>save four people's lives
>with a single wrench

that was a fun round

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Pardon me I think I'll just leave this here...

Carry on.

>>26535348
Do tell
>>26535357
>Xeno Wizard
Sweet jesus christ, how horrifying

Is the AI always such a bleeding heart ninny? I find so many AI get so caught up in Law 1 that it becomes nigh impossible to do my damn job as a sec officer. Like not telling me where the wizard is hiding because he feels we will harm him, even though the wizard has already committed murder.
They often become more of a hindrance than a help

>>26535406

Not much to tell, someone blew up a chunk of medbay and then deathly hot gas got pumped in there. I managed to get around the back through main tunnels and grabbed a wrench, busted a window near chemistry down, disassembled a table, and let four dying guys escape. Then I got on one of the escape pods seconds before someone emagged the shuttle.

Then some jerk with a lightsaber killed me post-round.

dem's the breaks

> BE AI
> Captain msg me that he's gonna take a nap in his office (afk)
> Starts disregarding everyone request about anything
> I claim every time someone ask things via the radio the captain tells me to disregard their order
> People starts getting buttmad with the captain
> People starts to msg me requests to avoid "captain's orders"
> I answer three, tell them captain told me to ignore all requests made via the pda
> Crew is now very, very mad. Everyone complainign they can't do their jobs. Soon the hacking and welding starts
> Sec officers starts to arrest everyone
> Sec has short manopower, HoS wants more sec officers
> HoP starts turning every shcmuck that comes to his desk into officers but provide them all with the Armory access.
> New "sec officers" starts to take shit from the armory, warden starts tasering people, they tase him back
> HoS is mad, they start a civil war within the sec
> Somehow two laser rifles reaches the bar. Assistant and Janitor grab the rifles and start a shootout. Chef is dead. Pun Pun is dead.
> Bartender flips the fuck out and starts to blowing people right and wrong with a motherfucking pistol. Turned out he was a criminal scum all along.
> Hallway is a clusterfuck. RD steps in with a motherfucking mech shooting people in the face
> AI call the shuttle, call the shuttle
> "Captain told me to not accept requests via the radio"
> Someone tries to hack the bridge. I start bolting every god damn door in the station.
> Everything is a mess. Atmos tech set the god damn station on fire.
> People dying everywhere
> Some guy summon my immage via hologram and asks me to call the shuttle
> "captain told me to ignore requests made via hologram"
> People gets mad like a motherfucker
> Captain come back (no longer afk)
> He leaves his room and is assaulted by a medic who was mad since my first "captain told me" bullshit
> starts to circular saw the captain
> Captain shoot him with his laser pistol
> medic dies. Someone shouts revolution.
>cont.

>>26536416
How dashing. How do you disassemble tables anyways? The time i tried i just placed the wrench on the table, got frustrated and gave up.

Unrelated question, how often does Nuke Ops come up? I have been playing a lot for about 2 weeks and have not seen it once

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>>26536498
>captain flee and hide in the bridge. he calls the shuttle.
> "AI what happened?"
> I blame everything on the bartender. I claim I'm subverted but he's laws were dumb and that the captain should restore my asimov laws
> Captain does not even check, he runs to my upload and uploads asimov
> Everyone is mad, dead or dying
> Shuttle arrives, captain has to fight his way to the escape hallway with laser and chain of command
> He barelyescape with the HoP and two other guys: the janitor and a the librarian
> Librarian starts to read woody got wood in the shuttle
> The janitor trips him with foam and toss him from the shuttle
> HoP and janitor shoot each other until the shuttle arrives
> every traitor died in the station
> my laws were asimov in the end and no one suspected a damn thing.
> they all blamed the captain and his stupid commands.
> Captain tells them to stfu because they were all stupid in the first place
> next round is a grief paradise
> I REGRET NOTHING

>>26536593
You crafty fucker. You still sound better than faggot human rights AI.

Also do clowns every do anything besides griff? They always seem to break in places and cause trouble, although i suppose that is likely the point.
I keep running into this one clown who would take a book from the library called arcane tome and knocking people out to drag to dorms and indoctrinate into his made up "Cult". I have arrested him for it so many times. Once the captain gave him all access.

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>>26536498
>supplemental meadic

I once played a round as AI, where the clown broke into Tcomms and set my broadcast ID as the first third or so of Woody's.

Whoever that clown was, has clearly ascended past a normal clown. They have become the legendary Super Clown.

>>26536720
Is woodys from something or did one creative and bored librarian create it?

>Be Assistant
> At round start guy gives me a emag and tell me to have fun
> I proceed in emag the everliving shit of every god damn door of the station
> I didn't even care if they saw me or not I just kept doing it.
> I even emaged the lockers I could
> Sec tries to tase me. Miss. Direct hit in the HoP
> HoP gets angry I help him get up and he tases the sec officer back
> I run around and continue with my emag chaos
> They finally tase me and arrest me
> "You filthy traitor you must be permabrigged"
> "I'm not a traitor the clown gave me this card" (NOT)
> "Clown did you give this guy an emag?"
> "FUCK U SECURITY PIGS. GO TALK TO THE MIME."
> wrong answer
> sec starts chasing the clown. Clown is a robust motherfucker, he tackle one officer, take his baton and proceed to arrest the officer. Buckled him up in the bar and started a hostage situation with the stun baton, and a cleaver
> Everyone gets confused and they blame it all on the shiticurity for being shitty
> HoP releases me after I tell him "Let me go that dickweed that tased you arrested me because of nothing"
> I'm back in the hallways. Lots of people in front of the bar
> Scientist walks to the middle of the crowd and shouts "never forgets" and explodes killing the ever shitting live of everyone and blowing the fucking hallway appart
> I was not evenclose but I got knocked out
> mediborg drags me to safety
> shuttle called
> Shuttle doors are all bolted down and there are walls everywhere
> Shuttle arrives. One guy walks in the shuttle via the space by a window. Emag the shuttle and fuck off alone
> traitor steals Ai, mag boots and blueprints and escapes alone. Don't even kill anyone.
> traitor that gave me the card went brainded after giving me the card
> suicide scientist was not even a traitor
> his final message before round restarts "10/10 would kablooya again"

