind up their spine. Conversely if striking yourself with the intent to harm someone else in your field of vision, that person in question takes the same amount of damage. As you are a willing target so are they and AC is not a factor in this regard.

Dwarfale

Every sip of this rough brew grants the imbiber greater strength and sturdiness, as well as a desire to, and innate understanding of, mining and craftwork. It also causes beard growth. Profusely. Even in elves. The effect of a single pint takes a month to wear off.

The Tiara of the Distressed Damsel


Wearing this Tiara causes every character nearby to want to protect you. It works on any sentient race. They will work together to protect you against an outside threat, if they are so inclined, but will also become convinced that everyone but them is trying to hurt you.

The immediate effect of removing the tiara is a transferrence of thier anger towards you, perhaps even a murderous rage, and this can last as long as you wore the tiara.

>>5981355
That doesn't really sound like a cursed item...It'd be very useful to a blackguard or similar. And it has no real ill affects to the user.

>>5981456
The first ability is easily defended and with the second ability you're hurting yourself to hurt others. Try using it in battle and you're weakening yourself greatly as the target doesn't get hurt or you both take damage.

Not all cursed items are created equal.

Bag of Endless Annoying Little Sisters.

When opened an endless supply of annoying Little sisters of your race pour from the bag. Each more annoying than the last. Every hour you are within 5 feet of the bag(opened or closed as their high pitched voices carry through the material) You much succeed a will save DC: 20 or roll a d6. 1-2 you rage and start to attack the bag and mindlessly hack at anyone who is younger and a female. 3-4 you have no affect other than wanting to shut the sisters up. 5-6 You be gin to weep uncontrollably for the next 1d4+5 minutes.

>>5981484
in the hands of a Lich or another undead creature this weapon can be hell. Think if a Lich kills himself with the weapon and targets a player. they take the same amount of damage as it would take for the Lich to piff so they'd basically be taking whatever HP the Lich had and minus it from their HP with no saves alloud. That sounds a little broken. but hey? It is a cursed magic item.

>>5981514
>Anything that will make your players shit your pants is good.

Also, reminds me of the dagger of a faggot sorcerer in the old Red Sonja movie from the 80's lol.

>>5981514
Somewhat counter productive. If the Lich did that the PC's would have to be seen for one, secondly then the lich would be dead and the players would get the The Razor of Mutilation for their own use. Once more if you or an enemy use it for an auto kill that eliminates just one person (who can easily be resurrected later).

On the amusing side though if the lich killed himself would the PC's left standing get Exp from the encounter?

The sword of phallic humiliation +4

This item is a magical short sword that adds +4 to attack and damage rolls and has a crit range of 18-20.

The sword is cursed with an illusion that makes the blade appear to anyone but the wielder as an absurdly floppy phallus.

The Womb Dagger

Created by the god of balance this wicked dagger is cursed for only women. If used as such this dagger automatically impregnates the user with the seed of whomever she kills. Alternatively if already pregnant, the child's genetic code is rewritten with those of the user's victim.

Mask of the Fluffy Kitten

It is said that a person's intelligence gradually declines the closer they get to an adorable, fluffy little kitty cat. Masks & String To Hold Them On With Ltd. has taken advantage of this, creating a mask that, when worn, decreases the INT of any non-friendly person, multiplied based on how near they are to you. Additionally, hostile persons are a great deal more likely to regard you fondly, even as a friendly, while the mask is equipped.

You look like a knob while wearing it, though.

>>5981676
This just in, the God of Balance is an asshole.

>>5981676

Maybe make it so that a man who uses the dagger will find that he passes on the seed of the victim next time he sleeps with a woman he truly loves, with a 100% fertility rate.

>>5981644
Fucking lol. I'm using this in my game for the treasure-hog faggot who always claims the best things.

>>5981676

For bonus points, also make it a horribly draining but horribly effective weapon against evil beings (i.e, ignores damage reduction and divine/deflection/natural/profane/whatever bonuses to armor class).

You know, the kind of thing you'd use when trying to take down Demogorgon.

>>5981761

Incoming Marry Sue.

>>5981727
it's the fucking best weapon ever!
you're surrounded by mercenaries?
take out your floppy penis,
make them laugh,
AND THEN KILL THEM WITH YOUR FLOPPY PENIS.

>>5981726
The Greater Womb Dagger

Created by the god of balance this wicked dagger is cursed for both men and women. If by wemon as such this dagger automatically impregnates the user with the seed of whomever she kills. Alternatively if already pregnant, the child's genetic code is rewritten with those of the user's victim.
If used my men the result is much the same except that the next child he sires will be of the blood of his victims in chronological order. Alternatively, if said man sires no children post killings with the dagger he will find that if he had ever sired a child at all that said child will be of the blood of his victims in chronological order.

Portable Camp

This is a magical box roughly 40cm long and 12cm wide and tall.

It has the appearance of a hinged lid with small latch that refuses to open by normal or magical means. On the lid are inscribed a set of instructions:

"Portable Camp. Place this box on the ground and utter the command word "POW" to activate."

Uttering the command word causes the lid to pop open, emitting a full spectrum of colourful flashing lights, billow exaggerated amounts of either purple or green smoke and eject rolls of coloured paper streamers several meters in the air in random directions and play a raucous trumpeting.
Additionally the one who uttered the command word may roll a percentile die, if the roll is over 90% then 1d4 regular sized chimps climb out of the box and follow that person as companions until they either become lost or meet their unfortunate demise.

The chimps are wearing bow-ties and roller-skates.

>>5978922
Lifelike texture... ;_;

>>5981761
The God of Balance isn't excessive, he simply wants balance for all actions and beings.

>>5981775
>he will find that if he had ever sired a child at all that said child will be of the blood of his victims in chronological order.
I can imagine a BBEG using mind control to force his father to kill a king, thus becoming part of the royal bloodline - the crown prince of a nation in need of a new king, in fact...

>>5981776

lol wtf

>>5981775
>>5981804
>in chronological order

Well shit.

>>5981776

This rewrite is dumber and more poorly worded than >>5981726 's one-line description.

Though, I don't see why it should only affect someone he 'truly loves'. If some adventure goes alean and whorean between adventures he should leave a whole swathe of orc/goblin/troll/demon/kobold/direbear/ettercap-spawn behind him.

>>5981848

That would actually make sense as to why there's so much monsters to go "adventuran" on in the first place...

>>5981848
Sweeten the cup, make the dagger mercurial (as in is shapeshifts into whatever weapon the user has use of or feats for.)

It being just a dagger makes it harder to use after all.

>>5981804

Christ, imagine if the "in chronological order" thing applied to females?

After she gives birth to the son/daughter of the first creature she kills, she immediately becomes pregnant with the son/daughter of the second. And then the third.

It would be at least ten months before she realizes that this is happening. If you find a shiny new magic weapon, how many creatures might an adventurer kill with it in 10 months?

Flarewood


This type of wood burns twice as brightly, and lasts ten times as long as regular wood. When burning, the wood is dazzling to look at. If any living thing is close enough to see the flame, they cannot approach it. They can walk around it, as long as they maintain at least the same distance. Only creatures that are totally blind can get closer to it. This can be useful to protect a camp from monsters, so long as you are certain that nobody strays.

Racks up some wicked kill count.

Goddess of fertility suddenly gets a huge pile of paperwork and long queue of shit to organize.

Ring of the Cock

This ring has no effect on females or beings without a penis.

This ring has vaguely phallic symbols engraved on its interior surface. It identifies as a Ring of Warmth, or other minor but beneficial ring, and functions as the ring identified. The ring is worn on the finger.

After the ring has been used for a total of three hours (not necessarily three consecutive hours), the user's penis begins to engorge. The ring cannot be removed at this point, and no effort on the part of the wearer will cause his penis to become flaccid. The constant erection is highly noticeable, and can lead to awkward social situations.

Wearer is advised to seek a cleric if erection lasts more than four hours, a dangerous condition known as the Curse of Lord Priapus.

