>23374610
wat

check if he has pics of traps on his computer.

>she

Clearly we have bigger problems to solve.

>Your son tells you she wants to be an adventurer.
>son
>she
Clearly the adventuring part of that statement is the least of my concerns.

>>23374610
>Your son tells you she wants to be an adventurer
But who wants to be an adventurer? Surely you can provide more info OP.

>Your son tells you she wants to be an adventurer.
"That's nice dear. Exploring another gender is something of an adventure, isn't it? But try not to get pregnant, that tends to leads to complications."

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I throw an empty at whoever that was and go back to drinking.

I tell her to get out of that silly outfit and put her dress back on. How is she going to attract a husband wearing pants and a cape and hitting on other girls?

But i want to be an adventurer and my dad just wants me to get a job.

I estrange him.

I don't care if he wants to an adventurer, and I don't care if he wants to be the little girl. What I do care about is him being a spellcaster. I did not raise my child to be some pansy mage! He must take up the vocation of warrior or bring shame to his family name!

>>23374664
What if he's some kind of battle mage, binding spells to his steel?

Or to his fists for that matter.

>>23374610

I question the choice of pronouns.

>>23374658
>Not allowing your tomboy daughter to engage in an adorable lesbian relationship.

/tg/ I thought you were better than this.

wait, what?

>>23374701
It's okay, Anon, pay no heed to the others.

>>23374691
Your son is the muscle wizard.
wat do

>>23374725
I brofist him as we go on father-son Muscle Wizard Adventures.

>>23374699
Fuck you, I have a dynasty to consider. After she gets married to a prince from a foreign country, she MIGHT be able to ask her husband I've arranged her with permission to gallivant around. I've got a peace to arrange on this continent.

>>23374736
no wonder she wants to leave dressed as a man.

>>23374736
I'm sorry to break this to you, but your daughter is the type who'll run away when you try to force her into that. And given she's clearly got some magical talent...

You're better off having another heir. That's why you have multiple children.

So some of them can say "Fuck my arranged marriage" and go on an adventure. You're not a good Fantasy Nobility Parent if you don't take that into account.

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We frolic and go on our merry ways as the little girls.

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Mr. Kapown, it's a pleasure to finally meet you. Now as you're probably aware we've been having some trouble with your daughter. She's...quite the handful. First off, she refuses to wear the school uniform for girls and instead wears the boys' one. She's also been reporting using the boy's washroom and demands that teachers refer to her as Brian instead of Brianna. And just a day ago, she was trying to flirt with another one of the girls. She even attempted to kiss her! We really need to deal with this, but can't do it on our own. Please give her a good talking to.

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>>23374699

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>>23374763
I refuse. She's old enough to make her own decisions.

>>23374742
>>23374747
I was an adventurer myself in the old days, and after killing the dragon and getting the princess of the King, I got myself set up to fixing the problems that sharp steel can't handle.

Part of that involves playing the game of politics, and part of THAT is arranged marriages.

And I would LOVE to have more kids, but either I'm shooting blanks from getting hit in the nuts one too many times in the bar fights or the old wife is drier than a Pelor baptism, but I can't have any more kids.

Peace between these warring shit holes is more important than his/her free wheeling spirit.

>>23374783
Well then we'll just have to expel her from our academy.

>>23374789
Okay if you can't have any more kids you really should've built an "In case of adventure" clause in, because let's face it. Everyone in the room here knows how this is gonna play out.

>>23374797
When she burns it down you'll regret that.

>>23374763
This isn't how people talk or describe events.

>>23374797
For?

>>23374814
She'll have to beat me to it!

>>23374763
>And just a day ago, she was trying to flirt with another one of the girls. She even attempted to kiss her!

While I appreciate your concerns, you must in turn appreciate the media circus I could bring to bear if I were to inform the media that you wished to punish my daughter for homosexual tendencies.

I shudder to think how the tabloids would brand you, and the damage your school's reputation would suffer, if such a thing were to happen.

>>23374821
SHE HAS MAGIC APPARENTLY WHAT DO YOU GOT?

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>>23374809
Surely you don't expect anything lewd from /tg/

>>23374825
I'm her dad.

Who do you think taught her that?

>>23374814
That...Is a threat? Because we have a city guard and all, you know.

>>23374838
see
>>23374825

>>23374823
The girl was NOT welcoming the attentions.

Like as not, sexual harassment IS sexual harassment, no matter the genders involved.

>>23374847
She's going to be, what. 2nd level? And why wouldn't the City Guard have wizards of their own?

>>23374831
Well certainly not this crackpot institution.

>>23374847
Let's be fair. The guard might have magic too.

>>23374848
Then
1) Why did you not bring that up before.
2) What does the rest of your "accusations" have to do with anything?

>>23374848
>The girl was NOT welcoming the attentions yet.

>FTFY

>>23374756
>that filename
Tell me more...

>>23374861
Let's be fair. She more likely wasn't welcoming the attentions of the security guards hauling her off the nice young lady who wants to be a nice young man.

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>>23374867
Filenames don't lie.

>>23374867
Push the little G next to the image (or turn on extended 4chan options if you ahven't done that first).
It explains all, very quickly.

>>23374855
>>23374859
I mean I guess a consulting wizard would make sense, but by the virtue of Plot Armor, she should be near immune to the guards, or at least not get killed by them. and we all know how effective prison is

>>23374877
No means no. It's not cool even for lesbians to harass other females.

>>23374900
Now now.

She'd likely get locked up and meet some nice young vagabonds framed for something by someone, or who are in prison but have a heart of gold, and they'd bust out and have a magnificent adventure. And should she run into trouble, well. I'm a fair hand at Divination and long distance conjuration was my major at Wizard College.

>>23374911
Again, why is this only coming up now. After the primary accusation being "SHE ACTS LIKE A BOY" it feels... Forced.

