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>>34985468

So no shit there we were, heading out to fight the foes of the Imperium under to command of the hottest woman within several cubic light years. Sure we were on our way to fight with a bunch of xenos monstrosities and mutant cultists, but our Interrogator was the envy of inquisition agents all across the sector. Any red blooded trooper would have given his right hand to trade places with us, except he’d need it for the long lonely nights after she’d ruined every other woman for him.

None of us had imagined there was ever an Interrogator like her, she was practically perfect. She had a dancer’s grace, a charmer’s smile, and a singer’s voice; everything about her was beautiful and perfect. To top it all off she had experience running every part of an inquisition operation, was a minor psyker, and was absolutely deadly with her force sword. It was a wonder that she wasn’t already an Inquisitor, we all assumed that her boss just wanted to keep her around as long as possible.

The rest of the team consisted of hard bitten multi-discipline adepts that could only really be called agents. They all had a bit of a specialty, such as technology or stealth or social infiltration, but each one was a highly trained operative that could fill almost any role in a mission. Every single one of them was wrapped around our Interrogator’s little finger, they’d go into the eye of terror itself if she ordered it. They hung on her words at briefings and were constantly researching and practicing in hope of earning her praise.

So it was sort of surprising that most of us didn’t really like her.

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>>34985553

Doc and Twitch were terrified of her. Doc got tongue tied around most women, he could barely even talk when the Interrogator was around. He would drop what he was holding, stare at anything else in the room, then either freeze completely or mutter something and try to escape. Meanwhile Twitch had decided that anything that beautiful was specifically designed to destroy men. He firmly believed that she was some sort of daemon, or witch, or xenos, or mechanical construct; his theory varied from day to day. Their relationship was not helped by her repeated insistence that he not wire everyone’s quarters with mines.

Sarge and Cutter were vaguely distrustful of her. Sarge had a completely justified distrust of authority, none of the squad’s previous Interrogators had impressed him with their strategic ability and his guard superiors had been even worse. On top of this, while she was easier on the eyes than any of his former bosses, Sarge automatically assumed that any superior officer that didn’t have at least one obvious battle wound probably spent most of their time getting guardsmen shot instead. Cutter didn’t understand what all the fuss was about. Sure the Interrogator’s force weapon was pretty cool, but there was only room in his heart for his chainsword-chan.

Nubby immediately fell in love though, he followed the Interrogator around like a foul mouthed, unhygienic, kleptomaniacal puppy.

Per usual, all stories, questions, and criticisms are welcome.

If I didn't want to talk to anyone during storytime I'd have a blog instead of posting on this prestigious board.

Can't wait to see what nubby does to win her affection. Also, I hope for another my sides moment. That is all

>>34985919
>Any red blooded trooper would have given his right hand to trade places with us, except he’d need it for the long lonely nights after she’d ruined every other woman for him.
kek.
Keep going Shoggy! I wanna see what happens.

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>>34985653

Honestly we weren’t sure who we felt more sorry for. Nubby’s constant attempts to impress her were absolutely pathetic, but on the other hand she had to endure Nubby’s near constant presence. He would follow her around doing errands, offering her little gifts, and constantly telling her about the heroic exploits of Captain Nubby and his merry men. At first she encouraged this behavior, Nubby was the only man in our squad that would give her anything more than a resigned salute. Everyone has their limits though and Nubby’s chatter, blatant thievery, and SMELL could wear down anyone’s patience. He even started standing guard outside her quarters while she slept, which was more than anyone should have to bear so Sarge put a stop to that as a sort of peace offering.

We had once again claimed a section of cabins as our own and let Twitch fortify them. Thanks to our abysmal first impression (not to mention the impression Nubby gave) we mostly got away with our routine of napping, PT, and ignoring everyone else. The rest of the team thought of us as disposable muscle, they definitely weren’t about to traverse a literal mine-field or argue with a heavily armed paranoid just to talk to us. We had to leave our territory to go to a few briefings with the rest of the team, but since we weren’t part of the Interrogator Fan Club we weren’t really welcome in their part of the ship. Every once in a while the Interrogator would come down and make an attempt at bonding with us, though she stopped trying after Twitch threw holy water at her.

The end result of this (aside from making any casual conversation with Nubby unbearable) was that Nubby was more or less the liaison between the squad and the rest of the team. Which meant that almost all the information about our mission went through a pathological liar who spent most of the time making eyes at the Interrogator instead of listening.

This is headed into a train wreck. Anyone that "perfect" has either the worst psychological flaws this side of Fulgrim, is a Slaaneshi cultist, a traitor or so completely incompetent in some way that promotion was impossible.

Possibly all of those at the same time.

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>>34986080

The information that filtered through to us wasn’t exactly encouraging. A major genestealer cult had been broken up several years ago by some badass Inquisitor, but several splinters had already broken off and headed for other worlds. Recently several of those splinters had been tracked down to a medium sized imperial world smack in the middle of the sub sector. Oak had apparently decided that this was an excellent chance for some of the Inquisitor wannabes to prove themselves, so three teams were sent out to try and purge these infestations WITHOUT massacring entire Imperial cities. A few regiments of guard would be stopping by in a few months, so if the teams failed to solve things by then a more general purge would be performed by the boys in green.

The three team force was given the rough location of no less than six genestealer infestations, told to go down and pinpoint each cult, take out its leadership, and send in the locals to mop up the rest. If shit went south they were to try and convince the pdf to do a general puge. Each team was assigned two infestations and told to help the others when they finished or if the other teams got into trouble. Each team would enter the system discreetly so as not to spook the cults and each Interrogator was given a trainee rosette to beat the local authorities over the head with.

Our Interrogator and the Agents were going through what info they had about the planet and the cults during the trip. The general idea was to find the public face of the cults, perform some sort of daring kidnapping operation, rip the location of the rest of the cult from their minds or databases, then plan a surgical strike with loyal elements of the PDF. We all eagerly awaited the second plan that would be formed after the attempt to capture a psychotic, mutant, xenos cultist surrounded by guards went ploin shaped.

>>34986080
I'm already cackling and out of breath.
Continue, I implore you.

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>>34986173

We touched down in a fair sized city and immediately set up base in a pretty ritzy house, apparently the Inquisition wasn’t skimping on this mission. The agents all started going out on their little fact finding missions; infiltrating political groups, examining real estate records, hacking databases, and in the Interrogator’s case, attending extravagant parties. We were not invited on any of these missions on the grounds that we were so unstealthy that just being in the same general area would blow their cover. The lack of invitation didn’t stop Nubby from attending the parties though, I can only imagine the disgust on the Interrogator’s face when he kept showing up mid party in clothes he’d mugged off a servant or drunk nob.

Since we didn’t have anything better to do we mostly lounged around, ate bad fast food, kept the vehicles in order, and generally transformed a beautiful town house into an Imperial Guard firebase. We had been in transit for several weeks and now we had been told to stay at base while the rest of the team did the investigating. While any guardsman appreciates down time, Sarge wasn’t a fan of troopers sitting around with nothing to do, so he stepped up the schedule of our drills and we all helped Twitch fortify the place. This eventually got us in trouble with the Interrogator, since apparently surrounding a house with razorwire counts as breaking cover, even if you cover it up with decorative shrubbery.

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>>34986230

Our relationship with the rest of the team was definitely getting a bit strained. Cutter got yelled at for doing sword drills in the middle of the night, some of the agents had trouble sleeping while someone is revving a chainsword and screaming obscenities at a training servitor. They were also unappreciative of Sarge holding 5am PT in the back yard and Doc’s insistence that everyone submit to a thorough physical. The real problems were Twitch and Nubby though.

Of course Twitch was doing his usual thing, but unlike our previous teams the agents had no appreciation for a properly secured perimeter. After an Agent ignored his posted directions and had to be rescued from a depressed land mine, there was a big fight between Twitch and the Interrogator. His perfectly valid points about perimeter security, posted instructions, and the relative safety of mechanical dual action mines compared to motion activated ones were dismissed; in the end he had to remove all booby traps outside the squad’s quarters, even the non-lethal ones.

To top everything off Nubby had ground the entire team’s nerves down to the bone. His constant petty theft, chatter, and poor hygiene were bad enough, but he was practically stalking the Interrogator at this point. His very presence offended the Agents and his behavior drove them all into a simmering rage. Only his fictitious rank of Captain and supposed command of our squad kept them from killing him or banning him from their briefings.

All in all it was a relief for everyone when they finally identified the front for the local cult and their primary moles in the local government.

How appealing was the shrubbery

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>>34986230
>This eventually got us in trouble with the Interrogator, since apparently surrounding a house with razorwire counts as breaking cover, even if you cover it up with decorative shrubbery.

>>34986334

It was very appealing, we set it up so there was a two layer effect with a little path running down the middle

>>34986416
Impressive. So how booby trapped was the path?

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>>34986327

The plan our Interrogator came up with was a beautifully choreographed series of misdirections and lightning strikes. There were cunning disguises, perfectly placed bribes, subtle pieces of blackmail, nearly impossible feats of stealth and speed, and in the middle of it all would be our Interrogator acting as the maestro. Every agent would work in perfect sync to draw the targets in, subdue them, then return them with their memories modified and the cult none the wiser. Our squad would stay in the van and do absolutely nothing to screw things up.

An extravagant party was organized by the Interrogator and every one of the targets received an invitation they couldn’t possibly refuse. A venue was chosen, disguises were perfected, traps were set, and a little out of the way room was filled with several sinister pieces of equipment and a very nervous Doc. Doc was the only one allowed to even enter the building during the operation, and that was only because no one else was qualified to handle anesthesia. Mind you Doc wasn’t really qualified either, his past experience with sedation primarily consisted of sticking unhappy people with the guard issue one use morphine amps.

The plan called for a lot of really complex stuff that more or less boiled down to grab a target, take them to the little room, drug them, do psyker stuff to them, dump them back in the party with a gap in their memory, then repeat. We fully expected this to fail horribly, our squad sat in the van, armed to the teeth listening to the coms and just waiting for the screaming to start.

It was a bit of a let down when things went off without a hitch.

