>>34907559
He was a girl

>>34907559
No, do your own homework.
Despiste what you may believe, reading is good for you

>>34907559
Go watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail, then never post here again.

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>>34907559
He dies at the end.

There was a talking owl and a cute squirrel who wanted to bang a boy.

>>34907559
Lancelot is a prick and guinaveire is a gigantic whore

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>>34907660

And he married that squirrel!

>>34907559
Which version?

The king of the land can't keep it in his pants. Thankfully, the bastard son he fosters is actually primo king material. However, he can't announce that publicly without letting everyone know he can't keep it in his pants.
So later he dies and the primo king material bastard son pulls a sword out of a rock to become king.
This dude is Arthur and he CAN keep it in his pants, he keeps it in his pants so hard his wife bangs another guy behind his back and he doesn't really care. However, he has an evil half sister who nefariously demands he takes it out of his goddamn pants, and enchants him to this end, fostering another bastard son who later ends up killing him. His last regret was his inability to keep it in his pants whilst under magical compulsion.

>>34907559
Bros before hos.

>>34907559
>Boy pulls sword from stone
>becomes king
>can't keep it in his pants
>dies

You're all leaving out Merlin the Transvestite Wizard

Fuck Arthur. Let's get into the deep end of autism.


The name of Morgan le Fay is likely etymologically related to the name of morgens or morgans, water spirits in Welsh and Breton folklore. A myth of Brittany centers around the story of the city of Ys and the princess Dahut. Dahut is a sinful character, made out to be morally deplorable to such a degree that the entire city of Ys came to reflect her depravity. Ys eventually sunk beneath the waves off Brittany's coast, a result of Dahut's careless consorting with devils, and the princess herself was forevermore cursed with the form of a morgen. Dahut was also a sorceress, as was her mother Malgven, a queen from the north.

I propose that either Dahut or her mother Malgven, or both, were, in fact, Morgan le Fay.

Oberon, king of the faeries, is a character derived from the earlier character of Alberich, a dwarf sorcerer and brother to Merowech, mythical father of the Merovingian dynasty. Oberon is also said to be a son of Morgan le Fay, implying that she would also be mother of Merowech.

According to William Shakeapeare, Oberon's wife is Titania, her name meaning "Daughter of Titans." As titans are usually described as being endowed with astounding physical forms, we are led to assume that Titania is an extremely tall woman with Greek features, she's married to a tiny guy with great facial hair, and together they hold claims to both France and Greece and possibly some other country to the north of France.

>>34907708
This is by far the best summary of this story I've read. Bravo /tg/.

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>>34907559

Faggot twink pulls a sword from a stone, then a wizard pedophile is like "whoa, dat ass" and makes him duh king of the welsh hood and becomes his sugar daddy, where arthur forms a gang of some bros who sit around a spherical stable on their horses playing xbone and shouting in team chat at each other to ignore the fucking rabbit.

den lancelot bangs his woman, and all hell breaks loose, everyone betrays everyone else and a rival gang with a wizard lady take over the drug syndicate in that bit of wales, and arthur gets sent to jail in a juvie center in the bottom of a lake run by dis lady, and he ain't coming out until he's 18 and can be transferred to a maximum security prison for all the murders he did.

Oh and most of the story is an adaption of an old viking saga called the Völsungasaga, an english translation of which you can listen to here: http://www.sffaudio.com/?p=53298

>>34907708
This sums is up perfectly.

>>34907797

I always thought Morgan had some etymological root with Morrigan, the phantom goddess of celtic myth.

>>34907756

>Merlin the Transvestite

wut?

>>34907831

He aged backwards and eventually became a little girl.

>>34907831
It's magic. No more questions.

>>34907559

Fuck the French. Except don't. Because if you fuck the french you'll fuck the country.

Also: don't ever, EVER fight a knight who won't reveal who he is. The fucker is Lancelot, even if you can SEE lancelot right this very minute waving to you.

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And somehow all this eventually leads to Askeladd. Although Vinland Saga goes with a "Arthur was a Roman officer" theory, not sure how viable that is.

>>34907831
Wizards ain't gotta splain shit.

I wish I could get a summary of more obscure myths that have no adequate english translation.

I really want to know about Frithiof.

/tg/, I need you to summarize the legend of Tristan and Isolde for me.

>>34907859
The one and only patron saint of /tg/.

>>34907559
Go rent the movie Excalibur. It's a pretty accurate treatment of the story, without the Hollywood assholes cleaning up all the weird shit like incest to make it all PG-13

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082348/

>>34907950
Bitches be crazy, yo.

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>>34907831

>>34907984

It's enough to make Chris Hansen re-evaluate his career.

>>34907824
>Morrigan, the phantom goddess
Wasn't she a raven goddess of war?

The sword and the stone is a euphemism of Arthur jerking off the king

>>34908016

Ravens were her messengers, but she/they/it were a spiritual force representing death, strife, and combat. "The phantom queen" is what Morrigan means, and it was a spirit more than a goddess (and it often appeared as three individual beings, so they?). At any rate, it was not a tuatha and not equivalent to the other "gods" of celtic myth.

>>34908047
That movie had better wizard-dueling than Harry Potter. Just sayin.

>>34908016
She was. Funny thing, if you've watched The Secret of Kells, you'll notice how the viking raiders are always heralded by ravens flying ahead of them. It's actually a really neat detail, as to the Celts it was a portent of death and strife, and to the vikings it was a sign that Odin was with them.

>>34908136

Vikings literally captured ravens and took them on their boats to be released at sea - if the raven returned there wasn't land nearby, if they didn't they'd follow the direction the raven flew off in to find land.

So if you were a coastal settlement and suddenly a raven showed up...

>>34907559
A Marty Stu get's the Holy Grail, while everyone else dies

>>34908136
That movie was amazing until the end.

>>34907559
King dies, leaving son hidden.
Son becomes king because of a sword.
Sonking unites numerous fiefs under his rule, possibly sends out quests for holy artifacts.
Sonking is betrayed by bastard incest baby and is killed.

Wegian king has three turbo-autist children, two boys and a girl. Superior king from across the way produces Frithiof, who is Norway-strong.

Wimp king bites it, two sons inherit kingdom and begin to dick each other over. Hate Frithiof for being so fucking awesome so they ban him from their kingdom.

Frithiof, being fucking awesome, takes their sister with him and bangs her in a temple to Baldr, where any form of intercourse is explicitly forbidden. Again, Frithiof could not give less of a single frozen shit.

Long story short, Frithiof returns and wrecks everyone's shit and becomes king. The end.

>>34907950
There's a big guy demanding tribute from King Marc. King Marc send Tristan to kill the big guy. They fight, Tristan wins but is poisoned. Tristan go to the big guy's sister to get healed, and meet her daughter Isolde. Marc want to marry Isolde, so Tristan bring her back. Isolde's mom (not having watched enough anime) give her daughter a love potion . She and Tristan drink it like dumbasses and become magicaly in love. Marc marry Isolde, who fuck Tristan on the side.

