File: 1367670139350.png-(20 KB, 100x100, outrageous.png)

20 KB PNG

That wasn't a very serious campaign, was it?

I would agree with >>24621187, what you described was childish and immature and would have place in a serious gritty campaign like one of mine.
I suggest you talk to the GM and try and find a direction for the campaign, because currently there's nothing left for you.

>>24621187
>>24621287
no fun allowed

>>24621287
Well, you seem like a fun guy.

>>24621287
I really want to believe this is a joke, but /tg/ sometimes I just can't tell with you any more. I think we should start seeing other people.

I know I posted this shit before, but fuck it.
My players used an undead little girl possessed by a devil as an amulet of protection against animals. I allowed it. It was fun.

>>24621324

I'm glad I'm not the only one who has noticed the recent influx of people who abhor fun, jokingly or otherwise.

>>24621130
Obviously she was a Genie and that was a Wish spell.

>>24621501
Seems a bit of a waste to use wish when mount would have provided roughly the same effect.

Perhaps she was a sorceress only pretending to be a Genie.

>>24621130
Don't worry, OP. I got a smile out of your post.

>>24621385
These must be our summerfags. Alongside the amazing amounts of ignorance, they've grown bitter and cynical.

They're /v/irgins.

>>24621788
Agreed, there is hope left in /tg/

This seems like my kind of campaign.

So, what'd you reroll?

I can't quite match up to OP's level of surreal but we did once end up with a troll chasing our wizard around a pillar for a good 10 rounds before escaping with the aid of the benny hill theme.

>>24621800
actually they're ERP fans here from furnet

File: 1367676554145.jpg-(72 KB, 734x404, GLORIOUS!.jpg)

72 KB JPG

OP, ignore the haters. That shit was legit glorious. Word.

Nice one, OP. Got a chuckle out of me.

I don't understand why anybody is unhappy about this happening to OP, he was alright with it so there is no reason for you to be upset. Yes if this happened to me or I'm sure to many of you there would be reasons for concern. But it didn't, so stop worrying.

>>24621925
>>24621905
>>24621885
>>24621864
stop

>>24621940

I'm certain at least one of those wasn't a samefagging anon.

One of our players had to pretend she had a lesbian crush to explain why she was late at night on the captain's room while we were on her ship. Turns out 4 or 5 sessions later she discovered the captain was a assassin who put the curse she was trying to get rid of for years then

>>24621940
No, you stop. 2surrealist4u?

In my campaign that would never happen, only the edgiest of the edge is allowed, you better kill her and rape her so she's your slave in the afterlive and get favor from Asmodeus

My players somehow turned the entire countryside into a smoking ruin in an attempt to stop an undead invasion from the mines.
They are now followed by druid environmentalists, lawyers, undead, a town representative trying to sue them, and an angry jumping spider.

nice one. i laughed internally.

File: 1367677501740.jpg-(73 KB, 561x972, 1367280809646.jpg)

73 KB JPG

>>24621324
Don't be like that... You and /tg/ were made for each other.

>>24621880
Nah, ERPers have always been here. And the ERPers from furnet all go to /tg/chan.

It probably is /v/irgins.

>>24622115
so what do we do? troll everyone and let the emperor have mercy on us all?
oh wait- we do that anyways!

>>24622115
Damnit, didn't we have a thread just last week where a bunch of /v/irgins discovered the joy and awesomeness of /tg/ and swore themselves to our cause? We need another one of those or something.

File: 1367678746910.png-(43 KB, 329x246, 1347061894064.png)

43 KB PNG

>>24622130
We just continue being excellent.

>>24622130
>oh wait- we do that anyways!
Yeah but I thought our usual trolling was tongue-in-cheek and/or derailed into getting shit done?

>Be deep inside a twisting labyrinthine dungeon trying to escape a lurking horror while killing the demon lord which lives within
>Come upon an underground field with bushes and a giant tree
>Start investigating the room while DM passes secret notes to the party wizard
>He makes some rolls and then the DM tells him he runs to hug the tree shouting how much he loves it.
>The bushes start waving in erratic rhythms.
>Fighter moves to pull him away and the tree reaches down and swats him away into a bush. He comes flying out of a bush on the other end of the room.
>The party rogue tries to secure an escape route and finds an empty hollow with a little pool of dark murky water
>He sees a dark tunnel burrowed into the thick stone wall. The beast's roar echoes from within.
>Rising from the water is the corpuscular form of the demon. He NOPEs and turns back to find another route.
>We eventually firebomb the tree into submission and get the hell out of there just in time for a huge clusterfuck of encounters to start fighting each other.

It was a weird dungeon... in that same dungeon.
>You open the chest to find a small metal cube. It seems to be made of one solid piece of metal and has no discernible features.
>Wizard checks it for an aura and finds it has an aura of... Happy.
>We turn around to find another metal cube on the ground. This one is mad.
>Everytime someone turns around there are more angry metal cubes. They never serve any purpose for the entire dungeon.
>Apparently the resident hermit artificer, discovered earlier that lived in the labyrinth, made them because he got lonely.
>No one is amused by the companion cubes

>>24622147
well Omegon my brother.... you thought WRONG!

>>24621940
I had a combat recently that could only be described as "Dwarven Whack-A-Mole", I haven't laughed that hard in ages

File: 1367681004395.jpg-(25 KB, 340x312, 1340471012488.jpg)

25 KB JPG

>>24622148
that sounds awesome

>>24621287
>I only play mature RPGs for mature roleplayers such as myself

>>24621298
>>24621314
>>24621385
I have fun because I am a well rounded critic of creative drama. Just because the only things you like are slap-happy childish jokes does not make my fun less legitimate.
>>24621973
>>24622737
If you respond to maturity with mockery you are never going to grow up. And Peter Pan's life wouldn't be so great if he was a fat, greasy, fedora wearing manchild like you intend to become. Also you won't be able to fly.

>Find sky island
>Diva wizard talking to us about different magics
>As he is talking to us, notice a sky whale
> Immediately bolt. jump off the edge of the island
>Roll gloriously and manage to land on skywhale
>Party comes around with sky ship, swinging below the whale and wrapping around it, creating a lasso
>Party lands on whale
>We play modest mouse songs for a week straight whilst flying into the sunset to bond the whale to us
>Come back to island
>Diva still talking

>>24623707
you seem to be the one hating fun, not other people. silly jokes are allowed in role playing man, they dont all have to be grimderp and serious.

>>24623707

Why don't we all agree that people like different things?

>>24623707
if you can't take a bit of mockery you are a bitter human being that does not enjoy life anymore, you might have enjoyed it once, but no more.
now you are edgy

>>24623761

I don't know, I prefer more serious games. But then I don't give a shit what you play, and I'm not that asshole up above shitting up the thread w/ my "nofunallowed.jpeg".

To each their own.

>>24621130
>Chasing the BBEG for what is prsumed to be the final battle
>End up outside the universe
>BBEG manages to destroy universe before we can defeat them
>Dies laughing
>We sit around in empty space for a while
>Drive my bus-stop-mace into the ground to call for a bus to get us out of here
>Rip a hole in empty space
>Accidentally created a new universe
>Become the pantheon
>Two characters decide to explore universe
>Land on a planet with primitive life
>Teach them about universe and shit
>One of them buries themselves along with the technology behind gunpowder, their specialty
>The other is a plant-person who advances into their final stage of life and becomes Yggdrasil

>Next campaign takes place in that universe, 500 years later

>>24623761
If you really desire that and your group actually manages to have fun, then I guess keep doing that. It's just more efficient and rewarding to just watch a cartoon if that's actually what you enjoy.
>>24623776
A wise decision, as it is very true.

>Running for mayor in dwarven city
>make meeting with mayor
>Go into his office with a large magic bomb on a fuse
>Start fuse, it will go off in around 30 minutes
>Have to do goofy business proposals for 30 minutes
>Eventually tell him magic exists (this is a spell scarred campaign, PC's only had magic)
>He asks me if I can heal his daughter who has cancer
>Agree
>She comes in, I strap her down to a table, cover her mouth, etc.
>Tell the mayor it could be painful for her
>Proceed anyway, I cast light on my hands, lean in and whisper "I have planted a bomb in this office, you and your father are both going to die."
>She starts screaming, father tries to comfort her
>Tell him she needs her father's blessing, and I step out
>As he is giving a tearful admission to his emotional unavailability when she was a child, the bomb goes off
>Walking away, light a cigarette as the hallway fills with fire and guards rush to the scene
>Use his death as a means to unite the people against an imaginary terrorist organization, become mayor

>>24623822
That is win, on several levels

>>24623783
Please learn what a shift key is. Your post makes you look uneducated.
Please look up "edgy" in a dictionary. You have a serious misconception as to it's meaning.
Please don't make judgements of a person based on 2 or 3 sentences. Because it makes you look like a raving lunatic.

File: 1367689024842.gif-(1.43 MB, 323x211, rad2.gif)

1.43 MB GIF

>>24623850

File: 1367689217808.jpg-(157 KB, 515x417, Wario.jpg)

157 KB JPG

>>24623707
> rar rar you're all immature uncultured grognards.
> i'm really a 15-year-old who thinks liking edgy things makes me look grown-up
> I hate it when people have fun

You're either a troll or hopeless.

>>24623896
dude, you need to get over yourself. Have some lighthearted fun, man. It seems that you consider all who embrace lightheartedness to be childish idiots.

>>24623822
>Next campaign, essentially a race to the heart of Yggdrasil to stop a cataclysmic doomsday weapon from going off
>This time, we win
>Gods invite us to join them in godhood
>All of our characters last game were pretty much slackers, gods haven't gotten any better
>Some of us say "sure", some of us have things better than immortality back home
>Someone ends up as a tree on the moon

1) never and i am pretty uneducated
2) i don't really care about the meaning of edgy i just wanted to say it because it makes me feel like i belong here (so ronery *snif*)
3) niether should you

>>24623976
meant to reply to
>>24623896

i feel so silly

>>24623949
I find it interesting that the only way you can interact is by trying to put words in my mouth. If you want to insult somebody who meets those parameters go find them and have at it; but don't pretend I said any of those things just so you can pretend you're better than me.

>>24623970
>Next campaign, a while later, beginnings of space age
>My character worships the moon tree
>Near the end of the game, we accidentally blow up the moon tree
>I flip out
>We accidentally flood the planet
>Turn the ship into a fortress of solitude at the bottom of the sea

>>24621130
your GM is awesome and that was awesome

>>24623969
I wasn't the maturematuremature anon. I was just shocked at that post.

>>24623822
That sounds fantastic.

>>24623984
>>24623976
>>24623783
Are you okay?

>>24624015
pretty okay

>>24624008
shit man was my post so bad it shocked you?
i need to go rethink my life

>>24624046
Are you sure? Cause you kinda seem like you're coming off some sort of medication.

