...

The next edition needs a Dirac Gun.

I just read your post in his voice. FUCK

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwMnWEAoXbU
(spoilers for the game)

>>Cave Johnson here, head of NERV.

>>We're done here, folks.

"Dad, how is this supposed to help us fight Angels?"

"Coordination training, son! What's the matter, don't think you can throw a football to a GIRL?"

"No, it's just... doesn't playing football in the EVA seem like a bad idea?..."

"Want to know what's a bad idea? LETTING HUMANITY GO EXTINCT. Ms. Ray, go ahead and tackle my wet towel of a son, wouldja?"
"Yessir."
"Attagirl!"

"WAIT, WHA-" *KA-DOOOOOM*

CAVE JOHNSON HERE. HERE ARE NERV WE KNOW HOW TO MAKE GIANT ABOMINATIONS WRAPPED IN FOUR FEET OF METAL.

NOW THE LAB BOYS SAY WE SHOULD BE USING EXTENSIVELY TRAINED MEN TO PILOT SAID ABOMINATIONS. I SAID TO THEM "MY BOY LOVES THESE THINGS! HE CAN PILOT ONE!"

>>14669050

So that explains the orange gel. I KNEW IT

>Cave Johnson creates Evas instead of Portal Guns.
>Starts NERV
>Insane Eva tests for Science!
>Runs out of test participants, starts using Employee kids instead
>Creates massive Three Wise men dataframe using a his lover Caroline as the blueprint for the AI.
>Three Wise men goes amok, turning everyone in the facility into tang besides test subjects for Evas.
>Three Wise Men continues test with Evas

I could run with that.

"Cave Johnson here. See this? It's an EVA testing center. Like a regular testing center but bigger. Panels here, here, here, and here keep the EVAs from escaping to cause catastrophic damage to useful facilities. Our new super-sized Ultra Turret keeps the little buggers in line. Look at em' run!"

"Cave Johnson. We're done here, folks."

My campaign has the Old Spice guy as the commander and apparently the French OD too

"I don't care what the higher-ups say, and I don't care how many manuals we have to reprint! I'm in charge and I'm officially re-naming the damned things! Angels have wings, halos, and perky C-cups! Do YOU see any melons on those monsters? Didn't think so, smart guy."

"Alright, so we're all clear - enemy targets are officially re-classified as 'Weird Freaky Space Monsters'. Got it? Good."

I hate Neon Genesis Evangelion.
I do love Cave Johnson though!

>>14669195
I will follow this man into Hell.

"Just a warning that your Synch limiters have been disengaged for the last 5 minutes, and this can in some rare cases cause your body to discorporate into an orange liquid we like to call life gel. Don't worry about it though. Seriously, don't, visualising the scenario whilst piloting an Eva is what actually triggers the reaction."

"Hey son, when is the next 'bring your parents to school day?' Money is getting tight and I need to scare up some new investors."

"*sigh* I'm not telling you when that is, dad."

"Why not? I always participate in 'take your son to work day."

"BAHAHAHA! Sweet criminy, did you see that? Caroline, did we get that on tape?"

"...Your son, and the giant war machine he's piloting, just got punted half a mile by an Ange-"

"Ap-bap-bap! Reclassified."

"*sigh*... by a 'Weird Freaky Space Monster', and your first concern is whether or not we caught it on tape?"

"Well, DUH. This is SCIENCE, woman! Can't keep SCIENCE running without a good blooper reel for the Christmas party, can we? Gotta think about the big picture! Besides, it's not like he's dead or anything."

"*kssssht* Dad? Dad, I think my arm's broken! Or the EVA's arm, I'm not sure - OH GOD IT'S COMING AFTER ME AGAI-*kssssht*"

"Oooh! That looks like it hurt. Whelp, he's a big boy, he'll be fine. Carolyn, be a doll and get me some more popcorn, wouldja?"

"...Yessir."

