>>25703302
Let's just go ahead with it for now. First we need to ease into the group.

>>25703302
A castle would be nice. Maybe mention offhand that an upgrade is overdue.

>>25703302
Hey, it's not our place to offer advice, only dole it out when asked. Of course, if they're doing something remarkably stupid we should bail, but for now, let's see how their plan goes.

>>25703302
Yeah, give it some time before tossing in our two cents. They probably need some good advice regarding their base et cetera, but we just met these guys, let's get a feel for the group first.

HOWEVER, how 'bout asking for some more information first? Location, what we know about the barbarahorde, etc.

Gain information on the barbarians guarding the Aqua Crystal. A rough idea of numbers and relative toughness, at least.

Maybe we can kill their leader in single combat, enlist the tribes aid as it's new head or something? I mean, for a world-conquering organization; four dudes and a sword just isn't that impressive. We could really use some mooks and goons up in this bitch.

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You hold your tongue and ask what the plan of attack is, what's going on and all that.

Bs'klil explains everything, right after you, he and Bone-icles enter the big magic portal he made that takes you to a cliff overlooking a camp.

>"As I'm sure you know, the Nordlich Klischee is a vast unexplored land first entered by the barbarian tribes seeking to find an unmapped expanse of land to perpetually wander as per their INSANE religious views. Well, there used to be a monastery up here built by the Order of Aqua, a group of monks who dedicated their lives to protecting the Crystal of Aqua. They failed, hilariously, however, before the monsters that made THAT ATTEMPT could destroy the crystal they were slain by a barbarian horde that happened to come into the area. They took the crystal, and found a monk not quite dead yet to tell them what the deal was. So, the Yeti Clan took it upon themselves to protect the thing. Usually they're a thousand strong, but most of them are away at some kind of massive barbarian festival, leaving only a select guard of 50 or so to protect the thing."

WOW THAT WAS A LOT OF WORDS

Short version: The Crystal of Aqua is up here, guarded by like 50 dudes.

>"I wanted to take all of us here initially, but the Yeti Clan found some holy weapons in the monastery so Beliadara says she isn't coming, and Bo-sero says the cold messes with his 'chi' so it's just us for this one."

>>25703643
Let the carnage begin.

>>25703643
"Well, fuck. They have a holy mandate..."

>If this gig fails, I guess we can just join the barbarians. But all the same we gotta get to that crystal and absorb it's power!

"Bone-daddy, you should in there, sword a-swinging, while Sqidward over there backs us with whatever hoodoo he has. Fight your way to the crystal, and SMASH it!"

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You and Bone-icles begin to slide down the mountain to make a full frontal assault, counting on Bs'klil to back you up with magic n' shit.

This seems to have been his plan as well, as he starts magicking up some magic.

>>25703755
Charge and destroy. Also, when we get into the monastery, we could touch one of those holy swords and keep that form for later, in case we come up against any demons or undead that don't support our cause.

>>25703799
We have the power to banish already.

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YOU TRANSFORM INTO THE GIANTESS SWORD AND BEGIN TO MAKE YOUR ASSAULT ON THE CAMP

YOU ARE APPROACHED BY THE FIRST OF THE BARBARIANS, LOOK AT THOSE MUSCLES, THIS IS SURE TO BE A BRUTAL AND MIGHTY BATTLE

HE LETS OUT A THUNDEROUS ROAR

>"Hey guys! Look, an Einherjar! Seems a bit lost though, I think he's from Bull Clan!"

We seem to have tightened our shit up after thread 1.
In other news, we are going to fuck one of these barbarian waraxe wenches SO HARD.
Also, be prepared to shift into the massive sword variant on the first attack.

>>25703845
This guy clearly hates having limbs.
Lets oblige him!

>>25703821
Can you banish undead?

>>25703865
Second

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You quickly disarm your foe.

