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>>22678115

Part 2

>we meet up with him later on the road near the town we were trying to reach
>he is forgiven for stealing the rations, and an uneasy truce is formed
>he starts arguments with the paladin, accusing him of sleeping with his imaginary wife
>the town is in view, they are stopped and arguing
>I go on ahead alone to take a look
>discover the town is empty, begin searching the buildings
>barbarian says he wants to kill all the villagers in the town, tries to convince the other party members, including the lawful good paladin, to join him
>paladin doesn't tolerate this shit, they start fighting
>the war cleric left to help me search the town
>retard barbarian incapacitates the wizard with a single hit
>starts fighting the paladin, fairly even match that is lasting a while
>DM is getting increasingly pissed at this whole situation
>my character is in an empty house with some food in it, I eat the food after checking to make sure it's just normal food
>DM says roll a d20 to eat
>okay - I roll a 1
>start choking, have to roll every turn to dislodge the shit stuck in my throat
>fail every roll, lose consciousness
>wizard bleeding out on the ground, paladin and retard busy fighting eachother, war cleric gets ambushed by a bunch of zombies in the tavern, I'm choking to death in an empty shack
>barb is winning the fight, and obviously intends to kill both the paladin and the wizard players, keeps screaming about them fucking his wife in both holes
>DM is pissed, starts striking him with lightning and rolling for damage
>war cleric gets ripped apart by the zombies
>with no one around to help me, I suffocate and die
>cleric bleeds out and dies
>paladin finally kills the barbarian with the help of the lightning strikes
>while tending to his wounds he looks in horror at the horde of zombies heading toward him from the town, lead by the zombified corpses of my druid and the war priest
>he flees and drowns himself in a nearby lake

Oh dear lord that's hilarious.

I would be so pissed during the game, but your dm shouldve done something to stop him

>>22678154
>>DM says roll a d20 to eat

Seriously?

>>22678154
Sounds like you've got a shit barbarian and a shit DM there.

>>22678248

Yeah our DM was being way too easy on him. They had a bunch of OOC arguments during the session about his bullshit, and he allowed himself to be convinced that he'd stop this shit, and was fine with him being a crazy retard as long as he was progressing the story.

Oh god, I know we're suppose to get mad mad feels, but that was hilarious.

>>22678315
This.

What the fuck. Do you have to roll a d20 to breathe, too?

If I was your DM
> ceiling starts lowering
> roll d20 to open the for
> midroll "you fail breaking off the door handle trapping yourself forever in the room"
> lower challenge level

>>22678398
>We spend the night at the inn

>roll a d20 to sleep, and then another to wake up

>>22678398

Ah, I guess I shouldn't have left this part out. The rolling to eat thing was specific for my character. My druid spent more time with animals than humans, and behaves like an animal when eating. Just basically stuffing his face and inhaling his food.

>>22678433
>Roll a 1 to wake up
You die in your sleep

>>22678398

yeah the THAT GUY in this story is definitely the DM.

>>22678443
>Roll 20 to wake up
>Never have to sleep again.

>>22678440
I don't know of many animals that kill themselves while they eat.

That wouldn't exactly help propagate the species.

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>>22678443

>>22678440

And another part of that is my character was also eating a pair of child-sized trousers along with the food. He doesn't roll to eat in ordinary circumstances.

>>22678483

oh my god im crying from laughing so hard. everything about this story is too fucking ridiculous.

>>22678498

>And another part of that is my character was also eating a pair of child-sized trousers along with the food. He doesn't roll to eat in ordinary circumstances.

Wha...what?

>>22678440
I inhale my food. (according to my friends anyway)

Never choked before.

>>22678498
What the fuck? Just because the kid told you to eat his shorts doesn't mean you actually had to do it.

>>22678498
Jesus christ that game sounds doomed from the very beginning. Looks like you wouldn't have lasted that long regardless of the barbarian

>>22678476

"As you turn the corner, you find yourself in a bazaar seemingly endless in size. Guards with sundials for heads patrol while men made out of broadsheets hawk about the latest news. A lady yells out to you from one of the stalls, offering to buy your face, a surefire hit at one of the upcoming masquerade balls."

>>22678498

Ah, you see, these are the kind of details you mention.

>>22678549

By that point in the game everything had become so retarded most of us just started dicking around. I didn't include the eating pants part in the OP because I didn't want to needlessly extend the length of the story. But yeah everything was pretty fucked from the beginning.

>>22678433
I remember hearing something like that... didn't some version of Shadowrun actually do this?

Your game was doomed by virtue of an incompetent GM and the barbarian. Part of GMing is reacting to changes of circumstance due to the fluid nature of a PnP game's narrative, and his inflexibility made the barbarian's bullshit from an annoyance to something lethal.
>>22678432
This gentleman has the right idea.

Almost of my that guy stories are about my previous DM being that guy.

>Playing d20 Modern
>DM says it's going to be a combat intensive game
>Get handed characters based on what DM feels each of us would be on first meet
>Okay let's see what he made me
>Fukken telepath
>Charismatic hero, telepath
>Next to 0 combat ability compared to what he gave the other guys
>But you can use a sword cane
>Like that'll help against guns
>First game, first scene
>Eating at a Chinese place in New York
>Why are we at a Chinese place in New York together?
>No fukken idea
>Suddenly mobsters break in looking for us
>Try using mind powers to stop mobsters
>Nothing, all of them make their saves
>Other guys deal with the mobsters pretty quickly
>Then Chinese mafia from upstairs comes to look what happened
>Decides to take it out of our hide because one of the guys can't keep his damn mouth shut
>Try using mind powers to dissuade/stop them
>Nothing, all make their saves
>Get cornered by two guys with uzis
>Pull my only weapon, sword cane
>Miss
>Die like a bitch

What kind of DM sets you up to fail?

>>22678795
>letting your DM make your character.

Shoulda just ran, stupid. Not worth playing.

Rolled 13

>>22678795
The kind that hates you. Man I hate gms who think long campaigns can be played with characters you never made.

>>22678828
We were willing to do it because for most of us that was the first time we even heard of d20 Modern. No idea it was basically a revamped 3.5, no idea what was in it at all. But yeah, now I know to run.

>>22678874
Well, it doesn't help that the guy was a prick and nobody really liked him, but he was DM because nobody else knew how to do it.

>>22678874
I dunno, I had one of the most fun campaigns ever with just premades.
Having it of reasonable length means you get to know your character and get a feel for them; I didn't enjoy the idea of playing a traditional supervillain who never, ever kills (I wanted a grimderp 90s-type character) but in the end I grew to love him.

>DMing fairly lighthearted, low bullshit campaign
>That Guy rolls a grimdark Ranger bounty hunter/assassin obviously not inspired by the Demon Hunter from the recently released Diablo III
>Party enters a city
>That guy announces "I go the scummiest low-down tavern I can find"
>Do a double take for a moment, improvise what I think is appropriate
>Give him a tavern at the city walls, built under a partially collapsed building
>Grimdark Ranger enters, conversation falls silent, everyone looks at him
>He approaches the barkeep, feels people staring at his back, people are starting to leave their seats
>He asks the barkeep for work, if he needs to have anyone killed or something
>Barkeep treats him like an idiot and tells him the only job he has is that the latrine needs to be scooped out
>Grimdark Ranger accepts this noble task, and says there'd better be some real work after he does it
>Goes about task
>Street thug sneaks up on him
>Street thug Bullrushes him
>Grimdark Ranger falls into latrine
>That Guy throws a hissy fit, whining about how he wants to play a serious grimdark character and I'm making him the party clown

Seriously, That Guy bitched about every tiny, little thing, all the while not putting himself in danger for the party and being obsessed with coming across as grimdark cool.

>Next session I pull the same trick on the player that wasn't there when above happened
>His character considered cleaning latrines to be beneath him

>>22679211

>gridmark character
>gets told to clean up shit
>does it

What?

>>22679265
He was thinking with video game logic. He even spat "Have you never played a fantasy video game?!" at me for not having the barkeep give him a cool assassination contract or something. His logic was that in video games and bad movies, every town has a dingy tavern where the leading criminal class hangs out.

And when he finally could get a job with the town's crime boss, he turned it down.

>>22679336

Yep. He's That Guy alright.

File: 1358622447885.gif-(488 KB, 499x367, tumblr_meoostvGEV1qfen46.gif)

Pretty tame one for you...

>Playing Pathfinder with a bunch of friends
>Buddy is playing a Monk.
>Stereotypical "Calm collected, honor everything" type of Monk, basically Buddhist.
>Arrive at BBEG's mansion, who also happens to be my characters father.
>Carefully working our way through this place, it's actually my childhood home.
>Monk heads for the kitchen, fucking upturns the whole thing, steals ALL the food in the damn building.
>"I'm liberating this food!"
>Entire room stares silently at him for a moment.
>DM sighs.
>MFW he's breaking his own characters morals.

>be a big hell's angels looking dude.
>lifting weights and krav maga are hobbies.
>also enjoy roleplaying.
>problem arises when another player can't tell my in-character dialogue from out of character banter.
>he misses such subtle hints as my character's Oirish accent.
>games keep getting derailed when he gets confused.
>to stop this, I institute the in-character stick.
>stick I raise up when and only I'm speaking in character.
>cricket bat, tonfa, axe handle, whatever's closest to the front door when I leave for the game.
>problem is solved, confusion is over.
>a few months go by, and a couple newfriends join the group.
>take a smoke break one night, come back in to find the old-timers laughing their asses off, newfriends sitting on the couch looking nervous.
>playfully ask the room whether they want to let me in on the joke, or eat through a straw for the next few weeks.
>newfriends shit bricks, bros are now laughing too hard to breathe.
>turns out while I had stepped outside, the newbies had asked the rest of the group why the imposing bearded man was bringing a different bludgeon to every game session.
>not knowing the reason I was waving a skullcrusher around every time my barbarian talked, they naturally assumed I was a dangerous lunatic.
>probably because my character was constantly talking about violence.
>unbeknownst to me, I had become...That Guy.

