>>35523816
I wouldn't know where to put my dick...

I guess I calmly explain why I cannot have a relationship with my sword.

>>35523831
It's simple, really. You put some oil on your dick and then coat the blade carefully with it.

It's kinda like scissoring, except with a higher rate of mutilation.

>>35523831
You put the hilt in your butt.

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Can... it turn into a cute girl?

>>35523879
Even better. It's a cute boy.

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>>35523864
Oh dear.

This can only end in tears,

>>35523864
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfJUi4cB4oc#t=189
At 3:09

>>35523889
in what way is that better?

>>35523912
Ha.

Isn't there an manga, where weapons can become women? I remember seeing something where the MC's father is fucking his sword, since his wife is dead and all.

>>35524062
Soul Eater comes to mind

Jokes on him, I'm already in a relationship with my shield.

>>35524062
There's one where the principal promotes the rape and abuse of female students and used WIZARDRY to set up a system where female students are turned into weapons for the men to fight with, and the winner gets his pick of the loser's weapon-harem.

Then someone fucked up and classified a female transfer student as male and she goes around doing feminist stuff and overthrowing the evil patriarchal system at the school.

>>35524141
I need this in my life. Name?

>>35524062
>>35524118
>>35524141

Found it. http://www.mangahere.co/manga/kandachime/

>>35523816

B-but I m-might need my uterus someday...

>>35524172
http://www.mangahere.co/manga/shitsurakuen/

Just pair it up with Oglaf's sentient sheath.

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>>35523816
>Your sentient blade has a gender

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>>35523981
>2014
>not being gay
get a load of this fag

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>>35523816

This remind me a quest where MC have sword as his waifu...

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?searchall=First+Post+Quest

>>35523816
Reaction depends on the sort of entity inhabiting the blade.

If this was say, 40k, then it would be a daemon weapon, and that could only end in tears. Lots and lots of tears.

>>35523864
>put the hilt in your butt
>not the blade
>filthycasual.jpg

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>>35524244
Use protection.

>>35523816
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsWRERfC6iU

>>35524260
But that was just a con artist.

>>35523816
>Get back in the Scabbard.

>>35523816
My sentient sword was my wife once. There wasn't any real seducing, though.

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>sentient rod with dominant personality
>takes control and forces puny sorcerer to insert rod into ass
>rod spirit says lewd things in sorcerer's voice
>sorcerer can't reassert control and helplessly experiences the pleasure of being penetrated
Bueno

>>35523816
Head down to the local blacksmith, give it a more appropriate shape. Then allow seduction to commence.

>>35523816
Does it have a mouth? This is important.

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>>35524244

>women with weapons
Use the hilt you dumb bitch.

>>35523981
By being a boy, duh.

>>35524333
>your blade uses your shield for you
Based Blade.

On that note, one of the players in a past game had a blade that ebbed him on to do stupid, horrible things. Its wasn't you run-of-the-mill evil blade. It was more unaware of how evil the things it wanted the player to how. Like Carl from "Llamas with Hats".

>>35523891
The labcoat in back makes this perfect.

>>35523889
>Even better. It turns you into a cute girl.

>>35523889
That's not better.

>>35524134
>rimjob

>>35523816
I really like that trope.

I would totally waifu my sentient weapon. I don't care if there's nowhere to stick my dick, I would never need to fight alone.

>>35523816
"No, sword. Stop that. Stop that right now. We are professionals, remember?"

>>35524919
>take first watch with your waifu keeping you company
>take down the lich with your waifu cheering you on
>keep your waifu with you even when the rest of your party is getting ancient enchanted flaming spirit weapons
>have your waifu whisper comforting nothings to you as you slowly drift off to sleep
>have your waifu get embarrassed by how you stare at how she reflects light off her naked blade so beautifully
>polish your waifu until her blade is shivering so hard you have to put her down or risk cutting yourself

>>35523879
>>35523889
>>35524388
>>35524557
>>35524579
>>35524740
>>35524812
>>35524998
Sasuga /tg/

>>35524062
There's Elemental Gelade, that's somewhat close.

>>35524557
but..how can he hear him talk, if the rod is in his ass?

>>35524507

I don't think condoms protect from this...

