We need to make way towards the secret passage of the castle. It shouldn't be blocked yet due to the City of Virgins still existing.

>>25385565
>>25385590
I agree. And watch out for that bastard with the power armor! He may still be nearby!

>>25385590

Seconding this. Have Fat-Fot-Pot on the lookout for anything fishy on the way there.

>>25385565

Also, could we get a character sheet?

>>25385590
But it doesn't exist anymore. It's gone. You woke up to find it vanished.

>>25385667
Either way, we didn't hear of Ian causing a giant clusterfuck, so he shouldn't have exited through the secret passage.

>>25385702
OK. Do you know where this secret passage is, then?

File: 1371003440724.jpg-(193 KB, 760x596, undercroft.jpg)

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There should be an entrance through some catacombs.

It is supposed to be protected by monsters. They were turned into hats.

>>25385819
I meant do you know where the exit/entrance is? Because catacombs are underground.

Knowing Oglaf. . . .

There's either a large creepy graveyard connected to it, or a giant sign.

If neither of those are forthcoming, I guess we may have to go to the normal town and find someone who knows where teh catacombs are.

Unless our caster friend knows a finding spell?
Like find the path? http://www.d20srd.org/srd/spells/findThePath.htm

Rolled 28

>>25385913
"Er, I can try something like that," Elyse says, her ears twitching slightly. "But... ah... no guarantees."

"You managed to change our Street Sam friend back into a Street Sam, I'm sure you'll do fine," Yellowman says, leaning against a tree. "Have at it."

>>25385935
Elyse's spells: 7/9.

Elyse sings a low hymn in something that sounds like Latin, then unexpectedly sneezes. A cascade of harmless multicolored sparks burst from her hands to light up the area.

"Well that was sort of anti-climatic," Charlie comments.

"Ooooh, but preeeetty!" Pot murmurs, hovering around the slow-falling lights. "Do it again!"

Elyse just winces at the failure.

>>25385859

If the "Night of Shame" comic is of any indication, the catacombs entrance is a small nondescript stone doorway sticking out of the ground with a wooden door. That's not a whole lot to go on, and navigating the catacombs themselves may be tricky.

Other things we could try:

Hiding in the Mimic and attempting to get into the castle by disguising part of the group as tribute and another as a delivery person or somesuch. Not the best idea.

Scope the castle from afar, and note the entrances to the castle. Then Yellowman and co. wait until some other racers come along and attempt to force their way in. We take advantage of that to enter the castle.

>>25385970
What we need to do is start to scope out the castle. But in order to do that safely, we should go to the other city, see if the castle has been recently attacked, as well as spread rumors of Kronar maybe coming this way towards us. Get the Sorceress to come out and deal with Kronar, and the castle will be less defended.

Yo, Meta-OP.
Since you were gone so long, I made these:
Summary Card
http://pastebin.com/CMRBUjSB

Yellowman's Character Sheet
http://pastebin.com/80icAktC

Elyse's Character Sheet
http://pastebin.com/Szz1ZEzX

Charlie's Character Sheet
http://pastebin.com/mvs87SkZ

Fat-Fot-Pot's Character Sheet
http://pastebin.com/EA0d1LdJ

>>25386031

This seems like a sensible plan. Can't exactly charge in blind, and there's little indication of the tower's layout that we can see from the comics.

Rolled 16, 51, 2, 23 = 92

>>25386031
"All right, time for some grunt recon work. Let's all move for the city. We'll chat up the locals there and see what we can find out. We'll also spread the word about Kronar. If we can get the Sorceress worried about that bozo barbarian, she might not notice us coming until it's too late," Yellowman says, clapping his hands together. "Let's move, people."

"Sounds like a plan," Charlie nods.

"You got it, boss!" Fat-Fot-Pot says.

"Er... right!" Elyse says.

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>>25386215
>16, 51, 2, 23
Do you do this to us intentionally, MetaOP?
When the RNG is known to roll statistically low due to the way that it gets seeded, you roll for us.

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>>25386215

I see that the /tg/ dice still remember you well, MetaOP.

>>25386272
Any proof of this?

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>>25386272
I have no idea how the dice are seeded.

>>25386215
On entering the city, the group promptly splits up to scout, chat, spy, and wander, respectively.

Yellowman immediately approaches a pair of the Sorceress'... interestingly clad guardswomen, patrolling the streets.

"Guards!" he yells approaching them with upraised palms. "OK, first off, love the outfits. Second, I'd like to make a terrible report. Kronar, Son of Man has been sighted approaching the city! You have to warn the great Sorceress right away!"

The two guards stop, look at each other, and back to Yellowman.

"This sounds like bad news," one of the guardswomen says. "The sort of news that might get the bearer of thrown into the torture pits."

"Uh... well what sense does it make if she throws such dutiful, skilled... sexy guardswomen in the torture pits for alerting her to such a threat to her reign?" Yellowman asks, forcing a smile.

The guards look at each other again, then turn back to Yellowman and smile.

"You know, you're right. Someone DOES need to warn her," one of the guardswomen says, looping arm around Yellowman's.

"And since you're SO dutiful, it's only right the reward be all yours, right?" the other says, looping an arm around his other. Yellowman immediately finds himself restrained and forced to walk as the two start making their way to the castle.

"H-Hey, come on now, I'm trying to do you a favor here!" Yellowman protests. "I appreciate the thought, but I've got stuff to do... wares to sell... uh... grand quests to undertake... you know..."

"What, and miss out on your reward?" one of the guards says with mock astonishment. "Nonsense!"

>>25386616
Goddammit.
Come on Yellowman, use your TG training and escape!

>>25386616
These bitches need someone to teach them how to properly accept reports.

Yellowman, guess just play it cool for now.. Sweet Desna, I wish the others could hear us so we could sound the alarm! Remember you do have the Ring of Bliss still; if it comes to.. well.. something! Don't let on that your weapons are weapons. These guards are the smart ones.

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>>25386856
Better yet, why not call the Luggage to trample the guards and spirit you to safety?

>>25386870
The problem with playing it cool is, if Yellowman gets taken into the castle, he's fucked.

>>25386616
Roll to seduce. It should be very effective.

>>25386895
Well, he does need to get away; true... But those rolls..

Yellowman should be stronger than these two women. Stand your ground and cite not wanting to be here when Kronar gets to the city. Then get away somehow. Engage your Guard evasion skills ala >>25386856?

>>25386947
>It should be very effective.
>Seduce
>A man attempting to seduce the Sorceress' guards
>who are shown to be lesbians to prevent this sort of thing
Yeah, no.

>>25386996
>Yellowman should be stronger than these two women
I dunno. Yellowman doesn't have any nanite soldier boosts or implants, and his Strength is a 2.
And these women are guards in the Sorceress' employ; they're actually effective.

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Rolled 83, 30, 68 = 181

>>25386996
>>25386878
"Sorry gals, but there's no way in hell I'm going to be in the general area when Kronar gets here. Hey Luggage Jr!" Yellowman shouts, wriggling his left arm to indicate the guard attached there. "Store this!"

"What are you-EEEEEEEK!" the guardswoman shrieks as the tamed Mimic tromps up behind the three and attempts to pull the left guard into its interior. Yellowman immediately takes advantage of the guard's shock to try and worm free of their grasp...

>>25387096
83 vs. 30

Aided by a nice boost of adrenaline, Yellowman pulls free from the right-hand guard's grasp and boots her away as the other guard vanishes into the Mimic's interior.

"Let's roll!" Yellowman howls as he bolts down the street. "And spit that out!"

