4. The PCs discover the huge corpse of a dire boar. A multitude of arrows pierce the beast's flesh and two mighty spears are impaled through its neck, staking it to the ground. Dozens of large black crows peck at the hog's stinking flesh and flies buzz around noisily. As the PCs turn to leave the scene, the seemingly dead boar's eyes snap open and it lurches upwards, snapping at and catching one of the crows in its vast tusked maw and wolfing it down, before collapsing again, black feathers cascading slowly to the ground around it.

5. A scruffy looking scarecrow stands alone in an isolated cornfield. As the party passes by, a low, mournful moan can be heard.

8. A drunk man stumbles past, and begins peeing against a wall, a bus-stop, a mailbox... anything. The more inappropriate, the better. If tjhe players react to him in any way, have him stop peeing and stumble away mumbling.

Another traveler walks along the road, alone, ahead of the PCs. He makes no response to any attempt to interact with him, and no matter how fast or slow they go, he doesn't get any closer or farther away.

7. A bunch of mercenary ninja, on their way home from a semi-successful hit. The PC's probably only notice two of them, carrying one of their wounded on an improvised stretcher.

6) The PCs encounter a group of bears. in the center of the group, a bear stands behind a large stump, and appears to have clumsily fashioned a deck of cards from pieces of bark, and is using them to run what appears to be a find-the-lady table.

10. A dark-skinned bearded man clad in exotic, colourful silks, wearing a turban, is gathering up nuts, berries and leaves and placing them in a small basket he has slung over one shoulder. If questioned, the man explains that in his home country, he is a chef, and he has travelled far and wide in search of new tastes and ingredients.

11. An injured moose is limping along, bellowing loudly and shaking its antlers around. While the animal itself doesn't present a danger and will not attack unless it feels threatened, the noise of the animal may attract larger, more dangerous predators.

Two commoners trying desperately to put out a third. A passing wizard walks by, completely nude, carrying a bundle of clothes with cow dung splattered on them, muttering about the proper use of shovels.

one character finds a coin on the road
roll 1d4 to decide what kind
1-copper
2-silver
3-gold
4-platina

PCs missed daily light savings time, find that they are an hour late everywhere they go.

14. (use when the PCs start to kick in random doors) A fat, unhygienic orc, clad in dirty wifebeater and training pants, holding the largest setting appropriate single shot ranged weapon (12 gauge pump action or heavy repeating crossbow). He's visibly upset and very inebriated, shouts incoherent stuff at the PCs and starts to fire wildly with his boomstick. If subdued, the room behind him looks appropriate, with hundreds of empty beer cans, a huge bowl of cheetos and a TV set. Yep, even in a fantasy setting.

In a thick forest with lots of fallen leaves, one of the party members steps upon a slumbering ogre who was sleeping beneath the leaves. Hilarity ensues.

15. The PCs hear a strange voice criticising their clothing and haircuts, as well as belittling their intelligence. Should they conduct a thorough search, during which the strange voice should soundly deride and mock them, to find the source of the voice, they find they are being heckled by a tiny land crab. Smoking a cigarette.

>>13309247
>5. A scruffy looking scarecrow stands alone in an isolated cornfield. As the party passes by, a low, mournful moan can be heard.

Zombie scarecrow?

The more I think about it, the more I see how good an idea that is. I mean, it keeps birds away doesn't it, with the moaning and the stench of death that all animals subconsciously fear.

Sure you've got to get one up there, but once you've de-limbed it and bashed its teeth out, you're all set!

16. The PCs notice that a brightly coloured bird, watching them from a tree, is actually an amazingly realistic clockwork construct.

>>13309680
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S91yUL_smNs

Personally, I though something more along these lines...

A deranged wizard is loose in a small hamlet, and is transmuting the commoners into mixed nuts, which he collects and sells via a traveling construct on a cart.

The PCs are walking down a street and realize that no-one is around. Lots and lots of crows are upon nearby houses and rooftops, watching them and cawing mockingly.

18. A skeleton is perched upon the branch of a tree. A rope is wrapped around the branch, the other end fashioned into a noose about the skeleton's neck. Upon seeing the PCs, the skeleton shouts out, "Don't come any closer, or I'll jump! I'll jump! And then you'll all wish you'd been nicer to me!"

