The ruined city of Pompeii is known to have a great assortment of well-preserved graffiti. This website collects a great deal of it, translated:>http://pompeiana.org/Resources/Ancient/Graffiti%20from%20Pompeii.htmYou guys have got to read this. There are ideas for stories and characters by the truckload in here.
>Theophilus, don’t perform oral sex on girls against the city wall like a dog>(bar; left of the door): We two dear men, friends forever, were here. If you want to know our names, they are Gaius and Aulus.>Marcus loves Spendusa>Celadus the Thracian gladiator is the delight of all the girls>On April 19th, I made bread>If anyone does not believe in Venus, they should gaze at my girlfriend>Secundus likes to screw boys.>A copper pot went missing from my shop. Anyone who returns it to me will be given 65 bronze coins. 20 more will be given for information leading to the capture of the thief.>if anyone wants a screw, he should look for Attice; she costs 4 sestertii.>Chie, I hope your hemorrhoids rub together so much that they hurt worse than when they every have before!>The man I am having dinner with is a barbarian.>The one who buggers a fire burns his penisthis site is fucking fantastic.
>>20487872>(bar; left of the door): We two dear men, friends forever, were here. If you want to know our names, they are Gaius and Aulus.Oh man, you can just picture the two drunk Romans sitting by the door, arms over each others shoulders, laughing at the top of their lungs, minutes away from the "I love you, man" moment.
>Anyone who wants to defecate in this place is advised to move along. If you act contrary to this warning, you will have to pay a penalty. Children must pay [number missing] silver coins. Slaves will be beaten on their behinds.Must have been a recurring problem.
op, I love you. This shit is fantastic. Some of it is inane stupidity, but the rest shows that we haven't changed much.
>>20487955Not OP, but I know right? Kind of humanizes the fuck out of that time period.
This site is fucking gold. I'm laughing my ass of, thanks OP.
>Vico d’ Eumachia, small room of a possible brothel>Gaius Valerius Venustus, soldier of the 1st praetorian cohort, in the century of Rufus, screwer of womenBad. Ass.
>>20487955Even the inane shit shows that. Hell, ESPECIALLY the inane shit.
> Floronius, privileged soldier of the 7th legion, was here. The women did not know of his presence. Only six women came to know, too few for such a stallion.Ok, now I want to make this guy my next character. Cocky ladies man ex soldier of an empire, fights with short sword and tower shield.
Rome continues to prove to me that human nature is comfortably unchangable. We will sleep with, kill, eat, or crap on anything we can find.
>Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!This is the most poetic Roman coming out I've ever seen.
This site is fuckin awesome. Also, what a way to insult someone.>Phileros is a eunuch!
>>20488073It really is kind of disturbing how long it took us to learn not to shit where we eat
>Lucius Istacidius, I regard as a stranger anyone who doesn’t invite me to dinner.>The man I am having dinner with is a barbarian.You can just see him discreetly scratching that out where the other guy can't see it as he nods and pretends to be interested.
>Theophilus, don’t perform oral sex on girls against the city wall like a dogAt least some Romans had standards.
>VI.14.36 (Bar of Salvius; over a picture of a woman carrying a pitcher of wine and a drinking goblet); 3494: Whoever wants to serve themselves can go on an drink from the sea.Hahahaha.
Roman street wit always seems smarter than modern stuff. I wonder what contemporary Italian graffiti is like?
>Two friends were here. While they were, they had bad service in every way from a guy named Epaphroditus. They threw him out and spent 105 and half sestertii most agreeably on whores.>Apelles the chamberlain with Dexter, a slave of Caesar, ate here most agreeably and had a screw at the same time.>Apelles Mus and his brother Dexter each pleasurably had sex with two girls twice.lol'd hard.Now graffiti (where I'm from) is mostly toilet tennis and incomprehensible gangtags and hash leaves ;_;
>>20488115"Good bye mama, I'm going to the bar!"
>>20488120>Apelles the chamberlain with Dexter, a slave of Caesar, ate here most agreeably and had a screw at the same time.Talk about multitasking.
>>20488115>alwaysPeople are picking the funniest ones to show and remember. There's nothing particularly witty about "Secundus likes to screw boys."
>O walls, you have held up so much tedious graffiti that I am amazed that you have not already collapsed in ruin.Woah, I once saw graffiti on a wall that said:"Wall it's a wonder you don't crashUnder the weight of all this trash"Interesting.
>>20488120>Now graffiti (where I'm from) is mostly toilet tennis and incomprehensible gangtags and hash leaves ;_;I don't know, I quite like the idea that in several thousand years time archeologists will dig up my university toilets, and find scrawled onto the toilet paper dispenser "Sports Psychology degrees - please take one!"
>>20488149Perhaps that was just an advertisement.
>Stronius Stronnius knows nothing!>you will never know what Stronius Stronnius never knew;_;
> Let everyone one in love come and see. I want to break Venus’ ribs with clubs and cripple the goddess’ loins. If she can strike through my soft chest, then why can’t I smash her head with a club?Aw.> Pyrrhus to his colleague Chius: I grieve because I hear you have died; and so farewell.Awwwww. This is giving me feels. Sad, sad feels.
Some of these are just very lovely :3
>Gaius Valerius Venustus, soldier of the 1st praetorian cohort, in the century of Rufus, screwer of womenthis guy.
>>20488219the greatest tragedy of an age
Let's make this /tg/ related. I now what to play this.
>Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!lolrome
> Let everyone one in love come and see. I want to break Venus’ ribs with clubs and cripple the goddess’ loins. If she can strike through my soft chest, then why can’t I smash her head with a club?Ancient Roman Twitter.
>(just outside the Vesuvius gate); 6641: Defecator, may everything turn out okay so that you can leave this place.> (atrium of a House of the Large Brothel); 1520: Blondie has taught me to hate dark-haired girls. I shall hat them, if I can, but I wouldn’t mind loving them. Pompeian Venus Fisica wrote this.>It took 640 paces to walk back and forth between here and there ten times.That last guy must have been bored as fuck.