Marc finds overwhelming evidences his wife cheat on him with Tristan, and want to kill them. Through trickery, blasphemy and murder, the lovers escape. Marc get convinced they aren't cuckholding him because they have +4 NTR, and make peace with them. Repeat several times.

When the love potion's effect wear off, Tristan and Isolde decide to keep fucking each others.

Eventualy, even Marc get a clue. Tristan is banished, and marry some other chick also named Isolde. When Tristan dies, he's burried next to the Isolde he loved fucking and trees grow from their grave, intertwined for eternity.

Add large ammounts of Tristan and Isolde killing and manipulating people in the mix.

>>34907797
>Titania, her name meaning "Daughter of Titans." As titans are usually described as being endowed with astounding physical forms
I don't know man, Circe of greek myth keeps boasting about her Titan father when trying to woo a guy, and she has to resort to magic and trickery to get things done. Obviously it's not a certain outcome.

>>34908320
Isolde got new magic powers every single act, it was bullshit.

>>34908313
Thank you, I enjoyed that.

Drenched harlot tells man to get a sword.

Man obeys because fuck logic. Becomes king.

Things are pretty good until his lady steps out with his best friend.

Shit goes sideways when Arthur hears about it.

>>34908327
Circe is the daughter of the Sun, and she got more than trickery and magic.

Also, she didn't use magic or trickery to woo the guy.

>>34907797
>As titans are usually described as being endowed with astounding physical forms,

Titans are relatively not anthropomorphised a lot. And when they are, they range from dead gorgeous to wrinkly old men.

>>34908470
The sun is a titan.
>nec durus Titanida despice Circen
When trying to seduce Picus she uses illusions to lead him to a private place.

>>34908443
>moisened bink lobs a scimitar

>>34907891

I'm excited for the next chapter of Vinland Saga because they're going to the Byzantine Empire at the height of it's post-invasion power.

Varangian Guards incoming!

The story of Balin is pretty hilarious considering how hard he fucks up everything.

>>34908643

Isn't it "moistened bint?"

>>34907603
>Despiste
Reading didn't do much for you.

>>34907797
>Ys eventually sunk beneath the waves off Brittany's coast
>tfw Paris will never be swallowed by the Earth so that Ys might undo its watery burial

>>34908820
For reals? No more farming?

>>34907559
Some watery tart lobbed a scimitar at him and then he was king of the Britons

Guy trusts a frenchman with his girl.
Whole kingdom goes to shits.

If you wanna read something, I suggest The Once and Future King.

>>34907797
>>34909528
>Morgan le Fay sinks Paris to install herself as queen of France with the raised city of Ys as her capital
What system?

>>34907891
vinland saga a shit

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>>34907559
>I did build a stronghold. Kaamelott, they call it. I sought and hired knights in the whole kingdom; in Caledonia, in Carmelid, in Gaunes, in Vannes, in Wales; I ordered a big table, to have the knights sitting together; I ordered it round, to prevent having a knight sitting in a corner, or at the end of it; it was complicated, so I tried to explain what was the Grail, to make sure everyone understand; it was hard, so I tried to laugh, to make sure nobody got bored; I failed; but I don't want anyone to say that I did nothing. Because it's not true.

>>34909491
I can read. Not wright.
Deal with it.

/tg/, I need you to summarize the entirety of Asian mythology for me.

>>34909778

Powerlevels and something about balance.

Also don't trust attractive females.

>>34909623

Farming ended with a bang a while ago. We budding pioneers nao. We also pacifists without pride, but it's something.

>>34907559


Which one? Arthuriana changed quite a bit over the years, and while Le Morte De Artur's saga is the one most ingrained in the popular imagination, it's hardly the origin point or the summation of it.

>>34909778

Everything has to do with penises somehow.

>>34909778

Indian mythology: your average shounen animu
Chinese: your average shounen animu, Dragon Ball specifically
Japanese: your average shounen animu, with a bit more beer and babies
Russian: strong guys always win, so your average shounen animu

>>34909875

Do Western mythologies now.

>>34908136
>Odin practices Seiðr, which is woman's magic.
>Morrígan is a woman and she practices magic.
>Both deities are associated with ravens.
>Both deities are associated with war and sovereignty.
>Odin has three Norns predict the future for him.
>Morrígan is a triple goddess, one of three forms.

>Odin often takes other forms, traveling in disguise to fuck with people.

Could Odin and Morrígan be the same person?

>>34909803

We've also met Thorfinn's future wife in the form of a black-haired tomboy named Gudrid, who yearns to be a sailor and runs off with Thorfinn and crew as they set sail for Constantinople (which they'll get to via Rus territory, Crimea and the Black Sea.)

>>34909897

Greece: everyone is jerks to each other, the biggest jerk wins
Norse: everybody dies and if you don't accept that you're going to make everything several thousand times worse
Welsh: it's easier to solve problems if you can grow 100 feet tall, insane people are always right
Celtic: swords that make wounds that never heal are AWESOME

>>34909956
...These are astoundingly accurate.

Keep going.

>>34909907
>Could X mythological figure be Y mythological figure

Yes.

Jesus is Mithras, Odin can be the Morrigan (he's every fucking thing else), Ishtar is Isis. We don't tell new stories, we tell old stories in new ways.

>>34909956
>Greece: everyone is jerks to each other, the biggest jerk wins
You forgot "everyone rapes".
>Norse: everybody dies and if you don't accept that you're going to make everything several thousand times worse, but don't worry, you're going to have a pretty fun ride before you reach the bitter end
FTFY

>>34907559
The primary overarching theme seems to be "Women ruin everything"

>>34910002
Didn't see you there, Joe Campbell.

>>34910083

That's because of The Patriarchy, anon.

>>34909907
>>Odin has three Norns predict the future for him.
They don't actually predict the future for him specifically. They don't work for him, he just managed to deal his way into getting a bit more info out of them than everybody else.

>>34910131
Oh, come on now. An intelligent person can only read mythology from so many different cultures before they to themselves "Hm, I see a lot of broad similarities".

>>34907559
Guy goes on adventures, kills some mythological monsters, helps an old king get his penis back, and in the end it's all chip chip cheery oh all good six a bong.

>>34910083
>muh

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>>34907559
as told by Walt Disney of Monmouth

>>34909750
Kaamelott is an incedible show.

>>34909907
Odin is also a Seer on his own, and near-omniscient.

>Could Odin and Morrígan be the same person?

Well, he did shapechange into a woman to rape this princess, once. So yeah.

>>34910002
I think Odin has more similarities with Morrígan than Ishtar has with Isis. Although I can see some similarities, Isis is probably one of the least malevolent goddesses in human history, whereas Ishtar is always breaking shit.

Odin Morrígan would practically be a Mars/Aries comparison if they genders weren't flipped. (and then you have to consider that sort of thing is not too uncommon in norse myths)

>>34910184
Probably because all the indo-european myths are linked to each others. Same thing with the middle-eastern ones.

There is also the fact that people tend to face similar issues.

