For serious though, I have an idea, it'll be fun.

rolled 5, 5, 4 = 14

STR

rolled 5, 1, 5 = 11

So we roll one stat each? Then I'll do Con, and decide our survivability.

rolled 4, 4, 2 = 10

Sure, let's play.

STR

And I want to roll percentiles too

rolled 1, 3, 5 = 9

Intelligence

(please be high)

rolled 3, 2, 1 = 6

Intelligence

rolled 1, 3, 2 = 6

INT

rolled 4, 6, 5 = 15

Dex

>>16421770
>>16421775
>>16421776
well, shit.

rolled 5, 2, 6 = 13

Well, shit. Low Int? Let's do Cha. Maybe we'll be a lovable idiot.

>>16421782
Jesus, we're a retarded hunter.

rolled 4, 2, 2 = 8

>>16421779
S'alright! What does that leave? Wisdom?

rolled 3, 2, 3 = 8

>>16421791
Yes, but we can be WISE. ROLLING FOR WISDOM.

rolled 3, 2, 2 = 7

>>16421792
>>16421795
Fuck.

STR: 14
DEX: 10
CON: 11
INT: 9
WIS: 6
CHA: 6

>>16421779
Damn I wish that one had been one roll earlier.
Anyways, we're a hunter, not great with our head, but strong enough. Pretty realistic. You head into the forest...

You hear a faraway sound almost like laughter. What do?

>>16421782
>>16421791
>>16421795
>>16421801
so... we're an ork?

>>16421813
>Damn I wish that one had been one roll earlier.
Uh... that was the first roll for Dex?

>>16421813
>Cha 6
>Roll for Cha is 13
>Dex 10
>Roll for Dex is 15
What the fuck are you doing?

>>16421813
Run. Fay are known to abduct poor humans in the woods. Come back tomorrow.

>>16421813
>Wait...this WAS supposed to be a choice section, so...if you call out which stat you want to roll for in the post you roll it, I'll use it as long as it's not yet used. If there are two or more of the same stat rolled, I'll use the better one, so if you're quick, you can get one good stat maybe.
So this was just nonsense?

>>16421830
>>16421821
>>16421841
>Regardless, first six 3d6 rolls will be assigned to stats.
*shrug*

>>16421835
You run, not wanting to be abducted by fae.
On the following day, you head out bright and early with Huey, Duey, and Louie. You know of a riverbed, a deep thicket, and a fairly open clearing all nearby. Where do you go?

>>16421852
I mean if I let you all just keep rolling forever for each stat, we'd have six 18s.

>>16421852
>If there are two or more of the same stat rolled, I'll use the better one
Sorry, but punishing the character against the rules of your own endeavour doesn't exactly encourage me to participate.

>>16421867
To the riverbed, to catch animals seeking water. What are we carrying? A spear, a bow, a dagger?

>>16421903
And what do we need to hunt today? Deer for some nobleman's platter, a coney for the stew or a rust-furred fox for some lady's gloves?

>>16421889
I apologize for any confusion, but I did lay out the rules without ambiguity as to which ones would supersede others (e.g. the term 'regardless'). The point here was to create a quest with an 'average but still random' character rather than a pre-built hero.

>>16421867
do your dogs have leashes/collars anything to grab onto?
>>16421889
the rules could have been more clearly stated, but they are what they are. dealwithit.jpg

>>16421912
>but I did lay out the rules without ambiguity
Except you didn't. If the first 3d6 stats are regardless our stats, then:
>Wait...this WAS supposed to be a choice section, so...if you call out which stat you want to roll for in the post you roll it, I'll use it as long as it's not yet used. If there are two or more of the same stat rolled, I'll use the better one, so if you're quick, you can get one good stat maybe.
Well, it's fucking meaningless. Completely nonsensical.

>>16421914
They do, in fact. Collars, and leashes (about 30 ft long). The leashes are currently ON, but they can be taken OFF very quickly. Huey is trained as a tracker more, whereas the other two, while trackers in their own right, are more geared to chasing and mauling. Huey seems to notice a strong trail going towards where you heard the laughter before, but he hasn't given you any signs, meaning it's not anything you would want to hunt. So far he hasn't picked up any other trails.

>>16421912
>I'm going to intentionally fuck you over by being vague so that we can do what I want
Yeah, excuse while I don't play your quest thread.

>>16421949
You're excused.
I guess it was foolish to write such a detailed description of the rolling procedure, I admit I was afraid everyone would just see walloftext.jpg

That said, detailed description is the opposite of vague.

>>16421969
It's not the opposite of contradictory. Your final statement is directly at odds with the preceding one. I honestly didn't give much of a fuck, but you seem insistent that is fucking 100% perfectly clear and it absolutely is not, so now I think you're an arrogant douchebag.

>>16421948
Check our regular traps to see if we got anything overnight.

>>16421979
>>16421969
if you guys are done arguing:
>>16421903
>>16421911

>>16421979
Hey fucking now, fucking let's fucking not fucking get copulating personal. I'm sure you can find some other quest thread on /tg/ being run by someone who's more experienced or more your style.

>>16421903
>>16421911
Sorry, missed these two posts amidst all the rage.

You're hunting for: Something to put in your belly.
You're hunting with: A simple bow, AND a dagger, mostly for gutting.

>>16422001
This. No sense getting ourselves killed. We'll hang a horseshoe or piece of iron on the door tonight, and alert the guard that we heard laughter and our dog picked up a strange scent next time we're in the village/town.

>>16421979
Dude, you just don't understand what he meant. First 6 rolls count. Get it so far? Alright. Now, he says we can announce what those rolls are for. If several people choose the same thing, the best one gets taken. Let's say 3 people out of those first 6 roll for STR. Best one gets taken for STR. But the other ones still get used for other stats. No contradiction.

(Tripshields going up, sir.)

>>16422001
You caught: A single coney. Well done, trap! Who's my favoritest trap in the world? YOU ARRREEE

>>16422048
Excellent. Strip 'im down, clean the fur, check to see if it's whole so we can sell it. Then maybe visit the stream as mentioned earlier if the other traps are empty.

At least we have din-din for tonight. Good job, trap! Doing the work sleepy men don't want to do since 7200 BC.

>>16422048
Sounds like enough food for today... Still, we should go and see if we can't catch something else. And maybe return to the spot where we heard laughter yesterday, see if our dogs pick something up.

>>16422048
is this enough to feed you for today?
if so, return to your home with the prize.
mission complete.

Actually, I'm just thinking... it sounds like enough food for us, but not for the dogs?
I think we need more. Or we need to sell it and get yucky grains 'n shit.

>>16422089
It's...flawless. Must have been caught a few hours ago, doesn't smell even the least bit gamey. The fur is ripped just a tiny bit where the bar hit the pelt...your old woman can put in a few stitches and no one will ever know the difference. You head for the stream...neither of your other two traps have anything in them, but...the loam all around the stream is scuffed up, and you see footprints...not exactly human, a bit smaller and more delicate, it seems. A tiny glint in the loam catches your eye.

>>16422098
>>16422113
Decent meal for you and the old lady, you could make a stew...but the dogs wouldn't get much aside from a few scraps. You could probably get a few loaves of old bread from the bakery for them, but it would be a poor way to treat them.

>>16422117
Investigate glint.

>>16422137
Do we have a cross on us to ward off evil like a proper Christian man?

>>16422137
That's a shocker there!

