Scout, Medic and Spy would be useless
Pyro and Engy only barely useful
Heavy so-so
Demoman, Sniper and Soldier would be the ones to do it

Fluff or crunch?

>>6188561
Both

medic can make team mates temporarily immortal, and patch up any damage suffered.

I'd say that's pretty damn useful.

>>6188558
>Spy useless
>Has a knife which instantly kills anything and can turn invisible

They're the underdogs and space marines usually have no faces.

Of COURSE they'd win.

>>6188569
The knife can't penetrate power armour, Spy is useless

>>6188587

POWERKNIFE then.

>>6188558

TF n00b

>>6188587
The only armour the Spy can't penetrate is the Razorback, yes?

Therefore he's useless against a mobile Marine force.

>>6188602
Warham noob
>I bet you got under 100 hours played on TF2

>>6188558
I have to challenge a few of your assertions.

As >>6188567 said, medic can make teammates invulnerable for a bit. Useful.

Spy and Scout can cause panic and disarray behind enemy lines. Useful.

Sniper can headshot normal dudes for insta-kill. In my humblest of opinions, against SPEHSS MAHREEENS this is not so useful. It would probably be a distraction at best.

>>6188569
Yeah, but realistically (insofar as realism is possible, given that we're comparing video game characters to GRIMDARK FUTURE SPESS MEHREENS) a knife wouldn't do much to marine armor.

A better solution would be to disguise as a chapter master or Inquisitor.

>>6188617
He can throw pee on them

These guys use homemade guns and wear no armor.
Space marines are godlike superhumans with excessive explosive weaponry and robot suits.
The settings do not match up closely enough to be able to make a fair fight, a single space marine could take out any number of TF2 guys without any effort.

A fully charged sniper shot kills an heavy, comparable to an ogryn, in one head shot. And as we can see with shooting soldiers, armor doesn't help.

And armor doesn't help against backstabs either, it's INSTADEATH.

>>6188616
>>6188602

Jesus fucking Christ, /tg/.

Power armor has weak spots so he's not entirely useless. Plus he can electrosap power armor. Probably.
Scout is temp invuln with the Bonk-a-Cola.
Medic can heal and uber-nazi.

None of these are useless.

>>6188587
There's no such thing as knife-proof armor.

Heavily armored knights discovered that the hard way - even though their breastplates might turn or snap knife blades, anyone getting close to jam a stiletto through the joints could open any arteries he pleased. That's if he didn't simply decide to go for the neck joint and sever the wearer's spinal cord...

And as was said of anything with arteries once, "If it bleeds, we can kill it."

>>6188631

SQUAD BROKEN!

>>6188566

You're on drugs, fluff wise Space Marines, but just stats TF2 has this.

Engineer: Can supply infinite ammo, teleportation, and turrets that instant-kill
Spy: Invisible, disguises, one-hit melee
Medic: INVINCIBILITY, temporary hp, and healing

These three are what make this match up a nightmare for Space Marines.

How come SM-fags always have to define anyone that is compared to Space Marines at their worst possible interpretation? It's like the fact that they are horrible mary sues as is is not enough, but they also get butthurt and have to defend their fantasy figurines when someone says "lol autokill" or otherwise just diminishes them.

Seriously, it's like all 40k fans are retards... yeah that makes a lot of sense actually.

A pyro can airblast them down some stairs.

>>6188669

Yeah, fluff wise it'd probably go to the Spess Mehrehns, being that the TF2 gang in fluff are usually shown as lulzily incompetent.

Game wise though, not only is the TF2 gang based on actual skill as opposed to luck, but their strengths go much further.

>>6188688
>hurr durr

>>6188726

Your wit and insight have brightened my day. Thank you so much.

>>6188669
>sentry
>instant kill
lol what

>>6188742

Play TF2, get in sight of a fully upgraded turret. See what happens.

>>6188693
Stairs?! SQUAD BROKEN

For once, i bet my money in RED.
Marines wil just CHARGE!! shooting their bolters
RED is tacticool.

Spy can sap power armor.

Sup.

SPY'S SAPPING MAH SQUADMATE

>>6188821
That's not the least bit braggable.

>>6188760
>>6188693
oh god lol

let's just hope they're made out of like poured concrete

>>6188647
>These guys use homemade guns and wear no armor.
>Space marines are godlike superhumans with excessive explosive weaponry and robot suits.

Poor space marines.. Never stood a chance.

>>6188861
hurf

>>6188821
OH DOOD LOOK HOW COOL I AM.

Man I have like double all your playtime, and I don't even play as much as some people I know.

>>6188840

I think they are :C

Take your stupid fucking TF2 bullshit back to /v/, goddamn.

We should find this out. Someone make a TF2 mod that turns one team into space marines. Give like 400 health to represent the Armour and and a gun like Heavy's that doesn't slow them down as they walk.

>>6188895

But their major drawback is that they're all the same, no specialization.

Sounds rather cool actually.

But...the TF2 guys have instant respawn...

>>6188895
i'd play it. I think i've seen HL:DM mods for 40k.

you fucking badgercunts. Unless we are talking about that terrible TF2 homebrew project from last year, TF is not /tg/ related. And besides, how the hell do you think a handful of dudes from the 1950's could beat ANY space marine team? "omg spy can insta kill" Guess what fucker. it's a knife. You know it instakills in TF2? BECAUSE YOURE STABBING A NORMAL PERSON. Go back to /v/ you cockfags.

TF2 dudes would win only because it would be funny. And we all know fictional universes favor the funny over the GRIMNDARK.

Pretty sure the spies could sap power armor. And since the SM teams don't typically go into battle with techmarines there wouldn't be anyone to wrench it off.

