Rolled 2

Stand up you sack of shit

>>22800203
John, your better judgement would advise you to stand up. I must agree, because that seems like a perfectly sensible thing to do. Don't make a face John, it's not my fault you're crazy. And hey, it wasn't your sex drive or something terrible like those repressed memories of getting stung by wasps on Prom Night that told you to stand up.

Yes John, you did have an interesting life. Now why don't you practice some judgement and observe your surroundings?

That is premium grade shag carpeting on the floor. There are a few windows with the blinds down and there's a kitchen beyond that tacky wicker couch. There appears to be a morbidly obese woman laying on the floor in there. The fridge is open.

Yes John, colorful as it might be this room does smell like what you can only imagine Walter Sobchak's asshole to smell like. You are a disturbed individual, you should try to work on that.

But hey! now you know you saw The Big Lebowski, and that must count for something. It should but it doesn't.

>>22800203
Best check if you are wearing pants while you are at it. Too many bad days start with no pants.

>open walleth
>check ID

Are we John? Is this just fanta-sea caught in a landmine, no escape from realityyy.

Rolled 6

>>22800267
>There appears to be a morbidly obese woman laying on the floor in there. The fridge is open.


Fuck this, I'm out of here. You're on your own man.

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I hate to spoil this quest but John dies at the end.

>>22800281
Most of my bad days happen while I'm wearing pants, actually.

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My god, are we actually playing Everyone is John?
http://wso.williams.edu/~msulliva/campaigns/john/

>>22800289
Rolleth.

>>22800281
Did you hear that John? Check your pants. You are wearing pants aren't you? Yes, yes you are. There's a glow stick tube wedged in your bum cheeks, but you are indeed wearing pants. Khakis even! It's almost like you have no style at all!

>>22800298
Oh dreadful news John, your better judgement has left us. Now it seems we're on to some real fun. You know your judgement was always a bit of a fuddy duddy, and so unreliable!

>>22800289
You check your pants for a wallet. No John, that's a condom filled with bubble gum. Don't ask me why, I won't tell you. Ah yes. There's your wallet. "Reggae For Life" on black duct tape wallet? You disappoint me more every day, John. As for your ID? You have...a receipt to a Dunkin Donuts. Bravo. You appear to enjoy Bostom Kreme.

Rolled 2

Loot some drugs or alcohol before you head out of this pit of stinking regret.

>>22800358
You do find a lovely bottle of what appears to be paint thinner, tadpoles, and regret. The label says Mike's Hard Lemonade but it smells of terror and old men. No John, I won't tell you why. That's for you to find out and me to laugh about.

>>22800317
Indeed we are John.

Rolled 1

By didntt it roll..

Rolled 5

>>22800387

Hair of the dog, motherfucker. Drink it.
All of it.

Rolled 2

>>22800356
Try to remember where we live. And hope to god it's not this shithole.

Rolled 6

>>22800428
You stop this bullshit right now.

Rolled 4

Ok John look on that receipt to see if it has the address of the Dunkin Donuts yah got that Bostom Creme from. Maybe an employee there would recognize you.

Rolled 5

Get some goddamn chow. The fridge is open for fucks sake! Fatty had her fill, now get some!

>>22800450

I have been shown who is the boss.
next time, gag reflex

Rolled 2

You guys are all retarded. Fucker should just kill himself right now.

>>22800428
Now there's one of my favorite chaps. Chug-a-lug it John, not that you have much of a say in the matter. Yes John, that does taste terrible. You grip at your throat and it tastes like perhaps that was literally a concoction of tadpoles, paint thinner and the actual substance known as regret.

Your eyes swell up nasty and...
>>22800450
...Ah yes, the human body's "natural reflexes" ruining what could be good fun for we up here in the only part of the body that matters. Yes John, that is puke all over the carpet and your sneakers. There's a bit of pizza in there, perhaps you ate last night?

>>22800432
You seem a little bothered John. You gaze around this room with a hateful glance and pray that you do not in fact live here. And no, no you don't. You live in a worse place. It's not rent controlled and the rats are as big as your thighs would be if you lifted. You think you live across town, as you seem to have crossed a bridge getting here.

>>22800473
Ah yes. The receipt! It is...Parkway Avenue. Well that's good to know, it's located near a park. You like parks. Probably. The check out clerk's name was "Amelia". She sounds nice.

>>22800487
You pile on over to the fridge and look at the contents. Eggs, baking soda, and baklava. Possibly some sort of spaghetti pie. And a box of prunes. Almond milk? Why it is healthy, but the taste is bitter.

You feast on the spaghetti pie and prunes. It is a breakfast for corrupted champions.

>>22800509
You consider suicide again. Sadly there is no way you could go out in a blaze of glory. Or any sinking battleships in the area you could rescue orphans from. But maybe tomorrow. Yes John, it would get me to shut up but you know you like me. Mostly because I know you like me.

Rolled 3

>>22800510
How bout a little more baklava?

Rolled 6

>>22800510

Great, see what you did, you bastard?
Wipe our shoes off on Morbidly Obese's shirt.

Rolled 5

>>22800510
Eat some raw eggs you rancid piece of shit, its all you deserve.

>>22800531
You find yourself fondly remembering a Disney movie from your youth, and then being disturbed by One Hour Photo. But the baklava is good if cold. The woman on the floor doesn't move when you accidentally drop a few of those delicious triangles on her obese bosom. They are amazing.

Rolled 6

>>22800545
Fuck you and your fat fetish John, you sack of shit. Finish your meal and leave get out of there already.

Rolled 5

>>22800510
Say. I think we could go for some dunkin' donuts. With any luck we can get some fresh ones, or at least something to get the taste of prunes out of our mouth.

Rolled 4

What are we still doing here? This place is a shithole, and that hambeast could be waking up any second now. Nope the fuck out of this joint.

>>22800543
You wipe your shoes off on the fat woman on the floor. It seems only fair. She's on the floor after all! Perfect sense to me John. They're nice and clean looking now, albeit discolored.
>>22800544
You sigh and drop the plate of baklava on the fat woman. Even she deserves better than you. Hell, this is probably her food. You pull some eggs out of the fridge and crack them over your mouth, sucking down the yolk.

It is a vile taste, befitting someone as lowly as you. No, John. This is nothing like an 80s workout montage, this is real life. And as you need to remember it is a bad thing that you are who you are. I won't tell you why.

Rolled 5

>>22800568
>>22800572

Fuck these guys. Let's see if anyone's upstairs.

Rolled 5

>>22800544
>>22800568
John come on buddy don't do this to yourself we got to find this Amelia chick and hopefully not screw up to hard.

Rolled 1

>>22800545
She's not a whale, she's the devil herself! The only option here is a swift, fierce harpoon.

Rolled 2

>>22800568
Letting you take over, bro. I'm gonna go get a damn drink. Fucker's too much of a pussy even to take the coward's way out anyway. I swear I'm gonna strangle that fucking Eros one of these days...

>>22800568
You peek upstairs before departing, as your self-loathing beats out your irrationality. This isn't your home, you should not be here. You peek upstairs and here the buzz of an alarm going off loudly. It doesn't stop, so perhaps someone is just sleeping it off.

>>22800571
Ah yes, some fresh baked donuts might be delicious. You depart the house. The patio is a concrete affair with little folding chairs on it. Flamingos in the yard, the fake kind. The street goes on a long way in both directions. Across the street is the river, or rather a series of factories and behind that the river.

A sign declares you to be on West Sixth Street.

Rolled 6

>>22800590
You think a woman like this 'Amelia' girl hangs out in the aftermath of some drugged up sex orgy? Amelia is a the name of a high class broad. Whatever, I'll come along just to watch that fuck up John embarrass himself.

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Rolled 3

OUT THE DOOR AND AWAY!

Rolled 3

>>22800613
God damn you fucking simpleton, you probably don't even have your cell phone on you. If you did you could just call a cab service. Check your god damn pockets. Pull that glow stick out of your anus too, you perverted degenerate.

dice+1d6

Hey, maybe we had something special here...we should wake her up before we go.