>>22679414
BE FREE, ASSORTED CHEESES.

>>22679454
BAHAHAHA
We made all sorts of jokes like that at his expense, he got butthurt, it was great.

>>22679432
no john you are the That Guy

>>22679414
Me again, my group has two that guys, so I've got plenty of stories.
>Other THAT GUY is a Druid.
>Has sat in a corner of the room for 3 game sessions doing literally nothing.
>We reach the ocean, I pull out a feather token I have, and make us a magic boat.
>Boat travels 60ft per round, so it's pretty fast.
>Druid immediatly turns into a damned shark instead of riding on the boat with us.
>DM calmly explains he's going to fall behind.
>He insists on continuing to be a shark for no reason.
>Falls behind.
>Folds arms and gets incredibly butthurt and pouty.
>Entire group sighs.
>I stop the boat to let him catch up, and hopefully get on.
>Insists on still being a shark.
>Slow down the boat to keep pace with his stupid shark form for the entire trip.
>Travel takes WAY longer than previously predicted, as we are now traveling at half speed.
>Deargodwhy

>>22679432
Holy fucking shit, dude

("That Guy" does imply intent of some sort, though.)

>>22679570

By chance, was he constantly informing you that he was a shark, and implying that you should suck his dick?

>>22679432
An in character stick, not a bad idea.
Only becomes more awesome by the fact that it is a random item each time, haha.

>>22679626
He did talk a lot about how he was a shark, but there was no mention of dick sucking, as he does not internet very well, and is not aware of many memes.

I died a little inside, I would made the joke after 2 seconds of being a shark.

Such wasted opportunities...

>>22679658
Could have been shark tits instead.

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>>22678568
This right here is why fa/tg/uys are liked by every board on 4chan.

>>22679570
sharks have a 60' swim speed
>Idon'tthinksoJim.jpg

>>22678568
I don't get this. Am I retarded, /tg/?

>>22679732
Just checked, they totally do.
Which is pretty funny, cuz that means the druid didn't even know the stats of what he transformed into. HURRR

>>22679783
i don't either, but it sounds like dali was the dm there

>>22679783
Sleep deprivation.

>>22679725
I thought that was because we were vaguely nice people, but you know, whatever.


*In that we'd look vaguely perturbed if we saw someone getting raped, as opposed to joining in, like the rest of 4chan.

>>22679794
Was in response to a guy never sleeping again

>>22679795
>>22679830
Thanks. I still feel retarded for not getting that in the first place, but now it's at least a funny kind of retarded.

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I'm don't really think this is a "that guy", but I need some help with someone in my group.

This one girl on my group literally always plays the same character. The "I Only Do Things That Benefit Me" Rogue/Thief/Assassin. This would be okay if she played it more reserved every once in a while, but every entrance to a room is followed by "WAIT WHAT CAN I STEAL?!?" and every objection to anything she says (which is rare, because she's obviously lacking as far as role playing goes) is met with "I pull out my knife and hold it to their throat."

It's seriously getting old. Everyone in my group had had at least 2 or 3 different characters by now, and she is insistent on this bland-as-fuck paper-thin Drow cunt. If that wasn't bad enough, this girl still hasn't gotten over her junior-high-like crush on me, and thus decides to "playfully" direct most of this sorry excuse for RP my way. With the exception of another player who she just doesn't like at all, everyone else is met with some inkling of cooperation if it doesn't impose upon her "characterization". Both myself and DM have had multiple conversations about this shit and we can't stand it.

Anyway, what the hell should I do? I've contemplated flat-out attacking her when she does her whole threatening shtick, but I'm afraid of ostracizing the rest of the group and causing trouble.

Help, /tg/. ;__________;

>>22679894
Punch her in the fucking throat when she gets the knife out.

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>>22679828
That is why, what I was referring to the fact that 90% of the comments on post by /tg/ users are kindhearted and jokes. Usually witty and making people laugh.

The other 10% are just people from different boards visiting who can't not shit things up Like /pol/ and /v/

>>22679894
Make the words in your head come out of your mouth and into her ears.

>>22679920
Oh /tg/. Never change.

He does have a point though. If she does something you as a character would object to just fight her. Rp bud.

>>22679894

Just start talking about it as she's doing it.

>"You've got this really odd habit of trying to steal everything that's not nailed down in a room. Did you know that? It's getting out of hand. We're starting to think you've got a sickness. I know this is your job, and you put food on the table by doing it, but there's gotta be a word for what you're going through. Obsession? Maybe you're taking it too seriously? There's more to life than stealing other peoples' abandoned junk, you know."

And when she pulls the knife-to-the-throat shtick, you brighten up.

>"Right! Exactly! Like this! I feel like we're getting through to her, guys."

You may need to drink heavily to get some real stream-of-consciousness going, but it's sure to work.

>>22679894
Just tell her and everyone that there's a new rule: You must play a different character when you make a new character! Tell them it's for variety and to increase role-playing.

Roll 20 to blink
> 20
> Good job! Your eyes are now fully moisturized and you don't have to blink for the next two rounds!
> everyone claps eachother on the back, congratulating the player on his luck

Roll 20 to sit
>1
>oooh tough luck, looks like you missed, and broke your hip bone while you we're at it.
>table takes a heavy sigh, this is the third time this session, and if it happens again, the whole party will be incapaitated

Best DM or worst DM

>>22679942
Hey, bro, I'm not a sexist. I'd do the exact same thing to a guy.
Girl power, feminism, equal rights, down with the patriarchy, all that shit.

>>22679972
Holy shit, this would be gold
10/10 well done

>>22679987
>implying he wouldn't break the chair and a leg would fly up his ass

>>22679987
worst DM
Why is that even a question?

>>22679828

This reminds me of the That Guy thread with the tentacle rape/impregnation greasy slug GM.

>>22680079
>caring about people who care about GETs
Really?

>>22679732
Well, I don't know what game he was playing, but in pathfinder a galley or sailboat goes 180, so yes, the shark is slowing them down.

>>22678498
...THAT RAISES MORE QUESTIONS!

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>Forgotten Realms 3.5 campaign
>DM is kind of a pretentious fuck, but most of the group is fun, so whatevs
>we all start at 3rd level
>...except for That Guy.
>he's the DM's best friend and is generally a whiny, self-entitled fuck
>he's also a WoWfag, talks about WoW constantly
>he somehow talked the DM into letting him play a friggin' minotaur
>a minotaur with fighter levels
>and a couple of levels in an obscure 3.0 prestige class
>...whom he named after his favorite WoW character
>...and to whom he constantly refers as, "my Tauren"
>during our first couple of fights, he whines about them not being enough of a challenge
>DM cranks up the difficulty to make him happy
>half the party gets literally ripped to pieces by trolls one night
>That Guy still whines about it not being tough enough
>DM has a rule where, if we die, we have to start our next characters as 3rd level, no matter what level everyone else is at
>That Guy whines about not earning any XP because of the level gap
>the rest of us complain about not earning any XP because we keep friggin' dying

This is really only the tip of the bullshit pile as far as that campaign went. If you froze all that manure, it could sink the Titanic three times over.

>>22678115
>>22678154
I'm going to have to say the DM was worse than the That Guy, particularly in forcing the That Guy to stick with you when he should have just left him there and gotten rid of the character.

My friends (who don't into RPGs very much) and I have a running joke where, if you roll a natural 20, you can basically do whatever you want.

So, yeah.

"You see a large chest and a strange, glowing glyph in the centre of the room."

>rolls 20

"No I don't."

"Fuck."

>>22678440
>>22678498
See, you don't casually mention choking to death on a Nat1 without those kinds of details man.

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>>22680148

>my Tauren

Oh fuck no.

>>22680148
More evidence That Guys can only get away with bullshit if the GM lets them.

>>22679211
I fucking lol'd. Good show.

>>22680148
We have a shit-tier Cavalier in our AD&D group (which is made up of like 6 bros, 1 pretentious fuckwad, Cavalier and THAT DM, who I may post about later.)

So, Cavalier plays a lot of Werhemmer Fertee Kai UuurPeeGees and constantly refers to HP as "wounds".

That in and of itself isn't all that bad; we've corrected him and whatnot.

But we're playing fucking AD&D. He constantly talks about "tactics" and "realism" (even though he plays fucking Werhemmer).

He doesn't know what Chivalry is. His cavalier only cares about loot (which, to be fair, we have fucking none of in this shitty campaign) and never, ever helps ANYONE.

The whole point of the Cavalier is to help people. They're like the boy scouts of AD&D.

Also, he thinks wearing fullplate in the desert makes sense.

And he constantly talks about how his Charisma is higher than my Bard's, and yet never roleplays. Ever.

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>>22680241

>>22680310
>may post later
get to posting you fucking gentleman

>>22679432
I've considered implementing an in-character stick in my games as well.. though half the time I'm thinking of it as something to threaten violence upon the unbelievers.. I mean beat my friends with if they can't stay focused.

>>22680310
Punch him in the throat

File: 1358627245469.gif-(2 MB, 240x180, me in a nutshell.gif)

>>22679783

>>22680332
Okay.

It's quite long.

Gimme a minute.

I'm going to have to change some details because I have no idea if my group goes on /tg/ (some of them spout memes constantly, though. Just not /tg/ memes.)

>>22680338
He also thinks my Bard is his Herald, which would be hilarious if he wasn't annoying.

>>22679987
Whole thing got me thinking about a campaign where everyone RPs as the people from infomercials, like from /wsg/'s 'don't you HATE when THIS happens' threads. If I was on my computer, I could post some of those .gifs. Goddamn it /tg/

>>22680347
...I kind of want to watch Quantum Leap...

