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>>35282462
Though you never did care much about all that, despite it being part of your “species heritage” and all that. The only thing that remotely interested you was all the old ruins full of old loot, but even then you found it more satisfying to rob the archaeologists who do the digging for you. For you are Captain Valdessa Atroxius, dread pirate of the last ocean and leader of the ruthless scalawags that call your vessel The Sol Regret their home. And you must have spiked the drinks at that birthday harder than you thought, seeing as it feels like you’ve been out cold for over a month. The morning after was a blur, with an extravagant breakfast you could barely taste and a groggy goodbye to the equally hung over Scarlet. You’re just thankful that you made it out of that place without any harassment from your nemesis Admiral Graveside, who had for some reason been playing the role of security chief at the party.

But now here you are, back in space with yet another piece of the map that will lead you to the legendary lost treasure of Scaly Dan, the ORIGINAL hidden pirate treasure. The thought of it alone is enough to shake the rum flavored fog out of your brain and focus again on the mission at hand.

“Helmsman! Where to next?”

Rosco bolts up at your cheery shout, only to slump back over his terminal, mumbling bleary nothings to it before slapping a button and displaying the coordinates on the main screen.

Oh joy, looks like you’re headed to the Double Dragon Divide. Fun.

>Maaaybe we should check on the crew first. Gotta be at our best if we’re going –there-. (Who?)
>Try to roust the crew before making the jump.
>Treasure waits for no pirate! Onward!
>Writein

>>35282472
Oh boy it's back!
>Try to roust the crew before making the jump.
Pic is excellent likeness.

>>35282472
>Try to roust the crew before making the jump.
Welcome back!

>>35282472
>Maaaybe we should check on the crew first. Gotta be at our best if we’re going –there-. (Who?)
It's tempting to pick best salad, but let's try to get Rosco awake properly.

THEN leafbutt. Hey, she needs to navigate!

Looks like it's time for a motivational speech.

And sorry about leaving you guys hanging for so long, between classes, work, and videogames it's been hard to find time to run.

>>35282472
ITS BACK ITS BACK ITS BACK and goddamnit its 5am...

>Try to roust the crew before making the jump.

And with that, I shall depart for my bed, looking forward to catching up on this when I wake up, thanks for running Capn You should get tweetdeck

>>35282472
>Maaaybe we should check on the crew first. Gotta be at our best if we’re going –there-. (Who?)
Toshka, she's cool. Roger, he's cool.

>>35282472
Man, I love Decu's work. That is a nice image.
>Try to roust the crew before making the jump.

>>35282589
That's okay, we never lost faith. Videogames are not allowed!

>>35282472
Now we just need a Cernu drawing. Not that I follow Decu and know when he drawthreads.

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“You know, Rosco, your girlfriend might get a little jealous if she sees you clinging to your terminal like that.”

“I’m awake! I didn’t miss nothin’!”

With that done, you flick a switch on your captain’s chair, opening up the ship’s internal comms system while Cernu gets settled into the root node behind you.

“Attention crew, I hope you had fun at that party, because we’re charging headlong into hell today. The Double Dragon Divide, to be exact. For those of you that don’t know, the Divide is a lovely little patch of space where the first Ourobosian Empire and the Lamiran Legate fought and boy did they fight. Entire star systems collapsed, species were discovered, uplifted, and readied for war within a century, and Lamias and Nagas fought freely and openly as well as through proxies. Of the thousands of archaeologists, treasure hunters, and various robber barons, self-proclaimed pirate kings, and warlord despots looking for shiny new toys over the millennia, only half of one expedition has ever returned. So, you know, try to sober up a little before then.”

“Was that supposed to motivating?” Rosco asks, clearly unsure as to which of the many you’s he sees he should be directing his question at.

You brush off his complaints with a dismissive wave of your hand. “Now Cernu, if you would.”

“As always, my captain. Jump commencing in three, two, one…”

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>>35283063
Usually you hate that cloudy disorientation the Dub leaves you in, but today you find that it’s quite nice for taking the edge off your hangover. Hopefully the same could be said for the rest of your crew.

You try to ignore the lingering thoughts about how what if your color red is someone else’s blue and instead focus on the planet in front of you. The planet seems to be one big jungle and seems to be either uninhabited or feral as far as you can tell. The charter block is zeroing in on an obviously sapient-made structure, but you don’t see any evidence of a starport or a jumpgate or even a launchpad. Looks like you’re gonna be bushwacking, but who to bring with you?

