>>32262375
>Wander around the goblin warrens.
Let's see about trying to overthrow the Chief.

Should we open an entrance to our realm somewhere in here?

>>32262375
>Let's find out what these stupid artifacts I got from her even do. Visit an artificer!

Fuq u cheif im not a bum

>Chiefly Fouldrinky @Fouldrinking
Those are all good news Chief.

>>32262375
>Let's find out what these stupid artifacts I got from her even do. Visit an artificer!

We have unidentified loot???

>>32262375
>Hit up Dragon Lady post-haste!
Been a while, Chief.

>>32262375
>Wander around the goblin warrens.
Can we just sort of walk in and kill Chief? Declare that we have the biggest weapon so we're the boss?

>>32262375
>>Let's find out what these stupid artifacts I got from her even do. Visit an artificer!

we got The Non-Stop Pop Pop and Stainless Steel last time didn't we?

>>32262375
>Let's find out what these stupid artifacts I got from her even do. Visit an artificer!
Then we go talk to the boss. We should probably not keep someone with the moniker of "the grumpy" waiting.

>>32262375 (OP)
>Let's find out what these stupid artifacts I got from her even do. Visit an artificer!

Yay. It's time!

>>32262375
>>Wander around the goblin warrens.
We can ask about the items to our own enchanting girl when we return to our minions and make a new bitching cave for ourselves to travel from.

It's time to write.

I know because the time is now.

Should we make a plane entrance here at the base? If so, then where should we do it?
First thing comes to mind is the warrens but the goblins are unreliable and the place might be too exposed? Maybe we can go to our boss-lady and ask her permission to make an entry-way at her castle (or whatever she resides in)?

>>32262579
Anyone who tries to go into the place will get wrecked by lizard turtles, sneaky lizards and shiny birds So I suppose we just put it wherever is most convenient for us.

>>32262640
I don't think they are all that powerful. We have not even put any turtles in the beach yet. I think the natural turtles there were not the fighting kind.

>>32262640
still, I think it would be better to not put it into a populated area which can be easily visited by anyone

File: OWQsecondaryabilities1.png (54 KB, 1400x800)

54 KB PNG

>>32262375
Can't stay to post the updated tree at the end of the thread. Awesome about the new schedule, by the way.

>>32262779
The turtles we summon have to come from somewhere.

>>32262798
It might be a huge strategic asset? Accessibility is good for those.

>>32262779
>I think the natural turtles there were not the fighting kind.
Could we get a clarification on this Chief? Is the beach guarded by an army of turtles and lizards? Or are they just cute crystal animals?

>>32262854
how so? Sneakily siphon troops for our raid party?

>>32262831
Don't the turtles permanently stay where they were summoned?
>There are powerful, huge, crystal turtles which can shoot lasers out of their eyes guarding a piece of swamp in middle of nowhere

>>32262375
Can someone remind me what we were supposed to hit up the Dragon Lady for?

>>32262868

Things on the plane are naturally formed guardians, but the ones you summon are more specialized for fighting. They are, effectively, created by you then and there. The ones on the plane naturally are weaker by far.

>>32262929
Because she told us to just now.

>>32262936
We should summon some on the beach then, for protection.

>>32262929
Because she summoned us just a second ago.

Read the OP.

>>32262936
Like the difference between Longdeads and wights?

>>32262910
>how so? Sneakily siphon troops for our raid party?
Crossing large distances quickly is useful for an army. Shax would have to deal with all sorts of losers traipsing around her plane, though. Sounds like a pain.

>>32262947
>>32262956

Ah, fuck, I didn't read the first paragraph

You've got these priceless artifacts in your possession, but you still haven't done anything with them. It's time to get them checked out! The problem is, you've never needed to do this while at camp before.

"Umm, does anyone know a good enchanter or artificer or something? I need to get these cool accessories checked out?" Sitri looks around the party with an interested look on her face while everyone goes deep in thought.

Brokagh coughs nervously, "I may, uh, know a guy. He specializes in unique services and artifacts." You could almost hear everyone's eyebrow raise, "For the discerning buyer." He kicks his feet and avoids meeting anyone's gaze. "Very discerning. C'mon. I'll introduce you." The orc then proceeds to lead you to a very, extremely shady part of the main camp. Lots of women with barely any clothing are hanging around, calling out to Brokagh and Bearbreath. Bearbreath just sorts of ignores them while Brokagh whistles or talks back. You're trying your best to not be noticed by anyone. Finally you arrive at a ragged looking tent, whose flap the orc monk pulls aside and gestures you to follow him in.

There are a variety of tubular objects of many colors here. Allonces looks agahst, while Sitri 'ooh's' while poking plenty of the wiggly things. A haggard looking orc greets you with several missing teeth from his grin. "Hey there, Brokagh, looking to spice up your marriage already? I've got just the thing..."

"Nah, here on a different kind of business. Want you to identify some things for me." Your loyal minion gestures at you.

"Oh? Well, young lady, what do you have?" You start to pull them out of your bag when you hear someone scoff.

"Don't listen to a word this charlatan has to say! I, Madame Resouile, know all and see all. Hand those items here, darling, I'll show you their true power." A rather large orc woman in a feather boa walks into the tent.

>Trust the lady.
>Brokagh's bro is my bro.

>>32263036
>Brokagh's bro is my bro.
Bros before Hos trick.

>>32263036
>Brokagh's bro is my bro.

>>32263036
>>Brokagh's bro is my bro.

