Areal leaves her room and looks down, only to find Rebecca standing there, her eyebrow raised and a mug of coffee in her hand.

>"So, what did you and Uncle get up to?"

>"Think what you will, child, but your uncle is a strange and broken man. While most would ravage me, he demanded that I tuck him in and listen to his woes while giving him a back massage. Then he passed out."

>"Yeah... Sounds like Uncle Daniel."

Rebecca leaves for Stumbles' workshop to resume her training in the tailoring arts.

You wake up in Areal's bed, alone, and skeletal.

What do you do?

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/21110198/
Previous thread.

Sorry about last night, power cut off.

File: 1350334335542.png-(3.36 MB, 2526x1823, Skeleton art.png)

Have some art while we wait.

File: 1350334709732.png-(956 KB, 1653x2338, skeleton art pt 2.png)

>>21139152

>>21139083
>Best retcon
That was smooth, bro.
Get on up, find Erik, see what's going on.

>>21139321
You grumble, and roll out of the bed and onto the floor.

You put on your stuff, and go to find Erik.

He's exactly where you expect him to be, in his library.

>"Daniel, what exactly did I see last morning?"

Oh, you've been out for a while...

What do you say?

>>21139343
"The prelude to the best nights sleep I've had in a century."

>>21139384
>"And how, exactly, did you manage to sleep? You're a skeleton."

You inform Erik of your new Champion statue.

>"Really? You'd think they'd give me prior notice... Oh well, not much I can do now."

Erik closes his large leather book with a "whumph" as dust blasts out of it.

>"I heard what happened with Nomad, that Areal told me. How exactly did you blow his soul apart?"

"I have anger issues still lingering from life."

>"It would seem so."

Erik grabs some of his other books and wanders off, you're not exactly sure where his Inner Sanctum is, but it's damn secure.

What do you do?

>>21139421
Might as well see how Meryl and the kids are getting along, maybe see how Stumbles is doing.

Awful slow today.

>>21139421
lets go see if we can help our apprentices

>>21139421
>>21139421
Go see mumbles and rebecca.

>>21139497
Usually slow to start off. It picks up after 11.

You leave the Library to find Meryl and see how she and her kids are doing.

Meryl is out in the gardens, tending to her herbs and vegetables.

>"The eggs wont hatch for a while yet, Daniel."
She says without looking up from her weeding.

Well, they are big ass monster spider eggs.

>>21139507
Your apprentices are out in the front yard, they're now practicing with full leather and chain mail armour, bashing each other with training sword.

So far they look pretty on form, some nice blocks and parries, a few good dodges and one very nice drop kick to the face.

What do you do?

>>21139540
Compliment apprentices on their work.
See if they'd like to test themselves against us

>>21139611
>"We're getting better sir, but I don't feel like getting crushed by that touch of yours."
Steve says.
>"Screw it, let's go."
Gary is where it's at.

You take Steve's training sword and raise your shield.

Gary circles, but doesn't look at where his feet are going.

He moves in for the first strike, hoping to catch you off guard with his vigor.

What do you do?

>>21139633
Trip and disarm.
Tell him to watch his footwork and start over.

>>21139633

HYDRA'S DECOMP-nah, block the sword with your shield then bash him.

>>21139633
Let him get a few in, but keep pushing him to go harder. Throw in some moves he won't have seen to see how he reacts.
the training is for his benefit, not for us to show off

>>21139658
You side step and stick a leg out, he goes down on his face, sprawling.

Steve laughs at his friend's failure.

"Watch your footing, terrain is a big decider in combat."

>"Yes sir."
Comes from the ground, Gary's mouth full of dirt and gravel.

"Get up and let's go again."

>"Yes sir."

Gary stands and clears his helmet.

Then he begins his circling again, this time checking each foot lightly.

He moves in once more, you pommel smash him in the helmet and he falls back.

"The pointy bit isn't the only weapon."

>"Mrreerhh..."

He's gone.

What do you do?

>>21139710
Is he unconscious?
If so, draw a moustache and pair of glasses on him

>>21139710

"So Steve. Think you can last longer?"

Also, should we have a medic/healmage incase something bad happens?

>>21139748
Your childish urge to desecrate his face overwhelms you. You pick up a piece of charcoal from the ground and doodle a thick pair of spectacles and a great twirly mustache on his face.

>"Sir, aren't you meant to be an adult?"
Steve asks.

"No. Who said that?"

Steve declines your offer to duel, as he likes his face unsullied by your "humour".

>"I'm just gonna go for a run, build some stamina, you know?"

You stare unblinking until he laughs nervously and runs.

>>21139775
If they die, you can force Erik to revive them. They're in their prime so they wouldn't mind.

Steve has left, Gary is unconsciousness, Erik is reading in his inner sanctum, and Meryl is gardening.

What do you do?

>>21139807
Find frenemies. Inform that that you have solved the whole "no penis" issue

>>21139864
Your frenemies are out on their own adventure. But if you wanted you could track them down.

>>21139877
Track them down. This shit is so sweet, they must be informed.