PICK THREE
>Cernucorra. She’s a plant, you’re going into a jungle. It just makes sense.
>Doctor Lynn. This planet is most likely covered in all sorts of weird flora and fauna, so why not bring the one thing guaranteed to be weirder than them?
>Roger Padstow. He may be more of a fighter than a tracker, but there’s no doubt going to be something you need shot before the end of this.
>One of the Mechaniacs (specify which). It’s kinda their job to be reusable cannon fodder for you.
>Toshka. She’s a city slicker through and through, so at the very least watching her cope with jungles should be fun.
>Writein.

>>35283086
>Cernucorra. She’s a plant, you’re going into a jungle. It just makes sense.
>Doctor Lynn. This planet is most likely covered in all sorts of weird flora and fauna, so why not bring the one thing guaranteed to be weirder than them?
>One of the Mechaniacs (specify which). It’s kinda their job to be reusable cannon fodder for you.

>>35283086
>Cernucorra. She’s a plant, you’re going into a jungle. It just makes sense.
For once I don't feel like a waifufag for picking her!
>Doctor Lynn. This planet is most likely covered in all sorts of weird flora and fauna, so why not bring the one thing guaranteed to be weirder than them?
>Toshka. She’s a city slicker through and through, so at the very least watching her cope with jungles should be fun.
Girls' day out!

>>35283086
>Cernucorra. She’s a plant, you’re going into a jungle. It just makes sense.
>Roger Padstow. He may be more of a fighter than a tracker, but there’s no doubt going to be something you need shot before the end of this.
>Rosco. He'll probably be useless, sure, but he needs experience in the field! Or maybe you just want to make sure he doesn't puke in your ship, that was an ominous shade of green on his cheeks...

>>35283086
>>Cernucorra. She’s a plant, you’re going into a jungle. It just makes sense.
>>Doctor Lynn. This planet is most likely covered in all sorts of weird flora and fauna, so why not bring the one thing guaranteed to be weirder than them?
>>Roger Padstow. He may be more of a fighter than a tracker, but there’s no doubt going to be something you need shot before the end of this.
Shooting is always good.

So it looks to be Cernu, Lynn, and Roger. Any objections?

>>35283270
Naaah, sounds fine.

In that case, writing.

Time for jungle adventures!

>>35282472
Wasn't there another Decu drawing for this quest? Or did I misremember?

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Finding a clearing near the structure to land your ship wasn’t tough (had it been, you would have just made a new one), but a short trek through the jungle is still in order. Cernu leads the way for your assembled away team – you, Cernu, Lorelei, and Roger – as underbrush and low hanging branches naturally bend and crawl away from her, leaving a path for the rest of you that closes up behind you. The jungle air is thick and warm, enveloping you like a pleasantly moist blanket. It almost reminds you of good ol Roatuga, though it lacks that salty tang of the ocean to truly smell like home. Yet even with the pleasant atmosphere, you can’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of foreboding as you slither off into the forest. Like something is constantly watching you and bearing down on you.

“Oooh, this is so exciting!” the not-so-good doctor’s head squeals from its resting place in her arms. “It’s been a while since I’ve been out and about for myself! And the last time I went on a jungle hike was when that test subject escaped back on the moons of Kathir! They say man is the most dangerous game, but that’s because they never hunted twelve men stitched to a Kathiri Cratermaker.”

You, uh. You just let that one go for now, instead turning to your First Mate.

“Speaking of game, have any of the locals caught wind of us yet, Cernu?”

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“Not presently.” Her voice is distant and hollow, like when she’s navigating the dub. Seeing through the trees must be much of the same thing for her. “There is something…large nearby. Very large.” As if on cue, a tree-shaking roar rumbles through the canopy, setting both you and Roger to grip your guns a little tighter. “Yet, it refuses to come nearer to us. Even the trees refuse to grow near our destination. Odd.”

Odd indeed, but at least that means your journey is an uneventful one. Or at least it will be up until your destination. Before long, the jungle opens up into a bald patch of grass and ferns surrounding a massive, gaudily decorated pyramidal structure. The large staircase at the front is guarded on each side by golden statues of two spear wielding serpentoids.

“Looks like we found yer kin, Cap’n.” Roger remarks, more than a little awe coloring his words.