>>22680241
I fucking laughed.

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>>22680367

Only one worth remembering.

>"Aww, C'MON!"

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>>22680247

My apologies it will never happen again.

>>22680332

Okay, so basically this campaign we're doing is set 500 years after our last one.

Previous campaign resulted in us BLOWING THE WORLD TO SHIT because magic and ridiculously overpowered BBEG we were apparently "not supposed to fight".

Anyway, shitty DM time.

So, everything is a desert cuz we blew up half the planet.

Yeah, we're like that.

The world is retarded and grimderp, and our DM is shitty at world building, so obviously the main bad guys are these oppressive magitech hurp derp look at us we've got shockstaves people. Pretty gay.

So I roll up a (modified) Bard.

His name is Lucky Two-Fingers. Yeah, hi Kryss/anyone else. If you're reading this, I don't give a fuck.

He's slightly retarded because I wanted him to originally be Chaotic Stupid (I'm so sorry, everyone.)

We've got Cavalier Guy (who, I have to say, is quite good at roleplaying in CoC. Maybe it's just AD&D/our shitty campaign that's making him annoying)

We've got Bros:
-Former Forever DM: fucking amazing DM, great roleplayer. Cleric/Fighter
-Husband of ^: Same deal. Great roleplayer. Last character was a (???/Good) cleric that declared war on heaven and blew up the world. Plays a thief who is annoyed by Lucky's antics, because admittedly Lucky is fucking annoying.
-Their son: Bro. He plays a Ranger/Magic-User.
-New Guy: Cleric/Magic-User. New. Really nice. We never got to roleplay meeting him because HURP DERP COMBAT ALLDAY. He just appeared.

File: 1358628088431.gif-(685 KB, 500x281, Glorious.gif)

>>22680448
You posted a pug

File: 1358628214867.jpg-(1.25 MB, 2560x1440, I wan't it.jpg)

>>22680507
Pugs are awesome

>>22680507
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYr_iVitR-4

>>22680538
That face, I neeeeeeeed it.

>>22680507

Just so you know. http://battlepug.com/
Sage for off-topic

Oh man, /tg/ I have a myriad of THAT guy stories to impose upon your minds. First, a description of our group as a whole so you can see if you can pick them out of the crowd.

Me: 5'3" stocky white/native. Rolled a kobold druid, kobold warden, changeling bard and changeling monk due to various instances of THAT guy.
DM: Hispanic transgender girl with a thick head of curly hair. Ran an Eladrin rogue who was in character batshit nuts
Party member 1: Mexican guy, same height as me. Ran a barbarian dwarf who rolled 20s to do things with his dick. Mighty feats, too, like fucking a wall apart.
Party member 2: Big, afro'd white guy, scary as fuck, went into the army in the middle of last year. Dragonborn fighter who was a good alchemist fire chucker
Party member 3: Skinny white guy, bleached blond hair, earrings in both ears. Elven seeker/archer who picked up a fuckton of rituals at character build and rolled them when he got a chance.
Party member 4: Land whale incarnate. White guy who made the bed creak when he sat down on it. Hellion bard/psion who later 'retrained' to bard/sorceror when he realized he wasn't getting the use he wanted.

So, any guesses fa/tg/uys?

>>22680476
More bros:
-RangerBro: Great roleplayer. Ranger has two personalities: NormalRanger and Jeffery the Boundless Idiot. Jefferey is special. Very special.

We've got Normally Nice Guy But Powergames I Think And Also Has To Be Right About Everything Guy: Plays a monk. Who talks to bees, because I don't fucking know. What the hell is lawful?

Now for DM: Prepare yourselves.

Powergamer. Plays a "Wild Elf" Mary Sue speshul snofrake Monk DMPC. Who refuses to speak Common. And the entire plot revolves around his sister. Or something.

Also he's from the ONE forest left on the continent. Just wait until I get introductions done. There will be a greater secret than you CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE.

We play pretty loose with rules about death. If you die, your god'll bring you back. Because we're stupid.

DM also never, ever gives us Treasure. Ever. And the first half of our campaign is based on fucking BORDERLANDS.
And the shit he does give us are all stupid Unique Magik Items I Maed To Be Unbalanced As Fuck And Require Ridiculous Amounts of Explanation.

Like, Lucky dies a lot (because our DM doesn't know what powerlevel is. Also, I make him do stupid shit to keep myself entertained).

So our DM gave him a ring that KEEPS YOU FROM DYING.

What? That sound retarded? Yup, it sure as hell is.

>>22680610
Should I continue?

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>>22680587
>http://battlepug.com/
Theirs no need to sage a good thread even if your off-topic, I'm going to bump twice because of that you gentlemen

>>22680602

Number 1 seems like the obvious choice, but I'm going to say 3 since you didn't go too much into him, so I'm expecting there's something being hidden there.

>>22680602

I'm gonna guess Party Member 4. What do I win?

Also how passable is your DM?

>>22680638
yes?

>>22680610
>>22680638
Important question, if you (don't) die, do you still leave a corpse?
If so, take Craft (Cooking).

>>22680674
I meant, is it interesting enough to warrant more sotrytime?

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>>22680587

You sir i like you. Thank you for this most glorious of gifts.

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>>22680640
The second bump

>>22680686
go ahead if you want to

>>22680602
Its all of them isn't it.

>>22680602
No anon, YOU are That Guy.

>>22680681
Naw.

If Lucky would be killed by an attack, he is instead put to half HP. This continues until He reaches 1 HD (6HP). He then takes normal damage.

The funny thing is, he didn't die at all after getting it. He didn't even get hit.

Also, Lucky has the worst luck ever.

>>22680686

Indeed sir. Please continue.

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>>22680640

Well shucks. Call it habit, then.

>>22680696

*snort*

>>22680722
Start doing ludicrous stunts to piss of your GM, then slowly roleplay him into a death seeker.

Remember, this is a tha/tg/uy thread.

>>22680645
>>22680652
3 and 4 ding ding ding! And to answer the question, the DM's pretty danged passable. Like went out and posed as a girl with some compliments from str8 guys all the time, passable.

Anyway, it's story time!

Starting out, my druid character wasn't that good to begin with. Sure I managed a nat20 that got everyone up on their feet after a hobgoblin barbarian plowed right on through them with a few swings of his Flail of Cowardice (chance of Fear on hit, nasty stuff) and I ended up getting Harlum, our own barbarian, on his feet to save the day. What came next was probably the worst set of circumstances to ever happen.

To get to the hobgoblin before, we had to pass through a throne room, down a side corridor that was lined on all sides with arrow slits and swinging scythes that were intent on our blood coating them. We broke through one of the arrow slit walls and managed to get at the goblins within, found a ladder as a result that lead up to mister big and nasty himself.

Anyway, while we're patting ourselves on the back our elven friend has decided that he's gonna bugger on back to the throne room and he finds a gigantic spiderweb now stretched across the ceiling. We're talking a whole throne room's ceiling just covered in spiderweb. And there's beady little eyes fixated on him the whole while.

My character decides that he's going to see where the elf went, mostly for concern that he's reporting to some dark master (my kobold fucking hated all the adventurers at this point. Didn't trust any of them in the slightest because they'd pulled him out of a burlap bag). We get in there and mister elf fails a check, steps on a pressure plate that sends a rumble to the ceiling. And from the ceiling descends hell itself, a Bebelith. Like a level 17 elite monster that level 10s like us had no goddamned hope against.

My character makes tracks for the hills, yelling at the top of his lungs "BIG FUCKING SPIDER BIG SPIDER BIG SPIDER RUN RUN RUN FUUUUUUCK"

>>22678398
It's become a meme of sorts that whenever a character sighs in my games, they roll a d20 to see how powerful the sigh is.

>>22678483
Thats because of humans are the only animal (except a few odball cases) that can choke on food. Our extended vocal cords are what get in the way and fuck it up, non talking animals with simple noise making vocal cords dont have this problem and can just scarf it down

>>22680551
Because it will be a riot on the next masquerade ball?

>>22680727
Aight.

We start out by collecting these three vault key pieces across generic wasteland area. Yeah. Borderlands (he even admitted it).

At one dungeon (the first one, I believe. The rest have all been fucking outdoor shit) we come upon this demon guy praying to an altar dedicated to previous campaign's BBEG.
K, that's kinda cool.

The guy had a big sledgehammer.

That sent shockwaves whenever it hit the ground.

Yeah.

Borderlands.

And we still didn't get any loot (besides the Hammer, which we don't want to use because it's retarded).

Okay, long story short, ever single combat encounter has been fucking boring as shit. For 4 games in a row we fought the same fucking Magitech Guards. It was fucking annoying.

So eventually after like 6 sessions of generic grimderpyness we get all three pieces.

Yay.

We take it to the vault.

Yay. An (almost) interesting dungeon.

Pretty boring. All the traps were the same thing.

K, so we get to the final part of the vault. Place the key inside.

PORTALS EVERYWHERE.

Fucking dragons and shit. They don't attack. Instead they fly through the portals and like, I don't know, get the fuck away from this boring ass campaign.

One of them, Somethingsomethingmadeupdragonlanguage, the VOID DRAGON (cue DM thinking he's a creative motherfucker for having the worldbuilding skills of a 5 year old), tells some boring shit I didn't care about. Yahdahyahdah, oh hey, loot.

Gives us all a unique item. Aforementioned ring is mine. Cavalier gets a scale that he makes into a kite shield, and wants to start a knight order around (which is legitimately cool).

Lame.

>>22679011
I've played for like 4-8 years (Depends on what you count as playtime) and I picked DMing up on the fucking fly. I wing all my shit as it progresses and my players have the time of their lives.