>based shoggy with story time again
my day is not complete

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>>34986520

The social agents socialed, the stealthy agents stealthed, the psyker agent psyked and one after another the targets were brought to Docs little room where he put them under and our Interrogator and her assistant rooted around in their deformed brains. The closest thing to a problem was when Doc found out that a genestealer hybrid is rather resistant to most tranquilizers, but immediately quintupling the dosage solved that problem. In a remarkably short amount of time we had all the information we needed on the local cult and the victims had no idea that anything had happened. We were absolutely floored.

Seriously, the mission had taken less than an hour from the word go, most of the night was taken up with going through the motions of the party while our squad sat in the van like a bunch of naughty children. It was the most successful Inquisition op we’d seen and Nubby gave us no end of shit about doubting his girlfriend. He was so goddamn insufferable that we eventually kicked him out of the van and told him to go stalk the Interrogator or something for the rest of the night.

A less stalwart bunch of guardsmen would have started to doubt their cynical view of the world, but we had earned every bit of that cynicism with blood, sweat, and tears. Like hell were we going to give it up for something as trifling as a single successful mission. We comforted ourselves with the thought that nothing that perfect could happen twice. We told ourselves that the next op was practically guaranteed to have a colossal fuckup in it, even if we had to supply it ourselves.

Boy were we right.

Why does that abort button exist?
meant "is now complete"

>>34986450

Anyone who actually used the path without warning Twitch would die horribly. The correct method of entry involved following the shrubbery half way around the yard, then following a very small unmarked path.

We spent a LOT of time designing base defenses instead of playing.

>>34986670
As appropriate for Guardsmen

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>>34986599

The data gained from the party was used to create a detailed list of targets for surgical strikes by the local authorities. The list was packaged with several strategic ‘suggestions’ and dire warnings about the consequences of failure, then sealed by the Interrogator and handed off to a few powerful local officials who were believed to be trustworthy. They were instructed to keep the packages sealed until an order backed by an Inquisitorial Rosette came to open them. We got to come along and watch as these packages were delivered, the snooty bastards nearly shit themselves when they were shone the Interrogator’s Rosette. When that was done we all packed up, sent a coded message to the other teams informing them of our success, and headed for the next cult location.

We moved to another of the major cities on the planet and once again we set up shop in an incredibly posh house. We went about guardifying it while the rest of the team did their intel gathering things, but we were much more restrained this time. The success of the previous mission had been humbling, the team had put up with our shit and performed like professionals, the least we could do was be civil. That’s not to say that we were any more fond of the Interrogator or any less sure of the impending disaster, we just didn’t see the point of deliberately pissing the rest of the team off while they worked.

Even though we were acting more retrained our paranoia had been ratcheted up several levels by the success, it was just a morose sort of paranoia. Something was inevitably going to go wrong, but no one would ever listen to us or let us take perfectly reasonable security measures. So we just stewed in our makeshift barracks and prepared for all the complex plans to fall apart and dump everything into our laps. Our mood was not improved by Nubby periodically coming in and rambling about his lady love.

>>34986903
My Sides!!!!!!!

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>>34986903

Before long the intel was gathered, the targets were identified, and another magnificent party was scheduled by the Interrogator. Once again the Interrogator and her agents put together an incredibly complex plan which would pull one target after another into the little interrogation room manned by Doc. The plan had little differences here and there, but it really was the same plan as last time, right down to the four grumpy guardsmen sitting in the van where they couldn’t get into trouble.

We paid careful attention to the briefing this time, quietly tracking all the things that could go wrong. Later that night we started making our own contingencies for all the horrific and wildly improbable ways things could go wrong. We had plans for stopping escaping targets, we had plans for intercepting cultists hunting our team, we had plans for holding off reinforcements, we even had plans for if the Interrogator and the psyker agent both simultaneously turned into daemonhosts. Sure all these plans were more or less ‘apply las fire and explosives until it stops being a problem’, but we did have them.

The team was amped up and ready for another perfect op, well at least the agents and the Interrogator were. After several days of morosely speculating about what would go wrong, our squad had the general attitude of condemned prisoners. We weren’t sure what would be worse; if even a tenth of our paranoid worries came true we were all going to die horribly, but if everything went perfectly again we’d probably have to kill ourselves or join the Interrogator Fan Club with Nubby. Death was considered to be the better option.

>>34986364
but it was a nice bit of shrubbery

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>>34987117

The night of the party came and our squad piled into the van with so much military hardware that we clinked when we walked. We had las-guns and melee weapons, ammo and medpacks, several different types of grenades and more detpacks than even Twitch thought we needed. When a guardsman feels a sense of doom in the air munitions are his security blanket.

Doc was sent off to his little room with a batch of super heavy tranquilizers he had prepped after the slight difficulty last time. He was going to be alone in there so we gave him a guard issue combead (just in case the team’s com system failed) and, in direct violation of the Interrogator’s orders, Twitch snuck him a few of his toys. To be precise Twitch gave him enough directional mines to blow anyone coming through the front door to chunky salsa while simultaneously opening an escape route out the back.

We sat in the van, jittering and waiting for either the impending disaster or the most embarrassing moment of our lives. This op would make us, or break us, or quite possibly kill us, all we could do was listed to the coms and wait. You should have seen the look on Sarge’s face when the elevator the stealthy agent was on suddenly reversed direction and smashed him into the top of the shaft.

>>34987195

my god, you've been playing Mission Impossible

>>34987195
shit eating grins? shit eating grins.

>>34987195
"God Emperor, yes! We're [saved/vindicated/sane]!"

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>>34987195

Grinning like schoolboys we started piling out of the van even before the agent’s scream was cut short by the inevitable *splat*. As we sprinted for the building we all felt a deep sense of satisfaction as two of the agents reported they were being followed, and Sarge almost started laughing when the Interrogator’s order to abort was interrupted by gurgling scream and coms going down. Twitch actually did start laughing when Doc reported hostiles approaching his position and his intention to blow the mines and rendezvous with us in the ballroom.

We hit the front doors right as Doc’s mines went off. As the explosion shook the building we kicked in the door, buttstroked the guards, and headed for firing positions. Nubby and Twitch sprinted up into the balconies to lay down covering fire while Sarge and Cutter started forcing a path through through the crowd. It was complete pandemonium in the ballroom, the crowd was panicking, gunfire was coming from several directions, and the assailants were almost identical to the rest of the party goers.

One agent was already down, another was pinned behind some pillars, and as we got into position we saw the Interrogator retreat out a side door with three cultists in pursuit. Nubby and Twitch made quick work of the cultists they could see and started sweeping the crowd for hostiles and the original targets. Sarge and Cutter finally made it through the crowd to the surviving agent where they found several cultists pretending to be guests and waiting for a clear shot. Cutter hit them in the rear and started making cultist hamburger while Twitch and Nubby shot anyone who didn’t run from the madman with a sword. Sarge took this chance to run in and grab the pinned agent before more hostiles showed up.

The ground team was pulling back towards the front doors when the rescued agent spotted one of the targets in the dwindling crowd and broke away from the group.

>>34987296
>One agent was already down

Down as in dead or bleeding out?

>>34987296
Again, My Sides!!!!!!

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>>34987296

Swearing under their breaths Sarge and Cutter ran after the agent as he closed on a spectacularly fat man. The panic in the room covered the sound of the agent’s approach and he managed to land a decent hit with his stunner, but the fat man wasn’t completely incapacitated. With startling speed he popped back onto his feet, locked eyes with the agent, and started to draw a weapon. Before he could kill the paralyzed agent Cutter hit him like a truck and started repeatedly clubbing him over the head with the flat of his chainsword.

Once the fat man stopped moving Sarge pulled Cutter off and the whole group headed for the exit dragging the fat man behind them. Twitch saw the cultists’ follow-up assassins enter the room before anyone else and immediately nailed two of them, prompting the rest to dive into cover. Thinking fast Sarge took cover behind the wobbling folds of the incapacitated target and drug Cutter and the agent down with him. They hunkered down behind the makeshift barricade and hoped to the Emperor that five hundred pounds of blubber would stop small arms fire.

It turned out that enough fat is just as good as a bunch of sandbags, and luckily the cultist’s didn’t have anything heavier than handguns. Twitch and Nubby picked off most of the cultists and the last few decided to stay the fuck in cover. Sarge was considered releasing Cutter to launch a flanking attack on them when Doc poked his head through the door behind the cultists.

>>34987406
>Doc poked his head through the door behind the cultists.

TIME FOR BOOMZ

>>34987406
>It turned out that enough fat is just as good as a bunch of sandbags
HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHH

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>>34987406

Doc ducked back out of the room and we all did our best to keep attention off of him for a few seconds. Before long he stepped out of the door, calmly walked up to a pair of cultists and tranqued them, while behind him the last missing agent walked in and headshot the final cultist. The room was empty except for us now, so Twitch and Nubby dropped down from the balcony and everyone gathered together to plan the next move.

The fat man was thoroughly dead, it turns out that no amount of body mass will let you live through being used as meat shield against half a dozen handguns. To our surprise the two cultist that Doc had so thoughtfully tranqued were dead too, apparently they weren’t as genestealery as the previous targets had been and the quintuple strength tranq had instantly killed them. In fact a quick examination didn’t turn up anything genestealery about them. We had a vague feeling that this was important, but since it wouldn’t help us survive the current shitstorm we filed it away for later. Since we were the ones with working coms Sarge took operational command. the two surviving agents were told to fall in behind us and we made our way out of the building.

Theoretically we should have tried to find the rest of the team first, but we knew one agent was dead and judging by the com traffic the others were too. Nubby and the surviving agents argued for finding the Interrogator, but Sarge decided she was a big girl who could handle herself, so we all headed for base instead. We carefully made our way to the front door and got ready for the completely exposed sprint to the van, then right as Sarge was about to give the order to run, the van exploded in a fireball that took out every other vehicle in the lot.

We all looked at Twitch who shrugged and muttered about making sure no one tampered with it.

>>34987406
YOU KNOW WHAT THIS NEEDS? THEME MUSIC. GET ON THAT PEOPLE.

>>34987616

...Did twitch just blow up the get away van?

>>34987618
inb4 Benny Hill theme

>>34987616
What? I don't even... there's no way twitch did that. He's paranoid, not stupid. Interrogator's up to some shenanigans.

>>34987678
>>34987727

Yes, yes he did.

>>34987743
Damn it Twitch!

>>34987727
Sounds to me like he rigged it to blow up if someone tried to disable it, cut the breaks, or rig it to blow up.

>>34987743
Twitch i dont even

>>34987743
Now that's just bullshit.

And I respect him for his roleplaying.

>>34987743
Soooo.... somebody fucked with the van and ate an ton of HE to the face. I'm okay with this.

>>34987743
Fucking Twitch

>>34987837
Let's hope it wasnt the interrogator

>>34987837
no it seems he blew up the van, so that there won't be a chance of someone tampering with the van

>>34987890
I'm still okay with that.

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>>34987616

So no shit there we were, standing outside a building full of corpses (most of which WE were responsible for) with no vehicle, no form of Inquisitorial identification, and the rapidly approaching sound of sirens. Judging by the arm that landed next to Doc a bunch of cultists had tried to mess with our van and ran afoul of Twitch’s perimeter defenses, but no one shot the agents when we sent them to check on the wreckage so we assumed that none of the hostiles were left. We could have hotwired a nearby vehicle and lead the cops on a daring chase, or we could have had the social agent try to bluff them, or we could have silently gone into custody and awaited rescue by the Interrogator, or we could have even tried to fight our way through an entire city’s worth of cops. Instead we decided to just walk home.

The agents weren’t exactly happy about this decision; none of us were disguised they said, it was a twenty kilometer walk they said, we were in plain sight they said, we were all obviously carrying weapons they said. We ignored them though, and as we walked Sarge calmly explained that no sane copper was going to ask a bunch of guardsmen why they were carrying their weapons with them on leave, especially not when there was something much more important to deal with. He did acknowledge the point about it being twenty klicks back to base, so after a few miles we found a train station and rode home with some very scared looking administratum workers.

The sun was almost up when we got back to base and the agents were dead on their feet (they hadn’t slept on the train like we did). Doc opened the front door and nearly lost a hand when the Interrogator fired several bolt rounds through it, but after a bit of careful negotiation we convinced her to let us in. She seemed surprised that we survived, it was a bit insulting really.

>>34987837

This one, he left prox mines on the van when they left.

>>34987953

Ok.

Ok Twitch, I was wrong.

You were right and you're still insane.

>>34988010
Love you Twitch. You are always being proven right. I wish for that to continue on.

Twitch is the Guardsman that all Guardsmen should aspire to be.

When the Emperor finally takes him with him to his eternal resting place, he will be given the honor of fortifying the afterlife.

>>34987953
All is forgiven twitch. you did the right thing, not the smart thing, but the right thing.

>>34988087
There's 3 three ways to do things: The right way, the wrong way and the Guard way.

>>34987953
>She seemed surprised that we survived, it was a bit insulting really.

So will she listen to the Guardsmen now? No? Thought as much.

>>34987953
All is forgiven Twitch. You are still insane but are always right.

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>>34987953

After the Interrogator put the bolt pistol down we all filed in and Sarge gave the squad’s report. Doc and the agents filled in the bits he wasn’t there for and we painted a pretty clear picture of the cultists’ attack, our swift response, and the rescue of the agents. Sarge also made sure to mention the attempt to capture the fat man and the lack of genestealer characteristics on the cultists, but the Interrogator wasn’t exactly impressed with this information. Instead she asked some very pointed questions about why the interrogation room had been filled with explosives, why we had deployed without orders, and who’s idea it was to rig the van with proximity mines. For the most part we stood there and ignored these questions in traditional guardsman fashion, but Twitch made a few unkind comments about the Interrogator’s retreat which she graciously decided to ignore.

Eventually the Interrogator got tired of yelling at us and told the whole team to pack their gear up and get into the flier in the garage. She had decided that this part of the mission was beyond salvage and ordered an immediate purge by the PDF, we had less than an hour to get our shit together and get the hell out of there before the killing started. We weren’t exactly happy about this, a whole lot civies were going to be killed and the PDF grunts were going to be pretty messed up by the end of the purge, but we didn’t have any clever suggestions and it was the Interrogator’s call in the end. Hell, even if we had an idea for fixing the situation we couldn’t have stopped the purge without the Interrogator’s Rosette.

So feeling like our heroic rescue had been for nothing we collected everything we could carry, got into the team’s flier and awaited further orders.

>>34988120
The Guard way is unique in that it IS the right way, but no one who is not directly involved (and sometimes a few who are) believes it to be, regardless of how well it solves the current problem.

>>34988186
...fucking noble bitches

>>34988186
A pity Alfred wasn't there, he probably influence her option so that she looks on you with a favorable light

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>>34988186

We hadn’t even finished stowing our gear when the Interrogator and the two agents sprinted into the flier in full combat gear. The agents jumped into the pilot seats and we immediately took off while the Interrogator told us that one of the other teams had requested aid.

The Interrogator explained that the other team was on its way to deal with a nest of cultists and expected heavy resistance, so our team would make com contact and act as reinforcements as soon as we arrived. We cracked open our supplied and started gearing up for a big fight as we flew, this time it would be a straightforward battle and we would be ready. Far below us las and artillery fire started to spread across the city.

The squad was in a grim mood. Thousands if not millions of imperial citizens were dying below us, all because our team had botched a single op. We looked back on the sense of smug satisfaction we felt when the Interrogator’s plan had fallen apart and felt a little ashamed. This wasn’t just about proving ourselves right and keeping our asses safe, there were millions of lives on the line here. The entire squad vowed that this would not happen again, each of us swore that we would do our damndest to aid the other teams and complete the mission objectives, except for Twitch who swore that he would put a stop to the Interrogator’s nefarious plans to harvest his precious bodily fluids. Doc hit Twitch and told him to stop plotting to kill their superior officer unless Sarge told him to.

>>34988446
Classic Twitch

>>34988446

Did the vow included the agents?

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>>34988446

We were all locked, loaded, and ready for action when we entered the other team’s territory and the Interrogator made com contact. She reported that the second team was pinned down in a building by several well armed cultists and hostile reinforcements were probably already on the way. We would land on a nearby roof, get into position, then take out the attackers and any other cultists while the team inside finished their mission. The agents would stay in the flier and give air support if needed.

As soon as the flier touched down we fanned out across the edge of the roof and started setting up for one hell of a sneak attack. The targets below us were obviously professionals, they were spread across several pieces of cover, had military grade weaponry, and were maintaining fire discipline; these men and women were obviously head and shoulders above the cultists we had fought. We were still in the middle of picking targets and setting up our shots when the Interrogator ran to the edge of the roof between Sarge and Twitch and started pouring bolt fire onto the cultists below.

They responded instantly, every one of them turning towards the roof and laying down suppressive fire. We all hit the deck and hunkered down behind our cover while the barrage passed over us, but the Interrogator had been standing in clear view. She threw up a force shield, but she wasn’t a powerful offensive psyker and after a few seconds she collapsed with a scream. When he saw this Nubby burst out of cover and started hosing las fire back at the cultists with no regard for his personal safety, Doc barely managed to pull him to the ground before their return fire killed him. Sarge took stock of the situation, grabbed the moaning Interrogator’s bolt pistol with its obvious =][= marking, ordered Twitch to take her back to the flier and get them some air support, and took operational command.

>>34988620
I knew she was incompetent. I fucking knew it!

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>>34988620

Twitch grumbled and pulled the limp Interrogator over his shoulder then started to slowly haul her towards the flier, complaining loudly that she wasn’t even trying to walk. Sarge decided that the squad’s current positions were fucked, so he gave the order to pop smokes and flashes then get into new ones. While we shifted positions Sarge started flipping through frequencies on his combead in an attempt to contact the other team and coordinate an attack. We were waiting for the smoke to clear and the fight to resume when Cutter spotted the cultists’ reinforcements coming in on their own flier.

We’d been ready for something like this though, both Sarge and Nubby had brought heavy ordinance along. Nubby got his launcher ready and as soon as the flier came into range he nailed it with a Flakk missile. The shot wasn’t perfect and the pilot managed to make a crash landing at the edge of the smokescreen, but Sarge was ready with his nade launcher and dropped several rounds onto it before anyone could get out. That done with he went back to scanning the com channels and finally made contact with the other team, gave us the frequency, and asked for a sitrep. We all got patched in just in time to hear “Our situation is completely fucking fucked here. We’re pinned down by several heavily armed cultists and someone just fragged our Interrogator's flier”.

Whoops.

>>34988711

Shes a social investigator, not a fighter.

>>34988751

....Not a word.

>>34988751
>Whoops
Haha, oh fucking wow.

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>>34988751
>Whoops

>>34988751
...Fuck

>>34988751
>Whoops.
Haaa. It was one of those nights wasn't it? Nothing could go right...

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>>34988751

That was a little embarrassing, but this sort of thing happens in combat and we were still in the middle of a fight.

Sarge told them that we had eyes on the cultists and would deal with things while the other team sat tight. As the smoke cleared he started dropping nades onto every piece of heavy cover he could see while the rest of us waited for him to flush out the targets. A few seconds later the other team voxed back and told us to “fucking hurry, cuz they’re dropping nades right on our heads here”.

Double whoops.

This fuckup was too big to be ENTIRELY our fault, in fact there was no way that a fuckup this big could be accidental. After all the Interrogator had been in com contact with the other team the whole time and had been the first one to open fire...

We all turned our heads towards Twitch and the Interrogator and watched in horror as she sprang upright with Twitch’s laspistol in her hand. Twitch reacted with lightning speed and threw himself backwards, but before he hit the ground she drew a bead on his head. She met his eyes, then with the most beautiful smile in the whole galaxy, she pulled the trigger.

>>34988912
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

>>34988912

Its gene-coded isnt it.

>>34988912
NO NO NO NOT TWITCH

ANYONE BUT TWITCH

>>34988912
FUCKING BITCH!

>>34988912
Please tell me he "over cooked" the las pistol pack to explode

>>34988912
Of all the things he could be right about...