Rolled 4

>>22800613
Find some fucking donuts you cock philanderer. If you don't know where they are just fucking ask somebody.

Rolled 3

>>22800613
Wait a second. We need shoes and shirt to be served, do we have those?

>>22800615
>>22800568

>two sixes
It is a really bad day to be John

Rolled 6

Talking to a store clerk? I can just see the myraid ways how we're going to fuck that up, and probably the rest of the day up too. After all, aren't we already off to such a good start?

Let's just go back home and fuck all this shit.

Rolled 3

>>22800615
Go find someone to give you directions and don't get caught slippin' West Sixth Street is a nasty neighbourhood from what I hear.

>>22800613
Lets go take the train going anywhere, not like you have any plans.

Rolled 2

>>22800653
OI. YOU. FUCKER WHO CAN'T EVEN ROLL A DIE PROPERLY. COME HERE SO I CAN STRANGLE YOU.

Rolled 1

This is the best quest in a while, I am thoroughly enjoying myself.

>>22800652
You pull the glow stick out of your butt and sigh. You're a piece of shit, John. Yes, and you do KNOW that.

You check your pockets and you do not have your cellular phone. You just got on a new plan too, John! It cost a lot of money, and that's an issue now isn't it? Someone is probably using up your minutes.

>>22800672
Yes on second thought, things will go poorly. You should go home. GO HOME BEFORE FAILURE COMES TO CLAIM YOU JOHNATHON! You begin sprinting down the street, luckily wearing both shirt and shoes you avoid anything nasty like broken bottles getting into your feet.

Unfortunately by the end of the street, you realize you have no idea where you live. And are thus filled with even more self-loathing. John, you should lay off the drugs. I'm concerned for you, as a viewer.

Rolled 3

>>22800687
forgot roll.

Rolled 4

>>22800699
You left your phone? Fuck. We need that. You'd better get it, we can't have fatass using all our goddamn minutes.

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>>22800681
You find a man crossing the street. You're on the corner of Sixth and Oneida Avenue. He's an older man, older than you anyway. Long blonde hair, a grin, and he sounds like that dirty jobs man from that show you watch when you're sober. You should ask him about the train. But what can you even say to someone? You haven't said a word yet!

I'm waiting. It'll be like a new born deer stumbling out on it's ass! SAY SOMETHING JOHN!

Rolled 5

I've got a better idea. Let's climb a fucking tree.

Rolled 6

>>22800699
WINNERS DONTH USE DRUGS!

Check air supply.

Rolled 3

>>22800699
What about coffee. We're likely been partying all night and need a little pick-me-up. Besides, we still can taste those nasty ass prunes.

Rolled 3

>>22800699
Well John, time to go look threw the trash to find a cardboard box to live in from now on. Nice going.

Rolled 4

>>22800688
Haha! But I learned! Power of self-love, Thanatos! The only kind we're likely to get...oh god, Self-loathing's getting to me.

Rolled 2

>>22800699
John, you're such a sack of shit. Can't get by without using drugs as a crutch. What would your father think? Your mother? They'd be ashamed.

>>22800741
Just say some shit like "Hey, I'm a little lost. Where's the nearest subway station?" you awkward, insignificant shitstain.

>>22800744
>>22800745

This quest is going places. I don't have the slightest clue where, but places.

Rolled 3

>>22800741
Oh god he sounds like a celebrity. We can't deal with-

Wait. How do we know what he sounds like when HE HASN'T SAID ANYTHING YET.

SWEETMERCIFULGODRUNAWAY-

Rolled 4

>>22800741
"I'll suck yo dick for some change, I need to take the train, man"

Rolled 4

>>22800741
Hey, John. That guy looks like he's got cash. He might even have a cellphone, unlike you, you pile of filth. Take that shit and punch him out for having a better life than you.

Rolled 3

>>22800741
John repeat after me
"Hey dude do you know where Parkway Avenue is, can I get there by train? Oh and I love your show, hope you get another season."

Rolled 2

>>22800751
GOOD BLOODY JOB, YOU SELF-FUCKING HIPPIE. NOW GO MAKE JOHN JACK HIMSELF OFF TILL HE DIES OF DEHYDRATION SO WE CAN BOTH BE HAPPY.

>>22800745
Winners do not use drugs, John. Remember that. You're not a winner, but you can be some day. You take a deep breath and make a mental beep-boop noise. Air supplies are go.

>>22800746
Coffee seems like a good idea. But you haven't got any.

>>22800767
You immediately take a few steps back from the man.

"Are you all right...John?" He says, somewhat concerned. "You seem...dazed. Are you from around here?"

>>22800761
You need to respond. "Oh hey, I'm just a little lost...I uh...where's the nearest subway station?" You gaze down at your feet. You look like shit, and this seems like a nice guy.

>>22800788
>>22800773
You stare at the bulge in his jeans. He sticks his hands in his pockets. "My name's...Riley. You uh...you doing okay John?"

You respond eloquently "I'll...I'll suck your dick for some change...I mean, I need to take the train."

Riley laughs awkwardly. "Okay THEN! Nice talking to you--."

He takes a few steps away and mutters. "Fucking hipster club kids."

>>22800792
You call out in vain as he departs.
"Wait! Dude...where's Parkway Avenue? And I love Dirty Jobs!"

He just looks back at you in a bit of freaked-outed-ness and begins fast-walking away.

Rolled 6

>>22800825
You can't do anything right, can you? You know he's got money, John. He's afraid you're going to take it.

He's right to be afraid.

Rolled 2

>>22800825
Way to fucking go Captain Social Graces, we'll have Amelia on all fours in no time with charming speech like that. Jesus. Just find the donuts.

Rolled 4

>>22800846
Yeah, we need that money, for donuts and coffee!

Rolled 5

>>22800825
Tackle him and steal his fancy clothing plus what ever he has on him. who does he think he is, walking around with his homeful attire.

Rolled 3

>>22800825
God damn it John. I hate you so much right now John. I hate you. If you fuck up like that talking to the cashier girl at Dunkin Donuts I'll fucking cut you, don't ask how I'll find a way. Carve a shank out of one of your vertebrae and stab you in the cerebellum.

Anyway, that guy seemed like he knew you, take a walk around the block.

Rolled 1

>>22800825
What did I tell you? Failure after failure.

Fuck it, let's just... go to the nearest homeless shelter and see if they recognize us or something. Better than spilling all your spaghetti in front of some cashier girl, at least.

Rolled 6

>>22800872
We're wearing a name tag, genius. On that note, take off the name tag, it makes you look like a tool.

Rolled 3

>>22800825
Lets geth on the train.

Rolled 3

>>22800825

Well, it could've gone worse. We should go after him, I'm sure he'll understand.

Rolled 2

>>22800872
I wouldn't want to fight a guy that sounds like Mike Rowe, could probably whoop us.

>>22800867
Isn't John wearing a nametag?

Rolled 1

FUCK HIM, UNHELPFUL ASSHOLE. WE WERE JUST TRYING TO ASK FOR DIRECTIONS.

KNOCK HIS FUCKING TEETH OUT. HE DESERVES IT, THINKING HE'S ALL BETTER THAN YOU. I BET THAT ASSHOLE IS THINKING IT RIGHT NOW. "MAN, I'M SO MUCH BETTER THAN JOHN. HAHAHA."

HE WON'T BE LAUGHING MUCH LONGER.

Rolled 6

>>22800888
I have a better idea. Let's just kill that fuckface asshole with our bare damn hands. Then we'll see who looks like a tool.

The fuck did Eros go? Idiot was starting to seem competent for once.

Rolled 3

>>22800888
Fuck you man, I can't be expected to keep track of every little thing about John that shouts to the world 'I can barely tie my shoes by myself'.

Rolled 4

>>22800909

ABORT

Rolled 2

>>22800886
Don't give up! We'll win over Amelia yet! Onward to Dunkin' our Donuts!

