You currently stand in the middle of a jungle. By your side are Kharn, ten World Eaters, the Master of Hounds/Lash of the Black Legion (the Iron Warrior who built your arms), Lucius, a squad of his men and a passive carnosaur.

Having tamed such a powerful steed, you get the idea to have the Jokaero outfit it with a fearsome array of weaponry. You tune into the vox channel to try and contact the Vengeful Spirit, but as you do a voice comes in.

“Abaddon, is that you? Where in the warp are you?” Ahriman says, an annoyed tone to his voice

(rolls are 1d100 with higher being better, and any rolls of 66, 77, 88, or 99 will result in that action being chosen above all and "enhanced", as it has clearly been blessed by the Dark Gods)

rolled 96 = 96

>>15612383
yell at Ahriman for fucking up the time travel and that there's fucking dinosaurs and eldar all over.

rolled 43 = 43

>>15612395

Tell him you have the best mount ever. EVER!

rolled 68 = 68

Bitch smack with sidnri followed by asking what the fuck is going on.

rolled 96 = 96

>>15612383

Use Sindri to slap Ahriman with mindslap over the vox.

then do >>15612395

rolled 53 = 53

>>15612415
>>15612383

THE DARK GODS HAVE SPOKEN

rolled 64 = 64

"Ahriman shut the fuck up and send all our flamer squads down here. We've got a forest to burn."

>>15612395
>>15612415
Angered, you swing Sindri in a smacking motion. A psychic wave is formed which mentally pimpslaps Ahriman.

"OW! What the hell was that for?!"

You then proceed the scream at Ahriman, telling him that you've been sent to the wrong time and that there are saurian beasts and Eldar warriors on Terra.

"Hm....yes, it seems my concerns about the warp bending were accurate ones." he says cryptically

rolled 59 = 59

>>15612455
Sindri smack him again for being unnecessarily cryptic.

Also smack Lucius for being pussy and running from the t-rex.

rolled 49 = 49

>>15612465
"WHAT FUCKING CONCERNS?"
Make him tell you what the fuck's going on

rolled 98 = 98

Have Ahriman elaborate.

>>15612465
This, motherfucker needs to be clear with us!

also, have we gotton our eldar waifu back to the ship yet?

>>15612486
hueg nose is hueg. monkeyface

>>15612486
(She's still with you although unconscious. A thunderhawk was called in to pick her up though.)

>>15612480
You demand that Ahriman explain what he means. "Very well." he says "My concern with the warp bending required for time travel was that, as the Chaos Gods were not yet born when the Emperor was, it would be incredibly difficult to get a precise time. See, the warp is different and it is not as easy to control warp bending without the powers of Chaos in full blossom."

"So yeah. We might have been sent back in time a *few* years too earlier. My bad."

rolled 16 = 16

>>15612557
Smack Ahriman for being incompetent.

I have an idea! Let's bugger off Ancient Terra and go DESTROY THE ELDAR!

Sure it won't be as awesome as defeating the emperor, but hey. It'll be awesome.

That, or we can go wake up the Necrons, and point and laugh as THEY slaughter the Eldar.

rolled 59 = 59

A "FEW" YEARS?!?!

rolled 80 = 80

>>15612557
First get our eldar waifu to the ship. Then wail on Ahriman for fucking up.

>>15612591
Idiot, then they'll be the dominant form of life in the galaxy by the time the future comes, giving our gods an even greater threat to their will!

>eldar waifu
Why does /tg/ insist on turning any thread into "alf slave wat do?"
still, I guess this has potential :/

rolled 70 = 70

Guys, since there are no humans around and there's nothing to stop us, maybe we'll DESTROY TERRA?

rolled 74 = 74

get into orbit, concoct plan to make eldar orgy slaanesh into existence a bit earlier

>>15612623
You desire to smack Ahriman across his mind once more, but first you realize you get your eldar captive to a cell aboard the Vengeful Spirit. After that you can smack Ahriman around some more.

You tune into a different vox channel and demand that the dropship you called for hurries up. It about a minute or two, a thunderhawk with the colours of the Black Legion arrives. A squad of your legionaries come out of the ship and two of them pick up the Eldar warrior, bringing her inside.

"It is a honour to serve you, lord Abaddon." the squad leader says while bowing. "Is there anything else you wish from us?"

'Forgive' Ahirman for his incompetence, forcing him to accompany Kharn throughout the rest of the crusade as punishment. After decreeing so, let us think of our next move...

"The Eldar should be but childsplay to destroy with our armies, but one must not forget that they run the galaxy with an empire far greater than even the Imperium. We can take this world from them, but the point would be mute-- we are not prepared to face an entire Empire in a war of attrition."

rolled 79 = 79

>>15612681
Yes. Tell him to bring our t-rex to the battle barge so the monkeys can outfit it with lascannons and shit.

>>15612688
*did not mean to put that in quotes*

>>15612701
Or Multilasers.

rolled 79 = 79

>>15612681
Ask him for a blow job.

rolled 82 = 82

get Mr. T (that is our dino's name from henceforth) armed and dangerous, and hook up with the other marines on the planet's surface

>>15612716
>>15612701
You tell the squad leader you want his crew to bring the tamed carnosaur to the Vengeful Spirit, so that it may be outfitted with some deadly weaponry.

He nods. "Very well, lord. Anything else you wish of me?"

You lean forward and whisper something into his ear. He sighs. "Very well, my lord..."

The two of you go behind the treeline and begin pleasing the unborn Slaanesh. Once you are done, the sergeant wipes his mouth and heads back to his thunderhawk, the carnosaur tied to it with powerful cables.

What now, warmaster?

Wait a minute. How can Chaos empower Abaddon, if we are in a time where there are no Chaos?