A few suggestions..

Beekeeper walking past the group, holding a pair of hives, completely covered in bees, whistling happily. If a player says something after he has walked by, he turns to give a reply, but winds up tripping and releasing two hives of bees in the vicinity. If they say nothing, or say something prior to his passing, he drops neither, but instead decides to give them a few lessons in beekeeping. Anyone phobic of insects is targeted to be the object of his interests.

Three milkmaids having a milk fight in a pasture. It appears to be some kind of ritualized combat, and is taken exceedingly serious. A full forty buckets of milk is involved, but all parties present are wearing what appears to be full cow hides and emitting "moo" noises. They offer no explanation, but the apparent "winner" is left sobbing uncontrollably with a bucket on her head, the others departing with short, leaping hops.

Ten giggling children, all carrying scissors, running through the PCs area. They are chasing what appears to be a sentient, speaking goose, intent on murdering it with scissors. All of them have the same name, different parents but claim to have just met one another.

Two stone golems boxing atop a sturdy column, a mud golem seated between and underneath them. This appears to be a domestic dispute; someone cheated on someone else, and this is the result.

Five mercenaries without clothes are walking by, still holding their weapons, wide-eyed and terrified. If asked, they explain they met a card player of unusual skill at poker and exceptional capabilities with fast talking.

>>13309764
These milkmaids... Are they... Busty?

A man is walking along the side of the road with a basket filled with loaves of bread in the shape of very realistic human heads. Neither he nor any passerby but the PCs see anything wrong with this.

Three goblins have killed a traveller and stolen his donkey. They have tied the animal down and are trying to glue a spearpoint to it's forehead, apparently in an attempt to 'make their own unicorn'.

>>13309680
Crows and ravens are scavengers. They like the smell of death.

A group of bards is juggling knives while debating the merits of hatchets in field combat. Any distraction will result in either a sudden flurry of knife attacks or several dropped knives and the PCs becoming the subject of their next performance, probably not in a flattering light.

A musk ox sits in a field, singing what sounds suspiciously like a Dwarf mining chant, idly chewing grass. If approached, its taking requests, but only knows songs involving mining. Can't precisely recall how it knows, but it knows.

A man buried up to his neck in the middle of the road, claiming to be a deposed warlord from several hundred miles away. If asked about how he got into his current condition, will only explain as far as, "I will never insult a gnome again, ever."

Nine kobolds having a darts competition in the woods, placing bets on the next one to strike the bullseye: a wooden chest which glows a bright red and hums loudly. It has five darts stuck in it currently; a 4d8 fireball with erupt with the sixth, range of 20' in all directions.

A fully-functional 20-man sailing vessel is lodged in a giant oak tree, 100' up, complete with crew, all dead. Strangely, they appear to have died by starvation, despite having a full compliment of stored rations and edible plunder.

>>13309762
definitely using that one

my players need to start having some emotional depth

the PCs encounter a town that has been slaughtered down to the last man, woman and child. The only living soul in left is a single housecat.

>>13309853
I don't meant the smell of, like, NORMAL death. I mean zombie death.

Whether it's magic or viral or whatever, zombies smell wrong. Animals are terrified of them, it's practically hardwired in.

A cart full of dwarfs and a bored looking bandit. The dwarves are furiously arguing in their own language, while the bandit is sitting in a fold out chair and eating a packed lunch.

When you ask, the bandit reveals he jumped out and said 'Your money or your life!' to the dwarfs three hours ago, and he's still waiting for an answer.

>>13309960
>>13309960
Fucking cats! Cast genocide on the fuckers. Thet'l teach 'em to kill all the commoners.

>>13310054

Someone's been reading Discworld...

>>13310054
This one had me lolling for a good 5 minutes.

#Whatever:
A merchant walking along selling quarter-liter bottles (that are fashioned in a way reminiscent of female curves) of a brown, bubbly liquid. He proclaims it to be midly regenerative and generally well tasting.
If the PCs decide to buy a sample, it tastes very foreign, sweet and actually quite good, it might even give a minor temporary Con bonus.
If they ask what it's called, the salesman reveals it to be Caramel Odoured Liquid Aphrodisiac, or Cola for short.

