Though before I begin, I would like to ask if anyone wants me to repost all the Part X Part 2 posts, since that thread is only available on the foolz archive. I dunno, just for having them all in one place?

Bit of slow night, it seems.

[AWAITING COMMAND....]

>>22003948
>Not that it particular matters, you're all getting vore as the first post anyway
>Because fuck you, I haven't gotten to write some in forever

Rolled 6

>>22003770
would be appreciated.
>>22003738
[ ] lie your way in
[ ] intimidate the crap out of the hapless concierge
[ ]if all this fails, Imbibe liquor and have zuli bust through the wall like a sexy demon coolaid-man

>>22004161
Well, since you're the only one who answered so far, and I'm itching to writefaggot it up in here, I guess I'll begin the recap.

~~~~~FLAAAAAAAAAASHBAAAAAAAAAAAAACK~~~~~

WELCOME BACK TO HOBOQUEST!

The quest where "welcome back" really means "KEEP DRINKING BITCHES!".

You are LINCOLN BISMUTH, ALCOHOLIC HOBO EXTRAORDINAIRE! And this shit gets more confusing all the time. Not that you care, but it means there's even less of a chance that anyone will be able to keep up with your brilliant, alcohol-soaked brain.

You have just, after what seemed like AGES, negotiated a successful arrangement between you, the U.S. military (though they don't know it yet), and a group of youko bandits, despite the fact that you drank them unconscious, tied them up, kidnapped them, and stole their magic balls---YOU MEAN BELLS. MAGIC BELLS.

But in any case, all that's behind you, and you can look forward to a bright future full of pouching more monstergirls for your ever growing collection that you drag around with you, and all the booze you can drink.

..........If General Williams, the psychotically angry military man heading in your direction, doesn't kill you first.

Geez, you shoot ONE noble and set his castle on fire a measly TWO times.......

You just negotiated a successful alliance with a bunch of youko! You can't die yet! YOU HAVE SO MUCH MORE BOOZE TO DRINK!

You wrench open the access hatch of the Abrams, hurling yourself down into the tank and slamming the door behind you. You then open it a fraction, peaking out so you can tell what's going on. You see that you were not a moment too soon in seeking shelter.

General Williams blazes a path straight through the accumulated military forces, the soldiers hurriedly parting before him as he murderously storms towards the monstergirls. He stops in front of them, staring like a man gone mad. Well, not as mad as you, but still.

"WHERE. IS. HEEEEEEE." The general hisses, his fists clenching and unclenching in some sort of approximation of something. Probably crushing your windpipe until it resembles a pretzel. A pretzel made of pipecleaners. WET pipecleaners.

"..........." You hold your breath, hoping he doesn't figure out your super special hiding place.

"He's in there." Zuli dully states, pointing at the tank's turret.

"WHY HATH THOUFORSAKEN ME!?!?" You scream, popping up from underneath the hatch to throw your hands skyward in despair.

"Because you most likely deserve it." Zuli replies, staring at you without a shred of sympathy.

"BUT THAT'S NO REASON TO----To.....tooooooo........." You trail off miserably as your gaze turns elsewhere. Namely, to the pissed-off general who has somehow managed to scale the tank in that short time of distraction. And is now looming over you with slaughter in his eyes.

"H-H-Hey there, General. How's the paperwork?" You shakily laugh, hoping that maybe he just wants to give you a donut or something.

You find your hopes to be in vain as he hauls you out of the tank by your neck and dangles you off the side of the tank, shaking you violently.

"LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINCOOOOOOOOOOOOOLN." He growls as he does his best to crush you to death.

"GLACK--GUUKKCH--MERCY---BLUUCKG---IT WAS ONE CASTLE---GAAAAAGHK!" You squawk.

"One castle? ONE castle!? You may have just started a WAR, you drunken WASTE OF SPACE!" His grip redoubles as you flail like a ragdoll.

"I----GUHURK---MADE UP FOR IT---AAGBLAAGH---I SWEAR--BLLGGJGH---ALLIANCE! I SECURED----NGGHLKLGH--AN ALLIANCE!----JBGGSBGGHKG----SPARE MY BOOZE PIPE!" You manage to choke out, face turning rapidly purple.

The wrathful hands of the General cease their crushing, though you're still being held over the edge of the tank. General Williams gaze bores into you like a frozen auger as you rapidly gasp for breath.

".......I was not told of this. You get one chance, Lincoln. Speak. Now."

PICKATOPICPICKATOPICPICKATOPIC

>Where to begin?

>Just to confirm, I'm just going to post all the plot posts, since to post ALL of the posts would be damn near impossible.

You take a deep breath as you prepare to use one of your most hated, yet effective skills in the name of getting out of this alive.

Sobriety.

"I'm going to be serious here for a moment, General, so bare with me. Your soldiers didn't talk with the non-humans as much as I did, so I can give you a lot more of a complete picture of the situation, and why we're actually in a good position to deal with this stuff."

"Enlighten me." Not fucking around today, is he?

"The current state of the world on the other side of the rift, or at least the continent we entered on, is one of war accompanied with by constant skirmishes. The humans and the non-humans alike are divided up into fractured and fragmented kingdoms, and though the sides are relatively united against one another, there's still constant infighting. It's a complete stalemate."

"Like the Baltic States in their more conflicting days?"

"From what I can tell, far worse. It's all fueled by a vicious cycle of violence and insane racism. And this is where I get to why we didn't want to ally with the humans anyway."

"I'm not following, but go ahead."

"The humans are racist dickbags, General. I shot Lord Douchwaffle because he was about to execute an innocent civilian. She was a different species, but she was innocent, and he just was looking for an excuse to kill her from the very beginning. So I....intervened."

"And then the noble ordered you attacked, so you fought back. Captain Johnson told me as much. In that, we can say we were provoked, but that's not going to cut it to justify a full-on conflict if we've managed to piss off the rest of the human kingdoms. And what reason could we have to side with other species against our own?"

"Because our own people are acting like a bunch of racist, war-mongering dickweeds. They're hopelessly backwards, and apparently ridiculously imperialistic to boot. Do you really want to end up dealing with that when the whole thing is over? Don't do the Cold War proxy war bullshit, General. You know how that turned out."

The General nods, seeming to take your words seriously. Though he still continues to dangle you above the ground, so you're not out of the woods yet.

"A fair point; they still use melee weapons, you found? Dear god, they wouldn't even be a challenge for our troops; it'd be wholesale slaughter. Though there is the magic issue; I have concerns about that front."

"From what I gathered, magic can be learned by anyone if you've got the money. We could easily use it for our own purposes. Not to mention anything they have that can threaten us we should be able to come up with countermeasures for; I'm not even sure they've HEARD of the scientific method. Or science."

The General thinks for a moment, before addressing you once again. "Despite your fair arguments, you're still leaving one important thing out." His eyes go frigid again. "We have ZERO guarantee that the other species have ANY interest in allying with us. So this 'alliance' of your better be the real deal."

You gulp audibly. "W-Well, see those foxgirls over there?" You point, and the General briefly follows your finger to glance at the youko. "I just made an agreement with their leader. They're bandits fro---"

"Bandits!? We're making alliances with criminals now!?" You feel his hands tightening again, and you quicken your verbal pace.

"Let me finish! They're bandits from a nearby village, but they don't have to be. I just made an agreement with them that in return for protection for their village and opening commerce, they'll provide us with help, intelligence, goods, you name it! Plus we'll get a chance to talk with all of the various fox tribes. We'll have a foothold into the non-human lands, both diplomatic and military! It may be informal, but it's the best chance we've got!' You nearly yell the last bit, hoping that he finds your actions acceptable enough to stay his wrath.

"..........this isn't bad. Your logic was sound, even if you were a complete moron in carrying it out. It will provide us a useful tactical and strategic advantage, and accelerate our research into how this realm and its inhabitants work."

General Williams slowly sets you back down, and you immediately hop down off the tank, him following close behind. You breathe a sigh of relief. FUCK, that was difficult.

You look back at the General again. "Y'know, general, they're an honest to god war-mongering, feudal society. You could totally use the excuse that we're bringing democracy."

To your pleasant surprise, the General chuckles. "Alright, that was pretty good. The politicians are going to LOVE that one."

General Williams turns around, and approaches a nearby soldier, who snaps to a salute. The general waves him down quickly. "I need you to head to the HQ tent, and grab Captain Johnson and his squad. Have him meet us in the logistics tent in fifteen. I then need you to come back here, and escort Mr. Lincoln and his......companions......to the same tent. Is that clear?"

The soldier blinks a few times before responding in a hesitant voice.

"Uhhhh, sir? They just left."

".......WHAT!?" The general whips around, noticing a distinct lake of crazy hobo and monstergirls. He then notices a message crappily scrawled in huge letters on the side of the Abrams.

"GETTING DINNER. AND BOOZE. TAKIN' MONSTERGIRLS. BE BACK LATER. LOL."

"................"

"...............sir?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGH!"

Two blocks away, you giggle as you drag Zuli in one hand and Iliana in the other down the street, Moira and the other youko following close behind. The general's scream echoes down the boulevard.

"Shouldn't we---"

"Nah. He'll be fine."

>Where to, valiant hobo?

[ ] [get dinner at a fancy restaurant]

[ ] [show the girls the horrific splendor of Burboun Street]

[ ] [go show off monstergirls to Old Jimmy]

[ ] [get booze, drink booze, repeat]

[ ] [other]

"La la la lalala, Sing a happy song...." You prance down the street like the imbecile you love being.

"Um.....Lincoln...? Where are we going?" Moira asks hesitantly. "And should we really have left that man back there? He seemed really angry....."


"Ahhhhhh, to hell with him. He made me actually think for once. I HATE thinking. So he'll just have to put up with me showing you around this magnificent city for a while."

"Well, I GUESS it wouldn't hurt to take a look around...." Zuli scoffs, trying very poorly to hide the amazed looks she's giving at all the bright lights and interesting buildings.

"You said everyone in your realm was a human, though. Will our appearances not spark some sort of panic?" Iliana questions.

"Don't you fret, madam youko---"

"Actually, I'm an inari. So is my sister. Though I have some youko on my mother's side."

"----ah. Well, I apologize for the confusion, then." You scratch your head sheepishly, but the foxgirl gives you a little dismissive wave.

"It's rather impressive that you know what our species are called at all. How DO you know, may I ask? The rest of your species seems completely clueless....."

"Magic." You're technically not lying; the Internet WOULD be like magic to them.

"But you said you didn't---"

"HEY LOOK, A LIQUOR STORE!" You shout, throwing your hands and whoopwhoopwhooping your way over to it, with the girls stumbling to follow.

You then proceed to smack directly into the door.

"........Ow."

The door then slides open with a whooshing noise, proceeding to smack you off of the window, because you apparently can't tell which is a window and which is a door.

"...........I need more booze, dammit."

Dusting yourself off as you haul yourself up from the ground, you walk inside the store, the monstergirl conclave following you in. They stare in every direction, blinking at the displays of booze of every type.

"There's so many....." Moira says in awe.

".........and they're so colorful....." The little sister Inari chimes in.

"This must be a merchant of great renown." Iliana opinions. you snicker at that little comment.

"Sorry, Iliana, but this is just a tiny little liquor store. Nothing fancy about it; just lots of booze."

"W-What!? But the sheer amount and variety---!"

"---Is absolutely normal here. It'll hurt your head if you think about it too much. Do what I do; just sit back and enjoy the ride." The inari looks ready to complain, but reluctantly closes her mouth as she realizes she's out of her element here.

You turn to go grab a few baskets, but stop when you see Zuli.

She's staring.

And staring.

And staring.

And.....drooling?

Ohohoho. Ohhhhh boy. You know what's going on.

"Zuuuuuliiiiiiiiiii......" you sing softly next to the red oni's ear. "Do you see something you liiiiiikeeee?"

The red oni doesn't respond; she just nods slowly.

"That's riiiiiiiight. You haven't had a decent drink since our little contest, have you? Eheheheheh." You lean in closer to whisper the next line directly in her ear.