>>6188971
>BECAUSE YOURE STABBING A NORMAL PERSON
No, you're stupid.
Because they are exaggerated comical supernatural characters. Knifes don't instakill IRL.

>>6189061
Good sir, please allow me to stab you in the heart, or slit your throat. Surely that will prove my point. It still stands, a little knife isn't going to do jack shit to a SPESS MAHREEN.

>>6189061

And they sure as hell don't make you fly 10 meters from the force of the stab, either.

rolled 5 + 1 = 6

>>6189061

Or throw your corpse about ten feet forward.

>>6189081

Stabmind

>>6189080

Neither of those are instakill. You die from blood loss.

>>6189061
Depends where they hit though. Getting stabbed in the brain banana isn't going to hurt. Because you will be dead.

>>6189080
>stab in heart
>slit throat
the spy does neither of these. If his knife touches your back you die, it's that simple. These are the guys you are comparing space marines to, not some IRL people.
And you don't gotta explain shit either. If you just accept all the stupid shit in 40k-universe, you gotta accept it all in TF2-verse. Anything else is an unfair comparison.


Also, I think normal humans would stand a pretty good chance against space marines. I mean seriously they are, what, 2-3 inches tall? That's not so imposing.

>>6189110
fine. lets meet in the middle. In the real world, being stabbed is not always instant death, BUT, it wont do jack shit versus a Space Marine. Agreed?

>>6189138
You still assuming TF2=real world?

>>6189138
Protip:
The TF2 guys aren't real.

>>6189138

Space Marines are horribly fast and heavily armoured, and there are thousands of them. Since the TF2 gents stop respawning when all their points are captured the Marines would make short work of them.

>>Also, I think normal humans would stand a pretty good chance against space marines. I mean seriously they are, what, 2-3 inches tall? That's not so imposing.

uh, more like 2-3 feet taller.

>>6189153

Scout is faster than mahrheen

Spy's sappin' mah dreadnaught!

These guys, working together, could beat their points worth of space marines if used in synergy.

>>6189156

Spacemarines a pretty huge right? So that means they are easy targets for my stun-ball. BOINK

>>6188688
One of the Black Library writers had the idea that a successful armor save should be represented, story-wise, not with the shot bouncing off harmlessly (unless it's very weak) but with the armor itself taking the hit - let's say you're charging into gunfire, okay, your armor will start to chip and crack. A particularly heavy blow might actually break your breastplate in two or fracture your helmet like an egg, and so you just have to get out your repair kit and do your best with quick-set cement until you can get back to the armorer.

All of which means that Space Marines are not invincible. They're just tough.

>>6189153
Except you get 9 marines. Read OP again.

>>6188648
That's basically a glorified pot. Those helmets won't really save you from much of any rifle period. A marine with a bolter could possibly notice a TF2 Sniper well before the Sniper noticed him, and subsequently gun him down.


People forget, Marines have autosenses, big, big guns, good morale, and effectively perfect tactics and coordination. They wouldn't be so much scared or confused by scouts and pyros as confused about "yet another wave of chaos cultists, but with no obvious insignia"

I dislike crossovers.

They won't see my stickytraps. KABOOM

>>6189147
they also are not covered in armor.

>>6189196
Oh, a bolter with a blast radius. I'm terrified.

The victor has already been decided.
>>6188796

>>6189205
YES, BECAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE EXPLOSIVES CAN HURT SPACE MARINES

OH WAIT LETS TRY THAT, BRB FIRING ROCKETS AT MARINES

LOOK AT THAT, THEY DIED

CRUNCH SAYS YOU'RE WRONG

>>6189186
> big guns, high morale, perfect execution (paraphrasing)

The Space Marine codex is Imperial propaganda.

The Space Marines are tough, fast, and smart. They're also very well-trained. It doesn't mean they can't be outsmarted, just that it would be quite hard to do.

>>6189205
a crit sticky may as well be a tactical nuke

Yeah, you're right, they would.

OP, you got it all wrong.

This is a group photo of the Primarchs.

>>6189293
:o

AND HORUS WAS BLU SPY ALL ALONG?

MIND=BLOWN

>>6188658

Oh really. How many heavily armoured combat knights have you spoken with, anyway?

God damn it I can't find my TF2 character cards, the ones with stats and weapons and all that. I had them in PSD with layers and everything.

Someone must have saved the JPGs, at least. Post em if you got them.

>>6189293
Oh shit.

>>6189239
god help them if the medic rolls Kritzkreig

>>6189314
THEES EES DOCTAR ASSISTAD HOMAZIDE!!!

spy knife = monomolecular force blade. there, problem solved. or let's just make the TF2 spy a Callidus ok?

>>6189314
BLU TEAM IS HUGE, BUT THEY ARE STILL BABIES!

>>6188759
It's entirely possible to survive some damage from a level 3 sentry. It's not an instant kill, it's near instant, and don't act like there isn't a difference.

Also, why in the fuck is /tg/ discussing this? This is some gamefaqs.com shit right here.

>>6189293
So us the Heavy Leman Russ? Is the Demoman Vulkan?

So I was just mindin' my own business in the storeroom left over from when the base still did whatever it did before it was our base, lookin' for somethin' that could even kinda be a baseball. At least, enough to take me hammerin' it into a concrete wall for an hour. Fuckin' Spy, bein' a bastard all the time, thinks he's better than me just 'cause he speaks a jillion languages and he's been to everywhere... pfft. I never needed more than the couple blocks around my building and I ain't gonna start needin' more now just 'cause he said somethin' in French or whatever flowery girl language he speaks.

So yeah, I was just lookin' around in the old crates, and I was kinda in one of the real big ones when it all started. It was a huge fucker too, hell, it was almost as big as my room! Which ain't that big. But hey, who's complainin'? It's the first room I've had to myself since I was born, so it's sure not me.

