Name something you'll want to see in town, but not in a dungeon.
>>19753711A cemetery.
Giant statues
A tarrasque being used like a bear in some type of weird travelling circus.
Brothel.But hey, i wouldn't mind a dungeon in my brothel!
My wife. On the other hand, my mother in law I would like to see the other way around.
A well-armed military unit.
Naked, drunken, hobo with some cake and a knife.
>>19753738"Plumb the depths and then you can plumb OUR depths!"
A bridge to otherwise inaccessible places.
The last thing you want the BBEG to say to you.
>>19753738>Not visiting a dungeon brothelcasual
A tarrasque in a latex bodysuit being suspended from the roof with adamantine chains, with a ballgag in its mouth and a buttplug in its ass.
>>19753786>Me and your mother we well things happened
>>19753786"You ARE my father."
>>19753786>Remember that Barmaid you went bareback on .Well funny thing about illusions
>>19753786You got a purdy mouth.
"Remember when that doctor did surgery on that sweet little girl? Guess where my phylactery is."
The wizard who sent me on the fucking quest in the first place.
>>19753786
>>19753786>whilst dying"I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico."
>>19753837I think this ranks in the top 10, if not top 100 of things you never want to hear in a campaign ever.
>>19753786"Oh, shit! Tristan Greggors? Class of '56 at Ertai Secondary Wizard Academy? It's me! Jeeves LaLouche! Remember me?"
Things said at chargen that tip you off to the fact that it's going to be a fantastic campaign.
>>19753938This'll be an all elf campaign
>>19753938This'll be an all dwarf campaign
>>19753938Right, so, make a level 20 character, then you're all gonna get busted down to level 1.
>>19753938Roll completely random on every aspect of your character, no do-overs.
Does deathless frenzy turn my skin green?
>>19753938So, we're going to start on Sigil for this one.
>>19753938Exactly how many bards does your group need?
>>197539383d6. In order. No re-rolls.
>>19753944>>19753953
>>19753751gave me a hearty chuckle
Gods and Demigods, or Immortal's Handbook?
>>19753938This'll be an all bard campaign
>>19753938everyone has to take a polearm. swords do not existMages in this campaign are a lot like Armored Cores
>>19753938"Hey Danny, can I talk to you a second?"Sure, what's up, dude? Ready for the campaign?""Yeah, but I was wondering if we could fit in another person tonight. My boyfriend's off tonight, and he wants something to do. I was thinking we could play as a married couple in-game if you could maybe find a way to introduce that.">mfw one of the other players was a MuslimI lived for those moments.
People your game master should impersonate while narrating the game.
>>19754029morgan freeman
>>19754029Bill Cosby
>>19754029note: I no longer try to find groups on Craigslist
>>19754029Steve Buscemi.
>>19754029Bill Clinton, especially when the GM's girlfriend is playing
>>19754029Good folks listened to all my tales, 'till the Calamity hit. The adventurers were there. They saw it. They knew their childhood was over. They just ran for a while from the gasfellas, but they found their old friends, spade, shovel, and pitchfork. The gasfellas were comin' right at 'em. They got 'em good. Gasfellas didn't know what hit 'em.
>>19754029Drew Carey
>>19754029James Earl Jones
>>19754029Sean Connery.Then I'll try and recreate Dragonheart as soon as I have the opportunity.
>>19754029"You travel the blazing lands, and not too soon, you thank your Gods for their gracious boon. The desert heat burns your skin, but they rewarded you for your lack of sin. You endure the infinite heat, the sun not cooking your meat. Look, before you in the sand, an iconic beast none shall consider bland. An Antlion swims towards your group, the same one that killed the guardsman's troop.Among the desert beasts, the Antlion is definitive, draw your swords and roll for initiative."
>>19754156>definitive>initiativeLook I know its hard to DM in rhyme, but that was bad.
Facts that your Game Master always gets wrong.
>>19754163Let's see you come up with a word that rhymes with initiative!>>19754164Noble titles.
>>19754164Natural 20s on skill rolls doing ridiculous things.Every time.
