So /tg/, one of my players is a bard. You know, one of those with high charisma that like to hit on ladies in every inn the party sets their foot to. I do not particularly discourage such acts, but I have very little inclination in playing through every single one of them, and as such I have come up with an alternative idea: random hitting-on chart!Basically, the idea is that whenever the party enters an inn and he says "I go to find some bed company," I roll a d100 and consult the chart on what he gets: the higher the better. Rolling a 100 is something like "threesome with busty elven twins," while a 1 is closer to "get carried away by a gnoll, wake up with a broken hip and rabies," and the rest somewhere in between.Turns out filling in a hundred different ladies, encounters, and outcomes is kind of hard work. Does /tg/ have some good ideas on what to put in there?
>>19478915It's a rather interesting idea, but wouldn't the bard always end up with a woman who's at least vaguely attractive? I mean, he'd have to be *really* drunk to end up in bed with a bearded transversite and his small but vicious dog.
Obese female wizard takes him against his will.He gets in a fight with a group of barbarians for hitting on their slaves.Anything to do with disguised abominations or illithids.
>learn the difference between man and woman dwarves>Orcish trouser-polka>turns out she/he was a necromancer>just banged a Dragon in human disguise>reunite with your long lost sibling! ...in a very wrong way...>Congaline!>Halfling rogues are mosre flexible than elves!>Meet a bard lass .... stand back...this shit gonna explode!
- Get in a fight with the half-orc boyfriend of a red-headed girl you hit on.- Hit it off great with a small thin woman. Black hair, widows peak, porcelain skin; one problem, she's an evil witch. You wake up a frog. Polymorph that lasts for 1 day.- Gorgeous blonde DC 35 to hit it off with. If it succeeds, best sex you ever had, intensely passionate and kinky. She's a local Lord's daughter. She trolls you and tells her dad you beded her. Hilarity ensues.
>your attempts at drawing the attention of the fine elven artisan failed, but the dwarf paladin in the corner is now VERY interested in you...and persistent! You do not even know what gender the dwarf is, though...
>>19478962>- Gorgeous blonde DC 35 to hit it off with. If it succeeds, best sex you ever had, intensely passionate and kinky. She's a local Lord's daughter. She trolls you and tells her dad you beded her. Hilarity ensues.Would that go to the beginning or the end, though?
- Get mistaken for a whore. Get paid a couple coppers for sex by a very attractive brunette (doesn't pay until after the boinking).- Your lady wishes to hear a song. Suddenly the rumor spreads in the tavern and EVERYONE wants to listen to your performance- Whiskey dick. 50 DKP minus- You're talking to an androgynous elf, not certain whether male or female, when suddenly you wake up next to him/her in bed.
>>19478915Great idea, i'm compiling the suggestions into a chart right now.
>>19479072Threesome with an androgynous elf and a bearded dwarf. No idea what their genders are.
BDSM with a troll. Regeneration gives plenty of possibilities for self-harm.
>>19478915Nat 1: Wizard wearing a Guise of the Thespian. It comes off at the worst possible instant. Nat 100: An oddly-recurring Ghaele Eladrin in human form. Random chance of the next few encounters actually being the same woman, just polymorphed.
Werewolf. Rough, flexible, bitey, put some scratches in your back. Make a fortitude save to see if you contracted lycanthropy and a charisma roll to check if she was nice enough to give you some wolfsbane before leaving.
>>19478915Suitably low DC: courts an incredibly clingy female who continues to follow the party around possibly becoming a recurring foe
>>19479013>Would that go to the beginning or the end, though?How about two tables, first for with whom you get it off, and second for the long-term consequences. So you might get a shy bearded dwarven female smith, but she idolises you afterwards and keeps your armour repaired for free. Or a busty elven noble, but you get her entire family to declare a vendetta against you for desacrating her.
Congrats, you now have a raging rash of herpes!
>>19479226That's actually a pretty good idea.
You contract a magical talking STD with the voice of Gilbert Gottfried. It's whining, abrasive yells give you massive penalties to all CHA-based talents and you automatically fail stealth rolls for the entire party until it's cured.
>You spend the most amazing night of your life with a fascinating beauty, only to wake up naked on the bar room floor. Turns out you were the victim of a cruel illusion and provided quite the entertainment last night.
A gnoll milks your prostate. Roll a D6 to determine if your sexuality is altered as a result.
>>19479264>Gilbert GottfriedOh gods where's the nearest cleric?
>>19479226That gives me an idea for a bit of refinement.d100, see what ends up BEING there for the bard to hit on (maybe multiple rolls for larger taverns?), then Cha check, DC based on the first result (regardless of actual place on the list, the high-ranking gorgeous beauty might be a slut, or the low-ranking orc trap might be playing hard to get), then another roll for the consequences (if any, roll depends on what it is (Fort check vs lycanthropy for werewolf etc), some might not even have a consequence roll)
You get a rather attractive dragonborn. When you woke up you find yourself in this dragonborn house, and you find him/her making you breakfast. After s/he greetse you s/he beggins talking about long term relationship. Pass a hidh DC bluff check to me s/he think you will stay with but then run. If you don't pass the check you get attacked by its breath weapon
>>19479323furry
>You head upstairs with a very eager, frisky gnome. Now the entire village despises you. Women turn their heads up at you and shout "SHAMEFUL! SHAMEFUL!" Men spit between your boots if you come too near. A couple of the local lads try to beat you bloody with wooden clubs.