But like I said, just mindin' my own business, lookin' through all the weird yellow blankets in the bottom, and those things were everywhere down there, not just in that one crate. What would anyone need that many piss yellow blankets for? But I'm in there, and when I hear somethin' I figure, hey, it might be Spy. Either of 'em, really, but if I let our Spy know I was there all I'd get is more annoyin' baloney and if it's the other Spy I could get a knife in my back. Or leg. Again. Asshole.

So I figure, hey, I'll just beat necktie (either of 'em) at his own game! So I settle down on the weird blankets real slow so I don't make any noise and then I find a crack between two of the boards, right? 'Cause there's some noise like someone's fumblin' with somethin' and I wanna know what's given Spy (either of 'em) so much trouble before I jump out and yell 'gotcha.' Or whatever. So yeah, I look.

Um... yeah. Then I look again, 'cause what I'm seein' can't be there. But it is and I mean... I thought I was the only guy I knew who was like that! I mean, I know there're other guys like me out there 'cause the assholes in the buildin' across the street would brag about bashin' some queer's head in and then I'd have to find a totally other reason to kick their asses. Lookin' out for the rest of, uh, 'my guys' since not all of 'em can fight back as good as I can, ya'know? But it's not like I could ask the shits for the number of the guy they put in a cast, right? And they never really said anything about 'em, just that they were fags and that was it. Half of the guys probably weren't even fags anyway.

Spy and Sniper were. I guess. I mean, it's kinda hard not to be when you're like that, all over each other and mackin' like that. The only time I ever seen two people that into each other was when the girl down the hall got surprised by her fiancée gettin' home from Korea early and she just threw herself at him before he even got off the street. I mean really goin' at it. And this is Sniper we're talkin' about, I mean, he's got like two faces and I heard him say maybe ten words since I got to the base. And there he was bein' all over Spy like, I dunno, like there was some kind of fire under him or somethin'. And I know about havin' a fire under you, believe you me.

So I look again and they're still at it. Sniper's got Spy pinned up against one of the pillars holdin' the roof up and he's got his hands all up under Spy's jacket. Hell, I think that was the first time I ever seen that damn suit unbuttoned, let alone all messed up and all over the place like that. Sniper had to be real good at kissin' to keep Spy from moanin' about how his pretty suit was gettin' messed up. That's another thing I thought about, I mean, Sniper and Spy. I thought Sniper hated the bastard almost as much as Hardhat does, and Spy's just French and slimy to everyone. But, yeah, I guess they don't hate each other all that much. Or maybe they do and this was just somethin' physical. I guess that would make sense. Can't be too many guys like us out where the bullets are flyin', or anywhere, so you gotta take what you can get maybe?

Whatever the reason was it had to be good 'cause damn. I only wish I ever been kissed like... okay, shut up, you hear me? Yeah, I'm nine-fuckin'-teen and never gotten anywhere that felt good, but it's not my fuckin' fault. I only kissed a couple girls and it was always real awkward and I thought it was just 'cause I was new at it, right? And then there was that one time with one of the cheerleaders and, ya'know, it didn't work. It didn't work. And she took it personally and I just thought I was all nervous since it was my first time, but then I got pinned against a wall by that jackass catcher from that one team we played in August and I could feel the muscle and smell the sweat from the game and then it worked. And it just kinda clicked, right, thinkin' it was kinda right. Don't get me wrong, I'm not dumb or nothing. I knew it was gonna make life a whole helluva lot tougher, but hey, knowin' that wasn't changin' nothing, ya'know?

>>6189383
Perturabo or Manus Ferrus for Engie.
Corvax or Konrad for Spy
Khan for Explorer

But that's somethin' I only have to deal with when I finally get a boyfriend. Problem right then was what to do. If I jumped out and made a run for it then, I dunno. I could get a knife in my back from our Spy to keep me quiet 'cause the rest of the team might not take it good. But then if one of 'em figures out I'm there between trackin' and sneakin' skills then it might be worse, ya'know? And if I do stay quiet and they don't find me I could still give it away later. I can admit I'm real bad at keepin' secrets, okay? Except for the big one about what it takes to get me turned on, and I think my Ma might'a even guessed that one. She has these mom-looks, ya'know, and a couple weeks after I figured it out she stopped askin' about when I was bringin' a nice girl home, so it makes me think, right? If she does know she's okay with it, which is just... phew, ya'know, that she still loves me even though she knows I'm a fag. If she knows. I still don't know about my brothers, but hey, odds say at least a couple of 'em will be okay with it... right?

I started watchin' the lovebirds again so I could keep my mind off all that future stuff. Spy had Sniper's shirt and vest half off and Sniper was startin' to pull off Spy's tie. I still couldn't believe that Frenchie wasn't whinin' like a girl about his suit gettin' all messed up like he always does. He didn't do anything 'cept maybe moan a little when Sniper pulled his jacket off and tossed it on one of the crates. And Aussie was still talkin' the whole time, way too quiet for me to hear what he was sayin' but Spy seemed real into it. It was like some kinda weird dream where everyone acts opposite of what they really are, ya'know? I started wonderin' if the other Spy slipped me somethin' so I'd give away the secrets. He was in for a surprise if he did 'cause I don't know jack shit. Hey, come on, I know why nobody tells me nothing and while it pisses me off sometimes I do get it. Like I said, I'm real bad at keepin' secrets. And the other Spy had to know that if he was any kind of smart, and he'd have to be if he's a Spy, right? Then I started thinkin' that maybe Medic did somethin' all crazy German doctor thing on me and was sittin' back with a clipboard or some shit.