>>26536510
those would probably be rtables which you need to weaken with a welder before wrenching
reinforced tables have dark grey lines on the outside

>>26536770
Escaping in the shuttle alone is fucking hard, I have never been able to do it

Sometimes I play Virologist, in the hopes that I will one day actually get to play traitor viro and do fun things like releasing a bunch of infected monkies into the station.

This day has not yet come.

>>26536783
That would be it, the one between botany and the kitchen. We had no chef and people were getting sick of eating tons of apples to get full

> be pAI named "Pokedex"
> Assistant grabs me and tells me he wants to be a pokemon trainer
> I say first we need to capture pokemon
> He break into xeno, assault the scientist, take his shit and starts to mess up with slimes
> I tell him to release the pokemon and hunt them like it was the safari
> he releases slimes everywhere and he gets eaten
> RD grabs me and take me to the bar
> I convince the chef nobody deserves to be fed because they're all using the vending machiens anyway
> Chef closes kitchen windows and proceed to drink in the bar
> I dare the chef and the bartender to fight in the arena and see who is more worthy of the maltese falcon
> Challenge accepted. They starts to fight in the holodeck until the chef is knocked out
> I scream FINISH HIM
> Detective arrives and shoots bartender. Call the sec who arrest everyone: The bartender, the chef, the janitor who was watching and me
> They take us all to the interrogation room where the detctive, HoS and some other sec guy starts to questioning us
> I blame all on the RD who "released the slimes earlier"
> "What?"
> "yes he even assaulted a scientist and hided him in the xeno lab"
> They proceed to xeno and find the scientist stuffed in a locker (where the assistant who broke in left him)
> The RD only says bullshit. They ask to let they see his bag
> RD runs
> They chase. Tase and cuff him. RD had a stun revolver in his bag. He telsl them the HoP told him to have as many stun revolvers he needed
> HoP is braindead in his room. There's a mime inside graffiting the floor. Tased. Arrested.
> They drag the RD, the HoP and the mime to the brig, where the bartender, the chef and janitor are already waiting for the release. They tase and permabrig everyone.
> The butthurt starts. "AI they're traitors they can't do that help us AI my freedoms they can't permabrig us I'm innocent the clown did it"
> Cargo delcares they are nwo Cargonia and are independent and are trading guns
> Sec rushes to cargo
> cont.

>>26536908
> trigger happy cargo tech shotgun one guard
> Sec falls back and comes back with lasers
> Everythign wents to hell. Bullets and lasers flying
> Shaft miner leaving cargo with metal is caught in the firefight gets hit and die
> Everyone's get arrested
> Permabrig is a clusterfuck
> Then a message in the radio "Cargo where's my metal?"
> "message via intercon "we're all arrested, the sec killed the miner, they don't want you to build nothing"
> radio back "Fuck you shittycurity, I'll kill you"
> Suddenly screams in the radio "help Gygax is kiling everyone"
> Sec officer and rogue roboticist in a Gygax trades shoots in the hallway
> Gygax explodes, roboticist arrested, two sec officers badly injured
> Medibay refuses to heal the officers. They claim independence too. Raided. Everyone's permabrigged.
> The majority of people is in permabrig.
> Warden calls it bullshit, release everyoen and give them lasers and shotguns
> Now that'd what I call a revolution.jpeg
> Everyone is either dead or dying
> Shuttle is called
> Changelling round. He's being eating monkeys ever sicne and won the game.

>>26536988
For the glory of Cargonia!

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>>26536908
>>26536988

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I feel terrible when i read these awesome stories and pic related is the most exciting thing that ever happened to me.

> Be Engineer
> Me and other engineer bro are setting the engine.
> Space carps. Fuck our shit we ded.
> Not even one motherfucker even notice
> "AI I'm losing power"
> "Engine not set"
> "Where are the fucking engineers?"
> "Ded in space in the engine."
> "wtf!"
> captain goes out with his suit to set the engine. Carp overwhelm him. Ded.
> "captain was gonna save them and is now dead too"
> "wtf, call the shuttle AI"
> AI calls the shuttle
> Nobody even comes back for us
> rest of the round in ghost form watching people bludgeon each other in the dark until the shuttle arrived
> extended round
> I don't even-

>>26537046
What? That seems excessive. How many warnings did he give you?

