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-----------------------------------------------
Ogir Place - Flying Golem Oasis
EQUIP - Sandstorm/Magmastorm Drill, Ruoumoko
-----------------------------------------------
Population: ???/??? - Ogres, Elves, Scaratones, Paladin Patchwings, Wraith Skellies
- [Landmarks] Oasis, Daphnaia, Scaratone Hive, Underground Cave/Quarry
- [Food] Cacti(-ow), Fungi, Wheat, Potatoes, Ravager Meat, Milk; Stupid Lucky Growth
- [Resources] Sandstone, Iron+Chromite Ores, Featherstone, Aquifer Pebbles, Bones [Ogir Fist]
- [Diplomacy] Cheevo Hunter Dwarves [ALLIED]; Dimension Kobolds [PRISONERS]; Scaratones [UNITED]; Felpowder Elves [UNITED]

- [Key Items] Tomes (Dragon Lore, Illusory Magic I, Necromancy I), Crazy Ghost's Books
- [Arms] Cactus Maces, Iron Scimitars, Heat-Seeking Rokkit Launchers, Short-Ranged Bow+Arrow, Crude Iron Armor, Demon Helm/Shoulderpads; Ur-Camouflage
- [Vocations] OGRES: Geo (∞), Berserks, BMasters, Rockkits, Riders, Heallusionist
- [Beasts] Giant Bats (trained), Naked Mole Ravagers (trained)
- [Settlement] Ruined Rock Shanties, Broken Storehouse, Mud Farms, Anchor/Stairs, SOGGY HELL ASHES

- [Named Ogres] Boss Bawss Fistboss [+30 Diplomacy], Geomancer Gubbins [+30 Geomancy to All, +Ruoumoko, +Time], Beastkrumpa Squiggles Irwin [+Beast Whisperer, Big Vulture]
- [Allied VIPs] Celicia Silverstone, Gunston Lockstock, Vultan
- [Tech] Fire, Fish, Farm[+Protection+Fertilizer], Cooking, Tea, Mine, Smelt/Forge, Write/Read, Hats, FStone Flight, FStone Airdrops, Airships, Ur-Cartography
- [Magic] Geomancy X, Heallusion I, Necromancy I, Time I, Climate Control 0
- [Economy] System=Barter; Currency=Shit
- [Justice] Krumpin' Duels / Boss Knows Best
-----------------------------------------------

ROLLS
>Any Doubles: STUPID LUCKY
>100: SO BRILLIANT IT'S STUPID
>91-98: Stupidly Successful
>61-90: Successful
>41-60: So-So
>12-40: Kind Of A Problem
>2-10: SO STUPID THAT IT'S BRILLIANT
>1: LUCKY STUPID

Thanks for the fanart, mysterious drawfriend
(Cont.)

>>33683774

>[X] [MEDIATE] Between you, the orcs, and the kobolds!
>[X] [SUMMON] ... with some help from your friends!

Boss Bawss Fistboss, boss of the ogres (et al) of Ogir Place, has just tamed some sorta hole-in-reality. It's a real keeper, what with all the sparkly space-stars that became visible whenever it opened its mouth, and the fact that it also seemed to subtly drag the edges of the material world down toward itself whenever it moved anywhere. Of course, now it's safely stored away in the nothingness wrapped around the larger ogre's hat, so he'll have to remember to check it out more later!

... once he deals with the small issue of being surrounded by a stranded advance guard of kobold raiders and a squad of orcish spearmen- orcs. Bawss has seen kobolds before, tiny little lizardmen who move all sneaky-like; these ones are no exception, even though they're clad in armor (and also despair, since they just saw their ticket home taken away from them).

The orcs are new, though. Big green musclemen with tusks, pointed ears, and not a whole lot of hairs on their heads, these particular ones seem to be carrying rock spears, wooden shields, and not a whole lot else aside from paint and loincloths. Real colorful hats, though, with exotic feathers and everything all over their heads.

Bawss almost finds himself nodding approvingly, but he stops that real quick. He doesn't have time for this; it's time for some mediation. Or it would be, if he had some pals along who could help him hold them away from each other long enough to talk it out.

[A] [OGIR PLACE] Try to get your entire home all up in here!
[B] [WRITE-IN] Summon someone specific, and name 'em!
[C] [RANDOM] You don't have time for this, just nab someone from home!

Rolled 49

>>33683832
Reach into the portal and nab Bawss. Two heads thinkin' da same ting is better an' one head, yeah?

>>33683917

oh shit.

do it.

>>33683917
>>33683941
Is our body still asleep back in Ogir Place? Won't we just be grabbing our unconscious self?

>>33683917
>Mind
Blown

>>33683983
No. Bass is conscious now, so we'd be grabbing conscious Bawss. Maybe?

>>33683917
Yes.

Rolled 45

>>33683832
[A] [OGIR PLACE] Try to get your entire home all up in here!