>>35524598

Sexist much? I just didn't think of that because that's the part you're normally holding onto, that's all.

>>35523816
>Jokingly return the sentiments all evening before realizing she is actually being serious.

>Be surprised and hesitant to respond as she had never expressed a desire for anything but a platonic friendship and professional working relationship with me before.

>Start to question the exotic blade oil I'd recently purchased and used, and examine the bottle for a list of ingredients if I can still find it.

>Calmly suggest that she might be "drunk" while realising that I certainly am, and that we ought not say things to each other that we don't mean that we both might find embarrassing come the morning.

>Insist that we leave the party and turn in early this evening head filled with awkward thoughts and heart full of strange new feelings.

>>35525167
>fighter cuts hands off inserting hilt into asshole
>can't remove it because no hands
>found dead the next morning in a pool of blood with no hands and a sword sticking out of his ass
>fantasy equivalent of autoerotic asphyxiation gone awry

>>35524741
In one ERP game I played once, the male party fighter ended up with a sentient sword that we couldn't get rid of because he was plot-related. And hilariously powerful. And immune to equipment breaking attacks.

The swords' backstory was that he was once half of a brother-sister duo of hideously powerful magical realm wizards. At one point we wandered across a valley where everything looked like Slanessh had wandered through, and we figured out the weaknesses of the monsters (usually all fetish-related) through him bragging about the work that he and his sister put into it.

Long story short, at some point he got greedy and tried to magically mindbreak his sister into a incestuous fuckpet, failed, and she turned him into a sentient sword that only can feel physical sensations when wielded by a woman, and only feel the sensations of said female wielder.

Half of our time outside of dungeons and adventure-related stuff was the sword asking the fighter to either find a girdle of femininity or get some sexy warrior women to have lesbian sex while holding him.

>>35525167
>condoms
They make sword-condoms. It's called a scabbard.

>>35524966
Run, anon. You are the only sane person in this thread.

>>35525304
If you really loved your sword you'd understand that a scabbard ruins the sensation and you'd just have a little faith.

>>35525243
>leaves a note in case things go horribly wrong
>"Oh no! This magic sword has cut off my hands! Since it's cut away my clothes, I'll have to find some other way to immobilize it without risking damage to my skull..."

>>35525367
Hey, I love my weapons too, but not like that.

>>35525243
Blade into cunt probably isn't any better.

>>35525304
>thinks blade is only part of sword that could be stuck somewhere
>doesn't think to use scabard when not wanting to cut/stab with it
>cries sexist when lack of thought is called out
Don't bother trying to help her. She's unsalvageable.

>>35525148
He makes the sorcerer's body say it, obviously. It's like you've never beaten off to mind control or something.

>>35523974
>my holy passage
Kills me every time

>>35523816
I knew putting those ranks into perform: sword swallowing would pay off.

>>35523816
That's a old as fuck cliche, still love it.

>>35524189
Still wrong.

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>>35524402
holy crackers

>>35524062
There's Immortal Regis/Cavalier of the Abyss too.

>>35523816
What is the AC for a condom on 5e?

>>35525243
Talk to your teen about the dangers of sentient weapons.

>>35523816
My monk wears gloves made of silk from a great saint's shroud. They burn and terrify evil beings on touch, but surround the virtuous with warmth and contentment.

I am OK wwith this romance.

>>35525367
Who said anything about love? We're talking about sex.

>>35523864
http://oglaf.com/hilting/

>>35523816
Literally the best hook for the rash of serial killings happening around the streets of the city.
No weapon is ever found at he scene of the murders and no fingerprints. Almost all of the murders are well trained fighters that would normally never lose to a random attacker so easily.
There's no sign of a struggle other than the death of the victim being a bloody, well reamed wound.... The murderer has preference towards men, but women have also been found. The only matching profile.
All of the murderers were know for their swordsmanship.

Your female fighter has just looted Devito's Talking Sword:

>HEY! HEY FIGHTER!

>Not now, sword...

>WANNA BANG?

>No, sword...

>COME ON! I REALLY THINK, IN MY PROFESSIONAL, MARTIAL OPINION, THAT WE SHOULD PLOUGH.

>I said NO, sword...

