And now, here you are. with guards heading right towards your house, you are in a bit of a situation. The goal is, of course, to not die a horrible, spear-impaled death.

>What do?

[ ] [prep for combat, bitch guards need killin']

[ ] [MASTER LOCKPICK out the nearest window]

[ ] [tunnel through the wall to form an escape route]

[ ] [imbibe liquor]

[ ] [other]

>Last comment of the previous thread (not archived)
>something about condescension and frustration and my order being almost ready
>was arguing with McDonald's employee about how it's still an hour to close, don't give me shit about the grill being off
>GIVE ME MAH FRIES, BITCH
>also, fuck I forgot to name the subject, but this is totally HoboQuest Part IX

Protip: instead of just pasting a million links, just post this one:
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=HoboQuest

wait are we voting again or continue voting?

>>21750122
SORCERY!

But yeah, thanks. I write, and other people tell me these things so that I may better communicate said writings.

>>21750136
I always give you guys the option, just in case you all suddenly changed your minds since the last thread. Don't make me make the decisions here; I am clearly not responsible enough.

Rolled 14

[x] [imbibe liquor]
[x] [MASTER LOCKPICK out the nearest window]
[x] [imbibe liquor]
[x] [other] USE DRUNKEN HOBO STRENGTH TO CARRY EVERYONE.GOT TO GO FAST GOGOGOGOGOGO

>>21749793
Run away screaming like a little girl, with all the monstergirls in tow.

also

[x[ Imbible liqour]

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck you can't fight these guys, You have one bullet, one flintlock pistol, and way too many people to potentially protect, so meat shield tactics won't work.

Well, that leaves only one option left to you. Thankfully, it is one you are tried and well-practiced at. Sort of.

"MOIRA, GET IN HERE!" You holler, and within a few moments, the batgirl clumsily dismounts the roof. By which you mean, she half-flutters to the ground and lands on her ass.

"Owwwww....." Moira whines, apparently not hurt too badly. She gets to her feet and stumbles inside. Not a moment too soon, either, as you can hear the guards yelling for her to "halt, you have violated the law" or something. This plan, though clearly flawless, will have to be carried out quickly.

"What'sh goin' on, Lincoln?" Moira hiccups, weaving over to you. You say nothing. You only act.

"Wha--!" She is unable to get out any more, though, as you have already stuffed her headfirst into Minerva.

"Blblbblblblllbb!!" Moira gurgles, apparently having been forcefully brought back to sobriety.

"KYAA! AhaHA---Moira, s-s-stop talki--AHAHAHAA--I-It tickles!---Eeheehee!" Minerva begins jiggling uncontrollably, bubbles flying everwhere as she fails to keep her usual composure.

Zuli has already begun to advance towards you, fist raised. "LINCOLN, WHAT THE FUAAAAAAH!" She too is cut off, as in a shockingly rare example of something resembling coordination, you duck and pull on her arm, flipping her over you and crashing her directly into the squirming Minerva plus one Moira.

"BBBBLBBBLGGGMMM!!" Zuli shouts into the bubble slime's body, managing to convey her rage even through the semi-liquid. Minerva says nothing this time, too busy in a fit of hysterics as she is tickled mercilessly by the struggling monstergirls half-lodged inside her body. You grab a flask, hurriedly forcing it open. You take a massive swig, and pour the rest of the contents over your head (minislime can get it herself), and proceed to the final step of your plan.

You make a grab for Minerva, your hands going through her and becoming half-lodged, as you expected. Minerva shrieks in surprise as you force half your head in as well, not managing to get as much penetration from the lesser momentum of the headbutt. Zuli has managed to get one hand around your throat, and Moira's struggling wing is thwacking you in the face, but it doesn't matter; you've got the leverage you need.

With a mighty heave of your embedded limbs, you hoist yourself upright, the mass of monstergirl goodness being carried along with, though Minerva is sort of leaking all over your upper torso. No matter.

"Stop, foul enemies! In the name of the Lord Farnsworth, you sha----GAAAAAAABBLBLBB!!" The guard, having been standing just inside the door, screams as a large glob of slime-body drips down onto his head, wasting no time in beginning to envelop him. Looks like the feral slime managed to get the drop on him. You hope he likes vore. In the meantime, it's time to flee like a champion.

You begin running at the wall of the house, even as the three monstergirls adhered to your head continue to yell things.

"L-Lincoln--AHAHEE!---W-What are you---!?"

"W-W-What'sh goin' on--_!?"

"LINCOLN YOU STUPID PIECE OF---!!!"

SMASH

With your tried and true skills of a MASTER LOCKPICK, you utterly demolish the window as you dive through it. Sticking the landing (literally, thanks to Minerva), you begin sprinting down the street, swerving everywhere due to being half-blind. And yet, you still manage to below out your cry of victory.

"HOOOOOOBOOOOOO POOOOOWEEEEERRRRR!!!!!!!!"

File: 1353894457293.jpg-(22 KB, 537x420, Bio-Robot-Fridge-2.jpg)

Well. Looks like your liver still works. Let's help with that via
>[X]Imbibe Liquor.

As for the current situation... hrm.
Tactically speaking, we are at a disadvantage, as we have run out of ammo for the Mossberg, and have one single shot remaining for the S&W 500.
Assets at hand:
Zuli
Moira (Drunk)
Feral Slime Girl
Mini Slimegirl
Minerva (Currently Stuffing Books inside herself like so.)

If we can get Zuli and the Feral Slimegirl to work together, they could press an assault. Zuli could easily tear Minerv's door off it's hinges and use it as an impromptu shield, and nab a spear as soon as she can.
Slimegirls don't take slashing damage. Go go dissolving blue goo.
I think it may be time to see what
>[X]MiniSlime Fist Of POWER
Does.

No?

---30 SECONDS LATER--

"MONSTER!" Screams one villager.

"FOUL ABOMINATION!" howls another.

"IT'S COME TO DESTROY US ALLLLLL!" screams a particularly melodramatic one.

But they're all wrong. It's an extremely drunk hobo with three monstergirls glued to his head.

"ARRRRRRRRRRRGHBAAAARGHLE!!!!" You roar at the villagers, causing them to flee out of your path even faster. The writing mass of slimegirl plus two currently stuck to you continues to churn. You reeeeaaally hope they don't manage to sort themselves out before you make it to the edge of town. They'll be more certain to kill you than the guards will, if Zuli's half-muffled threats of violence are any indication.

"HALT! STAY WHERE YOU ARE!" Screams one guard, though he certainly seems to be taking his time to approach you, considering your current appearance. He has no appreciation for the power of fusion.

You're only probably about a quarter of a mile from the edge of town; you can see a hill from where you are, probably where the Spec Ops are watching. But the guard is in your way. Dammit.

>What do?

[ ] [run straight through him]

[ ] [find an alternate route around him]

[ ] [shoot the bitch; half-blind don't mean shit]

[ ] [grab book out of Minerva and bean him with it]

[ ] [Minislime Fist of POOOWEEEERRR]

[ ] [imbibe liquor]

[ ] [other]

>>21752031
[x] [run straight through him]
[x] [Minislime Fist of POOOWEEEERRR]
[x] [imbibe liquor]
Not nessicarily in that order.

>>21752031
>[X] [Minislime Fist of POOOWEEEERRR]
>[X} [imbibe liquor]

Let's get it done.

Rolled 1

>>21752063
Dice fell of, I'm sorry.

Rolled 3

>>21752080
NO REGRETS

>>21752031
[X] [Minislime Fist of POOOWEEEERRR]

It's finally time. Scare the hell out of the guard by making it look like he's going to be consumed.

File: 1353896676346.jpg-(5 KB, 431x73, 1339979502230.jpg)

Rolled 18

>>21752080
IT BEGINS.

Rolled 7

Also: Hobo King:

Some fellow was bumping another thread a few days ago by posting lewd monstergirl images. Here's a rar file for those interested, including my own sparse collection.

It does have some slimegirls in it, including a metallic slimegirl and a DDD-cup Bubble Slimegirl.

Because I know that's your thing.

http://bayfiles.com/file/tL8j/Ll9lwH/Monstergirls_from_TG.rar

Before you can act against this hapless sap blocking your path, you feel a tingling sensation on your skin where you're in contact with Minerva. It then turns into a slow burn, starting to eat away at your flesh. It seems all of the tickling has caused Minerva to forget herself; she can no longer control; only consume. You hear her moan as she drips down over you, bubbles flying free as she drips down to cover you completely.

You go to scream, but you're already too far in. The slime only pours down your open mouth, seeping inside you as you begin to break down more and more rapidly. Moira and Zuli are already gone, having been absorbed during your flight to the edge of town. You spasm as the slimegirl swirls her insides around your little hobo, determined to get as much as she can out of you before losing you. You can see the look of half-lidded anticipation as you're milked to your limit and beyond.

You cum, hard, spilling your seed inside of her, where it absorbed just as quickly. She doesn't leave you time to rest, restarting her slimy ministrations immediately. Your lost in a haze of both pleasure and pain, unable to stop your orgasms even as your skin boils away and your flesh is consumed by the greedy slimegirl's body.

The last of your consciousness fading away, you spasm and splooge into Minerva's body, your vision fading into darkness even as the bubble slime's coos of pleasure sing you off to oblivion.

The lone guard stands petrified, both scared and strangely aroused by what he has just witnessed. So total is his shock that his feet still refuse to move even as Minerva turns to stare at him, a hungry look in her eyes.