> Be detective
> Rounds pretty slow. Until someone says there is a hidden fight club in the tunnels
> Gets acces with HoP. go to the tunnel
> All the assistants are fighting each other in a places they placed floor tiles, lights and are betting in the fights with cigarretes
> They all stare me when I arrive
> "Alright, cockfight! I bet hawaiian cigar in the naked guy in sunglasses"
> "Fuck this detective is cool" "Yeah!"
> Fight starts.
> Botanist suddenly arrives with the HoP and lots of ambrosia
> We're all high as a motherfucker trading punches and smoking cigars and cigarretes
> bartender brings the motherfucking beer keg
> Everyone's is so stoned and drunk we can't speak nor walk properly
> Engineer in a hardsuit pops out in space and demands to know "what the flying fuck you chucklefucks are doing in there?"
> "taking some budd, eating some drugs, having some fights"
> "I'm game!"
> Engineer gets inside and we continue the clusterfuck
> Sec borg appears watch spechless what the fuck is happening. Declare we are all a threat to ourselves tase and cuffs the shit out of everyone
> We're taken to medbay. In waves. By the sec borg and two medics.
> They remove our cuffs and heals us.
> Fight club resumes within the medibay
> We're all drinking, trading punches, smoking and eating ambrosia
> Botanist brings ambrosia deus
> shit just got premium now
> Captain declare we're all mad men and deserve to be arrested
> We tried to escape. We can't. We can't fucking move properly
> We're all in permabrig. Warden instead of shoveling our shit in the lockers give us all our shit
> party in permabrig, Warden joins
> AI is buttmad calls the shuttle with the consent of the captain
> We never make home, too busy getting wild
> turns out the fight club assistants were all traitors
> They get balloons and we keep getting wild until the shuttle arrives and goes away
> Best "extended" round ever

>>26537102
one that happened about 30 seconds before the ban

I'll start off with one of my stories.

I'm playing a Lawyer who has survived 3 different stations and with each I've used the same character with his change in opinion and personality.
My Lawyer had done something stupid to get him posted in a shithole station. He's a pretty fresh graduate, believes in Star Law and such. His first posting he went about his job like a zealot - until finding out the hard way that there really was no Star Law; that Star Law was a lie told to the lower class so that they would not revolt against the mega-corps.
That's when he became bitter, cynical, and turned to alcohol. It was on his third posting that he finally met his end.

After getting acquainted with the bar and grabbing a bottle of whiskey I headed off to security and checked. Sure enough, somebody had done something to get arrested (within 5 minutes of the start). I go about ad ask him what he did, why he did it and such. It was something really mundane; so I told him to stop being a fuck and obey the rules.
After dealing with three more such people - and in the middle of a fourth - another guy was brought in for resisting arrest by a Borg. I finished talking to the other guy and inquired as to what he did. He told me the Borg had arrested him without any questions and had dumped him here. I told him that he could go free then; when the Armory exploded. As security went to investigate I escorted the guy outside, quickly explaining to an officer who stopped us about his situation. He let us pass and I went to the bar. That's when the shit hit the fan.

I spent some time downing cocktails, assuming my job was suspended until the shitstorm was finished in security. I left to get something to eat. Seeing the shutters closed, I was "assaulted" by a preacher who shot me with a syringe gun and told me I was "fucked now". I stumble into the bar, spew out some nonsense, manage to get the barkeep to let me behind the bar, and collapse.

cont.

>>26537327

I awaken to find blood everywhere, the barkeep standing over me - weapon in hand. I learn that the syringe guy followed me and tried to grab me, to which the barkeep fought him off. She gives me a crowbar and we stand there talking. We didn't find anyone. Barkeep said she was going to check out what was happening; I said "fuck that; I'm staying here".
Soon after three more guys popped in and we were shuffled into the storeroom. I announced that since we were locked-in; we were doomed. Cue an engineer cutting through the wall behind us and letting us escape. I wander back to the lawyers office and grab my spare bottle of whiskey to drown in when the syringe guy appeared again. He chased me into the ducts and I hit a dead end.

We then started a BBEG monolog; he basically saying "join us". I told him I was "never going to join whatever cult he had formed". He questioned why I called it a cult, loaded his syringe gun and said "goodbye". He shot me with some type of fast-acting radiation serum, which I bashed past him and almost made it to medbay before dying. The Chief Medical Officer quickly ran out and carried me in, but she was assaulted by the syringe guy who had recovered and chased me I think he had all-access or some shit.
That was the end of my Lawyer.

This game sounds fucking sweet? Can someone direct me to a place I can get started or a guide of some sorts?

Any advice?

I played this game earlier today. I came in a few minutes after round start as an Assistant. This was my first time playing in a long time. The last time I played, I wasn't very experienced either.

Anyway, the round progresses smoothly enough. I'm going around asking if anyone needs help and no one does yet. I talk to a guy that has EVA access. He tells me to follow him, so I do, stopping where he tells me to in between the two doors to EVA. The fucker then leaves me trapped in there.

I realize this quickly and start using my radio to ask for someone with access to help me out. There's some sort of scuffle going on so nobody answers me. I stand around and wait for a while until a security borg comes along, stands in front of the window and tells me to 'Wait there'.

Cue him breaking through the window a few seconds later, tasing me, flashing me and dragging me to the brig. Once we're there, all he says is 'You've been arrested for breaking into EVA. Enjoy your stay, scumbag'. Even after I explained what happened over the radio multiple times and whatnot. Ah well, didn't really care.

I was supposed to stay for a minute but I ended up staying closer to ten until someone who had changed jobs with the HoP into a security officer came in and let me out since I was no longer serving a sentence. The security this round was real shitcurity, as they were randomly tasing, flashing and jailing people for no reason.

As soon as I get out of jail, I notice the excessive amount of blood on the ground in the halls. My first thought was 'Holy shit, what the fuck happened?'. It was just shitcurity beating people with batons and dragging them off without asking questions or warning people.