>>22680804
Our elven friend, bless his heart, decides that the only thing to do is to annoy this gigantic monstrosity with puny little arrows of radiant damage... did I mention that Bebeliths absorb radiant damage? Well they do. He manages to duck out of the room before an iron gate descends over the only possible exit that isn't through 50 tons of spider and it's on, we're fighting for our lives.

The hellion has yet to join us at this point, thank god, otherwise he would've tried controlling the spider's mind or something and REALLY pissing it off. We managed to lure the beast outside where we have enough room to maneuver and work with dodging instead of a cramped corridor that all of us would be striving for position to hit the thing.

My little lightning bolts aren't doing shit so I decide the best thing to do is to just hang back and run support for the crowd, mostly focusing on heals when I can get to them. Again, our elven friend SAVES DA DAY by using an illusionary candle that renders everything within a 2x2 grid (which is something like 10x10 feet around) invisible and soundproofed. Which just leaves my kobold standing out in the goddamned open with a hungry ass bebelith wanting some of my succulent hide.

I died on the bebelith's next turn when it stomped me with 4 attacks in a row, rending my character a paste of white snow and red blood.

You'll notice how I had 4 characters... well, I'll keep going with story time so you can find out how the next two died if you want me to.

>>22680602
>>22680804
>>22680927
You know, I forgot about our other healer, a white guy with brown hair that ran a human cleric. He was good people and decidedly not a That Guy. Except the one time he was late because he spent too long taking a shit, slipped on some water near the toilet and broke his ankle. That was fun.

>>22680476
>We've got Cavalier Guy (who, I have to say, is quite good at roleplaying in CoC. Maybe it's just AD&D/our shitty campaign that's making him annoying)

Are you sure he just isnt really being a good roleplayer here, in that hes playing the noble privalege who expects the rest of you to be his man servants all the time? because a cavalier can certainly be played that way, unless he is just being a douche.

>>22680869

Shit, I missed an important part of our DM's retardedness.

We were going towards this canyon place for some reason (???keypeices?) and then this chick appears out of fucking nowhere.

She's being attacked by shit.

She get's kidnapped, or something, I don't know.

Couldn't pay attention because DM's Monk was busy RUNNING TOWARDS HER AT FULL SPEED WITHOUT EXPLAINING WHY.

We had to follow him, because we were stupid and weak.

He falls to his knees and starts crying or some bullshit. I don't know.

"That was my sister. She's somethingsomething plot device about magic." It had nothing to do with anything.

K, whatever. This is getting kinda gay, DM.

After that we were in some tavern drinking.
I asked his character if his sister was hot, and the fucker responds by STABBING LUCKY WITH A SPEAR.

Lucky died.

*Respawn*

OOC: What the fuck, man?
DM: Don't say things like that about his sister.
OOC: What the shit. You just killed my character for ACTING IN CHARACTER.
DM: So was I. Thal'Thek is very protective of her.

Oh yeah, his Elf Monk is named Thal'Thek.
Fucking Elves.

At least he didn't give himself any sooperunique magic items. I'd have punched him.

>>22680000
The law of Quads is in effect. This man's word is now law.

>>22680996
He could be, except that he even said that by going out and fighting evil he is helping the common folk. Even though he's not, because he's suggested using orphans as cannon fodder.

He also repeats the same unfunny jokes all the time, like "tactically redeploying" in place of running the fuck away (something Cavaliers aren't allowed to do. I think.)

Lucky likes to mess with him by saying he's not a real knight. He responds with "I'm a duke!"

Me: Oh yeah? Were is your proof? You own no land.
Cav: It was stolen from me. That's why I'm out adventuring.
Me: Sooooo...you don't have any proof.
Cav: Only nobles can be knights!
Me: Says who? (ooc: This is the fucking post-apocalypse. There are no such thing as "Nobles")
Cav: It's part of the class requirement!
Me: So, you're saying that, by saying you are a duke, you are automatically a duke? Okay. Hey, everyone! I'm a duke!
Cav: No, that's not how it works.

I'm planning on stealing some armour and a horse and becoming a knight-errant just to show him that you don't need to be a noble to be a knight. I'll be gentlemanly as fuck.

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>>22678476
>>22678568
>>22679725
>>22679828

cap'd - becuase this exchange is IMO the very essence of /tg/

never change /tg/

>>22678398
He was eating possibly dangerous food. It was more a roll against poison.

File: 1358630792406.jpg-(515 KB, 1920x1080, Barney Awesome.jpg)

>>22680148
Me again. Here's the hilarious and fun story about how I finally quit that game.

>This campaign was actually two campaigns running in parallel, at the same nights and times: a good-aligned "Valor" campaign and an evil-aligned "Villainy" campaign run by a different DM
>Both DMs colluded and stuff that one party did could affect the other party, which was kind of a cool idea
>I was in the Valor group.
>Yes, the minotaur was in the Valor group.
>I was on about my third character over the space of about a month, an aasimar monk/sorcerer with Vow Of Poverty (at the DM's firm suggestion; I didn't even know about it before I came up with my character idea)
>That Guy bitches constantly that I'm min-maxing by taking VoP, even though it wasn't my idea to do so
>That Guy bitches constantly that all I do is cast Mage Armor on the whole party, even though it saved him from being level-drained by a fucking wraith
>DM lets That Guy run a session wherein he DMPCs a serial killer designed to be a match for his minotaur
>That Guy deliberately targets my character, drops me to -6 in one hit
>Other PCs attack That Guy, but he ignores them to spend another turn finishing off my now-harmless character
>"Because it's what he would do."
>I packed up my shit, gave him and the regular DM the finger, went to the other room, and joined the Villainy campaign

>>22681163
He was eating pants.

Which is now what I'm going to have literally every barbarian I play do. But in secret, away from the other players.

They'll never know unless they sneak up on me.

And when my horrible addict gets out I'll have to rage and kill them all.

>>22679894
Since she still has her highschool crush on you. Fuck her. Then tell her she should stop that shit in the pillow talk. She'll comply. Win. Win.

You're welcome

>>22681163
he said he had already checked and had the DM confirm that the food wasn't poison. Either his character simply didn't roll well enough when checking and there really was something wrong with it, or he was actually being asked to roll to chew his food and he failed.

>>22681186

>I packed up my shit, gave him and the regular DM the finger, went to the other room, and joined the Villainy campaign

Please tell me you became their leader and led an evil crusade against the other group.

If you don't I'll cry.

File: 1358630979296.png-(399 KB, 587x1024, cavalier.png)

>>22681103
your right, they are not allowed to run

>>22681238
He's certainly doing the scorn thing right.

>>22681238
Oh god, its a class based on Don Quixote. I want to play it now.

>>22681238
Also, Lucky is going to follow that code to the letter when he gets around to becoming a knight.

>>22681238

Shit this actually sounds like fun.

>>22681265
indeed, and
>Plate armor is the cavalier’s first choice; other preferences ranking beneath that are (in order of desirability) plate mail, banded or splint mail, chain mail, scale mail, and ring mail. Leather, studded leather, and padded armor are the dress of thieves and peasants, and as such are beneath the cavalier’s station, such that the cavalier will not wear these armor types.

would explain him not putting on a non metalic armour in the desert, thats what commoners do after all!

>>22679894
I can be a little like this sometimes, with warrior-style characters. I like to just kill stuff, and everyone else can do the investigating/searching/sneaking.
I /try/ to diversify, but it's difficult for me because that kind of overt violence is my actual nature, so...

>>22680927
So, after some wonderful religion rolls from the human cleric (like 5 20s in a row, we had to check his dice for being weighted. It wasn't.) It's determined that the kobold druid has been taken up into Bahamut's training and will return to the party after some training to be more worthwhile to the party.

After my character's resurrection, we decide to keep investigating the tower for reasons relatively unknown to my character but everyone in the group besides the elf know exactly why we're here.

We find our 'friend' the hellion, someone who's going to end up making my characters' lives a living hell just for the heck of it and he can't stand being upstaged in the slightest.

There's 2 hours of walking up the staircase of this tower in our future and it's absolutely fun for everyone involved. The DM broke it down into 30 minute endurance rolls to expedite the process but when we got up to the top we were pretty well exhausted.

So when we found a fight club with a bunch of demons running the show, we were in no shape to fight. Cue the hellion doing what he does best, absolutely absurd diplomacy rolls and trying to talk his way out of every single fight just because he can. Never mind that we get no experience for doing so and absolutely no treasure or even any /fun/ when he's doing this.

It's annoying to say the least when I catch him re-rolling just because the dice was 'a little to the side' and he can't stand having anything less than a success. Oh great, he's a goddamned cheater on top of everything else, what else could go wrong today?

Except when we work our way to the top and get to the evil guy he manages to flub a roll and the DM catches it. So the battle's on! And the battle was over because the barbarian plowed through everyone, though he did get temporarily Suggested and slammed his axe through my kobold's plate armor for a lot of damage

>>22681238
Hey, do you have the full version of that? Running a game right now with a Cavalier.

>>22681361
its just from the class description of the cavalier i the book, do you want me to past the whole thing? most of it is just abilitys rather than stuff like that though

>>22681383
Really just want the list of targets to be attacked in what order, since it got cut off.
>party enters a room
>nothing but banners and peasants
>cavalier is too busy cutting banners down to help
GLORY!

>>22681326
>So when we found a fight club with a bunch of demons running the show, we were in no shape to fight. Cue the hellion doing what he does best, absolutely absurd diplomacy rolls and trying to talk his way out of every single fight just because he can. Never mind that we get no experience for doing so and absolutely no treasure or even any /fun/ when he's doing this.

If you were exhausted, wasn't it better to not fight, then?

>>22681309
We all agreed that it would be impractical.

The rest of the fighters refrained from using plate mail because our DM said "are you really going to lug that around through the desert?"

Also there's like no money. Anywhere.

I think metals are scarce, but we seem to be fighting mechs. Somehow.

