The mystic and exotic land of Caucasia, home to the strange white skinned natives.
Let's take some prominent gods:Prometheus - God of ProgressThe god who brought fire to mankind and furthered technology. He can also take the form of an eagle, and that is used as a symbol for many of the Caucasians. As an eagle, he can throw arrows from his claws -- this is a symbol of the power of progress, and the Caucasians still use this symbol today.The Mighty Thor - God of StrengthOne of their popular gods, he wears a winged helmet and flies using a magic hammer. He is also known as "The Avenger", and his followers as "The Avengers".Santa Claus - God of WealthHe generally appears as a jovial fat man dressed in red, and he has a flying sleigh and a enormous bag full of valuable stuff. He lives in the frozen north of Caucasian, where he has armies of elven servants.Venus - Goddess of BeautyShe is known by several names, including Aprodite ("ah pro dit") and Marilyn Monroe. She is also the goddess of the sea, and is often associated with beaches and the sea. She rides in a giant clamshell that can appear anywhere from the sea.Jesus - God of the SunHe is often pictured with a glowing light coming from him, and his holy day is "Sunday". Sometimes he is simply called the Sun God. He is closely associated with Santa Claus, and on his holy day his followers will dress in their most expensive clothes and gather to compare who has the finest.
>>19972373>California>white peopleHA!
>>19972362You have my interest, sir.
The Holy Ghost: God of Death.This evil-aligned God is the master of necromancy and the undead. Widely misunderstood and feared, his dark cults nonetheless exist in every city in Caucasia. He has no holy days, but his worshippers will congregate in eery "midnight masses" where they drink blood.
Another fucking caucasian thread? Jesus Christ, it's like Drizzt all over again. One good novel series comes out with a caucasian as a hero, now suddenly every speshul snowflake mary sue is a caucasian too.
>Oz>surrounded by waterOther than that I would play here.
If you're new to Caucasian culture, don't worry! It may seem intimidating, but take the time to bone up a bit and you'll be "mixing it up" like a pro in no time. Here's the three movies that we feel best represent Caucasian culture and the Caucasian cannon. You can find them at most rental stores with a good foreign selection.The Good, The Bad, and The UglyThis is a very popular movie among Caucasians, and its easy to see why: it gives a great overview of the geography of California and Virgina, with their sweeping deserts and harsh plains. The main characters are all Cowboys of various Caucasian races - Angel Eyes is a clearly a Roman, Tuco's high Insulation score marks him as a Vinlander, and Blondie's mysterious powers mark him as an Aslandian. They are all worshipers of Santa Claus, on a great quest to find a store of wealth to ensure their god's good graces. It's also an excellent depiction of authentic Caucasian fighting styles. There are also several other classes depicted, including the Soldier, Dealer, and Monk/Nun. All in all, it's a great source - go find it!
Bill and Ted's Excellent AdventureThis wonderful movie provides two big benefits to the newcomer to Caucasian culture - plenty of information about Surfers, and an overview of Caucasian history. Two surfers, Bill and Ted, explore Caucasian history as they quest to fulfill a Prophecy of Prometheus. Since Bill and Ted themselves are both clearly worshipers of Thor, it's also a good example of how different faiths can work together in Caucasian culture. Almost every one of the core Caucasian classes and races are in this movie at some point. It's not as in-depth as the other two Primary Sources, but it makes up in breadth what it lacks in depth. We can recommend this one highly enough. Though its a bit hard to find, you should definitely take the time to seek it out. If you can find the sequel, you're in for a treat - a close encounter with The Holy Ghost himself!Short CircuitThis movie is a passionate and controversial examination of modern Caucasia's most turbulent minority group - robots. While these second-class citizens are derided in many movies as cruel villains and dimwitted thugs, Short Circuit gives a decidedly more understanding treatment. Through a metaphoric "awakening," Johnny 5 and his non-robot peers come to understand and respect each other. In addition to exploring these all-too current cultural issues, the movie has an excellent example of a Vinlander Scientologist who helps "create" Johnny 5 (he's a worshiper of Prometheus, like many Engineers and Scientologists) and several Agents (though they keep their more interesting abilities in check).
Caucasian adventures?I've had it with those.
Long ago, the Caucasian people were divided into two distinct social classes: The Nobels and the Peasants. They were distinguished in part by the color of their blood. Then there was a Great Revolution, in which most of the Nobels were rounded up and executed using ingeniously devised machines against which they had no defense. Some of these devices may still exist in museums or hidden treasure caches.In modern times, there are still Nobels, but they are chosen on the basis of merit in Caucasian fields of study, such as Literature, Math and Money. A ceremony is held once a year in Knudepunkt to choose these new Nobels.