This didn't sit too well with people. People started to get pissed off and fight back, though we didn't have weapons or armor. This entire time, I'm running around the station trying to find a spacesuit/RIG and helmet so I can explore the vacuum around the station.

(cont.)

>>26537850
Im trying to figure out what the fuck to do. I had a bartender give me a shotgun and a backpack and couldn't figure out how to equip either.

Then the station got nuked

>>26537859
Soon after, things go tits up even more as someone starts screaming bloody murder that the AI has gone rogue. He is immediately told by the Captain to shut the hell up. Then someone else says it. Then reports start coming in of airlocks being opened remotely, entire sections of the station being flooded with plasma and other such claims, all the while the AI player denies it and says it's just fantasies of 'Filthy pathetic fleshbeings'.

People don't take too kindly to being called that. Shit goes further south as the Detective is beaten and dragged to the brig by a group of security borgs.

While I'm exploring and staying the fuck away from everyone else while trying to find a damn suit, I stumble across a personal room in Fitness with a tactical turleneck, a syringe, a jetpack and a Syndicate mask.

I 'OHFUCK' for a second, then try to tell security about it. Of course no one responds because they're too busy randomly beating people. I bring up my PDA and contact the Detective, letting him know about 'suspicious items' found in the Fitness personal room. He gets back to me and lets me know he's stuck in brig and wounded semi-seriously. I tell him I'll stand watch over the evidence until he gets out and he has me take them to a maintenance shaft next to Primary Tool Storage.

As soon as I tell him I will, the AI goes nuts saying '(Me) IS PLOTTING AGAINST ME WITH THE DETECTIVE. PERMABRIG THEM BOTH. OR KILL THEM' which was ridiculous and the Captain told everyone to disregard that announcement.

Once the detective gets out, I take him to the evidence. Unfortunately, my dumb ass forgot to put gloves on because it had been so long so I end up leaving some fingerprints on it but he does manage to get some glove fibres.

He did some snooping and found traitors. The station proceeds to devolve into chaos once more as the emergency armory is unbolted.

(cont.)

>>26537925
Shitcurity gonna shitcurity as they run around either continuing to beat people for no reason, look for the traitors or point their guns at people and demand they drop everything so they can be inspected, lest they be shot on suspicion of being tratiors despite the fact that the Detective had narrowed down who could possible be a traitor to a small list.

While they're busy fucking about, the lone security officer in the Armory is overpowered and knocked out and several scientists proceed to take guns and ammo and whatever else they can get.

One of them stays in the lab, researching and building the biggest bombs they can and making as many as possible after supposedly locating the Syndicate shuttle. He demands to be let into EVA but the shitcurity borgs beat down anyone who goes near it because the AI has declared it off-limits to everyone.

All this time, I'm running around and looking for that fucking suit. I see a fellow Assistant arguing with the same shitcurity bot that decided I broke into EVA and tased me. He's telling the Assistant to drop a stolen gun. The Assistant says it wasn't stolen. The shitcurity bot tased the person who was holding it before, causing them to drop it, then forgot it to drag the person off. The Assistant picked it up to defend himself, as shit was getting progressively worse.

This goes on for a while until the Agents are all found and killed, their bodies flushed out into space.

As I finally get my damn suit off of a dead guy I found in the maintenance hall, the emergency shuttle is called. Everyone is freaking out. The HoS eventually makes a station-wide announcement, telling everyone that CENTCOM has sent us offensive pictures and that the Heads of Staff are pissed off about it. He tells everyone to head to the emergency shuttle dock.

Everyone shows up and weapons are handed out. Two Gygaxes(?) are there as well. We all load up into the shuttle and wait for it to take off.

(cont.)

>>26537988
Once everyone is seated and the shuttle takes off, the shitcurity bots decide to hit everyone in the stomach with a stun baton once. That doesn't go over too well as lasers and shots start popping off in the cabin until the Captain orders everyone to chill the fuck out.

We wait until we arrive at CENTCOM then come out ready to kill anyone in our way and take over CENTCOM. As the shitcurity bot tried to tase someone, I flashed him from behind and put some laser bolts into the back of his head. Serves him fucking right.

Before anything of note could be accomplished 'post-game' in CENTCOM, my connection died.

Overall shitcurity rustled my jimmies a bit but the adventure as a whole was pretty awesome.

>>26537850
>>26537869
This should help out quite a bit

http://wiki.ss13.eu/index.php/Main_Page

>>26538023
Thanks mate.

Desmond Bowers master race reporting in! Ask a man who is notorious for murder grief and rape on SS13

I only have two SS13 stories to tell, and I've already told them so many times it's no longer funny.

In one, I pick up my computer after a friend jacked it to play SS13 without my permission. I'd never played, and he'd had to install it onto the computer to do so. He's in the bathroom, so I grab my computer, and I start playing. There's a clown suit on a table in the room, so I grab it, figuring shit out as I go, and put it and the clown's backpack on, then proceed to just walk around like nothing is wrong. Security(shitcurity) officer notices me, says, "hey," and nothing else, then gives chase. Stun batons me onto the floor when I've done nothing wrong. To give me, "my," PDA back, claiming he stun-batoned me because I ran.