The last user of this ring was the infamous rogue and lover known as Caliaphan. Caliaphan believed the ring to be a minor Ring of Protection, and sought to infiltrate the harem of Sultan Tragen as a eunuch. Caliaphan's ruse was quickly detected due to the curse of the ring and he was executed. The ring's location is currently unknown.

>>5981895

Nice, this is the ultimate version. Cursed!

>>5981895
Cursed item is FUCKING CURSED.

>>5981903

You can always ignore sight-based effects in D&D by blindfolding yourself.

You'd have to know about it in advance to do that, though; it's perfectly legit to say that once someone sees it it has already taken effect, even if they close their eyes after.

>>5981909
>Goddess of fertility suddenly gets a huge pile of paperwork and long queue of shit to organize.

Lol reminds me of Exalted.

Not my idea, was posted on /tg/ the other day.
This scorched, blackened skull is extremely brittle- anything but the most delicate handling causes it to shatter. If it is broken, then the first person who touched the skull dies horrifically in an immolation of magical fire.

This fire leaves behind only a handful of ash and a scorched, blackened skull.

>>5981996
What I'm digging is the slight variation that the LAST person touched by the skull is the one destroyed. Not the first.

That way you can pass the curse on by getting someone else to touch the skull.

Or you can throw it at someone to kill the shit out of them, provided you make a ranged touch attack. If you miss, well...

>cursed with fun

>decades of giving birth to half-monsters

>>5982059
And after that?
"Mommy, where's Daddy?"

>>5982059
Delicious 4chan.

Ring of 674

Any female character who wears this ring will always forget to wear underwear. They are not physically prevented from doing so, and they will not remove it automatically if they do, nor are they prevented from being reminded to do so. They will never think of doing it for themselves. This condition persists even if the character would be humiliated or even ostracised for not remembering.

>>5981895

GET A WRITEFAG IN HERE, STAT.

rolled 94 = 94

>>5982059
It'd be better if you got the full sexual experience, yah? :D

So after a few decades of horrible, horrible pregnancy, the now utterly mad woman leads her legion of abominations on a quest to utterly destroy the civilization that invented this item.

Mama Wombhurt, Mother of the league of monsters.

>>5982111
That's kind of what I was thinking.

Sweet, fappable tears of violation.

I love this thread and yet I'm feeling slightly disgusted which isn't all that common around here.

Collar of Usefulness.

This strange but ubiquitous collar and key of gold enchants the body of those collared with eternal usefulness for a price. Controlled by the one who holds the collars key (even oneself) with but a word this collar will provide a use, any use, from the body of the subject collared with no lasting ill effects to the subject under enchantment. However, when worn this collar effects the user with an aura of antimagic, any magic item held as such will not function under magical effect.

>>5982223
So if I command the wearer to take on one of those monsters you aren't supposed to be able to kill, he can do it because he suffers no ill-effects because of my order?

Or does this mean I can put it on a virgin girl and keep shoving larger and larger things into her until she breaks .. then magically she will go back to normal, hymen and all.

>>5982175

What the hell happens if she manages to kill over a hundred creatures with the thing? Does the dagger recognize that she won't live 900 months? Does she somehow give birth from beyond the grave?

Oh God, what happens if she uses the dagger to kill a titan or something?

>>5981676
>>5981775

The Greater Womb Dagger

Created by the god of balance this wicked dagger is cursed for both men and women. If by wemon as such this dagger automatically impregnates the user with the seed of whomever she kills, in chronocological order. Alternatively if already pregnant, the child's genetic code is rewritten with those of the user's victim. If not possible for the user to have the all the children of her victims in her lifespan (in single child pregnancies) she will begin to have 'litters.'
If used my men the result is much the same except that the next child he sires will be of the blood of his victims in chronological order. Alternatively, if said man sires no children post killings with the dagger he will find that if he had ever sired a child at all that said child will be of the blood of his victims in chronological order.
If said man does not and has not sired any children whatsoever, after a full year, they will gradually turn female and mother the children themselves.

>>5982273
undead babies!

>>5982274
Fuck. That. Shit.

Amulet of the Theater

Upon donning this simple, ruby-embedded amulet, the victim perceives their entire surrounding the form of musical theater. Although there are no musical instruments present, the victim hears them as such, playing music befitting to whatever activities are taking place. Subsequently those that the victim sees and hears are shown to speak and interact through song and dance interpretations of their actual words, forcing the wearer to experience everything from a simple discussion of selling grain to an overlord's plot in the form of theatrics and singing. The wearer gains a +40 to their Spot and Listen checks and True Seeing, rendering their ability to see and hear the 'performances' all the more acutely and hampering their ability to shut it out.

>>5982252
>>5982263
Sorry I had to edit it somewhat.

Also, yes.

>>5982273

Twins. Triplets. Quadruplets. Septuplets. Sextuplets. etc, etc.

>>5982274
>>5982252
Glorious combo is glorious.

Body of Wishes+Eldless Spawn Engine

>>5982340
Alter her gestation time as well.

>>5982274

>she will begin to have 'litters.'

Oh god, high level rogue goes postal on a monster city and spends the rest of her life bedridden, giving birth to monster octuplets? BAD END

>>5982274

>If said man does not and has not sired any children whatsoever, after a full year, they will gradually turn female and mother the children themselves.

Oh god! High level male rogue goes postal on a monster city, turns into a woman, and spends the rest of his life bedridden, giving birth to monster octuplets?

BAD

FUCKING

END

>>5982357
>Oh god, high level rogue goes postal on a monster city and spends the rest of her life bedridden, giving birth to monster octuplets? BAD END
this is someone's fetish

>>5982340
These are the makings of one of the best BBEG ever.

>>5982357

Well run that item in your game and the players might do less hack and slash next time.

Of course the fainter of heart may be sitting in a corner crying instead of gaming by then.

>>5982310

You find an old room, dusty and littered with hundreds of sheets of parchment, and a dessicated, skeletal figure hunched over a desk, an amulet set with a magnificent ruby coiled tight about one arm.. in the it's bony hand a quill long past it's prime, the ink at it's tip long since dried out.

On closer inspection, the dozens.. no, hundreds of parchments and scrolls covering the floors, the walls, the bookshelves, the bed and the desk all look to be covered with complex musical scores, dizzying note strings lining the bars..

>>5982252
Lol, things like this require specifics.

*Collars some bitch.

"Hay bitch I want a rake of ribs fully cooked and delicious." Proceeds to rip out a rake of ribs from bitch.

"Hay bitch I don't have a Portable Hole or Bag of Holding, you're it" Proceeds to use bitch as such.

"Hay bitch, this Beholder is a problem, need shit that can kill it" Bitch proceeds to berth anything and everything that can kill said beholder but made of shit. "Shit."

"Hay bitch, I need a kid." Bitch shits some random kid. "Crap I should have be more specific."

Funnier if a dude is collared.

>>5982371

>this is someone's fetish

Maybe it's the BBEG's fetish.

Holy fuck. Imagine how mindbogglingly evil a motherfucker would have to be to swap the rogue's dagger with that thing, then gleefully send massive armies of shitty monsters after her, hiding his knowing smile as she mocks him amidst the butchery.

He's smiling because he knows. He's done the math. His revenge will be sweet.

She won't be able to get very far with seventeen goblin children in her womb. Shame the little ones won't survive their mother's untimely demise.

...fuck, that gave me the willies. That's... almost Lovecraftian in the sheer, unspeakable cruelty and indifference to others it would require.

WAIT HOLY SHIT

If the dagger knows someone's lifespan, and knows the BBEG is planning to kill the rogue as soon as she's too far along to escape, does it force her to have all the babies at once? Does she even survive?? Was that the BBEG's plan all along???

MIND = BLOWN

>>5982420
A hundred goblin runts if she's going to die soon.

She's going to die soon after a hundred goblin runts.

Oh fuck this shit even harder.