The mimic immediately vomits out a very disgusted looked guardswoman on the side of the street, then follows Yellowman away. The two guards do not raise the alarm, one too shocked and the other busy tending to her friend.

>>25387143
Scott, you'd better switch out your disguise.
Look for a clothes merchant or tailor, and get a change of cloak and over-tunic.
Not sure about the Luggage; maybe find some cheap wooden knicknacks that you can attach to the Luggage to make it look different, then tie it up on Bob the Donkey?

Then we should probably find a tavern to get a drink and start asking some questions.

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>>25387143
Atta boy, Scott!

Now, let's find the others. Adopting a disguise of some sort for you and the Mimic would be a really good idea right about now.

>mfw Task Force 38 tactics work

Rolled 38, 10 = 48

>>25387206
>>25387209
Scott starts looking around for some clothes to throw over his armor...

Rolled 75, 76, 87, 4, 64, 27, 11, 82, 59, 37 = 522

>>25387370

Rolled 3, 57, 56, 51, 30, 67, 18, 67, 63, 45 = 457

>>25387370
This is starting to be really annoying.

>>25387370
Scott manages to knick some cloaks to cover himself with and ties the Mimic to the donkey, but it's a close thing. The keeper of the ware-stall he stole from almost catches him in the act.

Trying to find a tavern proves to be impossible. Every one Scott finds refuses him entry on the grounds of him looking shady. Even the shady taverns turn him out without a reason why.

>>25387624
Dammit.
Scott, we'd better look for the others. Charlies should be able to handle himself, but I'm worried about Elyse, and Fat-Fot-Pot stick out even in a fantasy world like this.

>>25387624

Must be full up on scowling cloaked men sitting in shadowed corners of the place.

May as well find the others, Yellowman. Perhaps they've had better luck in finding some info.

Rolled 47

>>25387748
>>25387738
"I was just thinking the same thing..." Yellowman mutters. "In retrospect... splitting up was a dumb idea..."

>>25385565
Oh hey it's back. Sup OP

>>25387845
Welp. What complications have come up now?

>>25387845
Stick together, team.

We need to get into the underside of the castle, right?

I'm kind of surprised nobody's W+M1'd that way. But if we can't get into any taverns, then screw it. It looks like the direct approach, foolish though it is, is our main option.

Sam should've probably already cleared a path. He doesn't seem the stealthy type, after all.

Rolled 63, 42, 85, 71, 73 = 334

>>25387438
>>25387503
I'll absorb 4 crap rolls.

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>>25388012
Yo.

>>25387845
Yellowman wanders the city for a while, passing street after street of buildings with barred windows and closed doors, ducking guard patrols quite regularly and noting the relatively low number of people on the street. After a half hour's search, he bumps into Charlie as the two turn a corner.

"You know, you forgot to specify a place for everyone to meet up again at," Charlie notes, pushing back the hood on his cloak.

"I know, I know," Yellowman sighs. "Find anything?"

"Our power armored friend apparently got sick of waiting and breached the castle with his cannons, then flew right in while his robot buddy made a distraction. Sounds like he made it to the gate, but his robot pal didn't. Sorceress blew him into a million motes of dust."

"Damn it!" Yellowman hisses. "We could've used him for a distraction... oh well. Anything else?"

"Castle's under lockdown for some reason and the number of racers trying to make their way in has only made things worse. Good news and bad news time. Good news is, there are a bunch of breaches in the castle walls due to people like our bounty hunter just brute forcing their way in. Bad news is, the castle's on high alert and they're expecting attempts to reach the gate chamber."

"Damn, damn, damn," Yellowman groans. "OK. Seen Fat Fot Pot?"

"Yeah. Someone scooped him up as tribute and they're gonna present him to the Sorceress as a pet monster," Charlie says. "I woulda rescued the little guys, but there were an awful lot of assholes with swords in the area. Reminded me of a Legion raiding camp... if the genders were reversed I mean."

"OK..." Yellowman says, a vein on his forehead bulging. "And Elyse?"

Charlie lifts a finger and points. "Well that's her, ain't it?"

Yellowman whirls around to see a small crowd growing across the street as a quartet of guards haul a large cage between them. In that cage, grasping at the bars, is none other than Elyse, minus her sword.

>>25388450
I'm thinking "Brute Force Rescue Time", but someone smarter than me probably has a better idea.

>>25388450
>without her sword
Oh goddamnit.
That sword is too valuable to leave here. We'll kill people to get that sword back.

Better have Charlie go and see what the crowd is saying while Scott hangs back a little; don't want to get recognized by the guards.

>>25388519
FFP is also really valuable and I do not want to lose him.

Even if the Healing is made up for by Elyse and the stunning isn't as effective as having another weapon, FFP has been a reliable ally and I do not want to ditch or sacrifice them.

>>25388548
Well yes, but since he's going to be given as tribute, he's more or less safe for now.
We can rescue him on the way.

But what I'm worried about is, we were only a few hours ahead of Kronar when we entered that city of virgins; then we went to sleep and woke up in the morning.
Where's Kronar?

File: 1371012303117.gif-(1.11 MB, 320x240, HadesCigar.gif)

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>>25388450
Welp, time to get our Big Damn Hero on it seems.

>>25388519
I endorse this. Keep an eye out for her sword; it's probably nearby. Bitches will *burn* for this. She's probably gonna throw a fit at the carnage we may have to unleash, but it's better than reality distortions... Assess the situation and we'll figure out how to proceed from there.

>>25388548
Our floaty buds are gonna be on the way to the castle, so we can focus on her first.

>mfw this whole damn world

>>25388590
Perhaps another racer dealt with Kronar?

>>25388643
Pseudo-Heisenberg's principle means he respawns.

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>>25388598
>intuitive info-gathering; roll below 30.

Ok, well that's unfortunate, but there are other ways to go about these things without magic.

>Other, more direct info gathering; roll below 50, 4 times in a row.


>Roll high on escape from fucked situation due to low rolls

>Situation revealed to be further fucked due to low rolls from before

>Most direct, dangerous and possibly stupid option now the only apparent option.

The more things change, the more things stay the same.

Rolled 46

>>25388737
We're sure to roll high next time! :D

>>25388519
"Charlie, go up a bit and see what you can find out," Scott says.

"I thought you were the scou-"

"JUST. DO. IT."

"Okay, okay, sheesh..."

Scott tries to remain inconspicuous, but manages to hear Elyse's indignant shouting quite well from his position leaning against a wall.

"I didn't do anything wrong!" Elyse protests. "I just offered to help!!! It's my duty as-"

"Paladins aren't permitted in the city. You can preach in the dungeon," one of the guardswomen says.

"If that's where you end up! We'll see what the Mistress wants for you, she likes elves," another laughs.

"If she didn't, we'd have been rid of that damn fop from Xoa," another glowers.

"I HATE THIS PLANET AND EVERYONE ON IT!!!" Elyse shrieks. Then she winces and bites her lip. "Ooooh. Oh darn, that's not a very paladin thing to say."

The convoy begins to get out from Scott's hearing range as Charlie walks back, promptly telling Scott what he already heard. But he follows it up with one useful addition.

"The lead chick has keys on her. Oh, and the crowd is eager to see what their head honcho is gonna do with our pally pal over there. Too eager. People in these town give me the heebie jeebies, worse than even the White Gloves, ya dig?"

"It's a friggin Sodom and Gomorrah," Yellowman says, shaking his head.

"What? No, I been to the Gomorrah. Way nicer than this dump."

Scott promptly turns and gives Charlie a look.

"That... no, nevermind..."

>>25388911
Well yes, this is the city of lesbian rape.

