>>28485417
So, what was that about you wanting me to...stroke it?

Clap your hands and say "Chop chop, time to makey fuckey."

>>28485417
She's going to rape us, isn't she?

Well, that's fine.

>>28485417
So, what's your name?

>>28485417
>you can hear her close the door. And possibly lock it.
Kinky.

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>>28485422

You clapped your hands.
>Chop chop, time to makey fuckey.

"Real subtle."

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>>28485466

>So, what's your name?

"Name's Ruby."
"You got yourself a pretty lookin' mane there, fella~"

y-you too

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>>28485849
you know what to do

>>28485849
Stroke it seductively.
"What about you? You have anything...pretty looking?"

>>28485849
Hnnngh. That facial expression.

Urge to masturbate rising.

>>28485849
You got yourself a pretty looking rack there, Ruby.

>>28485849
inb4 a mod breaks down the door when we start to get to business

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>>28485922
>>28485984

>You got yourself a pretty looking rack there, Ru-

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>>28486215

Oh god she's forcing her tongue into your mouth.

>>28486230
Check for cavities.

SELECT CHARACTER:

>Harpy
>Cyclops
>Charlotte
>Yorrick
>Anon
>Torpedo Asshole

>>28486230
Which one?

>>28486246

>Yorrick

>>28486246
>>Charlotte

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>>28486246

i keep forgetting images

>>28486246
ALAS POOR YORRICK

WE WERE SO CLOSE TO GETTING LAID, HORATIO.

I'M TALKING BARE ASS AND LEGS.

>>28486246
CHARLOTTE

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>>28486254
>>28486260

You are now Yorrick. Fuck, why did he name you that?
Can't even tell which is more humiliating, being renamed to Yorrick by some asshole that ripped your head off, or being put on a roomba by the same asshole.

>>28486300
Clean the room, albeit unwillingly.

>>28486353
Yes. Thi.

>>28486300
Dance the rumba.

>>28486300
>skull on a roomba

Well I know what I'm getting for my apartment next.

>>28486353
Seconding.

>>28486441
>Servo-skulls form an important niche in Imperial work, serving as everything from auto-scribes that copy down important conversations and confessions of prisoners, to simple moving torches, hovering about their charge with candles and electric lanterns to illuminate the area. Certain Magi of the Adeptus Mechanicus and high-ranking Imperial officials have special logic engines and Cogitators (computers) that slave Servo-skulls to a particular owner.

>>28486300
Secretly lust after Cryanon.

>>28486300
Talk to roomba.

>>28486300

Go over the details of my master plan to get revenge and comeuppance. Elaborate upon every point. How were we supposed to fuck over cryanon again?

>>28486300
Adjust hair out of roomba's path.

>>28486300
wouldn't the hair get caught in the roomba? That seems like a terrible idea in retrospect

>>28486740
Pompodork is an asshole.

GUYS.
IF WE LOSE OUR VIRGINITY WE WON'T BE ABLE TO BECOME A WIZARD.
AND WHAT IF SHE'S A SUCCUBUS?!

>>28487323
too late for that now. we're boned. (literally)

>>28487323
Then she will bite us and turn us into an incubus.

>>28487323
Who needs to be a wizard when cryanon can be a feelscleric? Or Feelorceror. Whatev.

>>28487366
Feelsorceric

>>28487366

Feelomancer. We must find a mentor to teach Anon in the ways of that feel.

>>28487433
Alternatively, we be like Megaman, but for emotions. CryForm for heals, RageForm for damage or something. The problem (read; fun) is getting him to do those on command.

>>28486300
We need to formulate a plan to get a new body.

Preferably, a younger, stronger model.

Lets ask Pompadork to go on a shopping trip later.

>>28486300
I asked for her head to be removed.
I asked for her to be renamed Yorick.
I regret nothing.