"Go nuts, darling."

Aaaaaaaand she's off, grabbing bottle after bottle and stuffing them under her arms in a desperate attempt to end her impromptu absence from the world of alcohol. She even stuffs one between her tits. Wait, make that two. DAMN, those things are huge.

Cackling merrily, you grab several baskets and follow behind her, holding them out for her to dumb bottles into whenever her arms get too full. These girls reeeaaally know how get on your good side, don't they? This is going to be fuuuuun.

-15 MINUTES LATER-

The cashier stares at you in shock. Or at least tries to. The counter top is piled so high with liquor of every type he can barely look over it.

"U-uhhh........s-sir....i-if I c-could see some....."

"YOU GONNA TRY TO I.D. ME, BOY!? YOU THINK YOU GOT THE GUTS TO PULL THAT HORSESHIT!?" You bellow at him, slamming one foot on to the counter as if to climb over and smash his teeth in.

"N-No sir!" He squeaks, and hurriedly begins scanning the bottles as fast as he can.

".......what is 'eye dee'?" Iliana asks.

"Something incredibly annoying and we shall NEVER SPEAK OF IT AGAIN." you grouch. It's not YOUR fault you look younger without your damn beard......

"O.....kay....?" The inari stares at you with an odd expression.

-ANOTHER 15 MINUTES LATER-

W-w-well, sir. Your total comes to three thousand, five hundred and sixty two dollars and seventeen cents. W-Will that be cash or charge?"

You rummage around in your pocket before whipping out a credit card, thrusting it at the scared cashier. He quickly runs it through the machine and motions you towards the signature screen with the weird digital pen thing.

You try to get it to work, but it resists. So you smash your face against it instead and then jam the "Enter" key, which it seems to take as some sort of answer. HA! Take THAT, technology!

"H-H-Have a nice day...." The cashier squeaks out as he tries to hide behind the counter. You pay him no mind, having finished your need for him. You motion Zuli towards the small tower of boxes, which she hoists up into her arms with little to no effort. Striking a dramatic pose, you beat a rougish jaunt out the door, taking care not to run into it this time.

"Lincoln? What was that thing you paid with?" Moira asks curiously.

"Infinite money card."

-MEANWHILE-

"WHERE DID MY FUCKING WALLET GO!?!?!?!?" The general screams, tearing through the papers on the table.

-AND BACK AGAIN-

"Eheheheheheh."

Zuli eyes you suspiciously. ".....what'd you do this time?"

"I have no idea what you speak of, my dear oni beauty." You reply innocently, the causal compliment causing Zuli to sputter and blush.

"Y-Y-Yeah, right!" She protests, but says no more, preferring instead to stare off at more of the buildings. You mentally chuckle at how easy she is to catch off guard.

"Well, ladies. We've got our booze, we've got time, and we've got a whole goddamn city of debauchery and nonsense in front of us. Do you know what time it is?" You flip open the top box of the tower, grabbing a bottle of vodka out of it and quickly unscrewing it.

".......time to head back to the General?" Iliana ventures forth hesitantly. Boy, she really doesn't know you, does she? Well, no time like the present to teach her.

You take a massive swig from the bottle, delighting as the modern booze flows forth and begins seeping into your body. Sweet, sweet intoxication. You shall never be parted again.

You finish the entire, then proceed to hurl the bottle at a nearby Lexus. Fucking Lexuses. Poor man's luxury car, so they all compensate by driving like assholes.

The empty bottle crashes through the window, the car alarm immediately beginning to blare. All the monstergirls jump back in shock, Moira and the foxes covering their ears at the noise.

You give them a crazy grin, the spirit of this nutty city flowing back into you at full force. You beckon to them as you laugh wildly, spinning around to begin sprinting down the street while bellowing at the top of your lungs.

"IT'S PARTY TIME, BITCHES!"

>What do?

[ ] [Fuck yeah]

[ ] [Fuck yeah]

[ ] [Fuck yeah]

-40 MINUTES LATER-

"Da Da Da Da Da, HEY! Da Da Da Da Da---"

"--HEY!" Cheers the long line of complete strangers behind you, whooping and hollering as they pass around the various bottles you've been handing out like goddamn candy. This conga line must stretch like two blocks down Bourbon, you swear.

"Heheheh. You've got quite a following there, Lincoln." Zuli chuckles, swigging her own bottle of whiskey, which she seemed to like more than the rest of the types she tried,

"Evr---Evree--Everybody likesh (hic) Lincoln! How couldn't they? Hesh sho shexy." Moira giggles, on her second bottle of Bailey's.

"....hmmmm. Well.....he is rather well liked, I suppose...." Iliana drawls, dangling her empty bottle of Bacardi between her thumb and forefinger. "There must be something to it....." She lets out a muffled giggle. The coy little minx. She's just as drunk as the rest of us. How dare she try to hide it. You'll show her.

"Hey. HEY. Iliana. C'mere." You beckon with the hand not currently holding booze.

"Yeah, girl! Take care of your man! You've got the ears on already, don'tcha!?" Some sassy drunk chick whoops from the middle of the conga line as Iliana stumbles her way to meet you at the front.

"I.....muss admit....people are being rather nice...." She looks at you with slightly winded-eyes of wonder. "Why aren't they being weird....?"

"Probably 'cause they think it's a costume or summat. But most because people are (hic) stupid. Me included." you giggle as you swig down another copious amount of alcohol.

"Well... I 'spose that's alright...." She quitely muses, rolling her eyes.

"Hey, I just wanted (hic) to welcome you to the (hic) team, yeah? We have this sort of tradition...."

"Oh? An' what's that?" Iliana raises an eyebrow at you, trying to hold her poker face longer than she did when you first drank together. A good effort, but in vain.

You answer her in your usual fashion.

"HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!"

"KYAAAAAAAH!?"

Ahhhhh, foxgirl breasts. They're not as big as Zuli's, but they're still respectable. And quite firm, as well. For the briefest of moments, your life is filled with joy.

......and a half-second later, your life is filled with pain, on account of you eating the wall.

"Grrrrrrbbmmllfmm." Your muffled groan emanates from the slight gap between you and the brick.

"GODDAMNIT, LINCOLN! I can't BELIEVE you thought you could get away with that at this point! DO YOU LEARN NOTHING!?" Zuli fumes, having punched you clear across the street to dislodge you from Iliana's tits.

You grunt as you fall to the ground, your vision swimming as you attempt to reorient yourself. "I would, but (hic) it's hard to learn anything when your short-term (hic) memory is filled with the feel of boobies."

"UUUUUUGH. I don't know what I see in your stupid ass sometimes." She grumbles.....

.....only to freeze a second later when she realizes where she is. She slowly turns to face to gawking conga line, not to mention the numerous people who have stopped to watch the unfolding drama.

You grin wolfishly. "Awwwww, Zuli. No need to be jealous. You know I'll always make time for you."

The oni girl goes crimson in an instant. "I-I-I-IDIOT! Wh-Wh-What kind of embarrassing shit are you saying in front of all these people!?!?"

You put on a pouty face. "Awwwwww........but I want everyone to know how much I love yoooooouuu......."

Zuli says nothing. Well, nothing coherent. What comes out is some sort of combination between a gasp and a squeak, while being muffled by the hands she just clenched over her mouth.

"OI! Hobo-man! What gives!? You trying to two-time here!?" An upset-looking fellow a few dozen people back voices his complaints. They are met with several voices of agreement and grumbles of discontent. Oh, right. Fucking prudish Americans.

"OHOHO! Ladies and gentlemen, you have it all wrong!" You stride up to Zuli and throw your arm around her shoulder. "This girl and I have a wonderful, loving arrangement. And the foxgirl is the newest part of that. As well as the rest of them."

"H-Hey......wait a moment...wha's that supposed to....." Iliana makes a weak attempt at something resembling a protest.

"SHUT UP AND GET IN THE HAREM, DELICIOUS FOXGIRLS." You shut her down before you she can finish the statement. "If you didn't know it was headed this way already, you weren't paying attention."

"B-B-But---But--! You can't just----!" Zuli strangles out from her deer-in-the-headlights position. She stops however, when she feels a tap on her shoulder.

"......?" Zuli looks over to find Moira wobbling unsteadily, looking up at her with sympathy in her eyes.

"Awwwwwww, Zshuli......don't be shad." Moira slurs, patting the confused red oni on the shoulder. "You know Lincoln caresh about all of ush."

"But! I mean, yes, but--! He--he can't just---"

"Hesh gonna do it anywaysh. You shouldn't worry 'bout it too musch. You should do what I do...."

Moira's face grows a sly little smile as she places both her wingclaws behind Zuli's head. "......and enjoy the fringe benefitsh."

Zuli's eyes fly open in shock as the werebat yanks her head down, where Moira's lips crash hungrily down on her own.

"Mmmmmmnnmm!?" Zuli attempts to clumsily struggle, flapping her arms awkwardly as the short batgirl ravages her mouth. It doesn't last long though.

"Mmmmmmmmmm." Zuli's eyes lid as her cries of protest turn to slight moans. Her arms find their way around Moira's waist as she leans deeper into the sloppy drunken kiss. You can definitely see some tongues trading blows. It's amazing.

"..............never mind, Hobo-Man. YOU HAVE CREATED THE GREATEST THING EVER." The formerly upset man joins the rest of the line in whooping at the delicious lesbian makeouts.

"I AM THE KING OF HOBOS!" You roar, Iliana shrieking again as you grab her ass in the confusion.

"OI! What's going on here!? No blocking the road!" you turn at the sound of someone who apparently thinks they're important.....

.....only to find the shouting coming from a policeman on horseback. Oooooh shit. It's the fuzz.

"Lincoln Bismuth!? Is it you causing all the trouble around here? What, did you steal another fucking ethanol tanker and start using it as a keg again?" The policeman sarcastically asks, though you notice he's sneaking glances at the delicious monstergirl makeouts like everyone else.

"Errr.....well.....you see, officer....."

>What do?

[ ] [explain partnership with military]

[ ] [claim diplomatic immunity]

[ ] [FUCK DA POLICE]

[ ] [imbibe shitloads of liquor]

[ ] [other]

"......I've been working with the military nearby as a subcontractor. And these girls are all my employees! Yep, that's what they are. So I have diplomatic immunity. So you can't arrest me. Yeeeeep. So I'm just gonna go back to watching this.....yeah." You give an extremely cheesy grin as you try your damnedest to believe this will actually work.

The police officer stares at you for a long moment before responding.

"That has GOT to be among your worst excuses, Lincoln. You must be more drunk than usual, and THAT would be an achievement for ANYONE. I'm gonna have to book you down at the station for this one; the nearby bar owners are getting upset at the lost sales." The officer makes to spur his steed forward. Crap. Only one way left to deal with this.

"FUCK DA POLICE!" You scream as you hurl your now empty bottle at the officer. He curses as the bottle impacts his head, shattering all over the street.

"LINCOLN, YOU STUPID SACK OF---" He roars as he clutches his head in pain, but you're not about to stick around to hear him finish.

"RUN AWWAAAAAAAAAY!" You shriek, ripping Zuli's face off of Moira's as you grab her hand to pull her down a nearby side street. You grab Iliana's hand as well, hauling her off Bourbon as you make good your opportunity to flee. The rest of the foxgirls follow close behind, while Moira......well, Moira is still dangling off of Zuli as you run.

"Zshulliiiiii.......I want more kishesh." She giggles, claws still wrapped around her shoulders.

"N-N-NOW IS NOT THE TIME, MOIRA!" Zuli yells as she flees down the street with you, the unfortunate police officer shouting after you to halt.

"So there IS a time for it, then?" You cackle as you drag them around a street corner, in full-on arrest evasion mode.

"YOU JUST HIT A GUARD IN THE FACE AND YOU'RE STILL SAYING SHIT LIKE THAT!?" Zuli angrily takes a swing at your head, which you duck.

"At least he's consistent......" Iliana mumbles, still rather confused at what's going on. "Is this.....normal for you all?"

"It never ends." Zuli groans.

"SHADDUP AND RUN!" You howl as you flee further into the city, trying to shake the niggling sense of deja vu.

>Where to now?

[ ] [go find Old Jimmy]

[ ] [figure out a nice resteraunt and go to dinner]

[ ] [imbibe liquor]

[ [other]

"........ I think we lost him." You clutch your chest as you pant from the sudden exertion of effort. You HATE expending effort.


"Why the FUCK did you attack the town guard, you MORON!?" Zuli huffs, giving you yet another in her constant barrage of death-glares.

"........I don't wanna go to the pokey....." You whine, giving her your best approximation of puppy-dog eyes.

"What the hell is the pokeee?"

"A horrible place full of boring and assrape. Moving on." You spring upright, switching subjects instantly. "Well, we made it to the riverfront; the police usually don't bother chasing me. Well, at least not bothering to put me at the top of the priority list. So we don't have THAT much chance of getting arrested."

