I Approve of this. So much.

"Hey Ekhbeni!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was...Illuminor Szeras!

"What's up Szeras?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call and I had to go away.

***

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me hugz n gaussez!

This.. this!

>>20653467
> I love Haat Topekh and buy all my adornments from there.
>Haat Topekh
Goddamn I lol'd.

File: 1347160392432.jpg-(143 KB, 580x600, 1313714289538.jpg)

>>20653467
>my immortal from the view of a necron
> fuck yes

File: 1347160414729.jpg-(34 KB, 265x361, Kelly_Bailey.jpg)

I don't know why, but I read that whole thing in Kelly Bailey's voice. Pic related.

So what would happen, /tg/...

if Captain Matthias Ward and Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way had a kid?

My *Immortal*

lololololol

File: 1347160720461.jpg-(41 KB, 375x604, 4819512041_43a2c287fe_z.jpg)

Did anyone else read this in LSP's voice?

Don't leave us hanging OP!

Where is Drako Ward? Dumblydore? Snap?

Chapter 2.

AN: Gaussez 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW oldcrons stop flaming ma story ok!

***666***

The next day I woke up in my stasis chamber. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my sleep pod and intook some power from a plug I had. My sleep pod was black necrodermis and inside it was hot pink eldarflesh with black lace on the ends. I got out of my pod and took of my giant Sautekh Dynasty poncho which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather overcasing, a Triarch glyph necklace, combat foot casings and black networked shinguards on. I put on four cosmetic magnets on my temples, and tangled my Gauss cord into a kind of messy loop.

My friend, Vilokh (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black power cord with pink streaks and activated her forest green optics. She put on her Gidrim-glyph chest casing with a black shielding skirt, networked shinguards, and pointy stilted foot casings. We adjusted our facial casings (black lower mandible casings with white face coverings and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Illuminor Szeras yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, not blushing because I have no circulatory system.

"Do you like Szeras?" she asked as we went out of the Immortal quarters and onto the tombship bridge.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Szeras walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

I can't stop laughing

"Well, the Gidrim Dynasty are launching an assault on Typhon Primaris." he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love Gidrim. They are my favorite dynasty, besides Sautekh.

"Well.... do you want to fight with me?" he asked.

I gasped.

My projected cutoff point is WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS

I'll keep going until then. Possibly further. Not sure. You're getting this in real time; I think it, I post it.

>>20653889

Keeping a tab open for this. Fuckin`comedy gold, man.

File: 1347162010828.jpg-(36 KB, 450x331, DOGGIE.jpg)

>"Yeah? So?" I said, not blushing because I have no circulatory system.

Chapter 3.

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY OLDCRONZ OK! odderwize gausses 2 da necron ppl 4 da good reveiws! GAUSSES AGEN RAVEN!

***666***

On the night of the battle I put on my black lace-pattern foot casings with stilted undersides. Underneath them were red networked shinguards. Then I put on a black leather shieldskirt with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching networked vambraces on my arms. I straightened my Gauss cord and made it look all powerful. I felt a little depressed then, so I shot myself in the chest with my Gauss blaster. I reviewed a depressing file in my mind while I waited to fully reanimate and I reviewed some Gidrim battle footage. I painted my fingers black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I straighted my black mandible casing. I didn't put on my white face covering because I was pale anyway. I charged from a plug so I was ready to go to the battle.

I went outside. Szeras was there in front of his Command Barge. He was wearing a Nihilakh dynasty chestplate (they would fight at the battle too), loose black leg casings, black finger coloring and a little black eyeliner (AN: a lot fo kewl cryptekz wer it ok!).

"Hi Szeras!" I said in a depressed voice.

>>20653955

Kindly keep this separate from the campaign. I'll take Ulant when I take Ulant. Be impartial, like a good GM.

File: 1347163127901.jpg-(20 KB, 444x319, IlluminorSzeras.jpg)

"Hi Ekhbeni." he said back. We walked into his black barge (the serial number was 666) and flew to the place with the battle. On the way we excitedly reviewed combat footage of Gidrim and Nihilakh. We both applied engrammic-programming-altering patches. When we got there, we both hopped out of the barge. We went to the trenches at the front of the battle and jumped up and down as we watched the Gidrims slaughter humans.

"Obyron is so fucking hot." I said to Szeras, pointing to him as he sliced open a commissar, filling the battlefield with blood.

Suddenly Szeras looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we shot a few stray Guardsmen. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

Holy fuck I'm crying
12/10 OP

"Really?" said Szeras putting his arm around me all protective.