>>6189419
explorer? you mean scout?

>>6189441
Yeah, sorry.

>>6189365

That's basically like arguing you can survive an AK-47 headshot in Counter-Strike because every once in a blue moon it'll deflect off your helmet. Bottom line is that a level 3 turret would fuck a Space Marine up stat-wise way the fuck before he could significantly damage it. And even then, homeboy Engi repairs it and restores its rockets.

But then I thought, hey, it's not like I really know either of the guys all that well. Spy's gotta be all mysterious and annoyin' and Sniper just doesn't ever talk to me unless he's tellin' me somethin' over the com durin' the fightin'. Sometimes the guys back home would talk about how the real quiet and sweet girl from chem was real wild in the sack. Some kinda thing where that's the only place she can be anything but sweet and quiet, right? So I guess that maybe that's just how those guys are when all those hormones start gettin' everywhere. Like that's the only time Sniper feels like he can talk and Spy thinks it the only time he can be not prissy. I guess.

All the shirt buttons were undone by that point and the whole really weird thing was startin' to wear off. It was like, yeah, they're like that and that's how they are when they're like that, and that's all there is to it. And when the weird went away I started seein' how fuckin' hot it was. I mean, it's not like you can just walk into one of those stores and ask where all the fag magazines are and not get your head busted before you can even get home with the damn thing. So this was the first time I ever seen two guys goin' at it. And they were really goin' at it. I mean, Sniper was practically growlin' and leanin' over Spy all lion like, or whatever big scary things are out in Kangarooville. And Spy was just lettin' him do it, not tryin' to be all better than everyone and in control like he usually is, and he kept makin' all those noises that said Sniper had to be more than good at whatever he was doin' with his hands and the whole kissin' thing. I mean, as far as I seen, he hadn't even put his hands anywhere below the belt, and Spy was still lookin' like he was about to fall over 'cause it was so good.

So, yeah, I mean, it was still weird as shit, but it was damn hot at the same time. So I figure, hey, I'm probably not gonna figure out how to get fag porn without gettin' killed for a while. Might as well enjoy this while it's goin' on, right? I didn't feel too bad about it 'cause they're doin' it right in the middle of the storeroom. I mean, none of us ever go down there, and there's really not a reason for the other Spy to hang around in there since it gets set on fire about every day to make sure he doesn't do that. But, ya'know, still. They're not exactly tryin' all that hard to keep it a secret so why should I feel so bad about catchin' 'em?

There were some of those stupid yellow blankets, like the ones I was sittin' on, right, over in a pile kinda near the pillar Spy was pinned to, and Sniper pretty much threw the guy down on the pile. It was like, wow, they've done this before down here. I guess they'd have to have done it before, since they seem so in sync and all, like they already know what the other one's gonna do, right? Kinda like how Medic and Heavy are such a good team, except with tongues. I figure that it's still gotta be a little awkward with someone new even after you've already done it with other people, 'cause you do things different and they do too and you gotta figure things out before you can stop bumpin' into each other all wrong and stuff. And they weren't doin' none of that. They were just goin' like they done it before. Which they probably have, what with the blankets already there. I mean, Sniper didn't even really look, he just shoved Spy and Spy fell right on the pile.

Another thing, it was pretty obvious that Spy was the girl here. Yeah, big surprise there. Anyway, he was layin' there all propped up on his elbows lookin' at Sniper who was lookin' real... what that word? Oh yeah, predatortory. Kinda like how Medic looks right before he guts a guy with his saw or somethin' bloody like that. I might'a almost been worried about Spy if he wasn't lookin' all girl about it. That look where they really want you to just go but they don't want to say it, so they just give you that look through their eyelashes. That look almost got me goin' a couple times, back when I was still tryin' to do girls, but it wasn't enough, ya'know. I started thinkin' about findin' a boyfriend who'd make that look at me and oh man. I really started gettin' up thinkin' 'bout that.

So Sniper finally gives in to the girl look and he gets down there and straddles Spy, but he doesn't sit all the way down so the good parts could touch. He just kinda hovers and starts messin' with Spy's chest or somethin', and Spy gets real girly by throwin' his head to the side and kinda whimperin'. Then Sniper pulls of those black gloves with his teeth, and I mean whoa. For one thing, with his fuckin' teeth and wow. I gotta remember that when I get a guy, if he's ever wearin' gloves, right? But it was also more of that weird just 'cause I never seen Spy's actual hands. It's not like there was anything wrong with 'em or nothing, I mean, they were just hands, but it kinda reminded me of who I was watchin'. But then Spy decided it was time they were touchin' more and bent one of his legs up to press up against Sniper's crotch and the guy made some kinda growl-moan and it was real hot. Spy looked real happy with himself about it and that kinda pissed off Sniper and he started doin' that thing until Spy started actin' like a girl again.

Take the heavy. Now, cover him in an inch of ridiculous supersteel that can shrug off everything except dedicated antitank weaponry.
Now, give him a machinegun that fires tiny rockets.
There is your team of space marines. I don't see how this is at all a fair fight.

At this point, I mean, it was real clear exactly how far they were gonna be gettin'. Allllll the way to home base. Or at least halfway between third and home. I kinda rememberd that this was Sniper and Spy for a sec, but hey. I'm nine-fuckin'-teen and never even got close to that kind of... unf. I mean, with the cheerleader she had me halfway down her throat and everythin', but I couldn't really enjoy it, right? And they should'a been more careful anyway. And it's probably gonna be another ten years or somethin' before I get me that boyfriend. So yeah, I watched.