A somewhat pale, ruddynosed dwarf clad in red cotton robes stumbles around at the local tavern as if drunk mumbling something about nobody appreciating his work.
When he turns to leave, he loudly and rudely ask's the barkeep for his sack, swings it on his back and fishes out of it a red, pointy had with a white rabbit's tail on the tip, which he puts on his head.

Market
The party passes a food-stall manned by a chicken-infested commoner. The smell of cooking poultry is delicious. The commoner takes distressing glee in slaughtering the chickens, and cooking them on a large grill. Players with martial weapon proficiency or good spot checks will notice the foot-wide grill is actually a comically oversized blade, covered in chicken grease and scorch marks. (+1 Fullblade) The chicken salesman sells his food at-cost, since he gets his chickens essentially for free, but will be loath to sell the fullblade.

>>13310454
Dear god. Rofl.

>>13310454
I don't get it....

>>13310573
Me either, and I'm the one who posted it. It's not actually that funny, I just liked the image of one of those absurdly huge buster-sword weapons being used as a hibachi grill.

DA

As the party moves over the hill/around the bend/through the tunnel/whatever, they find a tent in the midst of a herd of camels. The crudely-written sign on the tent says "Crazy Hassan's Used Camels", but the shopkeeper is nowhere to be found.

A down-on-his-luck wizard has set up a rotisserie cooker with a flaming spear and a Bag of Tricks. He can cook you up anything you'd like, for a small fee, provided it can come out of a Tan Bag of Tricks.

A Decanter of Endless Water has been left somewhere deep inside a dungeon, prompting the inhabitants of it to begin a bucket brigade, emptying it out into a nearby river, cursing the foul adventurers responsible. You have never seen a more morose and angry bastard until you've seen a wet gnoll with two buckets.

Someone has discovered the "permanent" lightning bolt, but has targeted a tree stump. It is attracting a crowd, who find it endlessly amusing that every two minutes, another 11d8 lightning bolt strikes the top of the stump, likely obliterating whatever it hits. They're currently trying to fit a cow over it in time for the next strike, curiously interested in the possible results.

>>13310601
>A Decanter of Endless Water has been left somewhere deep inside a dungeon, prompting the inhabitants of it to begin a bucket brigade, emptying it out into a nearby river, cursing the foul adventurers responsible. You have never seen a more morose and angry bastard until you've seen a wet gnoll with two buckets.

Hah! See, that's way funnier than the grill dude.

>>13310601
FUKKKEN LOLED

A plague hospital is under attack by a group of clerics; the residents have no interest in being cured by what they describe as "zealots". Hilarity ensues as a siege begins.

An animated siege crossbow is wandering the countryside, pinning errant farm animals at long range. It can produce its own bolts, which is not quite as disturbing as its amazing accuracy with them.

Rust monsters have treed three neophyte paladins and clerics, barking and leaping at them. Their weapons were destroyed before they could raise a sufficient defense, leading them to climb a tree to avoid having their holy relic armor get consumed. A nearby pack of hobgoblins is considering the best way to drop the tree, finding the situation somewhere between tragic and hilarious.

A sentient plant creature is running for its life, trying desperately to find a patch of sand. If it can be directed to one, it will show its gratitude by teaching whomever aids it the language of cacti.

A gnomish creation has escaped its creators, leading a small group of chasing wizards and alchemists to find it. Its a needle golem, and was last seen entering a hay barn. Prospects don't look too good, as it has recently rained, leaving the straw too damp to burn.

A wandering monster with a walking animated trestle table is on long-range patrol, looking for the other four members of his unit: all of them are riding chairs.