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Obyron and he's lusting after Nemesor fucking Zahndrekh. I fucking hate that old fart." I said disgustedly, thinking of his ugly bronze crown.

The fight went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Szeras. After the battle, we charged our weapons and asked Obyron and Akhentomen for their glyphprints and picts with them. We both got Gidrim Dynasty chestplates. Szeras and I crawled back into the barge, but Szeras didn't go back to the tombship, instead he drove the barge into……………………… the Eldar Webway!

>>20654168
This reminds me of a in joke among my wargaming friends of Zahndrekh shouting "Gay lover to me!" whenever Obsyon reported to him.

Chapter 4.

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ekhbeni’s name is EKHNEBI nut mary su OK! SZERAS IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

***666***

"SZERAS!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

Szeras didn’t answer but he stopped the barge and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

“What the fucking hell?” I asked angrily.

“Ekhbeni?” he asked.

“What?” I snapped.

Szeras leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing colored optic filters) which revealed so much blank emotionlessness and mad scientistness and then suddenly I didn’t feel mad anymore.

And then…………… suddenly just as I Szeras kissed me passionately. Szeras climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a webway gate. He took of my top and I took of his casings. I even took of my chest intake coverings. Then he put his eldritch lance into my pelvic interface and we did it for the first time.

“Oh! Oh! Oh! ” I screamed. I was beginning to get a CPU spike. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body remained the same temperature because I have no circulatory system. And then….

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

It was…………………………………………………….the Silent King!

>>20654198

Clearly you haven't seen my past Zahndrekh/Obyron writefaggotry that has established Obyron as being a closet gay with a secret unrequited crush on Zahndrekh that he will never reveal to anyone.

Someone cap this

>>20654168
>>20654104
I'm never looking at Szeras the same way again. I'm regretting painting his glassy parts red.

We still need Obyron teh satnist, and someone masticating to Ekhbeni bathing.

>>20654238
>“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

>It was…………………………………………………….the Silent King!

10/10

lost it completely

>>20654238
>CLANK CLANK CLANK

>>20654255
No could you post it? Sounds fun.

Chapter 5.

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a oldcron or a c'tan! Da only reson da Silen Tking swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!

***666***

Szarekh made and Szeras and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

“You ludacris fools!” he shouted.

I started to cry tears of oil down my pallid face. Szeras comforted me. When we went back to the castle Szarekh took us to Lord Sekhverezz and Lord M'khonakhl who were both looking very angry.

“They were having programming readjustments in the webway!” he yelled in a furious voice.

“Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?” asked Lord M'khonakhl.

“How dare you?” demanded Lord Sekhverezz.

>>20654372

All my prior work is up on sup/tg/, and I'm working on transferring it to a wordpress. Searching "necron" for name/description will find you most of my shit in just the past couple of months, and I finally came out and indicated Obyron's orientation in the recent Vargard Quest thread (which I still haven't continued; not sure if I will).

Fail, you spelt the main character's name correct too many times. And shouldn't you like have way in your last name for the lead singer of MCR because he is super kawaii, that means super cute in japanese the tau teach taught me that because tau is japanimation.

>>20654380
revoiw 1

This made me laugh harder than anything I've seen on /tg/ before.

>>20654380
This is gold. Continue.

cappin. ETA on completion?

And then Szeras shrieked. “BECAUSE I LOVE HER!”

Everyone was quiet. Szarekh and Lord M'khonakhl still looked mad but Lord Sekhverezz said. “Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms.”

Szeras and I went upstairs while the Lords glared at us.

“Are you okay, Ekhbeni?” Szeras asked me gently.

“Yeah I guess.” I lied. I went to the Immortal quarters and oiled my jaw and my head and changed into a low-cut black floor-length cape assembly with red lace all around it and black stilted foot casings. When I came out….

Szeras was standing in front of the waste disposal chamber, and he started to replay footage from the battle of Xeryon IV by the Gidrim Dynasty. I was so flattered, even though he wasn’t supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.

Fuck me.

This is hilarious. I honestly lost it as soon as I read the power cord line.

>>20654401

Tara still had a beta reader spell-checking for these chapters. Spelling errors will occur as they did in the original text.

>>20654436

I'm not doing the whole thing, if that's what you mean. I'm going until I get bored, pretty much. I've already reached my goal (YOU MOTHERFUKERS), so now I'm just going until I run out of energy.

>>20654476
just make it clear when you've finished, so I can finish.

Chapter 6.

AN: shjt up oldcronz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!

***666***

The next day I woke up in my pod. I put on a black shieldskirt that was all ripped up at the end and a matching top casing with red skulls all over it and stilted foot casings that were black. I put on two pairs of skull magnets, and two cross magnets. I spray-painted my cord with purple.