Like a lie would be.

>>23374900
It's just that a low-level mage threatening to burn down a magic college is ridiculous at best. We're not living in America, after all.

>>23374926
The girl's of american heritage. Checked the genealogy.

>>23374922
Nevertheless, she's disregarding academy regulations which are grounds for expelling her. Of course she's a bright student so we wouldn't want to resort to such drastic measures, but her current behaviour is disrupting to the whole school. We're a traditional, even old-fashioned institution after all.

>>23374922
Because I thought saying "she was trying to flirt" and "She even attempted to kiss her" was more polite than saying that she was sexually harassing another of the girls, because she is a child.

But then, you implied that I was homophobic, and threatened me with media attention when I just want to run a damn school.

I don't care who you are, or how precious you think your daughter is, you have threatened me, and the school, and by extension the children of this school both socially AND physically.

I ask you to leave, and take your daughter with you sire, before I call the guard!

>>23374938
Oh Christ, better lock the belltower then.

>>23374954
Now, now, dean, there's no reason to escalate this matter. I'm sure that we can come to an agreement with her father?

>>23374954
You can't really blame someone for misinterpreting you when you go around not explaining the actual situation then.

In fact if the teachers are this clear on what they're saying, you can't actually blame her for confusing the two, when you yourself cannot be clear what your actual problem is.

>>23374969
Mathias, that man said she would burn the school down! I'm not running fucking HOGWARTS here, I've got the PTA to worry about!

Just- engh, fine, you talk to him, I'm going to go outside for a moment and have a smoke.

>>23374980
I see that she has inherited her command of the English language from her father. I'm sure that you'll agree that she would greatly benefit from studying at the academy?

And while this whole conversation is going on, she's already packed her bags and is riding off to the nearest backwater village in search of quests.

>>23375008
Well, obviously. But there's still paperwork to be done.

>>23375008
mission accomplished.

>>23375008
And more girls to molest.

She is killed by an outraged mob a month down the line, as some of the victims of her 'affections' inform their families.

>>23375016
Nah, she's kidnapped by swarthy Ottomans at the first port and sold to white slavery. Don't you read romance novels?

>>23375008
War begins almost immediately, as her father's efforts to hold together the creaky kingdom he has fall apart without an heir. War rages across the continent, and with the farmers called to battle, food starts to run low, and when people suffer malnutrition they're more susceptible to disease.

The four horsemen ride unchecked, all for want of a daughter.

Well I'm coming with you, and I'm bringing your mother aswell, actually we can't just leave your little sister alone by herself, I'll bring her along.
It'll be like a family trip. Just with more danger.

>>23375032
>crying_descartes.jpg

>>23375022
No way man, this ain't one of those dark stories. She ends up meeting some young knight at the backwater village, who joins her on glorious adventure. The two becomes total bros but then it becomes awkward when the knight finds out she's a chick.

>>23375008
Shit, does she at least have the name of a decent blacksmith?

>>23375048
>Blacksmith
Oh boy here we go. Time to assassinate the shy bumbling mage.

>>23375048
I'm sure she will come across one at her next stop.

>>23375044
Yeah, and she'll be played by Keira Knightley and he'll be played by Ryan Gosling, and the soundtrack will have fucking Lady Gaga or some shit to round out the sheer fucking American Hollywood influence.

New idea for a campaign - PCs are all members of the same adventuring family, who go exploring dungeons for vacations.

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It would go pretty much like this for me
I would love my tranny son a lot, but if he is from my gene stock
Wee Tranny boy ain't going far

>>23375064
here, meant to respond to
>>23375037

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>>23374789
Then why not build a better daughter?
Or, you know, have a bastard or 2?

Starvation and war causes all to turn against all. The poor headmaster, who only wanted to talk to a father about his daughter's behavior is butchered when he mistakes some of his former students, now scavenging vagrants, as people of worth. Any kindness they once had has been pounded out of them by hunger and murder.

As the headmaster opens his hand for charity, they leap upon him, not with knives, no, they're too poor for that, but with cobblestones and horseshoes, with chairlegs and teeth. They beat the headmaster to a wailing pulp, steal all he has of value, and then leave his carcass for the dogs to feast on.

>>23375061
Keira Knightley and Ryan Gosling are acceptable.
Lada Gaga is not.

I'd rather have something like this play.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApAcCIHZSYE
And if it HAS to be US pop-rock, something like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHpMtWtgUvc

It's a medieval play, they can at least play something resembling a ballad or something relevant to the plot.

>>23374817

Upsetting the other students and being too anti-authority.

>>23375064
>Daaaaaad, let me disarmed this trap! Just this one! Pleeease!
>"No, young lady. I still haven't teach you everything about them yet and this one is espically dangerous. I'll disarm this one, I promise you can disarm the next one we find."
>But you said that last time! Mooooom, tell Dad to let me disarm the trap!
>"A little busy killing Goblins, listen to your father"
Fun time.

>>23375078
Well, for the first, I don't know how. And if I were to leap that hurdle, what prince would want to marry a princess that wouldn't have children?

And for the second, I was raised proper, and I don't intend to break the sacred bonds of matrimony that I have with my beloved wife.

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>>23375048
I hope not. She better stay away from blacksmiths if she knows what's good for her.

>>23374789
I'm sure that one of your servants have been fucking one of the busboys and are now heavy with child.

Just talk to your wife about it, and then "recognize the child as your own bastard" or something, and that takes care of things.

OR, if you're not cheaper than a Caledonian Jew, then just get some clerics on the case.

>>23375064
Like in Venture Bros?

>>23374699
>>23374736

Clearly we just need to find another race or culture that would make good allies but are also cool with women marrying women. It's called compromise, people.

Any suggestions?

>>23375126
Elves?