You see...a signet ring.
It is very shiny. It looks like pure silver, but you have no idea, being a really dumb and dull hunter. On the top it pans out into a flat circle, also of silver, with one letter inscribed in a very plain script: A

>>16422148
Well...no. But we DID leave a copper coin at the altar of Apollo last year during the festival.

>>16422156
is there an owner of the lands you live/hunt in?
could this be his ring?

>>16422180
There's Tiberius. He's a retired centurion. He MAY not be aware that you hunt here at all, though.
Hey, you're just trying to eat, here.

>>16422156
We should probably bring it to our old lady and ask her about it, surely she's smarter than us. But before that, let's see if we can't find something else to hunt by the river. Do the tracks look like anything we've ever seen before?

>>16422196
Well...besides human tracks, not really.
Well...you've heard tales of nymphs in these woods...you're very superstitious (low WIS), but don't know nothin bout summat them there old legends (low INT).

However, Huey points at that moment at a bush about 50 yards away. What do?

[Someone roll 3d6 for your old lady's INT score. To make this very clear, only the first roll after this post is gonna count.]

rolled 3, 2, 5 = 10

>>16422226

>>16422238
well, she's smarter than you at least.
investigate the bush.

rolled 3, 2, 3 = 8

>>16422226
I'm scared of those tracks, better not follow them. But let's investigate the bush... carefully. Call out to it.

>>16422252
Do you want to:
A) Shoot an arrow at the bush.
B) Send Duey, your fastest and sneakiest dog, to snif it out?
C) Sneak up yourself, making your dogs stay put?
D) BULLRUSH IT
E) Something totally different

>>16422252

Prepair stick for hittin' with. Just in case.

>>16422257
what if it's potential dinner?
i say send one of your dogs.

>>16422257
>>16422262
You yell at the bush. Another coney bolts out of it! You are now holding a stick rather than a bow, so maybe you should send your dogs after it instead...but it already has a bit of a start. Bo way of knowing how far from its hole it is. What do you do?

>>16422278
*No

Sorry.

rolled 5, 1, 1 = 7

>>16422260
I want to sneak up on it, together with the dogs. I'm behind the dogs. As I'm a bit frightened by the tracks, the ring and the sudden noise, I ask if anybody is there.

>>16422278
Dammit! Let's send the dogs.

>>16422278
fuck no. hold on to those furry bastards.
you can always find something else to ambush.

>>16422278
>>16422260

Throw stick. Cast flair.

>>16422307
>peasant hunter
>abysmally low int/wis/cha
>cast anything

>>16422299
>>16422302
>>16422307
>>16422317
You compromise and send Louie, your best maimer, after the rabbit, while also throwing the stick at it. However, you suddenly get delusions of grandeur and try to cast a spell on the stick.

Roll d20 to see if the stick hits the rabbit. (At a -2 because you're trying to somehow cast a spell while you throw)

rolled 5 = 5

>>16422331
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!

>>16422343
inb4 you hit the dog.

>>16422343
Maybe you should have given that copper coin to Mars at the festival; he does not hear your plea. In any event, the slaying of a rabbit for food isn't exactly an act of gratuitous battle-rage. You miss, but Louie manages to catch the coney and bring it back to you.

Head back to confer with the old woman, or keep hunting?

[Also, roll 3d6 for the old woman's WIS now.]

>>16422367
I was totally going to, but I felt bad for Louie.

rolled 3, 4, 2 = 9

>>16422368
head back. you're anxious to see if you can pawn the ring.

rolled 5 = 5

>>16422403
We should tell her about the sorta-human tracks and the laughter too though.

>>16422403
>>16422412
Your wife is a little smarter and a deal less superstitious than you, but clearly she was still dumb enough to marry you. (Ouch.)

She says it looks like it belongs to some lady because it's very delicate, and that you mustn't pawn it, that would be terrible, why, she once had a ring of real pure bronze that...so on, so on. She makes you a delicious stew and eventually says you should go to Athens with it tomorrow, ask the guards if any of the ladies have reported a lost token of some sort. She is just canny enough to suggest that you tell them a friend found it, and you're in town anyways so you're asking for him...and to keep it hidden. You'll get a better reward if you bring it directly to the lady herself somehow.

Also, she gives you a shopping list...with some extra items on it in case you actually DO get a reward.

What do you do with the ring overnight? Wear it, have her wear it, lock it up in a cupboard or something?

>>16422442
you convince your old lady to try on the ring.
weather or not she keeps it on overnight is up to her.

>>16422468
>weather
derp. and it's not even past 5 =\

rolled 3 = 3

>>16422442
Not into that woman-folksy stuff. If she wants to wear the stupid thing and feel like rich person, she can, but it's probably too small for us anyway.

>>16422468
She tries it on and is all flattered and stuff.

Also, forgot: About the laughter, she says: Probably the lady's attendants on an hunting expedition with her, they have fine feet because they're nobility. She doesn't think to wonder why they're barefoot.

She decides to keep it on overnight.

The next morning you notice that she seems...maybe it's just you...a little younger, and more stately...also...colder. She gives you a curt nod when you come to breakfast, and that's all.

>>16422442
since you're going to athens, do you have anything to trade there? I mean, you are a hunter, you should have a few pelts and whatnot.

>>16422494
Is she still wearing it?
Become all superstitious and try to get the ring away from her. We're gonna need it to return it later anyway.
Also, compliment her on her looks, because why not.

>>16422539
You have three good coney pelts, including the one from yesterday; Louie tore the second one up too much, although your wife can still make you some good warm mittens.

>>16422542
She laughs and sneers, but takes the ring off and throws it to you. Your compliment only grants you a further look of disgust. She turns away and you hear her mutter "Men."

>>16422563
Hmmm... I don't like this. Ask her what is wrong. If nothing's wrong, apologise anyway, and get ready to leave.

>>16422563
become thoroughly confused and mutter "women" under your breath.
go say goodbye to the dogs, unless you're planning to take them with you to athens.

>>16422589
You ask her what's wrong.

"What's wrong?! I'm married to the biggest fool within twenty leagues of Athens, that's what's wrong!"
She continues to subject you to her shrewish berations, cutting deep into your psyche. Sure, you've never been all that bright, but you're a good hunter! You trained your dogs from pups, you bought your own traps, you keep food on her table and treat her well!

You swallow your rage, apologize, and head for Athens in low spirits.

When you arrive, a guard hails you and asks your business.

>>16422621
say you're here to trade and ask about the ring "for your friend." ask if there's any taverns nearby just because.

>>16422621
Despite our wife's derision, we shall follow her advice, and tell him that a friend of ours had found a ring, and if one had been reported stolen/lost. Also, we're here to buy some goods, mostly.

>>16422654
>>16422663
Your 6 Charisma does not help you much, however...roll d20 to Bluff.

rolled 1 = 1

>>16422699

>>16422717
Shit. We're gonna get arrested.

>>16422734
more like executed for conspiring to kill a noblewoman.

>>16422717
Oh, brilliant.
So:
>You have the looks and social graces of an ill-tempered troll with bad teeth
>You're an idiot
>You lie SO BADLY that he feels sorry for you

"Yeah...a ring, right, okay. Look...I don't have all day here, just get your ugly face out of my sight. Go through the gates, go ahead, go trade with anyone who can bear to look at you. But get anywhere near the living areas of the upper classes and you'll be shot on sight. Really, you had no chance to win a lady over anyways...just...go on. Idiot."

