Oh yes. "Follow me on my little romp to Terra" meanwhile a flock of bloody magpies will be at our fortresses "gifting" themselves all of our shit. No. Nope. Not going to happen. Fool me once shame on you ect. I have a better idea: fuck you.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Oh Diomedes, you so crazy.

>>16593903
Brother, what could I steal of yours that the Ruinous Powers have not already gifted me? Just look at this mighty axe that I was loaned from mighty Kharn.

>>16593915
It seems my mechanical partner here has taken a liking to your stylings, machine spirit.

our chapter was recently gifted the emperor

Chaos Corrupted Magpies? Oh Fuklaw, just when I thought it couldn't get anyworse.

... Oh. Fuklaw is here. Yeah, it got worse. Fuckit, I'm staying in the Archives and having a drink. Slightly safer there.

>>16594006
>>16594006
Where did you get that marvelous chest piece, little warrior?

>>16594046
Such hair growth on that one. It'd be a shame if something....Happened to it.

Hey there.

Why doesn't he just have the Custodes gift him the Throne?

>>16594056
>>16594088
Both me, forgot trip.

>>16594091
You are no False Emperor, for he is but a rotting corpse. Who are you, imposter, and why should I not strike you down in the name of Chaos?

>>16594091
Diomedes will steal the warp and the chaos gods will die.

>>16594096
Trust me, I've tried. They're notoriously hard to convince, especially if I don't have the proper bling. Speaking of...

Ok, ok listen up, Diomedes. I'm Melkor the Morgoth. Ever heard of The Lord Of Rings? How bout Sauron remember him, the Dark Lord? Yeah? Sauron is my bitch. I'm the first, and original Dark Lord. My hammer Grond strikes to the core the earth whenever it hits the ground. My power is unrivaled here on the mortal plane. I stand twenty fucking feet high! Everything Chaos has done, I'M THE MOTHERFUCKER WHO INVENTED IT!

What can you take from me, for atop my Iron Crown are the Silmarils, three brilliant jewels which contain the unmarred light of the Two Trees. So how can you steal anything from me when I boast such a mighty prize on my very head.

>>16594172
You are such a nice him gifting him such priceless jewels.

>>16594182
>nice him
My grammar is falling apart. That should be "nice man."

>>16594172
>>16594172
You'd have to be missing your eyes for me to steal something from you, Lord Melkor.

>>16594172
>inb4 Melkor gifts Grond to the Blood Ravens

>this whole thread

>>16594209
Good. Remember your place.

this blue haired chick with some interesting headgear said hey a while back

>>16594286
>>16594286

Yes, siantz is what we Chaos Boyz employ best...perhaps you would join us in our fight against the...." 'umies?"

>>16594302
he stole his eyes, lol

>>16594302
He stole your eyes bro.

Me, am thief proof.

>>16594305
Hope you don't mind that I took your subdermal implants, I need to control the massive psyker energy latent in my new form.

YOU THIEVING MAGPIES! I WILL SMASH YOU INTO OBLIVION WITH MY HA-

WHERE IS GROND?

>>16594318
What could you possibly have for me to steal, ogryn?

It's almost as if no one trusts me.

>>16594367
STEAL ME. DO IT. DO IT YOU PANSY BLOOD RAVEN! CATCH ME AND ADD ME TO YOUR COLLECTION!

>>16594415
Holy christ I'm actually afraid of what might happen if this goes the way I think it will.

>>16594379
I dunno.

>>16594415
Again, we Blood Ravens, even if we have fallen to Chaos, do not steal! It is ungentlemenly!

....Wait what's happening to my servo skull.

>>16594441
Hey Diomedes, here is a nice, shiny ring, just for you. How bout you put it on, I bet your like the results. And nice eyes by the way, they go along with your skin complexion nicely.

>>16594503
OOOOHHH A SHINY!

>>16594503
Neat helmet.

>>16594528
I can't steal anything from a Squat because they don't actually exist anymore.

I MEAN WE DON'T STEAL.

>>16594528
Fucking Kender.

>>16594531
Come on, you like gifts right? Take the ring, you'll love it. It increases your power by twice what it normally is. There are zero negative side effects, just take the Ring, it's my way of saying thanks for taking care of my boss.