>>5982420

Baron Badtouch, famed pervert and sadist of the lower wastes.

>>5982420
Dear christ this is creepy.

>>5982274

There should be some form of protection for the mother, at least pertaining to pregnancy and complications.

Otherwise something like a human woman would just up and die if she became pregnant with a litter of giants. Also, it seems likely that the mother would just abort or find some way to kill the child(ren) each time she became pregnant. So yeah, some form of protection should be necessary.

Also, the facet about men suddenly turning into women if they don't have kids is stupid.

>>5982420

Nah, I think the key here is that she survives every birth. Maybe her hips break, maybe she gets really malnourished, but she survives. The offspring she 'owes' at the end of her natural life will crawl from her grave every few weeks.

>>5982466
>Baron Badtouch

Dear God I lol'd

>>5982417
Funnier if you collar yourself.

FUCK YEAH RIPPING MAGIC ITEMS, AND FOOD OUT OF YOURSELF WHEN YOU NEED THEM!

Hrm, but you can't use the magic items yourself as per the curse...

FUCK YEAH RIPPING NPC'S OUT OF YOURSELF TO USE THE MAGIC ITEMS YOU ALREADY RIPPED OUT OF YOURSELF!

Someone post that sperm shield.

>>5982473

Abortion is obviously the answer here.

>>5982493

It's like Scribblenauts, only horrible!

I knew I shouldn't have used that magical dagger...

>>5982513

Medieval abortion?

>>5982524
FUCK YES! prego knight!

Banjo of Epic Dueling.

This Banjo gives you +20 to perform (String instrument) however you must challenge anyone else with a banjo to banjo duel, no saves to resist, and if you loose you die instantly.

>>5982525
Abortion through stabbing yourself in the womb with The Greater Womb Dagger and surviving?

>>5982485
Life crawling from a dead womb.. That's gotta be some twisted unliving being.

>>5982539

Do you then give birth to yourself?

>>5982420
However if the dagger does it's uses in chronological order wouldn't the goblins get shot out one after the other rather then all at once?

>>5982525

Some herbal abortifacients were actually fairly well known in medieval times. They weren't used all that often though, since the Church had a massive hard-on for unprotected heterosexual sex in the missionary position between a married couple for the purposes of procreation, and getting an abortion and being found out was social suicide (and also might result in getting in trouble with/killed by the Church, during the witch hunts).

BEGINNING PREGGO DUMP

>>5982524
Why would a pregnant woman need to wear full plate?
You wouldn't carry a child onto the battlefield.

>>5982410
The bard who got that amulet would be a legend, but at the tragic cost of his own sanity.

>>5982549
You didn't kill yourself, you killed the... Things already inside you.

>>5982513
Just don't abort the kids with the dagger.

>>5982539

No, you fool! If you kill the children with the dagger, you'll give birth to their children! You'll give birth to your own grandchildren as sired by your dead unborn children!

>>5982563
...Unless you were The Boss. But she was one-of-a-kind anyhow.
They don't build women like that anymore.

>>5982574

So you'd then have the kid of your aborted child? Carrying your own grand-child?

>>5982513
>>5982525

Yarp, instead of periods it'd be babies.

"You guys can head on up to bed, I'll be up in awhile. What? Oh no, it's just this new litter is playing up, just need to find someone to 'take care' of the little darlings."

Imagine as an abortionist, and a woman comes to you with 56 orc fetuses.

>>5982581
Exactly.

That fucking dagger.

Board with Nail.

This weapon is cursed to make the wielder infamous of being the most unimpressive man in the world.

However it counts as a +6 club with backbiter and draining.

>>5982574
So you have.. the babies of your own unborn babies? What if the babies are undeveloped at the time? Does the dagger copy the genes and what's there? Does that mean what's being born is some twisted, incestuous lizard-fish humanoid with no eyes?

>>5982591

Well, that's it. /tg/ just invented the evilest artifact ever.

>>5982473

>There should be some form of protection for the mother, at least pertaining to pregnancy and complications.

Makes sense, it's a curse after all, so it shouldn't be so easy to worm your way out of it. They shouldn't die from the childbirth, regardless of how mismatched their body is to the task, nor should they be able to simply abort away every child that comes to bear.

>Also, the facet about men suddenly turning into women if they don't have kids is stupid.

I imagine the god of balance won't want someone using the dagger and not giving back from the world he's taking the life from because he's not attempting to reproduce. Would you have preferred mpreg?
On the side, I imagine it's not an item a halfling would want to be anywhere near, on that note.

>>5982598
MORE

That dagger and its unfortunate implications just might be the creepiest item i have seen so far on /tg/.

Congratulations on insanity above and beyond the call of duty.

I don't know why but I find pregnant chicks hot.

>>5982596

Oh God.

Oh God, and if you abort THOSE, not realizing it's the dagger doing it...

Oh God!

>>5982596
Probably just the genes.
If you're tough enough you'd eventually be full of retarded half-monster fetuses.

>>5982596
>lizard-fish humanoid

Oh dear god, what if you kill an ooze with it?!

>>5982274
What if you kill yourself before your birthing time is up?
Also what if you killed yourself with the dagger?

If you gave birth to twins after using the dagger prior, and then used the dagger and killed one of the twins, would the newest pregnancy also be twins? You could create a whole string of family from your own family, an army of yous in the closest to literal sense.

>>5982648
Goo girls?

>>5982641
Rarely has this been more approriate.

>>5982648

Then this.

>>5982605

This raises so many horrible implications. Halfling kills giant, then what? A giant infant has to be larger than a halfling is. How does that even end up working?

I mean, what happens if a particularly canny epic-level rogue manages to kill a Genius Loci? Does he or she give birth to a fucking demiplane?

This is the first thing I've seen on /tg/ that's actually given me a headache.

>>5982658
But, you know. You being the mother of every single THING in that family might fuck something up later down the line.

Not necessarily a bad thing if they manage to survive.

>>5982658
No. Twins are a result of the development of the egg, not of its DNA.

>>5982658
What if you killed a clone of yourself with the dagger? You'd be impregnated by yourself. That means what's being born is made up entirely of your DNA. So that means you're giving birth to yourself?

How does the dagger define "kill?" If you "kill" a warforged, do you end up with a wombforged?

Whoever made this item was just promoted directly to Balor when he eventualy died and went to hell, when he was waiting for his judgement lesser Tanar`ri were probably asking for his autograph.

>>5982683
If you keep killing the children you will eventually give birth to and murder your and your grand-grand-grand-daughter's daughter.

Congratulations and thank you for this wonderful thread, /tg/. Reminds me of epic level escape artistry.

>>5982683
Well if you can clone yourself, impregnating yourself with, well, yourself seems like a roundabout way of doing things

You know, it really is true. There's no difference between /d/ and /tg/

>>5982605

Yes, like during pregnancy, the mother is more or less invulnerable. A litter of orcs or dragons may literally burst her loins in twain, but so long as she has more children to bear, she'll always fully heal.

Which on that note, again leads to the whole 'massacre' thing. Like imagine at first when the woman doesn't know she's pregnant but is still invincible. Understandably pleased with her new 'gift', she's less inclined to be wary of danger. For that reason, why shouldn't she be inclined to take on a whole army of trolls, or go an massacre a tribe of werewolves or something? Only after would she realize her mistake.

---

I understand the whole balance concept, but I think the 'man turns to woman' is really a cop-out on terms of creativity.

For a woman this weapons harkens among the worst punishments imaginable. The same should be true for a man, but in an appropriately creative way. Not just "Hurr durr you're a chick now!"

I'm sure that given the notions so far, /tg/ can come up with an appropriate equalizer for men who use this.

>>5982700
What if someone else cloned you and you killed the clone? Also, you'd be raising yourself from childhood. Think about it.

>>5982702
There's even a 40k porn thread on /d/ at the minute

>>5982710
would you turn out different or the same? oh the nature v nurture debate, it may finally have a clear answer

>>5982707
Your male genitalia becomes internally altered to accommodate a fetus and you give birth through your penis.

