You’re feeling pretty cocky after that hair singing incident. Deciding to play a riskier game you calmly wait until the elf is right on top of you before sidestepping him. Just as you are about to stick out your leg to trip the pointy eared bastard you feel it. The elf’s blade is cutting deep into your hipbone.

>Ahhhhhhhhhhh… FUCK!

Cocksuckers! This really fucking hurts! Like, to an unbelievable degree!

Luckily its seems as though the strange leaf shaped blade is caught in your pelvis. Just as the elf is about to place his foot on you in an attempt to yank his blade clear, you seize him by his shoulder and his belt and throw him into the air. You watch the elf arc through the air as he falls with slow inevitability towards the Head Zommaid, who seems largely unfazed by Aurelie’s scratching assaults. Just as the elf is about to strike the undead housekeeper she leaps into action, directing his head in between her thighs as she jumps into the air.

It almost poetic. The Zommaid’s legs are crossed, holding Prince Allowyn’s head in place as they begin their descent to the floor. You might not be able to see the elf’s face, but you can hear the panic in his voice. The Head Zommaid continues to stare stoically ahead as she falls, her hair rising up, away from her forehead.

She lands with a sickeningly loud cracking sound.

This is the last thing you see before a flash of light overtakes your vision.

The light fades. The fuck is with all of this light shit? Any time anyone does anything remotely magical everything gets so whited out you’d think you were in a photo on a teenage girl’s instagram. The light might be gone, but you’re still surrounded by white. It seems like there’s an inter-dimensional component to teleportation spells. While hurtling through the æthric void between realities you can’t help but wonder if there’s a less ostentatious way to go about spell casting. You consider asking Ivan for his two cents, but decide now might not be the best time. Perhaps when he isn’t occupied with stretching out like a length of taffy.

You glance over at the rest of your group. The Head Zommaid has retained her stoic expression despite the rather assertive inquiries of a cosmic octopus. A series of after images follow the Head Zommaid as she raises her hand to slap away some of the more forward tentacles. The Professor shows little concern, or interest for that matter, in the plight of his beleaguered house servant, devoting his full attention to limiting the scope of his regurgitation to a burlap bag clamped against his mouth.

You turn your head to look over at Voytek and are surprised by a subtle change in his appearance. Whatever is standing in Voytek's place lacks that hint of defleshed bear you’ve come to enjoy. In his stead is a middle aged man in tweed and chain. He has a monocle screwed into one eye and is neon green. You suppose that this was Voytek’s mortal form, overlooking the abnormal coloring. You gaze down at your own body, curious if the same has happened to you.

You’re an absolute mess. A mismatched body covered by a patchwork of clothing not dissimilar to the sort of quilt a senile grandmother with Parkinson’s would give her grandson while calling him by her dead husband’s name during the most awkward Christmas in his life. You can’t help but feel relieved that there aren’t any mirrors around. As you force your eyes away from yourself you hear something in the distance. >-ine!

>Those bones are mine!

You turn to see a familiar ghost chasing after you. After a moment it clicks.

>Hey ain’t you’re that guy who donated his skeleton to me! Arsenic the Guardfucker, right?

>Give me back my body!

The light is overtaking you once more. Better think fast.
>Say toodles to Arseny the Guard?
>Brace for Impact?
>Other?

>>28680029
>You gaze down at your own body, curious if the same has happened to you.
Please tell me we didn't become a little girl or worse, a furry.

>>28680126
>>Other?
Remark how comfortable these bones are.

>>28680175
Arright, Bone comfort it is then

>>28680260
That sound much lewder and weirder than it should.

Arseny’s question is cut off by yet another bright flash of light. This doesn’t stop you from trying to explain your jest to a soul trapped in a different plane of existence.

>Ya see, it’s funny because milk drinkers are cowards and milk gives you strong bones. I was trying to say that you were a milk drinking coward and the proof of it was that you had strong bones.

Ivan clambers to his feet and stares at you with a furrowed brow. “What in the hells are you talking about?”

You decide it would be best not to expound upon your unwieldy insult with Ivan, >Ahem. Uh. Nothing at all. I see your substantially less stretched out now.

“Indeed. I see you’re no longer some horrendous mishmash of bodies.”

>I’d like to think we all came out ahead.

“Pfeh! You can be of the sayings of that again,” You wonder if the Professor only speaks a strange dialect of common or if he’s just insane, “And you would still be of the incorrect statements!”

>Wha-wha-what. you say, intentionally repeating the wha sound.

“This teleportation spell was supposed to be of the takings of us to my castle number two. This place is not being my Castle Number Two.”

>Excuse me?

The Professor turns away from you, chin on hand, pondering “The ritual circle… being scratched by the desk it was… Good fortune we are not to be of the entrapment in limbo.”

>I’m not sure if I want someone like you teaching my son.

“It of the fine being! We are making of the arrival in our own world, and this is of the most importance.”

>Hooray, Becherski has teleported us to a random location. What do?
>Look around. There’s not a single description of where we are.
>Punch Somebody
>Asking somebody for ideas or help
>Other

>>28680611
>>Look around. There’s not a single description of where we are.

>>28680664
In order to speed things up, I'm going to assume it that it's just you and me in here anon for now at least. Writing

>>28680704
It look that way sadly.

