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EAT THOSE PRINGLES

ONCE YOU POP

YOU CAN'T STOP

Rolled 41

>>29866589
Open the box

>>29866589
It's not faltering if you just take one. He won't even notice.

seduce pringles

>>29866589
"Please do not take these Pringles."

>>29866589
EAT THE PRINGLES NOW!

>>29866589
DO NOT FALTER,
DO NOT FAIL,
THOSE PRINGLES AREN'T YOURS,
SO SURELY THEY WON'T BE THEIRS.

Rolled 3

>>29866589
rolling for seduction of ze pringles

Look around, what else there are in room?

Sing the Guardian's Song™.

>>29866630
This. Go stab happy on anyone that gets near.

EAT THEM YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO

DO IT

Seduce the pillar on which the pringles sit

>>29866589
Draw our blessed sword, Save the Pringle

Rolled 14

>>29866589
seduction roll yeah.

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>>29866622
Never.

>>29866610
No.

>>29866608
Not happening.

>>29866616
...

>The Nameless Guard does not want to admit it but on some lonely nights she has thoughts. Thoughts that would bring shame to her and her family about the man pictured on the Pringles™ can.
>She makes up a name for him. A backstory. Sometimes they have are friends. Sometimes they are mortal enemies. And other times... Lovers.
>She even has drawings of their kids. But she would never show that to anyone.

>>29866643
>There is on one in the room. There is NEVER anyone in the room.
>They stopped delivering food around a month ago.

>>29866698
What are those multiple scratches behind you? And I don't mean those used for counting.

>>29866698
Well, you may as well play the role of a newly wed wife. Pose seductively in half your armor and ask what it wants for dinner.

>>29866698
Stroke the can.

Rolled 4

>>29866698
Lick the can

>>29866698
>>She even has drawings of their kids. But she would never show that to anyone.
They all share his glorious mustache.

Even the daughters.

ESPECIALLY the daughters.

>>29866698
Uhh, how are you not dead from starvation?

>>29866698
Draw the pringle saber. Be on watch for gentleman thieves.

So are you really a guard? You sound more like a prisoner that someone forgot about.

Maybe you're making up this guard nonsense because you're sad they forgot about you.

Rolled 53

>>29866698
Kiss the pringle man

>>29866698
Fade to black with the can. No one will ever know.

>>29866698
Give the can a lick. That's not eating the chips, is it?

use can as dildo

>>29866698
Mayyyyybeeee you could take Mr.Pringles man with you and go see why slaves are slow with food today.

>>29866698
How do you even know if there's anything inside the Pringles, hmm?
Maybe your lord is just pranking you. Or it's his way of telling you you're fired.

>>29866698
Those scratches on the wall look suspicious. Stab them.

>>29866589

QUESTION:

What flavour are the Sacred Pringles?

>>29866698
maybe just smell it? no one would know right?

>>29866698
create an imaginary friend

>>29866698
But Nameless Guard! The Pringles might be going stale, right this very minute.

You have to check on them, make sure they're alright. It's your duty after all.

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>>29866725
I used to keep track of how long I've been in here. And then I sort of... Went a bit crazy.

>>29866830
Original.

>>29866799
I can not pop the top... Not even to check.

>>29866756
Then where did I get this armor?

>>29866752
Don't know.

>>29866745
...

>>29866732
>>29866730

"Oh, Mr. Pringle... You've had such a long day... Is there anything you want for dinner? Perhaps... Me?"

"..."

"Husband, why do you ignore my needs? Have I not done everything for you?"

"..."

"What!? But you said you were done with her!"

"..."

"This cannot be! I knew she would try to tear us apart again! But don't worry, I will protect you!"

"..."

"I love you too."

>>29866861
They're in an airtight container. They're fine.

>>29866889
Are you sure? I mean, what could it hurt to check?

>>29866885
Run away with your husbando

>>29866885
Tear that barcode off the back!