Rolled 2

>>22800909
Oh right, like this little cunt John could actually kill a man. He'll just end up with his ass kicked, not worth the trouble.

>>22800846
You grit your teeth and want to scream. You just sigh and look around you. No Dunkin Donuts. Just more houses, factories, and the river. And Riley is booking it far away from you.

But that's good. Because if you ever see him again, you're gonna beat the shit out of him and take his money. Fucking Mike Rowe looking prick.

>>22800867
Actually....why wait?
You sprint off after Riley and tackle him from behind, you begin pulling his shirt over his head when you feel his fist hit your throat and force you on to the ground. He kicks you in the chest and looks at you fierce.

"GET THE FUCK OFFA ME!"

He has some goddamn Chuck Norris moves.

>>22800888
"But...you know my name..."

He punches you in the face.
"YOU ARE WEARING A FUCKING NAME TAG!"

You hit the ground, back-first. You look up and see Riley and pink flamingos. He kicks you in the balls and walks away. You pull the nametag off your shirt. Way to go John. Way to go.

>>22800908
You don't have enough Courage to say that.

>>22800909
You try to stand back up. NOBODY picks on you John, nobody but me. You get back up and you immediately fall back down.

John, why do you fall? So we can laugh at you in the dirt. You foolish nincompoop. You get back up on your knees. Riley is long gone. And likely calling the police. As he likely has a cellular telephone.

>>22800899
You sound like someone with a nice and warm home. Look at you, all happy with your life. You make me sick.

Rolled 4

>>22800909
>>22800908

No.

If we dont explore, then who will?

Rolled 2

>>22800934
Take off. Can't get no dunkin' donuts if we're in prison.

Rolled 3

>>22800928
>>22800934
See? What did I fucking say guys? This little fuck up John just ended up with his ass whooped.

Just lay there, you inconsequential, incompetent, worthless nobody. Just lay there until a car hits you.

Rolled 3

>>22800934
Get the fuck out of there, you incompetent prick. Now's the time to just get away.

If you see anyone that is on a cellphone, take it. Run up and take it, and then run away from them.

Rolled 6

>>22800934
You'd better got the hell out of here, dumbass. Just fucking pick a direction and go. It's not like you know where your house is anyway.

Rolled 6

>>22800934
New plan:
Skip town.

I don't know how just yet.

Rolled 4

>>22800934
Am I backing Thanatos on this one? Believe in yourself John! Get that fucker back! You deserve a little self-respect!

The problem with playing Everyone Is John on /tg/ is that the thrill of contest in trying to complete our obsession isn't there because everyone knows everyone elses obsessions.

Rolled 2

>>22800934
FUCK. FUCK! JOHN YOU GODDAMN ASSHOLE, HOW THE FUCK DID YOU LET THAT HAPPEN? I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY JOHN, YOU CANNOT BELIEVE IT, JOHN.

GOTTA VENT SOMEHOW.

GOTTA FIND SOMEBODY TO HIT.

SOMETHING TO BREAK.

Rolled 4

>>22800955
You have two options book it before the cops show or find Riley and give into what everyone else is saying. I suggest try and reclaim some dignity.

Rolled 4

>>22800983
Right now John's various personalities (Ugh, this fucking kid. Can't even keep his head on straight) seem fairly unified in wanting to go and pick up that cashier chick and get donuts, then maybe found the hole Johny No-Dick is squatting in.

Rolled 5

Hey. Y'know when would be a really good time to go off ourselves?

Right now.

So let's go shoot ourselves high on drugs till we pop a blood vessel in our brains or some shit.

>>22800983
No one's actually keeping score. We're just doing this for shits and giggles.

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>>22800954
>>22800955
>>22800970
>>22800972
>>22800992

Well John, your mind is damn near unanimous. Call me impressed. It's just like that time we all agreed you shouldn't shave your asshole. Yes, you are welcome for that.

You book it across the street and a few more over until you're on Cayuga Street. The bridge is visible, down the road a ways.

You catch your reflection in a store window front. You look like shit, John. And that's me telling you that. Why would I lie to you?

>>22801003
>>22801005
Your self-loathing and suicidal thoughts are getting the better of you John. Sadly you remember Drugs are for Winners. And you will be a winner. Someday. After all Tim Allen never did drugs. Never Give Up, John. Never Surrender.

Unless I find it funny.

Rolled 4

>>22801023
Don't need to be clean for donuts. Do we have any money? We need to get some money.

Rolled 3

>>22801023
No need to off yourself just yet. If you're going to do it, you're going to take some well-off son of a bitch with you.

For now try and scrounge up some cash for some fucking donuts.

Rolled 1

>>22801023
Oh god, I don't even know what to say at this point. Just go to the river and wash your face off. You deserve the acidic burn of pollutants in your eyes. It's the tax you have to pay for a clean face.

Rolled 3

>>22801023
Fucking wimp. Fine, let's go mug some fuckface old lady and steal her purse, so we can actually have some cash. Then go buy a knife and mug a guy who actually looks like he has a car. Then look through his shit, find directions to his house, grab the car and ditch this hellhole of a city.

Rolled 2

>>22801023
JOHN, YOU MAKE ME SO ANGRY. LOOK AT YOU IN THAT MIRROR. LOOK AT IT! IT'S DISGUSTING! APPALING! HORRIFYING!

YOU NEED TO BREAK IT.

Rolled 4

>>22801023
M-maybe you should find a store a-and wash off y-y-your face in a s-sink or s-something.

Please don't hit me guys.

Rolled 3

>>22801023
Fuck. Just fuckin get home and clean yourself up. Just one goddamn time I'd like for things to go smoothly.

Rolled 1

Take a quick trip into the store ask for directions and use their washroom if they have one.

Remember John its easy to win, dealing with loss is the hard part.

Rolled 3

>>22801063
It would hurt his hand a lot less if he simply poked out his eyes.

Can't say the same thing about his eyes, though.

Rolled 1

>>22801069
I don't know where the fuck you came from, but you came to the wrong neighborhood, motherfucker.

Rolled 6

>>22801047
Dont listen to this ideoth. We need our vision to see things no other human has seen!

Rolled 2

>>22801069
Grow a spine you simpering jackass.

Rolled 3

>>22801069
Fucking hell, I thought I killed you last time, Confidence. Make yourself scarce before we beat you again.

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>>22801032
You dig deep in your pockets. Finding sixty eight cents in assorted change. not enough for a donut, but certainly something.

>>22801046
You begin looking around the street for loose change. You find some pennies in the side-walk cracks. Some people give you odd looks. You now have 87 cents.

>>22801058
>>22801063
You are overcome with fury John! Yes those people are looking at you, they seem to find you disgusting. You look at your reflection. They don't deserve to look better than you. THEY ALL DESERVE TO SUFFER!

>>22801086
By Grabthar's hammer, you can't act like that in public! Get a hold of yourself man!

>>22801069
You look like a wreck and you did try to mug someone. You stop inside a small store and look around. it's a used-clothing store. Maybe you can use the restroom and wash up.

A man is sitting back behind the counter smoking a cigarette. He grins when he sees you. "Hey Johnny-boy, back for more?

Rolled 3

>>22801123
That smug son of a bitch. He's clearly hot shit compared to you, John. He smokes. Bum one off of him, and see what he wants. If you get a chance, take his fucking money. 87 cents is pitiful.

Rolled 1

>>22801123
John. Listen to me, donuts are at stake. Play it cool. Just repeat after me.
"Yeah sure, but I need to grab something to eat first. Got a five I can borrow?"

Rolled 4

>>22801123
God, if you weren't such a drug-addled fuckwad you would know who this is. Apologies to this man, he's clearly better than you, and ask him what you might want more of.

Rolled 2

>>22801023
how about we enter the store, see if we can steal something useful

Rolled 5

It's hopeless... It's like the world is out to make us as miserable as possible.

So let's go out to make the world as miserable as possible.

