>>24415179
>Swing Beholder Flail

>Instant laser lightshow, complete with wubbeth and high pitched screeches

Lich, maybe. Beholder, never, it'd just be pissed off and shooting eyebeams all the fucking time.

>>24415202
What if you killed it, reanimated it, then shoved it on the top of your flail?

>>24415179
So, Living/Unliving weapons thread?

>>24415202
"After 30 years of continuous service to the same master, the monster is released from its bondage. The master must be alive at the end of the 30 years."

Now it strongly desires you to stay alive.

All that would so is make the lich respawn, kill you, and take the staff.

>>24415179
I guess you could, but you'd have to be careful to never 'break' your staff, or he'll die and regernate complete with limbs.

What would happen if you took a halfling child and then amputated it's legs. Then you attach it to your wizard staff and have your familiar teach it to read and stuff and you train it to be a wizard.

So there is then a small guy attached to your staff that can cast spells and give you advice and stuff.

Would this work?

>>24415292
with leadship and craft wondrous object, I'd allow it

What if we turned a Lich into a Bagpack/Bag of holding?

Could you imagine?

>PLACE THE HEALING POTIONS IN THE LOWER RIB POCKET MORTAL

>>24415302
DO YOU NOT THINK THAT THE TOME WOULD BE BETTER SUITED STORED IN MY CRANIUM, MORTAL?

>>24415302
>Fighting an ambush out numbered using poisons to keep them busy

>Enemy archer notices and hits the bagpack's poison pouch

>Oh shit

>THERE APPEARS TO BE A SPILLAGE IN THE POISON POUCH

>I SHALL PREVENT THE CONTENTS FROM SEEPING IN TO YOUR WEAK PUNY FLESH

>>24415197
This seems like a great idea then. Just strut into any random old castle and release the beholder.

>>24415313
WEDGE THE SYMBOL OF PELOR IN MY PELVIS. YES. THIS IS FITTING.

>>24415318
>Proceeds to fire the excess poison at enemies behind you

Effectively, it's be the upper torso, the head, and the arms of a skeleton that make the bagpack up the arms acting as backpack arms, and the bag part some sort of fleshy thing coming out from inside the ribs

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>>24415320

So effectively, Liches that are too lazy to go about hunting for books and other curiosities/sources of knowledge turn themselves into bagpacks so they can effectively go on really really long field trips/expeditions with adventurers to get free books and items to record?

Best of all, if the owner fails, he gets reanimated to finish his job then the Lich just has said zombie sell him nearest merchant so the process can start all over again.

Or in some cases, the Lich Hops back.

>PAY NO HEED TO ME I AM MERELY AN ITEM OF STORAGE MORTAL

>THOUGH I DO REQUEST TO BE SOLD AT REASONABLE PRICE

>>24415382
>I WILL NOT BE SOLD TO BE USED AS A CHILD'S SCHOOL BACKPACK. NO. WAIT. I WILL BE SOLD TO BE THAT CHILD'S BACKPACK. I DO NOT HAVE ANY NEFARIOUS PLANS.

>>24415382
this is the best idea ever

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>>24415425
HEY KID. THERE IS CANDY IN THE POCKET NEAR MY LUMBAR VERTEBRAE. DON'T YOU WANT SOME CANDY?

>>24415382
What would happen if you accidentally dropped another Liches Phylactery inside the BagLich?

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>>24415425

>OH GOD TIMMY

>NOT THE PACKED LUNCH AGAIN

>I HAVE NOT LIVED 450 YEARS TO BE SMOTHERED IN JAM FROM THE INSIDE OUT BY SOME BRAT WHO WANTED TO PLAY FOOTBALL RATHER THAN STUDY

>WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MORTALS THESE DAYS?

>>24415478

Whoops, forgot to remove SAGE.

>>24415478
>Series about a young boy who buys a Lich Bagpack


Oh god yes, I would read this religiously.

>>24415450

Lichception?

I think you'd have a lich subservient to your bagpacklich, who would demand the other lich become HIS bagpack lich.

Repeat ad infinitum for maximum lolwut.

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>>24415450
>What?
>LICHBAG is evolving!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwT8FOyXkMw

>Congratulations! Your LICHBAG evolved into LICHSPORTSBAG!

Also has a secondary function as a death cannon.

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This thread is fucking glorious.

Rolled 2

>>24415506
or even better, you have 2 arguing liches going back and forth, arguing over everything like a pair of passive aggressive roommates

>PUT THE ARROWHEADS BY MY RIGHT SHOULDER MORTAL

>NO! WHERE THE LEFT KIDNEY USED TO BE!

>IGNORE HIM MORTAL YOU KNOW THE SHOULDER IS CORRECT

>OLD FOOL WHAT ARE YOU ON ABOUT, THE SHOULDER IS WHERE A MADMAN WOULD PUT THEM! DO NOT LISTEN TO HIM MORTAL

etc etc etc

What if you turned it into a lifeforce/blood/flesh powered jetpack?

>MORTAL, YOU ARE RUNNING LOW ON VITAE, IF WE DO NOT TOUCH DOWN, I PREDICT YOU WILL BE USING PROSTHETIC LEGS IN A NEAR FUTURE

What about a Lichbag of holding? Every time you kill an enemy, stuff the remains in the lichbag and have him reanimate them from within.
Adventure for two years and then go off to face the goblin hordes. When their chieftain laughs at your lone challenge to his vast armies, turn around and deploy skeletons.

>>24415564


And THIS shall be my next character!

>>24415601
>Animated armors, gear, quest related corpse trophy's come flying out one by one

>>24415612
>Animated fetish Gear and lingerie

I can see a lich with knowledge in skinning, tanning, ivory carving, butchery, and mummification, always willing to give advice to the party as to the many uses of slain enemies.

>TAKE THE OGRE FAT, IT WILL MAKE THE TORCHES BURN LONGER

>>24415643
>The lich finds himself in the hands of a family of famous heroes
>over the thousands of years he comes to respect his position.

Reminds me of the Lich Butler I had in a game once.

>>24415643
>Easy survival tips, racial translations alchemy recipes poison recipes landscape knowledge and dungeon history

Who needs a goddamned nerd in you party when you have a LICHBAG?

>>24415664
What if the Lich was also female and a motherly type?

>FOOLISH MORTAL, DID YOU REMEMBER TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH?

>Lichbag, LichStaff, Phylectary Armour, and Demi-Lich Skullcap

Who would be manly and patient enough to wear such gear?

Probably a retirement home worker who one day decided to become a viking.

>>24415687
Another Lich.

>>24415691
>I am
>Lichus maximus

Now I'm picturing a adventuring party of Liches.

Why did they decide to start on the path of heroism? Boredom.

>WE REQUIRE NO PAYMENT MORTAL, DOING THE RIGHT THING, AND THE SOULS OF THE FALLEN, ARE THEIR OWN REWARD.

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>>24415682
>YOU HAVE DAMAGE TO YOU KNEE

>OPEN THE COMPARTMENT TO MY LEFT RIP AND THERE WILL BE SOME SALVES AND BANDAGES FOR YOUR WOUND

>The bandages have smiling child skulls all over it

I would prefer the idea of a Lich backpack which is bound into service but hates its owner deeply

>HERE IS YOUR HEALTH POTION, YOU DETESTABLE SACK OF SKIN
>I AM NOT A GARDENING BAG YOU FOOL, WHY ARE THERE LEAVES IN ME?

>>24415682
YOUR TEETH SHOULD LAST YOU A LIFE TIME. I DID NOT CARE FOR MY TEETH WHEN I WAS ALIVE AND I LOST MY SECOND MOLAR. EVERYONE COULD SEE THE GAP ONCE MY FLESH ROTTED AWAY FOUR HUNDRED YEARS AGO.

>>24415728
they can reassemble to form Lich-tron

>>24415777
>PAIN
>AGONY
>SUFFERING
>DEATH

>BY YOUR POWERS COMBINED I AM CAPTAIN UNDEATH

>>24415755
WHEN DID YOU PUT THIS ORANGE HERE? I SHOULD SMELL LIKE DUST AND DEATH. FOR I AM DUST AND DEATH. I SHOULD NOT SMELL LIKE FERMENTED FRUIT.

>>24415793
Now we need the theme song and a Villain Paladin

Rolled 3

>>24415793
should they wield the beholder lightshow staff mentioned at the top?

>>24415682
A mother who was so over-protective she attained lichdom just so she could hang around and badger her son. But he died.

>DID YOU REMEMBER TO PACK YOUR ROPE, MORTAL? AND GET THAT SHIELD CHECKED OUT, IT'S ALL DENTED AND BATTERED. IT'S A DEATHTRAP - AND I SHOULD KNOW.

>LITTLE BILLY WAS ALWAYS FORGETTING TO GET HIS ARMOUR REPAIRED AND LOOK WHERE THAT GOT HIM

>>24415755
>DAMN YOU! YOU KNOW I AM ALLERGIC TO POSIES!
>GOOD LUCK FINDING YOUR LEGENDARY SWORD OF..... WELL DAMN... YOU FOUND IT. THIS TIME MAYBE, BUT I WILL HIDE IT BETTER NEXT!

>>24415793
How are pain, agony and suffering different?

>>24415728
>Raid a Necromancer's Lair

>About to fight him

>A scroll drops down

>One of the Liches Picks it up and reads it

>Hey guys, check this out!

>They all start laughing at his ascension plans

>Laughing Liches.jpg

"HUMOR. LONG HAD WE THOUGHT IT EXTINGUISHED BUT THE SHEER FAILINGS OF YOUR SCRIBES HAVE REKINDLED IT ANEW."

"WE SHALL SPARE YOU. ONLY TO LEAVE YOU TO STAGNATE IN THE MISERY OF YOUR FAILINGS."

"AS THE COMMON MORTAL WOULD DO, BEFORE WE DEPART-

"NEEEERRRDDDD"

>Liches float/fade away doing skeletony things

>Necromancer left to months of work ruined, and the weight of failure burdening over him like never before

>>24415840
Agony is prolonged High pain, suffering is where it progresses in some shape or form getting worse.

>>24415832
Oh god, a lichbag actively trying to hide your items.
Perfect idea for a cursed item.

>YOU MAY HAVE DEFEATED ME, MORTAL BUT NOW YOU MUST SUFFER MY BURDEN

>>24415840
>owie
>big owie
>alot of owies

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>>24415691
Write them like Statler and Waldorf and that'd be the best fucking character ever.

>>24415816
Theme song can just be a variation of the original Captain Planet theme

>The terror, is yours!

>>24415877
>CAPTAIN UNDEATH
>HE'S OUR HERO
>GONNA CUT THE LIVING DOWN TO ZERO

>Meathead barbarian with an exasperated Lich backpack
>Barbarian constantly survives impossible situation with dumb luck, driving the lichpack insane

>>24415897
is it gonna be this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIOsvGNl-LM ?

>>24415197
only if you yell one of these power words
"WUBETH INTENSIFIES!"
"BIGGER WUBETH!"

This thread, my sides.

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>>24415895
Wait wait wait. We're doing this all wrong!

>>24415687
>>24415691
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udKNPnfHP1c

Rolled 4

>>24415926
archive?

>>24415927
And now we have our Lich hero party.

>>24415925
or you know, one guy has the beholder staff, while the other carries the bass cannon

>>24415895

Pain!
Agony!
Suffering!
Death!
Souls!

GO DIE!

With your powers combined I am Captain Lich!

Captain Lich!
He's our hero!
Gonna cut the living down to zero!
Death's great power magnified,
fighting on the skeletal side!

Captain Lich
He's our hero
Gonna cut the living down to zero
take all those who were put under
bring them back to loot and plunder!

"PELOR'S LIGHT! DAMN YOU CAPTAIN LICH!"

We're the undead,
You can be one too!
'Cause eating souls is the thing to do,
looting and corrupting are always the way,
Captain Lich has this to say:

"FEAR AURA BITCHES!"

>>24415962
speaking of which, what would you make the bass cannon out of? maybe a destrachan?

>>24415241
yeah, alive ain't necessarily 'alive and well'.

>>24415977
Gibbering mouther

>>24415962
No.
One uses the staff.
one the basscannon.
The third one has the mixtable and yells the words of power.
>DROP THEE BASS!
>the bass cannon actions, doing 3d6 sonic damage and 1d6 per caster level per round
>wubwubwubwubwub
>WUBBETH.
>INTESIFIES
>the beholder staff is used, doing 5d6 light damage con save to avoid blinded.
>WUBWUBWUBWUBWUB

>>24415986
... and the one with the triangle?
what does that do?

This thread just made my day. I love you /tg/

>FOOLISH MORTAL! THE SPINE POCKET IS SUPPOSED TO STORE TWO-HANDED WEAPONS! IT IS NOT A SCROLL CASE!

>>24416014
Wail of the Banshee
>Wait for the drop.
>...
>ding
>BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR

>>24416014
Triangle of the brown noise

>>24416035
>>24415986
That's a nice bard party.
CE?

>>24416043
CEG

>>24415971
getting this tattood on my back

>>24416071
Chaotic Evil Good?

>>24416280
Yes.

>>24416295
How does that even work? I mean, are they so evil that they end up doing good? Not that I disagree with them being CEG, in fact I love the idea.

>>24416280
We're doing good...

...for evil

>>24416376
They're doing the good thing using evil, evil methods.
Or the evil thing using good methods, depends on how drunk they're.

>>24416071
CMG is better

Chaotic morally grey.

>>24416405
Like the cleric that uses deathsight to know who to heal first.

>>24416415
>Moral.
it's implied they don't really know what a moral is, so they put in both evil and good so they can be dicks or do good things without anyone saying "HURR ALIGMENT CHANGES!"