>>19478915Rather than a d100 general chart, you might have a series of charts of 30 results. One of relatively normal stuff (a low-class and high-class version perhaps?), one of high fantasy with werewolves and dragonborn wackiness, and another that you use when he is just being silly (blobs and .
>you engage in missionary style sex in hopes of procreation
>>19478915>"get carried away by a gnoll, wake up with a broken hip and rabies,"You were there for... for... that thread, weren't you?The horror. The horror.
A cute virgin Celestial decides you have the proper genes to father her child, who is destined to become a mighty hero that saves the world.
>>19479433I have no idea what you are talking about. Perhaps strange minds merely think alike?
>thou enrage in mercenary position for the soul treason of procrastination
1 - you place a tune that somehow resembles the mating call of a female Tarrasque. Per coincidence, there is also a male Tarrasque nearby, who awakens as he hears the tune. Being a bit drowsy, he mistakes he local inn for the female Tarrasque
>>19479459Quite possibly.You are aware of the sexual characteristics of spotted hyenas, yes?
>>19479530Yes, and I have chosen to ignore this particular detail with my gnolls. Because fuck, what's wrong with you people.
>>19479530>Although the genitalia of the male spotted hyena is not unusual, that of the female closely resembles that of the male; the clitoris is shaped and positioned like a penis, and is capable of erection. The female also possesses no external vagina, as the labia are fused to form a pseudo-scrotum. The pseudo-penis is traversed to its tip by a central urogenital canal, through which the female urinates, copulates and gives birth. This unusual trait makes mating more laborious for the male than in other mammals, whilst also ensuring that rape is physically impossible.
>>19479548You disappoint mother nature
>Because fuck, what's wrong with you people.You must be new here.
>>19479555Gnolls are not spotted hyenas. They are a violent race that appears in many fantasy settings and appears somewhat dog-like externally.Refusing to be an aspie that insists on giving their females dicks because real-life female gnolls have those, does not "disappoint mother nature." Hell, not even all hyenas have those anyway.
>>19479573I second that. Welcome to /td/
>>19479530>>19479551Ohh! Hello, fellow conworld nerd! :3
>>19479530>>19479548>>19479551/tg/ in a nutshell.
>There's a dwarf female!>It must be a female, she has no beard>You have encountered the world first dwarf trap.For a 'good' roll>Twin sisters, 3 some, chased out of town by the brothers they were courting.
Goblin pile.
>Yay for collaborative table making, /tg/ should be doing this every day!+ A plain brunette who requests the same song every night. She will be very impressed if you know if by heart.+ Roll again, you have become married to this result by some freak accident.+ A faun who has been hiding her horns and hooves in a very long cloak.+ A bizarre elven woman who carries a large necklace of beads that possess the engraved likeness of all of her ex-husbands/ex-boyfriends. Any who lie with her has their soul sucked into one of the beads.
>>19478915>OPs pic.She wants to level up.
Just some suggestions, hope your bard likes paying child support...geez, every town...Chart one-budding young bride-hideous old crone-bar wench-young beauty....and her mother-members of a sex cultChart 2-impregnate -she tells you -you never find out -someone else in town tracks you down -kid tracks you down later -shotgun wedding-gone in the morning-angry mob greets you-breakfast waiting for you-kicked out of town
A gnomish inventor looking for a guinea pig to test her new toys with.
It turns out that the beautiful lady you took to bed was the large, male bruiser you met outside earlier. Your party gains an ally, who still calls you "sweetie" in that deep baritone.Remember, it's not gay if s/he's a shapeshifter!
>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voc9TrSVVOA>Jump to 1:30.
>You contracted a severe STD. -4 STA.
>>19479725Oh yeah, STDs could make a whole list of their own.
found this chart a while back...you could adapt it
>>19479551Is it wrong that I learned this fact from Corruption of Champions?
Slaaneshi style cultist, you wake up the next morning tied to the bed, with a bleeding arsehole and feeling very violated.
>>19479909My daddy told us not to be ashamed of our CoCs.
>>19479354>Scaly
>>19479850>A lesbian dwarf has been exiled from her clan and asks the adventurers for help getting her lover out too.See this is what happens without obvious gender cues. 2 guy/girl warriors end up bromanceing it up.
>>19479938>bromancingYou mean sismancing?
>>19479970It's always bromancing with dwarves.
>>19479678>Medieval>Child support
So OP, are you gonna be a badass and post your chart so far? I'd love to see it (and shamelessly rob it for my campaign)
>>19480281>All D&D settings are in dung ages crapsack setting, nevermind all the magic and shit
>>19480300That's the automatic assumption, yes.
>>19480432No it isn't.
>>19480447Yes it is.
>>19480464No it isn't.
>>19480480Yes it is.
>>19480508>>19480480>>19480464>>19480447Is this the real life
rolled 92 = 92>>19479850
Why is David Bowie holding a lute?
OP, fear not, AD&D has you covered
rolled 79 = 79>>19480536
rolled 99 = 99and let's give it a test
>>19480508You're a nazi.
>>19480536Or is this fantasy?
>>19480602Caught in a landslide
>>19480605No escape from reality.
There's also the option that, every time the bard hooks up with someone in a bar, it's actually the same changeling/shapeshifter that happens to prefer monogamy.
>>19480640I like it.
Shouldnt th ebard get some kind of bonus to these rolls in accordance with his charisma?I find it hard to believe that an incredibly handsome, charming young man would settle with hideous creature unless he wanted to/shapshifting/magic shenanigans.
