>>28218341
>[] stop

>>28218341
>other
kill self

Rolled 65

>>28218341
>[] other
Enter your own mind and fight with the voice for dominance.

>>28218411
Could we have a new record for destroying the QMs plans? STAY TUNED

>>28218485
Lets not do that. Primarily because I would be so tempted to deliberately lose.

Rolled 52

>>28218485
I am sorry then.

In that case, lets just stop, grab twig and kiss her passionately.

>>28218503
Not to mention it would make me angrier than a rabid dog who's chain is far to short being forced to watch delicious children walk in front of me without any kibble

Rolled 90

>>28218341
[X] Stop, beat head into the tree anyway.

The voice could be lying!

File: 1384129639296.gif-(463 KB, 199x149, Dramatic zoom.gif)

463 KB GIF

>>28218572
Et tu Brutus?

>>28218572
If there is no choice in say, ten minutes, since this got the highest roll it will win automatically

>>28218572
Can't argue with that logic.

Rolled 24

>>28218659
Alright with me, as long as it doesn't kill us

>>28218572
You feel a surge of anger course through your veins, nineteen years, NINETEEN FUCKING YEARS OF TAUNTING, INSULTING ANNOYANCE. THAT IS FUCKING IT, IT ENDS TODAY, EITHER ONE OF YOU LEAVE THIS AVO FORSAKEN HEAD, OR NEITHER OF YOU CAN HAVE IT
(wait WHAT!?)
You grab a hold of the largest tree and begin slamming your head into it with deafening thuds and bangs, shaking the tree and a few nearby from the strength of the impact
"GUNTHER" You barely hear cried a you continue to slam your think pan into a still living block of wood.
(STOP YOU FOOL, YOU'LL KILL US BOTH). Don't*Bang* Ca*Thud*re.
(Wait who the bloody fuck are yoooooooooooo.....)
*WHAAM, WHAAAAM, WHAAAM, WHAAAM, CRACK*
(.......)
..........is it gone. You hear terrified crying somewhere nearby, and your forehead is covered in a something warm and hurts like a son of a bitch
"Voice in my head?" you ask. no response.
You smile
What do you do
[] Dance and laugh with joy
[] pick up twig and tell her the good news
[] continue walking
[] other
Flaw conquered: Voice in your head (YOUR FREE YOUR FREE)
you may gain a trait if you wish, I will give the options if asked

>>28218878
>[] Dance and laugh with joy
Don't tell her a damn thing, though.

Rolled 4

>>28218878
>Flaw conquered: Voice in your head (YOUR FREE YOUR FREE)
He will be back.

>[] pick up twig and tell her the good news
Wash our forehead on her dress.

>>28218954
He'd better. He's the protagonist after all.

>>28218878
See, this is what I meant by rewarding everything and making the MC an invincible behemoth. We just got rid of a dead god possessing us by headbutting a tree. Nice job man.

>>28218878
[X] Continue walking

We "may" be free or we could have just knocked him out. Only time will tell.

>>28218878
Sure, tell us the options.

>>28218969
Actually you didn't, remember A certain fellow by the name of jack, well now he has a really pissed off train summoning god with him, one who happens to be well versed with mind fuckery

>>28218878
[] continue walking

Gimmi them traits kind sir

>>28219012
Can we switch perspectives at some point? I prefer Bethany anyway.

>>28218985
Either
Alone in mind and body (allows for slightly more well thought out options)
or Thick headed (lethalizes headbutts)

>>28219044
>Alone in mind and body (allows for slightly more well thought out options)
prefer this one.

>>28219042
You could, but you wouldn't be able to control him for long. Also be aware that Bethany also refers to dastardly the first

Rolled 77

>>28219044
I like thick headed. Imagine if we wore a custom axe helm along with that trait.

>>28218878
>>28218878
Trait gained: Brain damage- Tricking or charm like effects are less effective against the target. A side effect of how we got this trait is that our memory is not exactly "accurate" now.

>>28219106
ahahahahah
Oh I like that one

>>28218878
[X] continue walking

>>28219072
Shame

>>28219039
You shake your head and keep on walking, ignoring the soul chilling empty feeling that fills your head........feels lonely and let comforting, what a strange feeling.
"Gunther?" twig calls out "Gunther, are....are you alright?"

"Yes I am wee lass" You say laughing "I am alone in my head, My voice is the only one up there now". She looks slightly scared at the thought of that, and remains silents. Shouldn't she be happy for you? You're free of the thrice damned voice
what do you do
[] talk with twig
[] back to the guild
[] ooh that sign has a fish on it
do you wish to see what one of the three previous dastardlys are doing? y/n if so which one

>>28219106
See, now I can get behind this trait.

>>28219185
I could work with it

>>28219183
The third of course. He's the MC of this quest after all

Rolled 23

>>28219183
>[] ooh that sign has a fish on it

>do you wish to see what one of the three previous dastardlys are doing? y/n if so which one
Yes, Lets see how Dick is doing.

>>28219183
[X] Back to the guild and feel like you are "forgetting" something.

See what the past us are up to? Y

>>28219127
I like to make the traits really tie with how we got them with just a little bit of a flaw on the end.

Which is funny if you combine Brain damage with drinking.

>>28219183
>[X] ooh that sign has a fish on it

>>28219245
Dick Dastardly
......
Another room of worship, you really are growing tired of these damned things, espically since this one appears quite satanic and there is a red robbed man with simply the most stylish mask you've seen in awhile, you like this man.
"Knight" He says "It is good to see you again".