>>33683917
>>33683983
So we grab our unconscious self and wake him up! Lazy grot can't sleep all day, we got work to do!
And ogres and two heads go hand-in-hand like hats and ogres!

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>>33683917
[X] [GRAB BAWSS]

I...

WELL OKAY THEN

>***STUPID LUCKY TIME?***
ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)
Best of three!

Rolled 85

>>33684090
inb4 1

Rolled 25

>>33684090
Let's break reality even more than before.

Rolled 86

>>33684090
Heh heh HA HAHHAHA

Rolled 16

>>33684090
Does he come with takeout?

Rolling for takeout.

Rolled 67

>>33684090
LET'S DO IT THEN

Rolled 83

>>33684090

>>33684090
>>33684106
>>33684118

The brain breakage starts early tonight

>>33684163
>>33684118
>>33684106
We get an 84 and either an 82 or an 83 and we get a straight. Ha.

Rolled 9

>>33684248
>>33684181
Imagine what Cecilia is going to think. Not only did we tame nothing, but we brought back two heads!

Rolled 69

>>33684381
Two heads? Ha GA HAAA

We bringing in an alternate bawss boys
lets fuck the timeline lads

Rolled 77

>>33684090
Did we inadvertently save another timeline from Ogres?

>>33684551
congrats you will be the one to completely break Blorps sanity tonight!

>>33684568
Sorry anon, there -is- a limit to the rolls he accepts. This one was way outta range, sadly.

Rolled 67

>>33684609
the dice will deliver or when blorp brains melt

which ever comes first

>>33684609
hmm i remember him cherry picking rolls before *shrug*

>>33684090
You know what they say. When you gotta get something done, do it yourself.

Aw man, one Bawss for each side of the argument!

>>33684664
Could

Could we diplomance /ourselves/?

>>33684106
>>33684118
He'll must likely just pull himself out a few inches to the side, kind of like an Aperture portal.

>>33684726
Why would we need to? Shouldn't we already agree with ourselves?

Rolled 17

>>33684726
Depends how old he is

Older hes in charge
Younger hes second in command
or maybe send him to make a second ogre city?

>>33684778
A second Ogir Place?

Only if they can transform and combine. We have to set some strict rules here.

That said, Ogir Fist looks like a good basis for starting one. . .

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>>33683737

Blorp! YOU'RE ALIVE!

>aura mendong

Yes captcha... that is exactly how I feel.

Rolled 28

>>33684778
The one that has the bigger hat is in charge.

Rolled 21

>>33684897
We got nothing on the hat

Those that it is smaller or bigger then?

Rolled 47

>>33684927
Ah, but you forget, our hat has nothing as it's crowning accessory. Our hat ensures our dominance in the upcoming negotiations.

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>>33684090
>>33683832
>>33684118
>[X] [WRITE-IN] Summon someone speciBOSS BAWSS FISTBOSS
>85, 86- Successful!

It doesn't take very long for the yelling to start.

"O-Our portal!" The first kobold to recover from the mild mind-breaking starts squawking indignantly, pointing a claw at Bawss. "You've stolen our portal, you sneak-thief!"

"Naaah. Dat wasn't sneakin' or thiefin'," Boss Bawss interjects calmly. "Dat was straight up, ol' fashioned taming."

"It doesn't matter! Give it back!!" The kobold yowls, pulling a wickedly serrated knife and running at the much larger ogre-

- only to leap out of the way, narrowly avoiding the spear that almost seems to sprout out of the ground. The lead orc straightens back up, crossing his arms over his chest. "Oh no you don't. First blood ain't going to you, little fella." He bares his fangs in a feral grin. "We'll be taking that honor, you and the portal mage both."

Bawss frowns. "... I'm a mage, now?" The kobolds and the orcs ignore him.

"... no. We're cleansing the world of YOUR kind, greenskin," the kobold hisses, tail lashing angrily.

The orc laughs at that, deep and scornful. "You and what army, rat?"

"We don't NEED an army to deal with you!"

"Yeah? We'll see how long your bravado lasts when we wring your veins dry for the gods to drink!"

"The only blood that will be shed this day is youWHAT-"

"We'll see aboWHY THIS-"

(Cont.)

>>33684735
Well, if Blorp's smart, he'll have Bawss take himself from right after the diplomacy is done, so that the summoning one is summoned away at the end and the Bawss that had both conversations moves on without us being able to do too many shenanigans.

Let's all hope he doesn't think of that.

>>33684970

>Blorp breaking again

Good times

>>33684982
traitor die

we must break blorp to summon the ogre time

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>>33684970

The orcs and kobolds quickly scrabble for something solid to hang onto as Boss Bawss Fistboss once more unravels the nothingness from his hat and pulls out a gaping void into unreality, the mere unveiling of his new pet inexorably dragging everything in like a black hole. The ogre, heedless of this, blinks and looks up.