>>21139807

"Sup Meyrl, whatcha growing?"

I hope it's flowers, if it's delicious veggies then I can't eat them right now.

>>21139877
I can imagine how that greeting is gonna go.
"Oh hey Dan.....Umm....heard you screaming."

>>21139887
We're gonna go on an adventure about an adventure to find some adventurers for our own adventures.

>>21139887
You decide that they need to know, and they need to know right now.

You leave a note on the front door of the Manor house that you're going out to flaunt your reptile penis.

Just as you're about to leave Rebecca opens the door, reads the note, shakes her at in disappointment at you, then closes the door behind you, newspaper in hand.

As far as you can guess, they're in three possible locations.

(Doesn't really matter what you choose, this is just a setting pick.)

A temple out in the mountains.
A Dragon lair out west.
Or a temporarily risen island due to tectonic shifting.

Which will you go to?

>>21139937
Dragon lair. We're getting a baccuclub. To symbolize our new reptile penis.

>>21139937
Let's hit the island.
Floating islands always have good shit, and we might find some sweet hydra swag dragged up from the deep.

>>21139937
Dragon's lair, it might appreciate our reptilian nature!

>>21139957
I don't think we should rub it in to Erik that we can rub one out once a week and he can't.

Rolled 86

>>21139957
Actually, Reptiles have Hemipenises. Also, wouldn't a bone be brittle and poorly suited for a bashing weapon?

>>21139984
Then Erik should convert to hydra worship

>>21139991
Its a dragon dick. Dragons can impregnate anything. That thing has got to be able to take a beating

>>21139937

Dragon Lair. But if it's a Riddle Dragon we are soul decompressing it.

>>21140008
We were only able to soul decompress do to a nat 100 on a rage check due to horrifyingly evil sorcerer. I don't think we'll ever manage that one again.

>>21140008
No, we'd bring her back home and have her watch the door.

>>21140000
.....I hope they can't impregnate skeletons.

>>21139957
>>21139974
>>21139977
The Dragon's lair out West it is.

You set off down the road, stepping over a grumbling Gary who is wondering why he has a charcoal mustache,

You leave through the sea road out of town towards the docks.

You know the way there and just walk straight. And I mean straight. Roads bend around natural objects, you don't.

A few hours later you arrive at the Docks where you first joined up with Hydra.

You need to charter a ship across the oceans to get to the Desert, then further west to the Mountains.

Before you can find a ship to board heading that way, you hear a familiar voice.

>"Sir Daniel? I take it you're looking for a ship?"
You turn around and see Gerald the Green, standing on the deck of his little ship.

>"Well, climb aboard!"

"You don't even know where I'm going..."

>"If you're going there, then we're bound to find a ton of valuable loot!"

A cheer goes up from below the decks.

What do you do?

>>21140050
Dance the dance of old friends!

>>21140050
Frenemies probably won't appreciate us bringing in a whole ship to share in the loot, maybe we can dredge up some treasure on the way there?

>>21140050
Engage in some fun dancing while we sail to the dragons den.

Also give a quick prayer at our first ever shrine.

>>21140064
You dance up the deck and onto the ship. Gerald gives you a knight's greeting similar to Mark's, except he grabs your wrist instead of locking it.

>"It's good to see you again. Last time you just left me at your house, but I know it was for the greater good. I've heard about your recent adventures, too. John the Bloody, and Nomad? And a few days ago we were out at sea, and a massive shockwave almost capsized my ship. Was that you?"

You just chuckle and put a hand on his shoulder.

You're aboard Gerald's Dinty Dame, heading West to the deserts of Kerm.

What do you do?

>>21140050

"Guys! Guess what!"

Wait for responses.

"I can grow a penis again every week!"

>>21140112
>"Really? I've always got mine grown and ready."
Gerald's crew laugh at their captain's joke, however poor it may be.

>"But in all seriousness, congratulations. I don't know what I'd do without mine. Probably kill myse- That's out of the question for you, though, isn't it?"

The ship disembarks from the docks shortly after stocking up on provisions.

You're asked not to pay for the journey, only to be a night guard.

You feel this is a fair price, as you'd spend the night watching the sea anyway. May aswell make it useful.

What do you do?

>>21140096
Catch up with out boatbro, go diving again while we're in the shallows. Maybe we'll find a shipwreck or something.

>>21140156
The wind is almost non-existent for now, so you are reliant on the tide. Perfect for diving.

You put your gear in the cabin, and tie a rope around your waist. Some of the crew still aren't used to seeing a man jump off in full armour, but they're stopped by the ones who know you.

You're down below in the clear waters, there must of been a battle here once, as the waters are full of old, derelict ships.

There's war and trade galleys.

Which will you search?

>>21140143
Get to forging a boomerang out of driftwood. Practice on the way to the dragons den. During the day(s) chill with Gerald.

>>21140183
Trade galleys, the better to loot

>>21140183
Take a look at some of the trade ships first, unless any of the warships look suitably gaudy to have been a flagship.

>>21140183

Trade first. Might have cool stuff to give to Capn Green.

