http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/21071586/

Previous thread.

go away

>>21084525
Where to?

Dance your way back home. Or at least to transportation.

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>>21084532
Isn't there a board where quest threads get herded?

Oh, right.

>>21084532
Try make little detour while going back to home. Can't go back without gifts for little girl.

Or just stuff snow into skull and tell her you had the most aweful "brain freeze" of all time.

>>21084536
There's no transports going back south at this time of night. There's several in the morning, however.

>>21084538
I'm not sure what you're telling me.

What do you do?

>>21084480
see if there was a bounty on the battlemage

>>21084551
He's just bitching about quest threads in general, ignore it.

Let's chat with this Fredrick guy. He sounded kinda freaked out at the end of last thread.

>>21084563
There's many bounties up around the lands. Each one offering different rewards.

Some offer money, others weapons, lands, titles, one Lord offers his daughters. Yes, plural.

If you choose to you can follow one of them and claim their reward.

>>21084570
You did force John to liquidate and explode through his mouth guard. That's enough to stir any man.

>"Daniel, was it? What the hell did you do to him? I've seen some shit on the roads, but turning a man to pulp with a touch, never."

You inform Fredrick of your Paladinhood and the gifts it entails.

>"What kind of God gives Paladin statues to someone who goes around murdering magicals?"

"Hydra. Clearly."

>"Fair enough."

Fredrick doesn't want to upset you, and is restraining himself from worshiping you.

What do you do?

>>21084604
Ask about our beloved frenemies, maybe they're up to something interesting.

>>21084672
Fredrick tells you he doesn't know these people, nor has he ever heard of them.

Probably should try a priest of Mark's order, not an arms dealer.

What do you do?

>>21084604
if any of the bounties mention any cool weapons for us or magic books for erik

>>21084686
Then let us quest! Those frenemies owe us a favor, we're sexually frustrated, and we ain't got shit better to do right now than hunt down a dragon's bacculum.

>>21084693
None offer any books, but you're sure that some of them would gladly swap the offer for books.

There are several "Magic" weapons, so the bounty posters say.

Magic sword.
Axe
Hammer

The usual stuff. No details are given on them, other than "passed from father to son for a thousand years, seriously magic, really."

>>21084710
I swear you could just buy an Elephants bacculum off Ebay and be done with it.

All the dragons are in the mountainous lands west, where the gold mines are and Dragonslayer is an actual career path with benefits for old age and dismemberment.

Due to the high quantity of gold and other rare materials, almost every dragon in the world flocked there. Constant fighting has made them very strong, and they look nothing like their ancestors of old, who used to be 7 feet long and weigh as much as a few cows.

No, these treasure hoarders are the largest predators on earth at the moment.

What do you do?

>>21084748
Would it be big enough to use as a 2 handed club?

>>21084748
lets make a note to kill one of those dragons later, but for now lets take one of the bounties for cash

>>21084773
From the Google images I would think so. The image of a burglar getting a good beating with an elephant's penis bone is pretty amusing.

>>21084789
There's one at the Stronghold you're in, a sack of gold for the man who can kill the Stone Giant. You only have to go to a military command point and claim it.

What do you do?

>>21084811
lets claim the gold and check for anymore bounties before we leave

>>21084811
Claim that shit.

>>21084852
As soon as the bounty is claimed word is going to spread about your deeds, and all other bounties will be lost.

>>21084853
You enter a command room, talk to the desk sergeant, and fill in a few forms.

After a long and tiring process you are told to take a ticket and have a seat.

A long while after that you're sent through to the commander's office.

>"So, says here you dusted Sir John, eh? Didn't think it would ever be done, myself. No, I though he'd just grind down like a rock eventually, after spilling enough blood to fill a sea."

The man's bristly mustache covers his mouth, and acts as the only indicator he's talking.

>"Yes, very nice work. Some of the men tell me you exploded him. Sounds a bit odd. But, they all agree it was you, so I'm to give you your reward."

The man opens his desk safe, moves past an extreamly old bottle of whiskey, and takes out a mahogany box.

>"Here you go lad, feel free to keep the box."

Inside the box is rows upon rows of glimmering gold coins. The box is nice, too.

You leave for the Stronghold square.

What do you do?

>>21084924
Make a note to put something rather nice in the box after you spend the gold.

>>21084945
You make a mental note to use the box after you've spent the money. It could be used for a lot of thing, like storing money, or flints. Maybe even threads and needles.

What do you do?

>>21084962
just head home, but make sure to keep the gold out of sight

>>21084924

Go back to Gallowmoore to inform Eric. Maybe convince Freddy to come with you just to keep up the After Bossmage Visitor tradition.

>>21085004
We can stash it in our ribcage or something, to keep it out of sight.

>>21085017
the hornet/bees are in there, unless they all got killed in the fight

>>21084962
claim any nearby bounties,
thenhead back to the mansion

>>21085004
Almost everyone in the country has heard of Sir Daniel the Undead Dancing Knight, slayer of demons and killer of Magic. If anyone did try something, they would most likely be suicidal, or very desperate.

The road home is quiet and lonely, only the sound of your boots crunching snow and the wind.

You're glad you don't feel the cold, it would really be shit.

The wolves in the woods can smell death, not decay, but the specter of it. None dare approach you.