>>23375101
Regarding the hypotetical construct daughter, I guess the "lack of child problem would be solved by applying enough magic.

>>23375126
The Futa Amazons
or marry your construct girl to the machine empire

>>23375078
>Then why not build a better daughter?
... And then she can go adventuring in my firstborn daughters stead! Brilliant!

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>>23375041
Ehh, whattahell. Over 9000 dickings in photoshop.

>>23375133
I don't know jack about Elves but they sound liek they give few enough fucks for it.

>>23375141
I think that the Futa Amazons sort of defeat the purpose but machine empire.... think of what our kingdom could do with an alliance with them! We'd be able to crush all our feudal neighbours.

Clearly we need to send someone out to retrieve our daughter right now

"I'm an adventurerrrr," she slurred, mead on her breath, leaning over the poor barmaid, shrinking against the wall of the tavern. It was just a moment, just a moment to go to the well to grab a bucket of water, and suddenly that customer from before was there in the dark and had grabbed her by the wrist- they said she was a witch, could do magic.

She had cut her hair freakishly short, and dyed it an awful and unnatural green. The barmaid shrunk away from her, too tall she was, and too angry- when the bartender had asked her to leave, the witch threatened to burn the bar down, burn the whole village down, scaring all the patrons. Food had been short in coming, ever since half of the men of the town had been drafted by Lord Percival to war against the usurper, the Dragon Slayer who claimed the throne only because the last king was a senile fool that gave a kingdom away to a monster slayer.

The adventurer's hand ran down the front of the barmaid's skirt, "Y'know, everyone should experiment," The barmaid glanced up at the witch's face, and immediately regretted it. Her lips spread open, revealing broken and mishappen teeth split open in a smile, "Just to be sure, you know, which you like. Boys? Or..."

The witch seized the front of the barmaid's dress, and jerked it down, causing the poor girl to yelp in fear, "Girls? Aww yeah," The adventurer slobbered down at the barmaid as she tried to cover herself up, "Them's some tits. Patricia never had tits like that..." The adventurer looked to the side, then her features darkened in a rage, "That snitching bitch."

"Please, no, I'm promised to-"
"Shut the fuck up!" The adventurer roared bringing her hand back, now sparking with blue fire, "I was promised too y'know! But I didn't do it! Because I'm not some fucking weak bitch! I take what I want, when I want! I've got the charisma for it," The witch leaned in, her sparking hand pointed at the barmaid's throat, "Don't you agree?"

>>23375126
We can take our pick of Hobgoblins, elves or the Norse.

The Hobgoblins seem staunch allies, if only a minor power, the bigger problem is that the elves and dwarves will hate it.
The Elves will lead to the Hobgoblin hating us, and the Norse are giant men who perfume their beards, braids their hair, and compete in who can make the manliest love poems. A small culture clash, in other words.

To be fair though, after the last war, that they sat out on, they seem to be getting along fine with people, and their new king, Ragnar the Lawmender seems to focus on peaceful trading contacts more than raiding. Then again, I have a perfumed beard, a braided head, and kicked two dwarves to death this morning when they said I act like a woman. One of them claimed I had PMS with his dying words. I must admit, that *was* a pretty good one.

>>23375164
To build your daughter, you mean
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWt9pCPx8w8

>>23375164
Who can possibly retrieve her now? She already has increasing magical powers and a party including a knight-bro and a demure cleric she will eventually develop feelings for despite the forbidden love.

I think the plot wizards have properly buggered us on this one my lord.

>>23375172
What about the gnolls, they're a female-dominated society? Besides, they're scavengers so they won't need primo farming ground, we could totally settle them in the wastelands as a buffer against orcs.

>>23375195
...Fuck 'em.

I'll adopt someone that isn't a dyke.

Actually, better idea- absolute cognatic seniority succession.

>>23375190
Why just one? Let's build dozens of construct daughters - let us marrying them to all the sons and daughters of the powerful and wealthy across the land. Our influence will reach unheard of levels!

"It's 2013, there's no such thing as adventurers. Get a job."

>>23375195
It seems that the main protagonists haven't devolved into snarky quipping and sexual tension, we can still salvage this if we move swiftly.

>>23375207
They're really shitty at making children, though.

>>23375206
Maybe if we adopt someone quickly nobody will notice our daughter is gone.

>>23375217
Hmm, we still can save it, as long as they haven't picked up the comedic relief character yet. God help us if they have.

>>23375207
Hmm, yes, well, speaking as a baron? I'm not a fan of marrying a robot that probably is programmed to kill me as part of some master work plan?

>>23375207
And then we'll build a retriever version to hunt and bring our original daughter so that she'll be free to marry whoever she fancies.
Then we'll teach her how to build her own construct daughter.

With WHAT budget?

We're bankrupt after settling the damages for threatening to burn down that wizard's academy!

>>23375233
"Our" daughter? Just how many parents does she have? Are we talking to ourselves? Because if so, I can sorta see why she left.

>>23375202
If they don't just eat her.
All the other three main options I laid out are stronger, and can actually trade with us, making the kingdom richer.

Still, I repeat my earlier advice my lord. Either pay a cleric for a fertility potion, or just recognize some child as your own. I'm certain that there is some poor serving girl that's pregnant here somewhere, and if it's for the sake of the kingdom, then I can MAKE a poor serving girl pregnant.
I would prefer that you did so though. That way the child is a legitimate heir.

And we also need to move swiftly. The news aren't out yet, and if we can move fast, you can impregnate your wife, and have this whole mess sorted out by midday. And THEN we can see about retrieving your daughter. Either that or send some trusted man/woman after her as aid, with some magical items that will totally turn the tides of battle in their favour during their darkest hour or something.

>>23375202
You know, I think our willingness to marry out daughter to monsters and robots and elves gives a sort of good indication why she ran away. Just allowing her to marry girl monsters or robots or elves is I think not addressing the heart of this problem.