"Naaah, don't stop on my account, I'm just gettin' something to help me think."

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" the orc roars over the howling wind.

"I'm a portal mage now, so I'm thinkin' with portals," Boss Bawss Fistboss replies, as if that was the most natural thing in the world.

"PLEASE STOP," the orc shouts back.

"LISTEN TO THE FILTHY ORC," the kobold adds. "YOU'RE GONNA DESTABILIZE ALL OF REALITY IF YOU DON'T STOP-"

Boss Bawss Fistboss stops. The orcs and kobolds breath a collective sigh of relief as gravity reasserts itself.

The sigh grows cut-off and strangled as both sides look up to see two of the exact same ogre staring at each other.

"Oh. Hi," says Boss Bawss Fistboss.

"Hi," replies Boss Bawss Fistboss, looking around at the change of scenery. "Wot happened to da desert?"

"What? Oh, you just woke up, huh?"

"Yeah, an' Celicia was actin' all happy 'cept she was pretending to be all gruff an' stuff. Except then she started screamin' when you poked your head through da reality an' pulled me out to da... this ain't the desert, huh?"

"Naaah, this ain't the desert."

"Ooh. So it's a new place, then?"

"Yup! With orcs an' kobolds."

There's an expectant pause as Boss Bawss Fistboss looks at Boss Bawss Fistboss and quirks a fleshy eyebrow.

"Diplomancin'?" Bawss hazards.

"Diplomanchin," Bawss confirms.

Both ogres ignore the thin wail of "WHAT IS GOING ON, HOW IS THIS HAPPENING" from the lead kobold, and turn around to face the orcs.

(Cont.)

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>>33685030
"Hey, so I was thinkin'," Bawss says.

"Thinkin' real hard," Bawss adds.

"That maybe you shouldn't murder everyone here an' fight like crazies," Bawss finishes with a sage nod.

"These kobolds aren't gonna hurt anyone," Bawss elaborates.

"So you don't got any reason to hurt 'em, right?" Bawss asks expectantly.

All throughout the one (two?)-sided conversation, the orc leader looks between the Fistbossi, ill-equipped to deal with existential crises. "Er... I guess?" he hazards, squinting suspiciously into nothingness as his eyes start to cross from the strangeness of it all.

"Good. We settled then, guys?" Bawss rumbles, glancing over at the kobolds.

"No fightin' each other?" Bawss rumbles, also glancing over at the kobolds.

"Yes! Yes, we promise! Just- please stop existing on top of each other like that!" the kobold gibbers, down on his knees. "I beg of you! Before something horrible happens!!"

Both Bawsses frown, scratching their heads in unison. "Before something like what happ-"

>***STUPID LUCKY TIME?***
ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)

Oh god... I've been reading these on the archive... Can I play?!

Rolled 74

>>33685068

oh shit

Rolled 51

>>33685068

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>>33685070
No.
Go away, you smell.

Rolled 52

>>33685068
pizza party

Rolled 1

>>33685068
Lucky stupid!

Rolled 98

>>33685107
ah man so close

>>33685101
I hate myself for not sneaking my 1 in before you so much right now!

>>33685107
Oh boy, time to shift into maximum ogredrive

Rolled 29

>>33685068
I have tears in my eyes I am laughing so hard.

>>33685107
Welp

>>33685107
You called it anon.

>>33685107
Oh dear....

Rolled 8

>>33684970
He younger then us
I think?

Rolled 86

>>33685107

Oh boy. Incoming

Goddess luck anyone?

>>33685139
Yeah, but it's still a fourth roll. It's ok though, still helps build our Lucky Lady Intervention's bonus...

>>33685107
shame that your roll is the 4th one. I'd LOVE to see how Blorp wouldve handled it.

Rolled 91

>>33685030
>what happened to the desert

God that line killed me. Straight from thread 1.

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>>33685107
Ah, close! I'M SURE WE'LL BE SEEING MORE OF THESE SORTS OF ROLLS SOON THOUGH

Writing.

Rolled 55

>>33685274

Lady Luck?

>>33685274
Blorp gained sanity points

We must break him

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>>33685290
NO

IT'S TOO SOON

>>33685274
Blorp, are you really gonna do that
ARE YOU REALLY GONNA LET THAT GO
HE CALLED THE LUCKY STUPID AND GOT THE LUCKY STUPID
THE DICE GODS WILL IT!

Rolled 83

>>33685362
Prepare the dice

Rolled 67

>>33685361

Do it.

Didn't you say it recharged?

Rolled 84

>>33685361
the dice remember you

>>33685362
No, no, no.

This is a roll for ridiculous fallout from our ridiculous bullshit. We want this to go as wrong as possible so we can do even more ridiculous bullshit.

>>33685361
How long until SPACE OGRES?