Eventually the snowy forests clear out into autum woods with plenty of very colourful foliage.

The journey from this point is a pretty one in deed, as the forest puts on a nice show with dancing leaves and branches. You feel at peace.

As the night comes along, you can see a glint of a fire in the distance ahead.

What do you do?

>>21085052
In our pelvis, then.
...
That sounds weird.

>>21085055
Just keep walking along, for now. Is it a camp?

>>21085055
head towards the fire,
meet our fellow journeymen

>>21085059

Atleast we'll have something the ladies love down there!

>>21085055
Should we sneak up?

I'm sure most people don't take kindly to sneaking skeletons.

>>21085055
Frenemis. Three. Two. One.

>>21085070
You can't tell from the distance, but it's a big fire, and nothing seems off.

>>21085073
You walk forward to meet your fellow journeymen.

You pass through the trees and come across a group of men, all sitting around a great fire, roasting a deer.

One has a guitar out and is playing bar songs that the others are singing along too. They're all too drunk to make out the lyrics. But the words "Tits", "Knockers", "A good stuffing" are repeated over and over in the chorus.

One stops dead mid verse and his eyes rise up to meet yours.

One by one they all turn their heads at the knight in black standing between the trees just outside of the light.

>"Care to join us, friend?"

The guitarist asks.

What do you do?

>>21085117
"Sure!" We sit down.

"I'm Daniel but you can call me Danny. Such a nice night. Bit gloomy and cold but nice."

>>21085117
sure thing, sit down next to them, ask them to sing a song of the sea

>>21085117
>Black knight walks up
>Middle of the night
>"Dude, get over here. You sing?"
These guys are either really stupid, really drunk, or really trusting.
Anyway, lets put our new bartone to work. Drinking songs ahoy!

>>21085117

Yay a song!

I dance to it!

>>21085143
"Sure!"

You sit down on a log next to the one who saw you first.

"I'm Sir Daniel, Knight Errant, but you can call me Da-"

>"Wait, Sir Daniel, the Dancing Knight?"
The one next to you asks.

"Yes..."

The air grows cold now, and the light seems to darken.

>"We're not wizards, well, he's a bard. Please don't kill us..."

"I wont. As long as you sing a song of the seas."

You look him solemnly in the eyes, then start laughing. The others join in with mocking their friend.

>>21085164
I've learnt from personal experience that you can either run, ignore them, or ask them to join. And since horror movies aren't real, men wandering the woods at night tell the best stories.

The guitarist begins a somber tune about a man who lost his wife to the sea, but quickly turns into a bar song as he finds a mermaid to bone.

The beat overcomes you and before you know it everyone is up and dancing along, each of them singing along.

The song ends and everyone but you finished their drink and cheers.

What do you do?

>>21085117
join in, and dance to the song

>>21085226
"So where all you all headed? If you don't mind me asking?"

>>21085226
ask our new friends about their travels

>>21085226

Memory check. Are there any Super Bards we need to kill?

Also DANCING A GO GO BABY!

>>21085226
so what adventures have you fellows been up to?
any tales to tell?

>>21085278
Super Bards?

Are those the bards that change the property of things just by playing? Or get into rock offs with devils and demons?

>>21085257
"So where all you all headed? If you don't mind me asking?"
You ask the group.

One of them stands up and walks to the pack horses, and takes down another cask of cider.

>"Well, we're going West, going on a pilgrimage, like. We're heading to the birthplace of beer. To pay our respects."

>>21085278
Bards do infact have a slight magical field, but their magic is different in the sense that they don't wish to rule, merely drink and entertain the crowds.

>>21085298
>"Right, get this, we're coming from the south, like, and we heard about some little dragon pup. As you know, each dragon has different ideas about treasure. Just so happens this one valued music. So Timothy,"
The first one points to the guitarist,
>"Goes out into the mountains and duels it. The dragon's on the drums, and brass. Tim's on his guitar. The Dragon's winning, yeah, but then we come along, and tear it apart with a full band. Drums, bass, mobile piano. Eventually we beat the beast back into the mountains and claim out prize. Naturally we all take gold, 'part from Tim. He asks from a single scale. The Dragon obliges, and gives it to him. Tim just uses it as a guitar pick. Never heard sweeter music."

They're a traveling band going to find the birthplace of beers and ales.

Seems like pretty cool dudes.

What do you do?

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>>21085379
>beer pilgrims
I love you, man. Imma convert soon as I can figure out which door is real.

>>21085379
Wait we can fight dragons in a different way?

H'oh man. If we could master the rib-cage xylophone we'd beat any dragon in a duel of music.

>>21085379

"Man, I miss drinking beer. You guys have no idea how lucky you are, cherish it!"

>>21085437
Depends on the dragon, really. The most common love their gold and jewels. Others, art. Some music. A few, riddles and word play.

You can just ram a sword in their hearts or skulls, but if you feel the need for a challenge you can face them on their terms.

What do you do?

>>21085475

>Riddles and Wordplay

I hate those things, Hydra's Decompression better be an option.

>>21085475
"Know any warlocks or witches that need to be taken care of? I'm sure a bard like you knows all about any tales of them. And if you do, put in song form. I am all for a jaunty tune."

>>21085465
>"Yeah, I wouldn't want to live if I couldn't drink."

>"I know how you feel, I need some to get up in the morning."