I'm thinking our option here is a straight forward assault. I'm hoping I'm wrong though.

Anyone versed in Oglaf Lore know where FFP might be headed?

>>25388951
>where FFP might be headed
There's a room full of tributes that he would be placed in.

But I'm worried about Elyse's sword.

Dammit, I don't want to use a frontal assault, but there's no real way to get Elyse free without it.
We can't wait until she's inside the castle because then we'd have to fight our way in because of the high alert.
We MIGHT be able to sneak in through one of the breaches and ambush the guards before they present Elyse to the Sorceress, but these guards are actually competent and they'd have people at said breaches watching for Racers.

>>25385702
Unless the clusterfuck already happened and the Apprentice is already in a coma.

>>25388911
>>25388951
Well that's not good. I suggest getting ahead and setting up an ambush if possible.

>>25388951
FFP are probably already on their way to the castle. Keep an eye out for them; we might luck out.

This situation calls for something heavy-handed. Let's get ahead and see about setting up that ambush!

>>25389043
I guess this is our best option. I hope the dice favor us.

>>25388911
Yo Scott. Is there someplace between the city and the castle where you think we can jump these guards?
There's only 4 of them, right?

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>>25389067
"Yeah... Along the road from the city to the castle I noticed a few hills with tall grass. We've got ranged weapons, we can hide there and fire from cover. It'll be loud, but should work," Yellowman says.

"Oh, they've got that sword of hers with them," Charlie says. "Forgot to mention. But given it was strapped to one of the guards' back, I'm betting it's been looted as it were."

>>25389144
Alright, let's move.
Hopefully we'll kill the guards, get Elyse free, and fall back somewhere before the guards at the castle can figure out what's happened.

>>25389144
Well, I'd say go for it.
So we need to hit up the Tribute room and the Portal room.
At least the Tribute room will have loot.
And we have a crate of healing potions, assuming nobody gets a critical failure.
Roll the dice then. I hope this works.

>>25389144
How DARE they steal our gimmick! *WE* are the looters here!

Okay, it's personal now. No mercy. Get ahead of them, find a good spot, and set up. A quick and well-placed strike should do the job easy enough.

Use the Plasma Rifle. It'll have plenty of range and stopping power. They'll be in typical middle ages armor. The shots'll go right through them.

Also, remember that the firefight's probably gonna spook the critters drawing the cart, so account for that as needed in the plans!

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Rolled 6, 29 = 35

>>25389186
>>25389188
Yellowman explains the plan to Charlie, and the two rush to reach the hills before the convoy. Luckily both Scott and Charlie have become very skilled in the art of moving quickly and the guards aren't in any particular hurry. The two take up position and hide in the tall grass. Half an hour passes before the four guards... no. Six guards now accompany the caged paladin, the additional two at the front of the formation. Yellowman thinks of a few extra colorful curses, then takes aim with his plasma rifle...

>>25389313
Spooked critters normally run in different directions, which will result in a cart tip that will stall them, right?

Elyse might not like that though

Rolled 94, 65, 65 = 224

>>25389323
DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE

>>25389323
>>25389346
HA HAHHHAHAHAHHA. GODDAMN THAT IS HILARIOUS!

Rolled 4, 90, 25, 77, 82, 16, 58, 18, 82, 27 = 479

>>25389323
Why do you roll such shit all the time, MetaOP?
Out of 13 rolls, you only rolled higher than a 50 on 3 of them.

Rolled 38, 26, 34 = 98

>>25389399
He's MetaOp, he just does that.

Rolled 84, 65, 13, 77, 20, 90, 15, 62, 63, 16 = 505

Anyway, I've sent an email to moot, asking how the /tg/ RNG is seeded. Hopefully he will respond, and we can learn if this really is weighted low.

Rolled 32, 17, 55, 98, 64, 11 = 277

>>25389478
It's weighted normally except when MetaOp rolls.

For instance, I'm not MetaQuest OP, I'm just hijacking the name as an experiment.

Since I am NOT metaquest op, these 6 rolls will be normal.

If the real MetaQuest Op rolls, these would all be 1s and 2s.

Rolled 23, 61, 35, 34, 36, 83 = 272

>>25389511
We'll see about that!

Rolled 39, 96, 100, 17, 84, 25 = 361

>>25389511
Actually, I remember that there was a thread, either on /g/ or /tg/, which discussed that the seed may be composed of hashes from the timestamp, name field, subject field, and filename fields.
Let's see if the name of MetaOP is enough to cause failure.

>>25389553
>>25389511
See? A little low but nothing unusual.
It's not the name, it's not the time, it's not the seed, it's not any of that.

MetaQuest OP is just really good at rolling low. It doesn't have an explanation, nor does it need one.

Rolled 28, 36, 37, 74, 19, 79 = 273

And again

Rolled 26, 44, 75, 1, 75, 65 = 286

>>25389578
But they're ALL below what the average should be.

Rolled 57, 56, 93, 57, 69, 63 = 395

>>25389606
And then we can test without the name.

>>25389606
>>25389585
>>25389573
>>25389553
>>25389511
So you think something about his name might be affecting the seed?

Guys, enough. Let the real OP do his thing. We know he's bad juju on the dice. It's a matter of hilarious public record..

Rolled 59, 92, 79, 56, 45, 98 = 429

>>25389619
It's possible, depending on how the dice roll RNG function was set up.

Rolled 72, 32, 12, 20, 66, 67 = 269

>>25389634
This is for SCIENCE!

Rolled 65, 95, 80, 30, 71, 76 = 417

And another 6.

Rolled 65, 82, 64, 58, 57, 48 = 374

>>25389634
True, that it's a matter of hilarious record.
But when it's his rolls determining your fate, and you know that he's loaded it to be low, is that really fair?

Rolled 23, 19, 55, 76, 94, 43 = 310

And just to see if the timestamp changes anything...

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Rolled 47, 34, 36, 70, 60, 1 = 248

>>25389323
>>25389553
See? Only 5 points lower. Anyway...

Yellowman fires his plasma rifle, the shot going wide... and setting fire to the tall grass around him by virtue of the intense heat generate from the plasma.

"WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!" Yellowman screams as he leaps up from his hiding spot, runs over to a non flaming patch of land and begins rolling on the ground. The guards just stare in confusion, not even noticing as one of their helmets gets nicked by a shotgun burst going wide as Charlie curses from hiding.

>23
So taken in by the sight of a flaming Yellowman are the guards that they fail to notice Charlie. Yellowman succeeds in extinguishing the flames on him, standing up and wincing.

"I HATE being on fire!" he shouts. Elyse finally manages to recognize the burnt man once again.

"...Commander Yellowman?" she mutters.

One of the guards begins to laugh, unable to keep it in anymore at the sight of Yellowman's comically blackened form and smoking hair. Yellowman's eyes narrow.

"YOU!" he bellows, pointing at the laughing guard. Then he shoulders his rifle and fires again.

>63.

The shot hits the guard in the chest, melting a hole right through her. The guards immediately scramble, three charging right for Yellowman, with three fire crossbows at the scout.

>35, 34, 36.
The crossbow bolts merely plink off of the plates of Scott's Scout Armor

>83
A thunderclap sounds and suddenly one of the crossbowwomen is left without a head, Charlie emerging from the tall grass with a grimace.

"Always work better a bit close up, see?"

>>25389806
Who got the 1?

Anyway, looks like we'll need to find a way to the Tribute room next. I hope there's a way there that doesn't involve multiple hallways lined with traps and Ballistae.

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>>25389806
>Two charge, not three. Derp.