Sniper kept bein' all in control and Spy kept lookin' like he was really enjoyin' it, and they kept at that for a while. At one point it looked like Sniper was gonna pull Spy's mask off to get more neck but the guy stopped him and just kinda grinned. Sniper seemed to get whatever the hell that mean 'cause he just grinned back all predatortory and then only pulled it enough to kinda get at Spy's neck a little. I'm real glad he did 'cause that would have been too weird. I mean, I never seen Spy without the black trashbag ever. Might'a kinda broken down all the not payin' attention to who it is and just lookin' at what they're doin'. But he didn't so it was all okay. And hot. Real. Hot.

And oh man, it only got hotter. Spy decided there were enough hickies on his neck or somethin', cause he actually did somethin' besides layin' there like a huge girl. He got Sniper all flipped over on his back, but even though he was all on top before Sniper didn't look like he cared. Probably 'cause Spy was still lookin' all girl, like when she thinks she's the one in charge and it's cute and that's why you let her think it for a while. I guess. That's what the other outfielders used to say anyway.

Spy just takes his time gettin' the last couple'a buttons undone on Sniper's shirt and the guy just lays back like he's on the beach. Probably 'cause he knows what's comin' right? 'Cause Spy gets done with the shirt and moves down to the belt buckle. He works it out real slow and then he unbuttons Sniper's fly even slower and I'm leanin' forward so far my nose is hittin' the wood. And damn, Sniper is big. There's nothing wrong with mine, don't get me wrong, I measure up just fine in the locker rooms for scout trainin' thankyouverymuch, it's just that Sniper was big. Spy looks at him, er, it, like he's real pleased with himself. The he just leans down and drags his lip up the side. Sniper said somethin' real Australian that sounded like he wanted Spy to get the hell on with it. Spy didn't, lookin' a little more like the regular sneaky Spy when he does it again, this time with a little tongue. I think. I started wishin' I was a lot closer and my pants started gettin' real tight when he started givin' long slow licks and blowin' on it afterwards. I tried real hard to remember all the little things he was doin' so I wouldn't look like a complete virgin first time I'm with my boyfriend-of-the-future but I was pretty sure my brain would get fried by the end of it and I'd forget everythin' except that it was really fuckin' hot.

rolled 37 = 37

>>6189483
Why ;__;

Spy got done bein' a fuckin' tease and really gave head. And he was goin' all the way down and it was Sniper's turn to lay there and moan, but he was a guy about it at least. I don't know if I could take both of 'em bein' girls. I don't even think I really want my boyfriend to be a girl, ya'know? It was gettin' slammed against a wall and shit that made me figure it all out, and I think that's kinda how I want it to be, right? Bein' with a guy and not a guy who acts like a girl. I guess it was okay for Sniper though 'cause he was really enjoyin' it. He even had his hand on the back of Spy's head and seriously, how was the guy not chokin'? Was it just practice or what? Wasn't plannin' on askin' him so I figured I'd just have to find out when I got there. Whenever that happens.

Once Sniper started gettin' real into it and lookin' like he might be gettin' close Spy started slowin' down. So Sniper yanked the guy's head up, no idea how he got a grip on that leather, and made another one of those growls. Spy just grinned at him, lookin' all happy with himself and after a sec Sniper got the same look. Seriously, when did they get the time to figure each other out like that? I mean, Spy only got here, what, three months ago, and at least some of that's gotta be just bein' pissed off and annoyin' to each other. Unless they started screwin' the second day. I mean, it's like they had it all memorized, like they already knew what the other guy was gonna do before he did it, or at least figure it out real quick. Maybe Spy just figured Sniper out right away 'cause he knows all that shit about readin' people or somethin' like that.

WORDS WORDS WORDS WORDS WORDS

I never really thought much 'bout that kinda thing. I'm a force of nature, right, runnin' in full speed, and I'm not just like that when I'm bustin' heads. I'm honest, ya'know, or way too damn blunt dependin' on who you ask. Either way... I'm no good at tellin' what someone's thinkin' like Spy is. It has to be real obvious before I can see it, like Hardhat when he's tryin' to look like he don't have bad cards when we play poker. How am I gonna tell if a guy I meet is like me or not? What if I walk right by the guy I'm perfect for every day and he's bad at seein' things too? I wanted to stop thinkin' about all that stuff I couldn't do nothing about. There weren't a lot of couples holdin' hands and makin' out in the park out on the battlefield, right, so there wasn't a lot to make me remember that it wasn't gonna be that easy for me. Watchin' them bein' together, even just fuckbuddies, was not helpin' at all.

Lucky for me, at least, was at the time... uh...

I don't think you guys are quite getting this. A heavy can instant kill someone WITHOUT USING A GUN. Just his finger, the SM dont stand a chance.

I thought about it, right? And I figured that guys gotta have more than handjobs and blowjobs. I figured one of the things that might happen was just rubbin' against each other, ya'know? And I was feelin' all smart for figurin' that out 'cause it looked like I was right, 'cause Spy crawled up so he could bite Sniper's neck, still grinnin' like a maniac, and he let his hips dip down, right? I didn't even see what else Spy was doin' with his tongue 'cause I was too busy starin' at the two of 'em touchin' just a little, like by accident, and then pushin' harder on purpose and oh man, it looked like it was really good. Sniper was sayin' somethin' but I wasn't really payin' attention and his accent was gettin' real thick, and Spy was sayin' stuff right back all in French, and I never thought I'd think the fruity words would sound any kind a good, but I guess it was made for this kinda thing, right? It was like... like I could feel the energy goin' on, like when you're standin' near Medic when he uses the medigun and you're not who he's healin' but you can still feel that rush even though you're not in it. I guess you gotta take what you can when you could die any second, and you also gotta take what you can get when you're a fag, so it was double.