> We have wet the bed, host. I confess we have done wrong. If you want to know why, there was no chamber pot
>I.2.20 (Bar/Brothel of Innulus and Papilio); 3932: Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!Sounds like a nice guy
>>20488283Eh. Honestly, after reading this, I just want to go all swords and sandals with regular, mortal, fickle humans.Nothing epic or transcendental.Just making a living at your pompeiian bar, thinking of your sweet Urbana at nights, roughing up that damn defecator, and solving the Mystery of The Grumping Mountain.
>>20488317Except it's actually funny, insightful and vaguely intelligent.
Secundus is an asshole.
> The finances officer of the emperor Nero says this food is poisonI lol'd Then I realised this guy probably died a horrendous death ;_;
>Learn this: while I am alive, you, hateful death, are coming.Wise words
>>20488373You're following the wrong people on twitter.
>>20488390Well, at least we know he got what was coming to him.
>>20488372>Mystery of the Grumping MountainYou... You bastard. That would be the saddest Rocks Fall, Everyone Dies in ages.
>Celadus the Thracian gladiator is the delight of all the girlsFuck yeah Thracians!
>I.2.23 (peristyle of the Tavern of Verecundus); 3951: Restitutus says: “Restituta, take off your tunic, please, and show us your hairy privates”.Classy.
>Atimetus got me pregnantlol
>Apollinaris, the doctor of the emperor Titus, defecated well here Such a noble race.
> To the one defecating here. Beware of the curse. If you look down on this curse, may you have an angry Jupiter for an enemy.You just lost The Game - the antique version?
Okay, I might be drunk but does OP's image look like a pig?
>>20488434>IX.8.3 (House of the Centenary; in the atrium); 5213: My lusty son, with how many women have you had sexual relations?
>Floronius, privileged soldier of the 7th legion, was here. The women did not know of his presence. Only six women came to know, too few for such a stallion.Alpha as fuck.
>>Epaphra, you are bald!It's like I'm actually reading 4chan.
>>20488486And I just found the OP:>VI.14.20 (House of Orpheus); 4523: I have buggered men
>>20488486>Epaphra is not good at ball games.He's bad at sports too
man, I'd love to see a revival of Jerry Springer, but taking place in Roman times
>>20488486They don't call each other faggots, though. At most they use periphrasis.
>>20488513ROMAN BURN
>>20488530>Sollomnes had an affair with a dawrfed woman here
>>20488532See>>20488507
>>20488513>>20488486>can't grow hair>can't play B-ballPoor bastard.
>>20488543>ROMAN BURN>Pompeii;_;
>>Defecator, may everything turn out okay so that you can leave this placeNice to see they had sarcasm two thousand years ago.
Check it out, they even found porn.
>>20488486>>In one bar, a picture depicts two men playing dice. One shouts, “Six!” while his opponent holds up two fingers and says, “No, that’s not a ‘three’; it’s a ‘two’”. By the door of the bar, another picture shows a short man driving a group of men out. Above his head are the words, “Go on, get out of here! You have been fighting!”
At first I wondered why so many of these were "I took a shit here!" but then I realized in a culture with that kind of low medical advancement a healthy bowel movement would probably be something to be thankful for.
>>20488599They might have been referring to public toilets
>>20488589that's nothing. go to any ancient history museum in Italy, Spain, or any major part of the Roman Empire. Cocks everywhere. Seriously, cock medallions, cock broaches, cock figurines, cock lighting fixtures. pic related, it's a cock lamp
>>20488599Also, a lot of this is pretty much ancient toilet graffiti and drunken brags.
>>20488609Well, I see this lamp has good circulation.
Herculaneum (on a water distribution tower); 10488: Anyone who wants to defecate in this place is advised to move along. If you act contrary to this warning, you will have to pay a penalty. Children must pay [number missing] silver coins. Slaves will be beaten on their behinds.
>>20488599Dude... What? You ever actually seen graffiti? They're full of inane shit like that.Heck, I've even seen modern humans leaving messages for all eternity that they took a nice shit.
>>20488589Dude, they had a fucking god called Priapus (i.e. "cock"). Picture related.
>>20488609>[insert obligatory redhead joke]
>>20488641Does... does he have a cock sling?
>>May Love burn in some lonely mountains whoever wants to rape my girl friend!>>I don’t want to sell my husband, not for all the gold in the world>>Crescens is sweet and charming>>Methe, slave of Cominia, from Atella, loves Chrestus. May Pompeian Venus be dear to both of them and may they always live in harmony.>>Whoever loves, let him flourish. Let him perish who knows not love. Let him perish twice over whoever forbids love.D'aaaw
This cheered me up. Thank you OP.
>>20488667It's a dick scale, Anon. It's displaying how his penis weighs as much as a small boulder.
>Herculaneum (bar/inn joined to the maritime baths); 10675: Two friends were here. While they were, they had bad service in every way from a guy named Epaphroditus. They threw him out and spent 105 and half sestertii most agreeably on whores.Considering there was one about a whore whose going rate was 4 sestertii... that's a whole lotta whores.Also, this is relevant;>VIII.2 (in the basilica); 1863: Take hold of your servant girl whenever you want to; it’s your righthttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ahqu1nd3Zu8
>>20488667That is a scale, He measures things value with his cock
>>20488701Oh. I see it now.
>>What a lot of tricks you use to deceive, innkeeper. You sell water but drink unmixed wineThe fact that this was written on a woodworker's shop and not an inn kinda lessens the burn.
>>20488711I have a feeling the one about the 4 sestertii whore was really just an exaggerated insult, like a $2 whore would've been today.
>>20488641I thought that the Romans and Greeks found large dicks to be barbaric?
