The continuing adventures of Louie Chinaman!------When last we left off, you were a confused Chinaman in a new world, Hartesville, North Carolina. You're a high school student who's pretty good at kung fu, don't want no trabble, has a goofy hair cut and awkward clothes, and no bicycle.You've got a mother and father who are just as confused as you are, two friends, a wise old gardener mentor, and a few local bigots that have been stirring up some trouble for you. They smashed up your bike, threatened your family's restaurant, the Taiping Heavenly Kingdom, and just generally ruined your day. Tonight at 11 PM EST, your adventures continue in this strange and barbaric place.
Yes, Chinaman Quest!
I AM EXCITED.
We should get a better haircuttlike one of those j-pop guys
>>19229637In time, friend.
Bump for the Chinaman fighting the bigoted white devils and their evil white, pointy headed spirits.
Yes! We sharru show the white devirus the grory of China.
Fuckyeah Chinaman quest time.
Part I:http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/19131158Part the second:http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/19143286For your reading pleasures:----------------It's the dawn of your third day in the US. You wake up groggy, not having gotten to sleep until 3 AM the previous day, since you and Father had to walk home together from the Taiping Heavenly Kingdom. It's 5 AM, and the sun is rising. Your body is intact, and you don't smell smoke, and you're thankful for that, lest the barbarians should see fit to purge you from their lands by fire like your ancestors drove out the Zhuang from the southern lands. You step outside to do your morning exercises, and find a cross raised on your front lawn, with a figure, dressed in changshan, hanging from the tree. On closer inspection, you see that it's just a mannequin. You try and focus on your Hung Gar internal martial arts forms, but you can't regain your focus. Instead, you go out back to the well and haul water for father and mother, and pace around the house in distress. Soon, father starts breakfast and the three of you sit down at your small and shabby folding table. Father reads the Chinese language magazine that one of the cooks brings in from a nearby city, from the day before, and mother prepares coffee. She turns to you and asks why you are so upset, and if everything is okay with you and father, who went straight to bed without talking to her last night.
>>19231131Remain silent to avoid causing her stress.
>>19230951BTDubz, Chinese has L, no R. Japanese has R, no L. Just for the record. (Pinying has an initial R, but it's a filthy lie and more like a zh sound)
>>19231179Oh my, how embarrassing. >>19231131We should look to father for a sign.
>>19231161Understanding that father has his reasons for his secrets, much like the emperor, who must hide his mahjong hand even from the most trusted eunuch, you tell mother that you've simply had some trouble learning English and fear that you cannot meet a suitable mother for your heir without developing facility in their barbarous tongue. After all, wouldn't English just be an easier language if they wrote in Hanzi, as is right and proper?Breakfast continues with small talk between the three of you, and as the bus approaches, father hurries you off. You step outside with your lunch and school books, just in time to board the bus. As you walk towards the back where EJ and Lily sit, you notice that every barbarian man is staring at you, and each of their women averts her eyes from you. You see a foot slip into the aisle to trip you, but you've learned from experience and gracefully stride across it like Liu Pei's Red Hare crosses the widest of rivers. You take your seat beside your two friends and they look at you with concern, clearly understanding the situation. Neither of them tries to start conversation.
Kinda dead tonight?
>>19231288Ask them about their nights and tell them about ours. >>19231432yeah feels like it
>>19231527I'm lurking, just waiting to see how things go.
>>19231527You ask your two companions about their nights. EJ tells you about a really good TED talk that was on the previous night. You don't quite understand what these are, but from context, you figure that they are the conferences where the graduates of the imperial examinations of his people meet to discuss agriculture, opera, and various gadgets. Lily attempts to explain to you the plot of a show that she enjoyed with her family, called Glee, which strikes you as similar to when you and the other village boys would teach songs to the local alcoholic. After respectfully listening to their stories and letting them know how delightful their lives are and wishing the best luck on their families, you gather them towards you and speak in low tones about the literal "white devils" that have been harassing you. They show great concern, both of them understanding the bandits that you speak of. Lily informs you that these are not in fact supernatural creatures, but local bigots who used to harass EJ's noble clan, but have turned their attention towards the sons of the Yellow Emperor. You are distressed and neither of them has a solution. They suggest that the local police are probably tolerant, if not outright supportive, of this Klan, and they ask you what you and your honored parents intend to do.