"Knight?" You ask, wondering how you could twist this lesser being to your benefit.

"Ah you must not remember, You used to rule this land with myself and the queen" He says "until William black tore out your black heart, Though I must ask how you ended up in the head of one so pathetic as he". You smile, the universe just gave you a delcious little treat in the form of this man.

'I'll tell you over a cup of tea....." You begin

"Jack" He says, his voice like deliciously evil wine "And you know what tea is?"

Gunther Dastardly.
"Now twig this is the life" You say basking in the sunlight.

"You know we really should get back to the guild" She says.

"What guild?" you say " Oh yeah that place"
What do you do
[] go fishing
[] go swimming
[] explore forest
[]go to the guild
[] other

>>28219355
>[]go to the guild

Rolled 59

>>28219355
>[] explore forest
RANDOM ENCOUNTER!

>>28219355
>[] go fishing
Oh boy! Maybe we can catch a nice fis!

>>28219399
>>28219399
I really need to make a list for that, I know one of the option would lead to finding . infact if someone made a list like this for me, I'd be most pleased

>>28219355
[X] Go to the guild

Got to get paid!

>>28219423
Sure:
1-20 Bandits
21-30 Undead
31-40 Hollow Men
41-55 Balverine
56-65 Sand Furies
66-75 Wasps
76-85 Nyphs
86-95 Hobbes
96 Kracken
97 Arachanox
98 troll
99 Dreadwings
100 Pawn of Blades (I have no idea what this is, but I don't expect it to be pleasant.)

>>28219466
Well you need to gather your reward for your slaughter of those bandits, even though they seems nice, I mean only one actually managed to strike you in the confusion, you think, you don't feel to beat up anyways.
The walk back is filled with serenity and awkward silence.
But you soon find the burnt forest and path that leads there. You ignore all else and enter to map room finding a blood covered whisper and Gregory.
What do you do
[] try to scare them roll1d100
[] get money, leave
[] make a joke
[] Now kiss
[] other
Do you wish to see what one of the first two dastardlys are doing?Y/N

>>28219530
Nah, best leave them hazy. Too many cooks and all that.

>>28219511
Ooooooh, I like it. Though I would enjoy one for random events, not just encounters, like finding a demon door, or a female merchant giving birth, or a burning village. I could of course make this myself.

Rolled 71

>>28219530
>[] try to scare them roll1d100
Its just an harmless prank.

Rolled 13

>>28219530
[X] try to scare them roll1d100

And Yes.

>>28219543
Ok then

>>28219530
>Scaring

>>28219511
>>28219555
There could be a one for random events and one of them would be "encounters" with this >>28219511 to be used to figure out what nasty thing we found.

>>28219647
Yeah

>>28219561
You notice Fritz's only hand is one the map, You pull out your trophy, the cleaver you used to kill the big bloke.
"Set me on fire Twig" You say.

"W...w. wha" She tries to find words for your stupidity.

"Just do it" You say.

SOON.
"I AM THE SOUL OF THE CLEAVER" You shout "YOU'RE LIVES ARE FORFEIT"

"Oh hi there Gunther" Weaver says "I see you are trying to raise your fire resistance, again"

"AVO DAMMIT" You shout slamming the cleaver into the map, missing Fritz's hand by and inch. it appears he has wet himself, how humorous. Weaver raises his hand and like that the flames are gone. Fritz flips you off
what do you do
[] punch him in the face roll 1d100
[] leave
[] your money (free action)
[] Other

>>28219555
1-50 Roll on enemy table
51-60 Random Merchant wants to sell you something. Higher the number, better the goods.
61-65 burned out village
66-70 idiot trying to charge a toll
71-75 Female merchant giving birth
76-80 Passed out drunk in middle of road
81-85 Cabbage Merchant tries to sell you goods
86-90 Settlement of some kind
91-95 Villager needs help with trivial task, will pay.
96 Random schmuck falls in love with member of party in humorous fashion. Said schmuck is rather dumb
97 Set of potions given for no particular reason.
98 Acquire minion of moderate talent, weirdly loyal
99 Weapon in stone, needs a good tug
100 Follower of either Justice or Dick shows up looking for them. Has no idea what they are doing.

>>28219731
And I just realized I put you're instead of your

>>28219731
>[X] Take our money and ask if there is something more challenging for our next mission.

Rolled 93

>>28219731
Offer to shake his hand to make peace with him.

The wrong hand of course.

>>28219746
How about
100: Encounter with Dick Dastardly the tenth, time traveller

>>28219780
Because I'm personally not in favor of having our reincarnations be completely different people and don't want to encourage it? I just want to get back to playing as Dick and messing with Justice and Mr Fritz.

>>28219780
If we move everything down one we could add that in as 100.

>>28219780
I could have several tables of encounters
>>28219800
I wasn't planning on you guys trying to summon trains twice a thread

>>28219825
Nor was I. Doesn't mean that Gunther being a different person than Dick, and Justice into Astria hasn't substantially reduced my enjoyment of this quest. I'm honestly just making time until we can get the 1st world gang back together and start more or less from scratch again.

>>28219731
If there is no vote I'll just show you what Dastardly no 2 is doing

Rolled 41

>>28219825
I have an idea for a quest.

We try to find an arm replacement Gregory OneArm over here.

Of course, once we find said arm, we have to remind him of the bow safety rules.

>>28219914
I'd prefer not really.
>>28219766
do this

>>28219880
Well its been ten years, meaning that Matilda has been reburied and has rotted in peace, but that does not stop you from making her a ghost. John is currently fucking around in the planes due to the fact you destroyed a good deal of the first world.
Brian blessed is doing brian blessed things

Rolled 43

>>28219953
>Mathilda's Ghost

Meet the next antagonist!