>>19754164Elves are better than dwarves
>>19754164Female anatomy.
>>19754164The guards at buckingham palace being incompetent
>>19754164Everything.
>>19754156>tried to come up with a rhyme>got a quick reminder that the creative side of my brain shuts off at 1 in the morning>okay.jpg
>>19754164the price of good drink
>>19754164The cost of living.One DM actually wanted us to fork over 50g/day for the "cost of living".
>>19754249Did you turn yourselves undead to cut costs?
>>19754256No, we bought 5000 chickens per day.
The one sentence that will always start an argument in your group.
>>19753711A PC's child>>19753786"I'm going in dry.">>19753938"My character's hair is white!">>19754029Robin Williams>>19754164My birthday
>>19754268"Your character wouldn't do that."
>>19754268"Goddamnit, you're playing that card combo wrong."
>>19754268I am going to wear Full Plate as a ranger, fuck you.
>>19754280I'll admit, that I'm generally the instigator of it.
>>19754268"That's gonna be half AD"
>>19754268um, so do we get a chance to roll for that...or is it just happening?
>>19754268Don't put that drink straight on the table, use a damn coaster!
"But you're *insert alignment here*!"
>>19754268What's the plan.We're going to have to work as a team.
>>19754268Lets try not to invoke godwin's law
>>19754268"I don't care that my character is female, stop calling my Tengu 'bird' at every opportunity."
>>19754268Your stats are too high, reroll them.
Plot twists that should never happen.
>>19754353rock falls everybody diestime to reroll guys!guys?
>>19754353the bbeg wizard has ranks in bluff.
>>19754370and is working as your ally
>>19754353And it was all a dream
>>19754353BBEG rapes character.
>>19754353This is a sexual encounter. You'll need to roll for your sexual stamina.
>>19754156I read this whole thing in her voice.
>>19754353You had a 5th party member traveling with you, but a mindrape spell erased him from your memories. The entire game up until now with you being badass was because he was helping you. You were playing out a memory.Difficulty spikes here on in. You gotta save John Doe.
>>19753733THIS.EVERY TIME I SEE A GIANT STATUE.
Helpful NPC X was behind it all, not the BBEG!No real believable reasoning or motivation
>>19754387character is pregnant from it.
>>19754353dm: And the female bar wench npc that you encountered in the first game is the all powerful sorcererous of the region !us: Who?
>>19754387Character rapes BBEG. The party now has to spend the rest of the campaign counseling the BBEG to continue their evil plans instead of crying and eating icecream.
>>19754391Now that is serious mindfuckery. Stealing it.
>>19754391That's... actually kinda interesting.
>>19754353The local guide points you to the dungeon you're tasked with clearing out. "They call it the Tomb of Horrors."
>>19754353The heavily armored soldiers with the advanced firearms invading your planet are Space Marines.And you're playing D&D.
>>19754421It's just an overly dramatic name for a storage closet for old Halloween costumes
A maiden diddling herself, moaning about not caring about love anymore, but just a good shag.
>>19754268"No, you can't be female."
Music tracks that instill a sense of dread in your group when played.
>>19754353The anti-paladin player planned to betray the entire party since the beginning. He succeeds.
>>19754468Don't Stop Believin'
>>19754468Friday by Rebecca Black
>>19754468F.O.E. theme.
>>19754353The BBEG was a Diviner. He knew you would save the world, but you weren't ready. So he took it upon himself to goad you into learning, into becoming a hero so that one day you could save the world. His Divination also included his own death. To save the world, to continue with your life's goal, you have to kill him.He's also your father.
Kinda missed my chance, but...>>19753711An attractive woman who looks at you with a beckoning expression.
>>19754421>The local guide points you to the dungeon you're tasked with clearing out. "They call it Rape City."
>>19754468http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvyNOg4jSRgI'm not even kidding.
>>19754468My Glorious Days.
>>19754468teardrop by massive attackeverytime my gm plays it, a huge hoard of zombies attack in every game, pathfinder, hunter, scion, xmen
>>19754353"...and suddenly you all realize that you're pregnant. Yes, even the male characters. And the warforged."
