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- and moments later, Boss Bawss Fistboss lands once more on desert sands, hearing the thump-thump-thump of multiple bodies landing alongside him.

"WHY," the elder kobold repeats, looking more than a little disturbed by his plans getting flipped/turned-upside-down, the other kobolds clustering around him in a defensive formation. The pizza delivery guy shakes out his soaked shoes before plopping the pizza-holding bag on the ground. "Here we are! Is a Queen Kilkkarak here?"

"Yes-yes, that's me!" the Scaratone Queen chitters, slowly making her way across the sand. Next to her, Celicia doesn't even bother staring or looking shocked at the sudden influx of newcomers out of nowhere, instead turning to Boss Bawss. "What took you so long, where were you, and who the hell are these guys?" she grumbles, lighting up her fifth celebratory post-battle cigarette in so many minutes.

"They're the kobolds, an' we're all gonna have a great big pizza party 'cause they dragged me out from between realities I think," Boss Bawss starts to explain. "I'm gonna try to talk 'em down from-"

(Cont.)

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>>25666039

"YOOOOOU!"

Everyone, even the pizza delivery guy, gives a start as that vengeful, wrath-filled howl echoes across the desert sands. The very embodiment of wrath crests the dune in front of the gathering, a pickaxe clutched in each gloved hand, wild eyes peering out through a beard that has all hairs standing on end.

"/YOU/!!" Lockstock roars again, striding purposefully toward the gathered kobolds, his weapons upraised. "I WILL END YOU ALL, AND DEMAND AN ACCOUNTING FOR EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THE LOST DWARVEN KINGDOMS," the dwarf raves. The small group of kobolds turn to face this new threat- the front row hefts their weapons, while the kobolds in the back row immediately drop their clawed hands toward their pockets, and the elder kobold starts chanting something in another tongue.

Boss Bawss Fistboss scratches his head. Perhaps... perhaps he should have thought this through a little more.

For the moment, Celicia and Queen Kilkkarak are too stunned to do anything but watch, while the other ogres present haven't quite caught up with what's going on. There are a small group of your allied skeletons off to the side, unresponsive as always without any direct orders, and patchwings are just about everywhere, cawing raucously.

(Cont.)

>How do you defuse the situation?
[ ] [INTERVENE] Step between Lockstock and the Kobolds. Physically hold back Lockstock while you try to talk them all down.
[ ] [OGRES] Get all ogres present to hold back Lockstock and the kobolds. This is too big for just one ogre to handle.
[ ] [ALLIES] Get ALL your present allies to intervene; the kobolds are a relative unknown, and we don't know whether they'll try something.
[ ] [HANDS-OFF] Let them resolve their differences on their own, but step in if the situation starts getting dangerous.
[ ] [WRITE-IN]

OGRES!

>>25666082
Ok, that wasn't actually intended as an option vote, but since it's already out there I'll stand by it.

>>25666057
>[X] [OGRES

>>25666057
Ogres, big boss is big, but not that big.

>>25666057
[ ] [INTERVENE] Step between Lockstock and the Kobolds. Physically hold back Lockstock while you try to talk them all down.

>>25666057
Everyone! Group hug time.

(X) OGRES!

[X]Intervene
No need to make too big a fuss.
"No counting at the party, we got our pizza here"

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>>25666057
>[X] [OGRES]

Boss Bawss Fistboss makes his decision- but there's not a whole lot of time left before the pickaxe-wielding Lockstock closes the distance and starts mining the kobolds for BLOOD AND VENGEANCE.

This isn't a problem, however, because ogres.

"Boys! To me!" the larger ogre roars, throwing himself in front of Lockstock and trying to block his advance- to no avail. The dwarf is shorter, sure, but almost every inch of him is covered in muscles and unadulterated rage.

For the very first time in his life, Boss Bawss Fistboss is bowled aside like a tenpin after a mere two seconds.

But that two seconds is all it takes. With roars ranging from "WAAAGH" to "YAAAAAH" to "BATTLE CRYYYY," more and more ogres start joining the fray, lunging at Lockstock to block him with their considerable bulk. For each ogre knocked aside, two more takes his place; in a matter of moments, the dwarf disappears underneath a pile of lumbering blue brutes, pinned to the ground.

The kobolds don't let their guard down, however, and a few even start inching toward the prone dwarf with their weapons raised- that is, until a handful of ogres move to stand in front of them with their arms crossed across barrel-wide chests.

"Gerroff me, you- you- Boss Bawss!" Lockstock yells, struggling mightily. "Let me at them! They destroyed the dwarven kingdoms through filthy, nefarious means! They're nothing but murderers!"

The kobolds shift uncomfortably, but they stand their ground, most glaring down at the dwarf. The elder kobold spits on the sand. "Pah!" he snarls. "If we attack YOU, it's called 'murder,' but if you do it to anyone not a human, elf, dwarf, or orc, it's called 'monster hunting'? You had it coming. Oh, yes."

... well, Boss Bawss has them where he wants them, but now he's going to need to say something to actually DEFUSE this situation.

[ ] [WRITE-IN]

>>25666057
>[ ] [ALLIES] Get ALL your present allies to intervene; the kobolds are a relative unknown, and we don't know whether they'll try something.
All hands on deck!

>>25667043
We need to figure out what's going on. Ask the kobolds if they destroyed it. Anyway, we should find our map and see if the kingdoms are really gone, and if so, put them back.