>"AAAAA AAAAAAA! NEVERMIND, IT'S NOT AN EINHERJAR, ONE OF THE DEAD IN VALHALLA WHO WE WOULD HAVE TREATED TO FINE WINE AND GOOD FOOD WHILE ASKING HIM ABOUT HIS PREPARATIONS FOR RAGNAROK WHICH HE WOULD HAVE TO THEN MAKE UP FANTASTICALLY, BLUFFING HIS WAY THROUGH IT, WHICH WOULD SERVE AS A DISTRACTION FOR PERHAPS SOME OTHER THING HAPPENING, OH WELL, FUCK MY ARMS, AAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

oh darn, guess you'll have to save that for a new game+ or something, that sounded fun

oh well

>>25704002
This guy clearly hates having a head.
Lets oblige him!

>>25704002
Nah, lets kick him into the other vikings.
He clearly loves to narrate things, lets give him a show to tell everyone!
Think as to how EVIL that would be!

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You cut off his somehow still screaming head, and Bone-icles punts it into the camp.

>"AAAAAAAAAHHH! NOW I'M DEAD BECAUSE OF THAT SKELETON, OW, OW, THIS FUCKING HURRRRTS!"

>>25704145
ONLY THE DEAD CAN KNOW PEACE FROM DEZE SWORDS!!

>>25704145
Tell them all this:
>That man was a spy of the evil Southern kingdoms! I beheaded him to help my people! You know, of course, because I am the ancient god Bone-icles, newly returned to aid my lost people. You remember the covenant you made with me a thousand years ago, right?

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You tell Bone-icles that you have a super awesome idea.

...

He tells you that idea is stupid as shit, but whatever.

He walks into the center of the camp and makes a triumphant announcement.

>"THAT MAN WAS A SPY OF ONE OF THE KINGDOMS SOUTH HERE, HERE TO TURN US AGAINST EACH OTHER SO THEY COULD STEAL THE CRYSTAL OF AQUA! I HAVE COME TO HELP YOU ONCE MORE, I, BONE-ICLES, PATRON GOD OF THE YETI CLAN, WHO YOU ENTERED INTO A COVENANT WITH A THOUSAND YEARS AGO."

>"We don't remember that."

>"..WELL.. WELL WERE YOU THERE A THOUSAND YEARS AGO? NO, NO OF COURSE NOT, SO THERE"

He whispers to you.

>"How long do humans usually live?"

>>25704382
The barbaric tribes die young. Some humans can live up to eighty, but these probably last until 45.

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You tell him like, eighty, these guys probably pull about half that on average.

>"SERIOUSLY? DUDE, THAT SUCKS. NO WONDER THEY LIVE IN TENTS, THEY DON'T LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO GET ANYTHING MORE STABLE BUILT, JEEZ."

A few of them come over to thank you.

>"Yeah so, thanks for savin' us, guess you're gonna go back to Valhalla eh?"
>"Oh, could you say hi to Odin for me? I'm kind of a huge fan."

>>25704572
"What? No! I told you I was here to help! For the southern kingdoms have many more enemies amongst you! With my aid we can root them out for good and protect the Crystal!"

>>25704795
YES. AND I REQUIRE THE CRYSTAL OF AQUA BEFORE I RETURN.
Since, yknow, you guys and those monks back when were watching it for me.

>>25704572
>i'm looking for a crystal, Odin wants it, seen one anywhere?

>>25704572
Skele-bro feels a pang of empathy for these villagers. If only they knew the gift of un-life.

Inquire about the crystal of aqua and convince skele-bro to make them our skele-bros.

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>"YES, BUT ODIN HAS DECIDED THAT LEAVING THE CRYSTAL OF AQUA IN THE HANDS OF RISKY AND OCCASIONALLY TRAITOROUS HUMANS IS TOO DANGEROUS, SO HE WANTS ME TO TAKE IT WITH ME ON MY WAY BACK, YOU KNOW, BECAUSE I'M LIKE RIGHT HERE ANYWAY, MIGHT AS WELL MAKE A STOP FOR IT WHILE I'M IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD, SO YOU KNOW, JUST SORT OF... GO GET ME THE CRYSTAL."

From somewhere in the crowd, you hear a familiar voice.