She called him a charlatan, that means she must be the real charlatan who wants to get her mitts all over our goods.

>>32263036
>Brokagh's bro is my bro.

SHE'S WEIRD!

>>32263036
>Brokagh's bro is my bro.
If he can enchant dildos he can identify our gear.

>>32263036

Turn to the lady "Do you know any other artificer then?"

Wow! That is a lot of distrust. She's a nice lady, I promise.

Writing.

>>32263137
I think it's mostly trust in Brokagh and less distrust of her.

>>32263036
>get our item and leave because holy fuck there is no way you can trust these people.
>get our own enchanter to check them later.

>>32263137
Brokagh would never steer us wrong.

Except probably in relationship advice.

>>32263161
We'd have to make a portal to our demiplane to get our own enchanter to look at the things.
Do you want a portal to our awesome demiplane here, where theres goblins and orcs and drows?

>>32263173
I trust Brokagh in all things.

>>32263161
If you cant trust the guy selling sex stuff then who can you trust?

>>32263215
Do you trust him more than Bearbreath?

>>32263161

Speaking of the enchanter. Do you guys think she could improve our sword?

>>32263231
N-no.

But I trust Allonces more than Bear.

>>32263291
>Trusting Allonces' judgement over Bearbreath's
What

>>32263291
Why?

>>32263205
No, i want to do it when we return to our base.

"Ehhh, sorry lady. I don't know either of you. So I'm just going with who my friend here recommends." You hook a thumb at Brokagh, to the sound of the Madame sniffing.

She leans in close, and your nose wrinkles from the smell, "That's fine, but between us girls," She raises a hand to cover the side of her mouth and whispers softly enough for the natives of Yseleth to hear, "This man is a lecherous snob with a taste for young goblins like yourself." Harsh! "Do stop by if you ever want some magical and exciting gifts for your beau." She winks at you, hands you a bright pink business card with gold foiling, and sashays off, much like you imagine a mountain would.

You were sweating for some reason. Wiping your hands off on your skirt, you then grab the three items and present them to the enchanter of dubious goods. "So, mister, what can these do?" He pulls out a tiny seeing glass and leans in close, humming a few times.

"Yes. Yes I think I see what they are. It'll cost you three hundred gold to get them identified." Wow! Three hundred! That's a lot. You're not sure if you can afford... oh. You definitely can. You pick out some gold and hand it to him, "Very well... This bracelet is enchanted to be one of blinding strike. It can make you super fast for a short period of time." Neat. The shop owner lifts the belt up, "At first I'd say this was a standard belt of ogre strength, but... it has a few other enchantments on it. It can let you teleport a short distance twice a day, and allows you to turn your skin into stone for about an hour." You throw the belt over your shoulder. Ogre strength, huh? "As for this mask... It appears to be a magical mask capable of turning you into a giant temporarily. I'm not sure what kind of giant." Wow that sounds insane. "It only lasts a few minutes as far as I can tell, as well."

You thank him for his work, Brokagh buys some things from him, as well as Allonces, and quickly get out of there.

>Hit up somewhere else.
>Dragon Lady!

>>32263438
omg were da belt
waer it rite nao

>Dragon lady

>>32263438
>Dragon Lady!
Allonces is so lewd.

>>32263438
Wait, did we get a mask from majora's mask?
Neat!

>>32263438
>Dragon Lady
Also
>Super fast for a short period of time
>Ogre Strength
>Teleporting
>Stone Skin
>GIANT MODE
WE HAVE BECOME A RAID BOSS.

>>32263438
>use that maskwhile yelling SHAX GON GIVE IT TO YA

>>32263438
Holy shit those are pretty damn impressive artifacts. We should leave them for ourself.
Equip the bracelet and the belt immediately.

Not sure if we need the giant mask but that cold prove useful in a pitch
>transforms you into a giant
>but not your clothes
>oho ho ho, how lewd

>>32263438
>Dragon Lady!
>weapon is already oversized
>aquire giant mode
>????
>Profit!

>>32263438
What did Allonces buy? And for who?

>>32263438
>>Dragon Lady!
We should give the masst to Brokagh so he can throw GIANT PUNCHES.
We definitely keep the other two though.

>>32263542
For herself. Not like she has anyone else.

>Dragon Lady!

>>32263438
Since we have a belt that buffs strength, can we duelwield oversized weapons?
Will that Kanabo ever see the light of day?

>>32263438
>Bracelet of Go Fast
>Belt of Ogre Strength, Teleportation and Stoneskin
>Mask of BECOME HUGE

What if we use all three at once

>>32263599
It's a Tetsubo.

>>32263604
We BECOME UNSTOPPABLE

>>32263604

You become Ultraman.

Look around you! You didn't save a damn thing!

Anyway. Writing.

>>32263438

these could provide some interesting combat maneuvers and tricks.
Take teleporting for example
>Charge into the enemy telegraphing the attack making them prepared to counter it
>Suddenly teleport behind them and finish the attack

And if we get "back stab" skill then this could be a ridiculously powerful attack to pull. Of course it should be only reserved against strong enemies since we can teleport only twice a day.

>>32263599
We will never unlock the dual-wielding ability because we're too busy getting extra skill trees and fawning over turtles.

>>32263622
>local goblin is invincible

>>32263639
Oh hey can we LAZARS yet?

>>32263650
We can already dual-wield.

That ability is for improvised weapons.

