Are we a Wizard?
If no, leave.

>>7501502
Of course you're not a wizard! You are an adventurer, a man of action and the sword, not some second-rate conjurer of parlor tricks!
Only gullible fools believe in magic.

>>7501523

Yeaaaahhhh... you realize that we're dead if we enter that temple, right?
We leave. Get mercenary work.

>>7501546
You've been working as a mercenary for years, and it's starting to take its toll. You've got one too many scars on your body, and one too many faces in your dreams. It's time for one big score, and then you can retire in peace.

What if we act so confident and idiotic that the universe just lets us live?

I mean, if there's anything the universe loves more than making innocent people miserable, it's irony.

>>7501570

We've heard that story before; from those broken, haunted old men barely eking out an existence on city streets.

We leave. Become a tactical advisor, or weapons dealer.

>>7501580
Innocent...you remember when that term still applied to you. Back before you'd tasted blood. Before you'd found how far you'd go for survival when you couldn't find work.
Before you were haunted by the color of her pleading eyes.
You know better than anyone how life can bring misery to a man.

>>7501606
Bar owner. Lord knows they have to be old-time fighters to stay alive after those fucking adventurers start fights all the time.

>>7501621

Okay, listen here Evil-Head-Voice, we're not sure how you got us here, and we don't really care.
You're not going to trick us into walking through the Temple of Sacrificial Suffering.

We leave. Find honest work. Not plague-mummy-faggotry.

>>7501621

Wait, now there's a woman involved?

We leave this temple, find her, look into her pleading eyes, and make out. For starters.

>>7501546
Chicken shit. What kind of adventurer are you.

WE ENTER!

>>7501652
>>7501654
>>7501656

Yep. Bar owner sounds good. Maybe an inn-- we can have a happy life with our lover.

>>7501679
The alive kind.

>>7501679

This.

We draw our sword and enter. Whack a stone and growl to let the temple we mean business.

>>7501683
ITT: Normal life quest

>>7501683
>>7501652
>>7501606
>>7501546
You are having second thoughts about raiding the temple now. It seems like just getting a steady, honest job would be so much easier...
You turn your back on the temple, but pause in place. The map in your hand cost most of your savings. Between the Guild's policy of No Refunds, and your lack of proof your map is legit, selling it would be next to impossible. Can you afford to survive until you find employment?

>>7501679

Fuck you!
Damn head-voices calling us cowards.
We're going to stay an un-plagued, sane, and far-too-scarred bar-owner.

>>7501709
Sure, the same way we did before.

>>7501690
>>7501679
Your fears of the temple and desires for tranquility and the quiet life are challenged by your natural hot-bloodedness.
What will you choose? Leave or enter?

>>7501732
Leave. Sell map to other adventurers. Try to find some with more money than sense; they'll believe anything. And why would we be selling them a fake map? The fact that is is indeed legit and not a con is irrelevant.

Become BARTENDER. Buy an INN. Find HER, and proceed to live happily ever after.

>>7501709
>Can you afford to survive until you find employment?
Yes.

>>7501709

Yes. We fucking can. Even if we need to slit throats to do it.
Then we *find* that head-voice-bitch who made us buy the map, and BURNMAIM him.

>>7501732
fuck everyone ONWARD FOR I MIGHT SURVIVE

THIS COURSE OF ACTION 'MUST' BE IN CHARACTER OR I WOULDN'T HAVE SPENT MONEY ON THE MAP!!!!

>>7501732
We are a god-damned adventurer! A dungeon-crashing man and a half!

We crash that fucking dungeon! We crash it as hard as we "crashed" that barmaid last night! A life unfulfilled is worse than an untimely death!

>>7501652
>>7501654
>>7501683
>>7501718
>>7501739
(Well, this is unexpected. But alright.)
You set out for the city. You arrive almost two days later, down to your last strips of jerky and a chunk of trailbread. Your waterskin is half-empty, and your flask has only a few sips left.
The sun is rising over the market as you cross the city limits. Shop owners are setting up their wares and cleaning the streets in anticipation of a busy day.
What do you do?

>>7501739

*Infact,* we can prove it's real. We'll find a group of adventurers, and lead them here.

With our experience, we should easily be able to pick out the gullible rich ones.

>>7501768
WHAT THIS FUCKER SAID!

>>>>nooffenseman.jpg

>>7501768
We've already lived a life fulfilled! To fulfilled, filled with death. Now we just need to settle down somewhere. Pawn the map; there's always someone who'll buy this type of thing.

>>7501791
No.

>>7501782
We head over to the bar.

>>7501785
This.

>>7501782
The fact that you are willing to go with this and not just railroad is a good sign. This has potential.