Minerva smiles, bubbles drifting from her body as she slowly approaches the hapless man in uniform. Perhaps she's fond of the feral ways than she'd like to admit......

>>21752633
She's become the Blob.

>>21752403
>>21752078
>>21752063


You could try to shoot him, but the chances of hitting him are slim when you can barely see, as are the chances of you being able to dodge him if you try to run. Spears are long, after all. I mean, not as long as YOUR DICK, but----wait, no time for dick jokes now, imminent death approaching, control yourself Lincoln! Or at least try.

There's only one option left. You must use it. Use the POWAH.

"MINISLIIIIIIIIME! ASSSEEMBLEEEEE!!!" You scream, pointing forward even as you begin rushing headlong at the stupefied guard. The mini slimegirl flows out of her hiding place in your sinus, forcing you to hold back a cough to continue your sprint. Somehow, she understands, and spirals down your arm to form on the top of your outstretched hand.

Wait......is she.....copying your pose? DEAR GOD THAT'S ADORABLE.

"CHANGE FORM TO A FIST FULL OF FUCK YOU!" You bellow. The minislime deforms, stretching around your hand to envelop it. She projects herself outwards from your knuckles, streching her body thin even as she shapes herself.....

....and suddenly, your fist has a dragon's head, mouth gaping wide, made of slime, attached to it.

"MINISLIME FIST OF POOWWWEEEERRR!!!!!!" You cackle insanely, holding the MINISLIME FIST OF POWER in front of you like a live grenade. The guard shriek, dropping his spear and diving aside. You triumphantly streak past him, laughing at the glorious unchallenged might of your tag-team with minislime. Truly, she is a force to be feared.

"EXTRA BOOZE FOR YOU TONIGHT, COMRADE MINISLIME!" You trumpet into the sky, even as you rush onwards to freedom.

Food for thought as I type up the next part: How would a napalm slimegirl work?

>>21752933
Gloriously.

File: 1353899264637.png-(395 KB, 500x649, tumblr_m76cuyERMB1ryrwyvo(...).png)

Rolled 17

>>21752933

First, she'd be orange.

Second, she'd be more of a grenadier, and be tossing bits of herself at the enemy, which would stick like, well, jellied napalm.
Third, apply fire. Perferably by someone / something else. Like a goblin girl, or a Dwarven girl, or a kobold girl.
Fooump.

>>21752933
use her as a POWAH FIST OF BURNING ASSKICKING. Shining finger the guards TO HELL!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXOCzB35kFY

>>21753131
>>21752933
ooopsi, wrong vid.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNSAa5_HwmI&feature=related

File: 1353900320569.jpg-(61 KB, 637x588, zinc_the_metal_slime_by_k(...).jpg)

Rolled 3

Now, if all you wanted was a Glibberfraulein Flammenwerfer, so your slimegirl can throw flames, that's easy.

Get a Metal Slimegirl (Resistant to fire!)
Get her a tank with some kind of highly flammable liquid. Industrial alcohol, or pure grain alcohol would probably work.
Insert hose to tank into metal slimegirl. She then draws the liquid through herself to her hand, or a nozzle orifice.
Hand her a lighter.
Wuf. Flammenwerfer.
Glibberfraulein. Flammenwerfer.

I put too much thought into these things. Damn my engineering soul!

>>21753289
the metal slime girl couldnt transform in a power armor?

>>21753305
>>21753289
Well, now I have three ideas instead of just one.

Now figure out how I can attach jet engines to a Valkyrie (angel).

File: 1353900646112.jpg-(8 KB, 250x187, 1345993034078.jpg)

>>21753340
mini slime into a commisar hat? Com... Commisar Lincoln?

Rolled 12

>>21753305

If I remember my Dragon Quest correctly (I probably don't, it's been years, someone correct me if I'm wrong) Metal Slimes take full damage from Blunt, Piercing, and half damage from Bladed weapons. They also hit like a tonne of bricks.

So, while you might get away with taking less damage by wearing a Metal Slimegirl, she'd still take damage. And while she might have a tonne of hp, do you know anyone who would willingly put themselves in harm's way to save your meager hide? It's not like there are mostergirl paladins.

>>21753340
Just teach them the Jump command. I swear to god, any game I find that skill in, you use it, and the character leaps so far into the air that they're gone for three consecutive rounds. Just use the jump command and put the controller down for however long you need her to fly.

I kid.

Just have a Wizard cast fly on her and then make it permanent. That's a whole hell of a lot easier, considering we still haven't gotten personal jetpacks to:
A) Work Reliably (read: Not Explode)
or
B) Be Economical (Read: Not Explode)

>>21753444
The angel can already fly; she has wings, after all. The point is mechanical augmentation, or in layman's terms, GO FASTA.

Though yes, I suppose we wouldn't have the technology to make something like that work at this point in time.

..........

I giggle at the thought of how much you people don't know about what's in store for you.

Rolled 19

>>21753444

>find a tinkerer monster girl (i.e crow girl)
>introduce SCIENCE
>???
>profit!

Rolled 8

>>21753504
If we knew the Madness to your Method, we wouldn't be nearly as amused.

Keep it up.

>>21752933
Wouldn't she be invincible to everything but being submerged in water? Try to stab her, your weapon melts. Try to shoot her, bullet melts/goes right through. Try to set her on fire like a normal slime, SHE IS ALREADY ON FIRE BITCH.

File: 1353902232670.gif-(290 KB, 350x233, tim3.gif)

>>21752891

Damn, just saw this quest when I have to be up for work in 8 hours. Oh well forget sleep I guess, it's for the weak right?

Also /tg/ has inspired me to create a Changeling Bard, fetish fuel ahoy...

-MEANWHILE-

"Finally." Johnson growls, as he watches a figure hurtle out of town through his binoculars. "It was bad enough that moron took forever getting back in touch with us, not to menti----OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE, WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING?" Johnson's complaints go from normal to shrieking in an instant.

"Well, it looks like he's wearing those chicks as a hat, and they're some weird slime crap he's using as adhesive. Also, there's bubbles everywhere for some reason, Captain." Lopez speculates, ogling the strange sight through his own binocs.

Fritz mutters something inaudible under his breath, but it sounds slightly like "lucky motherfucker".

Johnson groans as the blob of morons sprints towards the hill, nearly at the bottom of it by now. "This is all I need. The entire group of Lincoln's merry band of fools has combined into some sort of Voltron of stupidity."

"You watched Voltron, Captain?"

"Shut up, Dave."

Rolled 16

>>21753619
I think he meant more a girl made out of napalm, since most napalm is kept in a jellied state, in which it is less apt to evaporate / autoignite.

But that's up to The Hobo King.

Traditionally, the only girls that can be on fire and not give a damn are Devils, Fire Elementals, and Phoenixi. Sometimes you get Magma girls, though.

-BACK WITH THE HOBO-

"I.....hate....hills....." You pant, having tried to run the entire way up the hill at full speed. It doesn't help that Zuli has also somehow managed to get you in a partial headlock from within Minerva, which makes breathing rather difficult.

"Reeeeporting for duty, sirrrr......gllllrrrk." You croak out as you collapse in front of the Spec Ops CO.

"...........Lincoln. What the fuck is on your head. And why does your hand look like a dragon." Johnson flatly states. It feels like annoyance is becoming a routine emotion to him. You'll have to step up your game.

"Blllllrrrrrggghhkk." Not right now, though. Zuli's still got you in that headlock.

SPLURTCH

There is a squelching noise and a gasp as Moira bursts out of Minerva, the ground having given her the leverage to push herself out of the bubble slime. She stumbles as she steps out of the puddled up airhead, apparently still drunk. You'd wonder if all werebats are this weak against alcohol, but like you just mentioned: headlock.

"GraaaaaAAAAAAH!" Zuli follows Moira's example, bursting out of Minerva like some sort of ascendant rage demon from the deep. She leverages her headlock to hoist you into the air, then begins the process of "correcting" your behavior. The Zuli way.

"YOU. FUCKING. MORON! WHAT KIND OF RETARDED IDEA WAS THAT!?" She shakes you like a rag doll, your limbs flailing haplessly as she voices her complaints the only way she knows how.

"Gllllllggggggh? (A good one?)" You strangle out, not that it's in any way intelligible.

Thankfully, Johnson steps in with a clearing of his throat.

"Ma'am, as cathartic as it is to see you throttle that fool, can you please refrain from beating him to death at the moment? We still need him, unfortunately."

Zuli stops choking you, looking at the soldiers as if she had only just noticed they were there. She stares at them warily. Moira, on the other hand, is weaving around the hilltop giggling and falling over occasionally. Minerva says nothing, still apparently trying to sort herself out, seeing as she's still just a bubbling puddle.

Well, this is awkward and potentially dangerous. You should probably do something to make sure Zuli and the Spec Ops don't attempt to kill each other. Not an easy task, given Zuli's temper.

>What do?
>FREESTYLE

Rolled 13

>>21753838
Napalm slime X Phoenix girl forever

>>21753838
The only thing I know for certain is that at some point, based on how Lincoln is being played, we are inevitably going to come across something that is both female and on fire.

And then we're going to try to fuck it, and we won't rest until we figure out how.

Rolled 9

>>21753855
I rescued everyone! Also got Fritz his bubbleslime.

You guys should probably tell the brass back home that these folks don't like us.