>>32263599
dualwielding is retarded

>>32263688
ur retarded

Why would we want to dual wield when we have glorious sword already. Other giant weapons are for hanging on our place's walls as trphies.

File: OK.png (32 KB, 150x190)

32 KB PNG

>>32263610
Could someone explain the difference?
>>32263688
I just want to use that superior nippon bat

>>32263675
No we can't. If we could dual-wield we'd be doing it with our sweet shortsword. We never do that.

>>32263725
Other weapons are useful! We should have smith lady make us a cool dagger. No self-respecting goblin should go without a good dagger.

>>32263735

You can. You took Monkey Grip. You just don't really know how to use them together real well.

>>32263649
Dude, think more hype
Throw Tetsubo with our massive strength.
Gofast Dash, catch and send them flying.


Throw Tetsubo, Teleport behind them, hold sword out horizontally, dash really fast so the guy gets bisected.
Giant Dual Wield mode

Throw sword, teleport on top of sword, travel vast distances while looking stylish.

Throw sword into the air as high as we can, teleport to it, turn to stone, activate Cuttlefish Cutter and utterly destroy anything below us.

Mobility+Super Strength OP

>>32263732
>I just want to use that superior nippon bat
>superior

Is it because it was folded over thousand times?

>>32263765
So... who's up for hitting up the dwarf lady who taught us again before we leave camp? She can teach us how to dual-wield properly.

Or how to use our shortsword. Or both.

>>32263785
>Throw sword, teleport on top of sword, travel vast distances while looking stylish.
We can finally fly with the sword! It is no swordcopter but i'll take it.

>>32263763
We have a shortsword. Its just like an oversized dagger.

>>32263785

>Throw sword, teleport on top of sword, travel vast distances while looking stylish.
That sounds amazing. We should do that at any given opportunity,

We need to hurry and go back to our minions already, after we are done with the Grumpy Lady. We have been gone for far too long.

>>32263800
Its probably got some cool magic effects.

>>32263840
We learned basic swording in a single day. It's the most efficient thing Shax has ever done. Taking time to learn to sword in a new style isn't going to kill our minions.

>>32263842
>Two-timing our sword-fu

Wonder if we could use our sword only with the belt of strength without that bracelet that squidface gave us?

>>32263911
>Not going clubbing with our sword-fu

>>32263911
We already did that with our shortsword-fu
Shax is building up her own weapon harem

You decide that its been enough dorking around and you should probably get back to your job. Your official working job as Raid Leader! If you get assigned to that position again. Her mansion is surprisingly low on guards as you walk in. The receptionist waves at you, and Allonces attempts to hide the bag she's carrying as you sit down in the chairs. Moments later you hear the familiar draconic voice calling into her chamber.

She's in some sort of battle regalia, and she's lounging on a large couch, a small boy laying against her. "Hello Shax. This is my husband, please say hello to Nizkehaat, Archduke of the Fiery Domain of Eternal Agony. He's also my slave." The small boy lifts up a pale hand and waves it at you.

"Hello, I'm Shax!" You wave back. He smiles slightly. You notice he has a collar and leash that your boss tugs lightly. This whole situation is weird.

"He is pretty important to the next phase of my plan. And so are you, Shax! I'd love to tell you more about it, but first, let's give you a grade on your performance, shall we?"

>You got the god vessel successfully and faster than she expected!

YOUR RANK - AAAA+ RANK! Wow! Quad A's. That is something I didn't even know was a rank. Truly, you are a spectacular minion. You receive eight hundred goblin points. Where would you like to invest them in?

>Good Attitude
>Need for Greed
>Monstergirls Are Cute

You've decided to evenly distribute them! Good idea! A balanced Goblin is a Healthy Goblin.

File: ohohohogreetyourdraconicpatron.jpg (449 KB, 969x1000)

449 KB JPG

"Now that we have that out of the way, let's discuss what I would like for you to do next..." Everyone is looking around for somewhere to sit, but it is pretty much just gold and treasure in here, outside of the giant loveseat/throne. And no one really wants to get on that. "It's come time that we start a full fledged offensive against the Manderlay Plains. That coward of a matriarch wants to end the conflict in Valenwood before moving against them, but I say the assets we have available are already more than enough to take that kingdom. I want you to take command of an army."

"EEeehhhhh?"

"Of course, I'd provide you with plenty of troops. I'll need you to march on the capital post haste, of course. Nizie-poo here will be more than happy to lend a host of devils to you, won't you Nizkehaat?" The boy meekly nods and clings tighter to the dragon lady. "Then you'll lead a swift strike against the capital. I don't expect a siege, just a quick decisive march. Catch them off guard. After that, we'll see, won't we?"

Sitri glances over at you, clearly wanting to tell you something without thinking she can get away with whispering. Brokagh looks happy at the idea. Bearbreath has a blank look on his face. Allonces is staring at the boy, with a look of concentration. Fetidclaw is picking her teeth and not really listening.

Personally, you feel like something is up.

>Wow! Thanks, so when do I start?
>I'm not really qualified to lead an army, and I dunno any officers who would be good at it either, you know?

>>32264034
>monster girls are cute

And by monster girl, we mean Shax.

>>32264034
>You've decided to evenly distribute them! Good idea! A balanced Goblin is a Healthy Goblin.
Damn. I wanted to bank them for later use.

>>32263659
>Local goblin is FUCKING INVINCIBLE

Fixed

>>32264034
Undo even distribution
Put em all into cute monstergirls

>>32264056

>Wow! Thanks, so when do I start?
lol k

>>32264056
Hmm.