>>16422776

>>16422776
That went better than expected! Silently give praise and thanks to the gods, for they have certainly had their hands in this!
Well, time for keikaku B. Do we know anybody here who is trustworthy and who could help us with this?

>>16422776
Well... at least he's not dead. (Like my quest and quest character.)

But we should go and try and sell our pelts! Maybe visit the guard garrison to see about someone losing the ring?

>>16422815
Unfortunately you usually just sell to whoever is around, and isn't afraid of your trollish appearance and demeanor*.
Any gods in particular you'd like to praise? Apollo? Mars? Athena? Maybe Pan for your blind luck?


*Trolls have 6-7 CHA usually.

>>16422829
find tavern.
drink to the gods.

>>16422818
WIGK! Link me to your quest?
Unfortunately that basically was the guard garrison...the guards communicate pretty well throughout the city, they write things down and send lists of memos to each other via runners.

You sell your pelts, but you're not a very good barterer.
You gain...let's say...2d8+4 copper. Roll it out!

rolled 1, 2 + 4 = 7

>>16422871
Alright... we're barred from the upper class living areas and we can't really bug the guards much more with this. I guess if they had heard anything, they would have probably said so, anyway... let's buy all the stuff our wife sent us to get, and maybe either buy something nice for her or buy/collect some flowers for her. She mad. Let's get her a nice gift.

>>16422916
...why?

>>16422865
also how about trying to pawn the ring?
"that would be terrible' isn't really a good reason not to, and since you begin to suspect that there's something off about it, wouldn't you want to get rid of it as fast as possible?

>>16422916
Agreed! Get her a gift! What does she like?
>>16422871
Quest goes here
>>16422622

>>16422916
Unfortunately, your wife was in a bit of a thrifty mood, and the stuff on the list would cost about 10 copper. You find a tavern first and drink a copper away to Athena and Apollo.

You use the remaining six coppers to get most of the important stuff on the list, hoping your wife will not be angry. You'll be well-fed at least, and really, is soap such a big deal? All that fuss and expense for something that doesn't even fill your stomach.

You are now broke but with supplies for the next week or so.

Remain in the city and look around or go somewhere? Or head back?

>>16422955
I want to at least find some flowers for the wife, maybe she won't be mad at us that way. Maybe we can ask about that ring again next time we get to the city, or the wife can come with us and do it for us. She's better at this sort of thing.

(Internet just slowed way down, they do maintenance on Sundays. If this thread dies, that's why...and I'll be back tomorrow hopefully! For now I stopped Steam downloads and it seems to have improved a little for my browser.)

>>16422981
On the way home you find some really lovely flowers, oddly enough. Strangely, it's like the narrator had been inexplicably thinking that you were going to try to find them, like a hivemind.

You arrive home and she's very cheerful, happy about the flowers, happy about the trading you did, tells you not to worry about failing to find anything out about the ring. Clearly, this is her way of apologizing for being snippy before. She doesn't even berate you over the lack of soap.

There's still a little time left before nightfall if you wanted to hunt, or you could turn in now and get an early start tomorrow.

>>16423027
We should probably hunt. As happy as our wife is right now, we still haven't brought back as much money or goods as she had thought, and this is no time to be lazy. Let's get to work!

>>16423027
go hunt/set up moar traps. take the ring with you.

(Closed other browser and switched to Chrome with just two tabs...helps a little.)

>>16423061
You leave to hunt, starting from your normal place. Your dogs perk up their ears, and soon you hear it too...the same faint, gentle laughter...

It's coming from the riverbed, where you found the ring.

>>16423084
It might be the owner of the ring... let's approach very slowly, very cautiously. All sneaky-like.

>>16423102
TIME FOR AN AGGRAVATING CUTSCENE!

You approach as quietly as possible...and what you see blows your mind.

A bunch of bathing nymphs and, in the middle of them, a tall, proud, and slender huntress. She seems...more than human. Also really, really naked. You're filled with awe, fear, knowledge that they'll hear you if you try to run, and large amounts of DO WANT.

Of course, being a goddess, as soon as she stops focusing on washing for even a split second, she senses that you're there.

And is pissed.
"NO MORTAL MAY LIVE TO BOAST THAT HE HAS SEEN ARTEMIS BATHING!!!"

Oh shit.

She throws some water at you.

Make a Reflex save. (You have a +0 modifier)

rolled 9 = 9

>>16423142
D20?
Also, put our hand in front of our eyes, and stammer that we meant no harm or disrespect, we had just heard the laughter and wanted to see who it was... and also we have found the ring (try to get it out of pocket with the other hand) and thought the owner might be here, pleasedontkillmeihaveawifeandthreedogsandneedtofeedthemohgodpleasedontkillme

Rollan'

>>16423189
I teehee'd
Also feel free to noko+dice+1d20 and not get bumped out, I trust you to use the right dice.

rolled 16 = 16

>>16423142

>>16423184
For some reason that post just showed up right now.

The water hits you. You close your eyes for a moment, waiting...

Hmm. You don't seem to be transformed into a hind. Are your dogs rending at you?

Well.
Huey is watching the nymphs curiously and wagging his tail a bit.
Duey is looking at you and barking.
Louie is scratching behind his ear.

Artemis the one and only is standing there on the bank, quivering in rage and listening to your babble, and generally staring you down.

But she doesn't throw any more magic water. The ring is clenched tightly in your hand, and she looks like she would like to grab it, but doesn't.

She tells you to put it down immediately, and tells her least prestigious nymph to pick it up, wrapped in a leaf, and go wash it off downstream.

It occurs to you that Artemis really, really despises men. It also occurs to you that the ring is probably the only thing that kept you from dying a few seconds ago.

Well, isn't this a complicated predicament. Anger Artemis by keeping the ring, or risk your life even more by putting it down? Or maybe you should try to talk things out again, since that worked so well with the guard.

>>16423267
It's the one ring of power.
Give it to Sauron for the lulz.

>>16423283
Out of everyone there, Louie looks the most like Sauron, beating out Artemis due mostly to her tits.

>Give ARTEMIS' SIGNET to LOUIE? (Y/N)

>>16423331

N. Give it to Duey, he is god-tier.

>>16423267
Probably best to not anger a goddess further... let's give her the ring.
Tell her again that we really meant no harm, and were just hunting so we could get some more food for us and our wife, and for the dogs.

>>16423359
>>16423354
You oblige her, and toss it towards the ground.
Louie goes for it but Duey, the fastest, beats him to it, nearly swallows it, and spits it out on the ground, giving you a reproachful glance for throwing him something non-edible.

The youngest nymph looks relieved that the dog-slobber has sterilized it of man, and bends over in an unintentionally fan-servicey way tor retrieve it with the leaf. Artemis gives her a kick and she skitters off to wash it in the stream.

Artemis then gives you another piercing glare, while you try not to give her chest a piercing glare.

"Very well, mortal. I will give you an opportunity to pray to your god."

Pray:
>Zeus, but he's probably too busy impregnating something
>Apollo, but he probably took your offering before as an insult, he's very vain. Unfortunate since his little sister idolizes him to a creepy extent.
>Hera...Hera's a total bitch who will probably just kill you
>Mars...god of war. Yeaaahhhh.
>Dionysus, god of wine. Why are you even mentioning him, he's like the youngest, he's younger than even Hermes, seriously. But something in your mind screams "OOH PICK ME MAN PICK ME COME ON DIVINE INTERVENTION MAN I'M ON TOP OF IT PICK ME PRAY TO ME DUDE"...maybe it's better to IGNORE this impulse.
>Any other god you know of, even non-Greek if your really want.