>>7501785
And all we ask in return for not only the map, but guiding them straight to it, is supplies for the trek there and back, along with payment for the map itself.

>>7501782
>>7501797
*sigh*

Okay, find the guy that has odds&ends for sale. Show him the map, tell him where it leads and that you've been there and had second thoughts about it.

Offer to prove it to him if he'll pay for the food and travel.

>>7501810
You enter the local watering hole, The Stars and Hog. You've knocked back plenty of beers here, usually wasting your pay after a job.
A few of the regulars are slumped over the tables, but the place is mostly deserted. Joey Two-Knives, a local halfling, is sweeping up sawdust from the floor. Bob Bean, a huge, ruddy-faced man with a build like an enormous cherry, has half his stomach leaning over the bar as he polishes it with a dirty rag. He doesn't even look up as he throws you a perfunctory greeting.

>>7501833
Don't do that! Find some adventurers to sell it to; we've been here before, right? We probably know some of the people. Ask around to see if there are any adventurers around, if we don't know of any ourselves.

If we're going to sell this map, we should probably say that we had some sort of horrific vision at the entrance of the cave, so that we'll have a better reason for leaving than just second thoughts.

Just saying.

>>7501854
Wait in bar until evening. Watch as group of four enter. Make sure to borrow a hooded cloak and sit in a corner. Wait for them to come over and talk with us. Offer them the map in exchange for some start-up funds. Start business.

>>7501854
Okay, this is crucial. We go up the halfling. We smile. We speak in a confident, charismatic voice:

"Joey? I got three words that are gonna change your life forever: Joey THREE KNIVES."

>>7501915
His dick wields the third?

>>7501882
You pull on your old all-weather cloak and sit in a far corner. After about two hours you start to get bored. You try to think of something fun to do.
>>7501915
Joey's eyes go wide as he ponders the implications of the idea-bomb you've just dropped. His mouth opens wide, then broadens into a quivering grin. His fists clench in front of his chest as he begins breathing rapidly. With a soft giggle, Joey dashes out the front door and into the sun-drenched streets.
Bob returns from behind the bar and sees you standing alone in the middle of the room.
"Oi! Did you see where Joey went?"

>>7502095
Well... that didn't go as planned. Ask Bob if he needs some help staffing the bar.

BUMP

>>7502369
"Well, I'll be honest with you. Joey isn't always reliable, but he does a fine job when he's here, and I haven't the heart to fire him seeing as he's supporting his mom and all. But I tell you what..."
Bob bends slightly and cups his hand, whispering to you.
"There's this gang of dwarfs who have been going around demanding protection money lately. Weird fellas, but they've been scaring local merchants pretty bad. So far nobody's tried hiring adventurers, since we all remember what happened when Old Crenshaw showed weakness in front of that brawler. 5-finger discount my ass. Where was I? Oh yeah. Look, I'm tired of paying 'protection' to these creeps. If you can take care of them, I'll think about hiring you on as full-time security."
Bob's puffy face is a deep red by the time he finishes his rant.
Do you accept his offer?

>>7505686
Hell yes, both to his offer and to seeing that this is still alive. Good show OP, good show.

>>7505862
He nods with a cynical grimace as you accept.
"Just one little form and I'll give you your advance, friend."
He waddles to the bar and pulls a piece of parchment from behind the till. Since you can't read, like most adventurers, he explains honestly that it's just a simple promise you won't run with his gold until the job's done.
"Sign here," he says, motioning to an X at the bottom.
This is your chance to start a new life, to drop the shackles of memory.
What is your name?

>>7506239
Reginold "Reggie" Kayber. Man that name gave us hell back when we were little...

Oh come on, I can't be the only one still interested in this! What happened to your righteous fervor from last night? Your 'screw the dungeon, we are going to get some honest work god damn it!' attitude?

/tg/, I am disappointed with you.

>>7506239
Spider Mason, professional adventurer.

>>7506333
this

desperate bump.

>>7506333
I don't get it.

>>7509046
We're in a world of adventurers and dwarves and presumable monsters; Reginold is not a name that would go without some snark. So we probably ended up beating the snot out of those punks. And so began our life of violence...

sir reginald the third

heres the plan, we go to the dwarven mob, and say that if they pay you, you will 'take the place' of bob, setting up a functional business relationship between the bar and the mob.

>>7509125
Ehhh, might be a bit too high-class for a merc-turned-barman.

>>7509140
But what kind of life would we have with "Her" if we are tied to the dwarven mafia? I say we do our job as Bob asked.

Besides, it might just be 5 dwarves who are rather full of themselves.