I kind of want to hear what Sitri has to say. And this seems suspicious.

I guess make a non-commital "yea, sure" and discuss this with the group.

>>32264056
>Wow! Thanks, so when do I start?

File: I'M FUCKIN INVINCIBLE.gif (1.39 MB, 291x247)

1.39 MB GIF

>>32264084

>>32264056
>>Wow! Thanks, so when do I start?
Wait what will we be called then? We clearly wont be a "Raid leader"

>>32264056
>>I'm not really qualified to lead an army, and I dunno any officers who would be good at it either, you know?
>I prefer to be the Boss of minions i know, not the boss of a bunch of random guys.

>>32264056
>I'm not really qualified to lead an army, and I dunno any officers who would be good at it either, you know?
Can't we just go back to raiding the good ol' plains?
Hell, we can just raze every settlement there.

>>32264056
Can we bring our boys?

>>32264056
>I'd rather lead my minions than an army.

>>32264056
>I'm not really qualified to lead an army, and I dunno any officers who would be good at it either, you know?

>>32264056
>>I'm not really qualified to lead an army, and I dunno any officers who would be good at it either, you know?

>>32264056
Ask Sitri what she wants to say.

>>32264056
>Something else.
We panic and ramble incoherently.

>>32264121
>>I prefer to be the Boss of minions i know, not the boss of a bunch of random guys.
Bull-shit. Shax was recruiting random guys left and right. Tons of fish dudes who will die like the redshirts they are. Redscales?

>>32264056
We need more details about this assignment
What are we going to get out of it?
Also, try to find out what Sitri has to say

>>32264056
>I'm not really qualified to lead an army, and I dunno any officers who would be good at it either, you know?

> ) Dark Goddess of Victory! Your very presence inspires your troops to greater heights of power! Your foes tremble before your might and your allies sing songs of your glory! ...At least that is what you tell yourself when you feel bad and lonely, or scared by the number of enemies you're facing. You get bonus stats equal to the number of people you're in combat with, allies included!

So what kind of an insane bonuses will we get when we are leading an entire army against an army?

>>32264190
Yes but not by tens of thousands.

Alright, I think I got an idea of the response here.

Writing!

>>32264243
Most of those people are going to eat mass combat rules. They don't matter and you shouldn't care about them because caring about them makes you a worse general.

The cool people will remain cool.

>>32264190
But those were guys we personaly recruited, not an army just handed to us.

>>32264221
>We will start spinning from one end of the battlefield.
>We find ourselves on the other end before we realize it.
>The fighting has stopped and more than a hundred thousand men, women, demons, all kinds of animal and plant people, and anything inbetween looking at us.

>>32264056

>Wow! Thanks, so when do I start?

awwww yiss we movin' up

Now we just need to figure out why people are obsessed with little boys recently. Or what "god vessel" means. Or why everyone but us gets a fancy title.

>>32264338
Love is in the air, man. Too bad we didn't score the shota.

>>32264338
>Or why everyone but us gets a fancy title.
>imlying "the Boss" is not the bestest title.

>>32264338
>Or why everyone but us gets a fancy title.
"Raid Leader", "Champion of Sea Mother", "Sword Saint" and about a dozen I don't remember are not fancy enought titles for you?

Seriously, guys, we should summon some Lizard Servants. They are all around useful. They can improve and be trained to do all kinds of shit. They can freely move around. There is literally no reason to wait for later to summon them. We will eventually get some if for no other reason than to have some lizard servants, so it is better to have them earlier.

I'm a little sad that we didn't get to tell all our adventures. Shax recaps are the best.

>>32264533
She was so much in a hurry to get married she didn't even ask. She is in love i guess?

You're a bit nervous, "Um, I'm not really qualified to lead an army, you know? I don't know anything about movements and strategy and stuff. I'm just a goblin. I like my minions, but I dunno how many would be good at being officers and junk. So I gotta turn you down. Sorry, lady!"

Nevith brings an unfurled fan up to her face and narrows her eyes. You hope you didn't make her mad. "I see." Her hand idly plays with the silvery chain on the Archduke's leash. "Very well. I'll have other arrangements made. Still, I think you have a vital part to play in the future of this alliance, Shax. A vital part indeed." There is a clicking sound as she collapses the fan she was holding. "I have some opportunities you might be interested in."

You feel kinda bad about turning her down, so you give Sitri an apologetic shrug, "Sure, what have you got in mind, boss?"

Beaming, Nevith sits up, "They all involve the Manderlay plains, and you can, of course, get back to your little raid group. I'll send details later. For now, I'd like to send an aide to you for assistance. They will be waiting for you before you leave for the surface. Now, you're dismissed, I've got some matters to attend to." You quickly hurry out of there. An aide, huh?

After you're clear of the mansion, Sitri turns to you, "Nizkehaat is one of the most powerful dukes of the hells. He leads several legions of devils, and has a strong enough presence that him even being on this plane should start reducing it to ash. I don't know what that lady is planning, Shax, but I wouldn't count on it being anything good for anyone but her." You figured nothing would be good for you regardless, so that isn't news!

>>32264426
What happens when Shax reach the top of the list in the Sword Saint art? Does she become the "Real OG"?

A cloaked drow bumps into you as you walk by, and puts something in your hand. It's a location. The message simply reads, 'If you want this war to end.' Whaaat.