Alright, I have had just about enough of you. I am sending you to that other universe I was talking about before. Nothing to steal there but lint, and you'll fade, and you'll die.

>>16594577
See >>16594096
You've been defeated.

>>16594578
You've come to give him more gifts? How generous.

>>16594583

He stole my other bowtie, my FIRST bowtie... The one that I stole. I must make him go away. I will do so with any. Means. Necessary. Now be a good chaos chap and step over onto this platform.

>>16594578
Now, just where did I leave my sonic screwdriver.

>>16594607
Hold on a minute...who are you?

>>16594624

Hello. You cried me out.

Why don't the blood ravens just get Terra gifted to them?
>frodo.png

>>16594633
Hang on, if you're me than we have have just crossed our own time streams which means...

Where's my TARDIS!!!???

>>16594624
Yes, just who is he? He's obviously not as fashionable as Tenant's doctor.

>>16594659

Doctor, that doesn't matter. We need to stop this maniac before he steals all of the Imperium!!

>>16594684
I'll have you know he's not stealing anything. You people just give very generous gifts and unfortunately forget about them.

>>16594651
What ravishing locks of hair.

>>16594651
Maybe you can help us with this Traitor .

>>16594684
>>16594659
Who the hell are you two?

>>16594659

>>16594091
>mfw

>>16594684
I'll handle this.


SPACE MARINE!!!!

I brought you these chains, they are yours for the taking. Definitely not unbreakable chains made of white dwarf neutronium.

>>16594705

Where on earth is Carmen Sandiago's hair?

TAKE THE RING! JUST TAKE IT! YOU KNOW WHAT! TAKE MINE! JUST TAKE MY RING! LOOK AT IT DANGLING HERE! TAKE IT! THIS IS A GIFT, TAKE IT!

>>16594708

YOU! Help us fight this monster before he steals your jacket!!!

>>16594749
Damn it Sauron read the thread. Frodo gave him the ring.

Gotta say, I respect a guy who knows how to accessorize with trophies.

>>16594165
See
>>16594749

He already took the ring, it's on the visable ring finger.

>>16594745
This jacket happens to be highly fashionable, thank you very much!

>>16594735
>>16594767
So does God-Emps's jacket. Buttoned? Heck yeah, I want that.

>>16594775
Please, he couldn't pull off this look in a million years. Trust me, I've seen it!

>>16594767
Fashionable indeed.

Now just what the bloody hell is going on in here!?

>Sam Vimes vs. the Blud Ravens
>Heaven or Hell, let's rock!

I've never been a huge fan of plaid, personally.

>>16594799
>he

>>16594799

All right, that's well and good, but he is still a thief. Help me defeat him please? And then I will put you back into your correct timestream!

>>16594765
No he couldn't have taken it already otherwise I would, oh shit.

MAAAHHHGGGGPIIIEEEE!!!!!!!

>>16594808
>>16594808
Fine smokables are such a rare occurance in the Warp. Enjoy your cigar, my friend.

>>16594814
So you don't want it 'gifted' then? I don't know whether to be relieved or insulted!

>>16594808
A rare occurance, yes....

Alright. Since the others aren't helping, I am just going to throw you into that other universe that I was blabbering on about.

>>16594863
uhh...

how are you doing to that without your sonic screw driver AND tardis?

>>16594863
STOP RIGHT THERE! These men are under my jurisdiction!

My master Sauron the great demands that his Ring be returned to him. He wants his gift back, now. Do it quickly our you shall risk facing the wrath of Mordor.

>>16594863
Yes they do seem to be missing don't they.

Found my sonic! See? Was in my coat pocket where it always is. And I don't need it for every last thing. NOW, off you go, chaos-spawn!

I brought you a gift, Diomedes.

>>16594880
Are you threatening me, sir?

>>16594897

YOU'RE SO FAST!! How...

Hwee brought Hyou a Geeft too great Dhyomedeesh

Stole yourself son.

>>16594937
>>16594907
Keep them, I have very little room and you are more expendable than a Daemonic Prince such as I.
Though your clothes are not a necessity, are they?

>>16594912
No, I am informing you that if you do not get out of the way, I will have you arrested for...
"Impeding the enforcement of the law, sir."
Thank you, Carrot.