>>21140220
You reckon that the sunken trade galleys must have some good loot.

The first ship you break into is called the Mountainous Mermaid.

The name fits the the front bow, as there is indeed a wooden mermaid, and her knockers are indeed mountainous.

You kick through the rotten wood and enter the hold below.

Roll 1d6 to see what you find.

Rolled 1

>>21140261
rollan

Rolled 5

>>21140261
rolling better than previous guy

>>21140270
Oh, fuck me.

>miraculous yCAPrr
Even the captcha mocks me.

Rolled 4

>>21140261
>>21140261
Because go big or go home.

Rolled 5

>>21140261

Can we take the Mermaid boat decorating thingy aswell?

Rolled 4

>>21140261
We should throw a prayer to Hydra while we're in his domain. Just let the big guy know we love him.

Rolled 1

>>21140286
>liking saggy, rippled, rough knockers
Ewwwwwwww

>>21140286
We can mount it on our back as a war standard.

>>21140270
You find naught but chests, filled with nothing but decomposing paper, books and scrolls. This ship must of contained a lot of documentation.

There are some still salvageable. You pick one up and read it, it says something about a weapons shipment for an Emperor.

You see the weapon's wardrobe at the back.

You grab it and move it.

It's heavy, really heavy.

But you pull through and lift yourself back onto the ship.

>"What've you got there, my friend?"

Gerald asks.

"Weapons container, only thing down there apart from paper."

>"Shall we crack it open?"

"Oh yes."

Roll 1d6 for weapon quality and status.

Rolled 5

>>21140313
Hope I do better this time.

Rolled 4

>>21140313
Test it.

Rolled 4

>>21140313
Please don't be a 1.

Rolled 5

+5 Vorpal Baculum

Rolled 1

NAY, WE DESERVE BETTER!

Rolled 1

>>21140313
adamantine weapons

>>21140361
You.
You can stop now.

>>21140384
cotton candy weapons.
We in for some FUN now.

Here's the loot ranking system.

1: Bone stuff
2: Bronze
3:Iron
4:Steel
5:Legendary
6:Mythic

>>21140325
>"I'd agree, but how're we gonna get the lock off?"

"Stand aside, mortal."

>"What?"

You grab the rusty lock and crush it to metal fragments in your hand.

>"Good Lords above..."
Gerald comments.

You open the weapons box.

Inside are an assortment of Damascus steel swords of varying sizes. Each one worth a great sum of money, especially now that Damascus, the mines, and the secrets of forging these blades, are all gone.

There's also a Warhammer lodged at the back.

Upon closer inspection the warhammer is a dragon, or some other great beast's, incisor tooth, bolted onto a wooden short pole.

Which do you take, if any?

Rolled 3

>>21140384
>>21140361
Both of you. Stop.

>>21140397
take the warhammer, and the largest sword

>>21140397
Lets take a damascus sword

>>21140397
Would using a Warhammer with a dragon head be kosher with Hydra? I think so, don't think she regards dragons as close cousins or anything, just being a bit cautious.

>>21140397
Grab the warhammer to give to our paladin bro, everything else for whoever wants one.

>>21140414

I second this idea.

Also, we squeel like a teenager at her favourite boyband performance.

>>21140414
You hoist the warhammer up, you doubt anyone but a hero or adventurer like yourself could wield such a thing in battle.

For finding the loot Gerald allows you to take a second blade. You add another sword, this one not toxic from Stumbles, to your belt. The hammer has to be placed up your back, or it's drag the belt down with its weight.

The rest of the crew divide the spoils between themselves. Greatswords, bastard swords, long swords, short swords, and daggers. Each are given a home on some sailor's back or belt.

There's still a good few left in the box, Gerald says he'll sell them to a rich man with a weapon collection. Damascus steel is very rare.

What do you do?

Rolled 3

>>21140453
Revel in the pleasure of a good haul, dance our thanks to hydra for allowing us this great bounty!

Rolled 19

>>21140461
FUCK YOU DANCE BETTER

>>21140453
Hammer to Paladin bro. Dance to Hydra's Glory!

>>21140453

Do we have time to check out the War Galleys?

>>21140453
So, we basicly just made every man on this ship rich?
Tell Gerald that he can consider this our stake in his burgoning shipping company. If those swords are that rare, he should be able to get two more ships out of this deal, easy.

>>21140467
That's more like it!

>>21140461
You start out a bit off, but as the water drains away and you adjust to the new weight,
>>21140467
You get into full swing.

You do a slow and respectful dance, like the rising and lowering of the tides.

You spin and pirouette, then come to a final climax as you step up onto the bow and give thanks to Hydra.

You feel the seas looking back at you, giving a nod.

Championship has its rewards.

>>21140480
No, the wind has picked up after you sorted the loot.

>>21140485
You've made GERALD rich, the crew wealthy.

After a few days of sailing over the waters, busy days and lonely nights, you arrive at the Port of Good Faith, south of Kerm and east of your destination.

You disembark.