>"Same, without a good stout in the morn I wish I wasn't born."

>"Good Gods, are you all alcoholics?"

>"A what?"

Their little conversation goes on between each other, culminating at

>"Right, I worship beer as my lord and master, and it's a good one. But I wouldn't mind following a good cider or whiskey into hell and back. Still, I'd suck a demon's dick for a cask of Yuron's Own."

Yuron being a dragon that values alcohol, said to have the greatest cellar in all the world, with only the best.

>>21085503
Depends on the dragon. A small one will succumb to decompression, but the larger ones have too thick a hide.

>>21085520
>"Err, just the ones you've killed... And I'm afraid I've forgotten them. The drink's gone to me noggin."

What do you do?

>>21085475
have some good fun with for the night, first time we have hade to unwind for a while
then head to the mansion at dawnbreak

>>21085544
"S'okay! I imagine you do not wish to all fall asleep with me being around. I could guard you all and alert you if danger comes. You've all been such great hosts."

We don't need sleep right? Being undead and all.

>>21085544
ask about any dragons that appreciates dancing

>>21085586
You spend the rest of the night singing and swapping stories, until one by one they pass out drunk.

You leave before they wake up, you don't want to be around for the hangover that's sure to follow.

When dawn breaks you head off back home, continuing down the forest path you came from.

Back at the camp a few hours later them men are all waking up and asking if their heads are split apart.

Then one finally asks the question.

>"Did last night happen?"

They all look to each other and agree.

>"Nah."

They laugh, eat cooked dear and drink soft alcohol then return to their pilgrimage.

You arrive back in Gallowmere a little while after, when you enter the town you can feel a different vibe to their air.

Everyone's happy and there's a song in the breeze. It's harvest time, and this year's been very good. All that hardwork has paid off 10 fold.

There's going to be bonfires and parties all throughout the night.

You've never actually attended a Gallowmere harvest festival, usually you'd be drunk blind out out in some strange land.

At the manor you hear the sound of training swords clanging together, you see the boys training together, now with shields too. They're progressing fast, naturals the both of them.

Inside the manor, Stumbles is running, skittering, about in the foyer.

>"I can't handle it, I can't, no, I can't!"

He doesn't even notice you walk in.

What do you do?

>>21085734
greet stumbles and gift him the box, minus the gold, for his needles and thread

>>21085771
"Uh, Stumbles?"

He stops skittering and comes rushing over to you.

>"Oh thank goodness you're here! Erik doesn't know what to do, Mort is nowhere to be found, Rebecca can't handle it. I need you to help!"

"What for?"

>"Meryl! She's giving birth to the eggs!"

Oh shit.

What do you do?

>>21085734
"You need a handle? Theres a door over here that has two!"

>>21085734
talk to the boys, see how they are progressing
set even tougher exercises after setting them a course to test their prowess
help stumbles manage his large brood

>>21085816
edit that
lets help birth some monster babies

>>21085807
"Where is she now? I do hope she's not near the bee hornets. Although Spider Bee Hornets would be interesting to cross breed. The new spiders will be hungry. Go get some raw meat or whatever baby spiders eat for them."

>>21085807
>use explosive decompression on meryl's minge
>egg bombs

>>21085859
no, bad anonymous

>>21085829
"Oh shit what? I'm a killer, not a doctor."

>"Doctor's aren't useful in a spider birth. I need you to go in there and just help her!"

Stumbles is pushing you towards his and Meryl's room.

"I got it, calm down. Go get some honey for the new bornes!"

>"She's laying eggs!"

"Oh right."

You enter Meryl's room. She's on the bed, barbed legs piercing through it and screaming.

Welp, that's fucking horrifying.

"Meryl? Can I help?"

>"GET OVER HERE AND SQUEEZE MY THORAX! GETS THESE EGGS OUT!"
She bellows in her chittering voice.

What do you do?

>>21085807

Oh no, do we know any nurses or nature-smart dudes in the village? Also, I think we need blankets or something.

Stumbles, hold her hand and let her know it'll be fine.

>>21085893
dance the dance of midwifery

>>21085893
well,
we have our directions
lets squeeze her thorax

>>21085893

SQUEEZE GENTLY! WE DON'T WANT TO SQUISH EVERYTHING!

Increase squeezing presure gradually unless she protests from pain?

>>21085893
"I don't think thats the right procedure for this."

Get something to put the eggs into.

Would our nice box be big enough?

>>21085893
We get in there and squeeze that shit.
When a woman in labor says do it, you FUCKING DO IT.

>>21085923
There is no dance for this situation.

>>21085924
"Well, OK, you asked for it..."

You walk over, place both hands on her Thorax, one above and one below, and squeeze.

Outside, Rebecca, Erik, Stumbles and your apprentices have gathered.

>"How do you think he's doing?"
Steve asks.
>"Dunno. It's gone quiet."
Replied Gary.
>"I do hope Daniel doesn't make a mess."
Erik adds.
>"He's going to balls it up. I know it."
Rebecca observes.

Stumbles just fidgets and walks back and forth.

You squeeze, hard.

You run out of the room, screaming, covered in ovipositer fluid and unfertilized eggs.

You run screaming until you get into the gardens and through yourself into the fountains.