File: 1353902706137.jpg-(115 KB, 650x919, me3.jpg)

>>21753855

How is this even a question?
>[x] Imbibe Liquor

Rolled 9

>>21753885
Lincoln: "Question."

FireGirl: "Please ave your questions until the end of the fucking."

Lincoln: "That's ANOTHER Question."

FireGirl: "The Answer is: YES. Now, get in the Asbestos Bag."

>>21753844
>>21753855

"To answer our questions, My hand looks like a dragon because Minislime is awesome, what was on my head was three lovely ladies."

Rolled 13

[X] FREESTYLE
>'Sup er'rybody? It's Lincoln B. / Skipping town, skipping 'round - guess what I see? / Local militia's so goddamn slow, / Makes me wanna choke 'em - I'm outta ammo. / Too damn many of 'em, I'm sure you know. / Yeah, we're dead if they catch us, so let's fuckin' go!

...wait, was that not what you meant?

Rolled 10

>>21754079
And yes, I can't rap for nuts - so sue me.

Maybe if I was more drunk...?

>>21753855
Also, if we want to have want to have an odd moment of lucidity.

"And before you go on all rage mode on me, I would like to point out that you got a lot of data that you wouldn't have with out me, not the least of which is that they have magic."

"Hey Non-Bruces! And Bruce! I fetched the smartest gal I knew, who wouldn't ya know it also happens to be one very kinky puddle of bubbling ooze. She's pretty shy, and might be a little busy at the moment... But once she sorts herself out, I think she'll be vital to helping figure out all we can about those sexy sexy monstergal. Fritz, stop drooling, you're a professional after all."

"Zuli, lemme introduce the Non-Bruces, and Bruce. They helped me get here, and helped save your life at the castle. Please don't kill them horribly. They have big boomsticks. Like crossbows, but small, faster, and a whole hell of a lot stronger."

IMBIBE LIQUOR!

"Now dat datsh otta da way, ah tink we's should scadiddeldadallashamalammal befur mur goons come a running"

File: 1353903762259.png-(285 KB, 500x637, tumblr_m7s49xfgKd1qjkoy8o(...).png)

Rolled 7

>>21754067
Borrowing that and adding it to this:

"To answer your questions, Johnson, my hand looks like a dragon because Minislime is awesome, and what was on my head was three lovely ladies,” You manage to wheeze, “This is Zuli. She’s the Oni girl I out drank in the Bar. She’s also not from this town. Zuli, this is Johnson. He tells the people with the boomsticks what to do, and who to shoot. Please don’t piss him off? He’s not supposed to kill me, but I’m pretty sure he wants to anyway.”

Zuli looked Johnson up and down, before deciding it might be better to let you go. Just this once. She’d seen what the boomsticks could do first hand, and wanted to keep herself in one piece.

“And the other one?” Johnson growled.

Lincoln gulped. “Moira. Batgirl Postal worker. She knows the local area in and out? And the bubble puddle that’s trying to collect itself is a Bubble Slimegirl, there’re like regular slimegirls, only they bubble, and Minerva’s not feral. She’s actually nice. And she has more books than I’ve seen outside a public library. Or at least she did. Sorry.”

“S’okay!” Minerva bubbled. “I cn Get mooore”.

You made a double handed gesture to Fritz, as if to say ‘Help the lady up, you fool’.
It probably came out looking more like ‘Eh? Eh? Eh?’ though. He got the hint anyway.

Rolled 5

>>21754158
"And you brought your harem with you because?" Johnson ground out.

"They know stuff?" you hedge.

"I think he means to say, they're Intelligence Assets," Opined Fritz, from where he was helping Minerva up.

"Oh god damn it."

So.....many.....good ideas......conflicted......ARGH MUST FIND WAY TO USE THEM ALL.

By the way, I just though of some thing. Minislime lives inside of Lincoln, right? What if she is has formed a symbiotic relationship with him. She get shelter and nutrition. Lincoln has minislime cleaning up his insides and filtering harmful poisons out of him. What if Lincoln can't get alcohol poisoning anymore?

Rolled 15

>>21754248
She's been chilling out inside Lincoln's sinus' like a giant blue booger. To successfully draw out toxins, I think she'd need direct access to his bloodstream, preferably before it hits the liver and kidneys. Unless magic.

If Magic then I don't gotta explain shit.

Rolled 17

>>21754305
I thought she was green...

>>21754305
She was in our stomach for a bit when she was made, and who knows where she roams when not outside. She may even be in the chest cavity at times.

>>21754354
I thought she was blue.

Rolled 15

>>21754383
I think I was confused by the person posting absinthe-girls

>>21753012
Napalm is already jellied. You mean jellied gasoline, napalm's predecessor.

>abrante Bismuth

Yes, Captcha, Lincoln must aquire one.

>>21754498
Let's say she's colorless until doused with booze, upon which she takes on the color of said booze.

File: 1353905354987.jpg-(75 KB, 500x400, tumblr_m6rgviaFAo1rvvidco(...).jpg)

Rolled 19

>>21754383
From Hobo Quest Part V:

>You look down. Your foot appears to have landed in some sort of translucent blue puddle of goop. Well, at least it's not cow shit or something.

>You go to continue your frolicking, but jerk as you find yourself unable to move your foot. Looking back down, you notice two eyes staring at you from out of the goop, which now appears to be slowly advancing up your boot.

So unless she's changed color due to [X]Imbibe Alcohol / Ingest Hobo Gunk she should still be blue, since her 'mother' was.

>>21754534
...Fair enough.

Minislime is blue as of now, because that was her mother's color. But who knows what kind of mysterious properties she has thanks to the strange circumstances of her birth.

I apologize for the delay. Your replies and ideas were good, and I would always prefer to take more time to make sure I do them justice.

File: 1353906492135.jpg-(329 KB, 500x623, tumblr_m592t5nMcH1rvvidco(...).jpg)

Rolled 7

>>21753838
AH. Finally found that Magma girl image. Here you go.

>>21754831
She sort of looks like a Gundam.

>>21754913
I don't see it.

>>21754965
I'd be a LOT more interested in Gundam if they all looked like that.

File: 1353907414690.jpg-(277 KB, 800x1071, Z_Gundam_Girl_by_porco2.jpg)

Rolled 16

>>21754985
You mean like so?

File: 1353907492721.jpg-(94 KB, 507x725, Art_GundamGirl01.jpg)

>>21754985
Something like this?

>>21755079
>>21755054
There truly are pictures for everything.

File: 1353907542965.png-(1.04 MB, 1000x1000, f90.png)

>>21754965
Pointy head piece, shoulders, chest armor. Admittedly it only sort of resembles it.

File: 1353907845394.jpg-(917 KB, 1280x794, 1341612118705.jpg)

Rolled 18

>>21755079
Let's not flood /tg/ with Gundam Girls. The denizens of /tg/ are fairly easy going, but too much and they will tell us to take it to /m/.

So, one last, the Zaku II girls, and I'll leave it at that. It's funny, because Zeon mech's are refereed to as 'mono-eye', due to having one main camera in the head, and this artist chose to render that by giving them all eye-patches.

>>21755095
I can see what you meant. The blocky sholder armor, the stone crown leading to the horns, and the chest armor. The tumbler I lifted it from just had it labeled as 'Magma Girl'. So, Intentional? Conspiracy?

I don't mind. Two of my favorite things lumped together? I'm down with that.

"Minislime....fist.....of.....powwwerrrrr......." You managed to croak out, earning nothing but a look of hate from Johnson, not that he doesn't always wear that expression when you're around.

"Ma'am, you're still choking him." Zuli looks back at you, a look of mild surprise on her face when she sees you turning blue. Looking back at the soldiers, her eyes lingering on their rifles, she unceremoniously dumps you on the ground. Seems even she is willing to show restraint in the face of sticks that can make your head explode.

"Thank you...." you wheeze, trying to gain back your breath. Minislime deforms from her dragon-fist mode, swirling up to reform on your shoulder. She reaches out a hand, and tentatively gives you a few pats, as if to comfort you. It makes a little squish every time she makes contact.

"Care to explain why your little squishy slime girl-thing was taking the shape of a dragon head on your fist? Besides the fact that you make absolutely no sense." Johnson deadpans at you.

"Because minislime is awesome, and you know it." You state, having managed to regain control of your respiratory system.

"Right. Sure. The small little man-eating blob is awesome. And the REST of them?" He asks, waving his hand across the monstergirls.

"........I don't follow." You stare at him.

"WHY?"

"Why not?"

"Because we can barely take care of one idiot, let alone two more!"

"You mean three."

Johnson twitches. "Lincoln. Can you count?" He looks ready to just choke you himself and be done with it.

"I think so; can't be sure though. Three comes after two, right?"

"The only two who are here are that bat lady and the one who was just choking you. Exactly HOW do you count three?"

"Oh my, I think he might be referring to me." A bubbly voice floats out of the nearby slime puddle. It contracts and twists, Minerva forming back into her normal appearance. She smiles cheerfully at the soldiers.

Johnson jumps back like his boots were on fire. "WHAT THE FUCK!?" He screams, raising his rifle. "I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST SOME WEIRD GOOP LINCOLN STUCK TO HIS HEAD."

"My. Well, I guess you could call me 'weird goop' and be correct. It's not a very flattering name though. Makes me sound a bit fat, honestly. Oh dear, have I gained weight? I hope not." Minerva begins fretting, craning her head around to look at her backside, apparently completely concerned about the angry CO pointing a rifle at her.

