Let's begin!

"Well, if you'd permit me, I'd like to train under the Elder-"
Giz sits up a little, a look of concern on his face.
"-So that she might teach me in the ways of magic."

"WHAT." Giz unsheathes a sword from somewhere, its silver scabbard clattering against the cave wall, as he tumbles down from his throne. "My head'll be ROLLIN' 'afore I let one more magic user ANYWHERE near, MY! FUCKIN'! TRIBE!"

You retort by informing him that he'd be slaying an INCREDIBLY valuable subject, seeing as how you managed to single-handedly combust a vast majority of the tribe's property while you were away.

You scarcely finish your sentence when a frazzled-looking goblin runs screaming into the cave. “Giz! Giz, it's the Red Hands! Their camp's up in smoke, I seen it from th' trees! They's all gone too!”

You shoot him a look that screams I-told-you-so, but he seems unimpressed. “Pah! They'd 'ave to be shitfaced er DEAD to let YOU do dat to 'em. Only one thing could do that kinda damage, annat's-” The color drains from his face, as if he just watches someone position a pair of garden shears around his tackle. “annat's a Venchurin' Party.”

IMMEDIATELY as the last syllable of “party” escapes Giz's lips, the ENTIRE cave erupts into chaos. The women are weeping, the men cowering in fear, the babies screaming their heads off, the rat-dogs start hissing like fat on a griddle.

“So, we gonna do this, or...?” You shrug.

“No. Go, whatever, I'll deal with YOU later.”

Good enough for you. You navigate your way through the terrified mass of goblins and slip into the darkened depths of the cave. (cont'd)

At some point we need to brag about our glorious victory to Ly, much flexing must be involved!

You delve deeper and deeper into the cave. The screams of terror become echoed wails, which eventually themselves fade into silence. Eventually you find yourself back in the lair of the elder matron.

She gives you another awkward Grandma-hug, and you detail to her the rampant success of your quest, as well as the situation with Giz.

"Ohh, that old bastard, all full of hot air. If he bothers you again, just tell him I'll steal his eyes in his sleep. What's important now is that you're free to do as you will, and as per our agreement I am prepared to teach you bone magic. To be honest, though, I can take care of myself quite easily, and aside from reading old trade ledgers there's not quite much for me to DO around here. If you'd like, I could teach you a little something else, as well. Though, it would just be SO nice if I had someone out there gathering supplies, I'm a little low on newt eyeballs..."

What... do you do? (choose 2 aside from Boner Wizardry)

>[X]Teach Bone Magic
>[ ]Teach Literacy
>[ ]Teach Common Speak
>[ ]Teach Cantrip (Ignite)
>[ ]Teach Medicine
>[ ]Teach Operate: Alarm Clock
>[ ]Venture forth and gather some dumb mushrooms or whatever
>[ ]...Something else?

>[X]Teach Bone Magic
>[ ]Teach Literacy
>[ ]Teach Common Speak
>[x ]Teach Cantrip (Ignite)
>[ ]Teach Medicine
>[ ]Teach Operate: Alarm Clock
>[ x]Venture forth and gather some dumb mushrooms or whatever
>[ ]...Something else?

>>29221106
>[ ]Teach Common Speak
>[ ]Teach Cantrip (Ignite)

>[X]Teach Bone Magic
>[ ]Teach Literacy
>[ ]Teach Common Speak
>[X]Teach Cantrip (Ignite)
>[ ]Teach Medicine
>[ ]Teach Operate: Alarm Clock
>[ ]Venture forth and gather some dumb mushrooms or whatever

>[X]BRAG ABOUT OUR GLORIOUS VICTORY TO LY!

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>>29221106
>[X]Teach Bone Magic
>[ ]Teach Literacy
>[X ]Teach Common Speak
>[ X]Teach Cantrip (Ignite)
>[ ]Teach Medicine
>[ ]Teach Operate: Alarm Clock
>[ ]Venture forth and gather some dumb mushrooms or whatever
>[ ]...Something else?

>>29221106
>Teach Bone Magic
>Teach Cantrip (Ignite)
>Teach Common speak

TRRRRRRAINING MONTAAAAAAAGE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OvpzForHyU

Nezchskel, over a month or so, teaches you the foundations of magic, and some very simple applications. Primarily, she teaches you [BONE MAGIC], the art of binding minor or diminished spirits to physical remains and using their energy to achieve magical effects. The most effective bindings are:

-Exploding Bone (as before)
-Light Bone (When activated, bone glows a light green for approx. 1 hour. Gives off no heat or smoke. Works underwater)
-Sound Bone (When activated, emits the earth-shattering roar of a great beast)
-Smoke bone (When activated, instantly dissolves into a cloud of smoke. Poof!)

Your [LEATHER BONE SHEATH] (heh) can hold up to three bones at once.