>>19231647>TEDMy good man.Also, the fact that the police are tolerant of the bai gui is distressing.
>>19231647I do not know what my father intends to do, but I intend to train my comrades in martial arts to fight the ghost men.
Listening to the concerns of your comrades, you grow more and more concerned. Clearly, this is a land in the midst of turmoil, with corrupt mandarins and court officials, and like the bandits of Langshan Marsh, it is up to the martial hero to make justice for himself. You confide your plan in your companions, that the three of you should study the family art together, and that you can be as their older brother and pass on to them what father and grandfather taught you. They look at you like you're crazy, but as you return their look with more earnestness than even the great Buddha of suffering, they realize that you mean business. To humor you, they agree to meet with you afterschool, in between your lessons with the Old Gardener and your shift at the restaurant. Lily is excited about getting to wear her yoga clothes, since her mother canceled their yoga lessons two years ago. As the three of you finish plotting, you arrive at the school again. The boy from the other day, Dan, who approached you in the most broken Chinese, climbs out of his vehicle and comes to speak to you. It's not the nicest car you've seen among these bai gui, but far nicer than you would expect a family would entrust to their young son.
>>19231817Listen to him, perhaps he will be of help.
Using powers honed long ago when dealing with simpletons and younger cousins, you brace yourself as the local weaboo approaches you. He notices you looking at his car, and explains to you that it's a "Datsun Z", his most trreasured possession from the semi-civilized Japanese. You recognize some merit to its design, and even see traces of proper Taoist balance in its appearance. It is a graceful vehicle beside the barbarous pick up trucks around it. You've surmised that Dan is, in fact rather well off. He asks if you and your friends would like to hang out with him some time and watch movies or something.
Aight, not much response to night, so I'mma put this on hold for the night. Will try to continue the advenures tomorrow at work. Night yall
>>19232138Aww. I found the thread too late and now I'm dead tired. See ya tomorrow then.
huzzah!
>>19232442fuck
>accidentally hide the thread on the catalog>only find it again nowI feel as ashamed as the Chongzhen Emperor when the rebels entered the capital. Although I'm not going to go slaughtering my womenfolk over this.
So, it's a nice cliffhanger here. Maybe this man could be a useful ally.
>>19231647>the plot of a show that she enjoyed with her family, called Glee, which strikes you as similar to when you and the other village boys would teach songs to the local alcoholicHoly shit this guy is good. Even when the quest only lasts a few posts he still makes me lol.
Fuck, How did I even miss this?There is something about that picture in OP that I unconsciously skip it in Catalogue. I mean, I saw and participated in ShadwoFist Quest and Nomad Quest, and Chinaman came in between them and I still missed it.
So, OP, when are you continuing?
I have returned from toiling in the southern lands (Vietnamese company) and proudly march back into China like Sun Yat Sen returning from Japanese exile. Continuing where we left off.
>>19232138FUCK I just found it in the catalog!>>19241236Something something chinese historical reference describing my intense joy.
We shall sneak up on the white devils and throw a wok at them!
You nod along with Dan as he talks about his extensive collection of Jackie Chan films, and the thought hits martial arts are held with quite high esteem in this nation, whereas where you are from, they're considered a basic skill, as common as being able to cook or sew or recite Confucian proverbs appropriate to the situation. Dan is quite interested in your fighting abilities, ever since he witnessed you defeat those two barbarians in the cafeteria, and asks you if you would want to open up a school. His father owns a few properties in town, and they could get you set up quite easily, and help you establish yourself, as Ip Man when he entered Hong Kong and started a system of Wing Chun schools there.
>>19241454Agree to Dan's proposal.
>>19241454Thank Dan for the great proposal, but inform him that we must consult with our honorable father about disclosing our family's art.
>>19241313>throw a wok at them>>19241668This.