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>>34988912

This was Twitch’s laspistol though, its owner was a man who once put directional charges on the backplate of his armor just to make sure no one stabbed him in the back. There was an ominous hum when the trigger was depressed, the smile faded, and a second later the pistol’s power cell went off like a small grenade taking the bitch’s hand with it.

It really shouldn’t have surprised any of us that Twitch had booby-trapped his weapons, he’d regularly told us to never, ever touch any of his stuff without asking first. But it did surprise us and we all stared at the explosion like a bunch of dumb recruits. This meant that every one of us was dazzled by the explosion which blew Twitch and the Interrogator in opposite directions. While most of us tried to blink the spots out of our vision Cutter charged for the downed Interrogator swearing at the top of his lungs.

Cutter was damned fast, but he had a lot of distance to cover and the Interrogator was back on her feet in seconds. She ran for the flier shouting for help and one of the agents poked his head out the door to see what the hell was going on. What he saw was a badly wounded Interrogator running for safety while Twitch blindly sprayed las-fire and Cutter bore down on her revving his chainsaw and screaming for blood, so in retrospect his decision to draw his sidearm and give her some covering fire was pretty reasonable. Reasonable or not it still screwed us though, Cutter had to start dodging shots and only caught up right as the Interrogator was boarding the flier.

Cutter made a good attempt at removing the Interrogator’s pretty head, but he was forced to dodge at the last second by the agent. The Interrogator’s counter stroke nearly impaled Cutter, but he fell back and only took a minor stab wound from her force sword. This gave the agent enough time to slam the door shut, and the flier started to take off as Cutter futilely hacked at the door with his chainsword.

>>34989148
>incoming air support

>>34989148
Twitch is the mvp yet again!

>>34989148
how did twitch do that exactly? Did some admech help him out?

>>34989148
OH THANK THE EMPEROR!
>incoming all the support fire

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>>34989148

The moment the Interrogator broke for the flier Sarge started trying to raise the agents on the comm, but to his absolute disgust he found that the Interrogator had locked the whole squad out of the team’s network. So with no way to get our side of the story across we just stood there and watched the flier take off. Our paralysis lasted until we realised that it was coming around for a strafing run. It didn’t surprise any of us that the agents had sided with their precious little Interrogator and later on we might try to bring them around, but right then they were sheltering our enemy and trying to kill us.

We all scattered and managed to avoid the first salvo from the flier’s nose gun. Thinking fast Doc grabbed the missile launcher from a stunned Nubby and loaded our backup Flakk round. Doc wasn’t exactly a pro at using the heavy weapon, but it was a pretty near miss and he definitely got a chunk of the flier. Sarge supplemented this with some airburst grenades from his launcher and between the two of them we convinced the flier that we weren’t worth the trouble. It turned tail and limped away into the distance as we all stood there and tried to figure out what the hell just happened.

We were brought back to reality by the sound of fighting from the street below, the cultists in the building were laying heavy fire onto the poor fuckers that we had done our level best to kill. Doc went to see to a slightly crispy Twitch and slightly stabbed Cutter while Sarge and Nubby pumped the rest of the squad’s grenade and missile launcher rounds into the building. This went a long ways towards convincing the other team that this had all been a misunderstanding.

The barrage of explosives pretty much leveled the building and none of the surviving cultists decided to stay and fight. Neither our squad or the team below was in position to give chase so we all withdrew and tried our best to sort everything out over the comm.

>>34989241
I'd assume that the charge pack had been rigged to detonate. If I remember correctly, Guardsmen would rig their spare charge packs with too much energy to act as an impromptu grenade (much to the anger of the Ad Mec).

>TFW I was halfway through scraping together a memorial image for twitch

Twitch is truly the best of us.

>>34989241

Turning a las weastpon into a grenade is considered to be an innate guardsman skill according to our GM. Rigging said overcharge to a setting on the gun's safety only took a few ranks in armorer or whatever.

>>34989321
>>34989303
Cool

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>>34989246

We explained the situation as best we could and (mostly thanks to presence of a former guardswoman in the other team) we eventually convinced them that this was all our Interrogator’s fault. The problem was that we didn’t really have any idea what to do about it, we were just a bunch of grunts and the other team was down to a guardswoman, a psyker, an arbite, and a pair of badly wounded clerics. Apparently the Interrogator and the ‘brains’ of their team had all been on the flier that Sarge and Nubby had blown to pieces. We blamed that one on the agents in the flier when they asked who had shot it down.

None of us had any great ideas about how to track down the Interrogator, so decided to fall back to the other team’s safehouse and see if we could raise the third team’s Interrogator. We hotwired a pair of vans and as we headed for their base Doc did his best to fix up the two wounded clerics, neither of them was going to be back in the fight anytime soon though. Twitch had lost his eyebrows and needed a new pair of pants, but was otherwise fine. Cutter hadn’t even noticed the shallow stab wound he took, he was far more concerned of the teeth his chainsword had lost when he tried to cut open the flier. The rest of the squad was completely unharmed, but Nubby was deeply depressed over the Interrogator’s treachery. We tried to be understanding, but it was hard, especially when he started spinning theories about what could have FORCED her into betraying us all.

When we got to the safehouse we all went about reloading and rearming ourselves while Sarge and the Guardswoman tried to contact the third team. Luckily there was a backup flier parked at the safehouse, so we started moving everything we might need into it in case the third Interrogator wanted us to join him. After only a few minutes of this we started to hear the distinctive sounds of heavy artillery and las fire in the distance.

in future pls type out posts beforehand i've never F5d this hard for this long in my fukken life

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>>34989442

We quickly realised that our Interrogator had called in another purge for Emperor knows what reason. Being inside an inexorably shrinking military cordon is bad so we decided it was time to get the hell out of dodge. We loaded the wounded up the wounded and the last of the supplies we could carry and the Arbite got us into the air while Sarge and the Guardswoman tried to use the flier’s vox to reach the local authorities.

We were wildly unsuccessful in our attempts to convince the PDF to stop the purge, their orders had been given by someone with a genuine Inquisitorial Rosette, and Emperor help the man who defies the Inquisition. We didn’t have much success when tried to explain that WE were the Inquisition, without a Rosette to prove it no one believed us. We considered going back to look for the second team’s Rosette, but since their Interrogator had been wearing it when we blew him to pieces we quickly abandoned that idea. Eventually the PDF must have reported our attempts to stop the purge to the Interrogator, because they suddenly got very interested in where we were voxing them from. We quickly deactivated our vox (in case they could trace it) and watched the fireworks below us while we made our way towards the third team’s last known position.

We spent a lot of time talking during the flight, none of this shit made any sense to us and we had no idea what to do about it. Initially we asked Twitch what the Interrogator’s plan was since he’d been sure she was planning to kill us the entire time, but he quickly devolved into theories about ‘precious bodily fluids’. Nubby wasn’t any help either, he kept insisting that this was all some sort of misunderstanding and the Interrogator was a sweet girl who would never hurt a fly. We weren’t going to get anything useful out of them so we put our heads together with the rest of the team and tried to figure shit out.

>>34989783

They are, I just keep reading shit that I need to change. Should have put this off one more day.

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>>34989795
You know, I think the "aliens" guy might be a Centauri from Babylon 5

>>34989824
It's all good man. Just keep them coming.

>>34989795
In b4 she is actually a genestealer who actually harvests actual bodily fluids. Honestly if this campaign has a moral it is your insane paranoia is always justified in 40k.

My theory: Inquisitor was infected by the genestealers on the first mission, so the second mission was against people who weren't genestealers, and intentionally sabotaged for the purpose of calling in the PDF.

The explains why they didnt have the Genestealer DNA.

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>>34989795

Looking back it was sort of weird that the cultists at the party hadn’t been genestealery or cared about shooting the fat man, so we decided that they must have been the Interrogator’s friends and the plan had been to wipe out the whole team. If that was her main goal though she could have killed us all in far simpler ways, so we figured that it was supposed to look like an accident, we didn’t really see the point though. If she just wanted to order purges it provided a nice justification, but she hadn’t ordered a general purge on the first cult. Maybe she wanted to perpetrate a mass murder and still pass her Inquisitor Test or something.

It was definitely her plan to get us into a shitstorm with the other team and presumably wipe each other out. We didn’t really see a reason for that either though, maybe she just wanted to kill the other team and we had taken out all of her buddies back at the party or something. We still didn’t see the point though, maybe she just really liked purges and didn’t want anyone to call them off or something. At least we knew she wasn’t working with the genestealers, since they weren’t going to live through the purges either. In the end we decided that she was just an utter bitch and tried to catch what sleep we could before the flight ended.

We woke to the sound of more artillery fire. We were over the city where the last team was supposed to be working and we all recognized the shitstorm below us, the damned bitch had ordered another purge. We were pretty sure she couldn’t have ordered this one without either enlisting or killing the third Interrogator, but it didn’t hurt to check. We turned the vox back on and tried to contact the third team, to our surprise we actually got them on the first try.

Sarge immediately explained that our Interrogator had gone nuts, tried to get them to kill the other team, and was running around ordering mass purges for generic evil reasons.

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>>34989880

Unfortunately the bitch had their Interrogator under her thumb, so the only response we got was an order to surrender to Inquisition and seek mercy for our sins. That was bullshit so we turned the vox back off and started to debate the merits of catching a ride back to Oak’s ship, or hanging out on some tropical island until this all blew over, or even getting a job on a rogue trader. Our boss was an evil bitch who got off on ordering mass purges, the nearest other official was totally whipped by said evil bitch, several major cities were being needlessly genocided, and no one on this damned planet would listen to us unless we had one of their Rosettes. Shit was fucked and it shouldn’t have been our job to sort it out.

Our plans for desertion came to a sudden halt when the pysker from the second team started screaming. We hadn’t known this psyker for very long, but he didn’t seem like the type to randomly start screaming, so while Doc saw to him we all started looking out the windows and checking the sensors for anything warpy going on. The problem quickly became apparent; as we watched out the windows a pair of massive glowing lines shot across the ground in different directions and dozens of smaller lines formed eldritch symbols all across the city below.