>WELL FINE THEN. COULD YOU AT LEAST GET A SUIT OF THAT TITTY ARMOR THE OTHER BROADS ARE WEARING?

>NO, SWORD...

>>35523891
jesus, its on the hilt of a sword ?
like for torture on the go ?

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Rolled 6, 4 = 10 (2d6)

Ive always been a dagger man my self
>knife fight my sword tell it submits

>>35525243
Why not have a sword with something in between the hilt and the blade? Not sure what the word is, but a lot of swords have those. Just hold on to those parts.
The real problem is that most hilts aren't that long.

>>35525686
Drow Fighters, anon.

>>35525664
10/10 greentext, would make an adaptation of for gunslingers.

>>35525686
Well, today's up-and-coming Drow torturers live a very 'on the go' lifestyle.

>your sentient suit succeeds in seducing you

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>>35523816
>Not posting best sentient sword

That brown elf /tg/ loves to post is technically a sword

>>35524333
>hating on Red x Transistor

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>Sword seduces other women

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>>35526103
>a quick check online reveals that the entire product line does this
>apparently the engineering team took the saying 'a good product sells itself' and applied it very literally

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>>35526161
>not posting the most powerful

>>35526161

that is not Liarcor

>>35523816
polymorph it into humanoid shape
knock her up.

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>>35526398

>>35526444
But have you heard his legend?

>>35526103
>all your equipment is sentient
>they have romances and feuds of their own and you are often stuck in the middle
>a lot of the time it feels like you're the third wheel or just along for the ride on your equipment's adventure

Good ending
>you and your equipment commit to a polygamous relationship with each other after all admitting you all love each other

Bad ending
>too many than I can get away with listing during work hours

>>35526477
>>all your equipment is sentient
>>they have romances and feuds of their own and you are often stuck in the middle
>>a lot of the time it feels like you're the third wheel or just along for the ride on your equipment's adventure
Wakfu already did this, sort of

Anyone remember that thread where one knight had his sister as a squire and she was in a relationship with the hellknight demoness that was trapped inside the knight's sword?

it was fun

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>>35526467

>>35526477
>>35526499
/tg/ already did this, but with an adventuring party having a run of curses that transform new members into magic items.
>http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/19273007/
>http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/19316814/

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>>35526467
>>35526538

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>Your sentient gun attempts to seduce you...
>DM rolls nat20 for seduction check

>>35523816

>>35526395
Why is it that fully half of the all the frames look worse than these? Damnit DE.

>>35526551

I always liked those ideas in a not-fetishy way. From another thread along the same lines:

The blade was bonded with the soul of a young woman, taken in the night by dark evil magicians wot love to bond girls' souls to blades for some reason.

She was a total tomboy however, and rather than be distressed and weepy, she is quite happy about the state of affairs.

She gets to be awesome, beat up monsters, travel the world and nobody ever makes her dress up or force her into some gross courtship. Ugh!

Unfortunately, sometimes she gets a bit carried away.

"Hey! Hey you stupid orc face! We can totally kick your butt! Nyah nyah! Ugly orc!"

"Dammit, we were trying to sneak past the orcs!"

"Oops!"

FUKKEN DWARVES AND THEIR DICKVENTIONS

>your sentient ship would attempt to seduce you, if only it knew what to say

>>35526695
Good thing I'm a dudeon a German submarine, so I don't have to worry about her affections

>>35526695
>"So... it's not the first time I've caught you jacking off to my figurehead..."

>>35524172
>>35524255
Wow this manga is super dumb. The premise isn't any worse than anything else Japan makes but the execution is too cartoony and hamfisted to be interesting. Maybe it's just the scanlation but the dialog is terrible and on average goes something like "FEEL MY SUPERIOR MAN STRENGTH AS I PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE STUPID GIRL".

It tries to be The One True (girl) Knight transfer student here to save the day. But the depiction of the male students turns this into Fetal Alchohol Academy.

>>35526743
Then in the end the harem of weapon girls the Lady Knight assembles all return to their abusive boyfriends

>>35526840
Wait, seriously?

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>>35526695
Sorry, but my heart already belongs to another.

>>35526946
It's Japan, would it end any other way?

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>>35523816
Yeah, pretty regularly in fact.

You get used to it after awhile.

>>35524255
>>35526840
>>35527013

>http://www.mangahere.co/manga/shitsurakuen/

Actually, it ends with a lesbian wedding being planned.

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>the giant monster attempts to seduce you

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>>35526552

>>35527150
Okay, I can not make out whatever she wrote.

Also, poor girl, born without nipples.

>>35527198
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqG4pPvjdPA

>>35527238
I think it's in German?

>>35527238
Pretty sure it's just gibberish. A fake language without actually going to the effort of making it even vaguely functional.

>>35523816
Fuck you OP, I've spent the entire evening trying to look for that ancient Record of Lodoss war Doujin where Deedlit goes into the wood to "practice on her sword". I blame you for me wasting my time.

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>the sentient train has heard about your lewd conduct with other sentient items and objects

>>35527150
>>35527271

It's not even in Imanity, so the artist was doubly lazy.

>>35527333
Wrong franchise. That pic's from Seirei Tsukai no Blade Dance, not NGNL.

>>35527332
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, MONTRESOR!

>>35524141
Ultra competent sexy musclegirl warrior who goes around challenging male warriors and turning the losers into her weapons/armor/clothes/whatever she needs when?

>>35527564
Yes, yes, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

>>35526395
>Soon the suit learns how easily it can manipulate its master into doing what it wants.
>Stimulate HERE and HERE. Shove something up THERE and apply pressure, etc.
>Eventually it learns that it can feed the semi-biological portions of itself by injecting magic into THESE areas and consuming the induced liquid.
>With an almost Pavlovian system of 'Reward' and 'Not Reward', the owner is all but a puppet to the suit's will

>>35527727
But... what DOES the suit will?
A nice ironing?

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/8496609/

>>35527765
Buy more products from the parent company, of course. Accessories, action figures, whatever.

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>>35526103
>tfw not a hot girl in a biological parasite-armor that forces you to the point of orgasm again and again until you can't even think to remove the suit
>tfw you will never not care that it hijacks your central nervous system while you have lost your mind to pleasure, the suit moving your body by itself while you just pant out blissful moans, the pleasure the only thing you know as you have lost your senses of sight and hearing and even time

>>35527765
>>35527845
It's all part of the company's master plan to take over the world.

Not that you care. You're too busy being overwhelmed by [-----------LEWD-----------]

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>>35527727
>massive corruption fetish
>this post
>this entire thread
>won't be home for another two hours
>cock is diamonds
>mfw

>>35527765
>ultimately the suit only knows what it learned from its owner
>having enslaved its owner, it forces them to do that one thing they always said they should do, but never found the time for

>>35528006
Learn how to tapdance?

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>>35527976
Need a hand, anon?

>>35527850

I'm going to need source on that. Or an artist name or something. Not even for the porn. I just need context for this.

No, Bad sword.
I then smack the flat side gently over against a rock a few times.
I'm fully aware that I'm probably just getting it off.

>>35528080
Sorry, I have no idea who made it. I just saved it from an old thread.

>>35523981
Don't worry you're not alone, they're just obnoxious faggots.

>>35523816
>Your sentient blade screams in pain whenever it's used in combat
>Your sentient blade gets nauseous at the sight of blood.

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>>35527845
>the company produces nothing but biotech
>everything they sell, from military hardware to medical symbiotes, is programmed to trigger a waifu response in its user
>it's a very effective customer retention strategy

>>35523816
>Your sentient blade attempts to seduce you

Not in my lifetime. That thing is always cheating on me. Always thrusting into other men like it was running a business. Sometimes even women. Fuck that noise. I dont have time for that.

>>35524255
I remember shitsurakuen. Nice story until the ending. The last two chapters or so sucked

>>35525167
>not being able to hold a blade without cutting yourself
How did you make it out of fighter school

>>35528080
http://pururin.com/gallery/9301/limb-legion.html

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sentient blades anyone ?

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>>35523816
Goddamn it, not again.
Where do these scaly bastards keep coming from anyway?

My character's only sentient item is a monocle.

>>35528654
The perfect size to fit into...certain areas, and it comes with a string for convenient removal!

>>35529005
>it cracks
>1guy1jar.mov

>>35529077
Are your anal muscles really that strong? Or did you just buy an inferior quality monocole?