Moments later an imperious looking drow woman in full platemail with several associates appear, "Shax Bonemurdered, correct? The Matriarch would like to speak to you in regards to your dealings with the dragon woman. It is best to be surreptitious in these matters, goblin." She gives directions and a time, and and then rides off in a huff.

Too much is going on at once! Maybe you ought to see what this is about?

>Go to the location on the note.
>Go see the Matriarch.
>Go to the goblin warrens.
>Nah forget all this I'm going to the surface.

Anyone notice how both of Best Minions are the only guys in our party?

>>32264704
>>Go to the location on the note.

I don't like wars very much. I don't think axe girl likes them either.

>>32264704
>Wanting this war to end
HAHA, FUCK NO
>Matriarch
Eh, maybe
>Warrens
I guess we should.

>>32264704
>Go to the goblin warrens.
Get that shit out of the way quick.
>>32264727
Fetidclaw is a guy. Sort of.

>>32264704
We haven't gone to the Goblin Warrens yet, have we?
Let's go deal with a little clan business

>>32264704
>Go see the Matriarch.
I don't really see a reason too end this war quite yet.

>>32264704
Warrens. Time to be the chief.

Whatever we do, we want the goblins to back us.

>>32264704
>Go see the Matriarch.
>wanting the war to end
>ever

>>32264704
>Go to the location on the note.

The sneaky rebel dudes are always the ones who survive, at the end of the day. Evil empires are cool and all but I don't fancy Shax's chances when somebody else with protagonist power shows up to defeat the dark lord.

>>32264748
>HAHA, FUCK NO
Why?

It's not like Shax is really interested in participating. Of course, she's not at all interested in stopping it either.

>Go see the Matriarch.

Don't want to seem like we're snubbing her.

>>32264704
>>Go see the Matriarch.
Well, not going would be rude i guess.

>>32264796
If Shax stopped the war, she'd have more time for sidequests. That's what life is really about.

>>32264796
If it wasn't for the war shax would be some nobody goblin in a cave.

>>32264704
>Go see the Matriarch.

Why the fuck do you want to see the Matrarch?

It's just going to be a bunch of "be my minion instead" bullshit.

>>32264704
>Go see the Matriarch.
The others seem less time-sensitive

>>32264704
>If you want this war to end
what? Random shady drow, if you want it to end, you should give reasons and stuff. Otherwise you are just gonna get ignored.

>>32264833
Wrong! She would still be friends with Squid Face!

>>32264839
This.

Goblin chief gives us more leverage.

>>32264833
And now she's a Light God and doesn't need this war to feel special.

She's outgrown this shit.

>>32264704
>Go to the location on the note.

>>32264704
>Go to the goblin warrens.

>>32264866
Light demi god. What is she going to do if there is no war? Sit around not raiding and listening to Allonces? No thanks.

>>32264839
Because we can do the other stuff after trying our best not to offend her? She could be a terrible enemy.

>>32264907
Find and fight all the sword saints?

writ write wrote

That's now how it works? Writing.

>>32264907
Sidequests. Fight Swordsmen. Take over more Elemental Planes. Kill the Hungerere.

It's not like you need to be someones fucking minion in a war to raid a place anyway.

>>32264866
>>32264796
All I'm saying is, give war a chance.

>>32264948
You forgot "be friends with axe girl who has slightly less reason to want us dead"

>>32264907
Relax on a beach and play with turtles!

>>32264959
There's no fucking point to be involved with it and the only reason people keep giving to stick with it is "because."

>>32264992
I sorta want to end up being an evil overlord.

>>32264992
There is no reason to not get involved either. It just what we choose to do and we don't. No need to get bitter.

>>32265021
Same. We'd be an awesome ruler of the surface.

>>32264959
Think about the economy!
>>32264992
No reason to stop it either.

>>32265021
Eh, I can see Shax taking over but not through war.

I vote we end the war.

>>32264969
I just realized. If the dragon ladies husband turns everything to ash, think about the poor turtles and lizards everywhere!

>>32265021
But Shax is likeable and adorable enough to rule without needing to resort to world war.

>>32265086
But war is more fun then the other methods.

>>32265078
Exactly! So we need there to not be war.

>>32265105
This is true. Its also less fun if it doesn't sort of happen accidentally.

>>32265105
Maybe as a raid leader.

As an overlord it's just a bunch of arguing with generals and managing resources.

>>32265134
That's right.

We will only fight the people who do not come peacefully.

Will we ever discover Shax's true origins?
Her being Squid's favorite pet requires an explaination.

>>32265111
And I bet Sea Mom be pissed too if all her water went to ash

>>32265111
But it would still be on this plane anyway.
>>32265140
Thats why we delegate.

>>32265140
>As an overlord it's just a bunch of arguing with generals and managing resources.
You clearly need to play Aspiring Emperor Quest.

>>32265149
The explanation is she is Shax. She is amusing. So Squidface liked her.

>>32265148
I more meant we'd inherit the position of evil overlord more or less accidentally, at least IC

>>32265185
>Implying AEQ is anything close to realism
I'm in that one too, and it's fun, but cmon man...

>>32265149
Thats all there is man.
She is a random goblin.
She decided to join the army.
She got given the wrong gear.
Squid face thought this was funny.
Done.
>>32265208
Yes because this quest is such an overwhelming font of realism.

>>32265208
>implying realism is at all relevant in this quest
Now I'm just confused.

>>32265208
We can summon crystal turtles, your argument is invalid.

>dragon woman
I'm half-surprised she didn't call her dragon lady.