Better?

>>5982716
/d/ and /tg/ to be merged, paging moot

>>5982707

Mayhaps as a male, if you do not willingly go out and procreate, the dagger forces nearby females (of any race or species) to rape you in whatever manner possible.

>>5982707
>I understand the whole balance concept, but I think the 'man turns to woman' is really a cop-out on terms of creativity.

You're taking this creepy joke discussion about a creepy joke artifact awfully seriously. There's not really a lot of joke in your post. That means you're just creepy.

rolled 3, 12, 1 = 16

>>5982707
Cursed means there's a 50% chance that its effect involves changing your gender.

>>5982731

I would be okay with this.

>>5982734
Sex all the time while also secretly spreading monster seed everywhere?

New BBEG.

>>5982525
Surprisingly enough, there are countless abortifacient herbs which have been used since the ancient greeks (and likely before) to get rid of untimely pregnancies.

That's why Hippocrates specifically forbade the giving of abortive medications to pregnant women.

>>5982741
no, that's trap items

>>5982747
/d/-tan and /tg/-tan merged.. Something terribly wrong with that mental image. Not to mention poor /x/-tan.

>>5982754
Your new BBEG is a retired adventurer with a CHA score of 20, who doesn't even realize he's cursed.

>>5982561
>>5982755

I had no idea these existed.

>>5982730

See, something like this;

>>5982734

seems more appropriate, however it also doesn't seem in any way a 'punishment'. But then, is there anything that says it has to be a 'punishment' oriented item? I saw it as more of a 'life-giving' thing, and from our understanding yes, it's horrible. But from an observes perspective it more or less turns the 'victim' into basically a fertility god of sorts.

Also, yes, what if you kill warforged?

>>5982763

I'm picturing /tg/-tan as a were/d/-tan. Come the full moon, /tg/-tan howls and transforms into /d/-tan, then stalks away into the night in search of victims.

A problem with nearby females raping you is isolation, Thatd screw the curse up big time.

>>5982734
I support this interpretation of the scary curse. You now have a bunch of crazy women who raped you following you around telling everybody that the half-gnoll baby they had is your seed.

>>5982781

You would get raped by female wraiths coming through the walls. Nobody likes a smartass.

>>5982781
Change it to nearest female after a certain time? Like coming from another country if there's nobody else nearby.

>>5982793

The dagger is female.

>>5982774

Not a punishment? You'd be getting molested by ANYTHING female. Be they ugly or sexy, human or elf, giant or ABOLETH, wolf or goblin...

>>5982791
Now now, Who said your isolated yourself in a room? Demiplanes M'eh boy the only good way to hide things

>>5982734
A man who has used the dagger but hasn't paid his debt has the urge to reproduce slowly increase. If he manages to postpone it long enough he becomes a savage raping maniac, at least until his debt is paid. Cage him up or put him in prison, and his mind would eventually be crushed by the urge to procreate.

>>5982787
It works great. Who's going to find a cursed dagger? An adventurer. What do adventurers do? Kill lots of things.

Regardless of if it's a man or a woman, somebody somewhere will be spewing ungodly amounts of horrifying things.

And if those get killed with the dagger?

>>5982780
..This?

>>5982707

>I understand the whole balance concept, but I think the 'man turns to woman' is really a cop-out on terms of creativity.

>For a woman this weapons harkens among the worst punishments imaginable. The same should be true for a man, but in an appropriately creative way. Not just "Hurr durr you're a chick now!"

Note that it says incase the male DOESN'T procreate for at least a year, possibly longer. Otherwise, the male's seed is not his own when he copulates with a woman.

Though, thinking on it now.. If he only has sex with the one woman, and he's killed dozens, maybe hundreds..

Or, if he's already had children, prior to using the dagger but has no further plans to have any more, what happens to his pre-existing children?

>>5982781

Then perhaps a female of the race of which the person you killed? Summoned out of nothing merely to extract that which is the seed of your dead enemy.

What if you killed a bunch of those fire-peoples, what are they called again? Burned alive sex.

It's somewhat alarming though that people seem to flock to the "women raping the guy" rendition of the curse on males.

>>5982806
Oh god. Think about it; female insects are EVERYWHERE.

>>5982824

Needs more tits and dicks, but otherwise, yes.

>>5982781
If you're locking in a monastery, you're not killing things. You are no longer a threat to life in the world. The God of Balance can live with that.

My character's an unfortunate eunuch, now what?

>>5982839
SPIDER FUCK
SPIDER FUCK
IT'S AWWWRIGHT

Out of hentai preggo. ON TO REAL PREGGO

>>5982829

Can't rape the willing. Some neckbeards are pretty desperate.

Desperate enough to kill someone with a magic dagger? Lets hope not.

>>5982852
You shit tiny gnolls.

>>5982819
I like this...

>>5982839

Centipedes... Vagina ... Hmm i think i have a sense of deja vu here.

>>5982845
Well, we're talking about /tg/, which is male, being merged with /d/, which is a herm. Two male aspects would probably cancel out the feminine part unless intentionally called upon. So /tg/'s monstrous form would be green, horny as fuck and covered in tentacles.

>>5982837
Suddenly the thread became relevant to my interests.

>>5982657
Wow. Crawling out of your own grave as an infant. SQUAD FUCKING BROKEN!

>>5982802
All stabbing tools are male.

>>5982839
A limitation to fertile females might be in order, yes? Or ones that are physically capable of the act, or at least of recognizing the subject as male.

>>5982879
You mean it already wasn't?

Guess you're better off that way.

>>5982852
It grows back.

You get it, but you don't get to choose how it's used (see above: rape).

That's even more balance!

>>5982893
They don't have to recognize anything.

Bwahahaha.

Can we seriously call it a god of balance anymore.

So the curse is Women = Life of painful Births
Men = Life of sex
God Of Balance would be pleased

>>5982911
You kill things, you bring an equal number of them back into the world.

Pretty balanced, yeah.

>>5982916
Yes, because you'd just love a life of being raped in the night by goblin women.

>>5982916
Women = One womb birthing monsters
Men = Several wombs birthing monsters

>>5982893
>All stabbing tools are male.

You say that like magical artifacts give any kind of a fuck what the rules say instead of just telepathically screaming "SUCK MY DICK I HAVE AN EFFECTIVE ENHANCEMENT BONUS OF +16 AND CAN BE WIELDED NINE-HANDED WITHOUT PENALTY"

>>5982802
Make the cursed item sentient.
Destroy dagger.
Berth New Dagger?

>>5982755
Not really. That was more that what they had were poisons that would, in many cases, kill the mother.

>>5982852

Welcome the return of your balls I'd say.

>>5982916
Also, you've obviously never lived with a pregnant woman.

Living with a woman who is carrying the child of that hedgehog you killed for dinner one day...

>>5982931
You'd need to stab it with itself?

>>5982921

To be honest I'd much rather have to deal with ugly women and female animals trying to get with me than, you know, an entire lifetime of horrible, womb-rending births.

The fact that anyone can actually suggest that ugly monsters trying to put your dick in them is remotely equivalent to eternal multiple childbirth utterly baffles me.

>>5982934
This is ancient medicine we're talking about.

Killing the mother still accomplished the task of killing the baby. Technical victories were still victories.

>>5982657
A good way to get out of death as a BBEG.

Near death with next to no HP left? Kill yourself with the dagger, then by the time the PC's are gone rip yourself out of your own womb and plan revenge.

>>5982921
>>5982922
Im saying its not fucking balanced, IF whatever he sired turns into whatever he killed he doesn't need to sex goblins/wolfs/hedgehogs, Just find the sexist bitch in the town and repeat fucking her, and mar her that all the pain, Thats not fucking balance, Since the man would suffer nothing.

Unless hes gay but lets not go into that.

>>5982707
> For a woman this weapons harkens among the worst punishments imaginable. The same should be true for a man, but in an appropriately creative way. Not just "Hurr durr you're a chick now!"

It's not just "Hurr durr you're a chick now". More like "Your body is changed against your will to experience one of the worst punishments imaginable involving genitalia YOUR NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO HAVE."

>>5982946

Said females also get VERY protective. THEY LUUUUURRRVE YOOOOUUUUU.

>>5982875
Or the Overfiend from Urotsukidoji.

>>5982946
I killed a fire elemental. Now a giant walking ball of lava is holding me down and grinding against my penis. I presume the whole invulnerability thing comes with the male side, as well...so I have to live with a third-degree-burned penis while the mother of my new firebaby follows me around.

>>5982972
As a man it'd be much easier to just go meh at your own children.

Male birthing from the ass is the only solution.

>>5982946
ITT: Rape is ok, but pregnancy is terrible.

>>5982997
ITT /tg/

>>5982981
A woman killed a fire elemental. Now a giant writhing ball of lava is hanging out in her womb. Now she has to live with a third-degree-burned womb and organs for nine months or so, after which time she gets to push the flaming infant out through the tattered ruins of her lower torso.

You're full of shit and you know it.

>>5982928
I have no idea what you're on about, dude.

>>5982946

True, the male part is bad and potentially painful/humiliating, but it pales in comparsion to eternally giving birth to monstrosities three times as large as your entire body,

Giving birth to a normal sized baby hurts bad, giving birth to a centaur must be rather memorable.

Or stuff like giving birth to an ooze, or an undead or an undead ooze.

>>5982894
Didn't know if want.

Throw horns on and I'm slightly less disgusted.

>>5982997

ITT: being forced to spend one's entire life forcing out monstrous litters in agonizing, possibly bloody births without the promise of death to relieve one's suffering is exactly as terrible and reprehensible as a comical ugly monster harem situation.

>>5982921

Yeah, normal raping doesn't sound punishment-oriented, but if it was on a literally non-stop basis you couldn't sleep or anything.

Male 'victim' driven insane from sleep deprivation, and other maladies, becomes nothing more than a sperm clinic.

>>5982916

Hrm, what if you don't procreate, but insodoing the 'seed' that you would ideally be impregnating doesn't subside. I.E. after time you literally have blueballs. And fapping doesn't do the trick.

Swelled, ultra-sensitive nuts. And you know if you leave it long enough, not even prostitutes would would be inclined to lay with you if your n=balls are basketball-sized. Commence needed rape.

>>5983017

You have a point. But at the same time MPreg or Gender Shifting is then MORE of a punishment for the male.

It's hard to find a good equal ground here.

>>5983025
Understandable.

Also, it's been like 40 minutes since this thread turned from "Cursed With Fun Ytems" to "Oh God The Womb Dagger"

>>5983034

Your fetish is showing.

>>5982976
/tg/ as the Chojin?

Not sure if want.. I mean, it'd mean becoming a massive hulk of muscle and tentacle-dickage, and jackhammering the fuck out of women, but in turn.. you'd destroy and remake the worlds of humans and demons as one to forge a new world of peace.

Okay, do want.

>>5983008
Yes, because being raped by a fire-monster is just a walk in the goddamn park. Your insinuation that giving birth is worse than living with rape is mind-blowing.

Really.

>>5983045

I would think the endless pregnancy thing would be awful enough to pretty much render all other concerns almost entirely moot.

Hell, most societies are male-dominated anyway. The god of balance could see the gender swap as creating a level playing ground.

>>5983034

Which, while terrible, is STILL several orders of magnitude below the female situation.

The original idea of "gets turned to chick, then see female punishment" applies the same punishment equally to both genders. That strikes me as rather fitting of a god of balance.

>>5983045
It's by the god of balance. It'd be more balanced for both men and women to undergo the same curse than for both to have different curses that are kinda balanced. And just to make it that much more /d/ and to make sure it never, ever, ever, gets used in anything by anyone.

>>5983008
>>5983017
ITT: We insinuate that being raped isn't all that bad, really.

>>5983068
>>5983075
>>5983080
Balancemind.

>>5983060

Yes, because you're being raped for nine months. Nonstop. Forever. And then you have to push the rapist out through your genitals.

Nobody said rape was okay, but you are seriously retarded if you think the creepy "girl monsters try to rape you lol!!" fetish scenario is even in the same league as being magically forced to bear and birth monstrous creatures for the rest of your life.

The Greater Womb Dagger

Created by a God of Fertility and the Balance Between Life an Death, this dagger is cursed for both men and women.

It is preternaturally effective in combat, always seeming to knick just the right spot to hit a weak point on your enemy. The wounds caused take longer to heal, and so many things you just wound will later die from the wounds, even if they escape.

If used by a woman, she is magically impregnated by the seed of whomever and whatever she kills. If she kills more than once with the dagger, she is immediately impregnated by the next of her victims once she gives birth to the last. The pregnancies are supernaturally fast, increasing in speed the more kills she has amassed. At a certain point, she may even start to give birth to litters. She will never die from the birth of one of these children, even if they ought to rend her asunder. She will always recover from any injuries or ailments associated with the pregnancy. If she dies before she has given birth to all, the rest of the offspring she 'owes' will gradually crawl from her grave.

>>5982969
Years later surprised party of PC's is surprised.

I'M BACK BITCHES!

>>5983068
>>5983075
So, now we have the curse as follows:

Woman:
Give birth forever

Man:
Become woman
Give birth forever

This isn't balanced. One of them loses his gender identity and the other doesn't.

what the fuck happened to this thread

>>5983101
Or more accurately, her daughter is back.
She is back.
For the first time.
Fuck I don't know anymore.

>>5983117
The Womb Dagger happened to this thread.

Well the original dagger was balanced but this thing is more created by the god douches and balance lol.

>>5983117
a thousand times this

And I'm out of preggo pics

>>5981111

Do you play FATAL?

>>5983084

ITT: a couple of lost /d/eviants stubbornly try to convince everyone that horrific slavery-pregnancy is totally okay and is not a stunningly twisted fate, no it's not my fetish I'm just, uh, concerned that that guy, um, isn't taking rape seriously. Yeah, that's the ticket.

>>5983102
Mkay, so let's make the dagger force male creatures to rape the woman. How's that? It's a Dagger of Great Raping.

Enjoy your barbed demondick.

>>5983084

Compared to being in a situation, where you first live in agonizing pain for nine months as the substance your child is made of reacts violently with your body, and then have to suffer through a birth of some horror that is vastly bigger than your body.

Yeah, getting off with "mere" rape is the vastly superior choise.

>>5983116

Yes, this is what I was getting at.

I think the problem is that people are seeing a string of monster pregnancies and birth as the worst imaginable punishment.

I think that we can come up with something as awful and creative for a man to suffer. That it turned into a monstergirl rape fantasy discussion is rather disappointing.

>>5983147
Also ITT: People assume that finding rape abhorrent implies that you have a furry-rape and/or preggo fetish.

>>5983105

If used by a man, he will magically impregnate the next woman he sleeps with with the seed of his victim. She is subject to the same magical ability to resist the possibly fatal effects of bringing the offspring to term. If he sleeps with her multiple times, and he has more than one victim, she will be magically impregnated immediately after she gives birth to the last offspring with the next seed, as many times as they slept together.

If the man who impregnated her if killed, she will still have to carry the current offspring to term, but will no longer have to carry any more, as they instead spring from his grave. The women do not innately know this, but if they find out they may try to take advantage of it.

The males offspring are also extremely hostile to him. If they survive, they will try to seek him out and kill him once they think they have a chance. They magically know where he is, so he cannot run or hide very long.

>>5983116
There is no reason a man can't give birth and a woman can't grow a penis.