File: 1367690039744.gif-(51 KB, 520x390, Viking of Dissaproval.gif)

51 KB GIF

>>24623993
Well, forgetting for the moment that I AM better than you in every conceivable way...

You're coming to a 4chan board for what seems to be no other reason than to just look down your nose at all the "manchildren" and then sitting up on your pedestal when they tell you stow the "lolimsomature" shtick in a light-hearted manner. Not sure if you really get it anon.

>>24624059
I dunno about your life, but your English language skills...

File: 1367690090043.jpg-(79 KB, 600x586, 1367602749930.jpg)

79 KB JPG

>>24623993
>hurfadurf i made retarded post
>people don't like retarded post
>i now foreverial RECTAL RAVAGED

>>24624082
well i do take some medication, but thats hardly related. trust me
and i'm feeling pretty well so uh... i dunno maybe i should sound less crazy? is that it?

File: 1367690227808.jpg-(331 KB, 800x500, come-at-me-bro.jpg)

331 KB JPG

>>24624098

>>24624108
my english is fine, i mean you know what i was trying to say right?
right?

>playing online
>standard "you're in the woods, wolves attack" encounter
>GM mislabels one wolf token "Wofl"
>wofl rolls several crits, we miss every attack against it
>TPK
>we give wofls their own stat block and use them in later games

>>24624130
Naw, crazy is par for the 4chan course, you got me there. Just... I dunno man, capitalize a letter or something.

>>24624147
Very well! Have at thee, then foul beast!

Though so not to derail this post further, OP your story is pretty great.

>>24624111
>implying
>implying
>implying

faggot

>>24624178
likE this??
I'm sorry I usually skip capitals and stuff because it slows everything down, I'm not the fastest out there you know.

>Wander into town
>Man having an argument with a tree
>Continue about our business
>Eventually man suplexes the entire tree
>Tree presses charges, trial against him commences

>>24624215
Haha, I was actually already laughing to myself 'cause I was expecting a whole post LiKe THis.
Fo' real tho, gotsta practice that shift key son. Shit's professional. But yeah, it's kind of a bog if your hands aren't doing it real fast.

File: 1367691159922.jpg-(40 KB, 467x349, 1361837417922.jpg)

40 KB JPG

>Most of party is away/busy, decide to run a brief plot-free combat encounter
>Party is low-levelled and mostly new to D&D, put them up against a Sea Hag
>Decide, for shits and giggles, that she's an insane 1950s movie starlet
>During combat, constantly invites party members to try the canapees, compliments them on their clothing
>Tries to 'waltz' with party Barbarian while clawing the shit out of him
>Screams "I'd like to thank the academy", right before dying
>Entire party has no idea how to respond to this, pic related

File: 1367691171638.jpg-(116 KB, 600x1000, ff6-sabin-rene-figaro1.jpg)

116 KB JPG

>>24624331
See, I'd like to imagining an ent getting owned by pic related.
But instead all i can think of is a dirty homeless man and a potted plant

>>24624335
Very well then, I shall use the shift way more often from now on, trust me.

>>24624392
This amuses me.

>>Players enter town with unfriendly atmosphere
>>Bread in town is cursed by a necromancer disguised as the mayor
>>Players narrowly avoid being cursed
>>They pretend to be cultists who worship bread and milk as gifts from the sun and moon.
>>Use their bread expertise to gain audience with the mayor

>>BREAD FOR THE BREAD GOD
>>TOAST AND BE TOASTED
>>RISE AND BE RISEN

>>This becomes a recurring plan in the campaign to gain access to restricted areas
>>"We are but priests on a pilgrimage!"

>>24624392
Shit, and I thought making the entire party participate in a dance musical to solve a puzzle (which I modified when they thought it was that rather than the simple thing I had planned) was crazy.

I bow to your skills.

>>24624397
It might be partially my running refusal to sleep; but you really made me happy. Good to know you anon.

>>24624435
>TOAST AND BE TOASTED
>RISE AND BE RISEN
That's actually pretty great

>>24624411
>>24624466

They're currently dealing with a crew of pirates all of whom are themed after gunslingers from John Wu and Ennio Morricone films.

After that, it's a pirate crew made up of delinquent student illusionists, themed after Daft Punk.

The campaign can be best described as a mix of One Piece and STALKER.

File: 1367691868166.jpg-(226 KB, 1920x1080, large the thing blu-rayx2.jpg)

226 KB JPG

>One of the characters is a nice rogue
>Dependable, skillful, honest, and kind
>Overtime notice, that ever so slightly, her features change bit by bit
>Nose looks a little different, or her ears are a bit lower, or she's a little shorter, etc...
>As well, every once in awhile she partakes in the ale and whores
>Eventually the ranger gets suspicious, looks into it
>Later on the two rejoin us, the ranger mad as hell and shouting up a storm, the rogue pleading and hanging onto his clothes and crying about his treatment
>Ranger tells us about all this shit he saw, and how she's a monster
>She pleads with us not to listen to him, it's not true
>Pissed off, the ranger goes to hit her in the head
>Her head splits open to a gaping maw, the ranger loses a hand
>Pic related happens

She started to look like the ranger after.

>>24624552
>not killing it
What the fuck party are you running over there?

>>24624588

The thing is, she's a really good rogue. Most of us are willing to overlook the fact that every so often she consumed people.

Also she doesn't seem like a bad "person", though it could very well be a big lie.

File: 1367692245696.png-(198 KB, 500x360, Saruman the Green.png)

198 KB PNG

>>24624202

>>24624612
>eats people
>not bad
What. Any Paladins, or Clerics should instantly fall for not smiting this thing. You don't make friends with Nyarlothtep!

>>24624476
Good to know you too anon...
Good to know you too.

>>24624394
>But instead all i can think of is a dirty homeless man and a potted plant
So your pic is still related, but with a different variety of plant?

>>24624627

Good thing we don't have any Paladins or Clerics in the group then, eh?

And anyway, it's not like we're about to bed her. We just let her travel with us and fit in with normal people, in exchange for her helping to stealth, lockpick, and trap check all out problems away.

So what if she has to absorb people to retain a normal appearance? I'm not beholden to the people she consumes, but on the day we're stuck on an abandoned island or trapped in a dungeon for months with no people for her to feed on, I know what to do.

>>24624627
If my current Pathfinder Elf Wizard dies, I'm rerolling as his son - an insane Half-Elf Mystic Theurge worshiper of either Azatoth or Nyarlathotep. So yes, you sometimes do.

>>24624720

Feed yourself to her so your friends may live?

>>24624720
So the party is evil, then?

>>24624731

No, kill her dum dum.

>>24624742

Most of us are good, we just turn a blind eye to that sort of thing.

When she donates much of her income/share to orphanages and temples, and goes out of her way to help people, who are we to judge if she offs some bar wench or tail-chasing drunkard? Some of us have much worse habits.

>>24624778
You could at the very least tell her to only eat evil assholes. Pedophiles and slavers and the sort, instead of innocent barmaids.

>>24624803

Sometimes a Good Rogue Thing gets a craving for something sweet.

>>24624803

Oh she doesn't kill the barmaids, just the wenches though even then that was largely in the past, now she mostly just sticks to drunk dudes that get all over her. More than one tried to force themselves on her, so...

>>24624803

Also I forgot to mention, I'm pretty sure the way it works is she takes on the characteristics/genetics of the people she consumes. To maintain a female appearance, she has to at least every once in awhile eat a woman. The prettier the better, assuming she wants to look attractive.

>>24624778
I'd pretty much impossible to knowingly let a man-eating monster eat men and still stay Good, just pointing that out.

>>24623756
Excellent

>>24623707
> well-rounded critic of creative drama

Oh lawdy, my sides. Someone please screencap this, and then pair that glorious phrase with the neckbeardiest of neckbeard pictures.

I'll be over here setting up my Kobolds Ate My Baby game for next week, prepping for some actual fun.

>>24624778
>Most of us are good, we just turn a blind eye to that sort of thing.
>"thing" in question being the fucking devouring of sentient life

Pretty sure there's only a strict set of circumstances in which one can still call oneself good while travelling with an eldritch horror that eats people, and it's not by "turning a blind eye to it."

>>24624910
Don't start this up again, the shitstorm already faded

>>24624973
>shitstorm

not that anon, but c'mon - one butthurt hipster does not a shitstorm make.

>>24624392
Post of the day, right here.

>>24623850
Badass.

File: 1367694418531.png-(331 KB, 1030x690, wellroundeddramahitler.png)

331 KB PNG

>>24624910
>>24624910

>>24624930

Ok then, we're not good. Neutral?

Not that I particularly care. The DM can send inquisitors and paladins after us all he wants, we'll just get further and further from the big cities. And those are the places where the most work need to be done, and could use our help.

>>24624990
The amount of people who started screaming at him kinda brought it into that territory.

>>24625042
Thats just a communal dunking. It's a team building exercise for the non-cancerous posters.

>>24625042
Screaming at people like >>24623707
solves nothing. You just have to do what a parent would; pat him on the head, tell him "That's nice", and return to reading the newspaper and smoking a pipe.

> Captcha: ordained asspric

File: 1367695187968.jpg-(380 KB, 700x1577, 1332362543358.jpg)

380 KB JPG

>>24624930
This guy's given me an idea for the campaign I'm about to run, though.

I was planning to have my party interact with a "rival" group of adventurers. Mostly light-hearted shenanigans like beating them to the treasure in a dungeon or occasionally taking a job for their enemy. The odd duel here and there.

But now I'm going to have it so these rivals seem to be a little bit...nervous upon the second or third encounter. Like they're on edge. Any PCs who make high spot checks will notice that the party leader keeps nervously glancing at the pretty, kind-hearted rogue before speaking or acting, as if confirming that he has her permission.

Then they'll notice that the rogue looks a little different every time they encounter the other group. And that shortly before/after they do, they hear about some pretty barmaid going missing. The rivals keep trying to pass things off as the usual friendly, low-stakes conflicts that they used to have, but something is different. Something is...wrong. Now when they make boasts like "you'll never stop us!" they are almost frantic, like they're pleading to be stopped.

When the PCs finally figure out the truth and confront their rivals, the rival will be defensive. Borderline hysterical. "No! She's...she's good," they'll insist, "She just...she just has appetites, you know, same as anyone else. Same as...things just...sometimes things just get out of hand, you know?"

And all the while The Thing is smiling sweetly in the background, pleased that her pets are so very, very good. But when combat starts...

File: 1367695254545.jpg-(1.73 MB, 2500x2000, shub niggurath.jpg)

1.73 MB JPG

>CoC
>Cult is holed up in a big old mansion out in the country
>Pretty spooky
>We sneak in just before dusk to look around, finally find a way in after about half an hour in-game
>Friend playing a high school teacher who's lost some sanity decides to go into the bathroom and stand in front of the mirror
>Says "Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary"
>Tomato juice pours over his head and something throws a stalk of celery at him

>Later we encounter pic
>First thing he does is throw the stick of celery at it.

lolz were had by all involved.