Meryl walks out of the room, holding all the eggs in a basket. She's heading to the burrow she dug to bury them and let them grow.

What do you do?

>>21086007
wash that stuff off of you and attempt to bury the trauma

>>21086007
calm down, breathe in ( more to get emotionally stable)
go to the dug out hole
ask her what she wants to do with all the unfertilized eggs
(normally they help feed and nurture the newly hatched eggs)

>>21086007
After we get out of washing we head to the apprentices.

"Now then. We never speak of this. NEVER. SPEAK. OF. THIS. Anywho. Training. You've improved to shields. Good. Now then shields are often mistaken as simply defensive weapons. Not the case. Shields can bash and push enemies back."

>>21086007

Stay in the bathing room for the rest of the day. Only use bleach.

We are so getting magicdrunk as soon as Morty gets back...

>>21086169
dont waste the eggs
they are valuable resources
we should ask the woman first, dont do anything until we get her advice

You scrub yourself down, and go over to the burrow where everyone's gathered. No one takes mind of your reaction, bar one.

>"So, Uncle, what was it like?"

You slap her on the back of the head and tell her this is an emotional time and the shit that spews from her mouth is ruining it.

Meryl places the eggs in the burrow, even the unfertilized ones.

The two apprentices shovel dirt lightly over the entrance.

You take the two of the boys to the yard for training.

"Right, I saw your shield use, very nice. But I noticed it was only being used defensively. You gotta use that shield like a hammer, punch them in the face with it."

The boys take the message and spend the rest of the afternoon hitting each other with their shields.

What do you do?

>>21086169
NEVER AGAIN.

>>21086207
Find them frenemies, invite them to the festival.

>>21086244
We got a horror fever, and Clarice is the only nyquil for the job

>>21086207
Go see how the new spider mom is.

"Can I be their god father?"

>>21086207

Give the happy parents the pretty box, or should we wait for the eggy weggys to hatch?

>>21086244
hit the town really quick and buy something nice for meril, then gift the newly parent couple the presents of bought gift and box

>>21086267
We can't give them an empty box. We should throw a party in celebration of the birth though

>>21086244
You tell the universe that you want your freneimes at the festival, in exchange for the horror you just participated in. It agrees, and promises never to speak of it again.

>>21086256
>"You didn't have to ask, Stumbles said that it was going to be you no matter what. And after helping me just, I agree."

You hand the two the box, they open it, and see the gold.

You forgot to take it out. You can't ask for it back without seeming like a prick.

What do you do?

>>21086285
We're rich enough and they're going to need the money to raise that many kids. They keep it.

>>21086285
Go into town to celebrate. Track down Mort. Find the frenemies, since the Universe says they'll be present.
Any of the above, really.

>>21086295
"For starting the family, a gift."

They're taken aback by the sheer amount of money, very few people ever get to see that much, far fewer hold it or own it.

>"How did you get this much?!"
Meryl chitters.

You look Rebecca in the eyes, her smug mouth grinning knowingly.

"Business..."

>"Ah, /that/ business."

They don't mind, they know you do what's right.

What do you do?

>>21086285
Agreed they keep it to furnish their new family

>>21086285


"So... when are the little eggies hatching? I'd like to be here when it happens!"

"Also name one after me!"

>>21086328
i approve this mesage

>>21086285
"A single mother needs all the support she can get. I hope its enough."

>>21086285
tell them to enjoy the gold, then report in to erik

>>21086353
what? no dont say that. quiet your noise annon

>>21086353
She's not single, she and Stumbles are an item.

>>21086285
To be fair, we did mention removing the gold first, but they need it more, may as well make a gift of it.

>>21086330
report in to erik,
im sure helping birth those young'ens brings some balance to the universe of the lives we have taken

>>21086343
>"They'll take a few days to develop and grow. We'll name on that stays after you."

Spider/mantis monster spawn leave the nest after birth, and head out into the wide world to explore, usually. Some stay behind, though.

>>21086328
"Right, let's go party."

Everyone is in agreement with that statement.

You and the group, now family, head into town. Your apprentices a few yards behind you, talking of how many women they'll be with tonight.

Oh, to be young again...
>>21086399
When?

You all gather in Mort's club, at a great round table to everyone can see each other.

All of them, but you and Erik, are having a great big meal and drink.

You think back to when you were young, and Erik's got a pocket book of Lyra's Lovers out.

No surprises there.

You feel a cosmic alignment shift.

Down from the cellar steps walk Mark, Adrian, and Clarice, mid conversation.

>"What? How did we get here?"
Adrian asks.
>"Nevermind that, where are we?"
Clarice inquires.
>"Look, at the circle table. That's the answer to your woes."
Mark answers.

Clarice shudders, Adrian Grumbles, and Mark walks over and wrist locks you, an age old paladin tradition. They sit down at the table and join in with the dinner.

What do you do?

Rolled 961

>>21086460
seduce clarice, show the apprentices how its done

>>21086460
Tell Adrian to shut the fuck up and drink. Tell Mark to enjoy the drinks. Offer Clarice a drink. Have Mort get you buzzed, not blasted. Now, is the time to party.

Rolled 849

>>21086482
We can only pray at this point that the dice gods smile upon us.

>>21086494
>>21086482
They don't. Stop rolling, we've agreed that we have traumatized her enough.