>>20488726I imagine the writer was absolutely smashed, and asked a carpenter for a drink. The carpenter being a nice fellow, gives the drunk man some water, as that is all he has right now. The drunk, believing he is at an inn leaves a poor review.
>II.4.1 (bar; left of the door, near a picture of Mercury); 8475: Palmyra, the thirst-quencher..ancient advertising. Things haven't really changed that much, have they?
Oh my god it's like an ancient greek facebook.
>II.4.1 (bar; left of the door, near a picture of Mercury); 8475: Palmyra, the thirst-quencherOh god, palm-derived Gatorade.
>>204887114 sestertii I think would be the equivalent of around $6 in modern money. It's almost certainly just an exaggeration.
>>20488759Could be. My theory was that the author decided to really deliver a good comeback to that inkeeper he felt cheated by, but from a safe distance. A lot of this graffiti seemed to have filled the same effect that modern graffiti, and a large part of the internet, does: to vent off steam and frustration.
>>20488792>>ancient greekYou gotta be kidding...
>>20488792>GreekHow.
>>20488788It's a lot better than that. After bread was thrown to audiences in colosseum games, a caller would advertise for the baker's store. There were also analogues to business billboards here and there around Rome.
>>20488795It's a double entendre, anon.
>>On April 19th, I made bread>>On April 20th, I gave a cloak to be washed. On May 7th, a headband. On May 8th, two tunicsTwitter?
>>20488788>>20488795IT'S THE QUENCHIEST!
>doing latin homework>literally clawing my face at Vergil Book IV>open /tg/ for a break>Pompeiian profanity threadWell alright
>>20488806I was only pret- No, actually, my brain slipped and fell down a well there.I should probably go to sleep.
>>20488828You know, a US president kept a twitter like account of his minute to minute activities. I can't remember who, but it was the nineteenth century.I'm sure filling up space with the mundanities of the day to day existence is nothing new
>>20488836>reading Virgiloh man I am so sorry
>shit, shit everyhwere>seriously.. they shit everywhere
Ahaha this rulesR O M A O L I MM I L O A M O R
>>Apelles the chamberlain with Dexter, a slave of Caesar, ate here most agreeably and had a screw at the same time.So when they weren't bragging about shitting, they were bragging about how much sex they had? Yeah, sounds like most people I know.
This reminds me of the Varangian Guard graffiti in Constantinople. Basically, the Byzantine emperors had viking warriors as personal bodyguards in the 10th to 14th centuries (because the Vikings were mercenaries, loyal to who was paying them, and thus their alleigances didn't change based on politics). And a bunch of these vikings got bored at some point and carved Runic graffiti into the parapets of the Hagia Sofia, basically saying "Halvdan was here" and the like.
>Two friends were here. While they were, they had bad service in every way from a guy named Epaphroditus. They threw him out and spent 105 and half sestertii most agreeably on whores.thats actually pretty awesome. temporal bro-hugs to these ancient dudes
>>20488847I loved him in English and now I hate him forever"V.1.26 (House of Caecilius Iucundus); 4091: Whoever loves, let him flourish. Let him perish who knows not love. Let him perish twice over whoever forbids love.">tfw my first workbook was a fictionalized account of Caecilius Iucundus and his family>tfw they all died horribly at the end>even the dog
>Gaius Valerius Venustus, soldier of the 1st praetorian cohort, in the century of Rufus, screwer of womenI believe I have my next PC
>Learn this: while I am alive, you, hateful death, are coming.that's pretty metal
>Apelles Mus and his brother Dexter each pleasurably had sex with two girls twice.So did they swap or go for seconds with the same girl?
>>Once you are dead, you are nothingKinda contradicts the fact that the mostly pointless scribbles done by normal, everyday people two millennia ago are still inspiring and amusing us.
>>20488963Is that Garrus?
The best are the ancient egyptian tombs that the romans knew about.With the usual tourist grafiti of Glaucus was here, I also find it funny when people realize that people are people.
>>20489011yeah and this quote managed to survive. then again who did write it.His or her words were more eternal than he ever was.
>>20489011Also they were all turned into ash statues
>>20489027There's some graffiti in an ancient Egyptian temple where two Celts wrote that they killed a fox (most likely actually a jackal).
>>20488935i read a couple of those books for latin class... So wait they all die in the end?
>(Bar of Athictus; right of the door); 8442: I screwed the barmaidliving the dream
>>20488115Nah it wasnt more intelligent. Thats an illusion often created by a translation. They had words we had no equivalent for so we have to be more lengthy to explain the meaning of their letters.anti intellectualism has always been around.
Who is this guy shitting everywhere? Was he some phantom shitter, just crapping in front of everyone's door, his only calling card a pile of feces?
>>20488917Heh. And that just reminded me of the Reichstag. I love moments like this.
>>20489098Yeah, I imagine the word that's been translated as "defecate" is actually much closer to "shit".
>>20488755Not at all. Big dicks were a sign of fertility. In Greece, they had the satyr plays of course-actors would wear nothing but a loincloth with a giant leather strapon. They also had the rural Dionysia, where rural villages would parade around a giant dick on a pallet through the town.
>>20489098It has less to do with "anti intellectualism" and more to do with the fact that most of these people were slaves, soldiers, women and other people without much education.
>>20489114it wasnt just one dude...although imagining it that way makes it incredibly more amusing
>>20489045The end of Unit 1 is that everyone dies when the volcano erupts, yep. Except the slave Clemens and the son Quintus, who then go to Egypt, and their story continues through all 4 units as a common thread.
>“Secundus defecated here” three time on one wall.Jesus Secundus, get yourself a toilet.
>>20489002The world shall never know.
>>20489098>Modern English>not having a word for somethingIt's not as much the need for lengthy words as it is the translators being stuck-up ponces who don't give a feces about their own living languages.There's a lot of room for adaptation in mist if these.