On the bridge, I inputted some power. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the power surged over my top.

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a necron overlord with a spiky black crown with red streaks on it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing a black mandible. He was wearing a red optic filter just like Szeras's. He had a manly solidity to his chin. He had a sexy accent. He looked exactly like Vargard Obyron. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I have no circulatory or genitals anymore so I didn’t get one you sicko.

“I’m so sorry.” he said in a shy voice.

“That’s all right. What’s your name?” I questioned.

“My name’s Anrakyr, although most people call me the Traveller these days.” he grumbled.

“Why?” I exclaimed.

“Because I go from tomb world to tomb world assisting in battles and demanding tribute.” he giggled.

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Szeras came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.

I haven't laughed so hard in my entire life. In the name of all that's funny, please continue, Phaeron.

This terrible
...
10/10 I love it so much.

File: 1347186999889.jpg-(180 KB, 843x592, smurfgetspromoted.jpg)

Next up, Fifty Shades of Chitin.

15/10

Phaeron Phaussett confirmed and reconfirmed for best writefag on /tg/

IT IS MORNING AND I AM AWAKE.

HOLD ONTO YOUR NECRODERMIS, CUZ THIS BIOTRANSFERENCE AIN'T DONE YET.

Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Ekhveni isn’t a Marie Sue ok she isn’t perfect SHES A KOHRNAET! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!

***666***

Szeras and I held our pale white hands with black finger colorings as we went to our quarters. I was wearing red Khornate sings on my fingertips in red finger colorings (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). I waved to Traveller. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Szeras. Anyway, I went the barracks wing excitedly with Szeras. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…………

We started frenching passively and we took off each others casings enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather chest port coverings and he took off his lower body guards. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy’s thingy in mine and we TWEAKED OUR PROGRAMMING. (c is dat stupid?)

“Oh Szeras, Szeras!” I screamed while getting a CPU spike when all of a sudden I saw a glyph I had never seen before on Szeras’s arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words………… Traveller!

I was so angry.

“You bastard!” I shouted angrily, jumping out of the pod.

“No! No! But you don’t understand!” Szeras pleaded. But I knew too much.

“No, you fucking idiot!” I shouted. “You probably have the Flayer Curse anyway!”

I put on my casings all huffily and then stomped out. Szeras ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big Eldritch Lance but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in the Traveller’s suite where he was having a strategy discussion with Lord Sekhverezz and some other people.

"ANRAKYR THE TRAVELLER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” I yelled.

This is the best thing ever.

I could continue but I have absolutely no idea who will be the B'loody Mary substitute.

File: 1347206365944.jpg-(63 KB, 300x300, 1331586155281.jpg)

Don't stop, Lord Phaussett!

>>20659088
Choose a completely random character you have not used yet.

>>20659027
>You probably have the Flayer Curse anyway!
AHAHA OH SLAANESH YES
Shit, this is one of the funniest things I have ever read on /tg/.

>>20659088
Inquisitor Valeria. She's Tsundere for the one that collects shit.

>>20659520
This. No reason to have them all Necron, it would fit the theme of the source material to have nonsensical characters

This is wonderful.
Op?

>>20660131

Need something?

I'm working on my continuation, but I'm still thinking about it.

>>20660131
Well, he did say he'd go until he got bored.

>>20660156
Nevermind.

>>20660143
He thought you had vanished. Keep on writing, you crazy diamond.

>>20660170

It may take a while. If the thread dies before I have my continuation ready, I'll abandon it. I've met and surpassed my goal.

Unfortunately, I decided to take advantage of the fact that I'm the only one home right now and primed every necron model I own, with the intention of starting on painting in about an hour once the primer's totally dry, so continuation is possible but unlikely.

>>20653467
Relevant and mandatory.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5anLPw0Efmo

>>20653744
>"Yeah? So?" I said, not blushing because I have no circulatory system.

lost it. goddamn.

File: 1347215558477.jpg-(51 KB, 449x673, then i lol'd.jpg)

Reading... reading... reading... OH SHIT I KNOW WHAT THIS IS!

File: 1347216054676.jpg-(81 KB, 600x600, 1311763052075.jpg)

The second you can, someone has to archive this. We all know it'll be legendary.

>>20660477

I already handled it, because I'm more shamelessly self-promoting than Sarah Palin.

>>20660360

Much more relevant and much more mandatory.

http://youtu.be/VEJ8lpCQbyw?t=1m14s

File: 1347216907163.jpg-(30 KB, 353x444, nocirculatorysystem.jpg)

>>20653744
I died.