From here on out, we are going to destroy the Earth.

Rolled 3

>>22801123
T-this guy seems nice! I think... he might know you, maybe? Oh god I don't know, don't hate me! Just, uhm, ask him if maybe he could remind you how you know him?

Rolled 5

>>22801123
PUNCH HIM IN HIS SMUG FUCKING FACE. LOOK AT HIM, SITTING THERE ALL HIGH AN MIGHTY, AS IF HE'S BETTER THAN YOU, WITH HIS FANCY FUCKING GLASSES AND FANCY FUCKING SUIT.

IT'S LIKE HE WAS PUT ON THIS EARTH TO BE PUNCHED, JOHN. BY YOU. HE WAS PUT HERE TO BE PUNCHED BY YOU.

HE'S SMILING BECAUSE HE THINKS YOU'RE A JOKE, JOHN. PROVE THAT YOU AREN'T A JOKE BY BREAKING HIS FACE.

Rolled 4

>>22801123
Explain you had a rough night and you are having a rough time thinking as your head is pounding. Maybe ask for some painkillers and make some light conversation.

>>22801149
>>22801144

You smile awkwardly at him. "Sh-shit man...do I know you? I'm SORRY, I had a weird night...glowsticks were involved...can I have a smoke? Please don't hate me."

"I thought you quit." He laughs. "Andi. Remember? How'd you forget about Syracuse, John? The waffles were magnificent."

>>22801148
"Yeah...sure.. But on that note, can I borrow a fiver? I'm kind of hungry right now."

"Maybe. But you have to make that face. Five bucks for the face. C'mon, Johnny. It made me laugh."

He winks. "Got Lynda in a mood too if I remember correctly."

>>22801176
You twitch. That son of a bitch. You charge him and you punch him in the face. His cigarette falls out of his mouth. And he takes the punch like a champ. Then he just grins.

"John, you arrogant fuck!" He laughs like a maniac! "You do remember! But not here man, I gotta a business to run. So you gonna make the face or what?"

John you have strange friends.

Rolled 5

>>22801207
O-oh, u-u-uhh. He wants us to make a face, I guess? Maybe just... do your best to make a funny face John! You can do it!... I hope.

Rolled 4

Try your goddamn best to make that face! We gonna get those donuts!

Rolled 3

>>22801207
just make a weird face john, we might get lucky, better yet steal from the cash register when he isn't looking.

Rolled 4

>>22801207
God john, you're such a pathetic loser. Make the face. Make the face for this man you barely remember, and you whore.

Rolled 3

>>22801207
Haha

The oxygen is gone! MY EYEBALLS!

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Rolled 4

Rolled 5

>>22801207
He owns this fucking business? Jesus tittyfucking Christ. You've never owned a goddamn goldfish, and this fucker has a store!

Make a goddamn face, you shithead. Get a five from him, come back, and maybe get a fucking job. You don't have a fucking job, do you? He does.

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>>22801224
>>22801228
>>22801238
>>22801235
>>22801251
Muscle memory is a terrifying thing, isn't it John?

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Rolled 3

>>22801257
Look at yourself John. Look at yourself right now.
Side breaches on all decks! Evacuate!

Rolled 6

>>22801251
I think you're forgetting how we're probably being hunted by the fucking police. Ditch. This. Damn. City.

Or, y'know, just kill ourselves. That works too.

Rolled 5

>>22801257
You did it! I'm so proud of you John! I mean, u-uhm. You got that out of the way, l-lets go find a restroom and wash ourselves off.

Rolled 2

>>22801275
no we need the donut's oh while you're at it john, ask the guy where lynda is

Rolled 2

>>22801257
I hope you feel real proud of yourself today you've hit your highpoint john.

Rolled 4

>>22801207
CAPTAIN FUCKING GLASSES ISN'T MAKING ANY SENSE, JOHN.

IS HE FUCKING MOCKING YOU, JOHN? I THINK HE IS FUCKING MOCKING YOU. NOBODY TAKES YOU SERIOUSLY, JOHN, YOU'RE JUST A JOKE, AND NOW HE'S ASKING YOU TO DO TRICKS FOR HIM LIKE A FUCKING TRAINED MONKEY. ARE YOU GONNA PUT UP WITH THIS SORT OF SHIT?

NO YOU FUCKING AREN'T, JOHN, IT'S TIME TO SHOW THE WORLD THAT YOU AREN'T A FUCKING JOKE. YOU ARE SICK OF THIS SHIT NOW, JOHN.

BREAK HIS SUIT WEARING, GLASSES NEEDING, JOKE MAKING, CIGARETTE SMOKING NECK. BREAK HIS NECK, BREAK HIS FACE, BREAK HIS ARMS AND LEGS, BREAK HIS FUCKING SOUL, JOHN.

Rolled 4

>>22801275
We can't leave yet. We need those donuts. And I guess we can talk to Amelia, after the donuts.

Rolled 6

>>22801257
Good job, you've degraded yourself for a measly five bucks, John. Congratulations.

If the opportunity arises, take the rest of his fucking money.

>>22801257
>>22801274
>>22801275
>>22801291
>>22801286

Andi laughs and pulls out a crisp five dollar bill from his sweater vest pocket. He puts it on the counter.

"Yeah, that's the face. Goddamn, that shit is hilarious. No wonder Steve wanted to pork your ass, shorty." He winks at you.

Oh god. No John, you don't remember Steve, but I do. And he made your short statue and slight build all the more weak by comparison. It was very funny, but unfortunately for Steve, it was more funny for me to watch you run.

>>22801294
This Andi guy isn't making any sense. You punched him in the face and he laughed at you. Does he think you're a joke? DOES HE THINK YOU ARE WEAK? DOES HE THINK YOU CAN JUST BE PUSHED AROUND LIKE SOME FUCKING WEAK PUSHED AROUND FUCKER?!

You slam your fist into his face again and his glasses fall off. He responds by socking you in the chest and then gripping you by the chin.

"John, everyone said your little parties were homoerotic by the very context of people gathering together and beating the shit out of one another half-naked. But this...little too far. Queer on delivery isn't my bag, bro."

You sneer at him.

>>22801290
Then a thought.
"Wait, who's Lynda?"

Andi laughs. "Who's Lynda? Who isn't Lynda? Bitch changes her identity more than she shaves her snatch. How'd that taste by the way? I remember she pinned you and was bashing in your ribs when her crotch got over the head...mmm."

He sucks his teeth. "Syracuse was fun, we should do that again sometime John. The whole crew."

>>22801302
This. You will remember this. Always.

Rolled 5

>>22801291
Almost forgot be sure to ask Andi for directions to the Parkway Avenue Dunkin Donuts.

Rolled 6

>>22801257
Hehe

MY EYEBALLS!

Rolled 5

>>22801341
John. Andi is right. Apologize to him. Ask him if he's free this weekend. Recreate Syracuse all over again with the whole gang.

Rolled 4

>>22801341
ask him what happened last night, he seems to be the guy to ask, also ask about the house and the obese woman.

Rolled 4

We have the money. Get outta here!

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Rolled 3

>>22801341
Take the money and procure this!

Rolled 1

>>22801341
You should apologize! Say that jerk Unrepressed Anger is making you act irrationally!

Rolled 5

>>22801341
Get out of here. Take the fucking money, get the fuck out of the store. Don't go back.

Approach someone on the street with the nicest look on your face. NOT THE FACE ANDI ASKED FOR, YOU DUMBSHIT! Ask them where to find the donut joint. Get some goddamn donuts, appease Hunger, and then figure out what to do next.

And I swear to fucking God, if you see something beautiful, destroy it. And take it's money.

aspeedc john
Captcha knows.

Rolled 3

>>22801341
Fuck you John, stop punching people. GET CONTROL OF YOUR PATHETIC SELF. Apologize to this guy and ask if he knows where you live.

Rolled 2

>>22801341
I dont know this feel...

Rolled 5

>>22801397
Says the voice in Johns head.