Now, not to go Freudian here, but a fun fact is that the large majority of creation myth contain incest and/or killing the parent figure (or at the very least disrespecting them).

>>34910401
>Well, he did shapechange into a woman to rape this princess, once. So yeah.
Why would he need to change? Did'nt he get superior swag as part of his 18 doohickies?

>>34910457
You forgot to say that both Odin and the Morrigan are war deities

>>34910514
>Probably because all the indo-european myths are linked to each others. Same thing with the middle-eastern ones.
But when you take a step back like Carl did, you'll see that some stuff is globally universal.

>>34910542
I did back here
>>34909907
Not only are they both war deities, but they also are in charge of Kingship.

>>34910534
She didn't want to have sex with him and was badass enough to enforce that. So he cursed her changed into a female healer to talk her father the king into letting her heal the princess. And then he raped her.

He did this because he needed a son to avenge Baldr's (his other son) death.

>>34910640
Oh, sorry.

>>34910544
True. As I said, most people faced the same issue, and often reacted in the same way.

Also, all religions have some elements that ressemble shamanism, suggesting that they have a shamanistic root.

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>>34910334
I sincerely apologize for posting this.

>>34910647
*cursed her, then changed

>>34909694
>implying judo vikings and horse punching is shit

Heh.

>>34909919
Are they ever gonna go to Vinland, though?

>>34910401
Source?

>>34910713
You should be proud.

So basically every mythology ever can be summed as "Assholes,incest and magical bullshit"?

It's a shame most people don't really understand how much of Odin was probably supposed to be a cautionary tale. He wasn't just king of the gods, he was an Oathbreaker who practiced girly magic, and was trying to mess with fate with disastrous consequences.

A warrior king conquers another tribe, and gets an awesome waifu as part of the treaty. Waifu is a shaman, and the king wants to learn her magic so he can be even more powerful. This kind of magic is considered dishonorable and unmanly, but the king doesn't give a shit. The king goes on a shamanic journey and learns the secrets of magic and poetry. He however just considers magic to be another tool, and starts trying to fuck with fate. In the process he slowly starts to become more and more insane, and isn't actually able to change anything. Ragnarok still happens, and now he's an Oathbreaker and a faggot on top of it.

He's not a role model, but rather a trickster figure like Loki. An example of how a man should not act.

Then again, a lot of people also think the Epic of Gilgamesh is about Bros before Hos, when really it's about how even the best warrior ever needs to settle down, submit to society (even if she's a bitch) and raise a family before you die.

>>34910986
Pretty much.

>>34910986
There are definitely exceptions, but yeah.

>>34910986
Every now and then you come across some really bro moments.

>>34911006
I wonder how much of that portrayal was made up by Christians.

>>34907559

> NTR: The Epic

>>34911059
Actually, the "King of the gods, who suffered to bring mankind knowledge" aspect that's so popular nowadays is probably the christian part. (Along with loki being evil, rather than just a trickster)

A pagan would find the idea of somebody being the king of ALL the gods to be absurd. He was the chieftain of the Aesir, and that was the limit of his authority, everything else he got by cheating and min maxing. The fact that he was considered an Oathbreaker is a more modern translation that was ignored by earlier scholars who just wanted to pretend he was the Nordic Zeus, and ignored the fact that there were actually a bunch of tribes who all had their own gods and stories.

>>34910640

And associated with ravens, don't forget.

>>34911233

Yeah, but the Aesir and Vaniir intermix to the point where it's not even clear if they were seperate tribes/clans whatever.

Just look at all the inconsistencies with Kvasir.

>>34910986
remove the magic and you have most of history

>>34911308
They intermix after the Aesir conquer them. They were separate tribes when Odin was just a war god, and were joined when Odin married Freya and started dabbling with shamanism.

From a historical perspective, this could just be a mythologized account of a peace treaty between two tribes. Marriage being the best way to end a war in premodern times. The gods are married, and now we are kin, so we have to stop fighting.

>>34910795

They're going to Constantinople to sell Unicorn horns to make money and prove to a moneylender they're the real deal, and by proving they're the real deal the moneylender will lend them ships, money and supplies for an expedition to Vinland.

So we've probably got like Russian Saga and Byzantium Saga before it becomes about Vinland itself.

>>34911398

But there are inconsistencies with that narrative, even in the Elder Edda itself. Kvasir is both one of the Vaniir leaders who was a hostage to the Aesir. He's also made by all the Aesir and Vaniir spitting into a jar and working some kind of magic on it to make him. And he also just wandered in and joined the Aesir one day.

>>34911672
Fucking pagan magic, always asking for bodily fluids.

Give me cosmic "FUCK YOU, REALITY, DO WHAT I SAY" Vishnu powers.

>>34911672
And such inconsistencies are best explained as "These were a bunch of stories told by a bunch of tribes and latter recorded by scholars who did a shitty job of simplifying things to fit the expectations of their own cultures."

It's like comic book reticons, you can't merge a bunch narratives that evolved organically into a single continuity without fucking things up.

>>34911743
Marvel did it better than DC.

>>34911758

Marvel generally does everything better than DC.

>>34911779
DC for whatever reason wanted the Batman audience for ALL its runs. Hence Man of Murder and Canary's face stitched on Frankenstein's chest for the fucking FREE COMIC BOOK DAY.

>>34907559
>Utha Pendragon is High King of Britain, falls in love with one of his vassals wives, starts a war over it
>Merlin agrees to enchant him so that he will look like her husband so he can go in to her castle and bone her without her realizing, Merlin gets their firstborn son in exchange
>Utha fucks her, murders her husband, she gets pregnant, and he marries her. Merlin takes their son Arthur as payment.
>Utha dies without heirs. Arthur attends the tourney to choose the next king with his foster family, pulls the magical sword Excalibur from the stone, becomes king.
>Marries Guenevere, starts up the Knights of the Round Table, intends to rule justly and wisely, etc.
>His half-sister Morgan La Fay is pissed about Utha killing her father and imprisoning her in a nunnery.
>Seduces Arthur, gets pregnant, raises his son Mordred in secret.
>Guenevere falls in love with Arthur's friend and knight Lancelot.
>Insert Grail Quest here
>Guenevere and Lancelot bone.
>Mordred, all grown up now, arrives in Camelot and is welcome by Arthur as his only son and heir.
>Mordred reveals Guenevere's adultry, Arthur is forced to sentence her and Lancelot to death
>Lancelot rescues her and they run off together
>Big battle between Mordred and Arthur, both are mortally wounded
>Mordred dies, Arthur is bodily subsumed into Avalon or an enchanted sleep of some kind, from whence he will return to aid Britain in its darkest time of need.

>>34911758
>>34911779
>>34911809
What are the cultural mythology equivalents of Marvel and DC?

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>>34907708
Dude, you don't even know. I've had a pretty shitty day so far, then that made me laugh pretty heartily. I feel so much better now, thank you.

>>34907559
What is now called was a land of darkness, forests, and superstition broken up by rare points of light. It was a time of many simultaneous battles; Briton was warring with Saxon, contemporary lords fought with Rome's shadow for the soul of their culture, and the old powers were receding to the slow, long flush of Christianity.