“No.” You hiss (literally) back at him, the rolling menace rumbling in the back of your throat shaking him and the other two of their own awestruck reverie.

No, these were not your kin at all. The thin, rounded faces, the fat, sluglike tails, the flat, useless teeth. Everything about those two statues and this place in general set your whole body on edge. Definitely not your kin.

“These aren’t Nagan ruins. This is Lamia work.”

>Shake it off and head through the front entrance. Treasure is treasure.
>Try to find an alternate way in. Lamias are crafty bastards who love their traps.
>See what the others have to say.
>Writein

>>35283892
>Try to find an alternate way in. Lamias are crafty bastards who love their traps.
Fucking Lamia scum.

>>35283892
>See what the others have to say.

>>35283892
>Try to find an alternate way in. Lamias are crafty bastards who love their traps.
>See what the others have to say.

>>35283892
>See what the others have to say.
No reason not to. We may not be entirely objective.

>>35283892
>Try to find an alternate way in. Lamias are crafty bastards who love their traps.
I'll uh...trust you on that, Captain.

Hash it out with the others while looking for a secret entrance.

Writing

>>35284119
A fool-proof plan

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“I got a bad feeling about this.” You spit as you begin to circle the place. “I bet the whole place is booby-trapped. The real entrance is probably behind a rock or somethin’. Lamias always do that sneaky sorta thing.”

“If Lamias are known such a ways, wouldn’t they just booby trap the secret entrance?” Roger counters, still gazing absentmindedly at the massive structure while he follows you.

“I think you’re both overthinking it. The main entrance is way to spectacular to NOT walk through, don’t you agree?” Lorelei jumps in, stuck fast at the entrance as her head hangs loosely in her grip.

“Aren’t you a scientist? I thought overthinking things was all you ever did.” You snap back.

“Oh no no, that’s much too stuffy for me. I just cut and inject as I fancy and then move on to the next project. All those rules and methods and ‘humane operating procedures’ other love to tout about leave precious little room for imagination and whimsy!”

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>>35284623
“Right then. Moving on. What’re your thoughts, Cernu?”

“This place…soothes the soul. It makes me feel at ease and draws me deeper.” You take a break in your search to glance over at her and see a scowl painted across her face. “It reminds me of the groveships.”

Something is definitely going on here, and you’d bet your fangs that building is the cause of it. At the very least, you’ve found something promising. It’s not exactly a secret entrance, but on the exact opposite side of the main entrance is a sealed door with no decoration or a staircase leading up to it. You’d have to blow it open, but it might be better than slithering headfirst into the mouth of the beast.

>Go with the main entrance after all. They obviously want people in that way, so why would they hurt them?
>Blast that backdoor open. They obviously want people in the front door and you refuse to march to their beat like some kinda livestock
>Writein

>>35284652
>Blast that backdoor open. They obviously want people in the front door and you refuse to march to their beat like some kinda livestock
Great idea a++++

>>35284652
>Blast that backdoor open. They obviously want people in the front door and you refuse to march to their beat like some kinda livestock
What could go wrong ?!

>>35284652
>Go with the main entrance after all. They obviously want people in that way, so why would they hurt them?
Yeah, why would they?

>>35284652
>Blast that backdoor open. They obviously want people in the front door and you refuse to march to their beat like some kinda livestock
Fuuuck those Lamian bastards.

>groveships
Perhaps one crashed here?

>>35284652
>Blast that backdoor open. They obviously want people in the front door and you refuse to march to their beat like some kinda livestock

Backdoor breakdown it is.

Writing.

>>35284807
Don't make it sound so lewd!

>>35284652
>Go with the main entrance after all. They obviously want people in that way, so why would they hurt them?
I would bet Lamia take Naga paranoia into account.

>>35284822
There'll be time for that later.

>>35284836
Anon pls.
I'm not sure either of them even have back-doors, in the lewd and human sense.

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Yeah, no. You ain’t no Lamia’s stooge. Even if the front entrance is perfectly safe, you’re going the more destructive route. At least this way you get to break something.

“Aww, do we have to?” Dr. Lynn whines as you set the demolition charges. “It’s such a pretty door.”

“It’s a featureless stone slab with some bronze around it.”