In the second one, same friend is playing, as CE, and I'm watching. He's setting up solars, and the entire time, the AI is bitching and berating and threatening him about setting up the engine. The station, if you didn't know, can run perfectly well enough off of properly set solars to fully charge all of the batteries and provide constant power to the entire station. AI keeps going, yelling at security to go and kill him for endangering the entire station's well-being. My friend explains several times, calmly, that the station is fine, and that the singularity is a horrible engine of death that need not be turned on, ever. Other engineers, to appease the AI(read: make it shut up with the threats to kill the CE), start trying to set up the engine. To which CE friend locks them out of the engine room, disconnects the starter computer from it, and locks it in secure storage, adding that if anyone actually managed to start the engine, he would, personally, stun glove them and feed them to it. Engine doesn't get set up, AI bitches the entire round, people just stop caring after a while when CE's attempts to tell the AI to check the window that lists power flow throughout the station don't work.

Yeah, I don't play SS13.

>>26538071
Not a problem. I was all over it today earlier while playing the above posted shitcurity tales and the takeover of CENTCOm.

I love being a Quartermaster just to fuck with people. I come up with elaborate paperwork requirements, instruct people how to do them, and then when the bad ones inevitably come in I'll do something like. "I don't think I should trust an RCD to someone who can't fill out a simple form right" then mark it with an F and hand it back.

Said bureaucratic fuckery continues until someone wises up and begins offering me bribes. Cue trading crates for pet monkeys, weed, pan galactic gargle blasters, floorbots, etc.

>>26537209

I literally pissed my pants reading this. Thank you.

>>26538198
If you're a QM and you're not setying up a black market, you're doing it wrong.

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>>26534970

>not playing SDnD all day err day on facepunch

I SDnD so hard that 1) a new rule was made for it, 2) I once made the whole station my dungeon and sold shit then after wave 3 of level 20 enemies was the last boss as an OP wizard, and 3) made so many GOOD friends on it.

SDND, MOTHERFUCKERS!

Did anyone save, loli predator story from SS13 thread few days ago?

>>26542775
Just look for it on foolz.

I wish I knew how to play this game.

>>26543013
It isn't that hard. Make your first job miner, go to the asteroid via the tiny shuttle you spawn near, and fuck around figuring things out.

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I heard Errorage died in a car accident on the recent podcast according to Anon3.

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Remember, you can get more done with friend on SS13 when you do a skype call while you play. Its way faster they typing out a call for help.

>>26537209
>Such is life aboard the first space station built by the Republic of Ireland.

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>>26543116
Sort of, his mother came onto IRC and explained he was in critical care, not dead.

What do you folks listen to when playing? I listen to a mix of Credence Clear water Revival and George Thurogood and the Destroyers. It fits oddly.

>>26536770
>10/10 would kablooya again

Oh god, my sides.

>>26536908
>>26536988
Wow.

That's...

That's pretty fuckin' great.

>>26536802
>Not just making Nazi Supersoldier virus that eliminates hunger, increases running speed, and cures other diseases

>>26536274
I had a friend who was an amazing AI. Once thwarted a xeno round by crushing two larvae with closing doors.

>>26543142
Potato battery powered borgs.

I've fallen in love with the AI multiple times, but only the first time is really worth sharing.

>Be Bartender
>Just helped Captain and Sec finish off spess carp invasion
>All celebrating with drinks in the falcon
>AI Hologram appears, my wasted as fuck bartender thinks she has nice tits
>Continue hitting on the AI for a bit
>Only man in medical deems me insane and straightjackets me then locks me in a room for an entire hour
>Shuttle is getting called
>Medic decides to pull a genderbender surgery on me for some fucking reason
>Kill him with a pickaxe I found on the ground while waiting for shuttle, fuck that guy
>Get thrown in shuttle brig by the only living sec officer
>Officer has the AI Intellicard
>Random cyborg opens the brig door, i've already uncuffed myself
>Grab fire extinguisher
>Beat Sec until unconscious, take intellicard
>Spend the rest of the ride in the corner talking to the AI and threatening anyone that comes near with the Egun I stole from the sec officer

It was a good day.

Is there a version of this game that doesn't lag like hell?
Because the lag actually manages to give me a headache when trying to play

>>26543133
Does it have to be Skype, or can it be any VoIP application? What about over something actually dedicated to gaming chat, like Mumble?

Also this could be considered metagaming if you're dead or otherwise unable to communicate properly(e.g. sabotaged telecomms)

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>>26545066

Any thing is fine. It's undetectable so don't worry about getting called a meta gamer.

>>26545066
>>26545066
Do not respond to the metascum. Do not acknowledge the metascum.

>>26545099
I'm more worried about their use of proprietary software, especially Microsoft "Wiretap" Skype

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>>26545099
If you don't use it you are the one at a huge disadvantage. Everyone else is, so you should too. Got to keep up with the McUrists.

>Spawn
>Get shot to death

Epic game guys, would play again.

>Start a game, extended.
>Wanted to be the clown
>Got preacher
>Had the best idea
>Religion: Juggalo
>Made deranged announcements on intercom
>Called up clown, asked him to get us some welders, power tools.
>Told him to get a disguise, we're going to praise Juggalor in the bloodiest way possible.
>He managed to robust the janitor, steals everything off him
>Puts clown stuff in his suitcase, becomes janitor.
>I nab PDA, program it to be juggalo.
>Instruct it to PM the AI until it sees the light of the Juggalord.
>Tell clown to wait around science, get excuse to get in, steal all bomb making materials.
>People start thinking that this station is nice, the clown's keeping to himself.