>>20489150> Secundus likes to screw boys.Secundus just doesn't stop man
>>20489172>most of
>>20489150>>20489178i think secundus would be amused that his exploits in shitting and fucking were being discussed 2000 years later
>>20487872>On April 19th, I made breadMy heart goes out to this man.
>>20489150There's a reason for all this shit. Only the rich had anything resembling a toilet, and even then they tended to more often just have a shit bucket. I imagine the poor just shat outside. It was probably almost as common as littering.
Secundus is an ancestor of Larry Gooseman
>>20489193That one caught my attention the most for some reason.I'd like to see more graffiti like that nowadays.
>>20489193I don't know if that is a metaphor for scat sex or anal rape, or if he really did bake a bread.Knowing the Romans it was probably all three at the same time.
>>20489178>>20489150While this was probably just two different guys who just happened to have the same name, it's a lot more fun to imagine this Secundus guy roaming the streets of Pompeii, pooping and molesting boys wherever he goes.What a guy.
SECUNDUS ADERAT CACAVI UBIQUE
>>20489222Inb4 secundus is the pedobear of that ancient generation.
>>20489201Acctualy most major Roman cities had public latrines but if I remember correctly Pompeii only had one, I guess they were lazy back then too.
>>20489217I would like to think he had a dull job. The graffiti was an existential cry for help to rid him of the repetition and mediocrity of a baker's life.
>>20489201There were public toilets in a lot of Roman cities. I don't know for certain that there was one in Pompeii but I do know there were some in a lot of minor colonies so I'd imagine so.
>>20489201You actually been to Pompeii, man? They had public toilets. Granted, it was just a row of shit buckets that you had to squat on, but a big public toilet nonetheless.Besides, an idea of shitting into a bucket then dumping somewhere your kids won't drown in it is not that hard to grasp.
I wonder if Secundus was a societal thing, like "John Doe".Like if you just wanted to blame someone, but didn't know who, you'd just say "Secundus did it"
Now imagine that Secundus and Gaius Valerius Venustus are Roman buddy cops. Now that's something that would be interesting/horrible to GM.
>7716: To the one defecating here. Beware of the curse. If you look down on this curse, may you have an angry Jupiter for an enemy.Is this the first chain letter curse?
>>20489125Huh. Wonder where I got that from then.
>>20489265If the kids didn't drown in his shit, how would Secundus hold them still long enough to give them a proper colon tickling?
>>20489267I imagine it as more of a detective comedy where they attempt to find the mystery midnight defecator
>>20489270 Either that, or the ancient version of /x/.
>>20489266Or maybe Secundus is the roman Kilroy
Best thread on 4chan.
>>20489266To be fair, secundus was a pretty common name.But so is John.
>>20489292It'd be like Dexter but less shitty.
>(in the basilica); 1837: If you are able, but not willing, why do you put off our joy and kindle hope and tell me always to come back tomorrow. So, force me to die since you force me to live without you. Your gift will be to stop torturing me. Certainly, hope returns to the lover what it has once snatched away.Ancient Roman friendzone.
This is the predecessor to 4chan.
>>20489292Gaius would be too busy screwing every whore, barmaid and slave in the city to notice how Secundus just happened to always be the first one at the crime scene.
>>20489265With the population Roman cities generally had, how long do you think it took those toilets to fill up? Plus with the way disease was back then, do you really think it was that pleasant of a place to be? Fuck that, I'd shit in the street too.
>>20489303I think you mean MORE shitty.
> 3494: In one bar, a picture depicts two men playing dice. One shouts, “Six!” while his opponent holds up two fingers and says, “No, that’s not a ‘three’; it’s a ‘two’”. By the door of the bar, another picture shows a short man driving a group of men out. Above his head are the words, “Go on, get out of here! You have been fighting!”Holy shit this must be ancient roman /tg/!
>>20489320Have you watched Dexter recently?
>>20489138I thought they went to Britain to live with his (I think) uncle Salvious, whom I distinctly remember was a huge asshole.
>>20489323oh god, you're right
>>20489330I was making a feces joke.
>>20489330No matter your opinion of the show, there's no way anything can be shittier than Secundus defecating all over the place and putting his dick up kids' rectums.
>>20487872>The one who buggers a fire burns his penisDeep.
Yeah, I've read it before, it's fucking hilarious.
>>20489339>In another corner of the bar, people are discussing Mesopotamian graffiti
>>20489315>Implying Gaius wouldn't be hanging out with his BFF Aius
>>20487872>The one who buggers a fire burns his penis>Don't stick your dick in the crazyWisdom passed down from the ancient Romans.
>Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!4chan
>>20489358>Secundus defecating all over the place and putting his dick up kids' rectums.Just another day in Pompeii
>>VIII.2 (in the basilica); 1926: Epaphra is not good at ball games.WHERE YO GAME AT, EPAPHRA? WHERE YO GAME AT!
>>20489379Truly, a historic moment.
rolled 51 = 51>Herculaneum (on the exterior wall of a house); 10619: Apollinaris, the doctor of the emperor Titus, defecated well here Would this be like a celebrity shit?
>>20489394A world so far away, yet so uncomfortably close to home.
>>20488469Yes, exactly. It's amazing how similar the sentiments are.
(Bar of Athictus; right of the door); 8442: I screwed the barmaid
So... is anyone else thinking that an ancient world Dorf Fortress/SS13 game would be great? Just the crazy shit that's happening, Secundus raping and shitting, all the alcohol-fueled shenanigans..I have no idea where to start with this, but it seems like it could happen.
>this thread will not be stored in any manner for distant generations to look back on and snigger
>>Aufidius was here. GoodbyeI like this Aufidius guy for some reason.
>VIII.2 (in the basilica); 1880: The man I am having dinner with is a barbarian.At first I thought "Huh, then why are you going out with him?" , but then I realised that, considering the era, she might be speaking literally.