Rolled 2755

>>21086486
this, plus seducing

>>21086460
have a good time
congratulate stumbles and meryl, and make a toast to their future together
ask the frenemies how they have been doing

>>21086508
Come on, we've already given her PTSD

>>21086486
i would just like to point out that ever since the beginning of meeting Adrian our interactions with him have been completely "fuck that guy" and I love it.

>>21086460
Dance the danse macabre

Once we're done showing off our skeelz we offer Clarice a tango

>>21086460

"Yo Morty! Hit me with a magicdrunk spell, maybe I'll get a girl easier when smashed!"

>>21086517
They wont relent til they give her a PMSTD

>>21086460
thank the frenemies for joining you in celebration and offer to procure them drinks and chow

>>21086460
"You are all drinking. We are all dancing. This is non-negotiable. If Mort can get me buzzed and not demolished, I'll join you on the drinking."
>but how did we get here? why would we dance with y-
"SHUT THE FUCK UP ADRIAN NO ONE CARES"

>>21086482
You knock her drink onto her cloak and dress, creating a wine stain that will never leave. Clarice just stares at you.

Your apprentices snigger.

>>21086486
"Shut you fucking hole, Elf, I had to do some horrid shit to get you here, so fucking enjoy it. Mark, my paladin brother, drink as much as you can manage, and then more!

My lady, allow me to offer you a fine selection of wines..."

Mort refuses to do anything to you, after last time.

>"You're not scaring my patrons. Not again."

>>21086511
"A toast! To Meryl and Stumbles!"

Everyone, including the frenemies, join and cheer.

You ask how they've been without you.

>"Ah, well, not so good... I've been chastised by my order for, well, fraternizing with my enemy. You."
Mark admits.
>"My family has shamed me for my constant failure to return my father's ho-"
"BORING AS FUCK." you shout at Adrian.
>"No. Not now. Not ever."
Clarice drinks heavy and hard.

What do you do?

Rolled 3599

Will Clarice be more susceptible to seduction if she's drunk?

>>21086550
She is not a friendly drunk.

>>21086524
NO.

>>21086546
Tell clarice to eat something or she's not going to have much fun drinking like that. Tell your apprentices Adrian is a female elf. Ask if there's any way you could help Mark out with his order.

>>21086550
im fairly sure that boat has sailed
i would love if we ended up getting our flesh back, back to how we was before, she prepositions us , and we just flat out deny her, calling her a shallow slut, cos she doesnt care about whats on the inside
that would be lol worthy
anywho, lets dance and have an all round good time

>>21086556

okay alex, what is "five words you would expect a dwarf to say"?

>>21086546
regale the frenimies with the stories of your recent travels

>>21086546
Apologize to Clarice about the wine, see if stumbles has anything that would fit her.

>>21086583
maybe with further assistance from hydra in the sometime distant future?

>>21086602
We won't get our flesh back. We can't even graft a baculum to our pelvis.

>>21086596
i am okay with this course of action, also feed the chick something so she doesn't just ralph up alcohol later

>>21086546

"So Clarice... I helped Meyrl become a mother today. I witnessed the miracle of life and it touched my soul... Chicks dig sensitive guys right?

>>21086590
oh yeah, about how we took on the man mountain
they must have heard of him

>>21086615
Stop traumatizing the frenemies, we'll never get Clarice this way.

>>21086605
dunno man hydra's done some pretty crafty awesomeness for us, a temporary "get flesh back to shame a woman who spurns us" miracle sounds like something hydra would understand

>>21086624
would a deep sea dwelling god understand irony?

>>21086574
"My lady, you need to eat, or you wont be able to walk."
>"Return to your horrid grave, where you belong."

"Lads,"
You say to the apprentices,
"That, is a female elf. Don't try porking it, you'll regret it."

Adrian blushes like a strawberry.

>"Well, you could let me kill you, that'd put me on their good side."

"Another time, maybe."

>>21086590
>"Truly? You brought down Salin AND John? My word, Daniel, you are something else entirely."

>"I could of done it, just find his weakpoints and stab with my daggers."
Adrian tries to belittle your claims.

Before you can shut him down Mark does it first.
>"Be quiet lad, you'd of been crushed by John the Bloody, and you saw Daniel in Kerm, he is no mere fighter. Someday you'll be telling your children that you knew him personally. So watch your mouth."

>>21086624
>>21086605
>>21086602
The only skin you'll get from Hydra is with a 1d100, rolling a 100, becoming his avatar and adopting his scaly skin and visage.

What do you do?

Rolled 27

>>21086656

>>21086682
butts

Rolled 10

>>21086656
Mark is such a bro
give Adrian a condescending pat on the shoulder,
and roll cos i might as well try it
anywho, ask the lad how the skeleton farm is working out

>>21086620
We're here to make sure of that.


Because really. We're a skeleton.

>>21086696
well, thats less than 100
lets try again tomorrow

>>21086656
>>21086682
Clearly roll for skin.

>>21086651
and apparently so. our undersea god understands it almost to well. hahaha

I say we keep the ale coming for our frennemies and our apprentices and ask them for information on what/who we should work towards next

Rolled 25

>>21086656

Oh oh! Can our hands be Hydra heads when we turn Avator?

Also lets talk to Hydra. Just let him know how we're doing and that we think he's a cool good.