>>23375238
Good heavens no. Put a hit on any local bumbling mages you know before they gain plot armor.

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>>23375240
What if we build them with stockin' tits?

>>23375253
Yes, well... That academy? It burned down, and the headmaster seemed to have lost his head somewhere. It's most definitively not in the barrel of salt marked "Do not open".

It's a tragedy really.

>>23375254
>>23375258
>>23375261

Clearly we are an impotent and insane tyrant and that sort of explains why she ran away....

>>23375254
Where are we? Are we inside one head or are we several people talking with each other?

>>23375258
God. It's so uncomfortable to go to a cleric about that though...

Oh well. Good of the kingdom and all that. I'd rather not send out any more money after my daughter though. Good money after that and all.

I'll find out if one of the serving girls would be willing to give up a kid to be my 'bastard'. Then go to the cleric for the fertility problems. Wouldn't hurt to have more kids. Hopefully they'll be a better influence on each other. Maybe I was a bad father?

>>23374783
>Deal with it
>not Bear with it

>>23375273
>>23375283

We have multiple personalities. Thankfully it looks like the responsible one is dealing with things.

>>23375261
Neither hobgoblins or norse are monsters.
Elves are a bit feminine, but isn't that what she liked?

Anyway, we can worry about the long term plans after we've picked up the short term pieces.
Our good man the Robert the Rogue just told us of a tragic accident, giving us the finances we need to deal with it.

Now, please, let's focus on the issue at hand now.

>>23375258
So you're saying that we should pretend that my heiress is a bastard, and that my bastard is my real daughter...?

I don't see how that would ever work, my daughter wears glasses.

>>23375267
...Wellllll now that's different. Ahhh...She doesn't have any gears or anything like that in there does she?

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>>23375273
>Implying we're not ghost of the precedent ancestors helping our misguided descendants

>>23375272
Well we- I have to get her back! This is serious, guys- I mean ME!

>>23375296
There's only one way to know, my friend baron.

>>23375293
Hobgoblins are smelly, and I don't think that either them or the norse are house-broken, though.

>>23375298
NO FUCK HER. SHE KEPT TELLING US TO CHECK OUR PRIVILEGE.

>>23375297
>>23375298

This makes the most sense. We are really living in a Necrocracy.

Still, has it's benefits. Better summon some more skeletons to keep order in the town.

>>23375297
So what? Employing ghosts of ancestors is considerably cheaper than hiring a chancellor or other ministers.

Can't we just...ya know, send out retainers to go bring her back and tell she HAS the accepted her role as an heiress?

>>23375294
Uhm, no my lord.
You pretend that you stuck your dick in a servant's vagina, spurted semen into her, and that the child is therefore yours.

You now have an heir/heiress.
Either that or you get some magic to make you and the queen pumping out more heirs and heiresses.

Your original daughter is still your daughter, but she's not the sole person in line. I mean, for fuck's sake, if that happens some uppity Duke of Stupidton will decide to overthrow you or something.

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>>23375309
OH GOD

THIS WAS SO NOT WORTH IT

OH FUCK

>>23375312
We're a king! We are kinda privileged, but yeah, it would be nice to not be reminded of it all the time.

Anyway, have... I heard anything of how my daughter is doing? I hope she's okay.

>>23375320
Where are those pills?

>>23375312
Don't worry, Us, her mechanical sibling will make her understand her error.

>>23375297
Well, me and Robert are just advisors.
There *were* a pair of dwarves but they met with a tragic accident, involving falling into a death trap, then down the stairs into a carpet, and then down the hill into a pit filled with quicklime. It happens to the best of us.

>>23375325
Refresh my memory on inheritance laws, my good man. I thought that the oldest trueborn child is the heir, and that bastards are excluded by default? I don't see what good some servant's twat dumpling will do me.

>>23375324
No. She rebelled. She's a bitch. The only way I can accept being wrong is if everything's fucked and through a wacky series of misadventures she saves my life. And what are the chances of that?

>>23375335
We should send her mechanical sister to go check on our daughter.

>>23375340
You could say that it was a freak accident.

>>23375325

Sir, the Duke of Stupidton has just issued a claim to the throne and is raising his forces!

Apparently the Duchy of Stupidton have some sort of issue with your forced renaming of their land... can't for the death of me see what that could be about.

>>23375311
Who cares? They're supposed to ally, not move in with us.

>>23375330
Don't worry, we'll build you a mechanical hand of some sort

>>23375348
Good idea! But we should give our mech-daughter something to defend herself with. It is a dangerous place out there after all. How about chainsaws?

>>23375343
Yeah, that's the common law.
The law is different for Royalty.
Something something something the royal line is so potent that any drop makes you a claimant something something.

Basically, it's the reason why the last four hundred years were essentially civil war.

But if you don't want to go down that road, just get some clerics on the case.

NO WAIT, THIS IS A GOOD THING

IF SHE WANTS TO BE A BOY, LET HER. ALL THAT MEANS IS WE NOW HAVE AN AN OFFICIAL HEIR INSTEAD OF AN HEIRESS TO THE THRONE.

THEN GET THE COURT WIZARD TO POLYMORPH HER SO SHE HAS A DICK.

LET HER GO ON HER LITTLE ADVENTURE SO SHE CAN BUILD CHARACTER, BUT SEND SOME RETAINERS TO FOLLOW HER AND MAKE SURE SHE DOESN'T GET INTO SHIT.

>>23375335
Last time at the ball you tried to kill her though. And also earlier, at the Duke's tea session.

And at the waterworld too.

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>mfw I'm visualizing a babbling, insane demented king in a dimly lit throne room having an argument with himself as his degenerate daughter burns down the countryside raping wenches

/tg/, you make such wondrous things

>>23375354

Oh, pff, the Duchy of Stupidton is one of the weakest provinces. Just go send out the skeletons on them.