Or is this just like Wiley Coyote running out of a cliff and it takes a while before he realizes that he will fall down?

rolled 90 = 90

>>15612767
DON'T YOU GO BRINGING YOUR LOGIC MUMBO-JUMBO INTO THIS
ABADDON IS KAMINA, IT DOES NOT APPLY TO HIM

>>15612764
>get several good ideas of what to do next and move the thread forward
>instead, pick the one with the blowjob

>>15612779
chaos - logic

Pick one.

rolled 6 = 6

>>15612741
Send out a general order for all marines to return to space.

Once aboard our vessel, gather all the champions for a war council.

Brofist Kharn at least once

rolled 63 = 63

>>15612781
Blow job AND getting a dinosaur guns!
Stop being a faggot.

Rolling for trying to find that fat fuck Typhus.

rolled 45 = 45

>>15612764
Travel around the jungle some more. Look for others.

rolled 13 = 13

>>15612807
Rolling for this.


I also submit that OP should ignore stupid suggestions in the future, all in favor say "Aye"

rolled 45 = 45

>>15612807
Rolling for this.
We need to gtfo of here and form a proper strategy that doesn't involve droppodding into unknown territory.

rolled 66 = 66

>>15612838
find other marines, start hunting raptors

rolled 52 = 52

>>15612848
In addition, say "clever girl" at least once

rolled 65 = 65

Name carnosaur Mr.Giggles.

rolled 73 = 73

>>15612848
SLAANESH WILLS IT

>>15612848
You decide that it would be best to try and rendezvous with some of the other marines dropped down. You also have a sudden desire the hunt and kill any tiny carnosaurs that you may find.

You rally your group and move deeper into the jungle. As you march forward, you hear movement in the distance. "There's something closing in." Lucius says

>>15612893
Derpa derp, forgot my tripcode.

>>15612893
Get Ahriman to try and sense what it is or someshit

>>15612893

Slap his shit.

rolled 97 = 97

Ready.

Aim.

DAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKA

rolled 37 = 37

>>15612893
spawn a titan by using only your will

rolled 32 = 32

Rolling to send Doomrider after it to find out what it is. With or without the dakka.

Order your men to construct a Titan out of your waifu.

rolled 19 = 19

Tell Khan that Angron was a sissy.

>>15612912
You order your warriors to ready their guns. As the movement gets closer and closer, a shadowy figure comes into view.

You tell the marines to fire at will. A storm of bolter-fire is unleashed by the combined squad. Plants, vines and even rocks are tore to pieces as the explosive shells rip through the jungle. You hear howls of agony coming from the direction of the movement, and came almost make out some splashes of blood.

After not even a minute, the jungle before you is utterly destroyed. Shards of earth and splintered tree remains scattered all around. A large stain of red lies in the distance.

rolled 35 = 35

>>15612935

rolled 17 = 17

Get Sindri to unleash a torrent of UNHOLY FUCKFIRE on whatever it is that's closing in.

rolled 45 = 45

>>15612948
Send Lucius to investigate, backed with his Slanneshi squad.

>>15612961
You give Lucius the order to move up and investigate. He and his Emperor's Children advances towards the red stain.

He looks over the remains of the killed things and then shouts. "Abaddon! I think we nailed one of our own!"

rolled 33 = 33

>>15612948

Investigate, what the fuck you just killed

rolled 61 = 61

>>15612989

Ask if it still lives, if it lives, have the Jokaero build them robot bodies

>>15612989
>killed thing

rolled 66 = 66

>>15612989
nothing a space monkey can't fix

rolled 77 = 77

>>15612989

Command Lucius to stop fucking around and just say what the fuck we killed, if they're still alive bring them to the ship and throw them at the Jokaero, see what they can come up with.

rolled 64 = 64

Blood for the Blood God! Keep moving!

rolled 100 = 100

>>15613006
>>15613012

The Chaos Gods have spoken!

rolled 75 = 75

>>15613025
>>15613012
>>15613006
Indeed they have.

rolled 61 = 61

>>15613025

>100
>77
>66

>implying the warp isn't as strong as always in the past

rolled 69 = 69

>>15613033
Time has no bearing on Chaos

>>15613012
>>15613006
(DOUBLE BLESSINGS)

You ask Lucius what exactly they killed. "Judging by the armour pieces it was a terminator." he says

You suddenly feel saddened. For such a honoured warrior to die in such a way, and to friendly fire...you wish that he could have lived on.

Then an idea crosses your mind.You tell Lucius to bring the remains to the Vengeful Spirit, and give it to the Jokaero. They shall build him an immortal metal body, immune to change and undying.

Lucius nods and tunes into the vox channel. However, as he calls for a thunderhawk you hear a lumbering noise nearby. A dreadnought steps into view, painted with the colours of Alpha Legion.

"NO! BROTHER AGATHON!" it shouts, it's voice mechanical and harsh, as it sees the bloody remains. "YOU SCUM SHALL PAY FOR HIS DEATH!"

You hear the hum of an assault cannon as the dreadnought turns towards your squad.

rolled 94 = 94

>>15613110
BBRPRRROOTTTHHHAAAAAAAAAAAA

rolled 83 = 83

>>15613110
>Alpha Legion
Check if anyone in your squad is Alpharius. Then get to cover.

rolled 96 = 96

>>15613110
Tell him just who the hell you are and beat his ass with Sindri

rolled 63 = 63

>>15613110

Call the Dreadnought a faggot with such intensity that the blessings of Slaanesh liquify it's insides.

rolled 74 = 74

"No. We will not. Blast that heap to scrap! Let the tomb smolder and rust millenia from now!"

Blast the fuck out of it, is what I'm saying.

rolled 49 = 49

>>15613110

Insult the Dreadnought's honor, then rush towards it and slice it in twain with Drach'nyen

>>15613134
You charge towards the dreadnought, announcing your name and titles to it. Pulling back Sindri you swing the fist towards the sarcophagus as you close in.

The dreadnought fires a few inaccurate bursts from it's assault cannon. As you bring Sindri to strike it catches the fist with it's own clawed hand.