>>28486300
Awwwww. She's so adorable.
After this we should go harass Garush.
Anon might be a bitch, but Garush has a pair. Maybe he'd be willing to form a pact with us.

I think I just figured how Cryanon's powers worked.

Very simple actually, he's actually a very powerful mage with his own plane in which he is all powerful.

The fear and pain of the recent days tapped into this plane and opened tiny portals into his tear duct, so he can summon the power of his own dimensional haven through his tears.

Dare you enter his magical realm?

>>28486300
>roomba suggestion actually happened
all my terrible ideas come true

>>28486300
Pompadork has some control over his hair. Follow suit and try to use yours as arms. Proceed to strangle someone with them.

>>28486427
This is like...hours late but...
You, I like you.

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>>28486444

You fucking hate this, and you fucking hate that dickweed Garush for ever strapping you to this piece of shit.

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>>28486638

Why would you even talk to this thing? Bah, fuck it.
>Piece of shit cleaning robot. It's not your fault Garush is a douchebag for STRAPPING SOMEONE'S HEAD TO YOU.
So pointless.

Rolled 23

>>28492031
Take stock of banshee head powers

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>>28492031

Steal Garush's credit card and order ourself a realdoll body. We use the realdoll body as our new body.

>>28492031
Ponder where did the corn chips we ate went.

Then leave the apartment to look for a new body.

ROOMBA HOVER MODE: ACTIVATE

LOCK S-FOILS IN ATTACK POSITION

>>28492031
Use hair to trick roomba into thinking there is a wall in the places you don't want to go, so that it will go where you DO want to go.

use this added mobility to find a real body

>>28491091
I like this idea.

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>>28492086

You would, but Garush keeps his credit card in his wallet, and he keeps his wallet on his desk, in his bedroom. That is closed, and where he's sleeping right now.

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>>28492110

Those were potato chips ya nancy.
And how are you going to leave an apartment if you can't even reach the door knob?

>>28493086
Okay, we can do this.
We can acquire credit card.

Do you have any rolling faculty, or will we have to jury rig this roomba with evil powers and hair tangling?

>>28493109
repeatedly ram a table until a fork or knife falls
With that, we can carve our way to freedom. Or just fuck up this guy's apholstery and walls.
Both are victories.

>>28493109
Scream. Loud.

>>28493086

Shout to wake him up.

>>28493169
Would you say... scream like a banshee?

>>28493242
Howl, even.

>>28493242
>>28493253
I forgot we had banshee powers

Why is this thread so dead so suddenly?

>>28494455
Because OP ain't here.

>>28494455
Neckbeard quest is pretty slow to update in general.

I'm not sure that there is much we can do as best girl, aside from annoy Garush and maybe tear up his home.

Can we switch over to the awesome greaser?

>>28494681

If we wake him up, we should be able to get some interaction going at least. I want to stay as Yorrick for a while to see things from her view.

>>28494716
Fair enough.
I guess we could banshee howl.

WAKE THE FUCK UP YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A SENTIENT BEING

Once we wake him up, what do we say? Why would we even want to talk with him? Or are we just being an asshole?

>>28494796
The latter.

Let's just tell him we wanted to ruin his sleep. Oh and if he doesn't get us a decent body we'll keep doing it.

>>28494796

Well, we could:

* Berate him for being an asshole and sticking our head on a roomba
* Berate him for not coaxing Anon into bonding with us
* Get him to buy us a new body. Or just steal his card while he's stunned by our wails and do it ourselves.

>>28494833
I feel as though this could only end with a pissed orc playing soccer with our head. I mean, Garush likes us enough to keep us around. Maybe he just think's we're adorabu, or he sees a potential ally in us, but he might just kick us in the mouth.

>>28494834
Maybe we could scream at him for a bit, then ask if he has any spellcaster friends who would be interested in a binding?

Actually, we could talk with the Mimic, too. Haven't really talked with him at all.

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>>28493120

You have no absolute control over it, so maybe if you try rigging it with your hair..