"Somehow....that fails to reassure me." Iliana retorts, mumbling it aside. She's still rather bemused by the whole situation, but she's starting to catch on what she's in for. Thankfully, all agreements with you are lifetime, only ending with a mutual agreement, or when everything is either dead, on fire, or both. NO OUT OF THE HAREM FOR YOU, FOXGIRL.

"Well, let's get something to eat! I imagine you girls are hungry, and New Orleans has awesome food. Not that I would know; I usually just steal shit. But I've heard---"

You stop as what you think you rename as your "Zuli Punch Radar" starts ringing. But you're not getting the same vibes of pure rage. Something's off---

The cane barely manages to register in the corner of your eye.

[roll 1d20 to avoid cane drubbings]

Oh, you're ready for him this time.

You duck instinctively this time, wind wooshing in your ears as you hear the cane pass overhead.

"HA! MISSED!" You shout, your face turning smug.

You are then knocked on your ass from the quickly subsequent second strike aimed as your kneecaps.

"BWOOOF!" The wind hurtles out of your lungs as you impace the pavement.

"BOY! What the hell did you do this time, ya twerp? I'm already down from one to zero legs 'cause of ya! I don't need to be losin' anymore!"

You look up to see, who else, Old Jimmy, just as ornery and legless as usual, sitting above you in his wheelchair. You go to grab his wheels to repeat your flipping maneuver, but he's apparently one step ahead of you.

"AAAAAAUUGH! GETOFFGETOFFGETOFF!" You screech as he partially rolls his wheels onto your hands.

"Fess up first! I don't want no part of any shenanigans or explosions you managed to cause!" The old man whacks you in the forehead with the cane again.

"AGH! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING, THE COPS ARE JUST A BUNCH OF FASCISTS! LEGGO MY HANDS!" You holler, attempting to axe your foot into his crotch.

The old man "harrumphs", and dutifully rolls off your hands, which you begin massaging almost immediately. "Well, y'aint tryin' to act innocent, so things can't be that bad. It's when I DON'T see you that I start to worry."

Old Jimmy eyes you with stern, beady glare. "Which brings me to my next question; where the hell have you been!? I haven't seen you in days, Lincoln! I thought you had finally bought it or somethin'! And now you come back here after kidnapping some weird type of strippers---"

"WHO'S A STRIPPER!?!?" Zuli shouts. Apparently, they also have strippers where she's from. Good thing to keep in mind. For cultural research. Yeah.

"I didn't kidnap them, ya old man! And they're not strippers. They're wonderful ladies and they're with me voluntarily."

You feel the heat of several judging glares boring into the back of your head.

"Well, MOSTLY voluntarily." You correct.

Old Jimmy stares at you for a few moments before shaking his head slowly.

"Damn, Lincoln, can't believe you would tell lies like that to me. I thought we had an honest relationship, boy."

"I'M NOT LYING, YOU STUPID COOT! AND WHEN HAVE WE EVER BEEN HONEST!?" You shriek, pointing an accusing finger at the old man.

"Why, you wound me, young man. I've always tried to be very hones---"

"Screw your shit! What about that time you told me there was a convoy of scotch tankers heading through the city and gave me a motorcycle to go chase them?"

"Well, it was the info I had at the time! I wouldn't want to deprive you of an opportunity. Heheheh."

"THE MOTORCYCLE'S WHEELS FELL OFF AND THE TANKERS WERE FILLED WITH GASOLINE!"

"Psssssh, not like you don't drink everything anyway."

"I don't drink EXPLOSIONS, old man. Eat them to the face, yes, but that's usually non-consensual." You growl as you face down your eternal hobo adversary.

"Which I always have to make sure you live through, so don't you be talkin' back when I decide to give you shit." The old man waves his cane at you, smirk adorning his face. "Now, why don't you tell me who these girls really are?"

>What do?

[ ] [tell him the truth, see if he believes it]

[ ] ["costumes! They're costumes, I swear."

[ ] [taunt Old Jimmy with monstergirl superiority]

[ ] [distract with repayment of 'borrowed' booze]

[ ] [imbibe liquor]

[ ] [other]

"Women who are faaaaar out of your reach, ya old fogey. Though that's not saying much, with you being stuck in that chair and all."

"I make up for the lost height where it counts, you little bastard." The elderly hobo fires back, scowling. "And what's so special about these broads? Any man worth his salt can get a woman in costume."

You smirk, popping a bottle of Grand Marnier out of the backpack you stole from some street tourist while conga lining down Bourbon. Prying off the top, you begin chugging as Old Jimmy looks on in slight surprise.

"What, decided to upgrade to higher fare than bleach this evening? Which poor bastard had to get killed for your addiction this time?"

You say nothing, instead deciding to pull out surprise number two while he's not expecting it. Still smirking, you shuffle over to Iliana.....

......and bury your face in her tails.

"Fluuuuuuuuuuuuuffyyyyyyyyy......" You croon as you rub the deliciously soft tails all over your face.

"H-HYAAAAAAAAAAAH!? S-SIR LINCOLN, D-DON'T DO THA---HAAAAHHN---TH-TH-THEY'RE VERY SENSITIIIIIVEEEE......." The normally composed inari yelps and squeals as her tails squirm in your grasp, flipping about at the unexpected stimulation. A small, muffled moan leaks out of her mouth as she attempts to control herself under the circumstances. You, of course, only stroke harder.

Old Jimmy's mouth drops open, wheeling himself back almost two feet as he stares in shock at the struggling foxgirl.

"Tha-Tho--Those are real!? Then.....then so are those wings....." His stare roams from Moira to Zuli. ".....and those horns......" He pales visibly and begins hollering nonsense as his superstitions kick in.

"LORD HAVE MERCY! THE DEMONS HAVE COME TO DESTROY US ALL! OHHHHH, WE MUST SEEK SALVATION AT THE END OF ALL THINGS, WHERE MAGIC, FAITH AND MAN MUST ONCE AGAIN BECOME ONE! THE LORD AND HIS POWE----"

Yeah, you might want to calm him down before he breaks a blood vessel. But mostly because he's being REALLY annoying.

>What do?

[ ] [explain situation]

[ ] [leave Old Jimmy to his rambling]

[ ] [ask for good restaraunt location]

[ ] [Sparta Kick wheelchair into oncoming traffic]

[ ] [imbibe liquor]

[ ] [other]

Alright, you've had just about enough of this. Old man sass is one thing, but NOBODY insults the monstergirls. I mean, not only is it pretty much inaccurate, but with regards to Zuli, it's just straight-up racism.

Time for a smackdown of epic hobo level proportions.

"SHUT UP, YOU GODDAMN GERIATRIC GEEZER!" You roar, grabbing Old Jimmy's wheelchairs by the arm rests. You then proceed to tilt him backwards to the point just before he falls out, leaving him dangling loosely from the seat.

"AGH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE! What the SHIT, Lincoln!?" The old man curses, trying to swat you with his cane. His efforts are cut short though, when you grab his cane mid-swing, not even bothering to look at it directly. You haul on the cane, bringing him back upright. His wheelchair slams back down with a crash, the old man grunting at the impact. You then bring your face within inches of his, rage-filled glare boring into him.

"Now you listen here, old man. They are not demons, they are not evil, they are NONE of that shit. You will treat them with dignity and respect, or I will make sure you never see your next social security check. NOBODY fucks with my monstergirls. Nobody except me." You hiss the words at the old man, who stares at you with a look of bewilderment and slight fear. He slowly nods his head in affirmation.

"Good. NOW BEGONE, WRETCH!" You roar, standing upright, releasing his cane and kicking his wheelchair backwards into the street with one fluid motion. Old Jimmy screeches as he hurtles across the street, somehow threading his way through the zooming traffic until his wheelchair hits the curb, catapulting him backwards into some bushes. You ignore his cursing as you turn around, striding past your lady companions as you whip a pair of sunglasses out of a pocket and don them.

"Let's go, ladies. There's a town to wreck." They stare at you in shock for a few moments before stumbling after you.

".....is he.....usually....that.....'assertive'...?" Iliana slowly says, a slight bit of red coloring her face.

"I wish." Zuli mumbles blankly, an odd look in her eyes.

"LINCOLN IS SHEEEEEXSHY!" Moira sings out as she continues to nuzzle the crook of Zuli's neck in her inebriation. Zuli has seemed to stop caring.

You merely stride confidently down the sidewalk, staring straight ahead with a smirk.

..........shit. you forgot to ask him what a good restaurant was. Not so cool. You really need to plan your dramatic speeches better.

Ah, whatever. You're just going to wing it.

Having reached the main boulevard, you spot what appears to be some sort of fancy clothes store. Well, that's a good start. Maybe with fancy enough threads you can fool whatever restaurant staff you encounter long enough to get a meal they figure out how drunk you all are. Flawless logic. Besides, bitches love nice clothes almost as much as they love hobos. And it's not like YOU'RE paying for it....

-MEANWHILE-

"I HAD IT RIGHT IN MY BACK POCKET! WHERE THE FUCK DID IT GO!?"

-AND BACK TO THE HOBO-

Marching right up to the door, you smash it open with you foot, the little electronic ding-dong sounding almost quaint against the massive crash as the door impacts the wall next to it.

"WE NEED FABRICS, BITCHES!" You shout at the top of your lungs, half of the shop's employees half-hiding behind the clothes racks in fear.

>What do you want to wear?

-1 HOUR LATER-

The door feebly ding-dongs as you stride back through it, a smirk on your face as you regard the outside world with crossed arms. Your cabal files out the door after you, throwing fleeting glances of sympathy at the traumatized employees. Pah, pansies. You only made them take the pockets off of HALF the suits in the store.....

The wind sends your massive baroque coat billowing behind you, the chains attached to your belt jingling along with it (not that you're really sure what they're for, but hey, shiny). The zoot suit that forms the base of your new outfit looks clean and pressed; you can't remember the last time you had clothes this nice. Or something that could be called "clothes" instead of "alcohol-soaked rags". And the hat in your head is a nice touch. You particularly like the obscenely long feather stuck in it. Is it a fucking peacock feather or something? Who knows.

You straighten your tie (mostly to look distinguished) and look back at the sharply-dressed ladies behind you. Damn, what a good suit can do. Not that they weren't hot already, but still.

Moira's uniform is still intact; you just had them make a few modifications to it. Like the a nicer tie and undershirt. And some sort of sleeve things for the arms of her wings. And then tassle-laden epaullettes. And THEN you made them put gold trim all over the thing because fuck it, why not?

Zuli, obviously already suited for suits (hoho, you're so clever), is now clad in one of the more modern variety, though you made sure she still went with a frilly undershirt. You also included a top hat to hide her horns with, not that you give a shit what people think, but because it amused you.

The foxgirls, you decided to color coordinate, dressing them all in striking white suits to match their hair and tail colors. Because then you can say they're an assassination. A drunken assassination squad. That assassinates people. With booze. Really, you'd be doing them a favor.

"I feel all shilky." Moira happily slurs, stroking her newly pressed suit.

Zuli looks similarly in awe, running her hand down the side of her new suit jacket."....I've never felt cloth so.....so smooth. Lincoln, how the fuck can you afford th---"

"DO NOT QUESTION THE FREE MONEY CARD." You boom before she can finish.

"This shop......it's incredible. You could find nobles wearing something like this." Iliana looks a bit in shock, patting herself over and over again. The other foxgirls do the same.

Oh right. Bandits. They've probably never been able to afford something expensive in their lives. Well, as long as you're spending money.....

"Allllllrighty then. Now that we look sufficiently stupendous....." You pause, taking your sunglasses out of one of the ridiculous number of pockets sewn onto your coat and donning them. ".......put on your sunglasses, ladies. We're going to wine and dine like classy motherfuckers."

"Why do we need to wear those weird things? They make it harder to see. And it's nighttime."

"DO NOT QUESTION THE DRESS CODE!" You roar once again, getting odd stares as you continue to strike a formidable pose. In the middle of the street. While the cars continue to honk.

.....Haters gonna hate.

-30 MINUTES LATER-

"Welcome to Arnaud's sir, can.....I....help....you.......?" The concierge trails off as his face contorts in slightly intimidated confusion.

You stare at him through your sunglasses, flanked by your entourage of well-dressed ladies. The concierge looks like he wants to hid behind his podium.

"Monstergirl Mafia's here, bitch."

>How do you seek to get access to the restaurant?

[ ] [lie your way in]

[ ] [intimidate the crap out of the hapless concierge]

[ ] [summon the owner and make him a deal]

[ ] [imbibe liquor]

[ ] [other]

File: 1355290998588.jpg-(116 KB, 450x1288, Fuckin zoot suit.jpg)