>>24416421
More like the good cleric that uses heal wounds in the undead fighter after he gets beaten up because he doesn't know that only work on living guys.

So, liches wearing adventuring gear made of liches who are so powerful that they could not give less of a fuck about anything, and thus become CEG?

>>24416467
Only if they do it to save the kingdom because theyre were in debt with the local paladin that also runs a half time loan works the lich asked a loan for his evil plans. And taking care of his family. His evil family.

>>24416467
Just needs the L.
gotta work out some way to be CEGL
and then pronounce this new alignment as "seagull"

>>24416474
His evil adopted family of little mischievousness filled tieflings?

>>24416480
Chaotically Evil Good Lich?

>>24416422
So CN?

>>24416483
..I recognize that. Why?

Is this about to become and epic thread crossover?

>>24416486
No, because the DM will go "YOU'RE NOW CG!" when you help people or "YOU'RE NOW CE!" when you kick an orphan in the dick.
Hence CEG.

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>>24416486

>>24416490
No.
I just imagined a good thing(adopting) and two bad things(evil, tieflings)

>>24416495
Train as an alignment is now cannon in my setting

>>24416393
We're being evil to evil people for the betterment of the masses!

>>24416492
It was a joke about the fact that most people play CN to simply avoid moral restriction.

Chaotic Random, etc

>>24416507
one of my PCs has "true burr" as his alignment.
this is not a joke, his alignment is literally "true burr".
You have all kinds of alignments and then, in another box "True burr".
It's a long story, this weekend we play again.

>>24416507
>the gang leader offers you a cut on a bust he's doing, what do you do?
>ALL ABOARD
>wait what?
>CHOO CHOO

>>24416507
You're just opening yourself up to a bunch of puns.

Which is a good thing, probably. Funs are pun.

>>24416523
Burr like partial shavings that occur when you sharpen something?

>>24416539
Burr as in bear.
Gay bear.

>>24416523
Burr? As in, an ebonics pronunciation of bear?
>>24416524
>NEXT STOP, ADVENTURE!
>>24416532
Railroading. Railroading everywhere

>>24416546
That's pretty cool, honestly.

>>24416555
Before you say "It's creepy" we're all gay.
Except me, i'm bi.

>>24416507
If you've ever had to use Canadian trains, it's pretty accurate.
VIA for instance, if you're taking the the line that goes from ontario up through quebec to barachois...
They start taking smoke breaks when they get into quebec.
I'm sure it's because they have to stop the train to delay for a track transfer up ahead on the line or whatever, but it's still odd to just see a congregation of the crew get off the train and hang around smoking for 15-20 minutes.

>>24416556
We all know what /tg/ stands for anyways

any good traps?

>>24416574
>traps
They're all into bears, I'm the only one who is more into actual twink-ish guys.

>>24416558
Didn't they have to stop a Canadian train the other day? Terrorists or something?

>>24416580
>Gays
>Into Bears

How disgusting.

>>24416556
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YaG5SAw1n0c

>>24416580
Blast. Ah well.

>>24415793
captain undeath hes our hero, gonna take the living down to zero, hes our powers magnified and hes fighting on orcus side

>>24416597
>not bearforce1
leave /tg/ and never come back

>>24416622
No

>>24416581
yeah, they've already been arrested. honestly, they've cause about as much disturbance as a bad snow day. plus it was toronto area, so nothing of value would have been lost

>>24416613
aw that joke was already made... i have failed

>>24415179
/tg/, I love you.

I am SO going to include a Helicopter mom LichpoleBagofholding heirloom in the next game.

I'll figure it out. She doesn't want to leave because she is so overbearing or something.

I love the Lich-on-a-stick idea.

>>24416676
Oh god, I can see a Wandering Lich Merchant hawking Lich paraphernalia to powerful adventurers.

>GET YOUR LICH-ON-A-STICK, COME MORTALS AND GET YOUR LICH-ON-A-STICK!
>GET YOUR SPELLS MANUALLY PICKED
>WITH YOUR OWN LICH-ON-A-STICK!

>FEELING TIRED MORTAL? THOSE WEAK FLESH SLOWING YOU DOWN, GETTING INJURED IN FIGHTS? WELL WORRY NO MORE! FOR WE HAVE THE PERFECT THING FOR YOU!
>LICHARMOR!
>IT WALKS FOR YOU! IT DEFENDS YOU! AND YOU HAVE THE KNOWLEDGE OF A HUNDREDS OLD LICH RIDING ON YOUR SHOULDERS!
>LICHARMOR!
>FOR THE BEST WAY TO BE NOT DEAD
>IS TO BE PROTECTED BY UNDEAD!

>>24416727
Sold.