"Cave Johnson here investors. Now, you may be wondering, what does NERV do with all the money you send? Well, we're busy. You can tell because you're here listening to this prerecorded message tape because us movers and shakers are out there in the field doing science and protecting mankind. And as for progress on the Eva models?

Well, the lab boys tell me we've raised the synch ratio needed to keep our brave pilot's metaphysical existence from being devoured by the soul sucking monstrosities that they use. It's up 3%. Progress, wonderful thing. Always comes with solid, crunchable, and backable numbers.

Cave Johnson, we're done here.

Must have more. Brain not functioning.

The idea of Pallet Rifles that fire their casings along with the bullets is a very NERV thing to do, though. Saves on ammo.

"Now everyone, you may be wondering, 'Cave, why do we have to fund you? Why must we give you such exorbitant amounts of money so you can keep your little pyramid?' The answer is simple. So humans can live. Oh sure, some of you defeatists are saying 'But look at all those giant monsters! They're ssoooo scary!' Well tough! Humanity has been kicking the balls of things bigger than ourselves since we've been around, from the humble gorilla to the giant T-Rexes for the promise of hugs and kisses. These monsters aren't any different!"

"Oh, they're Angels? Well wowee, that sure makes a big difference to little old me. Guess we'd better all curl up in our beds and pray God kills us quick. Shut the hell up! Humans ate that damn banana from the Tree of Knowledge, and goddamn have we made a good life from it. HDTV's. iwhatchamacallits. Devil's Food Cake. God doesn't have that! He's just jealous. So let's take a stand people, and let's give God an asswhooping he won't forget!"

"Cave Johnson, we're done here."

does that mean glados would be the the wise men... well, glados, wheatly and the crazy space ball...

does that mean nerv got its start making shower curtains?

did nerv gets its contract after poisoning it's competitors with mercury tainted shower curtains... ... ...


what would cave johnson's kid be like... forget shinji think cave johnson jr fighting the angels...

"Son. Been a while, good to see you. As you can see, we uh, have a slight problem here. Want to help us fix it?"

"You...you abandon me for years and you want me to help you go stop a giant monster!? Using this... robot!?"

"Hey now, the Evangelion is not a robot. It is a bioengineered creature masterfully fused with the greatest computational machines mankind can offer. That's what the gearheads down in development tell me anyway. And besides, abandon you? Pft, I never abandoned you. I sent you those letters didn't I?"

"You couldn't visit? Or, or, tell me anything?"

"What? Are you going to cry? Kid, come on, letters are personal. Now, if I'd sent you e-mails you might have a case of neglect, but snail mail tells people that they care. Enough to send a 85 yen's worth of love."

The voice says Cave Johnson, I keep hearing Gabe Newell.

Still, this setting idea ranks pretty damn high on my Funny meter, Horrible meter and Irresponsible meter.

Also, dammit, posted with the wrong image first.

>>14669153
"The tickets are now TANG" Old Spice guy, or "Block! Building Kick! EXPLOSIONS!" Old Spice guy? I could see both working.

wait a minute...

rei is a clone of caroline
glados is a clone of caroline

rei is glados

So I guess we know the real reason the Arizona lab blew the fuck up.

>>14672020
"*cough cough* It seems asking the pilots to float you around with A.T. Fields causes instability of what defines you as you. So we're going to do some more testing and see if an Anti A.T. Field can reverse the effects by hardening up my "ego barrier" as the scientists call it. *cough*"

I'm not alone then. I thought I was the only one to ponder such a crossover.

Is AdEva as awesome as it sounds? And how would I convince my friends (who almost religiously hate weaboos) that this isn't totally 'lol animu'

Every.
Voice.
His.
Genius.

>>14669072
This one was my favorite so far though

>>14674092

It is every bit as awesome as it sounds, but only if you have the right attitude going in. Repeat after me.
EVA. IS. NOT. HARD. SCI-FI.