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>>28495373

There! Let's see if we can steer it around.

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>>28495395

It's caught under the wheel, so maybe if you steer it this way-

>>28495412
full tangle mode

>>28495373
Work with torpedo asshole to get bodies for yourselves. First try to hop on his head then hop up to get the door knob open

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>>28495412

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>>28493172

Plan B: Shout to wake him up.

Well it's more like a screech but it should work either way.

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>>28495450

"Whats nows?"

Eureka!

>>28495467
Admire upper body musculature.

>>28495467
Your cyborg production program has FAILED, hair-dork!
FAAAAILED

>>28495467
WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE YOU UNLOVABLE GODDAMNED BUFOON?

MY HAIR GOT STUCK ON THIS STUPID FUCKING ROOMBA YOU PUT ME ON! FIX IT, DAMNIT!

>>28495505
This. With addition that we sneak in his room and steal his credit card while he fix the roomba.

Rolled 99

>>28495505
>>28495505
Except we try to steal his body while he works

>>28495524
I don't think we can do that. It's in his wallet, and our hair is tangled in the Roomba. He'd just untangle it and set us back on the Roomba. Assuming he doesn't just grab some ear muffs and close the door.

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>>28495557
>99

>>28495563

You have right about it. Maybe we can try pickpocket the wallet while he untangle us.

>>28495557
>99
Holy SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEET!!!

>>28495467

This roomba thing isn't working out. How about we calmly discuss how to get us a new body with Garrush, like two rational adults?

I mean AAAAARRRRRRGH YOU TUSKFACED PILE OF CRAP GET ME OUT OF THIS STUPID THING RIGHT NOW OR THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY, YOU HEAR ME? HEEEELLL TOOOOO PAAAAAAAY

>>28495557
But if we steal his body, then we don't get to be best girl anymore.

We just become best possessed greaser/Pompadourmancer.

>>28495579
pretty happy I forgot to take that off

>>28495607
problems we can fix after acquiring a new body

>>28495467
Become his new hat

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>>28495476

God DAMN

>>28496034
Request to feel his nipples
They can probably cut diamonds

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>>28495524
>>28495505

>WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE YOU UNLOVABLE GODDAMNED BUFOON?
>MY HAIR GOT STUCK ON THIS STUPID FUCKING ROOMBA YOU PUT ME ON! FIX IT, DAMNIT!

"Alrights, alrights, ams comings over to helps.."

Garush picks you and the roomba up, sitting down on the couch and sets you in his lap as he looks over the roomba.

>>28496092
Request
To
Feel
His
Nipples

Come on OP, I can't get a boner any other way

>>28496034

Reconsider your hostile position towards him.
Could somebody with that kind of bod really be your enemy?

>>28496059
be seduced by pecs

for NOW
>>28496092
continue being seduced

>>28496106
No.
No no no.
We are not beadstrosity. No.

>>28496092
Roll will to resist seduction

>>28496275
It's either this or make them race a bunch of snotty Korean children in a Punch-Buggy

>>28496092
"So what the fuck happened to your pansy ass friend? Why do you keep him around anyway?"

I think you're all missing the point here.
We're on his lap. In his crotch.

>>28496347
I'm fine with a stump-fucking if you all are.

>>28496347
that's why I mentioned us being seduced

>>28496300
I'm not one to tell other people how to play, but could we keep the lolrandumb murderhobo type shit to Neckbeard? I legitimately don't have a problem with that kind of humor, I can enjoy it. I just think we shouldn't make it a part of every character, that's all I'm trying to say.

I know it aint a serious game, but it does get kinda tiring. Just my two cents.

>>28496407

Yeah. We could just, you know, mellow out a bit and treat Garrush a little better.

No giving him head until he gets us a body.

>>28496551
Yeah, that's reasonable.
He could have just fucked off and went back to bed. Instead he actually helped us out.