>>28680714
Things in these threads always seem to start slow. Look at it this way, for this window of time you have total control over Bones

Diverting your attention away from Professor Becherski you start scanning the nearby landscape. Unlike the freezing hinterlands of Zimastranniya, spring seems to come early here. Emerald fields with the occasional growth of trees, their leaves still a golden green, surround you. From the motion of the grass there’s a slight breeze here. The sun is nearly to the horizon, and the Eastern edge of the sky is starting to turn pink. >Hey check it out. We’re not in a freezing shithole anymore.

Ivan’s attempt to answer you is forestalled by a bout of violent sneezing. “Da, an improvement this land is being for those of us too soft to make of the cold endurance.”

>I’m harder than you’ll ever be again, old man. Not unless they have a spell for that.

The Professor shakes his head sadly. “Nyet. Last I made of a hearing, they were still making of the attempt to correct blood flow.”

>Blood flow?

The Professor holds up his right hand in a fist before rapidly extending his fingers and mouthing the word ‘pop’.

>Eugh.

“Indeed. Too much of the goodly things, da?”

>Moving on. You’re a magical man. Isn’t there like… a spell to find out where we are?

The Professor yawns and sits down. “A spell for finding of the locations? Da, but the teleportation ritual has of the draining my æther. Wait, I must.”

>Cool. We’ll make camp then.

Becherski holds up a finger and chuckles. “Do not be making the haste just yet, skeletal comrade. I am having terms.”

You finger your sword idly. >Mmmmmm?

“The soul binding ritual. I am not able to make a reading of it. The Ivan boy must be making the ritual before I help you.”

>Well that doesn’t seem too hard. But then again, you do hate uppity people, even if they are borderline senile.
>Agree to Becherski’s terms? If so, what do we bind?
>Disagree.
>Violently Disagree
>Other.

>>28681168
A second anon here! Did zommaid come through with us? If so, is she all cracked up? Not by our hilarious jokes, but by like, the impact.

>>28681168
>>Agree to Becherski’s terms? If so, what do we bind?
What could we bind?

We could bind a soul to the zommaid

>>28681270
oh goody! And yeah, everyone is fine. Except for Ivan, who is experiencing hay fever for the first time

>>28681288
I was thinking the same thing, but I'm leery because that guy we killed is floating around here. Dare we enter our own magical realm?

>>28681288
>>28681270
>>28681334

Alright, well it seems like we want to soul bind the Zommaid CAREFULLY. Will start writing from that angle, but as always, open for new/changed votes

>>28681334
Just reread the opening; I was confused because of the description of zommaid falling, but perhaps it was actually the prince who cracked. If that's the case, there's also a risk of accidentally binding him to something? I dunno, it seems like random spirits mostly.

What the hell, voting to bind something.

>Alright old man. We’ll do that Zommaid of yours.

“Wonderful! I was having the hopes you would.”

You wander over to a still sniffling Ivan. >Hey, the old man says he can figure out where we are if you agree to perform a soul binding for him.

Ivan sneezes in response, the force of the exhalation jerking his entire body forward. >I’ll take that as yes.

Ivan nods as he rubs his nose. Taking the initiative you start to set up the ritual, drawing the circle and lighting the last bits of the candle. Becherski scrutinizes every one of your actions, committing them to memory. Eventually you get back up and walk back over to Ivan, who is still of trying to bring his allergies under control, this time by wrapping his entire face in his extra set of clothing. Without saying a word you cut his forearm with your sword, drawing blood. Ivan’s cry outrage is muffled by a combination of mucous and fabric. You mix the blood and charcoal until all the lumps are gone. >Now comes the hard part…

You walk up to the Zommaid, hand outstretched.

>Shit son! Ya’ll gotta doodle on the Head Zommaid’s head!
>Roll d20!

Rolled 9

>>28681684
Here;s hoping she doesn't auto-kick-our-asses again!

Rolled 20

>>28681684
>>Roll d20!
doodlin

>>28681761
I came

>>28681761
Based first anon

You extend your hand with the same sort of halting reluctance as a man who must disarm a mouse trap. Best case scenario, you’re leaving with a cube of cheese and only a few broken bones. About three inches away from her forehead she finally notices your hand. You pause. Your first mistake. Her hand lashes out at an exceptional speed, snatching your forearm.

Or it would have, had your forearm been there at all. You had anticipated that little move and your arm was already clear. Her soulless eyes almost seem to flash at your impertinence. HZmaid lashes out with her left arm, hand flat like a spear head, and into the space between two of your ribs. Had you organs anymore that might’ve stung quite a bit. Luckily you don’t and take advantage of the opening to scrawl the first half of the binding sigil onto her forehead.

A foot to your sternum interrupts your efforts to finish the rune, sending you flying backwards across the grassy field. One of these fucking days you swear you won’t be so light and easily displaced. Probably after you manage to convince Ivan that binding you to the bones of a titan is a grand idea. You clatter across the field, barely avoiding a descending foot as HZmaid attempts to remove a stain from the landscape. You scuttle to your feet, waiting for her to come at you once more. But she doesn’t.

She’s stuck. Her right foot is buried in the soil, and her attempts to extricate herself seem to be futile. You strike hard and fast, fingers painting like a kindergartener on meth.

You leap back, the sigil complete.