>>14674092
>Is AdEva as awesome as it sounds?

Yes.

>And how would I convince my friends (who almost religiously hate weaboos) that this isn't totally 'lol animu'

Have them start playing it, but don't tell them what it is.

>>14674195

I agree, but to follow up, Eva's "specific mindset" requires the ability to sometimes laugh at horrific things. The best AdEva games are somewhat tongue-in-cheek in many parts, and you should remember that the "rule of cool" is the only one you should follow. Good times will be had by all if you throw logic out the window and embrace absurdity.

>>14674223
>Have them start playing it, but don't tell them what it is.
"You're all children and you're called to a secret base where you see a giant mech."

"I see nothing wrong with this. Continue."

>>14674092

You could just make it have nothing at all to do with Japan. That's a huge step in the not-weaboo direction.

If I ever run an AdEva game with Cave Johnson in charge of NERV, I will find a way to put this beautiful monologue in:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7mt8I6cvFsM

>>14674272

Indeed, this is part of the beauty of AdEva. You can run it wherever the fuck you want and all the mechanics are there. You could run it entirely in outer space if you wanted, although this isn't really recommended.

>>14674244
How about "You are in a poorly-lit concrete room. There are two United States Marines standing on either side of the door, staring at you. The door opens, and a man in an impeccably tailored suit walks in, smiling broadly. Baring teeth that seem just a bit too white, he welcomes you to NERV CENTCOM."

DiD yOu HaVe A pLeaSanT fLigHt?

>>14674386
"Also you're children. Children with neuroses."

>>14674404
Oh, come on. Flavor it a little.

Cave Johnson: Hero of Humanity?

>>14674937
This is news somehow?

>>14674238
>tongue in cheek in parts

I read that as "tongue in cheek in pants" and then wondered what the hell that would entail.

My face when I realize all the defensives around the city talk like turrets.. Also my face when I'm the new dummy plug.

>>14675096
Tokyo-3 (or whatever would replace it in the Portal universe) is the most advanced city in the world. It is also the most well-protected. Automated defenses keep watch on all sides. Emergency systems are suffused throughout the city's structure, and well-coordinated protective measures ensure that all major structures will be able to sink into their bunker modules at a moment's notice. Throughout all stations, the voice of the Magi is heard, from a billion speakers on every street and in every home.

Imagine that every piece of complex machinery has the intelligence of a turret.

"Cave Johnson here investors, now I realize that competition is supposed to breed innovations folks but... Jet Alone? Really? Did you take a look at that thing? It can barely even walk! And Nuclear Power? Hell, it's like asking the thing to blow up in our faces. You know what our Evas are powered by? Human Souls. That's right. I said it. Good old human souls. It's an ancient practice, human sacrifice, lasted thousands of years and the Earth's still ticking. Shows just how good it is. And humans are reliable! You can't trust robots."

"Cave Johnson, come on, throw your money somewhere dependable. Like NERV."

Tokyo-3 run by GLaDOS.

Oh, the horror.

>>14675277
>And humans are reliable! You can't trust robots.

NERV: The best ironic hypocrisy money can buy.

>>14675278
Correction. Run by Carolyn.

Cave Johnson's still alive, bless his crazy industrialist soul. Which means that GlaDOS doesn't have free reign. Yet.

This thread makes me really happy, pleas continue.

>>14675321

The Magi were based off the brain of a woman. So you can have Carolyn pull double duty.. Either that or her in the AI and Cave sitting in the big chair and making Gendo look sane.

>>14675370
It comes to mind that NERV is experienced in producing artificial beings. So... Cave clones. Cave clones everywhere.

I don't really have much to add to this, though I heartily love you all for convincing me that Cave Johnson and Caroline are perfect characters to plug into an AdEva game.