>>24625210

>I am a being of cosmic horror beyond the comprehension of humans, and you throw a piece of edible plant life at me?
"Yes."
>....why?
"Why not?"

Or at least I'm assuming that's what happened afterwards.

>>24625247
By the time we found Shub, he'd lost a very good chunk of his sanity. It went something like this

>Cult is now forming a circle in the woods and chanting.
>Party's sneaking up on them from the south and east.
>One person wants to wait to see what they're trying to do, the other one's got an M1 Garand aimed at what looks like the loudest of the bunch.
>Everyone else is watching and waiting
>Loudest of the bunch turns into Shub
>Teacher decides to run out of the woods and throw the celery at it
>M1 Garand goes off
>Combat

Pretty generic not-as-fun conclusion, but we were all cracking up from the celery gag. The guy who fired a shot wanted to get things back on track, I guess.

File: 1367696047424.jpg-(48 KB, 224x257, evennow.jpg)

48 KB JPG

>>24621802

>>24625315
In the mind-rending horror that is the Call of Cthulhu universe, only fibre can combat that Which-Man-Was-Not-Meant-To-Know.

>>24625196

If a rival party is able to figure out the truth, then she's not doing a very good job.

>>24624215
>>24624331
LOL that's what she said...
Sorry guys I gotta go rethink my life.

>>24625431
Shit, I meant to quote >>24624215 and >>24624335

>>24625196

Just so I have something to add to the conversation - I am thinking of doing this too but with two mini-bosses; really incompetent mercenaries that just happen to encounter the party at the end of things/adventure.
Third part of my campaign involves the characters being captured, and that's where I'll introduce; just as the party thinks they're safe and can leave, two men on horseback arrive, verbally insulting the adventurers, having a good laugh and just talking about sensitive information at the top of their lungs. They see the adventurers and assume they're guardsmen ready to take their horses. Just as they're about to enter the base, they stop, turn around and realize that the "guardsmen" are actually the adventurers. Fight ensures.
Ok - there's no "Things" but at least its like a semi-rival party. I've also got some music picked out for them.

File: 1367697048603.jpg-(30 KB, 527x417, EmmetBrown.jpg)

30 KB JPG

> Running Call of Cthulu in Wild West
> Players need a metal net to capture a monstrous beetle
> Go to blacksmith called "Brown's Smith"
> Place looks strange for a blacksmith's shop
> Entire entrance room is filled with various gadgets and gizmos of undefinable purpose
> Man walks out of back described as "An older man with crazy white hair and wild eyes"
> Rambles on at the slightest provocation but happily makes the net for a large fee
> Players come back from bank with money only to see the smith dragged out of his shop by a gang of bandits
> Bandits begin kicking him, leader (identified later as Rabid Hound Ted) yells to the town that he'll be back in the morning for 80 dollars from Brown since his horse shoed and he had to shoot the horse
> Bandits ride off and the players take brown inside to the barn to hide him from Ted and set a trap
> Inside there are no horses, just a large table with a sheet on it
> Party uncovers table, finds scale model of the town
> See strange metal carraige on the train tracks
> "Haha, is it a Del- wait, GOD DAMN IT!"

>>24625062
I konda get a nervous tic every time someone on /tg/ calls someone else cancer. I don't eant /tg/ to turn into /b/
I thought we were better than that.

>>24625196

How would she kill people?

File: 1367698374955.jpg-(266 KB, 900x1238, delitization forever tied(...).jpg)

266 KB JPG

>>24624111
>foreverial

I actually guffawed

File: 1367698530497.jpg-(167 KB, 1920x1080, 1353273300752.jpg)

167 KB JPG

>playing 4e
>be playing a real world with magic and fantasy races campaign
>make a goblin paladin cause why the fuck not?
>the party all get on a big ass viking/dwarf ship and sail towards a hidden island in the Atlantic between evish Denmark and halfling UK.
>suddenly, storm at an icy sea!
>suddenly, Sauhagin!
>and their juvenile white dragon chieftan!
>bloodandthunder.jpg.mp3
>we fight them off, and a few try to retreat to the sea
>not on my fucking watch
>full plated, dive into the turbulent sea with my holy lightning spear
>blow the swim check dc out of the water for 4 rolls in a row (had an extra high stat after rolls, droped it in int, put the points into armor check skills)
>critical strikes on retreating Sauhuagin
>subdue one
>swim back dragging grappled Sauhuagin
>other players still fighting the dragon, but the crew help me back on board
>dragging the prisoner
>I spear his arm to the deck
>one of the other players has been messing with his laptop during my rolls and smiling broadly
>Holy diver begins to play as I pull out my shortsword and begin to join the dragon fight

File: 1367698560111.jpg-(41 KB, 500x364, I Like It!.jpg)

41 KB JPG

>>24625597

File: 1367698640379.png-(28 KB, 1059x307, dwarven mayor bomb terrorist.png)

28 KB PNG

>>24623850
Saved.

File: 1367698660653.jpg-(186 KB, 700x875, 1275834770597.jpg)

186 KB JPG

>>24625693
In "normal" encounters, I'd say she fights like an ordinary, if highly capable rogue. Hiding in shadows, backstabbing, using ranged weapons.

During her hunts, she would start by being very clean and methodical. Pick a target based on something superficial...she likes the way the pretty barmaid looks. Or she always wanted to be a brunette. Or she wants to spend some downtime working as a flower girl for a change. After her party (the rivals) figure out what's going on, she would refocus her energies a bit, coming up with flimsy justifications for choosing her meals: "Oh, she's a bad person. She was stealing from the kindly old innkeeper!" "It's fine, she was part of that criminal syndicate [The PCs] are going after...and besides, I think I look good with freckles!" but as she becomes more bold...as the list of atrocities piles up and the rival NPC party falls more under her control, the justifications become flimsier ("Did you see how she was talking back to her father? Rude! I'd be a MUCH better daughter, don't you think?") and the killings more gruesome and "The Thing" esque ("You'll clean up after me, won't you guys? I'm glad I have such good friends!") Of course the PCs would probably see little of this until the later stages as the rival's sanity (and thoroughness) begin to slip. All the while The Thing is growing more confident. More brutal. Then maybe she starts to notice that one of the female PCs has SUCH pretty blue eyes.

When finally confronted, The Thing would first stick to her usual "cunning rogue" schtick, relying on her party to do most of the fighting while she strikes from the shadows...maybe using a tentacle instead of a crossbow, but still trying to seem mostly human. Until she starts to lose. Then she goes full Eldritch Horror.

Kinda like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGuL4ick3o0

All the while shrieking about how perfect things were, and how the evil, evil PCs JUST HAD TO GO AND RUIN EVERYTHING!

> Playing WoD
> Low-tier Hunters
> End up in the warehouse part of the city
> Driver-guy runs some old man over, swears the guy was just standing there and didn't even try to move
> We get out of the car to investigate while the driver goes to the trunk to get his gun
> Find no body, driver suddenly screams
> We go around to see what's happening, says the old man blinding him with light comming out of his mouth
> No old man, no body, dafuq driver?
> We find warehouse were our mark is hiding (were chasing a ravenous slasher)
> Enter warehouse, labyrinthine basement level
> Run into an evil cult inside who are celebrating the marriage of their leader with two girls
> Our bruiser interrupts to save the girls from being used in some evil ritual, mostly motivated by his dick
> Fight starts, suddenly three dudes show up to allow cult-leader to escape
> One dude shoots lighting, the other one uses wind, third one deafens us with thunderous voice
> We start fighting while our sneak goes after cult leader
> Cult leader appears to be an old man dressed in chinese robes, sneak tries to kill him, fails
> Old man begins to drink the blood of one of his wives, screams "I am flesh again!"
> Sneak tries to shoot him, kills the dude
> He explodes in green flames while rest of the party was fighting the three dudes
> One of the cultists yells "LO PAN IS DEAD!"
> our sneak shot Lo Pan
> Didn't have the reflexes

Our face was a knife-thrower. He should have been the one to face off with Lo Pan :/

>>24626246
Now your party needs to meet Jack Burton

>>24626043

That's pretty bold. The one in our game just quietly melded with people after taken them/being taken to a bedroom.

Actually using it in fights though, that would be 2spookem.

>>24624108
>complains about grammar
>dunno
>comma for no reason
>ellipsis for no reason

what I think you would have liked to type there is:
>I don't know about your life but your English skills are atrocious*.

*or any other word that fits with the implied meaning of your statement.

>>24626491

He was emulating trailing off of a sentence as if he was speaking it.
At least I assume he was; I'm not too worried about spelling atm as I'm tired.

>>24626043
Shit. That's... That's pretty hardcore, actually.

>>24622138
/tg/ has those threads often enough, but the influx of people happens to grow masively over the summer and then they don't post as often once classes start back up.

File: 1367701245386.jpg-(359 KB, 959x1350, 1188742681496.jpg)

359 KB JPG

>>24626334
Yeah, I'd have to crank up her boldness, since it would be a bunch of NPCs dealing with her rather than the PCs. If she's too subtle the PCs would never catch on.

Hell maybe I could have the parties spend time with one another...maybe even make friends. The other members of the Rival team are kinda jerks, but she's sweet and meek and gets along with everyone - maybe she returns some of the loot that her friends stole from the PCs, or tips them off about a new quest hook by way of apology.

God forbid one of the PCs tries to bed her though. If I really wanted to be an asshole DM, I could do things like yours does. Have them fade to black and continue playing their character as normal (save that they don't see the pretty rogue anymore) but as they start to go deeper into investigating the "mysterious dissaperances" that seem to crop up in their wake, I could pass the lecherous PC a note saying "Remember the Rogue you bedded a few sessions ago? She was The Thing. Your actual character was devoured and you've been playing "her" ever since. You're behind those killings."

It's too bad my group sucks at playing along with those kinds of things. That would be a fun twist. Ah well, thanks for the inspiration bro.

>>24626801

That'd be pretty neat, if every once in awhile they crossed paths, and had to work together to solve a problem. It's a neat idea, if the opposite party has some pretty distinct features. Like a bold orc shaman, a dancing bard, the noble fighter, etc... and then just the quiet, kindly, pretty rogue. Would stand out in her average-ness when surrounded by the others. Might even be more interesting if her own party didn't know or realize the truth but the player character party does.

As an aside though, the one in our game didn't take people's places or forms. She just absorbed them to retain her current one. She was always the same person, just changed a little bit each time.

>>24621130
I'd be good with that too.

>>24626801

If it's based on consuming genetics, then she wouldn't actually need to consume the party member. The act of bedding one of them, if it's a dude, would give her what she needed.