>>28219953
I more meant playing as Dick Vilian Bethany Dastardly the third, with Mr Fritz, and Justice, in a world with no other reincarnations to muck things up so we can finish their epic romance.

>>28220005
Well Justice is currently in twigs head. But once you get her out you can freely swap between the currently known members of the dastardly line.
Namely Dick and Gunther, who hate eachother, violently

>>28219928
Weaver hands you and Astraia your reward.
"It was to easy" You say. Twig looks at you.
"That's because you just threw them off a cliff while screaming" she said.
"Its a legitimate strategy" You say "and what about the red fellow".
"You threw that thing after you sucker punched it while screaming in what sounded like a dead language" Twig says.
"Anyway I want a tougher fight next time" you say.
"Well as luck would have it we just got in a rather dangerous mission, for trained heroes" Weaver says smiling "Do you want it?"
What do
[]accept it and time skip to the journey to the destination
[] ask what it entails
[] run off
[] other

>>28220063
>[]accept it and time skip to the journey to the destination

Rolled 36

>>28220063
>[]accept it and time skip to the journey to the destination
As if we would worry about things such as details.

>>28220040
Excellent. I look forward to killing off Gunther.

>>28220094
Implying puny magic can harm Gunther

>>28220063
>[]accept it and time skip to the journey to the destination
Pff we don't need to know. We love surprises!

Rolled 90

>>28220115
HA! It would take a locomotive to kill Gunther and even then, I wouldn't put too much money on the locomotive winning.

>>28220115
Considering I like him about as much as Dick does, yeah, I'll imply that.

>>28220133
Yeah, seeing as so far Gunther has been getting lucky rolls, he'll be a tough son of a bitch to put down,

>>28220191
Lucky rolls aren't always enough. Remember how Dick got like two 100's and a 98 in a row when trying to close that damned rift?

>>28220063
>[] accept it and time skip to the journey to the destination

>>28220124
"So why are you coming along twig?" you ask sadly

"Because its my house and sister" twig says.

"Still she's paying quite a bit to just make sure her mansion isn't haunted" You say. Twig glares at you
"Hollow men aren't ghosts" She says.

"They're still dead thing mucking about with the living" You say. twig shakes her head. though it was nice of Twig's sister to send a carriage to pick you up, it has a fine collection of wine, or had a fine collection of wine.
"Here's our stop" the grave voice of the driver says. in front of you is a large, stone manor surrouned by various flowers and other such things
what do you do
[] walk up to the door and knock
[] Charge the door roll1d100
[] follow twig
[] other

>>28220259
>[] follow twig

Rolled 50

>>28220259
[] other
Throw our axe at the door

Rolled 27

>>28220231
I'm know one of those 100's was for saving Justice from the void.

I know because that was my roll

>>28220259
>Follow twig

>>28220231
Yes, but Gunther also isn't off that world, he's from albion, meaning he could just buy a shit ton of those resurrection potions, kind of like how dick works on Saturday morning cartoon rules

>>28220306
He still doesn't really have a counter to Dick hovering 50 feet in the air and shooting him with the cane minigun.

>>28220287
I thought that was later actually. We got at least 3 100's during that thread. It was kinda nuts.

Rolled 12

>>28220327
He can throw his axe really far.

Ask Fritz.

>>28220259
>[] follow Twig

>>28220276
You decide to follow twig. she walks up to the door, the guards seem to recognize her.
"Oi witch girl" One says "you aren't allowed here anymore, scram".

"This is my home heathen" She say.

"Was your home, till you set it on fire" He says "Now leave".

"You dare talk down to your better" She says angrily, before the guard does something that he will son regret. He hits her, hard, sending her sprawling on the ground.
What do you do
[] no one touches twig roll1d100
[] Calmly explain what you're going to do to his family
[] nothing
[] other

>>28220463
>[] Calmly explain what you're going to do to his family

Rolled 99

>>28220463
>[] no one touches twig roll1d100
IS THAT A BIRD? A PLANE? A ROCKET? NO! THIS IS A GUARD THAT HAS BEEN AN ASSHOLE TO TWIG!

File: 1384136663145.gif-(359 KB, 500x304, 1381996136481.gif)

359 KB GIF

>>28220501
>>28220501
>>28220501

Rolled 63

>>28220463
OH FUCK NO. HE DIDN'T
>NOBODY TOUCHES TWIG
>AS YOU BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM, TELL HIM WHAT IS TO BECOME OF HIS FAMILY BECAUSE OF HIS STUPIDITY

Rolled 31

>>28220463
[X] Decapitation is the only answer.

Rolled 84

>>28220516
Dat damn Gunther luck man.

He must be a Jojo from that universe we didn't go to

Rolled 87

>>28220554
We could be Dio from that universe instead.

>>28220554
Imagine gunther as old Joseph.

>>28220516
So what do you want to do to him?

>>28220611
As my post suggested, send him flying in a nearly litteral fashion.

Rolled 92

>>28220611
He should go meet that red guy we sent packing. Mother might want more option on who to date back home

>After several years of questing, Gunther returns to find Knothole Glave populated by all the enemies he had sent flying over the years.

Rolled 8

>>28220611
I say off with his head!