I'd imagine Yorrick is probably questioning how much of a bitch she should be to Garush right now.

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>>28496106

You requested to feel his nipples. He rejects, telling you ams goings to bites thems off, and if you am bitings hims already he ams be stuffings you in freezer.

He continues to de-tangle your hair from the roomba wheel.

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>>28496114

You are having a bit of trouble of deciding to not be hostile on account on how hot he is, or be hostile because he ripped you from your body.

God dammit, why does he have to be fucking hot.

>>28497022
this is your challenge.
Your trial.

>>28497022
Why not attach the bokken to the roomba?

In fact
Why not just use five different bokkens as roombas? It's not like he's low on them.

>>28497022
Enjoy the sensation of his fingers gently raking through your hair, but try to put on an infuriated expression nonetheless.

>>28497065
I mean as a body. Roomba is a very distracting word.

>>28497022
He's probably not too bad of a guy.
Try to engage in normal discussion.
"So, where did your pansy ass friend run off to?"

>>28497022
>>28497101
I'll second this.

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>>28497076

God damnit why is he so nice to you?!
He freed your hair from the roomba and set it aside on the couch.
"Maybes roomba ams nots a good ideas. You be sleepings on the couch this times."
"Anytings else?"

>>28497350
Can we sleep?
Maybe we'll try getting a body tomorrow, when it's not the middle of the night.

I can't think of anything we could use in the apartment readily.

>>28497350
See>>28497101

>>28497350
Ask him to help you get a new body.

Living or robotic.

>>28497350
Bite the shit out of his hand

>>28497468
Please no. Vote against.

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>>28497374

You plan to sleep soon, but first:

>>28497388

>So, where did your pansy ass friend run off to?

"He ams be wentings homes, likely sleepings. I should not of be pushings him likes that."

>>28497606

Maybe you should buy him a dueldisk or magic wand.

>>28497606
Lets just sleep on the couch right now and wait until tomorrow morning before doing anything.

>>28497666
Satan command it!

>holy shit my captcha also contained 666

>>28497606
"You're probably better off without him. He seemed like he was a crybaby and kind of a bitch. Maybe... we could partner up sometime. Maybe... But I need a body first, damnit!"

>>28497722
I'm OK with saying this, but only if it is in all caps and more swears are inserted.

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>>28497666

>Maybe you should buy him a dueldisk or magic wand.

"He ams picky about weapons. I tinks I remembers him talkings of tomes? Or was it charms?"

>>28497743
She can talk normally.
She did when they were talking about exorcising her and stuff.

>>28497787
That's right! My bad.

>>28497843
Nah man, there's a lot to remember for this quest, and sometimes some of it just isn't clear. Usually because we over think it.

>>28497762
In this picture, it almost look like Yorick is blowing pompadork and he isn't exactly liking it.

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>>28497762

I think he was talking about Necronomicon book...

>>28497888
Thats no necronomicon, thats the velcronomicon: the book of velcro.

Rolled 64

>>28497762
I think it's time for proposing ideas?

"YOU SHOULD GET ME A FUCKING BODY. I-I mean a regular body. For normal things. FUCK YOU. I MEAN - FUCK."

>>28497762
>>28497722
Not sure if >>28497722 got selected and is being worked on. If not, I'll rework it. If it is, ignore this.

"You're probably better off without him. He seemed like a fucking crybaby and a little bitch. Maybe... we could partner up sometime... maybe... BUT I NEED A BODY FIRST, DAMNIT!"

when do we plan on archiving this?

>>28499631
Once its near 300 replies usually.

>>28497994
>crybaby
Cry? probably, baby? not so sure
His whole shtick was using magical tears after all.

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>>28497888

>I think he was talking about Necronomicon book...

"I doubts it."