>>19754468>Music tracks that instill a sense of dread in your group when playedAnything by Lady GaGa, Justin Bieber, Kanie West or the Backdoor Boys-- I mean the Backstreet Boys.
>>19754468Chocolate Rain. ...Actually, that would make an interesting ritual spell.
>>19754468http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2jM4mHxhGI
>>19754353That magic items seller is, in fact, the BBEG! Also, all of your magic gear is cursed.
>>19754468http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPJrCYJ9UPkI don't use music in my games, but this does the trick, usually.
>>19754468A little girl singing in a soft voice. No background music, just that.
>>19754468Disgaea 3 - Poem of the Vagabond. It's the theme of a Pale Stranger in our Pathfinder game, and he knows how to kill us.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lm4Au5IdUMo
>>19754468http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JfK5QVBS8xcThis one I plan on playing whenever a player is angry about something.
Simple-looking items that make you "NOPE."
>>19754581Dragon Dildos
>>19754581A deck of cards.
>>19754581Dragon dildos.Some one had to say it.
>>19754593Beat me to it.
>>19754561Funny you mention Disgaea, last night in a Fate game we got on the bad side of Pleinair herself and she stomped us to this theme.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qwuaF8kHwI
>>19754468We're suddenly exploring the area around the gates of hell, and we hear Who Let the Dogs Out. >baptism reasonsp
>>19754468http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZrGmuInMc0oMaybe not in the group itself, but it sure creeped me out when my GM played that out of nowhere.
>>19754581Enchanted belts.>>19754598And someone already did.>>19754592
>>19754581A necklace we find around the neck of a skeleton.
>>19754581
>>19754482Fuck you, that's my favorite plot twist.
>>19754593Pretty much this
>>19754616He beat me by seconds, I say! Seconds! When 4chanX only updates in half minute intervals, that's plenty of time for something to not show up.
>>19754581wooden statues.
>>19754268I thought YOU were bringing rope.
>>19754581Anything with Runes on it.My fucking GM (who's awesome btw) made up his own language.With grammar, moon roon equivalent, translation table and everything.It's not a complex language but fucking hell it's real. About half the group could probably write a sentence in it with no help needed while the GM and one of the players were fluid in it at one point in time
>>19754635Click the timer and you can set it to something else.
>>19754652my god that takes dedication.
The one setting above all others you want to play or run a game in.
>>19754680spanish civil war meets fantasy setting.This warforged kills facists
>>19754581Anything in the middle of an otherwise empty room.
>>19754680The Ghost in the Shell Universe...with a good GM
>>19754680Nippon-Ichiverse.
>>19754680Sin City
>>19754680A South African setting, set sometime around the Boer War
>>19754680Maid RPG. Judge me. I deserve it.
>>19754680Holy Terra in 40k. The greasy underbelly bit.Alternatively, Dark Heresy in the bowels of Coruscant.
>>19754680Atelier universe
>>19754680At this point? Any goddamn thing.
>>19754680Your mom
>>19754680Doctor Who
>>19754680Spelljammer.
>>19754680Alera. any time period but the vord war.
>>19754723But more specifically, some goofy animu bull shit game.
>>19754680Paranoia
>>19754716Go visit Malfi.Like Coruscant, but less politics and more scheming.
>>19754680A setting where one's power is determined by the mustache he has.
>>19754762It's called Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo.
>>19754680One of the FF 40k games circa RT/2e. Pic oh so very related.
>>19754750Ooo, that actually would be really awesome. What RP would you think to use for that?
>>19754771YESYESA THOUSAND TIMES YES
>>19754771A Princess of Biel'Tan
Rejected plans for sneaking into the castle.
>>19754808Since this is a stealth mission, half as much gunpowder as the last time.
>>19754808Giant wooden badger.
>>19754808
>>19754808Step 1, we get elected as the Pope...
>>19754808"Okay, me and the sorceress dress up like nobles and tell whoever answers the door we're here to view the tapestries."