Maybe I'm being too hard on the guy.
(Cavalier. Not the DM)

It's not like he doesn't get metal armour. He does. It's just not fullplate.

>>22681326
And then it comes time for the looting process, where we scour the room. Except the hellion, who makes it up in his mind that he's going to diplomacy the shit out of me into giving him all of the gold and shit that I find in the room.

Great, we end up having a roll contest, with my will against his diplomacy... and will's the one thing that I don't have much of, being a meager 10 int and 10 wisdom. So the DM has to declare that I end up giving him whatever treasure I find in the carnage, but here's where things got more into the realm of equal parts my fault and his fault.

He's made me search the entire room for cubbyholes and things that I could fit into without much effort. I end up finding a 2 foot wide hole that's big enough for my kobold self to squirm into, thinking that there's going to be treasure hidden in it. Nope, it's a dumbwaiter. And there's no counter weight big enough on a dumbwaiter for 68 pounds of kobold wearing 50 pounds of chainmail and wielding a 10 pound war hammer.

One mile fall later and I end up deader than a doornail in a perfectly formed tin of kobold meat, where my armor impacted and surrounded me.

>>22681411
>they find walking up stairs fun
>don't find roleplaying that doesn't include them directly fun
That's what I find odd. Unless the diplomacy took a few more hours, sure.
Is your DM an Ent?

>>22681440
>diplomacy roll to give him your share of the loot
What?
>insta death trap for small creatures
Fuck, did he at least give you a saving throw to try and slow the thing down?

>>22681409

>Not understanding what the term banners mean in context

Why? Why are you this bad?

>>22681498
>getting mad over a simple joke
It was a simple joke. I'm restating it so you don't see this as an excuse to get more mad.

Just because it wasn't a very good joke doesn't mean it was there to insult you, personally.

>>22678443
YOU WAKE UP DEAD

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>>22681409
heres a few things cut together, not included are their mounted abilities, they get flying mounts, gryphons and shit later on.

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>>22681230
Actually, I was getting to that part.

>roll necromancy-focused Shadow Weave wizard for the Villainy group
>he works as an apothecary and owns a small shop in a shitty part of town, which quickly becomes the party's new base of operations and (unknown to the rest of the party) is also the secret worship spot for a cult of Shar, of which my wizard is a member
>I almost immediately become leader of the group, to the displeasure of the DMPC (and pleasure of the DM, because their rivalry is fun to roleplay)
>this group is MUCH BETTER: no bullshit, no That Guyism, all the players are totally bro-tier
>only problem I have is that the DM likes to keep our character sheets between sessions
>I never trust someone else to keep my sheets
>about a month of weekly sessions, during which we all have a blast and my character advances many evil plots, including plots to kill the serial killer and the Valor group
>DM has some personal shit happen and has to skip state
>that was in 2006
>he still has our sheets

>>22678534
Well YOU'VE never rolled a 1 on eat checks.

>>22681440
Oh yeah, this story was in that dumb-ways to die thread.

>>22681411
Yeah, we were definitely in no shape to fight except for the hellion who was fresh from being in a prison for the whole time. This was more a chance to showcase that he was definitely the guy who went for diplomacy and boringness rather than letting the party have any sort of excitement. On a frequent basis. Like every single fight, he'd talk the enemy out of doing it.

>>22681440
So it was time for the third character of the campaign, of which I'd only been part of for 2 levels. Fun times and all. I roll up my third character, a hengeyokai bard who had songblade wrist razors for that satisfying 'punch the fuck out of people and make them bleed' action that I loved so much.

It's a while before the hellion or the elf do anything buttfuck retarded, but when we hit level 12... that's where the bullshit started up.

Out of nowhere the hellion now has an ability that he can drain HP from allies and use it to buff up his sorcerous casting rolls to absurd degrees. And I become his battery, frequently forced to use my healing surges and health potions just to stay above 0 HP while he's doing this bullshit. The DM is scouring the rulebook for this, everyone in the party is just going WTF dude the entire time and the elf is aiming his healing /away/ from me on a rather scarily frequent basis. I'm not one for saying 'it's a conspiracy' but this was a goddamned conspiracy.

The death on this character was entirely my fault but damned if it wasn't satisfying to see the hellion's player's face fall when he realized he was out of a battery for his casting. I ended up taking the dmpc's nat20 roll because of a botched amulet of seduction roll (basically control creature for one turn to make them take the hit for you). That was my third character in 5 levels and I was annoyed as hell at this point.

Final character is the only one to stay alive and let me tell you, it was satisfying as fuck to see the hellion finally die under that character's watch.

>>22681560
Huh. Maybe he is just really good at it.

There are quite a few things that make him not a very good cavalier though.

I'm going to lighten up on him.

Wow, anon.

You...you made me a nicer person.

>>22681456
Fun should've been in sarcasm quotes. Sorry about the confusion friend-o.
>>22681483
To be fair it was more like... 4 diplomacy rolls versus my will rolls, with the totals calculated up and compared directly without any bonuses.

I lost and my DM ran a tough but fair campaign so I was SoL for getting shit done.

And yeah. Got three chances to slow the trap down. Rolled a crit fail, a 4 and a 6 trying different things, failed each time.

>>22681583
Yep, but this is a more in depth version of it.

>>22681612
my favourite bit is

>6 opponent headquaters
>7 melee troops
>8 peasants

>but sire, where are you going, the battle still rages?
>fuck those shits, im going to burn down those tents

>>22681670
Oh wow. I missed that.

Gotta remember that.

Man, I can't wait to become a knight-errant.

What weapons can cavaliers use? Lucky is pretty good with a longsword.

>Party is running around a city where a dangerous madness has taken hold of the people
>Party is running over rooftops, jumping streets
>Come to a 20 feet wide street
>Everyone discusses rules about jumping from a standstill vs. running (though I don't recall why the conversation took place)
>Entire party save for That Guy jumps over with some good rolls
>That Guy announces "I jump..."
>Rolls, well enough
>"You make it"
> "...from standstill!"
>"You don't make it"
>Cue That Guy bitching about being treated unfairly and all that, while everyone points out that this crap was the exact point of the conversation everyone was having right before they jumped

Same guy also bitched about getting 1 point of damage from a mancatcher.

>>22681700
Probably a lance or something

>>22681723
I think our guy uses a longsword. I know he dual wields sometimes.

I would continue with the DM's retardedness, but I need to study for exams.

File: 1358633028751.png-(554 KB, 1144x588, cavalier 3.png)

>>22681700
longswords are fine, you get a bonus in fact if you choose that option

>>22681719
Jeeez. Some people can fuck anything up, can't they? Sounds like this guy could bitch about anything.

>>22681773
Well, I won't actually, because Lucky is going to stay a Bard.

That is pretending to be a knight.

To poke fun at an actual knight.

Guys, am I THAT GUY?

Let's see
crazy barbarian with an intelligence of 3
>carries tons of weapons
seems in character
>steals wizard's rations, runs off to eat the stolen rations
I'm thinking he's a retarded monkey, but that really falls in line with in-character low intelligence/ crazy.
>refuses to leave the room, and begins trying to converse with the walls
still legit
>he starts arguments with the paladin, accusing him of sleeping with his imaginary wife
only a barbarian would- Oh. still in character.
>barbarian says he wants to kill all the villagers in the town, tries to convince the other party members, including the lawful good paladin, to join him
Stupid, but then again your barb is stupid.
>roll to eat
lololol
>war cleric gets ambushed by a bunch of zombies in the tavern
wtf SMITE and TURN EVIL/ TURN UNDEAD, heal spells do damage against undead he should have been solo'ing the internet single handed while bench-pressing a pair of 1983 buick lesabres in the other.
>DM is pissed, starts striking him with lightning and rolling for damage
THAT GUY DM interfering with perfectly acceptable retard-crazy barbarian doing what retard-crazy barbarians do
>rowns himself in a nearby lake
TO THE ESCAPE PODS!

>>22681846
We're all that guy sometimes.

But it depends, can you keep it funny and not serious "You're stupid and I'm making fun of you" kind of thing? If so, then, no. If not, then, yes.

>>22681846
No, i like it, in fact if you acted knightly enough you could get yourself an honourary knighthood, although given your wasteland setting, that may be hard.

Alternatively you could be his guard against falling, if he has some peasant acting just, well that just means he has to try even harder, to be the champion the world needs.

Yeah I mean, he was 3 INT, he was acting perfectly in character

>Not choosing Tauren as base race instead of Minotaur
>Not getting larger bonuses for str and con
>Not getting smaller body type to ensure that you aren't an easy target for assassins

Your that guy was silly. I wasn't even trying to min-max and got a better deal out of being a fighter than he did.

>>22681984
meant to link to>>22680148

>>22681855
Apparently ruining games is fine if it's "in character"

>>22681023
You poor anon. I hope that if you ever get to DM, you make bloody well sure that that tosspot gets what's coming to him.

>>22682017
Any guy who makes that kind of character is that guy.

>>22680549
Is Frank a pug? I thought he was a boxer.

>>22681984
He may have considered it. I don't remember if this was before the WoW d20 book was out or not.

I'm going back through some of his emails from the mailing list I ran for that game and goddamn. It still makes me want to strangle him. I've never known anyone else who That Guy'd so hard that I wanted to be physically violent to him.

I've got one from my first game, ever.

>Group of 5, all friends.
>DM and 2 others have all played before
>Me and other guy have not
>We make our characters after an hour, make sure everything is set for me and other guy
>I roll a druid, other guy rolls a barbarian, 2 friends that have played roll a cleric and a fighter or a ranger, can't remember.
>Game starts with pretty low-brow campaign, tavern start, get quest
>I sit in the corner of the room with my wolf companion.
>Barbarian is drinking a lot
>Cleric is sitting alone
>Ranger/fighter is up at the counter
>Suddenly the NPC-quest giver approaches the cleric, he ignores him
>Then the NPC quest giver approaches the barbarian, he punches him in the throat
>All hell breaks loose.

con't

>>22682200

Heh.