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>>28497968
>>28497994

>Well, anyway..
>You're probably better off without him. He seemed like a fucking crybaby and a little bitch.
>Maybe we should partner up sometime and-

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>>28500623

>GET ME A NEW FUCKING BODY, ASSWIPE!
>A normal body. For normal things. Of co-

"No."

>WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO NEW BODY?!"

"I means no on ditchings Anon. Sure, he ams cry alot, but is just his specialty."
"Ands I ams not be ditchings him soons because of bearded monsters after hims."

>>28500623
Spaghetti is spilling out of her pock...

She doesn't have pockets.

>>28500656
What about the body?

>>28500656
So is that a yes on the new body?

>>28500656
Garush: Lay it on the line.

"Anons is weak, yes, but him also friend. I no leaves friend in danger. Das not manly."

>>28500656
>"Ands I ams not be ditchings him soons because of bearded monsters after hims."
What? Look about 120 post up, the bearded monstrosity is busy getting laid by an elven lady.

>>28500656
How about that body then?

>>28500656
yes okay whatever friendship but THE BODY

>>28500656
"O-oh. Right. But...how about that body?"

>>28500904
Seconded.

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>>28500778

"Anons is weak, yes, buts he ams also friend. I don'ts leaves friends in dangers. Das not manly."

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>>28500900

>Yes okay whatever friendship but THE BODY

"I'll be workings on that laters. Good night." He heads back to his room and closes the door, leaving you alone with a sleeping mimic.

Will you go to sleep?

>>28501758
Cuddle with the mimic.

>>28501758
Can we pleasure ourselves? Man had mighty fine pecs.

>>28501758
Sleep.
Attempt not to dream of attractive musculature.

>>28501818
What would we pleasure? Our teeth? Lick our nose maybe?

>>28501836
I think you meant:
>Sleep.
>Attempt not to dream of attractive musculature.
>Fail.

>>28501903
That's why I asked if we could. Besides, Yorick might not have thought about it until now.

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>>28501818

You don't have anything to pleasure yourself with. Or a body to feel pleasure with.

>>28501934
Flap our tongue around. Vigorously.
When that proves unsatisfying try and roll onto a pillow and sleep.

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>>28501836

You drift into sleep, attempting to not dream of attractive musculature. Unfortunately, it fails and you dream of all sorts of fit, attractive men.

SELECT CHARACTER:

Cyclops
Harpy
Charlotte
Anon
Neckbeard
Shrine Maiden

>>28501910
Well that goes without saying, sir.

>>28501966
Anon

>>28501966
>Anon
!

>>28501966
Anon

>>28501994
>>28502006
>>28502012
You know, I didn't expect that.

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What a day this was. You are glad to be back in the comfort of your own home.

>>28502160
Pleasure yourself while looking at disturbing porn on /e/.

>>28502160
Turn on lights. Blog about day.

>>28502160
Why do I have the feeling somebody is just waiting for us?

Review our collection of magic tomes. If we even have any.

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>>28502190
>/e/
>Disturbing porn

>>28502160
Turn on the fucking light. Check for hidden neckbeards.

>>28502286
Have you looked at the oddly specific weird shit they fap to?

>>28502160
Go out and get a regrettable tattoo.

Holy balls. Every post thus far has been evens. Damn

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>>28502190

Sounds good, but first,

>>28502272
>>28502290

Lights on!

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>>28502671

You checked around for any neckbeards. None in sight. Good.

Now all you have to worry about is finding a spot to put Torpedo Asshole in and do something with all this booze you bought.

>>28502686
Feed the booze to Torpedo Asshole

>>28502686
Put Torpedo asshole in liquor cabinet.
Put booze on mantle.

>>28502686
Shots for both of us. Drinking alone is for alcoholics.

>>28502716
Once we've propped up TA and given him some booze, why not share our problems?
What's it like being a talking head?

>>28502887
>>28502716
>>28502777

Get something to eat alongside the booze, in order to lessen the effects of our inevitable hangover.