>>19754808We're not all dressing as maids. Not again.
>>19754808"First, we dress up as Mind Flayers..."
>>19754830>>19754833hivemide
>>19754808So, guys, here's what we'll do. Drink tons of ale and assertively dominate the guards in turn by being overly friendly and cracking up jokes about mothers.
>>19754715In nomine Imperatoris hoc ego te condemnabo haereticus.
>>19754808I will blast my way in through the front while everyone sneaks in from behind.Just let me die, please.
>>19754808I'll run a distraction.
> Players "It's next to a fuckhuge cliff right?"> DM "Yah"> "And we could climb the cliff from the other side?"> "I suppose. It would take a while and you'd be a couple thousand feet above where you want to be..."> "I know the spell feather fall and can cast it on X people. My friends, it is time to invent base jumping"Sadly this one wasn't rejected...
>>19754808Well, they DO call me Cuban Pete.
>>19754869It think it's rejected ideas, not awesome ideas.
>>19754857That Latin is awful. It's like you're really from the Imperium!
>>19754885High Gothic>Language made up of English, Latin, German, and a LOT of make believe
>>19754869That seems like a pretty good plan to me.
>>19754765It's actually just hair in general
>>19754878It was technically rejected by half the party. And based on the way things turned out the other half should have followed suit.
Your PCs reason for appearing on Jerry Springer
>>19754903Players fall, everybody dies?
>>19754911The money was right.
>>19754911"Has outlived his great-granddaughter"
>>19754869Too bad you had no opportunity to go for orbital insertion.>>19754895Where is there German in the mix?
>>19754911So it turns out I'm responsible for killing my God (as a Cleric), all magic, all magic beings and all other gods.
>>19754903What made it fail?
>>19754911I bent my sword during an adventure.
Hero can't stop murdering innocents.
>>19754911The party Wizard.
>>19754911I just found out that my girlfriend has been getting chaotic nasty with a halfling bard.
>>19754911In love with an elf older than me, but still considered a minor by her people.
Something someone can say in Sigil... that will make everyone else dive for cover.
>>19755013Praise the gods!
>>19755000Tad Williams: That War of the Flowers.
>>19755013FATAL thread!
>>19755013"Pf. The Lady can't touch me!"
>>19755013I've decided to start worshiping the Lady of Pain.
>>19755013"Is the Lady of Pain a dominatrix in an S&M brothel?"
>>19755013something something LADY OF PAIN something something, SPACE SHIP!
>>19755013"I'm going to smite that Tiefling!"
>>19755013Rest assured.I've got a plan.
>>19755013That Balor looks like he's having a heart-attack.
>>19754911He impregnated the BBEG. Pic related because bards.
>>19755013Pff, I could get out of any "maze" in like ten minutes. Lady ain't shit.
>>19755013"Hey, baby. That ass is just A-MAZE-ING!"
The fastest way to commit suicide while in Holy Terra.
>>19755013Think about it: if the Lady can keep out the gods, she must be some sort of super-god! Why pray to anyone else?
>>19755102"DEATH TO THE FALSE EMPEROR!"
>>19755102Skipping in Line
>>19755102saying "death to the false emperor" or being non human.
>>19755126>custodes>human
>>19755102So these Custodes guys don't move on duty, right? I have a GREAT idea..."
>>19755102*ahem* ""For Khorne!"
>>19755102"So, um, the Emperor's cool and all... But I've heard good things about this 'Slaanesh" guy..."
>>19755102"I think the Tau are pretty cool guys"
>>19755102Shoot yourself in the head with a bolt pistol.
>>19755131That put a hilarious image into my head.
Places you don't want to wind up during a teleport mishap.
>>19755171Halfway through a ship's bulkhead
>>19755171Spellhold.
>>19755171The spot where a Warhound Titan is about to put it's foot.
>>19755171below the bard
>>19755171Yo momma, Isaac, yo momma.
>>19755171interpenetrated with another peson.
Posters in the tavern no adventurer will respond to.
>>19755222"Strange bugs are eating all my knives and forks, get rid of them for me."