You have also learned VERY basic conventional magic! You can now create, at will, a small, candle-sized flame that hovers a few inches above your palm.

Finally, you have learned to speak the language of Adventuring Parties and Other Creatures. The Elder suggest that, though Murderhobos haven't ever been successfully dissuaded from killing everything in their sights, nobody's ever actually TRIED. When asked why SHE hasn't tried, you get only silence in return.

Back in the camp, Giz seems to have lost interest in you, in favor of having a lockdown on his cave. For the first time in a VERY long time, you hear the clatter of training routines as you mingle among the populace. The guards look a little less sleepy and a little more prim and proper.

[MOXIE] Early in your training, you approach Ly, intent to woo her with tales of your exploits. (Okay, exploit) Before you can open your mouth, she kicks you right in the yoghurt, yanking off your [OLD LEATHER GARB] and shaking out everything that isn't her [NASTY DAGGER] as she screams, "MINE." Sheesh. (cont'd)

>>29222334
Every once in a while, she'll stop you on your way out to tell you the smell of smoke still hasn't come out of her old jacket. You don't quite know what that means.

CONGRATULATIONS! You have learned:

[BONE MAGIC]
[DEATH MAGIC 1]
[FIRE MAGIC 0]
[COMMON SPEAK]

The day comes when the Elder has nothing more to teach you. "Well," she says, "I never really planned this far. If you'd like, I could read you the Easterling Soaps company ledger. I don't know who Ethan Bristlebottom is, but he SURE loves his scented candles."

Politely declining, you awkwardly shuffle back to the main camp, where you are summoned personally by Giz.

He explains that, though magic is an intolerable blasphemy upon life itself, the appearance of unknown non-Goblins in the area have coincided with the sacking of the Red Hand village. The significance of this, he explains, is that roving bands of humans, dwarves or elves tend not to do the "moving on" part of their journey until they've killed every last goblin in the area and yanked the baubles from their still-warm bodies.

So, he offers you a deal: Since you are clearly the cloak-and-dagger type (having "survived" the "adventurer attack" on the Red Hands), he would like you to perform reconnaissance on the nearby human settlement to see what the adventuring party's next move is. In exchange, he'll overlook you pissing in reality's eye to pull chickens from a hat or whatever.

You...

>Accept
>[Moxie?]Try to negotiate
>[Moxie]Say you'll "sleep on it", try to get some tail
>Accept, but fuck off and go somewhere else (like the torched ruins)
>...Something else?

>>29222770
Moxie , Ask for some proper equipment so we can do our jobproperly of course, and see Ly

>>29222876
Agreed

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>>29222876

>>29222876
Do it

>>29223112
OP bail?

They take a while to write I'd imagine

>>29223326
OP slow, sorry bout that

Also I just took a fat dump

>>29223359
No problem just wondering, had one where OP posted three times bailed then some other guy took over and we had a blast.

>>29222770
You convince Giz that, since you're such a valuable asset to him, you ought to have access to some of the gear. He begrudgingly accepts, on the condition that you not magic them into nonexistence. Shortly after your conversation is interrupted by a scout coming in to make a report, and Giz shoos you away. Ass.

First, you see Likkit, who is lazily leaning against the stables fence. "Oi, fin'ly crawled outta yer cave there, eh?" he jokes. "So I heard ye were fightin' the Hands while a buncha 'Venchers were burnin' the place down, eh? Yer a crazy sumbitch, ya hear?"

Shrugging, you tell him you've been requisitioned a rat-dog. He sighs. "I'ma teach ya t'do this right. This'll take a few hours, yeh? But'chell be able to ride without gettin' yer noggin smashed in."

After a much shorter TRRRRRAAAAAIIIIINIIIIIING MONTAAAAAAAAAAGE, he hands you the reins to your very own [MANGY RAT-DOG]!

Afterwards, a much less busy looking Giz directs you to the Quartermaster, who just so happens to be Chunky, who leads you into that heavily-guarded shack you saw earlier. You tell him the situation, and he seems to be a bit befuddled. "Well we ain't got much in the way a-that kinda stuff. Though I suppose I could dig somethin' up."

After a few minutes, he returns. In one hand, a black cloak. In the other, a baggy set of clothes he refers to as "somethin' somebody tore off a half-ling". You don't know what a full ling looks like but you imagine it's damn big.

He offers you the choice of both, but it's not like you're gonna be crossing any tundras.

You're tempted to really mill over the choice for a while, but you KINDA wanna see that crazy chick with the googly eyes before you set out.

You take...
>The dark cloak! It looks warm.
>The fancy outfit! Wow! REAL pockets!
>Why not both?

>>29223807
Let's go with both , you know what they say , more is more.