>>33685421
The logic is sound sir

But we hate failure

Rolled 86

>>33685361
>>33685421
Well, we were looking for another prolapse in reality to start our breeding program.

>>33685487
Shit, we forgot to summon Squiggles to help wrangle the Tear and any others that might pop up...

>>33684163
>>33685413
>>33684106
>>33684118
Just need a 82 or 87 then

Good omens for the dice today

>>33685068
>>33685082
>74 - Successful!
Circumstance bonus added for nearby lucky stupid and stupid lucky rolls!

There's the sound of glass cracking, and a spiderweb fracture appears on the face of reality.

"S... something like -that-," the kobold whispers hoarsely into the sudden silence, backpedaling as slowly and carefully as he can.

"... oh." "Is dat a problem?" The Bawsses peer closely at the strange phenomena, one on each side.

"A problem?" The kobold laughs disbelievingly, the edge of hysteria in his voice. "You've torn open an unsanctioned gap between dimensions, unsecured against demons from the Inner Circle, and you're asking if it's a PROBLEM?"

"... yeah, I'll just be taking the guys here and going home now," the orc leader says to no one in particular, retrieving his spear and shuffling away, weapon pointed at the dimensional gap. The other orcs follow suit.

"What, just demons?" Boss Bawss frowns.

"Yeah, we fought demons before, dis ain't all dat bad-"

"That is completely different!" the kobold snaps. "Didn't you hear the capital letters I put in front of my ominous use of that title? The Inner Circle! That's bad news! That's... that's so far up the food chain that we won't even have TIME for 'I was standing behind you the whole time' shenanigans! Straight to the final boss! Now stop bending reality, and you can fix this whole mess!!"

Boss Bawss Fistboss frowns. Meanwhile, Boss Bawss Fistboss scratches his head.

[A] [UN-DOUBLE] Well, two Bawsses would just get confusing, anyway. Send the spare somewhere/somewhen else!
[B] [ENTER] MORE demons? Maybe we can talk to them, get them to stop being so invasive an' evil. Or just punch them.
[C] [PATCH UP THE HOLE] Ask the kobold if you can just get rid of the problem. Or just go ahead and dispose of the hole entirely!
[D] [WRITE-IN]

Rolled 28

>>33685826
>[C] [PATCH UP THE HOLE] Ask the kobold if you can just get rid of the problem. Or just go ahead and dispose of the hole entirely!

Hey Bwass, help me apply the antimatter paste

>>33685826
We only need the two heads. Don't need the two bodies. Double headed ogre time.

>>33685826
Tame the hole

Rolled 60

>>33685826
>WRITE-IN

Ask alter-Bawss to summon another Bawss.

'Cause three Bawss' tinkin' out da problem is better an' two!

>>33685826
>[D] Upgrade our hole in Time and Space
Well, we've fed it Nothing. Time to make it armor out of the fractures in reality bending to Ogre. That way it'll get more powerful as time goes on!

Rolled 74

>>33685826
Ogre colony on demon turf yes

[A] [UN-DOUBLE] Well, two Bawsses would just get confusing, anyway. Send the spare somewhere/somewhen else!

>>33685826
>>33685904

YES. WE'VE FOUND A SUITABLE PARTNER. Now we can begin our eugenics program!

>>33685916
Is even funnier.

>>33685904
Our portal buddy needs a friend!
TAME THE HOLE.

>>33685826
>[D] [TRAININ] It's all because the gap hasn't been trained like a proper pet should be, and that's Bawss's fault. Make sure to teach it proper gap behavior, such as keeping the demons out.

You know... Seeing as how boss has a diplomacy bonus... Then if we keep the other boss... That's double the bonus right?

>[B] [ENTER] MORE demons? Maybe we can talk to them, get them to stop being so invasive an' evil. Or just punch them.

Let's diplomance some demons.

>>33685826
[A] [UN-DOUBLE] Well, two Bawsses would just get confusing, anyway. Send the spare somewhere/somewhen else!
[B] [ENTER] MORE demons? Maybe we can talk to them, get them to stop being so invasive an' evil. Or just punch them.
[C] [PATCH UP THE HOLE] Ask the kobold if you can just get rid of the problem. Or just go ahead and dispose of the hole entirely!
[D] [WRITE-IN]

ALL OF THESE.

>Send one Bawss (one with a reality eating dimensional hole in his hat) to enter and have a talk with the demons
>Patch up the hole behind him; he'll know how to get back himself

>>33685982
Operation Tame Reality is a go.

>>33685826
>[A] [UN-DOUBLE] Well, two Bawsses would just get confusing, anyway. Send the spare somewhere/somewhen else!
[C] [PATCH UP THE HOLE] Ask the kobold if you can just get rid of the problem. Or just go ahead and dispose of the hole entirely!

>>33685826
See if the Demons on the other side have takeout. We haven't had takeout in AGES.