We weren’t exactly geniuses, but it didn’t take a bloody savant to see that this was some serious warp shit. None of us were sure about what was going on here, but the two glowing lines were extending towards the other two cities that the Interrogator had ordered purged, so were pretty sure that this was all her fault.

The situation was going to shit at incredible speed, the only thing we could think to do was to try and get our hands on one of the two remaining Rosettes and use it to tell everyone to stop being retarded. So we stayed on course for the third team’s base and hoped that both Interrogators would still be there.

>>34990014
Shit that is a lot of blood....

>>34990014
I can't even begin to express the sheer scale of real that this shit just got.

We're way off of the Realchtor scale here, into realness ratings bordering on the fictional.

They make movies about how real that shit just got and people walk away being like "lmao how unrealistic" and it gets like a 4.67 on rotten tomatoes.

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>>34990070

>>34990014

>Oh i have you rosette right here

>Draw very obviously =][= Bolt Pistol

>>34990014
fucking khorne sacrifice bullshit I tell you.

>>34990014
Did we just go FMA in here?

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>>34990014

While we flew we geared up for a fight, we weren’t going to ask nicely and appeal to reason then be really surprised when they all sided with the hot chick over a bunch of scruffy guardsmen. We were going to hit them hard and let the Emperor sort them out. After this shit was over we could argue with any survivors while Doc tried to reattach their limbs.

We sold the remnants of the second team on our plan, the Guardswoman and the whimpering psyker would come with us while the arbite handled the flier and kept an eye on with the two wounded clerics still chilling in the back. The plan was pretty simple: bust in, head for the two Interrogators, kill or subdue anyone in the way, and hopefully grab one of those damned Rosettes intact. It was going to be a tight and brutal fight; several well trained hostiles, lot of walls of varying thickness, an enemy who knew the terrain better than us, severe consequences for failure, and to top it all off it looked like the safe house was located halfway up a damned tower. Not only would it be a rough fight, we also had to figure out a way to get inside without running into an ambush. Good thing we had a flier.

Now this flier didn’t have any weapons, so we couldn’t really use it for air support. It did have a nice amount of armor though...

And come to think of it, the third team’s safehouse did have some nice big windows…

A few minutes later we finally forced open the flier’s doors and started digging our way out of the pile of safety glass, wall fragments, and destroyed furniture we had created with our landing.

>>34990240
No, that kind of bullshit was pretty standard in 40k lore for a long time. How else could a cult make a hive world turn completely daemonic without massive warp runes

>>34990273

I love this team.

>>34990273
YES
E
S

>>34990273
This shit right here is better than a blockbuster hollywood movie.

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>>34990273
Where's your god now!

>>34990273
I thought you were going to crash into the building at first but then I read you were opening the door so I thought you were going to just shoot and nade the place but then I finished the sentence and saw I was right the first time around and I was glade.

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>>34990273

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>>34990273

All things considered it was incredibly lucky that we were the first ones out of the wreckage.

As we stumbled out of the crippled flier we saw several hostiles struggling to get free and we took the chance to hit them with some of Doc’s tranqs (the normal strength ones this time). We congratulated ourselves on successfully breaching the perimeter without even killing any other Inquisitorial agents (probably). Truly we were the pinnacle of professionalism.

After we finished patting ourselves on the back over our dynamic entry we formed up and started making our way deeper into the safehouse. We knew how to clear a building and had plenty of flash grenades, so we moved from room to room at a steady pace, flashing, sweeping, and securing. The first few rooms were all empty, but before long we ran into a pair of adepts who practically shit themselves when we flashed them. We clubbed them down, secured their hands and feet, then asked them a few questions about where exactly everyone was.

The adepts were actually very helpful. They made a few feeble attempts to defy us, but after Sarge hauled them both to a window and pointed out the glowing shit (and Cutter explained how the ‘three strikes’ rule works with chainsword) both adepts came around to our way of thinking. The adepts pointed us towards a set of rooms that belonged to the third team’s Interrogator and confirmed that our former Interrogator was in there with him. We taped them to the wall and made our way towards the Interrogators; this shit was going to end right here, right now. There was going to be a reckoning.

>>34990480

how DOES the three strikes rule work

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>>34990480
>things going this well for this long

>>34990554
The third time, the chainsword is turned on when he hits you.

>>34990617
ok thats pretty convincing

>>34990626
Well, it DID work.

>>34990617
God damn, that made me laugh hard enough to startle my roommate

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>>34990480

There are two good ways to clear a hostile building. You either want to hit hard and fast with several teams working together to take out the enemy before they concentrate their forces, or you want to move in stealthily and take out small groups of enemies while avoiding major ones. Unfortunately the small size of our team and our arrival via a crashing flier meant that these good options weren’t really possible. We were stuck with the ‘sorta-almost-ok’ option of just moving carefully and praying the the Emperor that we’d spot the inevitable ambush before it was sprung. We didn’t.

We methodically worked our way towards the room where the Interrogators were supposed to be, we had it down to a science. Every room went the same: check the door, get into position, flash, storm, realise the room was empty and move on to the next door. The lack of opposition was unsettling and we were all on pins and needles when we got to a door that was sturdier than any of the others we’d seen, if the adepts had been telling the truth both the Interrogators were in this room.

We got into position and readied our weapons while Twitch checked the door for traps and quietly unlocked it. Sarge got a firm grip on the handle, cooked a flash, cracked the door open and tossed it through; before he even started to close the door the grenade bounced off something in mid air and sailed right back through. Sarge managed to get out an “OH SHI-” before the flash went off about eight inches in front of his face.

>>34990760

ohshi- bang

>>34990760
I'M BLIND!!!!

>>34990760
But you have good quality photovisors, right?

...right?

If sarge dies I'm going to cry.

F555555

>>34985468
oh this sounds interesting

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>>34990760

Sarge’s shout triggered the bone deep reflexes that all guardsmen develop and the rest of us managed to turn away. We were still dazzled and deafened, but at least we weren’t completely blind and we just happened to be looking in the right direction when the two agents dropped in through the ceiling. They landed on our flanks in perfect crossfire positions and even though we were all deafened we could FEEL heavy boots pounding towards the door. Thank the Emperor that one of the agents came down next to Twitch and Cutter.

The agent who came down next to Twitch and Cutter was the social one we had gone through such trouble to rescue back at the party, and as he landed he raised a pair of autopistols. He had about a quarter second to look surprised before a full auto burst hit him in the chest and a chainsword hit him in the neck. That taught him to be ungrateful to his rescuers.

The second agent landed next to the guardswoman and psyker, neither of whom had reaction times as good as Twitch or Cutter. Before the guardswoman managed to raise her lasgun the agent landed a brutal kick on her head, raised his autogun, and opened fire on the the psyker and Nubby. The poor bastard didn’t have a chance to do anything, but his death gave Nubby the split second he needed. With weasley speed Nubby got behind the collapsing psyker and help him up like a shield while he sprayed the agent was wild las-fire. The Emperor was with Nubby, several of the unaimed shots hit the agent and Doc’s followup salvo finished the job.

The entire fight had taken just a few seconds and the smoke from the flash was still fading as the second agent crumpled to the ground. The psyker was dead, the guardswoman was groggily cursing the dead agent, and a barely conscious Sarge was lying on the floor, but the rest of us were okay. We had about two seconds to take stock of the situation before the the door burst off it’s hinges and landed squarely on Sarge.

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Tech vs Warp
Who wins?

>>34991038
If you haven't yet, read all the archived threads.

This man's GM is a fucking god amongst GMs and he could scarcely ask for better players.

When im trying to introduce NPCs, or give the PCs any downtime, my characters drift the fuck off before I get more than a few sentences off.

>>34990992
Christ, get 4chanX already.

>>34991064
>implying they're different

you have good taste in comics, anon.

>>34991053
Poor Sarge

>>34991053
It's just not Sarges day/week/month/year/life

>>34991099
Sarge.... sarge had a hard life ;_;7

>>34991053

sarge! Nooo!

>>34991117
>>34991109
>>34991099
He'll be fine it's just a door

>>34991141
until something big steps on the door.

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First we lose Heavy, theb you trick us with Twitch nearly dying, now Sarge. pls Shoggy, my feels can't take it anymore.

>>34991151
Like a pretty interrogator girl? Yeah im sure that will crush all his organs.

>>34991152
Sarge is fine you nerd

>>34991164
mutated into daemon formerly pretty interrogator girl?

That thing outside is chaos brewing and the girls a psyker.

>>34991190
I hope she's a demon, that way they only have to fight 1 interrogator instead of 2.

>>34991164
What about a hive tyrant

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>>34991164
What if she crushed his most important organ?

Under her spiked heel?

While staring intently into his eyes with that look that says "you're lower than an ant, you should be grateful I'm taking this much notice of you"?

>>34991190
So which Chaos God? Pretty sure it isn't Khorne because Khorne hates Psykers.

>>34991219
God dammit /tg/ stop sexualizing the BBEG

>>34991219
Then she gets hosed down with full auto fire and possibly explosives since Sarge is protected by a nice big shielding door.

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>>34991219

>>34991224

Papa nurgle loves his little daughters

>>34991210
Now THAT would be a tweest

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>>34991231
But Anon...

>>34991209
assuming she didn't kill the second interrogator that is, I mean if she went full deamon then I don't think he willy charms would work on the interrogator any more.

>>34991224
>>34991248
If it was Nurgle she would have fallen for Nubby's advances. Or at least not been repulsed by him.

This has Eldar stink all over it.

>>34991259

But she has arms.

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>>34991231
How threatening can a BBEG be if they're not SEXUALLY threatening?

>>34991288
>>34991259
You two stop it right now

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>>34991053

The door was followed by a pair of heavily armored arbites carrying shields and shock mauls. Shields raised, they stood right on top of door and looked really confused when they saw an entire squad of guardsmen facing them with weapons raised. There was a brief pause while the arbites realised that the agents were already dead, and we all stared at feebly cursing lump being crushed under a heavy door and six hundred pounds of arbites. Then Cutter ran in with a scream and the fight was on.