>"I like the way Bone-icles thinks!"

>>25705010
grant those who wish for it, determined as such by performing the act of looking up on us, the gift of un-life (get together a group of skele-bros to add to our growing army) ((convince barbarians to come to 'Valhalla', proving their worth by fight for Odin.))

>>25705010
incoming illusion squidward

>>25705095
I don't think this will work. We should just get the crystal and be on our way. We can smash it at our leisure.

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You ask Bone-icles if maybe he can make some dudes into undead.

>"look, i may be magically animated, but that doesn't mean i have any innate magic, i can't make these guys undead any more than you can make them into swords, ask bs'klil, he's way more magic than me"

One of them brings you the Crystal of Aqua.

>"Glad Odin'll be keeping an eye on this thing, seriously, we're sick of guarding it."

well okay uhhh

there it is

right there

>>25705223
smash it, absorb energy, LEG IT.

Smash the crystal and absorb it's power! Then lay waste to the unwashed horde!

>>25705283
Not sure if we can take 49 barbarians, even with kslits help.
Lets see what power we gain from the aqua crystal first before we decide whether or not we can take em.

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QUICKLY, you slash/stab/destroy the Crystal of Aqua!

YOU ABSORB IT'S MYSTICAL ENERGIES AND GAIN

well nothing, really

all the crystals just act as floodgates keeping power demons at bay, really, you just gained the power to banish more powerful monsters you guess?

Whatever, Bone-icles starts running the fuck away back to the portal.

>>25705395
OHSHI-!?!?

runrunrunfuckfuckfuckFUUUUUUUUU-

>>25705395
oh. I was assuming a new power with each crystal. That works too I guess.
Now when a real evil organization tries to fuck with OUR HOOD, we can banish their asses all gangster style.

>>25705395
yell out "I MUST GO. ODIN NEEDS ME"

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You yell out.

>"WE MUST GO, ODIN BECKONS US!"

The people stop following, afterall, only the mightiest of heroes have talking swords.

Once you get some distance, Bone-icles catches his breath phantom pain? and Bs'klil teleports in front of you.

>"Nice work guys! I was worried I'd have to resort to plan B."

it's nice to see he appreciates you

>>25705163
i thought Bs'klil might have something up his tentacles, oh well.

>>25705395
calmly walk back to the barbarians, apologise for your outburst, ask Bs'klil if he can turn these kindly gentlearians into un-dead friendzes.

>>25705539
Check what plan B was.
Also also, that other guy, WHY WOULD WE POSSIBLY SHOOT OURSELVES IN THE FOOT.
Not that what you said was a bad idea, but its a good idea to check your order of operations.
Ask Bs'lil if he can turn some undead to join us first, THEN we can consider recruiting.

>>25705540
ignore these rambling thoughts

>>25705539
ask what's next? mayb subtly sugest we should raise some sort of army.

mission accomplished. Now to head back to base and hook up with that sexy chainsaw

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You ask him what plan B was.

>"Oh, I put a big ass undead plague bomb in the camp."

oh well i guess that explains the huge explosion you hear from behind you

>"I was worried I'd HAVE to use it, now, I just GET to use it! Makes it so much better, yeah, alright, let's go home."

>>25705737
any chance you can control those undead then, bsklil? that could be legwork for our next operations

>>25705737
Undead plaguebomb?

I wanna see it! Let's go back! C'mooooonnnnnn!!!

Fuck yeah, I got here in time.

The least we could is go back to the barbarian camp and touch a few weapons. You know, make our arsenal grow.

If he can find a kitchen knife or a dagger, I'd recommend we touch that too.

>concealed under his armor as a dagger
>he takes us forth and we transform into the giantess sword
>slaughter everyone

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You ask to go back and take a look at it, or if Bs'klil can maybe control the undead.