“But it’s such a pretty featureless stone slab…”

You roll your eyes and detonate the charges. Whatever’s going on here, it’s got the doctor bad, so the sooner you’re out the better. You lead the way past the rubble and everyone else follows you with a bit more apprehension than you’re used to in your crew. The stone walls around you are covered in carvings, mostly of Lamias portrayed as divine beings and the occasional Naga being struck down by them.

“Gr-greetings Acolytes! We hope your path to ascension has b-b-been a bright and enlightening one thus far! Be sure to report any pro-pro-problematic individuals to your local Scaled Divinities for social enlightenment and re-rehabilitation! Remember: independence is a l-lie spread the Usurpers and just one backwards-thinking individual can ruin all the gifts we are tr-tr-trying to bring to you!”

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>>35285391
The words didn’t echo around you or come from any hidden speakers. Rather, they were -felt-, as if they were your own thoughts. Even now, you can almost feel that synthetically over-cheery voice still burning its way through your brain and giving you a headache.

“The rest of you heard that too, right?”

You receive a pair of nods back and Lorelei physically tilting her head up and down in her hands in confirmation. Well now you know how the Legate got so many converts without physically conquering territories like the Empire did. Thoughtcasting.

“Are ya sure we should be back here, Cap’n? Whatever that thing is, it’s gonna find out we don’t belong before too long.” Roger seems to dread every step forward he takes.

>Press onward! You aren’t going to be deterred by some millennia-old voice.
>Maybe he’s right. The main entrance is for newbies, so at least you’ll have some time before getting discovered.
>It can’t track you if you keep blowing holes through the temple! Blast your way through the floor into the levels below you!
>Writein

>>35285425
>Press onward! You aren’t going to be deterred by some millennia-old voice.

>>35285425
>Press onward! You aren’t going to be deterred by some millennia-old voice.
Pffft, stupid Lamia! Lamiae? Whatever.

>>35285425
>Maybe he’s right. The main entrance is for newbies, so at least you’ll have some time before getting discovered.

>>35285425
>Press onward! You aren’t going to be deterred by some millennia-old voice.

>>35285425
>Press onward! You aren’t going to be deterred by some millennia-old voice.
Slugs can't beat our majestic snakebutt

Onwards it is!

Writing.

Huh. I missed almost ALL of today's installation.
Shows me for sleeping for 12 hours.
You guys enjoy your voting, I gotta catchup

>>35286004
It's only a couple hours anon.

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“Don’t tell me the infamous ‘Roger the Ravager’ has finally lost his nerve.” You taunt with a mocking laugh.

“Jus’ figgered we might want to play it safe is all.” Despite his grumbling, Roger is walking a little more confidently now, no doubt shaken loose at least a little bit from this place’s slippery grip. Lorelei seems mostly unaffected by it, absentmindedly trudging along and taking in all the sights with childlike glee. Cernu, however, refuses to leave your side, this place having her spooked something fierce.

“Relax, I’m a Naga. We can sense movements in the ground and all that. If any traps trigger, I’ll feel it coming from a league away!”

“Re-reminder to all visitors of the Temple of Ascension: b-beware the Usurper! They take the f-form of your beloved Divinities and per-per-pervert it with treachery and lies! You will know them by their br-broad, ugly frames, their angular, gr-grotesque faces, and their savage, beast-like f-fangs! Despite their vague si-si-similarity to the Divinities, they are barely more intelligent than beasts and know only how to s-steal and lie! Do not believe their lies!”

“There ain’t nothing ugly or grotesque about this slice of perfection you dusty old tomb!” You holler at the temple walls, much to Cernu’s amusement.

“At least they got your penchant for theft and subterfuge correct.” She offers in ‘comfort’

“Take it easy Captain, at least the only thing we have to worry about is that silly old voice!” Lorelei pipes up from the stone carving she was inspecting, trotting to catch up with the rest of you.

Roll 1d100

Rolled 31 (1d100)

>>35286194

Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>35286194

Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>35286194
Alright!

>>35286306
Hmmm, how mediocre

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>>35286279
>>35286306
>>35286324
Best roll: 62

Oh dear.

some NPC:
Be unable to tell the difference between lamia and naga.

>>35286407
Anon, we don't want deaths on our hands.

>>35286436
but I can't even tell the difference

>>35286692
>Lamia: Ugly slug-like stupid stuttering pieces of shit.
>Naga: Beautiful snake-like amazing smart sexy rulers of the universe.
It's fucking easy.