>>19972438>>199724418/10 would chortle again
Caucasia's material prosperity comes at a terrible price. While it may appear that merchants, artisans, and shopkeepers buy and sell freely, in truth their every action is dictated by the sorcery of the Invisible Hand. This secret society is also known as the Freemasons or the Jews: the former for their massive, foreboding temples built at no cost by conscript labor (hence "free masonry"), the latter for their secret troves of gems and jewelry. In their fortified marble vaults, or "banks," the Order holds magical "mortgages" (literally "death gauges") on almost every home in Caucasia, which they can use to cause the windows and doors to seal up, trapping the hapless inhabitants in a process known as foreclosure.The Order of the Invisible Hand uses its power to ruin not only individual businesses that defy its will, but entire cities and even nations. Their minions, the diminutive but deadly Gnomes of Zurich, strike for double damage from behind but will flee from a face-to-face fight. Against the most serious threats, they frequently hire the heavily armed Cowboys of Big Oil.
Man, /pol/ would fucking love this game.
The leadership of the Order is notoriously secretive, but key figures include the wizened oracle Alan Greenspan; the undying sorceror Paul Voldemort; the 13th-level Jew Henry Fnord, who prophesied that the people could have whatever they desired, as long as it was black; the anti-paladin warlord General Motors, notorious for declaring that whatever is good for him is good for the country; and E.F. Hutton, whose sorcery compells people to listen whenever he speaks.Their arch-enemies are Karl Marx and his mad Marx Brothers, who along with their ally, the 10th level Bard/3rd level Ideologist John Lenin, quest endlessly to destroy the Order's its most sacred artifact, the Hand of Smith. The Hand is said to have belonged to an ancient necromancer named Adam Smith who wrote the Order's holy book, The Wealth of Nations. It is rumored that Smith made himself into a lich and still rules the Order from a secret catacomb deep beneath Wall Street in Caucasia's capital, the dread City of London.
>>19972499Confirmed for Commie propaganda. I'm calling the FBI right now.
Another thread for someone's homebrew race? Caucasians are even dumber than tieflings as a concept.
The CowboysAcross the vast deserts of Caucasia roam the nomadic Cowboys. Wealthy in cattle, these redoubtable warriors adorn themselves with the skulls of longhorn steers upon their broad metal belt buckles (+1 to Armor Class) and their distinctive broad-brimmed hats (+1 to AC, but no other helmet may be worn). They are famed for their speed in switching from one firearm to the other -- each Cowboy carries not one but six guns -- but in close combat they are equally deadly, fighting with sharp spurs on the back of their boots. Cowboys can be Evil, Good, or Neutral in alignment, but they are notoriously independent minded and thus always Chaotic.The most powerful Chaotic Evil Cowboys reside in a dark tower always wreathed in smoke, known as Big Oil after the source of their power, a mysterious black sludge which sprays forth from deep below the earth to choke their archenemies, otters and penguins. The masters of Big Oil are J.R., who was once shot but revived by dark magic, and Cheney "the Dick" Haliburton, who once shot a man in the face merely for interfering with his hunting. The Dark Lord Cheney is closely allied with the Order of the Invisible Hand and constantly sends forth armies of Cowboys to conquer other countries rumored to have sources of Oil.
The Chaotic Good Cowboys swear their devotion to the mystical Yellow Rose of Texas. The true location of the Rose is a carefully guarded secret, known only to the closest followers of Ronnie Ray Gun, the Lone Ranger, once the ruler of all Caucasia before he was deposed by Cheney and the Invisible Hand. In his prime, Ronnie single-handedly ended the Cold War between the Caucasian principalities of California, his native land, and the frigid kingdom of Rus by invoking mighty magic to "tear down this wall" and breach the Rusian defenses. Though now ancient in days and affable, even senile, in appearance, this 6th level Ranger/6th level Cowboy/3rd level Paladin can still unleash deadly rays of light from his six guns to destroy the enemies of Good. The Ray Gun's sidekick is Bonzo, a comical man-monkey with mysterious powers over sleep. The two of them ride across Caucasia on their white horses, never stopping long in one place, but everywhere they go, their loyal followers tie yellow ribbons around trees in honor of the Yellow Rose and in devout hope that one day the Lone Ranger will return.The two factions of Cowboys are locked in a bitter struggle for the Heart of Texas, a magical red gem said to grant its possessor mastery over all Cowboys, regardless of alignment (+10 bonus to Charisma, affects Cowboys only). The last possessor of this artifact, the legendary Man With No Name, also known as Tex, is said to have bequeathed it to a mere boy, known only as Shane, before riding off into the sunset on his flying stallion. It is said that one day Shane will come back bearing the Heart and bestow it upon the rightful heir of the Man With No Name, uniting all Cowboys once again under a single ruler.