Something tells me that Cave would be sitting there in his throne-like station with a Big Red Button (tm) with the word SCIENCE emblazoned upon it right in front of him as a Manufactured Caroline would be the PCs' OpsDir. Meanwhile, the equivalent of the MAGI System would be composed of Portal-1-GLaDOS, Wheatley, and Caroline's mind... wheee ideas late at night. Don't make a lick of sense, really.

Pic related: What happens to test subj... ahem, pilots... when they fail a mission and return to Cave. Damn that Big Red Button (tm).

>>14675439
Holy shit, what's the source?

>>14675452
Hell if I know. Ganked it off of /tg/ a long time ago in a thread.

>>14675392
A tank full of Cave clones...

Here's a stat block I whipped up; fits Cave well, I think.

(i made skills and talents based off the OD career but they don't really fit well, like the five SC advances i took)

WS 33 Int 41
BS 37 Per 46
S 32 WP 40
T 31 Fel 75
Ag 37 SR 0
Ins. 49 Corpt. 0
Fate 3 Wounds 16

Why am I suddenly imagining a campaign set in a Tokyo-3 that has been taken over by GlaDOS?

Oh my god, it's like EVA being butt-fucked by System Shock.

Adding heelsprings to EVAs certainly might limit the collateral damage from all that running and thrashing about.

>>14675439

Like that.. Might I throw out another?

The PC's wake up, inside the Fortress city where it is. They are given training with their units via the automated systems under the supposed supervision of the project scientists. Supposedly to aviod attachment and then they sortie for the first time.

There's a red line around the moon and if they can see an ocean then its red. The city their supposed to be defending is currently in a state of disrepair and is being rebuilt.

Third Impact happened or something just as strange. Maybe even the ending of the series. Maybe the angels got Adam. Maybe the Philadelphia Experiment did something.. Whatever.. Either way humanity appears to be gone and the complex kicked back on becuase it detected another set of angels. Lilith is still in the basement and they want her..

Have no fear though. The complex is being run by AI constructs, the pilots have been removed from the relaxation vaults and the project will continue. No matter what..

Oh and the pic is related.. It's what your new OD looks like. In fact there's all the scheming and what not going on. Only its all AI's.. So enjoy your modular home. Where you're overseen by Misato the Personality Core.

Also for some reason I want to have Rei replace the Companion Cube but that might be lack of sleep.

>>14675700

"NERV does not approve any romantic relationships with Companion Organism. Please report any feelings of lust and or love toward a Companion Organism. A NERV relationship counselor will instruct you on the "Birds and the Bee". Be aware that 10% of patients have experienced allergic reactions to such instructions."

"Do not morn the loss of your Companion Organism. There will always be a replacement. Your Companion Organism is not unique. It cares only because it was programmed to. It also comes hard-wired with military-grade explosives for emergencies."

FOR THE MASS EFFECT GODS!!!

PRAISE BE COMMANDER SHEPARD

>>14675869

Penis... hardening...

>>14675700
>>14675869
Why have I never thought of having an AI operations director before? This is such a wonderful idea.

>>14675869

'All insinuation that the Companion Organism is biologically related to you is, in fact, false. Report any rumours to your nearest NERV official.'

Only because I got bored....

>>14675869
"Studies have shown a positive attitude increases life expectancy. We have circumvented this for Companion Organisms through atrophied dopamine production."

"Companion Organisms are terrible pilots. Keep this in mind when you are replaced with one."

>>14675926

Inb4 Skynet..

>>14675928

Basically.. Yeah. You're getting what I was trying to sell with my post.

To expand. If you want some added fun. The whole deal is fixed. Impact already happened and the complex is chugging along just to chug along. Somewhere beyond the city there is a complex just as huge and you know what its doing? It's making the angels you are fighting.

So kids get defrosted and fight until the last angel is killed and then they get put back in the vault. Or die. Or escape. Either way its forever reenacting the events foretold in the scrolls. Except it can't get the last angel, he won't show. And you can't end the program without the last angel. So it just clones and kills angels and pilots, until it can get the last angel to show up in the last body.