>>19480734Or was drunk.
Not op, but ive got a list of 45 of these suggestions, not ordered in roll order yet.>>19480755good point. how about a simpler roll before hand, to determine how drunk the pc gets that night:Sober would allow you a bonus of the pc's entire CHA scoreTipsy would allow him his CHA mod as a bonusDrunk would negate all bonuses (the dice roll is what he gets)Completely hammered would give him a penalty to the roll
>>19480734how about he gets the *drunk* reroll?If he/she is unsatisfied with the number rolled, he/she can attempt to make their partner pass out from beeing drunk.Anyone can roll on the tablet a number of times equal to his/her charisma mod.However, for every roll after the first you get a cumulative penalty of -5 that is reduced by your charisma mod + your constitution mod in total. So, someone with charisma 22 and constitution 16 could roll up to six times, normal first time, still normal second time, -1 on third time, -6 on fourth, -11 on fifth and a final roll at -16.You are very likely to have a headache the next morning and suffer from it a number of hours equal to rerolls taken
>>19480920for that you could add some special characters to the roll chart, like"Hairy bearded dwarven wench. If attempted to use drunk reroll, take an additional penalty of -5 to all further rolls"Or "Androgynous elf snob. If attempted to use drunk reroll, reduce further penalties by 3."
>>19480755The effects of alcohol aren't that drastic buddy
>>19481446Budweiser isn't alcohol.
>>19481446thisbeing drunk doesn't mean you are blind or retarded
>>19481454who the fuck mentioned bud?
>>19481455But i does mean you gain DR 2/- and disadvantage to anything you do.dog
>>19481779Uh. What?
A mysterious stranger challenges you to a drinking contest.
bamp for more ideas
>>19483255I dont know if I cant win a seduction contest against him, he seems to be in better shape than me, at least
>>19480291I too would like to see OP's chart.
>>19480540Because he's all man baby
Those drunken re-rolls deserve their own "Risk Table", something like this.>You've gotten so drunk you've mistaken a pair of cakes for a pair of tits and slammed your face right into them. Unexpectedly, the cake screams out loud in shock. Turns out it was actually a high level Ooze Wizard in disguise (polymorphed) and the waitress carrying it was being mind-controlled to take him up to the room he "bought", so he can take a rest after being constantly harassed by an insane cult who believe that by ritually sacrificing Ooze creatures they can resurrect their Ooze god.
>>19488717OP here. I've been a little busy right now but I will post the full chart once I'm done with it. All suggestions have been acknowledged, but many are still missing.So, keep them up.
He wakes up one morning to a severely overweight dark elf.
>Moderate successThe player is taken out into the woods by a centaur woman: equal parts gorgeous and sturdily-built. Fort DC:15 to not pass out before she's satisfied. Passing means long-term commitment, failure means waking in the stables with your shirt covered in horse crap and your pants full of straw.
Cute little bonde mage girl with pixie-ish features.Who ties her lovers up so they dont escape when she summons an excremental to play with them.
A celestial being undercover. If the PC uses the classic pick-up line "Is heaven missing an angel?", she panics and asks them how they figured out what she is.Can be convinced to bed the PC, but any children from the tryst will be kept and are guaranteed to seek him out later.
>>19489287>excremental
>>19489321
Lurking and bumping for the chart.
>>19479909Hm.Given the nature of CoC one would not know when things were supposed to be analogues of the source material, or when they're just supposed to be -there- for the sake of it being hot.In this vein of discussion:Low Roll: You are impregnated by your partner for the night, who turns out to be an egg carrier of *insert parasitic species here* looking for a host. This happens regardless of gender
>>19489673If the thread dies before I have it ready, I'll make a new one. So don't worry.If you want to help, post more ideas.
fem dommed by an angry feministic alu-feind
The girl you picked up turned out to be a dragon under disguise, blackmails you so that she won't tell her daddy.
>>19480640>>There's also the option that, every time the bard hooks up with someone in a bar, it's actually the same changeling/shapeshifter that happens to prefer monogamy.Holy shit I love this idea. Not only is it hilarious it'll subtly ween your bard off of trying to get his fictional character laid.At some point he's either going to get disappointed and stop trying, or just marry her and then you don't have to hear about it anymore.
We don't need to hear about your character peeing, we don't need to hear about your character shitting, and we don't need to hear about your character cuming.All three things we can assume your character takes care of on his own, we don't need to bring the group into any of it.
Sleeps with a obsessive chick. She proceeds to stalk him, showing up at the most inopportune of moments. He bangs a female half-orc, who wants to take him back to her clan... All hell breaks loose.Sticks it to an elf. Turns out, her parents are part of the *something something something*, a group of elves dedicated to racial purity.Sex with an average looking, brown hair, brown eyed merchant girl. Wakes up next morning to find himself in a demiplane. She is, in fact, a minor god of chaos and madness, just out for some fun.
>>19490537I like the obsessive chick part. I've never gotten laid without some sort of fucking consequences from it. Even if it's just a chick crying at you in public that she loves you, something has to come of it. And make it like reality, the bard can't just walk away or everyone will think he's a huge douche and not give a shit about his music. Treat him like a celebrity, think about all the gossip that gets around when celebrities get into sex scandals. This is a good opportunity to actually do something fun with it. Those girls he fucks, they don't just disapear into nothing. You write down every one of their names and have SOMETHING come of it. A child, an STD... just drama in general.