>...but Khorne is not going to help you.

Dionysus because he's a pretty cool guy

>>16423440
PRAY TO ARTEMIS, SINCE SHE IS THE GODDESS OF THE HUNT, DUH

rolled 4 = 4

>>16423440
Yog-Sothoth

>>16423457
Love you guys.
>FLASHDOOMBANG
>Suddenly random vines everywhere

DIONYSUS: HAHA! Artemis, my SOUL SISTER! Damn but you are looking BEAUTIFUL today! What's cracking? Me? Oh, me, just sort of, you know, aiding my followers...the kind of guys who pray to me when in need...not just people with vineyards, you know, all KINDS of bruthas...you know, can't respond to all of them, just would get exhausted, too many worshipers, you know how it is. Can't give the whole crowd your audience every time, but, you know, I try. I just hope all those poor souls praying to me right now will forgive me for being too popular, too busy...god's gotta do what a god's gotta do...anyways, how you been, Arty? Pretty as ever and not a day older, I swear. Have some wine. Have some wine! No, I insist, everybody, try it, it's great, the best there is!

He offers everyone wine. Some of the nymphs reach out for it, giggling, but Artemis' glare stops them. Your dogs begin lapping from wooden bowls that appear at their feet.

Take some wine?

rolled 15 = 15

>>16423473

>>16423473
>Oh shit Artemis is about to kill me
>Better pray to her

>Better pray to my own executioner
>beargryllsinspace.jpg

>>16423504
Of course. DRINK HEARTILY
rolling fortitude save

>>16423524

rolled 16 = 16

>>16423528
god damnit tg.

rolled 19 = 19

>>16423524
Need some help with that?

>>16423440
>>16423267

Slanesh. Praise him for providing a fucking smoking hot fucking awsome smoking hot fucking really hot smoking goddesses body for your fuck-dumb eyes to look at and tell him he should get his arse (in the form of a woman) down here cause she's naked. Also mention she is fucking awsomly fuck-smokingly hot.

>>16423551
Artemis was a tomboy, not a fashion model.

>>16423524
>>16423528
>>16423535
You drink heartily.
You maintain your wits.
You gain a permanent +1 to CHA. it is now at 7 (Comparable to a tolerable troll).

Artemis is glaring at Dionysus hard enough to make even him get serious.

"Hey, I didn't catch your name, hunter...anyways, time to go!"

Impulsively, and probably stupidly, he commands the vines. They wrap around Artemis, in the shape of a traditional bondage rope thing, courtesy of Pan's training. Pan and Dionysus are best pals. Pan likes to drink and joke, Dionysus likes to make grapes, wine, and to be appreciated.

Anyways, Dionysus high-tails it out of there, bringing your dogs and you along sort of haphazardly tangled in vines. He can run pretty fast; he's friends with Hermes too.

It's pretty clear from his running that Artemis can come as close to killing him as is possible for a god, though.

Doesn't stop him from pausing a second to wink stylishly at one of the stunned nymphs, though.

AWW YEAH RUNNIN' AND WININ'

It occurs to you that your wife will probably be safe while Artemis chases Dionysus and you.

Anything you want to ask or tell Dionysus while you run?

>>16423582
>>16423551

If I knew Slanesh, and I do, I would know that he would NOT give up the chance to see any god naked. Even Nurgle.

>>16423582
she's a goddess. also a woman.
do you know any women who would willingly make themselves look terrible?

>>16423626
>Anything you want to ask or tell Dionysus while you run?

So, about those mystery cults... what do those guys do in there anyway?

>>16423582
Artemis was TOTALLY hot.
I mean just read the tale this is based on.
Her beauty basically froze him in his footsteps until she noticed him.

>>16423626

"Why do gods need to run?"

>>16423626
Ask him what the ring was.

>>16423626
brofist.

>>16423659
>>16423655
He gives you an uncomfortable look.
"Look man, you're a man, and that guard you met at the gates yesterday was a man. Why didn't you just push past him? He had a SWORD. I'm a god, she's a goddess. She's the goddess of hunting, I'm a god of GRAPES, and we're in a FOREST. Think about it. Besides, I saved your life! You think any of the other gods would have? They would have sat there not caring, or being too scared to cross Artemis. I just won myself a LOT of trouble...I could lose my seat in Olympus, if things go wrong enough! So...get off my back, man."

"That? Oh...that was, like, her signet, or whatever. A lot of gods, especially chick gods, wear them. I dunno why, it's just a thing. Not that any other god would have told you that, they'd make up some grand myth just to impress you."

>>16423705
"My apologies...er...my bad, bro..."

"So...she cannot harm her own mark? Such a strange rule..."

>>16423705

"No - I mean, like - why are we running and not riding fucking wine powered vine steeds or something?"

>>16423626

>>16423705
"Sorry to be such a bother, man. Thanks for helping me out there, I really do appreciate it.
Are we gonna be alright though? I feel like we might be in trouble..."

>>16423718
I guess. Maybe she has it so she won't shoot herself by accident or something. Maybe her power just sort of seeped into it. Either way she's one frosty bitch. Sheesh. I mean, honestly, if she'd smile once in a century she could compete with Aphrodite.

>>16423721
Well...to be honest...really, no one bothers worshiping me besides drunks and people who own vineyards. This is really my first, uh, violent intervention, you could say. That's really an idea though, you know? I'd summon a sea monster but it wouldn't really...uh...live very long here.
He summons a motherfucking wine-powered vine-steed, increasing your speed to something comparable to Artemis' once her nymphs get her out of the vine harness and she summons a stag to ride.

>I like where this thread is going

>>16423730
YESSS
First quest thread and I have people posting relevant images, I should do this more often.

>>16423746
Also, by wine-powered, I mean it's kind of like an animal-plant-thing and it drinks out of a refilling wineskin.

>>16423746

What direction are we heading? Any rivers or lakes we can cross that lie in the direction we're heading so we can suggest Dionysus turns it into oat flavoured wine so her horse gets drunk as she trys to cross it after us?

>>16423746
"Nothing wrong with having a good party, is there, Dionysus? This whole thing here may be quite exciting too, but in the end, surely it isn't something you'd want every day?

Any ideas on how we might get out of this though? I guess we could hide behind my wife, but that should be a last resort... I'm not too smart unfortunately, but maybe we can trick her somehow if we make her even more mad?
At least it might be fun."

>>16423778

Fuck yeah! I'm nabbing one of them when Dionysus gets drunk.

>>16423746
WHEN YOU'RE ROLLING WITH DIONYSUS, ALWAYS DRINK AND DRIVE

>>16423779
I like this idea.

>>16423746
Ride hard, tempered steed! To safety and our wife! ...and a drink.

Though, if by some wacky mishap we end up bargaining with Artemis, we should definitely settle for some super-beasts. That, or us getting optional super-beast-mode. Fucking our wife and getting prey all day, erry day.

>>16423779
DIONYSUS APPROVES

Artemis fine silver hind gets drunk off its ass on grass-wine and falls, leaving her to emerge dripping wet and pinkish from a wine river. A few of her faithful(ish) nymphs, following along, "accidentally" swallow some wine and become too inebriated to help in the chase. However, she's still fast, even on foot.

Dionysus seems to be tiring just slightly from his exertions. He clearly is not a really powerful or active god.

Also, Dionysus hands you a refilling wine-skin.
"I think that one bought us some time, but we're not out of the woods yet. If she does catch us there won't be anything you can do, so you may as well make sure you don't die sober."