Basically she could start looking like the party member, without actually having to kill them off. There shouldn't ever be a situation where it's just "Oh the character died.", because clearly in a situation like this the character would defend themselves, and would fare better than some barmaid or drunk guy as well.

>>24626873
>>24627002
I like it! This would give me time to build a rapport with the other team without the PCs suspecting anything. If the rogue looked VERY different each time they met, that would be pretty obvious. If I wanted to be subtle, I could just describe her and change a character trait in little ways each time: "The rogue smiles at you and flutters her big brown eyes." and then later. "She apologizes for her friends' rude behavior. You almost see tears brimming in her blue eyes." But again, my PCs are a thick lot, so maybe they'd not catch on or assume I just forgot.

>>24627100
Do something more obvious than eyes, like hair. Or take notices of her height varying rather wildly.

>>24627100
If all else fails, have them roll Int and spell it out.

ITT: we work out the logistics of Alex Mercer as an NPC

File: 1367705393496.jpg-(235 KB, 617x828, 1243638441034.jpg)

235 KB JPG

>>24627607
Which begs the question: How powerful should she be (threatening side encounter or BBEG level) and what are her motivations?

Is she an amoral creature of unfathomable hunger who simply pretends at being sweet and human to better secure her next meal? Is she vain, manipulative and selfish, consuming select targets to push herself towards some obscene form of aesthetic perfection (like Sander Cohen from Bioshock) and only starts pretending to target "bad" people to keep her party loyal? Or is she legitimately TRYING HER BEST to be good and human, with a perception of goodness and humanity filtered through her unfathomable otherness? Maybe she even REALLY LOVES the people that she devours, having access to their lives and memories and genetics, giving her an understanding of them that none of their friends and loved ones ever could have.

In short: Tragic abomination, horrifying lovecraftian beast, or sociopathic manipulator?

>>24627834

The one in our game was just trying to have a normal life, and if she didn't have to consume people, she wouldn't.

Had the misfortune of being born the race that she was, and tried to make up for it however she could.

>>24627834
>Or is she legitimately TRYING HER BEST to be good and human, with a perception of goodness and humanity filtered through her unfathomable otherness? Maybe she even REALLY LOVES the people that she devours, having access to their lives and memories and genetics, giving her an understanding of them that none of their friends and loved ones ever could have.
I think a mix of those two could be cool. Maybe, in the beginning, it was in it for the food, but as it kept up her act (and adopted a human guise), it started to have those pesky feelings. Since then, it (although it prefers "she") tries to at least better the lives of her victims relatives beforegoing away.

>>24627834
Tragic abomination, all the way.

>>24621130
>ITT unexpected weird shit in your campaigns
>unexpected weird shit
>shit
ok i have a story:
We were fighting a 90 meter tall 6 armed 3 headed golem, he was half organic and half rock and controlled a regenerating mudmen army. The two tanks (paladin tiefling and warrior dragonborn) were holding them back while the rogue was climbing through his digestive system(like the hamster from south park climbed inside mr slave) and the mage was trying to cut an opening in his neck. Being the squishy wizard that i was, i moved away and hid under the golem. He shat a jet of black goo, i was covered head to toes, and it made it easier for me to hide from the mudmen.

>>24623822
Now that, that is the best why to completly ruin your BBEG plan you all just went and created a new universe with the good the bad and the yggdrasil

Godd show anon good show

File: 1367706785402.jpg-(18 KB, 350x504, Lyekka.jpg)

18 KB JPG

First, kudos tg, on rising above the taint of Mr Wrongfun here.
>>24621287

Now, to contribute: I never had anything on OP's level because we tended to run more serious games. But my first real D&D campaign had a reoccuring stable boy that was in every damn town. Hillariously and inapproprately sarcastic. Basically the DM's dumping ground for humor. It devastated immersion but was funny as hell.

>>24624552
Pic related? Lyekka was actually a very sweet and endearing carnivore. She really worked hard to fight hunger and not eat her friends. Quite the hero at times too.

>>24624175
Are they bigger and meaner looking than normal wolves? Or are they a more insidious lot that blend in prefectly with normal wolves that helpless PCs cant determine if its a oh just a small encounter or a OH GOD WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE encounter?
I think it should be the second would make add tension to wolf pack encounters by making them paranoid about it

>>24627834
>>24627990

play up the tragic abomination: she is turning into the people she eats.

permanently

The longer she goes between eating, the more she turns into her last meal. So, she was an eldritch abomination horror, but she has to keep eating and killing, or she'll lose all sense of her self--which, you know, is the only thing that keeps the drive to save people going.

Or is it that she'll forget herself, turn into the barmaid, and then just murder and eat people when she blacks out?

Or, all the people she's eaten start clamboring in her head and driving her insane?

>>24628292
>Or, all the people she's eaten start clamboring in her head and driving her insane?
the outer limits, season 3, episode 2

>>24624552
She coughed the rangers hand back up later right?
Would be rude to just go and nom on a party members hand espically when most rangers need two hands to use a bow.

As for the not killing her bit, eh kinda hard to say if it would be ok or not, is she nice in that she wont take much loot, not eat all the supplies or the other party members?
If she was I suppose it would be ok so long as she consumed bad people...

My God I'm defending some eldritch abomination based off of that blacklight virus /tg/ what have you done to me!

>>24624893
really?

because good parties produce BIG PILES Of criminal corpses.

it's a goddamn necessity to have at least one party member who is either a hungry hungry cannibal or a meistro of gravedigging.

>>24628339

>coughed the hand back up?

No. Imaging sticking your hand into a blender, and trying to get it back after.

File: 1367709805577.png-(127 KB, 599x533, 1343805098000.png)

127 KB PNG

That IS a happy ending!

>>24628292

>Or is it that she'll forget herself, turn into the barmaid, and then just murder and eat people when she blacks out?

Now this one is the most horrifying, because it's more like the real "The Thing" where the person doesn't know they're a monster. It just happens in some situation (like being hit, or during sex), and the person was completely unaware otherwise.

Either they just have no memory of the event and continue as usual, or they realize what they are, and have to try and cope.

>>24628966
Oh damn, That would suck.

Did he at least get a replacement something a little more functional than just a hook or something?

>>24629026

No, but he turned all badass afterwards. Switched to one-handed weapons and got even better than before.

>>24629052
Neat, did you guys finish your campaign or are you all still out doing good, raiding tombs, and slaying BBEG?

>>24629188

Still doing it, fun as hell. We've having to veer from civil society though because there keeps coming paladins or inquisitors after us, for various reasons. I think we're probably just going to country hop to the next one over and relocate.

File: 1367711261544.jpg-(26 KB, 421x550, 231415.jpg)

26 KB JPG

>play WoW 3.5 splatbook
>be night elf scout
>fellow players are night elf shaman, goblin tinkerer
>tinkerer @ lvl 1 can only make molotov cocktails
> needs to roll 50 or higher or molotov doesn't catch fire

>dungeon time!
>attacked by ghoul with strange necklace
>be up front, toe to toe with ghoul, getting necrotic damage rape
>tinkerer lobs molotov
>rolls 32 on percentile
>lobs another
>12 on percentile
>one more
>48 on percentile
>oil everywhere
>keep fighting
>nat 1
>DM rules that because of all the oil, my sword slips from my grasp.
>oh shit.
>ghoul nat 1s too
>slips in oil
>nat 1 acrobatics check, knocked unconscious
>draw dagger
>attack ghoul
>tinkerer's player points out it's a coup de gras
>max damage roll
>ghoul dead.
>almost at lvl 2 first session

>feel pretty confident
>kicked to death by undead horse in next room.

File: 1367711618604.jpg-(20 KB, 251x239, whynot.jpg)

20 KB JPG

>>24629253
Cool.
Is the church that is sending the inquisters and paladins after you some kind of big organization or small time thing?
I'm curious for two reasons; one is if its the big organization that has roots in the monarchy they could insist upon a holy crusade against your party and whatever country you all move to unless they happen to be the same religion in which case I think you would have to move unto a new country to get away from the authorities.

Course if that does happen could be cool as you could potentially start a world wide war as the church continues to follow after you trespassing other countries that are more or less unfriendly with the religion in question prompting them to go to war as well to fight the encouraging foreigners and heretics!

Could have it that as the big war progresses with the church states continuing the war not for purging your friendly neighborhood abomination but for land grabbing from the dirty heretics and promoting the one true faith to the people.

Then have your party be contacted by the other religion call them Lorchas or something, to do assassinations of big targets of the church, could even have the rouge earn an ability to transform into an exact duplicate of the consumed for an hour (one use only) to gain documents detailing troop movements and supply trains.

As for the second reason; meh I have no friends to play a game with or much of a social life to go to so I am using /tg/ to live vicariously through

>>24629511

It's more like the monarchy and the church help to maintain the laws, and since we've broken a few they're sending people to assess our situation. It's less religion and more crime oriented, though I don't think they'd appreciate some of the party's religious preferences.

File: 1367713545493.jpg-(227 KB, 600x596, 1242862884082.jpg)

227 KB JPG

>>24629015
I did a little writefagging:

One of the things Danika taught me is how to navigate the backroads of this town. She learned the secret passages and hidden cul de sacs through bitter experience, running messages for the local gangs. It was her part time job, something to do after work for a bit of extra coin. A barmaid could escape the town watch's notice in ways that the more infamous gangers couldn't. It wasn't her full time job, but it was enough to earn the money for her mother's treatment: Pelor's faithful can cure disease with a touch - or with the contents of a bottle - but the Gods' favors didn't come cheap. For a peasant girl's family, sickness can kill, and the cure can seem as unattainable as a dragon's hoard.

I have the cure in my pouch now. I'm running through these backroads towards my - no, Danika's home. One last stop before I leave town. They've come for me again. The crew of adventurers; the Paladin and the Wizard, and the Druid that I thought I could have formed a real connection with. They killed my friends when they found out what I was. They called me an abomination. They said I murdered the last girl, the one whose name I wore like my own, but am already starting to forget. My name is Danika now. It has been since I consumed her to hide from them. When I embraced her flesh into my own I took her memories too; her love for the busboy that works late at the bar, her fear of spiders, her duty towards her sick mother that led her to flaunt the law. In the months that I wore her skin, I finished the work she began. I saved up the money for mother's cure. It's my kindness to honor the memory of the woman I've become.

File: 1367713914324.jpg-(252 KB, 620x453, 1330463207363.jpg)

252 KB JPG

>>24630117
I come to the end of the alleyway and there's my - Danika's - house. They're already there, waiting for me. The Paladin is consoling my mother, telling her that I - Danika - is dead. That I - the monster - consumed me and has been pretending to be me. Mother is crying. I stare in silence for a long time.

I hate them. I HATE them! They ruined everything again! I could have been happy here, and mother would never have known. I've gotten better at being the people I embrace into myself. The tics and mannerisms from the others stop bleeding through. I could have actually had a life - a real life. I could have been a person!

