>>26530675

I think a great deal of Liches are pretty much NEETS already, just give them access to Deep Rot and you are golden.

>>26530701
But a beyond that one.
The kind of guy that doesn't even leave his crypt.
Hell, he doesn't raise minions, just reads the same spellbooks over and over, every day.

Why even make him Elvish? The term Elf has zero meaning in the context you've provided.

Also to be a Liche or whatever would likely take a fuckload of study, I don't see any NEET becoming one.

Lancel Morningshade, known to those few that know of his existence as Lancel of Solitude.

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>>26530721

A lich that has gone beyond lichdom?

>>26530753
Idunno, if all they DID was study?
Hmm

>I wonder what archmage Porte is up to these days. Must have been ages since I was in wizard school with him. Maybe I'll summon up a portal and give him a call. Yeah, I'll do that...

>>26530775
yes, yes.
I like the way this is going.
So, what would our NEET Lich be researching with all this time, though?

>>26530834
How to be human again.
Can't fap as a Lich

>>26530790
Oh, uh, nothin'
I was just... uhhh... stuff. Reall busy...
yeah.

>>26530860
>Let's see, if a graft human body parts onto me... no, no, too simplistic, there MUST be a better, more lasting way

>>26530868
So how does he masturbate? Cause he has to. He's a NEET.

>>26530860
Restore corpse, gentle repose. all else fails alter self

>>26530834
the secret of friendship

>>26530898
>>26530860
Fapmind

>>26530909
Deep Rot Fap-Processor.
Make it happen.

>Come join Lichbook today to find hot singles in your dungeon and area today

>>26530965
>If only I thought any of those fire elemental girls would go for me

>>26530971
Why would a fire elemental girl ever go out for you. Why not go for a water elemental since they'd go with your flow.

>>26531006
Plus, water elementals are always wet.

>Oh no! I put too much dust i my crypt! I-I- I can't clean it people will notice I put in too much! I'll just have to pretend this is the way I like it. Ugh, this is so gross!

"H-how d you like my crypt adventurer? I- isn't it so dusty and cool?"
"Uhm... Yeah. I guess?"

>He doesn't think its cool at all!

>>26531033
>Shit shit shit, I need to figure out a way to make my dungeon cool!
>I know! CR 1 skeletons!

>>26531033
>Aww man, I just broke my favorite fox skull. Now I gotta leave the crypt or order through the void and wait for 3 days.

>>26531134
>uggghhh, there are THINGS outside of the crypt. Do I have enough BoneCoin for a purchase on DR-Net... I THINK so...

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Speed up your connection to void and keep cool with your own skeleton brand fan.

>>26531174
>A SkeleBrand Fan!? I've wanted one of those for YEARS!

>On the topic of skeletons
did anyone ever stat the bonewheels from Dark Souls for D&D/PF?

>>26531239

I would also like to know this for reasons.

>>26531239
>did anyone ever stat the bonewheels from Dark Souls for D&D/PF?
>bonewheels
You bastard, why would you want to do that?

>>26531239
>>26531256
Not that I know of.
Hmmm

>>26531174
Let's turn the skeltons on their sides and put their arms in a wheel and make a Skelecar.

>>26531276

Because we're asshole DMs

>>26531306
How will we ride the skelecar.
And why not a skelebus?
Or a skeleTRAIN?
A pseudo-benevolent lich could create a plane wide mass-transit system using skeletrains, skelecopters, and skelesubways

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>>26531276
I maybe want to have a lich's best friend be an crazy speed freak alpha type bonewheel with levels in barbarian?

>>26531362
We have a carriage as the cab or if you wish we also have an upgrade to a zombie coach complete with your very own zombie butler named Clyde. First we need necromancer to help us start this project then we will be rolling in gold and bones.

>>26531325
Well then, carry on but I expect hilarious stories on /tg/ in the future.

>>26531388
>Sah-O-Nicht! Stop ruining the garden by wheeling around on it!
FUCK YOU M8, GOTTA GO FAST

>>26530675
Gilthrax the Insufferable
Bas'ment the Dweller
He Who Does Not Shave

>>26531362
The SkullWay. Or the Bone Express.

>>26531435
United Scareway
Lich Airways
Scaroyta

>>26531430
No.
All three.
They meet online to chat, and have no real friends.
>Hey Gilthrax, how's that dusty crypt problem going? I heard from Bas'ment that you were having issues with too much or something?

>>26530834
How to talk to people.
But when he goes in to town everyone flips the fuck out because oh shit a lich and he's just wondering what he said.
Then he grumbles back to his crypt and practices in front of a mirror for another ten years.

>>26531430
Do all 3 of them play Ruinscape?

>>26531435
>>26531453
A SkeleCoaster.
>Mister Bone's Wild Ride

>>26531417
>Hey m8! Still casting faggy spells? PFFT! Ha-ha just kidding! But going fast is the only REAL magic! SEEYA! NAHNAHNAHNAHNAHNAHNAHNAAAAAAAH!

>>26531485
Yes. They kill n00bs together

>>26531487

>SkeleCoaster

Ideal to protect your table from condensation rings.