Funny you should say that.

I have an idea for a dungeon I want to run with this set of characters. He said I might be allowed to.

I'm going to bring back all our old set of characters as ghosts who need help getting back to their (new) bodies. Weird sci-fi stuff.

Also it's going to be ridiculous. Like, ballpit fights and a lich who has a flying coffin he uses to ram into people.

>>22681897
It's going to be funny.

The thing about Lucky is he's never serious.

When we met the previously mentioned Demon guy Lucky was one of the first people to interact with him.

It went pretty much like this:

Demon: Something ominous and dark
Me: Oh, hello. Am I interrupting you demonic ritual?
Demon: (Christian Bale Voice): YEEEEEEEES.
Me: Oh, well then. Sorry about that. I think I'll just be leaving.
Demon: You will DIEEEEEEE.
Me: And I was doing so well; only 5 times this session *dies horribly*

>>22682470

pastebin them! sounds lulzy

>>22682503

>Barbarian proceeds to take on 4 NPCs in a bar fight
>To everyones amazement he successfully kills them in the most brutal fashion
>Cleaves through one, stabs another through the stomach and throws him at another
>Goddamn ridiculous
>Barbarian stands triumphant, but Cleric is going to be ultra THAT GUY
>The cleric rolled lawful good, but decided fuck that
>Cleric proceeds to raise all the dead NPCs the barbarian killed
>He also casts darkness to make sure no one can interfere in his quest
>Barbarian is descended upon by 4 undead drunks and a giant millipede the cleric summoned
>DM is so confused and just in disbelief he can't do anything.
>I attempt to get the fuck out of the bar, wolf and I break through a window
>We run off into the distance away from everything.
>Ranger/fighter doesn't feel like getting involved, he sits behind the counter
>Barbarian is crushed by the 4 undead npcs and a cleric.
>DM can't believe what's happening, is so unbelievably annoyed that he gives up
>Barbarian says fuck this and kills himself so the cleric pisses off
>Cleric isn't done however.
>Cleric has the undead NPCs march along to the ranger/fighter
>They grab him instantly
>Cleric uses a spell that forces the ranger/fighter to comply
>Makes the ranger/fighter fall to his knees, with his mouth open
>Face fucks the ranger/fighter
>We all stopped playing with anyone from that group.
>God have mercy on THAT GUYS soul

Note that the DM had never DM'd before so he wasn't trying to get all shitty with the group and just let us do whatever, which was our immediate downfall.

I'm still friends with these people, I don't know why.

>>22682655

>Face fucks ranger/fighter

I would have flipped over the table and punched him.

Seriously, what the fuck?

File: 1358636010499.jpg-(23 KB, 155x155, BABY.jpg)

>>22682655
>Face fucks the ranger/fighter

This made me angry at first, but then I just started laughing. What the fuck is even going on I dont even

>>22682692
All of us being fairly new to DnD it was just, awful.

At the point where the cleric brought back the NPCs and the giant millipede we all said fuck it, we're never playing after this anyway so let him go.

>>22678115
>>22678154
Fairly good roleplaying actually.

File: 1358636347953.jpg-(213 KB, 990x718, 2011-05-09-bp13.jpg)

>>22680773

Fucking amazing. I don't know how I missed this.

File: 1358636589696.jpg-(227 KB, 990x718, 2011-08-01-bp25.jpg)

>>22682792

>>22682692
That reminds me of a funny incident actually.

Had a Cleric, Fighter, Rogue, Wizard (usual setup) group. Facing off against 10-30 Orcs in a small-ish room.

Cleric used Command: Fellate

They all failed their will saves.

>>22679432
You should have known that would happen. So what kind of Fedora do you prerfer?

>>22682881

stop being a faggot

>>22678115
>>22678154
Actually it sounds like he was playing a retarded barbarian fairly well. Your DM doesnt sound very good though.

>>22679783
>>22679794
Don't Rest Your Head.

A surefire hit with your RP group!
Assuming they like esoteric things and horror.

>>22682017
Stories done have to be neverending.

I remember one story i read on heare abiut a group that raided a cave full of goblins and oil, busted up the oil jars and then a derp mage fhrough a fireball.

Eith predictable results.


Group laughed. DM said he was mad.


But it was funny Homez!

>>22683231

And that story is quite different than retardbarb.

>>22678154
>>22678115
>Lawful Good Paladin

This could have been avoided...

>>22683231
That's someone being a bit dunce-y and making a mistake.

Not someone murdering their party members because they want to play an idiot.

Ooookay, here goes.
Starting around 2 years ago I joined a Hackmaster game. GM is a bearded gentleman of a high gaming caliber, and had recently gotten the HM rules as a present.
Me: Dwarven Cleric of Moradin. Afraid of the dark, missing a pinky, and heir to the fort from "Little Keep on the Borderlands" when we did it. I decided alliterating M words was the best plan for roleplaying (we smoked a lot of weed during this game...), and be as dorf as possible because Hackmaster is silly. To start out we were the proteges of level 6's on some quest against an Orc Empire to the south, then they all died along with most of the other higher levels in our kingdom in some giant explosion at a temple in the wastelands. Because damn, that's why. Then we sort of went on our own way, as follows.
Bro: Human fighter/rogue, KATANAS EVERYWHERE. WEAPON SCORN FOR ANYTHING NOT A KATANA. This was done with fun in mind, and because they are good weapons. He threw them, eventually.
Girl: Dwarf battlemage, prone to exploding. Low Comeliness.
Bro: Bard. Great roleplay, left after a few sessions though.
New Bro 1: DM's roommate, cool guy, played a stereotypical ranger, but had fun overall. Did ranger things as best he could imagine.

a few weeks later some new folks joined, good people overall except...

New Bro 2: Generic thief, somewhat homicidal.

New Bro 3: Pixie cleric

New Bro 4: Here's the one. A good guy, but a terrible roleplayer. Druid, which in Hackmaster means true neutral. Played this as doingwhateverthefuck all the time. He had squirrels that could hold spell components, that was cool. THEN
we meet these half-elven bards in some town that had a bandit problem, and Druidbro immediately starts hitting on the female one. For awhile. Like 5 minutes. Eventually this culminates with the half-elves come with us. Later, at camp, Druidbro makes a magical palisade, and proceeds to have freaky Entangle-related vine-sex with the lady elf.

File: 1358639849594.png-(32 KB, 967x561, facefuckingthebarb.png)

>>22682655
Never change /tg/

File: 1358640035146.png-(72 KB, 985x867, Barbarian and Cleric in a Bar.png)

>>22683770

Full story here

Also, your image: image name spoilers?

>>22681855
>>22681855
All of this made sense to me as well. I think OP was just looking for someone to blame for his death

>>22683008

OP here. You and the other dudes suggesting his shit was acceptable must read this post.

We all thought his character was amusing at first, which lasted from the beginning of our quest until we reached the skeleton castle. But that part where he was speaking to the wall? That shit ended up taking almost half an hour. He's the type of person that speaks in long unbroken sentences and is extremely hard to politely interrupt, and wont stop talking just because you yelled SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Our biggest grievance is about how much time he wasted and how badly he slowed down the pace of our game. Also his character being a retard was also an obvious, and self admitted, excuse to do whatever the fuck he wanted regardless of how irrational it was.

Another thing that I forgot to mention. We exited the castle before he did, and he found the war cleric washing blood off his equipment in the river, and hid in some bushes and threw javelins at him and almost killed him. I don't even remember what reason he came up with for doing that but it doesn't even matter. He would just make up anything for an excuse to fuck with people.

>>22683844

Not true. When I realized my character was going to die from choking on a pair of trousers I was laughing so hard I almost cried. See above post for a better explanation of the rustling.

>>22683864
Wait, so when he was talking to the wall you mean he, the PLAYER, was speaking words. Out of his mouth? For half an hour?
Who the fuck does that?

>>22683864
Yeah, I'm kind with the OP on this one. Most of the barbarian's behaviour passed beyond stupidity and straight into the kind of behaviour that makes the character incapable of functioning in society, which tends to the soul of any That Guy character. Not to say that it's impossible, of course, just incredibly difficult.

Of course, I'm still trying to understand how "raised in the wild" manages to justify why the fuck you needed to roll how to eat. The trousers, sure, but if your character was apparently so unaccustomed to society that he was unable to recognize that trousers were not food, then why the fuck did anyone think it would be a good idea to let them wonder around a village unescorted? Or at all?

My turn! Here's a game we don't hear much about: Call of Cthulhu! Set in the 1890s

The characters:
Me: a serial killer, optimised to live the longest
Player 1: the a war vet who had served as a field medic
Player 2: a cowardly member of the upper class
Player 3: a fisherman
Player 4: a rugby player
Player 5: owns an opium den, is an 'inventor'

>1st session
>each of us knew someone who was killed on an archaeological expedition
>a reporter wants to ask us questions about them
>at this point we don't know each other at all
>we all go to some hotel room to wait for him
>hear sounds like fighting in the other room
>Player 2 and I stay put, while the others rush to see what's going on
>see some cultists decapitate the guy we were waiting for
>they flip out and shoot them up
>everyone runs out the fire escape, dragging a nearly dead cultist
>exept for me
>i'm still in the hotel room
>A cop sees this flock of blood-drenched weirdoes
>asks them what's up
>Player 2 attempts to talk to, then bribe, then trip the policeman
>blows his whistle
>buggy pulls up with more cops inside
>player 3 tries to hijack the buggy
>player 5 pretends to be an innocent bystander, screams and runs
>police eventually come to take statements from everyone in the hotel
>succeed on my disguise roll, pretending to be waiting for my mistress
>dissapear into the night
>next day, everyone else is in custody

>>22684199
>a rugby player
>1890's

>>22684225
Fine then, American football player.