Into this era a was born to High King Uther Pendragon a son, by the wife of his enemy and through the machinations of one Ambrosius Merlin, a cambion of considerable magical potency and influence. This child, named Arthur, was spirited away and only later came to be recognized as the High King of all Britons through the matter of the Sword and the Stone.

With Merlin as his sometime advisor and helper, Arthur founded the realm of Logress, with its capital at Camelot and at the heart, the Round Table and its knights. From the Lady of the Lake he received Excalibur, whose blade cut better than any other and blinded evil, and whose scabbard saved the bearer from fatigue and death due to exsanguination. From King Leodegrance who served under his father and kept safe the Round Table after his fall, he received the hand of Guinevere.

And so many adventures were had, feats performed both of prowess and virtue, and quests were pursued and failed and completed. Many of Arthur's knights themselves gained great names and had many tales told of them: Lancelot, Gawain, Percival, and many more. Best of these was the Quest for the Grail and Galahad, son of Lancelot and the most unassailable of knights; but the completion of the quest and the restoration of King Pellinore and his Broken Lands marked the high point of Logress, and the beginning of its end.

(continued)

>>34912136
Eh, sounds like the intro of a bitchin' TV series

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Some faggot king bans magic, then dies. His faggot son swans around not doing shit while his magical bro saves his ass for far too many seasons while the plot refuses to develop and 1000 asspulls happen to justify plot stasis.

>>34910882
The Gesta Danorum (admittedly, one of the most sketchy sources about Norse mythology).

The story is resumed here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rindr

>>34908320
I'm just getting done with writing a paper about it, and it's spot on.

Well, in the German version, it stops after he meets the second Isolde.

>>34912271
>I don't like a TV show so I'm going to bash it.

Go back to /tv/ you fucker and stay.

>>34911398

Freyr was probably the only nice god of Norse mythology. And a badass as well. Though he was pretty depressed in the brief period between meeting his future waifu and her becoming his waifu

>>34912387
Thank you!

>>34909907
If Morgan le Fay is also Morrigan, would that mean she is also Odin? Or is Odin Morgan? Is Oberon and Mordred the claimaints for all of the cool shit?

>>34911398
>shamanism
>not seid
go read more books, son.

>>34912394
Are you saying it was good?

>>34912394
>having opinions that differ from mine is wrong, you fucker!

How mature.

>>34912136
From evil past there was a son born to Arthur from his own blood kin, and he grew to be a knight evil in both thoughts and countenance; Lancelot fell in love with his Queen, Guinevere, and she with him; Arthur's half-sister, Morgana, ever schemed against him with her vile sorceries and wiles. For these and many other sins Arthur and his court fell out of grace, and lost power and majesty. Merlin had long since been bound under the earth in a glamour of sleep by Nimue according to prophecy.

Things came to a head for Arthur on the greens of Camlann, where at the instigation of a serpert fully half of his knights fell on the other, and most of note were slain (gramercy) whether under his banner or his nephew Mordred's.

Arthur is morally wounded and born in a coracle to Avalon, with a train of weeping women (including his repentant half-sister Morgana the Sorceress) where he is said to last evermore in a magical healing sleep, to arise in full might in the hour of Briton's greatest need to save us all. Lancelot is buried next to Guinevere, and Excalibur is returned to the lady of the lake before Arthur's enemies can lay hands to it.

Nevermore shall brothers love each other like Balin and Balan of the Dolourous Stroke, or King Pellinore quest ever after the Questing Beast, or the entire Round Table embark on a quest from one Michaelmas to another for the White Hart, or Tristan and Iseult make love by the babbling brook in the gentle cover of heather and honeysuckle, or Percival be saved from the sins of the flesh and an entire tower of temptresses by the sign of the cross.

It's kind of depressing to me how little most people really know about Arthur. Even the Wikipedia page has very little real detail about it, and most seem uninterested in actually picking up a book and learning for themselves. Even this thread is mostly jokes about Disney's Sword in the Stone and other pop culture references.

>>34912136
>Ambrosius
If I ever have a son, I'm calling him that.

>>34912583
That was awesome. Do you usually write like that?

>>34912220
Naw, man. You need the bright stuff of the beginning to fully appreciate the end.

>>34912720
Sounds like some kind of medication for acid reflux.

>>34912785
More or less, when I have the right subject matter (I don't sound like this when I'm dealing with science fiction or telling someone they're an idiot). With Arther and the Matter of Britain it's easy.

Why? Do you really think it's that good?

>>34907559
Arthurian myth isn't one story. Arthurian Myth refers to any number of different stories from England, Wales and France that concern the mythological King Arthur and his knights and other associates. And that's not limited to the household names like Lancelot, Guinevere, Gallahad and Merlin. You ever hear of Gawain, Balin or Balan. Nigga, you gotta crack open a fuckin book. I recommend L'Morte de Arthur by Thomas Mallory. It's kinda the Arthurian starter kit.

>>34912523
But Merlin is also Odin!
>MFW everyone is secretly Odin.

>>34912843
A few shaky bits, the archaisms seem a little forced in places (good job with cambion btw, I had to look it up); but yeah, I thought it was great.
Wouldn't mind hearing a few more stories like that.

>>34912863
>Implying such a grand scheme is beyond the wisest god of all

>>34912539
Seid is Nordic shamanism anon. Different cultures have different words for things.

>>34912545
I personally thought it was pretty fun. Characters were interesting, and while it deviated from the original story way too much, I thought it was pretty cool.

>>34907699
This is a key question.

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>>34912853
>Gawain, Balin, or Balan
>not household names
That and the fact that those names have already been dropped in this very thread.

>>34912863
>Odin is Alpharius

Fisher Kind pls?

>>34912970
Fisher King*

>>34912930
Also,
>Goblin who was actually a threat and not just a green midget with a knife

>>34912893
>A few shaky bits,
Yeah, I'm not much of a writer and the first to admit it.
>the archaisms seem a little forced in places
I think it was more that I kept slipping into modern mode because I'm a lazy shit used to agonizing over polishing pieces of writing. But you might be right anyway.

Glad you enjoyed it, it was a nice easy question with a short answer so I had fun with it.

>>34911006
Can't be bothered to quote exact sources, but this is pretty much from Dumezil;
Odin was Loki. The Sorcerer/tanist/trickster/whatever. Tyr was king of the Gods, got maimed, as per Nuada, except he didn't get healed. Odin usurps, and a fake 'Loki' is introduced to the myths to take on his more ignoble deeds. Some remain- like the flyting with Thor or the theft of mead. Equally, traces if the original Loki can be found in Utgardth-Loki, who is basically a volcano giant and the guy from Thor's crossdressing wedding and Ragnarok.

>>34913029
How hard was it to put on that old-fashioned speak?

>>34912953
They're household names in households whose members respond to threads about Arthurian myth on the Internet. But most people's knowledge of Arthurian myth is limited to Monty Python and the cartoon I watched when I was a kid (I think that's popular).