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A sudden click sees the lot of you falling through the floor, with Dr. Lynn avoiding your shared fate since she was lagging behind. Or she would have if she hadn’t tripped and dropped her head in the newly formed chasm. Thankfully, your collective fall is broken by soft, spongy material lining the floor and walls of your new prison.

“Expert Naga senses, huh?” Roger grumbles as he dusts himself off.

“I don’t wanna hear it, old man.”

“Could someone pick me up please? Thanks~!” Lynn’s bodiless heap cuts in.

As Cernu goes to assist the absentminded, absent-bodied doctor, the open ceiling is covered by yet another panel of the same soft material and a disgustingly warm pink glow fills the padded room.

“Gr-greetings fallen acolytes! You have been found guilty of the f-following transgressions against progressive society: pro-problematic hate speech towards the Divinities, problematic-matic endorsement of Usurper’s and Usurper c-culture, and thoughtcrime against the D-Divinities. For the f-first stage of your spiritual cleansing and social readjustment, the following measure is pro-proscribed: eight-six hours of Divinity d-directed goodthoughts, Divinity-approved m-madthoughts directed towards the righteous indignation that is the Usurper menace, a-a-and Smooth Jazz ported di-directly into your mind! Have a g-good rehabilitation!”

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>>35286756
The next moment can only be described as pure agony while your mind fills with thoughts of fluffy, sterile friendliness, violent caricatures of your own species, and some awful melody no doubt invented by only the most sadistic of souls.

You have to get out of here, and now!

>Blast open a hole in this damn place! You still have two sets of demo charges left!
>Pretend to accept the Lamias as your “Scaled Divinities” to see if you can fool it into letting you go!
>Maybe Lorelei’s body can do something?
>Writein.

>>35286785
>Maybe Lorelei’s body can do something?
No accepting Lamias, even fake-accepting.

>>35286785
>Blast open a hole in this damn place! You still have two sets of demo charges left!

>>35286785
>Blast open a hole in this damn place! You still have two sets of demo charges left!

>>35286785
>Pretend to accept the Lamias as your “Scaled Divinities” to see if you can fool it into letting you go!
It sounds simple, so.

>>35286785
>>Blast open a hole in this damn place! You still have two sets of demo charges left!

Either that or pretend we are in fact a lamia and that the computer should kill itself for doing this to us.

But that might not fly.

>>35286785
>Blast open a hole in this damn place! You still have two sets of demo charges left!
I get the feeling "fake accepting" might not be so good for our companions.

>>35286785
>Blast open a hole in this damn place! You still have two sets of demo charges left!
No tolerating this shit.

Sometimes you just gotta BLOW IT ALL UP!

Writing.

Lamia worship. Not even once.

>>35287030
I'm looking forward to us finally meeting one, really.
Lamia crew-member when?

>>35287054
I look forward to being confused repeatedly for a lamia.

>>35287054
I'm looking forward to the first lamia we meet being absolutely nothing like Valdessa describes them.

>>35287310
Nonsense, anon, of course she's describing them perfectly and without bias!

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Those padded walls probably keep the “rehabilitation” from leaking out into the rest of temple, so all you have to do is blast your way past them. Unless the rest of the denizens consider this stuff relaxing, but there’s no way this music could relax anyone. You pick a wall at random and start laying the explosives on as quickly as possible, which is unfortunately slow going due to the tremendous headache you’ve got. Roger has gone catatonic while Cernu keeps shaking her head and trying to shut out the noise and Lorelei is just bobbing her head back and forth and humming to the beat of the song. If her past behavior wasn’t enough, this alone was more than enough evidence of her insanity.

After what feels like an eternity, you finally have a hole blown through the wall. Cernu rushes ahead, eager to be free of the racket and you have to drag Roger’s limp form out of the pit. After a distance, the soul-rending music and maddening mental images fade away, leaving you alone with your own thoughts once more. At least, you think they’re your own thoughts and seeing as you don’t feel like worshiping any “scaled divinities”, you’re pretty confident you’re right.

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>>35287524
Finally taking your surroundings into account, you notice that the stone hallways and unearthly glowing runes have been replaced by pristine white tiles and florescent lighting. Time-eaten desks and cubicles clearly designed with a serpentoid body in mind litter the room before you, papers scattered about and a few of the ancient computers still flickering.