>"My friend, I dare not carry these spare weapons overland. I'm going to find a buyer, then we'll follow for you."

What do you do?

>>21140549
Find something to test new weapons on. Let's see if the damascus blade offers any advantages over our poisoned blade

>>21140576
There are the ever fun blood pits.

>>21140549

Is their a Hydra temple here? We should pray. Also I hope he's chill with us using his body for... simple pleasures.

>>21140584
Head off to the Dragon's Den. Give Hammer to Paladin Bro.

>>21140589
After what we went through, I think he's cool with it.

>>21140596
No, give the blade to the paladin. We're keeping the toothhammer.

>>21140596
no, we keep the hammer
too good not to

>>21140625
No. We're grafting another arm to our groin and using all our weapons.

>>21140635
Fuck that.

>>21140625
>>21140633
Okay, forgot we already had a poisoned blade.

>>21140635

Might as well go all out and become a Crotch Hecatonchier!

>>21140635
I don't think we could do that.
An arm attached there would have a horrible field of movement and no leverage to speak of, plus it would get in the way of our lizard-dicks.

>>21140589
There's a temple to Hydra at every dock, as he is a Sea God.

You make your way to the small and decrepit temple.

The monk and caretaker gives you a nod of respect, like every other lizardman you've ever encountered in Hydra's temples. How do these people know you?

You light a candle, and pop off a prayer.

The sounds of the sea fill the room.

>"I gave you that gift to do with as you please, but know that they are not entirely for self service. The Champion before the last made that mistake. He still suffers for it."

Hydra seems fine with you having a few little pleasures, as long as it's used the majority of the time for your goal.

The monk gives another nod through a shrouded head as you leave.

>>21140596
You go north through the deserts, then head west instead of continuing the path to Kerm.

Everything seems familiar until the sand is broken by shoots of grass and dandelions.

You can see woods on the horizon. And what is most likely a logging town.

What do you do?

>>21140635
>>21140660
>>21140662
Fuck this shit.

>>21140667
Head to logging town, inquire after frenemies

>>21140667
Scan the horizon for smoke, weirdly-colored fires, giant beams of light blasting from spike-laden towers, or other adventure-related nonsense.

>>21140692
This, inquire about a basket prepared with food. Give them a picnik.

>>21140692
You walk towards the logging town, it's small, but not tiny. It's based on a river that runs along side it, giving it fresh water and power for a watermill.

You inquire after your frenemies, most of the people ignore you, but a man sitting on a bench in the center smoking a pipe calls you over.

>"Yeah, dem three came true here not ta' long ago. Said dey were after a dragon, utter nonsense, the dragon is too big to be killed. That's why we give it a cow or horse every now 'n then, t' 'peas it, like."

Seems these people don't mind the dragon, so long as they give it an offering. But what happens when they run out of animals?

>>21140703
The only smoke is from the house chimneys.

>>21140721
None of them will give you any food, as they need it for themselves.

What do you do?

>>21140667

To the woods! But lets buy breadcrumbs to trial behind us incase we get lost, whats the worst that could happen?

>>21140741
Go find the frenemies!

>>21140741
Head off towards the dragon's lair.

>>21140750
We can find our way back by the smoke from the chimneys

>>21140767

But what if crows eat the smoke and we lose our way and encounter a gingerbread house?

>>21140757
>"See ta' snow cap mountain? Right there's where you'll find yer friends. Now clear off, before the locals take an interest."

You hope this place doesn't get Wicker Man soon, and leave.

The forest is tranquil, and serene.

The trees a great big red woods, each of them thicker than a man lying down.

The wonders you could do with a ram made from one...

You quickly find your way to the base of the mountain from the river, by following it upstream.

You see fish swimming lazily along with you, hoping for food.

Things take a turn for the surreal when you stumble across a house made from a spiced confectionery bread, the door wide open and inviting.

What do you do?

>>21140795
Then we get in the fucking oven like a good little boy, and we wait.
Then, we crush that old lady's throat with our red-hot phalanges.

>>21140807
That fucking elf probably fell for that one. Better go save it.

>>21140812
Redirect this to >>21140807
Also, jack her hat. Witches always have sweet hats.

>>21140807

Tear a chunk out of the house a feed the fish. Cute little Hydra spawn!

>>21140807
Must be a sexy witch. Better go claim it as loot.....I mean a houseguest.

>>21140816
You enter the house that really doesn't seem like sensible building material, I mean, what if it rained, got all soggy, then collapsed?

To your surprise, Adrian, is not in the house. Actually, there's nothing living in the house. Just walls and floors made from sugary confectionery. If you were alive, you feel that just being near it would give you diabetes.

You go to leave and the door slams shut, a candy cane deadbolt slides down at the base.

>"Ahaha! Now you're trapped, trapped with old granny, my sweet little children..."

The witch looks up at you, having to crane her neck vertically.

>"You're not a kiddy!"

What do you do?

>>21140837
Meta, meta everywhere!

Purge the meta knowledge in fire!