“Da, da! Wonderful display Comrade Skeleton! Now let us be making of the nice Lucya, and be sitting in that ritual circle over there, da?”

The Head Zommaid, presumably the Lucya that Becherski was referring, stands up and easily removes her foot from the earth. As she walks off into the ritual circle you can’t help but wonder if the automaton in an apron was toying with you.

You see Ivan standing by the ritual circle and walk up to him. >Hey Mr. Sniffles! Pretty baller fucking fight right there, wasn’t it?

Ivan surprises you by responding with words rather than sneezes. “Actually, yeah, it was pretty impressive.”

>You got better.

“They got a spell for it. I don’t think anyone here would want me sneezing in the middle of the soul binding chant. That might get ugly.”

>Oh yeah, speaking of potential fuck ups: you know how Voytek is a bear?

“...Yeah. I was there for that.”

>No. Fuck. I mean, like Voytek’s a bear skeleton, but he’s probably the classiest mother fucker here, yeah?

->I am impressed, Bones. Very few could make compliments as affronting as you.

“Ah yeah. I think I see what you’re getting at.”

>Yeah. I mean Voytek is hilarious don’t get me wrong. But I don’t want a dire bear being bound to the Head Zommaid. Shit would be weak.

Ivan frowns and slowly shakes his head. “Yeah. But I’m not really sure how the soul binding ritual works. According to Radomil it just binds up whatever spirit is closest by when its completed.”

>Seems like there’s quite a few ways to approach this. What do?
>Have the old man make a spirit ward to filter out undesirables.
>Attempt to summon a spirit to be bound.
>Fuck it, we do it live.
>Other.

>>28682426
>>Attempt to summon a spirit to be bound.
Try to summon the spirit of...a catgirl.

>>28682426
I say summon a spirit ourselves. I want the old man involved as little as possibly in the selection process. I don't know about that guy.

hmm captcha summoned a lady: Leslie Eleffrong, I shit you not.

>>28682426
Alright some choice clarifications

>1. Have the old man make a spirit ward to filter out undesirables.

If you choose this option provide a list of three types of spirits you'd like to see bound to HZmaid, and we'll make a table to roll on.

So something like, airheaded klutz, Efficient warrior lady, etc.

>2. Attempt to summon a spirit to be bound.

Specify what sort of delicious spirit will be bound. Roll d20. If you pass you get what you want. If you fail... look at option three.

>3. Fuck it, we do it live.

I use the same table we rolled on for Voytek for type of spirit bound.

>>28682426
>Have the old man make a spirit ward to filter out undesirables.
>Attempt to summon a spirit to be bound.

Both of these. Once Russian Masturbating Wizard has created the sieve, it will be easier to pick out the spirit we want.

We can use this technique later to bind Arsenic's spirit to something hilarious, like a baculum.

Rolled 8

>>28682518
Catgirl spirit.

>>28682540
I agree with this. Little worried if we actually think there's a glimmer of sentience that we'll be wiping that out, but surely we were just fooling ourselves...

>>28682518
Choice 2, and I'd filter for

1. An easily angered narcoleptic girl
2. Sarcastic anti-tumblrite to counteract tiefling
3. Catgirl cause even if you seem to hate them QM, you write a decent one

>>28682727
>>28682577
>>28682513
>>28682540

It seems like we have a mix of answers. Two of them are in response to the new post, so I'm gonna allow like another 10 minutes for people to vote from there before I roll d2 to decide which option we take

>>28682518
>1
Tsudere goddess
Catgirl warrior princess
Klutzy Paladin lady

Rolled 6

>>28683069
>Catgirl warrior princess
>Klutzy Paladin lady
Why are these undesirable?

>>28683098
He says to make a list of things you'd LIKE to see bound...

>>28683098
Their not? It says above 3 that you WANT to see be bound

>>28683131
>>28683120
Misread that sowwy.

>>28683157
I was gonna stay mad, but then you said sowwy.

>>28683069
I was literally on the verge of posting my d2 roll. Talk about the cavalry appearing over the hill.

Okay we gonna bind now, and It'll be happening on this table.

1-10:Catgirl of some flavor
11-18:Klutzy Paladin
19:Narcoleptic/Anti-tumblrite sorry anon, these just seem less fun to write
20:Tsundere Goddess

And don't worry about it guys, I made this shit needlessly complex, and it'll probably happen again in the distant future.

Any disagreements over rolling on table? Distribution of odds?

>>28683186
Sounds fine.

Hoping for a klutzy paladin.

Rolled 7

>>28683186
I made the Tsun Goddess the nat 20 because I interpreted that as an actual goddess. That'd be some high end binding yo.

>>28683186
Looks good to me.

Let's see how you roll them bones Spirt

>>28683249
And it's a Catgirl bones and girls!

Would have been something to bind a goddess to Zombmaid though. Maybe one day.

>>28683249
I demand a second roll for catgirl flavor!
>tsundere goddess double down
>chocolate klutz
>strawberry glasses
>deadly warrior mint blitz
>barbarian from another era hurricane oreo
>Vanilla. Just, vanilla.
>Cake batter.
>brb dairy queen

Rolled 19

>>28683304
>>28683259
>>28683249
>>28683209
>>28683186
Well we have a catgirl now

FUCK Ahhhh I'm just kidding, catgirl is fine too. But don't think I'll write her like Aurelie

>>28683249
I demand a reroll!