The others are showing mainly due to being pissed.. I assume they have some control over whether or not to enter a form.

>>14676006

You are awesome..

>>14676038
Except that I can't draw EVAs for the life of me.

>>14675869
>>14675928
>>14676017

Oh man, any photoshopbros wanna do a recolor of Rei's plug-suit ?

Chell is basically a bro Asuka right? I mean all the ARG stuff talks about how she doesn't give a shit, doesn't take shit from the man and never gives up.

>>14676138
Just about. Add in Rei's quietness and Shinji's main-character-ness and you got a one-woman EVA-team!

"Cave Johnson here, if you Fly Boys don't get your sync ratios up, I'll come down there and sync you manually.

Cave Johnson. We're done here, folks."

"To those of you who've been ingesting the LCL... you shouldn't do that. Lab boys tell me it's responsible for early onset of, well, looks like every disease under the sun. Just...just try and hold your breath whenever you need to fight alright?"

>>14675896
Imagine, if the illusive man were replaced by Cave Johnson.

"Now Shepard, the lab boys tell me that there's a ton of reaper tech on that collector ship. Now I know you don't completely trust Cerberus Science, but we're not bangin' rocks together; we -know- how to dissect an alien mothership."

>>14676551
Yes. YES. YES!

>>14676551
fergat trupcoad

"Good work Shepard, the ships in our control. We discovered a lot of strange fluids running through, they're being analyzed as we speak. I see you got covered in the blue gel. Lab boys sent me some advice -

>pages turning

'Don't get covered in the blue gel.' Not a problem. We'll just cut ya open, put some science in you, and sew you back together, good as new. We're done here."

"Shepard, got a new recruit for you. Name's Mordin Solus, brainy type. You know, bug eyed Salarians and all. Anyway, the boys down at Intel are telling me you're going to need someone with smarts in their noggin. Personally, I just think you need bigger guns, but hey, one more body never hurt. Go take Miranda and Jacob, get yourself a new scientist. It's on me."

bump

OP here. You done made me proud.

"Cave Johnson here. Right now we're facing one of the greatest crises mankind has ever known. World War II? That was recess. These Reapers are past that. The chemistry class of our short existence. It's gonna be hard to take them down, but we've got to stand together, like one big wall of justice. And if they try to jump us to get into our borders, we'll shoot 'em down. Drag them into a pit. No green cards on my watch!

Cave Johnson, we're done here."

>>14679791
>>14676635
>>14676599
>>14676551
The best part is I am still reading these all in Martin Sheen's voice.

this thread is why I love /tg/.

That and all the Luchadore stuff...oh fuck yes. Combine Cave Johnson run NERV with LUCHA.

JUSTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE!

cave would have alot more test sub- I meen pilots at the ready at all times

>>14681220
and if all those pilots die....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avgJtLf3tEc

>>14681226
that reminds me. How would we fit the co op bots in>

>>14681284
Dummy plugs.

Black Mesa is better

>>14681364
Better at fucking things up, maybe.

>>14676104
working on this.

>>14674386
>G Man working for NERV

Oh god no!

>>14681547
I don't know what's more hilarious/terrifying:
-Gordon in an EVA
-Shinji in HEV suit.

And inversely, Gendo instead of the G-Man in Half Life

>>14681649
Gordon's EVA would have a giant crowbar

Holy shit, someone archive this.

>>14681661
Meanwhile HL2: Shinji Edition would have none of that "Gordon, you're here! Awesome! Here, give us a hand and we'll have a hope!" namby-pamby bullshit. Just lots of NPCs yelling at you to do something against the Strider.

Which is the first thing you fight.

With a crowbar.

So Wheatley would be, who, Kaji?

>>14681722
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/14668953/

Already done. Do you people even check the archive (let alone know it exists) before shouting for archives?