>>28220501
No voice in your head to tell you when to stop, no voice stabbing you with phantom pains, just rage.
"MOTHER FUCKER" You scream in rage that would make a balverine look like a kitten. He draws his sword, obviously realizing your a threat. But you crush his stick arms like twigs and throw him upward, sending his quite a distance up, as he comes falling down, you grab his legs and spin him around before letting go. You hear his screams of pain and terror lessen gradually as he vanishes into the blue yonder. the other guard appears to have shat himself
what do you do
[] pick up twig
[] kick open the door
[] other

>>28220701
>[] pick up twig

Rolled 15

>>28220701
>[] pick up twig
>[] kick open the door
Both clearly

Also give that guard the look and and motion of "You fuck up, you'll join him"

>>28220701
>[] pick up twig
Put her on our back

>>28220701
[X} Pick up twig and kick open the door.

>>28220658
>>After several years of questing, Gunther returns to find Knothole Glave populated by all the enemies he had sent flying over the years.
Now imagine if they had all married his mother at one point.

>>28220884
>Mother now has a harem of all our Ex-foes
>"Look Gunther! Now you have step-dads!"

>>28220743
You grab twig and put her on your back.
"S..so" The remaining guard says "Y..you must be the hero". You glare at him.
"I am most sorry for my.......friend's action" he says sounding like a rabbit "Please follow me".

"Gunther" you hear twig groan before feeling a weak swat to the back of your head.

"What was that for?" you ask.

"You didn't need to go that far" she says.

"Yes I did" you say.
The guard opens a door, revealing a room filled with....half dead guards, coughing up a strange black and gold liquid. and who you assume to be Twig's sister, she is quite blessed in the chest department.
"Hello Amanda" Twig says.

"Hello Astraia" she responds her voice like venom.

"You can't still be mad about the Elvira thing can you?" she asks.

"You burnt our sister alive" Amanda growls.

"She had mother killed" twig responds with a glare.

"You....burnt....our....sister.....alive" Amanda says slowly flicking Twig between the eyes "And who's this?"

"Gunther, my friend" Twig says.

"Dear avo he looks like a troll" Amanda says with a laugh.

What do you do
[] insult her
[] flirt
[] ask where the gh...hollowmen are
[] flick her between the eyes roll1d100
[] other

>>28220920
>[] ask where the gh...hollowmen are

Rolled 10

>>28220920
>[] flirt
Its not every day that we are complimented by such a refined lady.

Rolled 30

>>28220920
>Flirt/Joke
"Yeah and I'm hung like one too"

>So...where be the hollowmen

>>28220996
>>28220996
Trolls have no genitalia as far as I am aware

Rolled 7

>>28221006
This is could be part of the joke.

Rolled 60

>>28221006
Damn...is that right?

"You should see my club then."

>>28221029
or gunther is just an idiot
Also surprised no one called me out on the fact that I switched which of the Grey sisters in the games died

>>28221031
Also this option brings with it a high chance of being set on fire

Rolled 73

>>28221031
Good enough for me!

Rolled 51

>>28221111
Fair enough. They only person for Gunther's club is Twig anyway

>>28221111
You say that like it would be a bad thing.

>>28221126
She is quite beautiful, However there is a slight problem, there is a witch on your back who has set you on fire for much, much, much less than this
Do you wish to flirt y/n.
You may also see what dastardly no 2 is doing
its very important

Rolled 35

>>28221111
I fail to see how this is a bad thing.

>>28221178
Lets see how our number 2 is doing.

>>28221178
Y.

I'm pretty sure we are use to being set on fire and if she did such a thing as set us on fire....while we were carrying her.

>>28221178
yeah lets see what dastardly 2 is doing, also make dick joke.

>>28221178
you know, after 9 years of her setting us on fire we be immune to it. I mean we did let ourselves be set on fire to pull off a scare earlier back at the guild.

Think we can use a flaming Gunther to scare those Hollowmen

Let's see what number 2 is doing

>>28221178
Also yes, lets see what NO. 2 is up to.

>>28221223
"Want to see my club?" You say with a wink. Then everything hurts, and most of the room is on fire.

Vilian Dastardly
Ah this is the life you think as you sip what this world calls wine, oh you say world, it would be more correct to say universe. You stare out into the stars and sigh as you pull out a cigar from your home realm, a far more uncultured place than this, across from you is some kind of slime tentacle creature, which is female, you can tell because she is slightly humanoid and because you sold your left nut to the devil to never make that mistake again.
You are Vilian Dastardly. King of the Casanovas, and lord of broken heart, and this future suit is really chaffing your rod of holy might
what do you do
[] go take a piss
[] flirt to her in her native tongue
[] who's that red haired bloke approaching you?
[] other

>>28221301
>[] who's that red haired bloke approaching you?

>>28221301
>[X] who's that red haired bloke approaching you?

Rolled 41

>>28221301
>[] who's that red haired bloke approaching you?

We aint gonna get cuckholded by that redheaded buffoon whose son recently lost an arm.

>>28221337
"Ginger" You say sipping your space wine "I've seen enough jealous husbands before to.."

"She ain't my wife" he says.

"Well thank the lord for that, it would've been a shame if I had to cut off my little date with Flargna here" you say smiling, The man has the stare of a traveler in his eyes and gives off a familiar stench of magical fuckery. He's wearing a trench coat meant to fit in with whatever world or plane he travels due, probably has some kind of enchantment on it, or it might turn into some kind of mechanized armor, or maybe he's just thinks it looks cool, he is wrong. in his hand is a worn cane. his face is marred by a vicious claw mark, and let he has a warm smile.

"So if that's not it then why did you tack me down?" you ask.