Cutter did most of the work this time, there’s no good way to use a suppression shield to stop both las-fire a maniac with a chainsword at the same time. The arbite on the left made a decent attempt at it though, he held of several strikes from Cutter and shots from Twitch and Doc while his buddy kept Nubby and the guardswoman from shooting him the back. He couldn’t keep it up though, a thrust from Cutter’s sword nearly made it through and the arbite parried the strike right into his buddy’s back.

The wounded arbite staggered forward and removed about three hundred pounds of meat and armor from Sarge’s back. With a roar of rage Sarge pushed himself upward and managed to unbalance the arbite that was still on top of him. We all seized the opportunity and several volleys of las-fire got past the arbites’ shields and ended the fight.

While the rest of us restrained the badly wounded arbites and hauled them out of the way Sarge slowly pushed himself off the floor. With a pained groan he got his feet under him and lifted the door, then right as he got upright a pair of bolt rounds came through the doorway and slammed into the remains of door and Sarge’s back.

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>>34991300

This is the female interrogator:

>>34991311
God damn it Sarge

>>34991311
STOP PLAYING WITH MY EMOTIONS.

IF YOU'RE GUNNA POST THIS SLOW DONT END EVERY FUCKING POST WITH A CLIFFHANGER THAT DECIDES SARGE'S FUCKING LIFE YOU SADIST.

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>>34991311

>>34991267
what about slaanesh?

not seeing how causing a warp strom would be the Eldar's doing as even thought they're smug pricks they tend to hate the warp as much as anyone else, maybe dark eldar but still unless they're using the warp and pdf as a distraction to steal slaves I'm not seeing why they'd bother.

Then again with all the plans this bitch had she could easily be tzeentch

>>34991311
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

>>34991311
poor sarge. he don't get no respect

>>34991311
SAAAARGE

>>34991311
DON'T YOU FUCKING DIE ON ME, SARGE

DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE

>>34991336
It's not a warp storm, it's psyker fuckery, which could easily be the result of a cult who they are using.

The interrogator could still be a slaaneshi or tzeentch cultist, but it still smells of Eldar to me.

Sarge took charge of this situation, he's been leading these magnificent bastards through hell. And nobody gives him a fucking break! My heart goes out to him.

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>>34991259
>>34991270

I tried

>>34991442
You did good

>>34991442

Abbadonia!

Nooooo

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>>34991311

The door took the brunt of the damage, but Sarge was thrown forwards and slammed into the wall head-first. This was the final straw and Sarge slipped into unconsciousness as Doc hastily grabbed him and drug him out of the line of fire. From inside the room we heard the third team’s Interrogator yell at us to surrender in the name of the Holy Inquisition. A quick peek revealed that both he and the Bitch were holed up behind a makeshift barricade and had bolt pistols trained on the door.

So no shit, there we were, standing outside a room containing a pair of hostile and well armed Interrogators manning a prepared position and no noncom to tell us what to do. We had always looked to Sarge when the going got tough, but he was out for the count. Twitch and Nubby immediately started arguing with each other and Cutter sat on one of the wounded arbites and worked on dislodging a piece of armor from his chainsword, Doc got Sarge comfortable in a corner, and the guardswoman stared at us like we were a bunch of retards.

Eventually Doc got tired of the guardswoman giving him the stinkeye and decided that it was his duty as the only sane member of the squad to take charge. He put down his medkit, hefted his lasgun, crept as close to the doorway as was safe, and politely asked the third team’s Interrogator if he’d consider surrendering the Bitch to us.

This resulted in a brief astonished silence and several bolt rounds sailing through the open doorway.

>>34991566

Oh doc.

Just throw nades in there

>>34991566
I like Doc

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>>34991566

Doc was not deterred though. As the rest of the squad watched in disbelief he repeatedly tried to convince the two Interrogators to stand down. It really was something to see: Doc standing against the wall and calmly laying out our grievances and arguing inquisitorial regulations especially considering that they would periodically fire bolt rounds at him. The crazy part was that he actually seemed to be making progress, the more he argued the more thoughtful the third team’s Interrogator sounded and the more angry the Bitch sounded. The tipping point was when the guardswoman chimed in, confirmed Doc’s story, and asked the Interrogator to look out the window at the glowing warpy stuff.

We heard him get up, walk to the window, and exclaim about it being a ‘three-fold sacrificial ritual’. A second later we heard the distinctive sound of the Bitch’s force sword, a meaty thunk, and the most sulfurous swearing to ever come out of such a beautiful mouth. The good news was that there was just one hostile Interrogator now.

>>34991578
It doesn't hurt to ask as long as you have a superior position, some time and aren't in imminent danger of being cornered anon.

>>34991601
Good going Doc

>>34991601
I suspected this would be the case.

>>34991601
That picture

>>34991601
I miss Wash.

>>34991716
We all do anon, we all do.

>>34991601
>crazy acolytes trying to kill me
>say my partner's a crazy traitor bitch
>he kind of makes sense
>she's getting irrationally angry
>he tells me there's proof outside the window
>what if he's right? if he's right she's a traitor, probably chaos. I should check
>let me just step over to the window and turn my back to her
>oh shit he's ri-

He a jive sucka

>>34991716
He is now a leaf on the wind

She better have the Siren power from the 3.5E Chaos codex to explain this shit

>>34991744
Shh, this is unrelated https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5vMoTR6I5o

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>>34991601

Diplomacy wasn’t going to work this time, though Nubby made a few attempts that only resulted in more swearing and bolt-fire. We wanted to just rush her, but the Interrogator was a damned good markswoman and none of us were keen to try trading shots with her either. We started trying other things, like grenades and blasting holes in the walls. Unfortunately we quickly discovered that the walls were too sturdy to blast through without collapsing the building and she bounced every grenade back with her damned telekinesis. The best we could do was pop a smoke on our position and hope it wafted towards her.

We were running out of options that wouldn’t result in one of us getting shot when Doc remembered the arbites’ shields. Two of us could charge in under smoke cover then try to flank her while the rest of the squad gave suppression fire from the door. Hopefully the shields would hold long enough to get close to her and allow the rest of the team a chance to move forward. Cutter was an obvious choice for rushing in, but it surprised the hell out of us when Nubby volunteered to carry the other one.

This behavior was very suspicious coming from Nubby. We reminded him the the Interrogator was a heretical super-bitch, but he just wouldn’t listen. He insisted that she was a nice girl who just got stuck ‘running with a bad crowd’. We pointed out that she tried to kill us all, he said that most of our superior officer had too. We pointed out that she had killed the other Interrogator, he said that we’d been planning to that too, so we shouldn’t judge her for it. Finally Doc pointed out the she had stabbed Cutter and would stab Nubby too if she got the chance, Nubby maintained that “lotsa people ‘ave stabbed Cutter, I’m not worried, I fink she likes me deep down”.

We gave up at this point and just gave him the damned shield. With any luck Cutter would get to her first and chop her head off before Nubby had a chance to be retarded.

>>34991678
>>34991716
>>34991736
>>34991744

I am sorry I posted that picture, I am sad now

>>34991780
no you morons! send the addled halfwit in first, with the shield and the grenades!

just keep the pins for yourselves

>>34991799
It's okay Shoggy.

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>>34991799
It's fine buddy, shows you've got good taste.
Enjoying the story, by the way.

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>>34991780
>she lets only nubby get close
>he is the final sacrifice

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>>34991897

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I need more. Pls Shoggy.

I need to go to bed.

I have a quest to run tomorrow.

But I have to know how this ends.

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>>34991780

We got ready, popped the smoke, and Nubby and Cutter ran towards opposite sides of the room. Cutter was faster by far, but right as he got close the Interrogator landed a grenade at his feet while staggering him with bolt rounds. Cutter leapt backwards in time but the blast still sent him and his shield flying across the room, Nubby took advantage of the distraction though and we all heard the clang as he clubbed the bolt pistol out of her hands, and another as he clubbed her to the ground.

The rest of us started moving forwards, but stopped in sheer shock when we heard the Interrogator surrender to Nubby. She admitted that she had been forced to work against the Imperium by evil heretics who would kill her if she disobeyed. She just wanted to be safe.

We cleared the smoke and watched in amazement as he reached down and helped her up, quietly telling her that he’d make sure it all worked out. He’d protect her from the ‘bad people’, no one would ever hurt her again. Then in a fluid movement she drew her force sword, swung it in a circle, and bolted for large security door at the far end of the room as Nubby fell to the ground screaming.

>>34991965
will more then likely be on sup so don't worry you'll get to see how it ends

>>34991973
NUBBYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

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>>34991973
This, this right here is my fetish.

This is worth all the lost sleep. This sweet, sweet betrayal.

It feels so good.

>>34991973

Well maybe he'll learn his lesson now.

>>34991973
Oh goddammit. Why...

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>>34991973
Did he learn after this? I'm guessing no.

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>>34991973
I TOLD you to take the wizard's staff!

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>>34991973
I can not describe to you the hatred I feel at this very moment.

>>34991973
Time to turn that bitch into a smoking crater.

>>34992050
When would anything modeled on Corporal Nobs ever learn?

>>34992147
You bring up a good point.

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>>34991973
>in a fluid movement she drew her force sword, swung it in a circle, and bolted for large security door at the far end of the room as Nubby fell to the ground screaming.
The hatred of a thousand searing hot suns.

>>34988620
>and took operational command

Might as well read

>and we started cleaning the damn fan again

>>34992190
>>34992054
Screaming means alive guys

It's all gunna work out

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>>34991973
I can't handle this suspense!

>>34992201
It certainly means "not instant-death'd"

half the time I think we have to wait so long is because OP is surfing the web for images to use with the story. I mean he has said that he types these up before he post them.

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>>34991973

Twitch and the guardswoman opened fire on her as she ran, but her damned shield held out just long enough for her to pass through the door and lock it behind her. Doc ran over to Nubby and found him lying several feet from his legs, it was a bad wound but the cut had been across the thighs not the belly. Thinking fast Doc put a tourniquet on both legs and started a blood transfusion. While he worked he lectured Nubby about the importance of critical thinking and listening to other peoples' advice.