"Eh? First captain Abaddon? But you aren't crusading in this sector!" it says, a confused tone to it's voice

rolled 20 = 20

>>15613181
Tip the fucker

rolled 13 = 13

>>15613181
get this shit. we come from the future to help the emperor from shit that happens in the future. now take me to him so that we may help him. also we will fix our brother over there with our, now get this, space monkey engineers

>>15613181

WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AM I IN THIS FUCKING SECTOR? DID I CALL EVERY FUCKING CHAMPION OF THE 4 GODS TOGETHER? WHAT'S THAT? I DID? THEN I AM FUCKING CRUSADING IN THIS SECTOR!

and tell me you aren't gong to insist on being called alpharius.

rolled 99 = 99

>>15613181
WAIT a second.

WHERE ARE WE? why are you here, WHO SENT YOU

rolled 84 = 84

>>15613181
scream obscenities at that big metal bitch until he falls in line with the rest of the squad.

rolled 7 = 7

>>15613181

Command the Dreadnought to tell you where the fuck you are, he appears more competent than Ahriman.

rolled 18 = 18

>>15613181
Yes! That is exactly what I am doing. Give me your report Dreadnought!

rolled 54 = 54

>>15613181

>"Eh? First captain Abaddon? But you aren't crusading in this sector!" it says, a confused tone to it's voice

AHRIMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!

rolled 51 = 51

>>15613209
forgot roll

rolled 87 = 87

Hold your assault, but keep your guard. These Alpha Legion folks are tricky, y'know. Inform him that you are Warmaster, for proof show him the Talon of Horus and command that he yields and explains himself.

>>15613213
You then come to the realization that is no quite right about this. You being question the dreadnought before you.

The sarcophagus releases it's grip on Sindri. "We're on yet to be named sector crusading the name of the the Emperor, of course! I'm here on the orders of your Warmaster and my Primarch." it says "Now where is Brother Agathon? I could have sworn he was here a minute ago."

rolled 86 = 86

>>15613265
dont worry he will be back right... about...now

rolled 37 = 37

>>15613265

Rear your head back and scream at the heavens in rage

rolled 3 = 3

>>15613265
ROBOT HOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE!

rolled 76 = 76

>>15613265

Tell the Dreadnought to excuse you, then walk back to your group, once you're there, tell Sindri to contact Ahriman.

Scream at Ahriman for 10 minutes.

rolled 30 = 30

Examine the dreadnought

rolled 30 = 30

>>15613265
Wait so we aren't even on Terra?

rolled 35 = 35

>>15613265

God fucking damn it Ahriman.

>>15613277
You inform the dreadnought that his battle brother will be back very soon. As you do, the rest of the squad move over to the bloody remains and stand over it, waiting for the thunderhawk to get here.

After a few moments of awkward silence the dreanought speaks. "So...those Eldar, eh? They're sure fun to kill."

rolled 53 = 53

>>15613391
Ask the dreadnought his name and ask if he's Alpharius.

rolled 25 = 25

>>15613391

"Yeah yeah they sure are... By the way, so uhh... What year is it?"

rolled 71 = 71

>>15613391
oh ya. ya. how about them crusades, you for da empura and all that jive. might i ask were the rest of your squad is?

>>15613420
The dreadnought gave a shrug, or at least, the closing thing a shrug a mechanical walking tomb could give.

"Don't know. Most of my group was scattered when when dropped down in our pods. A few were attacked by those little running-biting-thingees." it says "Do you know where the rest of your squad is?"

rolled 12 = 12

>>15613391
Ask him if they have any recent news from the Emperor.

rolled 22 = 22

>>15613452

Yeah uh... I'm sure they're around some...

Uh oh...

EVERYBODY HOLD THE FUCK UP, where is Kharn?

rolled 21 = 21

>>15613452
they are here some were but for know it is just me and those cool motherfuckas right over there.
how far is terra from here we got lost. in a warp storm. a really big warp storm.

inb4 Abbadon starts the heresy.

rolled 22 = 22

>>15613452
Point to the dozen plus marines with you.

rolled 87 = 87

"I do know where my squad is. There right fucking here!"

>>15613521
You inform the dreadnought that you're already with your squad, gesturing to the many marines with you.

It looks at your group. "Ah, I see." it says "So who are you?"

rolled 92 = 92

>>15613566

"ABBA-MOTHERFUCKING-DON BIATCH!"
Then yell for kharn

rolled 51 = 51

>>15613566

"I just told you faggot, i am Abaddon! Great Warmas- I mean... I am Abaddon, first, uh, captain, now if you excuse me i gotta go back to my ship, i got a sor- i mean a psy- i mean... I got someone to discipline for his imcompetence"

rolled 23 = 23

>>15613566

Level it with the guy. Tell him of the Emperor's gargantuan faggotry, how you're all from the future, how gods actually exist, how the Imperial truth is complete falsehood, how the Emperor actively doesn't give a fuck and is a terrible father...

You get the idea. If we win, we get a dreadnought and kickstart some heresy. If we lose, well shit, we were probably going to gank the fucker anyway.

rolled 39 = 39

>>15613584
rolling for this

>>15613607

Lets get some Chaos up in this sector.

rolled 71 = 71

>>15613623

Email field, bro.

rolled 86 = 86

>>15613627

Yep, I fail

rolled 60 = 60

>>15613566
i am abbadon bad ass of the luna wolfs. i think that is what we are called right now. not that important because i have a fellow brother that needs a good ass kicking for fucking up majorly

rolled 47 = 47

Hold on
>"NO! BROTHER AGATHON! YOU SCUM SHALL PAY FOR HIS DEATH!"
>"Eh? First captain Abaddon?"

>"Now where is Brother Agathon? I could have sworn he was here a minute ago."
>"Do you know where the rest of your squad is?"
>"So who are you?"
SOMETHING ISN'T RIGHT HERE

rolled 40 = 40

>>15613651

WELCOME TO 30 MINUTES AGO, NOW HELP US KICK THE SHIT OUT OF AHRIMAN

>>15613671
"Ah, you're first captain abaddon!"
"Who are you anyway?"

*ahem*

rolled 28 = 28

>>15613681

POINT TAKEN, EVEN MORE REASON TO KICK THE SHIT OUT OF HIM

>>15613578
You lean in towards the dreadnought a scream your name as loud as possible. Once finished, you call for Kharn.

"Ah, first captain Abaddon! It's a honour to meet you." the dreadnought says "Say, have you seen my squad anywhere? We dropped down in our pods but have been having trouble finding each other."

Kharn walks over to you."WHAT DO YOU WANT, ABADDON?" he asks

rolled 52 = 52

>>15613607
Second

rolled 31 = 31

Well, it seems like we're caught in a time warp. Only one thing for it.

Punch the warp.

>>15613681
Maybe he's got short term memory loss.

rolled 46 = 46

>>15613733
maybe?

rolled 66 = 66

Hang on...

We have a broken terminator.
We have a faggot loyalist dreadnaught.
We have mechanical genius monkeys.

Can we not combine the three? ;)

>>15613760
THIS

rolled 12 = 12

>>15613704

Make a terminator dreadnaught!
WITH LASERS N' SHIT!

rolled 63 = 63

>>15613760

>Suggests surgical/bionic three way combination
> ;)
> Gets 66

Shit just got horrible connotations.

rolled 3 = 3

>>15613760
SLAANESH WILLS IT

rolled 78 = 78

Kharn, do you have any experience dealing with senile dreadnaughts?

>>15613760
You hear a noise, then look up and see that the thunderhawk Lucius called for has arrived. As you look upon the incomprehensible dreadnought and the terminator stain, a sickening idea crosses your mind.

You order the ship's crew to move the dreadnought and terminator's remains into the thunderhawk. They comply, and you walk over to the crew leader, whispering what you want the Jokaero to do with the two once they are on the Vengeful Spirit. He nods "Yes, my lord!"

As the thunderhawk takes off you hear "NO! BROTHER AGATHON! WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU?!"

What now, glorious warmaster?

rolled 70 = 70

>>15613821

"Ahriman, be a dear and kindly tell me WHERE AND WHEN THE FLYING FUCK WE ARE, YOU COCKFALCON"

rolled 68 = 68

>>15613821

"Those Eldar got him venerable brother! Worry not! We will fix him!"

Now, everyone into the thunderhawk, we're going back to the ship!

rolled 86 = 86

need to find out where these loyalists came from, seems like we're not on earths past either, probably not even earth.

rolled 9 = 9

>>15613821
go to Ahriman
slap his shit because he fucked up royal
look for more alpha legion
jump start this heresy

rolled 35 = 35

>>15613821

We need to get back to the ship and regroup, also yell at Ahriman and make sure that Eliphas is cleaning the Jokaero shit.

rolled 72 = 72

Kharn, would you kindly ask Ahriman WHAT THE FLYING FUCK HAPPENED?

rolled 7 = 7

>>15613821
Try to figure out what the fuck is wrong with this terminator. He seems to be having memory skips.

rolled 48 = 48

Get back to the ship, stupid Ahriman didn't get us back in time enough! The Emperor is at the peak of his power, we need to go back to when he was a baby!

rolled 99 = 99

AHRIMAN WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE
AHRIMAN WHEN THE FUCK ARE WE
AHRIMAN WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

rolled 11 = 11

>>15613911
TZEENTCH DEMANDS TO KNOW

rolled 3 = 3

Enter Thunderhawk, leave planet. Hide until Horus Heresy.

>>15613956

Even the dice agree that this is boring.

>>15613911
You need to know what the hell is going on. You tune into Ahriman's vox channel. As soon as you hear the sorcerer's voice, you begin scolding him whist bombarding him with questions.

"JUST HOLD THE FUCK ON ABADDON!" he shouts back "Now I completely assure you that we ARE on ancient Terra. Timewise we have gone back anywhere between 40,000 years and 40 million." he continues "Now why in the name of Tzeentch would you think otherwise?"

rolled 19 = 19

>>15613986
MOTHERFUCKING DINOSAURES MOTHERFUCKER

rolled 92 = 92

>>15613986
OH, SO ANCIENT TERRA WAS HOME TO LOYALIST APLHA LEGION? WHO TAUGHT YOU MAGIC, A RATLING?

rolled 27 = 27

>>15613995
MOTHERFUCKER LOYALIST MOTHERFUCKER

rolled 59 = 59

>>15614007

This, can't go wrong with this!

rolled 75 = 75

>>15613986
ALPHA LEGION
ELDAR
MOTHERFUCKIN DINOSAURS

rolled 39 = 39

>>15614008
MOTHERFUCKER ELDAR MOTHERFUCKER

>>15614007
"Don't you go insulting me, you incompetent shit!" Ahriman shouts back "Now what is this crap about "loyalist Alpha Legion"? Explain yourself."

rolled 61 = 61

>>15614071

Bitchslap Ahriman
Then tell him in explicit details about the dreadnaught
then bitchslap him again

rolled 30 = 30

>>15614071
FUCKIN' DREDNAUGHT FUCKIN' TERMINATOR FUCKIN'...

Wait...how do we know if they were lying to us?

rolled 13 = 13

>>15614071

PRE-HERESY. EMPEROR HALFWAY ACROSS THE GALAXY AND IN FULL POWER, GOLDEN AGE TECH.... Golden age tech... everywhere....

We gotta get us some of this.

rolled 10 = 10

>>15614071
did i mother fucking stutter. i said MOTHER FUCKING LOYALIST ALPHA MOTHER FUCKING LEGION MOTHERFUCKER

rolled 65 = 65

>>15614071

GOD DAMN IT STOP BITCHING ABOUT ME BITCHING GOD DAMN! WE'RE GOING BACK WITH LOYALIST ALPHA LEGION DREADNOUGHT AND TERMINATOR, WHEN WE GET THERE YOU AND ELIPHAS EXAMINE THEM! GOD DAMN SHIT FUCK

rolled 22 = 22

>>15614088
Second.

rolled 36 = 36

WHY ARE THERE NO CHERRIES ON MY SUNDAY?! SINDRIIIIIIII!

rolled 17 = 17

>>15614071

INCOMPETENT!?

