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>>26654765
> Whine when i adjust monster level and capabilities to their Minimaxed characters.

>>26654793

That one's my favorite

"Uh, the forum said I should be killing just about everything my level in three swings *at most*, are you sure you're making the encounters right?"
"Yes Dave"

I only keep the cunts around because I'm fucking Dave's sister.

I didn't choose the GM life...

>Not allowed to tell FNGs that I've lost track of my pet lictor.

I am soo going to use that one in my next RT campaign.

>>26654817
"The forum lies to you! You're also attacked by three mutated black dragons."

Not allowed to take the enchant skill when we're playing darksun and end the metal drought instantly by infinitely expanding a coin.

>I am no longer allowed within 5 feet of the Exterminatus button
>I am no longer allowed to summon the Bear from Condemned 2 in Shadowrun
>Just because Dynamite is always the answer does not mean I don't have to first work out what the questions are.
>I am no longer allowed to hold weekly bookburnings in Call of Cthulhu
>I am no longer allowed to make an adventure based around the pun "Fresh Prince of Ry'leh"
>The Fresh Prince of Persia is also right out
>It doesn't matter if it's Shadowrun or D&D NO WONDERSHOTGUNS
>No abusing the Immovable Rod.
>No starting religious cults worshiping the Immovable Rod
>Nor can I be a Cleric of the Immovable Rod
>Nor will said clerics battlecry be "In Rod we Trust"
>I am not allowed to Luchadore Darth Vader into a sun
>Even though everyone agreed it was "wicked cool"
>The Pope is NOT the BBEG in Vampire.
>I am no longer allowed to create militant communist Chaotic Neutral revolutionaries in D&D
>I cannot be a Paladin of our lord and savior John Cleese.
>I am no longer allowed to use OpenOffice to create fake PDF supplements to which I can cheese out my character
>Just because "The War for Caersi's Cunt" actually happened in our Game of Thrones Boardgame, does not entitle the winner to make lewd mimes as to what he does to her.
>That goes double if the little sister of the games owner is also playing.
>There is no god of Sherbert. Nor can I be a cleric of it.
>I am no longer allowed to start impromptu song and dance numbers in Call of Cthulhu

>bringing baked goods for the group means cookies and such not baked dice
>I'm not allowed to seat the DM in my fake electric chair when ze are playing in my place
>not am I allowed to plug it in and start grinning like a maniac as a cares the trigger for thee special effects of said chair
>I will not use said chair when we play at my place
>I'm not allowed to bring said chair when we are not playing in my place
>premits aside, loaded fire arms are not "realistic props"
>taking the stairs to dave's apparment in full plate is not allowed
>fullplate is not allowed unless i bring my own chair and not the electric one
>I'm not allowed to teach orphans or any minnors how to make/handel explosives
>It is not because it sometimes called the gift of vamaprism that the paldin wants it
> not even for his birthday
>I'm not allowed to switch the rogue's daggers for fake daggers with retracting blades
>I'm not allowed to place bets when henry's pets are fighting
>I'm not allowed to start fights between Henry's pets
>even if it's very funny to se a labrador fleeing from a long haired cat

>No trying to kick in doors until AFTER I check to see if they're unlocked.
>No longer allowed to punch bratty kids in the stomach if they call my dwarf smelly. They may be the guard captain's kid.
Best lesson I ever learned. Taught me that Chaotic Good does not mean 'lolsorandumb'.

>>26655346
I'd have gone the fart route.
He did call you smelly already anyway.

>>26655346
That first one hit so many of my players. Same thing with them entering the room and immediately attacking/rolling initiative before I can finish describing. At one point they cast fireball on a corpse, because all I could get out was "You see a gnome..."

>I am no longer allowed to use Diplomacy to acquire free miracles by sweet-talking deities through a high-level cleric intermediary
>I am no longer allowed to use Glibness and Bluff to keep a party of good and evil characters together by lying outrageously to everyone
>Being neutral does not mean I can argue that my character doesn't understand the philosophies behind good and evil and can therefore sacrifice captured evil enemies to evil gods for evil blessings without actually being evil himself
>Arguing that "it's the most practical thing to do" does not make the inherently evil decision to perform human sacrifice a simple neutral act of common-sense
>No, not even if we think about all the good we could do with all that evil power
>Deliberately being touched by an allip, changing my alignment to chaotic neutral, and roleplaying as a lunatic does not render me immune to evilness
>I am no longer allowed to knowingly commit multiple evil acts, then be stricken by remorse and pursue redemption with the help of the formerly evil cleric that I myself captured and brainwashed into worshiping a neutral god
>I am no longer allowed to ever use wishes or miracles of any kind, for any reason
>Especially not free ones
>*Especially* not two dozen of them
>I am forbidden to raise my character's Diplomacy bonus above +50 ever again
>I am no longer allowed to learn two languages every level
>I am no longer allowed to pay a spellcaster cohort to follow me around Awakening animals and constructs so that I can use Diplomacy on them
>From now on, a hungry dragon is still going to want to eat me, no matter how polite and well-spoken I am

>>26655403 continued

>It is considered bad form to use the Leadership feat to recruit a ton of bards to assist my Diplomacy rolls
>It is considered very, very bad form to use my atrociously high Diplomacy to turn every NPC who has the Leadership feat that I ever meet into my fanatical allies, then use Diplomacy to tell them what kinds of followers they should recruit and how they should use them
>It is considered incredibly bad form to use my army of bards to recruit an army of leaders, convince my army of leaders to recruit armies of bards and illusionists, and then gather thousands and thousands of illusionists and bards together so that I can make an epic-level Diplomacy roll while simultaneously speaking to everyone on the continent
>Everyone agrees that it is just unbelievably bad form to derail a campaign into annihilation by spontaneously convincing millions of people to fanatically worship me with a single Diplomacy roll of "fuck you I'm not counting all those modifiers, you win, new campaign time"
>I am permanently banned from the Bard class

>>26655424
I like your style

>I am no longer allowed to use self martyring as a source of magic
>I am never again allowed to utter the words 'Dark deeds for a good cause and no one gets hurt except me', then traumatize the GM by my in character actions
>I am never again allowed to make any device that gives a constant stream of healing energy without actually fully healing someone
>I am not allowed access to sharp objects
>I am never again allowed to leave the rest of the players thinking I've joined the cenobites in the process of saving the innocent.
>I am never again allowed to game the system when the GM sets a 'if you haven't stopped him by the end of this session' time limit, then sending massed skeletal hordes to clog up the game combat system with token moving and massed dice rolls (I know, I'm an asshole, but they metagamed first to interfere and 'stumble' upon my 'dark rituals')
>I am never again allowed to score with the another players god.
>I am not allowed to end up marked as a chosen of another players god before they are
>I am not to create my own wings using back skin, a friend with a knife, animated bones and a ring of regeneration, then claim fly speed.
>I am never again allowed to utter the words 'necromantic postal service' and point out we can get there in a third of the time since skeletons never have to stop riding.

>>26655467
>I am no longer allowed to play characters with more than 18 INT
>I am not allowed to take max ranks in every knowledge skill and nothing else
>I am not allowed to know, in character, more about the campaign setting than the DM
>I am not allowed to have a Heward's Handy Haversack
>I am not allowed to have a Bag of Holding
>No Extradimensional Storage
>I am not allowed to manipulate time in any way, shape, or form
>No, no diviners either
>I am not allowed to do anything that would let me control more than 2 beings at once
>No ships. No.

>>26655501
Forgot the first one:
>I am not allowed to play characters with more than 80 Int

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>>26655403
>>26655424
I guess you could say that you're barred from the class.

>I am no longer allowed to make an assault rifle that allows me to roll 153 dice in a full auto burst before recoil modifiers.

>I am no longer allowed to put the Light spell in my "default spell loadout" instead of expressly telling the DM I'm preparing it
>From now on, when the DM tells me all of my gear has been taken from me, I cannot insist that I be allowed to keep my undergarments for dignity's sake
>New house rule: the Light spell does not work on underpants
>Pelor does not appreciate it when his clerics use his miracles to outline their butts and nutsacks with golden light
>Pelor appreciates proselytism, if and only if it does not involve the words "gaze upon my radiant crotch and witness the glory of Pelor"
>When the DM tells me I'm no longer allowed to walk around flaunting my radiant crotch, it is very rude to circumvent his new "Light doesn't work on worn clothing" rule by removing my shining tighty whities, putting them on a stick, and waving them around like a perverse glowing flag while my wrinkly priest ass enjoys the breeze
>While everyone agrees that it was exceedingly funny and rather clever of me to instantly kill that skeleton boss by pulling my glowing sweaty underwear over its skull and tricking it into stumbling blindly into an incredibly deadly trap, underwear are hereafter banned from being used in combat, or out of combat for that matter, in any way. Never again.

>>26655603
Now you just need a way to make a note of/take advantage of the fact that all of your characters are, by nature, commandos.