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>>24416727

>>24415971
OMFG
Totally working this into my game.
He's going to helicopter down to this song.
You won't be able to kill him, but if you fight him for long enough he'll throw you his staff before helicoptering away.

>>24416727
>salesman is a zombie

>>24416492
You have a bad DM if you get alignment changes from things like that.

This sort of thread is why /tg/ is the best board

>>2441672
I'll take seven.

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>>24417202
>Salesman has a fast, cunning brain and an even faster tongue
>Salesman has a gourmand ghoul bodyguard, built like a brick wall, that carries the lichandise
>They bicker all the time because the ghoul insists on making a meal out of the salesman because "he smells so good"
>Shenanigans ensue, like the ghoul allowing the zombie to beaten up by thugs so he can collect some of his rotting blood to make toast spread

Pic somewhat related

>>24417392
that ending makes me mad

>>24417392
rip in peace Mister Bombardini.
;_;7

>Party member has a broken leg, cannot walk
>Grab lichpack, remove items inside it
>Reattach the legs to the torso
>Walking chair to carry your injured friend to the nearby doctor, or pair of fatigue-free legs that can pull a makeshift rickshaw back to civilization

>>24417457
Too bad it's missing some part.
Like the one where the guy mentions the GM wrote a novel and took Bombardini out.

>>24417859
>wrote a novel
>of generic boring angsty fuckwits
What?
Though I suppose you never say GOOD novel.

Imagine if their existed an asshole Wizard who sold permanent genitalia extensions and enhancements for absurd prices, and if you didn't pay/get in debt to him and not pay he turns your genitals into something?

Imagine an adventure having to suffer with two Beholder's for nutsacks, both hate each other and constantly fight.

Though on the plus side, when captured and striped down, the enemy suffers Multicolored miniature laser blasts that smell like sweat, smegma, and that milk that pubes produce.

>>24417986
When did I walk into /d/?

>>24417986
>That + Beholder flail

You are now imagining a naked male of average build moonwalking through a Orc bandit raiding camp as his Beholder Balls sway left and right shooting their miniature beams setting fire to the place, as he swings his Beholder flail overhead as it muses a destructive symphony of wubs.

Whilst wearing the leaders helmet.

>>24418025
You never left

Seriously, though, a significant portion of /tg/ also hangs in /d/, iirc

>>24417986
>Two Beholder's for nutsacks
>Nutsacks comprised of two beholders each
>Implying multiple nutsacks
The fuck you got dangling down there son?

>Beholder flail

It's only enemy is the dreaded Onion golem.

>>24418064
My lower abdomen has exploded!
You made my day Anon!

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>>24418064
Combine with this to maximum nonsense

>>24416035

Lost it.

And you know what the best part about all this is?

Someone is hired to supply the resources to make these wonderful objects.

Someone is hired to jump and wrestle Beholders to exhaustion and then do god knows what to them to get them on the flails or staffs.

Someone is hired to go to Necropolises, Necromancer dungeons and Lich Lairs to give Leaflets which advertise the benefits of LichBag Placement, or some to go to beat up a lich, cast whatever spells they have to and bind them the bags or sticks.

The pension plan and pay must be amazing.

Beholder flail?
Beholder staff?
Screw that, I'll make a beholder bagpipe!

>>24418512
That.

IS


AWESOME

>>24418512
We Monster Hunter now.

>>24418512
>Increases Party Morale

>Gives random buffs


Oh yes.

This thread needs Drawfags

>>24418512
>let me play you the song of my people
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1eCbGrMfQ-g

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>>24415601
>deploy skeletons

>>24418512

This is now my BBEG's instrument.

>>24418593
I'm trying to draw my own bagpipe idea, not in the mood however but hopefully it won't be as shit as I think it is

>>24418437
>Good evening, sir
>DREADFUL EVENING, PUNY HUMAN FEMALE. WHAT MADNESS BRINGS YOU TO MY LAIR?
>Sir, have you ever heard of the LichBag products?
>MEDAMNIT, NOT THIS AGAIN. CAN'T YOU PEOPLE READ THE OMINOUS BONE SIGN WITH BLUE, FLAMING LETTERS? "NO.SOLICITORS.ALLOWED." IT'S THE THIRD TIME THIS WEEK, FOR ORKUS' SAKE.
>But, sir, we...
>NO "BUTS"
>*smirk*
>YOU PEOPLE JUST AREN'T BEING CHASED DOWN BY EVERY LICH IN EXISTENCE BECAUSE WE ALL HATE EACH OTHER. NOW, GET LOST
>I... will be sure to report that to my boss, sir. He cares deeply about customer feedback
>I AM NOT YOUR CUSTOMER. REMOVE YOURSELF AT ONCE FROM MY PRESENCE, OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES
>Are you sure? The premium LichBag, Koschei's Dream, comes with free phylactery insurance and protection, for life-I mean, unlife.
>ENOUGH WITH THIS INSOL- WAIT, DID YOU SAY ABOUT PHYLACTERY PROTECTION?
>Exactly what it sounds, sir. If you purchase our premium product, we will give you free shelter for your phylactery in our ultra-safe underground vaults, away from all those pesky adventurers.
>SOUNDS... INTERESTING
>And it is, sir!
>WHAT ABOUT THE BAG
>Its is made from the fresh corpses of lab-grown Were-dire-rhinoceros ogres, sir, chemically tanned to avoid rot and lined with bags of holding inside.
>THIS FABULOUS ITEM HAS PIQUED MY ATTENTION. COME IN, AND TELL ME MORE. MAY I OFFER YOU SOME NIGHTSHADE TEA AND POISON MOLD BISCUITS?