Twitch, the guardswoman, and a moderately wounded Cutter walked over to the security door to see if they could get through it. To their surprise it wasn’t an escape passage, it was a panic room. A little fiddling got the telecom working, and they were treated to the sight of a furious Interrogator sitting in the middle of a small rune covered room with a bloody sword in hand. A bit more poking let them find the transmit switch and Twitch formally placed the Interrogator under arrest and ordered her turn over her Rosette and any bodily fluids she had stolen. She burst into hysterical laughter at this.

To everyone’s surprise the Interrogator actually started monologuing once she had finished laughing. Her defeat by a band of dubiously competent guardsmen had apparently unhinged her. Her brethren had spent years preparing this ritual, the blood of innocents slain by their very protectors would fuel the blah blah blah blah blah. Twitch, Cutter, and the guardswoman quickly got bored and walked away from the intercom, leaving the infuriated Interrogator shouting about being able to watch us all die to the horrors of the warp before they claimed her.

On the other side of the room Doc was finishing the field dressings and still giving Nubby shit. The subject had finally come around to how important it had been to get an Inquisitorial Rosette and how Nubby had fucked it all up. Amazingly this got a response out of the semi-conscious Nubby.

>>34992240

That's a lot of it, I also do a proofing of them, and I may or may not be writing the last five posts...

I really should have pushed this back a day

>>34992244
THAT MAGNIFICENT BASTARD.

>>34992244
Nubby you glorious bastard you swiped her rosette didn't you?

Or at the very least, you're point out how the other guy in the room, the stabbed guy, obviously has one too

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>>34992244
>Amazingly this got a response out of the semi-conscious Nubby.
I know where this is going, and I like it.

>>34992244
>Nub took the Rosette
This mother fucker....

>>34992244
Emps bless Nubby!

I know this is random, but I hope Doc gets to meet that sister Hospitaler again. He deserves it.

>>34992362

I hopw he does too

And sarge deserves interrogator rank.

>>34992362
>>34992380

He does! This next session man...

Gotta finish these last few posts first though...

>>34992397
>HYPE

>>34992397
Wait, the interrogator bit or the Hospitaler bit?

>>34992380
Sarge would probably contemplate shooting himself, but that would be interesting.

I don't think any of the others really want much in the way of human interaction.

>>34992397
Shoggy if you're shitting me so help me god...

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>>34992397
>He does! This next session man...
>Sarge fw

>>34992421
He deserves it.

>>34992380
maybe soon, seeing as he still does have the bitches bolt pistol... unless the pistol is corrupted of course then he's just going to have to drop that thing before he ends up repeating cutters little episode from the last mission, just with better grammar and more shouting for skulls and blood or something along those lines.

>>34992421
>>34992425
Sister bit, but the Sarge promotion is a Thing

>>34992446
Double hype!

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>>34992244

>“Eh Doc, ‘choo remember how Sarge said I should stop goin fru peoples pockets? Well when I was helpin ‘er up, I started finken about ‘ow dat fancy bracelet of ‘ers was so portant. I figured dat if she was all being bossed round by chaos an such, she probly shouldn’ be ‘lowd to keep it. So I nicked it while she was busy cutting me legs off”

And just like that we won. The little shit’s kleptomania had saved us all. After years of telling Nubby to stop stealing peoples’ stuff, he grabbed the one thing that really mattered.

He was still an idiot though.

Doc grabbed the Rosette off Nubby, tossed it to the guardswoman, and told her to comm to the PDF as fast as possible. We had completely destroyed the third team’s com systems, but the flier’s vox was still intact, so the arbite and the guardswoman started arguing with PDF officers and government officials from the wrecked cockit. While they were trying to get the brass to see reason and stop feeding the giant sacrificial circle (seriously it was all glowing and shit, it was fucking obvious), the rest of us decided what to do about the Interrogator.

She had really started freaking out when she realized the Rosette was missing, but the sight of Cutter chilling outside her door with his chainsword ready had convinced her to stay inside. We either needed to kill her or capture her, and as attractive as the first option was, it would be much easier to smooth thing over with Oak if we were able to turn her over. The debate ended when Sarge pried himself up, staggered in, and ordered Twitch to weld the panic room shut.

>>34992446
Hyyyype

>>34992511
Hahahaaaa oh god every single entry in this story sends my sides into orbit all over again.

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>>34992511
FUCKING NUBBY FOR THE WIN

>>34992511
>Twitch to weld the panic room shut.

They're going to take the panic room whole? I love it!

>>34992511
>He was still an idiot though.
But he's YOUR idiot

...Which is kind of a mixed blessing, but hey, Rosette.

>>34992511
with great fuckups comes great redemption.

He still fucked up though. doesn't matter what he stole, the lack of legs proves it.

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>>34992511

With Sarge bossing us around we started getting shit done again.

Twitch blast welded the panic room shut, Doc went to help convince the PDF to stop being retarded, and Cutter started dragging all the wounded together for triage. Sarge and Nubby just sort of hung out and basked in the sound of the Interrogator’s outrage.

As the purges were called off the giant glowy runes faded away and the Interrogator’s curses attained a whole new level of venom. That venom faded after Twitch found the panic room’s air intake and sealed it shut. We all sat around and watched as she slowly ran out of fresh air and passed out, then we waited a bit longer. When Doc finally decided that she was either comatose or too hypoxic to cause trouble we cut open the doors, drug her out, tranqued her, and left her in Doc’s capable hands.

Sarge became the de facto Interrogator at this point. The second team had been reduced to two functional members, and what remained of the third team was being restrained by a few dozen rolls of duct tape until the situation could be explained to them. A flier was requisitioned and Sarge took the guardswoman and the arbite to go sort everything out with the local authorities while everyone else stayed in the wrecked tower.

The situation was explained in broad terms. A cordon was to be put around all three cities and the surgical strikes in the sealed orders were carried out, but no more mass purges would be done until a fully certified Inquisitor ordered it. Sarge told all the brass and bigwigs to just sit tight and wait for the guard regiment to arrive with their senior Inquisitor; they’d be able to sort out the chaos rune bullshit and decide whether the genestealer cults warranted a full purge.

>>34992735
Were there really any genestealers in the first place, or could they have been really warped up mutants?

>>34992735
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04854XqcfCY

>>34992778

There were, Doc saw the genestealery bits when he tranqued them. We just never got to fight any of them except for the fat man.

>>34991064
is that bprd?

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>>34992735

We used the Rosette to requisition a ride from the navy. We made sure everything was sort of stable before we left, but as far as we were concerned our mission consisted of getting the Interrogator back to Oak as soon as possible.

The guardswoman who had helped us through the last battle decided to stay with the arbite, the two wounded clerics, and the rest of the third team. The local authorities needed the help of some people who knew how genestealers worked while they waited for the Inquisitor to show up. After Sarge had requisitioned our ride home and convinced the navy we were serious people he handed the Rosette over to her, hopefully she would keep things from going all to shit before help arrived. As a sort of afterthought we formally invited her to hang with our regiment if she ever got back to base.

That done with we packed up our gear, wounded dumbass, and our sedated Interrogator and got the hell off the planet.

>2-3 more posts and this is done guys, sorry I didn't have the ending finished beforehand.

>Will make sure this shit is done by a reasonable hour next time

>>34992956
Ive always got time for your storytimes, man, but I need to sleep.

I've gotta pretend to be an alcoholic ninja with identity issues tomorrow. It's hard work.

>>34992956
I have to get up in 6 hours but I'm not to worried, I've gone through days on only 4 hours of sleep so I should be fine and besides, your stories are worth it.

>>34992956
Feel free to post whenever you can find the time man. Where I'm posting from its still early in the evening and even if I miss your thread I can still catch up on the archives.

Shoggy plsssssssss

so this is how drug addicts feel when they can't get there fix

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>>34992935

Sedating a person for a long period of time doesn’t really work. They tend to spontaneously die or just not wake up. This isn’t an issue if you have a stasis pod, but that’s not something you can get on most Imperial frigates so we had to improvise a little bit.

Letting the Interrogator sit in a cell was an invitation to disaster, it wouldn’t be a day before she convinced some swabby to let her out, so we went the cold hearted medical route. Doc brushed up on his reading, got the senior ship’s surgeon to lend him a hand (in this case hand means doing most of the procedure for him), and installed a shunt in the Interrogator’s spine. This more or less paralyzed her from the nose down, and combined with a psychic damper it kept her from causing trouble.

She was kept in our private medbay next to Nubby. The force sword had done something nasty to Nubby’s legs, so it was going to take augmetic surgery to get them back, but he was remarkably cheerful about the whole thing. He spent most of the journey talking to the Interrogator and telling her stories of our adventures, keeping her spirits up and all that. He thoroughly enjoyed having someone to talk to who didn’t tell him to shut up or stop lying.

Doc taught the Interrogator how to communicate via blinking as a sort of experiment during the trip, but all she ever said was ‘kill me’. Nubby thought this was needlessly grim and redoubled his efforts to cheer her up.

>>34993197

Glorious.

The interrogation hasnt even begun and she already wishes to die.

>>34993197
Nubby you mother fucker I love you, in fact I love all the team, I love them all. I nearly cried when heavy bit the dust.

>>34993219
And that is the price you pay for crossing the All Guardsmen Party. Paralyzed and forced to listen to a unbathed kleptomaniac for days on end.

>>34993197
at any point did she just start crying crying this?

shoggy plssss im struggling to keep my head off my keyboeabnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnn

>>34986080
>she stopped trying after Twitch threw holy water at her.
My sides

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>>34993262

Not much else she could do.

We knew that leaving her next to Nubby was torture, we just didn't care.

>>34993380
less replying more posting

>>34993380
and I bet it just encouraged Nubby telling her more stories

>>34993406
Bet? Shoggy already explicitly said that

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>>34993197

When we finally got back to Oak’s spacefaring inquisitorial school, Sarge handed over a report of the squad’s adventures, then refused to budge until a senior Interrogator confirmed that the report had been read and collected the Interrogator. Nubby was sad to see her go, and hoped that she would come visit after the Inquisition helped her with the ‘bad men’.