>>21140807
Hmm, I WONDER WHAT IS IN THERE!
Let's go and knock on the door and ask if a trio of frenemies have passed here.

>>21140846
Walk out through the wall. You don't have to put up with this shit.

>>21140846

I am a kiddy! I'm just big boned!

>rimshot

>>21140855
after we grab her by the neck and tell her what she is doing is not cool

>>21140855
>>21140869
These, then grab the witch, take her to the dragon's lair.

>>21140850
Not him, but stop being an asshat.

>>21140874
>>21140875
Ask about frenemies first.

>>21140846
>Candy cane deadbolt
I don't even know why, but I lost it.

Anyway, flip off our helmet and freak her out but good.

>>21140846
oh no ms. witch
(flip up visor)
you are on the menu today
MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
scare her good, see if she has a heart attack

>>21140855
"Nah, I don't like this fairy tale."

You turn and leave, walking straight through the wall.

The witch screams in dismay.

>"My house! Do you have any idea how long it took to bake that?!"

>>21140869
>"Big boned my hiney! You're huge!"

"Momma said that people weren't to make fun of my size..."
You give off a few fake sobs.

>"...Sorry?"

>>21140874
You lift her 3 feet in the air with your iron grip.

>"This is a children's home! The kids were raised on fairy tails, it's only fair I play the part! They ain't got no homes, so ol' granny takes 'em in."

Sure enough, a heard of children come swarming out and group around your knees.

>"Leave granny alone!"
One kicks your shin, hurting his toes.

What do you do?

>>21140846
Remove helmet, look her in the eyes, and blink slowly.
"Woman, I am a champion of Hydra. I tore the very fabric of reality with my rage at the injustice of a man who abused his power. I all but singlehandedly brought down the demonic menace at Kerm. I slew a bona fide god living under a mountain. I am known throughout these lands as The Dancing Knight. I feel very strongly that you should abandon this ruse, lest there be dire consequences."

>>21140905
oh, oh well
ask her for directions to the dragons lair

>>21140905
Feel like a jackass, apologize, assist in repairing the house after we bail out the frenemies.

>>21140905

This is really bizare.

Anyways, we walk back through a different wall, set her down then exit through a third wall.

>>21140905
"Sorry. Usually when there's an old witch in the woods with a candy house she's going to try to eat people."

>>21140922
>>21140938
>>21140932
>>21140942
Why not. Also, wink at the witch pointing out our obvious wart on nose fetish.

>>21140924
"Ah, sorry."
You lower the old woman.

"Could you tell me where to find the Dragon's lair?"

>"Just, just follow the stream. It's snow run off, it leads right up there."

>>21140932
"Can I... Can I help fix your house?"

>"No! Get out! You've done enough damage!"

>"Yeah!"
One of the children sticks his tongue out at you.

>>21140942
>"I'm a vegan. I grew and made everything in this place."

You're not sure how to process what's going on, so you just do what seems right and walk forward,
>>21140938
Through another wall.

>"What is wrong with you?!"

You don't respond, you just keep looking forward and walking.

Witches should be evil and eat children. They shouldn't give moral lectures. This is not how things go...

Before you realise it you're at the foot of the mountain, standing in a disused camp. There was a fire, not too long ago.

What do you do?

Rolled 1, 10 = 11

>>21140978
Frenemies are going to get themselves killed! Climb the mountain and rescue those sorry bastards!

>>21140978
Check to see if they forgot anything, check for signs of a struggle, if it all checks out, follow footprints to them.

>>21140991
>>21140992
Doesn't seem like they forgot anything, but then again you wouldn't know what you were looking for.

You begin the ascent of the mountain.

If you were heavier, like in life, this would be a difficult ascent, your weight would shift the unstable rock all around. But as it is, you weigh as much as a large goat.

You come to an opening in the side of the mountain, the ground is black and charred, like you.

What do you do?

>>21141030
dance the dance of sneakiness and find the frenemies

>>21140978

Regardless of whether the fire has been safely put out or not of whether Adrian was the one who made it, make a mental note to bitch Adrian out on proper fire safety and how thousands of innocent creatures could've died due to its carelessness.

>>21141030
Head in, quietly.

>>21141033
While chanting the litany of stealth, of course.

Rolled 14

>>21141033
I like this idea. Rolling for dance of sneakiness

>>21141051
While playing the melody of silence on our rib-xylophone

Rolled 3

>>21141074
your dance is mediocre at best!

Rolled 18

>>21141074
We'll have to do better then that.

Rolled 19

>>21141089
YOURS IS FUCK AWFUL SHIT DICK

>>21141086
And beating our warhammer on the cave walls to the tempo of inconspicuousness.

Rolled 30

>>21141097
>>21141092
>>21141089
>>21141074
You all suck. Now shush.

>>21141108
we roll 20s for dance

>>21141108
You are a terrible individual.

>>21141033
As there was no roll for dance...
>>21141045
You sneak in, careful not to disturb the rocks around you.

Further in, where the sunlight can't reach, you see other lights. Torches and a roaring fire place

The dragon, and oh is it a dragon, is resting safely on a great pile of books, and scrolls and loose sheets of paper.