>>32265208
>>32265252
And this quest is?

>>32265374
Why Am I included there? I was being sarcastic.

You're not too interested in reading what this note is all about. Why'd some weirdo give it to you? Well, whatever. Best to keep moving and not think too much about it. All this talk of war has something else on your mind, though. You remember Auntie ranting about the Fouldrinker clan, and it really got you thinking earlier about how you weren't too sure about leading. What's it take to be a good leader, anyway?

You gotta ask some questions! You head on down to the goblin warrens, but you check to see if the rest of your party is interested first. Brokagh, Allonces, and Fetidclaw break off to run some errands, but Sitri and Bearbreath say they basically have nothing better to do and tag along.

It isn't long until you're in the caves with the familiar stench of home all around you. Ahh, the goblin warrens. Refreshingly filled with filth. You stop by Auntie's place and get yelled at for a good while about needed to make some kids, a conversation Bearbreath finds incredibly dull, but Sitri is highly amused by.

"Hey, Auntie, how many goblin clans are there, anyway?"

"Hmmmm? About twenty one, I think? Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering. Which ones are there, if you don't mind?"

Fouldrinker is the main clan, comprised of the most goblins. After that is Bonemurdered and Devilooze, who are long standing rivals. After that is the tertiary tier of goblins, most notably Toothtwisters, who are the self proclaimed experts on goblin religion, Hellhearts, which are the lead goblin artisans, and Madstinks, who have the highest concentration of warlocks. A dozen more names are listed, with minor notes. Nothing too interesting, though.

Is there anything you'd like to talk about, boss?

>Visit the Toothtwisters, investigate about the hungerer.
>See if the Hellhearts know anything about sweet goblin gear.
>Chat up the Madstinks about the path to warlockery.
>Go make a fuss in the Devilooze camp.

>>32265473
Oh i thought you said "that quest" instead of "this quest"

>>32265481
>Just walk up and straight shank the Fouldrinkers in cold blood
We can deal with the fallout later.

>>32265481
Go to the Fouldrinkers.

>>32265481
>Visit the Toothtwisters, investigate about the hungerer.

>>32265481
>>Go make a fuss in the Devilooze camp.
We need to take our mind off things and relax.

>>32265481
>Chat up the Madstinks about the path to warlockery.
Lets see if we can get them onside.

>>32265481
>Just walk up and straight shank the Fouldrinkers in cold blood
supporting this

>>32265524
>>32265519
Second

>>32265481
>Visit the Toothtwisters, investigate about the hungerer.
Know your enemy and all that.

>>32265481
>Visit the Toothtwisters, investigate about the hungerer.

Where do I remember hearing of the hungerer again?

>>32265495
Thats fine.
>>32265481
>Chat up the Madstinks about the path to warlockery
Get ALL the powers.

>>32265524
This

>>32265569
Goblin God.
He eats goblin souls.

>>32265569
That's the god who eats goblin souls when the goblins die.

>>32265481
Toothtwister. God killer flag raised.

>>32265524
Second (fourth?)

>>32265481
Fouldrinkers. We're the new boss around here.

>>32265604
We can do that after becoming head of the goblin clans.

Then the Toothtwisters will be forced to tell us everything they know about him and how to defeat him

We have three people and no real support from the rest of the Goblin Warrens.

What makes you think it's a good idea to just walk up to the boss.

I think the Light Powers have gotten to your head, guys.

>>32265590
>>32265597
Oooh, interesting. We must know more.

>>32265519
I like a good shanking

Also I think that if we shank the old big boss and then shank all the potential candidates for bosshood, then we become the new big boss because that's how goblin politics works

>Decide to become leader of goblins
>Must beat the current leader in battle to death
>Duel Chief Fouldrinker
>Have a long and tense fight
>Deliver the deathblow and kill the Chief
>Just as we do it the update suddenly stops, the post is cut before the end and is posted like that
>No more updates
>Twitter is also dead, no word from Chief Fouldrinker
>We literally killed the QM and ended the quest

Guys, don't even do this. Don't kill Fouldrinky. He is a great chief whatever Auntie says

>>32265651
If we one shot him then it's all over.

>>32265651
THEY'RE GOBLINS
OUR SHITTERS WERE THE ELITE GOBLIN CRACK SQUADS
AND THEY WERE SHIT WHEN WE STARTED.

>>32265651
Just have to kill him and then no one will contest us.

Ain't no post mordem loyalty among goblins.

>>32265481
I don't want to do any of these...

>>32265662
>long and tense fight

We're above and beyond mere goblins. It would be a 10 second fight at most.

>>32265651
Goblin mooks are kindaa shit.

But maybe we should go retrieve Bear and Brookagh.

>>32265662
I'm interested though
I wanna see what happens.

>>32265662

haha that'd be awesome

I don't think I can go that deep, though

>>32265717

I'm sorry. What do you wanna do?

Anyway. Writing!

>>32265717
Then fouldrinker it is

>>32265662
The chief could end up being a cool guy too

>>32265757
What if the Chief is another Sword Saint?

>>32265731
I want to go ride on tree minions and get to know them.

>>32265769
We have a list.

>>32265689
>>32265721
>>32265723
>all yall niggas forgetting that we are a goblin
Sometimes I dont even know /tg/.

>>32265769
then we're definitely fighting him
gotta get that xp

>>32265780

They're really cool. They worship the sun, so you're like their best friend right now. One wants to start a family, but just can't seem to find the time to really settle down and do something for himself, you know?

