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> Natius, while admittedly made highly credible by his research of Heartfire, makes a terrible mistake when he claims that there can be no proper "science" about magic because magic defies the laws of logic ever so often.
>For although magic may not accept our rules, this does not mean that it does not accept any rules at all. As a matter of fact, I will claim that magic follows a very strict set of rules, and that we, as scholars, must understand and categorize these rules I we do so much as hope to get a true grasp of primal magic. And that, my esteemed colleagues and dear students, is what I call the "science" of magic.
>

>Magistrate Darek Hekoff, address to the assembly.

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>Arguably the largest metropolis of the known world, Selyn is estimated to house about as many as five hundred thousand Meduanese people, together with several thousand Numidians, Brynn, and other non-native people.

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>The Sleeper crisis is amongst the more bizarre elements of the city's history, as all men below the age of thirty rose up in the dead of the night to somnambulate for precisely four hours. >This process carried on for several weeks, yet its cause is still unknown.

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>Meanwhile, those men above the age of thirty reported disturbing dreams featuring a morbidly obese street artist trying to prescribe them castor oil.

>Star Syrup, a form of moonshine sold in the city's dark alleys, is so incredibly potent that those who ingest it do not only undergo the risk of severe alcohol poisoning, but also may suffer from spontaneous combustion.

I love Mustard Seed, OP. She's cute. But I think you're still a bit drunk. What is the purpose of this thread?

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>Though the Whitewash library is generally open to everyone, some of its books are hidden in enclosed archives.
>Amongst others, the is one archive housing a row of Firstborn encyclopaedias. Their pages are blank, but everyone who would happen to open these books is subject to an ever increasing flow of information that is directly deposited on the observers mind.
>Unfortunately, the proper process of channeling this information has been lost with the makers of the books, and our faulty approaches effectively mean that anyone feeding upon the books for prolonged time is at the risk of having his or her vital functions being "overwritten" by the contents of the encyclopaedia in question.

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>>28431195

Writing the drunkenness away. And the hangover, too.

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> Thanks to the fact that the city council is elected democratically and the people tend to vote for the most flashy candidates, Selyn has been ruled by people that would otherwise have been considered clinically insane for twenty-four and a half periods so far.

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> Apart from crazy Councillors, Selyn also has been "ruled" by cats (three years), horses (five years) and one mole (five days).

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>Vomit Gremlins are one of the more annoying pests unaware visitors to Seyln may encounter. Essentially a practical joke gone out of control, these homunculi were created by a careless student of the Spellwrough University in order to crash one of the many parts he was not invited to. By some means however, they have learned to procreate independently from their master and now roam the streets without his supervision, throwing up upon the shoes of anyone who doesn't manage to make eye contact with them in time.

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>Given the city's sheer population and the number of criminals naturally resulting from it, the permanently underfunded city watch has allowed the formation of local militias to keep up the facade of chaotic harmony that outsiders generally see when visiting Selyn.
> Much to the surprise of everyone involved, these militias have proven to be a rather effective (if at times overzealous) tool to uphold law and order. Of particular note are the Clear-Sky watchers in the Gallery, the Redwards patrolling The Plaza and, of course, the Bulkmen that keep the Downboard clean.

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>As Selyn is built on the ruins of a Firstborn city, its underground contains a vast labyrinth of tunnels and caves that enjoy immense popularity in both criminals and deviant partygoers.
>Still, these dark corridors are so vast and hard to navigate that the authorities still have no complete map of the system, and though the better-known parts of the city's underbelly are decorated with glowstones that give roamers a guiding light, the less-known parts are decorated with the mummified corpses of those who have lost their way and eventually died of thirst or starvation.

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This thread. I like it.

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>>28431471
Who doesn't like it?

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>While one always may have the impression that time flows faster when one is enjoying himself, it has been proven that time actually flows slightly faster in most of Selyn's eastern districts than it does in the central and western areas. This discrepancy is so many that it is hardly noticeable outside of a scientific context, yet thousands of academics have racked their brains and probably still are doing so over the anomaly's origin.

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>Resulting from a popular vote, wearing white socks with sandals is a fineable offense in Selyn.