~~~~~END OF FLASHBACK~~~~~

And that brings us to our current situation.

To make sure, I remind everyone that Lincoln is now dressed in a combination of this.....

File: 1355291088916.jpg-(45 KB, 360x600, Base Coat Idea.jpg)

And a really oversized and billowing version of this, with pockets sewn all over the damn thing. Our booze-carrying capacity has increased by something-something percent.

>>22004688
>[X] [lie your way in]
>[X] [intimidate the crap out of the hapless concierge]

>>22004738
I KNOW you were in the last thread. How long did you have to wait for me to finish my recap avalanche before posting?

>>22004761
I saw the thread after you were done

>>22004778
Well, that's good then. Just putting everything from "the thread that sup/tg/ forgot" in here to make sure nobody misses anything.

Well shit, guess it's time for some more lurking.
[x] [Lie your way in]

Meh, three responses is enough to warrant the next post. I'm in a good mood.

Lemme open up this Abita Amber first, though.

"............right this way, sir." The concierge, suddenly strangely calm, beckons for you to follow him. You dutifully swagger down the hallway after him, until----

"Here we are." The concierge monotones, opening a door marked "kitchen." Why did he bring you to OH LORDY THAT'S A LOT OF TENTACLES.

You barely have time to scream as the prehensile appendages lash out, whipping around your limbs and hauling your flailing body into the grasp of the wriggling mass of tentacles that appears to be.....wearing a chef's hat? What the fuck.

Your confusion is stonewalled, however, as you are assaulted by a dark treat, a mixture of pain and pleasure. Your new clothes vanish, melting away even as the tentacles move to embrace your erogenous zones with their slimy touch. The smaller ones curl around your cock, pumping up and down with vigor even as others invade your orifices, all teasing, prodding, caressing.

Looking around, you notice that none of the girls have escaped this sensual experience. Zuli groans, feebly struggling against her living bonds even as the tentacles thrust in and out of her nether regions. Moira, apparently a bit more accepting, coos deliriously as the tentacles bathe her wings in a sticky massage, licking at the secretions with hazy, lust-filled eyes. The foxgirls writhe against each others, breasts being kneaded and tongues intertwining as the tentacles pleasure them simultaneously. Looks like they're no strangers to experimentation. Though you doubt they've ever tasted such sins as these.

So enraptured are you all in the constant assault of pleasure and sensations, orgasms flowing forth like water, that you hardly notice yourself fading away, in both mind and body. Your flesh melting, your bones crumbling, muscle and sinew yielding their tension to the unstoppable touch of the creature's secretions. The moans of the girls fade, even as your own muffled cries dampen, your vision fading to black as oblivion takes you.

The creature sucks up the secretions of your ended essences, funneling them out a central tentacle into a large bowl. A few of the tentacles ladle portions into smaller bowls, which are then handed to a nearby waiter, eyes as blank and dead as the concierge's. He smiles faintly as he carries out the bowl-covered tray out to the main restaurant floor, approaching one table in particular.

"And here is your soup, General. We hope you enjoy your meal; it's on the house, after all." The waiter smiles his vacant gaze at General Williams, who doesn't seem to take notice.

"Finally. I'll need a good meal after all of this crap I've been dealing with." The General grumbles, dipping his spoon in and bring the first portion to his lips, slurping it down with hunger.

General Williams smacks his lips, thinking for a moment before delivering his verdict.

"Could use some salt."

>Restaurant/General DOUBLE VORE
>WHAT SAY YOU NOW

>>22005169
Alright I didn't expect us to be eaten by the general, I'll admit that.

Rolled 5

>>22005169

MY GOD!!! you really were pent up after all those 20s...
anyway, intimidate the concierge with our HOBO-SWAG and ask/demand for a booth table for 6...

>>22005169
I had forgotten about that 1. Now on to the 20

>[X] Intimidating Lies of Intimidation

"We've got a reservation here, stooge. An expensive reservation. At the best goddamn table you have. Everything is already paid for. And you are making me wait."

You lower your sunglasses slightly to glare at him over the top of the. "Do you know how much I hate to wait?"

The concierge flinches back, panic showing on his face as he fumbles with his reservation list. "U-U-Uh, y-y-yes s-sir! L-Let me j-just h-have your n-name-----"

"BOY, DID YOU JUST ACTUALLY ASK MY NAME!?!?!?" You bellow, whipping off your sunglasses and leaning over the podium to leer directly into his face. "DON'T YOU GO TELLIN' ME YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM! I WILL END YOU! I WILL END YOU AND THIS WHOLE GODDAMN RESTAURANT!"

"O-O-Of course not, sir! A-Arnaud's is a-always grateful f-f-for your presence! I-I-I'll show you t-to y-your table r-right away!" The concierge, looking to be on the verge of tears, flees the scene through the doors to the main restaurant. You leisurely swagger after him. None can stand before the Hobo Swag. It's Swaggity.

"Lincoln, are you out of your mind!? What if they actually check the list!?" Zuli whispers angrily at you.

"Meh. I'll just lockpick my way out the nearest exit. No big deal."

"You can use a lockpick?" Iliana queries, the subject having caught her interest.

"Master lockpicking is one of my best skills." You proudly state, leaving out what your interpretation of lockpicking actually is.

"Hmmmmm. We could use that kind of skill.....have you ever thought about being a bandit?" The inari smiles a bit, eyes somehow still tricky through her still lingering inebriation.