>I'm not allowed to level solid arguments against engaging in the quest the DM has prepared, even if there is no conceivable advantage to the party either in terms of rewards, or our RP goal
>I'm not allowed to sneak into an Emperor's palace and alter his official documents to reflect border changes favourable to our kingdom
>we're not allowed to follow said Emperor, and murder him in an alley, even if he's possessed by an Evil entity
>I'm not allowed to feel sympathy for mooks, and use my skill as a diplomat to argue for their reasonable treatment

My party has this weird thing where we will attempt to solve stuff with diplomacy that was just intended as a quick fight. During our first session ever we reasoned with a guy we were intended to fight, and then fought (and killed) an enemy that was intended to be too powerful for us to fight. Might have had something to do with the DM intending to have us weakened from the first fight.

Think of clever uses for dangerously cursed magic items. Apparently, that is my 'that guy' trigger.

>I am no longer allowed sleeping gas in any quantity larger than a flask
>I cannot fill the bag of holding with scuba cylinders filled with sleeping gas and gas the halflings
>I am never again to take on anything with a CR more than 6 above us and win.
>I cannot morally justify 'ganking the weed whisperer' by pointing out she's 5 levels above me and could turn into a bear if she notices me. Much.
>Defeating the 'clever' boss the GM built specifically to be impossible for me to beat using all my guile and abilities should not involve bullrushing him off a cliff then shooting him on full automatic with my sniper rifle every round until he hits the bottom.
>I'm no longer allowed to spend my money on 'drinking, whoring, gambling and pretty, pretty half orcs' when playing a woman.
>No buying up real estate, I am never again allowed to play the wizard king of the slums.
>No organizing perfectly reasonable and logically flawless methods by which I can take on challenges 10 levels above me and change the world when I have the stats of a glorified commoner.

>RP'ing since 3 years
>Still allowed to do everything

That moment when you realize you've played RPGs wrong all those years...

>>26655676
Agreed. -2 swords and dust have been banned in every campaign I run, and I try to come up with my own cursed items that have benefits, but aren't gamebreaking.

>I am no longer allowed to go on a 12 session side-quest to gain a single favor from an almighty goddess of love and beauty, just so I can fuck her in the ass doggy style in front of one of her own priestesses just to make a point about how I'm better than her.

>>26655684
>I am never again to take on anything with a CR more than 6 above us and win.
>I'm no longer allowed to spend my money on 'drinking, whoring, gambling and pretty, pretty half orcs' when playing a woman.
>No buying up real estate, I am never again allowed to play the wizard king of the slums.
>No organizing perfectly reasonable and logically flawless methods by which I can take on challenges 10 levels above me and change the world when I have the stats of a glorified commoner.

You sound like you have a really shitty DM.

>I'm never allowed to do this one specific situational thing I did once again

Cool story bro

>>26655777
Level 7 characters shouldn't be undoing the great 'works of art' of gods of torture.
And no necromancer should have access to a slaughter house. You have cannot comprehend the trouble I caused with the pork-bone storm

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My rouge trader is no longer allowed to build a several hundred foot ramp of corpses to drive his bane blade up because "Stairs are for the poor"

>>26655841
>rogue trader
>no longer allowed to
>rogue trader
>"not allowed"
>a rogue trader is "not allowed" to do something

But... I don't understand. What heresy is this?

>No longer allowed to use a sledgehammer to Start diplomatic relations
>No longer allowed to use a sledgehammer to end diplomatic relations
>Sledgehammers may not be used in any social situations.
>Just because I am fireproof now does not mean the elves are too
>Just because I am fireproof now does not mean the first solution should be fire
>even though that has worked every other time and we will always resort to burning something down.

>>26655864
fire and explosives, the solutions to all of life's problems.

>I am no longer allowed to bring my Mega Dread with custom faulty wiring to the table.
>I AM NOT ALLOWED TO BRING THAT HELLISH THING!
>Threatening my fellow table folk is a no no.
>Interrogating the prisoner is not done by shoving my lasrifle up his arse.
>Leave the dread at home, it starts fires.
>Fragging the Commissar is heresy and not OK.
>Anti-personnel mines are never fun, not even when you tie them to a Slaaneshi cultist.
>I am not allowed to use the head of a space marine as "Lucky underwear". This is also considered heresy.
>I am no longer allowed to play the Murder she wrote-theme at the beginning of every session of Dark Heresy.

>I do not need to keep a rocket launcher in my van "just in case."
>A rocket launcher is not a viable alternative to an electronic lockpick.
>A rocket launcher is not a viable alternative to a taser.
>There is no such thing as a "harmless stun rocket."
>There is no such thing as an "aerosolized peyote rocket."
>I may not list "underworld weapons designer" as one of my contacts.
>I may not list "bulk rocket salesman" as one of my contacts.
>I may not list "a gigantic mob of knife-wielding street urchins" as one of my contacts.
>I may list "Peyote Pete" as one of my contacts, but not as a rank 6 connection.
>No, I may not fire my rocket launcher one-handed while operating a motorcycle.
>I may not, under any circumstances, dual wield rocket launchers.
>No, not even if I get high-grade cyberarms.
>I may not hire a homeless elf youth to reload my other rocket launcher while I'm using my current one, ensuring that I can swap out constantly and never be without a loaded rocket launcher.
>I definitely may not hire a homeless assistant and pay him in "soyfood, beer, and cheap apartment housing."
>No, I absolutely may not pay my hypothetical homeless assistant(s) in large quantities of peyote.
>On second thought, I am forbidden from taking Peyote Pete as a contact.

>>26655105
>>I am no longer allowed to start impromptu song and dance numbers in Call of Cthulhu
I want to play Call of Cthulhu: The Bollywood Musical.

>>26655898
And if they aren't, you're asking the wrong questions.

I, too, am banned from the Bard class.

>I cannot mix Inspire Courage and Dragonfire Inspiration
>Especially with Leadership
>I cannot begin a riot if I have Dragonfire Inspiration
>No matter what the roll may say, I cannot incite any populace to revolt no matter how bad the conditions
>I cannot play a Halfling with a Napoleon complex
>I'm not allowed to flood the dungeon with my numerous Endless Decanters of Water
>I'm not allowed to be a Dwarf Wizard who 'looks like that construction worker off of Hey Arnold'
>Disintegrate cannot destroy the foundations of buildings
>Leadership can not be used to build a personal harem to 'persuade' others that I'm correct
>No matter how high my disguise roll may be, eventually someone will discover that my Halfling Gunslinger is not a 10 year old boy
>I cannot murderhobo anyone who looks threatening because I can get away with it
>I cannot make references to Billy the Kid
>As a Halfling disguised as a child, I cannot threaten suicide to get what I want
>I certainly can't use Leadership to have a commoner family travel with me to pretend I'm their child
> I am not allowed to be a Gunslinger
>I am not allowed to take Leadership...
>Halflings are now nonexistent in any game I play in

>>26655403
>>26655424
i like the cut of your jib.

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>>26655841
It just keeps getting funnier every time I read it!

>When making an Explorator for a RT game, it is somewhat inappropriate to buy the mutation that makes me fucking huge.
>It is especially inappropriate to then use my one free acquisition to obtain power armor, turning me into a towering mass of metal and fear that could look down on some Space Marines.
>While the GM appreciates my choice to not play as Explorator Gigantimus Maximus, he is less than impressed by my idea for an enormous Ogryn Missionary named Father Grog.
>The GM would like to stress that, despite this being a WH40K game, it is actually possible to create a character who ISN'T huge.
>While the rules-as-written do seem to indicate that I can choose an essentially infinite supply of skulls as my starting acquisition, that doesn't mean that I should, or that the GM will allow me to.
>Yes, even though the GM laughed when I described an Explorator lovingly crafting cyberskulls like an old hobbyist carving grandfather clocks. No ship needs that many cyberskulls.
>The GM would really appreciate it if I didn't acquire an infinite supply of bullets, but considering that'll actually be useful, he'll let it pass.
>It is impolite to shout "WOW IT SURE WOULD BE NICE IF WE HAD INFINITE CYBERSKULLS" when an Endeavor is delayed due to critical shortages in scouting and intelligence data.
>It is also impolite to point out that a conflict with Khornate cultists might have been avoided if we had bribed them with, say, infinite skulls. Like, heretically impolite.
>When the Missionary indicates that I am straying dangerously close to heresy, responding by staring silently at him for thirty seconds and then commenting on his skull's pleasing bone structure is extremely inappropriate behavior, even for a Mechanicus representative.
>The GM did not know that that is what Scrimshawing is used for, and no, he will not change his mind on forcing me to trade it in for a different skill.
>We are not playing "Skull Trader," nor are we playing "Skullhammer Skullythousand."

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>>26655864
(muffled talk)

>>26656185
DREADFUL MILLION YEAR OLD SKULLS!

>>26656103
Or you're not using enough fire and explosives.

>>26656186
Oh God my dwarf is the Pyro
I'm incredibly Ok with this

>>26655424
>>Everyone agrees that it is just unbelievably bad form to derail a campaign into annihilation by spontaneously convincing millions of people to fanatically worship me with a single Diplomacy roll of "fuck you I'm not counting all those modifiers, you win, new campaign time"
You sir, are a gentleman and a scholar. Please continue to be amazing.

>>26655603
>gaze upon my radiant crotch and witness the glory of Pelor.
I fucking pissed myself!
Fucking hilarious/10

>>26656185
>The GM would like to stress that, despite this being a WH40K game, it is actually possible to create a character who ISN'T huge.

Shh! Don't spread it around!