Any more bright ideas, or drink first?

>>16423824
DRINK AND DRIVE

>>16423824
CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!

If we're followers of the Big Di now, might as well pray in style.

>>16423824
GET WASTED! WE'RE TOTALLY BETTER WHEN WE'RE WASTED!

But seriously, the wine may help loosen our tongue to barter with Artemis should she catch us.

>>16423837
>>16423836
So I had no idea WHERE this was going when I started it, but...thank you, /tg/. Thank you.

As you drink, you gain a TEMPORARY bonus of +4 to WIS, INT, and CHA. You're...normal, and actually pretty smart!

>>16423824

"Wall of vines! For victree!!!! hic"

>>16423824
Drink some of that stuff he just gave us, it will surely improve our ideas. Shall we shoot some arrows at her? I think we're a decent shot, but it might get our bro in trouble.

>>16423851
Thank YOU.
This is pretty fun for your first quest. Started a bit slowly maybe, but that's fine (also the fact that it started slowly was kind of our fault for not investigating stuff anyway).

>>16423858
Let's challenge Artermis to an arrow-shooting contest! <hic!>

(Wait, if we're smarter and wiser now, does that mean we come to our senses and return home to start a new profession as a radish farmer?)

rolled 8 = 8

>>16423866
He nods and creates a wall of vines behind you. So much for throwing her off the trail, but it should slow her down considerably...
>>16423858
"Yeah man, I wouldn't try it, that amulet probably makes her immune to arrows if she isn't already. Her and her brother..."

He breaks off, giving the sun the finger.

"...Apollo the Big-headed...they're the archery gods."

rolled 14 = 14

>>16423906
Unbeknownst to you, Artemis climbs the vines in short order, followed by her nymphs. She curses blackly as the grapes break and make it slippery.

"what do you think of Hades? maybe he could bail us out and let us hide in a cave or somethin..."

>>16423936
>>16423906
Sorry, the rolls mean nothing, just playing in another thread and forgot to take them off.

>>16423906
Open question to the thread: What do hunters hate? I guess... what do we hate?

>>16423939
Bah. We've got Dionysus, we don't need any more help!

>>16423948
Morons who get drunk in the woods and fuck everything up?
Or forest fires?

>>16423939
Dionysus sweats and pretends he didn't hear you mention Hades, at first. Then:

"DEMETER! Of course! She's the one who gave up her seat in Olympos for me, she's like a mother! A really awesome hippie mother! I think she likes your wife, too...did you see those flowers you just happened to find? I'm pretty sure she's around these parts. She's the god of fields, seasons, and plants. She...she used to be real happy, before...well, let's say she hasn't been the same since all that with Persephone...mortals call it winter when she gets in one of her ruts. Still,. she's pretty cool. She even gives Pan poppy seeds sometimes. HEY! DEMETER! AUNTIE, YOU THERE?

Demeter waves to Dionysus from a nearby field. Looking behind you, however, you see Artemis gaining ground with a furious dash, hair whipping in her face, jaw clenched, her entire form drenched in wine and wrapped around with vestiges of vines.

>>16423948
They hate it when the quarry gets away. Let's find a hidey-hole somewhere. Maybe Pan's around here somewhere and has a cave full of nymphs we could lie on.

>>16423973
A Demeter is fine too.

>>16423973

Fuck this. Grape wings. Or a giant one of those delicate white plants that you blow on and all the petals fly off it like little umbrellas.

Demeter....causes an enormous dandelion seed, replete with parachute thing, to attach to your vines. Dionysus makes grape-leaf wings to go with them, and you sail out of the woods on a strong breeze, Artemis still hot on your tail.

Congratulations on smoking ALL OF THE WEED AT ONCE, guys.

Give me a second to write up the first encounter of the three gods.

>>16423973
Have grapes and vines grow out of the ground where Artemis is running, so she stumbles and becomes even more sticky and can't walk right any more.
Also, if she stumbles, more vine-bondage.

You fly past Demeter, crash in a pile of pure fucking magic, and whip around to face Artemis.

Dionysus is wearing a badass toga thing which is somehow pure white and unstained.

Demeter kind of has a gauzy natury toga thing made out of leafy film or something, she's not really into fineries or whatever, she's a harvest and fertility god.

Artemis is breathing through clenched teeth, tripping slightly as she runs while vines climb up her legs, and wearing nothing besides what appears to be a half-formed vine thong (Dionysus laughing his ass off and mumbling about Pan being a bro) and a lot of very fine wine.

DEMETER: Now, now, what's all this about? Dionysus, you scoundrel, are you bothering Artemis again?

ARTEMIS: [Seething with rage but desisting from violence out of respect for Demeter]

DIONYSUS: I'm on PRAYER BUSINESS, Demeter. [he draws himself up proudly]

DEMETER: [Coos over his first real prayer business, etc]

ARTEMIS: Auntie! He...he...[speechless with rage]

Demeter suggests you all sit down for some relaxing tea while the mortal explains himself to her.

>>16424103
By Jove, I knew we should have stayed away from that fucking crazy forest. Now we're having a drink from far Cathay that doesn't arrive in the Greek world until a thousand years from now, and sitting next to 3 gods. Wonderful.

Keep our mouth shut.

>>16424103
I do hope the effects of that wine have not worn off. Take a sip of that tea. Then tell our story, truthfully, there's really no point in hiding anything from the gods, and it's obvious we've done nothing wrong.

>>16424165
In Greek stories people who've done nothing wrong tend to have tragic deaths because of something their grandma did or something their grannie said about a certain goddess 50 years ago.

>>16424144
Demeter's a nature god, if she wants to make herbs and water, she can do whatever she pleases.

Demeter tries to get you to talk and to explain.
Artemis glares at you.
Dionysus grins while pouring some wine into Artemis' leaf full of tea, unseen by anyone but you.

Meanwhile your dogs are going crazy and poking Demeter with their noses while trying to get her to play with them. Apparently they know something reassuring that you don't.

>>16424178
Well, I still doubt lying would help us much in this situation? We're at their mercy now anyway. Unless you want to try to run from them. Or we could try to cast magic again?
Actually, let's cast some magic. We're clearly drunk enough. But do it silently, I don't want anyone else to know.

>>16424182
>Meanwhile your dogs

She's a virgin?

>>16424212
She's just a good person/deity/whatever.
So they're not all scared.

>>16424182
Our dogs trust her, let's just tell her what happened.

You tell her what happened.
Artemis takes an angry gulp of tea and coughs a bit.
"I do hope it's not too strong for you, dear." Demeter coos.
Artemis looks a bit offended and downs some more. "Not at ALL."

Dionysus chokes a bit into his cup.

Demeter hears the tale and laughs.
"See, now, just a simple misunderstanding, although this fellow must have wonderful, or else abyssal, luck to encounter so many immortals in one day. Let's let it go at that, shall we?"

Artemis is not to be so easily disturbed, and it looks like she might be an angry drunk as well...

"Let it...go?! NO MAN MAY LIVE TO BOASHT THAT HE HATH SEEN THE GREAT, THE MAGNIFISHENT ARTEMIS BATHING!"

It seems that wine was literally god-tier.

"Oh, dearie, don't be so difficult, he's a married man, he won't be doing any boasting."

"AN'...AN BESHIDES THIS BUFFOON HERE..."
She points to Dionysus who suddenly looks very sober and innocent.

"...HUMILIATED ME!"