>>35529112
Have you watched the video?

>>35528291
My Retractable Chitin Arm Blade Can't Possibly Be This Cute!

>>35525148
Because that's where sorcerors usually talk out of.

>>35524998
>cry bitch tears when your waifu is introduced to the cuddly little Rust Monster

>>35524998
I'm going to cum for this

>>35525593
Imagine jerking off.

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>>35527198
>>35527261
>>35526552
>>35526538
>>35526444
>>35526467

>>35529172
>neither of them will admit it, but you're pretty sure it's developed some kind of rivalry with your bioelectric ion gun
>blade always seems disappointed when you go for the long range kills

Damn it, I had a hard enough time trying to get rid of the LAST Bloodsword, i'm not going to put up with this shit again.

Off to the Phoenix vaults with you!

Fucking Bloodsword of Greed.
I'll never get the taste of koku out of my mouth.

>>35526695
Don't worry Going Merry, my heart will always be yours ;_;

>>35527727
I... I shouldn't feel this way about weapons and armour. /tg/ why do I feel like this?
I've never been diamonds before.

>>35526561
>tfw no Mosin-Nagant 91/30 gf

>>35523816
This pleases Slaanesh.

>>35523891
I really hope this was made in modern times and never saw use....

>>35530359
It's been around for a thousand years or something like that. Maybe just a bit more five hundred years, I can't remember.

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>>35526695

>>35529456
Underrated post.

>>35530431
about 400, actually.

It may be a 19th C composite, we dont really know for sure.

Either way, I'm not testing the bastard thing.

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Use a knife as a dildo

>>35530558
... Holy shit.

That guy better had gone for it.

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>>35530163

Shhhh.

Just let it happen

>>35530945
Is that a-
Oh. Oh my.
Ehm no not thinking about it! It's wrong.

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>/tg/ having a better /d/ thread than /d/.

Why am I not surprised?

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>Your sentient console asks for dating advice to seduce your PC, since you spend so much time with it you must know all about her

>>35531175
>Asks for you to "hook us up together"
>Not sure if literal

>>35531175
>implying my PC is a girl

>>35531285
>implying she doesn't use feminine pronouns
U fuckin shitlord

>>35531285
If it weren't a girl, why do you fap to it so often?

>>35531057
>no tentickling
Suboptimal use.

>>35531337
'Cause he's gay, yo.

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>>35526561
There's nothing like the feeling of slamming a long silver bullet into a greased chamber.

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>>35531057

Boner

Boner no

>>35530945
Isn't she also a goo girl

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>this entire thread

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>>35523816
She succeeds.

>"Master, you are experiencing arousal in my presence. Do you find my aesthetics pleasing?"

>>35532045
>While you and your weapon are distracted, minions of the shaman who first polymorphed the blade ambush and devour you.

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>>35532087
>Enjoying Waifu Tiem with the Blade of Evil's bane.
>Evil schmucks arrive.
>Bane them.
>Swordwife's greatest turn on is the doling out of Justice.
>Fade to black because the DM is a prude.

>>35531756
I don't think so.

>>35527850
I wish we still had ERP threads so I could get help with a system for this.

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>>35527850
>biological parasite-armor
We Guyver now?

>>35524062
Tsugumomo has weapons and other items that can transform into "people". Based on that Nip legend about items that are around for like 100 years getting souls. MC has an Obi that turns into a loli. Shit is so cash.

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>>35523864

>>35532461
>that exposed penis
This is a blue board sir!

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>>35532546

>>35527280
Oh hey look what I found.

http://g.e-hentai.org/g/257142/0df5b000a0/

>>35526979
>you will never sky surf with baloo

>>35532801
dat oppression

>>35533034
Best part is that Humon is a woman

>>35526561
/k/ is gross

>>35526561
>not posting gun porn

>>35533141
Agreed.

He didn't even reciprocate for the poor nugget.

>>35533193
What caliber of bullet would require a barrel large enough to accommodate the girth of a penis?

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>>35533141
No, it's magical.

>>35527727
>can't stop thinking about this scenario
>it's distracting me at work
Curse my weak self-control

>>35533233
Not that one. The gun-on-gun one.

>>35529614
Intelligent Weapons get a pretty big bonus to their saving throws against rusting, as I recall.