>>19755222Blackheart?
>>19755222Help wanted mowing grass.
>>19755222Imperial Guard accepting recruits! Join up now for a free flashlight!
>>19755222"Snake-haired woman is blackmailing me, shank her in the ribs!"
>>19755251Oh fuck, I don't think I can top that one. The only thing scarier to adventurers would be that weird thing from the Immortal's Handbook that has a touch attack that basically causes all your wealth (no matter where it is) to disintegrate round by round. Yes, that includes property.
>>19755298but... but... my monk's only true wealth is his family!
>>19755298You mean Kender?
>>19755309Son, how fucked you are now depends entirely on how evil your DM is.
>>19755329At that point the DM has to fuck you over.
>>19755319+1 internet, my good sir. I lol'd heartily.
The last thing you expect the Paladin to say to Royalty.
>>19755356I fucked your mom.true story
>>19755356I attack the king
>>19755356After the consummation of my marriage, the Prophet came and sat on my bed as far from me as you are sitting now, and our little girls started beating the tambourines and reciting elegiac verses mourning my father who had been killed in the battle of Badr. One of them said, "Among us is a Prophet who knows what will happen tomorrow." On that the Prophet said, "Leave this (saying) and keep on saying the verses which you had been saying before."
>>19755356I roll for anal circumfrence
>>19755356Your royal highness; I enjoyed you last night.
>>19755356Smite Evil
>>19755389he said UNEXPECTED things.or is royalty not corrupt and selfish in your campaigns?
>>19755356>An ox (plural oxen), also known as a bullock in Australia, New Zealand and India, is a bovine trained as a draft animal. Oxen are commonly castrated adult male cattle; castration makes the animals more tractable. Cows (adult females) or bulls (intact males) may also be used in some areas.>Oxen are used for plowing, for transport (pulling carts, hauling wagons and even riding), for threshing grain by trampling, and for powering machines that grind grain or supply irrigation among other purposes. Oxen may be also used to skid logs in forests, particularly in low-impact, select-cut logging.>Oxen are usually yoked in pairs. Light work such as carting household items on good roads might require just one pair, while for heavier work, further pairs would be added as necessary. A team used for a heavy load over difficult ground might exceed nine or ten pairs.
Warhammer 40k pick-up lines.
>>19755454Hey there, honey. Wanna see my tyranid?
>>19755454Hey baby, mind if I devour that biomass tonight?
>>19755454Wanna see my greater wood?
>>19755454>Hwee have been verrry wicked. Hwee have consorted with thee ruinouuus poweers. Whee have made pacts with thee dark gods. Hwee have falleen to heresyy... Hwee need a beeg, strong, mehreen to geef us thee Emperor's mercyy..."
>>19755454Wanna steal my genes?
>>19755470Just... Just don't forget to use purity seals.
>>19755454Welcome to the weekly mass of the church of the prince of pleasure
>>19755454Hey baby, are you an ork? Because I think you'll be goin' "WAAAAAAGH" tonight.
>>19755489>purity seals are condoms>none purer.jpegoh gods
>>19755454"Have you accepted Slaneesh into your life today?"
>>19755512you make it sound like slaanesh cares if you accept
Things written in Dorf fortune cookies.
>>19755454"Yo, baby, my dick is strength 8."
>>19755523>Thatsthejoke.jpg
>>19755529>Urist stole your cheese. you gonna take shit from that motherfucker?
>>19755529"You will meet a short, handsome stranger. He is going to kill you with a copper mug when he couldn't find any wool thread for his artifact."
>>19755501
>>19755529dwarf who owns smithy is wife beater
>>19755529"Divination is for the weak"
>>19755373what the fuck?
>>19755529"Your axe is sharper than the others. Take advantage of this."
>>19755568I just randomly selected a hadith.
>>19755529''Elves are better''
>>19755584>>19755568To be fair, it is probably one of the last things I'd expect a Paladin to say
>>19755588TANTRUM!
>>19755529beware of carp
First World Problems for a Rogue Trader.