>>23375354
Damn my hubris! Instead of dreaming of getting perfect robot daughters, I should have been focused on getting perfect robot lords!

Say. Who the fuck is going to be building these things? NOT MY USELESS DYKE DAUGHTER, THAT'S WHO.

But seriously, how the fuck is this going to happen.

>>23375354
How does he dare!
Quickly, dispatch the Assassin model mechdaughter to make an example of him

>>23375378
I don't think she wants to be a boy literally. And she causes enough rape without a dick.

>>23375382
That was just one of us. She can't hate us all because of the mistakes of a single on of us, right?

>>23375375
Good heavens, no, I'm not going to make *more* heirs, I'm up to my neck in pretenders already. No. Just no.

>>23375387
Yes father, as you wish father!

>>23375384
Dammit, I forgot about that. We need to find a way to stop her from destroying and raping everything like a sociopathic murderhobo. Should we hire some young adventurers to go stop her?

How about we contract some adventurers of our own to keep an eye on her? Or we could just send the mech-daughter to di it.

>>23375400
I just really don't understand why we need to make flesh-eating killbot daughters, is all. Couldn't we just have, like, hugbot daughters instead?

Yesssss, my mech daughters shall have ten pairs of arms, and ten pairs of tits to more properly wean their children! And my mech daughters shall be painted a phosphorescent green so that I can find them in the dark! NO SNEAKING OUT AT 2:00AM YOUNG WOMAN! I WILL SEE YOU! And they should have beautiful hair covering them so they never freeze, but if it gets too warm, they should have fans in their tits, to cool them off! And they shall all speak Spanish! Because THAT BITCH COULDN'T EVEN GET A C IN SPANISH IF HER LIFE DEPENDED ON IT-

NO YOU GO TAKE THE MEDICINE I'M HAPPY WHERE I AM NO NO NO NO JACKET PLEASE I'M KIIIIIIIIIIINNNNGGGG

>>23375416
Nono, they'll just join forces with her and have daring adventures with a balanced mix of excitement, humor, and romance with witty dialogue. We can't have none of that.

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Our daughter's just like us, she's got multiple personalities too, as if a bunch of people are telling her what to do all the time.

It's a frightening syndrome, but it only really seems to have kicked in when she started adventuring.

>>23375423
Sure, why not? We can have them patrol the kingdom, giving hugs with their strong, mechanical arms to those in need of some caring.

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My dear, what the fuck is going on here? Also where did Brianna run off too?

>>23375443
Not if we sent a paladin. Paladins hate rapists.

>>23375449
Oh nothing dear, nothing to worry about at all. Everything's peachy, completely peachy I say! Go back to your crocheting, all is under control here.

>>23375449
YOUR BARREN WOMB KILLS HOPE LIKE IT KILLS SPERM YOU HARPY

>>23375449
Ah nice timing my dear
tell me, what hair color fancies you more for my next artificial daughter? The baron wasn't too happy about the precedent model.

>Your mother and I still love you
>But you're going to burn in hell
>Forever
You dirty faggot. Now get out of our house.

>>23374699
If forbidden love isnt forbidden, then it is less adorable. Only after they have married and had magiscience babies are you allowed to send them a letter saying you secretly rooted for her all the while and how proud you are of her and her waifu.

If you are gonna have lesbian tomboy adventure daughter, then do it fucking right.

>>23375443
Maybe it'll be a good thing for her to meet some people of a similar mindset? They can have some adventures together until she grows out of this phase of hers, and then she can come back and marry some prince or whatever, if she doesn't find one when out adventuring.

>>23375474
>Why you're not like your artificial sister? She's obedient and all

>>23375449
Hello, dear. It seems as if Brianna has run off for some adventuring, but w- sorry, it's one of those crowded days. I'm on this, I meant to say, so there's no need to worry.

>>23375448
No, neck hugs isn't what I'm talking about at all. I mean nice hugs.

>>23375449
Honey, do you know if any of your maids has a child we can abduct? Our last one broke.

No.. wait... Yes! I've got it!

Summon forth the Princes of the land! We will send them forth to rescue our daughter from the Dread Dragon, the Scouge of the land! The Dragon who demands a virgin every fortnight, who travels to every tavern in the land! The one who succeeds in taking back my daughter alive will have her hand in marriage!

But first, to prove his ability to proceed with such a thing, any prince who wishes to take the challenge must go forth, and take up the Girdle of Innocence, that his manhood be protected!

Get me a cursed gender-switching belt, and issue a proclamation that my daughter's to be known as the Dread Dragon, too.

If this isn't just a phase, are there any princesses of a convenient sexual orientation that we might be able to marry our daughter to?

>>23375483
You fool, that's how granddad died! Adventurers, swinging from the chandeliers and fencing around nilly-willy, the whole ten yards.

>>23375501
So was I. I really shouldn't have to explain this to myself.

>>23375494
>It seems as if Brianna has run off for some adventuring
Adventuring? ADVENTURING?! The horror! Our daughter, an adventurer! Do you realize the embarrassment this will bring the proud name of House Strongcock? This can NEVER become public knowledge! There is no way this situation can be any worse!

>>23375512
You simpering twit! All of the princes are getting set up with robodaughters!

>>23375534
She's a rapist.

And I'm a schizophrenic.

And I think Baron Quincy over there lost his hand in a thresher.

>>23375534
Oh, you're one to talk, woman! You are the very reason why the neighboring kingdoms laugh at us and call us the floppydick nation!

No, you fool! You think small! We must create THE ULTIMATE PARTNER for our daughter. The perfect mate, the embodiment of all her wishes and desires, the one she'll be guaranteed to fall in love with and obey. Once we build this mechanical companion, and send it out to meet her, she will be compelled to abandon her adventuring plans and go back to the palace. It's a foolproof plan!