The MILFish hot woman you hit on gave you mummy rot.
Aboleth.
>>19493648Mind flayer.
Cute little halfling.Is actually a trap.Everyone in town knows he's a trap. They also now know you slep with him. PC is greeted with cries of "Fag!" and "boylover!" whenever he is seen in that town.
>>19494640They blow your mind.
What about getting a woman pregnant. perhaps allowing a plot hook in the future.
Lay a brass dragon under disguise. Wake up buried neck-deep in sand, with her father lecturing you about chastity and good behavior.
After a few consequence-filled romps, why don't you have him meet a fairly attractive human girl, no strings attached one-night stand. Nothing mindblowing, just "average".And then no consequences, but you've led him to expect the worst... And it will be niggling in the back of his head, that his "karmic balance" is unpaid...
> A kinky halfling. Upon waking, you discover that the halfling was a kender. Roll d100 to see the percentage of stuff missing. (Low roll)> An insanely hot person who hits all your fetish buttons. Turns out they are a reformed (foo)cubi. They give you a booty call talisman and tell you to call them next time you are feeling lonely (high roll)> Two human paladins of the opposite gender who are obviously a couple approach you and say something about "trying out the other side of things" with you tonight (high roll)> You get utterly wasted and the patrons tell you about a whore called "Kinky Kelly". You wake up and discover that you were the star of a donkey show. (low roll)> You meet a villager who is feeling a little unappreciated. They suck at sex, but they feel wonderful afterwards (middling roll)> Everyone in the tavern of the right sexuality (and some who are not, but want to try the other side out) comes up to your room. You remember EVERYTHING and wake up in a pile of undergarments and notes saying "find me next time you are in town." (100 roll, +1 confidence bonus to skill checks for the next hour)> You came back from a mighty quest, you have no need for sleep or rest. you head to a tavern for a drink and get so drunk you cannot think. A wench by your side and a jug of mead, those are the things you most need. (WENCHES AND MEAD) (60 or so)> That hot paladin? They might be immune to disease, but you ain't. You pick up galloping crotch rot, meaning that if you don't cure it, your pleasure organs will rot off (low roll)> You pick up Nancy, the owner of the tavern. She's a damn good lay and pretty easy on the eyes. However, her tavern usually hosts pirates and brigands, who are damn jealous that you bedded Nancy. Hope you can fight naked and unarmed, boy. (low roll)
>>19503124This thing'll show up if you roll two natural 1s in a row.
>>19504795and it still wants to fuck youwith or without your consent
So people were thinking 1d100 +/- conditional modifiers? Shouldn't the table go up to something like 120, with anything above 100 growing increasingly nuts? Like the idea of waking up in a minor deity's godly realm. That shouldn't even be on the same list as most of the rest of these options.
>>19504935This is a good idea. Add things like charisma bonus or bard level or such, plus any situational bonuses or penalties.
bamp
BUMP FOR THE CHART!
I'm totally monitoring this thread.
OP here. Kindly stop bumping my thread for no reason other than seeing my chart. I am a busy man and the chart will not be ready in a bit, probably: I'll just make a new thread for it if this one isn't alive by the time it is.You can bump if you have ideas or help or other discussion, though, that's all cool. Some discussion would be great.
>>19503015think Anon brings up a good point...MOAR middle of the road rolls-inexperienced bar maid- depending on performance ( I usually do dex then fort, DC based on expectations) you rock her world, or not-farmers daughter, not the first time you have woken up naked in a barn being threatened with a pitch fork-another adventure, hopefully you will see her again, if both of you survive-some noblewoman out for a night on the town DC dependent on disguise or knowledge of town, decide from there if its worth the effort
>>19507762I hope I'm online when that happens!
>>19479526>Roll to see who/what I seduce>1>Roll on failure chart>1>You awaken the Terrasque>It seeks the oddly alluring soundI was just looking for a good time!
Bumppic related if thread dies
>>19478933>he'd have to be *really* drunk to end up in bed with a bearded transversite and his small but vicious dog.Bullshit. A true bard will fuck anything. ANYTHING.
>>19480621Open your eyes.
>>19511641And you'll see, your eyes are open.
>>19512291Wear no disguise for me
>>19512303Come into the open
>>19512303When it's cold outside
>>19512360Am I here in vain?
Wait, wait, wait...Shouldn't an encounter with a Succubus be on here?And a good roll should include an encounter with a goddess of love, beauty or some similar domain. If the bard performs well enough, he earns a divine favor.
>>19512408Hold on to the night
>>19512417Every encounter should have a nat 20 benefit.Every encounter should have a nat 1 failure extreme.>Get raped by gnoll herm. >End up king of the gnolls.>Goddess of love wants you as her champion>Corrupt her, end up with Slaanesh as your arch enemy.
>>19512443There will be no shame
>>19512601
Make a random encounter for each Oglaf.
>>19479377> IS THAT SOME MINIATURE GIANT SPACE HAMSTERS???
>>19503015>Wenches and mead>Nancy the tavern wenchPut 'er there, bro.
>>19513116http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o05xPuZF2I8
There should be one where the bard is unlucky and gets nothing.
>>19513220A true Bard will always get SOMETHING.
>Female bard. Endless bickering and boasting about who seduced who and who was the actual star in the sack.
>A woman who was under some effect that made her lose her memory. She wakes up and thinks that you raped her. She reel scurred.