>>7506239
shit. he's just signed the deed to the bar AND his debts to the mafia over to us

>>7507644
>>7506333
You sign your name as Reggie Kayber, determined to keep your true identity. What else does a man truly have, after all, when it's all said and done?
Bob rolls up the parchment and tucks it into a pocket of his apron.
"Alright Reg, thanks. I appreciate this. Now, those thugs usually show up a little after mid-day, so why don't you have a pint on me while you're waiting?"
You accept the drink and take a seat at the end of the bar. Sure enough, about an hour after mid-day, three dwarves enter the tavern. Two are dressed in the usual dwarven attire: multiple layers of leather and mail, equipped with ornate helmets and weapons, and a general store's worth of assorted tools on their belts. Most of it is mining and rock-polishing equipment, but you've seen how they can use those sharp edges.

>>7509268

The third dwarf has the most intricately woven beard, and is obviously their leader. Instead of the traditional robes and plate mail, however, he wears a tightly tailored suit in a style unfamiliar to you. The coat and pants are black with white pinstripes, over a white shirt and black ascot. Gold buttons glint in the afternoon sun from his wrists and waist, slightly brighter than the bits of platinum and obsidian in his beard.
It's his obvious wealth that confuses you, before you notice the moon-shaped scar on his temple. You never thought you'd see Methos again.

The two of you parted on friendly terms after a rough stint as a noble's bodyguard detail a few years ago. He's currently occupied with scanning the room and acting superior, and doesn't appear to have noticed you yet, and is unlikely to spot you under your cloak at the end of the bar, if you don't draw attention to yourself.
Do you signal your suddenly successful friend?

>>7509277
Hmmm, I wonder if we could convince him to lay off the bar with our "Past Friends" bonus to Diplomacy. We'd probably have to put something in to sweeten the deal though; friend or no, it's bad business to just drop a source of income.

Ask him what kind of business he's in now.

>>7509268
>>7509277
(And you come back AGAIN! Thank you for putting up with /tg/s seeming lack of interest; rest assured, there's at least one person who's interested in this.)

Stay back for now and see how this goes down. Once they get down to discussing actual payment, we can step in and begin to talk.

I say we say we act like we're walking out of the bar, but then spin around and sink our blade in that greedy dwarfs throat. Show Bob we really mean business.

Maybe with our display of power we'd be able to sway the other dwarfs to do what we want.

>>7509277
of course, get him to read the parchment we signed

Will there be Ale and Wenches when we're done there? If no, leave.

>>7509433
That plan is just crazy enough...


TO GET US KILLED! We're here to stop the extortion, not commit murder! These guys might be able to evade the law, but I doubt cold-blooded murder in broad daylight will go unnoticed.

>>7509523


We're a hired bar guard and these fellows got out of hand. They drew weapons, and we matched there threat.

Not our fault we're quicker with a blade.

Warmly greet Menthos, make it seem that we are the true owner of this bar, and that we merely rent it out to Bob when we are away. If he enquires why we dont look like a tavern owner, tell him of a "mysterious temple with enormous riches" we found and have been exploring it, if he asks its location, we'll give him it (a fake location) if he promises to stop including the tavern in his racket, after all, it's taking money from our profit.

>>7509587

>>7509552
Implying that Bob wouldn't help testefy against us, implying that the other two dwarves wouldn't just go to the authorities and tell them what happened.

Yes I am aware that I am not greentexting. I don't think it's necessary here.

>>7509587
This, but why not give him the map? If we lie and just give a random place he'll be back and angry that we gave him a false lead. This way we *know* we're sending him someplace with treasure and stuff.

>>7509587
This, sponsor an adventuring party for a percentage of the gross

>>7509631


Come on man, I thought we were a man of action?

>>7509653
We were. Now we just want to settle down, and murdering a guy is not going to help with that! Even if this is a low-magic setting and they can't just cast Zone of Truth or something similar to tell if we offed him without being provoked, it still seems like a bad idea to me.

>>7509684


Well fine, this part of us, the part that speaks with his sword, will wait til the time is right.

It might not be who we are anymore, but we'll never forget that thrill of battle.

>>7509645
There could be loads of awesome treasure there, we want that, not some dwarf bastard. We could tell him to join us instead, but I am not sure he would go for that.

>>7509684
>>7509350
>>7509587

You hop from your stool and throw back your hood as you approach the dwarf with open arms. "Methos!" You call.
His guards have their throwing axes drawn before you can blink, but he waves them down.
"Reg? Is that you? Earth's Bones! I never thought I'd run into you again! I'm impressed an ugly old long shanks like you is even still kicking! What are you doing here?"
You lift your mug wordlessly, careful of what you might say.
"Ah, of course. Silly question." He smiles.
"And yourself?"
"Just taking care of some business. My employer has provided Messr Bean here with a service, and we're collecting the debt. You'll have to join me for a round or four once I'm off duty, and we can catch up on old times. It's good to see you again."