>>20489441I'm reading all sorts of depressing shit into that graffiti.
>1826: Phileros is a eunuch!I think this is the ancient equivalent to "OP is a fag!".
This is awesomeIts amazing how much modern culture still existed back then. I believe in the movie Gladiator at one point there was suppose to be a scene where the gladiators are advertising products. This was remove due to being "too silly and modern" even though gladiators really did give celebrity endorsements!Any other cultures with some gnarly graffiti?
>Take hold of your servant girl whenever you want to; it’s your rightNow feminists, this IS actually rape culture.
>>20489431Depressing, isn't it? That's actually a serious problem according to many historians and scientists: since so much of our modern history, culture and documents are stored digitally now, there's a risk that our era will be a blank spot in history to future archaeologists.
>“Successus, a weaver, loves the innkeeper’s slave girl named Iris. She, however, does not love him. Still, he begs her to have pity on him. His rival wrote this. Goodbye.”>“Envious one, why do you get in the way. Submit to a handsomer man and one who is being treated very wrongly and good looking.”>“I have spoken. I have written all there is to say. You love Iris, but she does not love you.”Man, graffiti used to get personal as hell.
>>20489469A misinterpretation would probably be better though.
>>20489469I'm relatively certain it's been transcribed to stone somewhere.
>>20489460Celts and vikings most likely did, but they had less stone buildings so their graffiti is mostly known from temples and palaces visited by mercenaries and soldiers far from home.
>VII.2.48 (House of Caprasius Primus); 3061: I don’t want to sell my husband, not for all the gold in the worldThat's sweet, in a creepy culture dissonance way.
>1904: O walls, you have held up so much tedious graffiti that I am amazed that you have not already collapsed in ruin.Oh god this is so meta.
>Write something on a wall>Thousands of years later, people on something called the "internet" are talking about itI wonder if any of the 4chan archives will survive a thousand or so years into the future for people to read, or what shocking things they'll say about us in history class.>Did you know back in the early 2000s, a major concern for people was where to store all their pornography on their 'Computers'? Its true, your great-great-great grandfather probably discussed on the internet what the best means of gathering and storing pornography was!>Man, that must of been weird for them to do before we figured out how to link all human minds on our Processing Lizard Automatons. I wonder how they managed!
>>20489493Isnt someone making a GOLDEN DISK for that purpose?
>>204894694chan in particular. Things like facebook and twitter are baked up a million times so in hundreds of years everyone will be able to look back and see that CrazyQueen78 loved to party XD, but everything on 4chan is lost to the wind in a matter of days. It pains me to think that in centuries and millenia to come, tens of billions of people will be born, live their lives and die, all without knowing that OP is a fag.
>>20489476>AD 79>Not being named SuccessusEgo serio spero vos populus hoc non faciunt.
Did Asians do any graffiti?
>>20489521>>Man, that must of been weird for them to do before we figured out how to link all human minds on our Processing Lizard Automatons. I wonder how they managed!>Hey man, check this. It's called "4chanarchive.com." Look at some of the stuff on here: "OP likes to suck dicks." Ha, it's as true now as it was then.
>>20489476Graffiti back then was combination graffiti, goofing off, rumor mill, message system and advertisement. Isn't it cool?
>>20489525Let's pray the 4chan servers are one of the first preserved relics found by emergent post-apocalyptic cultures, then, and 'OP is a fag' becomes some kind of religious mantra to them, in the vein of, "Fear is the mind killer," and such.
>>20489545No human society upon this earth has not done graffiti.
>>20489550Peace be with you, OP is a fag.May Moot guide your posts oh holy tripfag.
>>20489561>We must destroy the raiders! We cannot suffer their attacks any longer! They are the cancer!
>>20489561Post softly, with sage in all fields.
>>20489561"My wife has just given birth to a beautiful newfag."
>>20489550>>20489550"I guess drugs were pretty prolific back then, too. Look at this stuff...old man henderson, sir bearington, "cultist chan"...what the hell were these guys smoking?"
>>20489586Oh man, are you kidding? Drugs are going to be so much more prevalent/better in the future.
This thread proves once again that /tg/ is the best board on 4chan.
>>20489576And Ibrahaim said unto Sarah, "Wah! What are we gonna do on the bed?" And, from under his body, a pomf did emerge. And so were formed the Tribes of Israel.
>>20489598How? In any way? Seriously are you just one guy that continually posts this?
>>20489550The thing is, digital storage doesn't really keep forever unlike what most people seem to think. And even if it's kept intact, there's no guarantee it will be readable. An actual example is large archives of data tape used by East Germany to store secret data, but nobody today really knows exactly what's on the tapes because there are no machines left that can actually read them.
>>20489553So societies with an oral tradition and no system of writing would hire people to stand outside your house and call you names.
>>20489586"Okay guys lets get back to discussing about 7th dimension telepathic rape orgies.""Primitive 3D life form wat do?"
>>20489604>my sides
>>20489582"Daddy, where do babies come from?""Lurk more."
>>20489612Or, y'know, draw pictures.
>>20489612Nah, that's why we have rumours and gossip.
>>20489604>And so were formed the Tribes of Israel.They were truly a very strange group of Tribes, focused on above all else to be the fastest.
>>20489619>not 'how is babby formed'Ignorant child.
>>20489619"Oh heavenly father the armies of the Pharaoh swiftly descend on us helplessly trapped behind this river. I pray to thee give us a miracle."And the lord spoketh: "Google it".
>>20489612>So societies with an oral tradition and no system of writing would hire people to stand outside your house and call you names.Nah, they just drew pictures on the wall.
>>20489672>>20489656Or defecated outside their doorstep
>>20489684SECUUUUUNDUUUUUUUUUUUUUS!
>>20489684Or raping little kids outside their doorstep.