I feel my skin peeling away as my anger rises. My tendrils burst out from ripping flesh. My teeth sharpen. My eyes narrow into insectile slits. I want to do what I did last time - when I killed the Fighter from their damned party. I want to let the monster out and destroy everything. Maybe then they'll just leave me alone!

But Mother would be hurt if I did that. I can't let mother be hurt. So I pull the monster back and wrap myself in Danika again and do my best to grow calm. Instead I sneak up to my - her - doorstep - I'm very quiet, and nobody can see me if I don't want them to - and leave the cure and the note - the one apologizing and explaining that Danika lives on within me, that she isn't lonely, that she is surrounded by a legion of loving sisters - at the door. And then, using Danika's knowledge of the city's backroads, which she so graciously taught me, I leave.

The next town awaits a day's journey away. A new identity. A second chance. Maybe this time I'll get it right. I'm trying. I'm trying so hard to be good. Why won't they let me?

Hope you riked it.

>>24630117
Nice writefagging anon Rouge could use that as a potential end to her adventures when she wants to roll a new character

>>24630233
Or not, fuck why are there feels in here! Its just a one shot for a murderhobo that is actually trying to not be a murder hobo

>>24630233

>a legion of loving sisters

3spooky5me

File: 1367714413755.jpg-(89 KB, 400x400, You like sugar products.jpg)

89 KB JPG

>>24622148
hah

File: 1367714643473.jpg-(31 KB, 500x250, THIS IS BURGER KING.jpg)

31 KB JPG

>>24623761
Personally I like serious campaigns with serious characters in a increasingly whacky world. Like a thief in pathfinder who has to bluff his way past a guard so he convinces him he's actually a sexy maiden and ends up enthralling the guard and can't shake him.

>>24630117
>>24630233

moar moar plox

>First time playing WoD
>Be a Toreador vampire saxophone player with a penchant for Desert Eagles
>Friend is wander hobo Gangrel vampire
>Our first meeting is me riding a stolen bicycle through an alley in Chicago
>I accidentally hit him
>His response is to use some form of call animal (its been about 3 years, so I don't recall the specifics) to call pigeons
>Rolls max on every die
>He stands up, flaps his arms like wings, standing on one foot, and makes a pigeon coo
>Suddenly the sky is dark with pigeons
>I proceed to nope the fuck out of there

That was pretty much a one off thing that never went anywhere, but jesus, that shit was memorable.

>Playing game
>Party runs into annoying druid and her pet
>One PC accidentally kills Druid's pet.
>Lawyer appears out of nowhere
>Civil Suit dropped down on PC
>Awkward pause from everyone
>"OBJECTION!"
>PC plays defensive lawyer
>DM comes up with Judge and Lawyer

>>24624990

>hipster

Lrn 2 social terminology

>>24641211

"Butthurt faggot" would have worked better. Even hipster was too lofty a title for that anon.


Also, creepy-noble devourling will now be added into my campaign. I love that flavor and my players could do with a bit of tragedy.

>>24623999

I had a Mage: The Ascension game that ended with the players stealing magic. ALL of magic. They used it to fly a fortress into a new dimension, and started the world anew.

>>24621130

> D&D 3.5
> I'm the bard.
> Chased by an angry mob, after saving a girl - accused as a witch - from the gallows.
> Rest of the party is getting drunk.
> I push the girl behind me, and draw my +2 Rapier.
> "DON'T MAKE ME USE THIS!"
> Crowd, most of whom aren't really armed, hesitates.
> Old lady walks by.
> "Knives, knives, get your good sharp knives here~"
> Start running again, and never look back.
> Chased by a knife-wielding mob.

>>24643253
Based Ong Bak.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=olWR-BgWn3Y

>>24643402

Things we've had in our campaigns, otherwise quite serious:

> A young, quite retarded, dragon. It followed us in a dungeon.
> "Heeeeeeeey, whatcha guys dooooing?!"
> Finally left when I intimidated him, after crawling through an Ettin corpse which blocked the other door from the room.

> A frog.
> It's not evil.
> But it's everywhere.
> Anywhere we go, there's that same fucking frog, no matter how many times we slaughter it.

> See two people fighting each other
> A holy paladin and some necromancer
> Fighter instincts go!
> Run up to necromancer, proceed to critical a power attack + holy smite.
> One-shot her

Turned out she was good, though. So the DM ruled she had some kind of link to one of her minions, sending its guts flying all over the place.

> One-shot dungeon, which included the following
> Nazi zombies
> A giant turtle
> A very, very philosophical Death
> One of my old characters, who was supposed to be dead
> The Necrocomicon
> Winnie the Pooh as a PC.
> This one-shot was in no way serious, as you might have guessed.

>Homebrew
>First fight, underleveled, against a group of artificial soldiers
>"Oh, you'll be fine"
>Lose arm
>Shit
>Cauterise would with flaming torch
>Pass out
>Random dream event
>Visited in fever dream by dark God
>Instructions
>Wake up
>Re-open wound
>Praise dark god
>Demon arm

>Running a dungeon crawl for a three-man level 9 party
>Put in a room filled with a bunch of imps, intended to be only a minor annoyance
>Turns out nobody has any ranged weapons
>Cleric only has one smity spell left; only drops a small handful
>Beguiler doesn't want to blow a spell slot on measly imps
>Only way the PCs can attack the imps is with AoOs as the imps make flyby attacks
>Imps don't have enough attack bonus to hit worth a damn; PCs keep rolling atrociously for AoOs
>PCs decide to start chucking the bodies of the imps they have killed as improvised missile weapons
>That takes too long, need a better idea
>Sit down and just ignore the imps' pitiful attacks for a few rounds as they tie the dead imps together by their tails
>Make 20-foot-long improvised reach weapon to hit the imps by the ceiling
>Fighter proceeds to beat down remaining imps using the imp flail

We all got a good laugh out of that one.

>>24644025
>> Anywhere we go, there's that same fucking frog, no matter how many times we slaughter it.

I'm stealing this idea, but with a statue. My party has something against letting statues go un-stolen.

>>24644403

Go ahead, have fun. Just remember, inconspicuous as possible, like it just happened to be there, and it's completely normal. That freaks PC's out.

>>24644445

Reminds me of a thread that recommended doing that with a spider appearing whenever the PCs discovered a dead body, then it came out of one of the party members rooms at one point as a red herring.

My entire party decided to roll paladins, and while I wasn't happy about it, I've decided to go along with it.

On their quest, they've discovered a faction of sentient stone golems that live by themselves in the mountains. This faction is under constant attack by a nearby goblin warlord and his horde of minions. I've spent quite a long time fleshing out the backstory for these golems, getting everyone emotionally invested with them. The players have started making all sorts of pledges to the gods about how they'll protect their stony brethren.

Next session: rocks die, everyone falls

>>24624836

>guy is drunk and tying to hit on her
>acting retarded, not fully aware of himself
>fucking murder and eat him

Yeah, no.

>>24645036

Why not?

>>24645757
Because they all pride themselves on being supernice people

>>24645847

... Except the rogue/Thing.

>>24645909
Her too. She's trying to balance her murderspree with as many acts of kindness as she can.

If they're going to say that it's fine to eat evil people, then it doesn't make much sense to define drunken or socially retarded people as evil. Actual criminals makes sense. Killing fratboys stands out as some sort of stupid teenage revenge fantasy.

>>24646009

Depends on how much you focus on what's happened, and how much /tg/ expanded on it.

>>24646037
The way she's playing makes perfect sense, she's an abomination that's pretending to be good. The way her party is reacting is pants on head retarded.

>>24646080

Yeah, I guess so. Didn't read so carefully about her, though. Sorry, guys, but your Thing doesn't interest me that much. I'm here for the stories.

But they stopped appearing.

>>24630539
So, uh, it's me, the writefag from yesterday. I know that this is pretty far off topic from the thread, and that this thread is pretty much dead, but I did some more writefagging this morning about Thing-tan just for the fuck of it.

If anybody cares, I'll post what I did. If not, I'll just let this thread die.

>>24647251
Do it.

File: 1367790395810.jpg-(245 KB, 600x900, 1243638854223.jpg)

245 KB JPG

>>24647904
All the encouragement I need. Here's part 2a of the tragedy of Thing-Tan:

One of the things Annabelle taught me is how to hide in plain sight. Before she joined Pelor’s clergy, she had lived the city’s slums, working the streets every night under the auspices of a cruel Dwarven slavemaster named Orik. Orik had a love of drink that went beyond even a Dwarf’s pathological affection, and a mean temper that liquor stoked to murderous. Annabelle saw many of her sisters lose an ear, nose, or worse to Orik’s temper – often over the most basic of slights, and sometimes over nothing at all. She couldn’t run, so she learned to make herself small. To be right in front of Orik, but to be overlooked in favor of a less fortunate target. When I found her, she had managed to escape the Dwarf, who was still looking for her, by joining the clergy. Her faith was insincere at first, but it grew honest with time. As the saying goes, she faked it until she made it.

She was – is – like me in that sense. When I embraced her flesh into mine, became her, I assumed her duties at the church. She worked as a nursemaid, and each time a sick patient gave praise to Pelor in thanks for her – for my – ministrations, I felt her emotions swell with a confused sort of joy. Part of it was the simple pleasure at doing her duty, at spreading the faith – the other part is a strange sort of guilt at this pleasure. She – I – still remember a time when the psalms I – she – read were insincere and so it feels wrong to have acquired a genuine joy at reading them now. Can a fake emotion really become real? Can a fake person?

File: 1367790492796.jpg-(49 KB, 700x545, 1360381526868.jpg)

49 KB JPG

>>24648104
Part 2b

She was – is – like me in that sense. When I embraced her flesh into mine, became her, I assumed her duties at the church. She worked as a nursemaid, and each time a sick patient gave praise to Pelor in thanks for her – for my – ministrations, I felt her emotions swell with a confused sort of joy. Part of it was the simple pleasure at doing her duty, at spreading the faith – the other part is a strange sort of guilt at this pleasure. She – I – still remember a time when the psalms I – she – read were insincere and so it feels wrong to have acquired a genuine joy at reading them now. Can a fake emotion really become real? Can a fake person?
For these past months in hiding, I struggled with that question; just as Annabelle’s faith was a fake thing turned real, so was my affection for the women I consumed – became. At first they were my victims – meat to sate my hunger, and I feigned empathy for them to better pass among them. And yet, over time…
The old me wouldn’t have cared about preserving Annabelle’s life after I consumed her. The old me certainly wouldn’t have tracked down Orik to sate Annabelle’s guilt at leaving so many of her friends behind when she fled his “service.” Instead, the new me used Annabelle’s skills to follow Orik back to his new base of operations one day after passing him in a marketplace. I didn’t even need to hide – I made myself small and he didn’t care to notice me.