Perhaps now would be a good time to either run or put in a good word on your own behalf.

>>16424272
We're NOT leaving our bro behind!
Yes, he may have humiliated her, but all he did was try to help us! What was he supposed to do?

>>16424272
"This buffoon displayed care for mortals; something, I hear, is rather rare in the gods these days. Perhaps you should be more forgiving. Even the dog forgives the foxes tricks, for it is in its nature."

>>16424304
Also, we should get her to drink some more of that "tea". Maybe it'll be too much for her to handle and she'll fall asleep.

>>16424317
>>16424316
>>16424304
You stand up for your bro. You deliver a pretty mediocre speech in defense of your bro.

Your bro stands up.
"Artemis..."
He sounds SERIOUS.
"I will make whatever reparations Demeter deems necessary, but you shall not lay a hand on this man...he is my CLERIC."

You gain one level of Cleric.
You gain Weapon Focus(Empty Jar)
You gain 6 ranks Profession(Vigneron)
You gain 6 ranks Profession(Vintner)
You gain 12 ranks Craft(Brewing)
Your Charisma is permanently raised to 12.
You gain a few ranks in basically every skill a cleric or a wine person should have.

You also gain a really nice purplish cloak. Hell yeah.

Strangely, Demeter asks YOU what reparations you think Artemis and Dionysus ought make each other, if any.

>>16424369
>>16424369
wait what. this is AWESOME. and hey, with our wine making skills we can support our wifebetter! she can finally have all they strangely inedible soap she wants!

>>16424369
A stag a week? Maybe some wine imbued with honey. Bitches love honey.

>>16424422
Artemis has no need for stags, and is teetotal.
Well technically she's not anymore but she doesn't know that.

Demeter suggests you come up with different turns. Meanwhile, Artemis is beginning to sway a bit.

>>16424369
Oh holy crap, what do I know?
I guess they've both done some wrong, Artemis was wrong to freak out in this way, and Dionysus and I had a little TOO much fun with her...
Maybe they should work together for the next major festivities on Olympus? Hunt together for the meat, plan the celebrations together... I don't know, I'm just throwing out suggestions here...

>>16424454
Since Dionysus messed up her grove, maybe he could throw her and her nymphs a party...without hitting on any of them. Harsh, I know, but it'll be worth it. Girls night out, and what now.

>>16424483
Oh, also, as we have pretty much done the same things that Dio did, we should suggest something for ourselves too... dunno, sacrifices to Artemis maybe (besides those that we're gonna give to Dio anyway).

>>16424483
>>16424483
At first Artemis looks appalled as the suggestion of working with Dionysus, and festivities in general. After a little more tea, she warily agrees. She falls to rambling about how her brother doesn't appreciate her skill while gesturing over-enthusiastically to Dionysus. He for his part rants on about how much Apollo sucks.

Their festival planning turns into plans to out-shine Apollo's games, so he will appreciate Artemis and stop looking down on Dionysus.

Demeter says you should really go now...but she's sure Dionysus will be in touch with his cleric soon.

Where do you go?

>>16424491
He'd need Pan to throw a proper party, and everyone would get hit on with Pan around.

>>16424517
Take home some wine to our wife.

>>16424526
Your wife is pretty pleased at a skin full of wine, but gives you an odd look when it doesn't get any less full. Also the purple robes are BEYOND freaking her out. And you seem to have grown a little reddish goatee thing too.

What are you going to tell her?

>>16424548
We have a good woman-We tell her the truth! We also suggest that she make a small tribute to Demeter this evening before we retire...

>>16424548
I don't see any reason not to tell her how you bro'd it up with Dionysus. Should probably not mention the whole nekkid goddess thing.

>>16424562
You know you're making more sense than usual, but she looks like you're talking nonsense. Of course, you're beautiful compared to what you used to be, so eventually she just sort of nods and decides to sleep on it. It's a lot to absorb.

You probably have some kind of wine-magic you can use to prove it to her tomorrow anyways.

The following morning, you have not yet recieved word from Dionysus.

>>16424577

Hoo, boy. I, uh, I guess we we give a spiritual bro-fist to our newfound liege, and prepare to go out for the day. With SKILL:Vintner, I assume we should start a winegrape garden, or something

>>16424598
You step outside, eager to try out your new profession. You accidentally a small vineyard in front of your house as soon as your foot touches the ground.

Sweet.

Your wife's still stewing a bit about the nekkid goddesses and nymphs thing, and is definitely pretty jealous, but on the whole is ecstatic about the whole having soap and wine thing. She's sitting at the table pouring herself another glass of divine wine in a leisurely fashion.

>>16424577
That's probably fine... I feel like we should give offerings to all three of the gods we have had encounters with, but not sure if we have anything yet. Maybe we should brew something for Dionysus, hunt something for Artemis and for Demeter... plant something? We do need food for ourselves too though. Busy day.

>>16424629

To answer her grumblings, we could gently remind her who we came home to after that silliness.

...Instant vinyard. Well, shit. Guess that'll do. If we have nothing else on our agenda, We should check our traps!

>>16424655
>>16424630
Your first two traps have nothing in them. Probably everything was instinctively scared off when Artemis' jimmies were so badly rustled. The third trap...

Oh. SHIT.

The third trap trapped a nymph's leg. It's broken, bleeding, etc. It's kind of like a small bear trap but higher off the ground, looks like it got her knee.

She's not dead or anything due to being magical, but is weak from bleeding and weeping softly. Looks like Artemis and the others forgot her in the chase and subsequent events.

She looks very young...she has a leaf, wrapped around something, clenched in her hand.

Sorry guys. I had to give you some kind of trouble, and this worked.

>>16424679

Ohhh, Artemis is going to fuck our shit.

Uhh. Okay, we first get the nymph out of the fucking trap. Then, uh...Can we magic some nymph-heal wine or some shit? Grape wound poultice? Anything? I'm sure a living nymph will get us in less shit than dead nymph

>>16424679
Fuckfuckfuck!
Approach her, slowly, so we don't scare her. Try our best to get her out of there. Try to care for her wounds. Talk to her, calm her down.

>>16424700
She shrieks in fright as you approach her, and shudders violently at your touch when you free her. She gets up to run, but falls and lies there helplessly.

Despite having just thought a vineyard into being, it seems you cannot will any wine into existence at all! What gives?

>>16424724
Um... well this >>16424723 again then.

>>16424724

Pray like a gospel. Also apologize like a politician.

...What can we do, non-magically, that relates to not letting the nymph die, should she choose accept our apology and let us help her?

>>16424723
You take out some spare rags and wrap them tightly around her leg to stop the bleeding. She finally gives up on freaking out because a man is touching her, and talks to you:

"Ouch! Owowowwww! That hurts! What the hell is this thing?" She points at the trap.

"Where's Artemis? What's happened? Oh, she's going to reject me, I know it..."
She begins to sob.

>>16424751

"Forgive me and my crude trap for snaring you. It is one of the tools I use to feed my family. I do not know where Artemis is; the last I know, she was with Demeter and Dionysus, some ways from here. What can I do to help you?"

>>16424751
"It's a trap, it has been laid out to catch animals...
and I'm sure things are going to be alright with Artemis. But let's worry about your leg first, okay?"
Can we use a stick to... you know... bridge the bone or something (sorry, I'm not sure exactly how to say what I mean, but I think you know what I'm trying to say).

>>16424797
>>16424796
You make her a splint.
She continues crying.
You hear your wife calling from the forest's edge.