With one of its claws its moving chess pieces against Clarice.

You see Mark reading ancient battle manuals, and Adrian is inspecting himself in a mirror.

>>21141051
It seems silence is not the way to go.

"MAY HYDRA MUFFLE MY FEET LIKE THE WATERS SILENCE SOUND. MAY MY STEPS BY LIKE A SHADOW. MAY MY MOVEMENTS ATTRACT NO ATTENTION."

Didn't work, the dragon knows you're there, somehow.

>>21141097
>>21141092
You're quick moves create anti-noise. Silence is the absence of sound, but anti-noise is a vacuum of sound. All your previous chants get pulled back towards you and hit you like a brick.

>"Daniel? Is that you?"

Mark calls out from his battle manuals.

What do you do?

>>21141125
Choke on all that sound we just ate for a moment, then say "NO, of course not."

>>21141125
Say hi. Announce that you're a champion of your god and can now grow a penis once a week. There's some side-effects. Like scaly skin, and a reptilian visage, but its totally worth it.

>>21141125
Whisper this to him.

"Yes, what's up with the dragon?"

>>21141125
eh, hey mark
i came here to rescue you
but you seem grand
whats up?

Rolled 3349

>>21141125
The dragon doesn't appear to be particularly dangerous. Perhaps we should just introduce ourselves. Although, stay on our guard, just in case the dragon hates Hydra.
Also, rolling to seduce Clarice.

>>21141148
We can not seduce Clarice. We must woo Clarice. If we can't, then Adrian is totally tsundere for us.

>>21141125

Sneak up behind Clarice and whisper in her ear.

"Ready for some sweet lizard dick?"

Rolled 8350

>>21141161
SEDUUUUUCE

>>21141125


>>21141142
Then announce our great news winking at Adrian. Casually say hi to Clarice, ignore her for the most part.

>>21141170
>>21141148
No.

>>21141170
That is simply uncalled for, it was only funny before because we didn't have a penis and thus couldn't be accused of rape. Now we'll have to act all proper and shit.

>>21141174
Stop that.

>>21141177
One of the best ways to get points with a woman is to hit on her friends after all.

>>21141138
"No, of course not."

>>21141140
"ALSO I CAN GROW A PENIS NOW. YEAH."

>"Did you... Did you come all this way to tell us THAT?"
Clarice asks from the chess board.

"Well, yeah, and to rescue you."

>"We don't need rescuing, monster."
Adrian smirks.

"Well, usually you do. Also, elf boy, you need to learn proper fire quenching procedure."

>"What?"

"You heard me."

Adrian looks baffled. Mark guffaws and Clarice sighs, returning to her game with the Dragon.

What do you do?

>>21141189
But they're both women. Sortof.
Partly.

>>21141203
"So, hi there Mr. Dragon. What is it like being a dragon?"

>>21141203
Indroduce ourselves to the dragon, we're being extreamly rude.

>>21141203
Chill, get acquainted with the dragon. See if it can dance.

>>21141189
Exactly so hit on Adrian, then we get Clarice eventually.

>>21141228
>>21141226
>>21141224
Dragon bro.

>>21141224
>"What's it like being a skeleton? Oh yes, these lot have told me a lot about you. I heard you can dance. I'd like to see. If you would be so kind."

Roll 1d20 to dance.

Rolled 7

>>21141239
AW SHIT BRO HERE WE GO

Rolled 2

>>21141239
Dice gods don't fail me now.

Rolled 12

>>21141239
BREAK IT ON DOWN

Rolled 16

>>21141239
show him the mamba of the oceans

Rolled 17

>>21141247
DANCE BETTER FAGGOT

Rolled 14

>>21141239
Rolling!

Rolled 20

>>21141252
You must have angered them. Repent!

Rolled 4

>>21141252
YOUR DICE FALLS. YOU WILL ONLY ROLL UNDER 5 UNTILL YOU RECEIVE AN ATONEMENT SPELL.

Rolled 16

>>21141257
That's better.

>>21141265
we impress him
we impress him hard

>>21141265
Aw hell bro. You done good. You done real good.

>>21141265
>hallelujah.mp3

>>21141267
seems it was you

The dice gods have been exceptionally kind to me of late.

>>21141239
"It's got its ups and downs. The lack of flesh and sleep is a mixed blessing. The strength and endurance is nice, the lack of flesh, taste and a few other things is annoying as hell."

>>21141239
Wait, they're talking about us?

Rolled 1247

>>21141265
Rolling to impress Clarice with dance moves

Rolled 5195

>>21141300
If you knew a dancing lizard-skeleton warrior, wouldn't you talk about him all the time?

>>21141257
You start off big, going in for a full body maneuver, including a back flip. The dragon raises an eyebrow.

>>21141265
But then you show him why you're Sir Daniel the Dancing Knight.

You solo-salsa over to Clarice, lift her from her chair, and tango with her.

Every attempt to perform an action of her own accord is met with you changing it into another move, from tango, to waltz, and finally a slow dance. The flick her back down on her chair like a used cleenex.