>>20489619And thus did the Anon lurk, for a full passing of the moons did he lurk. And once more he came to the village and he spake in ignorance. Once again he was told to lurk more as one must always lurk more.For to lurk is a holy act, it is to learn, to observe without interfering.Amen, may Moot be with you all and the Banhammer not rest its gaze upon thee.
>>20489684So Secundus is one of the things that all cultures since the dawn of human civilization have in common?
I have decided that in my next campaign, there shall be a god of defecation and child molestation, and his name shall be Secundus.I know one of my players will be all over that shit.
Gentlemen, let us immortalize this thread for the ages: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.htmlBecause they really need to know Secundus was the one shitting everywhere.
>>20489717Oh god. Don't you see? Secundus is the world's first That Guy!
Maybe Secundus is some kind of immortal entity? He's the the embodiment of the id, of the low, basic urges of humanity. Since the dawn of man, Secundus walks the earth, furiously defecating, drinking and raping wherever he goes and leaving rude graffiti to prove it.
>>20489717a "that guy" if you will.
>>20489561"W-well Yoko, we've been friends for a long time and y-you know how much I like spending time with you. Well, I-i-i I have to confess that I like you as more than a friend. I think you're the most beautiful, intelligent and funny girl I've ever met.""OPINIONS""W-well, yes but I-""SAGE."
>>20489760remember that one bathroom where shit was smeared everywhere? Secundus.Remember hearing about the 13 year old who raped an old lady? Secundus.Remember all those dicks you saw on chatroulette and omegle? Secundus.
>Lesbianus, you defecate and you write, ‘Hello, everyone!’Pic related.
>>20489782THIS IS OUT FUTURE. One day, the only things of our civilization will be the tales of /b/ trolling things, /tg/'s antics, Katawa Shoujo, and whatever else 4chan has shat out in its lifetime.Will they look upon us as gods or demons?
rolled 9 = 9>>20489821As a bunch of retarded manchildren.And they will envy our carefree ways.
>>20489821i think that neckbeards will always exist in some form. they will look upon our conversations and identify
>>20489561y-you too
Humans never change do theyDidnt Plato complain about the younger generation being douchebags, disrespectful, listing to silly music, and talking weird languages?
Secundus looks down upon us from the heavens, and cries a smiling tear.I, for one, resolve to shit up this board as much as possible from here on out.
>>20489821What is this?
>>20488073>>Rome continues to prove to me that human nature is comfortably unchangable. We will sleep with, kill, eat, or crap on anything we can find. Between this shit and the quotes of Aristotle and Socrates complaining about how kids these days don't show any respect for their elders, I can only laugh whenever anybody says *anything* about the "The Good ol' Days" or how we need to return to the ways of XYZ civilization.
>>20489744Secundus is immortal. From time immemorial, he has lurked about the entrances to dwellings, defecating and molesting children. He buggered squalling Neanderthal toddlers, shat in front of caves, laid logs upon the vestibules of Roman gentry, sodomized pre-teens outside of the Forbidden City, discretely shat on the steps of Prussian mansions, haunted the forests of the New World with tales of a paleface hungry for the assflesh of young boys, and lain steaming coils on the White House lawn. No one knows from whence he came; he has taken many names over the years, and in general been one creepy fuckin' dude. Dark whispers among the Wise claim he is an elemental force; the physical embodiment of the dark human desire to both poop on other people's houses and to put your dick where it definitively does not belong. Regardless, he skulks about, an immortal denizen of countless buttsex-filled nights, crapping in the doorways of every great empire since Man wrested himself from the muck and ashes of creation and first stood upright.
>The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
>>20489796 Either that, or Secundus is some sort of Anonymous, forgotten god, drawing power from the low-brow, basic urges of mankind. Every time you masturbate, you're actually doing an offering to Secundus. Every time you pee outdoors, hoping that nobody sees you, Secundus is there. Every time you have your head over the toilet bowl, puking after what you one thought of as a great party, you're actually praying to Secundus.
>>20489849How many now embrace Secundus as their spiritual liege?
>>20489872all hail secundus
>>20488120>>Now graffiti (where I'm from) is mostly toilet tennis and incomprehensible gangtags and hash leaves ;_; Entirely missing the point, I see... unless.
I recently went to see an exhibit on Pompeii at the museum. They had casts of some of the frozen "bodies" on display, with a bit of information on each one.To start with, there is the dog. Archaeologists came to the conclusion that it was chained in a yard somewhere. When the ash began to pile up, it began to dig its way out. Unfortunately once it reached the end of its chain it could go no further, and so it died in this position, thrashing against its constraints.
>>20489872All hail Secundus, the porcelain god!
>>20489861Steins;gate (or something like that)The character is using 2chan memes, which is translated as 4chan memes by the subbers.
>>20489821If they see us as a mythology.Sergalfag would be our loki, and Jim Profit would be our Satan.
>>20489872So Secundus is the CE diety of 4chan? Considering that 4chan would be like cocaine laced meth in terms of fuel for him...
>>20489893yea it's Steins;Gatemost of it is about time-traveling/world-changing shenanigans fighting against CERN. That screencap is from the final episode. since most of the characters are portrayed as going on 2chan, and her actual line was a bunch of 2chan memes, the subbers just put 4chan memes instead
The event that killed most of the people at Pompeii was when the vast column of soot and ash that Vesuvius had vomited up into the air finally obeyed the laws of gravity and came back down. This man died during that event. As you can see, his ankles were shackled together (the ones attached are replicas). We don't know if he was a slave, or an imprisoned criminal, or what. What we do know is that he was withing sight of the city gate when he died.You can almost see him, hobbling forward, freedom in sight, before the dark cloud came down.
>>20489876My point is that we have all always had Secundus as our spiritual liege, we just like to pretend that we don't most of the time.
>>20489918i think he'd be chaotic neutral. I'm not sure he was doing it to be evil. Instead I think he did it to have fun and fuck with people.