>>28683347
I'd like to, you know I would anon, but to reject the dice Gods judgement so flippantly... that would court disaster!

If you all want, we can do as
>>28683330
suggested, and roll for flavor of catgirl, or I can get my lazy ass back to writing and pick the flavor for you.

Rolled 1

>>28683393
Lets roll on his chart for flavor.

>>28683393
OK, but we should include the option "actually not a catgirl, spare poor Spirit Guided our frantic waifuing"

That one can be like, a catgirl enthusiast?

Rolled 1

>>28683393
Well if we're rolling for flavor, I will roll for my Warrior Princess flavor then

>>28683422
Alright. Two nat ones cannot be denied either. I'm gonna do a mish mash of warrior princess and tsundere goddess. Remember, just cause she's got a catgirl's soul don't mean she's got her ears. Also, goddess powers on lock.

HAIL SATAN
I'm actually kind of looking forward to this now

>>28683497
Damn, no dairy queen rolls.

Rolled 19

>>28683497
>Devil Catgirl Warrior Goddess
Well now...

Rolled 8

>>28683633
Sounds like a bad anime that writes itself.

>>28683633
>Well nyao...
ftfy

>>28683633
>>28683554
>>28683658

To be honest, I'm slightly nervous to start writing a character like this. Mostly because I'm not sure if I'll get the personality down right.

Aside for morale: Characterization thus far, good or bad?

>>28683691
Good.

Bones is a dick, Ivana is a faggot and the professor is a damend neckbeard.

>>28683691
When in doubt, go with the funny option. It's worked so far.

Characterization is great. Consistent and humorous.

>>28683691
Excellent. You wrote the catgirl TOO well, everyone liked her!

And remember, everything worked out when you rolled with /tg/ making the peasantmancer find the Necronomicon and totally changing the premise.

>>28683691
>>28683497
Wait shit does masturbating Russian still control her cause she's his zombie? Have we just put a warrior goddess into the hands of a cracked chronic masturbator voyeur neckbeardmancer multiclass?

>>28683740
>>28683734
>>28683729
Ahhh you guys! Making me blush here. Well, almost done writing part one.

>>28683783
Spell breaks when she becomes sentient. Its sort of like a Pinocchio deal. Strings are cut and she's hopping around on her own now.

>>28683799
Please tell me she won't have any memory of what happened to her during her undeath.

>Alright, here’s how this goes down Becherski. I want you to make a spirit barrier. Keep out the riffraff. I’m not letting some pig farmer named Borris possess that sexy zombie body. Gotta have standards here.

“Da da. This is making the sense.”

>Damn fucking straight. Alright. Let’s just block out dudes entirely. No dicks. And ahhh… Warriors. I want them.

“Ahhhh, da da da! And the clumsiness! This is being a good thing too.”

>Good call Prof. Hmmm… What if we got some cold bitches up in here too…

You hurry to finish your thought upon seeing Becherski’s disgusted expression >But not like cold all the time. Like those chicks who alternate between tough and distant in public to insanely touchy feely when no one else is around and stuff, you know?

Becherski nods cautiously. “Perhaps…”

“And and… and maybe a catgirl too?”

You turn to face Ivan. A small part of you wants to strangle him. Another larger part wants to hug him. You resolve to mock him.

>Ahhhh, so that’s why you were so protective of that Aurelie chick…

“What?”

You clap Ivan on the shoulder >Listen kid, I spend a lot of time thinking about these sorts of things. I could see that sick lust in your eyes from a mile away.

“Wha- Gods no!”

>It’s okay, were in a judgement free zone here, you lean over to Becherski and whisper >No we’re not.

You turn back to Ivan, >You are perfectly free to act upon your twisted sexual predilections out here, away from the watchful eyes of society and daycare workers. Becherski! Tack on some catgirl soul for good measure. Lord Lolita-Lecher laments lacking little lady love.

>>28683917
Urgh, will delete and repost with correct formatting

>>28683917
>Lord Lolita-Lecher laments lacking little lady love

You magnificent bastard.

>>28683993
>>28683955
>>28683917
FUCK!

Alright whatever. First one was obviously meant to stay.

>>28683917
>>28683946
I lolled.

>>28683946
>>28684046
Thank you much anons

How about we call our new Devil Catgirl Warrior Goddess sexslave Desuchan? The most cringeworthy name of all?

>>28684157
I cringed, so mission accomplished? I imagine that would be a good mocking nickname for limerick mode, but please no for real name.

>>28684179
How about then Purrena?

>>28684367
Maybe even Nekolette?

Becherski merely nods, his lower lip hanging slightly loose, creating an expression that could either mean he was confused or having a stroke. After a few minutes of silent chanting you can see a large number of curious spirits get pushed away from the campsite, as if by an invisible hand. The spirit barrier field blurs your vision into the ghostly realm, making it impossible to determine what sort of geist is floating closest to the ritual circle. You shrug your shoulders, figuring with that laundry list of filtered features there’s no way the binding could go all that wrong.

>At the very least we won’t be dealing with another Voytek, You mutter under your breath.

->My apologies for maintaining a gentlemanly demeanor. I am afraid not all of us are as flippant as you.