IN-COM-PE-TENT?!

YOU'RE THE STUPID SACK OF SHIT THAT SENT US TO THE WRONG PLANET DURING THE GREAT CRUSADE INSTEAD OF TERRA WHEN THAT GOLD-HALOED SHITBAG HAD JUST DROPPED OUT HIS MOTHERS WITHERED CUNT! HOW I KNOW THIS? OH, I DON'T KNOW, HOW ABOUT TALKING TO AN ALPHA MARINE DREADNOUGHT WHO STILL CALLS ME CAPTAIN AND THINKS THAT HORUS IS CALLING THE SHOTS?!

FOR FUCK'S SAKE AHRIMAN, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER

>>15614114
You can hear Ahriman hiss over the vox. "Fine then. I shall waste my precious time to prove your baseless assumptions wrong." he says "Now until then PISS OFF AND DON'T CONTACT ME AGAIN!"

Ahriman turns off his vox. You hear some noises off in the brush.

rolled 25 = 25

>>15614186

PUNCH IT WITH SINDRI. TWICE.

Then say "SORRY BOUT THAT BRAH" when its inevitably Kharn or Lucius.

rolled 35 = 35

>>15614186

GOD DAMN BRUSHES.

Fall back to the Thunderhawk and prepare to get back to the ship, we need to regroup and figure what the fuck is going on

rolled 84 = 84

>>15614186
RUSH IN TO RAPE IT.

rolled 51 = 51

>>15614186
smack it with your dick

rolled 55 = 55

>>15614186
ignore them, call for transport, leave

>>15614211
You charge into the direction of the noise, eager to mutilate and break whatever lies in the brush.

Suddenly a small carnosaur jumps out and leaps at you. You ram Araghast forward, smashing your codpiece into the creature's skull and spraying blood and bone everywhere.

rolled 91 = 91

>>15614252
Masturbate furiously. On the raptor.

rolled 8 = 8

>>15614071
On second thought, we should be thanking him, this fuckup has given us a an Eldar wafu, a T-rex to rid apon, and a soon to be Terminought

rolled 35 = 35

>>15614267
that was the jokero bro.

Also board thunderhawk and find out what the fuck is going on.

rolled 69 = 69

>>15614278

Then check up on our eldar and try (and fail) to be a good 1950's era husband.

rolled 66 = 66

>>15614252
i think you mean prototype dreadknight
>>15614267
cook it then eat it

>>15614313
Proud of this kill made by your codpiece, you decide to honor Slaanesh once more and feast upon this cock-slammed carnosaur.

You order the Master of Hounds to spray it with his meltagun a little, but as he cooks the slain beast you hear more noises in the brush, along with movement.

rolled 94 = 94

>>15614346
slap it with your dick
again

rolled 72 = 72

MARINES! FORM UP! MAKE A PERIMETER WHILE I FEAST! and if your good, you can have some too

rolled 41 = 41

>>15614346
"WHO DARES TO DISTURB MY FEAST OF COCK-BEATEN MEAT?!"

rolled 87 = 87

>>15614346
Investigate.
If eldars, orally rape them.
If allies, greet them.
Anything else, open fire.

>>15614351
Once more you charge towards the noise with the intent of beating it with your cock. Another small carnosaur appears and snaps at you, but you slam it with Araghast and shatter it's jaw.

However you see two other carnosaurs approaching you. You hear the distant noises and movement getting closer.

rolled 73 = 73

>>15614406
Stand ground, identify target and open fire if hostile. Rape if eldar.

rolled 79 = 79

>>15614406
brainwash them into a pair of loyal attack dogs

rolled 23 = 23

GRAB THEM BY THE TAILS AND USE THEM AS FLAILS

rolled 37 = 37

>>15614406
drop kick everything that isn't friendly

>>15614434
You raise Sindri towards the lizards as they close in. The bound daemon releases a psychic wave similar to the one used on the larger beast, stopping them both in their tracks.

Both the carnosaurs turn around and charge at the brush. Several more of the creatures come out from it, only to be attacked by the two.

You hear the amount of movements increase and louden quickly.

>>15614488
Wrestle them.

rolled 53 = 53

>>15614488

Why are you even asking.

Name one person on this threat who does NOT want an army of these under our control?

rolled 33 = 33

>>15614513
forgot the roll.

rolled 65 = 65

>>15614488
shoot laser out of your eyes toward the sound of giant footsteps

rolled 10 = 10

>>15614488
Moar brainwashing

rolled 66 = 66

Scream "Helloooo boys!!!!" at the top of your voice and charge the spot the noise emenates from, fuck that shit up with Drach'nyen.

rolled 20 = 20

>>15614545
The gods will it.

rolled 18 = 18

I'M TIRED OF THIS MOTHERFUCKING LIZARDS ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING JUNGLE! NO MORE MOTHERFUCKER! NO MORE!

Get into the Thunderhawk with your loyal carnosaurs and allies and leave.

>>15614545
You yell out a greeting at the oncoming noises and charge towards the source of them, drawing Drach'nyen as you do.

"About damn time..." the daemon blade mutters

You see a small carnosaur lunge at you. You dodge the beast's attack with the grace of a daemonette and bring Drach'nyen around the slay it in a single blow.

Several more carnosaurs charge at you. You slash at them as they do, cutting and slicing them into pieces. Five carnosaurs lay dead at your feet, slain by the daemon sword, but you hear more coming.