Now, should we build her with or without a penis appendage?

Greetings my queen, listen, about those two dwarves that you kept running around braiding your hair...

>>23374610
An adventurer? What kind?

>>23375541
I just want what's best for our flesh and blood daughter, too! Besides, you know the second sons of the kingdoms are only going to be plotting dark schemes if they're not chasing after imaginary dragons and getting their manhoods cursed off!

>>23375549
...I should have married that nice lad from House Gaylord. This never would have happened.

Why dont we just build her a mechanical penis that turns her eggs into sperm and let her do her adventuring thing?

>>23375559
Some kind of a robo...dad?

>>23375534
There's no need to yell, dear. I've already commissioned some replacement daughters as a precaution, and I'm keeping an eye on our daughter so she doesn't get hurt. Hopefully she will grow out of this after she's had her fun, and then we can go back to be a loving family again.

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>>23375549
THE PRINCESS WAS RAPED?

>>23375587
No no no no no.

The princess is raping.

She had some magical talent, let it go to her head. So, now she's Princess Rapist. Brianna, the rapist.

>>23375572

That'll never work. Enchanted strapons always end up possessing their wielder and raping half the kingdom to death. Don't you remember the last case of Morella Dominatricide?

>>23375571
This never would have happened if your womb wasn't as barren as a golem's anus, woman! They say that I'm into building mechanical puppets because my manhood has wilted, but that's not true! Do you realize how embarrassing it is to visit the royals in neighboring countries and listen them snickering?

>>23375602
Brian, not Brianna.
Brian the Rapist.
Briapist.

...Guys.

I think I just realized I'm not a very good King.

>>23375513
Well, I hear Princess Elizabeth has been involved in some rather adventurous affairs with her handmaidens. Maybe we should send her a letter?

>>23375616
That's you. I'm sure we have a competent ruler in here somewhere.

>>23375620
I really wouldn't want to involve my niece in this. You know we don't get along with my sister after the Christmas Incident.

>>23375560
Well, they've had a terrible accident.

Anyway, over to more important matters, this Princess Elizabeth sounds like a very interesting option.

What more do we know of her?

>>23375630
Okay I'm sorry, OUR collective efforts pooled seems to not be very good for the Kingdom.

>>23374952
>traditional, even old-fashioned institution
Well there's your problem right there!
The rest of the world has moved on boyo, let my daughter sex up anyone she likes. Or else I'll get the [spoilers]LGBT community[/spoiler] on your ass.

>>23375415
I don't know... I blame society, teaching kids about "killing monsters" and "raiding dungeons"

>>23375642
Yeah, and aside from that Princess Elizabeth is a nice girl.

Not like the Briapist. It'd be terrible to inflict that on the poor girl.

>>23375653
It's MY kingdom, MINE alone!
From now on this day shall be known as the 'no pants day', so decrees the King!
Mwhaahahahaha!

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Hey dad, I'm back from the village!

>>23375682
See this? This is the shit I'm talking about!

And he's the one of the more effective ones of us! He has a policy, a plan of action, and decisive confidence to see it through!

>>23375642
Ah, yes... That is not something anyone would wish to repeat. Still, forgive and forget has always been something of a tradition in this family. I'm sure she wouldn't mind a genuine attempt at reconciliation, especially not if it offers a chance for her to get her daughter married as a bonus.

>>23375643
We know that her father was Prince of the Merchant City.

And that we had him killed last year.

For... uh... I can't remember. I think he gave us rubies as a gift when clearly the gods portended it was to be a day for emeralds. I mean, how couldn't he have figured that out, the gods were shouting at me loud enough.

>>23375693
Who the hell are you?

Our daughter has short hair, and is a mage.

"I told you to keep away from Aunt James belt collection, son."

"..... and dont get knocked up, your mom will be crazy angry. It is enough with one accident in the family she always says.

>>23375693
That was fast. Are you...Done raping people?

And I've seen you dropped the magic. And even gotten in to something close to a dress! Thank the gods, I think I still have some bribe money to sweep things under the rug, so now you can get married to the Half-Gnoll goblins or whatever our plan was in the first place and things can be happy and good!

Except for Quincy. He's still missing a hand.

>>23375667
Maybe we should just medicate Briapist? Like, cyproterone acetat or something in her drinking water?

>>23375706
Just ignore him and maybe he goes away. Now he only shows up on the bad days, and that is definitely an improvement.

>>23375706
He made eating their greens mandatory for children, though, he ain't all bad.

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Father! Your mech-daughter has returned! I have killed the Duke of Stupidton as you asked and drowned his castle in the blood of his subjects.

Am I adorable yet?

>>23375693
WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT MULTI-CLASSING?! I SPECIFI...

I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to yell. What I meant to say was "Hey sweetie, how are you?"

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>>23375719
Oh, I got some new stuff from this cool guy in black armour. See? There he is, materializing from those shadows by the drapes! He's a really rad guy, was talking about all these wars he was in and stuff. He also says he's interested in my talents and would like to offer me a job as a "full-time adventurer"!

>>23375741
Oooooohhhh, awkward... Yeah, my REAL daughter came back, so, uh, you just go wait a bit in the living room and I'll get riiiiiiiight with you, okay?

>>23375693
I have good news for you, my little turnip, you now have a little sister... or thirteen. Go greet them

>>23375741
I'm having a moment with my daughter right now, so I'd appreciate it if you maybe went outside for a bit, okay? We can talk later.

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>This entire thread
Goddammmit /tg/.....every. freaking. time.....

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>>23375727

Not to worry my lord, not to worry. Your strange daughter made this remarkable metal hand for me.

>>23375741
Wait what was that about drowning a castle in blood? I don't recall ordering anything like that at all. I'm pretty sure that I didn't order that?