“A-Attention employees: a rehabilitation p-patient has escaped from W-Ward B83. Please a-apprehend this delinquent and pl-place them in the R-Radical Social Rehabilitation chamber such that the Ascension and Militarization of Species 26D can pro-proceed smoothly. Th-Thank you!”

This time, the words weren’t broadcast into your mind, but rather from an intercom. You guess actual Lamias aren’t subject to the same treatment as their subjects. Either way, you’re in the heart of this place now and according to the insistent glowing of your cube, the next reconfiguration chip is nearby.

>Investigate the desks in the room for clues and/or the chip.
>Find something that looks like a managerial office. It ought to be in there.
>Maybe you can find that damn Thoughtcast computer and shut it down now.
>Writein.

>>35287552
>Maybe you can find that damn Thoughtcast computer and shut it down now.

>>35287552
>>Maybe you can find that damn Thoughtcast computer and shut it down now.
Do everybody a favor.
Also, steal the thoughtcaster.
Imagine if we could just have a bullhorn that shouted directly into people's heads.

>>35287552
>Find something that looks like a managerial office. It ought to be in there.

>>35287552
>Maybe you can find that damn Thoughtcast computer and shut it down now.
MAKE IT STOP OH GOD

Shut down everything!

Writing.

>>35287597
It's most likely configured to only cast nice thoughts of Lamias, bad thoughts of Nagas and Jazz music.
We aren't subjecting anyone to that.

Perhaps Kitten. But nobody else.

>>35287772
Hey.
If we can take out the pre-recorded messages and just use the loudspeaker, we can bug anyone! Even in space, they can hear us shout!

>>35287812
That's torture too nasty for Valdessa.

>>35287845
It's the perfect tool for gloating AND boasting.
And we might be able to just give someone bad dreams by saying something like "Rotten, dripping milk" into it while they are sleeping.

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“First things first, people. We shut down that damn stuttering hunkajunk so no one else has to suffer like we did on this day, understand? Look for anything big and mainframe-y!”

“But it’s the…voice of the Divinities…Usurper” Roger’s prone form mutters from the corner you slumped him in.

It takes more than a few hearty slaps from your tail to get him back into the proper frame of mind and after that, it’s easy to motivate him to shoot anything at this point. Finding it is fairly easy, though you can only barely read the ancient, smudged text on the signs, the office section of the “temple” is much more organized in its layout than the twisting stone tunnels above it. Before too long, the three and a half of you are standing in front of a two story tall machine covered in bronze colored metal and chock full of weird alternately (and sometimes simultaneously) spinning and glowing gizmos. This has to be it, or at least something else important.

“U-Unauthorized user de-de-detected! Cease ad-advancement and return to your station! S-Species 26D is n-not yet ready for A-Ascension! Cease advance-vancement!”

“So what now, cap’n?” Roger asks.

“Do I look like a computer whiz to you? My ship is half-tree for crying out loud.”

“Your standard course of action would likely be applicable here, my captain. Try just shooting it.”

“My nose itches.” Dr. Lynn contributes helpfully.

>Shooting it will work just fine. And help vent your frustrations.
>Take no chances, this thing is getting blown sky high.
>Try dismantling it and seeing if there’s anything you can recognize as worth looting.
>Writein

>>35288261
>Shooting it will work just fine. And help vent your frustrations.

>>35288261
Damn, I want to steal that psionic bullhorn.
>Shooting it will work just fine. And help vent your frustrations.
Shoot the darn thing. Remorsefully.
Then see about taking a prybar to it for thoroughness sake.

>>35288261
>Try dismantling it and seeing if there’s anything you can recognize as worth looting.
C'mon, we're a pirate!

>>35288261
>Try dismantling it and seeing if there’s anything you can recognize as worth looting.
We could sure use an engineer on board.

>>35288261
>Take no chances, this thing is getting blown sky high.

>>35288381
I wouldn't mind dismantling it very much at all.
But if it proves difficult, switch back to shooting.

>>35288318
In the interest of tiebreaking, I'll flop this vote to looting since I DO have loot preferences.

Two for shooting, two for dismantling, one for exploding.

So, dismantling it, but with our guns I guess?
>>35288480
Or not. This works.

Gimme a 1d100.

Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>35288507

Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>35288507
THIS we surely can manage!

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>>35288517
>>35288527
Top roll: 33

Ouch.