>>25667043
Ask the kobolds to explain themselves. If they truly did irrevocably destroy the dwarflands, then I say we krump the lot of em. Lockstock woulda done the same for us.

>>25667043
[X] PIZZA PARTY, TALK OVER FOOD

>>25667194
This, nothing like pizza to heal all wounds!

>>25667179
>irrevocably
OGRES

>>25667194
This. When was the last time anyone had a decent meal?

And don't forget about the map!

Rolled 44

>>25667043

It's time to put Lockstock in time out.

"There's been enough Krumpin' Lockstock.

Time.

Out.

Put a conveniently fashioned "Timeout" hat on his head.

>>25667270
This

>>25667270
Crazy plan that I support, unrequested doubles rolled... How /OGRES/.

>>25667270
I doubt ogres is enough to make this a good idea. He just lost his whole civilization.
>>25667043
We got to fix this with a map and an intervention before we can make peace here.

>>25667673
I hear the calls for mapping and possible intervention; that'll come after this next post!

>>25666057
Look, we can fix this. We have [CUE DRAMATIC MUSIC] THE MAP!

>>25667696
Wait, what? Didn't we just use the luck intervention for our big kaiju battle?

I don't mind having it often, but in-world it's been what, an hour since the last one? That seems excessive, even for ogres.

>>25667722
Bring the map! we just have to draw the Dwarves back on! It's fool-proof!

>>25667897
To START it at the end of thread 20.
21 was the actual battle itself, and 100% pure /tg/ luck.
22 was mostly story with the Kobolds.

Good to see this still going

>>25666028
Ogre quest?

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

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>>25667043
>[X] TIME OUT
>[X] Kobolds got some explaining to do
>[X] PIZZA

"Boss," Celicia hisses. "Say something already!"

"... nah," Boss Bawss replies, rolling his shoulders. "This isn't the time for a big huge speech."

"Then what IS it time for!?"

The larger ogre looks down at the elf, giving her his usual, possibly deceptive simpleton's grin. "Now is the time for action." And with that, he lumbers toward the yelling match.

"- destroyed it all, ye daft bastards! Our hopes, our dreams, our people, our architecture, and our generations' worth of alcohol-related secrets-" Prone on the ground, Lockstock blinks and looks up as Boss Bawss stands over him, blotting out the desert sun.

"There's been enough krumpin' for now, Lockstock," the large ogre rumbles.

The dwarf bristles again. "But-!"

"Shhh," Boss Bawss soothes, pulling a hat out of nowhere and placing it over Lockstock's already-helmeted head. Being scaled for ogres (or possibly TWO ogre heads), the hat slides down over the dwarf's brow, covering his eyes and nose and leaving only the beard sticking out. Lockstock's struggles cease instantly.

"No anger, now. Only time out." Boss Bawss then straightens up, sweeping his gaze across the assembled people and/or creatures clustered around the base of the downed Ogir Place golem. Eventually, he pins the kobolds with a /look/. "A'right. So. You guys gotta explain yourselves."

"Wait. Hold it," Celicia interjects, massaging her temples with one hand. "Aren't we forgetting something here?"

Boss Bawss blinks. And then he strokes his chin in thought.

(Cont.)

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>>25668646
Some minutes later, everyone is seated in the shade of Ogir Place, chewing on slices of that strange topping-covered breadstuffs given to them by that equally strange delivery man.

"... this is NOT what I meant," Celicia grumbles around a mouthful of pizza.

She's poked in the shoulder by the point of one of the Scaratone Queen's legs. "Hush you, and enjoy the meal. It's delicious, yes-yes! What is this made from, again?"

Celicia frowns at her slice of pizza. Come to think of it, she's not quite certain herself. "Best as I can tell, bread, some sort of sauce, cheese, and-"

"What is this 'cheese' you speak of?"

"Processed cow's milk."

There's a contemplative silence from Queen Kilkkarak as she, in turn, examines the slice of pizza held the surprisingly delicate grip of her 'hands.' "Certain that's hygienic, are you?"

"Compared to what YOU eat- okay, no, I'm not having this damn conversation right now," Celicia growls, taking another savage bite from her pizza. "And what's his problem, anyway?" she adds, jerking a thumb at where Lockstock is sitting quite calmly with the hat still covering his eyes.

Queen Kilkkarak tilts her head. "... I think he thinks it's night time," she finally decides.

(Cont.)

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>>25668682
Meanwhile, Boss Bawss Fistboss sits with the kobolds, the small group surrounded by a bunch of fairly vigilant pizza-munching ogres.

"Dat hit the spot," Boss Bawss sighs, patting his stomach. "Now dat we all got a full stomach, NOW we can start talkin' about how you may or may not 'ave ended the dorfs. Right?"

Most of the kobolds have yet to do more than nibble nervously at their pizzas- except for the kobold elder, who has yet to break his imperious eye contact with Boss Bawss. "Of course we have," he replies evenly. "Even if you hold /us/ here, our plans are already in motion. We will give them all a taste of what they have been inflicting upon the kobolds for centuries."

Boss Bawss narrows his eyes. "'Them'?"