It's a bit hard to tell from this picture, but the figure is a woman, and her toga is hiked up about her waist. She's using it to try and cover her mouth, since she was likely choking on the ash and volcanic fumes. It's strange, to see modesty cast aside in the hope of survival, and still in vain.
>>20489561>We interrupt this broadcast to bring you an urgent message from the high Mod, Mootankhamun."Hey guise I accidentally the economy what do?"
>>20489951Yeah, Secundus is CN. He has no allegiance to anyone or anything, nor does he have any actual intent to hurt anyone (despite all the raping). He's just following his instincts.
>>20489970>lrn2economy, newfag!
>"So I heard Gaius Valerius Venustus, screwer of women, dared Secundus to defecate into vesuvius last night..."
rolled 2 = 2>>20489892IT ALL MAKES SO MUCH SENSE
Tangentially related: 2channel is exactly like 4chan. Exactly the same. Go to 2chan's traditional games board and google translate and read that shit. They have edition wars just like us. Make homebrews, and discuss random shit that is barely related.Polite sage for off-topic.
>>20489992One day, coffee commercials will look like this.
>>20490012Too soon.
>>20490012It... it's all coming together now...
>>20490035/tg/-archaeology
>>20489968Go on.
>>20489891>i waited for you, Frycadicus.
>>20490029You wouldn't happen to have a link to it, would you? Or is Card Games their board?
Secundus was clearly the mortal form of Dionysus, the best god
>>20490081Scroll further down.
>>20489872We are all SecundusAnd Secundus is us allPraise be to the lord Secundus!
>>20490069
>>20490069THROUGH A THOOUSAAAND SUMMERSI WILL WAAAIT FOR YOU
>>20490089Secundus made Dionysus blush.THAT'S how sick Secundus is.
>>20490092I found it. Google Translate makes it gibberish.type conflict in Shinobigami did! Ver ghost right into Nde I thought was the villain camp, attempt to trick the opponent hump good person pulled the [secret] settlement in haste "and too fishy to reverse normal" outwit the opponent in reverse but own head in a barrage 1 Zoro wanted to achieve the [mission] Te, and only win at the climax, after the last Sa had now been sealed like a piece of Swiss cheese to someone who has cheated I was not soggy and you can enjoy the role and negative role villain wHe's either telling a story or complaining about alignments.
"I accidently a skin of wine""In its entirety?"
>>20490069>>20490104>>20490116That episode lost a lot of effect after the Retcon.
>>20489848No, but IIRC Socrates railed against writing because it didn't have the interplay of oral tradition, and made minds lazy.
>>20490167I do agree with that, at least in some ways.
>>20490166What was the retcon? I forgot.
>1899Man, I had the idea for a CoC campaign inspired by this particular piece of graffiti (from some bumfuck castle in Northumberland).Basically, the players roll up 4 or 5 characters each, each one from a different period in history.We start from the earliest characters, lets say in the 1000s, and the PCs are brought together by a twist of fate to oppose a cult.If they win, the PCs decide to scratch a warning into the stone of a nearby abandoned tower. They can write whatever they like onto an A4 sheet of paper, anything they want.Next session, new characters, new time period, I've scribbled over the A4 sheets as "the effects of time".This time, the cult is back, and stronger than before. If the PCs win again, possibly using knowledge gained from the ancient graffiti, which they then get a second A4 sheet, or stone slab, to write on.And thus it continues, the PCs have to be careful what knowledge they send forward, they need to make the text big enough to be read, add new dangers while copying old ones before the text is lost to time (scribble).I think it'd be a cool way to make a horror campaign, instead of just individual sessions, keep things fresh without too much extra work from me, allow continuity of PCs with silly bullshit, etc.Hell, ideally I'd just have some stone blocks and some tools to wear them down, so we could actually do it awesomely, but this is no ideal world.Now I just need a gaming group to run it with.
>>20490194Dude, seriously? How do you not see the irony?
>Secundus likes to screw boys.>Take hold of your servant girl whenever you want to; it’s your right>Samius to Cornelius: go hang yourself!so much love
>>20490198Fry gets sent back in time during one of the movies (Bender's Big Score maybe?), and lives for a while as Fry in the year 2000. He becomes obsessed with a whale for some reason and spends a ton of time chasing it. After realizing he has to let go, or something, he goes back, where a fire burns his hair off and makes his voice gravelly. As a result, he lives his life as Lars, and freezes himself to return to the future, since he has the special tattoo on his ass. What this means is that Fry DID return for his dog, and so it's not as depressing.
>Hectice, baby, Mercator says hello to you
>>20489760You mean Dionysus?
>>20490198Did you ever wonder how the last few moments showed the dog lying down, closing its eyes, and yet the Pompeii-fied preserved body is standing upright?Well, in the movie Bender's Big Score, Fry goes back in time somehow, and spends the last 10 years with Seymour, leading a long and fulfilling life. The dog dies (standing) after Bender begins nuking everything trying to kill Fry.At least, I think. It's hard to explain.
>>Secundus says hello to his friends.And we say hello to you, Secundus. You magnificent bastard.
Alright, I'm now wanting a campaign of swords and sandals intrigue, and city administration with mercantile and low-level conflict. Does anyone have good sources detailing Roman life? I understand plenty of it, but does anyone know a source like "here's what their financial records looked like" or "this is what the typical work day of someone in charge of a prominent villa constituted." I mean the day-to-day "these are your responsibilities" kind of accounts? I know that plenty of info is available at the touch of a google, but I'd like to separate the chaff a little easier, if anyone is interested in this topic and cares to help out.
>>Secundus says hello to his Prima, wherever she is. I ask, my mistress, that you love me.He had a softer, more tender side as well.