I played a noble who was 5'4" and skinny, while everyone else was 6'2" or taller. It frequently worked in my favor.
>GM: "No, the crack is too small for any of you to escape through it. Except the noble."
>GM: "It's a small escape pod. Only one of you will be able to escape. Well, one and the noble."
>GM: "The possessed servitor flies toward you, charging, it's scything blades leveled at head height! Everyone needs to make a dodge test to duck! Except the noble."

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>>26655403
>>26655424
What you did there.

I see it.

>>26656402
I like it. Totally jacking that for my next WH40K game. As long as it's not deathwatch...

>>26655684
>No buying up real estate, I am never again allowed to play the wizard king of the slums.

I must know the story behind this.

>>26656556
I second this. Story time!

>>26656556
Basically it was a Kingmaker game and the rest of the party were a) Ahead of me, b) some didn't like me very much so they cockblocked any attempt IC to get ahead and refused to let any of us get wages.
So I bought out half the city industry and reaped the profits while vocally claiming that anyone who claimed personal profit for what should have been the honor of leading out nation was obviously in it for the wrong reasons, totally gridlocking their attempts to get together enough money by taxing the people extra to start buying out my businesses.
Why? Because fuck with me and I fuck you. I'm Magister McDuck the capitalistmancer.

Traveler
>Referring to the Spinward Marches as the "Spinward Marshes" or "Backwood Marches" tends to offend some of the local nobility.
>The TAS is an old and respected haven for the wealthy elite. Its staff does not appreciate it when I repeatedly call it a "hotel" and warn them that I'm going to be checking the mattresses with a UV light.
>While I did technically win that duel, I should not be surprised that I lost face for "winning" a contest of swordsmanship by bodyslamming my opponent and then punching the shit out of his head with the metal handguard on my saber.
>No, the other nobles are not impressed that I won without actually using "the sword part of the sword." They can tell that I have no fucking idea how to use a sword.
>The Star Marines do not like jokes. Do not tell jokes to the Star Marines.
>The Star Marines REALLY don't like being offered liquor while they're on duty. Do not offer liquor to a squad of on-duty Star Marines.
>It is not very tactful to ask a Star Marine where I can buy a suit of battle dress and whether they come in pearlescent crimson.
>The GM gets annoyed when I call the Aslan crew member a Kilrathi.
>He gets even more annoyed when the Aslan's player and I start humming the Kilrathi theme at inappropriate moments.
>As funny as it was the first time, I need to stop putting the Aslan with no computer skills in charge of operating the ship's computers.
>It is not nice to tell the Aslan that the computers use touchscreen technology and then laugh hysterically as I watch him scrabble madly at the screens.
>The Vargr is our pilot, not our "ship's mascot." It is extremely racist to yell "here, boy" whenever I want to talk to him.

>>26656116
>>Disintegrate cannot destroy the foundations of buildings

Good news. Check out the feat Disintegration Finesse in Lords of Madness. It's under the Beholder chapter, and it lets you specify, with any degree of accuracy, exactly which parts of something you want disintegrated. I believe the example given in the description is that you could even disintegrate someone's skeleton and nothing else.

>>26655554
Carlos!

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>>26656738
>"winning" a contest of swordsmanship by bodyslamming my opponent and then punching the shit out of his head with the metal handguard on my saber.
I don't see what the problem is.

>>26655808

>Not enjoying brief tangents of player shenanigans and DM headaches

I have a few rules I had to institute on my players

>There is no cocaine in the Koronus Expanse
>Being the prettiest does not make you the boss
>You are not allowed to buy ten thousand of anything

>>26658582
>Not allowing players to buy ten thousand human slaves to free them from their cruel masters

>>26658598
The rule was instituted after the Arch-militant wanted to buy ten thousand marbles.

>>26658582
>Not allowing players to buy ten thousand tons of assorted animal bones, then animating it to destroy armies.

>>26658618
>Not allowing players to buy ten thousand metal marbles and drop them into atmosphere to frighten the superstitious natives with FIRE IN THE SKY

>>26655424
>>Everyone agrees that it is just unbelievably bad form to derail a campaign into annihilation by spontaneously convincing millions of people to fanatically worship me with a single Diplomacy roll of "fuck you I'm not counting all those modifiers, you win, new campaign time"

You know, as much as I feel sorry for your GM, I still find it absolutely hilarious and I'd be proud if that happened during my GMing.

>>26659139
There was talk of making my bard a deity in a later campaign, but the group broke up before we got to play it. Feels bad man.

>>26657061
>their skeleton and nothing else

W a t

>I am no longer allowed to arm my battletech mech with giant speakers slaved to the jump jets so that my mech blares Dixie every time it takes off.
>I am no longer allowed to try and heal the party with psychic powers after a boss encounter.
>If I fail a psychic powers test twice in a row rolling daemonhost each time it means I should not be playing psykers.
>I am no longer allowed to play a psyker who pushes every power with the express purpose of "Making wonderful explosions to show those bastards."
>I am no longer allowed to become "dwarven Michael Phelps" just because I rolled a nat 20 on my swimming check.
>I am no longer allowed to mix everything on the alchemists table to make "something with a real kick
>The city guard generally frown upon disposing of kobold head trophies by means of punting them between the spires of the local cathedral and shouting "IT"S GOOD!"
>Dwarves generally frown up using their head as a foot rest by a person sitting on a barstool next to them
>Holding a bottle of booze infront of said angry dwarf and shouting "It's 160 proof!" then throwing the bottle is generally considered racist.
>I am no longer allowed to altar the course of the rouge traders ship while in warp transit by means of drifting.
>I am no longer allowed to replace the tech-priests scared machine oil with amasec.
>I am no longer allowed to replace the tank in the emergency fuel compartment of the ground skimmer with a bottle of amasec.
>I am no longer allowed to drink amasec while at the helm of any vehicle.
>I am no longer allowed to drink amasec.

>>26659573

Disintegration Finesse

( Lords of Madness, p. 44)

[General]
A creature with this feat can use disintegrate effects to affect smaller, more exacting areas.

Prerequisite
DEX 13, ability to cast disintegrate as a spell or use it as a spell-like or supernatural ability,

Benefit
When the creature uses disintegrate on a target, it can elect to disintegrate only portions of the target. Against living targets, it still does the normal amount of damage, but any parts of the target it wishes to spare remain unaffected by the spell. The creature could, for example, disintegrate only a target's skeleton, leaving its skull untouched. It also can voluntarily reduce the amount of damage dealt. Against nonliving targets, the creature can use disintegrate to sculpt and reshape the object in any manner desired, as long as the result is no larger in volume or size than the original object. The quality of the result is determined by a Craft (sculpting) check.

Special
If your campaign uses the Damage to Specifi c Areas variant rule on page 27 of the Dungeon Master's Guide, a creature with this feat can disintegrate a single part of a target's body, such as its hand, arm, head, eyes, ears, feet, legs, and so on, as long as the target is not killed outright by the damage caused by the spell.

Normal
A disintegrate effect destroys all of a slain creature, an entire object, or one 10-foot cube of nonliving matter.


Bonus functionality: It reduces the time sculpting an object down to a Standard action.

Let's see.
>It's probably a good idea if I continue to play high WIS characters.
>>Especially since nobody else does.
>Stop hitting the other characters upside the head, though.
>>Especially the wizard.
>>>At least stop rolling for damage when you do it.
>Stop letting your music loop. It gets stuck in our heads.
>Not allowed to have a sniper rifle that puts enemies to sleep.
>Not allowed to have a sniper rifle that poisons enemies.
>Sniper rifles can't shoot rubber bullets.
>Not allowed to cheese encounters with sniper rifles.
>If we're playing P:TA, I have to use Pokemon.
>>Even if I'm better without them.
>Not allowed to salvage Pokemon ala Monster Hunter.
>>Especially not like in God Eater.

As a group:
>Can't let Henderson drive the tank anymore.

Not *that* Henderson, but we all know where he got the inspiration from.

>Don't let Henderson take important NPCs on missions with him.
>Goddammit, stop driving tanks into the dungeons.
>Guys seriously, stop killing all the pokemon.
>Henderson isn't allowed to go on missions without another PC.
>>Multiple NPCs don't substitute for PCs.
>The engineer isn't allowed to make anyone replacement limbs.
>>Especially not for himself.
>>>At the very least, wait until the limb is actually gone.
>Henderson isn't allowed to drive anything without supervision.
>>NPCs are not adequate supervision.
>The engineer isn't allowed to perform first aid on anyone.
>You guys aren't really going to be able to finish that Iron Man suit.
>>Stop making robot suits for the Pokemon.

>>26659937
oh god pokemon I've got one for that.

>If a recurring villain challenges me I am no allowed to "Fuck it" and shank him with a knife and run of with his pokeballs.