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Not an artist, but here's how I thought it's look.

>>24415656
>Lich Butler

are you god?

>>24415848
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2rwxs1gH9w
They run around singing this.

>>24415820
This is so awesome.

>WHERE IS YOUR SCARF, FLESHLING? YOU WILL CATCH COLD, DIE AND I WILL HAVE TO REANIMATE YOUR CORPSE.

>>24416590
No, it's about traps that are into bears. As in, bear traps.

>>24415820
>THROGDOR, THERE ARE LADIES IN THIS ROOM. BEHAVE YOURSELF.
>But I didn't do or say anything!
>YOU WALK AROUND IN NOTHING A BADGER HIDE THONG AND LEATHER BOOTS. SUCH LEWD BEHAVIOR! OF COURSE I HAVE TO TELL YOU TO WATCH YOUR MANNERS IN POLITE COMPANY.
>Mom, shut up, the prostitutes are laughing at me.
>PROSTITUTES? YOU BROUGHT YOUR MOTHER TO A WHOREHOUSE? HAVE YOU GOT NO DECENCY, OR RESPECT FOR ME? YOUR FATHER COULD BEAT ME BLOODY FOR FORGETTING TO SALT THE SOUP, BUT AT LEAST HE WASN'T A WHOREMONGER. HE AT LEAST HAD THE DECENCY OF HAVING A FINE, RESPECTABLE MISTRESS.
>MOM, not now! Besides, I'm not married to you, and dad's dead. And what does the soup's seasoning has to do with anything?
>OH THROGRIN, WHAT DID WE DO SO WRONG THAT OUR SON BECAME SUCH A LOW-GRADE ADVENTURER? IN MY TIME, OUR CLAN'S MEN JUST WON WOMEN OVER WITH THEY BRUTAL CHARM,AND MAYBE SOME RAPING WHEN PILLAGING. NOW YOU ARE PAYING TO HAVE INTERCOURSE? WHAT'S NEXT? ASKING FOR PERMISSION BEFORE LOOTING THE CORPSES OF THE ONES YOU KILLED?
>Hello Xanae, please, could you hide this thing somehwere it won't be heard? Thanks, I'll get it on my way out.
>WHAT IS THIS? YOU ARE REMOVING ME FROM YOUR BACK? WHY?
>I'm not going to WHORE AROUND with my mom screaming at my literal back!
>THROGDOR! COME BACK HERE THIS INSTANT, YOUNG MAN! THROGDOR!!! DAMN KIDS THESE DAYS WON'T LISTEN TO THEIR MOTHERS! THROOOOOGDOOOOOOOORRRRRR!!!

>>24419307
>Curses him with barbed cat penis when he pulls out


Hue.

Bamp

>>24418598
I want to make this.

And behind that door...don't open that door.
"What's inside?"
Just a few thousand skeletons.
*Opening door*
*A single skull rolls out of the darkness*
"Surprise round?"
*attacks and hits, rolls damage*
The skeleton and it's nearest brethren are destroyed easily, fine white powder filling the air.
*A few rounds later*
"Why aren't the skeletons fighting back?"
They're a bit busy, you know, being dead.

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>>24419307
Barbarian PC: "Ok... I hate orcs more, but bugbears are way up there. I'm entering frenzy."
*attacks*
LichBag PC: THROGDOR! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT YOUR OVERHEAD SWING? IT LEAVES YOUR FLANK EXPOSED. ANYONE COULD JUST COME UP AND SLICE YOUR KIDNEYS. I DIDN'T SPEND TWELVE HOURS IN LABOUR SO THAT YOU COULD JUST THROW YOUR KIDNEYS AWAY LIKE THIS.
Barb PC: "I... lose frenzy."
GM: "Yeah. I think so. And I'm giving the bugbears +1 to hit".
Barb PC: "Th-thanks Mom."