>>29866885
>Then where did I get this armor?

Tons of people have armor. Strange people, like liars and prisoners.

Are you a liar?

>>29866885
Take the pringles with you and explore the rest of the building - see why you haven't been receiving any food

>>29866885
The King ordered you to guard the Pringles™.

He however hasn't ordered you to stay in the same room, so why don't you just pick them up and go get a drink.

>>29866885
Our hair is kinda long, we should cut it to a more appropriate length for the military

Lick the pringle can. Just the can. It's okay to lick the can.

Maybe the King is in danger? Take the Pringles™ with you and find the king.

>>29866885
Do you have to guard the container in here? I mean as a first house it is fine, but no district for your children to grow up in. What happened to all the promises to see the world? The life you swore together when you got married?

Go now. Be with him.

>>29866885
passionately kiss your VIP

>>29866885
What, I didn't expect romance, I quit!

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Rolled 35

>>29866885
Hug and the kiss the can, on the face

What's the shelf life on pringles anyway? I think there may be a flaw in this plan

>>29866962
pfffft

>>29866885
Masturbate while crying

>>29866885

>Original.

We must check the authenticity of the contents within.

>>29866962
awesome

>>29866885
Shake Mr. Pringle gently, that's foolproof way to assure yourself of his content.

Take a peek out of your room. Maybe the would-be-thief is hiding right behind the corner.

use can as dildo

>>29866885
wipe off the dust of the can

>>29866885
>Original.
Wait, "Original" as in the word they use in place of "Plain"?

Or are they truly The Original Pringles, as spoken of in myth?

Check the freshness date.

>>29866964
well the king owns it so maybe his mages enchanted it or something.

>>29866959
hey, at least it's not one of those quests where protagonist turn out to be lesbian

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>>29866986
I've already done that too much today. Need to be more productive.

>>29866944
>>29866924
>>29866921
>>29867002

Hmm...
Very well.

>The Nameless Guard steps out of the room with her precious cargo in hand.

Huh
This is new.

>>29866962
Once you pop, you can't stop.

>>29867041
FLY

FLY INTO THE NIGHT YOUNG SQUIRE

>>29867041
>Jump

circle outside of guard room.

>>29867041
well.
shit.

i got nothing.

>>29867041
turn left
cliffs are bad mojo

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>>29867041
You should have listened.

>>29867041
LOOK INTO THE DARK ABYSS, REFUSE THE URGE TO DROP MR. PRINGLES DOWN THE EDGE

>>29867041

LOOK DOWN

How high are you?

>>29867041
Keep looking...
Did the universe and?
Did we stay there for that long?

>>29867041
Jump down the rocks.

>>29867041
Go left (from your point of view), we've been standing around doing nothing for too long to trust our acrobatic ability

>>29867041
Look down the cliff.

Spit. Listen.

EAT THE PRINGLES

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Rolled 28

>>29867041
look down

>>29867041
Well fuck.

Time to find your liege, even if it's a slim chance.
At least he'll have the luxury of knowing you did your duty, and that he'll see his precious Pringles once more.

>>29867079
>How high are you?
Tuesday.

>>29867041
spit off the edge, see how far up you are

>>29867103
for a MAJESTIC steed, i feel like he needs more pringles logo.

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>>29867078
Urge resisted... Barely.

>>29867079
Pretty damn high. I can't see anything else.

>>29867080
... Maybe.

>>29867109
"My lord!"

>The Nameless Guard leaps across the floating rocks until she reaches the ruins of her castle. She runs inside, the Pringles™ still clutched in her hands.
>The inside of the castle is just as ruined as the outside with signs of battle ruining the once beautiful building.
>As she approaches the throne room a terrible beast blocks her way.

???: "YOU! YOU ARE THE ONE WITH THE PRINGLES™! HAND THEM OVER OR FACE THE WRATH OF TENTACLETRON, HE WHO VIOLATES IN THE NIGHT!"