"Oh sweet Jesus." You hear Fritz say in a very small voice. You can't IMAGINE why.

"DAVE, MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL AND USE THE GODDAMN FLAMETHROWER BEFORE IT EATS US!" Johnson screams, backpedaling like a madman. Wow, he certainly hasn't gotten over his apparent fear of slimegirls.

"Woah, woah, woah! Settle down! Everyone here is friendly! No fire!" You wave your arms like an orchestra conductor, stepping in between the soldiers and Minerva. You just rescued her from being set on fire, you don't want the Spec Ops putting that to waste.

"I think introductions are in order. Allow me to get everyone acquainted." You say with a grandiose florish.

"Do we have a cho--"

"No."

[Roll 1d20 for effectiveness of introductions]

Rolled 5

>>21755435

Rolled 15

>>21755495
at least it not a one

File: 1353909181538.png-(567 KB, 600x600, 30324139_m.png)

Rolled 11

>>21755435
On the Feudal Continent of Glorian, the Dices Roll You!

Rolled 18

BRACE FOR 1-

>>21755426
>>21755435
... Holy Shit. Johnson has vorephobia. He has an irrational fear of being eaten.

>>21755657

The fact that it took someone this long to catch on means I wrote it subtly enough. I am glad for that.

Rolled 8

>>21755435
I am a skilled orator.

Rolled 17

>>21755657
You're saying that as if he doesn't have good reason to fear.

>>21755677
And to that I say: Part IV: "The FUCK!? Those things fucking melt you! Why the HELL would you want to screw one of those things? And HOW!?"

Which I always thought was Johnson. The guy is so Tier 1 it's not even funny.

Rolled 12

>>21755435
DICE FOR THE VORE GOD

Also, let's skip the song and dance routine, and instead present everyone as if they were royalty. Make up some titles if they don't have enough.

You clear your throat to begin the process of introductions. And by "clear your throat", you mean, "down three flasks of booze".

"(hic) Welllll, then. First, this's Minerva. She's a bubble slime. Like a slime but with....." You pause for dramatic tension. ".....bubbles."

"My, hello there." Minerva giggles, giving a small wave.

"Minerva is quite smart, and has lots of books to prove it. Or had." Minerva frowns slightly at this.

"Oh dear, I'm afraid that's true. I only managed to save a few before we ran away." She looks rather put out.

You smirk. "I think Sargent Fritz over there might be able to help you out with that. He's a smart guy, too." Fritz starts slightly when you mention him.

"My, really? That would be so kind of him!" Minerva brightens, giving a greatful smile at Fritz. Fritz looks like he just won an all-paid trip to the Bahamas. Johnson looks like he wants you to stop playing matchmaker before he shoots you. Not in a million years.

Rolled 11

>>21755806
"This is Minerva the Bubbly, Arch Duchess of Livres."

Rolled 11

>we introduce everyone
>decide it would be a good idea to push Johnson into Minerva to help him over his phobia
>she gets ticklish again
>loses control
>vores Johnson
>and everyone else

"MOVINGON! We have Moira, the Night Post batgirl, who I believe you have all met before. She rescued me from the tower, probably at the cost of her job."

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Moira giggles, rolling around in the grass. She appears to be making grass angels. Or grass bats. Whatever.

"I gave her booze to cheer her up."

"We can see that."

"I know you can."

"LINCOLN." You hurriedly get back on track as Johnson's trigger finger begins twitching.

"Aaaaand this is Zuli. The red oni who I drank under the table at the tavern, and who we saved from execution at Lord Dickcheese's castle."

"You beat me by ONE DRINK!"

"Still counts as a victory, my dear."

"RRRRGH!" She growls, looking ready to beat your face in. God, she looks hot like that. Probably shouldn't tease her for now though; explanations are harder with your face inside-out.

"AaaaanyWAY! Zuli, Moira, Minerva, these are the Not-Bruces, and Bruce. They came with me from the "magical realm" I told you guys about. They have boomsticks."

"You know our names, you ba-"

"Too hard, don't care."

You smile, having managed to get through the introductions with nobody ending up dead. Not like that one time in New Orleans with the mafia group and the one guy who looked like a walrus.

Johnson stares at you for a long while. He appears to be determining whether or not to just punt you back into town for the guards to find.

"And WHY, exactly, did you decide to bring your little harem with you?"

"Because they're intel sources?" You smile innocently, ignoring Zuli's cry of "We are NOT his harem!" behind you.

Johnson groans. If there's one reason he can't argue with, it's intel. You mentally giggle as you watch him realize you have no choice.

"............Fine. I don't like it, but fine. We'll head back to the portal now; I don't want to take the chance of the guards finding us."

You fist pump in victory as the soldier pack up. Striding over to your shopping cart, which you were lucky enough to have rescued when the soldiers retreated from the castle, you rummage around in the pack, finding one last bottle of hard liquor. You uncap the top, and take a loooooong swig.

Rolled 14

>>21755863
>>21755856
>double double-ones
Eh,Hobo King? EH? EEEH?

>>21755893
It is a slippery slope to voresville if I let myself keep coming up with reasons. Not that I'm not tempted.

>>21755891
I really think we should mention MAGIC!

Rolled 11

>>21755919
They were the ones who shot the wizard.

>>21755919
>>21756062
I was more going for the fact pretty much anybody who has the money can learn magic. Which means potentially anybody could learn it.

Rolled 19

>>21756110
Though it might only work on Glorian.

...We should ask our companions if they can do magic / need magic in their surroundings to survive. Or if there are any monster girls that do. Like Ghostgirls or Wightgirls.

Rolled 13

Say did we kill the Noble, or is he still around?

Rolled 6

>>21756195
As far as I know, we shot him in the gut, and the castle healer was still knocked out when we last saw him.

File: 1353913350678.jpg-(353 KB, 700x670, 19708961_p1.jpg)

Rolled 15

>>21756210
>The M590A1 thooms as it sends a 437-grain rifled slug hurtling towards the pompous noble's torso at 1,560 feet per second. It impacts him directly right below the soldier, tearing through flesh and shattering bone as it tears straight through him.

Nope. Hit him in the shoulder. Considering the size of the slug involved, if they couldn't get the Cleric / Priest up in time, he might have bled out.

Not asleep, just typing. Interesting conversations you guys are having.

Rolled 96

>>21756662
Don't think we've topped "monstergirl space flight" just yet.

Rolled 16

>>21756662
I need more plot, hoboking!

Rolled 16

>>21756710
How about if we somehow learn magic and turn this into Drunken Hobo Wizard Quest: No Sense of Right or Wrong?

>>21756746
Frankly, I would be happy if Lincoln just learned some passive self healing magic, so he could give even less of a fuck about his personal safety

Rolled 5

>>21756746
That sounds like a cunning plan. Let's DO IT!

Rolled 11

>>21756746
>>21756739
The double 16s demand it! Dice vult!

-20 MINUTES LATER-

"Are we there yet?"

"I SWEAR TO GOD, LINCOLN---!"

-10 MINUTES AFTER THAT-

"(hic) It's been a good day." You giggle, holding the empty liquor bottle above your mouth, trying to catch the last few drops of delicious magic liquid of intoxication on your tongue. Lit a castle on fire, shot a pansy-ass noble, acquired two monstergirls, hooked up a Spec Ops bro. Life is gooooooooood.

"Maybe for YOU, you alcoholic little twit." Johnson grumbles, casting you a hateful sideway glance. What's his problem? You offered him booze, what more can you do to make him like you? What a straight-edged tool. It's not like you MEANT to spill the bottle on the first copy of his report.....

You glance over at Fritz and Minerva. The bubble slime is sliding alongside the Spec Ops soldier, chatting happily away about literature. Fritz, on the other hand, looks nervous as shit, and is trying very hard not to stare at Minerva's gooey tits. It's a losing battle, but he's trying.

You sigh and shake your head. You'd help, but it would defeat the purpose of the deed. He'll never keep Minerva unless he can do it himself. And since he does not have the inherent HOBO CHARISMA that you do, he'll have to make up for it with hard work.

And none of this has anything to do with the fact that watching him suffer is slightly amusing, nope. Not at all.

..........heh.

Moira is snoring lightly, having passed out halfway through the trip, so you had to throw her in the cart again. Her alcohol consumption has a delightfully predictable pattern.

Zuli has been silent most of the trip, which is odd for her. Though you notice she's been sneaking glances at you the entire time. It's starting to creep you out slightly.

"..................why'd you do it?"

"Eh?" You turn to look at her, nearly jumping from the sudden break in her silence. She's looking at you with a serious look on her face, though she's blushing slightly.

"Why'd you do it? I just can't understand."

"Do what?" You stare dumbly at her.

"Don't play dumb, you idiot! Why'd you say that......" The red oni's blush grows as she trails off into mumbling.

"Nope, didn't catch that." You're interested now. SOMETHING'S bothering her, and it's embarrassing her. With Zuli, that's almost guaranteed entertainment.

".....you.....said.......you said you loved me." Her face burns crimson as she stares at the ground.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand this has turned from potentially amusing into potentially catastrophic. You gulp apprehensively.

"Erm.........yes?" You venture a non-committal phrase.

"But why'd you do it?" Zuli looks back up at you, her face a picture of internal conflict. "Moira, I could understand; she's cute and girlish. But me? All I've done is hit you right from the start. Why on earth would you want me as well?"