>>16594950
dear throne hes going to reach a singularity and kill us all.
WE MUST STOP THIS MADNESS

ALL THOSE LOYAL TO THE EMPEROR STAND BY ME

>>16594985
I stand with you!

>>16594968
Hlord! Shall Hwee Ehleemenat Thees Hloyalest?

>>16594985
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKING DAEMON PRINCES ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING THREAD!

Boom, warpstorm. Good luck getting reinforcements.

>>16594985

I'm on your side.

Oi! Dis Git iz tryin' ta kill da 'umies world. Why is we not krushin' 'im and 'is lot?
Come on boyz! WAAAGH!

>>16595038

We can still escape and call for reinforcements.

>>16594994
>>16595009
>>16595040
so there are heroes amongst us good we will need you to do anything in your power to stop them

>>16595048
*points to >>16594950*

>>16595038
little did you know an entire ordo malleus fleet is above the world

>>16595059
Hope you don't mind, but I borrowed your phone.

>>16595048
Would you not have more fun slaughtering hundreds, if not thousands, of space marines and their allies instead of a single daemon?

>>16594985

You have my sword.

>>16594985
HE STOLE MY HAIRARIUM!! I STAND WITH YOU!!

>>16595048
dont listen to >>16595079
es da biggest dat means es da ardist, which means ell put up da real fight

>>16595077

I took the liberty of going back in time and gathering up the entire British army, stuffed them into the TARDIS, and brought them alllll back here. Now there's another force to stand against you, Daemon!

>>16595092
Conserting with xenos are we?

BATTLE BROTHERS!
Space Marines, Today, the enemy is at out door. we know our duty and we must do it!

ONWARDS, LADS! FOR THE DOCTOR, QUEEN, AND COUNTRY!

>>16595101
would you rather fight orks and a daemon or just a daemon, you decide
>>16595084
>>16595087
>>16595093
good good more reinforcements i have several cadian regiments on the way as well

>>16595118
Hey, let me land you a hand too.

>>16595059
Bring me... My other jacket.

Brains?

>>16595093
Yes, most effective.

>>16595079
We is gunna crush da big 'umie first, ta prove we is da toughest, den we is gunna crush da rest of you lot!
WE IZ GREEN AND GREEN IS BEST!

>>16595136
Brains...

>>16595117

"Oy, this inspires me! We'll make this into a wargame in the future! Humans against monsters, completely original."

"Games are for children. YOU ARE MEN! OF THE QUEEN! OPEN FIRE!!"

>>16595007

>>16595154
Wait let me try that again.

You're cornered on all sides, daemon. Give up, and give the people their things back.

>>16595164
No I was just screwing with you, get back in line.

>>16595164
wait we have eleven saving us?
dammit why couldnt it have been 10

>>16595125
>>16595144
i thank you for the quite questionable help

>>16595142
somebody ram a battle barge into him

>>16595164
....Fiiiiiine. I was just foolin' around anyway....

We cool bro?

>>16595177

He was helping, dunno where he went...

YES. WE. ARE.

>>16595184
no you must (unfortunately) give the chaos guy from yesterday his stuff back, then you will be coming with me

>>16595178
We know when we iz needed 'umie. and look at all the Dakka dat 'umies got. he's tryin' to out loot us! me boyz and I are gunna show him why no one out loots da orks

>>16595203
I was hoping you'd forget about that.

Can I at least keep this gifted baneblade?

>>16595177
AHEM!

>>16595184
Wait, we won?

>>16595223
*loads storm bolter*
>>16595210
the hell are you implying xeno?

>>16595231

Don't worry, six, I acknowledge you. Thank you for helping me out here.

>>16595223

BLOODY MAGPIE! You're so silly, here, have a fezz!

>>16595245
We'z gunna loot dat fancy cup a 'is.

>>16595262
Oi! I forgot'z me pictua

>>16595254
Glorious gift, Comrade Doctor.

You would think corrupted Blood Ravens would sneak about giving things back

Wait what? A Bloody Magpie actually giving things back? I don't believe it...

>>16595294
It's true, we've changed our ways.

>>16595254
>>16595276
FOOL, ITS GOING TO START ALL OVER AGAIN!!