"Never!"

This is it! I ACTUALLY GET TO DEFEND THE FUCKING PRINGLES™!

>Attack (roll 1d20)
>Flee
>Eat Pringles (Roll 1d20-1000)
>Other (Roll 1d20)

>>29867286
>>Attack (roll 1d20)

Rolled 2

>>29867286
>attack
>eat PRINGLES™

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Rolled 3

>>29867286
>>Attack (roll 1d20)

Rolled 15

>>29867286
>Attack (roll 1d20)

Rolled 15

>>29867286
>>Other (Roll 1d20)
"NOT ANOTHER STEP FURTHER OR THE PRINGLES GET IT."

(Its a lie of course.)

Rolled 17

>>29867286
>Attack (roll 1d20)
FOR PRINGLES!

Rolled 19

>>29867286
Attack with Pringles

Rolled 12

>>29867286
>Attack (roll 1d20)

He only violates the night? This is gonna be easy.

>>29867286
>>Other (Roll 1d20)

Yell very loud at it. Like, extremely loud.

Rolled 6

>>29867286
>Attack (roll 1d20)
Smite the pringle-eater!

Rolled 16

>>29867286
Bllod and Iron!

Attack!

Rolled 5

>>29867286
>Other

Seduce tentacle monster

>>29867286
Let this monster taste steel

Rolled 8

>>29867318
Forgot roll.

>>29867286
>>Attack (roll 1d20)
Throw rock, aim for the eye.

Rolled 3

>>29867286
>>Eat Pringles (Roll 1d20-1000)

Rolled 6

>>29867041

>Attack (roll 1d20)

Time to get those ones out of the way.

>>29867310
i hope this is enough.

>>29867286
Oh, I've seen enough hentai, I know where this is going...

Rolled 13

>>29867345
>muh roll

you cannot fight while holding the pringles! put them someplace safe, like your vagina.

>>29867395
Thats stupid Anon, she can obviously hold dual wield her sword and pringles

>>29867395
Do you know how awkward it would be to fight with pringles in your vagina? She should obviously put them in her ass.

Tell the tentacle monster that he can only have the Pringles if he exchanges them for a schoolgirl uniform.

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>>29867395
They don't fit.

>>29867322
>>29867310
>With her superior training the Nameless Guard is easily able to slay this small monster.
>Her steel slices through his flesh as though it were no stronger than warm butter. He screams and flails his lewd appendages around before falling silent and finally dying.

>The Nameless Guard enters the next room and sees her lord sitting on his throne. There is fresh blood coating his royal clothing.

K: "Nameless Guard! You... You were not supposed to enter this room..."

"My lord!"

>The Nameless Guard runs up to her master as he slumps further into his chair.

K: "How could you seriously fuck up this? It was such a simple mission..."

"What happened!?"

K: "-She- happened..."

"Who?"

K: "She stormed the castle with her demons... Intent on stealing my fabled Original Pringles™... My most powerful wizards locked away this castle in a pocket dimension... The only one immune to it... Was you..."

"Who did this?"

K: "Listen... You must not let her get the Pringles™... Guard them... I am too weak to keep fighting..."

"Keep them from who!?"

K: "Do not... Pop... The top..."

>He dies.

>>29867475
Pop the top, DO IT!

Rolled 18

>>29867475
NOOOOOOOO*pop**munchmunch*OOORROOO

Rolled 18

>>29867475
>>He dies.
Take his crown

>>29867475
Steal his moustache and claim it as your own.

>>29867500
What is it with us and stealing hats

>>29867475
The king deserves a viking funeral. However we lack any means with which to make fire. We must find a solution to this immediately.

Rolled 17

>>29867475
passionately embrace the king. His mustache is the closest you'll get to your perfect chipfu

>>29867475
NOOOOOOOOOOOO MY LO-ahem HIIIGHHHHHNEEEEESSSS

check his corpse for some loot.