Yellowman takes aim again, and though it's not his best shot by any means, he manages to melt a hole through one of the two charging guards coming straight for him. The remaining guard swings with Elyse's Photon Sword, but Yellowman jumps back to avoid the blow, then ducks as another crossbow bolt sails over his head.

"Now, look ladies. I know we got off on the wrong foot, but if you put the weapons down..." Charlie says as he advances with his shotgun. His offer of love and peace is cut tragically short as the two guards respond by unloading their crossbows into his gut. With a twin 'thwack', Charlie looks down to see two wooden shafts sticking out of his abdomen.

>Charlie takes 2 wounds.

>1
Charlie looks at the blood pouring from his gut, looks at the bolts embedded within, and makes a very dumb decision.

Grunting with effort, he drops his gun, takes a bolt in either hand, and rips them from his body. This of course makes the wounds even worse, the bloodflow increasing noticeably. Charlie stares at the bloody bolts in either hand, then down at his bleeding belly, in a daze.

"You know, I'm not sure what I expected to happen," he mutters.
>Charlie takes an additional Wound.

Rolled 7, 86, 26, 63 = 182

>>25389974
Oh right, the rolls.

>>25389974
Who's carrying the Heal pots? We probably need to use one on Charlie since he's now pretty much notalive.
Scott's almost out of ammo.

The Magnetic Grappler probably can't hit the Photon sword as light, by itself, isn't magnetic - and it wouldn't be an easy shot in any case.

Aim center mass, use burning hot fire, and hope Elyse can cast spells from that distance.

>>25389988
So, that's a 7 for Yellowman, 86 for the guard attacking him, and the 26 and 63 for the remaining two guards?

>>25390034
42 MFC's left.

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Rolled 2, 27, 37, 6 = 72

>>25389988
Yellowman's next shot goes wide as the Photon Sword wielding woman closes the distance and whirls the energy blade around to crash into Yellowman's side.

"YEEEEEEEEOW!" Yellowman shouts as the blade burns through his armor, then his flesh.

>Yellowman takes 2 Wounds and the Adamant Armor ability is expended for this combat.

Another crossbow bolt thuds into Charlie, who is beginning to sway on his feet, while Scott barely dodges another from the two remaining crossbowwomen.

>Charlie and Scott are both at 1 Wound.

"I can't use any magic in this cage!" Elyse shouts, frantically. "I... I can't help!!!"

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>>25390120
=[

>>25390120
>2
Goddammit.
THIS IS WHY WE HATE YOUR ROLLING!
Fuck.
Use a Survivor point to reroll that 2.

>>25390153
>>25390145
We'll need to reroll the 2 using Charlie's rerolla top dolla power.
But someone's dying.

Rolled 9, 26, 92 = 127

>>25390120
The best way to protect important people is with a wall of expendable people absorbing bad rolls!

>>25390120
Let's just use all our reroll abilities while we're still alive.

>>25390172
Charlie could use his Lady Luck ability to allow for that 2 to be rerolled instead of using the Survivor point.

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Rolled 21, 79, 28, 28, 97 = 253

>>25390120
>>25390034
Most of the healing potions are on the donkey, but being not that stupid, Yellowman and Charlie each have one or two on them.

>2, 27.
"Your weird wand won't help you now!" the guard roars, bringing the Photon Sword around in a vertical slash. Yellowman instinctively swings the rifle up to block it in a double handed hold. The sword bites into the weapon's center until the rifle sparks and crumples inward, the metal bending to form a slight 'V'. Yellowman uses the opportunity to kick the guard in the stomach and send her stumbling back. The Scout Commander looks at the ruined rifle with disgust and throws it over one shoulder.

"Well yeah, not anymore!" he snarls as he draws Waldorf from its holster and his sabre from the other.
>Plasma Rifle broken.

The two crossbowwomen fumble at reloading their weapons, one managing to lose her grip on the crossbow during the winch-pull. The weapon goes sliding in the mud.

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Rolled 41

>>25390172
TOP DOLLA REROLLA POWA

>>25390322
HOLLA HOLLA GET REROLLA

>>25390297
I can't believe we're failing to take on 6 dudes with shittier tech than we have.

>>25390322
That had better fucking save the plasma rifle.
That reroll was supposed to happen BEFORE the thing got broken.

>>25390322
>2 becomes a 41.
>Actually the rifle doesn't break, Yellowman angles the block so that it hits the portion of the blade not blazing with photon energy. He still tosses it away though, the longarm not suited for close in combat.

>>25390356
Oh good. Well, we should keep dying repeatedly, I suppose.

Rolled 1

>>25390297
>21 v. 79
>Survivor Point burned automatically.

>>25390404
Well FUCK YOU and your shitty rolls.

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>>25390404

>>25390404
There goes the Survivor Point.
Now there's only the sole remaining Dumb Luck point to use.

Rolled 53

>>25390404
Oh no.

Well at least we still have that dumb luck point.

Use it op!

>>25390404
Hurry up and reroll for that Dumb Luck reroll.
Though at this rate, if Charlie doesn't pick up his shotgun and actually do something, he's dead.

>>25390505
If MetaOp rolls another 1, I suggest we find him and lynch him until Yellowman survives.

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>>25390404
>97
Charlie shakes his head hard and brings up his shotgun in time to blow the head off the guard that didn't lose her crossbow.

This is the last good thing that happens.

Scott brings his sabre up to block his opponent's looted Photon Sword... only to watch the energy blade cleave right through his own sword. Scott feels something large and heavy hit him on the side of the head and everything goes dark.

>Sabre lost.
>Scott loses consciousness.

Rolled 51

>>25390557
>Oh, right, dumb luck.

>>25390557
We're being looted aren't we?

>>25390572
Better then a 1.
But I'll keep the noose warm.

>>25390572
Getting really fucking tired of these rerolls always coming late, OP.

>>25390584
We have to call for them first, dude. The reroll timing is fine. Calm down.

Rolled 31, 10, 8, 69 = 118

>>25390572
The Photon Sword cleaves through the saber... and then by sheer Dumb Luck, Scott stumbles on the ground, ducking under the blow meant for him.

The lone crossbowwoman back near the cage scrambles to recover her comrade's weapon.

YOU ARE OUT OF REROLLS.

>Scott does NOT lose consciousness.
>Sabre's still broken though.

Rolled 73, 2, 28, 40 = 143

>>25390615
For fuck's sake let me roll it for once.
And use the damn healing potions before you die again.

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>>25390615
>Rolled 31, 10, 8, 69 = 118

>>25390615
Can you ask for rolls from now on? Seriously guy, I think you pissed off a gypsy or some shit with your luck.

>>25390614
We DO call for them, and then OP goes ahead and has something happen to us and THEN he rerolls, which instead of preventing what happened, only results in a "you're still fucked, but still alive" situation.

>>25390666
Nice try, Satan. But you can't get us to turn on Op that easily.

>>25390615
Scott still has Statler. Shoot the guard with the Photon Sword with Statler, and have Charlie kill the last guard with Gertrude.

End this. End this now. Please, someone who's an ally or otherwise part of our group or something PLEASE end this fight?! I can't take this ride much longer....

After this, Scott and Charlie get as many health potions as it takes. They've earned that shit.

>>25390664
Can we try this? Adversity is fine, but this should have been a standard grunt fight and we're getting horribly ass raped like we're fighting Azalin solo.

Also, are you remembering to factor in our skills and shit?

I'm tempted to sum up all of MetaOp's rolls, see what they add to, and compare to stdev and mean of the expected number of dice rolls.