Bugs Loki, Trickster GodWhile an important member of the Caucasian pantheon, Bugs does not have worshipers so much as he has adherents, a fact that causes many scholars to neglect him entirely. He may take any form, but most often appears as a rabbit or a coyote. The Afrikaans cult knows him as a spider called 'A. Nancy'; whether they are misguided or whether this is some sort of elaborate prank on the part of Bugs is unknown. Important priests of Bugs include St. Rubik, whose Cube of Puzzlement artifacts may still be found today. These cubes take the form of a puzzle (impossible to solve) and are left with valuables to protect them from Loki's minions (imps, pixies, and griefers). The minions, intent on stealing the valuables, find the Cube irresistible, and attempt to solve it. As this is impossible, they are stymied, and disappear with the dawn. Also well-known is St. Pajitnov, who tricked his Communist oppressors with falling blocks and caused them to destroy the Berlin Wall.
>who once shot a man in the face merely for interfering with his hunting.and forced him to apologize.
Caucasian Weapons:Desert Eagle: Damage: 2d10. Special: Any solid object hit by a Desert Eagle will explode on a d6 roll of 2+.Katana: Damage: 3d10. Special: Unlike ordinary Katana, Caucasian Katana are able to cut through any substance, scoring an automatic kill on a 2+.Uzi: Damage: 2d10 Special: Can make up to five attacks per round, never runs out of ammo.Automobile: Damage: 5d10: Special: Driver must make an attack roll every round.Sniper Rifle: Damage: Yes. Special: Automatically hits.
Hot DogsThese torture devices were created by Supreme Lawgiver Archmage Felix Frankfurter to extract confessions from heretics. These tube shaped devices are crafted from the flesh of the rare Coney Dog, a magical cross between the Great American Horned Jackalope and the long bodied Weiner Dog.The secrets of their creation has been handed down to the heir of Frankfurter, Nathan Famous Frankfurter who guards it jealously. Annually, a competition his held before Castle Frankfurter where volunteers torture themselves with the dread devices for the entertainment of the court. The contestant that posesses the greatest fortitude is granted an artifact of great power: The Mustard Yellow Belt.
>>19972559>Damage: YesI made it so far...But you got me.
Geeman (Plural: geeman) are an ancient clan of Virginia. When a peasant farmer has turned 16, they are visited in a mystical vision by Harry Truman wearing his majestic ski-mask and prom dress, telling the boy that he must now take up the mantle of the geeman, and trade in his daisy dukes for the mystical Geeman-soot.Geeman are than trained in the mystical arts of stealth, deception and trickery, such as killing everyone in the room with their tazer-swords or mind controlling people with wristwatches, technology they have learned from their mystical pacts with the lizard people.
>>19972559>Damage: Yes.
Jehovah, God of Plagues and LoveLevel 30 DeityAC: 50 (+30 Toga of Godly Might)HP: 999Special Attacks: Plagues, Create Flood, Forgiveness, Animate Dead, Sacrifice SonJehovah, like the Roman god Janus (or the He-Man figure Man-E-Faces) possesses multiple personalities that make him an unpredictable adversary. He claims dominion over all creation and alternately smites or saves his followers according to his enigmatic grand plan. Jehovah rarely reaps vengeance upon those who directly harm him, instead choosing to demoralize his enemies by slaying their first born.Jehovah shuns physical combat in favor of attacking opponents with locusts or cones of acid that cause flesh to erupt in hideous boils. When sufficiently angered, Jehovah will create a deluge to sweep his foes into the sea. As Jehovah has conquered death, he can create an army of undead at will, and he is guarded at all times by the arch-lich Lazarus.If an enemy manages to strike Jehovah down, they may be surprised to find that they have instead slain his son, Jesus, who he can sacrifice to heal all damage.
All Caucasian people have access to special Caucasian Magic, known as "The System". Use of The System allows Caucasian people to gain wealth, acquire houses, and defeat others in Caucasian Dueling Arenas, known as "The Courts". Higher level Caucasian Magic rituals make use of Caucasian Magic Documents, such as credit cards, deeds, degrees and injunctions. Some high level characters can craft these Magic Documents.Caucasian adventurers without skill in Caucasian Magic are still playable characters. As a bonus for taking the disadvantage "Can't use The System", these characters receive +2 to their "Cool" stat (although they are still limited by the Caucasian cap of 12 on this attribute).