You humbly decline Dan's offer of opening up a martial arts school, telling him that you are at once not qualified, and also need to consult your honorable father's permission. He seems disappointed, but understands. The bell rings for your first classes to begin, and as you walk down the hall for your first class, a path clears around you. No one comes near you, and when you sit down in class, you hear the chairs audibly slide away from you. Even the teacher doesn't call on you during math, usually your best subject.
>>19242399Put our guard up, there is something strange afoot.Even if they had just simply realized the Land of the Rising Sun's superiority, they would have at least shown some form of admiration to us, rather than fear.
You stay alert in the classroom, aware that something must be wrong and corrupt in the realm under heaven if even the noble school teachers are averting themselves from their students. In the last 15 minutes of class, the teacher leaves the room for a smoke break, by which you assume she means opium. As this corrupt, opium addled teacher leaves the room, you see four of the largest barbarians getting out of their desks and moving towards you.
>>19242637Quick! Are there any ladders nearby?
You grow alarmed at the strange treatment, and stay on guard through the rest of class. In the last five minutes, the teacher excuses herself on a smoke break (you surmise that she means opium) and steps out of the classroom. As she does, your concerns prove to be justified as four of the largest barbarians in the class get out of their desks and move towards you. The others back away, and one moves to secure the door.
rolled 13, 6, 7 = 26>>19242673sense CHI!
>>19242665Oops posted twice. No, there are no ladders around this being a classroom. The chairs are the funny kinds bolted to the desk
>>19242673>>19242637Do we have a backpack?If so, is there anything breakable in it?If no to both, take it, and use it and the books within as a bludgeon.
>>19242673What floor are we on? What improvised weapons are available?
You're on the second floor of the build. As this is a math class (geometry), there's lots of nice things like compasses or protractors, but nothing large and hefty but books and rulers and yardsticks. Your backpack only contains books, and you're carrying your lunchbox as well. The spirits in the room feel hostile and aggressive, and the postures speak to the same.
>>19242728ready ourselves by inhaling and exhaling calmly, heightening 5 senses, and sit
>>19242728A Yardstick might be useful for keeping the barbarians at bay, especially if we strike at their exposed necks.
>>19242728Get distance, use heavy bound books as projectiles, force them to charge through the desks and trip themselves up, strike at vital points with the rulers and use our backpack as a club if needed.
>>19242728Grab the largest yardstick (wait they're all a yard long), I mean thickest yardstick, break it in half and prepare your err... nunchaku for the onslaught.
>>19242770more like ESKRIMA MOTHERFOOKER
>>19242728We must tread carefully, everyone is against us. Certainly, the four barbarians most directly, but also the local officials. If they strike, we musn't strike back, so as not to invite disciplinary action.
It must be made to look like they are hurting themselves in their rage. Rile them up and use their force against them.
What religion do we follow, exactly?
>>19242926heavenly taiping
>>19242926We believe in the same god every fellow member of the Heavenly Kingdom believes in.In our EMPRAH
>>19243017Ah, so we follow Hong Xiuquan's teachings from the Taiping Rebellion?A christian sect, who would have thought.And how come there are still believers this long after the rebellion was supressed in 1864?
>>19243106They did only kill 20 million people, some are bound to have fallen through the cracks.
>>19243106This is pretty cool. We have a connection to history! Well, let's summon up the fighting spirit of our ancestors, and hope that we win this time.
>mfw OP is meditating and forgot to breath
Ok, what's our take on communism?Are we more Mao or Deng? Or even Ai Weiwei?We keep quoting Confucian and pre-Confucian values but about the more recent merits of our people (which includes the province of Taiwan as it always has)?
You know what, I say we're omni-ist.We believe in all of China's religions for they are all right.
>>19243487>being a true descendant of the Yellow Emperor>not respecting equally the ways of Confucius, Laozi and the Buddha我確實希望你們哥們兒不要這麼做
Hey, Hongwu Emperor, are you going to post or not?