>>25385935
>>25386215
>>25387096
>>25387370
>>25387845
>>25389323
>>25389806
>>25389988
>>25390120
>>25390297
>>25390322
>>25390404
>>25390572
>>25390615

File: 1371018846608.gif-(1.14 MB, 320x180, yesyes.gif)

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>>25390615
>Ha HA, this time it is YOU who the bad rolls fuck, NPCs!

>31 v 10

The guard whirls the Photon Sword around again, but Yellowman ducks under her and pushes the barrel of Waldorf under her chin.

"Say good night, Gracie," he hisses as he pulls the trigger. The guard's head promptly melts as plasma bores through it.

>69 v 8
The last guard jumps for her crossbow, grabbing it and rolling over to fire at Charlie in one last desperate move.

She forgot it still wasn't loaded.

"That's just sad," Charlie comments as he blows her brains out with his shotgun.

>BATTLE OVER!

Yellowman recovers the keys from the dead guard and hastily lets Elyse out from her cage. The newman paladin eagerly leaps out from the prison, then looks at Charlie and Scott ashamedly.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, I almost got the both of you killed! Here, I'll try to heal you..." Elyse says, making a gesture in the air. The blue-green waves of a few Resta techniques being activated in quick succession restore Yellowman to full health and Charlie to... better health.

>Yellowman heals 2 Wounds and is at 3 Wounds.
>Charlie heals 2 Wounds and is at 3 Wounds.
>Elyse is out of techniques.

>>25390795
Can't Elynae use her h4x to try to magic up some healing? She does have daily spells.
If not, can she try to get a telepathic link to FFP up, so we can ask them where they are?
We should probably find the donkey anyway.
Oh, and give the girl her sword back.

>>25390664
I might try it out for a while, see if it helps.

>>25390762
Yes, I am. There were a few rolls where your skills were the difference between success and failure here.

>>25390776
Average roll of 34.95. Distribution of rolls incoming.

Rolled 21

>>25390820
"Elyse, can you heal Charlie a little more? Oh, and here's your sword," Scott says, handing the blade back to her. She takes it with a big smile.

"Thanks, Commander Yellowman. I'm just... ah... sorry it had to... you know... almost kill you," Elyse winces. Yellowman rolls his eyes.

"PLEASE don't mention it," he says.

"Anyway, healing magic is a specialty of most paladins, so this should be easy..." Elyse says, singing a low hymn as energy cascades around her fingers.

>>25390795
>Waldorf
Waldorf's all out of energy. You mean Statler.
Waldorf ran out of juice long ago.

Have Charlie drink a light heal potion.

>>25390795
Charlie, chug a potion. Everyone carry a couple potions on them. Let's get the fuck off this world, hopefully without more fights.

...And we still have to rescue FFP.

>>25390886
>21
>Charlie heals 1 Wound and is at 4.

Elyse frowns as Charlie's wounds heal further.

"That's odd... usually I manage to heal a lot more than that. Oh well. Want me to cast again?"

Okay, so.. Go get that Rifle back, Yellowman. Status check from everyone (Elyse's gear, Charlie's shell count, power/ammo count for our weapons, etc.), and EVERYONE gets issued two healing potions to secure on their person for emergencies like this shit.

Once we're good to go, let's go survey the castle and see what we're dealing with. Maybe we can luck out and juke the guards when they try to deal with another Racer?

>>25390909
No. Just have Charlie drink a potion.

Scott, get your plasma rifle back, and loot a sword off of one of these guards.

>>25390909
No, just pot it.
Can you h4x some way to FFP?

>>25390888
Sheeeet, I DID forget that. Yes, I meant Statler.

>>25390894
>Charlie is at full health.
>Lose 1 potion.

>>25390919
Healing potions are passed out, ammo checked, gear equipped, and armor patched up.

>>25390936
"Er, you mean cast a divination spell? Sure, I can try."
>I'll take the first roll made for spell result.

Rolled 88

>>25391036
Fuck your luck.

Out of 40 rolls:
Total: 1418
Expected: 2020
Standard deviation: 180
Amount of Stdevs away from mean: 3.34

This should happen roughly 1 in every 2400 trials.

Congrats Metaop! You're in the top 0.5% for rolling poorly! That's even more unlikely than rolling a 1 on a d100! ... Unless of course it's you rolling it. ;)

>>25390919
Ammo:
Charlie's down to 25 shells (he needs to stop using the burst function on Gertrude).
Here's Scott:
2 Magazines of normal Gauss Ammunition. (12/12)(11/12)
1 Magazine of Shocking Gauss Ammunition. ( 7/12 Doubles damage against shielded targets)
1 Magazine of Seeker rounds (12/12)
41 MFCs
9 TF2-D Grenades
Powder and Shot for Flintlock

23 healing potions in total.

>>25391073
Oh, so we can still plasma rifle for a bit. Cool.

>>25391045
That gets Charlie's doubles bonus too, right?

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>>25390875
Distribution, I may keep adding MetaOP's rolls to it from now on.

>>25391045
Yep. Fuck MetaOP's luck.

WE ROLLIN' FROM NOW ON, BOYS.

>>25391243
Have you tried the distributions of others?

>>25387438
>>25387503
>>25388176
>>25388761
>>25389346
>>25389399
>>25389408
>>25389478
>>25389618
>>25389636
>>25389649
>>25389751
>>25389770
>>25390505
>>25390639
>>25391045

Just so we can see if Anon rolls better, and might indicate that there is something wrong with MetaOP's name.

>>25391068
I'm saving that for future reference.

>>25391045
My luck IS fucked.

>>25391107
It does.

Elyse's eyes glow silver as she completes the spell, a shimmering replica of the Sorceress' castle appearing in the air, made of pure light.

"I see Fat-Fot-Pot," she says. "He has already reached the castle and is being held in the menagerie here."

Elyse points to a place on the castle replica, which enlarges for a better view. The room is on the fourth floor of the castle's inner keep, in the southern turret.

"To reach it, the best way would be this breach here," Elyse intones, pointing to a section of wall nearby. A small breach, just larger than what is needed for a man to pass through is there. "They haven't managed to patch it yet, so it's covered by an illusion spell. Once we have our friend back, the gate we seek is here."

Elyse points to a subterranean chamber a few floors underneath the main keep.

"By using the secret passages here, here, and here, we can get around most of the guards," Elyse finishes, pointing out several hidden doors and tunnels. "...but we may still encounter a few guardians."

The light fades from her eyes as the replica vanishes. She blinks.

"How was that?"

Elyse spell count: 6/9.

>>25391291
>Elyse spell count: 6/9.
Should be 5/9, because it was 7/9 from her first divination attempt, then 6/9 from healing Charlie.

>>25391291
Elyse is new best friend!

Well, let's go grab FFP, after making sure our gear's in order.

We can't take the Donkey with us as it won't fit, so we'd better load up with the healing and the jewellery and the ammo and the stuff.
One of the gaurds probably left a sword for us to use, if our saber got broke.

>>25391337
Everything into the chest!

>>25391318
Goddamn, I am NOT on the ball for counting tonight.

>>25391337
Yes, you can replace the sword easily enough. With your new friend Luggage Jr, you can easily transport everything the donkey had on it.

Plan of action?

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>>25391346
That would be an interesting topological exercise.

>>25391346
Pretty much.

We may as well strip the guards of valuables and put them in the Luggage as well, in case we have a chance to sell them later.

>>25391337
I concur with this. Take all the swords, but forget the crossbows.

>>25391364
Go to the place covered by an illusion spell, WALK RIGHT IN, WALK WALK WALK RIGHT IN, head to the Southern Turret and ascend. If anything tries to stop us on the way, use GUN on LESBIAN.

>>25391364
I vote we follow Elyse's suggested course. Milk that high roll for as much as we can.