>>16424797
>>16424796

>yfw nymph asks you about the thing holding her leg.

>>16424828
snort

>>16424827

I guess we're taking a semi-damaged nymph home. Ohhh, we've got some 'splaining to do.

>>16424827
"Again, I am very sorry for harming you, this thing was never intended for you...
Let us return to my home for now. There is a nice, comfortable bed for you to rest in there, and my wife will take good care of you."
Carry her home, if she lets us.

>>16424840
Your wife sees you carrying what appears to be a totally naked woman with a broken (now splinted) leg.

"OH FOR DEMETER'S SAKE..."

Time to test out that newly-decent Charisma.

rolled 15 = 15

>>16424856
>rollan char

Best pray to Artemis, love. This is one of her children; I found her caught in one of my traps. Help me!

Try to overload her exasperation with urgency. Or whatever.

rolled 1 = 1

>>16424856
"She's a nymph and I swear I found her like this. I didn't do anything! Lay off me, woman!"

rolled 18 = 18

>>16424856
Let's not even acknowledge her implied accusation, and simply tell her what happened: we found her in the woods, she was badly hurt by one of our traps, and is in desperate need for help. Then pray to Dio, tell him we're in trouble, ask him how to get out of this and how to get Artemis to accept her back.

>>16424889
>>16424881
>>16424878
I'll take those as Intimidate checks.
She is scared shitless and immediately moves to aid you, but the way you brought that up has her firmly convinced you spent most of your splinting time fondling her. Since you rolled such a huge ONE, the nymph, eyes closed and losing consciousness, mumbles out:
"Can I get in the bed now, please? I've never been in a real bed..."

>>16424943
Law of the guest applies. We'll treat her to our marital bed if need be! And if our wife doesn't like it, remind her what the Trojan War was about.

>>16424943
Ugh. We'll deal with that later...
For now, let's just get the poor thing into bed, and ask Dionysus for advice.

>>16424943

A bed? Sure thing. Hey, whatever she wants, she gets. I want a good report card to show her mommy.

>>16424978
>>16424967
>>16424959
You were the one who mentioned it, after all. You would normally leave her in the care of your wife as is proper and fitting, but something tells you that's a terrible idea right now, so you both watch over her as she sleeps, you praying fervently to Dionysus, her glaring at you. After a few minutes, you get a sudden voice in your head:

"Sucks about the wife man, that little firecracker gonna be alright by the way? Use the grapes, man, my wine is good stuff. Hope the vineyards et up where you wanted it. Look I can't talk, Artemis is sober, and she's sticking to her bargain, but...look, I really can't talk right now, man. Sorry."

>>16425014

GET. THE. GRAPES. Grape poultice for the win!

>>16425014
Awesome, we'll totally have one of Artemis' nymphs have a crush on us after all of this.
ALTHOUGH OUR LOVE CAN NEVER BE!

>>16425041
You poultice you some grapes. The nymph's breathing changes to a more peaceful sort.

She seems to be sleeping restlessly, used to being in the forest.

You're pretty sure you remember something about nymphs following Artemis being forbidden to enter houses at all. Or to do things like shriek in pain.

>>16425052

lolwat? we're a MAN. in GREECE. Our peen0r is a membership card to the "fucking anything we goddamn want" club.

>>16425078
Only if you're young, noble, and it's Lupercalia.

>>16425067
Dammit...
we'll have to try to hide this from her... good thing we only told Dio. But if she does find out, what are we gonna do? Can she stay here? The wife will be furious...

>>16425067

Maaan, where are these little sparks of memories before our stupid kicks in? Okay, we have a nymph in our house...at least she's on the mend. We should thank our wife for being a bro.

...What in the hell do we do now?

>>16425103
>>16425091
"Thank you, [wife's name here]. I know this...well, this is difficult for both of us. But things can be better now, I promise. I can get you anything you desire if you just give me a little patience."

D'awww. She kisses you. Smooth move, hero.
What now? Try to talk to Dionysus again?

>>16425103
For now, there's little more we can do than wait, maybe discuss things with our wife... and if she's okay with staying here alone for now, we seriously need some dinner! So maybe back to hunting?

>>16425146
If we go hunting we should really find some edible berries. If I'm correct, Nymph's are Vegetarians.

>>16425178
That nymph belonged to Artemis. Nice job breaking her, hero.

You make up a nice bed for the missus, as nice as you can, which isn't that nice, but meh.

You go hunting for a bit, everything seems to still be absent due to the colossal supernatural jimmy-rustling of the previous day. However, you eat some bread and so does the wife...you purchased it before. You were going to look for berries when you realized your vineyard already had a few bunches of ripe grapes!

So you called it a night.

>baleeted old comment due to stupid.

[wife's name here] lol. I totally heard that like in Portal.

Sweet. She won't kill us in our sleep.

...Nah, better let the boss be; he sounded busy and we cannot rely on his intervention whenever this shit happens. I have a feeling We are now playing a larger game than "hunt rabbits in woods all day, erry day" now.

I guess we'll leave The missus to watch over the nymph, and then we'll get back to huntan and forragan. Like the previous anon said about the nymphs and being vegans and whatever.

>>16425202

well, okay then! This is working pretty well!

...I hope

NEXT MORNING BRIGHT AND EARLY YOU _____

>>16425202
I guess when we wake up the next day, we should ask the nymph what can be done about Artemis. If she won't take her back, I guess she'll have to live in the woods near our house? As a nymph, she probably wouldn't wanna live in a house anyway, and it would be strange for the wife.

>>16425232
well we
>>16425235
After consulting with the nymph, we should tend our vineyard/commune with our brogod, see to our traps(ohgodsnonewnymphspleez), and any other tasks we need to be doing. We'll either be dead by nightfall, or, we'll have something to do.

>>16425235
Works for me. The nymph is still asleep, snuggling about and getting nymph-presence all over the bed while your wife eyes her warily.

Captcha: Moment of

Moment of truth!
Wake her or wait?

>>16425286
Nah, let's let her sleep then. Do what >>16425284 said until she wakes up. She needs some rest.

>>16425286

Oh dear. Hmm. Look the question at the wife. She'll prolly say yes, since she doesn't want nymph all over her beds. If all is good, clear throat. or touch hand gently or somewhere equally far from genitals.

>atibro brambles

Hell yes.

>>16425314

This does avoid any screaming. Second.

>>16425314
Nothing in the traps AGAIN. Sheesh.
Dionysus says not to worry about the whole nymph house bed thing, but he sounds a little worried himself. He says it's probably best not to just cast her out into the woods again before having some long conversation and arriving at some understandings about what should and should not be mentioned to Artemis.

You now have a decent amount of grape bunches, roll 2d8 for total.

Also, the nymph woke up, said something about very soft leaves, freaked out, jumped out of bed, apologized to your wife, ran outside, and ran smack into you, causing the grapes to fall everywhere. Most of them are still good though, you've only lost 1d4 bunches total.

rolled 6, 3 = 9

>>16425356
From brogod's lips to our ears. The dude abides.

Apologize profusely. Help the nymph up before gathering the grapes.

Archived this shit by the way, thought it was worth it. Also 244 replies omitted, so we may need a new thread soon. http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=WoodsQuest

rolled 4 = 4

>>16425356
1d4 lost.

rolled 7, 5 = 12

>>16425383

I agree. Upvotean.

>>16425400

D'oh! Well, That'll leave us 5 bunches at least.