You decide to ignore your disappointing familiar and instead focus on the soul binding ritual with earnest interest. The way you figure it you’re undead, she’s undead (if a bit more fleshy), it’s a match ordained by Var herself. Eventually Ivan stops chanting and the body of the Head Zommaid begins to glow. Despite lacking eyes you raise your hand to block the light, a rather ineffective maneuver all things considered.

>Gyah. Fuck. I need some kind of blinders.

The light begins to dim.

You finish your thought as you rush forward to the body of the Head Zommaid

>Bet Prof has some in his magical castle.

You neatly seize Ivan by the pantaloons and fling him aside. No way you’re about to let that little bitch be the first to meet whoever the new girl is. Besides, you did stipulate no lesbians, right?

Right?

>>28684401
Oh no, you will won't you.

>>28684451
If she is, she can be our wingman. Or wingwoman. Or wingneko.

>>28684401
Damn our neko-Faustian pact!

MONKEY'S PAW!!!!

File: 1386300427690.png-(113 KB, 300x303, OKM8.png)

113 KB PNG

>>28679869
>tfw OP used your shitty image as the OP

Shit, you didn’t. But the odds are way against that anyway. You force the thought from your mind as you gaze down at the body of the Head Zommaid.

Her eyes flutter open, then shut. Then they jerk wide open.

They’re bright. Not dull and lifeless like before. Bright and lively and curious and intelligent and independent and free and beautiful.

You shake yourself. Such faggotry is not the way of Bones.

She attempts to get to her feet, but collapses onto the ground, her legs shaking slightly. You lend her a helping hand, perhaps the first gentlemanly act in your entire existence on the mortal plane. She looks up at you, her eyes piercing through a veil of hair. Had you a heart, it would have skipped a be-

Okay, what the fuck. Stop.

>Greet the new girl Bones! But how?
>Welcoming Limerick? Roll d20
>A courtly introduction? Roll d20
>Other? Specify, don’t need to roll d20 (unless you really want to)

Rolled 1

>>28684551
>>Welcoming Limerick? Roll d20
With dancing

>>28684551
"Hello. I'm the Birthday Skeleton. Are you a dire bear? Please don't be a dire bear."

>>28684530
Of course I did. It was delightful and entirely in the theme of shitty mspaint image manipulations, which I hope ya'll have noticed me posting

>>28684496
>>28684451
Ohohohohohoho! Now you'll always have doubts, won't you?

Rolled 12

>>28684551
Limerick

Rolled 3

>>28684551
Welcome limerick!
Let's see uh

Dear zombie with apron and skirt
We’ve dragged you back out from the dirt
Crafted soul just like play-doh
Cause we need a meido
To take down and assemble our yurt.

…You know, it’s like a tent? For nomads? Fuck you, I do this off the top of my head.

ALTERNATE FINAL LINE: Who is notably flouncy and pert.

Rolled 15

>>28684551
>Welcoming Limerick? Roll d20
The only way bones knows how

Rolled 5

>>28684617
Fuck only a three. OK try again:

Fair maiden (or fairly preserved)
I welcome you back to this earth;
Now do not despair-
You’ve still got a fine pair!
Of blue eyes, for whatever it’s worth.

>>28684627
>>28684617
>>28684585
>>28684578
>>28684596

It seems limericks have it. I was gonna make you roll to see if you flubbed the limerick and started talking about butt stuff again, but the anon's OC limerick has impressed me, and I shall take mercy upon you all

it was a DC19 out of character behavior check

>>28684672
phew I was straining to come up with a third one after that 5.

>>28684705
I run this quest like I DM making shit up and breaking the rules on the fly? Yes OC and really insanely well described/funny actions will always beat the dice in my book

File: 1386301976324.jpg-(48 KB, 472x379, dg0019.jpg)

48 KB JPG

what does the obnoxious ghost look like? I will drawfag

INB4 invisible...

>>28684953
Words cannot describe how infinitely Oh, there it is: infinitely pleased I am to see a drawfag up in my podunk little quest.

The Obnoxious Ghost... hmmm... Tough call honestly. He's fluffed as some sort of gestalt of spirits, and each voting player is a spirit.

I always imagined the Ghost as a normal looking guy with a shit eating grin on his face. Only you know, ghosty.

Hell it's really your call. I've never actually put too much thought into it

Okay, fuck! Time to bring your A-game. This ain’t Ivan, this is a real lady with real lady ass and real lady boobies. No butt stuff. You open your mouth and begin:

>Dear zombie with apron and skirt
>We’ve dragged you back out from the dirt
>Crafted soul just like play-doh
>Cause we need a meido
>To take down and assemble our yurt.

Glorious. Not a single anal wreckage reference at all. You hope that the permanent grin on your skull comes off as jovial and perhaps a wee bit sly, and not like the deranged grimace of the deathless. The undead formerly known as Head Zommaid does not respond to your brilliant limerick, merely staring at you.

Oh no… A thought occurs to you. You decide to attempt a new approach.

>So… uh… Hello! I’m the Birthday Skeleton. Are you a dire bear? Please don’t be a dire bear.

For a moment, she doesn’t respond. Then her face twists into a grimace of wrath and she seizes your by the spine, lifting you into the air with both hands.

“FOOL! WHO DARES GREET A GODDESS SUCH AS MYSELF WITH SUCH FLIPPAN- nyan.”