"The dwarves. The elves, the humans, the orcs." The kobold elder growls, his lips peeling back slightly to reveal fanged teeth. "And don't even think about getting high and mighty about the true essence of 'krumping' and your diplomacy," he adds in a low voice. "If they would have worked, we would have tried to come to an agreement years ago. Centuries ago!"

Boss Bawss sighs again. Untangling this may be something of a furball.

>CHOOSE ONE OF:
[A1] [MAP] Explore the Ur-Cartography option. If the dwarflands are LITERALLY gone, maybe we can fix it with The Map.
[B1] [OGIR PLACE] Focus on fixing Ogir Place. We need to get our base up and running before we can do anything else.
[C1] [ALLIES] Get your allies' input on your next course of action.

>ALSO, CHOOSE ONE OF:
[A2] [END KOBOLDS] We're not going to get anywhere with them. Krump the kobolds, we don't need this kind of loose end hanging around.
[B2] [ENLIST KOBOLDS] Convince the kobolds that there's another path other than mutual annihilation.
[C2] [IMPRISON] Lock the kobolds up right now; leave them until later so we can focus on Ur-Cartography and/or fixing Ogir Place.

>ALSO
[WRITE-INS]

>>25668757
A1 and B2

>>25668757
hmm, lets go with maping shit together again, and inlisting the kobolds. They seem like decent sorts, their just not ready to love again.

>>25668757
>[MAP] We can fix Ogir Place when Blorp finally gets back into the civ aspect of this quest.

>[WRITE-IN] Warning.

"Listen. You've had free run of krumping those other boys, and you've probably krumped a lot of them.

But if you ever, if you even think, of coming after me and my boys.

If you ever think about coming after us and our allies.

I will find ya.

And I will kill ya.

Also, are we splitting the bill for the pizza or is anyone shouting this?"

>>25668757
[A1] If the lands are gone, fix them. In true OGRE fashion.
[B2] No one gets left behind. Not now, not ever. If ogres were thought of as dumb as a sack of hammers at the bottom of a frozen pond, and yet still could do even a quarter of what has been done, then we owe it to everyone to make the best civilization ever.
One where former enemies can meet peacefully and overcome social and political differences, where the old xenophobia and ignorance of yesteryear are no more.

>>25668757
>[A1] [MAP] Explore the Ur-Cartography option. If the dwarflands are LITERALLY gone, maybe we can fix it with The Map.
[B2] [ENLIST KOBOLDS] Convince the kobolds that there's another path other than mutual annihilation.

>>25668757
A1 and B1

Rolled 88

>>25668757

Remove the timeout hat from Lockstock.

"Ya calm down? Good. Now let's be gent- gentle- good boyz and sit down and have da talks. Krumpin' aint gonna solve dis, Lockstock, 'specially wit da bad blood between da Kobolds and EVERYONE else, ya understand?"

"I's all for krumpin' when the krumpin' needs ta be done. But dese here are good folk who have been mistreated for too long and now theys taken da fight ta yous and yours and thems. We's gonna fix 'dis, okay? We's gonna fix da problem before more krumpin' happens and more good boyz are killed.

"Are ya wit me, Lockstock?"

>>25669232
Bullshit. These Kolbold deserve to burn. The destroyed the entire mountain ranges of the Dwarves, our allies.

They krumped us and our friends, and they need to get krumped straight back.

>>25669278
Krumping just leads to more krumping! to krump them is to invalidate all that we have worked so hard to achieve!

Rolled 8

>>25669278

Sure they deserve to burn. But they're taking advantage of the ogres shenanigans to finally get back at their oppressors. We need to head this off before things turn truly ugly for us and the rest of.. well, EVERYONE.

Plus Ogres. And Da Mappa.

A1
What's the map even for if not this?
B2
No sense krumping when things are going okay. If this fails we can always change our minds later, but the inverse isn't necessarily true.

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>>25668757
>[X] [A1] Explore the map option!
>[X] [B2] Try to enlist the kobolds.

Boss Bawss frowns as something occurs to him. "... hold dat thought. I'll be back inna moment."

The larger ogre stands up and lumbers over toward the ogres' master spellcaster, squatting down next to him. Judging by the empty boxes scattered around, Gubbins is working his way through his third pizza. At least he SEEMS to be recovering from the huge magical strain placed on him after the battle with the Formichroma and their prophet.

"Gubbins," Boss Bawss rumbles. "Level wit' me for a second. Can we use da map to fix da dorflands?"

The smaller ogre perks up, and begins rubbing his hands together gleefully, despite the pizza grease everywhere. "Hur, hur, hur, I don't see why not! Let's give it a go-"

"WAIT."

Both ogres look up as Celicia makes her way over with unseemly haste, the elf looking mildly horrified. "For crying out loud, that- that fucking /map/ isn't something you should test out on a scale like this!" she exclaims. "We don't know the godddamn extent of the damage done to the dwarves' homelands, or exactly what HAPPENED to them. Hell, we don't even-"

Celicia pauses, and then places her hands on her hips, giving the ogres a half-lidded look. "... do you even know where the dwarven territories are, well enough to draw them on a bloody map?"

The two most powerful ogres of Ogir Place shift uncomfortably.

"... well, I was thinkin' dat we could play it by ear," Gubbins mumbles eventually. "Make it up as we go, like."

The blonde elf closes her eyes for a moment. "Gods, that might tear apart the world or something fucking stupid like that," she mutters. And then she looks at the larger ogre. "Boss Bawss?"