>>25391389
Note: Due to Scott's relatively high STEALTH, we might be able to AVOID fighting, by staying alert, and making less noise when guards are nearby.

Stealth, of course, cannot be relied upon to work - so it's best we have the .45 caliber backup plan handy.

>>25391405
Hehehe milk

>>25391364
Put everything that was on Bob the Donkey, into the Luggage.
Loot the guards for everything, put it all in the Luggage.
Take one of their swords, give it to Scott to replace the saber.

Then we look and try to get to the unrepaired hole in the wall without getting seen.

If only we could set up some kind of distraction so that we could get there without running into guards.

>>25391411
Well if we're not using the Donkey any more, we could always send it running.
Be aware that using violence on a Donkey tends to make it kick, though.

Rolled 28, 46, 48 = 122

>>25391389
>>25391405
>>25391410
>>25391449
Scott rigs a carrot on a stick to get the donkey moving towards the castle walls by itself while he and the others move for the breach.

Rolled 66, 63, 54 = 183

>>25391500
O rly?

>>25391500
The donkey distraction doesn't seem to be much help, but thanks to some quick thinking by Scott and some faster moving into shadows, the group reaches the breach in the walls without being noticed and enters.

The outer courtyard of the castle is relatively normal considering its occupants. The only features of note are all the statues lined up along the walkways.

"That is a lot of naked people," Yellowman comments as he looks at the statues.

"Those are some... creative poses," Charlie murmurs.

"H-how vulgar," Elyse says, quickly looking away.

I require another three rolls if you wish to proceed on.

>>25391533
>>25391563
But I already

>>25391533
>>25391563
That'll do.

Scott and the others creep through the statue-infested courtyard towards the inner keep, barely managing to keep one step ahead of the guard patrols despite Scott's consummate skill at moving unseen. Elyse's heavy armor and unpracticed attempts at stealth are beginning to become a problem, not to mention the walking chest behind her.

Still, on reaching the wall of the inner keep, the first of the secret doors is found. The young paladin pushes a certain brick in the keep wall and a hidden door swings inward, revealing a small access tunnel.

Another three rolls, please.

Rolled 33, 35, 34 = 102

>>25391613
5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... post post post

>>25391618
>33 34 35
I don't even.

>>25391618
>33, 34, 35.

VON COUNT'S REVENGE!

Elyse stumbles and falls during the trip through the tunnel, her armor making a loud clanging sound that surely has drawn the notice of someone nearby...

>33
"What was that?"

"Someone probably forgot to grease the feed-chute for the rust monster again."

"Oh."

...but some form of luck is still with the group.

Elyse leads everyone from the tunnel into what looks like a small auxiliary library, shelfs of tattered tomes and an oaken table set with a candle the only furnishings here. A bookcase turning around on its center grants them access.

"OK, now we just need to sneak down the hall here, take the stairs up three floors, and get in the door to the right," Elyse whispers.

Four dice, please, if you wish to move on.

Rolled 71, 70, 45, 12 = 198

>>25391721
OK captain

>>25391742
>>25391721
Shit, I 12'd

>>25391721
>VON COUNT'S REVENGE!
Someone needs to make this into an achievement poster.

>>25391721
Can we loot the auxiliary library before we go? Might be useful magic books or something. Or the tome of love.

>>25391813
Does the tome itself rape you?
This is Oglaf, after all

>>25391813
Sure, roll a d100.

Rolled 34

>>25391828
Nope, it does have mouths and vaginas on it's pages so you can fuck it though.
There's also a tome of forbidden love, but yeah.

>>25391847
DICE ROLL!

Rolled 32, 91 = 123

>>25391847
Can we games of chance this, since it's a loot roll?

>>25391856
Sure are rockin' them 30s.

>>25391859
You can GoC any roll... too bad you were a hair too late.

>>25391856
>34
Scott browses the library real fast, but finds nothing of interest. On the other hand, Elyse's swift intervention keeps him from activating the curses on a few shelves of dubious books on necromancy.

Falling asleep at the keyboard, so we're stopping here for the night. Thanks for playing! We'll be back tomorrow at the same time to finish up this thread.

Bump

When we get to the Menagerie, we need to warn people to not touch anything. There's a lot of dangerous stuff in there that we don't want to have to deal with.

Bump

>>25396281

Think the Sorceress might have chosen to keep Fat-Fot-Pot in the menagerie? Or would they be located in the treasure room

>>25401481
When Elyse did the Divination, she was looking for Fat-Fot-Pot, and indicated they're in the Menagerie.

Guess I sit on my op and wait for ass.

>>25402519
Where's that ass?

>>25403427
Tonight I learned after being lost for an hour, never to trust "shortcuts" given to me by my father.

>>25391742
Elyse is quick to learn from Scott's example, her noise generation falling off considerably as she begins to mimick the veteran scout's careful but steady footsteps. Even the trained Mimic seems to be able to maintain some degree of stealth, and though they are forced to duck into alcoves or thankfully empty rooms more than once, they make it to the Menagerie room without any alarm being raised.

"Commander!" Fat and Pot cry in unison, Fat Fot Pot jumping up and down in a delicate silver cage.

"Hooooweeee mama, that was a close call! We were afraid we'd seen the last of you!" Pot says, wriggling on its disc. "And we got thrown in prison to boot! I've never been in jail before! This doesn't go on my record, right?"

"No," Yellowman says, looking around. "It doesn't."

The Menagerie is what it sounds like, a large circular room filled with cages contained creatures both fierce and small, or fierce and large, or just plain fierce. Fat-Fot-Pot are decidedly out of place in the circles of caged beasts, which growl, hiss, and cry angrily as the team enters.

"Know where your key is, Fat?" Yellowman asks.

"Uh-uh," Fat says, shaking its leaves. Scott sighs.

"Nothing's easy."

>>25405126
Silly Yellowman. Elyse has an energy sword. Have her delicately slice off the hinges, get them out, and let's continue on our way. Try NOT to disturb the lock itself. That's where an alarm might be rigged or something.

>>25405210
Please roll a d100.

Rolled 100

>>25405253
quietly and carefully.

>>25405253

>>25405277
I always liked you Codeki.

Also, the cage is made of silver. Wouldn't it be possible to just bend the bars? Silver is a pretty soft metal after all.

>>25405277
>100
>Elyse may gain a new skill.

Elyse slices the top off of the cage with a smooth motion, then her ears twitch. With a sudden burst of speed, she whirls around and throws the blade across the room. The Photon Sword sails through the air, then impales a guard sneaking along the far wall. The scantily clad warrior gives a gurgling gasp, then falls still.

"Wow. Remind me never to try and sneak up on you," Charlie comments.

"Nice moves, Elyse," Yellowman nods. "Huh. Looks like she was heading for that cage over there. It looks like just a hawk, though."

>>25405600
A hawk or is it a messenger hawk? Mind if we take a looksee

>>25405600
>It looks like just a hawk, though.
Take it! Take it Take it Take it!

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Loot. . .

Make sure it has blinders on before getting close.

>>25405600
Might be the eye-beam-zapping hawk.. We've taken enough damage this world I honestly advise against it. Let's get out of here and out of this world. Elyse might not catch the next guard so fast.

Also, make sure to reclaim that sword.

As for skills, what would you guys suggest for her? Maybe something to raise her reactions and/or bonuses against stealthing opponents?

>>25405730
It only attacks when you command it, it's a very well trained bird.

>>25405647
Yellowman approaches the bird. It indeed has a blinding hood attached securely to it.

"Well I guess we can take it with us... Maybe stuff it in the mimic? How much air is in there?" Scott muses.