>>16425383
Wow. Thanks. (I bet the fan-service helped, too)
I'll be going in under an hour, but I will try to come back tomorrow at 6pm EST or earlier for round 2. What's the reply limit on this board?

You have five bunches of grapes. The nymph is freaking out a little still at having taken charity from a male human, having been inside a house, etc, and is considering going and confessing everything to Artemis. However, she's also apologetic to you, and you realize her planned course of action would probably be rather ruinous to all parties.

What do?

rolled 14 = 14

>>16425442

Awesome. I'l try to make it.

As for the Nymphs' damn-fool plan...Tell her that that sounds like a great idea, only you're troubled by Artemis' propensity for doling out the harshness when things offend her. Ask her if she's *sure* she wants to fall from Artemis' favor and get us mortals dead. Rolling char.

>>16425469
You persuade her to be less suicidal.
She is now afraid of the woods.
She apologizes profusely and begs her to let her remain in your vineyard.

Your wife has followed her out and looks like she feels sorry for her but is definitely still unhappy about her nudity.

>>16425493
Well... is it possible for her to cover herself up with some leaves or something? She can stay though, it seems like not even the wife would mind too much.

rolled 15 = 15

>>16425493
>You persuade her to be less suicidal.
Sweet! Not gonna die today!
>She is now afraid of the woods.
>She apologizes profusely and begs her to let her remain in your vineyard.
Hell yes! Nymph GrapeGrove(tm)! This is baller shit, OP.

>Your wife has followed her out and looks like she feels sorry for her but is definitely still unhappy about her nudity.
Grapeleaf-kini, coming up!

Godamn, This dumb hunter is one problem-solving motherfucker.

>>16425525
He wasn't dumb any more after drinking the wine... maybe we drink Dionysus wine quite a lot now?

>>16425493
>Running a quest and on third thread, only get 3 people at most
>You start one
>Like 5 people and full thread
Goddamn it man! At least you love my quest.

rolled 8 = 8

>>16425556

Yep. I was speaking about his origins, though. Sory to confuse. We start off as Ogg the Greek hunter, and ended up Ogg, Priest of the Grape-brogod, guardian of fallen nymphs and ass-covering expert.

>>16425525
>>16425519
No kidding, the wine wore off but he's asking like he has...well, maybe still INT 9, but like, WIS 13 instead of 6. Eventually....eventually.

So, the wife was gonna like offer some clothes or whatever, but this kind of keeps the nymph from distress by further violating her decrees...plus, more blatant fanservice!

The nymph has to have this whole modesty thing explained by your wife, after which she goes off into the vineyard and comes back with a bikini she apparently made by sticking leaves to her skin with grape juice and layering them like chainmail. Your wife gives up on any improvement after this, and I'm going out on a limb and saying you probably have no objections.

You still have some time left. Try out your new abilities? Hey, maybe you have some kind of WILD MAGIC or something!

>>16425582
>Ogg
So we have a name now. Got a name for the wife and the nymph too? How is it that only our dogs have names anyway?
Ass-covering expert... I like that...

>>16425568
So far I've had a whole posse of nude womenish things, two of which are now prominent characters, and a third kinda sorta nude goddess thing. Also my main character is basically worshipping inebriation itself, to oversimplify a bit.

I'd like to say it's all talent, but seriously...I'm whoring my story out and I have no shame.

rolled 13 = 13

>>16425593

Hell yes! Consecrate this grove o' grapes in the name of the bro, hallowed be thy brew. Life is good, we aren't dead. I bet this leads to adventure and a place in the great tales one day!

...besides, our lawn ornamentation is a lithe fae woman drenched in prewine. Fuck. Yeah.

rolled 14 = 14

>>16425623
Whore away. I have a feeling it will lead somewhere righteous.

also, captcha's feeding me algebra and latin.

rolled 8 = 8

>>16425667
>>16425641
And so Ogg the Lucky cast his first spell-ish power.
It's just like the Cure Minor Wounds orison!
Except for one little detail...you feel like you just punched yourself in the head. You take 1 damage.

Incidentally you also discover you CAN take damage, and aren't COMPLETELY immortal.

>>16425702

well, that's good news all around. It'll also keep us from trying to Elminster our way through a game.

>>16425702
Owww. Not doing that again.
Let's... hunt? Or what about making some wine? Does it even make sense to do that, seeing as we have an unlimited supply?

>>16425728
Just realized I totally left that flat...what do you want to do now? More magic? Hunt some?

>>16425741
Yay! You begin to hunt!
SUDDENLY HUEY POINTS TOWARDS...A DEER!
About forty yards away. You have your bow, and your dogs. What do?

>>16425752
Ready our bow. Sneak up on it until we're close enough. Then shoot.

rolled 2 = 2

>>16425752

We have a bow! We go all Cabela's on that ass. If we've been existing on rabbits, this'll last a minute! If we miss, RELEASE THE HOUNDS!

Attack rollan.

rolled 19 = 19

>>16425772
...that attack roll might have made the deer *healthier*.

>>16425778
That one annihilated it, so now there's nothing left to eat.

>>16425752
shit it might be from Arty!
say hello.

>>16425778
>>16425772
>>16425766
You sneak closer. You manage to miss from pretty close. You release the hounds.

You fire again, straight through the heart even though it was quartering away* from you. A splendid shot. It falls almost before the vines shoot from the arrow ro entangle it in a helpless bundle.

Wait.
That never used to happen...


*"Quartering away" is a term hunters use, means it's facing mostly way from you but you can still see its shoulder somewhat. Very difficult shot. Better than quartering towards, in which the shoulder-blade covers the heart totally.

rolled 9 = 9

>>16425805

...We. are. AWESOME.

Let's get over to that deer! we should check out our handiwork before the dogs rip everything up. Also, you know, mercy kill.

>>16425805
Sweet!
Try to find some berries for the nymph on our way home, always grapes will get boring after a while, and we might still use those grapes for wine or something.

We should seriously think about what we do with our life from now on... we're actually too powerful to just stay in the woods, and we're a cleric of a god, we should spread his message/wine. On the other hand, both the wife and the nymph are here...

>>16425842
>>16425841
All of your dogs, even Louie (the vicious one), back off after just a little maiming. Good dogs! The deer is already dead just from sheer shock and bloodloss.

On your way back you find some delicious berries AND some more strangely beautiful flowers for your wife.

>>16425864
Well, if we want to effectively spread his message we have to figure out how to turn people insane, considering that was his second domain

Unfortunately I have to go for today. Look to me at first light on...umm... maybe not. I will make a thread around six or maybe earlier, again, EST. Or a lot earlier, if I feel like it.

I may be able to stick around for a few minutes to answer questions, but I really need to crash soon.

>>16425869
Well, I guess we pick up both the flowers and the berries and head home?

>>16425875
ohshitthey'reontome

rolled 13 = 13

>>16425945

I like where this is heading, OP.

Where are you pulling material from, besides Greek Mythology? Just anon?

>>16425945
That's fine, I really need to sleep too. This was awesome OP, I hope I'll be able to participate again tomorrow. If not, someone archive it for me please.

>>16426010
The Greek myth, hunting knowledge, and general history stuff I just remember from reading various books, wiki entries, or whatever.

The D&D stuff is just what I remember from reading the 3.5e handbook and some of the online resources.

The only looking up of stuff I did was to find an orison and for the names of the vineyard-haver professions.

The rest just kind of came to my mind based ons tuff you guys said.

rolled 13 = 13

>>16426040

cool. Looks like a good formula. Have a nice night!