>Female tiefling. Believes your child will fuel an ancient prophesy and bring evil upon all land. Unbeknownst to her, she is sterile.
A middle-aged woman. She's a widowed shop owner who deals in mundane stuff, eg. furniture, flowers, food or general household goods. You leave with a small token of her gratitude.A middle-aged woman. She's a widowed shop owner who deals in specialist goods, like books and scrolls, charms, medicine, spices or fine spirits. You leave with a small token of her gratitude because she enjoyed herself.Wealthy citizen whose husband is abroad. You spend an uneventful but satisfying night.Wealthy citizen whose husband is abroad. He returns in the middle of the night. You manage to flee.Wealthy citizen whose husband is abroad. He returns in the middle of the night. You manage to flee, but he finds something you forgot and sends thugs after you and the party.Wealthy citizen whose husband is abroad. He returns in the middle of the night and catches you. He's not amused and calls the city guard on you. You and the party will likely have to leave town in a hurry.A youthful alchemist who's eager to experiment. She offers you a potion to increase the duration of your shared pleasure. Unfortunately it works too well, and now you can't possibly go out in public for a whole day until it wears off. She's terribly embarassed and offers you a permanent discount for her shop.Youthful, energetic woman who almost exhausts your stamina. Unfortunately you are awoken by the her father, who is an artisan (smith, armorer, alchemist, whatever). He is not amused, and now you're banned from his shop.A mysterious beauty. Your memory of the night is hazy at best. You awake because you feel chilly. When you open your eyes. you look at the stars shining above you -through the burnt down house ruin where you lie, naked.
Tied up and gangbanged by ogres.
>>19513256Haha! Awesome.
- Human child disguised as halfling. - Roll again but whatever you get managed to slip a belt of gender gange on you - you are the girl for your next sexual encounter. - Vampire in disguise, roll for bloodloss. - Succubus in disguise, roll for soul loss. - Some wizards are sick bastards: roll again, whichever encounter you get is recreated in perfect detail in the form of a giant illusion hovering above the roof of the inn you are inside of at the time. - You fall through a portal to the demiplane of sluts.
>>19514872...That's actually kinda sad
>>19518516>>19513256There can be only one solution: a rock off!
Nat 1- The bard fails to get anything in the tavern, and he's been hitting on anything that he suspects is appropriate. He offends one of the individuals, who proves to be quite vindictive. They tip off a gang of angry and horny kobolds to "Give him what he's looking for", and steal the bard away in the middle of the night to... do things. Terrible, terrible things.Bard wakes up in the town square fountain with no clothes and hands clasped in thorny manacles. Quest: The Fuck Happened Last Night?
>>19521381And the Ranger was on the roof of the inn the whole time!
-The unique alchemist sundry you bought in preparation of this night turned out to be a lube elemental. While it did scare your ladyfriend off, you still managed to have a rather enjoyable night by yourself.- The drow sorceress you beded had a panache for casting the animate item spell, and you had a rather labourious morning removing the canelabra from yourself (-10 movespeed for the day)-The warming salve your tiefling partner insisted on using was more than one part alchemist's fire. -The object of your affections was a rather zealous paladin for the local goddess of chastity. The word 'smitten' has never been more appropriate.-You struck out tonight and went to bed alone, only to find that there was a rather amorous dryad living in your bedframe. You're luckier than you thought! Also, splintery.
>>19521647Must suck to be a dryad attached to a bedframe.
>>19525425At least it's easier to meet people than living in a tree.
>>19521301They should wrestle for dominance.
~40-60 roll: Big sexy she-hulk looking female orc, roll a d6: on a 6 [spoiler]she's shaved
bad roll= end up having a drunken romp, wake up to BBEG
>>19529427hey there, studNYAW
>>19529427*next tobut up to works too...he was watching you creeper
MOARalso amazons...
>>19529427The worst I ever did with the BBEG was a dance.
The girl is normal, but her bra is a mimic.
The tall woman who leads you to her room turns out to be two halfling thieves standing on each other's shoulders under an illusioned coat.
>>19533573Roll diplomacy for threesome instead of being robbed.
An angry and hurt previous conquest has prayed to a goddess that watches over jilted lovers, asking for justice.Tonight, she delivers.
So how's that chart coming?
Suddenly, elf.
Very well disguised Warforged.
Your partner is attentive and a little kinky; your musical instrument is used in some capacity in the act. It will never stay quite in tune again.