Rolled 1 (1d100)

>>35288507

Rolled 86 (1d100)

>>35288507
Best of three! Best of three!

>>35288637
I'm so sorry. At least you tried your best.

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>>35288637
Weeeehl okay >>35288633

>>35288633
Well, seems like we destroyed it anyway.

>>35288633
Oh...

>>35288682
>Implying that's the effect of a 1
More like 'well, at least Valdessa is probably not gonna get brainwashed herself...maybe'.

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“For the trouble it gave us, we’re gonna tear this big bronze bastard apart piece by piece until we find something worth keeping or selling in it.” You take out your pistols and blast open a few holes in what looks to you to be some key locations and then start tearing away at the casing with your bare hands. While the other two lack your raw strength and Lorelei lacks an entire body at the moment, Roger and Cernu grab some of the chunks of metal you tear loose and use them as primitive crowbars to pry and bludgeon more pieces off of the supercomputer while Lorelei points out anything especially shiny or spinny for you to grab.

“C-CEASE U-UNUTHORIZED R-REPAIRS IM-IM-IMMEDIATELY!” You note with no shortness of satisfaction that the computer’s voice has lost its obnoxious false cheeriness. “C-C-CATASTROPHIC D-DAMAGE TO THE R-REACTOR CORE D-DETECTED! E-EMOTINAL P-POSITIVITY GRID R-REVERSED! CEASE R-REPAIRS NooOOOOooowwww…”

With a warbling death knell, the great bronze beast falls silent, the lower half of it cruelly dismantled, and you’re left with a pile of maybe useful chunks from it.

“Is…is it over? Is that the end of it?” Cernu dares to ask.

>>35289115
With our roll? Probably not.

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>>35289115
Before anyone can answer, the upper half of the machine erupts into brilliant purple flames and rains molten chunks down upon your away team. You all dive for cover and come out mostly unscathed, but the same can’t be said for your loot pile. Where all your fancy gizmos once were, all that remains is a chunk of molten slag and crushed parts. However, cradled within that slag is a miraculously unharmed cylinder that glows with an eerie purple light and seems to have some sort of switch on one side of it. Not wanting this expedition to be a total waste of time, you pluck the weird thing from its slag cradle before it succumbs to the damage around it and look it over in your hands.
>Rolled 1: Lucky snake eyes! What’s that? Snake eyes is two ones? Not when you’re a pirate snake, dummy!

What now captain?
>Try it out, duh! Toggle that damn switch for all its worth!
>Just pocket it for now. No use fiddling with unknown, potentially explosive tech in the middle of unknown territory.
>Take no chances and leave the damn thing here.
>Writein

>>35289127
>Just pocket it for now. No use fiddling with unknown, potentially explosive tech in the middle of unknown territory.
We'll figure it out while we are gloating over the map on our ship.
I wonder if there's anything else around here worth flipping. Are those gold statues actually worth much, I wonder?

>>35289127
>Just pocket it for now. No use fiddling with unknown, potentially explosive tech in the middle of unknown territory.
Let's get our techs to check it out.

>>35289127
>Try it out, duh! Toggle that damn switch for all its worth!
Shiny button, push push push.

>>35289127
>Just pocket it for now. No use fiddling with unknown, potentially explosive tech in the middle of unknown territory.

>>35289127
>Just pocket it for now. No use fiddling with unknown, potentially explosive tech in the middle of unknown territory.

>>35289127

I want to make a one-eyed snake joke so very badly.

Safe and boring wins it.

Writing.

>>35289277
I'm sorry, I tried!

So I have a question.


THE MOST GLORIOUS AND SEXY CAPTAIN makes love to her Hyperdryad, which is basically the interface of the space-and-time-manipulating space tree, who has grown completely into The Sol Regret, where it's roots extended and have worked their way through the entire ship.

So my question is, Is THE CAPTAIN fucking her ship?

>>35289427
No. Cernu is a distinct entity, well separated from the Sol Regret.

>>35289427
She isn't the tree, so no. Nor is the tree the ship.

>>35289427
Of course not anon!

Valdessa would never fuck her ship, only make love to it.

>>35289427

It's more or less a foursome, Captain, Hyperdrive Interface, Space tree, and Ship.