The last word comes out almost like a burp. The shouting girl-corpse drops you immediately and covers her mouth, a slight flush appearing along her cheeks.

>Wat.

The undead formerly known as Head Zommaid whips her hair back over her shoulder in one violent head motion. “Don’t pretend like you don’t know me, filthy skeleton. I am Katrina! Daughter of King Leon of -nynan- Felinia! Ascended to G-nyan-odhood for my victories in nyan-battle!”

>What… you what…? Huh? The spirits making up Mr. Bones have not heard of her before. What do?
>Play along?
>Laugh to her face?
>Demand proof?
>Other?

>>28685099
Gesundheit.

Rolled 6

>>28685099
>>Play along?
We are trying to win her nyan-fection.

Rolled 5

>>28685152
Yea, this one.

>>28685099
>Play along?
Pff like there's anyway we actually summoned a catgirl goddess. We aren't that lucky, but might as well play along to humor her, eh?

>>28685188
>>28685172
>>28685152
>>28685145
It seems we have decided to play along with this madness, writing, but will leave room for votes

[waifuing intensifies]


Also we must level up a new skill: Romantic Limericks

>>28685302
I just can't get behind any skill that can't be powergamed. Minmax romantic limericks at me.

>>28685065
any gags related to him I can have him flaunting?

>how unprofessional of me, not knowing the character I'm drawing

>Haaaa-oookay. My Apologies Great One your… uh. Your Brilliance blinded me!”

Katrina of Felina points her nose into the air with a sniff, “Naturally. I sh-nyan-all forgive you just this once, idiot sk-nyan-skeleton. Do naynt tempt my wrath.”

>Urm. Yes. Yes! Thank you so much dear princess, for taking mercy on me!

You are so busy kowtowing to the Crazed ghost that you fail to notice the Professor walk up behind you. “I am being at one point professor in Magical Studies Institute. Hearing I have not of a cat goddess.”

You snap around to face Becherski, still bowing, and hiss >What do you think you’re doing you senile fuckwit?

Becherski extends a hand towards the woman, smiling kindly “Making of the corrections. It is not of the moral right to mislead a confused spirit like this.”

Katrina blanches and pulls back from Becherski’s outstretched hand. “How-How -nyan- DARE you doubt me? I shall smite you heathen, and you ca-nyan experience my divinyanity first hand!”

She leaps back and brings her arm down in a hammering arc.

Nothing happens.

Katrina’s lower lip trembles “Wha-Wha-nyan- What?”

“I am thinking so. Not goddess. Just girl.”

There is a moment’s silence. Katrina’s hair falls back down, obscuring her face. However after a few seconds, you can see tears beginning to fall.

>Bitches be Crying Bones! What Do?
>Comfort? roll d20 for out of character action
>Blame Ivan?
>Other?

>>28685402
Hmmm... gags... I dunno. He limericks and is currently possessing a skeleton.

Rolled 15

>>28685440
>>Comfort? roll d20 for out of character action
Hug her with our warm undead bones

>>28685440
Give her candy, bitches love candy


Alternatively some shit about how being reanimated from the dead screwed up her smiting powers

>>28685440
>Blame Ivan for not bringing back her smiting powers as well

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>>28685065
feed me some of his character traits!

Rolled 3

>>28685440
>Comfort? roll d20 for out of character action
Give her comforting pat on the back. Fate be a cruel mistress

Rolled 6

>>28685440
>Comfort? roll d20 for out of character action
If it makes you feel any better, I'm not a goddess either.
Then
>>28685535
>Blame Ivan

Rolled 6

comfort and try to sneak some grabass

>>28685586
>>28685535
>>28685512
>>28685489
>>28685627
>>28685672

It seems we're using a combination of comfort and blaming Ivan... I wonder which one Bones'll do better at?

>>28685583
One: Love the picture so far
Two: Aggressive, wields a sword, kind of a massive asshole, Has an iron helmet kind of like this, only you know... metal:
http://www.a2armory.com/images/leatherarmor/vikinghelmetleather.jpg

>>28685706
And grabass

>>28685757
And grabass

Yeah man

Even if she lost her smiting at least she'll be glad she is still desirable which is a good ego boost.

Rolled 1

>>28685816
We can always offer her our bone to comfort her.

hahaha

Get it?

You walk forward and seize Katrina in a warm, soothing, and comforting embrace. Except being made of bones the embrace was actually none of those things and was in fact rough, unsettling, and full of jagged ribs poking into the recipient.

>If it makes you feel any better, I’m not a Goddess either.

You take the fact that she hasn’t pushed you away yet as a sign of approval, and attempt a bit of sweet sweet undead grabass. Your bear-teeth claws get in the way.

Katrina pushes you away, face flushed with fury, “What wa-nyan-s that? Donyan-t touch me, freak!”

You put your skeletal hands in the air >Hey. I know you’re mad at losing your godhood, but don;t blame me, you point your thumb back at Ivan, >Blame that guy. He probably botched your soul binding just like he did with me. The corpse I was supposed to get tied to fuckin vanished and I can’t do magic no more. At least you got to keep my body.

Katrina suddenly goes quiet. No more tears or anything. Then her head jerks up, and she’s looking right at you with bulging eyes. “What do you mean by body?”