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>Most convicts in Selyn end up in one of the city's three prisons, yet those who have been found guilty of serious crimes (that is, mass murderers, serial rapists and other insufferable fellows) are instead send into the Penal Zone, a pocket plane without any form of administration where they are free to bash each others head in.

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> (...) and in order to unite the petty Meduanese principalities into one solid state (and to make himself sovereign of said state), Ferren IV simply couldn't help but making a strong statement by killing more people than anyone ever did before. He has been known as an Apostle of Peace ever since.
>As the sensible reader may thus understand, when historians say that someone brought peace to a region, they generally mean 'death'.

> Arik Swergen. "Kingdom and Empire".

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>The Baker's War is another notorious chapter of the city's history. Despite of its misleading name, the battles actually were the product of an intense competition between the city's pastry chefs. The situation eventually escalated, resulting in day-long pie fights and one dead tourists who laughed herself to death over the matter.

>>28431480
I don't.

>>28431645

Pratchett have you forgotten you already wrote a long series of books like this?

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>>28431645
Bakers are the most deadliest of culinary arts.

>"Some would categorize magic into conjuration, alteration and abjuration, whereas other still cling to the outdated concept that all forms of magic are some sort of combination of the four so-called base elements wind, fire, earth, and water. And still others will claim that magic should be sorted according to its purpose, so a a fire lance might be a healing spell when it is used to cauterize a wound or a destructive spell when used to burn one's enemy.
>But all of this is nonsense, I say! If only we could stop to be such small-minded fools we could understand that magic, due to its very nature, defies any form of categorization. The attempt is nonsensical to begin with, and still we blame magic for not fitting into our neat little tables when we should blame ourselves for trying to force it into them."

>>28431645
In the place where I grew up there was actually an event called the "Ice-cream war"
Various gangs used ice-cream vans as a way to distribute drugs, so you ended up with rival ice-cream vans shooting at each other with shotguns, it was nuts.

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>The Meduanese phrase "Atash vaeni?" can be used as a casual greeting, a mild insult or as an informal request for sexual intercourse. A direct translation of these words is impossible, as they do not make any sense in Meduanese either; their entire meaning being a purely social construct.

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> Topknot is a card game that is practically exclusive to the pubs of Selyn's downboard. The game actually does not have any form of rules - rather than that, players randomly throw their cards on the table in the most dramatic fashion possible while using every bit of their meager talent for acting in order to convince their opponents that what they just did is how the game is supposed to be played.
>The game therefore is won by somehow convincing all other players on the table that one has won the game.

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>Despite cries of discrimination by the Vrygian minority of Selyn, actually speaking Vrygian has been forbidden in the city, as a conversation in this language always sounds as if the two speakers were having a serious argument with plenty of expletives thrown in for good measures to non-speakers - even if the speakers talk about things as banal as the weather.

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>Selyn has a surprisingly stable connection to a side-dimension known as the Grey Harbors. While the latter largely resembles a bleak, colorless copy of our reality, it has its own set of rather distinct laws of physics which, amongst other things, would allow Worldwalkers to traverse distances within the city limits at impressive speeds. >Unfortunately, the fact that the Grey Harbors also tend to suck the body heath out of any trespassers who stay there for longer durations makes this attempt somewhat impractical, albeit Magi-Medici still use it as a means to get to medical emergencies faster.

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The OP is now sober, and the thread is over. Thanks for bearing with me.

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>>28431991
Any time, story time is best time.

>>28431991

Go on then Pratchett away with you. Try to remember this stuff if you manage to retain your marbles long enough to write another book.

>>28432078

Actually, I'm writing the best stuff down right know. Seeing how I'll probably be in a similar predicament next week, we might see more of Selyn.

>>28432225
Do it, faggot. This is some good shit.

>>28432225

Seriously. You write like Terry Pratchett. Which considering he's losing his mind is a good thing as we need a replacement.

1. If today is Friday, then anon is (still) terribly drunks
2. If anon is terribly durnk then anon wants to hear this thrard

Is this the second coming of Pratchett?
Is it happening?

>>28431991
Should we archive this?

I just did: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/28430909/

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>>28432398
>>28432403
>>28432509
>>28433770
>>28434342
>>28434561

OP here. You make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside