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Well well, a priceless vase! Maybe I should have a closer inspection!

> priceless
> not even gold

>>35015821
Gold has a price, anon.

>>35015790
Alright, but don't go looking too closely. You know how you sometimes forget your own... Assets.

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>>35015724
Priceless? If it has no price, it can't be sold, and if it can't be sold, it's worthless! But out of purest generosity, my good sir, I'll give you a tuppence for it, and allow you to recoup something from your foolishness.

>>35016092
Ah, but what if it is of immense sentimental value? Or it is merely priceless, because it could only be sold at auction, where such price is inherently variable?

>>35015724

>>Please don't take these vases

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>>35015790

No, WAIT!

>>35016462
>>35016084

*bump*

*wobble*

>>35017055
>>35016127
Noooo-! Quick, someone grab it! Link-! Link, noooo! No, don't you dar-!

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>>35017113
*Catches the vase*

Thank's for the gift, loyal Imperial citizen!

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>>35017130

Helping yourself to MY priceless vase?

>>35017130

Needs a pic of Blood Raven drinking out of the vase

>>35017155
Ah! A Blood Angel! Thank you for your kind donation of this priceless vase, as well as the dozen Furioso pattern Dreadnoughts we were gifted last week!

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>>35017166

>>35016213
If it's of sentimental value than it would be of actual value, value is decided by how much people are willing to sacrifice to posses it.
I would assume it's priceless because it does have a price it's just so high that it can't be expressed in the human language. That's what priceless normally means.

>>35017166
>>35017241
Took a while, some mad autistic /pol/ cunt had me reported for no reason.

>>35017241
>>35017211

Well, it's only right. I mean, we had to repay you for the Thunderhawk.

>>35017251
>>35016213
>>35016092

Maybe it is simply that the price as not been evaluated yet. Or simply that it is worth too much for the owner to be sold.

It is also possible that there is no demand for it, simply because it is too rare or worth too much

>>35017295

> An object of art increases in value as it's fame and worth raises
> Changing owners, it is rented to museums, ever commanding a higher price
> Inevitably, the price is too high and nobody will pay that much
> The bottom falls out, the current owner taking heavy losses

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It's cool OP, I got this so long as the problem isn't not werewolf-related.

>>35017333
That is only if the owner bought it with the intention of selling it.
The fame and worth remains, so the owner still gets what he bargained for.
Ofcourse, something being worth so much that nobody is willing to pay for it is paradoxal, if they aren't willing to pay that much it's not worth that much.

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I got this, guys.

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>>35017749

oh shi...

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>>35018413

DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE

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>>35015724
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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>>35015724
oops

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>>35015790

Listen, Rina, while we can appreciate the added business you've brought to our antique store, we can't have you working here anymore if you can't be more careful. This is the eighth incident of T&A related clumsiness this week, never mind the fact that you keep forgetting to wear your uniform.

It's a wonder we haven't let you go yet.

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>>35018718

YOU CLUMSY, BRAINDEAD FUCKING OAF, LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!

>>35018718

Great. You know whose vase that was? /mlp/. What are you going to tell them when they want their vase back? Because they'll come looking.

>>35018878

Firstly, make Rina offer her most sincere apology.

Secondly, offer them any other item of like value in the shop.

If the vase had emotional value, well, we'll have to cross that bridge when we get to it.

Rolled 5 (1d8)

>>35018718
Rolling to repair

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>>35018878
>>35018911

I think we can come to a satisfactory agreement.

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>>35018820
Just keep Rina away from /sci/'s orrery. There's no way we can replace this shit or hope to put it all back together again if Wonderbra over there breaks it.

>>35018953
How's the repair coming?

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The Good News: Rina put on her uniform and her glasses.

The Bad News: Now we need to send Mr. Peabody to the vet for spinal injuries.

>>35018953
>>35019183
Hey, I got some wonder-glue here if you want it? +2 circumstance bonus on repairs.

>>35018959
Yeah, hopefully it won't come to that. At the very least though, Rina makes a very apologetic figure in uniform.

>>35019340
Oh god dammit, even with glasses on, those things obscure her peripheral vision...

I'm not really complaining though. Come on, let's get Mr. Peabody to the vet and then we can talk about ways to limit this sort of thing in the future...

For the eighth time...

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>>35020839
We really don't WANT to fire Rina, but here comes a point where her deficiencies begin to outweigh her assets, no matter how huge her assets may be.

Anyway, I've asked her to stand perfectly still by the front door and look out for the pony folk while I take Mr. Peabody to the vet. Can you begin organizing /mu/'s rare record collection in the meantime?

>>35021231
Jeeze, even making a start on that lot's going to take me until the new year...

Hmm... Well... How much damage can she really do? They're records. It's not like that ship-in-a-bottle incident...

Hey, Rina? Can you give me a hand with this, please? I'm sure we'll see /mlp/ when they come in anyway.

You didn't use a coaster.

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>>35021231

Chloe just brought my this copy of the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam she found in our back room. Wasn't /lit/ looking for a copy?

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>>35021853

I still have no idea how she managed to get the ship OUT of the bottle before she broke it, or how the bottle wound up lodged in her cleavage, but that's Rina for you. I suppose you could get her to help you with the cataloging, but for the love of Hid, make sure YOU are the one handling the inventory. Make her take notation.

>>35021871

Thanks for the heads-up. I'll contact /lit/ if you tell Chloe thanks for me.

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**DINGALING-DINGALING**

Hey...

So...

I've got this... Thing...

Would you guys be interested in taking it off my hands...?

I've got some Doctor Wondertainment super super glue here, be careful, shit binds for life...

>>35022909
Are those tiny armies I see fighting across the surface of that thing?

>>35022957
...
......
.........
Will you pay me more if they are?

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>>35021853

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I was the vase the entire time!

>>35023872
> That moment where your assassination target is a fellow changeling.

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>>35023081
NEVER

>>35015790
Get the hell away from it, you damn titty monster.

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>>35024344

We've dealt with the situation, sir, don't worry. Rina is a good girl, if a little clumsy and forgetful. She just doesn't always realize how her actions and her... assets... can-

>>35023638

Oh GODDAMN it Rina! That was limited edition pressing!

>>35024484

>>35024484
Have you seen Chloe? I know she tries to steer clear of Rina and her antics but I haven't seen her since she beoufht me to book. Did she go back into the back room?

>>35024266
Dave, for the love of the gods you serve, put the sword down!

>>35022909
Sorry about that, sir. Sorry, but we don't trade in any objects that have been steeped in blood and death, or, for that matter, contain or are host to human souls. It's just store policy. There's a curio place down the end of the road that might give you something though.

>>35024484
>>35023638
For the love o-! Rina, please... Just... Ah! Books! There is no way on earth that dropping a BOOK can break it! If you head to the back room, could you take over cataloging intake from Chloe and send her out front? Thank you.

There, problem solved. Now how's that vase coming. How long do we have before /mlp/ gets back?

>>35025257
>>35025336

Yes, Rina, please, please head to the back room for a while and take over cataloging /lit/'s backlogged order. Just take your time and for the love of God, be careful!

And if you see Chloe back there, send her out here and please try not to aggravate her. Yes, yes, I know you never MEAN to but-

Yes, I know you just want to be her friend, but-

YES, I know she can be a bit short with you but PLEASE, just switch places with her and ask her to come out for a while!

>>35025336

I figure that we've got until tomorrow. I don't expect them back before close this evening. I'd be more worried about the crown jewel if /mu/'s record collection getting shattered.

>>35025336
She knocked over an 18th century bible.
It landed on the imitation faberge egg SOMEBODY was using as a bookend. We're out two million.

>>35025856
Well shit. What the hell can we have this girl do that doesn't end with her boob or butt bumping us into the poorhouse?

>>35026003
She could raise money for a poorhouse.

>>35015724
Shit like this is why I'm not allowed in Hobby Stores any more.

All those vases and tiny porcelain cats and mirrors and shit, just crying out to be broken.

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Enough is fucking ENOUGH boys. You want to know where I was just now while you were fucking looking for me?

I was trapped under one of the fucking BOOKCASES that Wonder Bra knocked over when she tried to fucking pick up that Bible! ALL the fucking shelves in the book storeroom, fallen down like fucking DOMINOS on my ass!

Belive me, I can fucking appreciate the sheer quantity of T&A Wonder Bra brings to the shop, but she's a fucking professional and personal liability!

>>35026511
Fuck's sake, Chloe... It's not like she means to do it! And I happen to recall you knocked over more than your fair share of artefacts when you were new. We learned from that. Lamia tails and narrow passages do not mix. We responded and now you can move around freely. We just need to do the same with Rina and be understan-

>>35025856
Oh for the love the gods-! Who was even using that as a bookend to START with?! Maybe we should take her to a shrine, because I'm starting to think that girl's cursed.

>>35025856
>>35027242
Can we really blame Rina for that, though? I mean, who thought that using a faberge egg, a TWO MILLION faberge egg I might add, for a bookend was a good idea?

Fuck, didn't we have an upcoming buyer for that? Shit, that's gonna be devastating.

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>>35026511

Alright, Chloe.

Firstly, I know that you've had a long-running issue with Rina and may be feeling more than a little upset right now, not to mention concussed, but could you try and cut out the profanity just a bit while you're up front?

Okay? Okay.

Secondly, we're all well aware of the positives and negatives of Rina's employment here at the shop, and we know that the time may have come to weigh those positives against the negatives. Those giant, bouncy positives...

For the love of god someone please screencap this.

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>>35027407
>>35027242
'Ey 'ey boss! We got a new.. thing! Some fella left it this morning! Put it in the back?!

HEY! Don't you fucking...

Language, FUCK, sorry.

Don't you think that I've TRIED to excuse Wonder Bra's, sorry, Rina's clumsiness on her being a new employee? Don't you think I remember ALL the allowances you boys made for me and my tail.

Don't think I don't KNOW what a "good girl" she is, how she "means well" and how she always "does her best" here at the shop. Hell, if things were different and I didn't have to deal with her bouncing and flouncing and breaking shit, sorry, inventory, on a DAILY basis, I might even think about asking her out.

But, FUCK, boys! Who do you think used a very ROUND, very EXPENSIVE, very BREAKABLE artifact as a bookend to begin with? I know I tailed-whipped PLENTY of stock off the shelves when I was new, but I NEVER broke anything THAT expensive!

She just gets al up in my hair and under my scales, and I think you boys NEED to make a bigger deal about all this!

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Why did no one tell me there was a thread about priceless vases

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>>35027738

You mean to tell me that someone just left this thing on the loading dock? Is there a shipping tag or inventory notice or documentation of any kind? This looks like one of /k/'s "Special Deliveries" to me, which means we need to get this down into one of the hazardous artifacts and the munitions vault before something terrible happens, like Rina looks at it wrong.

>>35027997
Ehhh we got a note reading. "Your problem now" Urgh God I hate going down there. It's dangerous man and this thing is huge...

>>35027738
>>35027997
Oh good grief, what even IS that thing? Put it next to the robe made of dog-tags... Christ, that's another thing on the to-do list: disentangle giant cube-o-guns... Yeah, hazardous storage sounds like a good plan. Then again, about the only time Rina DIDN'T break anything was that antique rifle a couple of weeks back...

>>35027407
>>35027765
Okay, okay, everyone needs to just chill out now. We've been under a lot of stress lately. Things have been bad and these breakages and accidents aren't helping matters. How about we get the rest inside, close up shop and go for noodles? It'll give us all a chance to relax and clear the air a little.

I was serious about the shrine thing though. I mean... I SWEAR I put that egg in fragile storage yesterday.

Oh and Chloe? ...I saw her first. Dibs.

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OH HEY!

Welcome to the shop! We've got PLENTY of priceless vases and other rare and unusual artifacts just WAITING to be purchased, provided a certain other employee hasn't BROKEN them all yet!

How can this Lamia help you out, vase aficionado?

>>35028085
Aye boss.. Man I don't get paid enough for this...Do I put in the same vault as the ball of bombs and triangle of polearms or a new one!?

>>35028085
Hey, wait, boss...I think i've read about this thing before. It's some sort of holy object. My memory is a bit fuzzy, but the passage said something about innawoods, nuggets, and this cult...the /k/ommandos I think they called themselves? Whatever, anyway, it's pretty freaking important. In other words, it's something we should probably have a contingency plan for when Rina inevitably fucks it up. That or call our insurance company and give them a heads up...

>>35028221
Move over, I'll give you a hand. We're putting it in the new vault. It kind of looks ominous enough and we're running out of space in vault 1 with all /k/s donations and sales.

Let's just get this done and go for noodles already. I mean, it's probably not even magical.

>>35028269
Aw come on, you don't believe all that rubbish, do you? Look, someone just- Hold on...

Rina, can you grab the Thaumograph?

We'll just run this over it and I promise you, it's going to read completely inert.

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>>35028221

I think that it could probably be safely stored with either the bomb-ball or the polearm-pyramid, but you know what? We have seven subbasements worth of Hazardous Storage Containment Units. Give it its own vault and maybe we can just forget about it until we can find a buyer in the next Board War.

>>35028085

Closing up early for a big bowl of noodles and a bigger mug of beer sounds great, but Chloe is helping a new customer right now, and we still have to have that talk with...

Wait...

Where's Rina?

>>35028354
Don't we need a license for that?
>>35028306
>>35028269
Man are you sure you should be fiddling with this? I think this is one of few items that can cause more destruction than Rina in one go.
Also noodles again? Even since I said I didn't like 'em they've gyped me for broth every time.

>>35028354
Oh she was just grabbing the Thaumogra-

...

Shiiiiit-!

Oh gods, what did you press?! Why is it beeping!? Is that-? Holy crap, I didn't even know the scale went that high! Everyone hit the deck!

>>35028415
True, but i'm really fucking worried about what'll happen if it and Rina-
>>35028437
FUCK, GET DOWN

>>35028437
>>35028470
What do you mean-Oh... I don't get enough risk pay for this...

FUCK!!! IF THIS THING DOESN'T FUCKING KILL YOU WONDER BRA I WILL, I FUCKING SWEAR ON MY MOTHER'S FANGS I WILL!!!

>>35028437
>>35028470

Everyone down now! Get down! Look out for antique shrapnel and pray to Hid there aren't any chain reactions!

>>35028674
Oh, OH! I just remembered something that might help! Something about cosmoline and...Saluto Nex Alea....or was it Ave Nex Alea? Whatever, we got any cosmoline!?

...

We're still alive? In one piece? Well that was kind of underswhelmi- waaait..

...Guys, did we always have a multi-hued portal that opens onto a hundred, constantly-shifting dimensions, through which one may grasp perhaps a fraction of the cosmic beauty of the infinite universe, in the back room?

Oh and why is gravity reversed in some parts of the shop, but not others. That's just weird.

I THINK I CAN REACH A CAN WITH MY TAIL!

ARGH FUUUUUUCK! GOT IT!

CATCH!

>>35028724
Is now the time really?! Alchemy isn't safe for work!
>>35028784
Are you seriously helping!?
>>35028759
Gravity was always weird in the vaults and yes. We don't use the backroom anymore,

>>35028784
>>35028759

Well...

Good news is we're still I've and each still in only one piece.

Bad news is I think I've got a busted nose and cosmoline all over my face from where the an hit me.

Neutral... news is that we've now got some sort of portal in the middle of the store that just disappeared our last customer.

>>35028817
>>35028862

SORR-fuck, sorry! I really didn't mean to bust your fucking nose! Shit!

>>35028862
...Do we inform the public liability insurance guys? 'Cause you know they are,

>>35028862
Shit. Hey, Chloe, how much was that vase the customer was gonna buy worth? Wait, hold that thought, i'm asking the wrong question right now. Where the hell is Rina?

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Don't worry guys, I'm here to help. What should I repair first?

>>35028935
I... Don't know. That's a first. Usually I can tell where she is...

Oh shit, did she fall through the portal?

>>35028963
Ed! Oh thank the gods. We've got a little problem and we're kind of short-handed. It's not exactly a small job, but we could really use a tiny bit of help here.

...Why are you guys backing away from me like that?

Would you all judge me if I said that I REALLY fucking hope that she did?

And the vase?

A REALLY fucking expensive one. I managed to grab it before our customer disappeared. So there's THAT, at least.

>>35028964
>>35029039
I think... we might wanna grab some cold beers and wait for this all to blow over instead of continue for the day..

>>35028964
If she did, i'm not going in after her. I don't care how nice her assets were. Just be glad I called our insurance company after that cube thing arrived.
>>35029039
Well, there's that at least.

>>35029067
>>35029039
Okay, no, no, You guys feel free to go home, I'm going after her. Where's my vault-diving gear? What? Look, one way or another, she always tries her best, she never means to cause trouble and overall, she's a nice person! She deserves a chance and for goodness sake, a curse-breaker. I'm not leaving her to goodness-knows what fate. And there's also the matter of our customer, I mean what kind of bad press would it get us if we just let people up and vanish right in our shop?

Hang on a minute....

Alright, false alarm people, I found Rina. She was just hiding under a giant pile of dog tags.

...say, what happened to that Robe that /k/ sent us? Wasn't it made of...

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>>35029067

You know what? Fuck the rest of the day, fuck the cube, fuck the portal, fuck my broken nose
and fuck wherever Rina disappeared to. Noodles and beers sound fantastic right about now. It's time to close shop.

>>35028415

We can just get Chloe to flirt a bit with the owners' daughter and smooth things over, or you could order something else on the menu.

>>35029186
*sigh* Goddamnit...I can't just let you go in there alone. You're right, she-
>>35029228
...fucking destroys every GODDAMNED thing she touches! I had a buyer for that thing!

I'm not opposed to this plan AT ALL.

Oh FUCK ME there she is...

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>>35029228
Oh no... That's going to take forever to re-stitch... Alright, we'll catch up with you guys later.

Rina! You. Me. Shrine. Now. This has got so far out of hand, it's no-longer funny.

>>35029228
Dogtags. Lots of them.
>>35029186
>>35029228
So we have Rina. Good news.
>>35029256
Bad news is, I'm still gonna get gyped on broth.

>>35029316
>>35029302

That coat of dogtags was a thing of beauty too. Weird, militant beauty, but beauty none the less. What a fucking shame.

>>35029307

I'm still planning on getting that noodle bowl and the biggest beer they serve down at the old place, so if you guys and snake-gal want to join me, you're more than welcome to. I'm done with work today.

>>35029256
Fuck it, i'm down. I need to drink away the loss of profit for the vase and robe.

>>35029343
I gotcha covered man, their daughter always gives me extra broth and beef in my bowls. I think she may be into me. I'll just get two bowls and give you the other.

>>35029186
You're just hoping she'll reward you by letting you play with her boobs, aren't you? You sad bastard.

I could MURDER a noodle bowl right now, if just to keep myself from MURDERING Wonder Bra for this newest bit of batshit insanity.

And after the day I've had? I'm going to flirt like HELL with Pauline. I'll get you all the fucking broth you want. Fucking side dishes for DAYS.

Girl might not have a third the T&A that Wonder Bra has but she doesn't cause any of the fucking mayhem either.

>>35029532
Gonna tell me you haven't thought about it?

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So, I heard you people were selling antique vases and MAN do I lov-

Uh.

Is this a bad time? Should I come back never?

>>35029532
That is a dirty, dirty lie! ...Mostly... Kinda... Not at all... I mean, have you seen them? And she's so... You know...

I-I'll just shut up and take her to the shri-

>>35029663
Sir, it is absolutely NEVER a bad time. Chloe! Vase me!

>>35029713
Yeah, saw this really stacked broad through your... broken window and thought hey, this seems like the kind of place I'd like to frequent.

One fucking MARVELOUSLY beautiful (and fucking astoundingly expensive) vase! Just LOOK at that fucking glazing! Admire the sheer fucking ARTISTRY of this piece of history! Don't you just want to OWN this fucking vase?

>>35029663
Oh crap, no sir, everything's fine. Uh, RINA! Execute plan DD!

>>35029798

Gentlemen, we may need to: ethink-ray the iring-fey of ina-Ray...

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>>35029801
Why yes, it's certainly the breast I've seen so far! The sheer workmanship on those jugs- uh, I mean this vase, it's astounding! I'll take a dozen.

More like fucking plan Double-Gs...

Yeah, at least...

FUCK, I think I need that face time with Pauline more than I need those noodles OR that fucking beer...

>>35029615
...


Maybe.

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>>35029882
But sir, surely that isn't ALL you want to buy, right? *whispering* Keep it up Rina.

Yo, that guy from the museum called back a minute ago. The vase is contemporary.
Um.
Sorry.

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>>35029882

What say, sir, we sell you all the vases, urns, crockery and pottery in general, and should we get more in, we can give you a call so that you can admire our shops'... jugs... again?

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>>35029998
Done and done!
With salesgirls like that, I'd be amazed if you guys aren't making a bundle.
>>35029977
Say, you wouldn't happen to have any rare musical albums, would you? I've had a hankering for something big and jiggly, er, I mean hard to find.

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I'll just watch this unfold.

Yeah... fucking Gs at least...

Fuck...

Boys, if it's all the same to you, I've got to fucking OUT of here.

If you want to join me, all be at the fucking noodle joint with a beer in my hand, trying to put the slither on Pauline.

>>35030035
But of course sir, right this way! Forgive the mess, we were in the middle of ,uh, restocking our inventory? Yea, that.

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>>35030154
Neat, a snake girl. She work here?
>>35030178
Ah, I understand, I think. Still kinda wondering about all the broken stuff, you'd think a boobs, ah, bull had been through here!

Say, am I the only one who can hear a faint howling, almost like you'd imagine the spaces between worlds would sound like?

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Um... I think I have the right shop...

I've come across this gemstone in my travels. Locals told me of a few interesting folktales regarding such a stone, and was hoping to either find out more about it or purchase any books on these kinds of things that you may offer.

Are you still in business for the day?

>>35030035

Rina! Lovey! Would you be a melons... Ehem... a peach, and escort our newest and dearest customer up to the music archive on the second floor?

Oh! And I don't think I don't know just how much you love to scratch up... I mean... dance to some of our rarest and most expensive vinyl you leave playing on the turntables up there! Why don't you put something on and do a little dancing! I know how much you just LOVE to dance!

(Thank Hid she's so good natured... and stupid...)

>>35030281
>Say, am I the only one who can hear a faint howling
NO! Err, I mean, no I don't hear anything, the bathroom-vault probably just got backed up again. Let's not go in there!

>>35030302
That's just a very large pearl.
[inspects it more closely]
And a fake one, at that. They didn't make you give them any money for it, did they?

>>35030302
We are indeed (*sigh* unfortunately). Chloe! You're good with gems and other shiny things, You mind helping me out here?

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>>35030102

>>35030331
>>35030281

Please, sir, pay no attention to that whistling noise! I'm sure it's just the ventilation system acting up! In fact, that's just one of the reasons our shop is being renovated! If you would be so kind as to follow Rina to the music archive, I'm sure you'll see some derriere... I mean... something THERE that you like!

>>35030302
Ah! Miss, we are still open, at least for a while longer, for one such as yourself! Perhaps one of us might take a look at that gem of yours? We're all quite well versed in the appraisal and analysis of rare and unusual artifacts.

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>>35030331
>>35030458
Well, you should probably call a plumber or something, I can almost imagine I hear voices!
>>35030319
...What was I talking about? Think I wanted to buy some rack. Rib bumpers. Jiggling rump. Records, I mean. Man do they sound bouncy. Crisp!

>>35030331
>>35030458
[Quietly] Nice save.

Archive, plz?

>>35030403, I think Chloe's left to "put the slither" on Pauline at the noodle place. She is our resident expert in gems and jewels, but snake-girl's had a rough day. I might be able to catch her though before she gets too far, if our customer isn't satisfied with >>35030384's appraisal.

>>35030587
>Chloe's left to "put the slither" on Pauline at the noodle place
I didn't know she was into that sort of thing...
I'm, uhm, gonna go grab some noodles. Anyone else want something?

>>35030502

[Quietly] As long as we can keep this cash cow mesmerized by Rina's sweater cows, we might just come out on top today, even after the two-millon dollar egg toss and the other breakages...

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Uhh...

May I ass what I was I was buying again? I can't seem to recall, I'm such a boob! Something about... what was I saying?

>>35030384

A fake? Well, that's depressing.

I didn't pay for it specifically, it was gifted to me for my performance in the arenas... seems my 'patron' wasn't as wealthy as he claimed.

Well, so long as I'm here... I am also interested in anything to do with smithing, metallurgy, barding and gemcraft. Would you have any tools or resources pertaining to these fields?

>>35030587
Ah forget it, she'd probably murder one of us for cockblocking her. Or would it be considered cloacablocking? Whatever. Think i'll just haed over there as well, all this talk of noodles is making me hungry.

>>35028104
Hey, uh, Chloe. Don't forget to tell them about that one's... unique properties. Last time that happened, we got sued. It fell through, I mean, what do you expect when someone forgets to put the dish of endless salt on a flat, level surface, but nonetheless...

>>35030672
Erm...we have a couple of "For Dummies" books on the subject, that's about it as far as I know.

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>>35030712

That's no good... I was hoping for something a little more advanced.

How about weapons? I have been meaning to diversify my combat regime.

>>35030657
You really didn't know? I've caught Chloe ogling Rina's tits and ass when she thinks no one is looking, and then really kicking herself for it afterwards. Figuratively speaking.

>>35030741
I think I can help you out, my aunt's husband is a dwarf, and I spent plenty of time with him in his forge as a kid.

>>35030669
Did someone say something about an egg? Well, I have a nice little chest, uh, nest egg. Whatever she's selling, I'm buying.

>>35030764
Guess I must've not been paying attention the times it happened or something, that, or I was too busy ogling Rina to notice.

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Can someone please explain to me why we haven't hired a fairy or a sorceress or any kind of magically adept person who could help out during one of these weekly magical screw ups for a shop-girl over big-tits and snake-butt over there?

Sure, Chloe's actually useful now after all the renovations and training and Rina brings in sales but I swear to god they only got hired because their the Boss's fetish(even if they're more likely to fuck each other than him).

I keep telling you we need more practitioners here! All of our accidents keep happening because basically none of our employees no anything about the arcane beyond item appraisal!

I'm sick of cleaning up everyone's mess on my own. I didn't enter a magical contract for this.

>>35030686
Fuck. Sorry, that's my chronic chrono-displacement syndrome laying up.

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>>35030766

Oh, wonderful! Could you please direct me to-

... never mind, I think I've found your selection! Some of these are definitely dwarvern in make, too! You should have told me when I walked in, I'm always in the market for some good steel!

I see some stashed away down low here, I hope you don't mind my thumbing through your stock...

>>35030825
I object! I get to experience "arcane" first-hand! I mean, who do you think recovered about HALF the Library of Alexandria?! Because it certainly wasn't you!