>>20490232Oh yeah, now I remember why I forgot it. Yeah, the bender movie.Welp, here's to hoping my brain won't fail to block this out again. Cheers!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secundus>Secundus is the Latin word for "second." However, it also had the meaning of "favorable" or "lucky." It functions both as a proper name and a numeral title. >shitting on doorsteps>"Favourable"dat Roman humour
>>20490348He was called lucky since he kept avoiding the town guards after shitting on walls.Some sort of roman supervillan.
>VI (on the Street of Mercury); 1321: Publius Comicius Restitutus stood right here with his brother>Translation - lol txt it XD
>>20490348Secundus is literary number two. How extremely fitting.
>If anyone does not believe in Venus, they should gaze at my girl friend
>>20490348Secundus>No.2Dat Roman humour indeed.
>>20490381>shit was so sestertii
>Lesbianus, you defecate and you write, ‘Hello, everyone!’The Aristocrats.
>>20490394>>20490381I lol'd
Has nobody brought up that there is a man named Lesbianus?! He is the King of the Lesbians!
>>20488935Aw, shit! They still use those od Cambridge latin texts, eh?Downer: the family man Caecilius was a real dude; his body was found in a study in Pompeii with a statue bearing his skeleton's likenessGood news: they didn't all die. His son survived, and went on to move to the provicnes of BritonReading all this makes me want to vandalize a shitter or two, so that it lives on in posterity. Momento Mori, my ass!
>>20489513Pompeii, your fate is sealed.
>>20490417I'm pretty sure Lesbianus has sent me some drunken text messages.
>>20490284Gurps- Rome i guess
>VIII.2 (in the basilica); 1880: Lucius Istacidius, I regard as a stranger anyone who doesn’t invite me to dinner.>VIII.2 (in the basilica); 1880: The man I am having dinner with is a barbarianI like to think these two are related.
>III.5.1 (House of Pascius Hermes; left of the door); 7716: To the one defecating here. Beware of the curse. If you look down on this curse, may you have an angry Jupiter for an enemy.I enjoy this.
Man, the romans were awesome. It's nice to know that in 2000 years humanity will still be the same good old assholes we always were.
This really makes me want to recreate some of this graffiti. Imagine walking through your town and suddenly seeing written on a wall "SECUNDUS DEFECATED HERE SECUNDUS DEFECATED HERE SECUNDUS DEFECATED HERE"
>>20490012Oh, god. I can't stop laughing.
>>20490599>VIII.7.6 (Inn of the Muledrivers; left of the door); 4957: We have wet the bed, host. I confess we have done wrong. If you want to know why, there was no chamber pot
>>20490758To the ancient Romans, you're only a fag if you're taking it. Penetrators are just eercising their masculinity. but being penetrated: you're a pushover bitch
Secundus + Goatse = ?
>>20490841Anon, fix your shift key. It's supposed to be "Secundus = goatse".
>>20490861Shit. My bad.
sup?
rolled 7 = 7>>20490933Oh look, a shit poster
>(in the basilica); 1797: No young buck is complete until he has fallen in love>(in the basilica); 1808: Auge loves Allotenus>(in the basilica); 1811: A small problem gets larger if you ignore it.>(in the basilica); 1812: Caesius faithfully loves M[…name lost]>(in the basilica); 1816: Epaphra, you are bald!>(in the basilica); 1820: Chie, I hope your hemorrhoids rub together so much that they hurt worse than when they every have before!>(in the basilica); 1824: Let everyone one in love come and see. I want to break Venus’ ribs with clubs and cripple the goddess’ loins. If she can strike through my soft chest, then why can’t I smash her head with a club?>(in the basilica); 1826: Phileros is a eunuch!>(in the basilica); 1852: Pyrrhus to his colleague Chius: I grieve because I hear you have died; and so farewell.>(in the basilica); 1864: Samius to Cornelius: go hang yourself!>(in the basilica); 1880: Lucius Istacidius, I regard as a stranger anyone who doesn’t invite me to dinner.>(in the basilica); 1880: The man I am having dinner with is a barbarian.>(in the basilica); 1881: Virgula to her friend Tertius: you are disgusting!>(in the basilica); 1882: The one who buggers a fire burns his penis>(in the basilica); 1904: O walls, you have held up so much tedious graffiti that I am amazed that you have not already collapsed in ruin.The Basilica, the 4Chan of Pompeii. or more like twitter maybe?
>>20490952You know me well, friend!
>>20490952
>Herculaneum (bar/inn joined to the maritime baths); 10677: Apelles the chamberlain with Dexter, a slave of Caesar, ate here most agreeably and had a screw at the same time.>Herculaneum (bar/inn joined to the maritime baths); 10678: Apelles Mus and his brother Dexter each pleasurably had sex with two girls twice.Bros for life.
>>20491029>Epaphra, you are bald!BALD BALD BALD BALD BALD
>>20491399I feel sad for him- no matter his achievements, his passions, he will forever be remembered as that one bald guy.
>>20491798costanzius-with-laurels.jpg
>Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!/v/ here, ill be sharing this with the fags of vidya
>>20491798not only is he bald, but he's bad at ball games.
>>20487872>>A copper pot went missing from my shop. Anyone who returns it to me will be given 65 bronze coins. 20 more will be given for information leading to the capture of the thief.Oh shit, a quest! Gather the party!
Veni, Vidi, Merdi
>>20493796>MerdiThat's French-ish. Also sounds like Monday.Shouldn't it be "Excreti"?
>>20493866Nope, Latin equivalent of shit (Obscene word for human excrement) is Merda, which has surived either directly or with minor changes to every Latin derived language, including French.I'm not sure if Merdi is the actual correct usage but it served for the purpose of the joke.
>>20493866Not to be a fag, but:Monday=Lundi,Tuesday=Mardi.Also,/b/ also found it and had the same reaction:http://chanarchive.org/4chan/b/30912/the-ancient-romans-had-b
>(in the basilica); 1812: Caesius faithfully loves M[…name lost]Did anyone else find this incredibly fucking depressing?