>Bro, we bound you to some dead chick’s corpse. Still in mint condition though.

Katrina doesn’t respond to this. You’ve come to realize that this is a bad sign. At that point Professor Becherski walks up behind her and holds a cloth rag up to her mouth. She collapses unconscious into his arms.

“I am thinking this is enough excitement for her, yes?”

->How did the good Professor manage to figure out the dosage of sleeping powder for a girl that size so quickly?

You are about to voice Voytek’s excellent question when the Professor turns away from you, saying “A memory wipe, this is what she is needing. Get rid of those crazy thoughts. Goddess! Spirit madness, I am saying”

>It seems as though Becherski has his own solution to the crazed Katrina problem. What does Bones think of it?
>Good call. Better a fresh start with that one, preferably sans-goodhood delusions.
>No! We’ve already gathered so many flags! That’s what they’re called, right?
>Hmmm. Maybe. It all depends on how much he plans to wipe.
>Other

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>>28685706
this better?

Rolled 18

>>28686038
>>No! We’ve already gathered so many flags! That’s what they’re called, right?
NO! He aint defiling the mind of our waifu.

>>28686038
>No! We’ve already gathered so many flags!

I absolutely do not want to let this guy start doing mind-things.

>>28686038
>No! We’ve already gathered so many flags!

>>28686038
>No! We’ve already gathered so many flags! That’s what they’re called, right?
Aww hell nyaoo!

>>28686048
I love it, especially the grin, dead on for the MC

Out of curiosity, what brought you to this Quest, based drawfag?

No wiping, we just need to work our way around it and find ways to get her acclimated to her current re-existance in the realm of the living.

Fuck son, why not ask Voytek for some like smooth calming words of wisdom to calm her down when she wakes up

>>28686140
>>28686126
>>28686117
>>28686106
>>28686078
It seems Bones is growing a conscience! What is the world coming to?

Also showing surprising good sense by turning to Voytek

Rolled 1

>>28686210
...conscience? NO ONE IS TOUCHING OUR KAIWAII WAIFU!

>>28686257
With rolls like those she's already in the octopus tank anon

>Yo hey gramps. Let’s cool it with the mystical roofies, okay?

Becherski turns around to face you, surprise etched in between his wrinkles. “Is this a conscience I am seeing?”

>Fuck no. I’m just not letting a guy who can dose knockout drugs for a lady that fast spend alone time with my woman.

“I am not thinking she is your woman, comrade skeleton. Rather I am thinking she is her woman. I am merely wanting to be of the help in curing her madness.”

>Uh-huh. Yeah. No. How about we let undead be with undead, yeah?

The professor walks back over to you and deposits Katrina’s unconscious body into your arms. “Here, you may be her caretaker now. I am wondering how long it will last.”

As the Professor trudges back to his tent he turns to face Voytek. “You must be of the watchfulness, yes? Be making sure that Comrade Skeleton does not ruin her too badly.”

->I solemnly swear to protect the woman.

“Good,” Becherski yawns loudly and stretches once more. “Now I am of the tiredness. Tomorrow I will be triangulating our location, and for that I am needing sleep.”

As Becherski disappears into his tent, you turn to face a furious Ivan, who was evidently breathing down your neck for the past few minutes.

“You don’t even have a dick.”

>Unless you want to participate in my first ever penisplasty you’ll shut your mouth.

Ivan swallows convulsively and backs away into his own tent, forgetting to bring Radomil back with him.

You place Katrina on the ground. Its just the living dead now.

>Welp you’re alone with your undead… compatriots. What do?
>Read Radomil? If so, which section?
>Talk to Voytek? About what?
>Train your sword arm?
>Other?

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>>28686138
/tg/ always has a thread or two in need of a drawfag!


And I...uh... started changing the trollface grin just before I read your post...

>>28686669
Don't worry about it, still looks great.

Thank you based drawfag. You have rendered a great service.

>>28686630
Began practicing swordplay. She'll awaken and catch the silvery gleam of- uh, marrow on our rippling... tibia, and be... I I feel like something is wrong here.

Rolled 16

>>28686630
>>Read Radomil? If so, which section?
SoulBinding. The parts about binding a soul to a new body (with a dick).

>>28686630
Ask Radomil about that magic barrier bullshit and how to counter it so next time we fight that elf we can stomp him

>>28686630
Ask Voytek if he's ever heard of a cat-goddess, he seems old-school. And for woman advice.

>>28686754
>>28686716
>>28686713
>>28686707
Hmmm many different suggestions. Good thing the night is long gentlemen.

Rolled 4

>>28686783
>Good thing the night is long gentlemen.
So is our di...femur.

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>>28686669
>>28686695
fixed the eyes

>>28686815
I think I found next OP image in my rotation. Maybe alternate between this and current one each month?

Rolled 11

>>28686918
Just add a catgirl to that one and it will be perfect.

>>28686944
is she a relevant character? I can stick her in in a minute

Rolled 6

>>28687066
Yes and no. The joke was that we were going to carry a certain catgirl in our ribcage, but that never happened. Instead she ran away.

We were her birthday skeleton.

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>>28687066
neeeeeeeeeeevermind. Ctrl F, for great wisdom

Rolled 2

>>28687157
OH YES YES YES

You captured the whole essence of that catgirl.

