Though I love watching this man have sex, I would decline his offer.
But I'd gladly watch.

Are we going to save the princess from an evil wizards tower?

>>21962018
Whatever you want, baby.

>>21962000
I'd just WIZARD him to sleep and leave while he was still down, probably with what used to be his belongings in my inventory.

>>21962000
Yeah, sure. What are we stealing/killing?

>>21962035
You can add two balls of steel to your inventory.
And a small bag of holding.

>>21962041
The only thing being plundered here is your ass.

>>21962051
All in all I'd say this was profitable.

>>21962000
Well, duh. I'd rather have him with his wild hair a bit more subdued though.

>>21962059
But not my pussy? That's actually pretty disappointing. I'll decline.

Am I a wizard with polymorph handy?

>>21962076
Your boy-pussy, sure.

>>21962076
Every hole is a goal.

I'm sorry kind Sir but I am in no mood for hot steamy man love today.

>>21962105
He holds you down and fucks your brains out.

Neither I nor my character have a favorite tavern, but my character (a fire elemental) would accept just to see how that's possible.

I welcome my new overlord AS THE STARS LOOK DOWN IN WITNESS!!1

File: 1355068550074.jpg-(47 KB, 510x380, conan-the-barbarian[1].jpg)

Nope.

>>21962111
There is no way he could ever get hold of me, Darrion the Sly, dashing rogue, stabber of dicks and stealer of the hearts and wealth of the ladies. I dodge and stab him in the cock. -10 Gential Points and -30 bodily attractiveness.

File: 1355068942393.png-(398 KB, 1181x1200, espagnollishere.png)

He cannot slap my butt, I had cast a protection against mayonnaise garglers aura on me.

>>21962147
You fail to penetrate his thick, leathery, manly skin and he proceeds with the fucking.

>>21962041
Im stealing your anal virginity and killing your anal muscles

File: 1355069063821.jpg-(128 KB, 800x900, bard11.jpg)

Will there be TREASURE?

>>21962177
NO! I will not let my Mary Sue be a part of your fap fiction!

>>21962198
Too late. He is joined by the other patrons who proceed to take turns fucking every single one of your orifices, at the same time, no less. You roll for X hits equal to the number of male patrons in this tavern. Each hit is of D3 strength.

File: 1355069570455.jpg-(67 KB, 540x809, Conan-Chronicles-Vol-1-port.jpg)

Are we gonna break into the tower of the elephant?

No, I'm saving myself for marriage.

Sure, I'll try gay.

Dude. He didn't look that big in the movie, hey. How many roids did they shoop in to that picture?

File: 1355070696280.png-(910 KB, 1024x768, Conan demands bitches.png)

>>21962000
So what would it be, Cimmerian?
>Bitches getting dicked?
>Shit getting stolen?
>Ancient evil disturbing?
>Sorceror killing?

File: 1355070717519.jpg-(25 KB, 320x284, conan-momoa-firstlook-ful(...).jpg)

>>21962408
A few.

>>21962425
Now you can ravage me.

I cast Invisiblity and run away.
VERY far away.
I should probably teleport.

>>21962579

Your sorcery won't save you for long. He'll find you, and when he does...

"That depends" playing it coy "you got a girdle of gender change?"

>>21962420
Why the fuck does he have Xena's hair?

>not Khal Drogo

File: 1355073770389.png-(87 KB, 608x580, 1311624396016.png)

>>21962170
>Mazmorras y Conchas

My favourite tavern has a dress code and doormen.

I like those guys. They had character, class, virtue. They kept the assassins out when the nobles called around, even if it damn near killed them - and it did kill their predecessors.

They didn't ask much in return either. If you got a compliment from them, THEY MEANT IT.

I want to know if they've been carved up by this lump of id and ego.

If they're dead, their widows will get to wear barbarian hide funeral shawl. I will flay the skin off his still living and screaming frame.

Their daughters will get his petrified eyeballs for marbles to play with. It'll spare the worthless lunk the shame of ever having to see the pain in their faces.