Ah. Self-deprecating red oni girl. You forgot about that part. These serious conversations are so taxing and hard to keep track of.

>What do?

[ ] [reassure her with your sense of hobo suaveness]

[ ] [reassure her by grabbing her tits]

[ ] [reassure her by offering her liquor]

[ ] [run away from conversation]

[ ] [other]

>>21756828
[ ] [reassure her with your sense of hobo suaveness]
Then
[ ] [reassure her by offering her liquor]
Followed by
[ ] [reassure her by grabbing her tits]
Ending with
[ ] [run away from pissed off oni girl.]

Rolled 4

>>21756828
[X] [reassure her by offering her liquor while grabbing her tits]

No reason we can't multitask..

Rolled 14

[X] [Hobo suaveness]
[X] [Also tell her to stop looking so down - it doesn't suit her]
[X] [Threaten to grab her tits again if she doesn't cheer up]
[X] [Offer her a drink]

And of course, all throughout,
[X] [Imbibe liquor]

Rolled 12

>>21756828
[ ] [reassure her with your sense of hobo suaveness]
I ain't never met anyone who could keep up with me in drinks like you could. And you're cute when your angry.


Also these!
[ ] [reassure her by grabbing her tits]

Rolled 16

>>21756910
I'll second this array.

Rolled 2

>>21757083
I'll...third that? Throw my support behind it, at any rate.

Well, a sad red oni girl is no fun at all. So even if it means paying attention for a moment.......

"Zuli." You begin, smiling disarming at her. Aaaaand there goes her blush again. It's like they can SENSE the oncoming cheesiness.

"W-W-What's with that stupid look!?" She stammers, being defensive her default reaction.

"You really think I'd be able to resist a beauty like yourself?" You sucker-punch her right from the get go.

"B-B-B-BEAU----!" She's unable to even finish the word. Direct hit. Now to sink her battleship.

"Moira may be cute and girly, as you say, but you have charms all of your own. And a dynamite body to match, I must say." You run your eyes up and down her body a few times to accentuate your point.

Zuli says nothing, at this point being reduced to making embarrassed squeaks. You stop rolling the shopping cart for a moment, reaching over to pull her into a hug. She meekly obeys, paralyzed by your barrage of compliments. Just as planned.

Guys? It's the Hobo King. For some reason, it's suddenly saying I'm banned when I try to post. I'm utterly lost for what rule I broke, or whether something else is going on. Any ideas?

"Cheer up, alright? You worry about things to much, for someone who's supposed to be so good at drinking." You pat her on the back, and she lets out a small laugh. You pull away from her, sharing a mutual smile.

"C'mon. I'll share with you some of my realm's hard liquor when we get there. I promise you, it'll be great."

"I.....I'd like that." Zuli gives you possibly the most genuinely relieved smile you've seen her wear. It's......rather stunning, honestly.

Well, that makes no fucking sense at all. Whatever.

Goddamnit, it keeps doing it. I have no idea what's going on.

.........which makes it a prime time foooorrrr.......

"And you know what I'd like? To grab those luscious melons of your again." Your grin grows perverse, as you wiggle your fingers directly above the wondrous orbs.

Zuli's gaze goes from kind to murderous in a heartbeat. "Don't you fucking dare, Lincoln."

".........."

".........."

"HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO------------"

WHAM

Well, it looks like you'll never learn. On the plus side, you'll have about fifteen minutes of alone time to quietly reflect on your actions when you get to the portal ahead of everyone else.

Rolled 5

>>21757428
It says that when the posting server throws an error.

Fuck you server error. Fuck yoooooouuuuuuu you ruined my posting groove. Oh well.

>>21757504
>>21757428
What's the error it gives? I've gotten some bizarre stuff before. Random system errors and shit. Almost exclusively happens if I'm posting from a tethered connection.

>>21757527

Bah, I'm on wireless. I'm getting a "You are banned!" message when I was trying to post in the reply box. It would work after I posted those messages complaining. Weird.

>>21757548
Do you have a static IP?

>>21757562
Nah, at least not according to when I check the config in the cmd.

>>21757589
I'd suggest getting a new IP. It's not hard and it clears up those errors.

>>21757623

I hate vista so very much. It's the command prompt "this command requires elevation" horseshit.

Screw it, I'll just deal with the problem. I'll be on a plane ride back home in 7 hours anyway.

>>21757684
Dude, it's well worth upgrading to 7. I don't think the cmd method works for a legit reset. I can't quite remember, too busy trying to warm the fuck up. Fucking snow making this shit even worse.

>>21757699
This isn't my main computer, so I've dragged my feet on upgrading it. Guess I might reconsider after all.

Snow is a bitch. I moved to New Orleans because no matter how hot it gets, at least you don't have to shovel heat.

>>21757716
As soon as my sisters graduate I'm moving to FL

>>21757736
>I've got friends there; nice place. You're always welcome to come around for a drink if you visit the city.

In the field where the rift lies, it is a tranquil, serene atmosphere. The sun shines down upon the expanse, nourishing the plants with its gentle warmth. The wind blows, rustling the grass in a soft melody of nature. The bees are buzzing to and fro, collecting pollen for the sake of their hives. The drunken hobo is screaming, flailing as he hurtles towards the ground.

......wait, what was that last one?

"..........aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

THWAM

Your rapidly increasing crescendo ends in a massive bang as you plow into the ground, creating a sizeable furrow at least several meters long. Pulling your head from the ground with a audible pop, you shake the dirt out of your ears and look around.

Well, there's the weird glowey shit, same as always. Looks like you made it here just fine (so to speak).

Well, nothing to do but wait for them to catch up with you. Thankfully, your flasks managed to stay attached during your impromptu flying lesson.

You'll just kick back, have a few drinks, and reeeeelaaaa---"

"Hey there, boy. I wouldn't move, if I was you."

"---Buh?"

You turn your head to the left, and are once again dismayed to find a crossbow being pointed at you. It's held by a woman this time, though; one of four. They're all dressed in clothes that seem to have more patches than clothes. And they're all armed.

And they have fox tails, two to three each. You should probably mention that.

"Wut." You utter, rather lost. What happened to all your drinking plans? Why does everyone in this place have to be so quick with the violence? WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG!?

"Well, we need your things, you see. We've never seen anything like them. So they're probably rare. So they're probably valuable." The one with three tails, apparently the leader, explains their simple logic. "So just hand them over, if you don't mind."

"Clothes and all." The one with the crossbow adds, snickering at the idea.

Ahhhh, crap. This isn't good; no, not good at all. They're Youko.

>What do?

[ ] [obediently hand over all your belongings]

[ ] [shoot one to intimidate them]

[ ] [make a run for the portal]

[ ] [stall for time with HOBO CONVERSATIONALIST SKILLS]

[ ] [imbibe liquor]

[ ] [offer liquor]

[ ] [other]

>>21757841

[x] offer liquor and imbibe liquor
then
[x] stall for time
if that fails
[x] shoot one to intimidate them

>>21757850
2nd. Hard to beat a good plan

What city in FL? I rarely go anywhere other than the ocean.

Rolled 11

>>21757850
This is bound to end badly. Sounds like a plan!

Rolled 7

>shoot to intimidate
>not MINISLIME POWER FIST
What.

Other than that, seconded. Or fourthed or whatever.

>>21757850
this. but with the addition that we use the MINI-SLIME FIST OF POWAH should we need to engage in combat.

Rolled 10

>>21757939
forgot my role.

>>21757871
>Ah, I meant New Orleans. It's only a six hour drive from most of Florida, so we get a lot of people from FL.

[X] Epic Plan Time

"Hey, don't be so business-y. If you're gonna rob me anyway, why not have a drink?" You take a swig of your flask and hold it out towards them.

".......how stupid do you think we are?" The lead one asks.

"Want me to shoot it out of his hand, chief?" The crossbow-wielding one doesn't waste any time, does she.

"That won't be necessary. You might damage the merchandise, after all."

You frown at the Youko. "You girls are so cold. If I'm gonna have this booze taken away, I'd rather at least spend it on pretty foxgirls."

Unlike with Zuli or Moira, there's no rise out of the foxgirls from the compliment. They're tougher than they look.

You shrug. "Well, more for me." You swig down another mouthful of the delicious booze, smacking your lips for emphasis on how good it is.

"Quit wasting our time, human. Give us your belongings or else----"

"Uhh, chief?" One of the other two foxgirls, one with two short swords, hesitantly interrupts the leader, who turns to her with a look of disapproval.

"What is it, Aiya? I'm kind of busy being intimidating here."

"Well, that's all and good, chief, but I was wondering: could we just have a little of the guy's drink? Maybe a just a bit? We've been out here for days, camping out for the soldiers who usually come by here, and we haven't seen a single soul, or a drop of drink. Can we just drink with him BEFORE we rob him?"

Note to self: do not reveal that once again, the opposing party's problems are all your fault.

"Ugh, Aiya.....fine. Just a bit." The leader sighs, waving her hand dismissively at you. The one called Aiya grins, her two tails waving as she trots over to you and plops down on the ground next to you.

"Heyo, newest victim. Name's Aiya. Mind passing that drink here?" You obligingly hand over the flask, which she wastes no time in partaking of.

"Fwwaaaah! That's some good stuff you got there! What are ya, rich? Or just a good thief, like us? I wouldn't be surprised either way, with all of the shit you've got on you."

Well, at least you've got her talking, even if the other three foxes have you surrounded, their weapons pointed at your head. You just have to keep her talking long enough for the others to catch up and snipe these bitches in the head.