[ ] [MAAAAAP] Full speed ahead, try fixing the dwarflands anyway! (ROLL REQUIRED)
[ ] [WAIT] Somehow get to the (former) dwarflands' physical location, learn the lay of the land, THEN try to fix the dwarflands.
[ ] [GIVE UP] Maybe it's best to find another solution...

>>25669827
>[ASK]
Ask Lockstock if he minds us making his mountains again, but this time in the shape of a giant smile face drawn in crayon.

>>25669827
[X] [MAP] Intervention if necessary.

LET'S MAKE ALL THE DORFS!

ALL

THE

DORFS

>>25669902
This does seem typically ogre.

>>25669827
The dwarves keep records and would remember this sort of thing, have them draw out all the former Dwarf Territories on a separate map, we'll painstakingly transcribe it later.

>>25669827
[X] Map!
Clearly Celicia needs to be the one drawing the world into being this time.

>>25669924
>ALL THE DORFS

Well, we CAN kinda do that with the portal too...

>ogre civilization and shadow quest up at the same time
>muh sleeping schedule

>>25669827
Let's just have Lockstock draw them in.

>>25669827
Get the scoop from the kobolds first on what exactly they did to the dwarflands, then if they are well and truly gone, get Lockstock and Co to redraw em.

Rolled 81

>>25669827

Ask the head Kobold when they invaded.

Have Gubbins go back in time to get the lay of the land.

Have him whip up an Ogre-fied map of the Dwarf lands while he's in the past.

Have Future Gubbins give the Past Gubbins Ur-Map.

If the time dickery works, we'll have the map in the time it takes for us to blink.

>>25669827
Wait. Gubbins has time magic, right?

...REWIND!

>>25669827

Two hours and only about 57 posts.

>>25670168

Gubbins: "I remember! I have a map of the dwarf lands!"

Everyone present: "What"

Gubbins: An ogre said to hold onto this piece of parchment "just in case."

>>25670168
Or he could just rearrange time and space until the initial Kobold invasion is while we are eating pizza with the current Kobolds.

>>25670365
>until the initial Kobold invasion is while we are eating pizza with the current Kobolds.
And at Ogir Plase instead of the dwarflands.*
Just to clarify

>>25669827
[ ] [WAIT] Somehow get to the (former) dwarflands' physical location, learn the lay of the land, THEN try to fix the dwarflands.


whe have the means , whe jus need to know the border

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>>25669827
Right, so it looks like we have some choices to narrow down:


[A] [JUST MAP IT] The original MAAAAAP choice.

[B] [DORF MAPPING] Have Lockstock and the surviving scout draw a map of the dwarflands, then transcribe it onto the Ur-Cartography map.

[C] [FUCKING INSANE TIME SHENANIGANS] Ask the kobolds when they invaded, have Gubbins go back in time to map out the lay of the land, and then have this future!Gubbins give it to current!Gubbins.

>>25670682
[B]

>>25670682
Blorp.

Blorp.

[C]

>>25670682
>[C] [FUCKING INSANE TIME SHENANIGANS]
There can be no other choice!

>>25670682
>[B] [DORF MAPPING] Have Lockstock and the surviving scout draw a map of the dwarflands, then transcribe it onto the Ur-Cartography map.

>>25670682
[B]

>>25670682
B

There's no problem here.
Except that they could tell us it was bigger than it was, but that probably won't happen to any significant degree.

>>25670682
yeah I'm going to have to go with [C]

Rolled 98

>>25670682

As the perpetrator of [C], I'll let the others vote.

Just be sure to have our Midas Bank Card before doing any TRUE time dickery.

>>25670682
[B] [DORF MAPPING] Have Lockstock and the surviving scout draw a map of the dwarflands, then transcribe it onto the Ur-Cartography map.

>>25670804
We'll have Celicia double-check it to keep them honest.

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>>25670682
C

>>25670682
All the C, ever.

>>25670682
[C]

>>25670682
How about this for a truly Ogre train of thought:
Get Gubbins to go to the past, then have him borrow the map from that time, while it still has the dwarf lands in it. Then he traces that old ur-map into the new ur-map, and brings them both to the future!
Or maybe, go back in time, get to the kobolds, ask them to draw the dwarf lands in the map, then go back in the future- wait...

>>25670888
I said it before, just reroute the kobold invasion to the pizza party and have the elder kobold explain to his past self that we can work things out.

>>25670682
[C] FUCKING INSANE IME SHENANIGANS
It sounds too much fun not to do!

Rolled 84

>>25670920

I was kinda hoping Gubbins would pick up some more spellslots while he's doing his time dickery.

Plus we'll have something even more crazy show up after this particular instance of making the universe our bitch.

>>25670682
[C] [FUCKING INSANE TIME SHENANIGANS] Ask the kobolds when they invaded, have Gubbins go back in time to map out the lay of the land, and then have this future!Gubbins give it to current!Gubbins.
Any other choice is just plain silly.

>all these time shenanigans votes
Come on guys, not everything has to be batshit insane. It's fine to go with the simple option of just asking someone who already knows what it should look like.

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>>25671056

>>25671056
>It's fine to go with the simple option of just asking someone who already knows what it should look like.
We are going to do exactly that, just with more TIME!

Time for [C]

>>25670682
[C] Also did you include the goddess intervention yet?