File: 1367790602586.jpg-(186 KB, 900x518, 1365832301466.jpg)

186 KB JPG

>>24648132
And part 2c

After I devoured his biomass, I spat out his memories and essence like a bad applecore. I could use his flesh to keep Annabelle intact, but I didn’t want his evil thoughts fouling up my memories. The old me wouldn’t have cared. Nor would the old me have gone from there and freed those dirty frightened girls from his warehouse. And when the one-eared Elf girl, my – Annabelle’s - best friend, Celty embraced me gratefully, the old me would have simply devoured her and everyone else in the warehouse.
But I must have faked it long enough. I must have “made it” because when Celty hugged me tight and asked why I came back, I simply smiled with Annabelle’s lips and, with real warmth in my voice, replied “Just keeping the faith, sister.”

I have one more Thing-Tan story (I was inspired, I guess), if people are still interested. Part 3 has a much less happy ending, though.

Our Dark Heresy party was in a very fucked up building once. It screwed with psykers, had weird reaction to anything related to the warp (just weird, not actually chaos) and was like a gigantic maze once we left the lower quarters that the arbites of the planet had taken as temporary office. Basically, lots of traps and mindscrewing. We triggered one of the dumbest traps possible (though I can't remember what the trigger was, it was stupidly obvious, but we NEEDED that macguffin), and we got a classic boulder trap. Then suddenly a man with a hat and a leather whip ran past us.

>>24648163
It posts more, or else it gets the hose again

File: 1367791426041.jpg-(11 KB, 250x317, 1362541146824.jpg)

11 KB JPG

>Be new to DnD, make for some godawful reason a bard with improved tripping and scythe mastery
>One day, the party fights a werewolf in a pitch-black den, can't see anything at all
>Eventually we somehow get to fighting the werewolf over a fairly high cliff
>I roll a nat 20 on a trip roll and, having been a coward and useless in combat for the entirety of the campaign, stumble the werewolf off of the cliff
>DM gives me a "hero point," which I can spend on whatever roll whenever I want
>Later on decide to perform in some random town for money, get another nat 20. With a +9 mod and the hero point, my character mysteriously disappears for the rest of the session
>Everyone else notices fliers advertising a concert in some shady tavern
>It's the bard with a full band, and the party is forced to listen to a Steve Vai song with the cheesiest guitar solos I could find
>Bard is invited to play for a noble house and leaves the party as quickly as he came, just as I have to leave the area for a while
>Entire party dies three sessions later

>>24623776
Not on my /tg/.

File: 1367791598405.jpg-(86 KB, 869x800, 1293503989240.jpg)

86 KB JPG

>>24648434
I certainly don't want the hose. So here is part 3 of the tragedy of Thing Tan. This one is long, so strap in:

Annabelle taught me to hide in plain sight. And, when They came for me again that skill paid off. One day, The Paladin strode into the Church and approached me with a grim, set jaw and eyes full of righteous purpose. He looked me right in the eye. For a moment I felt the monster lurch beneath my skin in anger and fear. I was sure that he could see right through Annabelle’s skin. I was sure that I would soon lose the life I had built yet again.
But he didn’t see me. I was small. Beneath his notice. He simply asked me politely to speak with the high priest of the church. That he had urgent business. I fetched my – Annabelle’s – superior in a daze. My confusion deepened when I listened in on their urgent conversation – I was so beneath notice that they did not even dismiss me. He and the high priest spoke in hushed, urgent tones. There was a monster in the city, The Paladin said, a monster wearing human skin. It could blend in almost perfectly with the populace, and, until it fed, would never betray a hint of its presence. It could even be in this very church and they would have no way to know. Already six girls had gone missing in the last month. Devoured by the creature.

File: 1367791677003.png-(854 KB, 1000x708, 1367363860617.png)

854 KB PNG

>>24648500
Part 3b:

There was just one problem: I hadn’t fed on any girls this past month. I slaked my need for biomass devouring the slavers and flesh-peddlers that Orik had been working for. The loss of these criminals – if it had even gone noticed at all, must have been seen as a boon for the city, because the Paladin didn’t even mention them. Instead he named each of the missing women, most of whom I had met only briefly as they came to the church for confession or services. There was one, however, who stood out; one whom I hadn’t seen in two weeks. The sound of her name among the list of victims stabbed through me as painfully as the Paladin’s sword had during our last battle: Celty.

I stumbled away and into a private room just in time. It took almost ten minutes to withdraw the monster back beneath Annabelle’s skin; to pull my barbed tendrils back beneath my flesh and to shrink my teeth back to normal. By the time I had composed myself enough to return to my duties, the Paladin was gone, leaving me with questions.

The old me would have been thrilled at the Paladin’s news: there was another like me in this city. Another lonely creature without a name of its own. The old me would have wanted to meet it. Befriend it. Warn it of the men hunting it.

But the new me, Annabelle, felt only anger. There was a monster loose in my city, hurting my friends. I had to do something about it.

File: 1367791827939.jpg-(149 KB, 700x758, 1097311064315.jpg)

149 KB JPG

>>24648523
Part 3c:

Annabelle taught me to hide in plain sight. And, as I followed Them in their hunt for my Cousin, that skill proved invaluable. As they consoled the victims’ relatives, questioned witnesses, and, eventually, discovered the grisly evidence of my Cousin’s feeding, they never cared to notice the plainly-dressed girl always lurking about in the background.

They found my Cousin’s last meal in an abandoned warehouse by the docks. The warehouse, used to store fishing supplies, was painted the grisly red of a charnel house, half-devoured bodies laid open from stem to sternum, insides hollowed out of the precious biomass, the rest of their flesh left to rot in the heat. I was among the crowd of horrified onlookers as The Paladin forced the door to the warehouse open. Like the rest, I recoiled at the sudden stench and haze of flies that billowed out from the open door. Unlike the others, I did not shield my eyes from the sight. I was too busy fighting to keep the monster down. Fighting to hide my rage. Celty was among these bodies – I could see her lying atop the grisly pile. What was left of her face was twisted in a look of horror and agony. She had been alive when My Cousin fed on her.

Annabelle’s anger was different from the monster’s anger. The former, my human side, was driven to rage at the sight of her friend in such a state. The latter, my “true” side, was appalled at the cruelty – the sloppiness – My Cousin displayed. When I embraced Annabelle, Danika, and all of the others, they never felt pain. They never even noticed the transition. I simply held them in a loving embrace and then they were gone – a part of me and my legion of sisters. Even my earliest victims – and those first few were, to my shame, victims – did not suffer. It was always over quickly. Always done with the urgency of necessity. My Cousin, on the other hand, had taken its time – it had enjoyed every bite of its meals.

File: 1367792051055.jpg-(409 KB, 800x600, 1099819952482.jpg)

409 KB JPG

>>24648570
Part 3d:
My Cousin’s sloppiness extended beyond the way it fed. It concealed its presence like a child playing hide-and-seek. The skin it had chosen to wear was that of a fisherman’s daughter. The daughter of the very fisherman who owned the warehouse. I followed Them, part of the torch-bearing mob that bore down on my cousin’s hiding place. But when The Paladin told the crowd to disperse, I did not. Annabelle taught me how to hide in plain sight, but my years playing at being the “Rogue” in a party of adventurers taught me to hide in the shadows.

From these shadows, I watched Them confront My Cousin, thinking it was me. I watched my Cousin explode out of the pretty, unassuming skin it had wrapped itself in into a writhing mass of tendrils, spikes, and teeth. I watched it battle Them viciously, tearing apart homes, trees, and any civilians unfortunate enough to be within a block’s radius of the battle.

I watched them lose the battle against my Cousin. I could easily have slipped away. I could easily have gone back to the church and resumed my life as Annabelle. I could have tended to the wounded from this battle, administered last rites to the fallen, mourned my dead friends, and then, after burying The Paladin and his crew, been free –finally free – to live my life.

>>24648647
I still don't get how Saya could bend her arm like that.

File: 1367792368429.jpg-(212 KB, 750x544, 1225488592584.jpg)

212 KB JPG

>>24648647
Part 3e:

The old me would have done just that. Instead, I leapt from the safety of my hiding place just in time to seize a writhing mass of thorny tendrils my Cousin had whipped towards the injured Paladin. I felt Annabelle’s skin rip away from the effort as the monster burst forth. I felt myself changing into my “true” self as I spun my Cousin through the air and hurled it into a burning building. I was able to pull some of Annabelle back over myself as I turned to face the Paladin, but not enough to hide. My full glory was on display for all to see. The Paladin struggled to stand, staring at my dumbfounded. When I spoke, my voice was half Annabelle’s, half the monster’s. “Evacuate the neighborhood before it gets back up,” I said. “This will be messy.”

After the battle, I pulled the tatters of Annabelle around me. There was barely enough left of her to conceal the monster. My Cousin was worse, writhing in mewling pain beneath my boot. Around us, the city burned, homes reduced to rubble, the streets slicked with blood and biomass from us, and from my Cousin’s victims. My Cousin’s features writhed, shifting haphazardly between the faces of those it had devoured and, by some cruel joke of Pelor, settled on Celty’s face when it finally managed to speak.

“Cousin,” it croaked, “Why?”

“Because you hurt them,” I said, grinding my boot into its chest to the sound of a wet crack and a squeal of agony. I bent down and seized my Cousin by the throat, lifting the writhing mass of tendrils and flesh into the air. “I love them. And I am going to take them back from you.”

File: 1367792920286.jpg-(370 KB, 1012x992, 1366957217487.jpg)

370 KB JPG

>>24648720
And the conclusion:

I devoured My Cousin whole, bringing its victims into me, pulling the souls of Celty and the rest from its cold, thorny flesh, into the warm embrace of my sisterhood. I could feel Celty's joy at being reunited with Annabelle fill me, her relief at becoming part of something vast and great. At never having to be alone again. My wounds stitched closed, and the monster withdrew beneath my new skin, that of an Elf that looked not unlike a child of Annabelle and Celty might. I felt stronger than before, even after I spat out my Cousin's essence like a bad applecore.

The Paladin and his party had returned at some point during our battle. They surrounded me, swords drawn, eyes filled with disgust and fear. I was restored, resplendent, and they were injured badly. It would have been a moment's effort to finish them off and be free of their pursuit. The old me would have killed them all without a thought.

Instead I looked the Paladin in the eye. For the first time, I think, he truly saw me. "Do you really want to do this?" I asked plainly. He stood in silence, struggling to keep his sword arm aloft despite the blood loss.

"No," he said finally, sheathing his sword. "Not today." And he stepped aside. "But another day."

I could have killed him then and been free. Instead I walked past him, out of the city that I had saved. The next town was a day's journey away. A new life. Another second chance. Maybe this one would finally be different. I think it just might be. I had learned something from Annabelle that I had not learned before; something more than hiding in plain sight. I had learned to have faith; to have mercy. I had learned how to be good.