"Well its about your son..." he says. You spit out your wine
what do you do
[] I'll NEVER PAY CHILD SUPPORT (run) roll 1d100
[] what son?
[] laugh nervously
[] motion him to follow you to the vip room, don't want to ruin your rep
[] other

Rolled 87

>>28221453
>[] what son?
Or rather, ask "which son?"

>>28221453
>[] motion him to follow you to the vip room, don't want to ruin your rep

>>28221453
>[] motion him to follow you to the vip room, don't want to ruin your rep
Oh boy what did that crazy bastard do now

>>28221453
>[] motion him to follow you up to the VIP room, don't want to ruin your rep

Rolled 83

>>28221453
I'LL NEVER PAY CHILD SUPPORT

>>28221453
>[X] motion him to follow you to the vip room, don't want to ruin your rep as you inform him that you will never pay child support

>>28221553
You restrain you self from running away as fast as you can and motion the mustachioed man to follow you to the V.I.P room. Inside is a wonderland of drugs meant for all kinds, lavalamps, robotic whores, a fish tank with an aquatic tiger, a dead body you call jerry, and you chair. You sit down, slightly disturbed that he looks at the body with a look of......amusement.
"So Mr....." You begin.

"Fritz" he says "John Fritz".

"Which son are you talking about" You say nervously "I mean am pretty sure I have created a new race from simply bedding natives far more than once".

"Dick" He says "the one from the saturday cartoon land place...thing".

"Ah him, I visited him once" he says "well he thought I was selling newspapers and attempted to hit me with a train, and that was the last of my spawn I ever went o visit, how's he doing, the little bastard".

"Last I saw he was a god" the mans says "who nearly destroyed my home world, and then fucked off to the void with that worlds embodiment of justice".

"Damn" you say "He managed to seduce an embodiment?"

"She was more of a goddess" Fritz says "and yes, in a day or so, opposites attract as they say".

"And who's that little girl behind you" he asks.

"Oh dammit Missy" Fritz says "You followed me again didn't ya".

"You said You'd find dick this time and reverse this curse" the little girl says.

"I'm trying, just....go play with the corpse or something" He says "anyways where is he". Well fuck, it appears you are dealing with a code magenta.

"I don't know" you say "I don't know where any of my children are". there is a gun under your chin.

"Well then you better start searching" Fritz says with murder in his eyes.

What do you do
[] OK OK OK, Don't shoot
[] Want a smoke?
[] *throw smoke pellet* I'LL NEVER PAY CHILD SUPPORT roll1d100
[] other

Rolled 24

>>28221715
>[] *throw smoke pellet* I'LL NEVER PAY CHILD SUPPORT roll1d100
Always use the rolling option

>>28221715
>[] other
Look, you got anything of his and this broad of his? Anything their magic has touched. With two distinct divine signatures it should be pretty easy to narrow things down.

>>28221715
>[] Want a smoke?
Say "Want a smoke pal? You seem a bit tense, let's just calm down and talk this through like the rational, calm, collected people we are."

Once he has take the gun out of your face, do
>[] *throw smoke pellet* I'LL NEVER PAY CHILD SUPPORT roll1d100

>>28221801
That's the smartest thing any one in this quest has ever done

Rolled 37

>>28221831
I disagree.
Taking over a banana republic was smarter.

>>28221801
This works, plus, it sounds like this Fritz Guy will be doing most of the work for us.

>>28221845
ahahahha

>>28221801
I retract my answer of >>28221823
and replace it with this

Rolled 98

>>28221715
Just laugh.

Laugh because he is knowingly trying to mess with someone from the Dastardly line.

*Throw a pellet just for fun*

>>28221831
Well, I figure Vilian's got to respect any of his sons that manage to seduce a goddess that's supposed to be implacably opposed to him in a day.

Rolled 83

>>28221900
And the dice trolls Mustache Twirler again.

>>28221801
Lets do this. Seriously why are people voting for the smoke pellet?

But where's the paladin?

>>28221918
Only if no one votes, if they do I choose the one with most votes, otherwise its highest roll

>>28221944
What? Cave in to a threat from someone who barged in when we were about to have fun? If he wants our help we should make him work for it.

>>28221944
You know, we could do both.
Also, is Missy's husband still around?

>>28221981
Probably powerless and really depressed at having to buy his wife sweets. But if you're wondering where he is
space van

Rolled 13

>>28221998
This is an important question.

Did they have kids together?

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>>28221801
You take a deep breath.
"You got anything the belongs to him or his broad?" You ask.

"His old cane" Fritz says "why?"

"Anything magic touches leaves a signature" you say calmly "Divine magic even more so, it will help narrow it down quite a bit".

"Well in that case I also have the severed heads of one of his "broad's" angels" the man says opening his trench coat to let a flaming head fall to the ground. Make that a code oh fuck oh fuck.
".....wonderful" You say as the little girl begins to tear lose the eyes and lick them like candy.
Well this is standard fair for your line. It better than your daughter who ate babies, but she was a nice lass, a real nice lass besides the baby eating thing.
He stares at you.
"So, do it, track me down a god" He says angrily. Oh god you just realized he is Irish.
What do you do
[] throw a smoke pellet
[] laugh
[] DO it
[] talk with the little girl, your right nut tells you she is in fact the oldest being in the room
[] other

>>28222004
That wedding really was one of the highlights in the life of Dick Dastardly.

>>28222016
it has been 19 years

Rolled 20

>>28222057
>[] talk with the little girl, your right nut tells you she is in fact the oldest being in the room
Ask her what the hell is she doing with Jerry.