"Why bother? It's just a bird," Charlie says. Scott shakes his head.

"Appearances, appearances, Chuck. I have my reasons," Scott says.

Elyse pulls her sword from the wall with some effort, putting one armored boot on the wall and pushing away. The sword comes free on the third try, causing her to stumble back a little.

"Okay, I'm ready to go," she says, slinging the sword over her back. "Uh... Should we hide the body or something?"

>>25405828
Yes, we should try to hide the body somehow.
And I doubt that Elyse would agree to dressing up in the guard's uniform, despite what Charlie and Scott, and some of the Command Crew, may want.

If nothing else, we can put the body in the Luggage for later disposal.

>>25405828
Yeah, move it to a corner or at least out of sight.

Should also take any valuables off her.

>>25405858
>And I doubt that Elyse would agree to dressing up in the guard's uniform
Hey, it won't hurt to ask. She's not Lyla, we won't get punched for just asking.

>>25405937
Where would she change?

She hit Scott just for asking if she could see the city. You don't think she'd smack him for asking her to get naked in front of him and Charlie?

>>25405858
>>25405937
That's a silly idea. And one we shouldn't need to do. Besides, I doubt she'd switch out of her Crusade-issue gear willingly. Hide the body, loot it for valuable things, tuck away whatever weapons they had, and let's get going.

>>25405963
Tempt not the wrath of a Paladin. I agree with Codeki.

>>25405963
As I recall in the Menagerie room, there's a curtain sectioning off the "Meh" tributes from the "I like it" tributes.
She can change behind that curtain.

>>25405993
Hiding the body may be easier if we just stuff it into the Luggage.
And we should loot that silver cage. No telling what kind of economy we'll encounter in the next world, and precious metals are usually a good bartering item.

Alright, then.
So no asking Elyse to change costumes, we loot the body for valuables, we hide it, and we loot the silver cage, and we're looting the laser-eye blasting falcon.
Are we looting any of the other monsters, or are we going now?

>>25406186
Going. Dear god, we're going. The end of this world is so close now!

>>25406186
Take the bird, loot the body and let's go. I'd like to leave this world two threads ago.

>>25406236
Maybe we'll get lucky and end up somewhere simple, like the JLU universe (if we do, we're investing a point in companion retaining and recruiting The Question.)

>>25406236
You're not the only one.

>>25406205
Sorry for the delay, scarfed a late and quick dinner. Please roll 4 more dice.

Rolled 5, 7, 46, 16 = 74

>>25406397
Come on, dice! Let's leave this world!

Rolled 46, 64, 18, 87 = 215

Please no bad rolls!

Rolled 7, 11, 68, 63 = 149

>>25406397

Rolled 49, 61, 80, 34 = 224

>>25406458
Well, we're fucked.

>>25406458
Sorry guys, the first result is alway the one to be taken.

The creatures make an increasingly loud racket as the group stuff first the guard's body in Luggage Jr, then the hooded hawk.

>Gain Laser Hawk.

"Goddammit, someone shut them up!" Yellowman hisses, closing the Mimic's 'lid'.

"How? Shooting them will be just as bad as anything else!" Charlie says, raising his voice to be heard over the howling beast.

"Let's just get out of here fast! Before we're discovered! We just have to retrace our steps, then there's another secret doo-"

Elyse is cut off as she opens the door to the hall only to promptly be forced to hit the deck as a beam of magical energy zaps over her head. Scott's face scrunches up a little.

"...is that a living bundle of sticks?" he mutters.

True enough, there is a humanoid figure shambling towards the doorway, composed entirely of polished sticks of varying kinds. Some are set with gems, some are carved with runes, and some look just like big twigs.

>>25406657
WAND GOLEMS!

SHIT!

Be careful, who knows what spells are set in those wands.

>>25406657
Wand Golem!
Do we have any fire? Also be careful, because breaking it my cause a chain reaction and a catastrophic explosion.

>>25406657
Oh fuck, Wand Golem!
Elyse, can you hit it with some kind of disjunction or anti-magic field?

>>25406692
>hit it with some kind of disjunction or anti-magic field?
Where's Fumbles when we need him?

>>25406692
"Elyse, can you pull some sort of dispelling magic on it? You managed to lift the curse on Sam, after all!" Yellowman shouts.

"I... I'll try!" Elyse says, rolling up to a kneeling position and beginning to shape a ball of raw magic in between her fingers.

Roll a d100

Rolled 24

>>25406692
No disjunction. Dispelling is fine, but who knows what wards or other spells are holding this place together that may come tumbling down from a disjunction.

>>25406765

Rolled 16

>>25406765
Here goes.

>>25406779
Elyse's ball of magic fizzles and disperses in her hands. The pointy-eared paladin winces and turns to Yellowman.

"I... I can't get past its magical defenses!"

>>25406845
We can either shoot it with plasma and shotgun shells, and hope that it breaks some wands, or we could try to use the Laser Hawk.

Or what if we try to use the Ring of Bliss on the golem?

Finally, there's still a flask of water from the Fountain of Girl.

>>25406845
Right. Pull out that guard body real quick, throw it at the Wand Golem to knock it down, and RUN AWAY!

And try to avoid being on fire!

>>25406927
If the Luggage can spit out the body with some force, then it might be possible.

>>25406984
Even if it can't, Scott and Charlie can throw the body together.

>>25407070
Actually, Elyse has a Belt of Giant Strength, which gives a +10 to Strength checks. So she should be the one to throw the body.

>>25406845
Right then.
Luggage, spit out the guard body.
Elyse, throw the body at the wand golem to knock it down.
Then everyone run!

>>25407245
>>25407122
I require two d100 rolls.

Rolled 57, 30 = 87

Please sweet Desna work!

Rolled 68, 85 = 153

>>25407273

from the same person?

Rolled 100, 25 = 125

>>25407273

Rolled 63, 52 = 115

>>25407273
FUCK EVERYTHING!

>>25407290
I hate that only the first roll is used right now.

>>25407320
That's how it's always been. The only difference is it's us rolling instead of MetaOp.

Rolled 37, 89 = 126

>>25407320
Still, it's a statistically better result than if we let MetaOP roll for us.

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75 KB JPG

>>25407282
The Luggage spits out the guard's body and Elyse quickly grabs it, lifting it over her head with a giant's strength to chuck it at the Wand Golem. The construct stumbles back and the group bolts, charging past it as fast as they can.

It isn't fast enough.

Roll 4d100.

Rolled 88, 88, 6, 98 = 280

>>25407369

Rolled 32, 56, 9, 67 = 164

>>25407369
Come on, let's escape.

>>25407378
In a stunning show of agility, everyone manages to evade the storm of magical energy that follows them down the hall.

All except for Charlie, who vanishes in a puff of smoke to be replaced by a fat toad.

>>25407507
Right then. Elyse, kiss the toad.

>>25407521
Fuck that, just grab the toad and run! We'll dispel the curse when we're away from the damned Wand Golem!

>>25407543
She can kiss and run. Or are you one of those people who have trouble with the whole breathing while you walk thing?

>>25407566
No, I'm concerned with Charlie's momentary disorientation after the transformation is dispelled which may make him into a sitting duck for the Wand Golem.

>>25407623
We'll have Elyse wedding carry him as we go.

>>25407521
>>25407543
Scott scoops up the frog as the group dashes down the hall. He holds it out towards Elyse.

"Here!" he shouts.

"Why are you pointing that thing at me?!" Elyse shouts.

"Kiss it!" Scott shouts.

"What? No!!"

"Kissing a frog makes them turn back to normal!" Scott yells. "...sometimes!"