>>34913029
Kinda like it if you'd tell more stories really, It's not often I find someone who writes as dynamically as you.

What's your favourite portrayal of Excalibur?

Mine would be the one where it is basically a long gladius, as that makes the most sense to me.

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>>34913149
Wasn't really trying to do it, actually. Is that bad? That's probably bad. That's just how the subject matter sounds in my head. Isn't that how legends are supposed to sound?

>>34913180
I'm pretty sure Gawain at least is considered one of the big names in Arthur's Knights, the others being Lancelot, and Percival (pic related). Balan and Balin you have a point.

>>34913203
Wow, I'm terrible at taking internet compliments. Not complaining though, thank you. Though if you keep it up I might start hitting on you. Kidding ?

>>34913058
Its likely that the "King of the Gods" shifted around from generation to generation based on which head god the chief or shaman or storyteller liked and who had more power in the tribe. Odin was a shaman/storyteller god while Tyr and Thor were warrior/chieftain gods.

The problem with king arthur as far as legends go is that it has beenly badly bastardized. It's like, half of an old iron age store from wales stapled onto some 14th century romanticism

>>34913567
How do you even pronounce Gawain? Is it Ga-wayne, Ga-whine, or something else.

>>34907809
Actually arturian legend predates that story, its a romano celtic story

>>34913609
Surely Iron age is way too early, I thought he first turned up a few decades after the fall of Rome?

>>34913631
Ga-wayne, though people will argue about this.

>>34907684
Only in the French version, because the French are cuckfags.

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>>34913551
>Excalibur
>sword of legendary 5th century British king
>gladius

Bitch, learn your swords.

>>34913567
Gawain, Lancelot, Tristan, Percival and even Mordred shifted around as the greatest Knight depending on who was compiling the stories and where the stories came from.

Lancelot and Gallahad were the heroes from mainland France and Gallahad may have been a more "pure" character created to be the French grail hero.

>>34913732
A variation on the name Guinevere is the equivalent of slut/whore in Welsh.

>>34913591
Or, yeah, from tribe to tribe. But somehow the storyteller god ended up on top when those stories were finally written down.
Well played, Odin.

>>34913746
Arthur was a chieftain of the Romanii-British who fought the invading Saxons after the Roman Provincial government in England collapsed. It makes sense to me that he would possess a gladius as his weapon.

>>34913843
Likely because the Christian Monks doing the transcribing got them from the storytellers.

>>34913895
Spatha were the first century descendants of the Gladius. A Spatha or a derivative was more likely to be the basis of Excalibur.

>>34913895
Now I'm imagining the Knights of the round table with Cornish accents. Heh.

>>34913609
Namely galahad and sir lancelot

>>34913771
Yes, there are different sources for the Arthurian legend. But the whole has had a lot of time to settle, and there is a sort of natural order to things now.

>Galahad is the greatest knight in prowess, chivalry, virtue, innocence AND deeds, but his supremacy is considered to be otherworldly and his time on the earth is short so it is worthwhile to calculate the "greatest knight (other than Galahad)" for various things.
>Lancelot is the greatest knight in terms of earthly prowess.
>Gawain is the greatest knight in terms of earthly chivalry.
>Percival is the greatest knight in terms of earthly virtue and innocence.

>>34914014
Cornish, Welsh and Breton were likely the main languages.

Arthur is half-Cornish (by Igraine Queen of Cornwall)/half-Breton (by Uther Pendragon) married to a Welsh princess (Guinevere). This allows him to be the King of all 3 groups and therefore "High King."

>>34914189
Galahad sounds more like a plot device than a character.

>>34914189
You have to give credit to Galahad for out-Gary-Stuing Lancelot.

Has anyone ever made a King Arthur RPG before? Sounds like one could be fun.

>>34914014
somerset is better.
"Ello, Gwen'vir moi durlin, ow beez you feelin on thes foin day? twere proper late whan youz and lan'celot come sneakin in laaast noight. wha'bin bout?"

>>34914285
>>34914298
Galahad was the Christian Insert Mary Sue
Lancelot was the French Insert Mary Sue

>>34914338
>Galahad was the French Christian Insert Mary Sue
>Percival was the Welsh Grail hero.

>>34914285
Pretty much, though you can't really have the perfect knight of prophecy - the only one who can sit in the Siege Perilous without dying, whose very existence heralds the completion of the Quest of the Grail and signals the high point and beginning of the end of Logress - without it being a plot device. There's a little bit of fun in the fact that he's Lancelot's kid, and better than him in almost every way, but it's all external to him since all he cares about is being good and doing good.

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>>34914319
MOLEFOWKSE

>>34914319
Now I'm imagining a Scouser Lord Bertilak.
" 'ite Gawain?"

>>34914391
Percival is the only other knight with the honour of being successful in his quest for the grail, though it is arguably an incomplete or inferior achievement.

>>34914569
Why did they go looking for the Grail anyway?

Didn't Excalibur grand victory in battle while his old sword which eventually was wielded by Mordred granted bloody conquest?

>>34914723
I thought his old sword got broken in a fight with a lord, necessitating a replacement i.e Excalibur.

>>34914782
Was that fight with Pellinore or am I making shit up?

>>34914842
Might be him, that sounds about right.

>>34914446
The thing about Seige Perilous is that it is an "only the worthy may use it" item, which Welsh lore is full of. The thing about these items is that they are character tests and constantly offered but never accepted.

Drynwyn (White-hilt) was the legendary flaming sword of Rhydderch Hael, another Welsh hero king like Arthur.

>When drawn by a worthy or well-born man, the entire blade would blaze with fire. Rhydderch was never reluctant to hand the weapon to anyone, hence his nickname Hael "the Generous", but the recipients, as soon as they had learned of its peculiar properties, always rejected the sword.

>>34914723
The sword taken by Mordred was supposedly Clarent "the Sword of Peace."

>>34914782
>>34914842
Depends on the story.

>>34914895
>as soon as they had learned of its peculiar properties, always rejected the sword.
Not surprising, a sword that frequently caught fire would have its temper ruined.

>>34914675
... Seriously? Pretend for a second you are a devout christian knight absolutely devoted to the doing of great deeds. You done? Okay. Now read this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holy_Grail

Reasons why you would want it / versions explaining why it's so cool include:
>used by Jesus to serve wine at the Last Supper
>caught the blood of Christ as it fell from his side at the Crucifixion
>fell from heaven and is the sanctuary/prison of the neutral angels that took neither side during Lucifer's rebellion
>has holy powers granting purity, healing, and redemption
>Joseph of Arimathea recieved the Grail from an apparition of Jesus himself and brings it to Britain for safekeeping, founding a dynasty of sworn Grail protectors in the process
>it's been a much sought-after treasure and relic for literally more than a thousand years
>you might actually care about healing the Broken Lands
>it was Logress' fault the Broken Lands were sundered in the first place and you are honour-bound to right this wrong
>you're going to be as famous as shit after
>it's guaranteed to be a badass adventure
>everybody's doing it

>>34914948
I think it was more "failure to ignite Lightsaber = unworthy."