>>19538198
when this chart is done screencap
I made rules for d20 picking up chicks. Here's something for you guys to peruse and make betterPicking up ladies:Maximum time you can roll to pick up a lady per night: 1, or base CHA modifier, whichever is higher.Maximum number of ladies you can get at once: 1, +1 for every 20 you get over the DC, +1 for Natural 20.Roll = D20 + The sum of all your base stat modifiers + half your level (rounded down)Situational modifiers:In Tavern, or some other place men go to meet women and vice versa: +2She's hammered: +4You're hammered: -4She is familiar with your deeds of heroism: Varies by deeds of heroismShe is familiar with your acts of evil: Varies by act of evilYou are of higher status than her: +2 for every rank in between you and herObvious displays of wealth: Varies by display of wealth (can modify negative if you obviously dont have money)Charming tongue: +1 per every 5 ranks invested in Diplomacy or Bluff (choose 1)Demonstrate Ettiquette in formal setting: +3 if you can make a DC 20 Knowledge(Nobility and Royalty) checkYou just saved their life/life of someone important to them: +10Similar race: -2 (ex. Humans and Elves, Orcs)Unusual pairing (ex. Elf/Halfling): -4Incompatible race pairing (ex. Monstrous Humanoid/Humanoid): -10Racial Emnity pairing (ex. Dwarf/Elf): -20opposite Alignment (chaotic vs Lawful) -2Opposite Alignment (good vs evil) -4Example DCs of unmarried women with same race/alignment:Commoner woman : 15Serving Wench: 20 while working otherwise 15Female Soldier: 22Mayor's Daughter: 24Lords Daughter: 26Duke or Barons Daughter: 30Princess: 40* in own kingdom otherwise 30Queen: 45* in own kingdom otherwise 35Empress: 55*
>>19538822Part 2:THE MATH-------------Base DC 15 DC modifiersCurrently working +5Civic Responsibility +5Already in a relationship +5Royalty in own kingdom +10Married +10Middle Aged or Older +5Widow -4Rankscommoner: +0Soldier or government employee: +2Captain or local politician (or directly related to one): +4Knight or local nobility (or directly related to one): +6Regional Nobility (or directly related to one): +10Global Nobility (or directly related to one): +30 (royalty already included)*immune to positive modifiers based on wealth I made it a few years ago. Feel free to use it or make it better, etc
Damn, I'm always killing threads.
I've been looking for an ale and whores table.
>>19538198Why does it have to be disguised? Robosexuality is a very real thing, a lot of /m/en and wo/m/en are robosexuals.
chart incoming?
>>19541506Just remember not to fist android girls.
So... has this been archived? I think this should be archived.
oh man, how did no one say...it was all a drunken wet dream
>>19541935Wouldn't they technically by gynoid girls?
>>19544264Indeed so. Although it's generally accepted that "android" basically refers to a man-like robot, with the "man" referring to "human" instead of "male human".
Okay, SOMEBODY needs to make a fucking table out of this...
whats the modifier for being in an area so conservative its practically medieval and as fornication is heavily frowned upon? In such a place virginity is quite likely even considered a virtue and sometimes abilities are even dependent on it.
>>19546115OP is, supposedly, on it. Then again the thread's six and a half days old.
>>19546699by medieval I meant if the church had it their way. not sure how successful they were at it.
>>19546699>>19547321The medieval Catholic church encouraged people to have sex as often as possible, preferably while married. How else would they maintain and grow the followers?Telling the entirety of the clergy they were no longer married and their property was now the church's was kind of a dick move, though.
The Pure virgin daughter of town's resident paladin.
bump for the bump god
-An elven wench with a cursed snatch. It clamps shut for 1d6 hours leaving them tied together until it lets go.-Male dragon polymorphed and dressed like a tranny. Good luck trying to back out of that one.-The miller's slightly pudgy, red headed daughter. You wake up with the local blacksmith's son holding a knife to your throat and rage/tears in his eyes.-A beautiful blonde woman. You wake up in a tub of ice with a freshly stitched wound on your side and a note explaining that you're missing a kidney which is to be sold on the magic reagents market.-A slightly hairy wild chick and whoops, it's a werewolf. While you survive, you'd better make sure you're not infected. -Three elven triplets. You awake in Sigil, not sure what happened and naked. You can do heavy duty bardic/adventurer work for a few weeks to earn enough money for a portal ride back home.-One of the other PC's after they drink too much. Embarrassment/hilarity ensues.-A hot drow girl. As it turns out, she's full of spiders, but they're interested in you too.-A pretty brunet girl who you soon find out, is not only a he, but a demon in disguise. He has trouble telling human genders apart and will need to be unseduced or he'll follow you forever and beyond looking for burning demon love.
Someone else start the chart. Maybe Etherpad Lite?
>>19548677>-The miller's slightly pudgy, red headed daughter. You wake up with the local blacksmith's son holding a knife to your throat and rage/tears in his eyes.>-A hot drow girl. As it turns out, she's full of spiders, but they're interested in you too.My fucking sides.
>>19544264>>19546091I don't think it counts when they're non-sentient giant vehicles though.
>>19550491Especially if it's a pair of giant robots designed specifically to represent the union of marriage...
>>19546115>>19546949I, not OP, shall make a table for it if it is still here by morning.
Bondage fairies.
>>19550491I just remembered I have THIS handy chart.There was a version with an 8, but it was obviously tacked-on, so yeah.
Somebody needs to bump this. Might as well be me.
>>19554254>EVE>fragilewait what
>>19556156Maybe fragile mentality?No?Hmm...
a wizard polymorphed you during the night, to make things kinky/to enhance your performance. Wake up with some 'modifications'A chaste paladin watches you like a hawk, to prevent you from corrupting poor innocent townsfolk.A past lover barges in just as you walk upstairs with another girl in your arms.You spend such a wonderful night with the BBEG's lieutenant that when the final battle rolls around, she doesn't want to harm you.mercenaries hired by a jilted lover kick down the door.In your attempt at seduction, you end up getting two people together. They later thank/want to kill you for it.You wake up to the girl's father standing over you, a devout cleric, who throws a a crossbow wedding for the two of you..
>>19556156>>19556175those are examples of characters that apply to the category, not a description of the character pictured
>>19556307Bump for glorious Shiniez.
Is 4chan being dumb for anyone else? Are we being raided?
>>19556741Bumping with glorious Elwood :3
>>19556854>Nipple shieldsIf there is one thing I hate more than the chainmail bikini, it would be the nipple shield. I mean, are they glued on there or what.