>>29867475
Have sex with his dead body

We're a lonely lady

>>29867475
Hold your husband tightly to yourself for emotional comfort. You both just watched your soverign die before your eyes.

>>29867475
Did he drop any good loot?

>>29867500
This

swear to the heavens for vengence

>>29867475
Search for more equipment. A bow would be nice. Also some comfy bag to carry Mr. Pringle in.
Give the King decent burial.
Look for books or other such records that might explain what's going on.

>>29867475
Take his crown and mustache, you need to defend the Pringles™

>>29867475
Steal crown

>>29867529
"lonely" doesn't have to mean "desperate"

>>29867500
this and put it on and say the coronation oath.

herald yourself as Queen Pringles™ protector

>>29867475
>Push his corpse off the edge.

>>29867512
Hey,

Hats are expensive

Why buy them when people are just wearing them for the taking?

>>29867532
lol but this

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>>29867600
Relevant

>>29867475
Check that the Top is not Pop'd. It is apparently what's holding out beloved husband's essence inside.

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>The Nameless Guard gives her lord a proper burial by pushing him into the empty void. His body will float through the ether for all eternity.
>It's how he would have wanted to go.

>She does, however, save his crown her herself. A memento.
>As she prepares to done it something knocks it out of her hand and imbeds itself into the stone wall.

Is that...
A Dorito™?

>The Nameless Guard turns and sees some girl in a weird outfit with Doritos™ in her hands and attached to her belt.

???: "I was waiting for you to leave that room! All of us were frozen in space and time so long as you were locked away in it... But now we can finally get what we came here for!"

"You'll never get my Pringles™!"

???: "It is not I who wants it but my master. Now, surrender them or die!"

>>29867616
wait what?

Rolled 7

>>29867654
Just stab her.

>>29867654
Seduce

"We can give you so much more"

Rolled 19

seduce her!

Rolled 17

>>29867654

>Attack?

No way this could go wrong.

>>29867654
wait! if Dorito™ is here that means her partner...
quick jump sideways!

>>29867654
Convince her to join the true chips of Pringle and fight the good fight.

>>29867654
Yell to her how your husband-can-McGuffin won't ever be separated because you love each other and are wed with a family. No one can break you all apart, no one.

Then eat her wall Dorito™ because seriously it's the only food we've seen for a month.

Where's its partner, Mountain Dew™?

>>29867703
This

>>29867654
HOLY SHIT I'VE BEEN LOCKED IN THAT ROOM SO LONG BECAUSE OF SOME FUCKING DORITO NINJA I AM GOING TO STAB YOU TO DEATH AND HOT DAMN WILL I ENJOY IT

Rolled 20

>>29867654
Attack!

Blood and Thunder!

But Lustily

Rolled 10

>>29867654
Stab her.

>>29867654

"You will Dew the day you crossed me!"

>>29867654
Pfft, Doritos don't stay whole and intact in their packaging retaining that satisfying crunch! How could such peasant snacks threaten me?

Rolled 7

>>29867654
Seduce

>>29867703
Supporting!

Rolled 1

>>29867654
Dare her to touch her face with her Dorito™-stained hands.

>>29867654
>>The Nameless Guard gives her lord a proper burial by pushing him into the empty void
Eh, close enough.

>???: "It is not I who wants it but my master. Now, surrender them or die!"
Step back while you still can. For trying to take what I keep safe is to face death.

Rolled 2

>>29867654
Seduce is the only way.

>>29867654
Oh god <3

>>29867714
THIS! BE CAREFUL SHES NOT ALONE!

>>29867654
>Now, surrender them or die!"
Show her your picture of your daughters. Then ask her if she can seriously separate a father from his family.