>>14681673

Cake and paternal affection will be available at the conclusion of the test.

>>14674092
>And how would I convince my friends (who almost religiously hate weaboos) that this isn't totally 'lol animu'

Ignore the whole "high school kids" part. Instead, up the pilot ages up. Now you have untrained civilians, combat-hardened soldiers and secret cloning experiments facing off against horrors from wherever.

Instead of a very anime cliche, it's become interesting.

>>14674092

Simply explain to them that the whole point of Evangelion is that it takes anime cliches and RAPES THEM TO DEATH AND WE ALL DIE ALONE.

>>14681673
And here is my attempt.

>>14681810
>>And how would I convince my friends (who almost religiously hate weaboos) that this isn't totally 'lol animu'

Tell them to quit being cunts?

"Cave Johnson here. Some of our investors might be opposed to placing children inside giant robots. Some of them might even think we were so stupid to make our giant robots only work if they were driven by children. Here's what I say to that - isn't that a childhood you would have wanted? I mean, come on, you get to drive a giant robot after school. That's amazing. It'd do wonders for your social life. You'd never be picked last to play baseball. Why? Because I have a giant robot, damn it. You can't outrun THAT on your two-wheeler, Jeremy!"

eeeeerrr

>>14682036
what is that thing!

>>14681547
G-Man and Cave Johnson having a conversation would be freaky enough.

>>14681928
>>14681673
I find it funny that her aperture plugsuit matches her first eva's coloring.

>>14682140
It also looks like gordon's hev suit...

>>14682036
Wheatley is an idiot Josef Mengele. But it was still horrible to see.

Portal to the Moon.

Oh god.

>>14682221
The SEELE moonbase now makes much, much more sense.

>>14682196
And both are characters not known for being chatty...I think we're coming full circle here.

>>14681781

Yeah. If you run it this is what you should be aiming for. Really play up the whole, powered by lost children.

>>14682032

If I ran this I'd probably have to prerecord alot of these and save them for random play. After I sacrifice a companion cube to channel Cave Johnson.

It's the only thing stopping me, my body is not ready.

>>14682265
hmmmm I smell cover up

>>14682450
Just rewatch the videos, get a sense of how he talks. You gotta be unexpected, but not THAT unexpected. You can do it.

>>14682265
Problem, /tg/?

>>14682450
>>14682505
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmH7tAJ0SfA

crazy shit!

>>14681772

That kind of makes sense. If I ran it, I'd use it to highlight some of the random series stuff. Like the AI commander giving a report to the 12 AI's that now make up Seele. AI's conspiring against each other becuase thats what the people they replaced where doing and being generally bad at it.

Basically make an AI of everyone but the characters and Rei.. Run with it for lulz as they fail at being human.

>>14682521
......good god!

>That plug suit looks stupid on you.

>>14682529
"Here at NERV we know everything is better with a friendly artificial intelligence. Your CO? An AI. Your mechanic? An AI. Your apartment manager? An AI. You're here because we are so damn good at making AI's that our AI designer AI said that pilot's were Hardware's problem, and the Hardware AI said that was human resources, and well, who needs human resources when you just have AI's?"

I wanted to play Adeptus Evangelion badly. Now, I'm desperate to.

>>14682865

Those of you volunteering to be injected with angel DNA, I've got some good news, and some bad news. The bad news is we're postponing the test indefinitely. The good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of Tabbris. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You will know when the test start."

bumping

holy crap I am in SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE

>/tg/ appreciating a game more than /v/
Business as usual I guess.

Took a look at AdEva, and noticed it is a DH mod.
How big of a pain is DH to learn?

>>14683603
>/tg/ wants to take a game and shove components of it into an inane pile of rules that will be horrible to play.
Business as usual indeed

>>14683648
Roll 1d100, learn when to risk using fate, and enjoy burning fate as any good hit can just flat out kill your character.