A repost of the last greater womb dagger before the shitstorm

The Greater Womb Dagger

Created by the god of balance this wicked dagger is cursed for both men and women. If by wemon as such this dagger automatically impregnates the user with the seed of whomever she kills, in chronocological order. Alternatively if already pregnant, the child's genetic code is rewritten with those of the user's victim. If not possible for the user to have the all the children of her victims in her lifespan (in single child pregnancies) she will begin to have 'litters.'
If used my men the result is much the same except that the next child he sires will be of the blood of his victims in chronological order. Alternatively, if said man sires no children post killings with the dagger he will find that if he had ever sired a child at all that said child will be of the blood of his victims in chronological order.
If said man does not and has not sired any children whatsoever, after a full year, they will gradually turn female and mother the children themselves.

No where did it say that the men had to procreate with women of the species they killed,

>>5983116

It would seem that the only solution is to transform both genders equally into something else.

I am hesitant to suggest hermaphrodites...

>>5983180
I too hope we find something suitable for males.
But it's still the womb dagger.

I kinda wish to shake hands with the guy who thought it up originally.

And the thread's on auto-sage, just FYI

>>5983197
Thank God for that.

>>5983196
I'm still here and am amused/horrified at what this thread has become.

Dude who uses the Dagger of Birthing Abomination consequences:

Gives birth by splooge. For however long the gestation period lasts, he gets forcibly drained every night, with the magic-tainted semen becoming the newborn once the gestation period is up.

Chestbursters, Alien-style.

Turns into the being he murders with the dagger. It takes the gestation period of a newborn of that species for the transformation to complete, and we're talking about the ugly "you can feel your body warping" sort. And if he has more deaths to pay off, he begins warping again afterwards, with the new body budding off and his old body returning for a single day.

For every creature he kills, a female of that species rapes him. It doesn't matter how far they have to come, but they rape him until they get pregnant and then hang around him until they give birth.

Also, we need to figure out what happens if a guy who used this dagger gets a girl who used this dagger pregnant.

>>5983116

Again, you missed the point. IF the male chooses not to procreate, he'll eventually turn female and mother the children. Otherwise, he'll retain his male gender.

>>5983182

Also ITT: Those same /d/eviants utterly refuse to get it through their thick skulls that not agreeing with their apparent belief that an entire life of unspeakable agony and unwilling pregnancy is no worse than regular rape is not the same thing as not finding rape abhorrent.

Ultimately ITT: /d/eviants appear creepy and desperate.

>>5983227
Congratulations on turning a perfectly /tg/ thread into a mish-mash of /d/, /tg/ and nightmare fuel.

Someone archive this? It's such a fun if disturbing read.

>>5983235

The universe explodes.

>>5983256
Thanks. I try.

>>5983244
Alright, then, my former application to have it changed to the dagger of greater rape should make you gleeful.

Fun note: you've been insulting me, and I haven't been insulting you. Just in case you missed that point.

>>5983256

Nightmare fuel? This if FAP FUEL.

>>5983273

In a hail of self-cloned great-great-great-great-great-grandchild warforged babies.

How about men don't turn into women.

Their balls just pull into their body and a cunt shows up. BABIES COME FROM THERE but otherwise completely male.

>>5983244
Sure.

That, and any setting in which you have the following:
Forces of Good
Good Deities
Angels
Fertility Spirits/Avatars/Local Gods
Sane Archmages

.... would immediately band together to completely and irreversibly destroy such an artifact as a "Womb Dagger", then set about universal contingencies to subject any further creator to immediate Sphere of Annihilation.

Evil act? Bullshit. This becomes a viral matter of duplication, threatening to destroy any multiverse in which it exists.
It's worse than Deep Spawn.

>>5983285

I hope the second version of the Greater Womb Dagger I wrote wasn't too off the mark for what you were going for. (This >>5982274)

>>5983294
It's kinda like a womb so that'd be fine too.

>>5983285
Oh yeah, right. Your thoughts on just how fucked up the Dagger ended up getting?

>>5982581

This post is legendary.

>>5983286

Why would I ever give a shit whether or not you insulted me, or what stupid idea you presented? You presented a morally reprehensible position and then tried to defend it without any kind of logic or reason. Fuck off.

Honestly I don't think the dagger should effect the user if he or she is undead. Sure conversely you could berth an undead abomination but then is should be half-undead? Anyway. As per the equal punishment for the man... Perhaps the children created by the should be like >>5981355, your murders/victories are transferred to your closest female next of kin or purest of freinds.

This would give more an amusing clause for wily male BBEG's as well.

>>5983351
Lich.. Giving birth..Awesome

>>5983084
Your continuing the proliferation of the species, you are the giver of life. Yes it's bad but silver lining?

>>5983351
And if you have no friends? MONSTERS EVERYWHERE

I'm getting the feeling that not everybody agrees on if the child is half-mother/half-victim or full victim, but that could be just me.

>>5983381
Full victim is more horrifying, plus cosmic balance wise it'd fit, you're replacing the exact life that was taken.

>>5983346
Look at little SuperDebator, all worked up about an imaginary dagger that makes imaginary people hurt in an imaginary world where they kill imaginary things.

You're arguing with people on the internet about it, too!

I'm so proud of you!

Look at those big-people words you used! You said Fuck! How mature!

>>5983315
Lol, really yours was better, I quickly recreated a male variant to the curse so admittedly it's rather painful to read.

>>5983394
In that case it'd be purely the victim's genes and stuff since you wouldn't have any part in it other than it came from inside you?

You give birth to those exact men you killed...
I did not want to think about it from this angle.

This thread is now archived. May God help us all.

>>5983424

0/10, no u, troll harder, etc.

>>5983439
It is?

I... Am satisfied.

>>5983439
I'd like to thank the Academy...

>>5983437

That has potential. Get some way to transfer your soul into the child, then get a woman to kill you with the dagger. Repeat every ~200 years.

This is about the 305th post.

ITT, there were no traps posting, so the gender-swap was dismissed as 'stupid' and replace with a scenario much more relevant to the fetishes of current posters.

>>5983478
This is probably the first post that puts the womb dagger in a not-so-nightmare fuel situation. More like a neutral'ish rebirth thing now.

>>5983435

I just tried to apply some logic. What in the hell did I help create?

>>5983507

If they come out as newborns. This is reminding me of that scene from Mahou Shojo Ai where one of the evil guys regenerates himself inside some girl's womb.

>>5983504
Seriously, I stayed for the whole thread and it felt like those two rape/pregnancy guys kept reposting the exact same phrases all the time.

I don't even remember what they said and I don't really want to know.

>>5983507
Well, so long as the woman agrees to stab you to death and then give birth to you. If not, it's some heavy-duty metaphysical pseudo-rape.

>>5983554

In a dreadfully ironic twist, you threaten her with the knife and act as though you are going to rape her, then "fumble" the knife at the critical moment, allowing her to grab it and stab you.

New BBEG pastime: inverse metarape.

>>5983549
In retrospect, I should have just let him win so he could feel like the magical savior of womankind and leave.

>>5983554
If you were, say, the head of a cult, they probably can agree on who's going to be the new mother of their lord and master.

>>5983573

The funniest thing is that it's impossible to tell which of you is saying that.

>>5983569
I now have a concept for my immortal BBEG.

Then he gets to grow up torturing his victim as the child of that.

"Mommy, why did you kill Daddy? Mweheheheh."

I would use the womb-dagger to tenderly kill my lesbian girlfriend (then resurrect her).

That way we can have the baby we've always wanted! :3

>>5983585
True. For the curious, I'm the one who mentioned the Dagger of Greater Raping as an alternative.

I thought it'd get us back to proposing crazy cursed items. He just ignored it and started cursing.

>>5983594
... The baby would BE her. D:

And now that the thread is archived and autosaging we can secretly bring up the LOVE that is The Womb Dagger.

>This whole thread

>>5983594

At first I was confused, and then I realized that what you just described actually makes perfect sense.

Then I realized that you just described a use for the womb dagger that makes sense to me. You found an application for the womb dagger that I would approve of, and would have no problem with, if it existed (along with resurrection).

You've broken me at last, /tg/.

>>5983594
You'd be your lover's mother, then.