>>29867757

> As you lunge forth, you hear a distressing cracking noise-
>ALACK! ALACK! THE ORIGINAL PRINGLES HAVE BEEN CRUSHED BY YOUR FOOLISH MOVEMENTS

>>29867654
SEDUCE! SEDUCE!

The big boss is the Cheetos. I'm calling it.

>>29867654
seduce the doritos pope

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>>29867703

>The Nameless Guard walks up to the Dorito Ninja.

"Look. It has been a while since I've eaten or slept with anyone. So, I'm going to start licking you. Not only because I'm sure parts of you taste delicious but also for sexual gratification. Do you consent?"

DN: "Woaaaaah. Lady, I don't really swing that way. I just want the Pringles™."

Rolled 3

>>29867833
Kiss the girl

>>29867833
"I NEVER SAID YOU GET A CHOICE."

And then stab them.

Rolled 3

>>29867833

"Too Fucking Bad."

>>29867833

EAAAAT HEEEEER

>>29867833
"Does this look like a face of somebody who gives a damn?"

>>29867833
Kiss her, then lick her.

>>29867833
Fuck this shit. I wanr lawyer dog.

>>29867833
well then.

>>29867833
Shhhhh, I actually have a dick

Rolled 8

>>29867833
>DN: "Woaaaaah. Lady, I don't really swing that way. I just want the Pringles™."
Start licking her cheesy triangle

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>>29867833

>>29867738
>She stabs her in the gut.

"It was all a trick. And you fell for it."

DN: "Why..?"

I am the best at deceiving.

>>29867833
Eat her Doritos.
Badmouth her to your husband about being frigid and it's no wonder she's single.

Rolled 18

>>29867894
Now lick her, she's probably delicious.

>>29867894
You sure do lack honor for a royal guard.

>>29867894
Behind you! There is more of them!

>>29867894
wait the king's cross dressing son!?

Rolled 15

>>29867894
Eat her remains while the newcomer watches

>>29867894
10/10 well playeOH SHIT BEHIND YOU

>>29867894
Devour her Doritos™!

Don't let Husband see you eating filthy non-Pringles chips.

Rolled 1

>>29867894
THERE'S MORE
THROW YOUR SWORD AT THEM

>>29867894
Drink her blood.

>>29867894
BEHIND YOU

>>29867894
Look to your right and prepare to use Doritas Lass as a shield.

>>29867894
Look behind you. There's someone there.

>>29867894
Wait, where are the pringles?

>>29867894
But what of the crown?

How are you going to explain this one to Mountain Dew?

>>29867941
>>29867923
WHERE IS OUR HUSBAND?
THIS IS WHAT WE GET FOR BEING UNFAITHFUL

>>29867894
Reassure the Pringles can that the seduction was a ploy and that we still are in love.

>>29866839
>create an imaginary friend
oh. oh, this.

Call her... call her... Rena.

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>>29867908
Nameless Guard, not Royal. Get your facts straight.

>>29867923
>Nameless Guard covers her ONE TRUE LOVE'S eyes as she eats the Ninja's snacks.

>>29867940
>>29867912
!!!

>>29867914
Oh, it is.
Rocco is such a weird child.

R: "Nameless Guard! W-what is going on here!? I was sleeping in my silk bed when I heard a crash! Why can I not see the sky?"

Man, he can be annoying.

Rolled 11

>>29867990
Seduce Rocco with Doritos™.

>>29867990

EAT HIM.

Rolled 17

>>29867990
Continue eating the ninja

Rolled 8

>>29867990
Impregnate him! This will definitely help you.

>>29867990
Have him partake in a feast of Doritos.

>>29867990
>Give him the crown.

>>29867990
Lock Rocco in a closet. Fuck dealing with this fairy.

>>29867990
"The Old King is Dead. Long Live the New King. Queen. Whatever."

>>29867990
Put crown on his head.
"You are the king now. Or queen. Whatever."

>>29867990
Tell him that it was magic, or something like that, and the king is dead.

Keep eating those doritos.