"Why be a bandit when you could be an EMPRAH!" You yell the last word, the entirety of the restaurant turning to stare at you in confusion.

Zuli sighs, face in her hand for the umpteenth time. "Lets......lets just get to our table."

The concierge leads you up a set of stairs to a large booth table on a balcony floor, overlooking the rest of the restaurant. You do a dive leap onto the booth, sliding down the length of it with a squeaking noise until you crash into the end wall with a clonking noise.

"Gah! DAMN YOU, WALL!" You roar, punching the wall for good measure as you right yourself. The girls took their seats while you were struggling upright.

The concierge quickly hands you all menus before scurrying off, presumably to change his underwear. TIME TO EAT!

......But what?

>Pick food for Lincoln and co, /tg/

>http://www.arnaudsrestaurant.com/menus/

>There's the menus, use 'em

>>22005515
Which day is it?

>>22005611
Do you really think the drunken hobo knows? Or cares?

Rolled 19

>>22005515
well lets eat shall we
Appetisers:
Smoked Pompano Bourgeois & Mushrooms Véronique

Main:
Crawfish O’Connor & Roast Louisiana Quail Elzey

Desert: ALL OF THEM (to share, aka indirect kisses everywhere)

and their finest selection o...ALL of their wines.

Rolled 16

>>22005515

6 x Oysters Arnaud
4 x Roast Louisiana Quail Elzey (fox girls)
1 x Pontchartrain (moria)
2 x Filet Mignon au Poivre (zuli & us)
2 x Souflé Potatoes
1 x Sautéed baby Vegetables
1 x Smothered Okra
3 x Bananas Foster for Two
6 x Thamyris
6 x French 75

I DON'T KNOW WHAT ANY OF THIS IS!!!

>>22005654
Like I have any fucking idea either. I just picked a fancy restaurant.

Rolled 9

>>22005648
also I was only ordering for Lincoln aside from the desserts.

>>22005654
This with all the deserts.

>>22005621
Point taken. I'll vote to start off with the Crab Claws Provencale as an appetizer, because fuck yes crab meat. Go for the HOLY SHIT GATOR SAUSAGE afterwards. Jesus man, you know how to make a guy hungry, and I just ate.
Also, might be a bit nitpicky here, but shouldn't our troupe be sort of awed at the inside of this restaurant? Also, can they read the language, or does the portalworld have another language, assuming they can read THAT language(Then again since they can speak english I guess the written language is the same)?

some when, some how we need to recreate this...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2SJjnyTojo

Shit, sorry. Had to grab food; hadn't eaten much of anything all day. Delicious mealtime shall commence soon.

>>22005690
It's hard to be in awe of something when there's a drunken hobo continuously doing stupid things to draw your attention.

As for the language, writing, etc? Well.....guess you'll just have to keep playing.

Rolled 5

>>22005691
I'm now imagining undead monster girls Russian into battle too this song. And I have no idea how the two concepts are related.

".....erm......Lincoln....." Iliana speaks up hesitantly, face awash with confusion. "....what....are all these things?" She stares at the menu haplessly.

"No idea." You cheerfully reply. You are met with a frustrated groan from Zuli.

"You took us to eat something without knowing what it serves!? Gloriandammit, you're so stupid...."

"Eeeaaasy, Zuli, easy. I got this covered." You confidently smirk, eyes falling on the waitress as she approaches.

"Welcome to Arnaud's, sir. What can I---"

"I WANT ALL OF YOUR WINES!" You bellow, pointing dramatically at the shocked waitress until Zuli smacks you over the head.

"Leave the poor woman alone and STOP SCREAMING! Does your volume correspond with how ridiculous your clothing looks!? Order something BESIDES booze!" Zuli scowls at you, not that you can see, what with your head smashed into the table.

"Don't be dissin' mah clothes...." You mumble, wrenching your face free from the table. Composing yourself, you turn back to the open-mouthed waitress with a smile.

"I stand by my previous order. Furthermore, I'd like to order six Oysters Arnaud, four Roast Louisiana Quail Elzey, one Pontchartrain, two Filet Mignon au Poivre, two Soufle Potatoes---"

"You're just picking random shit off the list aren't you?"

"---one Sauteed Baby Vegetables, one Smothered Okra---"

"Whash a shmothered okraaa? Shoundsh funny."

"----three Bananas Foster for Two, six Thamyris, six French 75, one Crab Claws Provencale, one Smoked Pompano Bourgeois & Mushrooms Veronique----"

"I think there might be an inari in our village named Veronique...."

"one Crawfish O'Connor, one Gator Sausage, and one of EACH of the deserts." You gasp air into your lungs, having managed to get that all out in one breath. The waitress looks pained, her hand scribbling the order down haplessly.

"Erm....I...I see. Is that all?" She ventures a question, as if afraid to know the answer. You dismiss her worries with a disinterested wave of your hand.

"Nope, that's it. Bring foodstuffs, please. I is hungry." The waitress nods and hurries off.

With an order like THAT, it should take a while. Which leaves you at a very nice dinner table with six lovely monstergirl ladies. No time like the present to engage in some small talk.

>What should you talk about, and with whom?

[ ] [ask for any questions about the world]

[ ] [try to get to know the foxgirls better]

[ ] [have drunken conversation with Moira]

[ ] [verbally spar with Zuli]

[ ] [imbibe liquor due to impatience]

[ ] [other]

>>22006441
ask questions about the world. after all, if we are going to rule it, we should at least know all the good boozing spots. information about who we get to swag/intimidate/hobo to death is also welcome. as is knowledge of more girls to add to the harem...

Rolled 16

>>22006469

forgot name and roll....

Rolled 19

>>22006441
[ ] ask for any questions about the world

[ ] try to get to know the foxgirls better

[ ] have drunken conversation with Moira

[ ] verbally spar with Zuli

[ ] imbibe liquor

when you can't decide all of the above

Gonna just take my sleep break now when the thread is relatively quiet.

Don't worry, I've got some good ideas for what's coming up next, and I cannot wait to write them. You'll get 'em the moment I wake up.

>>22006769
have a pleasant rest good king of hobos...

File: 1355305909023.jpg-(649 KB, 825x1275, 1354331572014.jpg)

Check your Twitter, Hobo King. I have sent you instructions on how to Archive a thread on Sup/tg/.

>>22006479 has my vote.

>>22006862
That one was a real good read. Also going for>>22006479.

>>22006479

[current number here] 'ed

in other note: the general has a big credit limit doesn't he? how many stars does he have again?

Rolled 8

What we need to find is a trap door spider girl... then we could stage sexy tiem ambushes...

>>22006862

Thanks for that. I know how to archive one, per say; I just forgot this time. And didn't expect the thread to 404 when it did. My fault for being distracted by finals, I guess.

And yeah, I'm back awake now. You people just want to talk about ALL the things, don't you?

>>22008533
We're traditional gamers, mon. We loves us the dialog tree.

Rolled 9

>>22006441
>>22006441
Trade questions with the foxgirls, start general, how many people in their village and whatnot, then aisle through what they want to do with themselves, then finish up asking what underwere they're wearing.

>>22006441
>[x] ask for any questions about the world
>[x] try to get to know the foxgirls better

Rolled 6

>>22008533
ALL THE THINGS. Such as what sort of marriage customs do they have for polygamist groups?

Well, may as well start off with most obvious of basic questions.

"WHO'S UP FOR AN ORGY!?"

THWAM

"BLAACGK!" Your strangled shout of pain is slightly lessened in volume. Mostly because Zuli has smashed your head into the table again.

"Do. You. Think. About. ANYTHING. ELSE." The perpetually angry red oni grinds out each word as you once again attempt to dislodge your face.

"Booze."

"That makes you not think, dumbass."

"Oh. Well, then. No." You start to snicker, only to stop with a gulp as Zuli's eyes promise free flights off the balcony.

"Eheheheeeeeeh...." You laugh nervously, taking another swig from your newest bottle (you have no idea where you pulled it from). "Moving on, then. I hope you all don't mind if ask you a few friendly questions, do you?"

"About?" Zuli states curtly, arms still tensed in case she needs to hurt you again.

"Well, about you. And your world. And.....pretty much everything, I guess. I'm gonna be honest, I really have no idea what's going on. Not that it's not fun as shit. But still." You find yourself actually speaking serious words with serious intentions. Holy shit, you must be really hungry. Or really drunk. Or drunkry.

"Well......" Illiana takes a sip of the glass of complementary water in front of her before continuing. She holds the glass funny. Must be medieval etiquette or something. "....What is it you would like to start with?"

>Question grilling time.
>Get intel, /tg/

[ ] [tell me about your village: numbers, location, etc.]

[ ] [Are there other continents beside the Glorian one? What the hell does this place look like?]

[ ] [What's the makeup of the non-human lands?]

[ ] [How DO you get those tails to be so fluffy?]

[ ] [WHO'S UP FOR A BOOB SQUEEZING COMPETITION?]

[ ] [So, what the hell are the other foxgirls named? They've been kinda quiet....]

[ ] [What do the laws say about bitchin' harems?]

[ ] [imbibe liquor]

[ ] [other]

>Will do each question as a short burst post
>Let fly with the questions and shit

Rolled 3

>>22009553
What the hell are your companions names? Is it Cassandra? I bet it's Cassandra.

>>22009553
[x] [Are there other continents beside the Glorian one? What the hell does this place look like?]

>>22009595
Followed by [x] [How DO you get those tails to be so fluffy?]

>>22009553
>[ ] [So, what the hell are the other foxgirls named? They've been kinda quiet....]
>[ ] [Are there other continents beside the Glorian one? What the hell does this place look like?]
>>[ ] [How DO you get those tails to be so fluffy?]
>[ ] [What's the makeup of the non-human lands?]
>[ ] [other]
>[ ] [Ask Moira and Zuli about their homeland/places]

"Erm......well, I know YOUR name, Illiana, but.....who are the rest of your companions?" You gesture to the three other foxgirls sitting at the table. "They haven't said much since our agreement."

Illiana looks at her companions with a bit of a bemused look, with a hint of a grimace leaking through. "Ah. Yes. Well, you see.....they don't exactly....agree with me on our agreement. I'm afraid they still don't trust you. Not that I do either, of course---" You wilt a little bit at that statement. "---But they're of the opinion that we shouldn't deal with you at all."

"HE TIED US UP AND MOLESTED US!" One of the foxgirls, who you recognize as having wielded the crossbow, blurts out. The one who had the shortswords nods in agreement, shooting a glare at you.

"Cassandra, will you shut up!? We're obviously in some kind of dining hall for the rich and powerful, and I won't have you ruin this! Besides, it was a little groping, it won't kill you." Iliana huffs, apparently preferring to deal with her companions in a much more casual manner.