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>>33685826
Ahaha jesus, these votes

Alright, given how close it is, I guess the course of action looks like it's going to be:

>[X] Tame the hole TO THE ABYSSAL HELLS IN SPACE by upgrading your own hole, keep PART of the second Bawss, and wing it from there!

This has gotten very silly. Therefore, as a responsible QM, the only course of action left to me is to tell you guys to

>***STUPID LUCKY TIME?***
ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)
Best of three!

Rolled 20

>>33686158

Rolled 70

>>33686158

Rolled 9

>>33686158

Rolled 12

>>33686158

Rolled 48

>>33686190
It begins...

>>33686190
Phew!

Rolled 3

>>33686158
Let's see...

>>33686190
UAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

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>>33686190
>SO STUPID THAT IT'S BRILLIANT

.......................... writing

>>33686158
>>33685826
>[X] Various actions!
>9 - SO STUPID THAT IT'S BRILLIANT

While the second Bawss looks on with interest, the initial Boss Bawss Fistboss solemnly takes off his hat, unraveling the nothingness around it.

"What... what are you doing?" the kobold leader asks warily.

"I'm doin' a thing," Bawss rumbles easily, reaching into the nothingness and rummaging around a bit. "I know how dis sorta thing works, after all."

The kobold leader allows himself to feel just a brief second of hopeful optimism as the other raiders behind him murmur in confusion. "Then... then you'll do it? You'll make everything back the way it was before you screwed it all up?"

"Yup," Bawss replies. Then he hefts up the portal he'd tamed from before... and tosses it straight in the direction of the fracture in reality. "I choose you, lil' buddy."

The tamed portal lands on the ground and barks! For a given value of "barks," anyway, since it sounds more like the cosmos getting torn asunder by an otherworldly force. That's the last thing the kobolds hear, anyway, as they immediately begin running as far away as their stubby little legs can take them, fleeing into the relative safety of the jungle.

Bawss kneels next to his tamed portal, patting it on the head (and ignoring how doing so apparently stretches his hand like goo, bits of his physical body spiraling into oblivion). "Think you can take 'im, boy?"

The portal barks once.

"... huh? It's a girl?"

The portal barks once more before swirling off toward the hairline fracture, the stars inside his body flashing strange and terrible colors. Both Bawsses watch what happens next with quiet, solemn interest.

(Cont.)

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>>33686915
They tilt their heads at what happens next, standing firm in the face of the gale-force winds and the earth shaking beneath them, the cosmic horrors screaming even louder than the cacophony of a suddenly-unstable jungle.

"... is dis where we blast 'em with a cold water hose?" Boss Bawss Fistboss the First asks rhetorically.

"I dunno 'bout that, but dat can't be sanitary," Boss Bawss Fistboss the Second rumbles philosophically.

Once the dust clears, the portal is inside the hairline fracture, the metaphorical bedsheets are in disarray, and the portal sighs in blissful contentment as it smokes a post-coitus cigarette, basking in the afterglow.

>Pocket Portal to Hell and Back obtained!

The Boss Bawss Fistbosses nod in satisfaction. "A'right. One more thing to take care of?" "Yup."

The larger ogres high-five each other, the resulting thunderclap flattening every tree in a ten mile radius.

... and then there was one. In the silence that follows, Bawss quietly dusts himself off, very literally twice the ogre he once was- although it's hard to tell exactly how it will affect him. Time will tell!

Of course, that does leave the fact that he's currently stranded in the middle of the orcish jungles.

[A] [SUMMON HOME] Ogir Place could use a nice change of locale!
[B] [SUMMON A FRIEND] Another point of view could always help!
[C] [EXPLORE JUNGLES] Bawss's business here ain't over yet!
[D] [EXPLORE HELL] ... well, he DOES have a portal now...

>>33686950
>[C] Find our kobold friends. Intimid-I mean, Diplomance them to comin' back to Ogir Place with us.

>>33686950
[C] [EXPLORE JUNGLES] Bawss's business here ain't over yet!

>>33686950
>[D] [EXPLORE HELL] ... well, he DOES have a portal now..
I believe we lost Ogir Place's self-heating system. We need to get it back.

>>33686950
>[D] [EXPLORE HELL] ... well, he DOES have a portal now...

>>33686950
>[B] [SUMMON A FRIEND] Another point of view could always help!
Random friend. I want us to roll for this.

>>33686950
[C] [EXPLORE JUNGLES] Bawss's business here ain't over yet!
We can visit hell later. Time for some jungle fever.

>>33687022
Hey, we should wait until we have our demon spider overseer/sword back with us before doin' stuff with demons.

It might hurt her feeling's to leave her out of her area of speciality.

Rolled 58

>>33686950
Go visit OI WHATS MILK.

>>33686950
>[C]

We need to collect the Kobolds before we head home. And we should head home to make sure Queenie and Co are ok.