>>29867990
"Your father is dead, I just avenged his death. You have inherited the crown. Congratulations, King Rocco. Your coronation might have to wait until we leave this pocket dimension however."

>>29867990
Put the crown on our head and declare that we are now queen and he is now our daughter

Rolled 6

>>29867990
Make sure Pringles™ husband isn't aroused by traps.

Ensure marital bliss and sexual dominance over all other competitors for Mr. Pringles' love in the area by intimidating Rocco with Doritos™ ninja's dead body.

>>29867990
Sup Rocco. You king now boy.

>>29867990
Hiss at him.

-Are you here to steal my husband too?! Liar!

>>29867990
Wipe the disgusting doritos powder off on Rocco to clean hands.
Give him the crown, declare him king, then elope with Mr. Pringles.
Kingdom's his problem now.

>>29867654

It occurs to me the Pringles are now yours by right EAT THEM GUARD EAT THE DELICIOUS PRINGLES

>>29867990
your father is DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDD

want some dorito's?

>>29867990
Hi, your father sorta abdicted. So this (hand him/her the crown) is now yours. Also some strange magical stuff happened so we're in pocket dimension, that's why you can't see the sky. Other thatn that I'm about as confused with the whole thing as you are. Oh and watch out not to get caugth by tentacle monsters... well, unless you actually are into that sort of thing. I'm not judging or anything...

>>29868069
WHY WOULD WE EAT THE IMAGINARY FATHER OF OUR IMAGINARY CHILDREN?

Rolled 7

>>29867990
>I was sleeping in my silk bed when I heard a crash! Why can I not see the sky?
Quickly! While he doesn't realize, blame him for all of this! If he asks why, it's because of what he was doing in his bed.

>>29867990
TAKE OUT YOUR FRUSTRATION AT GUARDING A CHIP ROOM WITH /ss/

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"The Old King is Dead. Long Live the New King. Queen. Whatever."

R: "What!? Father is dead!?"

"Yeah. I gave him a burial though."

>She puts the crown on his head while subtly wiping her fingers off on his... Dress.
>The boy is in tears now.

R: "B-b-b-b-b-but I don't want to be king!"

"And I don't want to guard a can of chips for my entire life. We all need to make sacrifices here. So... Yeah. Castle's your problem now."

I really do want to guard you, Pringles. I'm sorry I had to say that.

>The boy is now sobbing.

R: "W-why would anyone do all this!? Just for a stupid can of chips!?"

>>29868114
"Yes."
Say this with an entirely straight face.

Rolled 6

>>29868114
Smack him

Rolled 9

>>29868114
Smack him/her across the face for insulting our beloved.

>>29868114
>Hug him.
>Feel up his butt.

Rolled 1

>>29868114
SMACK HIM ACROSS THE FACE, THIS ISN'T JUST A CAN OF CHIPS. THEY'RE Pringles™.

Rolled 2

>>29868114
Smack him for disrespecting our husband. Or, because he's royalty, find a whipping boy and smack him.
Someone's gotta get smacked. Nobody talks about our (fine) man that way.

slap him

>>29868114
Why don't you open them and find out?

>>29868114
"Hey, NO. NO. You do NOT call these beautiful creations stupid you little fucking faggot"

>>29868114
Slap him and say he's pretty

>>29868114
Slap him.
"They're not simply a can of chips! You underestimate pringles!. You underestimate their power over the hearts of man and demon alike. You see..."
"Once you pop, you can't stop."

>>29868114
"Your father thought they were important, and that dead bitch over there thought they were worth killing over. Me? I'm gonna keep guarding them, like I have been for who knows how long."

Rolled 12

>>29868049

Ooo this this

>>29868114
"THESE. ARE. PRINGLES.