It is the most pure love imaginable, if the space tree didn't manipulate time and space then the universe would have collapsed upon itself from the purity of this love singularity

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You pocket the…whatever it is for now since pushing buttons in the middle of an uncharted jungle is probably a terrible idea and get a move on, reminding yourself to lift those statues outside if you get the chance. As for right now, you need to get back to what you came here for in the first place: the reconfiguration chip!

Following the glow of your cube and the signs on the wall, you end up in what appears to be a break room. It looks like someone had made it into a camp site of sorts rather recently. Most likely whoever those three skeletons on the floor belong to. Two bipeds and a serpentoid (Naga, judging by the fangs), all three with smoking craters through the head or chest.

“Looks like we weren’t the first treasure hunters to hit this place.” Roger comments.

“Thoughtcaster musta got to em just like it did to us.” You agree. “Well not just like us. We’re too great to die like that. Though it does explain how a Second Empire relic ended up in ruins from the time of the First Empire, though it doesn’t explain how they got in here in the first place.”

You grab the chip from the bony clutches of the skeletal Naga and anything else of value the three had on them before heading down the hallway opposite the one you came in through, following what you hope is the trail left by the ill-fated trio you just graverobbed. After passing by a locker room full of rotted business suits and tarnished primitive looking ceremonial garbs, you arrive at a wall with a single button terminal next to it. Pressing it opens the wall up and you find yourself exiting through a hole in the grand staircase you saw upon your first arrival.

“Aha! I told you! Secret passageway! Damned slippery slugs, those Lamias.”

Your victory is short-lived and makes way for despair when you notice the giant horned mass of fur and claws glaring at you from the treeline.

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>>35289943
“Interesting!” Lorelei exclaims “The thoughtcaster must have had some sort of animal discouragement field to keep local fauna – and perhaps even flora! – at bay to further enforce the illusion of Lamias as divine god-beings with a holy sanctuary that not even beast would dare trespass upon. It might also explain the Captain’s irritability, as Naga biology is incredibly ancient and resistant to both influence and change. From what I’ve been able to surmise without a proper vivisection, anyways.”

You would berate your doctor for maybe calling you dumb, but you’re too worried that any sudden moves might attract the attention of the creature staring single-mindedly at you from the trees. That’s when you notice its eyes are unfocused, glazed over, and pointed in opposite directions.

Your despair turns to relief once more when you realize that the creature isn’t staring, but rather it’s been knocked out. One of its horns has even been broken off.

Then your relief turns to despair again when you realize something must have knocked this huge thing out and tore off its horn.

Then your despair deepens when you notice one Admiral Kytan Graveside perched crosslegged upon the beast’s head.

“Well if it isn’t my old nemesis, the wily snake of the void herself, Pirate Captain Valdessa Atroxius. Fancy meeting you here.”

Man, today has just been a rollercoaster of emotions. On the bright side, “Wily Snake of the Void” is a pretty awesome title.

END OF THREAD FOURTEEN

>>35289968
Thanks for running!
Was a lot of fun.

>>35289968
Haha, you gave us a title you fool
That only INCREASES our piratehood!

>>35289968
Thanks for running again!

>>35289968
Was god to have you back. Time to beat up a kitten again!

>>35289968
Thanks for running, and remember archival.

And archived!
>>35289995
>>35290015
>>35290018
>>35290027
>>35290036
Thanks for coming back, all of you. Sorry again for leaving you hanging for so long. Hopefully it won't happen again.

Thanks for requesting some art on my behalf too, that was really cool of you guys!

>>35290102
Any idea when you can run next?

>>35290102
>Thanks for requesting some art on my behalf too, that was really cool of you guys!
Hopefully we can get one of Cernu too, eventually.

>>35289427
>Is THE CAPTAIN fucking her ship?
First off, like >>35289487 said, Val is a smooth operator. What she does to Cernu deserves a much more distinguished label than "fucking". That's what you do to a tavern wench after four rums too many. What Captain Val does is art. Or so she tells herself, anyways

Secondly, as >>35289530 stated, Cernu is more of the computer/navigational interface to the hyperspace engine that is her tree friend Drasilios. So it's more like making love to the dashboard of one's engine rather than the ship as a whole, but I guess you could still say there's an element of shipcest(?) there.
>>35290125
Hopefully next weekend, but things have been awfully touch and go as of late. I'll try to keep you updated on Twitter.

>>35290225
I'll look forward to it!

Also I bet making love gets boring eventually, they gotta fuck SOME times.