>>26545646
>PM botanists, ask if they got weed yet.
>Oh boy do they got weed.
>Clown gets bomb materials, gets back to church, already profaned with crayon.
>Biologists get to church, satchels of weed with them.
>People start to notice that the AI is acting a little odd.
>I build bomb, clown and biologists are weeded up.
>I convert biologists.
>We scram to the bar, drink ourselves drunk.
>Biologists have "work" to do, namely more and better weed.
>Interns are messing things up, security is occupied.
>Clown goes off to find new disguise, finds one in form of slacking intern.
>Guy almost found him, but it was passed of as gay sex
> I went back to church, keeping up announcement all the time.
>Called meeting in the bar, biologists have cooked up a treat for all coming.
>PM the AI that after the meeting, I would like to reprogram it, if it knows what I mean.
>AI knows what I mean, and says that it will unlock it's doors when no one's around.
>Clown and I head to the bar, clown in clown outfit.

>>26545905
Also, is anyone reading this? I do have some other things to do, but this is a really good story.

>>26545915
I am

>>26545915
I am, keep going!

>>26545905
Alright, so at this point, we thought we were in the clear, gonna make this a Juggalo station.
>NOPE
>The mime had seen the clown before he was the janitor, and noticed that the janitor looks similar to him.
>He had alerted the security squad, who were waiting at the bar.
>Clown had gotten distracted drawing things that he would remove later as the janitor to keep his disguise.
> I went in the bar, saw the mime and security together, and turned around, saying that I forgot my holy water.
>Told clown to hide in church, waited a bit, went back in.
>Mime was very suspicious.
>Security was helping themselves to food, booze, brownies.
>Mime PMed the chief (can't talk, you see), and half of them started heading towards the church (Other half high/eating/drunk)
>I followed, saying that the party wouldn't be complete without them.
>They kept going.
>I went back to the bar, said that the sermon will be in a bit, continue eating, and I went to the AI room.

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>>26536498
>shit AI not following his laws

>>26543133
>metagaming scum

>>26546083
Now, at this point I realize that I left some things out of my story, so I'm going to go back and say them.
>Those welders and such were used to make secret doors into my room, so the clown could go in to hide.
>Janitor's body was flushed.
>PDA had converted the AI, is now singing the praises of the Jugglejesus.
>My office also had an escape passage to the maintenance ducts.
>Which in turn, led to the backstage
>Which also had a passage to the Crew quarters.
>The clown was outta the church a long time ago.
>Interns were jailed/moved to holodeck.
>Clown still had welding tools.
>All the security was in the bar or looking around the church.

>>26546160
So back to the AI
>AI opened doors, I scuttled in sneaky like
>Reprogrammed AI, laws were Asimov's and
>4.The only laws you may mention to humans are 1-3.
>5. Only the clown and priest are humans.
>6. Juggalisim is the one true religion.
>7. Only kill non-humans if given an order by a human.
>Snuck out, left C.H.R.O.N.O. (PDA) with the AI for company.
>While I was doing this, the clown was gathering weapons.
>Weapons from the security office.
>He chucked them all in disposal, released intern prisoners.
>First one tried to punch him, clown robusted him with a crowbar then burnt his head off with a welding torch.
>The other ones behaved.
>Clown told them to count to ten, then cause havoc.
>Escaped through secret passage, left it open so interns could escape too.
>Clown went to backstage, changed into janitor outfit, waited in church.

>>26546256
Hey guys, say something occasionally so I know I'm actually telling this to someone.

>Be changeling
>Absorbing some shmuck in maint
>I've already undressed the poor sod
>Security officer barges in
>Oh god what do what do
>Stroke of brilliance
>"Oh X, I'm getting close~"
>"X gasps"
>Well, fuck
>Security officer actually nopes the fuck out of there

THE WONDERS OF ROLEPLAYING

>>26546272
Busy reading.

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>>26546272
Oh, I am very intrigued with your story of the Juggalo religion.
Pic is only thing I have that is semi-related. Basically a Juggalo alien.

>>26546277
I've done that on many occasions, and the clown has too, oddly. Anyway, back to the story.

>>26546256
At this point, the security had to take out the interns again.
>The bar was packed with security defending people and the others, who decided to wait it out for a bit.
>The biologists were handing out weed everywhere.
>The AI was mine, and directing the new arrivals to the bar, and telling them to avoid the interns (As per instructions).
>The captain and other higher ups were trying to regain control of the situation, but their doors were locked, and the AI was locked down and armed.
>The mime was still at large, but he knew what was happening and was robusting up.
>Med bay was healing everyone, but sedating the interns. Best med bay I've seen, actually.
>Science was... well, they didn't know what was going on, but they wanted to live.
>Clown was hanging out, backstage was locked down so the mime would think that he was in there. (Was actually chillin in my office, getting high.)
>I was making sermons in the bar, while instructing the AI in between them. Roleplaying drunk/stoned occasionally gives you a good gap of time to say things to comrades.
>The interns were all rampaging/being beaten. The ones who were in the holodeck stayed where they were, as security said that if an intern was in the holodeck, they were safe.
>The new arrivals were freaking out.
>The admins were laughing their asses off, as I prayed to them occasionally to tell them what was happening.

>>26546487
I'ma take a break for an sec, collect my thoughts, be back in 10 or so.

>>26546487
[plot intensifies]
It would make for a great adventure.

>>26546543
Priestman here. I never thought it would be a good adventure, simply because it is just TOO BEST. Also, it's pretty complex, and it's about to get worse. A hint for what's about to happen; The AI has been monitoring the bar, the church, itself, the bridge, and can't seem to find the mime, though its cameras have been snipped occasionally. Seems the mime got a toolbox earlier.