>>26531522
Nah, nah, I meant like a roller coaster.

>>26531485
They obviously use Internet Scaresplorer to play it.

>>26531468
Oh god yes that would be hilarious. Just a bunch of SO RONERY undead that wish they could be one of the "cool" undead like a vampire so they could pick up chicks.

And the three decide to kill/enslave everyone else, so they can finally be cool.
Campaign, GOOOO

>>26531558
Don't forget the zombie cheersquad. They just started allowing ghosts and such since they have the best spirit.

>>26530675
Something elfy, so it sounds really grand and mysterious, but every elf you meet laughs when you tell them the Lich you're hunting.

Firstly, the elf will explain, that Lich hasn't left the ruined fortress it resides in for three centuries. Second, the Lich has yet to cause any harm, and actually having him there keeps the ruins bandit and monster free, securing that frontier outside of the town. Third, the name of the Lich is elven, and the closest translation it can make is: "Don't look at me." And fourth, there've been hundreds of adventurers who've sought to slay the Lich, but they always wind up in town wearing illusions of ancient Elven clothes, and singing that hack Il'athriel Nond'nil's songs. Il'athriel's been dead a century, too.

>>26531558
>My roomate Kipeh the Unstopping keeps bringing ghouls home. I wish I knew his secret.

>>26531591
>Duh, just put on cologne! Don't you ever read magazines? Or are you TOO SLOOOOW

>>26531585
>Allip Cheerleader
Mindless babble, just like a real highschool girl!

>>26531587
>Oh, well... he probably has some gold laying around, right? Maybe WE could take him on?

[Meanwhile]
My fig of Vecna is gonna be SO COOL when it arrives! I spent all my money on it, too, so I'm sure it'll be GREAT!

>>26531613
Ghouls just want a cheap thrill. They aren't worth the time. All Sah-O-Nicht will amount to is some small fry in the beginning of a dungeon.

>>26531667
All his feats are initiative, movespeed and attacks per round.
All points to dex, no other stats any good. (Mid range charisma, maybe). He doesn't deal shit but scratch damage, but GOD DAMN, he goes fast doing it!

Agata sounds like it would be a good name.

>>26531483
>>26531665
>Get to liches lair
>Poorly hidden porn underneath the bed
>Posters of Vecna and Elminster cover the walls
>Shelves of miniatures
>Smaller shelves of self-help books
>A tiny box filled with tinier skeletons
>Lich in dirty boxer shorts just sitting there next to the box, utterly stunned
>Everyone just turns around and leaves
WELP

>>26531748
WAIT WAIT, DO YOU THINK MY CRYPT IS COOL!?

>>26531748
>lich waits until they leave and quietly sobs to himself

>>26531748
>The door closes, revealing the Drizzt poster nailed to the back.

>>26531791
No mere poster.
A pin-up

>NEET
>Not in Employment, Education, or Training
Fuck NEET liches, what about a lich that IS in employment, education, and/or training?

>>26531816
>Lich still going to college, has a job at [McDonald's equivalent]
>Is total loser, can't even into conversation
>satisfies himself with the RotNet and various hobbies

>>26531816
>go to wizard school
>teach necromancy 101

>go work for the local castle/lord
>raise skeletons and put serfs out of work in the field

>run for mayor
>win because you have no skeletons in your closet, in fact they're right there with you

>>26531892
>Become the Senator Armstrong of Liches
NEGATIVE LEVELS, SON

>>26531880
Is the equivalent of McDonalds for them called White Castle?

>>26532031
YES

There was a thread, about a lich trapped in a treasure room. Who basically went insane and imagined adventurers and such.

That would be what a neet lich would be like.

>>26532283
>There was a thread, about a lich trapped in a treasure room. Who basically went insane and imagined adventurers and such.
That was a good thread.

So what kind of tabletop games would the NEET Lich play?

>>26531816
Generally most Liches tend to be (at least technically) undergoing education because independent arcane research and the like.
NEET is commonly more of a catch-all term outside of japan, roughly correlating to "basement dweller" or "neckbeard".

>>26532593
Exactly this.
So, if our College student lich meets, say, Bas'Ment, would they become friends?
OR MORTAL ENEMIES?!

>>26532578
Vampire the Masquerade, so they can pretend to be pretty undead that get chicks.

>>26532611
>that one wizard you knew who went to grad school
>he stayed in so long he became a lich without noticing

>>26532618
>Bas'Ment, why are you minmaxed for seduction?
I WANNA BONE CHICKS!

>>26532611
Yes, they will bond over their mutual lack of social skills.

>>26532687
wait, what's collich's name?

>>26532756
Steven
Not anything fancy, just... Steven
>Dude, you got to get yourself a lich name, everybody's doing it!
>I told you already I'm not a lich!
>...How long have you been in grad school, again?
>Eighty years.

>>26532891
>So, Steven, how are you?
>Not bad, what about you, Bas?
>Eh, I could be better. An adventurer came into my crypt the other week. Well... not EXACTLY an adventurer.
>what do you mean?
>Well... he was about... 8. Like, 8 YEARS. I think it was a dare or something.