>"I can control them, this particular type of plaguebomb makes the undead imprint like baby ducks on the first non-undead sentient they see, which includes you, Lilarcor. Although that means we CAN control them, I want to give it a few days, the way this functions means they function with quite a bit of autonomy if left alone, but will soon turn on each other. In short? That camp is gonna be like Beyond Thunderdome, for raw manpower we've got Bo-sero's 1000 Whispering Fist clan, nah, I want that place to give us an ELITE UNDEAD FIGHTING FORCE, so I'll come around back in like a week."

>>25705886
master schemer indeed.
to the base, which may be a good time to bring up the... uninspiring accomodations

>>25705909
While we are there, lets touch their kitchenware.

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You arrive back at HQ, to find Beliadara yelling at Bs'klil.

>"BS'KLIL!"

>"BELIADARA, WHAT, WHAT DO YOU WANT, EVERY DAY IT'S SOMETHING ELSE AND YOU NEVER GO ON FIELD MISSIONS"

>"NEITHER DO YOU"

>"I JUST DID"

>"WHATEVER! We need a new base. This swamp sucks."

>"Where are we supposed to go?"

>"ANYWHERE! These frogs are bullshit! Know what's great about being a demon? All these frogs that witches turned into out of humans can talk to me! AND THAT SUCKS! THEY KEEP WHINING! AND I KEEP EXPLODING THEM"

>"THEN I DON'T SEE THE PROBLEM"

>"FUCK YOU IT'S A PROBLEM"

>"Beliadara, I swear to GOD"

>"GO AHEAD, WHAT'S HE GONNA DO DEPORT ME?"

>"FUCKING"

they fight like this ALL THE TIME, according to Bone-icles

welp

>>25706099
Let's make a base on the moon!

There's a moon, right?

>>25703302
Wait, so am I one of the spirits in the sword? Why am I in here? I want out.

>>25706099
Explain that we agree with Beliadara for different reasons. If we are supposed to be evil masterminds, we should at least have SOMETHING going on. Something with... a weapons rack/harem.

>>25706099
Fuck yeah, we were thinking the exact same thing!

Ask Bs'klil what the point of being the ruler of the world is, if you do it from a dank cave?

THERE IS NONE!

We must get the most badass and evil hideout possible, like a giant forgotten underground castle or a small kingdom.

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You mention that Beliadara does sort of have a point, if you guys are gonna usher in a NEW AGE OF SORROW this shit can't happen out of a cave in a swamp.

Bs'klil, being the schemer that he is, already has some locations scouted, and presents a map.

>"Right now we're at the swamp, and that's not bad, lots of death energies around it, good for me, great for me,but eh, whatever, we can make due, here are our options."

Bs'klil favors the Walled City of Rosa, two massive walls guarding one city of humans who think they're untouchable, which makes hiding and setting off some plaguebombs in there OH SO TEMPTING. SERIOUSLY, THEY'RE ASKING FOR IT

Beliadara however recommends the Castle of Orlock, a rich noble who bought a massive castle for himself and keeps it staffed with his own personal tiny kingdom, doctors, merchants, it's like medieval Rapture, and he only got it by selling his soul to some demons, something Beliadara can exploit to take the castle and demonically transform his staff.

Bone-icles points out the Wizard Academy is already cleaned out of all life, and is a floating city, which sort of gives you a natural advantage when it comes to defending it... though it is worth noting that as a school, it's not exactly well defended so some upgrades may be in order.

Bo-sero is off on business, so it looks like it's up to you to break the tie.

>>25706395
The. Moon.

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Bs'klil points out that the moon isn't happening because 2/5 of us need air, and Beliadara is rather fond of it.

>>25706557
haha, silly air.

>>25706395
i like the look of that hole under the wizard tower, seems secretive and possibly filled with hidden magiks.

>>25706395
We got time, we can plaguebomb the shit out of everything whenever we want. But for now; we should hit the Magic Academy. It'll be a lot more defensible, and probably has a lot of cool magic shit we can assimilate with and/or destroy for giggles.

>>25706601
no it's not a shadow, shut up.

>>25706395
Catle of Orlock. We need some staff.

>>25706395
ALL OF THEM

Seriously guys, we are trying to rule the world here, you need to think BIGGER, you need to think OUTSIDE THE BOX. Why limit ourself to one spot?