Clearly the only option is to adventure with my daughterson. Hop in the wagon, Markette. Adventure awaits!

>>23375604
>Enchanted strapons always end up possessing their wielder and raping half the kingdom to death
And...?

>>23375771
Are you telling me that she has been associating with...blacksmiths?

Were these smiths, by any chance, side smiths?

>>23375755
>Implying we don't have enough love for both of them.

>>23375794
>You can't hug your father with murder arms

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>insane schizo King with the ability to make robot servants
>reverse-trap sorceress who thinks she's a man and goes around terrorizing the countryside
>dark lord who tricks naive adventurers into working for him as mercenaries
Thank you for giving me my next BBEGs, /tg/.

>>23375787

And we need loyal subjects. Well, until we finally develop and mass produce the loyal subject golem that we lost the design notes to.

>>23375794
THE BRIAPIST DOESN'T NEED TO KNOW WE PANICKED AND REPLACED HER WITH A WAY BETTER ROBOT DAUGHTER

THE BRIAPIST MIGHT BE UPSET IF SHE HEARD THAT AND RESPOND IN THE ONLY LANGUAGE SHE KNOWS

RAPE

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>>23375769
>>23375755

Oh... well, alright daddy, I'm sure you still love me the most. I'll go recharge my mana beams.

>>23375802

Of course you can, it just makes it hard to repeat the gesture.

>>23375802
>But he can hug you.

>sociopath daughter runs away to become adventurering wizard
>her father, the king, tries to get her back, but struggles with his insanity to get things right
I'm stealing this. Thank you all, you magnificen/tg/eniuses!

>salitse floop

>>23375789

Oh no my lord, she has been associating with smiths, but they all seem like very nice folk - strangely, all women and with some strange habits, but they seem nice enough..... oh dear, we're going to have the same problem again, aren't we?

>>23375813
She sure as dick doesn't know Spanish!

A FUCKING D, BRIANNA? A FUCKING D?

>>23375741
Good girl, now go clean yourself and greet your big sister/brother who has returned.

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>>23375833
What possible problem could you be talking about?

Daughters, daughters.
Mechanidaughter, you've got to apologise for trying to kill flesh-and-blood daughter last time.
Flesh-and-blood daughter, you must apologise for running off without warning like that.

Now kiss and make up.

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>>23375833
I'm sure nothing inappropriate happened. Our daughter has standards, I think.

>>23375753
Seems like a nice fellow
Tell him he's the new duke of stupidton now.

>>23375865
I'm still questioning if WE have standards.

>>23375853
Oh god damn it you fucking retard, you just screwed that fucking pooch there. How the fuck are we going to marry her off to the Ur-Quan if she's known the taste of hot robot?

>>23375882
I can't speak for everyone, but I'm pretty sure some of us do.

>>23375893
>How the fuck are we going to marry her off to the Ur-Quan if she's known the taste of hot robot?
It's simple.
We augument the Ur-Quan.

Since we hear all those voices who apparentely are also our ancestors, does that mean we're some sorts of Kwizat Haderach(sp)?

>>23375893

Damnit dad, this is why I ran away in the first place! All this trying to marry me off to people I'd hate!

In my time... "Adventuring"... I've seen so much of the kingdom... and then burnt it down, admittedly. I belong out there in the world - oppressing the subjects directly!

>>23375919
No, it's just your guilt speaking for murdering me, son.

>>23375922
HOLY SHIT SHE HEARD ME.

Wait, maybe...I'm the real one!

THANK YOU DAUGHTER YOU HAVE GRANTED ME BLESSED CLARITY, AND WITH IT I REALIZE THE TRUTH IN YOUR WORDS.

RULING A KINGDOM IS LIKE RAPING WITH A CONDOM ON- IT'S A LOT MORE WORK FOR HALF THE FUN. GO FORTH MY DAUGHTER, BE FREE, ADVENTURE.

>>23375922
Oppressing the subjects directly?
...
You really are our...my....a daugther of similar thought process!

>>23375929

That wasn't me, great-granddad was in control then! Go bother him!

>>23375929
Does that mean we absorb the soul and knowledge of those we kill?
Makes sense, since apparentely we're also some sort of necromancer.

>>23375957
I always thought we were a transmuter?

>>23375941
>>23375939

I think you guys are right. Our daughter has proven she's horrifically dangerous. We should put her in charge as chief Oppressor.

Now we just need to find some woman for our robot lesbian daughter to marry. And then get back to the lab to make more.

>>23375960
No we have a robo-daughter...we are an artificer.

>>23375922
See this? This is why mechadaughters will never be as good as the genuine article.

Let me get my hammer.

>>23375939
But first she has to attend the matrimony of her sister with the baron.

>>23375942
That old fart is dead, buried and has passed on. I'm insane, but I'm not haunted.

>>23375810
And how can our subjects claim they are loyal if they wont even take our daughter's mechacock?

How...How could you father? You made me, and I gave you nothing but love. Love and the blood of your enemies. And she waltzes back in, and suddenly it's all about her? It's because of the rape, isn't it? Well, I'll show you! I'll show you I can rape with the best of them! Starting with YOU.

>>23375159

that really looks more like "chola descartes" than "crying descartes".

>>23375995
By accepting the embrace of our hugbots?

>>23375995

Its all fun and games until the steampowered clockwork penis comes out.

>>23376003
Oh hush, didn't anyone even tell you the story of the Prodigal son? This is a happy occasion. Look, I'll make it up to you - YOU can have a say in which noble daughter you marry.

>>23376028
I heard the gnoll princess is rather...a thing.

>>23376010
Great idea! -Somebody- has to hold them down while our daughter goes to town.
>>23376025
Then its even more fun!