Sniper flipped Spy back over and grinned like he does right before he pulls the trigger on a shot he knows is gonna be sweet, and Spy didn't even try to fight, just has this look on his face sayin' he knows it too. Takes both of 'em to get Spy's pants all the way off and then Sniper just pushes his down 'round his knees. Sniper spits on his hand before takin' hold of Spy and strokin' real slow. He doesn't look real predatortory anymore, just looks like he's really fuckin' lookin' forward to what's comin'. He moved his hand down and started doin' somethin' I couldn't really see 'cause Spy's leg was in the way, but Spy really liked whatever it was 'cause he was throwin' his head back and grabbin' as much of the blankets as he could (girl). Then Sniper spits on his hand again and puts it on himself. Makes sense, I mean, it goes easier when you slick it up when you're by yourself, so it's gotta make it better when you got two guys up against each other and uh...

Yeah, so, I still thought they were just gonna hump 'til they came, right? Like I said, it's not exactly easy to get your hands on fag porn without gettin' sent to traction, so I never seen anything showin' what it's like for two guys to do it until right then. And it's not like I'd ever think of that on my own, ya'know? I mean, how did the first two fags ever think that up? Why would they think it up? I mean, uh, oh man...

So Sniper gets Spy's legs up over his arms, and Spy just spreads his legs out like the senior year slut and Sniper leans in... and 'cause Spy's legs were out so much, and the crate I was in was up off the floor just a little, and just the way they were layin' and oh man, I could see everythin'. And when Sniper grabbed himself and started movin' lower... I was just seriously? And, I mean, that's gotta be good for Sniper but how could that help Spy out, but if it didn't then why was he lookin' so ready for Sniper to just get the fuck on with it, and fuck, he did. And, yeah, um, let's just say Spy was definitely the girl here, right?

Right before they did that my hands were kinda wanderin' for my fly, but seein' that, I mean, just, why right? Mostly why Spy was doin' it since it didn't look like he was havin' than much fun, but then oh man. Sniper did this one really hard, uh, thrust, and then Spy just loses it. His back comes right off the floor, and just kinda gasps like he just got his windpipe crushed by a bat, and then he howls and the only reason the other team didn't hear is 'cause Sniper was ready and had his hand over the guy's mouth. Then he said somethin' real cocky, like, 'you like that, darlin?' and Spy started growlin' almost like how Sniper was before, only in French, and I didn't have to know the words to know he was tellin' the guy to do it again and probably harder was somewhere in there too, 'cause that's what Sniper started doin' and I have no fuckin' clue what was makin' it so good for Spy, but whatever it was it was doin' it's job.

I didn't even remember gettin' my hand in my pants, but I did, and I barely even remembered to stuff my hat in my mouth to keep them from findin' me and killin' me on the spot. Oh man, I couldn't stop watchin' if I tried. And it was just, uh, oh God, it was the hottest fuckin' think I ever seen in my life. If I put everythin' together it wouldn't even come close to what I was lookin' at. I was seein' it all, the way Sniper kinda rolled his hips into it every time, the way he was pullin' Spy into it by grabbin' his pale as fuckin' milk legs, the way Spy was jerkin' himself off and growlin' every time Sniper moved in or out...

I was gonna have board prints on my forehead when it was done, I was tryin' to lean forward so hard, and I was never gonna ever forget anything I was seein'. There was just no fuckin' way I was ever gonna how fuckin' hot it was and oh God, Spy let go of himself and just grabbed the blankets by his head like it was the only thing keepin' him on the planet, and Sniper, shit, didn't say anything at all, just leaned in and went at him even harder, and for a minute there was just the sound of, God, heavy breathing and then Spy just twitched and Sniper clamped a hand over his mouth when he, oh man, came all over both of 'em, and once he stopped screamin' Sniper grabbed both his hips and fuck if I knew how Spy could fuckin' walk after a round of this, and, hn, Sniper didn't make a fuckin' sound when he came but I could see it on his face when he just froze and got all tense for a sec, and Spy made this, ung, real kinda happy sigh kinda, and then Sniper just collapsed on him and they both, oh God, rode it out, shit, layin' there, fuck.

I slumped up against the crate and had to just focus on breathing, oh man. If what they were doin' was anywhere near as good as what it was like watchin' 'em, fag sex is gonna be great, oh man I tell you. All of a sudden I remembered that gettin' caught would be a real bad way to die, with sticky crap all over my shirt and my hat all bit and soggy sittin' next to me. I made myself breathe normal and not all loud, not a piece of cake 'cause wow. I was pretty sure I wasn't caught 'cause I wasn't bleedin' out all over those fuckin yellow blankets, but I looked again to check, right?

I kinda... wish I didn't, ya'know? 'Cause everythin' I saw up 'til then was just lots of real angry means nothin' sex. But then... I mean, Spy was on his back and Sniper was on his side with his arm all up on Spy's chest, and Spy's got his hand up there too, still no gloves, and... They were cuddlin'. Seriously, I'm not kiddin' here! It wasn't real clingy like girls get, kinda man cuddles, I guess. Spy even had this smile that was kinda like his 'I was never really on your side' grin, but a lot softer or somethin', and Sniper just looked real satisfied, and I'm not used to seein' anything but his piss off face. And it's just... before that, it was just a real good rough porn, right? But seein' 'em cuddle like that was just... like I really shouldn't of seen it 'cause they might actually have somethin' more than just fuckbuddies, ya'know?

I rubbed my face and tried to stop feelin' so damn guilty about it. They still should'a been more careful, do it in Sniper's nest or somethin', not the fuckin' basement. Plus if I blushed and looked guilty every time I saw either of 'em someone was gonna figure somethin' was wrong real quick. Not a good idea doin' this when I'm so fuckin' bad at keepin' secrets, 'cept the big one. And that was gonna get out quick, 'cause I'm pretty sure if they figured it out and got onto me about it I wouldn't be able to keep it quiet that I wasn't exactly grossed out by it. I don't think I could even pretend to be one of those assholes braggin' 'bout bustin' some sissy, not for a second even. I hate the jerkoffs way too much.