UNSEALED PRINGLES, YOU GIRLY BOY! YOUR FATHER'S DYING WISH WAS THAT I GUARD THEM WITH MY LIFE, THAT THEIR POP NEVER BE TOPPED! WOULD YOU SEE EVERYTHING HE WORKED FOR GO IN VAIN?!"

Rolled 1

>>29868114
>Just for a stupid can of chips!?"
OH
NO
YOU
DI'N'T
GURLidon'twanttooffendyousowe'recallingyouthat

Cram his face into the powdery cheesy mess that the Doritos™ made. Then ask him if Pringles™ does the same thing. ASK HIM.

>>29868114
"I have no idea. I'd say you should ask your dad why he shunted the entire castle into a pocket dimension, but I have a sneaking suspension that the truth is simply that I'm entirely insane and I'm actually just stalking around a mental asylum in the middle of the night with a can of pringles."

Rolled 17

>>29868085

Because of the adjectives, and also because he is delicious potato crisps.

>>29868114
DO NOT INSULT MY HUSBAND FAGGOT.

ahem, i must go and kill whatever is behind all this. Good luck with everything your highness.

>>29868114
Rocco is dead to us. S/he has disrespected our True Love.

>>29868114
Give him the P
Ours, not the Pringles

Rolled 7

>>29868114
Forcefully insert the can of pringles into his ass.

While calling him pretty.

>>29868133
>Say this with an entirely straight face.
Actually I'm not sure we have other faces than a deadpan one. Military bearing and all.

Rolled 9

>>29868114
Roll for seduction.

>>29868200
>your highness
He's king now. We should say 'your majesty.'

>>29868114
>Just for a stupid can of chips!?"
Mental Note: Rocco is not invited to look at our wedding pictures of the Pringles-Knight wedding ceremony.

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>>29868243
Noted.

>Nameless Guard slaps Rocco. He holds his hand over his face and finally calms down. She lifts him so that he's looking straight into her eyes.

"Your father thought they were important, and that dead bitch over there thought they were worth killing over. Me? I'm gonna keep guarding them, like I have been for who knows how long. They are no ordinary can of chips... Now go. And watch out for tentacle monsters. Or not. Whatever you're into."

I think I'm going to go and kill whoever started this whole thing.

>As Nameless Guard explores more of the castle she hears someone approach her.
>A girl with an odd staff is there... ,She's crying.

???: "You... You bitch... You killed my sister... Prepare to die."

>>29868282
DEFEND YOURSELF, YOU MUST PROTECT THE PRINGLES

>>29868282

DRINK HER

>>29868282
"I follow a simple rule: if someone tries to kill me, I kill them right back. It's only fair."

>>29868282
"She attacked me! It was self-defense!"

>>29868282
look, if I killed your master I can pretty obviously kill you too, or else you would have been HER master.

Get out of here before I kill you and eat whatever edibles you have.

Rolled 4

>>29868282
Touch her with nasty Doritos™ powder. It will absolutely ruin her clothes.

>>29868282
>You killed my sister... Prepare to die.
... from now on we're calling ourselves Rugen.

>>29868282
Ask her who her sister was. Claim to not remember her no matter what she says. As you're doing this approach closer, when you get close enough stab her.

You're the best at deception.

Rolled 1

>>29868282
Seduce her

>>29868114
"Stupid can o..."

Slap his punk ass!

>>29868282
IF YOU LIKED HER SO MUCH THEN JOIN HER IN THE NETHER!
>go for first strike

>>29868282
Ask her if she's wearing anything under that robe

>>29868282
"I licked her before she died.

SHE WAS DELICIOUS."

>>29868282
Lick her and offer a threesome with Pringles-senpai. That pole could be put to good use.

Rolled 3

>>29868282
Ask her if she has a snack-food-themed method of attack.

You feel a strong hankering and hope for some sweet'n'salty Chex mix.

>>29868282
Claim that it's a misunderstanding, try to explain the issue / reason with her.
Once you get into stabbing range, shank the bitch.