>>26532933
>Why didn't you make him a familiar then?
>Well... he kinda liked the same things I did so we just hung out until he had to leave.

>>26533389
[Elsewhere]
>Mommy, mommy! I met a nice lich who taught me all about biology and anime!
Wat

>>26533517
D&D the anime. It revolves around the daily life of a Lich who we all come to slowly love over time.

>>26533517
>these torches are too bright
>this kid is too loud
>I wish I was at home playing Tiefling Kanojo 3

>>26533666
>my metatarsals hurt

>>26533666
What about tiefling kanojo one and two?
Why don't they get any love.
Inb4 TK4, that was shitty as all hell.

>>26530675
You wouldn't have a NEET lich, you might have a hikikomori lich, but not a NEET one.

And as for HK Lich it would simply be "I don't like outside" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqY1Qpu1Now

>Adventurers kill all undead on the first level, place holy seal on the door leading further into the crypt, sealing the doorway indefinitely.
>Years later, some vengeance-minded asshole breaks the seal in an attempt to unleash an undead army.
>Up comes a centuries old lich, who looks down at his servant with dully glowing eyes and then...
>"Dude, what the hell, I had a good thing going here, now every two-bit asshole is going to be breaking into my house while I'm watching my shows."
>Descends back into crypt, closing the doors behind him.

>after 600 years, the lich is forced to get a job to pay for his demon statuettes
>he ends up working in magical tech support
>hates his job and spends hours ranting about it on LichCh

>>26533890
>lich obsessed with "MY STORIES"
Yes pleased.

>>26533935
MY STORIES are clearly animu.
Lich confirmed for otakon

>Lich meets up with a few other similarly minded liches, they all like their crypts too much to move in together but want to keep in touch
>One of them proposes using skeletons to communicate
>Thus the skeleputer is born
>All the liches just sit in their crypts, programming new things into the skeleputer, talking with each other, and never leaving their respective crypts
>Adventurers have to break in and ruin it for them

>>26533890
>>26533911
>Lich gets fired from MagiTech Inc.
>Applies and is hired to work at White Castle
>All the Paladins and White Knights who eat there daily always insult him and attempt to smite him.
>No tips

>>26534038
>poisons the food to get back at them
>they're used to White Castle making you sick

>>26534036
>paladins and barbarians burst in
>"BY THE MIGHT OF PELOR, IT'S JUST SOME FUCKING NERDS"

>>26534141
Can liches even cry or eat ice cream?

>>26534174
They cry essence of pure evil and can eat the ice cream but it just falls out the bottom of their mouth since it's bone.

Note: Essence of evil[Now referred to as EoE] and all EoE accessories are hereby part of LichCo.

>>26534389
Essence of Evil is, of course, LichCo's best-selling brand of perfume (right after Eau de Ame)

>>26534431
Essence of Evil, even though able, is not to be used in any form of Godslayer potions or accessories or for any product besides to get that ungodly death stench.

Side effects may include but are not limited to: Death
Nausea
Vomiting
Head Aches
Charisma Loss
Wisdom Loss
Strength Loss
Etc

>>26531703
>Spring attack
>200ft movespeed
>Ranks in tumble out the ass
That's actually kinda frightening still

>>26535093
Frightening, but awesome.
Plus, I'd assume he bugs Gilthrax for haste potions.

>>26535128
I am putting Sah-O-Nicht in my next campaign. The party is not going to be prepared.

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>>26535188

>>26535888

Easy to stat, if you want to preserve the frustration.

Max HP per HD and decent AC

Hasted

Pounce+Rend+"Overrun" (as in, it charges and gets to pounce+rend everything in its path that it hits).

"Auto" (or just high DC) 1 round stun+prone if it hits on a charge.

An extra Move action.

As a free action 1/day, may summon another bonewheel with a 50% chance of success into a square that is not occupied and provides concealment (darkness, cover, fog, etc) from non-bonewheels.

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>>26536264
>As a free action 1/day, may summon another bonewheel with a 50% chance of success into a square that is not occupied and provides concealment (darkness, cover, fog, etc) from non-bonewheels.
There's always more of them.

>>26531091
His dungeon is comically under-CR so that adventurers will always be coming through.

He always leaves large numbers of powerful magic items behind incredibly shitty traps.

>>26537208
He loads the place with skeletal kobolds wielding man-sized adamantine weaponry which they have no proficiency for.

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Like Gilgamesh in Carnival Phantasm

I can imagine a lich fitting this trope by enchanting his miniatures to control his minions and having glamoured minis to reflect heroes entering his dungeon

He has he dungeon board planned out and has traps etc set up to trigger if he wants or automatically and he runs the party through his gauntlet, he even has his special BBEG mini at the end

He creates magical items, uses his knowledge of a long life to play the markets and earn gold

And he did this all so he could play games with his miniatures

>>26533716
>Inb4 TK4, that was shitty as all hell.
I wish I knew. Translation fucking when.
One of these decades I'll learn the language, I promise

>>26538787
>213
>Not knowing Abyssal
Necro please!

>>26538442
>The real reason for the Tomb of Horrors.
Oh my god, Acererak is a neckbeard, IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!