>>28502902
We're still pretty young. If we get a hangover at all it shouldn't be too bad.

>>28502686
Put Torpedo Asshole in the sink.

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>>28502716

You set Torpedo Asshole onto your seating pillow in front of your coffee table, then proceeded to open one of the bottles and poke the opening at his nose.

"What are you doing?"

>Feeding you booze.

"Very funny, smart ass. I don't even have my body to enjoy it with."

>>28503941

"Well, I'm drinking. You could at least give it a shot.

So... today was awfully rough. You got your head ripped off, and my good friend tried to pressure me into getting a pissed off banshee with Tourette's bound to my soul."

>>28503941
So why'd you attack us? I'm broke and Garush is notoriously buff.

>>28503941
"More for your brain then."

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>>28504016

>Well, I'm drinking. You could at least give it a shot.

He sighs and accepts it, using his lower jaw to tilt the bottle and let the booze flow in. You take a bottle for yourself and chug some of it down before saying:

>So... today was awfully rough. You got your head ripped off, and my good friend tried to pressure me into getting a pissed off banshee with Tourette's bound to my soul.

"Yeah, your bud there is a fucking brute. Ruining my pomp wasn't enough, gotta rip my head off too."

>>28504326
"I believe he isn't a bad guy. Well intentioned, maybe a bit slow... somewhat forceful... but ultimately a good friend.

It's probably not much of a consolation, but I'm fairly certain the only reason he ripped your head off was because he thought you were dead."

"Say, why did you attack us anyway? Garush is notoriously buff, and I'm generally broke."

>>28504422
speaking of, where did anon get money to buy booze? shits not exactly cheap.

Ba-bump.

OP, why must you have a life?

>>28504860
Sold off his tear? That shit aint cheap yo.

>>28507413
He might just buy the cheapest booze he can find, too. Everyone has something that shouldn't be eaten that they like. For Garush, it's pompadours, and for Neckbeard, it's meatbread. So for anon, it's the cheapest swill he can find.

>>28508316
>something that shouldn't be eaten that they like.
What about Yorick? Is it Pompadork terrible onion dip?

>>28504326
So, how are you still alive, anyway?

>>28504326
"Yeah, he ruined your pomp, but look at the wonderful creation he made with it. That thing is pure art. It shoots fucking missiles. I'm slightly in love with it, but I don't think pompadours can wear rings."

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>>28504422

>I believe he isn't a bad guy. Well intentioned, maybe a bit slow... somewhat forceful... but ultimately a good friend.
>It's probably not much of a consolation, but I'm fairly certain the only reason he ripped your head off was because he thought you were dead.

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>>28504422

>Say, why did you attack us anyway? Garush is notoriously buff, and I'm generally broke.

"Because I thought you had money. But glad to know you're GENERALLY BROKE, even though you just sold some of those tears for booze money!"

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>>28509974

>So, how are you still alive, anyway?

"I'm a robot ya dingus!"

>>28511042
"Can I... Can I reprogram you to use the internet?"

>>28511042
We could put you on a roomba.

>>28511011

From the thumbnail Torpedo Asshole's head looked like the Kill la Kill murder bikini armor.

>>28511042
"And you drink. Without a body, even."

>>28511042
Put him next to Yorrick.

Maybe they'll fight.

>>28511137
Mount them on mechanical spiderlegs. Make a lot of cash with head-wrestling.

>>28511042
Who invented a bully robot?

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>>28511060

>Can I... Can I reprogram you to use the internet?

"No..!"

>>28511062

>We could put you on a roomba!

"NO!"

>>28511636
But a roomba is a robot.

What does he want? An android body?

>>28511636
How about a roomba with a knife attached to it?

>>28511636
Wanna remain motionless forever, then? Huh.

>>28511682
Or a circle of knives, like a buzzsaw

>>28511699
>>28511682
Or a bunch of razors
And a circle of wheels so he can spin
He can get the title of Ziggo

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>>28511668

He probably wants his original body back, which is most likely long gone by now.