"OH. YOU'RE BUYING A NEW AXE. WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT TOME I BOUGHT YOU FOR YOUR FIFTH BIRTHDAY? YOU USED TO BE SUCH A SMART CHILD. ALWAYS READING YOUR GRIMOIRES. I WAS SO PROUD OF YOU BACK THEN.

I think I've hit a snag. The LichBag cannot be the PCs actual mother/father.

This thread, is fantastic, has anyone gone and archived it?

What if you turned Demi Lich skulls into Punching gloves?

The Top of the head is cut down to encompass the top of the hand, eyes and nose cavity cover most of the knuckles.

>>24433188
>hit guy
>40d6 desintegrate damage
>hit ANOTHER guy, he becomes a roach

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>>24435445
>Soul Trapping people within your mighty Fist

>>24435542
So monks are finally usefull after level 5?

>>24435549
>A monk's great destiny is to get a force for true evil to assist the side of good as a weapon to strike fear into imbalance and chaos.

So, the final pilgrimage is to get Demi-Lich Punching gloves to take on the big bad.

Sounds awesome.

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>>24435564
Yep.
but only if he yells a word up to 4 leters long constantly while doing so.

>>24435597
You. I like you.

>>24415197
Did this guy just described Skrillex concert ?

>>24436171
yes?
read the thread, there is a CEG bard party that's a skrillex concert.

>>24415228
my most recent pc died by being throttled to death by his bag.
long story short - my DM had given all the items in the game personalities.
after having gotten solid drunk, high and all g'd up on arcane scrolls and enchanted gems (which i later got told worked much like stimulants and downers once 'consumed' by the bag upon being made inventory) it made the brash and hot-blooded decision to strangle me in my slumber.
i had decided against putting footwear inside my bag only 3 days prior.
my bag - unable to talk due to a brozen zipper - i named Baggins. And Baggins had a foot fetish. and would molest my poor pairs of boots. my boots blamed me for the state of affairs and hated me for allowing such conduct to continue.
so i did the responsible thing and went to buy another bag... turns out Baggins was emotionally unstable ever since his old owner hand sown stitches and patchwork into his hide. turns out that shit hurts a sentient bag.
“luckily for you” my DM said, “the bag straps had an inner lining that was made out of a metallic colored suede. when your characters body was found it was noted that his necks skin was exceptionally soft. smoothed to pure blissful comfort while having his life and breath crushed from his body and wind pipe.
just remember,” he whispered with a tooth-bared grin
“there’s always a silver lining.”

>>24415292

So a Flesh light/magic staff combo?

It's been archived, for the glory of /tg/

>>24415927
I always thought the girl mummy in that was really hot, and it made me confused because she was dead.

Is lich pronounced 'lick', to rhyme with stick, 'like', to rhyme with bike, or 'litch', to rhyme with ditch?

>>24436843
/tg/

>>24437607
ligcht (throat grinding german style)
ditch litch
or even like except it is lich (because instead of k like a symbol, its a long exhalation of air kchhhh)

>>24437607
>'litch', to rhyme with ditch

we had a lich in our party a long time ago. it would kidnap orphaned children, enchant them with delayed fireball attacks, and then send them running back into the cities suicide bomber style. It was terrible but more than a little funny.

See, if I were the DM I'd start accounting xp for the lich. And then in one or two levels, he'd pick up still spell. And then you die.

Until then he'd be a cheery sonuvabitch and help you whole heartedly, to give you that nice feeling of paranoia so justly deserved for this idea.

captcha: offering terape

I... I wat? I... think I left my coffee maker on. Bye.

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About that CEG lich bard adventuring party... I think it was DJ Phylactery

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>>24438351

>>24416580
>They're all into bears
Fucking gay furries.

>>24416622
>bearforce1
Oh holy shit, what have you led me to discover?

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>>24438398

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>>24438443

>>24437532
Of course, now, you just recognize your necrophilia for what it is.

>>24438558
Completely normal and healthy?

>>24439052
Goooood, goooood

>>24439052
You know what? Sure. I can't actually thinkg of any issue with wanting to fuck a mummy chick.

Other than the CURSE.

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>>24439535
A CURSE?!?!

>>24439535
Just make sure you have no slabs on you and you should be fine.
Her uterus is long dried, possibly removed, so don't worry about condoms.

>>24439763
That's right! A SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKY curse!

This is the best thread ever

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>>24439763
Or a blesssssssssssing?

>>24415450
YES, YES, I KNOW YOU DIDN'T MAKE YOURSELF IMMORTAL JUST TO RESIDE INSIDE OF ANOTHER LICH.

NOW SHUT UP AND GET IN THE FUCKING BAG!