You just hope you can keep the conversation up that long.

[Roll 4d20 to determine Hobo Time Wasting skills]

Rolled 3, 10, 5, 17 = 35

>>21758031
Here goes nothin

Rolled 5

Too bad Lincoln doesn't have much in the way of snark.
>A pile of shit a mile high's pretty rare too, but I wouldn't call it valuable. You sure you want to take the shit of a shit of a man like me?

Rolled 2, 4, 20, 20 = 46

>>21758031
Surely I can throw some decent rolls

>>21758066
...........well.

Rolled 8, 10, 1, 14 = 33

>>21758031

File: 1353924789805.png-(188 KB, 875x1267, 1353730520210.png)

>>21758066
>20, 20

No sir I don't like it

Rolled 16

>>21758063
This would of course be followed with something like
>I ain't gonna take no shit from you, boy, so shut up and hand it over.
>Shit's still shit no matter how you look at it. I don't know who would want to dig through a pile of someone elses's.
>You little-
>*pistol cocking*
>But if you're so keen to get an eyefull, how 'bout I let you see firsthand?

Rolled 18, 9, 8, 15 = 50

>>21758031

Sure, lets try to get some 1's up in here

>>21758066
...so, how many of them did we just seduce?

Rolled 20, 2, 18, 5 = 45

>>21758066

feint feint HARD JAB FAST HOOK

K.O.!!!!!

>20s everywhere
>goddammit

Rolled 3

>>21758134
Don't worry hoboking, I always roll 1's

File: 1353925142992.gif-(576 KB, 698x665, 1353714942744.gif)

>>21758134
I'll commit sudoku now

Rolled 13, 12, 9 = 34

>>21758140

Rolled 4, 19, 9, 16 = 48

>>21758031
That time, she is a-wasting.

Rolled 5, 13, 8, 10 = 36

>>21758134
Hey guys! Hey Guys what's going on in this thread?

Well, there's nothing for it. You'll just have to keep talking. EPIC HOBO RAMBLING TIME!

"Naaaah, I'm not rich. Just wise in the ways of alcohol." You smirk, pulling out another flask and taking a sip. Aiya's cocks an eyebrow at you.

"Oho, a specialist, eh? Maybe we should get him to take him back to his storehouse, eh girls?"

"that sounds like an excellent idea." The leader smirks.

"Weelllll, I don't really got a storehouse. I store all my booze with.....maaaaagiiiic." You wave your hands to add emphasis.

"Oh, a mage? Cough it up then, humie!" Aiya thumps you on the back, causing you to sputter. No doubt, these girls are dangerous.

"W-Well, I sort of have to meet a certain special condition, to be able to summon my wares...." You manage to get out, thinking on your feet.

"Oh? And what condition would THAT be?" The one with the crossbow moves it threatening towards your head.

"Well......I have to be drunk."

.........

"What, that's it!? You humans have the weirdest spells sometimes!" Aiya laughs at you, slapping her knee. The other three youko join in her mirth, and then proceed to take a seat, weapons still pointed at you, dammit.

"Well, you're the only prey in the neighborhood, so we'll just sit and drink with you until you've had enough. Then it's out with all your wares and belongings." The leader youko gives you a disdainful smile, as if you should be appreciative of her offer. She motions to you to hand out more of your flasks.

You cheerfully place them in their hands, watching as they begin to drink.

Woooow. Is this really happening? They really have no idea what kind of fight they just picked, do they?

This is going to be so goddamn amusing.

Rolled 3, 4, 15 = 22

>>21758449
I hope they have some alcohol on them, because we aren't getting drunk for a while.

Rolled 19, 5, 1, 20 = 45

>>21758449

cant wait to see zuli's face when she comes back.

-20 MINUTES LATER-

On the downside, the soldiers and your precious monstergirl collection haven't gotten here yet.

On the upside, all of the youko are now uproariously drunk. You could have warned them, but that would have been no fun. Your so glad you decided to line the entire inside of your jacket with flasks instead of all those useless ceramic plates.

"Heheheheheh." You giggle, taking another swig of you current flask as you watch the youko struggle with their intoxication.

"H-H-(hic)-hey! You! H-(hic)-Humie! Y'shd---y'shld couff up de 'spensive booze now, yea?" Aiya slurs her words terribly, having fallen over and now lying in the grass on her side. She attempts to point at you, but misses by a good 50 degrees.

"H-Hey! He----He ain' drunk! Wha gives!?" The girl with the crossbow, or formerly possessing the crossbow since she hurled it away from her during a drunken fit of giggling. She attempts a swing at you, but due to being drunk, and also 50 feet away, she only manages to faceplant the ground.

"Th-Th-Thisss can' be happning. It jus' can'. You-(hic)---you ain' no hyooman. What ar' you?" The youko leader attempts to retain some of her dignity. But since she looks like she's trying to swing across the field instead of walking, she's not doing a very good job of it.

You take another triumphant sip from your current flask. "Heheh. I (hic) assure you, my dears. I am only human."

"Bullshi'!" The leader youko slurs out. "Humans can' outdrink monsterers like us! Is' impossible."

You laugh at the Youko's ignorance. "My dear Youko, you have been VERY ill-informed. Because before you stands a human who outdrank a red oni."

The leader youko's face turns from frustration to gaping shock. "Thas'! Thas'! Thas' IMPOSSIBUBLE! Mos' monsters can' outdrink a red oni, le' alone a human!"

"And yet, here we are." You chuckle, finishing your flask and pulling out another. "Just go to sleep girls, I promise I'll take gooooood care of you."

"S-Sister.....I-I'm scared...." The fourth youko, who you can see only has one tail, finally opens her mouth, mere seconds before she slips into unconsciousness.

"D-Damnit...." The leader forces out, even as she and the other three youko fall into the realm of black slumber.

-5 MINUTES LATER-

"Lincoln! Sorry, we had to get the cart out of some----" Fritz stops mid-sentence staring at scene in front of him.

Johnson looks ready to pop a blood vessel. "DAMMIT LINCOLN! YOU WERE ALONE FOR 25 MINUTES! WHY ARE THERE FLASKS AND DEAD BODIES EVERYWHERE!?!?!?"

You turn around to face Johnson with an amused look on your face. Taking another sip of your flask, you offer a reasonable explanation.

"I swear they were like this when I found them."

Hey Lincoln were ba- WTF LINCOLN!!!???

i call dibs on the brunnete~

MORIA!!!!

>>21758605
*snicker* One, Fer cryin' out loud, Johnson, it's frickin' Lincoln. What did you expect? Two, they're not dead. Just utterly smashed.

File: 1353929294290.gif-(1.66 MB, 475x491, 1347692723297.gif)

>>21758605
>"I swear they were like this when I found them."

-10 MINUTES LATER-

"This is so stupid." Zuli says in a deadpan tone of voice.

"It's BRILLIANT." You reply, beaming at your creation. "I call it the monstergirl totem."

"Why the hell did you let them think they could outdrink you, anyway? You KNOW others can't keep up with us!"

"Oho. Is the prideful Zuli finally seeing me as an equal?" You waggle your eyebrows at her.

"As if." She mutters, looking aside with a slight blush and a huff.

"Deny it as much as you want. I'm just going to keep staring at this beautiful monument in the meantime. This sexy, sexy monument."

In front of you stands your shopping cart. Well, your shopping cart, and a stack of five monstergirls, four of whom are tied up. you also took some.....liberties with the binding styles. Just a bit.

"How the hell do you even know how to tie ropes like that!?"

"Wanna find out?"

"D-D-DON'T GET AHEAD OF YOURSELF!" Zuli blurts out, even as you snicker. It's only a matter of time, and she knows it.

You also notice that Moira, still on the bottom of the boobs, has managed to get one wingclaw on one youko's ass, and the other on another's tits. Well done, Moira.

"Welp, we managed to get four more intel sources. I'd say my contributions have been overall excellent, don't you, Johnson?'

Johnson merely does his best impression of a medusa, willing you to be obliterated by his gaze.

"Hey, for what its worth, I think he did great!"

"Shut up, Fritz. He made us kill half the guards. He shot the goddamned lord. He lit. The castle. On fire. TWICE!"

"You totally can't prove I did that." You say taking another sip of your current flask.

"WHO ELSE WOULD IT HAVE BEEN!?"

"The Ghost of Christmas Past."

Johnson says nothing, choosing to instead begin foaming at the mouth as he reaches for you with outstretched arms, only to be held back by Bruce and Dave. You take no notice, too busy having gone back to staring at your magnificent totem.

"Captain, let's just head back through the rift, yeah? We've got a report to give." Johnson slackens at this remark, ceasing his attempts to end your booze-soaked existence.

"Fine. The sooner we get this report done with, the sooner I never have to see him again." He motions to the group, turning to the rift.....

......only to be nearly mowed down by your ridiculously precarious totem as you hurtle towards the glowey bullshit, Zuli being dragged along with you.


"ONE SIDE, BITCHES!" You laugh, hurling yourself, your monument to awesome, and your rapidly complaining red oni through the rift.

File: 1353930495716.jpg-(1.59 MB, 2864x3920, Youko.%28Inukami%29.full.(...).jpg)

Rolled 18

>>21758605
Welp. 4 unconscious Kitsune? You know what time it is.

Time to take their balls.

And by that I mean their hoshi no tama, assuming 'Youko' work like traditional Kitsune.

