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File: 1350620416852.jpg-(267 KB, 835x900, rage.jpg)
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>deep in a dungeon
>situation is desperate
>find out you are the only one who bought rope
>>
File: 1350620677310.jpg-(211 KB, 475x721, shootthesicknessoutofyou.jpg)
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Kill them. Kill them all.
>>
pfft, next you're expect people to spend their money on stupid crap like chalk or lantern oil.
>>
do you not examine every party members inventory before you set foot outside the towns wall?
>>
>deep in a dungeon
>situation is desperate
>find out you are the only one who bought dildos
>>
>>21187713
>continue through dungeon
>find ancient locked doors
>discover dildo shaped keyholes
>>
>>21187713
Well there's that one character with a pack full of unopened boxes.
Everyone knows what comes in unopened boxes.
Unfortunately by the time he slowly unboxes them, it'll be far too late.
>>
>>21187750
>you only have one dildo too few
>>
>>21187777
>someone has to insert erect penis into door
>>
>>21187810
Someone should make a trap out of that.
>>
File: 1350621757082.jpg-(2 KB, 126x95, 1328553358971s.jpg)
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>>21187810
>penis is too small for lock
>mfw
>>
File: 1350621765732.jpg-(167 KB, 768x874, Untitled.jpg)
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Screencapped for the glory of great Satan.
>>
>>21187871
The Cock Lock.
>>
>>21187869
>forced to craft makeshift dildo out of rope
>you are the only one who brought rope
>not enough rope
>>
>>21187892
>have to tie penis with rope to make it swell
>>
>>21187869
I brought some bees.

You know what to do with them.
>>
>>21187903
>nobody volunteers
>are forced to tie round own penis as your rope
>still not erect
>>
>>21187889
>it's essentially a punji pit for your dick
>>
>>21187925
>fellow party member is forced to caress penis
>>
>>21187810
wow, that's...brilliant
>>
>>21187955
I like where this thread is going.
>>
THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? NO, SERIOUSLY. YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT STICKING YOUR PENIS IN DOOR LOCKS AFTER STINGING IT WITH BEES BECAUSE YOU RAN OUT OF DILDOS

I DON'T EVEN

HOW DO THINGS EVEN SINK THIS LOW

DIDN'T ANY OF YOU FAGGOTS THINK TO CHECK THE ELF'S CUNT? EVERYONE KNOWS THEY'RE TOTAL WHORES! DO YOU EVEN D&D?
>>
File: 1350622627262.jpg-(34 KB, 380x349, varg1.jpg)
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>>21188037
>Touching an elf

Please, we have standards.
>>
>>21188037
baby this is /tg/. We may die in the outreaches of the solar rim. Ignited into nothingness by a horny dragon. Clobbered by hoard of goblins. Or incinerated by Atomic Soviets. But we die knowing the Secret. The area of a Drow's Vagoo.
>>
>>21188085
and how many spiders we can shove in there
>>
>>21188037
I did, but the dildo was way too big for the lock. Do YOU even D&D?
>>
>>21188113
>he didn't bring his dildo whittling knife and a wooden chair
It's like you WANT to be trapped in a dungeon forever.
>>
>>21188150
The room is slowly filling with horse semen, moron.
>>
>>21188091

didn't science wizards prove that a draw vagina can contain an unlimited number of spiders?
>>
>>21188195
only if you can finagle a Bag of Holding up there
>>
>>21188186
Well tell the brony in the group that its marshmellow horse semen, he'll eat it until its all gone.
>>
>>21188202
along with a portable hole. But there will be an absence of Chocolate elf
>>
>>21188186
Wait. You didn't bring your semen eating spoons either!?
>>
>>21188213
im so glad we can exit this situation as masculine as possible, not like those fags at /fit/
>>
>>21188227
>not willing to eat a little horse semen in the name of adventuring
This is why we never find any good treasure.
>>
>>21188213
Couldn't fit them in, too many dildos.
>>
What are the mechanisms involved with this lock that verify the phallic-ness of an object in that it will only take penis/penis shaped items and not say the end of a quarterstaff or a greatsword hilt?