>The Fouldrinker Clan is no good!
>Do you want to begin a sneaky and tricky campaign to overthrow them with the help of the other goblin clans? Pick a clan to diplomance!
>"Fuck that, let's go shank folk until everyone acknowledges that we're the boss"

Yeah that sounds about right

>>32265832

It coulda been fun.

I thought it'd be fun.

>>32265832
Eh, we're likely just to cause a huge uproar and a bunch of infighting since no one is really behind us being the new chief.

We'll likely get jumped by a bunch of other people looking to get the position.

>>32265812
We could give a good place for him to settle down. The beach would use some green too. So everyone would be happy. He could have a family and a little forest to look after there.

>>32265864
I tried man.

>>32265894
Then they will fall over each other when we teleport somewhere else.
Also Chief, lets wear the bracelet and the belt. We already decided to use them both for sure so no reason to put that off.

>>32265864
This might be fun too

It totally sounds like a Shax Plan™

>>32265864
I want to learn about the hungerer

>>32265933
Seconding putting thte bracelet and belt on

>>32266072
We will, after we become chief

You think about it for a moment. What's the best way to be the boss? Don't you have to take out the other bosses? You chew on some delicious slop for a bit while thinking about it.

"Hey Auntie?"

"Hm, what is it, girl?" Auntie's eyesight is pretty bad. She's turning around trying to find you.

"Can I just, I dunno, Kill the chief and become the boss of the goblins?" Auntie drops a ladle and looks in your general direction with her mouth ajar. "That's how it works, right? Why don't I just do that?"

"Well. I mean. You'd have to beat him in a ritual dual. If you challenge him, he'd get to decide how you fight or where you fight, then you get to decide the other half." Oh, so if you challenge him he'd almost definitely say 'no giant swords' or something. "Plus, if you become chief you'd have people out for your head, too. Gotta watch out for poisons and stuff." No big deal. "Not to mention the amount of time you'd have to spend in the warrens making sure people don't fight each other." Who cares. "It really is a lot of work to even get the position, and more to hold it, you know? Just eat your slop and stop thinking about it."

Well, too late. It's tiem to go get yourself a big ceremnoial headdress. You wanna be the boss. You thank Auntie for the food and head over to the Fouldrinker caverns. It doesn't take you long to find the Chief's House, a pretty nice stone building near the middle of the Fouldrinker's sphere of influence. You stomp in.

"Hey, Chief! Where you at? I wanna duel you for the right to be boss!" A large goblin turns around from eating at a massive table, puts on a headdress and walks over to you. "I don't think you're very good at it. You're always givin' the Fouldrinker clan special privalagedges, and makin' all the other clans go fight in wars so you don't have to. Anyway, let's fight!"

The chief spits out a bone, wipes his mouth and looks at you. "Alright. We fight in my hut here. What weapons we gonna use?"

>What weapons do you want to use?

>>32266155
Giant sword+Short sword+Tetsubo+Pearls.
He gets to veto one

>>32266155
giant sords

>>32266155
Giant swords and magic.

>>32266155
> Whatever weapons we want.

>>32266155
Whatever let's using crystal light spears from Light planes legal.

>>32266155
Swords and magic

>>32266155
Wow
That escalated quickly
He must get a lot of challengers

>>32266155
>Giant swords. Your sword must be at least 1.5 times your own height. (Or however large our sword is relatively.)

>>32266204
This

>>32266155
We each get one weapon and one minion.

Bring the giant sword and a crystal turtle

>>32266155
Wow, he's a big guy.

>>32266155
Giant sords, naturally.

So i say that once we beat this guy we make Auntie the person who rules while we're away.

also this>>32266204

>>32266246
FOR YOU

>>32266155
Giant swords.
magic in duels is for pussies.

>>32266155
Let's keep it simple guys.
>swords and magic and stuff

>telling him what weapons we use so that he can stipulate that we can't use them

good job

>>32266309
But he can't.

It's up to us to choose.

>>32266309
>Gank him with a crystal spear
I'm sooooo worried.

>>32266309
He just picked the location of the fight, though

>>32266155
Swords and magic. cause we have our pearls and let's not say giant swords so that we can use our back up shanker.

>>32266220

He's been boss for a super long time.

>>32266246

Nearly orc size!

>>32266309

Not according to the rules.

Anyway, writing.

Anyone supporting just attempting to one shot him from the getgo with a crystal spear?

>>32266373
do we have the belt and the bracelet equipped right now?

>>32266421
No.

>>32266373
Is it a deathmatch or just until the other concedes?

>>32266421
He's been the chief for a long time, man. He'll probably dodge it like a boss.

>>32266431

Sure!

>>32266421
I am.

>>32266431
We better do. We have been saying we want to equip those two since we left the dildo guy.

>>32266431
We better.

>>32266443
You know it's instant right?

Can't wait for the nat 1

>>32266445
great!

>>32266460
>You know it's instant right?
Its a giant spear made of crystal. It still has to fly at someone. That said it does have a hell of a blast radius.

>>32266445
Neat!

Time to roll a million 1s in a row!

>>32266460
>You know it's instant right?
It has travel time. It's not fucking Gae Bolg.

> You lift up your hand, the spear floating slightly above it and pull back. You're not sure how you're supposed to throw this thing. I guess you just sorta throw it at the... Oh, there it goes. Super fast.
>The spear looks like it was in your hand one moment, and the next it is pinning the golden mask man to the ground through his chest, his arms dangling in the air uselessly.