Blonde Hair: Powerful charisma and appearance bonuses. Skilled at intrigue and seduction bonuses. Several special secretarial feats.Blond Hair: Powerful charisma and appearance bonuses. Skilled at surfing and partying. Several special pretty boy feats.Brown/Black Hair: Probably a banker or lawyer or librarian. As such, powerful intelligence and technology bonuses. Skilled at beurocracy and financing. Several special workplace-specific feats.Red Hair: Fiesty and assertive, with powerful strength and appearance bonuses. Skilled at fighting and sex. Several bezerker rage feats.Grey Hair: Additional 500,000 starting gold. Skilled at buying and selling.
>>19972640What about legendary Caucasian Hero, the Fonz? He's described almost entirely in terms of Cool and his resistance to the System. Your sourcebook doesn't seem to account for him as a significant figure.
Caucasian names can be confusing to the modern ear. Here's a handy list of names to generate an authentic-sounding caucasian name in seconds! Just roll once on each table to generate a first and last name. Optionally, you can generate a "middle" name as well.First Names: John Olaf King Hans Sparhawk Smith Frigg A. Archibald Hera Percivale Odin Lancelot Elvis Jean Wendy Joan Helga Francis Saint
Last Names: Chaplin Churchill the Conqueror Svensdottor of Eastwick Hendrix Junior Bolton Esq. Stewart O'Rielly von Trapp Kevin D'eath Difranco from "Friends" Man Gabriel and the News Smithson
>>19972518>the most powerful chaotic evil cowboys reside in a dark tower>cowboys>dark tower>chaotic good cowboys swear their devotion ot the mystical yellow rose of texas>cowboys>rosePlease tell me these were on purpose. If so, you're a good person and I'm glad I get to spend time in your thread
Fantastic.
>>19972656wait for the splat book, fuckwit. You can't add overpowered shit like that in Core
>>19972668>from "Friends"
This has been archived, right?
>>19973424It is now.http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/19972362/
Just discovered the thread on sup/tg/, trying to revive.
>>19972395Real White America here. Everyone else is niggers.
bestthreadon/tg/now.jpg
>>19972421>speshul snowflake mary sueI know, right? Have you seen the list of possible Caucasia hair and eye colors? They have more of each than EVERY OTHER RACE PUT TOGETHER. Some of them even have different colors for different eyes!How the fuck am I supposed to take this shit seriously when it's so obviously fetish fuel?
>>19976597People who create Caucasians confirmed for That Guy.>creating characters for a campaign, new guy says he wants to play a caucasian, tell him it's fine as long as he can justify it in the backstory>next week his character is a caucasian with red hair, a business suit, cowboy hat and katana>later find out this is his ERP character, married to a naga that specializes in erotic hypnotism>mfw
>>19977185The red hair and cowboy hat should've given it away.Oh god, the minmaxing is so easy to do, too. I had a guy who basically became an archmage of The System overnight. No one could beat him at duels. He even gave me the option to beat him once out of pity.
>>19972499>mad Marx BrothersI lost it there.
>to choke their archenemies, otters and penguins. >and Cheney "the Dick" Haliburton, who once shot a man in the face merely for interfering with his hunting. GAHAHAHA
>>19972559>AutomobilesShit, let me tell you about automobiles. Was once in a Caucasian campaign with a heavy Cowboy theme. Well, here's the twist: the GM houseruled that automobiles require Oil to function. I don't know why, he said it was something he read in a book, but it sounds like bullshit.So anyways we were basically railroaded into an evil campaign. We had to kill people for oil and to add to the insult, the GM told us that actually using oil caused the environment to degrade. Worst campaign ever.
>>19977418Defense is OP for duelists anyway. They don't have the initiative, but they almost always shift full damage to someone else in the Courtroom. If Prosecutor is going to be so ineffectual why did they even include it in the splatbook?
>everythingoh wow
This sounds like the sort of thing a person would write in the aftermath of an apocalypse that wiped away Western civilization as we know it.Somehow, this doesn't stop it from being hilarious.
bump in hopes of more
>>19978627(Hint: It's a parody of those ARABIAN ADVENTURES or ASIAN ADVENTURES kind of splatbooks that take characters and concepts from existing cultures and completely misunderstand/misrepresent them.)
Bump for the late crowd.
>>19972763I don't get those.
>>19982914The Dark Tower.Newfags won't get this.