Is there some mad dwarf engineer obsessed with dongs at the end of this dungeon?
>>
>>21188375
Magic.
>>
>>21188383
Sex magic.
>>
>>21188455
Also advanced dildonics.
>>
>>21188512
>dildonics

Pfft. That shit is archaic as fuck. The new field of vibrotronics is where it's at.
>>
>>21188532
It's an old dungeon.
Also all the cool kids are working on advanced buttplug engineering, scrub.
>>
>Party sits down around the campfire
>Everyone has all the food prepared
>No one brought any pots or pans
>>
>>21188512
>>21188532
>>21188563
You imbeciles seem to be under the impression that expirimental Strap-on testing isn't the most up-and-cumming field in the science
>>
>>21188563
>advanced buttplug engineering

Sorry that vibrotronics isn't "underground" enough for you, you dwarfster.

Honestly though, if a fantasy race was ever predisposed to being hipsters, it's clearly dwarves.
>>
>>21188574
>or dragon dildos
>>
>deep in a dungeon
>everyone has armor and equipment
>you're the only one who spent all of your money on lantern oil and fuses
>>
>>21188512
>>21188532
>>21188563
>>21188589
>>21188604
Like all other engineering schools these fields of research are dominated by Dwarven craftsmen, big burly bushy-bearded Dwarven craftsmen.
>>
>>21188656
>Deep in a dungeon
>Everyone bought high end weapons and armor
>You brought nothing but soap
>>
>>21188667
>Deep in a dungeon
>Everyone bought high end weapons and armor
>You brought nothing but anal lube
>>
>>21188667
>buy billions of soap bars
>get to dungeon
>characters load
>soap loads
>soap sprays from your pants
>fills the entire dungeon
>have to dig through soap
>walls, and flood are all slippery
>most of the monsters have suffocated
>everything is blind with soap in their eyes
>can't hear a thing
>loot is easier to appraise due to being cleaner

Why didn't you buy soap /tg/?
>>
>>21188697
>Buy nothing but soap
>Make soap armor and soap weapons
>Fight disease monsters and filthy creatures
>>
>>21188724
>Buy nothing but soap
>summon Soap Elemental
>>
>>21188764
Does that mean if I buy nothing but soap I can summon a dildo elemental?
>>
>>21188764
>Cast Create Demiplane
>Create a demiplane of soap
>>
>Skating through the dungeon on two bars of soap
>At the ready with two dildos and an emergency jar of bees
>Holding all of your spiders, chairs, and wittiling knives in your drow's vagina
>Currently tied to you back with 4 miles of rope ready to craft any size dildo you may need.

Plebians
>>
>>21188809
>not having a permanent gate to the Elemental Plane of Sex Toys
Peasant.
>>
>>21188809
Wheres your chalk and lantern oil
>>
>>21188843
Same jar as the bees
>>
>>21188849

Chalk/lantern oil/bee golem.

Where are the drawfags when you need them?
>>
>>21188849
It's really an all purpose slurry for any situation that would require powdered-chalk coated bees on fire.
>>
>>21188874
My god it's the ultimate defense force
>A chalk golem
>A lantern oil golem
>A bee golem
>A bee's wax golem
>A rope golem
>A soap golem
>A dildo golem
>A ten foot pole golem
It shall defend any kingdom
>>
>>21188809
>>21188820
I want drawfags for these situations.
>>
Rolled 16 + 12

>>21188906
Brb, making golems for my next character
>>
>>21188900
Get out of any situation in three simple steps
>Light
>Shake
>Toss
>>
>>21188927

If it's a situation that can be solved by angry, flaming, dust covered bees, then yes.
>>
>>21188918
Be careful, having such forces could alter the scales of power in your world
>>
File: 1350627116540.png-(47 KB, 350x339, 667.png)
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Rolled 3 + 12

>>21188900
>>21188927
>>21188849
>>21188843
>>21188874

What if we made armor and weaponry out of chalk/oil/bee-jar golems
>>
>>21188942
So yes, any situation
>>
>>21188952
What if...we bought every piece of equipment from a item store, and smashed it all together into a suit of armor.

You would be prepared for anything
>>
>>21188942
wouldnt the bees die from the fire?
>>
>>21188971
>and that's how Inspector Gadget was born
>>
>>21188973

Dumbass, what do you think the chalk is for?