You see your brainwashed lizards pinned on the ground, being bitten and ripped at by their fellow creatures.

rolled 54 = 54

>>15614607
GET TO DA THUNDAHAWK!!!

rolled 17 = 17

>>15614607
shoot mind bullets at the fiends

rolled 90 = 90

Kill enemies, return to thunderhawk, assess situation.

rolled 94 = 94

Get our marines together and hold the raptors off until the thunderhawk arrives.

rolled 47 = 47

>>15614638
>>15614641

rolled 71 = 71

>>15614607
Imbue the friendly raptors with the warp energies at your disposial so they can throw off their attackers and continue to assist us in the holdoff/escape

>>15614641
You fall away from the approaching creatures and call your group together. The marines rally at your command, the squads together with movement all around.

You see small carnosaurs emerge, dozens of them, all around you. They charge towards you group of marines.

rolled 28 = 28

>>15614684
Keep firing. Wait for the Thunderhawk to pick us up.
From time to time release psychich waves using Sindri or our Codpiece.

rolled 10 = 10

Rolling to do something eventful in the thread,

rolled 21 = 21

>>15614684
Subjugate.
Control.
You are the Warmaster.

rolled 59 = 59

>>15614684
unleash elleven barrels of hell

>>15614710
You give the marines the order to fire. Bolters bark and shells fly in all directions, ripping carnosaurs apart as they hit.

Soon the berzerkers rev their chainaxes and break formation, charging the beasts back. They begin ripping them to pieces with their arms and axes.

Despite their loses the raptors keep coming at you. You soon see a thunderhawk coming down from the sky. It drops a few missiles into the jungle brush, which is met with flaming explosions and howls. The ship lands near your location.

rolled 46 = 46

>>15614793
Go, go, go! Board the damn thunderhawk.

rolled 68 = 68

>>15614793
GET INTO THE THUDNERHAWK
GET THE FUCK OUT

rolled 19 = 19

>>15614793
Get our troops inside and board the vessel.
Then, order an orbital bombardment on Terra.

rolled 91 = 91

>>15614805
Rolling again for htis.

rolled 81 = 81

>>15614793
GET THE FUCK IN THERE AND THEN BOMB THE FUCKING RAPTORS FROM ORBIT

rolled 20 = 20

>>15614793
get in the thunderhawk then fly low over the planet and look for more alpha legionnaires

rolled 48 = 48

>>15614793
unleash a much larger brainwashing wave on the entire raptor pack, then imbune them with warp power

>>15614821
You waste no time ordering the men to get inside the thunderhawk. Most of the group rushes towards the ship, although two berzerkers stay behind, too busy hacking away at carnosaurs to hear you.

You run right into the thunderhawk, followed by the rest of your marines. One of Lucius' men is tackled and mauled by several carnosaurs as he attempts to reach the ship.

With majority of the squad inside you have the thunderhawk's doors shut. The vessel takes off and you grab a nearby vox unit. You order the Vengeful Spirit to unleash an orbital strike your location.

As the thunderhawk flies through he skies of Terra, you see a bright explosion of promethium emerge behind you.

rolled 33 = 33

>>15614907
FUCK YEAH

ABADDON; RAPTOR NUKER

NOW LETS GET TO THE FLAGSHIP AND SMACK AHRIMAN AROUND

rolled 2 = 2

>>15614907
Another orbital strike on Terra.
And another one.
We'll ground the entire fucking planet if we can't kill the Emperor right now.

rolled 7 = 7

>>15614907
go to the simion bunker and see what they have done so far with the terminator and the dread

rolled 15 = 15

>>15614935
:|
Reroll.

rolled 93 = 93

>>15614930

Rolling for this again.

Let's see if that incompetent fuck-up has figured out his error yet.

rolled 87 = 87

>>15614907
Find that loyalist dreadnought and interrogate him.

Also visit your waifu later.

rolled 1 = 1

>>15614935
Abadass kills the dinosaurs

rolled 58 = 58

I just thought of something.
We have to 'disappear', stay as far away from the eldar as we can.
Why?
Because we have to give them their age of prosprerity and pleasure, for slanessh to be born. Then we strike, and fist bumps are had by all.

Lets go over to Maccragge.

>>15614957
You decide it's pay Ahriman a little visit.

Once the thunderhawk docks in the Vengeful Spirit, you disembark and immediately march over the sorcerer chambers. You find Ahriman waiting inside.

"Ah, greetings Abaddon. How wonderful to see you got off the planet unscathed." he says, smug as ever "What is it you wish to speak to me about?"

rolled 96 = 96

>>15615017
beat him, beat him hard.

rolled 39 = 39

>>15615017

YOU DONE FUCKED UP AND I WANT YOU TO TELL ME EXACTLY FUCKING WHY.

rolled 63 = 63

>>15615032
with your dick, shouting "I AM THE ALPHA AND OMEGA, AND YOU ARE MY BITCH!"

rolled 28 = 28

>>15615017
greet him with a smile on our face, then ask him what happened.

then before he gets a chance to speak we smash his head through the hull and continue making viewing holes with his head until he tells us exactly what the fuck he did.

Sorry, need to have dinner now. Will be back soon.

rolled 6 = 6

Are we close to auto-sage? We may need to get a new thread going.

I'mma back.

>>15615032
You punch Ahriman with Sindri. Right in the fucking face.

The sorcerer is knocked down by the blow, grasping the front of his now cracked helm. Before he can react, you bring Sindri down again on his back.

You continue beating Ahriman until he pushes you away with a sudden mental blast. The sorcerer gets up and draws his bolt pistol, a blue warp flame emerging in his other hand.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!" he yells

rolled 70 = 70

>>15615325
"You stupid fucknugget drenched in nurge's pus! You sent us to a time before the Eldar even Fell! I'll throw out my back butchering that many, and there's no Eye of Terror for us to return to here!"

Turn up the warp heat as wel, make us have our warp flame cape to intimidate him to back the fuck down.

rolled 28 = 28

>>15615325
"THAT WAS FOR ACTING LIKE YOU DIDN'T FUCK UP. NOW GO AND SEE IF WE CAN SALVAGE THIS MESS."

rolled 80 = 80

>>15615325
WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?