Rolled 66

>>25671199

No way in hell as enough time passed in-game for the intervention to be off cooldown.

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>>25670682
WELP, LOOKS LIKE THE ANSWER IS C

Since that'll be a split-off event chain all on its own, I'll move onto trying to enlist the kobolds and then- then, with any luck- it'll be actual civ time next thread

>>25671199
Not yet! First, someone from the end of last thread pointed out that an intervention is usually done AFTER a roll, so I'll be sticking to that system.

And then >>25671219 also has a point, but I totally fucking forgot about that, and I have basically been assuming that one was available since last thread. I'll let it slide once, but I'll be changing the intervention charging system once the next civ phase rolls around.

>>25670682
[C] I want to see the magic and glory of Ogre Civ Quest!

Rolled 31

>>25671261

Whatever works. Intervention should only be used once per 'battle/encounter' scenario even if it plays across multiple threads. That's our loaded dice roll.

During Ogre Civ Mode, it should be once every other thread like it has been.

Just my two steaming bags of currency.

>>25671261
Be honest. Did you ever think it would go any other way?

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>>25671453
Oh, I knew it would have to happen the moment someone SUGGESTED it.

>>25671480
You know what they say Blorp. Rape isn't so bad after the thirtieth time.

Rolled 45

>>25671536

It's only funny if you're a clown running a rape factory.

>>25671556
>What is Ogre Quest?

Rolled 35

>>25671580

No quest.

Only Blorp's mind exploding.

I wonder at times if he is a masochist for putting up with us.

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>>25671631
>Blorp posting at the psych ward he resides in.

Rolled 51

>>25671692

Nah. He's just in a coma and we've been experiencing CHIM this entire time.

We're all fragments of Blorp's shattered psych.

I cannot wait to see the Chaotic Good time dickings we are going to give reality.

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>>25669827
>>25670682
>>25671261
>[X] [FUCKING INSANE TIME SHENANIGANS]

"... yah, you got a point," Boss Bawss finally concedes, crossing his arms. "It'd be crazy to try an' abuse the power of dis here map wit'out bein' aware of where the dorflands actually are."

Celicia quietly breathes a sigh of relief, but it goes unnoticed as Boss Bawss turns toward where the kobolds are sitting. "'Ey! Boys! Wot time did you destroy the dwarves?"

"Three days ago," one of the kobolds- Ss'rak, the only one to own a bonafide ogre hat- chimes back helpfully.

"Okay, thanks," Boss Bawss rumbles, turning back toward Gubbins. "So 'ere's what I need you to do: go back in time three days, go to da dwarflands, map out wot the dwarfland area looks like, an' then come back an' use it on THE map to give da dwarves back their home."

There's a beat as Celicia's expression shifts from relieved to horrified in no time flat, while Gubbins' face lights up in some sort of unholy glee. "Aye aye, cap'n!" the spellcaster giggles, eyes glowing some sort of light blue as he once again charges up his magic.

"Wait, no, this is an even WORSE fucking idea-" Celicia stammers.

"WHOOPS CAN'T HEAR YOU TOO BUSY TIME-TRAVELINNNNNG," Gubbins sing-songs as he rips open a swirly portal and hops in.

Boss Bawss nods approvingly. "Good, dat's settled. Now then, while we're waitin' for Gubbins to come back, I think it's time we had a talk with da kobolds-"

"... no."

(Cont.)

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>>25671934
The elder kobold stands up, looking utterly enraged; the scales around his face seem to have darkened as blood rises to his face. "I will not stand for this. You will not undo what the kobold race has only just started. I will not allow it..." His voice takes on a different tone, as if the following words are some sort of mantra. "... for I have planned for just this eventuality as well."

Ss'rak gulps. "Sir, you can't possibly be thinking-"

"I am thinking, for it is my job, not yours!" the elder kobold snaps, his tail lashing angrily. His claws start drawing a diagram in the air in front of him, leaving behind a light trail that hurts to look at. "I invoke you, oh spirits, from your realm between realities! Return us to the correct path, and erase the actions of those who seek to undo the natural flows of logic!"

Celicia took a step forward, unholstering her rifle with a frown- but then she stops, trying to catch her balance as all color begins bleeding from the world. Around her, the other ogres and their allies suffer in kind as threads of the world's fabric seem to fray and quiver.

Boss Bawss Fistboss scratches his head, not entirely sure what all the fuss is about.

The kobold elder continues, his eyes glowing. "Return us to the correct path, the one that leads us all to our one true fate! To the ending proscribed to us by your unerring guidance! Come to us via your carriages, thundering along the godsteel tracks!"

(Cont.)

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>>25671999
In the far distance, some sort of unholy roar can be heard as wheels thunder toward the small gathering.

"The endless wheels of fate turn! The Railed Roads will set this story back to its rightful place! Just as... planned!" the kobold elder howls, his body twisting under the immense pressures of the energies coursing through his body.

The roar grows steadily closer, and the world is reduced to shades of greys as a burst of ethereal smoke and a titanic 'CHOO CHOOOOO' shakes the very ground itself.

... this is all well and good, and really quite interesting, but Boss Bawss has the feeling that he should probably do something about this guy.