>>22684234
Not that mate,
>1890's

>>22684242
Jiminy fucking Cricket, you are a picky one. He's an E-sports player, then!

>>22684278
That didn't exist then either.

You have ruined the immersion!

>>22684242

Rugby has existed since 1845, and possibly earlier than that.

>>22684225
Now I'm confused. Rugby existed in the 1890s.

>>22684321
>>22684301
>>22684278
>>22684234
Didn't know it was that easy, step it up /tg/.

>>22684199
>pretending to be waiting for my mistress
I fucking lost it.

>>22684345
Only a few of those posts were troll posts.

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>>22683818
>>22683770

Gentleman and scholars, the both of you.

>>22678795
I once tried playing a spy type skills character in a d20 modern campaign. DM did nothing but combat encounters for like 8 to 10 levels (he wanted to do accelerated leveling). I of course leveled combat to compensate. He then got mad when my character couldn't make the skill checks he later threw in. I explained I had abandoned the original concept since we only did combat encounters. He told me we'd start balancing the encounters to do more skill checks and to redo my character as I had originally envisioned it. He starts doing skill checks but all the DCs are like 45 or 50. I have more horror stories from that campaign but that should do for now.

>>22684727
Do go on.

>>22679414
I once raided a wine cellar (that was on the ground floor for some reason) while the building was on fire and half the party was on the second floor fighting some enemies. Another player ended up joining me. Then we went outside to the car to wait for everyone else come out. Party drank that wine for the rest of the campaign.

>>22684727
I think we should collectively do a d20 Modern story time. It will be horrible. Mostly because my DM was that guy and it sounds like yours was, too.

>>22682692
I once had a DM think that (attempted) rape was a good interrogation technique. The DMPC "saved" the character.

>Playing Palladium Fantasy
>One of my friends rolls up a super rich pretty boy noble with almost no useful adventuring ability outside of his charisma and vast amount of wealth
>The party is traveling through a mountain range where magical energy is messing with nature & driving the locals insane. Not a good place to be wandering alone.
>GM gives us the option for a little roleplaying moment where we could talk to each other, talk to NPC's, use skills, etc.
>Friend decides to go hunting. His only equipment apart from his noble robe and jewelry is a crossbow and a tower shield. Bad fucking move.
-This is a story from the time when my friends & I thought "critical success" and "critical failure" were not only good game mechanics, but that they were funny as shit. Some of the ensuing ridiculousness came from a combination of bad luck and stupidity.
>Botches his hunting roll & finds a minotaur.
>Minotaur fucks his shit, the party has to come & rescue him from the beast. Somebody casts a mesmerizing spell or some shit & we escape.
>Drag his mangled ass back to camp. Nobody has any healing magic (we were stupid), so he's just left with 3 HP.
>He decides he wants revenge against the minotaur.
>Picks up his gear & goes hunting again.
>This time he rolls a critical success & finds a unicorn. (The GM did this in hopes that he would talk to it & find out something about the magical disturbance)
>He decides to shoot his crossbow at the unicorn.
>Another botch. Before the bolt even leaves the bow, the unicorn disappears.
>Suddenly the unicorn reappears & stabs the noble with its horn. Of course, the noble dies.
>GM didn't want our friend to feel left out, so he allows him to play as a wandering spirit for the rest of the session. This is where shit gets real.

PART 1

>Since he is now a non-corporeal spirit, my friend asks if he can possibly possess a character in order to get his stuff back. He is concerned with retrieving his stuff, not aiding the adventuring party.
>He searches for someone to possess and comes across a gnome, whom he possesses.
>As the gnome, he tries to find his old corpse. Since he has an entirely new perspective and he has little idea where he actually is, the GM has him make a hunting skill check to find his corpse. He botches again.
>Guess who's back? That fucking minotaur. The monster grabs and gnome. My friend panics and tries to find out if the gnome he possessed has any useful skills or magic.
>GM treats it like any character creation roll. He looks in the manual and starts to laugh manically. (He's kind of a dick and has a very low tolerance for stupidity.)
>It turns out that the possessed gnome has very powerful electrokinesis, but is only capable of /sensing/ electrical signals. He senses the electrical signals in the minotaur's brain while he is tortured to death.

PART 2

>>22685612

Is there more?

>>22684780
We did the Unearthed Arcana setting playing agents of an organization that prevented the supernatural from interfering with the world. At first the party was trying to be brutal, but not necessarily evil. Somehow it went straight up evil. The DM kept putting us in situations where evil was the only way out. He was also a huge fan of DMPCs and supervillans that couldn't be killed and would take 5 or 6 actions per turn. Most of the fun in the campaign came us as players doing bizarre things. We started a drug operation in Colombia. I ended up constantly leveling things over with a player who joined halfway in who wasn't totally evil. Like when one of the players decided to kill another who was trying to white-knight what had become an evil campaign. First attempt was by hiring a gang to kill him as we left a restaurant. He told them we wouldn't fire blanks and to leave once they did the job. Forgot to tell the rest of the party about it. We killed most of them, I even ran one over. Second attempt was a car bomb which he told us about but never got a chance to detonate. Third was by hiring a DMPC to execute him, which she did while the neutral player was outside. I used the car bomb and the white-knight's tattoos to convince him that the dead player was an enemy agent.

>>22678577
Your poor, poor GM.

>ugh, barbarian's player is being such a fucking nuisance
>at least the others are doing what they're supposed t-
>WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU IN A SHACK EATING SHORTS

>>22685736
Eventually the original party decided we had gotten too evil have fun playing. One of guys talked to the DM about it but he had written the campaign around our characters and said that we had to live with our decisions. So the same player then convinced us to derail the campaign. He killed the other guy then I killed him and decided my character would retire after that. Whole mess did not go down well with the DM.

I'm glad you asked!

>He becomes a spirit once again. He decides he's just pissed now and he wants to fuck up the session for the rest of us.
>He finds the camp as well as a strange creature who apparently is able to see him. The creature makes him an offer: Possess the wolfen NPC who's traveling with the party and search her mind for magic spiritual information and he can keep the body. He accepts and possesses the wolfen.
>By now everybody has noticed that the noble is gone. We don't care because he was a dumbass.
>We start to notice our wolfen companion acting strangely. One of the players tries to magically diagnose her problem.
>Shit, she's possessed!
>We perform an elaborate exorcism. The noble's spirit is driven out of the wolfen and into a magically sealed bottle where it remained for the rest of the campaign. He was offered the opportunity to make a new character but he refused. Decided that Palladium wasn't for him.

This guy was part of my core RP group throughout high school and we still remain in contact. He's a good guy and all, but most of my "that guy" stories revolve around him.

>>22686116
also meant to respond to>>22685681

Part 3/The End

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>>22678795
Really? Did you try at all ? DM gives you a character that has super powers in a world of guns and knives, and he's the asshole...

>>22686143
I tried, mate. Used powers that would stop them (Brain Lock) and even charms and suggestion. There really is shit for all on the telepath power list and the premade had really shitty powers picked out. Also, the guy built all his mooks using the same point buy and class system we got as heroes. Sent about 10 lvl 8's at us first wave, and then even more at higher levels the next wave.

>>22686233
Ya ok then he's being a bit of a cunt.

>>22686233
I think he was expecting you to use him like a cunt. IE instead of fighting them head on using random npc's as canon fodder or distractions. Only other way I can see that working.

File: 1358650428908.jpg-(38 KB, 390x300, eric.jpg)

>>22680310
He's totally rping right! He's clearly playing Eric from the D&D cartoon!

>>22680869
So your GM had a fairly generic fantasy world with a mythical treasuretrove. Then they gave you a series of unique and interesting, if derivative, magic items, and you refused to use them for metagame reasons (ugh, I remember this from a video game)?

Why don't you GM if you're Mister Creativity? or at least talk to them about what you'd like to see?

>>22686767
You'd think that. I tried doing that the first fight, resorted to just throwing moltovs from the bar (why'd the Chinese place have a bar? Fuck if I know) because it actually worked better than my psionics; and then he had these guys right next to me the next fight practically holding me up to the bar, and then he had them spray uzis into my guts since I couldn't retreat over the bar for some reason he didn't adequately explain.

Sometimes having a THAT GUY can be awesome!
We played a 3.5 diablo game with two Playergroups, two Players each. Me a young powergrieving ex lut gholein wizard student and the other guy a fighter merc from the northlands ridden by PTSD which makes him hear inhuman voices, basically a demon commanding him and serving as an excuse for all kinds of shenanigans. Since it played in a diablo world the DM didn't cared about our alignment, so we were LE and CE.
After we spend the first sessions striving through the wilderness working for a lich and finding a cursed demonic helmet which got stuck on the mercs head, we finally arrived in a small town to rest and gather informations about the uprising of a demon army.

I told the merc to stay down. While I was minding my business, the merc started to drawing demonic runes on scrolls trying to make a dime at the local wonderous items shop. The shop keeper, while intrested in the helmet and a potential source of information about it's curse, told him to get the fuck out.
Angry about his unsuccessful plan the merc started to hack the men to pieces. The other people in the shop begin to scream at which point our DM gives him the hint that he might could get away through the backdoor, but instead he kills the customers, takes some stuff and walks out of the frontdoor. There the hugh northman with his colossal two handed axe and horned demonhelmet soaking in blood tries to convince the shivering guardsman that he was indeed not the murderer. When they told him to come to the prison nevertheless, he started to hack those guys to pieces until brought down by the rest of the guard and the towns cleric. Me standing on the other side of the road watching the bloodshed in disbelieve.
The player was pissed at me for betraying him by not helping him in the Fight and now having his character dying.

They announced his execution to be held in 3 days. A Paladin was send to slay the fiendish warrior.