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>>35533388

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>>35533235
As an example, here, have this.

>>35528165
>>Your sentient blade gets nauseous at the sight of blood.
My forgingday present to it this year is a flametongue enchantment.

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>>35533388
This?

>>35533388
>that one
What one? I was just asking a question.

>>35533548
Yup.

>>35527564
>>35527674
I get that reference.
>muh English BA

>>35533548
I'm hard
I'm not even a /k/ommando

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>>35533716
Then have this.

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>>35523816

How thoughtful of you to keep the passion on all this years of marriage my love.

>>35533888
The essence of this scenario is lost when the sword is not, in fact, a sword.

>>35523816
Stormbringer tempts mortals in many ways...

>2014
>paladin not entering a platonic relationship with the spirit housed within their sacred weapon.

>>35534425
And it howls. It howls like Hell.

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>>35533948

We all know how this will end

>>35533809
I have the stupidest grin on right now
10/10

>>35524189
>>35524062
Kandachime is correct, but
> I remember seeing something where the MC's father is fucking his sword, since his wife is dead and all.
is still wrong as far as Kandachime goes.

I'm sad it got cancelled.

This is the best concept for a Bladebound Magus ever.

Playing the only mundane face in a family of autistic Wizards is hard. Particularly when a possessed chair, holding the spirit of your great great grandmother, attempts to seduce you.

>>35535440
Does she try to get you to sit on her face?

>>35535476
Every few hours.
"Are you sure you don't need to sit? You look so tired"
"All that walking must make you legs so painful. Maybe you need a rest"

>>35535586
Why are you taking the antique chair through dungeons with you? You must have some kind of a safehouse you could be leaving the heaviest loot in; right?

>>35523816
>200 replies
>no "I want to be inside you" joke
I am disappointed. I don't want to seem like an edgy faggot, but swords are made for killing people - humans are made for fucking. You're missing the point if you don't realize swords are huge sluts that might get inside dozens of men in a single battle. It's like... a gang-bang, but with people dying.

>>35535696
>It's like... a gang-bang, but with people dying.
So what you're saying is that an intelligent sword would be perfectly comfortable in a Rakdos Cult-owned nightclub.

>>35523816
why would a properly made sentient weapon feel sexual attraction, let alone think in a way relatable to humans?

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>>35524519
This guy was the Vamp of that fucking game...

>>35535731
>properly made
That's quite an assumption you're making there.

>>35535731
Because the magician who made the sentient weapon based the mind he was crafting on other minds he or she has easy access to. Possibly in a jar right on their desk.
There's also the not-insignificant number of intelligent magic items whose minds were once part of a more conventional creature before being transferred to an inanimate object.

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>>35524998
There's something really endearing about this...
Also, the concept of a warrior-weapon social duo reminds me a lot of this.

>>35535757
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0RGE4wiLtU

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>>35524141
>>35524255
>>35526743
If memory serves, it all boiled down to a bet a guy and a girl made about gender dynamics or some shit.

I kind of want to run a quest in that setting, where the MC is basically a Viking berserker in a school uniform who uses the girls as an excuse to start fights and kick the shit out of dudes.

>>35535696
I got a boner reading this

Help

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>>35535962
>Green Bay Packers
>Talking about Valhalla
I'm not an American football enthusiast, but I'm pretty sure the actual vikings live in Minnesota.

>>35535731
Because the sword was imbued with two overriding personality traits: loyalty and affection for their wielder, and the desire to be stuck into things.
The problem arises between battles, when swords have needs. Confusing needs.

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>>35535696
>swords are huge sluts that might get inside dozens of men
>a gang-bang, but with people dying

Aaaaand now I'm imagining my strangely feminine sword hitting on me in obvious arousal while we're in the middle of cutting down who-knows-how-many foes.

>>35536143
According to Pokemon, anyway

>>35527910
There is only one solution.
Don't lose your way.
God forgive me.

>>35536232
>phallic weapon
>feminime
maybe if it was a chakram or man-catcher

>>35536498
your lack of imagination and pathos is appalling

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>>35536360
And the NFL.

>>35525747
Are you thinking of a cross guard? cuz that's part of the hilt.