"Cassandra, eh? Nice name. Pretty fancy." You smirk at the now-named crossbow-wielding foxgirl, who shoots a frustrated glare at you.

"Oh great, now you know my name! Now never try to use it. Just don't talk to me at all." Well, SHE'S rather combative.

"Uhhh huh. And you, miss twintails? I think you were called Aiya or sumthin'?"

The shortsword wielding foxgirl stares dully at you before giving a slight nod, the happier personality from when she was robbing you apparently unavailable for comment.

"Cool, just checking. And the little one?" You look at the smaller one-tailed inari, who fidgets beneath your gaze. She wraps her tail around her face, peaking out over the top occasionally to check if you're still looking.

"Ahhh. Well, she's my sister, as I believe I may have said before. Her name's Faye. She doesn't really talk much, but she's still young." You can see that.

"Huh. Guess that's THAT question covered, then."

>Next question

>>22009717
>[ ] [What's the makeup of the non-human lands?]

"Which brings me to my next question...."

Illiana muffles a shriek as you dart your hand under the table, grabbing a handful of delicious fluffy.

"How DO you get these tails of yours so fluffy?" You smile as you stroke it, Illiana shuddering at the touches. Ooooooh, maybe you should keep this up.....

"GUHUUUCK!" You choke out as Zuli grabs your throat and squeezes. Ooooooor not. Yeah, not keeping it up sounds fine too.

"Mercy." you croak out as you release Illiana's tail from your grasp. The inari immediately tucks her tails away from under the table, cheeks tinted red from a mixture of embarrassment and unexpected stimulation.

"I-I-I use a special washing mix! With lots of brushing!" She stammers out, clearly taken off guard.

"Huh. Cool."

>Next question

>>22009898
[X] Tell me about this magic of yours. How much fire power can you bring to bear?

When we inevitably get into a fight with another noble we should know what forces we have on our side.

>>22010023
Forgot to add: in addition to
[X] [tell me about your village: numbers, location, etc.]

Apologies for the delays. I'm trying to puzzle out a map. A shitty, shitty, MS Paint map. Unless anyone's got any better drawing skills.

>>22010265
I can make you one with full topographical areas. how many continents do you want? Big, small ratio? Oceans / inland seas?

File: 1355337988844.jpg-(1.73 MB, 1800x1200, For Example.jpg)

>>22010415
For example - Just made this right now.

>>22010449
there must be many biomes. there my be at least one active volcano, a large desert, arctic tundra, swamps along with tropical islands a large subterranean cave network (not that it will be visible on a map...)

>>22010449
Well fuck. I appreciate the assistance, then.

>>22010415
I don't know how easy it would be to describe it in words, but I'll try.

Five continents. One large one to the east, two medium and one small to the west, one medium-large in the far north.

Sizable ocean between the east and west, though the ocean mostly puts distance between the far north one and the rest of the continents. There are a few sizable inlets on one of the medium west continents, which is the most central of them.

As far as biomes go, >>22010497 nailed it.

Put a big volcano island in the middle of the ocean, have decent portion of the large eastern continent be arid as fuck, and a swampy peninsula on one of the western continents. And the far north is the far north, of course, though the arctic tundra does extend to the upper portion of the northmost western continent. I'll probably think of more shit later.

Then take that impressive map, and make a shitty MS Paint scrawl of it. I need both versions, trust me.

File: 1355339252635.png-(16 KB, 804x521, shittyMSpaint map.png)

>>22010536

here is a prototype map...
all hail my clearly superior mastery of paint...

File: 1355339263437.png-(274 KB, 1000x1000, Hobo.png)

There are days where you feel art flowing down your fingers, like a driver, sliding down a slippery mountianside. Days in which you know your images will leave gentlemen polishing their monocles, "How delightfully quaint!" on their lips. Monstergirls and hobos of all races would forget about raping each other for a second to gaze at your creation.

There are also days in which I don't even fucking know what I'm drawing and writing. So yeah.

Drawfagging. I suck at it.

File: 1355339329902.png-(46 KB, 550x400, hobokiiiiiiiing.png)

>>22010640

Aaaaand, I fucking uploaded the wrong image. Fuck my life, and fuck my newfaggity.

>>22010657

Duuuuuude. That's way better than I could draw. Ever.

Though I wonder if we shouldn't make his hair brown. So to better show off when he inevitably gets shit in it. He IS a hobo, after all. I dunno, I'm just musing. You're the drawfag.

>>22010638
Huzzah. make the three western continents connected by land bridges; narrow land bridges. Also, If you could make the the southwest continent match the central west continent in size a bit, that would do it. Other than that, shitty map is great.

>>22010657

I would rather not copulate with any form of your life or personal ability thank you.

>>22010673

Well, it's not the finished version yet. I actually planned on giving him brown hair. I don't really know.

I'm more focused on trying to get a shopping cart right. They're a fucking nightmare to draw. Take my word for it.

>>22010638
I was thinking a more 'gull' shaped eastern island, but hey, I can work with that.

>>22010709
Gull-shaped? Hmmmmm. That could work too. Eh, you decide what works best aesthetically, you're drawing the map. I just write the insanity.

Dohoho, my players are so helpful.

>>22010724
I'll add some more 'real' touches to it, while Faceless' can work well for your in restaurant map - after all, rare was the knowledge of what the entire world looked like in the medieval era. Most were lucky to know what the general area of their village was like, let alone able to draw it. Or read. Or write, really.

File: 1355339962425.png-(15 KB, 804x521, shittyMSpaint map MKII.png)

>>22010701
>>22010709

here is improved version

>>22010754
Very true. This is more just to give everyone an idea of what the geography looks like. MS Paint Shitty Map is actual character impression. Not that Lincoln could tell the difference between the maps anyway.

>>22010770
Ha, close. My fault; when I said land bridges, I meant narrow strips of actual land, not actual bridges. Apologies for the confusion.

File: 1355340936250.png-(16 KB, 804x521, shittyMSpaint map MKII.png)

>>22010784

here is addendum.
note regarding the land bridges; due to the constant abbrasion from the sea, there is little to no vegitation growing on the land-bridges. this has left them as barren rocky terrain. the Human kingdoms have smoothed out a pathway along them and set up small fortresses on them to 'keep out the sub-human scum'. they also charge rather exorbitant tolls to pass through...

>>22010935

Geographic details sound familiar. As to whether your guesses as to their cultural and political status.....well, I guess you'll find out in due time.

>>22010981
But yeah, great job. This will work perfectly.

>>22010754
How the hell are you making the fancy maps, anyway? I could think of several games run by various people I know that could benefit from those kind of maps.

>>22010981

i only make this speculation about the stuff on the land bridges as that is something that medieval lords would have done. i mean where i live, we have an old castle which was build in a geographical choke point for the purpose of 'defending the inland from coastal attacks' but was actually used as a toll gate. so only speculation based on local knowledge of medieval policy...

>>22011051

turns out that Char is actually a cartographer IRL...

>>22011065
So... We have a lot of specialists on this quest.

>>22011087
I started to suspect that around the batgirl jetpack.

>>22011144
Beware our batgirl jetpack. For it is well designed and DEADLY

>>22011087

were you not aware that everyone on tg is actually an acclaimed academic? but i digress,

ASK ABOUT OTHER MONSTER-GIRLS!!! what other types are there? where do they often appear, what level are they, how many can we have in our inventory at once.... why am i suddenly referring to them like some kind of nintendo animal-fighting/turn based fighting/ RPG thing...

>>22011151
Sorry for the delay, I managed to do SOMETHIGN with the polar mountains that made them looks FN AMAZING... but only in one FN area. Trying to figure out how I did that, so half the mountain looks awesome, instead of just annoyingly GREEN.

No, not a cartographer. I just have a copy of photoshop and a script called 'mapAction' that makes random maps. I've just learned to tweak them somewhat.

>>22011157
I now have an image in my head of Lincoln running after a lamia or something with trash can he painted red, white, and black, in some demented drunken attempt to recreate Pokemon.

>>22011181
Hey, works for me. I appreciate your contributions to the thread. It's not like I haven't caused 99.9% of the delays in this quest anyway.

>>22011182
Make it so.

Rolled 16

>>22011182

rolling for Lincoln to recreate pokemon with the next monster-girl encounter...

Also, why did order so much food? I mean, I don't dispute the choices, but honestly, the 3 flaming dishes might be overkill.
>Its the bananas foster in case you're wondering

>>22011376
WHY NOT
>Is pretty much the answer to everything in this quest

>>22011395
But three alcohol soaked flaming food stuffs might be a bit overkill HK.
>oh wait.

>>22011376

i put that in because there are 6 of us and it said that one was designed for two... i am sorry i cannot into fine dining...
anyway, you have problems with the desert but no problem with 6 portions of oysters?

>>22011376
Fire+Alcohol= Quicker getaway.

>>22011418
Overkill? What is this overkill you speak of?

>>22011395

update, update, update...

>>22011443
Oysters are delicious
>>22011446
Fuck you, we are not using the flaming fruit to cover our getaway.
>>22011454
The entire quest.

>>22011459
Just waiting on the map from Char. I'm sorry for the delay, but making sure this particular intel section gets done properly is important, lest everyone get horrendously confused in the future.

Trust me, a bit of waiting now will save us a looooot of frustration later.

>>22011469
A flaming fruit skewer is a pretty good deterrent to people chasing you.

>>22011501
You put bananas foster on ice cream though

File: 1355344124441.jpg-(2.07 MB, 1800x1200, HoboQuest World map.jpg)

Right. Couldn't figure out how the hell I did the ice the first time. Accidently a half continent. So I had to do something else. not bad, though. Here.

>>22011540
I think instead of a lighter green the arid area should be more sand colored.

>>22011540
Is a good map.

File: 1355345992998.jpg-(2.07 MB, 1800x1200, HoboQuest World map 2.jpg)

>>22011581
Better? Also, forgot the 3rd western continent land bridge.

>>22011911
HUZZAH, WORLD MAP!

Now I have everything I need. I'll get back to writing the intel session now.

>>22011937
Goddamnit, forgot trip.

>>22011911
is an even better map

>>22011911

shouldn't the small northern part of the western continents be swampland?

File: 1355346582710.jpg-(88 KB, 492x500, Untitled.jpg)

>>22011911
I was think of a different shade. Right now the land looks like it's still retaining water. The color I was thinking of was like this picture. Other than that I think it's good.

"Alright, alright! I'll try to be serious, please don't smash my face again. You'll ruin the hat." you plead with Zuli as her hands hover near your throat.

"......fine." She grouchily agrees, crossing her arms and falling back against the booth with a "hmmmph."