(I'm not a total monster, I'll cauterise him when I'm done taking my pound of flesh and if he survives I won't hold a grudge for his outrageous conduct)

My character is STILL a ghost OP.
That hasn't changed.
Okay? You can't slap me, touch me, or have your way with me, and offering me a drink is entirely pointless.

>>21962934
Is a powerful book about how to get females while working in a dungeon complex.

Only if he's 6'10" and 140 lbs.

File: 1355075944087.png-(2.04 MB, 1377x1200, 1351203310274.png)

I would ask him if he has accepted jesus christ as his lord and savior, usually gets people off my ass when I need it to.

>>21962778
Goddamnit, now I cannot unsee it.

Son of a BITCH. I just HAD to try roleplaying a delicious shota trap. Oh well, time for Boku no Pico.

>>21963279
You don't really notice it while Finn and Jake are prancing around, but the Lich King is actually pretty damned scary looking.

File: 1355080212401.jpg-(4 KB, 210x208, 1295798154893.jpg)

>>21963279
Sure that will get people off your ass, but will it get this guy out of it?[/spoiler/

>>21962599
B...but my body isn't ready.

Why do we presume there are no girls on tg?
Why are everyone suggesting man-love?

>>21962000
That depends. Was it rape?

>>21964132
Only if you say "no."

I insist we find a wizard to change my gender first.

My body is ready

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>>21962915

Khal Drogo is my husbando

>>21963082
They let him through. He's a favourite ex of theirs.

File: 1355081178193.jpg-(12 KB, 450x281, KhalDrogo.jpg)

>>21964200
Khaleesi, I...

>>21964118
Because /tg/ is /totally gay/.

>>21964245

I ain't no Khaleesi

I could be your blood rider if you want though

>>21964272
I think 'heteroflexible' applies to most fa/tg/uys.

>>21964118
>anything even remotely female
>on the internet
Next you'll be saying you're actually a cat.

>>21964272
It's not like he's actually gonna rape you unless you try REALLY hard.

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>>21962000

I have something to tell you though. I'm a werepolarbear.

>>21962000

worst conan or worst?

>>21964347
It was a perfectly passable b-movie, dude.

>>21964297
No, I'm a dog.

>>21964295
>heteroflexible
Yeah, I'm "heteroflexible", I like hetero sex, but I'm flexible about which partner I am.

>>21964365
Yeah.
...
Maybe. Dunno, I felt the pacing was terrible, and things happened for no reason at all. So yeah, B-movie.

>>21964428
Exactly. I expect numerous members of /tg/ would readily switch from girl to boy, at least for sex

>>21964433
Are you suggesting Conan does stuff for reasons?
Maybe he does but why would he tell anyone?

>>21964445
I'd magic-switch to female and then transitionnon-op back to male.

>>21964455
>Maybe he does but why would he tell anyone?
To see his enemies driven before him and hear the lamentations of their women?

File: 1355082938236.jpg-(111 KB, 580x800, Blanda Upp.jpg)

"How did you survive without any clothing during winter?"

File: 1355083250487.jpg-(16 KB, 303x312, That is my fetish.jpg)

>>21964172

File: 1355084118474.jpg-(544 KB, 2048x2560, Ka-D-Argo-farscape-211750(...).jpg)

>>21962915
>Not Ka D'Argo

>>21964544
He keeps his body-temperature constant by vigorously raping as and when needed.

>>21965291
Even himself, if necessary.

>>21962000
>join him for his quest?

ABSOLUTELY. I GRAB MY SWORD AND ARMOR AND ALCHEMICAL POISONS FOR MY SWORD

File: 1355086984227.jpg-(400 KB, 720x785, lich_king_meets_marceline(...).jpg)

>>21963605
This guy? Nah.

File: 1355088120675.png-(417 KB, 848x480, Billy_holding_Nothung.png)

>>21964810
NO TONGUE!

>>21964445
I'd switch genders just for the romance, never mind the sex.

I'm wearing a cursed ring of gender swapping, so after explaining to him that I'm actually a man, I punch him in the face suddenly and guffaw then belch.