[ ] [AGGRESS] Punch the kobold elder.
[ ] [SUPER AGGRESS] Krump the kobold elder.
[ ] [ULTRA AGGRESS] Punch the Railed Roads.
[ ] [WRITE-IN]

>>25672033
>[ X] [ULTRA AGGRESS] Punch the Railed Roads.
How could we NOT pick this?

[ULTRA AGGRESS] Punch the Railed Roads.

>>25672033
[X] [WRITE-IN]
Summon our Ogretek Armor, the physical incarnation of things going off the fucking rails.

Then ULTRA-AGGRESS.

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>>25671999
"OH RUMAKUKO, SOMEONES CALLING YAH. WHY DON'T YOU COME OUT AND MEET THE GIT!"

"YOU WANNA PLAY WITH SPIRITS YOU GIT, TRY PLAYING WITH A GOD!"

>>25672033
ULTRA AGGRESS!!!!

>>25672033
[Sneaky Ultra Something] A train is a kind of beastie right? Maybe our beast master can make friends with it?
>I admit it. I just want a giant model train set chugging along all over Ogir Place.

Rolled 34

>>25672089

>>25672033
4 (suggestion only!). Wait and use the intervention. Have it automaticly succeed and have Gubbins save the Dwarven homelands.

>>25672089
The guy who calls Ruomeko just went into the past.

Rolled 12

>>25672124
Every Ogre is a GEOMANCER, especially when its needed.

>>25672033
>[ ] [SUPER AGGRESS] Krump the kobold elder.
More trouble then they're worth

>>25672033
[X] [OMEGA AGGRESS] Pick up the Kobold Elder. Throw him at the train.

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>>25672033
Obviously, there is but one answer to this - TIME TO GET MOTHERFUCKIN SABIN UP IN THIS BITCH

[X] SUPLEX THE RAILED ROADS

Rolled 43

>>25672033
SUPLEX THE TRAIN

>>25672082
i'm sure there is a button that we could press to switch tracks in there, and if there is not then we will open up the change holder and find some kind of remote that will switch the rails.

>>25672140
secondary solution move the tracks and derail the proper order if we didn't we woulden't be doing our ogre duty, the only thing better then ones who know all the rules of reality and can control them, we who change reality by pure belief

Rolled 95

>>25672182
>SUPLEX THE TRAIN

>>25672033
Suplex the Train in Ogirtek armor.

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>>25672182
DOOOOOO ITTTTTTTt

>>25672182
SUPLEX THE TRAIN

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>>25672033
>[X]Ultra-Aggress
SUPLEX THE TRAIN!

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>>25672182
DO IT!

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>>25672033
LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE A CONSENSUS

>[X] [ULTRA AGGRESS]
>[X] [IN OGRETEK ARMOR]
>[X] [WITH A SUPLEX]

WHICH MEANS YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS

>***STUPID LUCKY TIME?***
ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)

Rolled 41

>>25672182
sabin time

Rolled 46

>>25672270
Oh boy, my favourite time of day has arrived!

Rolled 91

>>25672270
SUPLEX ROLL!

Rolled 68

>>25672270
>SUPLEX THE TRAIN

Rolled 85

>>25672270
do it

Rolled 92

>>25672270

Rolled 78

>>25672272
>>25672278
>>25672280
>>25672285
Oh God! The train is resisting our Ogre!

Rolled 35

>>25672270

Rolled 36

>>25672270
>SUPLEX
>THE
>TRAIN

Rolled 61

>>25672270
SUUUUUUUPPPPLLEEEEEEXXXX

Rolled 43

>>25672270

Rolled 29

>>25672270

TIME FOR FAIL

Rolled 85

>>25672270
Welp. At least we got two 90-somethings.

Rolled 45

>>25672270
suplex

Rolled 25

>>25672270
Sup Sup Supleeeeeexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Rolled 13

>>25672270
SUPER SUPLEX

Rolled 34

>>25672270

>suplexing a fucking train

My sides have reached the Oort Cloud.

Rolled 75

>>25672270
WUZZAT? SUPLEX SPACE/TIME? OOOOKAAAYYYY

>Alexandrine oWhatNo
Oh captcha, you so silly

Rolled 94

>>25672270
this is going to fucking stuff

THAT SUPLEX is probably not all that awesome oh well.

Hopefully Gubbins gets back soon so he can send Bawss back in time so he can suplex himself while suplexing the train so he can suplex it properly.

REMEMBER: TIME TRAVEL FIXES EVERYTHING

Rolled 100

>>25672280
>91
>>25672293
>92
>>25672432
>94
What happened to 93?

Rolled 81

>>25672465
woooooo

Rolled 26

>>25672465
haha!

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>>25672465
>mfw I rolled that

Rolled 15

>>25672507

>yfw it doesn't count

Shame.

>>25672288
>>25672285
>>25672280
>>25672278

THIS IS NOT GOING TO END WELL!!!

>>25672465
Sadly, I think this 100 is far too down to count.

This is what, the second time we've failed? The third?

>>25672591
Well at least we get to use our Divine Intervention now.

Rolled 47

>>25672591

The 91 helps out the mediocre rolls. Maybe.

>>25672591
multiple 90+ rolls don't equal failure

pls ogre quest, show me your magic

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>>25672270
>[X] [ULTRA AGGRESS]
>[X] [IN OGRETEK ARMOR]
>[X] [WITH A SUPLEX]
>46
>Adequate!