Rolled 51

Call forth other-Bawss to explore Hell while we look for the Kobolds. Two Ogres with one portal.

Rolled 98

I'M HERE WHAT'D I MISS HOLY SHIT WHAT

Rolled 76

>>33687231
>2 off
Get your shit together.

Rolled 86

>>33687254

Imposter? I think? Or did I bypass the timer somehow or something

Oh god the insanity is spreading.

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>>33686950
Alright, looks like [X] [EXPLORE JUNGLE] wins, with the intent to go look for the kobolds, so...

>***STUPID LUCKY TIME?***
ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)

Rolled 90

>>33687296

SHIT LETS GO

Rolled 57

>>33687296

Rolled 38

>>33687296

Rolled 74

>>33687296
What could possibly go wrong?

Rolled 98

>>33687296
OH BABY COME ON

Rolled 98

>>33687296

Rolled 16

>>33687296

Rolled 90

>>33687296

>>33687324
>>33687325
DOUBLES!

Rolled 35

>>33687324
>>33687325
One second apart. Wow.

>>33687324
>>33687325
BLORP
>>33687330
>>33687309
BLORP PLEASE

IT'S TIME TO GET MAGICAL WITH DOUBLE DOUBLES

Rolled 23

>>33687231
>>33687324
>>33687325


It's like it's making fun of me.

>>33687296
>90
>two 98s close by

OH BOY

Writing!

>>33683737
PURE SKILL

>>33687296
>>33686950
>[X] [EXPLORE JUNGLE] Look for the kobolds!
>90 - Successful!
Circumstantial boost for double 98s!

Boss Bawss Fistboss frowns thoughtfully. More kobold raiders, huh? Little lizardy guys, all talking about extermination and cleaning the world and possibly destroying all the dwarflands, except that last bit never actually happened even though he clearly remember it happening due to strange timeline shenanigans that means that Gubbins did a real smack-dab job with it. Okay. Good.

Goal in mind, Bawss peers up into the sky, shades his eyes against the sun with the back of his hand, estimates all sorts of things like wind speed and time of day and centrifugal force and quantum mechanics, and proceeds to walk into the jungle in any ol' random direction.

Some distance away, the kobolds stop for a break, clustering around an old rotting log and gasping for breath. Hardened and war-ready as they are, they did an awful lot of running, and all but forgot to pace themselves in their panic.

Kk'ssah, leader of this motley crew, allows himself a more cautious moment of optimistic hope. The world hasn't been cored out like a goddamn apple, reality is still functioning as it should, and time and space still have some sort of meaning. Somehow, that ogre did the right thing and set everything back to the way it was supposed to be.

... sure, this means that they're stranded away from their interdimensional warrens, but right now, that sort of worry seems distant and remote, compared to the sheer relief of not being dead.

(cont.)

File: 1406391447780.gif (1.25 MB, 200x163)

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>>33688202
The kobold leader stands up straight, looks each of his dozen crew members in the eye, opens his mouth to ask for a status report and/or give a stirring, heartening speech, and promptly screams like a little girl when a section of the log swings open to allow Boss Bawss Fistboss to step through.

Bawss manages to get a word in once Kk'ssah runs out of air. "Oh, hey, guess you guys didn't get all dat far after all. So anyway, I just wanted to say-"

"No!" the kobold shrieks, scrambling back. "No saying! No words! No more talking! You're a threat to- to EVERYTHING that ever was or will be!"

Bawss frowns. "You know, dat's not very nice."

"That's fine! You won't live long enough to get your feelings hurt!!" The kobold jabs a claw at one of his raiders. "Summon it! Summon it, now!"

"G-Got it, boss!"

As the kobold starts chanting shakily, Boss Bawss Fistboss shrugs and rolls one shoulder. Good thing he got here fast enough to stop these guys from preparing. As it is...

[A] [INTERRUPT] Stop the summoner!
[B] [CAPTURE] Grab the leader!
[C] [SUMMON] You got friends of your own, see?
[D] [SKEDADDLE] Eh, these guys aren't going anywhere, you can always come back another time!
[E] [WRITE-IN]

>>33688224

[C] [SUMMON] You got friends of your own, see?

MINION VS MINION MADNESS.

>>33688224
>[C] [SUMMON] You got friends of your own, see?

>>33688286
Dammit, accidentally namefagged from other thread. FUCK. I have GOT to remember to fix that.

Rolled 28

>>33688224

Summon what they're summoning! Before they do!

Rolled 42

>>33688324
This.

>>33688324
This. Oh yes, this.

I don't care how impossible it is.

>>33688224
>>33688324
Oh yes.

I like this.

>>33688365
But we're ogres. ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

>>33688224
>>33688324
This works.

>>33688324
Hahahahaha HAHAHA

Rolled 92

>>33688324
Rollan for this result!