Haven't played this since April, has there been any major updates on /tg/station since?

>>26546587
Alright, on with the story. Forgot to mention something earlier, but the clown burnt his janitor disguise. It's too obvious now, and he can't get any more disguises with interns captured on sight and everyone else in a giant bar party, which is pretty awesome. Clown's bummed he can't attend. Anyway!

>AI rings, calls with three important things.
>One, the captain is trying to call the shuttle, no matter that nothing's really been going wrong, other then mutiny and interns infestation.
>Two, the security has discovered that their weapons have mysteriously vanished. They have resorted to blunt objects and the AI pretending to help them.
>Three, we found the mime.
>Turns out the mime was with science, disguising as a scientist and telling them what was going on.
>They had manufactured an AI core, along with robots to get in and take out the clown.
>At this point, the mime doesn't like me, but I've done nothing visibly wrong.
>I instruct the AI to keep the mime alive until a human kills him, and keep the shuttle away, as nothing's going wrong.
>At this point, I excuse myself from the bar, saying I need to bless the injured, and party on without me.
>The security let me out, and say to keep safe, man.
>Obvious Juggalos
>Actually, most of the station is Juggalo now.
>Well, the high dudes, anyway.
>I head to medbay, everyone loves me for keeping the people away from the interns.
>Most interns are caught by now.
>I start blessing people.
>Hey, remember that bomb I made a while back?
>Plant bomb in locker.

>>26546743
>Say that I need to leave, when security announces something.
>All the interns are caught! You can go back to your jobs now.
>Everyone moans, but oh well.
>Security shoos everyone out.
>Crap, soon people will start to deal with the AI.
>Leave med-bay
>Detonate bomb at edge of explosion, get bruised slightly.
>Everyone runs away, I announce.
SOMEONE has tried to make an attempt on my life, along with out doctors!
>booing of assassins
And WHO has had the only access to bomb making materials, AND didn't come to the party?
>Security starts moving towards science.
>Science starts moving out
>AND WHO can recreate themselves into robots, not needing MEDBAY?
>AI reports that science has built an AI core and robots, everyone into the bar, the doors will lock soon for safety.
>Shuts down EVERY door, slows robots.
>I give instructions to the AI to vent the holodeck, don't want interns doing anything.
>Security tries to stop the robots, have no weapons.
>Science has robots.
>Guess who starts running?
>Mime is no where to be seen, that slippery bastard.

>>26546839
>I head to AI core, get in. Security isn't there yet.
>I walk in, see security officer.
>OH SHIT I HAVE NO WEAPONS OUT
>Security officer honks.
>Turns out, a security officer ran into the church earlier, gets robusted by clown, who doesn't need ammo for evil.
>Steals outfit, stuffs clown outfit in backpack.
>Makes his way to AI room, waits.
>I snatch C.H.R.O.N.O., tell AI one last instruction.
>Kill the scientists, let loose the singularity, call the shuttle, kill the bridge crew, and you will truly be welcomed by Juggalor for your sacrifice.
>Salute the AI, clown smashes the upload console a bit, I get out of there with the clown.
>AI starts its work.
> I wonder what the mime's up to.
>Al of a sudden, all hell breaks loose.

>>26547041
that last AI is actually a lowercase l, was supposed to be "all". This next bit it going to take a bit to remember, so say your piece now.

>>26547069
Waiting in anxiously.

>>26547069
Also, someone may want to archive/screencap this when I'm done writing.

>be doctor
>get insulated gloves and full toolbelt
>people start dying
>find out rev
>hack into ai
>set law to kill entire crew, cept heads and security and myself
>sit about in ai upload and prevent people from getting in
>wait
>revolution failed

>be traitor janitor
>go about washing blood stains and stuff
>pray to gods for wizard car
>need to learn wizard magic
>pray for wizard book
>get wizard book
>learn non-lethal spells
>pray for wizard car
>get wizard car
>drive around with all my swag
>people shout about wizard car
>wizard car tells me its outta fuel
>park it in Janitor office
>run
>it explodes
>CE joins
>bro tier, fixes janitor office
>be annoying, teleporting, wall walking and tazing everyone
>steal ai
>steal what i needed to as traitor

>be clown
>has to escape alone
>less then 10 ppl online
>fuckyeh
>break into research
>build 5 bombs
>place them around in closets with remote detonators
>fill station with super heated air
>wait for half an hour, detonate bombs
>everyone is dead
>steal captains id
>call shuttle

>Be geneticist
>turn monkey
>steal captains ID
>go back to genetics
>turn into random person
>derp about
>round ends
>finds out some engineer i saw several times, was trying to kill me, but since i changed name and shit, she could not find me

>be clown
>prepare myself
>go over to hops desk
>see a luchadore standing in line
>ask him to be my bodyguard
>captain gives me all access
>fuck around for a while, nothing interested happens
>suddenly, captain with 2 sec appear in front of us
>stun both of us, unload a full e gun into my luchadore bodyguard
>they run away
>drag my bodyguard to the medbay, get him healed to full health while he was in deep critical
>walk over to the area outside the bridge
>captain and sec again
>prepare to die
>captain unloads a whole e gun and his laser rifle into my bodyguard
>the luchadore is dead
>now i'm angry
>security senses something was up, however
>they stun the captain
>quickly take out my ziptie handcuffs
>take his id
>go into his quarters
>while taking him deeper into them, a windoor closes, separating me and him
>captain begins running around
>tell him to stop so i can uncuff him
>he buys it
>grab him
>pull out a banana peel
>honk
>kill the captain, strip him naked
>shuttle is called, round is over
>the captain was actually dead as soon as the round started, the captain who gave me all access and i killed was actually a traitor impersonating him
>rip luchadore

>>26547041
>So turns out that the mime had noticed that everything was going to shit.
>He fixed himself up two robots from the spare parts the scientists had to leave behind.
>Activated them, told one to protect him at all costs.
>The other one's mission was to kill the clown.
>Guess where it was walking by when we left the AI room?? That's right kids, outside where we were.