The dragon wipes a tear from his eye.

>"Truly beautiful!"

>>21141300
Who else?

>>21141287
>"Sounds alright."

What do you do?

Rolled 3430

>>21141303
Worth a shot. It seems the gods do not wish it to be, however.

>>21141303
You only roll the 10000 to seduce, which is an exercise in futility. Although we did get 9980 once.

>>21141313
Ask what exactly is going on.

>>21141313
Hang around and watch their game, I suppose.
We're sort of a third undeathly wheel here.

>>21141313
so, i here different dragons have different tastes in indulgence
whats your passion?
im going to hazard a guess at knowledge

>>21141337
No, that's Adrian's job.

>>21141340
hear*

>>21141319
9984 actualy.

>>21141313
"You get used to it. It's better than being actually dead.

So, what's your name? Also don't most stories of dragons have them capturing people, setting everything on fire, that sort of thing? You don't really fit that description."

Rolled 6882

>>21141319
Seduce, impress, same thing, and it was 9989!

Rolling to seduce.

Rolled 6532

>>21141319

Then rolling to seduce the dragon, we need a new cape.

>>21141355
quite it man
its futile
and derailing the convo with the dragon

>>21141343
Fuck him. He's not even a wheel, he's a sandpaper-coated trapezoid with a sqeaky axle.

>>21141362
No bro, stumbles can make us one.

>>21141376
*it. Elves don't have gender in this one. And they have both sets of parts. We told it to go fuck itself when we found that out.

>>21141313
"So, I'm surprised Adrian is actually wearing pants."

Rolled 2

>>21141370
Rolling to impress Clarice through sophisticated talk with dragon, there, derailment averted.

Rolled 3973

>>21141381
Nah brah, if you are rolling to seduce Clarice we can roll to seduce the dragon.

>>21141410
Ok, the dice gods have spoken, I am not allowed to roll the d10000 anymore.

>>21141396
I'm aware of this. I was just using "him" for the sake of conversation, since Adrian's masculine-looking (slightly) and saying "fuck that guy" is basicly an injoke now.

Rolled 2727

>>21141410
Dude, no. Dude. Dude. Dude, no. No dude. Dude. STAHP. Rolling to negate his spaghetti.

Rolled 5722

>>21141410
HOW DID YOU ROLL A 2 ON A ROLL OF 10000?!

Rolled 6120

>>21141410
Rolling for spaghetti.

Seriously though let's stop this shit, it's just ruining the quest.

>>21141410
I
Wow.
That's some serious spaghetti rockets you got going there.

>>21141415
Clarice only gets a 10000 because of how we kept traumatizing her, intentionally and inadverdantly. We now have to woo her.

>>21141443
We can only hope he doesn't become the avatar of the retard god.

>>21141332
>"It would seem your friends, no, frenemies? That's the word, right? Came here to slay me. But upon some personal conversation we've grown to like each other."

>>21141337
Clarice only has a bishop left, and the king is on the opposite coloured tile.

>>21141340
>"No my friend, words. To me, they are the greatest form of art. A pure expression of the mind in physical form."

>>21141352
>"Libro Potentia"

>>21141404
>"Why hasn't a paladin smote you yet?"
Adrian scoffs.

>>21141410
You're channeling the retard god in full force here.

"HURR DURR DURF MURF!"
If you could shit yourself, you would have.

Clarice looks at you in disgust.

What do you do?

>>21141415
We got a pair of hot lizard dicks. Geting in that dragon's pants-equivelent should be cake.
Unless it's a guy. That could be awekward.

>>21141410
WOW.

>>21141455
Give the sword to Paladin Bro. Tell the Dragon to stop asking for sacrifices. 180 out of there and head home afterwards.

>>21141455
"Because Adrian, I am a fucking paladin. And my god's champion as well. Managed that shit in like a week. You're slacking my dear, do you even crusade?"

Also apologize to Clarice and explain about the retard god you keep channeling. Actually, ask Mark about that. Maybe he knows

>>21141482
No no, don't ask him to stop. Just ask him to protect the village in exchange for the sacrifices so its a mutually beneficial arrangement.

>>21141455
>only a bishop
You do know that counts as a loss, right? No matter the color, there's no way to mate with only a bishop and king left on the board.

Apologize for the tardburst, we've been getting a lot of divine interferance from Azathoth lately.

>>21141455
People, just stop rolling d10000s, please.

"You're the most reasonable dragon I've met so far. So about the whole eating livestock thing, I'd appreciate if you made sure that you aren't hindering them from maintaining a stable herd population."

>>21141482
Nah, lets chill with them a while longer.

also, adding to this>>21141484
"And if I remember correctly, smiting me was the first thing Mark tried when we first met. By the way, how's your personal family quest I don't care about going?"

>>21141455

Clarice, why did you lose the horses and the castles? They are the best people. Don't you know how to play Chest?

>>21141538
There's the retard god talking again.
Maybe we should look into getting a tinfoil lining for our helmet.