>I mean, are they glued on there or what.Real nipple pasties are. These, her being barbarian, I imagine they're piercings. Also, I know it was supposed to be troll pic, but the gaelic-with-spear stuff hits my fantasy-setting spot so to say.
I think someone else should just make the chart. I mean, we certainly have enough suggestions by now, and OP has obviously forgotten all about this thread. The hardest part is really just going to be determining the order of entries.>For the record, my vote is for one list being who you get with, and another for the TWEEST.
>>19557806See >>19553702 - somebody's on it, we just need to keep it going a little while longer.
Once it finishes, we can archive it for future generations
>>19557932Let's just hope he won't betray us like OP did.
Hm, bumping with a succubi.
>>19559030Succubus*
Bump
Welp, here's my bump for the night. Here's hoping it's still here tomorrow.
Stop bumping for no reason you imbeciles. Whoever's making the chart will make a new thread when it's done.At least have the decency to discuss or post new suggestions or something.
Always with the succubi. Why not, just this once, an erinyes?
>>19563935You might have a point if it were at all possible to search for threads on this blasted website. Why so mad?(Stealth bump.)
>>19563935Given that we're nowhere near the image limit, and the guy who said he'd make it said he'd do it if this thread was still here, I'm gonna disagree with you on this one.
Done it! Here's a chart of all the ideas:https://sites.google.com/site/humbledryad/random-bard-encounters
>>19566380Great job! Next we'll need someone to organize them better, maybe add the best 15 to an extreme 100+ folder that can only be accessed through situational modifiers, and the worst 15 conversely to a 1- which are only made possible if there are substantial penalties.
>>19566432There's some good situational modifiers over here: >>19538822
>>19566432Yep! Anyone should be able to open the google doc from the link below the chart. With 133, we've 33 top ones for situational modifiers, minus a few for removing overly similar ones and maybe having some bad situational results.>>19566466I've already added that just below the chart, on the same page!
crit success: Eludecia, the Succubus falls in love with you. From here http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/fc/20050824a but with you playing the angel.Nat 1: The fish god from heretical love quest.
>>19566380
Could also make a smaller chart for minor mental aftereffects, such as a morale boost after a good lay or even some experience points ("That was a very educational experience.").
That hot oriental girl? She's a Ninja. The whole tavern was ninjas. Hope the Law of Inverse Ninjas is active in this world (low roll)You pick up a girl celebrating her birthday. Turns out that she hit on everything male in the bar and you were the only one that bit. (middling roll)You go to bed with a short-black-haired girl who seems strong for her size. You wake up and see the town blacksmith towering over your bed. Turns out you just fucked the foster-daughter of the Blacksmith (low roll)You meet this insanely hot woman. 12 on a scale of 1-10. It's a succubus. You perform so well, your cock reforms her. Congratulations, SUCCUBUS has joined the party as a fuck-buddy follower (roll of 95)You pick up a trio of halflings who seem to be TOO good at sex. Turns out they are Kender Ninja. Roll 1d100 to see the percentage of stuff they stole (DM rolls to see if there are any...surprises) (Low Roll)You pick up a dwarf female. She provides efficient and mechanical Dwarf sex. (middling roll)You pick up an elf with strange tattoos. Turns out that when you fuck a Wild Elf Maiden, you are considered married. Oddly enough, you don't mind (WILD ELF has joined the party as a follower) (middling to mid high roll)
>>19566901You fail to pick up ANYONE. You decide to get utterly wasted on Kender Tequila (merciful Low Roll)You buy a round of Kender Tequila. Turns out there's a reason why Kender Tequila is so hard to get. It is utter shit. Everyone make a fort check to see if they throw up (low roll)You pick up a Whizzard. Hope you like watersports (low roll)You pick up an elf maiden that seems to be trying a bit too hard to be an elf. In your drunken state, you fail to notice. Turns out to be a Drow Dominatrix disguised as a pure elf maiden. Said Drow Dominatrix indicates that she wishes to peg you (low roll)You pick up an elf maiden that seems to be trying a bit too hard to be an elf. In your drunken state, you fail to notice. Turns out to be a Drow Dominatrix disguised as a pure elf maiden. Said Drow Dominatrix wants to try out being the one to submit. The riding crop is yours...(High roll)
>>19566912>You pick up an elf maiden that seems to be trying a bit too hard to be an elf. In your drunken state, you fail to notice. Turns out to be a Drow Dominatrix disguised as a pure elf maiden. Said Drow Dominatrix indicates that she wishes to peg you (high roll)You pick up an elf maiden that seems to be trying a bit too hard to be an elf. In your drunken state, you fail to notice. Turns out to be a Drow Dominatrix disguised as a pure elf maiden. Said Drow Dominatrix wants to try out being the one to submit. The riding crop is yours...(Low roll)FTFY
End up hitting on town guard captain. He/she is theclingy type.>stop right there sexy scum!Hilarity ensues.
You know, not that I'm implying this is a sageworthy thread, but where are the sagefags? This is about the time they start creeping out of their holes, and this seems like prime material to ignite their raging analdevastation....and yet it remains untouched. Why, I wonder?
>>19569945it is simply to awesome to sage
Table slightly updated:https://sites.google.com/site/humbledryad/random-bard-encounters
REJECTED! Somebody offered you a rock with a well-worn hole in it.You took it.And used it.