Deepest apologies. This one had to step out for some shawarma. Sensing the aggressions of this barbarian rabble, you move back and away from them, looking for the thickest yardstick for your self defense purpose. As you dodge agilely between them, though, the bad luck of all your ancestors who have ever failed to light incense to their fathers befalls you. You slip upon an unfortunate pile of school papers as you move across the room, and fall prone to the ground. The four barbarians seize upon this opportunity, giving you a savage beating, starting by kicking you in the ribs. You curl into a ball to try and protect your soft innards.
>>19244143Yeah nah fuck that shit, embrace the Yellow Emperor and spontaneously power up, turning our hair yellow and causing yellow sparks of power to manifest from our Chi.
>>19244066>Ching chong China dongHow does anyone even read that writing anyway
>>19244143Can we somehow sweep the legs of the large barbarians? There size may be their strength but we shall make it their weakness.
Nah, OP is railroading us into getting beat up.
Trip one of the white devils and roll out of the way.>soldier. bdivaiWe are a soldier of the Bdivai dynasty! Let's fight like one!
>>19244201It means ISHYGDDTGoogle translate.
You brace yourself and take a deep breath in and out, recalling China in the time of the opium wars and boxer rebellion. Like the young Republic of China, you rise from the ashes of defeat and swing your legs about you boldly, sweeping the legs of these huge barbarians. You trip one, who in his clumsiness, collides with his friends. From here, you execute the technique "Crippled Race Horse Gets Back Up To Evade Euthanasia", springing to your feet and spin kicking the last two in the head. You dust yourself off and bow to your opponents for the match. As you do, one of them gets back up to bum rush you. You carefully step back and deliver a sharp forward kick to the point of his chin, knocking him out. As the blow impacts, the teacher re-enters the class room with an angry and shocked look on her face "Louie! I don't know about in your countury, but in America, the schoolroom isn't a fighting arena. Principal's office, now!"
>>19244285Of course honored teacher. I would be glad to clear up any misunderstandings that arose.
>>19244297This. 'Though our teacher may be tragically misinformed, she is still our teacher. It would be indecorous to argue with her. We can talk to the principal instead.
>>19244273Translate gives me >I really hope you do not do it buddyWhich... I actually like better than the original.
>>19244311The honorable head of this institution shall listen to our story if not we should get someone to translate for us
>>19244285Ok, this was definatly planned, or at least anticipated. I think that we may be surrounded by enemies on all sides, ad Mao was before he fled across the mountains.Obey the teacher. Listen to the principal and explain our side of the story as well as our meagre english skills permit.
>>19244285The system is unjust! Holy crap, we are going to have to restore the mandate of heaven.For now, though, we're going to have to eat bitterness. Fear not, it will make our victory all the sweeter. Heaven has eyes.
>>19244311I concur.Damn do I wish I had appropriate chinese reaction images, all I have are things from my japanese animes.
Teacher is yet your teacher, and knowing this, you bow your head in resignation, apologize for brawling, and head to the principal's office. He is the helpful man who helped you find your classroom last time. As you walk into his office, his secretary asks you to sit outside for a few minutes and wait. Eventually, you come in and the man asks you why you've come into his office, and if you're successfully making friends and learning English. He seems to have no knowledge of this incident.
>>19244549Start saying that yes, we have had some success in forging alliances and learning english. Then say that our decadent teacher left the room to smoke and we were attacked by four white devils, and, when the teacher returned, she ordered us to come here. Also mention the odd behaviour displayed by our classmates and the KKK threat, and ask for assistance.
In your accidental Chinese hipster clothes (a denim jacket from the 90s and Tweety Bird sweatpants), you bow your head in shame and humbly tell the story of your decadent teacher, who left class for a smoke and left you to be assaulted by the four rednecks. You then mention the nighttime attacks by the Klan. The principal looks at you with some concern, and mentions that he's only been here for a year, but he heard rumors of previous black, Asian, and hispanic teachers run off from the town by the Klan. He expresses concern for you, but says that it's out of his hands. However, he cannot overlook this brawling, and will have to suspend you for the next three days for fighting. He recommends you take this time to consult with your family and solidify your situations.
>>19244631May we politely inquire about the fate of the barbarians?
>>19244631Ask him how are we supposed to deal with these rednecks. Then thank him for his wisdom, bow, and leave. Walk home in shame.(is anyone else here?)