>>34915015
>>it's guaranteed to be a badass adventure
>>everybody's doing it
Good points. Hell, I'd go on a quest to retrieve it for that.

>>34914895
Pretty sure Siege Perilous has actually killed dudes in the various continuities, so not just a deterrent / dramatic device in-setting. Though I get what you're saying.

>>34914895
I think Rhydderch intended it as a prank. Some dude would think it was just a sword and then FOOM! his hair is on fire. Punked!

>>34915073
Be a shitty way to die.
>Oh thank Christ, I'm finally back at Camelot
>So tired
>Fall into random chair
>Die

>>34913567
that fucking game man.
so good.

>>34915073
I have not heard of any stories where anyone named other than Galahad actually sat on the chair. The Seige Perilous and Drynwyn were Humility tests: a true knight would never think himself as the "Greatest Knight" or truly worthy and therefore not even consider using the object and those that attempted to use it were prevented from using it.

>>34907859
That's a creative interpretation of "fell for a girl who stole his power and took over his role for the rest of the story"

>>34908320
>When the love potion's effect wear off, Tristan and Isolde decide to keep fucking each others.

I love this.

"Wait! We've been tricked! All this passionate steamy sex was based on a lie!"
"Well, what're you gonna do"

>>34913058
>>34913843
Ahh, that's interesting, I hadn't considered it. I was the one sugesting that Odin started as a war god, and slowly went crazy as he started to mess around with Seiðr in a vain attempt to change fate.

Perhaps I had it backwards.


Also incidentally, this means that Marvel's depiction of Norse mythology is more accurate than the Christianized Wagnerian opera view.

>>34915106
"Siege Perilous" written in HUGE GLITTERY MAGIC GOLD LETTERS in that chair where nobody ever, ever sits at the table where anyone who belongs their has their own seat, by name?

Besides, I'm pretty if I was exhausted from adventuring so much that I couldn't remember to sit in my own special chair at the famous table that gives me the right to be counted among Arthur's 100, I'd collapse in a nearer chair than the Great Hall at the center of the castle keep. That and one of my 99 buddies would catch me before I did the dumbest thing ever.

>>34915405
That's because "based on a lie" doesn't mean shit. It's a "woman"'s excuse.

>>34915405
Seems pretty realistic to me. Also >>34915509.

What would you have done?

>>34908320
>When Tristan dies, he's burried next to the Isolde he loved fucking and trees grow from their grave, intertwined for eternity.

If I recall correctly, one bore red/pink blossoms and one white, and after they had entwined no one could tell they weren't one plant that bore both colours. Pretty sure they had a similar conceit for Lancelot/Guinevere's grave. Can anyone confirm?

If you were making a King Arthur RPG, at what point of the legends would you set it? During the quest for the grail? During Arthur's journey to unite the Kingdoms? After Arthur's death, when his surviving knights are trying to see what they can do with the bits left behind?

>>34915656
That is an old tragic lovers result. I think a Greek version involved an ash and an elm.

>>34913686
Well I can't say with any certainty, but isn't the story about Merlin and the two dragon from before the Roman Empire?

>>34915858
I've never heard that story before. Care to give me the run-down?

>>34915854
Yep. They had Zeus visit their house, they were nice to him, he gave them a wish, and both said that they'd hate to live without the other, so instead of dying Zeus turned them into trees. Oh, and they were both old men, so think of that how you will.

>>34915923
Considering what Zeus usually does to people, they did pretty well out of it.

>>34915858
I think that sorry was supposed to be shortly before Uther's rise to power. The successful dragon (red if I remember right) defeated and devoured the losing dragon (white). The dragons supposedly represented Uther (red dragon pennant) verses a rival who used a white dragon pennant.

>>34915879
Well the short version is a King is trying to build a castle, but every night he wakes up to find that it's been unbuilt. He gets so exasperated that he starts to look for magicians who said that the only way to get the castle built was to sacrifice a child born of a human mother and a fey father. Or possibly vice versa. The king goes and finds a very magical kid named Merlin who was born an old man and aged backwards, and he convinced the king that two dragons sleeping under the mountain where the castle was being built were responsible for the unconstruction.

So the king digs down and finds two dragons- one red and one white- and the minute they wake up they start fighting each other until the red dragon killed/drove off the white dragon and the king was finally able to build his castle, adopting the Red Dragon as the kingdoms symbol. And this is why there's a big red dragon on the welsh flag
>>34915986
Well from what I read the king wasn't Uther but someone else, before him. The Red dragon represented wales and the white dragon represented the invading saxons.

>>34915450
To an extent, all the Norse gods were wargods. That aside, Odin had his choosers of the slain, battle runes, ravens... easily associated with battle.
But real, actual warriors carried symbols of Thor. Perhaps Tyr, or Ingvi. But, going by archaeological record, Odin rarely.

>>34915858
>>34913686
Apparently some of earliest myths that form the basis of arthurian legend were recorded as early as the late fifth century.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myrddin_Wyllt

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>>34915796
Around the point when fighter jets come into play.

>>34915854
>>34915923
Kudos. I'd forgotten about that particular chestnut.

>>34916072
>Well from what I read the king wasn't Uther but someone else, before him.
Pretty sure it was Vortigern.

People have to remember that there were lots of kings in Briton at the time. That's why you hear things like "High King of All Britons". It means that other people can still be kings, but he's the king of all kings and claims the entire Kingdom (I believe he puts down his flag as far away as Norway and such if I recall correctly).

>>34916085
Well if you think of the metaphoric associations of Odin choosing the slain, that actually fits really well with his role as god of storytellers.

He gets to chose who is remembered as a hero, and who is forgotten by history.

All he magical shenanigans and battling fate could also be seen as the kind of power a storyteller has to alter our perceptions of the world around us.

>>34916262
Demon Lord of the Round Table... I pray for your success.

>>34915796
I start at the beginning, the creation myth, then go through the whole thing and then to the end. No point half-assing it.

>>34916632
Hope you have a lot of snacks.

>>34916718
Not in one session or anything. It's also a good idea to weed out the people who don't fit in while we're mucking about Tintagel and such, rather than letting them fuck up the precious parts.

>>34916718
also I didn't mean the Abrahamic creation myth, I mean with Uther lol.

>>34911779
I'll take DC's crises over Marvel's sliding timescale any day.

>>34916918
Right, I thought you were making fun of me.

>>34914895
How did Mordred weild the sword of peaces?

>>34907559
He was a warlord.

>>34910002
"Originality is undetected plagiarism."

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>>34907708
saved

>>34914189
>Gawain is the greatest knight in terms of earthly chivalry

Even this isn't entirely definite and I enjoy that compiling all his stories turns him into a more believable flawed hero. He was indeed courteous and sought to uphold earthly chivalry but he also did shit like sleeping with Sir Pelleas' love despite swearing to help him conquer her heart and killing Lamorak of Wales via ambush and the aid of his brothers, a particularly heinous act considering Lamorak was quite young and regarded as inferior only to Lancelot and Tristan.