I heard 'em gettin' up and gettin' dressed, and talkin' 'bout the next time they'd be able to get enough time to do each other again, and there was kinda a hint of the same kinda tone Heavy has when he's talkin' 'bout his gun, and oh man. I really felt like fuckin' shit for watchin' them when they actually had somethin', ya'know? God, how fuckin' weird was that, a Sniper and a Spy fallin' in... had to stop thinkin' 'bout it that way but fuck if I knew how.

I waited a long time after I heard 'em leave before tryin' to move. I cleaned myself up as good as I could and shoved my cap back on my head before climbin' out. I started plannin' how to avoid both of 'em for the rest of the war, and I knew that whatever I thought up would never fuckin' work 'cause I'm shit for plannin'. I hit the ground and tried not to look at the spot they were on and startin' prayin' for that fuckin' dick of a demoman to get on with it and kill me the second the bell rang in the mornin'.

"'ello, Scout."

I swear to God I jumped right outta my skin. I fell flat agaist that damn crate and looked up to see Spy standin' there with a smoke, and oh shit he was lookin' at me like good old annoying bastard Spy 'cept his shirt and tie were still a little messed up, and oh shit he knew, I didn't have to be all that good at readin' people to tell he knew and I was so many levels of fucked they didn't even have names for 'em yet. I tried sayin' somethin', anythin', but all I got out was a bunch a half words and stutterin' like a retard and oh shit, oh fuck, I was so fuckin' dead.

He laughed. Spy laughin' was not a good fuckin' sign. He didn't look mad, just looked like I was real fuckin' funny to him right then, but that didn't mean shit. He never looked like what he was really thinkin', 'cept right after he did somethin' all backstabby and he looks all fuckin' happy about life for a minute. He stopped laughin' and looked at me like he did when I first got to the base, when he measured me up. First time he gave me a week and walked off all fruity French like. This time... I don't know? He didn't just go 'pfft' and stab me, so I guess it was a good thing, maybe?

"Scout..." he took a drag like he was havin' trouble thinkin' of what to say, "I do not 'ave to ask 'ow long you 'ave been here, oui?"

I gulped. Fuck it, he knew anyway, nothin' to do but tell the truth. I nodded since my voice wasn't up to workin' yet.

He glanced over to where they were and I couldn't help but look too, and then my face was gettin' even hotter 'cause I was definitely rememberin' that, like a movie, for the rest of my life. Which was probably a minute.

"Scout," he started in again, "to be 'onest, I am not sure what to do with you."

He took another drag and I just tried to remember how to breathe.

"You 'ave seen somezing you were not meant to see." Yeah, I could’a fuckin' told him that one. "'owever..." he sized me up again, "we should 'ave been more careful."

"Damn fuckin' right you shoulda!" I pretty much shouted before I even knew what I was doin' He raised an eyebrow and I... it wasn't cowerin', you hear me? I was just... knowin' how fucked I was, right?

He laughed again. "Oui, we will be more careful in the future. 'owever, the question still remains... what do I do with you?"

Not kill me? Talkin' wasn't workin' again and I don't think that would'a helped much anyway.

He finished his smoke and flicked the butt away, pullin' a new one out before the first one even hit the ground. He took his time lightin' it off, probably enjoyin' watchin' me squirm. Which I wasn't. And he definitely was enjoyin' it.

"I would simply kill you," he said like he was tellin' me what time it was. I figured he was gonna torture me first and got ready to jump up and run for it. Dyin' by runnin' right into the other base has gotta be better than anythin' Spy does, right? Fuckin' bastard tripped me and sent me flyin' into the pile of blankets they were just on and that was not. Helpin'. At. All.

"Now, now, Scout, where are your manners? Let me finish." He took another long, long drag while I was thinkin' that my manners are right behind my sense of not gettin' a long painful death by you, jackass. "I do wonder..."

"What?" I spit at him, just wantin' to get it over with already.

"'What' indeed."He looked real fuckin' amused with himself, or whatever he says I am when he's really callin' me dumb. "It is quite intriguing, the way in which I discovered you."

I glared at him as hard as I could, hopin' he might burst into flames or somethin'.

"In that moment, just before I went over ze edge," I swallowed hard, "when we both fell silent... I 'eard you." Like I said, I'm no good at readin' people, but I think he was lookin' like he had no idea what to do with me. "I 'eard you moan."

Oh, just fuckin' go for it, "Yeah. What about it, fag?"

More fuckin' laughin. "Oh, mon petit, I believe zat is ze pot calling ze kettle black, is it not?"

Bottom dropped outta my whole gut. No one, okay well, maybe Ma, right, but no one ever knew before. That was the one secret I could keep, damnit!

Bastard squatted down so he could look at me in the eye better, I guess. Then he just looks for a while before getting' up without sayin' anything and headin' for the door.

"We will find anozer place," he said over his shoulder at me, "you will not watch us again, oui?" It sunk in that he wasn't gonna kill me and I nodded like crazy until I figured out that he couldn't see that and got out a 'yeah.'

"Good." He kept walkin' and I would'a just flopped back in relief until I remembered what they were doin' there and jumped off the floor. I brushed myself off like it was nothin', tryin' to get somethin' of myself back, ya'know? Just pretend that I had a nap in the crate or somethin', just pretend that I didn't just see, uh, everythin'. It wasn't workin' real well but I had 'til mornin' to get in gear. It's not like I saw either of 'em most of the time, ya'know, so I could do it and not get killed.