>>35525387
>writing letter
>no hands
Genious

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>your sentient tank tells you that the sentient gunship in hangar 3 would respond positively if you attempted to seduce it

>>35537939
I would be so confused that my tank would try to hook me up with another vehicle.

And probably a little intrigued.

>>35527727
WE ARE VENOM

>>35537752
He means writing the letter in advance, before any of the chopping happens.

presumably he would destroy the note afterwards if his hands survived.

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>>35536498

>>35538398
I have got to see what tumblr had to say about that. Do they know about Oglaf over there?

>>35538433
Tumblr knows about just about everything. The feminists are only a small subset, and most groups keep to themselves - the tagging system ensures that you can see only what you're interested in seeing, and ignore the rest of tumblr. For good or for ill.

>>35538458
Okay. Does the crazy feminist part of tumblr know about this particular comic? Did they get mad about it?

>>35538398
>The throwing anus
Goddammit, my sides...

>>35538504

"All the better to engulf you with, my dear!"

>>35538487
Probably. Thankfully the infinitely larger feminist portion that isn't crazy see the joke.

>>35534490
"Look, when I said "I just want to be a lover, not a red-eyed screaming ghoul" I didn't mean YOUR lover!"

>>35538967
"'Forged a billion years ago,' is a little old for me."

Why does this keep happening?
"Because you bound a succubus to a sword, dumbass."

>>35539000
"Ara Ara, won't you play with an old battleaxe like me?"

I want a sentient gun.

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>>35539025
>Battleaxe
>Stormbringer
You wat.

>>35523816
Polymorph any object?

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>Ctrl+f Raidy
>0 results

>Ponder why the drek my revolver started talking and hitting on me.
>Reason that it's some kind of magic as far as I can tell, of what sort, I dunno, I'm just a Street Sammy orc, I ain't much for thinkin'.
>Sigh, as I prepare to go into the "magical realm", seeing as the holo porn's been scrambled and I don't have any porno mags on hand.
>Such is life for a runner in Seattle.

>>35526430
This is my fetish.

>Be wizard.
>Bestow sentience to inanimate objects.
>Give them the power transform into human form.
>Impregnate.
>Every single last object in my wizard tower is pregnant.
>Especially the wizards tower.

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>>35523864

>>35530623
Imagine how many asses that has been up in.

Imagine.

>>35527850
>Sentient biological armor joins your party
>Total bro, great fighter, immune to all kinds of magic shit
>No secret that he's powered by his occupant's sexual pleasure and moves her body around like a puppet
>Hear orgasm sounds every meal time when he opens up the helmet to feed her
>Keeps trying to hook you up with random girls, but is a terrible wingman as girls find the constant sex smells and muffled moaning sounds to be a bit weird
>Keep having to awkwardly decline when he offers to let you "borrow" her for a bit, as long as you give her back before too long

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>>35535805
Truly a man ahead of his time

>This thread

Jesus christ /tg/, I leave for one day

>>35523816

Sorry, I don't swing that way.

>>35542023
And you expected it to be different when you came back?

This thread makes me die a little on the inside.

>>35538458
>and ignore the rest of tumblr.

I'm pretty sure at least 90% of all tumblrs I've been to have been porn.

>>35542813
I usually go to artist's tumblrs.

So, yeah, that's about the rate I encounter 'em.

More on topic, I think it depends on what the magic item was. A sword is a little sketchy - that's like sleeping with your best friend, you can never be sure it will work out. You might get jealous of the next person you stick 'em in. A polearm would be a little too awkward, but an axe is like the girl next door if it's a tool. One built for battle like this: >>35539025 would be a little more matronly than my tastes run.

But the real cash is in armor. Sentient armor is my yandere waifu - your life is in her hands anyway, so why not give her your heart as well.

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>>35542813
I only go to tumblr for furry porn

>>35536143
It's more about Clay Matthews looking like a Norse warrior than about the team he plays on.

>>35539482
>not getting a skinlink so you can be closer with your gun AI waifu

Think of how much your accuracy will improve.

>>35536143
skol

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>>35526103
>>35526395
>>35526477
>>35527192
>>35527727
>>35527850
>>35527845
>>35527910
>>35527976
>>35528006
>>35528291
>>35529172
>>35530163
>>35531057
I for one welcome our Sapient Armor Over-Ladies...