>>19755637"I dont know where to go"
>>19755637I want to have sex with an eldar women, but I can't decide which of my harem to pick
>>19755637I find it difficult to organize 100 fleets of interstellar warships into position.
>>19755637"The Emperor doesn't actually protects...damn it."
>>19755637HAve to use Imperial tech cause the Tau stuff broke down.
>>19755637my ship is too big
>>19755637What do you mean, heresy? Trading with the Tau is a mere ten percent of my business.
>>19755637"I've run out of relatives to cheat and murder!"
>>19755637My sexy Eldar pirate queen girlfriend is PMSing again.
Your wife.
>>19755680Well that's gonna be a fun century.
>>19755680oh fucking hell, I have to abandon all these worlds I rule so she can't find me!
>>19753786"Will you have my child?"
>>19753938"Fuck you, you're not playing a Kender."
>>19754029Morgan Freeman.Seriously, if he can do it, you cannot do better.
>>19755637It takes too long to reach the coffee machine from the deck of my ship.
>>19755637My golden command throne while impressive and extravagant is murder on my lower back
>>19754164"You cannot turn a ship ove rin space! Everything will fall onto the cieling as soon as it's upside down!"I lol'd so hard. Also you cannot turn 180 degrees in 30 minutes because of lateral stresses, when I've done the work on paper and shown him you can push the tonnage in half the time using modern day steel, let alone 40k super uber titaniun diamond nanotubes whatever.
>>19755637I had to use an army instead of orbital bombardment to take over this diamond-encrusted planet.
>>19755637I've burned out every astopath in the sector... and they're so expensive.
>>19755637I destroyed the economy of Holy Terra when I was asked for a percentage of my wealth.
>>19754268>dat filenameI'll be our healer this game.My third heal check fatalitied a guy, so...yeah.also, I've got the chests. Due to dice shenangians I did not die even when the DM made the only cure a worse poison, which I chugged and nat 20'd on. The DM was trying to kill me and managed to fail. Lol.
>>19755771>"You cannot turn a ship ove rin space! Everything will fall onto the cieling as soon as it's upside down!"
My refractor field comes in a belt module, not a monocle
>>19755637"What do you mean 'they're out of Saurian carnosaur veal'? I pay you to find shit for me, not make excuses. It's impossible to find good help these days..."
>>19755637The servants left a scratch on my favorite set of Power Armour
>>19754353I once banged my long lost half sister.If it were anyone else in my group, they'd have vomited, but I figured it out early on and lol'd when I cut him off as he tried to drop the bomb.
>>19754468IT'S FRIDAY FRIDAY GOTTA oh god i'm instilling myself into a sense of fear.Wait.
Thank you, you've been a terrific audience, goodnight!
>>19754581Rope.Fuck rope, if it ain't mine, it ain't movin.
>>19754680I liked Ebberon, actually.
>>19755637one of my servants made eye contact with me.
>>19754808The front door.
>>19755847FUCK YOU MANI WANTED TO GO ON WAIT WAIT DON'T TELL METHIS WAS A CONSOLATION PRIZE.
>>19755828>Figured out NPC was your half-sister before DM told you>Fucked her anyway...not sure what to think of that Anon
>>19754680deathwatch or any of the 40k rpgs. but my group keeps saying I'd have to DM it.
>>19755873Take up the mantle if you want, I'm out of ideas for questions.
>>19754911Oh god, I can't even begin lol."So, you roll intimidate checks on everything?""That's right, Jerry""Why?""Bitch, don't question me!" and nat 20 intimidate.
>>19755883I think it was another PC, myself.
>>19755102Being on Holy Terra.
>>19755883No, I fucked her, then figured it out.Sorry if there was any confusion.
>>19755171Holy Terra.
>>19755222"Seeking women for brothel. Men need not apply."
>>19755922But was it an NPC, or another PC?
>>19755171my mother in law's house
>>19755356"I'm the juggernaut, bitch!"
>>19755960It was an npc
>>19754272That last one... ouch.
>>19754409Fucking excellent post; >mfw that mental image