Rolled 6

>>22801397
Confidence, this is why we always kick the shit out of you.

>>22801346
"Oh hey, Andi. How do I get to the Dunkin Donuts on Parkway Avenue? I kinda...lost my sense of direction."

>>22801371
Andi nods. "Well you look about as bad as you smell, so I can't think you're lying to me. What sorta party was it?"

You just mumble. "I thought you could tell me Andi..."

"Well it was probably a terrible party if you didn't invite me. Shit John, I MAKE those things ROCK."

>>22801353
You keep rubbing your eyes. It feels like they're going to fall out of their sockets. You keep pushing them back in, and you can ever hear a schlurching noise. It's unappealing.

"But to answer your question, go over the bridge and take a left past the gas station. Y'know what one I'm talking about...well if you don't, you sure as fuck will. Tito's working there today. Maybe don't punch Tito. He's gotten really sketchy."

>>22801365
Andi is so suave and sophisticated. He's what you should be by now in life. He even lifts. He's a curlbro, but he lifts. Hey! Maybe you browsed /fit/? What's /fit/ John? You're better off not knowing.

"Hey Andi...maybe if you're free this weekend we could..y'know...have a little fun?"

He looks flatly at you. "It's Saturday morning. I'm not doing anything. But...maybe clean yourself up first."

"...get the gang back together."

"That'll take time. But y'know what, John?" He licks his lip. "Anything for you and those bitch lips."

>>22801397
"Sorry for..."

>>22801402
You just walk out of the store with the money, leaving Andi looking at you like you've lost your goddamn mind. He stares at your ass.

The streets are getting sort of sparse. This isn't a main street. But you have directions now.

Rolled 5

>>22801341
YOU'RE PATHETIC, JOHN. NOBODY TAKES YOU SERIOUSLY BECAUSE OF HOW PATHETIC YOU ARE. HE STILL ISN'T TAKING YOU SERIOUSLY.

YOU SHOULD PROBABLY JUST SCREAM YOUR IMPOTENT RAGE TO THE HEAVENS, JOHN. NOBODY WILL FUCKING CARE, BECAUSE YOU'RE A FUCKING JOKE. NOBODY WOULD EVEN NOTICE, PROBABLY. THAT'S HOW LITTLE YOU MATTER TO THE WORLD.

YOU NEED TO MAKE THEM NOTICE, JOHN. YOU NEED SOME FUCKING GASOLINE. OR A GUN. OR A KNIFE. THEN PEOPLE WOULD NOTICE YOU. OH YEAH, NOBODY CAN IGNORE A GUY WHO IS EXTREMELY PISSED OFF AND ALSO HAS ACCESS TO DANGEROUS SHIT. JUST THINK, JOHN, EVERYONE WILL PAY ATTENTION TO YOU, THEN. IT'S WITHIN YOUR REACH, JOHN. JUST PUT YOUR ARM OUT AND GRAB IT.

AFTER YOU GET SOME FUCKING DOUGHNUTS, BECAUSE BEING HUNGRY IS PISSING YOU OFF, JOHN.

Rolled 4

You know what? I can't take you anymore John. I just can't handle this right now. I'm checking out, but don't think this is the last you've seen of me John.

God damn this was fun, but I'm going to bed. Great idea OP.

Rolled 3

>>22801424
don't listen to him john listen to me, go to the gas station, talk to tito, he might know what happened, even if he doesn't he can show you were to get the donuts, fuck invite him over with you to get donuts, but don't punch, remember what cigarette said.

Rolled 2

>>22801421
Good. You have the money, and you know where to go. Took you long enough. Head up past the bridge and take a left past the gas station, John. Ignore the gas station. Ignore this 'Tito.' He probably has what you don't.

Actually, find this Tito. You know what to do. I've been saying it over and over.

Take his goddamn money. After the donuts. Now I want donuts.

Fuck you, Hunger.

Rolled 5

>>22801462
john don't do it, tito is with the sketchy crowd, stealing the sketchy crowds money makes people die.

Rolled 1

>>22801462
>Fuck you, Hunger.

What can I say. Donuts is good shit.

Rolled 3

>>22801421
It'll be fine, John. Andi's looking out for you. Talk to Tito, but don't punch him. Be a bit flirty if you get the chance. He might slip you another couple bills if you play your cards right. Invite him along for donuts.

Rolled 6

>>22801421
Gas stations have cars maybe we could borrow a car and drive to the place we need to go. Walking everywhere sucks.

Rolled 3

>>22801484
You're right. Donuts is good shit.

>>22801410
I know exactly how it feels honey. Now be real nice to Tito...I think...John stop doing drugs. Also suck more dicks.

Rolled 5

>>22801421
john just get the donut's, and talk talk to tito, the guy might know something, we need to know if we got caught up in something that could kill us

Rolled 4

>>22801492

Rolled 5

>>22801421
Find a shop which sells this.
>>22801378

We will have to use our own funds until we get another grant from the government.

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>>22801424
>>22801402
You're furious at the world. You gotta destroy something beautiful if you wanna get ahead in life. You're gonna beat the fuck outta someone and take their money and get some goddamn donuts! BECAUSE YOU ARE A MAN!

>>22801457
>>22801462
>>22801488
This Tito guy...Yeah, this Tito guy fucked with the wrong John. Or. Well, maybe he didn't. I'm not telling. But it'll be fun.

You head up past the bridge and take a left past the gas station, but your anger guides you back there. It's a big place with a nice beige paint color.

You go inside to see this "Tito" guy. Maybe he knows what's going on.

>>22801502
Maybe Tito isn't a bad guy, maybe he can help...

>>22801485
>>22801492
Hell, maybe he's hot. Maybe he fell in with a sketchy crowd because he always loved you and you never let him tell you! Maybe he's a beautiful human being! Maybe he's your best friend in the whole wide world and things can only get better!

You see Tito behind the register reading a girlie mag and eating a Ho-Ho. He gives you a passing glance.

"Sup John?"

Well John, what now?

Rolled 5

>>22801515
say sup' back then talk to him about the party, and how andi gave you money for donuts. ease into the topic of last night, find out what happened, remember information is power, and power is survival.

Rolled 5

>>22801515
Ooh...gaydar is NOT going baby. Well...maybe we could bring him to our side hmm...

Rolled 3

>>22801515
Alright. It'll be fine. He doesn't seem like too much. I doubt he's better off than you. I mean, look at him. He's eating a fucking Ho-Ho. Who the fuck eats Ho-Hos?

"Not much, Tito. Just getting my bearings. I got mugged earlier... Can you spot me a twenty so I can get a cab home?"

Say that word-for-fucking-word. And then get some fucking donuts. Donuts is good shit.

Fuck, what have I become?

Rolled 1

>>22801515
"Just stopping by. Going to get some donuts, you in?"

Rolled 6

>>22801515
Greeting space-beast, i am here to procure morale items for my journey.

Rolled 4

>>22801515
"SUP JOHN". "SUP JOHN"!

WHO THE FUCK DOES THIS GUY THINK HE IS, TALKING TO YOU LIKE THAT. IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE SO NONTHREATENING, JOHN. PEOPLE JUST TREAT YOU LIKE HUMAN GARBAGE, JOHN. HE'LL SEE, THOUGH. THEY'LL ALL SEE JUST HOW THREATENING JOHN CAN BE.

DEMAND SOME DOUGHNUTS, JOHN. YOU DESERVE THEM, AND THE WORLD WILL OBLIGE YOU, OR IT WILL FUCKING BURN. YOU WILL GET YOUR FUCKING DOUGHNUTS.

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>>22801542

Rolled 3

>>22801515
John you got this, just follow along to the best of your ability.
"Hey Tito do you know where Dunkin Donuts is I got a hunger only donuts can fill. Say do you have a car I could borrow, I'll get the car back soon.

Rolled 2

>>22801559
john again don't listen to him, remember tito=sketchy, sketchy= dead if you insult them

>>22801551
Oh no you dinit! That space beast is ours! Give him some sweet talking John!