>>35530336
Yes... YES!!!

>>35530945
>>35532045
>>35532140
>>35533888
>>35534572
Coincidentally, there's an Anon on /d/ wanting me to stat what I found out was Fi as a slutty magical realm monster.

>>35532196
YES!

>>35544778
Two hundred and eighty posts before you showed up. Too busy shoving your fetishes into non-fetish threads?

>>35544930
>>Your sentient blade attempts to seduce you

non-fetish thread, you say?

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>>35544930
>Nd shows up
>Shitposters immediately follow.

Its simple. If you don't like the dude, FUCKING IGNORE HIM.

Would you please filter NiceDaemonette instead of ruining our lives with your anger?

Please and thank you.

>>35544949
When I said non-fetish thread, I meant threads other than this. I was expressing confusion as to why it took him two hundred eighty posts to show up to a fetish thread.
>>35544996
Because the little greyed-out box of a filtered post inexplicably infuriates me more than ND does.

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>>35544930
Oooh, that sounds like fun. Female Hyena Femdom! [Pegging you up the bum w/ her penis sheathe! All Hyena girls are Muscle girls, you know you love it. How her rough fur bristles against your skin as she forces you down, the cold barrel of her gun against your ear. The foetid smell of her last meal, some unfortunate prey, as her breath wafts over your shoulder. The throaty chuckle behind you as she raises her penis sheathe to your tender rosebud, the volume and intensity of her laughter rising with her pseudo-cock until she's poised to penetrate and shrieking with maniacal glee. Suddenly, silence . . . and she forces herself inside you with a grunting sigh. She picks up a rhythm, her free hand no longer holding you down but squeezing your balls to force you to move in time with her. Saliva slowly drips down as she growls softly, once again building to a laughing crescendo as an orgasm wracks her body, leaving her with the buzz of ultimately asserting her position over you.

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>>35545046
Clearly you should start wearing your sapient tentacle goggles...

>>35544930
Except this was a fetish thread from the fucking start.

>>35523879
>dem thighs

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>>35545091
sweet jesus!

>>35545091
Friendly reminder that the clitoris does not work that way.

>>35533233
At least a 20mm. Maybe a 30mm if you're a big boy.

>>35530558
You roll to seduce, obviously. Spaceship girl is objectively best.

>>35523816
Whole new meaning to "go fuck a razor blade"

>>35542270
CARLOS !

>>35533716
You are now. Time to buy a nugget.

>>35539610
I... Just realized my desire for a hot bara husbando.
Imagine him peeling himself out of his sweaty armor after a long day of smiting daemons.
Imagine him naked and towering over you, radiating heat and the light of the emperor's favor. You can see his muscles bunch and writhe under his skin as he shifts awkwardly in front of you.
Imagine how he gives you a concerned look with his stark blue eyes, silently asking your permission to lower you onto himself. His massive hands hold you firmly, but gently.
Imagine the wondrous things he can do to your cock with his mind.

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>>35545589
Sorry, but it ain't dong anything for me.
then again, I haven't felt sexual attraction/arousal to anything for about 3 months now.

>>35545091
...more?

>>35545589
Bara a shit

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fucking degenartes

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>>35526695

>But I am not Aya. I am LANOS.

>>35545746
>>35545213

Here there be more, although of a slightly different flavour. Just starting to get into the good stuff.

>>35545206
Hyena clitorises do.

Finally my rapier mastery and my uretrha insertion fetish will have something in common
>///////<

>>35527150
>WteSiUte FelerTg

Why is she drawing captchas on her chest in frosting?

>>35531057
Is it a trap? If it's not a trap, like a mimic or something, what's the point?

Certainly an interesting take on the Sequester Spell, but what's the practical use of it? It certainly doesn't seem like it serves any biological use for itself, it'll never get more nutrients out of your semen than it would put in to keep you alive, and certainly not more than it would get from just dissolving you outright

>>35531756
no, just a zanpakto.

>>35526103
Blue Beetle style?

>>35533515
would help if he didn't name it. or named it somehting not a womans name

>>35542023
I know, a full 24 hours and we haven't changed a bit. Truly we are men of stagnancy.