>>19244631Give him our thanks for his concern, then return to our honorable home for punishment from father for this shameful display.>>19244674Big Red reporting in.
>>19244674Red two standing by.
>>19244663This. But do it humbly. Extra humbly.>>19244674I am! And yes, I concur.
>>19244698Anyone else?
Guys, I've just realised why that encounter went badly. We failed to say that we wanted no trabble. I'm a bit worried that the unjustness that surrounds us is giving us a messiah complex and we're forgetting our most cardinal rule: Want No Trabble.
This thread is so incredibly racist i am amazed it hasn't been shut down.Imagine if you were making a thread about a "nigger" dressing in gangsta clothes with bling bling and robbing white people while speaking in rap slang.Pretty sure the mods would ban you for racism.
>>19244785Well shit, you're right.
>>19244808http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/18933596/Deal with it.
>>19244808Just FYI, this is being run by a chinese person. Deal with it.
>>19244808Obviously someone is not familiar with Ghetto quest
>>19244808>4chan>not racistAre you sure you know where you are?
>>19244808normalfag detected
>>19244852Perhaps you would like to try using "nigger" on /k/ and see what happens.
>>19244808I'm 90% sure that gangsta quest has already happened. Also, I think we're playing with stereotypes more than insulting, and you can even learn about Chinese history here. And our dude is a Chinese hero up against evil white guys and certainly isn't robbing anyone. Plus OP has said he's of Chinese descent.Finally, you're on 4chan.
>>19244813Historical counterfactual: if Mao had repeatedly insisted that he wanted no trouble, would things have got so screwed up?
>>19244903The Cultural Revolution would certainly have been a more civilised affair.
>>19244860Heeeey, I'm pretty normal and I'm enjoying the quest. Granted, I probably wouldn't do this in real life without at least one Chinese person in the group. But since OP's said he's of Chinese descent, and has the knowledge to back up that claim... we good.
So can we get back on track now?
>>19245004We're just dicking around until OP finishes his enlightenment.
You excuse yourself from this wise sage, who is deserving of many gifts and offerings for the wisdom he has imparted on you, and you begin the shameful walk home to your parents, who are sure to punish you for brawling. You come home to mother, who shows concern as to why you've left school so early. You explain to her the situation, with the brawling and hte gang attack. She feels deeply for you, that this is almost as great a cruelty as when the Qing decreed that all men must cut the hair that their parents bequeathed to them, but the most appropriate thing in this case would be simply to bear it until father can steer the family better. She bids you rush to the restaurant and help father, rather than waste your time with worries.You quickly make preparations to get to the restaurant in time for the lunchtime rush. You pack your change of clothes and jog to the Taiping Heavenly Palace, your endorphins taking your mind off the troubles. As you arrive, though, you sense something is wrong. It's 12:15 and the parking is dead empty, except for the staff cars. As you head into the kitchen to greet father and explain your day to him, he looks at you with dismay and tells you that the restaurant has been dead all day. He took out an insurance policy this morning, though, from a third party out of town
>>19245236Maybe we should investigate the cause of the lack of business though we already know the root of the problem. Maybe we can solve it without getting into trouble.
>>19245236Inform father of what happened in school today with the barbarians as well as what our allies told us of the power distribution in this strange land.Anyway, I'm off for tonight guys, invest in a folding (step?)ladder we can keep in our bookbag for me guys.
You mention to father the corrupt officials who reside in this land, surely the portent of the end of a dynasty, and tell him of the one righteous school master who has been your ally in this time of trouble. He says to you>Oh it very dangerous. No go by yourself. Here take this.And hands you a wooden folding ladder, to carry in your backpack. You mention to him that it may be in the best interests of your family if you were to take it upon yourself to investigate the cruel and ghostly warlords of the bai gui. While he is far too old to understand the ways of this land, you must lay low and figure out how to bring down this Klan.
Alright, it seems the time has come to call this night. I'll throw this one in the archives and we'll meet up again next Thursday?
>>19245801>>19246078>'bout to fall asleep>80s music say no>check thread>my stepladder idea happensI rabbu yoo.