He could totally dodge that with his super goblin chief reflexes and speed. And the fact that it is so completely telegraphed.

anyone have a feeling that we'll get our shit wrecked?

>>32266507
It has no blast radius.

Do you remember the last time we used it? It was an instant kill, one moment it was floating above us, the next it was pinning the guy to ground.

>>32266556
With that attitude we will

>>32266559
>It has no blast radius

>dangling in the air uselessly. The fight seems to stop as every stares. A few seconds later a loud boom is heard, and everything gets dragged to where the spear is sticking out of the ground, with massive cracks forming in the ground.
Uhhh? That is a blast radius. Not something for using in a cave.

>>32266543
So almost instantly.

I doubt this guy has those kinds of reflexes

>>32266556
Yup. I hope he's forgiving or likes our gumpsion.

>>32266559
After it flew from above us and there was a giant explosion that knocked everyone on their ass.

>>32266592
I thought you meant if explodes. That was just the kinetic impact.

"Swords and magic!" The chief rubs his chin, and looks around, motioning at various goblins who are scrambling around collecting items and setting up the hut.

"Alright. Get me my choppa. Magic, huh? Didn't know you were the type." He glances over before turning around dismissively, "Certainly don't look it." Someone hands him a large single edged sword that looks more like a cleaver than a proper sword. Various tables are flipped up on their sides and the wall decorations are rearranged. Strange masks hang all over the walls. The floor is a wide open stone surface.

The tables flipped on their sides make for a chest high sort of barricade covering random spots all over the ground. It's hard to see where the Chief even is.

Bearbreath and Sitri go into the audience with the rest of the goblins. "No one interferes, it's just me and Shax here," The Chief calls out from somewhere in the room. "On your mark, Shax." You enter a combat stance. You weren't expecting things to escalate this quickly, to be honest. "Get ready!" Yeah, you are ready. You thought that was what being 'on your mark' meant. "Start!" He shouts. You don't sense any movement. I guess you started the duel, though?

You glance around. You really can't see any movement going on. You've got you, some seven pearls, and a giant sword. As far as you know, the Chief only has a single choppa.

What's the plan, boss?

>You tell me!

>>32266808
Throw sword at him
Teleport on top of sword
Slash with shortsword...?

>>32266808
Spin. To. Win.

>>32266851
This sounds fun.

>>32266808
KILL HIM TILL HE DIES!

>>32266808
Let's test the waters first off

Defensive stance and start inching around like in one of those weird kung-fu movies

>>32266808
Summon lizards or laser turtles to fish him out. Lure him to a spot where we can see him and then crystal spear his ass.

>>32266808
Step one: smash barriers until we see Chief.
Stwp two: Teleport behind Chief.
Step three: Smash and slash Chief.
Step four: We are now chief.

>>32266808
Lure him out with summons then teleport on top of his ass.

>>32266851
Changing my vote to this.

Teleporting with more spinning

>>32266868
Seconding. See what we're up against. Maybe try to disarm him with a sea mom attack.

>>32266808
HIT HIM WITH THE EDGE

Driving out for something real fast. I'll be back in bout 20 mins, probably.

I look forward to seeing your strategy!

>>32266808
We are going to get our asses kicked by mask magic.

>>32266947
If you can call spinning a stategy.

>>32266868
I also approve of the cautious approach.

>>32266808
Start attacking the shit out of those masks. I don't trust them. Just collapse the entire damn building.

>>32266851
Let's wat till we can see him. I really want to ride our sword though. With our new belt in addition to Squidface's bracelet we should be able to throw that thing really fast.

>>32267090
This. Grappling hook the roof and tear down the building. Then teleport out.

>>32267166
I think that would violate the rules of engagement.

>>32267183
Don't grappling hook out, then. Strike the sky!

Seriously, collapsing this obviously prepared ground is a good idea.

Just spin.

>>32267244
I'd just summon the turtles and fire lasers at all this stuff.

We can also smoke out the Chief for sword throw teleport attack or crystal spear.

>>32267244
This is supposed to be an honorable duel.
If you scrubs had just picked swords there wouldn't be any problem.

>>32266808
Spin and smash those barricades. There is nothing our choppa can't chop!
Once the view is clear we go into Wary Tortoise Stance if the chief is still standing and strike back with Grouchiness of the Terrapin if he attacks us.
If he does anything magicky we summon a Glimmering Guardian Group and rush him with turtles.

>>32267287
>honorable duel
>goblins
Wahahahahaha!

>>32267287
We're fucking goblins! He didn't set any rules that we couldn't wreck his house.

>>32267288
There are no barricades.

The tables were pushed to the side.

>>32266808
Do our biggest jumping slash-but do it far away from him, then teleport at the last moment on top of him.

Whether or not that works, go defensive afterwards, lashing out with the short sword while blocking with the big one.

When we thing we've got him, do a low sweep with the big sword-then call a turtle to crush him while he's in the air.

Can we set ourselves on fire?

>>32267334
>The tables flipped on their sides make for a chest high sort of barricade covering random spots all over the ground. It's hard to see where the Chief even is.
No, they were pushed on their side. Not to the side.

>>32267340
Also, do a low sweep with the big sword, then teleport 2 feet in the air and rotated 90 degrees so the swing becomes a smash.

We should have drunk from the illusion-breaking chalice. Too late now. Prepare to die at the hands of invisible goblin stealth.