>>34918705
I should have been more clear: by chivalry I just tried to contrast to innocence or innate virtue, which is Percival's purview.

Gawain is full of flaws, a terrible temper and arguably a pretty shitty person deep down. But the kind of virtue or goodness he represents is the kind where you recognize your flaws and overcome them, a sort of mature virtue in that sense. If you want I guess you can reduce this to Gawain as "he who doth protest the loudest", but I think that is a bit too much, and unfair to the man as a whole.

In any case, the key word here is "earthly", which kind of implies normal human flaws.

>>34915015
Don't forget
>have one of the most famous relics at your country's monastery/church
>getting all the pilgrims and the pilgrims' money

>>34909778

Everyone is psionics with level 45 soulbow that can shoot thermonuclear

>anon will never be the Yankee in King Arturia's court

>>34920220
You don't want what he got, man.

>>34907859
Nimue Nimue Nimue Nimue Nimue Nimue Nimue Nimue Nimue Nimue Nimue Nimue
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTuOBXZ3upA

>>34907559
Knights.
Wizard.
Sorceress.
More knights.
A black knight.
Knights.
And a royal whore.
>done

>>34913567
Out of curiosity, are you from England? I'm just wondering if it's because I live in America that I consider Gawain to be one of the lesser known knights.

>>34914312
There's a King Arthur RPG that's fairly good, actually. And the campaign book is absolutely enormous.

>>34915796
>If you were making a King Arthur RPG

Look up Pendragon. It does the Arthur mythos.
You know how some games sort of tiptoe around a particular theme and try to make it so you can rip all that out and reuse the system for something else?
Yeah, Pendragon is the opposite of that. It runs headlong at its subject matter, tackles it to the ground, and never lets go. I wouldn't use it for anything else, but if it comes down to playing Arthurian knights, I wouldn't use anything else.

>>34913732
Well in every version, it's a rather central part of the tale.

>>34921722
Nah, Canada. Main reason I'd consider Gawain one of the better known knights is because he has works dedicated to just him that enjoyed a fair amount of popularity then and now, such as the ballad of Gawain and the Green Knight.

>>34912893
>had to look up cambion
>on /tg/

>>34914312
>Has anyone ever made a King Arthur RPG before? Sounds like one could be fun.
Pendragon, one of the best fantasy RPGs ever made

https://www.mediafire.com/folder/ehlamjhm67jlx/Pendragon

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>They see me rolling
>They hating

>>34912523
>Is Oberon and Mordred the claimaints for all of the cool shit?
This sounds like a hilarious idea for a modern fantasy campaign.

>>34909875
>Asi
You forgot Arabian, Persian, and all the Central Asian.

>>34923893
Those are considered Middle Eastern, etc.

>>34923003
Hardly any of these work properly, have you got any better download links?

>>34912953
Shit, man. I've read Le Morte d'Arthur and I can't remember who Balin or Balan is (of course, I read it long ago and thought it was terrible, like most Arthurian shit I've encountered). However, it's pretty hard not to have at least heard of Gawain, even if you've never delved into the subject.

>>34909956
How about some Native American?

>>34909956
>Greece: everyone is jerks to each other, the biggest jerk wins
And then suffers for it, because HUBRIS.

>>34925457
dont be a bitch to spirits, and they will help you fuck up other spirits that are bitches.

>>34908016
Depending on who you ask and where Morrighan was the goddess of sex, fertility, harvests, sovereignty, war, bloodshed, strife and battles.

She was the Lady of Crows worshiped in equal parts by farmers and warriors, peaceful folk and bloodlusting nutters.

She didn't care if it was animals and people sacrificed to her name or corn as burnt offerings.

Hers was the ground drenched in blood as payment for a good harvest. She murdered her father and drowned I'm in the surf of one of the little islands/spits of rock off of the west coast of Ireland. The dead gather there before he leads them onwards.

You get the feeling that she wanted to be a nice mother goddess type figure but had entirely the wrong temperament.

I think in Wales she had some connection to the Fairies.

>>34911233
sounds like prometheus mate

>>34907809

>juvie center in the bottom of a lake run by dis lady, and he ain't coming out until he's 18 and can be transferred to a maximum security prison for all the murders he did.

Ocarina of Time?

>>34925028
>Hardly any of these work properly, have you got any better download links?
They all work fine. Either Mediafire is playing up or something's wrong with your browser.

>>34907972

>http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082348/

A sexy, sexy Helen Mirren as a sexy, sexy Morgana? Yes puhlease

How do the French versions differ from the British ones?

>>34909800
Attractive women are dangerous in most myths.

>>34909956
Norse are so fatalistic.

>>34911779
> female Thor
> black gay spiderman
> propositions to turn Cap gay

sure kid

>>34912583
I don't know what could be a worse hour. Economic ruin, foreign criminals, the threat of dissolution.

>>34909980
except the norse. Because he forgot to put in that part were there is a new beginning after everything dies.
The norse mythology is not about a great END. It is about a CYCLE of destruction and creation.

>>34925457
There's a world underneath the world.

Animals can talk but they don't to you because fuck you.

Sometimes animals will pretend to be women so they can rape and murder you.

The sun is a house. There's a big burning guy in it with an awesome headdress. He's the chief of something.

Also, if you starve yourself, eat poisonous plants, and cut pieces of your arms off you can have a vision quest and learn stuff.

There isn't really any single Native American legend, there were a ton of tribes and cultures.

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>>34927716
>Animals can talk but they don't to you because fuck you.

>>34907646
>He dies at the end.
>One sentence and still wrong

>>34914312
GURPS

>>34913058
>Odin usurped Tyr and made Loki up to act as a lightning rod for all the bad PR shit
Is this legit or are you rusing me?

>>34928112
rusing as fuck

>>34927359
Was Scotland even a part of there at the time?

Anyway, needs more dragons.

Can someone give me a run down of the superpowers the knights of the round table had? I know one got stronger as the sun rose higher in the sky, and apparently Sir Kay could grow twenty feet tall and shoot lasers from his eyes.

>>34907559
Never trust Merlin

Always trust Merlin

>>34927383
That's only because of Jesus.

>>34916085
Considering his associations with death, it was probably seen as bad luck.

>>34928618

Not really, ragnorok was thought to have happened already (and hence why there can be a story describing it)... and to be going to happen again at some point in the future.

The Jews thought "we're all fucked".
The Vikings thought "We have already been fucked and will be fucked again"
The Celts thought "we think we might not be fucked THIS TIME (but will be unsurprised when we are inevitably fucked again)"

>>34928840
And that's the circle...
THE CIRCLE OF FUCK!
MMMH YEAHEAYEAH!