A challenger appears...

>>16595346
Don't be foolish.

>>16595342
Oi! Your old cup is mine now 'umie! I looted it from da page with da help of me weirdboyz. now Da Mekboyz gunna fix it up real good!

>>16595394
Almost forgot me looted cup

>>16595380
Those are probably for trick-or-treaters. I'll have your hands for theivery!

What have I done...

>>16595408
>bloody magpie
>punishing someone for stealing

>>16595408
>this thread

in the name of the emperor i sign the death warrant for the thread 16593866

>>16595445
Uh, bro, you're busy so I hate to interrupt you. But we kinda started moving people to another planet and all.

>>16595405
Very well, but I require a gift from you to make it even. What would you like to gift me?

My master Sauron the Great thanks thee for returning his Ring.

>>16595445

There's nothing I can do...

*Gets in TARDIS before exterminatus begins*

VROOOOOOOP VRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOP

>>16595445
i personnally believe it is waste to destroy an entire world but it is imperative that we destroy this foul magpie
>>16595458
ill get to your world next

>>16595459
You don't mean *this* TARDIS, do you?

VROOOOOP VLEOOP

>>16595533
and the cycle continues

>>16595533
You realize he can summon that back with his key?

You also realize that he is still in it?

>>16595533

Missed your tardis dude - doctor seems to have chipped.

>>16595459
well da boyz haz a Skullhamma tank we found just muking about in dis tread, but you wouldn't want...
Why's me face feel strange?

>>16595501
with the life eater spent it is time to unleash the firestorm

The King of Kings demands tribute from this thread!

>this thread again
Such glorious heresy

As Grand Moff and High Poobah of the Inquisition, I demand a halt of this exterminatus.

>>16595581

>>16595640

>>16595636
i see through your lies daemon, and besides you are too late

>>16595585
Neat bling yo.

>>16595677
we are almost complete

>>16595695
FOUL THING

>>16595695
Which one a you 'umies took me Jaw plate! I worked 'ard on dat!

>>16595677
Aw well. I was on the Litany of Litanys Litany the whole time. MAYBE NEXT TIME, INQUISITION. For now I'll keep this nice mug.

>>16595700
and thus the thread was reduced to nothing more than a lifeless ball of ash and rubble. and thou the daemon may have been killed in flesh his wicked soul is still out there rotting in the warp, waiting to be "gifted" a new body with which to continue his rein, and due to this clear fact we will never cease this crusade

>>16595711
>>16595711
Man you guys are loaded. I could make a fortune off you.

>>16595733
ANNND the grey knights fuck up once more.

Typical.

>>16595750
Yes, I believe a fortune could be made off of you.

>>16595733
Looking familiar, but I can't seem to place it...

Wait, that's no moon!

TAKE THIS MR. MAGPIE!

>>16595758
Treacherous beast of darkness, your thieving hands will but hacked off for the glory of the King of Kings!

>>16595725
mother fuc- wait a second
if your not on this planet who the fuck was!!?

*looks at data slate*
....well fuck

>>16595758
I'z is gunna get me boyz, and when I get's back we iz gunna CRUSH YOU! and I'll get me jawplate back

>>16595783
>>16595783

Wow, even your soldiers are styling. Just look at those shoulder pads.

>>16595806
The men earlier were soldiers! The man you just stole from was a noble!

AND NOW YOU FACE MAN

YOU WILL BE BURIED IN WARRIORS OF THE TRUE MASTER OF CREATION

>>16595787
I stole no such thing. But I was gifted this paper from your back pocket.

>>16595806
diamedes were in khornes name are you my bubble bath needs warming

>>16595832
BURIED UNDER A WAVE OF SPEARS

Hey, magpiefag, /lit/ here. You forgot our gift. You forgot it like a hundred times.

It's James Joyce as a little boy - here, it's for you.

>>16595838
ME LUV NOTE!...
I mean... and 'oo duz dat note belong to? I ain't never wrote in me life, but you should hand it ova ta me anyway 'umie

u mad

i must bring in more ships....

I'll just leave this here. Surely it'll perfectly safe.

I'm gonna get my Atlas out from behind this bush and kick your Heretic ass, daemon!

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