>>28222069
Also shall I make a paste bin for Vilian, I mean I really don't know what kind of traits this man has besides that he has several

>>28222057
>[] DO it

>>28222095
She's eating the angel eyes

>>28221985
You can still do that

>>28222057
>X] talk with the little girl, your right nut tells you she is in fact the oldest being in the room

We can talk about our price for our services.

>>28222169
"You there lass" You say "Just what the fuck are you".

"I was a great demon once" she says "Until your son cursed me to this current form.

What do you say
[] lets talk prices
[] WAIT WHAT?!
[] SO mr fritz, you have yourself a deal
[] but just one thing, I must ask, can you give me a few minutes
[] other

Rolled 66

>>28222273
>[] WAIT WHAT?!

>>28222273
>[] WAIT WHAT?!

>>28222273
[] WAIT WHAT?!

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>>28222057
That angel shouldn't have touched his coat.

>>28222273
>[] WAIT WHAT

>>28222389
Yeah, they engaged in a two day battle....okay Fritz ran it over with the dastardly mobile

>>28222301
"Ok" You say before realzing what she said "WAIT WHAAAAAAAAAT"

"Yeah your son is kind of a dick" She says "He also did it to an assassin, and crime lord".

"Dear lord" you say "I...I...Wow that's a useful power".

"You perverted old man" She says.

"Ehh I'm still a few centuries off you toots" You say leaning black "So how much you paying me to do this".

"Your continued existence" Fritz says.

"Oh stop trying to be a hardass" A man in armor says "Also Fuck you missy, do you realize how much candy half demons eat".

"Don't care" Missy replies.

"I swear to justice when we find her I am smiting you so hard" He says.

"Oh save it for the bedroom" the little girl says. Ok this club sucks ass.
What do you do
[] track down your son
[] comfort the man in armor
[] other

>>28222518
Also I have forgotten the paladin's name

>>28222518
>[] track down your son

Rolled 9

>>28222518
>[] comfort the man in armor
Its the right thing to do.

Also, did he really hit that? EEEWWWW

>>28222518
[X] Smoke pellet out of there and track down our son so we can learn how he did the gender changing trick.

>>28222518
>[] track down your son

>>28222518
>[] comfort the man in armor

By the way, seeing that Fritz is literally a champion of a god, wouldn't this technically mean he is a saint?
Saint Fritz, the patron saint of irish gangsters?

>>28222601
Also does anyone have any ideas for traits vilian would have

>>28222601
this should be our top priority above all else.

>>28222614
Oh my god, I never thought about that

>>28222601
Also make sure to leave hints wherever we go for the fine people.

If they can follow the trail we set then they will get what the came for.

>>28222637
Saints preserve us

>>28222619
Is he even evil? from what we have seen he seems like he would have something like super charisma

Rolled 53

>>28222619
Womanizer
Super-Fertility
Gender Detection
Super-Charisma

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>>28222648
Three way tie? godsdammit
Shall I roll for it

>>28222619
Smooth Bastard: Instinctive ability to deliver good pickup lines.
Detect Husband: Always know the location of anyone you are cuckholding
I'm a lover and a fighter: You know how to fight, but you also have a bodyguard of highly capable combat veterans. Incidentally, they are all female and beautiful.

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>>28222518
>half demons
I see what happened there.

>>28222669
He has accidentally genocided two races due to interspecies breeding, so no he is not evil, he just tends to dick over things. Also Dick's siblings are about as unhinged as he

>>28222687
ahahahahhahaHAHHAHAHAHA

>>28222601
>>28222648
This sounds very in character so it has my vote.

The dastardly is full of dastardly people. If they can't follow the little game we set up for them they don't get the information!

>>28222792
http://pastebin.com/TrqtDrPC (vilian)
You smile, and hold out your hand to shake Fritz's. he smiles and does the same, before you throw down a handful of smoke bombs. You grab the cane and book it as a song begins to play on the loud speakers (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4Olx-oU1M8&list=PLD9odiDYXGOvN65yz5q946xYLu0Sg0HuJ). Gun shots and the roar of plasma fills the air as you dance around the bar..
"GET BACK HERE" You here Mr Irish Scream in impotent rage as you hear clanking metal and a demonic roar. You roar. this is good fun. You slide under a table, catching a nice view of the groin of one of the few humans in the club. you steal a drink as you hop over a table and kiss a waitress. You see your alien friend monty, he looks a bit like a humanoid crab with three eyes.
"GET IN THE SHUTTLE MONTY, CODE CRIMSON CODE CRIMSON" You shout with joy as the club bursts into violence around.
What do you do
[] dive into your vehical
[] jump through a window into space and grab it as it flies away roll1d100 (you have a space suit
[] Wink at Mr Fritz as you fly off
[] other
also any ideas for flaws and a description

>>28222957
I swear to god that "You roar" was you laugh

>>28222957
>[] Wink at Mr Fritz as you fly off
Flaw: Lady's Man: You sometimes believe in your ability to persuade women to much, allowing your enemies to plant someone on you. Of course, sometimes this backfires when they actually fall in love with you.

Rolled 59

>>28222957
[X] jump through a window into space and dive into it as it flies away giving Mr. Fritz a wink as you fly off.

>>28223028
So basically James Bond then. Also, did he teach the most interesting man in the world to pick up chicks?

>>28223080
He is called the king of Casanovas and is worshiped as such on his home plane, despite no being divine. SO most likley

Rolled 68

>>28223049
Can't ague with that.

Rolled 78

>>28222957

>>28223049
this

Rolled 32

>>28223108
Wait, my choice is missing

>[] Wink at Mr Fritz as you fly off

>>28223100
So, is there anyway to beat whatisname back into Gunther's head? The internal dialogue was amazing while it lasted.