And this thread is the perfect example why I can't help but laugh at what 40cocks has become, and at the same time hate the developers with a passion that would make my face go red.

if I had a circulatory system

File: 1347219787625.png-(596 KB, 1901x3757, my40kimmortal.png)

>>20660344
Better drop this off, then.

>>20660508
Poster here. I am dying of laughter If I played WankHammer I would absolutely insert my eldritch lance into your waste disposal unit.

But I play Skaven, because me paying $1.75 per clanrat makes you all look like chumps.

File: 1347227246794.jpg-(72 KB, 868x1065, 1346856311006.jpg)

Might be a bit of a late bump, but I'm a write-fag wannabe that is also a fan of the Necrons. Would anyone happen to have a collection of Phaussett's other work?

This is the best thread after.
my face would be red with laughter
If I had a circulatory system

>>20662420

http://phaeronphaussett.wordpress.com/

I have a WordPress now! I haven't copied over Vargard Quest (that seems inappropriate).

All my shit is on sup/tg/ too, search "necron" in title/desc and most of the shit that's come up in the past month or so is mine.

File: 1347228427239.jpg-(72 KB, 367x438, Lord.jpg)

>>20662637
Ah if only 4chan had a friending system. You sir, would find yourself with many new requests.

>>20662683

If it's relevant, my Steam is GodotIsWaiting4U.

File: 1347228702237.jpg-(558 KB, 900x1200, 1208122137113.jpg)

>>20662733
Not much a steam fan myself. >.>

Though tell me, what would you think of a tale of....Pirate King Thaszar the Invincible?

>>20662755

I think I'll consider it. I also think I'd need to know more about the character. If you can find me at least the equivalent of a codex write-up, I can pound something out.

File: 1347228890235.jpg-(119 KB, 400x565, NecronArt.jpg)

>>20662788
I meant for me writing out. The semi-serious tale of the Pirate king pulling his ship and crew from the planet he resided on and beginning his quest to make the Necrontyr fear him once again.
I was asking your opinion on it being written.

>>20662812

Go for it. It will keep the thread alive until I feel like writing again, if that's important.

File: 1347229035398.jpg-(273 KB, 845x1080, 1346895138140.jpg)

>>20662826
I suppose it is. It was quite encouraging to pop onto /tg/ one fateful night and see that 4chan does not hate fan-fiction as I had feared.

>>20662837

They hate BAD fanfiction.

I have made a point of not writing bad fanfiction. If you check out the Tales of the Tomb-Allies thread, you'll stumble upon a story written by a Mr Sprinkles that is AWFUL, near the end.

If my responses to him in that thread make me look like an asshole, it's because I am. I never pretended to be a good person. Just a good writefag.

File: 1347229236903.jpg-(46 KB, 479x625, 1317580284966.jpg)

>>20662856
Haha fair enough. So do you run through any kind of canon literature already made about the character and then fill in the blanks?

>>20662877

Sort of. I call it the Casanova approach to writing: find a hole and stick it in.

File: 1347229464086.jpg-(373 KB, 864x1584, A_Silent_King.jpg)

>>20662907
Ohhhhhh then Thaszar's going to be perfect to write about. There is quite literally one paragraph about him in any canon.

File: 1347230307226.jpg-(129 KB, 923x783, Necron_activity.jpg)

>>20662907
Also, if you're still here, what do you use to break your stories up to the proper size to post, or is it just copy/paste trial/error?

>>20662856
> you'll stumble upon a story written by a Mr Sprinkles
Oh man, don't remind me. That was painful.

>>20663059

Trial and error, but no copy-paste. If it tells me the field is too long, I just push the back button on my browser and lose nothing. Then I copy a block of text from the post, delete it, and try again.

File: 1347232598913.jpg-(71 KB, 563x875, 1345675762027.jpg)

>>20663368
So you write out all your first-drafts....here on 4chan?

For reference, the post size is by character count. 1800 characters max. Eyeball that to three hundred words or so. The Captcha field counts towards the character limit.

>>20663522

I edit as I go. It's not a good writing practice, but I'm a lazy fucker. If I trash my reputation, it's not like it's actually attached to me. I can just dump the tripfaggotry and be anon again.

>>20663559
True. Just from a writing standpoint, writing out all your first drafts on an image board seems...I guess, Heretical.

>>20663617

It absolutely is. I'm a lazy fucker. I've taken a few writing courses and I'm a philosophy major, so I have practice writing properly, which makes my first drafts generally good enough for 4chan. I avoid mechanical errors because I have teh assburgers.