>>29868282
"People are murdering us over snack foods! What would be the point of taking revenge?"

>>29868282
Offer chip. Stab on approach.

Rolled 12

>>29868282
Determine what food she has so we can eat it (without husband feeling jealous).

Rolled 17

>>29868282
Kill her and LIVE, LIVE FOR YOUR WONDERFUL HUSBAND AND BEAUTIFUL MUSTACHIOED CHILDREN

>>29868282
You won't stop us Mountain Dew

>>29868282
wait, is that S'mores staff?

>>29868311
Tyrone Rugen.

Shit Tyrone, Get It Together

>>29868282
Have we tried just running away with out can of Pringles/husbando? Fighting is just dangerous to his/our health.

Rolled 15

>>29868282

EAT PRINGLES

What if eating Pringles gives us a Popeye style powerup

>we are married to and in love with a can of Pringles
>we have a family with said can
I want this quest to never end. Why do I need to go to sleep now?!

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>>29868313
"So... You wearing anything under that that I can lick?"

>She doesn't reply and instead blasts the Guard with a sugary sorta lime flavored soda. She's thrown backwards and the can of Pringles™ falls out of her hand. The witch picks it up and wipes away her tears.

???: "Maybe with these my Master can bring her back... Now, die."

>She prepares another attack

Rolled 4

>>29868411
Toss our fucking Sword at her.


MAGIC MISSILE!

Rolled 13

>>29868411
CHARGE!

>>29868411
MAXIMUM BLOODRAGE

>>29868411
RESCUE HUSBAND
BITCH IS A HOMEWRECKER
SHE'S STEALING OUR MAN
GET BACK OUR BABY DADDY BEFORE SHE TAINTS HIM FURTHER

>>29868411
Drink her.

Rolled 12

>>29868411
Prepare to gulp it all down.

>>29868410
>Why do I need to go to sleep now?!
You are weak
>>29868411
She totally isn't wearing anything under that robe. Crawl up inside her robe.

Rolled 4

>>29868411
Shit Tyrone, Get It Together

She's touching your goddamn Precious

Rolled 12

>>29868411
Save husband from evil usurper.

>>29868411
Slice her apart, tear her powersource, a bottle of Mtn Dew from her stomache and crush it in your hand

Rolled 16

>>29868411
Do the Dew

>>29868411
"GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF MY MAN YOU HOMEWRECKING WHORE!"

>>29868411
Do the Dew. Against her will.

>>29868411
Break her, like Bane broke the bat.

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Rolled 7

>>29868432

Rolled 15

>>29868411
FIGHT THE SPRITE

>>29868411
Rocco, help!

>>29868411
She's stealing our man! Someone do something!

Rolled 17

>>29868488
DISCARD STICKY ARMOR
SEIZE PRINGLES
HEADBUTT

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Have a thing

>>29868411
unleash all that pent up energy

Rolled 8

>>29868411
Use your stickiness to your advantage, and stick the pringles can to your armor!

Damn it, HR, y u do dis an y i laff?

Rolled 9

Attempt to invoke ice powers by breaking into a rendition of Let It Go

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>The Nameless Guard removes her heavy armor... It was only slowing her down.
>She drops her blade, for this she needs only herself.
>She charges...
>And breaks that homewrecking bitch over her knee.

>The witch can do nothing but let out a small pained noise before she dies.
>The Guard goes to check on the thing she has sworn to protect...
>The Pringles™ are dented.

Rolled 19

>>29868586
Drink the witch

>>29868586
Cry, mourn, feel anguish beyond the deepest anguish.

Rolled 7

>>29868586
OUR HUSBANDO IS DENTED, FIX IT!

>>29868586
Try to use the pure love imbued in our tears to heal the only man we've ever loved.

>>29868586
Undent using mouth suction

Rolled 9

>>29868586
Blame self for getting husband hurt like Spiderman. Find doctor to fix his obvious paralysis.