The party is traveling down a road, and encounter a pale, bald man in tattered robes who is muttering to himself and seems quite distressed. He will beg the party to take a strange metallic sphere, citing it as the cause of his nightmares, even offering to give them some money with it. Should the party take the sphere, the man will gleefully dash away cheering, thanking whatever god he worships. The next time the party rests they will find themselves temporarily transported to one of the following:
1. A marketplace in a futuristic city inhabited by strange bio-mechanical creatures
2. A Cathedral made entirely out of flesh, where a massive worm creature preaches to skinless humans in an unknown tongue
3. The corridors of a massive starship that had crashed into a moon of a gas giant. Robots go about their duty maintaining the ship, while the ghosts of the crew will occasionally manifest, and their bodies can be found dead in stasis tubes
4. Some other strange place
The effect will last for about ten minutes before the party is returned to where they were. They will continue to be transported until the sphere is destroyed (requires powerful magic) or sold to some poor schmuck.

>>13310684
>An animated siege crossbow is wandering the countryside, pinning errant farm animals at long range. It can produce its own bolts, which is not quite as disturbing as its amazing accuracy with them.

Boys, it looks like we just found ourselves a new party member!

A skull with a crab living in it, as per a hermit crab, is moving towards the players. Someone has written their name and the date on it. Several someones, on closer inspection. Attached to it is a pen and ink pot, which does not seem to bother the crab in the slightest.

In a nearby clearing, a graveyard with hovering tombstones, a groundskeeper trying desperately to haul them back down with the aid of a local farm boy and a fishing net. This is a seasonal event.

A man wearing a bag on his head and carrying a satchel filled with hatchets, knives and assorted sharp objects asks the players if they've seen any teenagers engaging in pre-marital sex in the vicinity. If they provide him with relevant data, he will give each of them a small wooden mask that, if worn, provides a bonus to stealth-related actions for one scene.

Party encounters a goblin warrior eating by the side of the road. If hassled, he warns the party not to make him angry. If attacked, her berserks, growing from Small to Large and uprooting a nearby sapling to use as a club.
[Fighter 2/Stoneblessed(Goliath)3/Barbarian(Goliath substitution level) 1]

A group of soldiers with wooden weapons, hauling back a group of subdued vampires and one very, very morose looking necromancer.

Two clerics having a debate on the merits of a clergy-run society. If approached, they will hand out religious tracts which act as holy symbols of a good-related faith, but only for one scene. Otherwise, generally friendly types.

A naked, slightly singed man falls out the air in a burst of electrical activity, sees the party, then demands to know the year, date and spatial coordinates. Failing that, if they can spare him a pair of pants or breeches. Strange accent, seems confused.

A box marked "Live Eels: Do Not Juggle". It is empty, and screams can be heard from nearby. Apparently, not all bards are literate.

Six uneaten apples and a seventh, with a bite missing. An empty set of clothing for a maiden, aged 20s, is nearby. Frogs can be heard croaking excitedly.

A perpetually burning man sits on a stone bench, trying to find a writing utensil which survives contact with his flaming aura. He does not speak any known languages, but probably has quite a story to tell, if ever he could find a way to write it down.

A group of rocks gathered around a pile of gravel, a sledgehammer resting next to a meaty circle of crushed bones, clothing and a severely dented miner's cap. The rocks appear to be weeping streams of salt water. If Terran is used to communicate with them, they explain they were traveling down the mountain when some maniac with a sledgehammer struck their father.

A group of very unhappy-looking soldiers in wooden armour, with wooden weapons. They are hauling a wooden crate that thumps and rattles ominously.

A tall, striking man standing at a podium giving a speech to a number of very impressed-looking commoners. When questioning, he reveals that he is running for kingship. If informed that monarchy is hereditary, he will walk off in a sulk.

A man pushing a wheelbarrow filled with caged giant spiders.

A traveling alchemist's cart. The alchemist promises that his various tonics and solutions can cure a variety of common ailments. He has an outrageous mustache.

A small mob standing under a tree, a figure dangling from a rope struggling valiantly but pointlessly against the lynching effects. Apparently, it is impossible to effectively lynch a zombie, but the mob will not be dissuaded.

A lich playing chess against a demon in a field of lilies and buttercups. The only words heard are idle conversation about the game and whether or not storming the gates of Hell to find a lost bag of really, really interesting rocks is a worthwhile endeavor. Lich to win in three moves, provided the demon is moderately skilled in reading feints.