>>35030670

Ah! Sir! I see you're done enjoying Rina's gyrating... turntables... upstairs! Thank you Rina, for treating our valued customer to such a show... or rather, so kindly! Yes! Kindly!

Sir, I have taken the liberty of ringing up your purchase of every piece of pottery or porcelain we have in stock. Rina, if you would be so kind as to stop hugging our customer's arm or... keep hugging his arm, and lead him closer to the register, we can settle this evening's shopping experience.

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>>35030882
I'd like to buy all the records you have, too.

I'd buy the gramophone too, but I think the sweater puppiesgirl broke it with her tush by accident when she turned around.

>>35030870
Yeah, and who fought off all those damn beholders you accidentally summoned flipping through books you DON'T UNDERSTAND so the rest of the library wouldn't be destroyed?

>>35030923

That's perfectly normal. Will you be playin-PAYING! Cash or credit?

>>35030923

Certainly sir and... of course she did. Of course she did. Rina has quite the... prodigious posterior. And we're all very proud of you for it, aren't we Rina! Yes, of course we are!

Thank Hid this man is loaded...

>>35030925
What? I don't remember that happening...
Damn, it's the blasted gemini effect again. I'm sorry, I'll have to work out which world I'm currently in before answering you.

>>35030863
By all means, please do.
>>35030925
>>35030870
Would you chowderheads knock it off? The reason we don't have too many personnel of the magical persuasion is because a lot of us are deathly afraid of what'll happen if Rina gets hold of something that'll kill us all. Remember the bag of holding incident?

>>35030863

Uh, suuuree...

(Guys! You seeing this?! Since when do dwarves look like THIS?)

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>>35031013
>>35030925
Hey guys, some chick in armor just dropped this off at the donations dock, said something about it being our problem now?

Anyone want to give me a hand?

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>>35031013
My good man, I don't pay in checks, just lods of emone. Oh, and she can feel free to hug my arm for as long as she likes.
>>35031029
Come to think of it, is she for sale?

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>>35031060

Please don't remind me.

>>35031060
You see this here >>35031072

This. This is why we need more magical folks. Because dicks keep using our shop as a dumping ground for dangerous magical artifacts.

But no, hire the walking big-titted disaster instead.

>>35031072

This is one of those 'gloves' situations, isn't it?

>>35031060
>Remember the bag of holding incident?
No, but that's the gemini effect again. I'm fairly sure that I can work out what happened, though. She was told to empty it and turned it inside out?

>>35030925
Goddammit, Dave, those weren't "beholders," they were a couple of dumb kids wearing bedsheets with a bunch of googly eyes glued to them. Not everything has to relate to your dumb "Kaverns and Kobolds" game.

>>35031109

Christ, not this again.

I THOUGHT SHE COULD BE BOTH, OKAY?

>>35031118
Eh, fuck it. If it kills me, another one of me will appear in about three seconds. Tell him what happened to me, please? As much detail as you can.

>>35030825
Chloe may still cause a few problems now and again and she's sure as hell rough around the edges of her scales, but she's got the best eye for gemstones and jewelry I've ever seen. Plus she's reliable, and a really fun drinking partner besides.

>>35031130
Well, SOMETHING destroyed the other half of the Library of Alexandria.

>>35031118
Jeez I hope so. I've only got another couple dozen revives for the week.

>>35031109
Hey, I didn't hire her! I'm just here to help sell weapons! Speaking of which-
>>35031069
[whispering] Don't question it man, just make sure she doesn't break anything or get hurt. We can't handle another lawsuit
>>35030863
Are you finding everything alright ma'am?

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Oooooh! Did I hear someone say something about a 'weapons vault'?

I mean, no offense to these weapons. I'm sure there's some gems in here. But I'd like to see the top-end merchandise, if someone could lead the way.

Oh, and there was an enchanted serpent blade around here somewhere I was interested in, however it seems to have disappeared...

>>35031089
Sorry sir, Rina isn't for sale. Despite her...uhm...well despite the fact that she's very jiggly she is not in fact a possession and technically possess sapience.

>>35031089

Ah... Err...

[Quietly] Gents, I know we sell a LOT of questionable merchandise here at the ship, but we draw the line at selling PEOPLE, right? Especially our own people.

>>35031220
Sorry, can't go in there until I finish stabilizing the dimen- err, cleaning up.

>>35031152

She French kissed me once you know. You get enough beers in her and she gets a little heterosexual.

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Alright, so, while that rich guy was chatting up Rina she did that little embarrassed shoulder-wiggle and her tits knocked over one of the jewelry displays. I noticed this fall out of the lining of the case. Looks like it fell into the gap somehow. The fuck is it? It keeps vibrating.

>>35031231

I'm putting it out there... could we consider selling the STORE? I mean, he is a capital investor, and in a sense he has purchased Funbags. Plus, we have some financial backing that we so sorely need.

>>35031220
DON'T GO IN THERE! Uhm, by which I mean that the vault is undergoing some...heavy remodeling and is closed to the public.

>>35031170
Relax, leave it to me. Oh look, that's me over there, dead. How did I die?

>>35031290

Isn't that what the new Chrysler keys look like?

>>35031290
It's a pretty neat item but it only works for lesbians.

>>35031229
>>35031231
A shame. Well, tits only I could buy a Faberge egg or ten I'd be golden.

>>35031302
Err...skiing accident?

>>35031302

Touched the grail without gloves. Use gloves.

>>35031320
...
Oh fuck get it away from Cloe.

>>35031220
Our enchanted serpent blade? Er...perhaps you should look a bit to your right.
>>35031231
No, we don't sell people. I mean there was a time we considered it, bu- I mean no.

>>35030568
Seconded, this thread's been one of the more entertaining ones in recent weeks

>>35031345
Cool. Where do you want it?

>>35031302
>>35031345
Someone take the thing down here to the basement, I'll toss it in this portal before I close it up.

We do not want that thing in our shop. It's just inviting a bunch of mages to start a war right in our fucking lobby.

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>>35031292
The store you say!

Would Boobies come with it? Because if so I'll pay double whatever this place is worth. No, triple!

>>35031389
Sorry, sir, but she's a thinking being-kind of, anyway-and we can't legally sell people. However, she could stay on as an employee if you wanted her to, and you could visit her whenever you wanted.

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>>35031386
>>35031377
Hold worms. You have something that belongs to me, hand it over before I deign to end your miserable....what a marvelous looking girl. I think I will bed her.

So three ladies from Ireland just came by and dropped off a spear, a cup, a sword, and a rock. The rock seems to have rooted itself in place, the spear left a scorchmark on the pavement, the sword is hovering, and when I tipped the cup by mistake, the water level didn't go down. The said something about awaiting the allcrafted.

Where should I put this stuff? We gotta get that rock moved before we need a backhoe to get it up.