>Unseen Servant is not to be used as a bartender
>I cannot take ranks in Profession (bartender)
>I cannot refuse to participate in the quest and instead run a bar in the capitol city
>Craft (instrument) may not be used to make a lute with axe blades on it without a Craft (weapon) check
>a pan flute may not be used as several blowdart tubes without being modified with a Craft (weapon) check
>Light cannot be cast on the floating glass ball containing the sorcerer's seahorse familiar without the sorcerer's permission
>The promise of food does not grant a bonus to Diplomacy checks on gnolls
>I am no longer allowed to use Diplomacy to convince a large group of gnolls to devour everyone in a city
>If we are hired to assassinate someone, killing everyone in the city where the target is located does not count as a success
>Even though the tiefling fighter takes practically no damage from being on fire, we may not cast Fly on him, set his spiked, studded leather armor on fire, and make him bullrush everything to act as a "flaming meteor of death" in battle

>>26654817
Post pics of Dave's sister

>no longer allowed to use my fighters adamantine greatsword to bypass doors, walls,puzzles, locks, puzzle-locks or generally any type of barrier i come across
>no longer allowed to pick up my party wizard and use his burning hands spell as extra propulsion on my jump checks
>no longer allowed to convince other players to all take the undead template and march through oceans

How about things the DM/GM can't do (or things you with the DM/GM was not allowed to do)?
>The DMPC may not attack any gods without permission from the other players. If we're negotiating our way out of fights rather than trying to kill everything s/he sends at us, then tough shit, that's how we play.
>The default race of NPCs that the DM didn't fully write cannot be gnoll. There just aren't that many gnolls in civilized culture, no matter how much the DM likes them.
>The DM cannot write an entire campaign based around having the players kill a lot of paladins. Why do you even hate paladins so much? Did a paladin derail a campaign of yours at one point that you spent a lot of time writing, and now you hate them forever?
>The DM must give players a chance to correct themselves if they misspeak when asking to purchase a certain item. The players will admit, however, that the "bag of folding" was pretty damn funny.

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>I am no longer allowed to play a Synthesist
>I am no longer allowed to play a gnome, no exceptions
>I am no longer allowed to bypass dungeons with thermodynamics
>I am no longer allowed to transmits copper to platinum
>I am not allowed to introduce paper currency to a campaign setting
>I am not a friend to lumberjack, nor treants
>I am no longer allowed to carry bags of flour around
>I am not allowed to cybernetically augment my testicles

>If I play an Evil character I need to tone it down when the other players start thinking I may kill them.

>>26655603
It's like a short story told only through disallowed actions.

>>26655686
Wait, how does that work?

>In no situation is a donkey a sound choice to attack instead of a paladin smiting your allies
>This goes double if you are the GM

>>26655864
In my sessions we have a rule: If Plan A fails, we resort to Plan B. Plan B is always "Fuck it. Use as much fire as possible." Then we have a count-down to see when Plan B comes into effect, taking bets.

At one point it was halfway through round one. ROUND ONE.

Relatedly,
>I am never allowed to use a Frying Pan on a stealth mission.

>>26660005
>no allowed to "Fuck it" and shank him

Scottish pokemon would be hilarious

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>I am no longer allowed to play evil characters
>Ever
>Due to the traumatizing acts I've committed I am only allowed to play neutral good or lawful good characters.
Things I'm guilty of:
>Using finger of death + animate dead is not a way to bypass diplomacy checks
>Just because I have healing spells does not mean I can rip the finger nails out of prisoners hands and then heal/regrow them only to do it again
>Same applies to teeth
>and eyeballs
>and ears
>and tongues
>and toes
>I am not allowed to show up at funerals and lock everyone inside while using greater animate undead on the corpse to make it into a wight.
>I am not allowed to kill a child, animate his corpse, stuff him full of explosives, then send him home to be hugged by his crying and happy family only to make him explode in there faces. I am especially not allowed to do this just because I feel like it.
>I'm not allowed to grapple my enemies from behind and jam my thumbs in there eyes while they panic and run around, the whole while my character is screaming the tune to Benny Hill.
>Convincing the orcs to eat everybody in the nearby peasant village due to a famine is not a acceptable method of preventing said famine
>I am not allowed to randomly put explosive runs on door mats, door handles, kitchen sinks, toilet seats, pillows, or coasters.
>Reanimating an entire graveyard to have them cast votes in a upcoming election is against the rules.
>So is murdering everyone for losing said election.
>"I was hungry" is not an excuse for brutally murdering a beggar child and devouring bits of his corpse.
>I can't cure poverty by declaring a class war and murdering all homeless people
>I am not allowed to host a series of entertaining bum fights for people to bet on
>Just because I have a cap of human disguise does not mean I can raise a halfing and disguise him as a mute butler.
>Nor may I have said butler hold weapons inside of torso and face, in plain view of anyone looking
I have more, if anyone wants.

>>26661675
Hell yes.

>>26661675
Give.

>>26661018
Literally I stabbed the bastard in the gut and ran off with his pokemon.

>>26655283

>I'm not allowed to switch the rogue's daggers for fake daggers with retracting blades

LOST IT, YOU'RE MY HERO!

>>26660582
>I am no longer allowed to carry bags of flour around

Explain yourself.

>>26660116
I don't like your GM. We've a dwarf who recently opened his own inn, good stuff.

>>26655346
Yup, that first one.
Our DH party actually tried to blow up a heavily reinforced door, failing, only to conclude it wasn't locked.

>>26655105
>>There is no god of Sherbert. Nor can I be a cleric of it.
Well, of course there isn't. There's no such thing as "sherbert" in the first place.

>I am no longer allowed to slip Spook into the other party member's drinks, no matter how hilarious the outcome.
>I am no longer allowed to break into the local bar and place boobytraps to aid us in the inevitable bar fight our alcoholic guardsman will cause.
>Nor am I allowed to boobytrap every location we pass through in case we'll fight there later during the campaign.

>>26655603
My sides.

Tell me there's more.

>>26663202

That's simple

>Throw bag of flour at foe
>Throw torch at foe.
>watch as they die a fiery death

What i wanna know is
>>26660582
>I am no longer allowed to bypass dungeons with thermodynamics

>>26665086
Dungeons only typically have a single entrance. If you build a bonfire in the mouth of it, you'll suck all the oxygen out of the entire complex and suffocate all the monsters before even entering.

>>26665202
Really? Who builds their dungeons with a single entrance? I always write in escape routes, or at least half-inch air tunnels, because that kind of thing does happen in real life and get miners killed.

>>26665268
Sure, if you know about it you do something about it, but such things generally aren't specified in adventure modules, and DMs rarely think to counteract it until it's too late.

>>26654793
Does this mean if I make an ogre with wizard levels, you'll give me puny things to kill?

>>26660754
A -2 sword always comes back.
You walk in naked, with no weapons.
You still have the ability to pull a sword out of your ass at any time.

>>26665476
Also, get it made out of Adamantium. No jail cell in the world can hold you.
Give it to the Wizard; he's not going to hit anything anyway, except in an antimagic field, and in that case, it's just a masterwork sword!

>>26660116
I had a lich who spent all his time on fire. Good times.

>Just because the Invisibility spell allows for indirect attacks without breaking does not mean I remain invisible when dropping flasks of alchemist's fire on an orc army's encampment from the air

>Using Ghost Sound to blare "Ride of the Valkyries" while dropping alchemist's fire on an encamped army while invisible rather defeats the purpose of "stealth bombing"

>I am not allowed to complain when 80% of the loot we could have gotten winds up destroyed when we burn the place to the ground

>I will not exploit the share spells ability to circumvent the limitations of Imbue Familiar With Spell Ability by sharing Arcane Spellsurge so my familiar never actually expends the imbued spells
>Nor will I use the above exploit to cast Wings of Flurry so many times that I reduce an entire flock of vrock demons to fine red mist before I've even finished rolling 3/4 of the damage

>No matter how scary the basilisk is, I will not hide in the corner under cover of invisibility while my petrification-immune summons do all the fighting

>>26666026
Even with the silliness of paying Ride of the Valkyries, these all seem like common sense things to me. Your DM sounds nofunallowed.

>>26666068
>implying anything in this thread is actually things that were disallowed and not just silly things that people are claiming they're not allowed to do

>the warlock is no longer allowed to skip short rests
>darkspiral aura now has a 5 minute time limit before it expires
>when you have a +20 bonus to damage rolls at level 5, you can't claim non-lethal damage after dropping the BBEG more than 20 points in the negatives
>when the warlock is out-damaging the two-blade ranger with eldritch blast, something has gone horribly, horribly wrong
>no potions of invulnerability, ever

>>26666128
>My psyker is not to be insane
>It is considered bad form to float behind the captain and poke her in the back of the head just because she can't do anything about it
>If my psyker is to remove his headdress, he must first declare that he is doing so, and that viewer discretion is advised
>When my psyker boards a ship, he must immediately inform the captain of the vessel
>My psyker must leave a ship if the almond stores are not sufficient for every crew member to have at least 3 almonds
>It is not a good idea to shoot psychic bolts out of a moving car
>>Especially if the driver has never seen, let alone driven, a car before.
>Keeping orks in the basement is a bad idea
>>Even as a birthday present to the Explorator
>The use of Force Storm against party members is frowned upon
>>Infact, the use of Force Storm against ANYONE is frowned upon. No one should know that amount of suffering
>My psyker is not to be allowed to enter the vaults containing important documents
>>My psyker is not to be locked in a room alone
>Just because my psyker can force someone to take him planetside does not mean he should
>>Especially without informing the other crew members

>>26655424

No, no, the GM should have taken this opportunity to start a new campaign with you as the main villain.

>>26666128
Don't make me pull out 2 years of deathwatch on you. I did it before.

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>>26660582

Bunp.

>>26658618

Dr. Assmarbles returns?