You're so stupid it hurts.
>>
>>21188973
WHY WOULD YOU PUT THE WORD DIE IN SPOILER TAGS YOU INBRED CUM GARGLING NIGGER FUCKED DOG'S WHORE?
>>
>>21188973
Bees have a natural immunity to fire. It's the smoke that gives them problems.
>>
>>21188982
i should have known, the perfect weapon
my sincerest apologies
>>
File: 1350627356233.jpg-(34 KB, 448x310, 1343185988594.jpg)
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>>21188952
>>21188971
>>
>>21188990
Because he didnt wanna frighten the children
>>
>>21188906
>A dildo golem
Knights charge the silicone monstrosity, swords held high.
An hour later defeated and dejected knights depart for home, avoiding eye contact with. one another.
"It doesn't kill you man, it just kills your dignity."
>>
>>21188990
because i knew id get this reaction

>>21188994
Neat!
>>
>>21189004
>"Damn it, we need a grappling hook!"
>"I got it" You pull a grappling hook out of your shoulder plate

>"Aw man, we could use some chalk"
>"Got it bro" Pop open your arm guard and pull out some chalk

>"If only we had a ladder, a shovel and a lantern"
>"On it" open up one of your breast plates to reveal a lantern, unfold a shovel head from your arm guard and then unfold a ladder from under your cape
>>
>>21189013
Strangely enough, the all female squadron The Steel Roses and the strangely girly male squad The Bear Men are masters at defeating dildo golems
>>
>>21189062
This is how I Warforged.
>>
>>21189081
Bullshit. They'd be exhausted by its unnatural stamina.
>>
>>21189105
Thats when you bring in the only force capable of standing on par with the Dildo Golem
The Fleshlight Golem
>>
>>21189112
I'm pretty sure that would end in some kind of explosion.
>>
>>21189112
>Dildo Golem
>Fleshlight Golem
locked in an eternal battle of thrusting and grunting
>>
Use the halfling as a grappling hook; if he dies, no one likes him anyway.
>>
>>21189134
I'm sure the silicone would abrade away eventually, its a battle of attrition.
>>
File: 1350628423369.jpg-(8 KB, 500x625, YG9Vw.jpg)
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>>21189134
what happens when an unstoppable force meats an immovable object?
>>
File: 1350628566981.jpg-(34 KB, 400x516, 1343795197582.jpg)
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ITT:
Omni-utili-armor
Flaming Chalk Bees
Dildo Golems
The Cock Lock

What the blueberry fuck muffins is going on in here?
>>
>>21189236
Welcome to /tg/
>>
File: 1350628732238.gif-(1.96 MB, 267x151, no fear no pain.gif)
1.96 MB
>>21189236
Good things, my friend

Grand things
>>
>>21189260
As I opened that gif, Jasper Bryne's 'sleep forever' started playing. It's like the strange funny man in a suit was telling me everything was going to be okay.
>>
>>21189286
Thats because he is.
>>
File: 1350631838938.png-(27 KB, 740x220, xkcd_android_boyfriend.png)
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Pic related to the dildo/fleshlight golem battle. Also, archived for posterity.

>http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/21187620/
>>
>>21188213
>not using bendy straws
>2012
ISHIGGITYDIGGITYDILDO
>>
File: 1350632990836.jpg-(95 KB, 642x480, 1346702831679.jpg)
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What the hell just happened here...
>>
File: 1350633196052.jpg-(98 KB, 600x599, 03_2011_Kamen_Rider_Statu(...).jpg)
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>>21189290
Won't you believe in him? Even if there is no God or Buddha... there is Kamen Rider
>>
>>21189062

My next game has to include a Swiss Army Golem.

What COULDN'T you do with one?
>>
>>21189904

Absolute definitive proof that nighttime /tg/ is /jp/+/d/
>>
>Playing DnD
>Everyone has rope
>Most people overstock rope and oils
>Two players bought a wagon just for greek oils
>A horrible day when the bear jumped on the wagon to get to the clerid
There was nothing left of anything.
>>
>>21189987

And the bear wasn't unlocked to death with rope dildoes why?
>>
>>21190014
The bear jumped. The Cleric color sprayed. The bear landed. The wagon went nuclear.
>>
>>21187955
>the wereshark has sandpaper skin
>the others are dudes


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