THATS WHAT I SHOULD BE SAYING,

YOU DUN GOOFED, YOU DUN GOOFED.

this isn't terra from antiquity, where the fuck are we.

rolled 60 = 60

>>15615368
>>15615372
Those two.

rolled 100 = 100

>>15615366

Rollin' mah support.

>>15615384
You insult and yell at Sindri, angered that he has taken you to a time before the Fall of the Eldar. Your rage is so great that a warp flames burst from your back and form a cape-like fire.

Ahriman backs away, shocked by your clearly almighty badassery. "I-I'm sorry Abaddon, but the Eldar didn't fall until the 30th mellenium. It's not my fault that their power is still great at this time.

rolled 99 = 99

>>15615473
it is time to create the black library

rolled 63 = 63

>>15615473
Alpha Legion Dreadnought. How,when and why. Get to it Ahriman.

>>15615481
I don't even know what the fuck this is supposed to mean.

rolled 56 = 56

>>15615481
>>15615498
Can we combine those two?

rolled 40 = 40

But the Eldar Fell during the Age of Strife, not the Age of the Imperium!

rolled 53 = 53

>>15615498
this, and then we storm out, we will not waste any more words on the fucker

>>15615481
Holy balls

rolled 30 = 30

We shall have to HELP them fall then! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!

rolled 43 = 43

>>15615506
niether do i i just wrote that shit for shits and giggle but apperantly i win. have fun

rolled 68 = 68

>>15615506
>>15615481
>black library
>contains all eldar knowledge of chaos
Obviously, we're going to teach those fuckers know just what the hell chaos is.

rolled 16 = 16

>>15615542
YES
Does anyone know if the Eldar already knew about chaos during the prehistoric era?

rolled 24 = 24

>>15615561
CLEARLY NOT BOY-O BECAUSE WE'RE GONNA FUCKING TEACH'EM!

rolled 95 = 95

Facefuck Ahriman!

rolled 53 = 53

>>15615498

This. Time to interrogate the dreadnought, get some better info on what the fuck is going down here.

rolled 26 = 26

>>15615615
Yeah, rolling in support

rolled 19 = 19

>>15615610

As much as I want to make that smug fuckwit our personal punching bag, we kind of need all the help we can get right now. We're intimidated him enough to get him to back off for now.

rolled 96 = 96

hasnt ahriman been to blakc library but was blocked out or something?

if so tell ahriman that you going to the BL

>>15615542
(I can work with this)
Suddenly a brilliant idea crosses your mind.

You look at Ahriman and tell him that the Eldar do not seem to understand Chaos. You tell him that you think they should be informed about it, taught all it's glory.

A smile breaks upon the sorcerer's face and he chuckles. Soon, Ahriman is laughing as wickedly as a Saturday morning cartoon-villain. "A BRILLIANT idea, Abaddon!' he says "But how will we do this great deed?"

rolled 37 = 37

>>15615646
use your waifu to plot the seed of slaanesh

rolled 10 = 10

>>15615646
Shake SINDRIIII a bit, tell him to wake up
There's punching to do.

(punch through the black library via arcing power of captured eldar leader. aka our waifu. ?)

rolled 72 = 72

>>15615646
1)WE CAPTURE ELDAR
2)THROW THEM TO THE WARP
3)SLAANESH
4)REMOVE FROM WARP
5)THROW ON CRAFTWORLDS
6)????
7)PROFIT

rolled 46 = 46

>>15615646

... my god this is brilliant. Tempt them with power and pleasure and watch their civilization tear itself apart.

rolled 14 = 14

>>15615667
WARP SWIRLIES!

rolled 85 = 85

>>15615646
>Step 1: Get waifu pregnant with chaos baby
>Step 2: Convert her to chaos and send her to eldar worlds
>Step 3: Ally with eldar after a few centuries of corruption
>Step 4: ???
>Step 5: CHAOS DOMINATES EVERYTHING

rolled 22 = 22

>>15615646
How long before the fall is it? Let's wake Slaneesh up early. Also, any way to open a link to the warp and let demons pour forth onto their worlds? Anything like that?

rolled 59 = 59

>>15615664

Seconded.

rolled 59 = 59

GUYS

GUYS

GUYS

WAIT, GUYS

OUR ELDAR WAIFU

CONVERT HER AND USE HER AS A SLEEPER AGENT.

rolled 45 = 45

>>15615682
get Doomrider.
Tell him to plan for the biggest party Ever. so big, that his main man Slanessh gets born.

rolled 10 = 10

Convert waifu to chaos. Form scheme to make her leader of the Eldar then marry her and forge allegiance between chaos mehreens and eldar.

rolled 18 = 18

Facefuck Ahriman, make a video of it and send it to the Eldars!( This is fancy way to show them the pleasures of shlaanesh)

rolled 37 = 37

>>15615682

make this happen! do it 35 minutes ago...

also, 'izhipl' is acceptable according to captcha

rolled 59 = 59

TALK TO ELDAR WAIFU
RIGHT FUCKING NOW

rolled 10 = 10

We still need to figure out WHEN THE FUCK ARE WE!

rolled 54 = 54

>>15615722
if we do be cautious about it, bring a cadre of sorcerers to bring up a ward to protect against her powers. or outright halt her from manifesting them.

rolled 1 = 1

CAGE TONS OF DINOSAURS, INFECT THEM WITH SOME SHIT TO MAKE THEM ALL HORNY AND STUFFS AND SET THEM LOSE ON THE ELDAR, WITH CHAOS SPUNK. YES, WE RAPE THE ELDAR AND WATCH THEM SPAWN CHAOS FROM THEIR PUSSIES MOTHERFUCKER.

rolled 30 = 30

>>15615646

The Eldar don't properly know the Chaos gods yet and currently are still the glorious Empire of Sadistic Rapists - form a group of Tzeentchian sorcerers, make some shiny psyker tricks to impress the Eldar and then tell them where to get "more".