I hope you riked it, /tg/

if there's one place you can find a story about a "the thing" type character that gets you liking it, its here

>>24648894
You had me worried before, when you said it had a much less happy ending, but you gave me the warm fuzzies. This story is absolutely worthy of capping or archiving on 1d4chan (heck, do both, just to be sure it's preserved). Have you got a title for this? (You used the phrase "the tragedy of Thing-tan" before, but in the end, it's not all that tragic.)

File: 1367793382123.jpg-(37 KB, 960x720, chokeabitch.jpg)

37 KB JPG

>>24648894
>Paladins didn't finish the job...

>>24648894
Yes, write-fag. I enjoyed it. I had fuzzies too.

>>24621982
The spider a new development?

>>24649021
Maybe "bittersweet" would have been better? She did lose her new life, but then again she did get to be heroic.

I'm not very good at thinking up titles, and I don't know how to 1d4chan, but I'm glad you enjoyed it. It was good to get the story out of my system, since my players would never play along with that sort of thing.

Anyway, I'll let this thread go back to it's normal topic. I'm fresh out of Thing Tan stories for now.

>>24623707
So you are allowed to tell people they are having wrongbadfun but no one is allowed to tell you the same?

>>24648894
I like it. Good work.

The paladin and team recognized discretion and valor and all that. Though the game most likely will continue.

>>24649365
Thing-Tan is best villain.

>>24649464

Yes because I only like good things, therefore if someone tells me otherwise they must be wrong.

File: 1367796018305.gif-(494 KB, 476x213, dio.gif)

494 KB GIF

>>24626008
>implying you're allowed to roll stats in 4e
>implying Swim checks aren't incredibly easy in 4e since it's been rolled into 'Athletics' that every martial character has
>implying you can claim nonlethal damage on a critical hit
>implying you can grapple things as a paladin with any degree of competence
>implying there's runs for 'spearing a creature's arm to a deck'
stop playing 4e right
but seriously, that's fucking awesome

>>24649744
I'm not sure that "villain" is quite the right word for her. She has no choice but to consume sentients to survive. She does have a choice in how she does this, and she chooses to make it painless for her victims, and by the end, she chooses to be discriminate in who she consumes. "Friendly monster" works a little better, I think.

>>24649602
Thing-Tan is tsundere for Paladin-Kun.

"S...stupid Paladin. It's not like I wanted to spare you. I just don't want to eat your disgusting biomass. You'd better not...you'd better not chase me or anything!"

>>24644025
>> A frog.
>> It's not evil.
>> But it's everywhere.
>> Anywhere we go, there's that same fucking frog, no matter how many times we slaughter it.
stealing this for an injection of weird into my games.

>>24630233
That was great. When she'll finally die the PCs will be conflicted since they'll have just killed an eldritch abomination PLUS whatever was left of all those poor girls. They'll be driven insane for what they just did, not knowning after all those years if it was the right choice, or not.

>>24650774
Have him sing. Hello my honey, hello my baby, hello my rag time gaaaaaal!

>>24650978
Right in the nostalgia.

>DM hates side chatter during game time.
>Introduced the D20 of fate.
>Chooses a statement made during side chatter and makes you roll the dice.
>On a 1 or a 20 it happens and never in a good way.
>Player tried to take advantage of this and demanded it rain gold coins.
>He was severely pummeled in a hail storm of gold coins that quickly melted away.

Everyone got a good laugh out of this including the player.

Captcha: Serve Cycfort. Looks like a have a new god.

>Nautical Campaign
>Last session, Party's Submarine got cut in half by enemy cultist.
>Also previously, the party acquired a golem with hollowed inside for pilot.
>As submarine sinks into the ocean, gnome artificer ordered golem to drag the pieces of the sub to nearby island.
>The party swims to the island, sub gets dragged along ocean floor and gets there eventually.
>Party starts talking to natives, gnome artificer explores island and finds abandoned mind-control artifact.
>Hides it in golem body.
>Several days later, Big Bad shows up and demands artifact. Willing to bargain.
>Most of the party don’t know what it can do, is all right with bargaining, so gnome says fine. Tells Big Bad it’s in the golem (it is).
>Secretly has cleric friend cast water breathing on him.
>Big Bad follows him into the hold of the submarine (still in half on the beach) where the golem is standing.
>Gnome teleports into the golem (no door, have to use teleports/dimension doors to get in) and tells it to start walking to the sea.
>Golem walks straight at Big Bad, he avoids, starts chasing. Some conflict with rest of party, they still want to bargain.
>Gnome rolls bluff to make a “popping” sound, like air displacement from teleporting out of golem.
>Big Bad believes him and teleports (shadow-pouncer) into the body to search. He knows it’s meant for small creatures, but he thinks “Eh, I can squeeze.”
>Space meant for one small pilot is now filled with one small and one medium creature, and Big Bad Evil Mind Controlly Thing.
>Golem still marching into the sea.
>Gnome takes the opportunity to take out a tanglefoot bag and a rod of viscid globs. Fills the cockpit with hardening goo.
>What space in the golem not taken up by goo or people is rapidly filling with seawater as the golem starts to get chest deep.
>Big Bad manages to break goo, teleports away with the gnome.
>Artifact MacGuffin gets left behind in the golem which is marching as fast as it can to the bottom of the sea.

>>24651046
Sounds like a terrible DM. Unless your chatter actually gets in the way of the game though.

>>24651181

Player chatter can override a game faster than anything.

Faster than the married guy that's playing a key character getting called back home. Faster than Optimus Prime walking down the street and calling for assistance from anyone able to carry an axe to take on Megatron. Faster than a smug prick's assertion that monks are useless in 3.x.

Herding cats would be easier, if only because you can be assured that they'll at least rake you with their claws if you get too rough with them. Players? They might. They might not. They might also turn it into a discussion about their coworkers. Or their grandmothers. Or how awesome their new smartphones are. Which leads to a YouTube adventure that you can't stop because they don't need no stinkin' wireless router -- which you may or may not have disconnected from the Internet to prevent this sort of thing, not knowing that they have bested you before the battle of wits even began -- and have just enough bars of reception in your house to slowly load each video. Which they'll bitch at you about for not peeling away the layers of lead-based paint in your built-as-a-bomb-shelter-in-the-fifties home and repainting it with cellular-friendly paints that also have aesthetically pleasing colors.

I think I'm trying to say "Fuck players" here, but I seem to have gone on a tangent.

>>24651028
Though now that I think about it, I think it goes 'Hello my baby, hello my honey'... Man, my memory is shot.

>>24651471
Actually, it's not the fastest thing.

A screaming baby is the fastest game-override known to man. It's faster than even sudden explosive diarrhea.

By the way, both of those make for a combination not conducive for gaming.

>>24650978
What are you talking about? All it's doing is sitting there ribbiting.

>>24652651
I swear it was singing, you gotta belive me!

>>24644851
that seems like a dick move

>>24658398
I don't think it would be a dick move. A dick move would be sending them to the hell of being shredded by burning sieves when they utterly fail to live up to their vows.

>huge demons manhandle you into a big contraption which shreds you into jelly with a maw of numberless blades, squirting you out into a big vat where you reform in excruciating pain as every your bodies organs, nerves, bones, and flesh slowly and intensely painfully reform.

After you're reformed all the way back to your old self

>they do it again.

>Mystery campaign
>GM gets drunk as fuck
>We somehow manage to get into space despite it being the 1800's
>Fight giant squids
>Game is now slice of life space adventure

>>24658585
Pretty fuckin cool if you ask me. Give your GM some moonshine next time. Spike it with hallucinogens and don't tell him. Hilarity ensues!

>be a wizard
>be in the midst of casting a featherfall spell
>sudden enemy attack, book knocked from hands
>pick book up and try to cast spell, but don't realize its not on the same page, accidentally cast a polymorph spell
>transform self into large rooster.
>Get into numerous unexpected weird/funny situations as rooster
>survive and eventually transform back

>>24621130
10/10, would play with your GM

>>24653923
all right, I think you've had enough pal. go home and sleep it off.

>>24622009
Cthulhu bless your magnificent dysfunctional heart, tg.

>>24624435
...This is magnificent. Someone archive this thread.

>>24624175
I really hope you pronounce that "woofle".

>>24621802
I'm wondering why no one has pointed out the extremely dark subtext in the OP's story. If his character was offered a happy ending, and got whisked off to go enjoy the rest of his life somewhere, that strongly implies that similar pleasant futures are in short supply for his party.

I'd argue that instead of being simply a surreal occurrence, the OP's DM is doing memento mori right.

>>24624627
Tell that to my Call of Cthulhu group. THEY GODDAMN SUMMONED AZATHOTH AFTER KILLING THE CULTISTS TRYING TO AND ENDED THE WORLD! FOR THE LULZ!

Goddamn, this thread is still going?

So, yeah, it's me again; Thing Tan writefag. Normally I don't hijack threads more than once, but goddamn if I didn't get drunk and spend some time writing out a pair of "ends" for the Thing Tan story; one good end, one bad end. It's like she's infected my brain. I figured the thread would be gone by now, but here it is.

Should I post the Ends, or should I do the responsible thing and go to bed? If the former, which end do you want: Good end, bad end, or both?

>>24659704
Both endings, of course. Please, I love your work.

File: 1367833315433.jpg-(39 KB, 450x650, 1253616032631.jpg)

39 KB JPG

>>24659720
An audience of one is enough for me. I'll post both and leave it to you to decide which is good and which is bad. Here's End 1 part A:

The Paladin finally catches up to me twenty years after our last encounter. He finds me because I let him find me. Ever since I devoured my cousin, I had gotten better at being my victims. I would choose carefully, devouring a new life once every few years, eating the biomass, but not the souls, of criminals to sustain myself in the interim. I always chose those I felt could teach me something. I would live their lives for as long as I could before something went wrong. Once, I spent so much time as one person – a maiden of a minor noble house named Alina – that I almost forgot who I truly was. I had almost convinced myself that this time I could be her for good. That this time nothing would go wrong.

Something always, always went wrong.

Alina’s house is a crumbling, deserted wreck. The farmlands around it have been vacated. The locals believe them to be cursed now. They burned the entire village nearly to the ground, salted the earth, and left the shell of the manor to rot. I’m waiting in my – Alina’s – bedchamber when the Paladin quietly enters. I’m holding a tattered portrait of Alina – of me – and of her new husband. A bright-eyed squire of a minor noble house. A young man whose honor was eclipsed only by his tenderness. A man who dreamed of being a Paladin not unlike the man who has been my shadow for the past two decades. A man whom Alina had loved, and who I in turn loved after I became her.

File: 1367833451052.jpg-(152 KB, 800x600, shaman003-a.jpg)

152 KB JPG

>>24659752
End 1 Part B:
“He wanted a child,” I say, half to the portrait and half to the Paladin. “I could do everything else I needed to do: I could make myself seem to age. I could feed so infrequently that nobody even noticed when I went on my ‘sojourns’. I could even keep all of the others…all of those countless voices screaming in my head…happy enough to not interfere.”