>>28511682

>How about a roomba with a knife attached to it?

"How about something HUMANOID?"

>>28511875
Sex doll?

>>28511885
This

>>28511875

This.
>>28511885
A modified automated weaponized real doll.

>>28511885
Maybe Cryanon has a sexdoll around?

>>28511875
"How about a cannon with treads?"

>>28511875

Does your head explode? Can it explode repeatedly?

>>28511875
Anon: Drunk anger.

How about you shut the fuck up and talk to me with some fucking respect you balding football!? I don't have to do shit for the asshole who tried to fucking mug me! So you fucking mind your tongue before I put you in the motherfucking bathtub and SHORT YOU OUT!

>>28513876
I figure with all shit there is to drive anon to drink, he's probably a heavyweight by this point.

Though he might do that later.

>>28515026
Maybe, but booze loosens your lips.

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>>28511962

>A modified automated weaponized real doll?

"Are you a fuckin pervert?"

>>28511980

>A cannon with treads?

"Do you NOT know how robotics work, kiddo?!"

>>28515813
>"Are you a fuckin pervert?"
Yes, why?

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>>28513876

>How about you shut the fuck up and talk to me with some fucking respect you balding football!? I don't have to do shit for the asshole who tried to fucking mug me! So you fucking mind your tongue before I put you in the motherfucking bathtub and SHORT YOU OUT!

"Calm down kid jesus christ!" Torpedo resumes chugging down vodka.

Boy, that porn board sounds good to browse right now.

>>28515813
You talkin shit on Guntank? You wish you could be half the mecha Guntank is.

>>28515813
OP, I was wondering, do you operate completely on one to two hour naps? You never seem to sleep, just go away for a while.

>>28515847
>Boy, that porn board sounds good to browse right now.
I think we may need to go lewder tonight.

Lets try /h/.

>>28515858

I pricked my finger on a needle and now I sleep for long periods of times.

>>28515885
I... huh.

>>28515885
On the dominant hand? Cause that would be really unfortunate.

>>28515847
Put him in the bathtub as a show of force. Leave him the vodka as a show of good will. Proceed to fapbrowse.

>>28515885
Somehow, I suspected.

>>28515847
Get drunker. On Torpedo's request, blare Ride of the Valkyries at top volume. Both of you belt the "dun-du-du-DUNDUN, dun-du-du-DUNDUN" parts at top of lungs or robot head... lungs.

>>28515847
Look up hot submarine porn

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>>28516193
No such th...
nevermind

>>28516251
Long, hard. Full of seamen.

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>>28516251

Captcha: "daily traddedy"

...yes Captcha, the internet is a daily tragedy

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>>28516106

Wait, you were supposed to put him in the bathtub before the vodka? Shit. Whatever.

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>>28516148

How are you going to do that? You don't even have speakers.

>>28516850
Why are you browsing the lewdest board of all /e/ for embarassed female porn?

>>28516850
Having achieved "drunk" status, unlock great powers. Alternately, develop your crying ability the only way you know how.

>>28516850
Go drink alone and be lonely.

>>28517091
I guess this? Poor anonymous.

>>28517026
Master the way of the drunken wizard?

You've just seeded a great idea that I will use in future games. Thank you sir.

>>28517172
My pleasure! Good luck good anon.

>>28517172
Fack ye I be th firs Inebromancer.

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>>28516870

You uh. Uhh.

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You excuse yourself and rush to your room, leaving Torpedo Asshole with his share of booze.

"Kid?!"

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>>28517026

Not only have you achieved the DRUNK status, you also have achieved AROUSED and CRYING status.

However, you need to be in battle to unlock you greater power.

>>28518852
Take torpedo asshole's head and go outside to look for a fight.

>>28518852
Is this what Garush saved you for? Absolutely disgusting.