That's got all kinds of psychiatric baggage.

Also, have we established whether the dagger gives the child the victim's memories or not?

Cursed Items.
Evil fun time.
Rape/Fuck/Balance.
Preggo porn.
>315 posts and 48 image replies omitted

I lol'd

>>5983047
The dagger is still pretty much the same thing as it was in its first form and it dominated the entire thread. No way anything else was going to get a tiniest bit of attention.

As I said earlier, >>5983626

>>5983569

Oh gods, BBEG lets himself killed by the heroine out for his blood, is reborn by the very woman who killed him, and lives out his life with her in her retirement til the BBEG's grown up to his teens..

Then, as the house burns down around them, fueled by dark magic a simple teenaged boy who's never seen a magic book before, he asks "Have I been a good boy all these years, mother?" Before inflicting whatever revenge he's planned as the heroine's grown soft and complacent in her retirement..

>>5983626

If you're surprised or offended by someone cursing mindlessly at you on /tg/, of all places, you're probably in the wrong place. I tried my hand at one of those "roll and tell a story" threads, and some guy didn't like what I'd written and replied with "GJ lame ass." That's it.

You're lucky that your angry internet guy bothered using complete sentences. Or maybe not; it's easier to gloss over the stupider trolls.

>>5983569

>>5983690
Beautiful.

Next on the list, introducing the Womb Dagger to a royal court full of drama and literal backstabbing.

>>5983690
"Mother, I'm very glad you kept that dagger as a reminder of your carelessness all these years. Your neurotic attachment to it has removed the necessity of me tracking it down for my next rebirth. It is ironic, isn't it, that you would be so careless as to forget to check the item for curses?"

>>5983690

For maximum evil mindfuckery, BBEG teenager dramatically reveals that he has killed hundreds of people with that very dagger, and he now intends to work off his portion of the curse, which may take a few years.

>Created by the god of balance this wicked dagger is cursed for only women. If used as such this dagger automatically impregnates the user with the seed of whomever she kills.

From the first Womb Dagger post. It's clear that it was intended for the child to be half-killer and half-killed, just as if the victim had impregnated the dagger's wielder.

Perhaps this changed somewhere along the way.

>>5983715
So queen Cerci gives birth to Eddard Stark only now he's half Lannister?

>>5983701
I'm new. Up until now, I hadn't had an argument that went worse here than they usually do on /co/. That being said, this is the Internet. I sometimes forget.

>>5983752

>>5983381 here, it certainly did change. Somewhere we decided it'd be more "balance" if it returned whatever life was taken, I guess.

I preferred the original.

>>5983761

Tip: /tg/ is powered almost entirely by rage. The arguments here get very, very heated, and there comes a point where basically everyone is trolling nonstop, whether they originally intended to or not.

>>5983737

AWESOME

Rape his slayer-and-acquired-mother repeatedly and force her to give birth to a clowncar-procession of half-monsters (who are, in a sense, her grandchildren).

>>5983795
How odd. You'd think a community of hard-core nerds like us would let a lot go just to maintain it.

>>5983737
Reminds me of the reincarnation plot from Drakengard II.

>>5983813
And yet again, the dagger starts to become nightmare-fuel.

Oh man, In my head I'm now working on "The Tale of the Pregnant Assassin"

One day the world's greatest assassin came into possession of the world's greatest dagger... Little did she know, however, that the dagger was long since cursed by the God of Balance... It was only after her successful assassination of the Elven King of Thrule that she did realize she was pregnant... and then only after the assassinations of the Troll of Nightswood and the Dwarf, Madhat Montague, that she realized the dagger was cursed.

But for some reason... this did not deter her. The dagger was the perfect killing machine. And few people looked twice at a pregnant woman. She had the perfect disguise now. The fact that she had to endure birthing the progeny of her victims was of no consequence, they would be brought up to be her eyes and ears in the world. Her children, able to mingle across the world, feeding her information...

>>5983836
And yet again, the dagger became /d/.
It's /d/ in its very soul and we can't change it.

>>5983845
... Also, her child kinda really is the son of the elven king, so...

I'm liking this.

>>5983821

The rage-culture on /tg/ is actually pretty faux. More "FUCK COCK SHIT NIGGERTIT BADGERCUNT" and less genuine animosity.

However, it is commonly used as an excuse when someone really IS being a duche ("This is /tg/, how dare you call me out for my duchery").

To be fair to the other guy, it can be pretty hard (read- functionally impossible) to tell the difference. The net result is that we just rage more and whine-about-raging less than other boards do.

>>5983821

Are you kidding? The sweet, sweet rage is half the reason a lot of fa/tg/uys come here. There are plenty of traditional games forums out there, but this one's great for when you really want to scream your metaphorical lungs out at some guy over stupid geek bullshit while homebrewing a Disgaea/Fallout crossover setting and fapping to depressingly nerdy porn.

>>5983878
I am now imagining a Disgaea/Fallout setting.

Ow, this hurts.

>>5983813
>>5983836

Bonus points if he still doesn't actually reveal the dagger's properties, and so she has no idea what the fuck is going on.

She just thinks her son has been possessed by her old enemy and doesn't know why the fuck she keeps giving birth to half-aboleths.

In during original thread and inb4 the thread is re-done a few days from now and someone posts their version of this horror dagger derailing that thread as well.

>>5983911

Disgaea/Fallout?

...

I like it.

>>5983913
"Mom, my little brother is half-Wraith. How didn't you see this coming?"

>>5983845

Gods, you'd have to wonder what that woman's alignment would be with that thing..

What a potential for twisted stories this dagger could form..

Could it be used for good as well? A woman's lover, near death, slowly losing what little life force he has left.. the woman finishes her lover's life mercifully with the dagger, and, to her surprise becomes impregnated with his child, a final momento of the man she once had in her life.

>>5983924
I'm tempted to make a WOMB DAGGER HIJACK LOL image in advance.

I choose not to.

>>5983913

Ironically, if we're talking about the BBEG, he would be much more likely to spawn half-angels and half-bronze-dragons, not to mention tons of humans or half-elves or half-dwarves, with the occasional half-flumph.

>>5983955
A mother slaying her deathly ill child.

>>5983961
>>5983924
Hey, we can make plans for this. Is there a way to derail the Womb Dagger Derailment?

>>5983989
... No.

>>5983984
"Don't MAKE me turn this uterus around!"

To my knowledge, nobody commented on how wombdagger kinda sounded like a penis.

>>5983989

Meta-bickering over fetish morality.

>>5984021
Derail it into a discussion of whether furryrape is deplorable or not?

>>5984020

I... wait, what? Does it?

... I don't see it.

>>5984039
... Once again, that could just be me.

>>5983955
Well, what if the woman starts to like it? Would she rename herself Echidna and embrace being the mother of monsters?

Also, Womb Dagger+Paladin=Paladin falls so horribly that, man or woman, devils devote a layer of hell to the bastard.

>>5984039
It's a piercing weapon that, when used, results in pregnancy.

Sorta like a penis.

>>5984060

Penises don't do that, silly. Jesus does.

>>5984058
The creator of the dagger already has a reservation for all of the layers.

So, will the archiving process keep these posts, too, or just the posts up until it was archived?

Will this question be archived? Will the archive have an archive of me wondering if I'm going to be in the archive?

>>5984087

I think it has been established that the creator has a single layer devoted to him.

However, anyone who uses the dagger willingly and dickishly is more than welcome to come hang with him and drink some bees.

>>5984098
I was going to ask these exact questions at this moment right after I refreshed this page.
You literally read my mind.

>>5984011
Was the last post in the archived thread I found at this moment.

>>5984098

Yes. Right now there's a little bot refreshing this thread and taking note of any new posts. He'll keep doing that until this 404s and put the entire (final version of the) thread on suptg, where it will await mod approval.

>>5983989
Make an even more terrible item.

Also, this thing is positioning itself to be a minor or major artifact or something.

>>5984118

Really? Does suptg archive without review?