"Well, now for the super serious business time questions, for real, yo." You direct your question at nobody in particular. "First on the agenda: what the fuck does your world even look like? Lord Assmunch showed me a map, but I wasn't really paying attention. I was kinda hammered. I mean, more hammered than normal. You get it."

Illiana puts a finger to her lips as she hmmmms softly. "Well.....if I had some writing tools, I could try to draw you something....."

"Be right back." You climb up from your seat and descend the stairs.

-2 MINUTES LATER-

"Here ya go." You dump two fistfuls of markers onto the table in front of the inari bandit leader.

".....what....are these?" She picks up one and studies it with an odd look. "They're not made of any material I've ever seen..."

"They're markers. You draw with them. Pull off the cap. The colored bit."

She pulls lightly on it, and the cap pops off with an audible noise, almost causing her to start.

"What a wonderfully ingenious design! These must be quite expensive. Where did you purchase them so quickly?"

"Actually, they were more like three bucks. Well, more like zero bucks for me, considering I stole them from that kid down there."

Zuli's eye twitches. "You....stole them? From a KID!?"

"In my defense, he looked like a little shithead anyway."

>>22012120
"You're cute when your eye twitches. Yeah, just like that!"

>>22012120
He was probably going to write graffiti. It's a service to the community to take his makers.

File: 1355347858527.jpg-(2.06 MB, 1800x1200, HoboQuest World Map FUUUU(...).jpg)

>>22011961
See file name.

>>22012037
(5 Layers LATER)
This any better?

File: 1355348076387.png-(26 KB, 804x521, Illiana's Map.png)

"THAT'S NOT A----"

"You look cute when you're angry, my adorable oni."

"---EXCUUAAAAAH!?" Her angry retort turns into a shriek of embarrassment as she sits back down from mid-punching position. Angry red oni temporarily neutralized.

"Can I get that map now?" You turn your attention to Illiana, who hesitantly nods and starts trying to use the markers to draw you a picture.

-10 MINUTES LATER-

".....done." Illiana announces, placing down her marker and staring at the sheet of paper in satisfaction. She passes it over to you.

You........you're not really sure what the fuck this is. Dear god, what the fuck are you looking at?

>Guesses at interpretations, please.

>>22012295
Yes it's much nicer.

>>22012349
Alright, were the fuck is that gorramn rift. MAybe a desert? Um, a bunch of knights. Human kingdoms

>>22012295

Gorgeous. Now, no pressure, but is there a way to get larger versions of each continent? Just so I can focus on whichever one the party of lunacy is currently on.

>>22012349
There is a floating island with a castle on it. Wizards or Magical non-human.

Also what looks like a 3 tailed foxgirl fight a knight so that is where the portal is I guess

File: 1355348529692.jpg-(1.83 MB, 1800x1200, HoboQuest World Map Old T(...).jpg)

>>22012419
Yes.... I'll have to uplad them 0ne at a time, due to file size constraints, but I can do that.

Here's one on parchment. In case you get a world map in game.

>>22012494
Excellent. Just give me the westernmost continent now; I'm not going to make you spam the thread like I had to for the recap.

>>22012349
In the eastern continent there are knights in the northern region, a desert in the middle, and what appear to be marshes in the southern part.
According to her map there are also aquatic knights in the topmost eastern continent who fight the dire penguins who attack from their frozen fortress to the north.
It also looks like there an island that's on fire all the time due to a volcano. The lower western continent looks like a place where the knights are fighting the monsters for the land, and the red are looks like where demons hang out.
I have no idea what the thing in the grey land is supposed to be.

>>22012520

the grey land is arctic tundra, the north pole if you will. it is just in this world, their arctic is actually land mass unlike ours which is purely ice.

File: 1355349162901.png-(4.59 MB, 1737x1870, You Gotta Ask Yourself - (...).png)

>>22012516
Here you go. 5 mb per file seems to be as far as 4chan will let me push it. Still 500 DPI, though.

>>22012597
I actually meant the drawing on the grey land on the western continent. I'm not sure how to interpret that.

>>22012597
You do realize the Antarctica is a continent, right.

>>22012660
I mean you could just say that its like the south pole

>>22012679

but it is in the north... unless you are suggesting that we are holding the map upside down?
in fact, do we even know which way is north in riftia?

>>22012691
am going to laugh if magic fucks up normal compasses.

>>22012778
It's only a matter of time until the army thinks to launch a satellite up in monster land.

File: 1355350259798.png-(101 KB, 1708x2264, western continent.png)

>>22012637

here is the shitty zoom of the western island

>>22012679

Расцветали яблони и груши,
Поплыли туманы над рекой.
Выходила на берег Катюша,
На высокий берег на крутой.
Выходила, песню заводила
Про степного, сизого орла,
Про того, которого любила,
Про того, чьи письма берегла.

>>22012902
....what? I don't speak Russian.

>>22012945

Rastsvetali yabloni i grushi,
Paplyli tumany nad rekoy.
Vykhodila na bereg Katyusha,
Na vysokii bereg na krutoy.
Vykhodila, pesnyu zavodila
Pro stepnogo, sizogo orla,
Pro togo, katorogo lyubila,
Pro togo, ch'i pis'ma beregla.

>>22012902
Stop using fake letters.

>>22012902
I really need to get around to downloading that show.

>>22012980
?

>>22012989
Try doing a search on the text.

File: 1355350925381.png-(3.38 MB, 1800x1200, HoboQuest World Map Final(...).png)

I have no idea why you're all talking in tongues, but here - I fixed the ice. Now it's Ice colored.

>>22012980

i have a mp3 of that scene on a 25hr repeat

Just to let you know, I had to hop off for a little while to go grab some stuff at Wal-Mart with a friend. I'll hop back on the keyboard as soon as I return.

>>22012349
Right so there is a mysterious flying castle in that top contenant in the red bit on the left that be demons. Below that there are flying monsters. Below and above the flying monsters there are humans, across from the humans there's a forest a dessert and then more humans. Have I got that right?

is their world roughly the same size as earth?

i am asking cuz if we take that map of their world in consideration, the weather will be as bad as food supply in africa.

Rolled 10

>>22014671
shhhh. I know plenty of geography and geology myself, but unless you're willing to put in the time and effort to get it all right yourself, all at once, then it's best to just leave it as is.

Out of curiosity, how big are this world's continents compared to Earth's? Just to get a sense of scale.

...Or should I just think of them as being "big" and just leave it at that?

File: 1355358765415.jpg-(11 KB, 275x183, magic.jpg)

>>22014671

the explanation is simple. Magic.

why are their volcanoes next to swamps?
Magic.

Why is there a desert surrounded by grasslands and jungles?
Magic.

Why is there a large frozen tundra?
Magic.

it's magic. i ain't got to explain shit.

>>22014702

.....ya ill just consider "its magic, not going to explain shit" opinion.

And in other news, I hate Wal-Mart. That took way longer than I expected it.

But, in any case, I'm back, and I'll be able to get back to writing shortly.

>>22014671
>>22014702
>>22014850
>>22014900
>>22014919

I honestly have no idea; I threw the mental layout of it together in about thirty seconds because I didn't want to waste more time than I already had. If you guys want to figure out reasons why the geography and dramatically differing climates exist as they do, be my guest. Otherwise, I'll come up with some magical pseudoscience horseshit to explain it.

is there an option to ask them if they know any powerful monster sorcerer/wizard/whatever?

because if there isn't its going to be more challenging if the humans made that portal connecting our worlds. they could make another one and connect it to...say...the 40k world.

>>22015136
>40k world
>implying I wouldn't only use it for delicious xenos to pursue like a drunken moron
>let us never forget that, no matter how fancy I dress up the plot
>this is about a drunken hobo getting drunk, chasing ladies and doing stupid things

Rolled 11

>>22015130
Thankfully, almost everything can be explained away with convieniently placed mountain ranges. I might have a go at it if i get my work done early today. No promises though.

>>22015214
By all means, go ahead. It would require little to no effort to steer around describing the "why", especially since explaining absolutely nothing is the default here.

>>22015254

on to the "romantic" dinner!

also discuss possibility of the fluffy group, to be one of the best Special Forces out there. And warn about how the training will be, they will WISH that being molested by us is better.

>>22015254

one way of looking at things is that traveling over the vast seas is a dangerous task, as due to the extreme climates of the various continents, massive storms form without warning, and tidal waves capsize unprepared ships.

>>22015655
YAAAAAAAY MORE CHANCES TO DIE AND KRAKEN VORE ALL AROUND

Rolled 15

>>22015672

i thought you would love that....

KRAKEN MONSTER GIRL!!!!
MUST HAVE!!!!

File: 1355362635392.jpg-(Spoiler Image, 27 KB, 800x800)

>>22015692
I was wondering if this image would ever be appropriate.

>>22015917
Still not appropriate. But oh so sexy.

After spending ten minutes studying the map in focused silence, approaching the scrawled abomination from many different points of view and accumulating dozens of different interpretations, you conglomerate and synthesize your findings until you come to one simple truth. Raising your head, you take a deep breath, and announce your conclusion to the table.

"Yeah, I have no fucking idea what this says. Is this even a map?"

Illiona reels back in shock. "W-What!? O-Of course it's a map! I drew it myself!"

"I saw you draw it. But did gremlins intercept it on its way to me? Because this is the worst drawing I've ever seen."

"H-How rude! It is not! Miss Zuli, it isn't THAT bad, is it? You can read it, right?" The foxgirl looks imploringly at the red oni.

"First off, don't call me 'miss'. Secondly, as much as I hate to agree with Lincoln...." She looks over at the 'map' again and winces. "....Yeah, it's pretty bad."

"Nnnnnhh!" The inari lets out a noise of embarrassed frustration. "F-Fine! You just must not be reading it right. I'll just show you, then!"

The bandit leader gets up and walks around the table, plopping herself down between you and Zuli and pulling the map in front of her. And thus began the explanation.

"Why does that deformed stick figure have a penis?"

"T-THAT'S NOT A PENIS! I just drew the torso a little too long!"

"....so, is that supposed to be a demon head? The one that's pointing to where my species lives?"

"Yes, thank----"

"Because it looks like shit."

"Z-ZULI!"

"What? I'm just telling the truth."

"B-By insulting my artwork?"

"....you can't really call that art...."

"N-NOBODY ASKED YOU LINCOLN!"

>>22016560
Alright, we obviously need to put a satellite in orbit over Riftia. But that means time to figure out what height we can have a stable orbit. So we need a better cartographer.

Rolled 18

>>22016560
Why are we so mean? The poor little foxgirl.

>>22016795
>Why are we so mean? The poor little foxgirl.
SHE DREW A SHIT MAP.

Rolled 18

>>22016887
MAYBE YOU"RE JUST SHIT AT READING MAPS.

Rolled 11

>>22016887

use the power of HOBO-SWAG to make the map exponentially better!!!