Rolled 38

>>28222957
Rolling to murder the yet unborn child in question because fuck child support,

>>28223049
You run, a wicked smile across your face as your suit turns into one meant for the void of space and light combat, you leap over a scared Ger'tal'ia and covered your head with your arms to brace for the impact into a rather thick panel of glass. You slam into it like the fist of an angry god and you find yourself floating as the cold metal shutters close behind you. Fuck you miss timed it, Or at least you think you did as a familiar claw reaches out for you.
*Click clack click spitting noise, low growl*
"Monty you glorious son of a bitch" you say as you grab his claw as he pulls you into the shuttle, The SS Silver tongued devil. You look behind you to see fritz banging on a glass panel. You wink as you close the shuttle door,
what do you do
[] throw a spare top hat out, the first clue
[] track down your son
[] have a drink with monty
[] stare at the big titted A.I
[] other

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>>28223204
>[] throw a spare top hat out, the first clue
Let the games begin

>>28223178
Possibly, I mean you'll have to get them to both make up, it is also possible to establish Psionic dastardly network of fiendishness

>>28223204
>[] throw a spare top hat out, the first clue
then


[] track down your son

and finally to celebrate our finding him


[] have a drink with monty

Rolled 36

>>28223204
>have many drinks with Monty
>Jack in and have some fun with the big titted A.I.

>>28223226
Well shit. So the easiest way to establish a new head voice if for Gunther to void bomb his world and move on the a new plane of existence...well, I guess I'll be gunning for a bizarre adventure sooner than I'd expected.

Rolled 71

>>28223204
Clearly we are being tracked. Set course for a different son!

>>28223204
[X] Throw a spare top hat out as the first clue as we have a drink with monty while staring at the big titted A.I.

Then after our drink we shall begin the search.

As for a Flaw: boredom- While the love of women is a great driving force sometimes you need to have a little entertainment mostly in the vein of pissing off people just to see if they can catch you.

Or something like that.

Rolled 7

>>28223204
>[] throw a spare top hat out, the first clue
>[] stare at the big titted A.I
>Try to impregnate said AI

>>28223347
I guess you fail at impregnating the said AI

>>28223291
I can see him going to different sons just to leave clues as to where he is going next.

>>28223225
You grab a top hat that is covered in what little magic you have, and toss it out the shuttle.
*Click clutter snap?*
"its a game monty" You say with a smile as you crack open a bottle of some liquor you found in a world of nothing but fire "a fun one, but first, a toast, to the greatest crustacean to ever live, Monty"

*Snarl pant gargle*

"Oh you make me blush monty" you say as you stare at the well endowed A.I of your ship, Martha you call her "Now lets see were my dear boy is staying shall we?"

*Clatter splort snap*

"What, you want to celeberate first?" You ask monty
what do you do
[] Track son via cane
[] *upgrade* Martha
[] MONTY Youish mah besht friend
[] other

Rolled 60

>>28223347
>Succeed in impregnating the big titted A.I.
Why not, we've done weirder shit.

Rolled 89

>>28223369
In that case, a bad roll could mean that we succeeded.

I don't think impregnating an AI is a good thing.

Rolled 34

>>28223388
>[] *upgrade* Martha
Impregnate the AI

>>28223388
>[X] *UPGRADE* Martha

Rolled 72

>>28223409
Oh, right. Let me add a roll to that.

>>28223392
Why would it be a bad thing? Free second A.I.

>>28223388
Also any idea for a description?

>>28223388
>[] Track son via cane

>>28223447
And then we can reprogram that second A.I. For permanent loyalty and then wire it into our idiot son's head when we find him, giving us full control of a local god once we restore his position. Looks like we could us a new minion, sorry Monty.

>>28223448
Description of what exactly?

>>28223448
Description of?

>>28223495
>>28223497
For when I archive this
>>28223479
Monty is more of a friend than minion, think of Mr Fritz, then imagine if Dick was a nicer man

Rolled 98

>>28223515
Description we make men fly and make crab people fly even higher. Trouble involving an irishman, a real bastard and a little demon girl...in space!

>>28223515
It gets so lonely in our head that we have to leave entirely. Other stories are followed.

>>28223515
The Dastardly clan gets more screen time.

>>28223515
Yeah, Dick is good minion material those we might need to do a full mental wipe. We'll probably also have to kill or enslave Justice if we don't want to kill him though...decisions decisions.

>>28223407
>good
You decided to upgrade Martha......except
"Monty....how do I make her thighs more.....fertile looking?" You ask.
*CRACK SPUTEER SNAP GROWL GURGLE HIGH PITCHED WHINE*
"Wh...WHAT, no more wasting data space on useless accessories?" You ask you friend "But they aren't useless".
*Snap crackle pop*
"What do you mean we're out of cereal....Oh no you don't you are going to upgrade martha right now" You say
*sputtter whine crack snap roar low growl*
"What do you mean you want to lower her cup size for more tracking capabilities, you monster" You say with real shock.

*Spit gurgle clack click snikt high pitch whine*

"Help us find my son faster?" You ask "well he can..."

*Gurgle spuuter click click clatter*

"Give her sentinence via magictech?!" You shout " are you mad".