>>21086656
pffff, like Adrian is going to have kids. Also, how do we know Adrian ISN'T a female elf? We don't know how elves work in this setting.

>>21086733
>how do we know Adrian ISN'T a female elf?

mind = blown

>>21086725

I can't believe I typed "good" instead of "God", I'm such an idiot.

>>21086656
Give Mark a dress to give to Clarice later since we ruined hers. Also, its a party. BEGIN THE DANCE OF PARTYING LIKE IT'S THE TURN OF THE MILLENNIUM.

>>21086749
oh oh Adrian is harboring a secret, hes actually a female and also has a huge crush on our skeleton ass. sound good? WELL TO BAD BECAUSE FUCK THAT GUY.

>>21086749
look adrian directly in the eye, way too close
completely invade his personal space
and ask him that, pure deadpan serious
when he reacts shocked, start laughing and buy another round of drinks

Hydra's not going to intervene in a bar. Maybe during your dancing. But not now.

"Tell me, Steve, how goes the farm? Did Mort send help?"

>"Oh yes, sir. They're at it day and night, I haven't seen a single pest nor slug. They sneak up on crows and other birds, and weed everything. My fields have never looked better."

Steve says that his harvest will be great this year, just like everyone else. It must be an extreamly good year, everyone's granaries are overflowing so much, they've built second ones.

>>21086712
There's no more big magicals left on this continent, you'll have to travel far to deal with the remaining 7.

>>21086725
The voices of your god comes from the ales.
>"I know how fickle some women can be, but if you act as an avatar for me in battle, it will win you no lovers."

>>21086733
I'll flip a coin on this...

What do you do?

>>21086749
Clearly, we and Adrian are tsundere for each other.

>>21086773
>tsundere

had to look that shit up. sounds like we're trying to m night shalamalamadingdong this up. I LOVE IT.

>>21086771
Ask Mark if he's got any good stories since Kern.

>>21086771
i think for now, stay at home
expand the homestead, lets turn this small town into a city, we have the resources, attract newcomers, set up building businesses , we can sell them clothes, food and such
we arent short
lets see if are more than a murder hono

>>21086771
>>>21086733
>I'll flip a coin on this...

I really want to know the results of that coin toss.....FUTURE STORY DEVELOPMENT!

>>21086803
Doesn't matter, we can seduce him/her anyways. Its an elf.

>>21086795
so many spelling mistakes,
bah,
oh well
murder hobo*, and you get the jist

>>21086795
I like this plan, but other people can be utilized to achieve this. we have magicalhobos to go murderlate. possibly mort would be able to help with this? undead labor and all..

>>21086803
I just want to see Clarice's face when we inevitably attempt to seduce Adrian

Rolled 10

I just remembered that "Adrian" is a gender neutral name!

Also dance roll! Get up on that table, Danny!

>>21086830
You're aiming low, I want to see her face when we succeed.

Rolled 8

>>21086833
oh lordy no I will help you as we are the LORDS OF DANCE! MAY OUR MIGHT OF DANCING NEVER BE QUESTIONED.

Rolled 18

>>21086833
your dance-roll is weak

>>21086766
You ask Clarice if she'd like a dress made by Stumbles, who loves practicing his art.
She declines, for now. You can wear her down like the sea.

>>21086769
You feel his breath on your skull, without a hint of sarcasm you say in a monotone voice.
"Are you actually a woman? No, really, are you?"

He blushes like the setting sun, if you were traveling at the speed of light he'd be blue he's that red.

>"N-No! Just leave me alone, monster!"

>>21086791
>"Well... No. Wait, yes, we met a group of traveling pilgrims who worshiped beer. What an interesting group of men."

"I know, I've met them."

>"Oh, right. Well, I had an inquisitorial for dealing with undead. I told them you were different, and that you've been doing good. It's only because of my reputation, and yours, that I wasn't executed."

>>21086833
You stand to fast and trip on your chair, headbutting Adrian on the way down.

What do you do?

Rolled 3

>>21086842
oh god why -_- rerolll

>>21086826
i think capitilizing on the undead is the wrong road, easy but wrong, it would attract too much negative attention
do this the old fashioned way, spread the word that this town is the place to be, a swinging club, enough food to eat , and fine clothes for all, if you can pay for it that is

Rolled 73

>>21086853
>You feel his breath on your skull, without a hint of sarcasm you say in a monotone voice.
>"Are you actually a woman? No, really, are you?"
>He blushes like the setting sun, if you were traveling at the speed of light he'd be blue he's that red.
>>"N-No! Just leave me alone, monster!"

dat coin toss

>>21086853
I don't believe Adrian. Could totally be hiding their gender as part of some mulan bullshit backstory we don't care about

>>21086864
i find it ironic when all of our dance rolls are shit but the roll pertaining to fuck-that-guy's sex is bazoingo good. what the truck man. what the truck.

>>21086869
We should ask Clarice. If Clarice knew Adrian was really a woman, it would explain their whole relationship. Adrian isn't friendzoned, they're just woman friends.

>>21086853
in the words of david bowie
lets dance!
d20 rolled

Rolled 11

>>21086884
I already rolled an 18 earlier

Rolled 9

>>21086884

Rolled 3

>>21086884
i seem to have forgotten the dice
silly me

Rolled 12

>>21086892
welp, thats not good
lets go, recover gracefully

Rolled 7

>>21086883
nope nope nope, leave this for further plot development man, we'll figure out our fuck-that-guy/girl sooner or later.