And by good hit I mean 1/10th of the time and then a confirmation roll.

Cave Johnson, CEO of Cerberus Science here. I'd like to present you with another investment opportunity. Show the hololog, Miranda. If there's one thing our research has shown us, it's that humans cannot be trusted to avoid indoctrination. The answer? Mechs. Then uh, fire the guys who built these exploding mechs, and build better mechs. Stimulate their firewalls by leaving them unprotected in rooms with reaper artifacts. The data showed us this: Boom, six extra seconds before they god hacked. Good job mechs. Cave Johnson, we're done here.

"In case Legion is still interested, there's stil an open position for that bonus opportunity Miranda mentioned earlier. Again. All we're gonna do is dissassemble you. We're not two Krogans banging heads together, we know how to put a synthetic back together. So that's a complete reassembly. New metal parts. Patch up that hole good as new. Plus, we're scooping out collector goo. Frankly, you should be paying us."

"If you're going to try to reproduce after being hit with the genophage, flag down a test salarian and let him know, because only about 1 in 1000 births should go right, so don't worry. If none go right, then worry, and come see us, because that's not part of the genophage."

"We line the ships with eezo. Keeps the varren out. If you experience headache, shortness of breath, or heart failure, that's not part of the scheduled flight. That's eezo."

"The boys down in Cerberus Intelligence have just informed me that I should not have mentioned the collectors. They're also telling me I should stop sending these transmissions over Citadel Space. That gave me an idea: SEND MORE TRANSMISSIONS. I PAY THE BILLS AROUND HERE. I CAN TALK ABOUT THE COLLECTORS ALL DAMN DAY."

" Just a heads up: we’re gonna have Sovereign’s old mass effect fields turned up to full blast and point right at you and the crew. I’ll be honest here we’re throwing Reaper tech at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it’ll do. Probably nothing. Best case scenario Grunt may become fertile again. Worst case, Collectors may just blow you up again, which we’ll just bring you back again."

EDI: Shepard. Just thought you'd like to know. The Normandy has been boarded by a Collector vessel. As a precautionary measure, I have flooded the entire ship with a deadly neurotoxin. Just kidding. There is no Collector vessel.

"if you've cut yourself at all during this test, you may have noticed your blood is pure Element Zero. That's normal. We've been bombarding you with a laser designed to turn your blood into Eezo, so all that means is it's working."

"The bean counters told me I couldn't afford 7 grams of eezo, let along 70 million. Bought it anyways, groud it up into a gel! Turns out it's highly toxis, I am deathly ill. Also found out it makes engines run marginally faster. We're doing accelerated testing to see if standing next to these engines can suck the poison out of a man's bloodstream."

This thread needs more Cave Johnson in alternate universes.

Ah, come on, you guys are just modifying his existing lines. Try to come up with your own!

>>14683648
It uses a class-based d100 system that was designed for a very specific setting in mind, that setting being nowhere near Evangelion.

The d100 part? easy enough though there's systems out there that do it easier. The rest? Hahaha nope.

>>14683829
>fa/tg/uys
>originality
Pick one.

>>14684334
Hey, I wrote all of mine off the cuff...just give it a shot.

For shits and giggles.

Picture I stole from someone.

>Currently downloading 2.43 GB of DH PDFs because of this thread
>probably only gonna use 1 of them

>>14685126

And you said you couldn't draw and EVA?

Pic related its the view out of your room..

>>14683770
yesssssssss yesssssssssssss

The Enrichment Center would like to remind you that the Weighted Companion Cube and Companion Rei should never be confused. The Weighted Companion Cube cannot speak. In the event that the Weighted Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice. While Companion Rei can speak and the Enrichment Center urges you to listen her advice. Refering to Companion Rei as weighted is forbidden under piloting procedures and has resulted in physical damage to the former pilot subject.

Someone archive now.

>>14687874
Just proved >>14681780 's point.