>>21141558
We should quest to see what the hell is up with the retard god

>>21141558
We could stop being retards and stop trying to seducing Clarice. Just woo her like a smart individual. We already know she's into bondage, just use that to our advantage. Just don't be so direct.

>>21141455
So....You guys got any other quests? Need to test my champion form on something other than breakfast and a back massage.

>>21141571
That sounds like a retarded idea.

>>21141579
She also likes dancing. And a fondness of drama. We must be her tragic hero, play the part of her star-crossed lover. She ate that shit up with the cloak. And the girl loves to dance. And at this point, we are the god damned avatar of dance.

>>21141498

Better or worse?

>>21141604
Yeah, but rolling to seduce a d10000 is just a stupid way to go about it.

>>21141482
You give the sword to Mark, he unsheathes it and you see the awe spread across his face.

>"Never in all my days... Where did you find this blade?"

"Bottom of the ocean. Being a CHAMPION of Hydra has privileges."

>>21141484
>"Yeah, well, I've found my family's sacred blades. They restored my father's honour."

"How long did that take?"

>"...200 years."

"Yeah, thought so."

You apologize to Clarice and ask Mark why it keep happening.

He's still looking at his new sword.

>"Hmm? Oh, yes, not a clue. Must be a crossed wire somewhere... such a fine sword."

>>21141489
>"I don't know why they keep bringing them to me, I grow my own food and heard my own cattle on the otherside of the mountains."

>>21141497
Libra still has pieces to move and capture.

>>21141517
>"Yeah, well, maybe he didn't smite hard enough?"

"Oh shut up."

>>21141538
The glare in her eyes could melt steel.

"Well, I'm not exactly sure as to what I'm supposed to do here now."

>"You could fuck off."
Adrian offers his ideas.

Before you can deliver a verbal bitch slap a voice calls out from behind.

>"Champion of Hydra! By Ancient deistic law I challenge you to trial by combat for the honour of the Gods! I, the Champion of Sanctus, demand your death, or redeath!"

And he's striding towards you with a flaming sword...

What do you do?

>>21141615
no. one million. No matter what I roll, it shall be one in a million

>>21141620
Tell him to take it outside. We don't want to damage the dragons home. That'd be really fucking rude.

Rolled 6

>>21141620
"Welp, looks like ITS FUCKING ON"
Dance the dance of HYDRA'S HONOR

>>21141620
"Champion of who now?

Look, can you give me 5 minutes and meet me outside? We can have your duel in just a bit.

Sorry Clarice, I'd love to stay but business calls."

Rolled 8

>>21141647
DANCE BETTER YOU FAGGOT

also this
>>21141646

Rolled 4

>>21141620

The dance of seduction!

Rolled 5

>>21141658
>>21141647
YOU WORTHLESS SHITS

Rolled 6

>>21141666
>>21141665
>>21141658
>>21141647
..... You guys........

Rolled 12

>>21141666
>>21141665
>>21141647
Jesus fuck you guys. have you been shitting on the gods shrines?

>>21141620
Ask just who that is, anyway, and take this outside. We don't want to trash the place.

Rolled 15

>>21141676
>>21141666
>>21141665
>>21141658
>>21141647
DICE GODS, ABANDON US NOT IN OUR HOUR OF NEED

Rolled 20

>>21141620
Harpoon that bitch with our siege bow, assuming it's still with us.

Rolled 6

We're boned, aren't we?
/pun

>>21141646
>"I think not, when I slay you, I'll slay that dragon and those who would befriend it."

>>21141652
>"Champion of Sanctus, the God of all that is holy and proper on this earth."

Ah, bible basher.

>"I've been tracking you ever since you were given Champion status."

He sees the hammer on your back.

>"It seems that Hydra can't afford to give his champions new equipment."

"What?"

>"That's the hammer of Dust, the last Dragon Knight."

He's 10 feet away, and that sword looks pretty hot.

Roll 1d20 for counter.

>>21141620

Pull out siegebow.
"Sure why not? But can we do this outside? You might burn the dragon's books."

>"Hydra, any guidence? Who is Sanctus?"

>>21141685
DONE

Rolled 15

>>21141620
sure, in one movement
take hammer off back, and swing true straight to the other champions chest
hitting him out of the mouth of the cave
look at the dragon, 'wont be a minute'
then head out to the sprawling champion, to school him in the ways of combat
rolling d20

Rolled 8

>>21141685
NAT 20 Y'ALL BITCHEEEEES
Why can I never roll this well when rolling d10000s?

Rolled 5

>>21141692
"What are you talking about? Old gear is always better."

Rolled 11

>>21141692
Can we use Adrian as a shield? Perhaps throw it at him as a distraction and then kick him in the crotch for being such an unsporting shit

Rolled 18

>>21141620
"Well Clarice, duty calls. Adrian, you take too damn long on quests. Dragon, you're a pretty cool guy. Mark, I'll catch you later. Champion of Sanctus, Let us do battle outside where we will not interrupt these people's fun." And then we dance the dance of fucking shit up.