>>21086853

"DAMN IT ADRIAN! YOUR FAT, FEMININE HEAD GOT IN THE WAY OF MY DANCE!"

Rolled 20

>>21086891
>>21086892
YOUR DICE-FU IS WEEEAAAAAAAK. Also, shouldn't we get some kind of bonus to dancing by now? We've used it so oftten you'd think we'd get better at it.

>>21086905
thats a good recover

>>21086899
"fuck that guy" I never thought this would take literal meaning.

>>21086853
mabe we should go visit these assholes who are giving mark a hard time...maybe we help them understand us a little better...maybe we fuck their shit up if they don't get it.

offer mark these options

>>21086925
Nah, that's not a good way to go about it. Maybe if we ask Hydra to speak to Mark's god about the manner?

>>21086882
Rolls that lead to entertaining things generally go well, rolls that pertain to repetitive and plain daft things go badly.

Hence why the d10000 roll will never succerd, the gods of chance and irony would have had it succeed the first time or never.

>>21086919
this is the best thread for laughing my ass off so far in this series besides when we dance the dance of awesome deaths.

>>21086949
>daft rolls going badly
We dance at everything. How is this not daft?

>>21086938
sure diplomacy first, but failing that we should go help those jerks "see the depths" as it were.

>>21086949
We got double nat 20s to seduce the skin off an alpha werewolf. That's kind of completely daft.

>>21086889
>>21086891
>>21086892
You try to play it off as a joke, but fail once more, uppercutting Adrian, then falling over and copping a feel from Clarice.

Erik turns a page in his book, looks up and says.
>"Daniel, do watch you feet, you're beating that elf to death."

>>21086900
"Gods Damnit Adrian, get your fat feminine head out of my dance zone!"

Adrian is clutching his/her nose to stop the bleeding.

>"Just shut up, foul thing. And stop hitting me!"
S/he says nasally.

>>21086905
Oh shit, you feel the beat over taking you.

You rise, and dance like the wind, flowing gracefully around and providing entertainment. Mark his banging his tankard on the table in unison to your not-so-normal family, to give you a rhythm to dance to. Clarice is smiling a coy smile. Adrian is trying to stop the bleeding.

>>21086925
>"Oh no, my friend, oh no. I know you are good, but the Inquisition, I doubt even you could stand against the Red Death himself."

>>21086938
It's more the doings of men, than gods. You're on your own here.

What do you do?

>>21086853
yeah, so lets just dance the night away
but also ask mark about his order, maybe go there with him, to clear things out

>>21086975
that was mad funny though

Rolled 8

>>21086978
Adrian and Ourselves are totally tsundere for each other. I can not see it any other way now. Also, begin singing in our sexy new Barry White voice.

Rolled 2

>>21087009
YOUR SONG-FU IS WEAK

>>21086978
that almost sounds like a challenge
we shall accompany him in a weeks time, until then, we shall stay with the towns folk, and fully a climatise them for the coming visitors
then we will head out, and use our full logic and reasonableness to sort this mess out, and clear the only frenemie worth a damns name

>>21087009
What do you sing?

Rolled 12

>>21087020
YOURS IS WEAKER DAMNIT

No Dice-fu can compare.

>>21087029
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0I6mhZ5wMw

Rolled 85

>>21087029
I'm Too Sexy

>>21087029
the love below
its completely made up
but its about how love can come from the deepest ocean trench, and fly higher than the tallest mountain

>>21087045
I wonder if we'll end up seducing Adrian by accident here.

>>21087050
in a barry white style

>>21087050
You gotta give me a little while to write something for a song, OK?

>>21087029
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAOxCqSxRD0

Wicked Games, Chris Issak.

>>21087065
Worth the wait. Take all the time you need

>>21086978
>S/he says nasally.
offer a tissue to the bleeding wo/man (im just loving this development seriously this shit is almost as good as when we started using dancing in combat)
"A tissue for your issue Adrian"

>"Oh no, my friend, oh no. I know you are good, but the Inquisition, I doubt even you could stand against the Red Death himself."
WELP sounds like we found our next "magic user" to go after, if you get what i mean.


>It's more the doings of men, than gods. You're on your own here.
This doesnt mean we wont get help later on though right?

>What do you do?
We dance the night away entertaining our guests and eventually helping them get to their respective sleeping areas. Make sure the frennimies get to rest safely.

Next puzzle out about going after this red death guy, and also about fortifying our town up some more. if we're going to be going about making religious enemies we should make sure our home is up to the challenge of defending against them.

Still pulling to bring back the next big bad monster guy to have erik reamimate as a protector in our stead when we are out on adventures.

>>21087065
sure thing, cos it will be boss
just have it be overly cheesy , puns and cliches all over the gaff

>>21087056
you are a funny man if you think this is going to be by accident. best have a temporay memory wipe spell ready. Adrian wont be able to handle these thoughts when not drunk. dont want another heavy drinker like clarice to develop.

>>21087087
>mfw I'm the one responsible for putting both those ideas out there

>>21087109
yes annon is always responsible.

>>21087102
No. We're done trying to seduce Clarice. We're going after Adrian now. Because fuck that guy.