We were all released to our quarters on the ISS pokemon center, except for Nubby who got sent to the medical wing to start getting fitted for a pair of augmetic legs. We were finally able to relax in the company of our fellow guardsmen, but we weren’t able to get into the proper spirit of R&R (see: Drunk) since we knew that Oak would call us up for a debriefing the moment we started drinking. He didn’t keep us waiting long though, before the week was over we were summoned to his office to give a full report.

Sarge and Doc did their best to explain everything while Twitch and Cutter kept their damned mouths shut, and to our surprise Oak believed every word of it. He questioned a few things and asked for clarification several times, but he believed every fucking word we said. At the end of the debriefing he told us the Interrogator was being turned over to the Ordos Malleus for interrogation and we were never to speak of her again. This suited us fine and we all started congratulating ourselves on a job well done, then he offered Sarge the rank of Interrogator and a chance to advance to full Inquisitor.

>>34993462
...

...Hooooleeeeeee shit.

>>34993462
HYYYYYPE

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>>34993462
What I wouldn't give to have seen the look on his face

>>34993462
well that's cause to drink right there, whether for celebration or dread is up for debate but hey, drunk is drunk.

So is this where the session ended?

>>34993527
> one more

>>34993527
normally they end after they met their next interrogator and twitch and nubby try to bolt for it.

>>34993462

Ahahahahaha.

Holy shit it actually happened.

And to be fair, Oak really ought to offer that opportunity. Shit happened, Sarge stepped up the plate and handled shit.

>>34993542
nubby can't run hes got no legs

>>34993552
Hence 'try'.

>>34993552

*wheelchairsqueakwheelchairsqueakwheelchairsqueak*

>>34993551
Really offering Sarge a rosette was probably the most competent decision of any Inquisitor so far in this story.

>>34993560
fire extinguisher fun times

>>34993575
Sarge regularly hangs out with a paranoid schizo, a bloodthirsty psychopath, and an unwashed thief and pathological liar.

All they need is a sexy perfectionist and they've got all the bases covered for a chaos cult.

>>34993605
you forgot doc

>>34993612
Deliberate omission. Nothing is sketchy about Doc.

>>34993605
And they still get more shit done for the Emperor than most of the Inquisitors they've served under. Oak realizes this.

>>34993626
Rupert was pretty good as far as Interrogators go.

>>34993618
in a group full of sketchy men that openly accept him, that makes him sketchy right there.

>>34993637
had his head in the clouds a bit to much but at least he could actually do his job and more or less got things done, granted I'm sure most of this is because of Alfred but still.

>>34993644
That would make Oak guilty for associating with Whoreslut McCuntdyke

> 2 parter inc, just gotta find the last 2 pics

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>>34993690
Nice.

Shoggy your story is great. It is incredibly relateable and entertaining to read. You're an excellent story teller sir with a good sense for cliff hangers and allusion. Your style gives the sense that you are talking TO us as though we were all sitting together having a drink.

Furthermore, it puts 40k in a more 'realistic' light in-that you have a bunch of normal soldiers - not supermen, not monsters - trying to survive and win against a universe FILLED with that shit. It's awesome and makes perfect sense.

I mean I just finished reading the story about the The Box, and their solution to the smoking hole in the center was both hilarious and totally pragmatic. As any soldier would be.

Thanks for this read dude.

>>34993690
Hurry Shog I want to go to bed

>>34993814
It's 3AM, but I have tomorrow off, so he can take as long as he needs to as far as I'm concerned.

>>34993839
Almost 5am here. I should be going to bed, but it's rare to find an impromptu story this good.

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>>34993462

The entire squad went to bat for Sarge when we heard this.

Cutter expressed his lack of faith in Sarge’s combat ability. Twitch pointed out his lack of proper inquisitorial suspicion. Doc raised the question of Sarge’s overall physical fitness and mental fortitude, and from his comm link in the medbay Nubby raised the question of Sarge’s lack of ethics and history of petty theft. None of us could condone the elevation of such a pitiful specimen to the rank of Interrogator, it would dishonor the entire Inquisition.In the face of all these perfectly valid arguments Sarge regretfully declined Oak’s offer; he just wasn’t good enough to be an Interrogator, he’d have to settle for being a simple sergeant.

A very bemused Oak acquiesced to Sarge’s rejection, if the man’s best friends didn’t think he was interrogator material that was the end of it. So he finished the debriefing and sent us on our way. We went and drank until we puked, then puked until we passed out. Except for Nubby, he was stuck in medbay eating and drinking nothing but nutritionally balanced meals, poor fucker.

>>34993860
AWWWWWWWWW

>>34993860
Nice save, the lot of you.

>>34993860
>Except for Nubby, he was stuck in medbay eating and drinking nothing but nutritionally balanced meals, poor fucker.
that will teach em

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>>34993860

Our R&R binge lasted for quite a while, but eventually it came to an end. We geared up for our next mission, but unfortunately Nubby was still struggling with his augmetic legs. Learning to walk on artificial legs is a long and arduous process which not everyone can master, but Nubby had faith and assured us that he’d keep at it while we went on out next mission. There was a open post in the quartermaster’s department on the ship, it would be the perfect job for him while he got his feet under him as it were.

We left the medbay after this discussion with a heavy heart, none of us had exactly *liked* Nubby, but we couldn’t imagine deploying without him. Where the hell would we get our ammo from? He always just seemed to have fresh packs for us.

As we got back to our barracks we were greeted by a familiar voice. Sitting in the middle of the room was the Rupert complete with a shiny augmetic arm and Alfred at his back. He was chatting with Crisp, one of the few surviving flamer experts in the regiment, and seemed to be enjoying himself immensely.

In a jolly voice he invited us over and told us he wanted our help on a “little trip down to the colonies to sort out a spot of theological trouble.” According to him it was “positively benighted down there not a single illuminated thinker on the whole planet, no one to point them towards the light of the Emperor. You might call it a case of Dark Heresy, wot wot?”

We gathered up out kits and followed him out. After all, we knew there were worse interrogators out there...

>>34993898

oh fuck i am now very worried

>>34993898
...

...

...

...Oh shit.

>>34993898
>Rupert
Fuck yes.

>>34993898
Yay Rupert!

Yay glorious purging flame! (I was hoping it would be the guardswoman but this is ok too)

>>34993898
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
It's time for noble charges

>>34993898
>After all, we knew there were worse interrogators out there...

That tone is way too hopeful...

WORRY

>>34993898
so with Nubby now the ship's quartermaster will that mean the ship will start missing things or will find more things without any explanation how they got there, like walking into the hanger to find that someone parked a titan in there with the keys still in the ignition.

Shoggy, if still here: Question.

Are all the Interrogator novices former characters your group as played and are now being thrown back in your faces?

Thanks so much for the stories, m8 I enjoyed them entirely too much.

I have to go to bed now before I die good night.

>>34993934
The latter, I'm guessing. Sounds more fun.

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>>34993898
YES! YES!

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>>34993898

And that's it folks, sorry it ran so late this time. I sort of put it off until the last minute

I'll stick around for as long as I can stay away and answer questions and shoot the shit.

If no one objects I'll throw this in the archive, and if it lives to morning I'll post a screencap (or two if it's that long, haven' counted)

>>34993978
Nice.

Which character is yours?

>>34993978
Thanks man, was a blast. Any chance of seeing that Guardswoman again? If for nothing else, to hear how much bullshit she had to deal with after the main group left.

>>34994008
I kinda like not knowing which one is his. Maybe after the stories are all told he can say but before then... I don't know. Seems to be more fun this way in not knowing.

>>34994008
I always felt like it was Doc for some reason

also how many campaigns ahead are you, I mean I know it takes you around 2 weeks to right one of these things up and you do a marathon game every weekend which gives you another campaign to work with.

>>34994028
I think I have to agree with this sentiment.

>>34994037
Really? I thought it was sarge.

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>>34993934
One can only guess, but in the munitorium it's only theft if people you like are getting robbed. Otherwise it's just 'enthusiastic acquisitions'.

>>34993947
Not exactly but there's a LOT of overlap without even getting into the number of discworld characters we've run. The cleric interrogator and the insufferable nerd interrogator both shared a lot of traits with former characters from the D&D days, but the latest one was something new.

>>34994028
We might just, we've run into the Hospitaller again in the latest mission, so no reason we won't see her again if we express interest. Our DM is good about that sort of stuff.

>>34994008
>>34994028
>>34994037
>>34994064
Hmm I wonder if I should own up to who I play, you might all judge me for it...

Gotta admit the perspective is pretty funky since this was initially written from the player's perspective instead of a character. Damned if I'm going to change my writing style unless someone complains though, the indefinite second person makes it sound like a rambling bar story.

Is there anyone here who DOESN'T want me to say which character I play?

>>34994172
I dunno. It might be good to let us guess. As one anon said, reveal it at the end.

>>34994172
Me, myself, and I would like not to know. It would be a great reveal at the end of the stories and the whole 'you mother fucker' moment when we're told which one is you.

I'm laugh twitch or nub

>>34994221
this^

I think its cutter

>>34994172
Hey you do know that a guy goes around reposting your stories on reddit right? felt I should say something in case you didn't.

>>34994250
You mean heavy?

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>>34994199
>>34994221
>>34994250

Well you seem to be the most opinionated people around at 2am, so for now I'll take your advice.

>>34994284

Yup, that's my group's DM (GM? What's the difference? I used them interchangeably). He has every right to repost my shit.
I've tried to get him to post in here, but he doesn't like fishing for an audience. He likes his content in a nice static format without witty pictures (or periodic deletion).

If there's interest I'll get him to pop into a thread and answer questions, he's an amazing DM and a bit of a psychopath.

>>34994372
He played Cutter, didn't he?
Well, that's one off the list.

>>34994388

If you mean my DM, he doesn't play any of the guardsmen. There's five of us and one of him, and unless one of us get's killed or incapacitated he has to handle an entire team as well as the Interrogator and the enemies.

I do not play Cutter and did not play Heavy

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>>34994372
>nice static format
>without witty pictures
But half the fun is the pictures! And who needs good formatting anyways.

>>34994424
Not gonna defend the choice, if I ever put this into a blog or whatever I'd still break it into 2000 char pieces with witty images.

Well sort of witty... wittyish. Well actually not very witty, but at least tangentially related.