Rolled 13

>>22016979
YOU CAN'T FIX SOMETHING THAT BAD.

Rolled 20

>>22017010

JUST ADD BOOZE!

>>22017197
My god. MAKE IT SO.

>>22017197

lincoln has a hidden art talent WHILE DRUNK

leonardo would be proud

File: 1355368433769.jpg-(6 KB, 160x120, WHSD.jpg)

>>22017229

my god... a 20 on adding booze to fix the map...
WHAT HAS HOBO-SWAG DONE!?

>>22017292
I DON'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW MAN. I DONT EVEN FUCKING KNOW.

Rolled 1

>>22017292
Bet you we've accurately penciled in all the distillerys.

>>22017197

the map will be so artistic, all the artist/critiques costumers within the area will have an orgasm.
4x. in a row. within 2 min.

>>22017333
And now we get eaten by the map. Thank you. SO FUCKING MUCH.

>>22017333

well shit, so much for that.

thank you anon all that enthusiasm.
gone.

>>22017333
>>22017197
AHAHAHAHAA I GET THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS

Rolled 8, 5 + 2 = 15

Smell its vagina.

File: 1355368973762.png-(81 KB, 1708x2264, Illiana's Map Glorian Portion.png)

-10 MINUTES OF FIGHTING LATER-

Illiana sits lightly panting, looking extremely worn out from trying to defend her drawing against the combined assault of yours and Zuli's criticism.

"Are you two finally done?" She huffs.

".........." You and Zuli stare wordlessly for a long moment.

"Your art is TERRIBLE." You both chorus simultaneously.

"Gaaaaah!" The foxgirl yelps in frustration, before sagging her head in defeat.

"Fine. You win. I'll just explain this and then I'm never drawing anything again." She sighs before lifting her head and beginning to point at things on the map.

"See this circle? That's where that strange air we found you near is. I'm guessing it was some sort of gateway?"

You nod your head in affirmation. "I see." She replies, before continuing.

"The nearby building is the castle of the noble you apparently fought. And this is----"

"The demented animal thing?"

"I-IT'S A FOX! That's where my village is."

"Right on the borders, huh? I can see why it was an easy decision to be bandits."

Illiana shifts uncomfortably. "Well, when it's a decision between robbing humans and starving, there's not much of a decision at all."

"Wasn't criticizing you, just commenting. What's all these lines then?"

>>22017413
So... we get eaten by a perfect map.

Rolled 18

>>22017424
That fox thing is cute.

"Uhhhh, I just kind of drew those to show the different human kingdoms. I....don't really know what the actual borders are. Or how many of them there are. I haven't ever ventured outside my village or the local noble's lands."

The general will NOT be happy to hear that, but whatever. You're sure he can just get some cartographers or something to roam the countryside or launch a satellite or something. Oooooh! Maybe he'll launch a satellite that can beam you free internet! Then you can run around jamming to sick beats. While drunk. That sounds AMAZING WE SHOULD MAKE THE GENERAL DO THIS oh right foxgirl is still talking.

"As you already figured out, the red section is demon lands. They.....don't always play nice with the rest of the non-human species. The borders of the non-human species are pretty much always changing, so I didn't bother to draw any---"

"Thank sweet christ."

"--SHUT UP, LINCOLN! Some groups are nomadic, so who's living where is always confusing. It can make trade a bit.....difficult at time."

Illiana moves on to the nearby......what, is that an island? A really skinny peninsula? You don't know. God this map is shit. You're going to fix it when she's done explaining. With booze.

Wooo, home from that extra work shift I took. The night is ours to HUE, comrades.

Also, does anyone know the post count? I haven't been paying attention.

>>22017950
You're good.

NOW RESUME MAP EXPLANATIONS AND MONSTER GIRL STUFF.

>>22017950

220. not into autosage yet.

>>22017950

220 give or take.

>>22017950
Uh, nope. Make with the vore, and we make with the
[X] imbibe liquor

>>22017933

>the night is ours to HUE, comrades

>falls into drunken slumber again...

one can only wonder what this quest would be like if it was done in solid blocks as opposed to it's spitter, spatter fashion...

>>22018362
Gimme a break, man, this exposition stuff requires me to actually think about it, otherwise we'll have plot holes everywhere. I'm workin' on it, I'm workin' on it.

>>22018362
It would result in not nearly as much alcohol being consumed. Both by the characters, and the readers.

Rolled 2

>>22018381
Retcons are when the Hobo was too drunk to pay attention the first time it was explained.

"So what's with the banana?"

"What's a banana?"

"Never mind. The squiggly thing next to the weird grey bridge."

"That's not a bridge, it's a strip of land, and it connects the rest of the upper continent to the central one. And that 'squiggly thing' is a dagger, I'll have you know."

"I'd like to see someone try to kill with THAT thing...."

"Sh-shut up, Zuli! it's just a drawing! And there's a dagger there because there's lots of terrible stories about what goes on there. Monstrous waves, bandits---"

"But you ARE bandits!"

"N-Not EVIL bandits!!!" Illiona waves her arms haplessly, trying to separate her from her own condemnation. You roll your eyes and jab back at the map.

"Fine, whatever. So what's on the rest of this 'upper continent?"

"It's called Mytheria, and it's mostly swampland. I've heard there's settlements in it, but I really can't be sure. Most of the news we hear is what we beat out of the humans we rob, and they don't really venture up that far."


"Alrighty then. So, this spoogecano---"

"THAT IS OBVIOUSLY A VOLCANO AND YOU KNOW IT!" Illiana fumes, loosing her cool for a moment until she catches herself and takes a deep breath to regain her composure.

"Yes, that is a volcano. I don't really know if it's there; I just know there's supposed to be "an island of raging fire" in the ocean somewhere."

"Island of firey death, gotcha. And the other continents?"

>>22018808
Messing with the foxes is shaping up to be pretty fun.

>>22018808
>>22018896
I love how Zuli is getting into it.

Illiana points to the lowest landmass on the map.

"I know the human kingdoms cover this whole continent. It's known as "Lilutia, and it's nicknamed "the angelic lands." I've heard there's supposed to be real angels down there, but you're unlikely to ever see one. The angelic races are the stuff of myths."

"AWWWW YEEEEEAH, GONNA GET ME SOME ANGEL PU---" THWACK

"Ignore him. Continue."

"Errr....thanks, Zuli. As for this big one to the east? That's Throvia, and the one I'm least sure about. I only know there's a desert, grasslands, and forests. The desert and the grasslands you don't hear much about, but the forest part is home to the biggest human kingdom of all; The Throvian Empire. It pretty much trades with everyone; some of the more wiley traders even deal with non-humans. Though those aren't many, which is why human goods are so valuable to us. The Throvian Empire is supposed to be where the original human settlers in the Western continents came from, though now the kingdoms fight with it and each other."

"......how the hell are the humans winning? So this continent is the only one with delicious monstergirls!?"

Illiana shakes her head, frowning a bit at your choice of words. "Oh no, there's settlements all over. Here on Gloria is the only combative and sort-of united front against human imperialism." She spits the last last line with distaste. Damn, there's some old-fashioned hatred here.

"Alright, so, I get all that. But....." You tap the white looking shape at the top of the map. "....what the hell is this thing? And what are those arrows going to these islands for? And is that a penguin? SO MANY QUESTIONS." You stare determinedly at the foxgirl bandit, willing her to reveal the secrets of her shitty map.

Illiana shifts uncomfortably, looking away for a moment before meeting your eyes with a guilty look.

"I don't really know." She confesses.

"Wut."

"W-Well, NOBODY really knows. Not even what it used to be called."

"But you know there's a flying castle there!?"

"I-It's not flying, it's frozen! Though for all I or anyone else knows, they could have a flying castle. Nobody who sets out for the northern continent ever returns. The arrows to the islands are apparently displaced arctic species, or at least that's what their legends are supposed to say. They claim they were all driven out, long ago, by a mysterious invader of tremendous power."

Illiana lowers her voice a bit, apparently taking her legends and hearsay info seriously. "The call it the Frozen Kingdom."

"........well, that's not creepy at all."

>>22019231
Only one thing to do sir.
[X]IMBIBE LIQUOOOOOOOOOOOOR
>>22019242
Oh Gorramn it, if I see one penguin or a fat blue man, I'm calling shenanigans.

>>22019251
>Dohoho
>Didn't even realize that could totally be an Adventure Time reference

It's hilarious when I can't tell the difference between this quest and the other one about asses and transformation fetishes.

>>22019652
GLOB TAKE IT.

>>22019694
haha oh god. Is that quest up right now? Link that shit.

>>22019694
Hmmmmm. I must not be trying hard enough. Though I have to say, whoever this other quest writer is, he has excellent taste.

"Yes, well....I'm afraid that's all I can tell you about our world."

"How about a name, maybe?"

"A name? Oh! Of course. It's called---"

"RIFTIA!" You roar, banging your hands on the table for emphasis.

"I--wha---no, it's---"

"NOPE DON'T CARE. Besides, I now must fix your map." You haul another booze bottle out of your unfathomable amount of pockets and start chugging it.

"I-I-I---Fix?---What do you---"

"Like SO!" You declare, chomping down on the shitty map and shaking your head like a rabid dog. Drops of booze and spittle fly everywhere as your teeth shred the paper.

"EEYAH! LINCOLN! STOP IT--MY MAAAAP---!" Illiana wails helplessly, unable to pry the abomination from your mouth. Except in pieces.

You spit out the remaining pieces of the scribbled horror. "THERE! I fixed it. With the power of booze!"

"But I worked so hard on that!" Illiana whimpers, gloomily attempting to piece together which parts were which.

"As much as I thought that map was useless, no map is even MORE useless. What were you thinking Li---" Zuli is interrupted by a small, hesitant noise from the end seat.

"I.........might be able.......to help." Faye, the little sister inari, shyly holds out another piece of paper as she peaks over the top of her tail.

You stare at it for a moment before shrugging and taking it from her grasp. Your eyes go wide as you behold the image on the paper.

"HOLY SHIT, LITTLE FOXGIRL! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET THIS!?"

The foxgirl attempts to shrink back behind her tail even further. "I...........drew it."

"----Buh---gah---aggh----HOW!?" You finally spit out, unbelieving that such a thing could be drawn.

"......I found maps......on a man we robbed........so I took them......I've been......practicing." Though she's ridiculously shy, you notice she seems to carry some pride in that last bit of the sentence.

"Well, shit! With something like this, we're all set!" You smile thankfully at the small inari, and she ducks behind her tail again, though whether in embarrassment or plain old fear you can't be sure.

"H-Hey! What about my----"

"LOLNOPE."

>Next Question
>And the map image is the final version of the one Char designed, just to confirm