Completely unimpeded by whatever it is that's just about broken his surroundings, bowed his allies, and even twisting the kobold elder like a pretzel... Boss Bawss Fistboss casually walks toward the oncoming eldritch horror machine that's currently chewing the reality and/or the scenery.

The kobolds, being the closest to their elder, are the first to notice, and they strain their neck muscles just to look up and gawk at Boss Bawss Fistboss. Their eyes just about bug out when the larger ogre reaches behind him and /pulls out some sort of horrific death machine/, which he proceeds to plop down onto the desert sands and jump into.

The Ogretek Armor's metallic roar is what attracts everyone else's attention. The other ogres' heads snap up, their gazes fixated to the personification of Boss Bawss Fistboss's reality-bending antics; anything not an ogre is to busy struggling against the weight of the Railed Road's aura to do much of anything.

Parallel tracks slam into pseudo-existence on a plane vaguely connected to reality. Boss Bawss Fistboss guides his armor right smack-dab into the center of the maleficent entity's path, squinting only slightly when the /thing/'s headlight blasts full into his face.

(Cont.)

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>>25673055
The moment of impact isn't loud or dramatic or even all that noticeable; there's a small 'clang' that's lost amidst all the noise the eldritch horror is making, and the Ogretek Armor is suddenly plastered against the nose of the train, its armorclad feet kicking up sparks as they try to find purchase against all the railroading going on. The Railed Road's engine simultaneously thunders at the speed of light and stays in one place at the same time, temporal physics having no truck with the thing.

Atop his mount, Boss Bawss Fistboss strains against fate, veins bulging out all along his neck. Bit by bit, the Ogretek Armor pushes back, hairline cracks lighting up all along the mech's body as it bears the brunt of the stress; the engine howls its triumph.

And then Boss Bawss Fistboss /pushes/.

The alien consciousness of the Railed Road experiences its first twinge of fear as, for the first time in the history of reality, it begins to slow down. Each incremental change in speed only serves to increase its fear, and it begins howling in uncomprehending rage as it loses control over its trajectory, wheels kicking up horrific sparks as they shriek against the godsteel tracks.

That is nothing compared to the raw terror that the Railed Road experiences when it is taken to a complete standstill, its consciousness focusing like a pinpoint onto the cause of this atrocity. At point-blank range, the Ogretek Armor stares unblinkingly back at the train in front of it, its stress-warped arms wrapped around the nose of its opponent.

The Ogretek Armor shifts its footing, the armor cracking on its soles and the earth breaking beneath it.

(Cont.)

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>>25673077
Slowly, ponderously, the ogre-made mech begins lifting the train up. The entity from beyond reality screams in a high-pitched wail as its wheels of fate lose their theoretically-immutable grip on the predetermined path of the railroad tracks, and gradually, it loses its parallel orientation to the tracks. The nose of the train remains in the Ogretek Armor's clutches, while the hind end of the car- and all the infinite, impossibly-varied cars behind it- point higher and higher toward the sky.

One moment of tense silence. The Wheels of Fate, the train from beyond reality, is completely perpendicular to its tracks, its nose pointed directly at the ground, with the Ogretek Armor bearing all of the weight.

And then it happens. Gradually, ponderously, the train begins tilting back toward the ground, the Ogretek Armor bending over backwards as the rate of descent sharply increases. The Wheels of Fate spin uselessly without any track to hold them, and the train's shrill screams, their CHOO CHOOs, echo futilely off into the distance as it sees its own fate undeniably altered by some base mortal creature that only knows three dimensions-

And thus, with an impact that shook the desert sands in this reality, almost destroyed the world in a neighboring reality, and gave birth to a universe in yet another reality off to the side, the Ogretek Armor, and Boss Bawss Fistboss, suplexed the everloving fuck out of the Railed Roads.

Rolled 29

>>25673055
>>25673077
>>25673109

>SUPLEXED
>THE
>TRAIN

>>25672182
DRAWFAG. PLEASE OGREIFY THIS IMAGE IN GLORY OF BOSS BAWSS' ACHIEVEMENT.

PLEASE

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>>25673109
>And thus, with an impact that shook the desert sands in this reality, almost destroyed the world in a neighboring reality, and gave birth to a universe in yet another reality off to the side, the Ogretek Armor, and Boss Bawss Fistboss, suplexed the everloving fuck out of the Railed Roads.

CHOO CHOO MOTHERFUCKER

>>25673109
And that ladies and gentle ogres is how you deal with a rail road attempt whether by your DM or a metaphorical being from beyond time and space.

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>>25673109
It's 3 am sharp, and it's probably a good place to stop!

Next time will/should/might be this SUNDAY (6/30) at 8 pm EST! Schedule changes will be posted at https://twitter.com/BlorpQuest

And we'll pick up next time with AN ACTUAL CIV MANAGEMENT PORTION HOLY SHIT, and also, um, Gubbins' Amazing Time Travel Adventures. Which, of course, will end well for all parties involved.

Thanks for following the quest, guys, and I hope you enjoyed the thread; drop a line here if you have any questions/concerns/criticisms, and I'll do my best to get to them before the thread drops off /tg/!

>>25673174
Blorp, I just want you to know, I love you.

>>25673174
Extras?

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>>25673174
Awesome job, Blorp. Been a long time reader, this is my first ever Ogre Civ Quest thread that I've participated in - and I was not let down.
Til next time.