Rolled 1

>>22801551
And by hetero i mean, galaxy quest.

Rolled 5

>>22801579

Rolled 6

>>22801515
Son of a bitch, I step out for half an hour and we're sucking dicks now? Why doesn't anyone fucking tell me anything? No, fuck that. We DO the fucking, we don't GET fucked. Remember that shit. And just ask Tito for the fucking donuts and give him the money, let's try not to let this become a clusterfuck of bad decisions like everything else today.

>>22801509
You get a hold of yourself. You're losing it a little.
You like women! Amelia is hot...Probably! Lynn awakens some repressed masochistic boner in you. But you conceal it well. Khakis are good for something.

>>22801551
"Greetings space-beast, I am here to procure morale items for my journey." You strike a salute. He looks up from his magazine.

"You high or something?"

>>22801509
You clear your voice. "Hey, you got an extender-puncher thing?"

He looks back at his magazine. "No."

He coughs. "You look like shit John."

>>22801542
He's got oily skin, a receeding hair line, and he's openly reading porn. And he seems to be sketchy and weird...maybe if you're desperate. And Andi is too selfish to give you a reach-around...

>>22801559
"I want some fucking donuts. If I can't get F-FUCKING DONUTS I'm gonna burn this city to the ground."

He points down the way, not even looking up or paying attention. "Aisle three."

Well John, your rage went a great way did it not?

>>22801579
"But come now, phantom space beast. Surely we could pursuade thee to show us to the nutritious bountiful clams of Gas Stationia Theta-9!"

You do the Live Long and Prosper.

"John, get some fucking donuts or get the fuck out of here."

>>22801568
"Oh...well I'm gonna. At Dunkin Donuts. Can I borrow your car? I'll be right back?"

He laughs. It's a depraved laugh. "Just fucking walk. It's three blocks over."

>>22801604
Mmm mmm sugar. You're not taking this away from me!

Rolled 2

>>22801608
Three blocks? Run there! No time to waste.

Rolled 1

Now hang on. You can all support decisions by voting homo, but you cant all BE homo.

Rolled 3

>>22801608
ok john just one more thing, ask tito about last night, offer him something from dunkin, then get the donuts we're starving

Rolled 2

>>22801618
Well oily skin, ew! Let's wait out for a nice twink or a hunkahunk o burning love.

Rolled 3

>>22801608
That son of a bitch. Fuck it. Bite the bullet. "Shit, is it? Sorry dude. I got the shit kicked out of me earlier, and I'm out of it. You want me to pick you up something from Dunkin?"

You'll get your chance. You'll find someone with some damn money.

Rolled 4

>>22801608
Walk three blocks to the Dunkin Donuts and get us some fucking food. This shit shouldn't be hard.

Rolled 1

>>22801630
No there is no time we are so close!
Run John, RUN!

Rolled 5

>>22801608
STEAL HIS CAR KEYS AND RUN, JOHN. HE CLEARLY ISN'T TAKING YOU FUCKING SERIOUSLY, AND THAT PISSES. YOU. OFF.

YOU NEED HIS FUCKING CAR KEYS TO GET HIS FUCKING CAR, SO YOU CAN GET YOUR FUCKING DOUGHNUTS, SO THAT YOU CAN PROCEED WITH YOUR FUCKING POINTLESS LIFE.

YOU'D BE OUT THE DOOR BEFORE HE EVEN KNEW IT. IT'D BE SO EASY. IF HE CHASES YOU, RUN HIS ASS DOWN. EVERYONE WILL TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY IF YOU COMMIT VEHICULAR HOMOCIDE! IT'S THE PERFECT WAY TO GET YOUR POINT ACROSS! ALL YOUR PROBLEMS CAN BE SOLVED BY THE APPLICATION OF A LITTLE HOMOCIDE!

>>22801608
>And Andi is too selfish to give you a reach-around...
If one cadets airhose comes loos, it is his team-mates duty to put t back!

Rolled 5

>>22801662
unrepressed we need to talk

>>22801630
>>22801625
>>22801604

You take a deep breath. You've had a long, bad, terrible day so far. You're hungry as fuck. Take a deep breath. Don't spaz out. Don't suck off Tito, he is ugly as fuck.

"Hey...do you know about last night?"

He sets his magazine down. "Yeah, I do."

"I'll get you a...headlight if you tell me what happened." You make The Face again. He snickers.

>>22801649
"Sorry Tito...I got the shit kicked out of me earlier and I'm out of it. Did I...piss anyone off last night?" That was clever John, you're almost thinking on your own. We can't have that now. "I mean..."

"You mean more than usual?" Tito laughs. "Yeah. Carson is PISSED at you buddy. He's got Armitage and Toby looking for your scrawny ass."

"Oh...I'm going to go get some donuts. I'm very hungry."

Carson and Armitage. Carson...you can't picture Carson in your head. That's a vague memory. Too foggy and I won't even dwell on it for you John. But Armitage you remember. Armitage is a psychopath. He's a military goon. Toby. Toby is his brother. You remember Toby because....well that's just something you'll have to learn when the time comes.

Tito just laughs again. "Yeah, I'm sure."

>>22801662
You storm up to the counter. Sadly his keys are not present! You're pissed off! FUCK SHIT FUCK KUMQUAT MOOSE CHICKENSHIT BOOM SYMBIOTIC AMBIOTIC SLAM BOOK...is that an R.E.M. song?

You knock over a gum display and leave.

Rolled 4

>>22801608
To the third isle!

Rolled 6

>>22801693
Three block! We need to leave the store as fast as possible and run to Dunkin' Donuts.

Rolled 3

>>22801693
Get the fuck out of there. Go to Dunkin Donuts. You pissed someone off last night. Great. Just get the fucking donuts and avoid contact with anyone for the time being.

Sugary goodness is only three blocks away. After that, I'll help you get to the bottom of this fucking mystery like Freddie gets to the bottom of Daphne's panties.

Rolled 4

>>22801665
Mmm I'd like to loose his airhose right...now.

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>>22801696
You step back inside!

Tito gives you a death glare. "John, I got no time for your shit. And Carson's gonna stop by in an hour. I'm gonna tell him I saw you here. Gonna have a fun night thinking of what he'll do to you."

"...because of what I did last night?"

Tito shrugs. "No assfuck, because you knocked over my gum pyramid! Shit, I run a classy operation!"

You step back outside.

>>22801657
>>22801651
And you make your way to the Dunkin Donuts.

Rolled 6

>>22801693
FUCKING HELL, IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE *WANTS* YOU TO CONTINUE BEING A LOSER WHO IS GOOD FOR NOTHING BUT DANCING FOR THE AMUSEMENT OF PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY ARE BETTER THAN YOU, JOHN. IT'S FUCKING PATHETIC, JOHN!

WALK TO THE FUCKING DOUGHNUT STORE. IF ANYBODY GETS IN YOUR FUCKING WAY, PUSH THEM BEFORE THEY CAN PUSH YOU. KNOCK THEM TO THE GROUND IF NEED BE, JUST MAKE SURE THEY KNOW THAT YOU ARE FUCKING SERIOUS, JOHN. BECAUSE YOU ARE FUCKING SERIOUS, AND THEY NEED TO KNOW IT. EVERYONE NEEDS TO KNOW IT.

Rolled 2

>>22801693
ok john get the donuts and keep watch for armitage, that fucker could be anywhere, and unrepressed anger, don't tell john to do anything stupid, oh and john nice touch with showing him the face, that's the intuition that keeps you, and all us voices on your head alive.

Rolled 3

>>22801725
Alright, let's step inside, AVOID making a total ass of ourselves, order the donuts, and fucking eat them. I know it's a tall order for you, but if you fuck up this Amelia thing I swear I will give you an aneurysm.

Rolled 5

Go quietly, but look both sides, and behind you. The dudes looking for you are always near.

Rolled 5

>>22801693
Walk to Dunkin Donuts save your energy because you will probably need to run later.