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>>34928840

>>34922851
nope, the Lancelot x Guinevere and Holy Grail story's were added in by de Troyes in the 12th century

>>34913829
wut the wiki page says that it means The White Fay/Ghost
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guinevere#Name

>>34928840
>ragnorok was thought to have happened already (and hence why there can be a story describing it)

No, it was prophesied by a seeress (völva). Ragnarök is "the final fate of the gods", something that is going to happen.
In the original myths, the prophecy ends after Surtr burns the world and Nidhoggr, after at long last biting through the roots of the world tree, takes flight. The inclusion of anything after that (particularly Baldr returning to the world to bring order) is christian additions to make it more like Jesus.

>>34929279
>The inclusion of anything after that (particularly Baldr returning to the world to bring order)
Never heard of Balder returning, but there was a man and a woman who hid awat in Yggdrasil and would start up a new world together.
Doosdays are the staple of judeo-christian deathcults.
Your move, kvitekrist.

>>34907559
>summarize the legend of King Arthur
A wizard who knows everything, and who everyone knows and accepts knows everything, keeps telling people that if they do a thing it will be terrible for them. They then flip him off and do it anyway. Thigns are terrible for them as a result.

Wait, I thought the sword of the Lady of the Lake was Excalubur and the Sword in the Stone was a different one?

>>34930877
Yeah, that's right.

>>34907559

N
T
R

>>34930877

The Sword in the Stone was only there to find the true king of England. Excalibur was there for the true king to rule.

And then Balin came along and killed the Lady of the Lake for shits and giggles.

Fuck that guy.

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So gender-bending and Arthur unexplicably using longswords aside, how accurate is Type-Moon's take on the Arthurian legend?

>>34931007
It sucks a lot of cock, and not in a good way.

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>>34907559

'ere you go

>>34931007

If you take out the aspects of noble phantasms, pretty extremely to the french versions of the myth.
Even being a girl isn't that strange. Arthur was young and beardless and possessed of an abnormal avoidance to having an heir (some myths put in a prophecy that he would be killed by his own son, and so decided to just not have a son), part of the reason Guenevere sought out Lancelot. The idea that Arthur was a woman hiding her gender is a legitimate historical argument.

>>34931059
>arthur
>history

>>34931059
Chrétien de Troyes? Quick Google search says he introduced Lancelot and developed a bunch of other knights of the Round Table.

>>34931144
I think he means literary history?

>>34931171
Oh.
Ok.
You may live.

>>34931046
Where can I get a Fapout shirt?

>Gawain = White Knight Birdman
Gets stronger as the sun rises, loves him some defending ladies honor.

>Lancelot = Mary Sue
Literally perfect in every way. Possesses +4 Dick of Defeating Chastity.

>Galahad = Son of Sue, Electric Boogaloo
Son of Lancelot and similarly perfect in every way. Survived the exploding throne of the Round Table, found the Holy Grail, left Earth to party with Jesus.

>Percival = The Well-meaning Boob
Accompanied Galahad on Grail Quest. Stood around. Saw Cup of Jesus.

>Bors the Younger = The Most Interesting Man in the Round Table
Makes Lancelot look like a straight-up virgin. Women commit suicide when he refuses to sleep with them. So amazing God even strikes down his evil brother just as he's about to kill him.

>Lamorak = What a Dick
All around fuckwit and loser. Sleeps with the widow of a man his dad killed, gets fucking destroyed by Mordred for being a shit.

>Kay = Totally Not A Fey Giant
Giant magic Welshman who can shoot fire from his hands, grow a hundred feet tall, and go nine days and nights without food, sleep, or water. Wounds inflicted by his sword never heal.

>Gareth = The White Black Knight
Kills the Black Knight, the Green Knight, and the Red Knight. Marries horrible Frenchwoman. Bullied by Kay for being small and girly. Accidentally killed by Lancelot for being small and girly.

>>34911519
Anyone named Halfdan in the party?

>>34931292
>Kay = Totally Not A Fey Giant
>Giant magic Welshman who can shoot fire from his hands, grow a hundred feet tall

So King Arthur had a fucking Ultraman as a member of his posse? Cool

>>34911814
>>Insert Grail Quest here

That's utterly random and out of place.

>>34931292
>Bedivere = Evil Wizard Everyone Likes for Some Reason
Possesses magic lance. Uses dark magic to seduce peasants. Hated by townsfolk, loved by Arthur (isn't that convenient...)

>Lucan = The Alfred
The Royal Butler and Arthur's best bud. Carries him off the field of battle in his final confrontation with Mordred and dies when his stomach bursts open from his wounds.

>Griflet = The Cameo
Actually the hero of another story called Jaufre. One of the first knights of the circular seating implement, survived the final battle.

>Uwain = The Good Lancelot
Befriends a lion, goes on adventures kicking evil's ass. Retires with amazing wife. Does not ruin Arthur's kingdom.

>Erec = The Whiner
Wants to be a knight, wants delicious Welsh poon more. Marries and tries to retire from knighthood but is mocked by the other knights. Goes on mid-life crisis quest to show them he's cool, retires with wife after it anyway.

>Cador = Real Dude
An actual person who got swept up into Arthurian legend. Ruled Camelot jointly with Arthur at one point.

>Hoel = Liam Neeson
One of the oldest knights of the table. Niece is raped and killed by a giant, quests with Arthur to murder it.

>>34931423

Blame Balin for losing it in the first place.

>>34931401

Unfortunately that's only in the (original) welsh versions.

The french fanfictions revised Sir Kay into "that guy every new guy beats up to look cool and strong".

>>34931371

None so far, the only named characters that come to mind are Einar, Thorfinn, Thorfinn (wide eyes), Gudrid and Leif.

There's also a haughty blonde girl with drill hair and the moneylender who is undoubtedly going to pursue the party for Gudrid.

Maybe we meet a Halfdan between here and Miklagard, but which Halfdan are you referring to exactly? There's quite a few of 'em.

>>34931567
I've learned more about Arthurian legend today than ever before.

>>34931587
>>34930992
>>34908881

Who the fuck is this Balin guy?

>>34925613
>corn as burnt offerings.
>Corn in Europe
>Before the 1400s.

I bet you think Potatoes are native to Ireland too.

>>34932026

Saint Patrick chased all the woolly mammoths out of Ireland.

>>34932026

Corn refers to any sort of grain, but upon discovery of Maize it became synonymous with that.

>>34925613
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBxFj8ZRLm4

>>34928840
>The Jews thought "we're all fucked".

nah, being Jews, and thus having more opinions then people, there are many different viewpoints to address various subtleties regarding being fucked. such as "why are we all fucked?" , "who does all of us refer to?" , "what conditions do we have to fulfill to stop being fucked?" , "how hard are we all being fucked?" "when the end comes, are we sure we all stop be fucked?" , "who is fucking us?" , and "are we actually being fucked?".


even if you were trying to keep it simple, you probably should have made it into a question, i.e "what is it with us all being fucked?"

>>34931632
This Halfdan:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Runic_inscriptions_in_Hagia_Sophia

>>34930992
>blood feud, his mother dead from burning and the Lady of the Lake demanding his head of King Arthur in front of all the court as payment for giving him Excalibur to use
>shit and giggles

>>34931598
Don't forget a huge asshole poser and malcontent. Fuck the Seneschal.