>>28687157
Pfffhaha!
Sassy catgirl ftw. Thanks, drawfriend.

You walk over a snatch Radomil off of the ground. If Irina isn’t gonna bother furthering her education you sure as shit will. Taking care to position yourself so that moonlight strikes your tibia in just the right way, you sit down and begin to leaf through Radomil, sword at your side in case Katrina wakes up and you need to pull some baller fencing moves. Always gotta be ready to impress the bitches.

You begin to scan the first section, which seems to mostly focus on necromancy and the darker arts. After several minutes of searching you see it. A revivification ritual. Refleshed body, the whole nine yards. Unfortunately there happens to be a lot of rare metals and materials, like mane hair from a monohorn and golden spikes. >Fuck. Just getting all of this shit together… I’d be rich enough to buy a city or some shit…

Deciding that a mixed bag is better than spending your immortal life as a cockless skeleton, you place Radomil back on the ground. You mosey on over to Voytek. Best to have some bitches lined up when you reconstitute your wee-wee. And it seems as if Voytek has some insight into the matter. Beyond Becherski’s correct dosages.

>So…

->Dont be such an ass.

>How did-

->It is as clear as the space between my ribs. You need to be less of an ass.

>Yeah but-

->No. They like confident men, not brutes. At least, most of them do not. This Katrina girl may be aggressive and unfeminine but she is vulnerable. You can needle her like you would Ivan, but don’t expect her to love you for it.

>I mean I-

->Perhaps you did already know that. But you need to be honest with her. Promoting the delusion that she is a goddess will only hurt both of you.

>Fuck. This sounds like too much work. Can’t I just you know, fuck up guardsmen and dire bears and her panties will drop right off?

->Heh. Maybe if you had skin such shallow methods to gain her favor would work alone. But you are bones, Bones. If you want her, “lined up for the cock” she’ll need to want you for you.

Already much time has passed. You think you can discern the night sky growing lighter.

>Don’t be a dick? It might be too much.
>Ask Voytek more Questions, specify what
>Practice swording
>Tell Voytek to stop cutting you off.
>Other?

Rolled 13

>>28687424
>>Practice swording
Practice thrusting maneuvers.

Tell him to stop cutting you off, also now might be time to figure a way to make our boney frame less squishy or at least more pain tolerant

>>28687424
Combine
>>28687457
and
>>28687471
By battling the bear. We already bested him in the arena of drink - now, we show him who top skeleton is.

>>28687515
>>28687471
>>28687457
It seems like there's a mix between swording Voytek and taming Voytek. Shall we bear duel?

Rolled 10

>>28687613
While this would be teddy-ous, if we can bear it, we should.

>>28687639
Is carlos invisible now?

Will his puns follow me to the ends of the earth?

>>28687655
You will have to bear his unbearable puns.

You stand and ready your blade, leaving the sheath on. >Come at me bro.

->Come at… you…?

>I mean fight me. I beat you in drink, I can sure as shit beat you in combat.

->A challenge then. Let us do battle.

>Fuck yeah.

You and Voytek stand opposite each other. The land clearly lit by the twin full moons. A breeze shifts the grass.

You stare.

He stares.

You both charge.

>ROLL, ROLL FOR MY AMUSEMENT, SCUM!

Rolled 16

>>28687770
Bone-zia!

Rolled 19

>>28687770
>>ROLL, ROLL FOR MY AMUSEMENT, SCUM!
Birthday skeleton attack!

Rolled 9

>>28687770

>>28687820
>>28687809
>>28687804
Good rolls everybody. Bones is gonna take Voytek to the cleaners like that.

Also, fight scenes, good or needs improvement? I know that running combat via quests can get awkward

Rolled 16

>>28687873
I have no complaints about them myself.

Voytek blitzes forward, paws thudding against the ground. The skele-bear throws up chunks of turf as the charged towards you.

Mother fucker need to get more innovative.

You leap clear of the shambling hulk of bones, reaching out to tap him with your sheathed blade before cartwheeling into a standing position.

->Tch. The point goes to you.

>Course it does.

Voytek and you begin to circle around each other, skulls gleaming in the moonslight. Voytek clacks his remains teeth together.

You lunge first, leading with your scabbard. You cover the space of forty feet in less than a second. Voytek attempts to counter your approach with a swipe of his paw. He misses and you strike home once more. Or you would have, had your blade not passed through the space between Voytek’s ribs.

The great bear swats you with his free hand, sending you rolling across the field.

->A point to me.

You don’t bother responding. You hold your blade behind your waist and charge. Voytek roars and responds in kind.

He’s growing larger.

Not yet.

You can see the holes where you stole some of his fangs.

Not yet.

You can see the scrapes on his bones, left by your crude defleshing

Now.

You leap into the air, high above Voytek’s mauling claws.

You reach down and brush the tip of your sheath against the skele-bear's cranium.

>I win.

>>28688405
Arright ya'll I'm dead pooped. Not sure When I'll be running next time. Will try to give a 24 hours head up.

Probably gonna be on saturday...

Anyway! Its been great, I'll be lingering in case ya'll wanna ask comments or leave questions

Right. Also a late night thank you to the drawfag who blessed this thread. You did supremely excellent work.

>>28688439
I passed out about an hour before you called it. Good thread, boss.