Rolled 2

>>22801725
ok john, this is bad, find andi, see if he can help, after you acquire the donut's of course

Rolled 5

>>22801725
Buy donuts. Consume donuts. Don't fuck this up, or I'll help Repressed Anger give you a fucking aneurysm.

Rolled 4

>>22801725
Head inside. Buy as many donuts as our petty change will get us. Then... then we savor them. Small bites, to get every bit of the flavor. Spend as much time as we need to fully enjoy these delicious...umm, pastries?

Rolled 2

>>22801725
The doughnuts are migrating home!

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>>22801725
You enter the Dunkin Donuts, the five dollars is almost burning a hole in your pocket, isn't it John? Wouldn't you love some sweet sugary goodness to make it all worth while? To mayhaps see dearest Amelia again and mayhaps perchance purchase a precious morsel? Why that'd be dandy.

But far from amusing.

>>22801727
You push open the doors like Aragorn returning to Edoras! Nobody seems impressed. But you put on your serious face. It's time for serious business now John. Serious donut business.

>>22801739
You step into the line.

>>22801748
And you slow your pace. Calm yourself, you'll need the energy. Maybe you should get a coffee as well.

>>22801746
You look around you as best you can, but everything is vague and unfamiliar to you. It's not as though you'd recognize anyone anyway. I know John, that's upsetting but it's a bit fun isn't it? Danger at every corner!

>>22801753
>>22801754
You step up to the front of the line and produce your five dollars. A girl in a hat with sad eyes looks at you and smiles a little with her lips. It's an intimate motion, one you remember from your youth. You've known her a while now, haven't you John? She's a good girl isn't she? Amelia?

"Hey John. What do you need?"

You just smile back. "Some Bostom Kreme and a...coffee. As much as I can get for five bucks and eighty seven cents?"

"Bostom? You mean Boston?"

You produce your receipt. It says Bostom. She shrugs.

And she bags three donuts for you. And a small coffee. You have sixty three cents in change. She asks you to have a nice day.

Rolled 5

I'm going to fucking sleep. Try not to die while I'm gone.

Rolled 1

>>22801725
Maybe if we give Carson some...relief...he 'd calm down.

Rolled 5

>>22801785
Smile! Tell her she'd look cuter if she smiled too or something! Fuck John grow a set and hit on her!

Rolled 3

>>22801785
Amelia looks rather down tell her to have a nice day too. Now to the feasting.

Rolled 2

>>22801785
She seems cute. What does her nametag say, fuckface? Is it Amelia? If it is, thank her and ask her what she's doing today. Don't fucking say anything about those asshats that are after you. Don't say anything about the Mike Rowe wannabee.

Don't say anything about wanting to take her money. That comes later.

Rolled 4

>>22801785
Savor the donuts. Eat each one carefully and delicately. Taste every square inch of it John. I'm starting to sound like Flamboyant Homosexuality right now, aren't I?

Rolled 1

>>22801785
FUCK HER! GET YOUR COCK IN HER FUCKING MOUTH YOU ASSHOLE BITCH PUSSY CUNT!

Rolled 2

>>22801785
ok good john, now ask her about last night, though don't mention the party, unless she mention's it, she may have not attended, then visit andi, offer him a donut, then ask him for help, both with carson and the gang, we want to recreate Syracuse don't you

Rolled 1

>>22801823
No, Hunger. You are the Flamboyant Homosexuality.

Rolled 6

>>22801785
Thank you princess.

Your generosity is greatly accepted by my people.

Rolled 1

>>22801785
TELL HER ABOUT THE NICE DAY YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE, JOHN. TELL HER HOW YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE THE WORLD NOTICE YOU WHETHER IT WANTS TO OR NOT. TELL HER HOW YOU ARE GOING TO BURN IT ALL TO THE FUCKING GROUND IF IT DOESN'T FUCKING AKNOWLEDGE YOU, JOHN. TELL HER THAT THERE'S GONNA BE A FIRE TODAY. YOU'VE GOT A BURNING LIKE YOUR VEINS ARE FILLED WITH NOTHING BUT GASOLINE, JOHN.

THEN THANK HER FOR THE DOUGHNUTS AND EAT THE FUCKING THINGS SO THIS FUCKING CHARADE CAN BE OVER WITH AND WE CAN GET ON WITH FORCING THE WORLD TO RECOGNISE THAT JOHN IS NOT A PATHETIC FUCKING LOSER.

Rolled 3

>>22801785
Goddamnit boy, you puked again didn't you? Well at least you didn't do drugs...goddamnit boy. It's a futile attempt to make something of you. Futile. Well at least try and see that lady home after her working day. Maybe you can stop a car for her and die in the process...that'd be something at least.

>>22801809
You roll your shoulders and try to grow a pair. After all, you're kind of hot in the way men are considered hot nowadays. You're waifishly thin, unthreatening, and you've got a cute smile.

>>22801820
You check her nametag. It is Amelia.

"You know Amelia, you're cute when you smile."

She giggles a little. "T-thanks John."

>>22801820
>>22801811

Nobody else is behind you in line. You can stay and flirt a little. "You seem sort of down...You okay?"

She looks you up and down. And she can. She has a good two inches on you. And she looks concerned. "I should be asking you...what happened?"

"Oh uh...just something last night. I kinda forgot." You laugh awkwardly. "H-hey, do you...remember?"

"No...I was stuck here all night. You showed up at like eleven and got two Boston Kremes, a Plain Bagel and a small Hot Coco."

Yes John, she may be more pathetic than you if she remembers these mundane details.

"Sorry you had to work last night...would've been nice to see you."

She gets a call on her headset and goes to the drive-thru.

"Have a nice day, princess. Your generosity is greatly accepted by my people." Is what you say.

She looks back over at you with a grin. "You got it Commander."

>>22801823
And then you go make sweet, sensual, delicate love by way of consumption to each of your donuts while sucking down the coffee.

>>22801858
>>22801853
Deep down inside of you, something manly stirs. You need to do better things with your life. Start a fire, flip a switch, they won't be able to breath! Either way you're a casualty, so you may as well let something burn until there's nothing left to burn about.

The coffee is a little too hot, but it does your body good.

Do we or do we noth, still have the doughnuts from isle 3?

Rolled 1

>>22801870
ok John get to andi, tell him about Carlson, if he's in cahoots with him, i'm afraid you'll either have to run, or kill Andi. he's a good guy, but we can't let Carlson have anymore advantages than he already has

Rolled 6

>>22801870
Oi! Wot'd I miss, gits? 'S John doin' a'rioght? No fuck-ups, yeh?

Oi, John! JOHN! Quit stressin'! 'Cuz yer you! An' dat's a good fing! Yer you, an' all dat. BUT, y' should probably stress 'bout dem filthy airchav military gits dat're affer ya. Try an' remember dem wifout flippin' shit, yeh?

Rolled 4

>>22801870
Well she seems just as disappointing as you. Maybe both of you could make a useful being. And she called you commander, you know hi your dear mum called me to...rev my engine. After you give those roughneck ears after you a good pounding come back here.

First trounce doe rough necker tough. For my honor boy!

Rolled 5

>>22801870
John, you might be on to something. I might evolve into a completely different emotion if you keep going down this new path of yours.

I feel like you need to... go home. Find your fucking shitty, rundown apartment, find your cellphone, and figure out what the fuck is going on. And for fuck's sake, get some more money. I don't care how. Maybe the others have some good ideas.

Rolled 3

We just need to get home. I guess Andi can tell us how to get there.

Rolled 1

>>22801899
oh cockney you're back how was the mind of tom cruise, i hear it's particularly chaotic this time of year

>>22801899
Hull integrity is at 80% and holding.

>>22801899
Cockney! I thought you died by now! Good to see an old friend. Now how about a good trouncing on those military men eh?