A pair of Grippli are trying to steal a carved wooden frog set into a shop's overhanging arch. They appear both drunk and aroused. One is carrying a scroll of Animate Objects, and the other is carrying a ring with the spell "Wood to Flesh". This will not end well.

An animated pair of pliers is trying to pluck all of the fruit from an orchard. It has been reasonably successful, and judging by the small groups of people sitting on the ground, moaning and clutching their groin, unable to discern what is or isn't fruit, except by apparent shape.

A rowboat moves across the road, the ground rippling like water under the oars of the five-man pirate crew, looking for a lost schooner in a nearby forest. They refuse to consider the ground solid, and will actively drown if removed from the boat.

A cleric and a monk are having a staring competition. Pretty much that, by itself, is kind of an oddity. What makes this one unique is both are beholderkins.

A small village on stilts is trying to avoid the effects of an illusionary flood of ants, beetles and centipedes. Three nearby illusionists can be seen, but not heard, laughing hysterically. They are in a Zone of Silence, and are pricks.

A lich is kneeling by a rabbit warren, trying to coax out the baby bunnies. If asked, she will explain that their mother was killed by a wildcat before she could chase it off, and without her, the little ones won't survive the winter.

So she's zombifying the lot of them.

Party wizard/cleric/artificer is approached by a warforged who wants help having her body remodded into cute robot girl mode.

A small blue building with foreign words written on it and a blinking light on top. What happens next is up to the players.

>>13311030
When her face is finished, she'll be so cute!

/tg/, you have made my day. Thank you.
Also, while traveling through a cave, the PCs a naked gnome strapped to the ceiling. Beneath him lies a cage, full of Drow. The gnome has a tube hooked up to his mouth, supplying him with a never-ending supply of water.

The adventurers come across six kobolds sitting cross-legged at a makeshift table. One is wearing what could be called a pointy hat and a makeshift monocle with the glass removed. He is sitting behind a what looks to be a screen. The other five are all fiddling with what appear to be various pebbles and miniature figurines, hanging on the monocled kobold's every word. When the adventurers ask them what they are doing, they readily chirp in unison:

"We're playing Kings & Castles."

A group of skeletons is building an immense sand castle under the watchful eye of their cleric overlord. He is enjoying a day at the beach, but has made it into a working vacation.

A small army of grigs is waging war against a stuffed bear, firing arrow after arrow into it, trying to get it to stop staring at them. Mixed success, thus far.

A local sheriff is posting wanted fliers for a local bandit, last seen in the company of his wife, three elk and a mysterious man known only as, "The Goose". Claims to have been paralyzed by an evil spell and forced to eat pies for six hours straight, buying time for "The Goose's" escape. Moderate bounty, few clues.

A passenger wagon is grounded in the middle of the road/city/wherever.
The wheels seem to have sunk halfway into the ground and the wagon is now completely immobile.
The passengers are yelling at a very flustered wizard who is trying to assure them that he is not responsible for this problem, and that like them, he just wants transport. As he raises his arms in frustration during the argument the wrecked wagon explodes in a huge yellow fireball, Things escalate and a few of the passengers (and possibly the players) are reaching for there weapons.

Nearby another wizard is hiding out of sight and casting spells to further irritate his rival.

Great thread. Requesting archive.

In a restroom, a man is crying furiously, "It won't come off!" When he turns around, there is a zombie head attached to his nether-regions.

A bunch of gnolls wearing ironic clothing. You feel a powerful urge to kill them all.

>>13311363
... hyenasters? Hipgnolls? HYPGNOLLS?!?

>>13311358
Thanks for your request.
It has been added to our database and the thread will be archived as soon as enough request for that thread have been made.
This thread has been requested 2 times now.

A man fishing by a lake. The lake appears to be populated by small, intelligent squids that can walk on land. They seem to like either stealing his hat or all pulling his line at once and pulling him into the lake. They make sounds that are very much like laughter

A giant praying mantis sits in the center of a circle, surrounded by clerics and monks praying. Suddenly, the mantis eats one. The others do nothing, continuing to pray.

request for archive

request for archive

Done.
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/13309241/