“But you couldn’t create life,” The Paladin says, almost tenderly.

“No,” I say. “I can do anything else with life. I can shape it. I can devour it. I can preserve it forever. But I can’t create it.”

“He had the means to have barrenness cured,” The Paladin says.

“And when those spells failed, the means to test why,” I say. I feel like I want to cry, but my eyes don’t produce tears unless I tell them to. “The means to find out what was really going on.”
“He confronted you,” The Paladin says. I begin to understand what is going on now. This is my confession. Despite all that we’ve been through, he knows me well enough to see that my faith is real. That I need absolution in the eyes of Pelor.
“He said I stole her from him. That I stole the life that he and his wife could have had. The child they would have given birth to,” I’m whimpering now. I want him – I want them, the people inside of me, to understand. “I wanted to make him understand. I wanted to show him that I didn’t steal anything. That I was…that I AM Alina. And Danika. And Annabelle. And…and…and all of them.”

File: 1367833602512.jpg-(435 KB, 1000x1000, 1246002785917.jpg)

435 KB JPG

>>24659775
End 1 Part C: Brace for feels.

“You devoured him,” The Paladin says.

“I had never done that before,” I say. “I had never consumed someone who knew one of my…my victims. I had never experienced the pain of losing a loved one to me firsthand. Or the horror of realizing that the woman you loved isn’t…isn’t really her. Not until I consumed him.”

“You’ve been starving yourself,” he says.

“I can’t do it anymore,” I whisper. “I love your kind. I love all of you so, so much. I can’t put anybody else through that kind of pain. It’s killing me.” I look at him. His eyes are sad. His hair has turned gray and he is so much smaller than the towering giant I was once afraid of. I could snap his brittle, old bones into pieces with a flick of my wrist, but I don’t want to. I only want one thing from him now.

“Am I a monster?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “A monster wouldn’t have saved my life twenty years ago. A monster wouldn’t have fought that dragon, or closed that demonic portal, or destroyed those slavers. You’ve paid for each of your sins in full. No, you’re no monster. You’re just…”

“Lonely,” I say. “I’m so lonely.”

His sword makes barely a whisper as it leaves the sheathe. “You don’t need to be lonely anymore, my lady,” he says. “Are you ready?”
I nod and bow my head. I recite Pelor’s prayer of absolution and, inside of me, I feel a thousand voices join in. I close my eyes and see them all looking back at me. My victims. My family.

Soon we’ll all be at peace. Soon we won’t need to run anymore.

I just wanted to be good.

File: 1367833804230.jpg-(170 KB, 2075x1040, 1210190337837.jpg)

170 KB JPG

>>24659800
That was one end. Here's an alternative possibility...had things gone a little differently: End 2 part A:

The Paladin catches up to me twenty years after our last encounter. He finds me because I let him find me. Ever since I devoured my cousin, I had gotten better at being my victims. I would choose carefully, devouring a new life once every few years, eating the biomass, but not the souls, of criminals to sustain myself in the interim. I would choose my new lives from those who needed me; the destitute, the hopeless, the lonely. I chose them because they needed to be loved in the way that only I can love. I chose them because they needed saving. Once they became a part of me, I would live their lives for many years, setting their affairs in order, building them a legacy, and then, when the new voice inside of me felt satisfied, I would move on.

Over the decades my family grew, and The Paladin, he never stopped hunting me. But he didn’t find me; I had become so good at hiding that tracking me down became impossible.

File: 1367833913953.jpg-(146 KB, 520x700, 1337062207606.jpg)

146 KB JPG

>>24659827
End 2 Part B:

And then, one day, I didn’t need to hide anymore. One day, my newest sister came to me. She was a scholar of the arcane and divine both, a faithful of Pelor, like myself, and a mind brilliant enough to find the truth about me when nobody else in the world could.

But she came to me broken; she had lost her daughter to my cousin. The girl had been among the first devoured in that awful incident so many years ago, and her life had been a hollow shell ever since. She blamed herself; she and her daughter, they hadn’t even been from that city. She was there for a conference at the arcane college and she had left her child alone to play while she was buried in her research. By the time she heard what was happening, the battle had already been hours over, my cousin long since devoured, her child embraced into my growing sisterhood. Like the Paladin, she’d spent the decades since then tracking me down. Unlike him, it was not to destroy me, but to be consumed by me; to join her lost child after so many years of loneliness.

I’m wearing her skin and sitting patiently in my temple as the Paladin enters. His armor is ragged and his hair is grey. His muscles have grown lean and wirey and his eyes have a hollow, haunted look about them. He no longer wears his holy symbol. His sword is drawn.

“I found you,” he snarls, “Devourer, abomination, I finally found you.”

“You did,” I say gently. “And what has brought you here?”

“You know why I’m here!” he barks, taking a heavy step towards me. “You may have fooled the others, but not me! I know what you really are!”

File: 1367834032722.jpg-(123 KB, 731x1023, BatwokSketch.jpg)

123 KB JPG

>Starting new adventure. Semi-serious, we like our characters, like the world, DM's quite open to creativity.
>Come across town which is plagued with "batwoks", a terrifying, flying creature which kidnaps people unless they sing the batwok song while being kidnapped. Or something.
>Murderhobos do murderhobo.
>When a batwok is killed any blood that has left its body floats upwards. We capture some in a vial.
>Tank drinks it for shitsngiggles.
>Gets batwok aids. Roll for effect. Roll well, nothing happens aside from diarrhoea.
>Ask about the other effects of batwok aids. Sage from the village tells us about how people become batwok mages if they are infected.
>Tank is sad that he did not.

About a year later a friend of mine did a sketch of the Batwok on request. The DM has promised that they will rise again.

File: 1367834097115.jpg-(626 KB, 750x1200, 119055799114.jpg)

626 KB JPG

>>24659837
End 2 Part C

“I could snap your brittle old bones in half with a flick of my wrist,” I tell him matter-of-factly. He tenses and I smile. “I won’t, but you know I could. If you are here to kill me, I will not resist…I don’t hurt good men…but before you strike I insist that you sit across from me and tell me why you are still so intent on it after all of these years.”

He snarls, but obeys. He sits across from me, just out of arm’s reach, clutching his sword to his lap. Behind me is a mural bearing an exaggerated depiction of my image…a gentle, motherly figure in a white shawl with hundreds of arms and a dozen gentle faces. He glowers at the icon in contempt. “That’s why,” he says.
“That old thing? Well, it’s a bit grandiose, but in my defense I didn’t paint it,” I say.

“Don’t mock me!” he yells. “You know what I mean!”

“You mean my church,” I say quietly.

“Your CHURCH,” he spits the word. “Your CULT, you mean. My superiors may recognize your ludicrous title of ‘All-Mother’, they may call this blasphemous charnel house a legitimate offshoot of the Church, but I know better! You’ve done nothing but dupe people into being your meals. Herding desperate folk into your gaping maw!”

“It wasn’t my idea,” I remind him, “It was hers,” I gesture to the body of the woman who gave me the idea to found this church, the woman I am now wearing. “And I do not advertise. Nor do I coerce. People come to me of their own free well. The broken. The lonely. I give them solace. I give them a way to lend their lives to further a just cause.”

“And besides,” I gently add before he can speak, “The Church of Pelor…you are no longer affiliated with them, are you?”

File: 1367834223523.jpg-(274 KB, 1440x900, 1350624748004.jpg)

274 KB JPG

>>24659869
End 2 Part D:

He chokes back a curse but shakes his head.

“Tell me what happened,” I say gently, “And then you may strike.”

“Are you trying to give me Confession!?”

“I wouldn’t presume,” I say. “I only want to understand the man who has been such a crucial part of my life. I only want to know what drives you to hate me so much.”

“…I was sure that you had devoured that little girl,” he manages, his words a broken whimper.

“I was so certain that you were wearing her skin as your disguise. I couldn’t…I couldn’t risk you escaping a third time!”

“But I wasn’t ‘wearing her’ was I?”

“No,” he says.

“She was innocent, wasn’t she?”

“Yes.”

“And you killed her,” I say reaching out to touch him. He recoils.

“I thought it was you. It was supposed to be you!”

“I’m sorry,” I say. It hurts to see such a noble man reduced to this. I once hated him. I once would have relished seeing him broken and desperate as I once was. But that was the old me. That was the person I have not been for decades. “I’m sorry you fell. I’m sorry the church did what they did. If I had known I would have come forward to defend you.”

>>24658585
That's fucking awesome.

File: 1367834372999.jpg-(223 KB, 800x600, 1279097437502.jpg)

223 KB JPG

>>24659894
End 2 Part E: The conclusion of Thing Tan's story

He’s silent for a long time, gripping his sword tightly. I’m not sure if he intends to strike or not, but if he does I won’t stop him. Perhaps that will give him some comfort.

“I know you would have,” he says finally, letting the sword fall. “I was so sure that you were a monster…”

“I was,” I say. “But people can change. They just need the chance to learn. They just need someone who loves them enough to teach them.”

He says nothing.

“What did you really come here for?” I ask.

“It’s been five years since I killed that poor girl,” he says. “Five years, and nobody has given me shelter or succor. Five years and my brothers still spit on me. Five years and I am still beyond forgiveness.”

“It must have been lonely,” I say. This time he lets me touch his cheek. Each line etched into his face shows the weight of time and loneliness. I am beyond both of those things.

And I know why he has come to me now. “Is this what you really want, old friend?” I ask tenderly.

“Yes,” he whispers. “I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

I wrap my arms around him and embrace him into my family. His memories wash over me with such force that I am almost knocked flat. Decades of pain, isolation, obsession, guilt. Loneliness of such totality that it almost blackens the bright core of virtue at the heart of this man. Almost. As my brothers and sisters welcome him into the fold with open arms, I feel the loneliness dissolve, leaving only his faith, which burns throughout my being with the heat of the morning sun. I feel myself grow stronger than I had ever imagined possible. Together, he and I can do anything. Together we will accomplish miracles.

Together, we are both finally free.

And that's all from me for real this time. I think I've got this Abo-moe-nation out of my head finally. Goodnight /tg/, I hope you riked it.

In Paranoia we ended up reenacting Dr. Strangelove. Good times were had.

>>24659704
don't worry, I form a strong desire to do more with characters I help make.

Then the game always dies. Writefaggotry has the benefit of you determining the end.

>>24658602
He was already drinking moonshine.

Some of our adventures:
>Converting our giant space nautilus (from the space squids we fought) into a passable star ship
>Visiting a space mall to get furniture and having to get odd jobs based on our previous experiences (hard-boiled Pinkerton detective became mall cop, fiery farm girl became an exercise coach, etc.)
>Grappling space-pirate ships with our salvaged squid arms powered by big mecha servos