>>7509827
"Oh? Who are you working for now? I'm looking for a spot of work myself, if you catch my drift. What did ol' Bob need, to put him into debt? If you don't mind me asking."

Oh come on, again? Really anonymous? Really? I know I wasn't arguing with myself about killing the dwarf, I know there's more of you out there.

>>7510071
It just seems like the OP has fucked off, is all.

>>7510290
I guess... Though I kinda understand how he feels; "One guy responds, guess people lost interest again."

>>7510290
Sorry about that. Life happens.

>>7509941
"An elder named Bormek. He's got IDEAS, my friend. If you're looking for work, I could put in a good word for you. The old man likes me.
Anyway, to your other question, our organization's been providing security for Messr Bean."

>>7510398
"Interesting... This security that you're providing Bob, he asked for it, right? I mean, you didn't push this service on him, did you?"

>>7510398
You know, we had a pretty good idea ourselves: Joey three knives.

PriPri?

IT'S A TRAP. Or rather, a temple devoted and/or full of 'em.

>>7510502
I dun get it.

>>7510502
Now aren't you glad you didn't enter the temple? Glad someone got it.

>>7510438
"Well, you know how these things are. Sometimes people don't always know what's good for them. You don't wait till you have a fire to buy insurance. That's if you live above ground in the first place, of course." He adds with a smirk.

>>7510526
Princess Princess. It's about an all-boys school where the prettiest ones are dressed up as girls. Nicknamed Pri-Pri by fans.

>>7510799
You kidding? That just makes it more fun, sign me up for the full tour!

>>7510899
Oh god. That's barbaric. We must go there and put the heads of every student and faculty member on pikes. It's the right thing to do.

>>7510799
"Well now Methos you seem to have put me in a bit of a bind. Bob here has offered me a job as security if I can stop this... well let's call a pint a pint, this extortion. I'm looking to move into honest buisness and settle down. Is there any way I could convince you or Mr. Bormek to take his bar off your list without incurring... unpleasantness?"

>>7510964
OP, I think you're gonna have to get used to this guy being the only one giving dialog.

>>7510899
I remember watching Princess Princess, it was totally hot

>>7510964
>Oh god. That's barbaric. We must go there and put the heads of every student and faculty member on pikes. It's the right thing to do.

Sod you, it's totally hot, and the guys who are 'forced' to do it actually get a whole truckload of perks and pay. And isn't it a matter of choice, anyway? I remember Tooru being given a choice.

>>7511169
I don't fucking know, I've never read it! And why the hell isn't my opinion valid? Granted, I can't truly form a fully informed opinion without actually viewing the material in question, but being someone who is homophobic and highly distrustful of those that choose to abandon their natural genders, I doubt reading it will change my mind.

Just because you found it arousing or "hot" as you put it doesn't mean everyone does, and it certainly doesn't mean I will.

Also, not getting sarcasm much? Calling what they are doing barbaric while suggesting that we pull a Vlad the Impaler? Really? I thought the irony was strong enough to get to people even through the internet. I guess I was wrong.

>>7510964
His smile disappears.
"It appears we may be at odds then, Reg. Bormek isn't one to smile when his men come back with empty purses. I don't particularly care for this line of work, and I don't want to fight with you, old friend, but the pay is too good. You're going to have to make a choice."
A muffled grunt signals you to turn around, and you see a dwarf pointing a crossbow at Bob's gut.
"So," Methos continues, "How is this going to go down?"

>>7511357
"Is there any chance we could talk to your boss about this? Maybe convince him of a better path for riches? I have a map you or he might want to see. Been to it's destination myself, it's legit. The contents of it could fetch a pretty penny."

>>7511429
Methos opens his mouth, then pauses.
"What kind of map?" He asks.

>>7512331
(Um, that's actually a good question. What kind of map is it? I can't really gauge what he means by that; is he asking about it's condition, it's legitimacy, where it leads, if it's the kind to show not just the destination but the lands and towns surrounding it...)

I guess we should tell him it's a map we bought showing the location of a temple. Leave out the part about the poem; we don't want to give too much away. With any luck, we can catch their interest without making them think that they would be better served taking it by force.

Due to a lack of interest, and the fact I've come down with something, I'm ending the current session. We'll pick up here in a day or two.

>>7512553
Sounds good. Hope you feel better.