>>26659873
>I am no longer allowed to altar the course of the rouge traders ship while in warp transit by means of drifting
>I am no longer allowed to drink amasec.

Goddamn I want to play a game with you.

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>>26659937

>robotically suited Pokemon

... I want to do this now.

banp

>I am not allowed to kill bosses by dropping boats on them
>Nor buildings
>I am not allowed to drop the boss on a building to destroy the building either
>I am not allowed to oneshot the final boss only 1/4th through the campaign
>I am not allowed to FIGHT the final boss when it shows up 1/4th through the campaign, because it will lose
>I am not allowed to use the tome of battle. Any of it.
>I am not allowed to invent pizza in every fantasy setting that lacks it
>Even with a cooking skill roll of 50
>I am not allowed to kill an elder god with C4, even if I blow up a stadium full of it
>I am not allowed to kill them with missiles either
>I am not allowed to turn magic into a respected school of scientific research
>I am not allowed in a time bubble
>I am not allowed to have any form of demiplane anymore.
>I must okay any sort of planar/etheral/astral changes with the DM before using.
>I am not allowed to dimensional anchor the BBEG and have the entire party spend our remaining ten turns to live keeping him from breaking away if it results in the BBEG dieing and our nearly immediate resurrections.
>I am highly discouraged from killing a spell resistance 1000 god with magic just to prove a point.

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>>26666567
>2013
>keeping your orks in the basement

>This city was not built on Rock and Roll
>I am not allowed to use my mage powers to make an Electric guitar that shoots lightning
>Or a Bass Guitar that blasts sound waves
>Or Drum Sticks that hit with the force of a sledgehammer
>I cannot convince the other PCs that our long term goal is to summon The Fire Beast and begin the Age of Metal
>The Apocalypse is not going to iinitiate upon the playing of a song written on human skin via branding irons
>We will not play this song with instruments constructed from Vampires, Werewolves, Promethians, Changlings and magically modified plastic and metal
>The Metal Gods will not give us their blessing and aid us in building a Metal Mecca on the ruins of the old world
>Our Hubris will not be the downfall of our civilization, allowing demons to sieze our objects of power and reign over the new world
>our next campaign will not be our descendents reclaiming lost artifacts of the old age and rediscovering the lost lore of metal to defeat the demons
>Because.
>thats why.

>>26675074
Make a cleric.

Make his motivation to go out, and claim holy land and build the fortold city on the holy land

The holy land is called Roq'nrawl

>>26675117
When we play Dungeon the Dragoning I actually use that concept as my cleric. He's usually a teifling and he usually uses a guitar that is also an axe.

The other players give no fucks because I happen to be a fairly competant Cleric who heals or turns undead as the situation is required.

DM's jimmies are rustled by this habit though. Which is half the reason I do it.

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>>26675139
Dude, I have to play that at one point

>>26675255
My advice is to choose a band you like, find a song you like, and then base your character's appearance, race, and abilities around that song.

For Instance: Dio, A Rainbow in the Dark.

Since the song has a bitching keyboard in it I forego the usual axe-guitar and go with a keyboard-cleaver (usualy Keytaur set up, but with a cleaver blade running along one side, a handle and a strap. Its basically a 2 handed sword.)

The name of the song is about a Rainbow in the Dark, or an Oxymoron as Dio himself called it. So my tiefling had black skin with irridescent scales and tufts of multicolored feathers on his wrists and neck.

The song itself is about a guy pining for his love and dealing with feelings of abandonment and hopelessness so my Cleric was searching for the promised land and focused on helping others. His back story involved being seperated from someone he loved.

You get the idea. Different band, different songs and you can take the same concept and do radically different things to it.

Doesn't even have to be metal, you can use other genres of music. (provided lyrics are involved.)

>>26675553
Neat.

I will start searching for songs that'd make a decent character.

>I cannot convince the party to abandon the main quest to become a gypsy caravan again.
>I cannot sell potions, especially if they don't do anything.
>If my class doesn't get access to the spell prestidigitation, I can't have it.
>Especially if I have a high Craft(Alchemy) check.
>Same goes for mage hand.
>If I play a gunslinger, I am limited to either one or two guns, not ten.
>I cannot have a cannon, just, no.
>I cannot attempt to steal a cannon by having skeletons infiltrate and kill the crew.
>Skeletons no longer fit in the barrel of a cannon.
>The breech of a cannon is not large enough for a skeleton to jump out of.
>My familiar is not to be used as the party's blacksmith, even if it is better than the NPCs
>My familiar can no longer have a jump check greater than 20.
>No more kobold minions, ever.
>No, there are no alchemy ingredients here.
>Or gunpowder.
>There will never be an Apparatus of the Crab, and no, you can't invent it.
>If I have to steal my weapon from a military vehicle, it is banned.
>No warforged, especially not in a political game.
>No more kobolds that could fight and kill a red dragon with brute strength alone.
>If there are two armies at war with each other, they will notice when I start selling secrets to both sides.
>No more Halfling Rogues, the party tank doesn't want to be upstaged.

>>26675788
If you don't mind it not being metal, viva la vida will be great.
A cleric who used to run a theocracy, now he's the only remaining worshiper of his god.

>>26676145
I could actually use a pre-existing character for that.

And I would definitely make a new character for that. It's a good idea.

>>26675074
>I am not allowed to use my mage powers to make an Electric guitar that shoots lightning
That's exactly what I'm doing next session with my bard since the GM let me have a guitar which is also a greataxe

>>26676362
if your figurative Axe is also a Literal Axe then lightning bolts are mandantory.

>>26654765
not exactly not allowed, but very notorious. My group doesn't know the reference, but they love the character.

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>>26676527
forgot pic

>>26676378
Yeah, my bard is essentially a cross between Val Hallen and Ruel Stroud from Wakfu.

>I'm not allowed to put a gnomish scope on a rifle
>especially if the rifle has a magical range enhancement

>>26676568
"Look at those foolish adventurers down there, they'll never make it through all the devious traps in my tower. This world will be mi-"
>Headsplosion.jpg

>>26676591
Even funnier if he tied his life to the structural integrity of his tower.

>>26676591
It was pretty much that. During the adventure my character was introduced, none of the party even met him. He was too far away for anyone to spot him. Especially since he was in a darkened area shooting down into a lit cavern.

>>26671340
The Pilot character was a complete hippie, not a pacifist hippie but his work station was covered in ash trays and cans of booze, he didn't really shave, and never really buttoned his uniform. His best buddy was the navigator who say next to him and by the time the pilot said "Hold this I'm gonna need both hands for this." he had already taken the bottle or can or flask and was holding it and was probably taking a swig. He was infamous for his lack of proper etiquette but he was a damn good pilot. That said it didn't stop the rouge trader from kicking his ass or the tech priest from chasing him across the ship for "Defiling his precious machines."

>>26654765
>"Bling Dude" is not acceptable.

love it.

>>26660729

and a good one at that.

>>26655633
>>I'm not allowed to level solid arguments against engaging in the quest the DM has prepared, even if there is no conceivable advantage to the party either in terms of rewards, or our RP goal
>>I'm not allowed to sneak into an Emperor's palace and alter his official documents to reflect border changes favourable to our kingdom
>>we're not allowed to follow said Emperor, and murder him in an alley, even if he's possessed by an Evil entity
>>I'm not allowed to feel sympathy for mooks, and use my skill as a diplomat to argue for their reasonable treatment


I believe I would find these restrictions disagreeable.

>>26655684
>>Defeating the 'clever' boss the GM built specifically to be impossible for me to beat using all my guile and abilities should not involve bullrushing him off a cliff then shooting him on full automatic with my sniper rifle every round until he hits the bottom.
>>I'm no longer allowed to spend my money on 'drinking, whoring, gambling and pretty, pretty half orcs' when playing a woman.


Why not?

>I am not allowed to spend my leadership points on a small army of level 1 Gnomes
>I am no longer allowed to use the Gnomes as an improvised weapon
>Nor am I allowed to use them as a ranged improvised weapons
>I'm not allowed to be a small creature with 64 strength
>Nor can I have more than 5 pairs of arms at any given time
>I can't use Diplomacy to talk my way out of every single confrontation
>I am no longer allowed to poison the enemy army with Love Potions and Laxatives
>I am no longer allowed to keep an underground bloodfarm of Djinns as a Bloodmage, while still claiming I'm of a Lawful Neutral alignment
>Wrastling a Terrasque and using him as the Kingdoms Pet isn't a realistic goal (Even though it is)
>I am no longer allowed to play a Jynx, the party rolls shittily enough.

>>26655829
>no necromancer should have access to a slaughter house. You have cannot comprehend the trouble I caused with the pork-bone storm


Thats like saying a merchant shouldn't have access to a gold mine,

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>>26655864

now I want to play as the pyro.

>>26655977

>I do not need to keep a rocket launcher in my van "just in case."

Depending on the game your a fool if you don't.

>>26677368
No, he really doesn't. Minimum "Just in case" for a van should be a 120" smoothbore cannon.

>>26656116
>Disintegrate cannot destroy the foundations of buildings

It can't?

So what you gotta use fire, explosions, or ice and a shockwave?

>>26657061

Holy shit.

I love it!

whats the cost or drawback associated with this lovely ability?