Plus a cloak would be nice for some stelathy stuff and we can't go looking uncivilised can we

>>29223418
I mean if someone's super stoked about the prospect of taking the quest up or they think they can do better, I'd be glad to send them my notes and they can pick up where I left off

I just really like collaborative storytelling

Why not both? But if we only he one
POCKETS!!!!

>>29223807
Goblins be greedy right? Why not be the new green messiah? The fancy shit we aren't going to be some angsty Goblin fuckhead... Agreed?

>>29223922
Yea I was just worrying you'd do that.

>>29223939
The amount of send that makes borders on nothing.

>>29223922
you doin fine, keep it up

also, take both, then get stylin for gobbo lady times!

>>29224106
Sense not send. Now I'm ashamed.

>>29224106
Sorry tired from newyears and waking up early... I meant why not be a more classy goblin instead of the greedy little grubby thing they are usually portrayed as. As for the second part I was half still in a that guy thread when I wrote it.

>>29224205
Sounds swell I'm just drunk and felt like being a dick

>>29224265
No biggie my intoxicated friend

>>29223807
>Why not both?

Oh YEAH, BABY! You got serious class now, stylin' with your [HEAVY CLOAK] on over your [BIG BAGGY SUIT]. If you still had that walking stick you'd be batting all the ladies off with it.

Speaking of ladies, you decide it is time to go see what Ly's been up to. Hopefully this time she won't pile-drive your dingleberries. Thankfully, she's a little preoccupied, polishing a breastplate. She stops as you approach. "I ain't givin' you squat, Durzog. Bugger off."

Moxie time! You...

>Tell her about the time you beat the shit out of some dude then cut his head off
>Tell her about the time you exploded a barrel. TELL HER ABOUT THE FIRE, SO MUCH FIRE
>Put the ole moves on her, talk a little hey baby sum'n sum'n
>...Okay actually can I have a weapon though?
>Something else?

>>29224371
How bout the time we killed a guy cut off his head lit a barrel on fire then burned shit down?

>>29224371
I have a feeling this will end badly...
but hell with it
>Put on them goblin moves

>>29224371
>Time to start a fire in her heart and loins, you twisted firestarter.

>>29224464
How about flirty fire stories?

>>29224520
Anything to get hot in herre, nelly.

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>>29224371

>Tell her about the time you beat the shit out of some dude then cut his head off

I think she'd appreciate that more (although secretly, fire is my true mistress...)

>>29224371
>Tell her about the time you beat the shit out of some dude then cut his head off
>Tell her about the time you exploded a barrel. TELL HER ABOUT THE FIRE, SO MUCH FIRE.

You tell her she looked a little bored, and you thought she might appreciate a story to get her mind off all that tedious maintenance. She shrugs, going back to polishing.

"So there I was, lost in the woods..."
For a while, she goes on with her work, perhaps listening, perhaps just humoring you and secretly tuning you out.
"- and they were made outta straw. STRAW! So I-"
She seems to slow down after a while. She damn well BETTER, this is interesting shit!
"When outta nowhere, this guy wearin' half the mess hall comes chargin do-"
By this point a few errant souls have gathered around you, listening intently as you tell of your exploits.
"- and there's blood everywhere. EVERYWHERE."
By this point you have a full-fledged story circle going. Ly has completely dropped whatever it was she was doing before, hanging on to your every word.
"BOOM! Crack! POW! In the span of, MAYBE, five seconds, the whole place is up in flames. THE WHOLE PLACE."

Ly, as well as everyone else who was listening, was speechless. Right when you're about to kick your plan into Stage 2, you get interrupted by Giz, who parts the crowd so that he might speak directly to you.

"If yer done tellin' tall tales, I'd suggest you be on yer way. Night falls soon, get on it."

That FUCK. You're not about to stall now and look like a lout, so you do the next best thing: hop onto your [MANGY RAT-DOG], rear it, bid the pretty lady adieu, and ride off into the sunset. Oh yeah. She wants you.

What do you do?

>[CRUDE MAP] Go to: Human settlement
>[CRUDE MAP] Go to: Red Hand ruins
>[CRUDE MAP] Go to: Other Goblins
>Fuck it, just ride into the forest
>Something else?

>>29225030
I say ruins... Lets see what we can find! Little hands could find something to make us a little green hero!

>>29225030
Ruins, might as well get an ego boost and try to find some goblin damsel in need of the d.

>>29225030
Ruins for sure

>>29225030
>Forest

Fuck those faggots, we're out of here

>>29225030
>[CRUDE MAP] Go to: Human settlement

Hmm...we DO enjoy murder quite a little bit...

>>29225030
>Go to: Red Hand ruins

Your trusty steed makes it MUCH easier to traverse the forest. The ride's a little bumpy, and you're no master of the art, but you make it to the burnt ruins in such good time that there's still a little daylight left.