If not, umn... Confiscate them? They were trying to steal our stuff, fair's fair.

File: 1353930820705.jpg-(142 KB, 900x600, Youko.jpg)

>>21758851
Here's the profile I used as a basis for the Youko. As usual, I dump out almost all of the personality traits in favor of crafting my own, but it gives me a good starting point.

Obviously, they're dressed differently, because fuck cliches.

And to the anon who wanted a band of kitsunes several threads ago: there you go. Youko Bandits.

>>21758851
And yes, I believe there's room for some sort of hoshi no tama. Added authenticity, go.

Alright, I gotta take a break for a while to get some sleep for my plane flight. I'll hop back on the moment I get the chance. Someone should archive this, too, if one of you doesn't mind.

I am nearly on the plane, /tg/. Posting shall resume one we're up in the air. Huzzah for airline wifi.

Rolled 1

>>21761921
Ah, the great march of technological advancement continues ever onwards.

It makes one loathe to remember the dail up of our youth.

File: 1353956482989.png-(363 KB, 1000x809, tumblr_ly4qpnkJNm1qbj4gxo(...).png)

Rolled 1

>>21762057
Oh god damn it.

You can have that one. I'm dry on vore ideas today.

Rolled 20

>>21762108
I... Wha?!

A lesser man would delete his posts and not roll again.

Come at me, Gundam.

Rolled 8

>>21762057
>>21762108
>>21762132
This series of rolls is just improbable.

>>21762194
As improbable as the series that landed us with four unconscious youko?


....probably more so, actually.

Rolled 3

>>21762194
Search me, gentlemen. /tg/ dice, ladies and gents.

>>21762132
>>21762108
>>21762057

Today is going to be a good day indeed, ooooohhhh yes.

Rolled 8

>>21762387
I can't decide if I should be scared or excited but what ever happens next it will be full of win.

(also hoping for a skele-girl at some point because the monster girl encyclopedia makes them look adorable.)

>>21762584
pic?

File: 1353959882307.png-(294 KB, 900x600, Skeleton Girl.png)

>>21762624
>>21762584
I got you guys covered.

File: 1353960210473.png-(327 KB, 891x900, skeleton girl.png)

Rolled 8

>>21762624
here you go.

Brigadier General Williams sits at his desk in the HQ tent for Rift Point Zero, the temporary base that has been set up around the apparent tear in space and time, and that's only a guess at how it works. The last few days have been filled with an insane flurry of construction and work, not to mention trying to quash any rumors that the media has gotten a hold on. All of them false, of course; it's not like the military knew much more than anyone else at this point, not when the initial team they had sent in hadn't yet returned. Perhaps when they did, they could pick out one or two bones to throw to the journalists to chew on.

The general lets out a frustrated sigh, scribbling roughly on the papers in front of him. There was just no precedent for anything like this. Ever. And he was somehow supposed to manage establishing the initial foothold into a world in which nobody on Earth had ever set foot. There was no way to tell how well or poorly he was doing, and the higher-ranked generals were still tied up in the more terrestrial conflicts. Without any sign of a real threat, they wouldn't step in to relieve the burden.

With another exasperated sigh, he turns to a nearby administrative assistant.

"So, once the Spec Ops team makes it back with their report, we can figure out how best to secure our presence on the other side of the rift. Then we can---"

General Williams stops his sentence dead, eyes going wide in horror as he hears a sound he never wanted to hear again in his life.

"I AM THE WALRUS! BRRRRRRAGHAHGHAGHAHGHAHGH!!!!!"

"Oh sweet Jesus Christ on crutches. Please no."

He rushes out of the tent, nearly knocking over the entire desk as he desperately seeks to prove his ears wrong.

Alas, when he makes it outdoors, the sight before him proves his desperate hopes to be in vain.

Careening down the makeshift ramps laid over the plaza steps is a shopping cart, piled high with what appear to be young women with animal parts grafted to their bodies. A red skinned girl with horns, wearing a tattered suit of some type, dangles onto the back of the cart, spewing profanities at an impressive clip. The cart flies past soldiers and equipment alike, some having to dive out of the way to avoid the tower of doom on wheels.

And on top of the entire thing?

IT'S THAT GODDAMNED HOBO.

"SON OF A BIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!" General Williams screams, the most aggravating of all his problems having returned with a vengeance.

>>21762875
Offer the General a captive Youko. We're nice like that.

>>21762881
Nothing let's a man relax like a good, old fashioned interrogation.

Am I right?

>>21762945
Maybe he likes fox girls. He could have a legitimate waifu.

Your triumphant return back into the Big Easy is brought to an abrupt halt as your shopping cart slams into the front end of an Abrams that makes up part of the fortifications around the rift, coming to a dead halt. Your monstergirl totem sways perilously, nearly treating the unconscious youko to a nasty fall onto the pavement. Thankfully, a timely grab by Zuli prevents any potential injuries.

Sadly (and possibly out of spite), she does no such thing for you, sending you flying forward, where you get lodged halfway down the tank's entry hatch. The tank crew, relaxing next to their vehicle, look on in bewilderment.

"Well, this is inconveni----GURRRK!" You find yourself being hauled out of the tank's hatch, only to come face to face with an angry Zuli. Again. You're actually starting to wonder if you don't have some sort of subconscious masochistic tendencies, at this point.

"Liiiiiiiiiincooooooooooln......" Zuli growls, low and dangerous. You gulp instinctively. Even having seen it before, the red oni girl still manages to be a force that inspires fear.

"Why hello there, my darling. Welcome to my realm and HEYLOOKATALLTHENEATSTUFFAROUND!" You begin frantically motioning at pretty much everything, desperate to find something that will shift her attention off of you. You think you might be safer if you crawl back into that Abrams. Maybe.

Thanfully, Zuli takes the bait, removing her glare from you to look around at the surroundings, her eyes going wide with wonder.

"Wha.....what is this place?"

"Earth. More specifically, the city of New Orleans, in the country of the United States of America. Pretty impressive, ain't it?" You smirk despite yourself, finding yourself feeling unexpectedly patriotic for the first time in your life.

"It....it's......I don't even understand what half of these things are FOR." Zuli scans her eyes over the surroundings like a radar, taking in as much as she can witness. It's kind of adorable, in a way.

Unfortunately, reality takes precedence right now. The soldiers, having noticed the rather hard-to-miss oni girl, are staring, some starting to shout to one another in alarm. You hear the sounds of guns being readied and aimed. Not good.

"MR. LIIINCOOOOOOLN!" Oh shit.

It's the General. He's stomping across the pavement, heading right at you. And he does NOT look happy. "Apoplectic", would probably be a more appropriate choice of words. If you knew that word, but you don't, so you'll just call him "mad as shit."

Very not good.

>What do?

[ ] [scream like a banshee and shit yourself]

[ ] [resume trolling the General with all due haste]

[ ] [explain Zuli's appearance in an effort to get her not shot through the face]

[ ] [imbibe liquor]

[ ] [play Jenga with the monstergirl totem]

[ ] [other]

>>21763289
[X] imbibe liquor
[X] Explain, emphasizing "strategic asset" and "intel source"
[X] Monstergirl jenga afterwards.

>>21763304
Yes and Yes.

>>21763304
Well. Aren't you having all the good ideas today?

Actually, this is a good thing, as it's late in my day. I second this kind NotAnon.

>>21763434
Char, I invented monstergirl space flight. I always have good ideas.

>>21763304
This. It is a Plan. It is, in fact, a Good Plan. Doubtless it will not go as Planned, for we are an intoxicated hobo, but I still approve of this Plan.

>>21763446
Hey, hey, now. You had help refining that! Don't hog all the credit!

>>21763446
And I postulated Monstergirl snow globes. With suggestions. Crowd sourcing, don't you love it?

>>21763454
I did have help, but without my aerospace classes that idea would never have even left the ground.

>>21763460
I helped you with that.

>>21763468
Yes, you did. Emergency Sexytimes are a plus.

>>21763599
I'm glad minislime fist of power worked out though.

>>21763642
>everythingwentbetterthanexpected.jpg

Captcha: seduceum attempted
SOMEONE'S BEEN READING HOBOQUEST.

>>21763689
LORD INGLIP HAS BLESSED US

>>21763304

fourthed

Rolled 19, 16, 19 = 54

>>21763304
n+1th'd

Sorry guys, I finally got home from the airport. Traveling by air is a bitch.

Now, let's play some monstergirl jenga.

>>21765422

[X] TOUCH FLUFFY TAIL/EARS OF THE LOOSER YOUKO.
[X] IN A LEWD HOBO WAY.
make them feel a mixture of happiness,uncomfortable,horny, nausea, etc.

Well, first thing's first.

You grab another of your seemingly endless supply of flasks from your jacket, downing the contents in one, long swig.

"Good afternoon, Das General! It's been ever so long. Come to meet your new strategic assets and intel sources, eh?" You smile cheerily at the infuriated military man.

"INTEL IS THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU BRING TO ANYTHING!" The General bellows at you from the bottom of the Abrams. "What the fuck have you done this time!? Where are my men? What happened to the diplomatic talks? Why the hell are you fighting a demon on top of a tank!? WHY THE HELL ARE CARTING DEAD BODIES AROUND IN A SHOPPING CART!?!?"

"Welllllll........to make a long story short......shit got crazy, yo."