Also, denounce those Eldar speaking out against their decadence as hidden servants of the C'tan, so that Slaanesh may eat even more souls when s/he wakes up.

rolled 51 = 51

>>15615739
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGEEEEE
REROLING FOR CHAOS.

>>15615682
You inform Ahriman that you plan to do something with the female Eldar you captured. "Another good idea my lord." he says "And here I was, thinking the only reason you captured that bitch was to please Slaanesh."

You exit the chambers and head to the prison chambers. Inside one of the cells you see your red-haired Eldar warrior captive lying down. She raises her head up to you.

rolled 15 = 15

Ask Slaanesh for some tentacles. Go tentacle fuck Dinosaur.

rolled 88 = 88

>>15615761

Begin the "Ritual, we have a perfect being to create and by the gods we're going to get it done.

rolled 24 = 24

>>15615761

First things first, be on the guard for psychic shit from her.

She's in a position of weakness. We show her how to obtain power through Chaos, and converting her should be a snap.

>>15615761

Tell Araghast to channel all his rage into your dick.
Also have Typhus enchance your dick with Space Aids that will neither affect the primary host (your slave), nor you, but all other Eldar that should even touch her.

rolled 100 = 100

>>15615774
don't you mean beings? LOOK AT THAT BITCH WITH SUCH GLORY THAT THE CHILD POPS OUT OF HERE RIGHT THIS SECOND.

rolled 9 = 9

"God of pleasure give me tentacles and make my waifu futa!!!"

rolled 73 = 73

>>15615788

Goddamnit

rolled 46 = 46

>>15615761
"Of all the power, of all the 'grace', that your race holds. your Prophets and Seers. None predicted our arrival did they?" go on and laugh. "But, your fear is misplaced though. I come, as, a representative of the most powerful god that the eldar race has ever created."

rolled 21 = 21

>>15615792
>>15615774

Third ed, I almost feel bad for the Eldar...almost.

>>15615774
MAKE IS SO

>>15615792

Holy shit. Better go put on the smooth jazz right now.

>>15615792
and by, look at her. we mean have sex with.

rolled 25 = 25

>>15615830
and by have sex with her, we mean rape her brutally. For four years.

>>15615774
You open the cell and step inside.

Your wife-to-be greets you be immediately smashing your head into the wall with her foot.

The Eldar warrior prepares to deliver another swift kick to your head. However, it seems Khorne has blessed you as you grab the leg before it makes contact.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH! I'LL KILL YOU" she screams

The Eldar tries to unleash a psychic assault but you quickly smack her with Sindri. You then deliver a punch to the xeno's gut, causing her to fall over in pain. "You...bastard..."

rolled 24 = 24

>>15615855
Get her up. Apologize for striking her and make her do the same.

rolled 48 = 48

>>15615855
SLOW DOWN BITCH YOU'RE MY WIFE NOT KHARN'S! HE MIGHT LIKE IT ROUGH ALL THE GOD DAMN TIME BUT I ONLY LIKE IT THAT WAY SOME OF THE TIME AND TONIGHT IS NOT ONE OF THOSE NIGHTS!

YOU GONNA GET LOVED TENDERLY

rolled 35 = 35

>>15615855
"We have to plan the wedding, you dumb bitch! CHRIST. Now, what's your policy on guests? Should this be a private ceremony? I need to pick a ring."

rolled 45 = 45

>>15615809
>>15615855

Retrying this.
After all, its 100% True.

rolled 90 = 90

>>15615874
Second this!

rolled 60 = 60

>>15615855
Do this:
>>15615792

rolled 93 = 93

>>15615855

Grab her by the throat and lift her up until you've almost chocke her to death.

Then make sweet love.

rolled 57 = 57

>>15615855
mind rape

rolled 61 = 61

"Slaanesh turn her into your minion !"

rolled 93 = 93

>>15615855

The will of Slaanesh made manifest isn't going to create itself.

rolled 2 = 2

kneel before her, gently lifting her hand up to your lips, then look up to her, and ask for her hand in marraige.


promise her cookies if she says yes.

>>15615855

Do >>15615792

Do it now.

rolled 90 = 90

Inform Kharn he's our best man.

Ahriman can be a bridesmaid.

rolled 22 = 22

>>15615910
Welp, so much for that. Rolling for tearing her clothes off, then loving her until she screams your name. Also, fuck her so well, that she even begs you to let her suck your dick.

rolled 76 = 76

>>15615926
"you may rape the bride"

rolled 57 = 57

DESTROY HER IN MEANS OF ANAL DOMINATION !

rolled 71 = 71

BE ROMANTICAL AND SHIT

>>15615907
>>15615896

Mood music? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ab7e8y_IODk&feature=related

rolled 56 = 56

"WOMAN, I HAVE COME TO COURT THEE"

>>15615896
>>15615907
You grasp the neck of the Eldar warrior with Sindri. Lifting her into the air, you press down and choke her. She starts at you with terrified eyes, gasping for breath until he runs out of it.

She passes out and slumps onto the ground. You remove Araghast and begin the forging of the greatest heresy ever.

(this is going to autsage, will make new thread)

rolled 42 = 42

>>15615918
THIS!

Also, rolling to see if the baby has glorious intellect and is the embodiment of all four chaos gods in one.

rolled 47 = 47

>>15615968
Pin her down, get on the floor. Everybody walk the dinosaur.

rolled 59 = 59

Best mood music is best.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4HQbRuWJUU

rolled 66 = 66

>>15615792

Rolling for this even though it was in the past. IT MUST HAPPEN!

rolled 27 = 27

>>15615988

CURSES I WAS TOO LATE

rolled 46 = 46

>>15615988
SLAANESH WILLS IT!

rolled 50 = 50

>>15615988

Rolling my support for Slaanesh. Our fucking son is going to birth himself right the fuck now, like a xenomorph AW YEAAAAAAAAH

>>15616064
GET UP IN THIS MOTHERFUCKER

>>15615988
Welp, Eldar Waifu is now preggers with Slaanesh-Jesus.