>>35016449
Stupid child, it's only one vase
>Kill the girl and take the vase.

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>>35031357

A little t-

KYAAAAAH! It's down my back! IT'S DOWN MY BACK!

>>35031438
Well, close enough. Here, quadruple for being a good sport.

>>35031467
[Boredly] Good afternoon, sir. Is there anything I can assist you with?

>>35031467
Oh shi- Quick Rina! Take this guy somewhere else for a while.

(Guys, get that grail down here NOW!)

>>35031389

Well, Sir, if you were to purchase our shop, or at the very least become and investor in it, we would ALL become your employees, Rina included, of course. All... but one of us... are loyal, experienced arcane antiquarians and appraisers, and one of us does have a bosom bigger than her head with a bottom to match! And it seems that she HAS taken a liking to you! So......

>>35031386
>>35031377
>>35031072

Get that thing, whatever it is, locked down in a Vault or thrown through that portal because we DO NOT need more craziness tonight! Not when things are finally starting to look up!

>>35031467
...yeah someone dropped it off a while ago. We're not in the habit of doing what you might describe as "rental space" though, so we'd like to get some payment for it, if possible. If not, then please consider buying some of our other merchandise. Also, killing me will achieve nothing. There's more than one of me.

>>35031511
*Sigh* I don't get paid enough to put up with this. [Goes to help]

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>>35031570

While I thank you for the assistance, I feel that such a blade needs to be properly labeled and set behind glass to stop such... s-such unlady-like occurrences. I think I may purchase this blade, but...

... you saw, didn't you.

>>35031668
...Maybe? Which answer doesn't get me beaten and/or murdered?

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>>35031523
>>35031524
>>35031548
I will take the grail and the wench with me.

I will leave you with this.

>>35031701
>>35031668
Psst.

Keep her distracted while I upload these pictures.

>>35030102
>>35030411
>no creases after unfolding
Man, that's some good unfolding right there.

>>35031668
I must say the stripes were a striking choice that suit your outfight wonderfully.

>>35031668
Be glad it didn't bite you, ma'am, it has rather nasty venom. I'd had it labeled and in in a case, however one of our more *ahem* perky employees ended up shattering it.

>>35031709
Oh, lawd...

[Quietly]What do we do, guys?

>>35031709
I'm sorry, sir, but I'm fairly sure that our colle- Sir? Sir! We don't sell people!

>>35018878
eh they know how hard it is to keep things intact they try so harb but twilight always knocks over the chocolate milk

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>>35031547
Done! Zeroth order of business, get these renovations done immediately, this isn't a construction site.

First order of business, give Tatas a fancy job title and a raise. Something high profile. Maybe put her in charge of the fine china?

Second order of business, buy a few more like her.

Third... hm. Make this place look more high end, and inflate the prices to match. Spare no expense!

Sound good?

>>35031709

That's... that's gold. That's gold bullion. That's a tremendous amount of gold bullion. We don't sell people though. We don't sell our people. We don't. We don't sell...

>>35031709
...
All of these are stamped by russian banks.
Fuck. We're going to get arrested. We're going to get arrested so fucking hard.

Portal's stabilized. Got the customer who got sucked in while I was at it(he said he's not coming back but I at least convinced him not to sue). Should I close it or is someone going to bring me that grail to toss- >>35031709 Oh Hello!

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>flops

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>>35031701

... forget it. It's like the gods have a running gag with such things. No doubt I'm not quite marriage material anymore, but that's no fault of yours. I'm lowering your score by four, but I am still happy to conduct business with you and your store.

On that note, you were actually quite difficult to find, and more than a few of the locals denied your existence altogether... I wonder why that is.

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>>35031709
Wait, wait, wait, I bought her first! That's it, I'll match your gold and quintuple it! She's coming with me!

>>35031770
[Exasperated] Of course, sir, right away.

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>>35031758
>>35031763
>>35031771
>>35031783
>>35031793
I'm sorry, it's been so long since I've bothered with you worms.

Is this enough? I shall have to go back home to get more.


>>35031847
Don't make me buy you out.

>>35031821
Did an ever-loving BEAR just walk into our store and fall asleep?

Hey guys, I'm back with what the old guy at the shrine assured me was a 100% fool-proof curse-breaker charm. Did I miss anything import-

...you know what? That's it. I'm ringing the bell. LAST ORDERS, people! Teegee's Emporium of the the Rare and Antique will be closing in five minutes, if only so we can sort this mess out.

Wait... Oh for Hid's- Who sold the store? Do we even HAVE the deeds any more? I think they were left in the deepest vault and I am NOT going delving without some noodles inside me.

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>>35031709
>>35031847
>>35031857
(Should we just keep letting them outbid each other? What's happening?)

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Saaaay... you fellows wouldn't be interested in... diversifying your wares a bit, would you?

>>35031827
They're a...superstitious lot, and think that we're dabbling in things man wasn't meant to. Also, we may have blown up town hall by accident once.

>>35031863
That's my familiar. I sent him on an errand.

Guess it was a bit too tiring for him.

Fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK.
WHY THE FUCK DID YOU IDIOTS PILE UP ALL THIS GOLD IN HERE.
THERE'S LIKE, FIVE FUCKING DRAGONS FLYING STRAIGHT AT THE STORE.

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>>35031857
Don't make me deflate the price of gold by unloading too much gold!

>>35031892

I... Ahem. AHEM. Yes! The deeds are in the shop's private Safety Deposit Vault down in Subbasement Seven, but we literally haven't opened that level in four years after the incident with the... with the shadow people...

Do you think Rina's "charms" would work on shadow people?

>>35031934
THIS IS WHY I SAID WE NEED MORE PRACTITIONERS.

Just, just lead them to the vaults. This portal can still be good for something.

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>>35031937
Oh, is that all? I may actually have to go find where my bank accounts are...


>>35031934
She really is a lovely wench.

>>35031934
Damn it all to hell. We need to get these idiots >>35031847
>>35031857 out of here, now.

>>35031863
Who? Bernard? Don't worry, he's been doing that for years. He's kind of become the store's mascot, next to Rina that is.

>>35031827
We've had a few...mishaps...in the past. Nothing to worry about now though as we've taken precautions to ensure they don't occur again.

One last request for archival, I unfortunately don't know how

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>>35031892

A curse-breaker charm? Powerful, but you may need a few more. One of your artifacts is being a little troublesome right now. I'll try not to dispatch the customer who picked it up.

>>35031910

Oh. Well, I can understand such trepidation, then. However, this store is becoming quite a valuable find for a warrior such as myself.

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>>35031892
It's called T. G. Moneybags' Rare Valuables now, thank you very much.
>>35031972
Watch your mouth, I own you.

>>35031971
>>35031937
>>35031857
>>35031709
Ok I am going to need to ask you to stop before my erection pops like an overinflated balloon.

>>35032031
Err...Sorry, sir.