Cont.

Cont.
>>22687209

First I was trying to act as a negotiator and convincing the townfolk that it was the helmet possesing the poor soul, but with the clerics distrusting me my chances of saving his live were rather low.
Then I started to get Information about the towns defence and the cleric, let the blacksmith forge a new axe and spread rumors about undead on the local graveyard where I positioned my skeleton minions to murder the cleric who would be my biggest problem.

I offered my help to banish the undead and accompanied the cleric and a bunch of guards to the graveyard where I planned on ambush them. After a harsh battle the cleric was brought down and the city ready to conquer.
Dressed as the guards my Skeletons and me marched right into the town where they began to cause chaos.

Me making my way to the prison, freeing my bloodthristing companion, gifting him his new waraxe and letting him join the mayhem. After the city town was burned to the ground my companion declared his loyalty and from that on I had my own THAT GUY minion constantly interferring with my masterplan and I love it.

By the way, later I found out the other group had the Paladin who should had execute the merc and they were working for the cleric I killed.
I laughed like a mad villain when I heard they expected a big reward when coming back, only to find the town lying in ashes, which all was completly unplanned by the DM but he kinda loved it.

Had a DM that penalized for talking in character during combat.

Honestly, other than that he was okay. But when the entire session is nothing but fighting monsters, IC banter is all the roleplaying you can get.

I have a character that I am working on, and I just want to make sure that it wouldn't be That Guy-ish. If it is I'll abandon it.

I want to make an bard focused on Perform (Oratory). Except he doesn't think his a bard. He thinks that he's the son of a deity that doesn't really exist. His 'father' has a moral code, and he follows it, but what he thinks is lawful good is actually chaotic neutral. He preaches using his perform skills and will try to get converts using charisma and diplomacy.

You decide /tg/ is it That Guy or not?

>>22687862
Like many things, That Guy is not in the concept, but in the execution.

>>22687862

That Guy? Depends on how you play it.

Retarded? Most definitely, yes yes.

>>22687881

Oh it's certainly meant to be dumb as all hell, but I love playing characters with mental illness, I've never played a character with a messianic complex before. I also forgot to add that it'll be the DMPC so I can make sure that it won't be the focal point of the story. If he dies I'll just move on to the next character with the next mental illness.

>>22683864
http://incredibly.ytmnd.com/

>>22686955

I never ended up finishing my story.

Why don't I now?

Okay, so, we get through the portal.
Surprisingly, there are trees (up until now everything had been sand).
Hooray, actual plants.
So, we meet up with our newest member, the magic-user/cleric. We didn't get a chance to roleplay meeting him because, guess what, SCARY OPPRESSIVE ARMY WITH SCARY LOOKING ARMOUR.

These motherfuckers ride on up to us.
They're acting like dicks, say that there's a village down the road (which was a fork).
We've never heard of where ever these guys are from, assume we're somewhere really far away.

They laugh when they mention the village. Uh oh (by the way, these guys were roleplayed by the DM the exact same way he roleplayed the Magitech guys. That is, awful.)

So, we try to go away from the village, because fuck that, something bad clearly happened there.

Lol no. Fucking dragon gets in our way.

I shit you not.

The DM pulled out a dragon to make us go to the village.

So, it's kicking our asses (we're fucking level 4, by the way). I'm running, so is the Cavalier, I think.

We meet this "mysterious woman with night black hair and black armour" at the side of the road. She beckons for us to hide.

We hide. Or, try to. The dragon spots us (I can't remember who's fault it was. Might have been Cavalier's, due to hiding being dishonourable (more on that later. The best part of the campaign so far revolves around that).)

So, shit, we're going to die.

Nope.

The dragon perks it head up, and wanders off in the other direction.

We ask the chick "Dude, what the fuck?"
She does the generic "i r 2 mistereeus 4 u" thing and says that the dragon was not involved with the attack on the village. She says the bad guys can mind control the dragon or something. That might be cool.

She then runs away.

K.

So why the fuck did the dragon exist in the first place? Like, if it had nothing to do with the atta-

THAL'THEK STARTS RUNNING TOWARDS THE VILLAGE!

Stay tuned for more stupid.

>>22689000
>We meet this "mysterious woman with night black hair and black armour" at the side of the road. She beckons for us to hide.

We hide. Or, try to. The dragon spots us (I can't remember who's fault it was. Might have been Cavalier's, due to hiding being dishonourable (more on that later. The best part of the campaign so far revolves around that).)

Fuck, your GM is the least creative fuck in the universe. That's a straight rip of Rose from Legend of Dragoon, not even fucking kidding.

He wasn't even trying to be a good GM with good ideas he was doing fucking shit from video games.

>>22689000
I know this is long and boring, but this is the good part. This is what happened in our last session.

So, Thal'Thek does his retarded thing where he runs towards things without telling us why.

So, instead of making a plan, or you know, knowing what the fuck is going on, we have to charge headlong into this village.

Which has been burned to the ground. (I lol'd)

In the town square we see these guys beating a few survivors. They're like the bigscarydudes from before.

Before any of us can do ANYTHING, Thal'Thek chucks a spear at the dude, screaming:
"I'LL KILL YOU, YOU BASTARD!"

To himself.

We still don't know what the fuck is going on.

He cripples the guy and starts choking the other guy, screaming about his sister
"WHERE IS SHE! WHERE IS SHE!"

What the fuck?

K, whatever, DM. We fight the two guys, take one hostage, help the survivors.

We try to roleplay interrogating the dude, but get interrupted by THAL'THEK GETTING PUNCHED IN THE THROAT AND BEING SENT ACROSS THE TOWNSQUARE.

What the fuck? We all turn.

There's this buy scary guy who is BIGGER and SCARIER because he has black armour and A REALLY BIG SWORD.

The guy starts laughing. By now he's pulled this kind of shit at least 5 times.

Thal'Thek gets up, throws down his spear, and, in a moment of purely magnificent roleplaying yells:
"I'LL KILL YOU WITH MY HANDS YOU BASTARD!"
The guy responds with: "IT MATTERS NOT! THE GIRL IS OURS." (or something to that effect)
DMPC: "IF YOU HURT HER I'LL KILL YOU!"
BigScaryGuy: "TRY, WEAKLING ELF."
DMPC: "AAAAAARAAGHGHGHGH!"

They then fight.

Yeah.

So, not only has he made a shitty plot that he refuses to explain to us, he doesn't let us make our own choices or even ADVANCE THE FUCKING PLOT ON OUR OWN.

But that's not all.

Oh boy is it not all.

No, we (barely) manage to kill this guy (DM thought we were as powergame-y as he is. Most of us aren't.)

And then the REVEAL happens.

>>22689098
I think he added her for no other reason than to explain his shitty plot. She didn't have a name.

>>22689283
AND THEN???

>>22689283
No, like seriously. Look at the first 15 minutes or so of Legend of Dragoon. I swear to god, if it turns out his sister got put in a prison I'm fucking calling it.

>>22689283
So, the reveal:

We finish this shit, whatever.

Okay, so we talk to the villagers (a bit. He didn't seem keen on actually roleplaying them).

Basically it was Thal'Thek asking the Village Elder shit that was retarded about his sister.

But...

But just wait...

Turns out, we've been transported to the past. (long before our old characters blew the world to shit)

Now, that might have been cool, except, how does Thal'Thek know any of these people, or that his Waifu sister is here?

HE'S FROM THE PAST.

DUN DUN DUN!

I was pretty pissed off at his shit by this point.

Our half-crazy ranger guy's back story (and he's really the only person with one other than Thal'Thek, and Thal'Thek's is retarded) revolves around being the seventh son of a seventh son in a line of nobles who were cursed. So this curse manifests as Jeffery the Boundless Idiot.

So, RangerBro's player gets excited.
"Aw, man! Are we going to do something with my backstory? We can stop the curse from happening! This is great!"

Lol, fuck you RangerBro. DM specifically stated that "No, I'm not doing anything with that."

>>22689429
What. The. Duck. Why were you guys rping with this guy if he was on oh so many levels awful?

>>22689420
HOLY SHIT, HOW DID YOU KNOW?

I'M SERIOUS, WHAT?

Okay, basically, we learn that Thal'Thek's sister is being held in this gay ass prison, and that there's a boring as fuck civil war that none of us want to get involved in (or at least, rangerbro and I don't).

So, we need to get into prison.

K, sure. That's not going to be like every other thing we've ever done.

So, we need to sneak in.

Fighter/Cleric comes up with one of the best ideas ever.

Cavalier won't sneak. It's dishonourable (first time he's done something Cavalier-ish).

Lol, k.

He's also an elf, so he's immune to sleep effects; we can't just knock him out and sneak in.

Her plan (and we didn't tell cavalier until it was ready) was to have him meeet a pretty elf girl, have sex with her until he passed out (he's middle aged for an elf, which made this even better) and then put a blanket over then while we ride a supply wagon into the prison.

I gotta give the DM credit. He allowed it.

So, we meet this pretty elf chick with a supply wagon.

Fighter/Cleric suggests to Cavalier "Why don't you go say hi to her?"

He does. He's got a high charisma, so like, she was all over that shit, mang.

I think we had also just saved her from a patrol of guards or something, so there was the whole "MY HERO" thing going on. They hop in the back and we get our thief to drive the wagon.

I jumped on top of the wagon and proceeded to play "Careless Whisper" on my guitar while the Cavalier made a series of CON checks.

Eventually he falls unconscious from the sweet, sweet elf loving.

Meanwhile, the whole table is dying.

We eventually get into the prison and fight some guys. I had to leave after that, so I don't know what happened.

>>22689615
More to come next session.

If we get to a major city I'm definitely going to acquire some armour and a horse and become a Knight-Errant.

Someone on /tg/ suggested I open a tea shop and refuse to go on adventures to counter act railroading. I might do that.