>>25673174
Also, I imagine Gubbins is going to turn up in a bright blue rock wearing a variety of silly hats.

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>>25673174
its been a wild ride, but SUPLEXING A TRAIN made it all worth it.

Rolled 28

>>25673272

I imagine him as the Blu Heavy wearing the towering pillar of hats.

>>25673205
>It's 3 am sharp
>we just had a bonus thread
What do you think?

>>25673205
>[X] [THAT GUY] That Guy ogre's everyday life!

Every now and then, most people are lucky enough to have flashes of inspiration. Sometimes, it's just a matter of being in the right place at the right time; other times, it's the result of putting together all the pieces yourself, and that's just enough for the missing piece to strike you like lightning out of the blue. The REALLY lucky folks, who get flashes of inspiration that allow them to change the world, or change a way of life, all in one short lifetime- they're the people commonly known as geniuses.

And then there are those whose lives are nothing but flashes of inspiration, their brains bombarded with disjointed ideas with absolutely no rhyme, reason, or consideration for one's sanity. There's a fine line between being hailed as a genius and being hauled away to a room with padded walls.

Every morning, the ogre known mainly as That Guy wakes up in his reinforced rock shanty, stirring from his constant dreams of things like combustibabble engines, new-clear bawmbs, invisible particles being split. Without fail, the first coherent thought that always crosses his mind is 'I need a cup of coffee.'

And then some OTHER idea slams into his brain with the force of a thousand rocks, and he sits up straight with widened eyes.

"YER-REEKA!"

That Guy doesn't really know why that phrase rolls off the tongue so easily, but there it is. He dashes right out of his shanty at a dead run, calloused feet pounding the ground as he tracks down the big guy himself. Boss Bawss Fistboss needs this information, and he needs it now!

(Cont.)

>>25673413
"... bread dat's already been sliced into pieces?" Boss Bawss rumbles, giving his lead inventor a side-eyed glance.

"Yeah! Dat's wot we'll call it!" That Guy bounces on the balls of his feet, his eyes sparkling. "Bread-dat's-already-sliced! Nothin' will ever be da same again! Dis will be a time-saver! Every ogre ever can spend more time doin' other things, like... like actually eating fings! An' krumpin' bad guys!"

The larger ogre crosses his arms in thought. "I'm not seein' how dis will be a helpful thing."

"It totally will be! C'mon, boss, just gimme a chance to-"

"Nah, it's just... ya know." Boss Bawss frowns. "Wot's bread?"

That Guy freezes up. "I KNEW I FORGOT SOMETHING!" he exclaims, taking off at a mad dash for the storage huts.

Some hours later, Boss Bawss turns as the other ogre approaches him, some sort of large, steaming, and quite fragrant chunk held gingerly in his hands. "Boss! Boss! I invented bread! An' now I can invent bread-dat's-already-been-sliced! It's-"

Without another word, Boss Bawss nabs the loaf and takes a large bite from it. He chews thoughtfully for a moment. "... I dunno, tastes good 'nuff as it is," he mumbles around a mouthful of bread.

That Guy's mouth works soundlessly for a few seconds. "Hold dat thought! I'll be back!!" he howls, rushing off to find more things.

(Cont.)

>>25673431
Just as Boss Bawss polishes off the last of the bread, licking his fingers free of crumbs, That Guy hurtles back into view, balancing two loaves of bread and a fresh hunk of naked mole ravager meat. "I have invented da sammich! A filling of stuff between da breads!" That Guy exclaims. "But ya gotta use TWO slices of bread to make it! Dat's why pre-sliced bread-"

"Nah, look, I got it," Boss Bawss rumbles, divesting That Guy of the food and sticking the hunk of meat between both loaves of bread. The larger ogre opens his mouth impossibly wide, stuffing the makeshift sandwich down his maw without much trouble.

If That Guy had hair, he would be pulling it all out right about now. "Booooooss, dis is a good invention! I just know it! Wot good is a day if I spend it all on an invention dat just don't work?" the ogre wails, burying his face in his hands.

"... fink you did good 'nuff as it is," Boss Bawss rumbles around a mouthful of bread and meat. "I mean, ya invented bread an' sammiches, so it can't be all bad, right?"

That Guy sniffs. "... yah, I guess so."

Boss Bawss frowns down at his sammich. "Wish this was easier to eat, tho'," he mutters. "Mebbe with some sorta extra thing spread on it-"

"YER-REEKA!"

Boss Bawss blinks as That Guy's eyes seem to light up with an unholy fire and as he starts muttering in some sort of arcane language. "Catch-choop, moose-styd, ray-lish, may-yoh-nozzle... dat's it!" he bellows. "Sauce! SAUCE! Why didn't I think of dat before!? DAT'S wot vegetables are good for! Sauces! They're not just for throwin' at people you don't like!! Dis could revolutionize sammiches an' food-throwin'!!"

As That Guy rushes off in search of vegetables (and possibly moose, judging by how he was yammering on about moose-studs), Boss Bawss Fistboss takes another bite from his sammich and shakes his head. "... sometimes, I really worry 'bout Dat Guy," he mutters.

>AND IT'S OVERRRR and that's also all I have tonight!

Alright lads, time to go vote.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html

Look for Ogre Quest, and vote up the most recent. At the moment, its only got six votes.