>>23376003
I said I'll come talk to you later. We can sort this out, but not right now. Go play with the hugbots for awhile and I'll be right along, alright?

>>23376025
>Its all fun and games until the steampowered clockwork penis

goes in.

You meant to say, goes in.

It's always about the rapist dickgirls with you guys. Can't I at least try to be a nice guy for a little bit?

People, people. Remember, myself.

THIS IS MY SON WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HERE.

>>23376045

Come on now, we don't hate mechdaughter THAT much.

>>23376028

No, you don't understand at all dad. I don't WANT a noble wife. I want the rough hands of one of those blacksmith girls on me... sticing their hands inside me...

>>23376103

So? I'm sure there's at least one noble daughter with a thing for engineering and smithing.

>>23376109
Why dont we just elevate a blacksmith family to nobility? Its not like we don't have spare room in the court with all the dukes and earls our daughter has killed recently.

>>23376133

As long as they aren't named Count Clank or some such tomfoolery, I think we could make this work.

Guys we're losing track of our action
Remember we have to punish that school for saying bad things about our main daughter.
Now that I think about it, do our mechadaughter have to attend school?

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"My son, I've known you all of your life. I've... I had always hoped you would follow through with our family trade--carpentry has fed our family for generations, after all--but... if this makes you happy, if this is what you truly want... I can live knowing you're doing what you love.

"Bring us glory, my boy! Make our family's name known throughout the lands! Helps, maybe you'll find yourself a lady to settle down with in your questing, eh?"

>>23376166
We could make them a vampire too and they could call themselves Count Clankula!

>>23376185
Didn't we already blow up that school?

>>23376133
And yes, this is a brilliant idea. We've already given away the Duchy of Stupidton...ah, but there's an opening for the Prince of the Merchant City I recall. Excellent. Now all we need to do is send out our heralds and men to find the most attractive, lusty female blacksmith in the land. No, wait, we'll hold a contest! A contest for the hand out out mechadaughter and a noble title for their family.

You know, there are some neat ideas here, disregarding some of the shit humor. I think I'll use some of this.

>>23374610
"Thank god you have nine siblings."

>>23376272
all of them mechanical in nature I may add.

>>23376255

If there is a swimsuit portion to this competition I am all for it.

But actually, I guess we should give our Mechadaughter a say in how the competition for her bride will be determined.

>>23376255
Yes! Send forth for the busty lusty blacksmiths! Let the weeks of clanging begin!

>>23376255
Yes! A contest! With oil and wrestling!

>>23376345
Nonsense, she will do as we say, she's obedient unlike our real daughter. Just watch - hey mechadaughter #5, you're going to marry a gopher and you're going to like it.

>>23375525
Who's granddad? Considering we are the collective dead family members of the current kind it can get kinda weird when your granddad may be my son.

>>23376260
You act like that isnt how /tg/ always works, neat ideas wrapped in shit humor.

>>23376368
Well we could do that, but I thought our other daughter taught us the value of family, even if we all our sociopaths.

>>23376394
are*

>>23376371
I'm pretty sure we're just me in here. I haven't seen any dead relatives around, if we don't count the spooky paintings in the hallway.

>>23376394
Hah, learning from errors is for good guys only! Mechadaughter #3, that table leg is now your bride! Mechadaughter #7, you are now wed to the moon! You may say 'thank you dad' now...

Anytime soon is fine, really.

What?

Why are you staring at me?

>>23376255
I'd say run the beauty contest first - that's easiest to determine and you can pare it down to the attractive ones.

Then you need the skill contests - I'd say crafting of some things, maybe a talent show. Or a trivia show. Don't want a dumbass daughter in law. Or better yet we set up an obstacle course/dungeon.

Or give them a quest.

>>23376464
How about we build a series of non sentient replicas of our #1 mechadaughter... then smash them... and see which of them have the skill to rebuild them

>>23375968
Actually we are all of them, you see many of us may not remember but the whole adventuring thing is just a thing so that in the future we may have a more skilled heir and self. Since we always get the skills of the dead we also get the class, the powers and so forth.

This is why nobody have usurped us yet, we are far to powerful that people just have to put up with our insane bullshit.

So let the child go out and adventure, in the end we win as our current host dies and we posses her.

Also i'm really angry at you son, mechdaughters are for funsexing and continuance of the throne not assassinating your father.

>>23374699
>adorable lesbian relationship
I can't enjoy that after I met real lesbians. It is horrific.

>>23376076
Actually your son was the last king, aka me (sorryformurderingyouandallthatbutmomwaskindahotbackthen). We really need to get this forgeting thing fixed, sooner or later we are gonna forget what a hobgoblin is and marry our daughter to one.

ITT: one guy tries to push the idea of that the king is haunted by his ancestors and they are giving him advice regarding his daughter

>>23376641
By one guy you meant pretty much everyone in this thread, right?

>>23376727
What's a thread? Shut up grandpa, we're confused enough as is.

>>23376506

I still think oil wrestling is the best bet.

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>>23374610

>>23375171
>>23375465
"PAAAARRRRAAAAAAGGGGGOOOOOONNNN! INNNNNNTTTTEEEEEERRRRRRUUUPPPPT!!!!" A buckler smashes across the face of the witch, sending her sprawling down the alleyway.

The barmaid looks to her rescuer, a woman clad in shining white armor.

"I, Lady Marie, Paladin of the Goddess Utena, shall not stand idly by while a fair maiden is accosted in such a beastly manner!"

The drunken witch stumbles to her feet, hands glowing with blue bale-fire as she clumsily tries to craft a spell.

"Yo-you BITCH! Imma gonna char you so bad yur not... yur not gonna to look so pretty!"

The Paladin draws her sword.

"Have at thee then!"

Taken aback by all this attention her looks have garnered, the barmaid simple watches with a blush as the Paladin tries to pacify the psychotic would-be rapist.