>>26677414
It was posted earlier in the thread.
>>26659934

>>26655424


You should play Vampire.

I'd be fun to watch you take over a city, or the world.

>>26656185
>While the rules-as-written do seem to indicate that I can choose an essentially infinite supply of skulls as my starting acquisition


Please tell me how you can do that.

>>26656293
> I'm incredibly Ok with this[\spoiler]


You better be!

>>26656654
>So I bought out half the city industry and reaped the profits while vocally claiming that anyone who claimed personal profit for what should have been the honor of leading out nation was obviously in it for the wrong reasons, totally gridlocking their attempts to get together enough money by taxing the people extra to start buying out my businesses.

BRILLIANT!


>CAPTCHA: fword nureseed

>>26658618

what was he, she, or it going to do with them?

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>>26677472

>>26659934

Thanks!

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>>26659934
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Will desintegrate things from the inside on the weirdest way possible on my next campaign

>>26659873
>I am no longer allowed to try and heal the party with psychic powers after a boss encounter.

Why is this?

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>>26655977
>Peyote Pete

I've stolen my latest npc.

>>26677693
My guess is he's playing Dark Heresy. The reason is Perils of the Warp.

>>26665621
>I had a lich who spent all his time on fire.


How did you make that work?


Also has anyone else ever gotten the urge to play a NG or CG Hippie Lich for a game lasting between 4 months and 2 years?

>>26660512
>>no longer allowed to use my fighters adamantine greatsword to bypass doors, walls,puzzles, locks, puzzle-locks or generally any type of barrier i come across


but why not. It's not like wizards can't already do that by the time you get one of those.

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>>26660553
>How about things the DM/GM can't do (or things you with the DM/GM was not allowed to do)?
>>The DMPC may not attack any gods without permission from the other players. If we're negotiating our way out of fights rather than trying to kill everything s/he sends at us, then tough shit, that's how we play.
>>The default race of NPCs that the DM didn't fully write cannot be gnoll. There just aren't that many gnolls in civilized culture, no matter how much the DM likes them.
>>The DM cannot write an entire campaign based around having the players kill a lot of paladins. Why do you even hate paladins so much? Did a paladin derail a campaign of yours at one point that you spent a lot of time writing, and now you hate them forever?
>>The DM must give players a chance to correct themselves if they misspeak when asking to purchase a certain item. The players will admit, however, that the "bag of folding" was pretty damn funny.


neat.

>>26660659
>If I play an Evil character I need to tone it down when the other players start thinking I may kill them.


Your playing the wrong system.

>>26677861
>players
>not characters

I think he's just playing very convincing

>>26661675
>>I am not allowed to kill a child, animate his corpse, stuff him full of explosives, then send him home to be hugged by his crying and happy family only to make him explode in there faces. I am especially not allowed to do this just because I feel like it.


DUDE! I was totally going to do that with my now unhinged Adepta Sororitas character. On'y I was going to fill there stomach with liquid explosives and rough em before sending them back to there father, the planetary governor.

>>26661675
>I have more, if anyone wants.

Yes, yes, and fuck yes.

>>26677816
i think it was less that i could do it, versus the fact that my dm got frustrated that i was doing it every chance i got. plus we didnt have a wizard

>>26675981
>Apparatus of the Crab

what is this?

brb

>Not allowed to take Knowledge (engineering), Knowledge (planes), a combination of the two, or their equivalent in other systems
>Not allowed to play a scientist of any kind
>That goes double for physicists
>Triple for astrophysicists
>Architect/mathematician/inventor/anatomist/botanist/artists with Italian accents are right out
>I am not allowed to suggest the "Fastball Special"
>This includes "Maneuver Seven"
>Gravelord Nito's theme does not play at any point in the campaign
>On that note, my necromancers can only have one minion at a time
>I cannot play a flaming skull
>I cannot attempt to turn my living character into a flaming skull
>This includes failed attempts, worse shit happens

>>26678402
Also known as Apparatus of Kwalish. It's a miniature submarine/tank hybrid shaped like a crab.

>My warforged bard is not, and will never be, "Pimpforged, Pimplord of Stormhaven"
>Polymorphing a sheep into the BBEGs Femme Fatale lieutenant in secret and then passing her/it around the warcamp as a "morale raiser" when i know the BBEG is scrying our encampment is considered bad form.
>"A passing wizard told me to do it" is not an accepted excuse
>The next instance of me using prestidigitation to make clothing see-through will result in rocks fall.
>Perform (Vuvuzuela) does not automatically grant Rage to anyone that can hear me
>Nor does it grant negative modifiers unless my bardic performance specifically says so

>>26678910
>Perform (Vuvuzuela) does not automatically grant Rage to anyone that can hear me
But it should. It really should.

>>26655603
>>26656383
imhavingtroublebreathing/10

>>26655914
>I'm not allowed to weld together four multilasers and use them to burn down everything.
>cold fusion reactors are not man-portable, I don't care if you have the sketches to prove it
>Killing the Commissar and yelling BLAM! is not okay
>Interrogation and summoning Slannehsi daemons are not the same thing.
>No, you can't just crush his skull. I don't care if you think he smells funny. *wipes cranium off jacket. There goes the Inquisitor...

For Rogue Trader (as Arch-Militant)

>I am not allowed to play as a Tallarn specializing in Demolitions Rocket Launchers
>I am also not allowed to say "It is the will of Allah." to justify any actions of said character.
>I am no longer allowed to use Medicae for any reason other than healing other party members.
>I am no longer allowed to use the Rhino APC to power slide through a building and the subsequent 18 civilians in the town square behind said building.

>>26659139

Some shiteater just stacks mods until the game breaks? Really? You'd be proud of that?

Jesus christ, guys, how do you DO this gamebreaking shit?!

>>26677382
>120" smoothbore cannon.

Yeah but that's hard to lug around. Also arn't the shells importerd from germany.

I could be wrong but I THINK you can make RPG7 rockets domestically with relatively available materials and some skill.

>>26679608
Practice, careful reading, and creativity are all you need.

>>26679639
I...still.
I don't think I've come across half this crazy shit in Pathfinder, 3.5 OR RT

Only War
>Chimera transports are not to be driven while under the influence of frenzon
>Eating the local fauna comes AFTER the step where you check them for poisons or naturally occurring drugs
>"Gone duckhunting" is not a viable excuse for taking a Leman Russ Vanquisher out for a joyride
>The local ecclesiary priest does not "enjoy the company of same-sexed individuals" and spreading the rumor that he does is a BLAMmable offense
>Taking incrimination picts of the command staff is wrong
>Plastering the same picts on every notice-board in the camp is even worse
>When Mr.Sprint is pulled Mr.Grenade is Not Your Friend
>Not allowed to wobble into camp messily drunk while wearing three different uniforms ontop of each other, all from the wrong regiments

>>26679608
Imagination, since roughly 90% of the stories here are probably made up.
We don't care though, a story being real is just a bonus, we're here for the story itself

>>26677775
Liches have damage resistance.
I had abestos clothes/component pouches, then set myself on fire.

>>26678402
Old dnd thing from grayhawk. It's a crab mech made by gnomes.

>>26666567
>My psyker must leave a ship if the almond stores are not sufficient for every crew member to have at least 3 almonds
eh?

>>26679484
Just go Baldur's Gate on him and don't allow any actual roleplaying. Fights or nothing! Namless One ain't alowed through the door.

>>26679674
In the case of diplomacy, it just involves casting glibness and callign it a day. That gives +30 to bluff checks.
Other breakers:
Summon a genie, wish for staff of 50 wishes. Spend all those wishes on staves of 50 wishes.
Have a necromancer that uses shadows.

>>26679734
>>26678402

And even in settings where the gnomes have made far more advanced things, I still can't have one.

>Using several forks to cheat in a marathon is poor sport.
>Using several fork to harrass your bounty is VERY poor sport.
>I am only allowed to have my character mention that their vision is augmented once per session.
>A broad hat and trenchcoat make me more conspicuous, not less.
>It is impolite to leave a "daily dose" in the BBEG's simulspace.
>I am not allowed to play a mad scientist trying to retroactively prevent the Fall through mental time travel. It's not that kind of sci-fi.
>I am not allowed to create anything that slow down the victim's time perception in the physical world.
>"Hates Coasters" is not a valid mental disorder.
>>Nor is it a valid social stigma.
>My scientist character is not allowed to be a fan of the TITANs.
>>Especially if they try to mind link with one.
>My infolife character's theme song cannot be "Daisy", "Still Alive", or "The Robots".
>>Especially if singing the song is all my character does.

>Your mount cannot be another PC, no matter how great your Charisma roll was

>>26655501
>>26655467
>>26655510
your DM's a Homo and should be castrated, my group would fucking love you so god damn much.

>>26679734


ah. Cool!

>>26679828
what did you do to deserve not being allowed to have one?

Forever GM - Homebrew western
>I am no longer allowed to have PCs fight on trains
>No, even not when they're trying to escape from people they've pissed off
>Nor am I allowed to drop heavily armoured and shielded shotgun wielding enforcers onto said train
>Nor am I allowed to use that as a distraction for another npc to booby-trap cars with dynamite

My players will refuse to travel on trains now. Ever.

>>26679676
>>Not allowed to wobble into camp messily drunk while wearing three different uniforms ontop of each other, all from the wrong regiments


Well then how DO you suggest we return to camp after an orgy of sex drugs and booze?

dark heresy
>i am no longer permitted to have: see me not, without a trace, forget me, compel , mechanical jinx, deja vu, warp twitch and the one that allows me to change appearence psychic powers
>i am no longer allowed to play a psyker
>i am not allowed to take sorcery
>nor become a psyker while being another career
>i am forbidden to take of my detonating collar
>nor speak in presence of npc

i did bad things

>>26655710
Wait wait wait. Why are we talking about these when we clearly have a great storytime waiting to happen.

So far.
>Not allowed to speak with the Johnson
>I am not allowed to remove the trunk lid and mount an HMG in the back of my civilian 4-door sedan.
>Strikers are not viable for every mission
>White Phosphorus Grenades can only be used as a last resort
>I'm not allowed to ask for a pint in a fancy teahouse at 10am in the morning

>I am no longer allowed to use a Power Fist as a repair tool when the Rhino breaks down
>I am no longer allowed to give Inquisitors "the Power Bird", no matter how much they deserve it.
>I am no longer allowed to requisition a large case of various grenades with the express intent of calling it my "boom box".
>>I am not allowed to requisition more than twice the standard allotment of frag and krak grenades.
>>>Nor smoke, or any other grenade type, for that matter.
>I am not allowed to respond to noise marine attacks by playing extremely loud drum-and-bass at them.
>>Also no really loud gangsta rap.
>>>Nor ambient music. Seriously, what the fuck would that do?
>If we are deployed alongside Imperial Guard, I cannot demand high explosive from them.
>Space Marines do not get to drive Baneblades.
>>Not even ones liberated from Traitor Guard.
>I am not allowed to give suspected heretics a pat on the back with my Fist's Power Field engaged.
>I am not allowed to tell Ecclesiarchy members the difference between divinity and just being superhuman as it refers to the Emperor.
>I am not allowed to request "payment for services rendered by Deathwatch" in the form of lots of whores.
>>Even if I only want them for the Guardsman who served with us because "I only prefer intimacy in commited relationships".
>I am not allowed to hit on Sisters of Battle.
>>Nor any other Sororitas we run into.
>>>Even if they hit on me first.
>I am not allowed to get out on top of the Rhino to challenge a Daemon Prince to a boxing match.
>>I am REALLY not allowed to win such boxing matches thanks to gratuitous Righteous Fury on my first swing.
>I am no longer allowed to play an Angry Marine, despite being "the most sober and reasonable archetype that could come from the chapter fluff on /tg/.
Deathwatch is a helluva thing.

>>26682182
Whoops, forgot some.
>I am not allowed to make fun of the Blood Angels Assault Marine via period jokes.
>>Especially not a "time of the month" joke.
>>>Even if I outdamage him in combat after he uses Blood Frenzy.
>Mechadendrites do not work in whatever convoluted way I claim they do this week.
>Techmarine does not mean "never having to say I can't make 20 tons of high explosives from three bushes and some soiled Guardsman trousers.

>>26682182
>not allowed to play a reasonable angry marine
your DM is retarded.

>>26682292
"Reasonable" is relative. I was unafraid of expletives and mouthed off to Deathwatch superiors more than once. The rest of the Kill-Team ate it up though.
Two more things I can't do:
>If the Guard commander in charge of the operation we're bailing out is describing a really stupid plan over vox to his entire unit, I should not open my own vox and start laughing hysterically. It's bad for morale.
>Yelling "GO FUCK AN ELDAR YOU SISSY FRILLY FAGGOT" to a high-ranking member of the Ordo Xenos during my being reprimanded is poor form and should be avoided.

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>>26681274

>there is no exotic weapon proficiency : beyblade feat
>your rogue cannot score with the all female elite guard after fatally stabbing their allies in the face with a knife
>>no retconning a face stab into non-lethal damage
>don't sass the squad commander
>calling out Hastur's name three times doesn't help when rocks fall

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>>26683560
>there is no exotic weapon proficiency : beyblade feat

>>26681546
>i did bad things


Tell us more.

While I was allowed to roll my own chapter, and I had witnesses to prove I ended up with a desert planet-based chapter specializing in terror and explosives, my GM drew the line when I tried naming the chapter "Space Muslims".

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>>26682450
>>26682277
>>26682182


Can you give a a glorious story-time oh most righteous brother?

>>26682450
>The rest of the Kill-Team ate it up though.


what does that mean?

>>26683560
>calling out Hastur's name three times doesn't help when rocks fall


Why not?

>>26685232

yeah I'd not allow that either.

>I'm no longer allowed to pass off things I'm no longer allowed to do as something I did myself.

>>26685400
Quote:
>"Your character is duly ignored by the cosmic force because Azathoth."

>Not allowed to murder the story arch noble for his fancy hat.
>No longer able to quickly change to the appropriate hat before battle.

That and I am no longer able to hire peasants to carry my hat collection around.

>>26685381
They loved it

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>>26677145
>>26660729
>>26655603

I made a thing

>>26685654
Hah, nice.
>>26685348
I gotta split to sleep on account of being amerifat. I'll chase down this thread and see about writing something up tomorrow morning.

>>26685654
yes you did. and I'm saving it.

>>26685846
>I gotta split to sleep on account of being amerifat. I'll chase down this thread and see about writing something up tomorrow morning.


Thank you. I look forward to it.

>>26683560
>calling out Hastur's name three times doesn't help when rocks fall
>not calling to pazuzu 3 times instead
THERES your problem yo.
you called to the wrong dark lord, so you suffered for it yo.

>>26685232
Should have gone with Galactiqaeda.
Talactiban would work too.

>I am no longer allowed to "subdue" people with boots to the skull
>I am no longer allowed to cast Geas to force my allies to eat beneficial food
>It is still rape if you use Geas or Charm Person

>I am no longer allowed to call an orcs ribcage a "barrier" before my physical adept punches through it
>I am no longer allowed to make money embarrassing trolls in armwrestling...as an elf.
>I am no longer allowed to "knock first".
>I am no longer allowed to refer to my guns as "Mercy" and "Kindness"
>I am no longer allowed to announce my first turn in combat with "THE PAIN TRAIN'S A-COMIN'! CHOO CHOO!"

Some things I'm ACTUALLY not allowed to do:
>Use mage hand on human hearts
>Cook the grease created by the spell, "grease"
>Use shatter in a glass corridor filled with people
>Cast web, then summon swarm (spiders)
>Make "Fish Jerky" at random times to give to NPCs and make them favorable towards us.

>I am not allowed to build monks. Especially monks that can outrun dragons.
>I am not allowed to kill interrogation subjects before extracting information
>I am not allowed to run dungeons that have unavoidable death traps at the end. Even if for the sake of story.
>I am not allowed to play Drow. Drow anything.
>I am not to light the anti-party on fire before the plot is revealed.
>I am not allowed to pass notes to local security to remove party members I find problematic
>I am not to leave sessions while my character is riding an opposing wagon. Bad things happened.
>I'm not allowed to plot screw my party. On either side of the table.
>It's poor form to force the dwarf to drink potion of enlarge person in a dwarf tossing contest.
>It is also poor form to toss the dwarf king
>I am not allowed to utter the phrase, "I'm board."
>I am not allowed to start or engage in "house renovation competitions" with my teammates
>I am not allowed to yell "THAT'S NOT HOW YOU BREAK A HOUSE, THIS IS!"
>I cannot make X-Men references
>Beggars are not targets for darkness and fear
>I am not allowed to trick the paladin into falling
>I am not allowed to play an evil character when half our party is composed of lawful good paladin-like players.
>I am not allowed to throw my hammer at Kobold Kings. No matter how droll the occasion.
>I am not allowed to play a Dragonborn.
>I am not allowed to replace the Kobold King because I'm Dragonborn.
>I'm not allowed to bypass skill checks because of real-life experiences.
>I'm not allowed to stop time as a default defense mechanism.
>I'm not allowed to play an Artificer
>I'm not allowed to tell people my character is 20% cooler than theirs on a regular basis.
>I'm not allowed to wear rainbow colored armor.
>No pony references. Period.
>I'm not allowed to lead a group of citizens for my holy crusade against the witch tower.

>I am not allowed to whine at my enemies until they get too annoyed to fight.
>I am not allowed to solve true-false riddles with calculus equations

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>>26661941
>>26662059
oh shit, this thread is still up? Alright I'll post some more

>I am not allowed to make a blood powered system to my castle to control everything, even if it mechanically and logically makes sense.
>Even with magic
>Giving the guards tracking dogs rabies and releasing them is not an appropriate solution to removing corrupt law officials
>Buying a slave girl only to not do anything to her is prohibited. I was proud with this one, everyone gave me uneasy looks and waited weeks for some awful thing to happen only for it to never come.
>Stubbing your toe is not an acceptable excuse for convincing the elected council via threats towards family into outlawing foot stools
>Getting one of my zombies to smash a fragile glass orb of ancient and mystical power by doing a touchdown slam with it in the middle of the city is not allowed.
>Transfiguring the party female into a cow to get fresh milk is not allowed.
>Calling her the wonder heifer is also out of the question
>"I'ma pillage yar booties!" is not an acceptable battle cry.
>Nor is "Cornhole the cute ones, eat the fat ones, and set fire to everyone else!"
>Being bored is not an excuse to ruin the bards performance by having zombies thriller dance behind him
>Neither is killing half the crowd to gather zombies for said dance
>Just because I can fill jars full of zombie rats doesn't mean I should
>Going to a fancy ball and misplacing said jar is grounds for jail
>While in jail I am not allowed to become the new "Bubba"
>I am never allowed to say to the phrase "Hug me please, we both need this"
>Bringing back a recently deceased dog for a orphan child is not an act of kindness. Neither is changing his dog tag from scruffles to rotface.
>Drugging fellow party members only to rape them all is inappropriate. So is raping them so thoroughly that there caked in spooge from head to toe
>Trying to craft silly beards and mustaches from the amount of spooge is frowned upon as well.

>I am not permitted to cast 'Mad Monkeys' in a city
>In fact I am not permitted to take the spell 'Mad Monkeys' at all, ever
>Nor am I allowed to spend all my daily casts on Summon Minor Monster
>I am not allowed to take any spell or make any diplomacy, bluff or intimidation roll that would cause a fellow PC to harm themselves
>I am not allowed to combine Solid Note and Whispering Wind to send potentially harmful runes through the air to people miles away

>>26685917
Pazuzu is the lord of the skies. How is he going to help?

>>26686565
>I am no longer allowed to make money embarrassing trolls in armwrestling...as an elf.


Why the fuck not?

>>26686657
>Make "Fish Jerky" at random times to give to NPCs and make them favorable towards us

why is this one not allowed?

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So far my list is pretty limited


>- I am not allowed to buy, steal, or make explosives, even though my character does have the skills for the last one of those.


>- I am not allowed to own, fly, or learn to fly a helicopter.

>>26688679

because it's gay

>>26687607

You are fucking stupid, and I'm glad I don't play with people like you.

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>>26688828

how is a peace offering of snack food gay?

>>26687607
You're a gentleman and a scholar, I solute you.

also sauce on that pic?

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>>26688894
Yeah, I ran out of evil things so I put down some of the more sillier things I did that campaign.

>>26688987
Don't worry about him, he just doesn't understand that all campaigns don't have to be serious. You would be well appreciated in my group... up till the raping part, they would kill you for that one.

>>26687264
Does anyone have the build for that monk that could break the sound barrier?

>I am no longer allowed to summon Dimensional Shamblers

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>>26689045
I was in a very serious group but it was all That Guy so edgy animu characters. I decided to out that guy them by playing a psychotic necromancer undine. MY favorite part of playing him was his form of greeting was casting racial spell hydraulic push, which I described as him vomiting a torrent of water.

I used that in place of saying hello

Coincidentally after the party woke up to find themselves wearing spooge beards they tried to kill me but my optimized cleric had 6x his hit dice in undead.

They got slaughtered

>>26689137
>evil cleric necromancer
badass, and a huge dick move, keeping up with minions is a bitch for everyone.

I think their animu characters set the tone just fine for you to pull this shit.

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>>26689240

>not allowed to level any part of the city the chronicle is taking place in without prior permission from the ST.


Since I'm seeing it written down its starting to make a little more sense.

>not allowed to play characters with that name because it never turns out well
>not allowed to play, really

>>26659873

He said you are no longer allowed to drink amasec. What about distillac?

>>26687607
>>Buying a slave girl only to not do anything to her is prohibited. I was proud with this one, everyone gave me uneasy looks and waited weeks for some awful thing to happen only for it to never come.
Your list was a mixed bag of good and bad, but this one is legitimately great. Well played.

>>26689137
Just should have waited untill you were asleep or something. Scry and die works wonders.

>>26688648
have you read the entry of pazuzu?
basically hes got the spiel of basically you call him 3 times, and he shows up to basically grant a wish for you, but you take a willing step towards chaotic evil every time you do it and if you do it while chaotic evil, i believe he just straight out kills your shit.
so in other words, yes hes helpful.

>>26690398
basically

>>26690398
what if you put on a helm of reverse alignment while chaotic evil

>>26655424
You, good sir, are a hero to munchkins everywhere. I'm gonna go ahead and steal that for future use.

>>26655467
>Necromantic postal service
I'm stealing that too.

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Here's a list from an old Halo RPG campaign.

I bring you...Blackbook!

http://pastebin.com/242mALNk

>>26655501
Mah nigga
I love having an insane intelligence modifier so I can have 20 ranks in knowledge: everything

>>26655864
Truly dwarven.

>>26691204
Bookmarked for later viewing. Can't be fucked to read all that now.

>>26676535
My group is exactly the same
I do a great Hassan voice

>>26660370
Fuck that post pics of Dave

>>26690434
Holy shit
I just made infinite wishes.
Start at lawful good
Wish for helm of reverse alignment
Wish for whatever
Wear helm
Repeat as neccesary

>>26659934
This gives me terrible, WONDERFUL ideas for a mad mason artist. All I'm going to say is Disintegration Finesse and Flesh to Stone...

Threads like this are why I love you guys.
Never change, /tg/, never change.

Rolled 5, 1, 5 = 11

>>26692074

Rolled 2, 2 = 4

>>26692464
Oh, Just ignore me.

Which is odd, because in the rogue trader game I'm in, the shortest is 4'10", and with exception to the one sole space marine, the tallest is the seneschal who is a mighty tall 5'9"

>>26655710
Oh god yes
>>26681682
I'm with this guy, I want to hear how the fuck you managed that!

>Reduce Person does not give me any bonuses to seduce Halfling women
>Just because Enlarge Person would work on a person with Down's Syndrome doesn't mean it would work on a monkey, even though both are 1 chromosome away from normal people
>Not allowed to name a Halfling "Yolo Swaggins"

>>26685846
>>26685915
OH BOY
HERE
WE
GO

So by hook, crook, and random chance, I was invited to play an online game of Deathwatch. Before you ask, I don't have chatlogs. My system ate them, and the group disbanded a few months back, so no real chance of recovery.

Anyway Deathwatch. At the time I was invited, the group had been reduced to three; the Blood Angel Assmarine (named Astramael, whom I called Bob), a Space Wolf Rune-Priest (named Vargus, codename DUDE!), and an Ultramarine Watch Captain (named Augustus, dubbed Smurf). My first brilliant plan was to concoct an Angry Marine Apothecary that would yell about people about their sissiness even as he resuscitated them. I was most of the way through the process when I learned that another player would be joining as an apothecary, thereby excessing my position. Without skipping a beat, I converted myself (with GM forewarned) into an Angry Techmarine. My bionic of choice was an arm replacement, received to better connect me to the Omnissiah, which didn't stop me from claiming it "REPLACED MY ARM AFTER I FLIPPED OFF A BLOODTHIRSTER AND HE TOOK EXCEPTION TO MY ATTITUDE".

Good with machines and crap with my indoor voice, I so began my journey into infamy. Our first assignment was a double: rescue a Novamarine Apothecary (the other new guy, by the name of Nero, designate NERD) and rough up some Eldar bitch creeping around in Imperial territory.

>>26688662
"Why the fuck not?" seconded. Just helped a guy make his first ever character who is, pretty much, a rowdy, big-drinking, muscly elf merc whose idea of a good time is arm-wrestling people bigger than him and winning.

>>26693481
Polite request: I would like to hear more of this story, if you have the time.

>>26693481
So word came down from the Watch Commander that there was an op to be done to rescue a battle brother and kill Eldar scum. The original Kill-Team of Bob, DUDE!, and Smurf was understaffed for the job, so they called out to the Watch Fortress at large for a volunteer to join them. Freshly inducted as I was, I jumped straight on board, as "ELDAR ARE THE XENOS MOST AWARE OF THEIR HERETICAL BEHAVIOR, AND THUS THE MOST FUN TO TOTALLY WRECK". We gear up for the mission, which with its generous Requisition I purchase a mag of Kraken bolts for AP improvements and grenades. Lots of grenades, in both frag and krak flavors. The GM didn't bother making me track them, so long as I wasn't throwing them constantly. I parsed the exact total, and also bought one lucky Nova grenade. I load the grenades into a case for easy carrying and dub it my "boombox".

We ship out to the target world, a no-name backwoods agriworld with enough of a PDF to forestall an invasion of 20 Ork Boys for approximately 5 seconds. The Eldar are apparently hiding in an tunnel network below the surface, which is where the witch and her cohorts are keeping NERD. Despite my desire to deep strike directly into the tunnels, we deploy via Thunderhawk near a cave entrance that leads in the direction we're pretty sure we need to go. Not long after we make it in, we hear sounds of combat. Seems NERD was already fighting, since the Eldar stopped paying attention to him long enough for him to slip his bonds and get his fighting gear. We hustle to the fight and see our man pinned down behind some fallen ceiling by several Guardians. Since we weren't hiding for shit, Initiative gets rolled. The Guardians win by virtue of being fruity fucks, and we spend our first reactions hitting the dirt to dodge Eldar fire. I'm up next, so I slide my boombox behind some cover, tell the team to "WATCH THE BOOMBOX" and haul-assedly dive over to NERD's cover. We exchange pleasantries:

(cont.)

>>26693770
C'mon man, I need more FUCKING LOUD GODDAMN TITTY PUNCHING JUSTICE.