>>33688377
Exactly, which is why I don't care how impossible it is.

Unless they're trying to summon the train. In which case I think they'll only get a error message: "Not against ogres. Nope nope nope."

>>33688463
>dat 98
Yes. YES!

>>33683737
So, this a Civ thread? because I was thinking of starting one.

>>33688502
It's more of a reality-sanity breaker simulator disguised as one.

>>33688324

Oh god my sides

>>33688502
The most popular civ ever.

>>33688502
Yeah no

This aint a civ quest

This is an experiment to see how long it takes to break blorp mind

If you want a civ quest go to AI quest or Hive queen Quest for pointers

Rolled 28

The civ ran out long ago.

We haven't researched anything in years.

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>>33688502
At this point, it's a... very non-standard civ thread! If you want to see how it's usually done, I'd suggest checking out some of the other ones.

>>33688324
... ALRIGHT THEN, summoning what they're summoning will be a thing, although it'll be harder than usu- ahahaha oh god who am I kidding

>***STUPID LUCKY TIME?***
ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)
Best of three decides!

Rolled 36

>>33688581
I cannot fathom the hatred the rng has for letting me do this.

Rolled 18

>>33688581
LET'S DO IT!

Rolled 53

>>33688581

Rolled 6

>>33688581

Rolled 89

>>33688581

>>33688597
Eh. So-so.

>>33688602
Shaaaaaame.

Rolled 24

>>33688597

We got ourselves a meh!

Rolled 22

>>33688581
If this fails, then lady luck intervention

>>33688602
sorry but it was a few seconds

>>33688597
Oof, so-so at best. It's been a long time since we got that result, I think!

The Goddess of Luck Intervention IS off cooldown this thread; are you sure you want to use it for this?

[YES]
[NO]

>>33688733
>[YES]
What could possibly go wrong?

Rolled 93

>>33688733

Do it

BREAK THEM

>>33688733
heh might as well punch the fuck out of whatever they summon
so NO

Rolled 4

>>33688733


Since it was my decision, let my roll decide.

>>33688733
YES

Rolled 51

>>33688759

96 + 4 = 100

MAKE IT SO FULL THROTTLE ENGAGED CRAZY INBOUND BUCkLE YOUR HATCHES FOLKS

>>33688733
>YES.

I don't care HOW impossible.

>>33688784
fuck i guess yes then

The ayes have it. Writing!

Rolled 68

>>33688887
>Update

Behold my power!

Rolled 66

>>33688923
No, behold MY power!

Rolled 52

>>33688973

MY POWERIS BEYOND COMPREHENSION!

>>33689016
give it up

you have lost

you know the rules

only 1 or 100 can beat doubles

Rolled 53

>>33689107

THE TRUE POWER OF THE WORLD RUNS THROUGH MY VERY SOUL!


>heustru LEGACY

Rolled 47

>>33689216

I will climb this damn ladder if I have to.

>>33689216
Derm, the 96 has abandoned you.

You need to stop.

>>33689216
rule of three

do this again and you forfeit your name
>>33689244

welp you lost your name

>>33688581
Hey OP, I just finished reading all of the archive the a couple days ago when you hosted the last thread. I have to say, this is the greatest Quest I've ever seen. I love you.

Rolled 56

>>33689262
>>33689259

THE 96 NEVER DIES

goddammit work you son of a bitch where the hell did you go.

>genealogical nyattin

Apparently some fucked up gene modding or something I dont know

>>33688973
Hey you won

You gonna take Derm, Lord of the 66?

Rolled 66

>>33689307

*Strangled noises*

>>33689326
So, yes to >>33689307.

The dice have it.

>>33689326
Be the lord of the _6

Rolled 9

>>33689326

Oh son of a whore I guess I am.

>>33689307
No. I am the nameless emperor. The crownless king. The nomad of dice. I shall take no title.

>>33688581
>[X] [COUNTER-SUMMON] Try to get what they do before they... do!
>53 - So-so...
>GODDESS OF LUCK INTERVENTION!

As always, Boss Bawss Fistboss makes a split-second decision before he has time to really think about it, planting his feet against the ground and tapping into his own magical ability. He grabs at the ether with both meaty hands, exerting his will onto forces that mortals only have the shallowest understanding of-

"Summoning something of your own, eh?" Kk'ssah hisses, brandishing his own dagger and skittering right at Bawss. "You can't cast any spells when you're gutted like a pig!"

"Nah, I ain't tryin' to cast a spell," Bawss rumbles, his voice resonant with power. "I'm takin' his."

"Wha-" Kk'ssah doesn't even have time to show his surprise before some instinct screams at him to get away- he dodges just in time to avoid a boulder slamming into the ground. The kobold is then forced to duck as a rope-suspended log swings out from the forest, the impossibly swift contraption knocking aside his fellows too slow or unlucky to avoid it.