>>28518852
Go outside naked and get into a fight.

>>28518852
OP your every post kills me.
>artiste milablac
and captcha appreciates your drawing skills.
So if we want certain status-themed powers, we have to start crying and then pick a fight? Delightful.

>>28518852
Call an ex-girlfriend, if we have one. Otherwise call that girl we always wanted to call, if we have her number. Otherwise call a random number and proposition it drunkenly.

>>28518852
Get into a fight with your inner demons. That counts, right?

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>>28518946

Your sudden realization and guilt is bringing you closer to the DESPAIR status.
Your SANITY has lowered a little.
You are still AROUSED and DRUNK.

>>28519136

You could, but being defeated in such battle will cause you to go insane.
Do you proceed to fight with your inner demons?

>>28519223
Hell, why not. Breadstrosity is clearly insane, and he's doing well enough to get laid by an elf chick.

>>28519261
If only evens are counted, let my evens be the ones to make this choice a reality.

>>28519261
Come the fuck on. Even if he's not genre-savvy enough to know it's probably a cockhungry (literally) she-demon, we are.

>>28519223

You don't fight with your inner demons by destroying them. You accept them as a part of you and realize they can only hurt you if you allow them to. It's all very Zen.

>>28519223
>Nope

Let's not go down the insanity road.

>>28519223
Fight inner demons!

>>28519223
I feel too bad for this guy to sic inner demons on him. I just don't see anything we can do for him in-character.

>>28519278
Or you be a man and destroy those inner demons, and be psychologically perfect forever.

>>28519278
We have a winner. Accept your demons, accept the FEELS

>>28519223
Maybe think back to an inspiring speech Garush once gave you, then seek out your unicorn-horned aggressor and defeat her. Defeat her with crying.

>>28519337
Or make her give Cryanon the horn. That will show her.

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>>28519278
>>28519292
>>28519314

Very well. BATTLE INSTIGATED.

This can go two ways: Accept them as a part of you and realize they can only hurt you if you allow them to. Or, you can attempt to fight them and free yourself from them. (That doesn't mean new demons won't come in later on.)

Losing the battle will cost your sanity, running from it does not, and you will only continue on as you did before.

>>28519618
Check out special moves

>>28519618
Achieve Drunken Zen.

"You are a part of me. I love myself. Ergo, I love you, and as you are parts of me, you love me as well."

>>28519618
Unlock special skill using all 4 of our status.

Rolled 71

>>28519671
This. Rolling d100 for success.

>>28519618
Lust looks DTF. We should take the opportunity.

>>28519618
Have we unlocked our skill? If not, unlock.

>>28519618
Dat music. Agreed with unlocking our potential.

>>28519671
Yeah he isn't going away so we might as well accept him.

>>28519830
I meant the "Inner Demons," but honestly, Neckbeard being some kind of Fight Club-esque manifestation of this other anon's subconscious would be pretty fucking Kubrick.

>>28519688
>>28519866

Awww sheeeeit double dubs.

>>28519866
That... would actually explain a lot.

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>>28519671
>>28519688

Your tears sting you, but only temporarily as the rest of your body fluids feel like they've turned into various types of alcohols. You cannot cease the flow of tears, but they taste of alcohol.
Your saliva, now taste of alcohol. Your veins now run red wine.
You vomit out what seems to be a cocktail of pure alcoholic drinks, but your body becomes used to the pain.

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>>28520332

>You are a part of me. I love myself. Ergo, I love you, and as you are parts of me, you love me as well.

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>>28520351

You, the Zen Alcoholic, have accepted your demons.

>>28520369
Gain "Cry on Command!"
Gain "Purifying Tears!"
Gain "Charming Tears!"
Gain "Projectile Vomit!"

>>28520369
Anon: Remember none of this when you wake up in the morning.

Just wanting to say that I read through the archives, and that I haven't laughed this hard in a long while.