*Roar growl whine Snap snikt sputter growl high pitch whine whal song moan*

"allow me to fuck the ship?" you repeat "Damn you monty, damn you"
what do you do
[] FINE MONTY
[] no it isn't worth it
[] other

Rolled 30

>>28223636
>[] FINE MONTY
only option

>>28223636
>[] FINE MONTY
Then give a heartfelt speech about how this is only temporary and how bad we feel, meanwhile Monty actually does all the work

>>28223636
[X] FINE MONTY

Rolled 49

>>28223636
>[] Fine!
And now we meet Justice' mother!

>>28223730
Also you may get monty a translator, so other people besides vilian can understand him, seeing as he sold his last one for boooze

>>28223766
Why is it that I get a sort of Batman and Alfred in college feeling about these two's relationship?

>>28223766
Can we rewrite the translator so it just says whatever we want it to instead of actually translating for Monty? Could the translator just be us talking very obviously out of the corner of our mouth in a funny accent?

>>28223841
Yes, but monty will slap you

>>28223766
Why would we get him a translator when we already understand him perfectly well?

>>28223751
"Fine" You groan exasperatedly "Oh Marth I'm sorry, I swear its only temporary". You can hear the sound of metal tearing and monty cursing as he gets shocked. You stare into martha's empty eyes as you swear to return he bust to its former glory.
*Snick Grow whine*
"Shut up monty, you're ruining the moment" you shout.
*Snikt whine growl*
"Wait what do you mean its all ready done, dear lord you should start going by speedy monty" You says as you turn to Martha.
She blinks at you.....why did she change her data to stop resembling a bunny outfit?.

"Hello" She stutters "I am martha, and I am alive". She smiles and begins to dance around the place.

"damn you monty" You say as you watch the blue stream of data dance around in her greek looking robes.

*Click Clack chlick clack*

"Soooo" You say "Do you remember protocal 69?".

"No, why?" she asks as you silently curse monty as he laughs at your pain.

What do you do
[] Ok monty Where in existence is my son
[] Drink with monty
[] Hey monty do we have any food?
[] So Martha, why?
[] other

>>28223928
Exactly.

>>28223920
How well does this Dastardly hold up to Monty slaps?

>>28223928
Because no one else can, So say he wants to order space pizza while your out,what then

>>28223951
He's used to it

Rolled 68, 100 = 168

>>28223943
>"Would you like me to teach you?"
>"Monty, set up a direct mental interface for me and Martha!"

>>28223973
Get Martha to do it?

Rolled 52

>>28223943
>[] other
Lewd actions with Martha

>>28223973
Then he can send a text and eat the pizza boy instead of arguing over whether or not he did in fact order bread sticks!

>>28224012
That's racist as fuck
or as Monty would say
*Clack SPUTTER ROAR SPIT GURGLE*

>>28223991
Clearly the 100 gives a secret +1 to the 68, enabling Martha's Protocol 69 through dialogue.

>>28224027
So he would order bread sticks?! B-but the gluten!

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>>28224038

>>28224051
Monty would lick a pan of bacon grease if you let him

>>28224058
Two votes, need at least one more

>>28224075
So he has good taste. Doesn't mean he shouldn't take care of is health.

>>28224093
I'm kind of interested in seeing whatever provoked tis reaction image >>28224058 happen.

>>28224093
protocol 69 gogogo

>>28224126
Meanwhile on Albion
"I FUCKING HATE SKELETONS!" You scream as you crush a skull beneath your heal.

"You know I wonder why lighting is actually hurting them" Twig ponders on you shoulder "I mean if you think about it".

"Less talking more fighting" You scream as you try to keep the shambling horde away from the city proper. So many skeletons, SO MANY AVO DAMNED SKELETONS.
Would you like to control Gunther? Y/n

>>28224167
Mean while in unknown universe 10
"Let me show you" You say before being whacked across the face.
*Click clack sputter moan*

"What do you mean illegal?" You ask
*Click Clack whine*

"She's technically only been alive for a minute!!!?" You shout.

"What are you talking about?" she asks.
what do you do
[] you ain't no pedofile
[] Well her program is at least as old as Monty....
[] Fuck it, drink with monty

Y

>>28224168
Can we control Twig? If so her, if not then Y to Ginther

>>28224220
You could, she still has a voice in her head

>>28224168
Y

>>28224233
we could burn it out?

>>28224201
>[] you ain't no pedophile
Feet are gross man

>>28224201
>[] Fuck it, drink with Monty

Rolled 14

>>28224201
>[] Well her program is at least as old as Monty....

>>28224168
>Would you like to control Gunther? Y/n

GUNTHER TIME!

>>28224287
You stare at space, trying to decide what to do.
Gunther
.....
FUCK SKELETONS.You bisect a crowd and watch as another goes up in flames
fuck, fuck, FUuuck so many skeletons
"LO GUNTHER" A voice calls out to you "It shall be I who sends you to hell.
roll1d100 to dodge

Rolled 40

>>28224353

Rolled 16

>>28224353
Turn around and punt the guy out of the door and resume killing skeletons.

>>28224201
>a minute in program runtime is like, a few weeks.
>get her drunk first, see where it goes from there

>>28224374
How do you get data drunk?

Rolled 5

>>28224353
Dodge and throw axe in the direction of the voice

Rolled 35

>>28224384
Spam?

>>28224398
Monty would be pissed

>>28224233
No, twig isn't really built for our direct control. We'd just get her killed. Besides, why is Justice hanging around if her Dick is already moved on?

>>28224427
Trapped

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Rolled 8

DENIED!

Rolled 35

>>28224353
Die Gunther, my favored son.

>>28224433
Well that's just depressing. But I suppose Dick's moved on by now so who really cares?

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Rolled 33

Oh dear
Looks like Dick Dastardly took all the luck with him.