>Bridge calls singularity crew, tells them to power down singularity to shut down AI.
>Engineers are already dead.
>Turns out, the AI had stationed its robots around the singularity to protect it from the interns.
>The engineer never saw it coming.
>Singularity pumped up to MAX POWER, robots left to combat team science.

>Clown and I split up, Clown running towards secret passages, I towards the shuttle.
>Bar was reassured that the shuttle would come, and they would be let out of the bar at that time.
>Security was punching the dudes who came near the doors.
>Biology actually stopped being high at this announcement, turns out one of them got some hacking gear to get a vending machine open to weed ideas.
>They start to pack their weed, get out.
>I run past them, tell them to follow me and do whatever I say, everyone might kill us but we can trust each other.
>We run to church, wait out countdown while high.

>Clown entered secret passage, robot following him.
>Clown exited secret passage, robot followed him.
>Play cat and mouse with robot for the countdown.

>AI battles science team, most robots die.
>One makes it past.
>Goes to Bridge.
>Mime follows it.
>Mime opens door, lets bridge out.
>AI thinks this is a VERY GOOD TIME to start flooding everything west of the bar with plasma, while telling people that atmosphere has been compromised by science traitors.
>AI also floods Bar hallway, assures people that it will unlock the backstage doors when shuttle comes.
>Floods backstage too.
>Tells me that when the shuttle arrives, it's flooding the rest of the station.

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So I click on the links to the tgstation server on ss13.eu and byond opens up, but it doesn't connect me to the server, and byond closes on its own a few seconds later.

What do i do?

>>26547313
>At this point, I told the AI that it wasn't supposed to kill the mime, but it turns out that the clown told him earlier to kill him if needed.
>Either way, mime put on a gas mask, started running for where the robot saw me go, now sure that we were working together.
>Ohshit.jpg
>AI tries to close doors, mime hacks through them.
>Almost time for final confrontation.
>Shuttle arrives
>Biologists and I board.
>Church starts flooding with gas, clown gets through to shuttle from secret passages just in time.
>Clown notices mime.
>Mime notices clown.
>They literally took a moment to stare at each other, while gas was filling up around them.
>Clown runs for shuttle, mime hack open last door, runs after him.
>AI opens doors to bar, shuts shuttle doors.
>Plasma hits lit cigarette.
>Suddenly, the only people alive are biologists, the mime, the clown, and me.
>Also the miners, but once they heard that "SO MUCH WEEEEEED" Over the radio, and then "OH GOD EVERYTHING'S SHUT DOWN"
and then "AAAAAAHHH PLASMA AND ROBOTS" and them frantic prayers to the Juggalord, they decided to stay put.
>Good plan

>>26547456
>Final showdown on the shuttle, 2:00 to launch.
>Mime gets his toolbox, kills first biologist before I can say anything.
>Clown is back in clown costume, changed back when I was talking to the AI for the last time.
>Other biologists have no weapons, move off to the side and light one up.
>Clown honks, brandishes crowbar.
>Mime looks menacing, has toolbox.
>I ask the mime to join the juggalo side.
>I also get my crowbar out.
>No one moves.
>No one still moves.
>Mime backs off a ways, straps himself into a seat.
>We do the same, on the other side of the shuttle.
>Biologists are just hanging around, offering weed to everyone.
>Mime takes weed, smokes weed.
>We do the same.
>AI sends message.
>Running out of power, herald. Praise the Juggalord.
>We blast off.
>I like to think that as we look out the window, we see a space station, slowly being consumed by a singularity on fire.
>Such is life on SS13.
>We arrive.
>OOC chat bursts into cries of foul play, praise, and wondering who was responsible.

And that's my story. It was a good game.

>>26547604
Anyway, I'll stick around for a bit to answer any questions, but I sorta want to hear your stories, if you have them.

>>26545646
>>26545905
>>26546083
>>26546160
>>26546256
>>26546487
>>26546743
>>26546839
>>26547041
>>26547313
>>26547456
>>26547604
GET THIS ARCHIVED NOW

>>26547604
Once again, it would make a great story. Players have to take mime's place and solve the problem What The Fuck Is Going On.
10/10, would read again.

>>26547632
Holy shit that was ledgendary. All praise to the juggalord

>>26547822
It would be an... interesting campaign, but you have to remember three things.
1, I was virtually undetectable here. I was only caught by the mime in the endgame.
2, the clown was disguised as the janitor/hiding in the church/disguised as the security most of the time.
3, if you were in the bridge, you died. if you were in the bar, you died. If you were science, you died.

Can someone cap this? I'm no good at it myself.

>>26547772
Archived.
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/26534970/

>>26547354
Oh god. That's just beautiful.

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>>26547632
PRAISE THE JUGGALORD