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>>35031934
It has been a while since I have gone dragon hunting, let us begin!


>>35031972
Watch your tongue worm or I shall remove it.

>>35031910
I categorically deny EVERYTHING to do with that!

What kind of a madman even HIDES something like that in a broomstick's bristles anyway?

>>35031957
Given they only seem to value the silencing and oblivion of all things, probably not. I mean, this isn't an ero-doujin... Yet.

>>35031969
Fuck's sake, are we running a store here, or a godsdamned CONGA PARTY?! Gil! Out! You were banned for life last time you tried to claim everything in here was yours anyway! Sir, if you've purchased everything you were going to, we open tomorrow at 9am, but now we are closing!

Dragons, so fucking help me GOD, I will call George out here! AND Siegfried!

>>35032031
And for the last time, we cannot sell the store without the deed and we are NOT opening the lower vaults until TUESDAY!

[pants for breath] Right. Rina. Charm. Here. Your tits. I am DONE with fart-arsing around! Don't you run from me! This is for your own good, dammit!

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>>35031971
Ha ha! I'll have you know my business partner is a great wyrm! I can out-gold any man!

>>35032080
Oh Hid's hoodies, someone get the security blanket. Carl's lost it again.

Okay good news and bad news.

Good news: Most of the dragons are no longer in this realm of reality.

Bad news: Neither is Subbasements 9-12. Also the shops foundation may be compromised.

>>35032112
Oh, uh, also. I'm pretty sure one of those dragons had a divine rank.

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I thank you for your donation.

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>>35032091
I buy Great-wyrms with petty cash!

>>35032031
>T. G. Moneybags' Rare Valuables

That... sure is a name, isn't it! Nice call, Boss! I can dig it!

>>35031996
>Who? Bernard? Don't worry, he's been doing that for years. He's kind of become the store's mascot, next to Rina that is.

Oh crap. What about Mr. Peabody? Where did he get off to? Did anyone take him to the vet after having those behemoth boobs to the back befall him?

>>35031957
>I... Ahem. AHEM. Yes! The deeds are in the shop's private Safety Deposit Vault down in Subbasement Seven, but we literally haven't opened that level in four years after the incident with the... with the shadow people...Do you think Rina's "charms" would work on shadow people?

Subbasement Seven... well... shit... We'd best hope that Rina's bad luck rubs off on them or she's hiding a bazooka in her cleavage if they don't appreciate her assets like we do. I do NOT want to go down there.

>>35032112

Oh, and here I am hoping to test out your serpent blade.

Seeing as you are closing up, I'd like to start negotiation on said blade. I just have to get the gems out of their separate safekeeping spots...

Right! I offer three ruby, four jade discs and a tourmaline for the blade.

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>>35032112
What? Oh for- EVERYONE OUUUUT!

You know something guys? I think we might not be cut out for the antiquities business... Oh who am I kidding? It's the only business we can run. This is the best week we've had in months.

>>35032103
Can't blame him, wish I could join him in breaking down. Only way this could be worse is if Rina gets near one of the magical items again, like that gold cup...Speaking of which, where are Rina and the cup?

>>35032208
If you can kill a few of these dragons on your way out it's a deal.

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>>35032208

Oh, and I would need the original certificate of enchantment. I'll pay an extra tourmaline for that... when I find the tourmaline pouch...

I have a bid to make in this auction, too.

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>>35032080
Look, let's not turn this into a hostile takeover.
>>35032155
Call that a hoard?
>>35032162
Isn't it? Now, I need to call in some guys to rebuild the pile of rubble I just bought, excuse me.

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Hello. I was pointed out here by a fellow enthusiast...

Anyway, I was looking for something called "World Peace?"

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>>35032155

>>35032208
Normally as the guy in charge of weapons sales, i'd haggle for price as you can see, our boss is having a mental break down. Just fork over the cash and take the sword. I'll pay the difference later, I just don't even care anymore...

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>>35032262

>>35032210
Someone call Edward back in here for repairs. I can only hold things together for so long.

>>35032281
I think you want Frank's shop, further down the road. In any event, we're about to close up for the night.

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>>35032308

Servants! Start carrying the coins!

>>35032257
Here's the certificate. Now please, just pay and go before my boss pops a blood vessel. I kind of need him alive to sign my paychecks..

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>>35032308
>>35032265
You plebians will not defeat me!

>>35032249
God. DAMN IT. I thought I told you idiots to keep an eye on her and the grail! We don't need her somehow accidentally leveling the city. *Sigh* Please, go find her.

>>35031934
Ah. THAT's which world I'm in! Right, that explains a lot. Thanks.
Fun fact for anyone who didn't know. There is only one world, universe, timeline, whatever, in which dragons both exist and can smell gold. Unfortunately, that's also the only world in which I am a fugitive. Sorry, folks, I think my chronic chronodisplacement syndrome has acted up in exactly the wrong way. Byeee!

>>35032265
>>35032210
>>35032146
>>35032073
>>35031934

I'm really starting to think that Chloe had the right idea by skating the fuck out earlier in the evening when she had the chance. She's probably down at the noodle joint right now, three beers and two bowls in, putting the moves on Pauline. Fuck, they might even be having slithery snake sex right now, and where are we? In the midst of a bidding war between two men richer and more unscrupulous than Midas while we are getting attacked by dragons and dissolved, literally, from the ground up.

What the actual fuck.

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>>35032317
Oh, that's too bad. I was sure it was this one.

My contact said something about it being located in subbasement 15 section F-66?

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>>35032292

We have an accord!

I have much to prepare for in the morning, however, tonight I wish to go drinking. Did I hear that you know of a local beer hall? You are a shrewd businessman. I would drink with you in a casual setting, if you would accept.

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>>35032389
My wealth outshines a mere planet!

>>35032466
That subbasement is kind of cut off by a tear in reality after I collapsed a portal atop some divine dragons. Sorry.

Come back in three days. Should have it fixed by then.

>>35032453
I'm beginning to think so too...
>>35032471
You know what? Sure, I could use a drink or five. I know this place a few blocks away, we might even run into my co-worker Chloe. She's gonna love to hear about this one...

>>35032453
This whole thing is literally Rina's fault too.

>>35032471
*Sigh* Fine, I need a goddamn drink, anyway. The Dorf Fort is one of the better pubs in town, been going there for years.

>>35032527
Damn.

I guess I should go get a drink.

>>35032546
>>35032471


Can I come with you all? I'm new to the area.

>>35032414
Are you insane!?! I'm not going, get one of the other guys to do it. I just work here part-time and I'm not paid enough to risk dying.

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Attention shoppers!

Due to the massive amount of gold flooding the market, gold is no longer accepted as payment in this store.

Today on the International Gold Price index: gold is valued at 0.0000000014‱¢ per metric tonne. Have a nice day.

>>35032481
Diamons, on the otherhand, did not change. They've been worthless for years.