"...........I'm going to drown you in the goddamn Mississippi if you don't explain that statement right now, you fucking maniac." The General seems to have gone right past rage into deathly calm. You're getting really good at pushing his buttons, it seems.

"Well, I could give you the long version, but I think it might make you angrier than you already are."

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO!?!?!?!?" Aaaaaand back to rage.

"He does what he always does: stupid shit." Zuli snorts out, though you notice she seems a bit put off by the General's bellowing. Then again, she seems slightly put off by everything. Except you. You she just punches.

"And exactly who are you supposed to be? And what the hell is with the horns and red skin?"

Zuli's face adopts an expression of confusion. "What? You've never seen a red oni before? Or did you just black out any time you drank with one, old man? You certainly don't look like you could hold your liquor."

General Williams sputters for a moment, as if debating whether to rebuke Zuli for the comments. He finally decides against it, apparently deciding that proper handling of the situation is more important. How boring.

"I've never heard of a 'red oni', as you call it; there's no such thing in this world. What are you? Some type of demon?"

"Well, technically, yes, but---"

"SHE'S A DEMON! SHE'S COME TO EAT OUR SOULS! SAVE US, JESUS!" An apparently panicky soldier shouts, pointing his rifle at her.

"WHO THE HELL EATS SOULS, YOU BASTARD!?" Zuli yells back, her temper flaring again. Someone's going to get killed if this keeps up.

"WOAH WOAH WOAH! HOLD YOUR FIRE! HOLD YOUR FIRE!" You step in front of Zuli, waving your hands in the air as you shout at the top of your lungs.

"General, I know you hate me, despite how much I adore you (and the infinite amount of booze you promised me), but you have to listen! These girls are important intelligence resources!"

"Exactly how are a bunch of corpses with animal parts sewn to them and a weird angry demon girl useful to us?" You throw your arm in front of Zuli to prevent her from going after the General for that comment, as he stares on with annoyance.

"You do know they aren't dead, right? And they're monstergirls."

"Monstergirls? But they look nothing like the semi-liquid ones from before! What the hell are you on about, Mr. Lincoln!?"

"I really didn't explain the concept to you well enough, did I?"

"YOU DIDN'T EXPLAIN ANYTHING TO ME, YOU NINCOMPOOP!"

"Geeeeez, calm down, Generallisimo. Want a free Youko? They're fresh, only unconscious for about fifteen minutes~~~~~." You grab one of the fox tails on the top most Youko and waving the tip of it at him.

............oh wow, these are really soft. And so FLUFFY! Ohohoho. Fuck the general, you might just keep all of these for yourself....

"Mr. Lincoln, why on earth are you RUBBING YOUR FACE ON SOME SORT OF TAIL THING!?!?" The General roars at you. Zuli just puts her face in her hands and shakes her head, apparently already understanding that trying to stop you is like trying to stop the time.

"Fluuuuuuffyyyyyyyyy...." You croon, massaging your face with the tail.

"Lincoln, what the fuck are you doing." You look up.

"WOOOOO, FRITZ! I was wondering where you guys were." You wave to the spec ops soldiers. 'Cept Johnson, 'cause he's an asshat.

"Well, Minerva kinda.....spooked the soldiers guarding the portal a bit. Had to calm 'em down, so she's currently staying up next to the rift so we don't do the same with the rest of the soldiers. Whatcha got there? A tail? Nice."

"I'm so keeping one of these for my new harem."

"How many times do I have to remind you that We are NOT your harem!?"

"Keep telling yourself that, Zuli."

"SOLDIERS! FRONT AND CENTER!" General Williams, apparently having had enough, hurls out an order at the Spec Ops team. They immediately hurry to the General, snapping to attention and saluting.

"At ease. Now, you have the report from the diplomatic excursion into the rift?"

Johnson steps forward. "Yes, sir. Though it is a bit......complicated. Perhaps you might want to hear it in the HQ tent....." The general turns to glare murderously at you, almost as if he knows you have something to do with it. He's right, of course. You're just not letting him know that any sooner than necessary.

Turning back to Johnson, the General nods and beckons for them to follow him to the tent. Fritz gives you a thumbs up as he passes. Zuli watches them go, and then turns back to you.

And then stares at you as you pull bodies from the bottom of the stack and place them on top, in increasingly weird and contorted positions.

"......Lincoln, what the fuck are you doing now." Zuli states, not even trying to sound surprised anymore.

"JENGA! JENGA! MONSTERGIRL JENGA!" you sing heartily as you continue to cycle through the pile.

>What do now?

[ ] [discuss with Zuli what she thinks about the world]

[ ] [go talk to Minerva at the rift]

[ ] [wake up Moira and show her the new acquisition of foxgirl booty. Offer to share]

[ ] [poke the Youko until they wake up. Troll mercilessly]

[ ] [go check on the soldiers and General Williams]

[ ] [acquire money for booze refill in the city]

[ ] [imbibe liquor]

[ ] [other]

>>21766636
I'm just gonna have to go with
[X]all of the above.

>>21766636
Also, how was your flight?

Rolled 17

>>21766636
>[ ] [wake up Moira and show her the new acquisition of foxgirl booty. Offer to share]
and
>[ ] [imbibe liquor]

Also, show Zuli our glorious cardboard box hovel.

>>21766670
Flight wasn't bad, had wifi so that helped. Getting out of the airport and back home was a bitch and a half, though. And the half wasn't even monstergirl-shaped.

>>21766772
I am so sorry to hear that. and we don't even have an interesting discussion for you to come back to.

>>21766636
[x] imbibe liquor
[x] take Zuli, Moira, and the Foxy Four to go listen to Generalissimo
[x] imbibe more liquor
[x] get Jimmy

>>21766789
Ways to weaponize monstergirls/make use of them as troops. Discuss.

Rolled 15

>>21766887
...How far could Zuli throw a slime?

>>21766887

Have Moira learn how to carry guns in her feet? Aerial soldier.

[ ] [wake up Moira and show her the new acquisition of foxgirl booty. Offer to share]

because bi.

>>21766887
goo girls in fire trucks.
oni carry heavy weapons
fox girls seduce diplomats.

>>21766636
[x] [discuss with Zuli what she thinks about the world]
[x] [wake up Moira and show her the new acquisition of foxgirl booty. Offer to share]
[x] [poke the Youko until they wake up. Troll mercilessly]

But, most importantly
[x] [imbibe liquor]

>>21766942
If Zuli can throw things incredible distances we could use her as a mobile Slime Artillery. Minerva would definitely be tactics, the batgirls aerial recon, primarily night missions. Slimes would be used to fuck shit up.

>>21766887

slimes can be a very good recon/spy squad since they can be invisible to thermal/night vision cameras.

wait do their core generate heat?

>>21766887

a seal team made up entirely of catgirls.

talk about agile as fuck.

>>21767059
I guess the fox girls would be day recon and scouts. Or saboteurs. So the fox girls would be black ops.

>Minislime imbibes napalm
>Dragon-headed minislime FIST OF POWER now breathes fire
>...
>Profit?

So very many interesting takes on it. These are the conversations I get ideas from. Feel free to throw in your opinions on monstergirls that aren't even in the story yet; fuck knows I've barely even scratched the surface.

This next part is taking some time because of the large number of things I have to work in. Lots of branches mean a bit more work is necessary. I beg for your patience.

>>21768013
hobos beg for nothing!

because FUCK YOU IM A HORSE

>>21768013
Fair enough. BE PATIENT, YOU FASCIST COCKBAGS.

>>21768325
AUDENTES FORTUNA IUVAT! Hurry your drunk ass up.

Hypothetically speaking, if we were to set our mini slime on fire would she stay on fire?
I mean by this point she has to be more than 90% alcohol.

>>21768996
That would likely not end well for minislime.

Well, this is fun, but you really can't stand here and do this all day. There's so many possibilities for mayhem and malarkey now; you cannot waste them.

You take another draught from your current flask, thinking for a moment. And you come across one conclusion.

Two monstergirls is better than one, six monstergirls is better than two, and so on.

You begin poking Moira, who is currently posed in some sort of yoga stance with her wings hanging outwards on top of the pile.

"Moira, wake up. Moira, wake up. Hey. Hey Moira. Wake up, Moira. Hey. Hey. Hey. Moira. Moira. Wake up."

"Nnnnnnnghaaaaaa?" The batgirl moans, stretching her wings out as she cracks open her eyes. "Lin....coln? What happened?"

"You drank too much again, you adorably silly batgirl."

"Ahhh.....I'm sorry....."

"Sorry!? By all means, keep doing it! It's hilarious."

"Ahhhhh.....that's good then." Moira sighs, snuggling into the ass of the Youko she's laying on. "Mmmmmmm......this pillow is comfy."

Oooooohhhh, this is just too good. Time to let the shoe drop.

"Yes, it is a nice pillow isn't it?"

"Mmmmmhmmmm."

"So soft......"

"Yeah...."

"....and comfortable...."

"Comfyyyy...."

".....and juicy....."

"yeeeaa....wait. W-What?" Awww, she noticed.

You hold back the gut-wrenching laughter you want to indulge in. "Perhaps you should take a closer look at that pillow you're on, Moira."

The werebat opens her eyes a bit more, her hat slightly askew over her face. She regards the ass/pillow very suspiciously for a looooong moment.....

.....and then her eyes fly wide open as she startles upright.

"W-W-W-W-W-W-WHAAAAAAAAA!?" Moira shrieks, looking down wildly at the pile of Youko she's perched on top of.