"Oh, and Scout?"

I looked up and he was still standin' in the door, kinda lookin' back like he still didn't know what to say. "If you would..." he laughed a little again. "If you try to be less annoying zan you usually are, then you could per'apse ask a few questions."

I just kinda stared at his back with my mouth hangin' open. No way Spy just said he'd be my faggotry sex ed teacher. He must be gettin' soft or some shit to be that fuckin' nice. Maybe it had somethin' to do with his man cuddles with Sniper.

"I..." I didn't really know what to say, ya'know? Here I'd been thinkin' that I'd have to figure all this stuff out blind. Even if he got fed up with me real quick I'd be better off with a couple questions answered than none, right? "Thanks."

He took off after that, probably sick of how awkward it was or somethin'. I got up to the showers without anyone seein' and took a real cold one. I didn't really think I'd be able to take it that well, right, but I did alright when Sniper gave us all the rundown of what he'd seen through his scope before the bell, and when I got out on the field it was just all okay, 'cause out here I know what to do. And that's how we got here, right?

I think I'll be alright keepin' it quiet now that I got the chance to tell somebody what all happened. I'm gonna start climbin', right, walls are just rocky enough for me to get out. Thanks for listenin' man, and sorry 'bout the whole broken neck thing. Not.

This is the only way this thread could have ended well. Bravo.

>>6189475

you're right. They only get heavies. How can that be fair?

>>6189631
Heavies that are essentially immune to smallarms fire, faster than a normal man, and can shoot rockets.

>>6189645
So Heavies, then?

>>6188578
>>6188537
I give them million to one odds.

EXACTLY one million to one.

>>6189661
This is exactly what I was getting at. Success is guaranteed.

>>6189652
statted in TF2 terms, I'd say they'd be like heavies that:
-have a single jump that goes as high as a scouts
-very fast, only slightly slower than a scout
-400/500 hp
-main weapon is minigun, unlimited ammo, no slow while it's spun up
-Secondary weapon is rocket launcher that always crits, carries one shot, and you can't move during the firing or reload animation
-melee weapon is chainsword-very high crit chance, average attack rate, deals somewhere in the neighborhood of 95-105 damage per swing
-reduce all incoming damage by 10/15 points of damage.

>>6189805
>I'd say
good for you

>>6189805
>Unlimited ammo

Do space marines have a gland that produces bolter rounds that I was not aware of?

This thread is retarded.

>>6191314
That would be just silly. But then again, when was the last time you ran out of ammunition in a skirmish for anything?

>>6190073
It's guesswork and theory, and more than a little bit of opinion. Ignore it if you want, I'm just tossing out an idea.

I'm surprised that everyone is being all like "lol spy is useless, knife can't penetrate armor".

But fucking christ guys, the space marines are wearing power armor. Think about that for a second. What does spy do to complicated machinery?

SPY SAPPIN' MAH MEHREEN!

It's like you all see spy and think "lol backstab" as if there's nothing else he does.

>>6191366
You said it, bro.

Can a speesh mareen double jump? I didn't think so.

>>6188537
These girls, working together, could beat the tar out of those guys.

To everyone saying the TF2 crew could do nothing:

Space Marines die to lasfire and shotguns.

so... apples are greater than oranges? Or is it oranges are greater than apples?

In any case, the space marines have the advantage of weaponry but the tf2 characters have tricks/skill/movement. I guess it comes down to which one you play more personally because you'd be more intimate with their strategies. In the end though, if the players are highly skilled on either side, they should win.

That said, TF2 soldier, spy, and sniper if played well should be able to take out the space marines before they get much past the horizon.

Sly Marbo has a big ass knife.

That seems to penetrate power armour.

>>6188821
you suck

>>6191515
What bugs me about these is that they don't even try to match the character and personality of the male team.

>>6191515
Ok, two things:

1) Why even show the pyro's face? That just seems silly.

2) Is that soldier that one girl from Aliens?

Counts as Guard.

>>6191646

I think that's OK, though. I don't know if it's necessarily better to make a straight gender-swapped version of the cast than it is to rethink them a bit.

>>6191646
That bothers you? I prefer that if Rule-63 is going to occur, that it at least look like female versions, not tits slapped under the same costumes and characters.

>>6191694

There is NO WAY the bitch in >>6191515 can carry that fucking heavy machine gun. No way in hell. Also, does she look like a big, lovely Russian lady? Not a chance.

>>6191646, on the other hand, rules, because she's a female Heavy done right. She's not just "tits slapped under the same costumes and characters," as you say.

>>6191646? Awesome.

>>6191515? Weeaboo crap.

>>6191652
Heavy is an ogryn.

Engi an engiseer.

Soldier a commisar.

Spy an assasin.

THIS THREAD NEEDS MOAR DAKKA

>>6191749
You want realism?

srsly bro?

Yeah, you're right, they changed a few things, but if I had to pick a Heavy to fuck I'd pick the skinny crazy bitch than the big one, cause it still looks almost exactly like the regular Heavy.

Space Marine tf2

All the characters look the same.

>>6191761
Demo Boy: "Hahaha, don't 'old on ta dat end of et!"

>>6191805

TF2 may be cartoony, but nobody is carrying a weapon that they look like they're incapable of carrying. The Weeaboo Lady Fanwank Task Force, on the other hand?

Well, just look at them.

>>6191873
It's supposed to be cartoony.

>>6191873
Poster of Pic here. Just wanted to provide contrast, no need to get butthurt over a lack of musclegirls.

>>6191873
You think that's weeaboo?

srsly bro?

>>6191939
Weeaboo has lost all meaning on this sight, just like fag.