A few of the decoys are a little scorched on top, but other than that they're not much worse for wear. The town is, as you would expect, burnt to the ground, save for a house that's out on its lonesome. As you tie up your Rat-Dog, you begin to smell something rancid.

You stand now in the centre of the town. What do you do?

>[INSIGHT] Examine something?
>Loot something?
>Leave?
>Something else?

>>29225350
investigate the rancid smell

>>29225350
I say examine the depths! See what we can find deeper! Well I gotta go sorry guys!

>>29225350
Insight it , whilst nabbing anything valuable or shiny of course

>>29225350
>[INSIGHT] Examine something?

Adventurers came here, we have to find signs of them!

>>29225350
>[INSIGHT]Investigate something? (Smell)
Ugh. That smells DISGUSTING. But, it might be important, so you follow your nose.

It doesn't take long for you to find out what it is. The combination of rancid smell and shock makes you want to puke: someone slaughtered a large portion of the Goblin population here, and piled the bodies around the old cart. None of them look terribly burnt, but that might just be because of how much they have decomposed.

>Loot: anything
You don't find much, the place was really scoured. The surviving goblins probably took what they could when they left, and whoever attacked this place cleaned the rest out. You find:
>[SINGED BOOK]
near the once-fortified building you Feng Shui'd, and
>[COMB]
>[CURED MEAT: MYSTERY FLAVOR]
>[SCROLL TUBE W/PAPERS]
in the half-dismantled wooden thing.

You can take any and all of these things, but it's gonna get heavy after a while.

There's not much around here other than that...

UNLESS

>Search the depths

It's worth a shot! You open the hatch... PEE YEW! Yeah, that guy's probably still down there. GROSS.

Dead guy aside, after a thorough search you find that the place has pretty much gone untouched. You find:

>[JERKY THAT SMELLS LIKE DEAD GUY NOW]
>[BLOODY HELMET]
>[SHORTSWORD]
>All sorts of [BOOK]s, mostly intact
>[POTTERY AND PANNERY]
>[FEATHERS]
>[GROSS CLOTHES]
>[LITTLE JARS OF BLACK STUFF]
>[EXTRA DECOY]
>[WEIRD JARS OF STUFF]

>>29226026
>around the old cart
Around the dead guys tied to a pole.

>>29226026
Jars and helmets

>>29226026
Books make us look smart so they're always good, let's take that and the sword

>>29226086
I agree, see if any of the books are on magic, FIRE MAGIC!

>>29226026
Don't forget to clean the helmet of blood so we can take it, the shortsword and the comb. Helmet hair does not attract the ladies one bit

>>29226026
>[HELMET]
It's not exactly stylish, but it pays to practice riding safety. Plus if you pull your cloak's hood over it you're sure nobody even notices it's there.

>[SHORTSWORD]

You've got a weapon now, and you don't even need to give it back when you're done 'cause you're borrowing it from a dead guy!

>[COMB]
It fits neatly in your pocket. You're pretty well-loaded now, you're probably not gonna carry much after this. Anything more would make running difficult.

>[BOOK]
You... can't read, so you pick a book at random. Maybe it'll be valuable to someone. Maybe Nezchskel can read it to you. Either way, you stuff it in your rat-dog's Tacticool Pack Saddle, along with whatever little jars will fit.

>>29226285
Find evidence of adventurers, WE HUNT!

>>29226285
(cont'd)

>>29226336
>[INVESTIGATE AGAIN]

That CAN'T be everything.
...Ugh, you're really gonna do this, are you? Flipping over the decaying corpses with a VERY long stick, you look for anything that could point to who did this. In the clutches of one desiccated corpse, you find a lock of bristly, braided and beaded hair, DEFINITELY not of Goblinoid origin. You keep the [GROSS LOCK OF HAIR] in the deepest part of your pockets. Ew.

You untie your [MANGY RAT-DOG] and mount, riding off into the forest. Navigating will be tricky now, but you've been around a few times, so you think you can handle it.

What clues you've gathered from the wreckage:
>Someone came in, wholesale slaughtered the population, and cleaned the whole place out.
>At least half of the goblins survived, but have left the premises for one reason or another.
>Someone lost some hair, and if you match it up, you can find the perp.

You:

>[CRUDE MAP]Ride to the Human village
>[CRUDE MAP]Ride back to the cave and hope Giz doesn't whup your ass for coming back without ACTUALLY doing what you were supposed to
>[CRUDE MAP]Check out the other Goblin settlement
>Seriously, just ride into the forest. What's the worst thing that could happen?
>Something else?

Alright guys, I'm beat! No more for tonight! Next thread is Saturday, at 8PM Central time! See ya then!

>>29226285
LEts go hunting for adventurers

Rolled 26, 96 = 122

>>29226578
Ride to the humies

>>29226578
>[CRUDE MAP]Ride to the Human village

We'll do it real sneaky-like