>>24425661
I once had a Paladin who's Mother was a Good Lich. Had been a Cleric in life, became a Lich to continue working for her God.
He was raised by her, she turned herself when he was about 5.
Fun character.

>>24438411
Bear is a term for big fat harry guys

We need a drawfag for this thread epicness.

Can we have a list of all the mosntrousities produced?

>>24442353
Sounds furry to me.

>>24442323
>raised by her
>until age 5
seriously dude? i dont remember shit from when i was 5, certainly not what my parents were like at the time

>>24443094
Oh no, she kept raising him after that
She just turned herself when he was 5

>an adventuring party comprised of 4 lich's
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h03QBNVwX8Q

This reminds me of /co/'s "Iron Mom"

>>24442873
LichBags - either forced into their position or went willingly for easy Knowledge access via epic adventures, come in mother flavor, Nefarious evil flavor, or Hates your guts flavor but then warms up to you flavor.

Evolves into Lich Sports bag if Phylacteries are consumed.

Lich Staffs, Most likely forced into their position, will cast spells from it's own spellset for you if you so wish, enhance you with various buffs, and other wise keep you company or just act as a staff would.

CAPTAIN LICH

Demi-Lich Gauntlets/Punching Gloves for Monks who wish to be useful so both parties can reach the root they so seek through enlightened kick-assery.

Beholder Flails, Capable of screeching high pitched noises, and Firing multi-lazers complete with the fabled sounds of wubbeth itself, Beholder Staffs, which more or less perform the same effect, but are staffs so vocals are required, Maces which also do the same thing when they bash in a skull, also extra thorny and Spikey, and the dreaded Beholder Ballsack Curse, and the Beholder Bagpipe.

>>24443094
>Doesn't remember anything from 4 or 5


You must be joking.

It's 1-3 you never remember.

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>>24415179
>I'd love to carry around a pissed off member of the undead who can help me cast shittones of spells with ease, who talks to me from time to time and keeps me company.
sounds familiar...

>>24443122
I can just imagine them being 4 eternal cosmic jokers, Hiding in wardrobes and such
>HA, I GOT YOU FOOLISH MORTAL, PERHAPS YOU SHOULD LEARN TO BE MORE PERCEPTIVE
Damnit Lich! Looks like i'll have to get my clothes from my other war-
>BOO, TRICKED AGAIN FLESHBAG, YOU ARE TRULY AN IDIOT OF MONUMENTAL PROPORTIONS

That or they piss all the villagers off every night by playing xylophone music with their ribs ever night

"Lich's, for the love of Pelor, will you know that racket off! it's 3am!"
>NO WE SHALL NOT
>WE ENJOY THIS MUSIC
>YES, GO BACK TO SLEEP FOOLISH MORTAL BEFORE WE END YOUR PATHETIC LIFE
>1, 2,1 2 3 4...

>>24443209
>You must be joking.
To be fair to him, I don't remember anything from before fourteen or so. And I'm only twenty-two.

>>24437871
oh god, my sides.

>>24415564
>One lich is chaotic evil

>other lich is lawful evil

STAB HIM IN THE FACE TIMMY!!

No no no, dear god my good man, no need for that. What you want to do is drop this scroll into your instructor's desk when no-one is looking, don't ask what it is, and then simply replace Timmy's powdered newt liver vial with this vial here before you start potionmaking 101 tomorrow. Don't ask how this vial got into your bag, that isn't important. There's a good lad.

>>24415927
Dat nostalgia......

>>24415927
Dat nostalgia......?.

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>>24437871

>>24445837
>>24445843
Fucking captcha how does it work

>>24441370
THIS
HOW HAS NOBODY POSTED THIS BEFORE

>>24418066
>>24418025
>>24418064
>>24417986
ERPers get out

>>24446199
Okay what the fuck, 4chan.
Why can I not post the picture I'm trying to post

>>24446255
autists first

>>24446255
Joke's on you, I've never even opened an ERP thread.

Besides, I just said that a decent chunk of /tg/ also hangs around on /d/, which is true from what I recall. Stop getting butthurt so easily.

>>24439535
It's not all that weird. The ancient Egyptians would insert metal rods into the dicks of mummies so that they could still enjoy sex in the afterlife.

>>24443209
>Hates your guts flavor but then warms up to you flavor
Tsundere lichbag. I-it's not like I kept this potion for you because I like you o-or something, baka.

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>>24450349
>ITS NOT LIKE I KEPT THIS POTION FOR YOU BECAUSE I LIKE YOU OR ANYTHING, S-STUPID MORTAL
i have no appropriate face for this glory, this will have to do

>>24415977
a Fish. Obviously.

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>>24450349
Stupid sexy tsundere fetish.