.>>5982697
I would have to say killing warforged, golems and undead wouldn't count as they aren't technicly living

>>5984120
So it really keeps going until the thread 404's? Thanks.

>>5984106
My mind was already blown. I had to post stuff from somebody else's. Congratulations on your selection.

>>5984131
>>5984131
Yup, I guess so, my bad.

>>5984120
So, theoretically, we could post the link to the archive in the thread, making a closed loop wherein the archive links to itself?

Well, post the link already!

>>5984131
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/5978922/
Don't know if it's temporary or something or something.

>>5984140
A blown mind gives telepathic powers. Call the fucking president, we have an imageboard full of supermen.

>>5984173
Eet requirez scienteefeek testeenk!

Begeen mass mind bloweenk!

>>5984127

How do you do that? Do you hate to re-name/tag it exactly as it is named/tagged now?

>>5984133
Perhaps killing constructs but I can see killing undead. Though I somewhat agree with >>5983351 in that if an undead being were to use the dagger it wouldn't work. Though a truly awful vampire intentionally using it to make freshly living children to eat would be highly amusing.

Though the vampiric human slave trade would collapse under the monopoly.

>>5984209
Hm. This could be a loophole, allowing for viable vampiric pregnancies.

Vampire Antichrist!

>>5983845

This could turn into some fucking genestealer-type shit.

>>5984209
Kinda agreeing on the dagger not working if the user (in originally female cases) doesn't have a working womb for the children

Also, seconding the interest in archived thread updating.

Honestly, if I used this in a game I would probably restrict (both ways) to living creatures, or perhaps even creatures of the wielder's type.

Of course, if I used this in a game I would go to DM hell no matter how I rewrote it, so...

>>5984239
I keep reloading the posted link. It's updated to the point that the link was posted, which is kind of cool.

>>5984234
Amusing and semi-reasonable way for someone to get a template lol.

>>5984254
For gameplay reasons, you shouldn't give it to a female player.

Roleplaying a pregnancy would make me want to quit playing. Forever.

>>5984255
I noticed that too before refreshing this thread and seeing your post.

Indeed, this requires scientific testing.

>>5984254
I could understand a human-only restriction, what with most half-things being half human.

>>5984289
That's twice I've read the mind of somebody in this thread.

I must use this power for extreme douchebaggery!

>>5984271
>>5984289
You an orc that needs an army of strong templated half orcs? Can you wait fifteen to twenty years to get it?

HAVE I GOT MAGIC DAGGER FOR YOU!

>>5984301
If you're >>5984098

Then you also read the same fucking mind twice.
>>5984288
For gameplay reasons, no player will ever lay a finger on the Dagger. It's the only way to be sure.

>>5984317
The God of Balance presenting, the Womb Dagger; For profit, for chaos and for love.

>>5984321
I am! I'm like an aspect of ceiling cat.

>>5984288

If you give it to a male you should couple it with some sort of magical chastity curse so that they end up roleplaying a pregnancy anyway.

>>5984349
Or maybe it's just the huge leaking hole this thread burnt in the back of my head.

>>5984366
I don't know what you're talking about. This thread was epic.

I voted it up on the archive.

>>5984363
Perhaps the curse is, once a male uses the dagger in combat and kills with it, he becomes sterile and the only way he can sire children is with the dagger.

>>5984363

"Chastity? Well that's fucking weird.
No, it's cool, we don't have to get it removed just yet. Jim can just go without pussy until the campaign is over.

I mean, the thing DOES give +6 strength and dex and free use of the Cleave feat. With that magic dagger we just found I'ma clean house!"

>>5984389
I've been doing nothing but post in this thread for the last three hours. Three hours thinking of all the possibilities of the Womb Dagger.

This thread makes me proud of /tg/ yet I am still confused. And it kinda IS seven in the morning over here.

>>5984399
Cue rolls whenever Jim sees a woman to keep control of himself and not try to impregnate her using the dagger.

>>5984399

>>5984341
>God of Balance

Are they any gods of balance or neutrality in D&D douchey enough that they would actually create or curse such an item?

>>5984399
I didn't think of that really actually, the dagger's a fucking killing machine so that the curse works really, really well.

>>5984430
Could it be a demigod or something?

>>5984421
>>5984393

What do you guys mean by "With the dagger"?

I didn't think the dagger had anything to do with the act of procreation. It just curses your sperm when kill someone with it.

(and then does various dickish things if you choose not to pass that sperm on, depending on who you ask)

>>5984430
Considering how douchey it is I don't think there are deities chaotic nor evil enough for that.

>>5984440
I was actually implying that the PCs found a ring or amulet or something which was cursed with chastity/impotence but gave those boosts so that they'd want to wear it anyway.

That way he doesn't pass on his cursed sperm to tavern whores, and so the dagger goes into full cock-monger-badgercunt mode and makes him grow a vagina.

It's been implied by a couple people that the dagger is a badass weapon as well.

>>5984464
Brainstorming for a game usable version of the Dagger, I think.

>>5984464
I propose we utilize the "WombDagger sounds like a penis" imagery to make a variant wherein it causes guys who kill with it to procreate using the dagger itself.

You can imagine the details at this time.

This means they have to make rolls whenever they see a woman not to lose control and make babies using the dagger. Increase the DC the more they kill.

Of course, any woman you lure back to your place and screw with the hilt of a dagger is gonna think you're a freak. When she's impregnated with a half-gnoll because of it, she'll hunt your ass down.

>>5984491
Now that is just extra dickish.

I did miss the badass weapon part. For me it was an ordinary dagger just with the curse.
Wouldn't really make sense.
... Unless it's mass produced.

>>5984477

Chaotic gods aren't any more duchy than lawful ones.

They're just more creative with their duchery.

The point of the "balance" thing is that if a goodguy gets the dagger then he starts spawning hordes of grotesque half-monsters, but if an evil bastard gets it then his rape-victims start giving birth to half-angels.

>>5984464
>depending on who you ask

If the dagger is a major artifact then a random effect table could be the way to go.

>>5984442
Yes, Is there any god or demi-god of balance or neutrality that would inflict the world with this abomination of an item?

I can think of some in Exalted that are assholes enough to do it but none in D&D.

>>5984530
Good point. Hadn't really given thought on it being used normally by the evil bastard, only to the evil bastard doing really fucking twisted stuff with it.

>>5984527, perhaps this >>5981879.

Just saw this on /d/. Thought it was relevant.

>>5984515

I enjoy the weapon using it's wielder as the tool to fit it's purpose more deliciously ironic, as opposed to the knife screwing that idea involves. Perhaps more tasteful, at least.. I mean, imagine trying to RP THAT at a table.

"I lure the barmaid to my room, strip her naked and thrust the dagger's hilt inside her" Seems just a tad too deviant.. And female PC's having to having to do the same to herself with it on a failed save? Good luck finding a group to do that.

>>5984602
Lol infant alcohol poisoning.

This thread is currently at the top of page 8.

>414 posts and 56 image replies omitted. Click Reply to view.

>>5984602
I don't know why I find that arousing.

I feel bad

>>5984672
Somebody update the archive before it dies!

>>5984672
You better not be the guy who fucking read my mind twice already because I just located it second on page 8 with your post as the second to last.

>>5984530
The secret things Boccob does involve daggers and pregnancy.

Wait, so what happens if you kill the Tarrasque, or a demi-god or a god for that matter?

>>5984677

I've been saying that to myself since post 50 or so.

>>5984702
A half-god. Or a half-tarrasque.

Half-tarrasque. Jesus Christ.

>>5984698
lol


No, differentfag this time.

>>5984723
The curse of the Womb Dagger happens. Also known as tearing yourself apart from the chest down.

And later on in the time of the Womb Dagger, what happens when a half-god slays the half-tarrasque with it?

>>5984756
>what happens when a half-god slays the half-tarrasque with it?

A Marry Sue.

>>5984723
>Half-tarrasque

Unlike pops, this thing could breed.