"...I'll just cast a spell on him later!" Elyse says as everyone reaches the stairs and runs down them, being pelted with rubble as stray magic beams blow apart part of the wall where they had been standing just a little bit before.

"Halt!" a group of guards declares, assuming a formation in the hall the stairs open up into.

"No!" Scott says, barreling past them.

"HIT THE DECK!" another guard shrieks as the Wand Golem continues its pursuit, zapping heedlessly around it as it runs after Scott and company. A bolt of magic turns a guardswomen to dust and another to grape jelly as Elyse, Scott, FFP, and Luggage Jr. dash around a corner.

Roll 4 more dice.

Rolled 98, 41, 37, 52 = 228

>>25407717
Shouldn't it be 3 because Charlie is a Frog and in Scott's hands?

>>25407717
>Wand Golem still shooting at us and keeping up
I thought that thing couldn't move that fast.
Must have gotten upgrades.

>>25407776
Wait, does this count as a Retreat, because we're running? If so, Scott has that +20 to running away, and FFP gets to use Yellowman's roll if it's better than theirs.

>>25407801
Haste spells are a bitch.

>>25407776
Oh, that last roll is to check for... a certain arrival.

>98, 41, 37

Between the secret passages found out by Elyse and Yellowman's sheer talent for getting the FUCK out of dodge, the group manages to shake off the Wand Golem's pursuit in short order and find the path to the secret passage that leads down to the gate chamber. They are NOT however, able to avoid the increasing number of guards roaming the halls, however. The pair bowl them over to reach the exit, taking a pair of crossbow bolts for their troubles. Fat-Fot-Pot flies behind, easily evading the projectiles.

>Elyse takes 1 Wound. Scott's Wound negated by armor.

Chased by guards, Elyse leads Scott to what looks like an empty antechamber. Whirling around to face the line of angry women with crossbows, spears, and swords approaching them, Elyse smiles.

Without a word, she suddenly stomps on a flagstone in front of her. The floor collapses inward and Scott and Elyse fall into darkness, the floor sealing closed above them. With a jarring impact, both fall onto a greased chute and begin sliding at great speed downwards towards a circle of light.

"NEXT TIME, I PICK THE SECRET PASSAGE!" Scott shouts over the roaring air streaming over the pair. Fat-Fot-Pot strains its hover-discs to keep up as finally Elyse, Scott, and the Luggage Jr. emerge into a small antechamber, falling into a heap at the end of the chute.

"I hate chutes," Yellowman grumbles.

"You really love to complain, you know that?" Elyse frowns, getting up.

"Before I took this job, I was an optimist," Scott replies.

The antechamber looks to have once been used for some sort of storage, several carved stone shelves set into the walls, but they are all empty now and coated with dust. A single door is set into the wall.

>>25408352
Okay, we've got a few seconds.
For fuck's sake, Elyse, just kiss the damn frog. Which is more important, a little embarrassment or saving your magic for getting out of this world alive?

Scott, check the door, see if it's got one of those big old-fashioned keyholes that you can see through. Check if the coast is clear.

>>25408425
"But... but..." Elyse says, her face slowly turning red. "It's... it's..."

Elyse mumbles something under her breath.

>>25408457
Elyse, 'breaking a curse' kisses don't count as kiss kisses unless that's a condition of breaking the curse. Either way, it's not like things are gonna be weirder than they already are.

Now kiss Sam, save a spell slot, and chug a health potion just in case.

>>25408457
"You don't even need to kiss it on the lips, on top of the head is fine. What are you waiting for?
"Wait, don't tell me it's your first kiss and you've been saving it for someone special? I'd expect something like that from a girl of the TSAB.
"It's not a real kiss, just lip contact to fulfill the requirements of the curse. Now let's do this and get moving before the guards figure out where we are."

>>25408538
The frog is charlie, not sam.

>>25408568
Ehh.. Yeah. Okay; whatever. Point still stands.

Now, let's find that portal and scoot after she breaks the curse!

>>25408457
Cast remove curse or kiss the frog. Whatever you do, do it quickly!

>>25408567
Elyse only gets redder at the rebuke. "It's... it's not... It's not that silly, these sort of things are important!"

"Look, no one is going to count this as a kiss, it's just a weird method of lip-utilizing dispelling," Scott says, waving a hand. Elyse frowns.

"...if I do, you tell NO ONE, understand?" Elyse says. Scott draws his fingers across his lips to indicate silence while Fat-Fot-Pot attempts and fails to mimic the gesture.

"All... allright..." Elyse murmurs, holding up Charlie and kissing him lightly on the head.

Absolutely nothing happens.

>>25408681
DAMNIT! WHY CAN'T ANYTHING EVER BE EASY!

>>25408681
>dat failure
rofl

>>25408681
Wait, wait, let's give it another second.
Oglaf Frog Curses have a time-delay when they get dispelled.

>>25408765
"I... just kissed a frog for nothing, didn't I?" Elyse whispers as she looks at the frog.

"No, no..." Scott says, wincing. There is dead silence for a full twenty seconds. "...Okay, yes."

"You made me give my first kiss to a frog..." Elyse whispers. "...and I STILL have to try a decurse."

"It doesn't COUNT as a kiss!" Scott protests. "Look sometimes, you have to do terrible, terrible, gross things to survive in this dog curse dog world. If I told you some of the things I had to d-"

"Oh yeah?" Elyse fumes, glaring at Yellowman. "Name one thing!"

"No!" Scott says. "I left those memories behind! And thanks to the sweet sweet wonder of neuralization technology, I never have to remember my tour of duty in... Look, can we just de-frog Charlie and get the hell out of here?"

"Fine!" Elyse says, beginning to cast again.

Roll 1d100.

Rolled 78

>>25408902
We're going to fail again, aren't we.

>>25408902
Scott, tell her one of the least embarressing embarressing things to stay on her good side. Like when you and the BAT had a stalled firefight for a good 20 minutes at about 10 feet apart.

That way she thinks it's big, and knows a secret and stays happy.

>>25408963
Nope.

Elyse summons a ball of shining light and shoots it into the frog. The frog convulses, then turns into Charlie, who grins at Elyse toothily.

"So... I was your first kiss, huh?" he asks.

"You know I can reverse the dispel, right?" Elyse threatens. Charlie winces and looks away.

"You're an ice cold dame, you know that, right?" Charlie asks.

"Dame' is also a term for female knight, so yeah, technically that's right," Scott nods. "Anyway, can we get on with the moving on?"


Elyse spells: 3/9.

>>25409089
Alright Scott. First, look through the keyhole, make sure that the coast is clear before proceeding. Let's not screw this up when we're so close to the end.

>>25409089
Go on with going on.

Dammit, you know what we forgot to loot? The silver cage that FFP were in.

Hey MetaOP, did we loot that cage, or was it forgotten?

>>25409155
Roll me a d100.

>>25409230
Forgotten.

Rolled 38

>>25409259
I hope we don't end up needing that silver later.

Rolled 43

>>25409259

>>25409089
So why didn't it work?

Rolled 56, 58, 38, 47, 70, 20, 2, 83, 22, 34, 57, 75, 96, 43 = 701

Well, seems like MetaOP's luck is rubbing off on the players.

>>25409304
Yellowman kneels down and presses his eye against the keyhole...

...and promptly screams in pain as a poison needle trap triggers, jabbing him in the eyeball.

Shrieking shrilly, Yellowman stumbles back, clutching at his bleeding eye as Elyse hastily scrambles to cast a healing spell.

Roll a d100.

Rolled 4

>>25409448
Fucking dice.