"No way. No fucking way- you took it? You just up and TOOK our summon!?"

"Yup." Boss Bawss Fistboss relaxes out of his pose, looking around for some sign of the- whatever it is he has now. Aside from a boulder and a log trap- and a group of kobolds huddled in the center of the clearing, as if terrified to even move an inch. "So, uh... what'd I get?"

(Cont.)

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>>33689371
"But no one other than a kobold can even commune with these spirits!" the kobold leader groans in despair, desperately trying to catch up with current events, even as he dodges- of all things- an anvil, sleek and shiny and new and heavy enough to leave a hole in the ground. "Our Greater Trap Elemental!!"

Boss Bawss Fistboss tilts his head, listening intently. He thinks he can hear the sounds being made by the invisible summon- something chewing? Gnawing? And then a smart-ass, wise-guy voice echoes out- despite how nonthreatening it sounds, it's enough to make the kobolds to huddle together even closer.

"What's up, doc?"

[A] [COMMAND] Take down the kobolds, make sure they can't run/fight/murder!
[B] [CAJOLE] The kobolds know just how scary this elemental is. Use it to get 'em to agree to come with you!
[C] [TALK TO ELEMENTAL] Alright, so why IS this elemental fighting for the kobolds?
[D] [SUMMON ALLIES] Oh shit, the guys at Ogir Place have GOT to see this!
[E] [WRITE-IN]

>>33689440
[C] [TALK TO ELEMENTAL] Alright, so why IS this elemental fighting for the kobolds?
Oh god.

Rolled 52

>>33689440

[x]Oh hey bugs, I got you a portable hole.

>>33689440
>[C] [TALK TO ELEMENTAL] Alright, so why IS this elemental fighting for the kobolds?

Welp.

>>33689440
YOU DIDN'T.

>>33689358
Names always have power

You leave it just gonna be stolen and yours was earned with a double

Take it and don't let it be misused

>>33689440
E-Summon Michael Jordon

Space Jam anyone?

Rolled 100

>>33689477

>Gah, I can't cheat on my 96. I'M SORRY HONEY!

>>33689516
YA GOOFED

>>33689440
>[C] [TALK TO ELEMENTAL] Alright, so why IS this elemental fighting for the kobolds?
'Ey! You'd be perfect for Basketball night back at Ogir Place.

>>33689440
>[B] Diplomancin'!
>[C] And you're gonna be our friend, too!

Rolled 97

>>33689440
[C] [TALK TO ELEMENTAL] Alright, so why IS this elemental fighting for the kobolds?
[D] [SUMMON ALLIES] Oh shit, the guys at Ogir Place have GOT to see this!

Well celicia got something new to watch on sat morns at least

>>33689440
QUESTION
Is Bawss a two headed Ogre now, or is he just twice as big?

Rolled 66

>>33689516

*Blank stare*

Uh.

Well.

Okay then.

Rolled 94

>>33689516
You dont count

Begone and dont you fuck up the dice
>>33689566

>>33689566
heh

captcha was 96

>>33689494
You cannot claim Lady Luck for yourself, anon! She is WILD and FREE.
>>33689516
>>33689566

Rolled 42

>>33689566


EVEN THE POST NUMBER IS A DOUBLE

AM I IN SOME SORT OF BAD SOAP OPERA WITH NUMERALS!?

>>33689566
Huh, between the roll and your post number, y'got doubles.

Rolled 16

>>33689589
Too late
The name is stolen
We gave the thiefs power

Rolled 65

I'm not entirely certain but I think I just charged up a luck intervetion on my own in the past half hour.

>Behold my final form

>>33689644
See what hubris wreaks?
>>33689687
The power does not come from us, but from our goddess.

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>>33689558
Neither of the above! He just has more concentrated ogre in him- at least for now.

Also, apologies for cutting it short, but I'm gonna have to end the thread early tonight, as well! I'll tally up the votes and pick up from there the next time.

As always, thanks for participating, and I hope you enjoyed the thread!

Rolled 30

>>33689741

I don't know about you but I just went through a hell of a life changer here.

Any comment on RNG soap opera drama?

>>33689741
Thanks Blorp!

>>33689741
Short, but fun. See you next time, Blorp.

>>33689741
Thanks blorp that was awesome

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>>33689687
Derm, my friend, I'm not going to tell you to start panicking, but consider the following.

You just got visited by the 66 AND the 100, while stating your allegiance to the 96.

There is another, older story of a man who was forced to choose between three feminine powers of great potency.

Things...didn't end well for him.

Rolled 43

>>33689863

Oh hell.

>>33689863
The name was in challenge of three

It has power now

We will regret misusing it

It now has history with the 66
>>33688973
>>33689326
>>33689566

Archive description got messed up a bit. Goblins? I'm pretty sure it was supposed to be Kobolds.