>>22801923
John's a bleedin' wimp, though. 'E ain't gonna trounce 'em wifout pullin' out some Mortal Kombat gittery. Nah, 'e'z gonna need ta get clever insted. Duz 'e still 'ave an engineer split personality? I 'eard dat 'e got run off affer da rebar launcha incident.

Rolled 2

>>22801923
I FUCKING AGREE!
HATEFUCK THOSE CUNTS EYEHOLES!

Rolled 5

>>22801923
if we're going to "trounce" them as you say, it might be best to get to our home wherever that may be, and booby trapping it, these military men might be packing heat, we need every advantage we get, then we bang amelia

Rolled 1

>>22801950
all those who agree say aye

Rolled 1

>>22801923
What are the odds John owns a gun?

More importantly, what are the odds that John can actually get his hands on a gun?

Some men just ant to watch the world turn.

Rolled 3

>>22801942
I'm still around, only useful in dire situations though. Get yourself shot at and I can help.

>>22801908
>>22801906
>>22801899
>>22801902
>>22801896

You feel a little bit better about yourself. As though you're channeling your Father and Sean Connery in that one movie with Ron Perlman. You finish eating your meal and drinking the coffee and you make sure to avoid any roughneck looking sons of bitches as you make your way back to Andi's thrift clothing shop. No new cars at Tito's gas station, so an hour clearly isn't up yet.

You get back to Andi's shop and he's polishing his glasses and looking at the occasional moth flutter through the air. He waves at you. "Sup tiger? You uh...stop being a crazy cray yet?"

Well John, you've made progress after all. You're going down a much healthier road than this early morning. You don't look horrendous, but you could look better. You even ate and saw Amelia again.

"Hey Andi...where do I live?"

He looks at you with some degree of concern.

"Wow, you're actually out of it now aren't you? Uh, you live over on Ontario and Draper. Y'know the place right?"

You shake your head. "...Uh...hey, some military guys are after me and I need to trounce them."

>>22801950
>>22801942

"Trounce?" Andi says it again. "Trounce? What is that French?"

"It's Britishish."

"Swell. Uh, well. I'd advise against that. I think it constitutes treason. Or at least something super illegal."

He leans on his counter. "But uh...y'know, you can still take care of them if you've got El Sancho on your side right?"

El Sancho? Oh yes John, I know El Sancho. One of your less brilliant allies. Still miles greater than you. You live with El Sancho. Apparently on Ontario and Draper.

Rolled 5

>>22801964
roll

Rolled 2

>>22801953
Aye. I'm sure we have food at our house, so it's win win.

Rolled 4

>>22801971
El Sancho sounds like a swell sort! But 'oo is 'e 'sides our roommate? Plus, wot're dem gits goin' ta do ta us EXACTLY, if dey get dere 'ands on us? 'Cuz if all dey're goin' ta do is pants us, den I'm not sure wot da worry is 'bout assault an' trouncin'. Seems lioke too much trouble, adventurous an' such. I fink we should just go 'ome an' watch the telly. Get our collective 'ead togevver.

Rolled 1

>>22801971
ok john ask andi for his car, he knows what's at stake for you, and this a time where you learn who your real friends are, then we talk to el sancho, he'll be a big help. after all this, we turn our apartment into a temple booby trapped enough to give indiana jones a run for his money

Rolled 4

>>22801971
This El Sancho sounds like one of those guys I met in Nom. I say we hold off meeting this guy and go off to our nearest homeless shelter and make some new friends.

Rolled 2

>>22801971
El Sancho? John, you live with someone named El Sancho?

Fuck it. It's not like you have anything else going for you. Make your sorry ass over to Ontario and Draper. Actually, you probably don't even know how far away it is. Ask Andi about it, see how far it is. If it's a ways away, ask to borrow his car. He owns the place, so he has to have a car.

Unlike you. You don't even have a cellphone at your disposal.

Rolled 5

>>22802007
if we do bring food, it'll make a good bargaining chip

Rolled 2

>>22801971
Aha! El Sancho he greatest of friends! I remember when we were tuck in a hole in Finland with just two vaults and a roast duck with forty German soldiers ll around us! If it wasn't or his quick wit we'd have died! Lets fin that soundrel and have us a good old fashioned last stand!

Rolled 5

>>22802015
We don't have the money to buy any food, remember? I keep telling John to mug some poor fuck to get some cash, but he's not doing it well at all.

>>22802010
We did not have cellphones in Nom. We yelled at each other like a game of telephone, most the time it ended bad with someone getting shot. My boy John don't need no phone, he just needs his best friend Billy.

Rolled 1

>>22802015
Let's not ok Hun? I'd much rather see this hunk called El...mmmm...Sancho.

Rolled 5

>>22802023
well we have food at the apartment, right? if not we might have money at the apartment.

Rolled 6

>>22802031
calm down sexuality, save it for amelia, she seems actually into us.

>>22801964
Perhaps everything will turn out all right. Some people just want to watch the world turn, and they are clearly the zen masters of this island we call Earth. Maybe people like Andi and Tito and El Sancho are bad for you. Maybe you can be an honorable man someday.

>>22802005
"Andi, can I borrow your car?"

"Uh.... Gas isn't cheap dude. And last I checked, you aren't exactly making the money to get shit done. Outside of parties." He cracks his neck from side to side.

>>22802010
"Can you call me a cab?"

"John, you live literally five minutes away."

>>22802007
"Is there a homeless shelter around here?...I mean, y'know in case I need to lay low and make some new friends."

Andi face palms. "Fucking christ, are you kidding me? John, you're not gonna go suck off some homeless guys. If you need to get home that badly, I'll drive you. It's not that far."

He pulls some keys out of his pocket. "You're a real piece of work, y'know that? If you weren't so damn cute, I'd probably just beat the ever loving fuck out of you and not get off to it."

You step outside and get into the passenger seat of his pale blue Saab. He just sighs. "How'd you piss off the military anyway?"

"Oh uh..."

He begins driving.

Rolled 1

>>22802000
WE NEED TO FUCK EL SANCHO! OR FIND A WY TO USE EL SANCHO TO FUCK OTHER!

Rolled 3

>>22802055
ok get on andi's good side, tell a joke, whe have no idea if he's dangerous, he's been kind to us so far, but we don't want to see him pissed off.

>>22802056
again save it for amelia, and no we will not suck off homeless people, who knows what diseases they have

Rolled 1

>>22802055
John, yer in a bad sort, though I wot can't object ter a good party. Calmly explain that, y'know, yer 'ead is doin' loops again. Not 'nuff dat ya 'ave ta take da pills again, though! I dun wanna go back to da dark place, frankly. 'Ow did we piss off dat Carson git anyways?

Rolled 6

>>22802055
Enough of that fag talk boy! We must go to war!

Rolled 2

>>22802055
I do not know them. But i bet they are scummy villains.

Rolled 1

>>22802089
before we go to war we must find out if we have the capacity to go to war.

Rolled 4

>>22802055
Admit it. You don't fucking remember. Andi, despite his odd tastes in life, has his shit together, unlike you. "I don't know what I did. I can't remember shit, Andi. It's bugging me, but it's starting to come back, a little bit at a time. I just hope I can salvage some of this before it's too late." Man up to your mistakes, admit it all. Except us.

Don't you dare fucking mention us, or I swear by all that you hold dear I will make you kill every single fucking person you call friend with your bare hands. I will make you watch the light in their eyes die out as you move from one to the next, leaving a trail of corpses in your wake.

...Sorry John. I slipped for a moment and became Psychosis. Don't make me do that again.

Rolled 4

>>22802055
No. . .NO! Not the car! Get out solider!
Duck and roll to safety! Its all coming back, those nights in Nom' I used my my whole platoon as cover from enemy fire.

Rolled 5

>>22802087
Let's never forget to invite this boy to a party ok sugar? And tell him we angered those poor stressed out men at the last one.

>>22802108
Cool yer tits, Envy. Dis is why we can't 'ave nice fings. Ya always gotta be gunnin' fer uvver people's nice fings, insteada 'ow we kin git our own!