>>35032453
Oh, don't mind those dragons, those are just my business partner Vorlianth, the Destroyer of Men's kids. I'm that green one's godfather actually.
>>35032586
Ha, just as planned! Now I can buy her with liquid funds from my goblin bankers! Victory is mine!

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>>35032636
I'm sorry, I already claimed her.

I will now kill you for daring to try and take what is mine by underhanded means!

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>>35032546
>>35032553
>>35032578

Then we shall all drink, make merry and indulge ourselves in our vices! Evenings like this are only ever made better by a battle beforehand, however the acquisition of this serpent blade will suit me fine.

I hope you all have some modicum of stamina. Because I am not easily exhausted.

>>35032584
You'll do it, or i'm going to shove a warhammer up your ass when I get back from the pub. My shift is officially over for the day.

>>35032578
Feel free.

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>>35032693
>Then we shall all drink, make merry and indulge ourselves in our vices!

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>>35032586

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>>35032584
You're paid enough now! Go find my investment.
>>35032685
Alright, well, I choose this "Saber" girl as my champion. You two go rough each other up.

Okay, seriously where is Edward!?

Why isn't anyone calling for repairs? You do realize my spells are the only thing keeping this shop and the surrounding area collapsing into itself, right? I can't handle this, the dragons, and the portal at the same time.

If this dimensional rift stays open any longer we're going to get some things coming through. Hungry things.

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>>35032693
>>35032703
Can we not do battle beforehand?

I promised the battalion I'd try to loosen up and not level cities on a regular basis anymore...

>>35032584
Here's a question for you, smartass: How would you feel about Rina and her tits being the cause of human extinction? Because that's probably what'll happen if we don't find her and that shiny cup.

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Ahh, Rina, you are a life-saver.

Now, ladies, gentlemen, I think we all need to settle down. We're closed for renovations now, I'm afraid, but we'll be open on Tuesday to delve into the deepest, darkest ruins of our vaults. Whoever retrieves the deeds to the store, from those vaults, can make a reasonable bid and only one bid.

Thank you all for shopping with us today. I hope to see you all again soon.

And it's a coat, not a security blanket. Sheesh...

Now then... Who's up for noodles?

[flips the sign on the door, the only bit still standing, to 'closed']

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>>35032770
Excuse me, the extra dimensional council would like to have a word with this location, you are causing much disruption in the outer planes.

>>35032802
>>35032790
>>35032742
>>35032703

>>35032703
Mine has been over and I was waiting for the boss to hand me my paycheck. That won't be happening now... Damn it, I really needed that money for rent! I guess I'll just go and hope the landlord understands.
>>35032742
My shift is done and I was waiting for a paycheck and you can't pay me enough to go down there. I had a friend who got me this gig go down there once. I haven't seen him since.
>>35032790
See above. My shifts been done.
>>35032770
Fine, I'll go see Edward for your damn repairs while I head to the landlord.

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>>35032770

Oh, I can dispatch dragons and down a draught at the same time.

I was spoiling for conflict, now I get to scratch that itch as well! Face me, serpents!

>>35032802
Damnit, Carl! You can't just walk away from this mess like a damn part-timer.

>>35032770
Here. I always keep an emergency Greater Disjunction of Ether scroll on me, just in case. Then we just have the usual dungeon problems left over. Nothing we haven't built a store over before.

Huh... Now I come to think of it, maybe we should find a more permanent solution? Oh never mind. At least this always has a way of resolving itself and keeping the new shops funded with dungeon crawl loot.

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>>35032770
Sayyyy, what dimensional rift? I was told it was a plumbing issue!
>>35032802
Don't tell me I have to deal with adventurers. I hate fucking adventurers.
>>35032829
Look, go down there or you will not only be homeless but no one will ever rent to you again. Capische?

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>>35032781

Oh, I can spend some time playing with you! So long as I have this axe, I am unbeatable!

Come then! You may be larger than me but I have felled ice giants! Let us battle, and know each other in battle, and then drink and make merry and become fast friends through the night!

>>35032825
Well if you want to talk to the location, go right ahead. I'm going to get drunk off my ass, lock myself in the bathroom overnight, and fall asleep in my own tears watching anime on my phone. Toodles!

>>35032825
I'll fix it!

>>35032864
>>35032836
That's most of the crisis averted then. I need a drink.

Also I'm putting up a damn Want Ad for more magical assistance. I'm not doing this on my own anymore.

>>35032825
Weren't me, lady. We're closed, so we're off to get wicked drunk and possibly score a few times.

>>35032825
Oh don't worry about it. We're sitting on a superstring conflux, so one Status Quo song- I mean spell and it's all sorted out in a jiffy.

>>35032896
Nothing to worry about, sir. And no, it'll just be you and anyone else who wants to buy the store. Rules are quite simple; you just have to be the first to retrieve the deed from the dungeon ruins below and then make a reasonable bid. One bid per person, I'm afraid and they're done in secret.

>>35032845
Hmm... Let's see...
Rift? Closed.
Rich folks? Delayed.
Inter-planar paperwork? Sorted (I know a sidereal who knows a sidereal).
Renovations? Planned.
Staff? Accounted for.
Rina? Un-cursed at least for the next six hours.

I think I can walk away from this mess. Come on. The first round's my treat.

>>35032896
Please, I'd rather be homeless than dead. Besides, you've got all those other employees who are trained professionals with dealing with this store. I'm just a part-timer, not a miracle worker like them and I'm heading to get the repairman to fix the place since the phones been broke and nobody listens to a part-time employee when they say fix it.

>>35032825
Is this that thing about the alleged crimes against the fabric of reality again? I told you people once, talk only to my lawyer, Mr. Bihlihzamael Soul-Devourer.

>>35033009
Look, this "Carl" fellow, who by the way is fired, is trying to tell me the store I already paid for isn't mine. Now, I can bring my attorneys into this, but I would prefer I didn't have to.

>>35033007
>One bowl of warm noodles later, Carl is asleep on Rina's chest and not likely to wake up for the next few hours
>Meaning as fun as this is, I'm off to bed. It's 3am
>I'll just take this thread as proof that /tg/ can and will take any premise and run with it.
>Incidentally, Carl had the deed all along and is therefore the 'first' to 'retrieve' it. He accepts his bid of a dollar and politely asks anyone who objects to take it up with the Celestial Bureau of Business and Economics.

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>>35032919
I guess a one on one battle wouldn't hurt anything.

Drinking later though!

(( Archived, as requested! Please upvote as you feel inclined to!))

(( http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?searchall=Teegee%27s+Emporium+of+the+Rare+and+Antique ))

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Thanks for all your hard work today, everyone! I ran back here with a carton of beer for everyone! Please, drink up!

>>35033105
Carl has managed to run this place unhindered and unmolested by supernatural forces for decades. If he says you don't own the place there isn't much you can do about it.

Dude's well connected.