You wake up next to a Unicorn who informs you he has given you plenty of his Unicorn mayonnaise
>>19569945I think it's because they see the 2E artwork and assume this is some boring grognard thread about accounting or something....and then Captcha gives me this.
A nymph takes you back to her pond. If you can breathe underwater, her and her three sisters give you an amazing night. If you cannot, she gets irrationally irritated about you leading her on and attacks.A far-too-young magical prodigy who polymorphed herself into a beautiful adult woman. She is inexperienced and a little hard to please, and her spell wears off just as you finish. You feel gross.An attractive but exotic creature who is eager and excited, but you both wind up disappointed after the fact as your physiologies aren't 100% compatible.You bed the elegant madame of the local prostitute cabal. She proves to be wild and very experienced, but afterwards you feel like she was disappointed and only humoring you.The girl is sweet and shy, if a little homely. She certainly seems eager to please and excited by the prospect of a sexy night with you, but when you get back to her place she realizes she has just started her period, gets extremely embarrassed, and makes you leave regardless of whether you care or not.Fire Genasi. You have to keep taking it out because it gets too hot, and you eventually just wind up going limp. She is disappointed, but says that's usually what happens.
Needs more specifics about what happens if he tries to find the same girl again.The girl looks vaguely familiar, but you can't quite remember from where. She turns out to be the former best friend of one of your previous lovers. The previous lover kept talking about you long after you left, and this new girl is only bedding you to get back at her over some petty disagreement. You somehow wind up caught in the middle of a humiliating shouting match in the town square between the two of them. Now neither of them respect you, but the sex was pretty good. If you follow up on either of them later, you'll find that they've made amends and are down for a threesome.Polymorphed warforged, just doing it to see if it could feel anything. It couldn't, and isn't interested in trying again.Half-giant holds you down and mounts you like a stallion. The sex is amazing for both of you, but you'll need to pay the innkeeper 25 gp to cover the cost of the broken bed. The half-giant is a little embarrassed by the ordeal and will provide some minor assistance or another shagging in a more sturdy locale if you actually seek her out again.You pick up a cute gnome girl who agrees to fuck you regardless, but will only cum if you do a father-daughter roleplay with her and pull her hair. She's a squealer. If you agree, and don't follow up with her within a couple of days, she will follow you obsessively, calling you daddy and trying to get you to fuck her again at the most inopportune times.
>>19577706A cute younger woman with wild, sandy hair and a mad grin catches you eye. She invites you to her place as long as you don't mind if her girlfriends join in. If you agree, she and no less than five goblin girls take turns holding you down and bucking wildly on you, no matter how sore you get or how much you protest. They'll only get you off if you don't seem to want it. They're always down to go again if you come back later, but they prefer if you pretend you're trying to fight them off.You pick up a fairly attractive human artist, commissioned by the local court. She's very tender and loving, and likes the idea of pining after a wayfaring adventurer, as long as he's not seeing anyone else on the side. The sex gets better and better the more you come back, but will stop if she finds you've been boning anyone else.An cute blonde farm girl takes you back to her place for a roll in the hay, literally, out in the barn, because she doesn't want you to come inside and encounter her alcoholic father. Despite her relative inexperience, the sex is phenomenal and lasts all night. Unfortunately, the goat eats a giant hole in the crotch of your discarded trousers, she's not willing to part with any of her dad's clothes, and it's a long walk to the tailor's. She's always ready and willing to go again, if you can get in touch with her without alerting her dad. You're sure to keep your clothes out of reach of the goat the next time.
>>19577726Some sort of tall, pale, gangly, vaguely-insectoid creature takes a liking to you and starts getting pushy. You have a few more drinks and eventually acquiesce. In a more private setting, she unfolds something only barely resembling sex organs from her carapace and secretes some sort of sweet-smelling fluid into your mouth. You wake up feeling sore, but satisfied, with no memory of what happened. If you try to follow up, you find that she's rented out a stable in the barn and has encased herself in some sort of papery cocoon.Though I guess it's better if the seeing-them-again outcome is a good one, to discourage the kind of womanizing he's doing.
Lowish roll: A female orc approaches you, looks you up and down, says "You'll do.", then casually lifts you up her shoulder and hauls you to the bed.
Why hasn't this been archived yet? I thought that was supposed to happen when we got the chart.
>>19556307>You wake up to the girl's father standing over you, a devout cleric, who throws a a crossbow wedding for the two of you..I actually pulled this one on a PC.*I* thought it was funny...
An attractive, fairly tipsy redheaded half-elf with an exotic accent who explains to you that she has a rule that she has to go on two dates before she sleeps with a guy. She will insist that you buy her food from two different places on the way back to her place, and won't get naked until she eats them both. She feels a little ill afterwards and the sex is lackluster. If you find her again, she laughs about how embarrassed she was about that whole ordeal, and is happy to go again if you aren't judgmental. The sex is much better the second time.
>>19580022We can save the chart link, and everything's on foolz anyway.
The girl you bed turns out to be the runaway princess. She may seek to join or follow the party, or enlist their aid in getting her away from the city.
>>19588068But sleep with her and her daddy will be upset.
You made a low roll and yet you have been able to seduce the female.She sets you on a spell, which you're unaware of and undergo a humilating, traumatising pegging that would make Asmodeus cry like a scared little innocent girl.You aquired the thousand mile stare.
>>19594162The thousand mile stare?
>>19596783You know, looking like you've seen hell itself.