It would seem the untouchable city is the best to defend, the magic academy should have many treasures worth getting a hold of, and the castle has all the luxuries we could ever want (and is thus perfect for our vacational location)

So yes, all of them.

>>25706634
I say go to the academy first. We will upgrade it to fly where we will it. We can then airdrop undead armies on top of the other two locations as a surprise attack. Wall can't do shit if you can fly over them after all

>>25706673
I suggest we start with a plague bomb, as the longer we allow the city to fester, the better soldiers we will get for our personal army.

Basically, we walk up to the walled city and plaguebomb it, leave it and go to the magic academy and move it over to the small kingdom where we can have our new base of operations

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You suggest the Wizard Academy, as you recall it has a basement of cool magic shit you can probably utilize.

You soon find yourselves there, Bone-icles remarks that the 1000 Whispering Fists did a good job, this place was fucking BLOODY when he was done with it.

>>25707095
sugest that squidward the first order of business should be defences.
magic runes and what not, eyes in the walls with a direct telepathy network straight to us, shit like that.

then, rest, THEN! search for dangerous knowledge that could lead to the welding of the world under our light spirit feet.

>>25707174
IMPORTANT: Every time we see a new weapon we must touch it to gain its form

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You all get to work renovating the place, each taking up a different task.

>>25707314
All she does is sleep.

>>25707314
Do we find any amazing magical artifacts?

Can we break these magical artifacts in an attempt to absorb their powers?

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Afterwards you all gather and report your findings.

Bs'klil reports that he's got surveillance sigils all up on this bitch, other than the five of you, everyone needs to get some clearance, which he's got magically automated, so any of you guys can sort of just approve of someone to get them on here without setting off some psychic alarms.

Bone-icles tells him that amongst the magic relics he found the Spear of Destiny, which you now have the ability to transform into, and you pointed out which sentient artifacts are ASSHOLES AND NOT TO BE TRUSTED NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY. So, you've got that down.

Beliadara reports that alchemy majors have the most comfortable beds, but it's best not sleep in the enchantment major's beds, because they do... WEIRD THINGS.

>>25707458
So, what does the spear of destiny do?

And wheres the monk-ninja? Whats he up to?

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Google it

The Spear of Destiny is a holy relic, said to cure the blind and make it's holder invincible as long as the spear is in his possession.

Who knows how many of those properties were copied by you though, you usually just copy physical traits.

You ask where Bo-sero is.

>"I was fighting my own clan. Also: anyone wanna help me take back the 1000 Whispering Fists clan from my sensei's son?"

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NEXT TIME

Thursday evening

>>25707631
scratch that, i'm retarded

wednesday evening

>>25707640
b-b-b-but how am I supposed to wait so long?

>>25707666
you have several options

draw fanart
play rogue legacy
watch jojos
read jojos

all are good really

>>25707694
Well I'm no good at drawing and I don't know what a rogue legacy is.

But Jojo's? If you recommended it to me, I'll watch it 'cuz you're the best. Plus last time /tg/ recommended me something it was Baccano and I loved that.

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>>25707903
rogue legacy is a game that just came out on steam, its 15 bux

its a roguelike that plays like castlevania

or procedurally generated castlevania

whatever you're more familiar with

BUT FUCK THAT

watch the jojos anime, its really good, and when you finish that, read the manga, its been around FOREVER

things most people like that most people don't know came from/were inspired by jojo's bizarre adventure:
-Guile from Street Fighter
-Benimaru from King of Fighters
-Anytime a shonen manga/anime has an arc where all the characters fight each other and it wasn't a 'world tournament'
-Blueno from One Piece
-The asian guy from Heroes is a fan (as a character, and an actor)
-Zappa from Guilty Gear
-Rose from Street Fighter
-Zephyr from Castlevania: DoS
-The concept of personas from the game series Persona
-The Crazy-D weapon from Monster Hunter
-Juri from Street Fighter

but let's be honest, i can't really draw either

>>25708179
Torrenting it so hard.