>>21087121
LITERALLY

>>21087121
words cannot express how much i am laughing at this now.

>>21087050
"Even in the deep, my dear, love can bloom, near the lingering fear.

Down in the deep, my dear, the light doesn't shine, but my love for you is still fine.

Far below in the cold and dark, my dear, my lust for you sings like a summer lark, my dear!

My dear, my dear, have no fear, for I, your champion, is heeeere!

Oh down deep below in the crags and cave, my dear, we'll get naught, we'll get freak, we'll get kinky, oh behave, my dear.

Adrian blushes as you sing into his/her face without breaking "eye" contact.

What do you do?

>>21087141
Naughty*
Freaky*

Stupid keyboard...

Rolled 8222

>>21087141
Ask her if s/he's male or female.

>>21087141
knock back the nearest pint, have it flow through our mouth/ribs
look down, ive got a bone to pick with you...

>>21087141
Ask for a dance.

>>21087141

Go outside, rub dirt and worms in your mouth, come back in and kiss Adrian.

Clarice had her chance.

>>21087165
We never got a hold of a baculum

>>21087165
asking for a dance, might be a good idea

>>21087183
its more of a general pun, use being a skeleton, and having no penis

>>21087156
no no my friend we are WAY PAST that point. hell i dont even think we need to roll to seduce now. We've past the event horizon and we're just going to have to ride this out.

however my captcha things we got a good chance its a woman "breastwork "

>>21087179
No, we're learning from our mistakes.

>>21087156
The blood running from his/her nose is like a fountain tap right now, pumping out with ever increasing fury thanks to a rapidly pumping heart.

>>21087170
You extend a gloved hand.

"May I have this dance?"

>"No, fuck off."

What do you do?

>>21087184
ask to dance!!! our drunken friends demand it!

>>21087198
Doesn't really matter if its a woman or not. Still an elf, and we told everyone it was female.

>>21087203
Hold the pose. Give the puppy dog eyes
"its n-n-not like I really care or anything"

Rolled 1

>>21087203
>what do you do?
roll. to. seduce.

Rolled 3

>>21087230
NOOOOOOOOO

>>21087203
your loss tootsie
right, we have rode this train too much
i think its time to skip past the nights festivities

Rolled 16

>>21087230
oh hell no im not letting that happen. I roll to cancel.

>>21087230
>>21087240
The elf is tsundere. You do not seduce tsundere. You already have the tsundere, you just need to get them to admit it.

Rolled 64

>>21087230
Spaghetti comes pouring out of your ribcage in an endless stream.

Rolled 8

>>21087230
BY OUR PENT UP SEXUAL FRUSTRATION I DENY YOU

Rolled 6

>>21087240
shit man sthap it, we will lust after it later!
rollan to cancel again

>>21087255
You mean hornets. bees. beenets? horbees?

>>21087203

"Oh straight to the fucking? You elves are such whores!"

Also, I just remembered that Rebecca is here. I'm hoping somebody is covering her ears.

>>21087255
hahahahahahaha

>>21087272
That kid watched a skeleton burst from a room screaming after acting as a midwife to an insect abomination, strip naked, and have a fear-seizure in a fountain.

Rolled 4

>>21087230
You bastard......you complete bastard

>>21087230
"Oi, Adry, wanna fuck?"

Adrian only looks down into his mug and shakes his/her head.

S/he looks at Clarice, knowing her pain all too well.

>"Daniel, sit down. That's quite enough for now."

Erik flicks another page over.

You comply with our master.

Rebecca's mouth is agape, along with your apprentices. Meryl secretly loves Yaoi shit, and is hoping it continues. Stumbles can't process what's going on.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/21084480/
Archieved.

'Night.

>>21087294
but this is swearing!
cuss words!
it could shatter her young fragile mind to know grown ups say naughty words

Rolled 11

>>21087303
YOU complete bastard!

>>21087305
This was complete gold

I feel this was a much lighter thread, to contrast the other darker ones. I hope you enjoyed it.

>>21087305
night man, thanks for the laughs, hope you arent to disgusted by our fa/tg/uys.

>>21087329
So, what was the result of the coin-flip?

>>21087337
One of the sides faced up.

Adrian is probably so confused right now.

>>21087329
it was nice
a good change of pace
i think if we try to do some home development tomorrow, as a lil experiment
set this place up good
make it fortified

>>21087342
the right or the left?
and which gender indicated which side?

>>21087337
Like that matters. In brightest day, in darkest night, we'll tap that ass for all that is right!

>>21087363
+1 internets

>>21087360
Doesn't matter. Adrian is tsundere regardless, and if there is a serpent in the basement its getting tucked aside.

>>21087360
Heads faced up.
Heads represented Not tonight, anons, not tonight.

More fun like this.

>>21087363
You people are far too good at stringing a sentence.

Guys, I just realised why Eric reads porn all the time. He wanted to have sex with everything like us but he learnt how to deal with it in a non-disruptive manner!

We should borrow some of his books sometime.

>>21087342
this is why i would love to play a pc in story-mans campaigns. keep up the good work man!

>>21087373
Its a gift

>>21087350
I agree with this annon. sorry i missed the party. will be here sooner for the next romp!

>>21087377
maybe thats why classically lichs are evil
they need to expel, some, pressure